#idk whats got its teeth in me but im gonna bite back in anger

[herwinds]

Sometimes i wonder if im this miserable and sad cause i never shared any of those “share in two minutes for something good to happen to you” posts or is it really just generational traumas and my own.

[free-pool-trash]

folklore - isaac lahey {7/?}

Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait I’ve been ridiculously busy the past few weeks 😓BUT!!! As compensation I made this part super long and fluffy with sooooooo much Isaac/reader content (enjoy it while you can because shits gonna be messy from here on out 🤭🙈)

Having said that, I don’t have my laptop right now as I moved houses and my stuff got put into storage so I’m working with the mobile version 😓 sorry in advance if formatting is weird I tried to make it better 😓 also there’s no continue reading button so sorry if this comes up on your dash 😭

Let me know what you think tho I’d really appreciate it 💕

Word count: 5.5k 🙈

Warnings: Fluff 😳, mentions of blood, Derek being a PAIN IN THE ASS, Isaac being the cutest 😌✨, ✨kissing✨, swearing

Masterlist

Tag list (open as always): @makeusfreefromthisfandom om, @cece-lives-here here, @chocolate-raspberries , @belsandthings , @dancing-tacos-23 , @truly-dionysus , @britty443 , @tanyaherondale , @furiouspockettoad , @yunsh-17 17, @random-thoughts-003 , @gloomybrieyxb , @futuristicslimemongerbanana , @linkpk88 , @big-galaxy-chaos , @im-a-stranger-thing , @riaisnotcool (I think u had a username change but idk let me know and I can fix it), @its-evita-here , @pad-foots , @sweetpeabellamyblakedracomalfoy , @bookswillfindyouaway , @what-the-hap-is-fuckening , @awkwardnesshabitat , @pieces-by-me me, @wreny24 , @kerosene-angel (if this is the wrong username I’m sorry it wasn’t working the way I had written it down so I’m assuming I just took it down wrong 😳 it it’s not you let me know and I’ll remove you), @marveloucnco o, @babypink224221 let me know if you’d like to be added <3 (strike through means tumblr wouldn’t let me tag you)

The days you’d spent in Mystic Falls bled into weeks and soon enough you were being beckoned back to Beacon Hills with a head full of things you hadn’t had a clue about two weeks prior.

There, of course, was the matter of Peter- who was now dead, well technically, he was murdered.

Derek’s first course of action as Beacon Hills’ new alpha was to break the news to you. He’d killed him but due to Scott and Stiles’ constant text updates, you knew it would’ve had to be done sooner or later. But still, you had a feeling that this wouldn’t be the last of him. That small intuitive feeling in the back of your mind told you that you’d see him again soon. You just hoped your next meeting wouldn’t be happening because you ended up buried next to him.

Over the course of your stay with Alaric, who had left you in the care of the Salvatore brothers- Stefan and Damon, you’d honed several new vampiric powers. As it turned out, some of the powers you possessed were completely unfamiliar to the vampires of over a hundred years.

You had super speed, it wasn’t just enhanced as you’d previously thought. As well as that, you’d discovered that you could run circles around both Stefan and Damon Salvatore, who were obviously a lot older and therefore should’ve been a lot faster.

And for that matter, they should’ve been stronger than you, they should’ve been able to snap you like a twig. They should’ve been able to. But they weren’t. Because not only were you faster, you were stronger too.

While having super speed and super strength was nice, mind compulsion, your most recent discovery, now that was incredible. All you had to do was look into someone’s eyes and they would become completely entranced to do whatever you told them.

Despite being over a hundred years old, neither Stefan nor Damon had ever seen a vampire quite like you.

They’d never seen a vampire who was also an empath, that, apparently, was usually more of a witch thing. Neither of them had ever come across a vampire bite which had a euphoric effect either. But having said all of that… they’d never heard of someone being turned from a wolf bite. Or a vampire who still had a beating heart, for that matter.

Your only real downfalls were that, for one, your blood’s healing capacity didn’t operate at the same speed for you as it did when being used to heal others. You’d put this down to the possibility that maybe your system had just grown too used to it. To be perfectly honest, though, you had no idea.

Secondly, your empathic tendencies were beginning to bring you down, but it wasn’t just that… it was the way in which you’d been instructed, by Damon Salvatore himself, on how to make them stop.

The plane ride home to California dragged on longer than you would’ve liked, the flight was delayed and you were absolutely starving by the time Derek picked you up from the airport. Your parents were still away, they’d travelled to Romania in search of answers to your predicament and they wouldn’t be home until at least next week, so that left Derek on chauffeur and babysitting duty.

“How are you?” He’d only spoken up thirty minutes into the car ride, you let out a sigh from the passenger seat and gave him a tired smile, you could feel the nerves radiating from him. He was afraid you’d be mad at him for killing Peter, and maybe you should’ve been, but again, you had a feeling he’d be back, and besides, spending time with Damon had helped you realise that everything wasn’t so black and white. It finally registered with you that people like Derek and Damon, the dark mysterious bad boys with secret hearts of gold- they sometimes did bad things but with good intentions.

Once you discovered this, you decided amongst yourself that you’d ease up on your not-really-big-brother in the future. Even if it meant you got hurt a little in the process. If hurting you was what he needed to do to learn his lesson then you’d be willing to make that sacrifice.

So you gave him a soft smile and answered, “Hungry.”

Derek let out a chuckle at that, nodding his head towards the backseat, drawing your attention to the three full blood bags laying on the leather seats.

A delighted gasp left your mouth as you snatched the plastic bags into your hands, wasting no time you stuck the attached tube into your mouth and began gulping the first bag down- it was definitely Stiles’ blood you were drinking, you’d gotten so used to the taste of it you were sure you could recognise it anywhere.

Letting out a happy groan you threw your head back against the headrest, “Stiles Stilinski you are a doll.”

Derek chuckled again, glancing at you fondly before his steely eyes returned to the road ahead.

It was only another 30 minutes before you were back in your driveway. “So are you staying here until my parents get back?” You questioned from the porch as Derek got your bags from the trunk of his car, the wolf shook his head with a smile, “Nah, I’ve got some stuff to do at home.”

“Derek, that home isn’t even structurally sound.” You chastised softly. Surely he’d be happier spending time with the family he still had breathing rather than living in the remnants of what used to be his.

Walking up to the porch, Derek placed your case down gently by your feet and moved himself to stand in front of you. A genuine smile painted his lips as he gazed at you, “New rule.” He stated, placing both of his hands on either of your forearms before going on, eyes staring affectionately into your own, “From now on, I will be doing all the worrying about you, alright? Not the other way around.”

With a defeated sigh, you nodded your head. “I’ll try my best.” That had been a lie. Unable to blind you with his unusually sweet sentiment, through the physical contact you could tell he was scheming.

“Good. Now, go get some rest I’ll come check up on you in the morning.” He kissed your forehead and then made his way back to his car, speeding out of your driveway and out of sight before you’d even unlocked the door.

The house was cold and empty when you’d re-entered. A shiver ran up your spine the second your feet stepped past the threshold. Something was very wrong, and unfortunately, you couldn’t tell what exactly it was that was so wrong. The feeling was unnerving, it was dark and it was agonisingly heavy. Like anxiety on steroids, lots of steroids.

Swallowing thickly, you gripped -more like clawed- at your chest. Nails scraping your skin as you attempted to catch a single breath, though it seemed that oxygen was determined to outrun you as you glanced around helplessly.

Almost twenty minutes has passed as you heaved and gasped frantically, overwhelming dread flooded your chest while simultaneously tears flooded your eyes, and still you didn’t have even the slightest idea of what it all meant.

And then it hit you. That panic- it didn’t belong to you.

Within a second you’d risen to your feet, breathing still staggered while you rushed out the front door, your vampire speed being put to good use as within seconds you were where your panic had led you. Night had fallen by now and it was completely dark, not to mention absolutely freezing, the hoodie you had on doing nothing to protect you from the biting cold in the air. The trail of feelings you’d been chasing had led you to Beacon Hills cemetery and before your eyes, there it was, the something that was very wrong.

Derek and Isaac. More specifically, Derek’s teeth buried in Isaac’s arm. You hadn’t even registered what you were doing when you ripped Derek from Isaac and violently threw him across the cemetery, the impact in which the Hale hit the tree all the way at the edge of the graveyard was a testimony to your strength. You hadn’t even used half it.

Without hesitation, you inspected Isaac’s body frantically, eyes lingering on the bloody bite across his right arm. Slowly and mournfully, your eyes met his, which were wide with shock. His heart was beating out of his chest to the point where you couldn’t ignore it.

“What did he do to you?” The question slipped out as a whisper, your anger melted away only to be replaced by dread as Isaac began to speak, “He offered me the bite and I- I said yes.”

“Isaac…” Your gaze drifted to the bite and you weren’t surprised to see it already healed. “I’m sorry.” You heard him mutter from above you, his anxiety pooling in your chest and mixing with his guilt.

Shaking your head softly you pulled him into you, your arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders while his own arms held you tightly against him as you kissed his temple to release him of the intense anxiety plaguing him. “Don’t be sorry. I understand.”

He relaxed against you upon hearing your words, the two weeks you’d been gone made him realise something, he was utterly useless without you, or so he thought. He felt weak. He felt as though if he didn’t have you as emotional support he was defective. Derek had honed in on that and manipulated it to his advantage, convinced Isaac that the bite was what he needed in order to be strong by himself. To keep you safe instead of you protecting him all of the time.

“Was that really necessary?” Derek’s voice broke the moment and you found anger was surging through you once again. You separated from Isaac to face Derek.

At this point, you didn’t care what his intentions had been, you weren’t going to let him away with this.

“I’m going to give you three seconds to explain why you did this.” As Derek moved to speak you ruthlessly cut him off. “Too slow.” And with that the back of your hand met his cheek, again sending him flying, only not as far this time.

His fangs were barred now, as were yours. Both of your eyes glowing, his red ones threatening as he attempted to demonstrate his power. And yet again, you had a revelation.

You couldn’t stop the laugh that fell from your lips, a synacal and sarcastic lilt to it as you towered over Derek’s form on the floor.

“Oh I get it!” You exclaimed, lip held between your teeth in mock disbelief you pressed your palm to your forehead as you spoke, “You thought you’d go around and stalk some kids so you could add to your big bad pack. Right?” He growled at you and attempted to pick himself up, only for you to give a swift, hard kick to his chest, returning his back to the dirt.

“I guess you told him it’d make him stronger? That it’d make all of his problems go away? And what about the Argent’s, huh? Did you tell him that you were manipulating him?” It was then, again in panic, Isaac spoke up to your surprise, in Derek’s defence.

“(Y/n), I promise it isn’t like that! He told me everything, it was my choice I said yes!” You spared him a glance before crouching down to Derek.

“Well did you tell him how you usually treat your pack?” The words were dripping in venom and the guilt that radiated from the man didn’t deter you from moving forward with you verbal attack, your head turning to Isaac, your eyes sparkling with sadness as you locked eyes with him, speaking hoarsely you wondered out loud, “Did he tell you that he’s a liar? That he doesn’t know how to run a pack? That if he doesn’t understand you he’ll leave you in the dust?”

The look on his face spoke volumes as he recalled the state Derek had put you in the weeks previous.

With a final sneer in Derek’s direction you delivered your parting words, “You better treat him better than you continue to treat me or so help me Derek Hale I will tear you to shreds.”

As you angrily stormed away, Isaac stood in confusion for a second before he began to chase after you, leaving Derek on the dirt floor to help himself.

“(Y/n)! (Y/n) please wait!” He shouted as he was just starting to catch up to you. When you felt that you were at a good enough distance away from Derek you finally slowed your pace.

When Isaac finally made it to your side, he was panting slightly, swallowing the lump in his throat he nervously grabbed your hand.

“I’m sorry.” He repeated, his eyes resembling those of a puppy and you could already feel your composure slipping away from you as you looked at him.

It’d been almost three weeks since you’d seen him, three weeks since you’d made out in the school basement and this definitely wasn’t how you were expecting the reunion to go.

“Isaac it isn’t your fault. I’m not mad at you, ok? I get it. I’m just worried, this town isn’t exactly kind on the supernatural.” You reassured him gently, squeezing his hand and giving him a sad smile.

“Don’t worry about me.” Isaac told you and you had to laugh, “Sorry, babe but I will not be taking my eyes off you until this town becomes normal.”

Isaac’s face was then taken over by, what could only be described as, a Cheshire Cat smile, “Did you just call me babe?” His voice was teasing and you felt your face heating up despite your freezing temperature.

Sucking on the inside of your cheek you tried your best to conceal your growing smile, you shrugged innocently, “Yeah. What about it?” The playful lilt in your voice had his smile widening even more as he began to lean down to you, his face getting closer to yours by the second.

His breath fanned across your lips when he spoke next, “I liked it.” With that, his lips pressed to yours cautiously, as if he was still unsure of whether or not it was okay to do so.

His uncertainty melted away when he felt your lips begin to reciprocate his actions and your hands moved to cup his cheeks.

The both of you could agree that this kiss was different than the last one you’d shared a few weeks ago. “Why is it that we only ever kiss when one of us is coming out as a supernatural creature?” Isaac laughed against your lips as you pulled away with a sigh.

“It would be us wouldn’t it.”

After a few minutes of nagging at Isaac you managed to put all the pieces of Derek’s plan together. Isaac himself didn’t actually know all that much, just that he was the first to be turned, but that alone told you everything that you needed to know.

Derek was now an alpha with no pack, so logically, a pack was what he was building and that would have been perfectly understandable- if he hadn’t started with your best friend.

“There’s a full moon coming up, did he tell you what would happen?” You questioned gently, ready to throttle Derek when the boy in front of you shook his head.

Heaving a deep breath you squeezed his hand reassuringly, the initial excitement of being turned had worn off and Isaac was beginning to radiate anxiety once again.

“Don’t worry okay? I’m gonna call Scott, he’ll be able to help you.” Isaac’s eyebrows came together in confusion, “Scott McCall?”

You nodded your head, “He’ll know how to help.” You tried to convince Isaac without spilling Scott’s secret. Not that it was going to stay a secret for too long, but it wasn’t your secret to tell.

Isaac shook his head rapidly, his hands moving to hold your forearms, his panic at your suggestion hitting you like a freight train as he stared into your eyes, a wild look in his own.

“No no no no. You can’t tell anyone. (Y/n) promise me you won’t tell anyone okay? If my dad finds out I’m a werewolf he’ll-“ The words came out almost as fast as you could run and his panic only intensified when his father entered his mind.

Quickly catching on to his looming panic attack as his eyes began to glow yellow you cut him off, “Isaac.”

He didn’t hear you as he kept rambling, claws growing past his nails and digging into your arm, “No he’ll kill me. Oh my god he’s gonna kill me. (Y/n) he’s go-“

Yes, it would’ve been easy to rip your arms from his grasp that was causing you quite a lot of pain as his nails sunk into your skin as his hands held onto you desperately. However, you had a feeling that his hold on your now bloody forearms was the only thing keeping him from spiralling completely out of control.

“Isaac! Look at me!” Your voice was strict but served to make his amber eyes finally settle on yours.

Gently, you finally slipped your arms out of Isaac’s clawed grip, although you were sure it would’ve been less painful to just leave them, his claws dragged down your arms while you lifted them slowly and cautiously until you replaced them with your hands, using your new grasp of the boy to provide him with some peace of mind.

You focused your energy on shifting a sense of relaxation from your own palms to Isaac’s sweaty ones as you spoke, voice soft again, “I’m not going to tell anyone. It’s just you and me, alright? Focus on me, yeah?” Isaac nodded his head, still slightly frantic but calmer than before as he did as you told and simply focused on you, “Take a deep breath.” You instructed, breathing steadily along with him until his eyes returned to their natural blue colour and his claws retracted.

A moment of silence passed with Isaac slumped against you, hands held tightly in his while he steadied his breathing. You placed your lips to his cheek and then again to the bruise forming beneath his right eye, you hadn’t noticed it earlier. You’d almost forgotten it’d been nearly three weeks since you’d been together, he’d probably been though it with his demon of a sperm doner over the time you were away.

“I’ve missed you.” It was Isaac that broke the silence when your lips disconnected from his injured face.

“I missed you too.” You replied simply, there was so much you’d planned on saying to him while you were in Mystic Falls but at the moment, you felt there were more pressing matters to discuss and again, it was Isaac who spoke.

He pulled away slightly to look at you properly, hands still clasping yours, he gave them a squeeze before he started speaking, “This pack that Derek’s building… I’m guessing you’re not in it?”

“I was never asked. But I’ve kind of already got a pack, which you are more than welcome to join.” You responded hopefully, wishing he’d agree but you knew he wouldn’t. As such a fresh beta he’d stay loyal to his alpha, but, you had to ask.

Isaac nodded his head sadly, “Scott McCall?” You let out a small laugh, at how quickly he’d caught on, “Yeah. He’s not exactly an alpha but he’s helped me out a lot, more than Derek has.”

“Derek told me that wolves are stronger as a pack, he didn’t say anything about vampires though.” Isaac went on, a confused lilt in his voice.

“I found out in Mystic Falls that vampires rarely belong to packs and by vampire nature I don’t need one, but Ric figures that it’s in my nature to want one since it’s all I’ve ever known.” You relayed the information to Isaac.

“Then why not, you know, join mine?” His lip was pulled between his teeth and he was looking at you with a hopeful expression.

“Isaac I just told you…” You said pleadingly, you didn’t want to upset him any further but you also couldn’t throw away the pack bond you’d built with Scott and Stiles when you’d first turned. If it was a matter of Isaac’s pack being made up of just Isaac there would’ve been no problems, it was the fact that it wasn’t Isaac’s pack but Derek’s.

Scratching what you’d decided about Derek earlier, you came to a new agreement with yourself: all of hell would freeze over before you even thought of easing up on Derek Hale.

Isaac threw his head back with a groan, “Come on, (N/n)! We are not going to let our love play out like Romeo and Juliet!” The way he spoke was humorous but it was obvious that he wasn’t really joking.

With a sigh you moved your shaking hands, that were now covered in scabbed over cuts as opposed to their previous status of raw and bleeding, to Isaac’s face. Your thumbs moved gently along his cheek bones as you took him in with an encouraging smile on your face as you told him confidently, “I refuse to let us become a modern day Romeo and Juliet, that’s not happening.”

You pulled him closer to you, slipping your arms around his shoulders and doing your best to ignore the butterflies rioting in your stomach when his arms wrapped tentatively around your waist.

You brought your lips to meet his briefly before fixing him with another determined look, “But listen to me, we might be loyal to different packs but I’m on your side, no matter what.”

Isaac nodded his head in understanding, “If it comes down to it, I’m always gonna choose you.” He responded honestly, arms tightening around you to hold you against his chest, his height causing his chin to be tilted downwards so that he could meet your eyes.

“I meant what I said to Derek, by the way.” You informed, Isaac’s eyebrows rose in confusion again, “If he mistreats you I’ll tear him apart.”

“Should I give Scott the same warning?” Isaac asked humorously and you had to shake your head in order to hold back a laugh.

It wasn’t until you’d separated from your embrace with Isaac that you took into account the fact that your body was now shaking with the cold.

“Come on, I’ve gotta call my dad and probably the sheriff and you’re freezing.” Isaac stated, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and leading you back to the cemetery where you noticed his overturned excavator and the dug up grave plot.

You listened with curiosity while Isaac spoke to his father on the phone, trying to explain exactly what had transpired in the last couple of hours since his shift started.

“How the hell does an excavator just flip over, Isaac?” You could hear his fathers anger through the line and Isaac fumbled for a response, “Someone, or something- I don’t know it could’ve been an animal, but it got pushed from the side and tipped over. I fell into the plot I was digging and that was it, I didn’t see the rest.” He explained weakly.

“You still stuck in hole, you idiot?” You watched as Isaac clenched his jaw and motioned to yourself when he was finally looking at you, “No. No, um, (Y/n) just got back from Virgina, she came looking for me and helped me out.”

“She still there?” His father questioned, seemingly cooling off at the mention of your name. You hated how much that man seemed to like you when he should’ve held that affection for his actual son.

“Yeah, she’s with me now.” Isaac confirmed and you offered up a fake cheerful, “Hi, Mr Lahey!”

“Invite her over while I call the sheriff and see about getting this mess cleaned up.” With that, he hung up the phone and Isaac sighed, “You’re starting to look like Mr. Freeze, let’s get you warmed up.” His arm stayed comfortably wrapped around your shoulder and as you reached up to hold his hand that was hanging over your shoulder you stopped dead in your tracks, “Isaac, I can’t go and greet your father looking like this.”

You motioned to your torn and bloodstained hoodie, immediately regretting it when his eyes widened in shock, “Did I… oh god (Y/n) did I do that?”

Not missing a beat you grabbed his hands and made sure you soothed his panic before you got a rerun of earlier.

“It’s not your fault. You’re new to this, okay? Mistakes happen and that’s fine it’s all part of the process. And look!-” You pulled off the hoodie to reveal your now completely healed arms and hands, nothing but dried blood to show that the claw marks were even there in the first place. “‘M all healed up! No harm done.” You reassured him, bringing his lips to yours to further convince him that you were okay and distract him from the guilt you could feel building within him.

Your arms, although no longer cut, were covered in goosebumps as Isaac ran his hands affectionately down the length of them. “It won’t happen again.” He promised and you gave him a shaky smile, teeth beginning to chatter, “Let’s go home?” Isaac nodded his head, nothing short of ripping his own hoodie off before pulling your arms through the sleeves and moving himself in front of you to zip it up.

You watched completely content as he fumbled with the zipper. His curls were falling in front of his eyes and his eyes were squinted in concentration. The quiet, but triumphant, “got it” he let out when he finally finessed the zipper had you grinning like a fool.

When he moved his focus from the zip and back to your face, he smiled bashfully, “What’re you looking at me like that for?”

The sleeves of his hoodie, that was miles too big for you, hung far past your wrists and brushed against the nape of his neck, your fingers finding a place tangled in his hair while you stared at him, grin ever present.

Your other hand was otherwise occupied being placed firmly against Isaac’s chest, enjoying the feeling of his rapidly beating heart, and you didn’t know it entirely. But in that moment it was beating for you and you alone.

Isaac’s hand made itself comfortable holding your waist, the other holding your own against his chest, keeping it in place.

Neither of you needed to say it. You could both feel it. But still, you found yourself uttering the words, “I love you.”

Not half a second had passed before Isaac echoed your declaration, “I love you.”

“I feel like if I kiss you right now I won’t be able to stop but I’m still freezing my ass off so… your place?”

Isaac nodded his head in agreement, “My place.”

*

Upon arrival at the Lahey residence, Mr. Lahey had greeted you with a wide smile and ushered you into the kitchen where he instructed Isaac to make you some tea, to which Isaac had to restrain a grumble as he’d been planning on doing it anyway.

Mr. Lahey was happily chatting away to you when Isaac set down two cups of tea, one in front of his father and one in front of you, his eyes lingering on you with a certain kind of glint before he turned back to the counter to grab his own cup and returning to sit beside you at the table.

Isaac was, in all honesty, losing it. He didn’t even know why. You were just sitting there, wrapped up in his hoodie, nose ever so slightly pink from the cold, talking politely to his father. It was nothing out of the ordinary but he was finding it hard to think about anything other than how his hoodie would look splayed on the floor of his bedroom.

He wasn’t very good at hiding it either, you could feel it as clear as day. Teenage boy hormones mixing with teenage werewolf hormones were causing havoc and it’d be a lie to say it wasn’t having an affect on you.

Trying to return your attention to whatever Mr.Lahey was babbling about you clearing your throat and took a sip of your tea, keeping your expression neutral as Isaac’s hand slipped to your knee under the table. His attempt to pull you into his mess of hormones was obviously successful as you found yourself ready to yell out in frustration when his hand stayed put on your knee for a solid twenty minutes before his father finally rose from the table.

“I’m going to check out the situation at the cemetery, you’re welcome to stay tonight, it’s pretty dangerous out there these days.” Mr. Lahey offered and you smiled innocently at him as he stood in the doorway, “I think I’ll take you up on that. Thank you.” The older man gave you a nod but said no more before walking out the front door.

“What the hell are you doing?” You finally burst when the front door clicked shut, whipping around to face Isaac.

“What?” He asked as if his hand didn’t start sliding further up your leg the second his father left the room.

You groaned, “Don’t ‘what?’ me when you’re about four centimetres from having your hand between my thighs!”

“Sorry.” He immediately retracted his hand, eyes wide as he realised how close his hand was to reaching the top of your thigh, “I, um, I didn’t mean to- I mean, I did mean to but i won’t do it again if you don’t want me to-“

“Isaac.” You cut him off, lip pulled between your teeth, “I want you to.” You declared and he let out a heavy sigh full of relief, “Thank God.” He muttered before he was pulling you up off the chair and right against his chest.

His lips immediately found yours and his hands were gripping your waist like there was no tomorrow.

At this point, the butterflies in your stomach were going absolutely bat shit feral when his lips began to trail past your lips, to your chin, then to the curve of your jaw. It was when his hand slipped deftly up your side to settle against your jaw that you realised just how much you’d been wanting this.

Isaac’s lips fell further to your neck and you couldn’t stop the hum of approval that escaped your mouth at the sensation of his soft lips sucking and licking at your pulse. “It this okay?” He asked in a mutter, the dainty and nervous nature of his voice contrasting greatly with the confidence and ferocity of his actions.

Your hands tugged gently at his hair to get him to meet you clouded eyes, when he looked at you you were sure that his eyes had flashed yellow, his breathing was getting heavy and you had an inkling that his lips on your neck was the most exciting thing that was going to happen between you tonight.

“It’s more than okay.” You told him with a dopey smile, letting out a laugh when he dived back into the crook of your neck, kissing your skin through a smile.

Despite your words your hands moved to his chest to push him away slightly, “But…” you started as Isaac threw his head back with a groan, “I think we should stop, and maybe revisit this after the full moon passes.”

After taking in a steadying breath Isaac nodded in agreement, “Yeah, you’re probably right.” His hand slipped into yours and he intertwined his fingers with yours, he spent a moment just looking at your linked hands with a fond smile and the look of achievement on his face. It was easy to tell, with the help of your empathic powers, that Isaac was proud of himself.

You yourself couldn’t quite pinpoint why he was feeling so prideful in the moment, but he knew. To be truthful he wasn’t just proud of himself, he was downright ecstatic. He’d been nothing more than your best friend since you were both eleven, and now, six years later he finally crossed the threshold from being your best friend to being your- well actually now that he thought about it, he wasn’t sure what he is to you now.

A few hours passed before Isaac worked up the courage to ask the question that had formed in his mind after his make out session with you earlier.

The pair of you had since gotten comfortable in his bed, which was nothing particularly new. You laid on your side with your back to the bedroom door, Isaac was behind you, his chin tucked in between your shoulder and your neck with his arms around your torso holding you close to him.

“Can I ask you something?” His voice broke through the silence and you responded with a tired hum, adjusting his arm so you could snuggle closer and tried your best to stop yourself from falling asleep while he murmured softly in your ear.

“What are we?” He kept his eyes trained on the dark room ahead of him, his hand grabbing yours as you readjusted his arm and he absentmindedly began playing with your fingers, the action being successful in calming his nerves.

“What do you want us to be?” You asked sleepily in response, a small smile forming on your face as you heard his heartbeat speeding up.

Isaac let out a nervous breath against your neck and you held back a shudder at the feeling, “I was kind of thinking that all the kissing would make us a couple.” Letting out another sleepy hum, if it was even physically possible, you snuggled deeper into his hold. You sluggishly turned your head to place a light kiss against his cheek, “Then we’re a couple.”

[tigerdrop]

dogboy gordon rutting against benreys leg in the same way that benrey did it in the reverse. benrey encouraging him and also making fun of him in the same breath. yummy brain thoughts. i am rotating this

jesus christ i started thinking about dogboy gordon and have not stopped thinking. theres 7k words of dogboy stuff under here im going insane

how in the. help. Help. dog boy. how does he become dogboy. i cant keep giving these idiots potions but i guess thats what ive been reduced to

gman turns him into a dog boy. walks thru a portal and comes out in nintendogs but hes the dog and when he comes back out again hes still a little bit dogy. this is fucking stupid

THE TAIL WAGGING im going to pass away

> i think he would have such fucking issues with the fact that his tail and ears are expressing his emotions so much

trying to act angry towards benrey but hes given away by his tail wagging like crazy......and he never even knows its happening until somebody points it out

it would be cool if. um. he got a little more into roughhousing and rough play afterward. you know. like a . hes already really handsy......physical. . .. .

> okay like the anger turning into somewhat-serious jostling and pushing which turns into roughhousing

its not even horny at first it just gives him the weirdest fucking endorphins. like. its fucking fun man

> and by the time theyre roughhousing his tail is wagging furiously and like thumping on the floor when he gets pinned haha

> YES its about the exhilaration ......he gets this rush from flipping benrey over after he's pinning him, baring his teeth triumphantly

benrey pinning him by his wrists and half-laughing at him like "what the fuck is wrong with you??" and the rest of the science team chimes in like YEAH WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS WHAT WAS THAT

> gordon comes back to himself and turns red immediately and splutters like "i dont know! what - im just - benrey started it!” so like he refuses to do it again but then benrey pushes his buttons and he gets in his face, ears pinned back a bit and shoves him and benreys like oh...so its this again huh...

GOD......PUSHING HIS BUTTONS.......its sooo much fun now that gordons so physically reactive too

> what if he manages to get an honest to god growl out of gordon at one point and it makes something ugly twist in benrey's gut and he wants to make it happen again

and its probably really gratifying for him to see just how often gordons tail wags when gordon looks at him or snorts at one of his jokes

TWO SIDES

> the duality of their relationship....gordons tail wagging just a bit when hes looking at benrey though im

> im thinking about the growling though like...benrey gets fixated on how he fucking sounds, all deep and rumbly and this intensity just focused on benrey only....makes him think about how that would look in other contexts....

> benrey riling him up while their roughousing so he can feel that growl travel through his chest and like...getting gordon to that point makes him SO determined to win the "fight" over benrey hes almost a bit out of his mind with it......pins benrey and subconsciously ruts against him a bit as a sign of dominance....please stop me now goodbye....

NO LITERALLY THATS WHAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE MOMENT I STARTED TYPING

prodding gordon further and further and riling him up until gordon pins him to the floor, hard, an arm jammed behind his back and his HEV suit jammed up against benreys ass and rutting subconsciously as gordon. h. gordon. clamps down on the back of his neck and growls

benrey sucks in a rattling gasp and is like "what? ow" in a weirdly shocked yet distanced way

he cant feel where gordons hard b/c of the HEV suit but he can feel the metal awkwardly bumping against his ass Like That. and inwardly benreys on a loop of "what the fuck what the fuck" but not in a bad way in the slightest. just utterly cannot believe this is whats happening, right now, gordon freeman dry humping his ass behind a bunch of crates, not 100 feet from the rest of the science team

> gordon snapping out of it and being like...what the fuck am i doing... or....maybe the gasp makes gordon bite down harder in response...not sure

> gordon not even realizing hes doing it until that moment is so great....i dont know but....maybe he lets go and pushes off benrey, panting and wild eyed, and the image of benrey on his stomach, his bite mark in his neck, is burned into his brain

> he just doesnt say fucking anything and just dips to get jacked off by the suit maybe.... cant stop thinking about how it felt to see benrey with his teeth marks....hates himself for feeling that sick satisfaction in his chest

benrey......touching the back of his neck afterwrds, kind of dream-like, both consciously and subconsciously.......

i like making gordon freeman suffer so i want him to just angrily try to rut against his arm in private later trying desperately to get off thru this stupid busted HEV suit that he cant get out of. pathetic. gordon freeman humping his own fucking arm in a bathroom stall. like a dog

and he thinks about how benrey smelled when he had his teeth clamped on the back of benreys neck, his nose buried right against benreys jaw and neck, smelling the sweat and the hormones and feeling benreys rapid heartbeat, and his whole fucking head throbs with how bad he wants to get off

> and he just cant get off....has to deal with going back the team tense and a bit sweaty and just move on when they ask what happened. benrey doesnt say anything just stares at him and gordon cant meet his eyes. gordon tries not to fucking let benrey get under his skin cause i think hes probably mad upset and embarassed that he reverted to his like,,,more base instincts because of BENREY of all people.....

> but he still thinks about it sometimes and....he tries to distance himself from him but hes still a pretty touchy guy and he find himself around benrey still....laughing at his jokes and getting in his space once in a while. always pulls himself away when he notices but not before he takes in a deep breath of benrey's scent...

> meanwhile benreys trying to think of how to make gordon do that shit again LOL

ohmy god. oh my god.....before this.....before he tries to stop getting in benreys business and before he even recognizes what hes doing.......he like.....hes so touchy feely that he subconsciously tries to mark benrey a lot. like just doing everything in his power to rub the inside of his wrists somewhere on him. even if its barely gonna do anything b/c of the suit. its just instinct

> NOW HE ...now he realizes that he was doing that the whole time..jesus,...

> AUGH....in the buildup before this he didnt realize that he was doing it........but now he realizes he fucking misses doing that shit and kind of berates himself for doing it in the first place....like what the fuck....be Normal gordon...you cant want to fuck him....do you..?

i want him to. grrgohg i dont even know how or why this would happen but i want gordon freeman to lie supine on the ground with his hands up like paws like hes a big pupy looking for tummy rubs OKAY! BYE. I HAVE TO GO. im going to fucking sob why am i like this why is this the cutest possible thing for a man to do. i cant even think of a fucking reason why he would do this so im so fucking embarrassed

i want to fucking. i want to rub his fucking tumy and make him pop a boner from it im literally so sick of this earth

> i was literally Just typing: i just think it would be cool . To pet his tummy and keep telling him "good boy" in a Certain kind of Tone that just totally fucks him up about it . maybe flushed and tongue starting to wanna hang out of his mouth as he goes from laying flat on his back to kinda twisted to one side, breathing heavy, tail thumping hard against the floor cause hes a big dog so that thing is like a lethal weapon

> petting the fuzzy lower belly while hes already hard & needy just to make him whine Very high pitched and desperate-sounding bc its so close to what he wants but that just makes it worse 8)

> What if. Benrey pinning Gordon, maybe scritches behind his ear, as a "joke", he's a dog haha good boy wants ear scritches?? And Gordon immediately squirming and whining. Maybe even kicking his leg just a little bit

> i think it would be cool for a post-black mesa puby gordon pinned benrey to the floor with his whole body weight and humped the life out of benrey's leg while panting and drooling in benrey's ear. a total lack of regard for benrey, (of course he's into it tho) just using him like an object that's conveniently there for him to furiously get off on

> i'm thinking.... this happening after a period of prolonged teasing, like you said. rubbing his tummy and ignoring his dick

> Man ok combined with the suit edging huh? I love that, but i also kinda want gordon to sneak off to get off and discover his uh. k. kn. knot

> he sneaks off and if in this situation he can.  idk. get at his dick in a bathroom or whatever. and well, he gets caught up so easily in his 'head empty' instincts mode that when he cums he's kneading that thang for like 2 minutes before he even becomes cognizant enough to notice. and then immediately panic. so idk maybe he cant get at himself for a while, right, so he didnt notice this

> i just think gordon being in the suit would not let him get at his dick and he would only be able to get off in really convoluted ways so like...he wouldnt fucking Know he had a knot he would just feel a weird pressure at the base that he doesnt know what its about. but he starts getting these fantasies of holding benrey down and staying in him when he comes and he doesnt know where the hell thats coming from.....yet. until after everything is over and he can get out of it, and the first time he jacks off again he realizes HOLY FUCK? like what the hell....but it makes sense in retrospect where those fantasies came from. but hes just super embarassed about those fantasies and pushes them down until benrey comes back into his life and activates him again

> in addition to embarassment i think he has a lot of complicated feelings about benrey and definitely feels a guilty about wanting to fuck him into the ground and fill him with cum....but GOD if benrey doesnt get to him just as much as he did in black mesa

> i think that something like this would be so unplanned and shit but like......theyve probably hung out a few times before this or more like maybe benrey has dropped into his house just to annoy him and gordon finds his ears pricking when he hears heavy footsteps around his house cause he recognizes them as benrey's...

> little rush of exhilaration maybe. cause it means they'll spend some time together and he has just all these emotions under his skin when they do. i dont know how this would happen but maybe gordon forgets to keep himself in check when benrey makes him laugh so hard he's snorting and his tail is wagging furiously.benrey tries to touch/catch his tail cause he's kinda curious about it and it never got to mess with it in black mesa. but it turns into roughhousing as gordon shoves him away a little bit but benrey keeps trying to get at it and then get at his ears

> "cmon man just let me touch them whats the big deal-" "NO!" but like hes still laughing a bit until they start really getting into it and he gets breathless and a little irritated at having to roll around and try to pin benrey's hands to the floor

hell on earth......the way his tails wagging and hes grinning and drooling a little once he gets benrey pinned.......

> little triumphant smile when he finally does.....got benrey on his stomach and he's subconsciously rutting against benrey's ass like in black mesa but hes just not noticing while he's berating benrey for losing

> talking right into his ear, and benrey lets out a little gasp when he does a particularly hard thrust and then hes like oh. fuck. he takes in a deep breath and can smell benrey's sweat and realizes hes just as horny about this as he is. cant help but bury his face in the back of his neck and lick. and benrey starts pushing back into him and talking the worst dirty talk and it makes him growl right against his neck and put his teeth there again as a warning not to move but benrey doesnt still, he just keeps talking. so gordon bites down, hard, cutting him off mid sentence with a yelp

f. fucking. benrey......arching his back into it.......pressing his hips up as high as theyll go......the angles bro.....the angles

> also: gordon popping boners more easily, even when he's just platonically excited w/ benrey..... yeah... :)

> like the thing about this is just that he got so excited from the wrasslin that he popped a boner....wasnt even thinking of horny.....

> not until benrey started gasping and arching back into him. then hes immediately aware of how this looks...like hes already basically in the position in his fantasies hes just rutting against him in the imitation of fucking

> gordon getting more frenzied by the little sounds benrey is making as he clamps down on his neck, drool dripping down his chin. benrey braces himself with one hand and gets the other to pull his pants down and then tug on the leg of gordon's down a bit because gordon is kind of. not thinking straight right now. gordon gets the message and fumbles with the buttons to get it down and like. haha i thinnk it would be fun if benrey prepped himself before this and gordon notices like. you really managed to prep urself this time? god, you really wanted this to happen. but maybe benrey had been doing it the last few times cause gordon would get in his space again sometimes and things were tense

NO GOD THIS IS GOOD. LIKE. oh my god gordon just like bitching at him and getting up in his face and Growling a couple times before while his pants are all tented from the inadvertent excitement boners that he doesnt even realize hes having.....and benrey might not be smart but hes not stupid

theres like a 50% chance theyre gonna fuck at any given time he realizes so like. why not......

even if it doesnt work out in the moment benrey still spends the whole time hopped up on the knowledge that they could have, that he was the little fucking pervert who got himself all prepped just in case gordon decided todays the day hes just gonna mount him, and honestly the way he beats his meat and fucks himself afterwards might be nearly as good as the real deal, just from that little bit of self-inflicted degradation

like u said...........he really wanted it to happen

> hhh.... maybe gordon ruts a bit against his ass and benrey guides him in and. he makes a deep growling rumble when he bottoms out. benrey feels it through his chest and gets a full body shiver as he's filled. i dont think hes fully developed his knot yet but its a tight fit. he starts fucking hard and fast into him while open mouthed panting, he cant keep his face away from the benrey's neck, licking up the sweat and burying his face there to breathe in his scent

the fucking . the desperation......every instinct in his body has been telling him to fuck benrey - yes, that benrey, fucking benrey - into the ground for......weeks now? months??

dudes probably tried everything he can think of to overcome it and to think about literally anything else when he gets off but nobody he fucks even comes close to smelling as good as benrey did when gordon had him pinned and gasping and sweating and he could smell the want rolling off him in waves.....and it sucks massive dick and he hates it

> hes been driven crazy by this thought for so long.....cant fucking control himself. wh. what if gordon managed to get a hold of a piece of benrey's clothes that he left and held it up to his face when he let himself jack off to this particular thought so he could get the scent but it jsut wasnt the same without his warm, panting body below him . he always nuts the hardest when he has it though

huffing benreys undershirt and desperately rutting into a pillow on his hands and knees with his ass fully up and hes just utterly debased right now

sad and pathetic gordon freeman humping his pillow like a dog and whining thinking about fucking benrey. if his past self could see himself like this right now he would be disgusted

> !!!!!!!!1 HIM GETTING INTO THE MOUNTING POSITION ON INSTINCT WHEN HE DOES IT...YOUR BRAIN ! i think that gordon would definitely give everything hes got to benrey when he finally gets to fuck him.

> now that hes actually doing it he's just out of his goddamn mind. benrey already being ready for him, slick and hot, just letting him push in .....i think he would definitely go insane

dudes never fucked so hard or so mindlessly in his life......for once all the neuroses just fly out the window. overcome by instinct

> letting out all these whines and moans, not even caring for how loud hes being... benrey's wanted this so fucking bad hes just eating it up, pushing back on him like an animal and getting a power trip that he made gordon this unhinged

thinking about him just being utterly shocked when benrey guides him in and he can just bury himself all the way to the hilt so easily and it makes something in his brain snap

> gordon doesnt even tell benrey when hes close, benrey can just start to feel his knot swell inside him and how it stretches him a bit past what he prepared for...but he wants it in him so fucking bad, he just lets gordon keep fucking into him

like. oh my god. does benrey even know about the knot or is this a brand new and fun surprise for him

> I DONT KNOW......I JUST REALLY LIKE THE THOUGHT OF HIM BEING A BIT CAUGHT OFF GUARD BY IT....

> being caught off guard by it but being so turned on by the feeling of it filling him that he lets out this really high, needy sound. which goes straight to gordon's dick and he just pushes into him harder and jolts his whole body with it. maybe he h....he bites down on the other side of his neck again and thrusts in one more time before coming deep in him. just shuddering from it, eyes squeezed shut and jaw locked around benrey

benrey just fuckin. face down ass up and arching his back as high as he can

(mumbling very quietly) it might be cool also if. gordon maybe.....started growling some things as he got close. a certain something. a word

you know......just......bent over benreys back......arms wrapped around benreys chest and fingers digging into the soft flesh (maybe even his titties, if youre feeling spicy).......pistoning his hips in staccato bursts while he growls.........u bh hhhhh......"mine". over and over not even realizing hes doing it b/c his brain is so fogged out on the sheer delight of rawing benrey after having thought about it non-stop

(mumbling so quietly im speaking at a pitch below the human hearing threshold) benrey hoarsely saying "'m yours, 'm yours" while hes got one hand jammed underneath himself to tug at his dick is the thing that sets gordon off and makes him come, perhaps. perhaps

and gordon just.....slumps over him, leaning his full body weight on him, panting weakly into his ear while his hips subconsciously rut just a little bit, arms still wrapped around benrey but otherwise as useless as a bump on a log while benreys jerking himself off to the wild new feeling of having that knot stretch him open and tug at him every time gordon shifts his hips

gordon nuts and becomes utterly useless but at least his knots still fat as hell so benreys still got something to work with

(sobbing) i just want to see men acting like animals leave me olone..... its about the submission to instinct......the degradation and dehumanization......and also the scent kink its all about the fucking scent kink. its about wanting to huff a guy you pretend you hate like hes a fucking magic marker and its about wanting to make him smell like u

> for scent kink, Gordon's boners due to sweaty benrey hehehehe. this is narsty -> Benrey is like "yeesh that was a lot of exertion" after their first almost-sex wrasslin match, and gets embarassed, so next time he like, wears a bunch of old spice.... but gordon doesn't get as excited. like yeah he can feel him against his back and yeah he's not soft but.. he's not panting or as hard. benrey thinks real hard when he gets home

> CLEAN SWEAT OK ITS A COMBATIBILITY THING OK. IT IS. LOOK UP THE SCIENCE OK I ...walks away. clown shoez

YOU ARE SO FUCKING CORRECT THANK U

> Maybe next time He doesn't bother with the old spice at all, and he gets real into the wrasslin... hell maybe he even uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh gets gordon's head under his arm im just saying

I DIDNT WANNA BE THE ONE TO SAY IT BUT NO YEAH THATS COOL. ITS A VERY COOL THOUGHT

think about......dogboy gordon roughhousing and getting pinned down himself and snapping his teeth up at benrey like joking but not joking. you know

they both start just getting really into roughhousing b/c sometimes gordons brain gets Stressed The Fuck Out by all the added stimulation to the senses of being pupy......theres too many sounds and smells sometimes and it makes him even more neurotic and makes him start acting up and getting irritable and trying to start shit until he exerts himself enough to tire his brain out and make it shut up

maybe even like.....in the interim after black mesa but before he runs into benrey again, gordon becomes a fucking hot mess b/c he doesnt know how to deal with it all and the only way he got thru black mesa without his brainstem snapping in half was b/c he and benrey would start shit and start fighting and wrestling and the rest of the science team eventually shrugged and accepted this as a (very weird) part of their life now. he looks like hes one minor inconvenience away from a panic attack and its so sad

any kind of physical exercise would help (he takes up jogging when hes feeling stressed out, which is a lot, and hes gotten some really nice legs by this point) but theres just something different about the roughhousing. its a mental exercise as well as a physical one, so it exhausts his brain more, and unbeknownst to him, he just gets fucking endorphins from the way benrey smells and from being able to mark him with all the up-close physical contact theyre getting. so. hence the wrestling and roughhousing and gordons occasional tendency to just pounce the guy in public and start fighting him with his tail wagging and thumping like crazy

it might be even better if gordon attempts to roughhouse with just about the whole science crew at some point, just for a point of comparison

like.....its usually good, its satisfying, and it wears him out and lets him function like a human being......but theres just something about roughhousing with benrey thats really satisfying and he doesnt have the emotional intelligence to figure out what it is

gordon freeman is an idiot, is what im saying

> tommy indulges him and probably lets him win a few times, coomer soundly wins out every time and bubby probably...loses some before getting pissy LOL. i think that its fun for him to get the most Good Feelings out of roughhousing with benrey.....

AUUUUGHHH WHAT IF HE LICKED BENREYS FACE THO

g gbfbhhh god im obsessed with the way benrey laughs at him and asks "what the fuck is wrong  with you?" in the act 3 commentary and thats the exact kind of vibe im feeling from him about like. everything gordon does in pupymode

> Okay, before I go to bed, I shall leave you with a Dog Thought™. Gordon probably wouldn’t be the “best trained” dog in the world because, well, he doesn’t have anyone to make him listen or obey. Heck, given his need to be in control, he probably thinks he’s the leader of the proverbial pack and nobody can tell him what to do. He’d probably slip and do quite a few “rude” and obnoxious dog things, including but not limited to being all over Benrey.

> Trying to goad him into roughhousing. Licking his face. Being in his space to the point that it even starts to make Benrey raise an eyebrow. Inappropriate marking and whatnot. [cough] And what if Benrey--in a weird reversal of the roles we usually give--is stuck with the task of… training Gordon… to behave…

> YOU KNOOOOW. Because pitting alpha dog Gordon against Benrey, who is trying to get him to be “good”...

> … Well, that could be interesting.

> Imagine if you will: Benrey realizing he needs to get Gordon under control. As much as he likes the attention, it's becoming too much. Relentless. Tables have been turned and now he's the one that's a little overwhelmed by the situation because, well, Gordon is running on pure instinct half the time. Making it hard to do things. Making it hard to live his life. Always in his bubble which was, like, fine at first but now he can't do anything without feeling a wet tongue on his face or having Gordon trying to goad him into rough housing.

> He needs so much attention. Has so much energy. It's too much.

> So, he decides he's going to try to "train" Gordon to not... do that. Benrey trying to assert dominance over Gordon, as if he were just a normal dog. Gordon, who has already marked Benrey and decided that Benrey belongs to him does not take to this very well. This is not how the chain of command works. This isn't how the chain of command works at all.

> Benrey, struggling to curb him through praise and admonitions--"good boy," "bad boy," tossing him ~treats~ if he does something right--is now facing off with Gordon, who is both enamored with the attention he's getting but utterly pissed off by the fact Benrey is trying to stop him from doing what he wants.

losing it at the tables being turned and now gordons the annoying fucker getting up in benreys business all the time and never leaving him alone. he deserves this

> They're basically both unmovable objects and unstoppable forces. Benrey is stubborn and isn't going to give up all his sweet PS3 time because Gordon won't stop humping his leg, and Gordon is not going to give up his God given right to make Benrey his property. But Benrey isn't completely averse to the idea of being Gordon's bitch. He just wants to be his bitch on his own terms.

> So, in a surprising show of... well, intelligence on Benrey's behalf, he starts redirecting Gordon's energy towards what HE wants Gordon to do.

> That's how you handle misbehaving dogs anyway. You redirect their energy. That's what all the books on dog training says anyway, and Benrey's inclined to believe it because he's read it in all two books on the subject he casually flipped through.

> So, when Gordon starts getting in his space, he starts redirecting him to touch where he wants touched. "Good boy." When Gordon starts getting a little rough, he purposefully positions himself so he gets the most out of it. "Good boy." When Gordon's licking his face, he starts trying to guide that tongue down to his neck. Feels better there. "Good boy."

> Because he's not a complete idiot. Him and Gordon both know this is sexually charged at this point. And Gordon... Gordon can bend his behaviors a little bit as he's being directed if he still gets to do what he wants (in a way), and Benrey still gets to be fondled by the nerd.

> "But part of the problem is that he is in Benrey's space all the time!" Yeah, but Benrey figured that out, too. You know what shuts up Gordon real fast? Pushing him back down on the other end of the couch and telling him to stay. And if he listens, he slowly, carefully hand feeds Gordon a treat as a reward. Pushing it into his mouth, making sure it goes all the way in. Letting Gordon lick the last bits of taste off of his fingers. He usually sits still after that. "Good boy."

i have a thought thats almost unrelated but im so desperate to give this scenario the proper context

thinking about......gordon getting out of black mesa and hes still dogboy.....and hes attempting to go back to life as normal now that benreys out of his hair for ever but one day his pupy nose catches That Fucking Smell on the air and he realizes that benreys not fucking dead. he thought benrey was fucking dead, b/c he killed him

gordon freeman losing his mind for a solid week or two trying to hunt that smell down (why?? to prove a point?? to try to kill benrey again??? uh huh.) and then when he does hunt benrey down, its like.....well, what was the plan, bud? you found him, and now youre having a staredown outside a 7/11 while benreys frozen halfway through his big gulp

i literally forgot what i was typing b/c dogy gordon tum y rub b gtfhgbb ggfabgbbg

and.....well......he doesnt know exactly what his game plan was, but he does know that benrey cant be trusted as far as u can throw him, and hes not about to let benrey wreak havoc on new mexico if he can help it, so now his new hobby is......tracking benrey across the city to keep an eye on him

and thats how they keep ending up in close proximity

and thats how u start looping in the whole role reversal thing.....suddenly gordons the one that benrey cant shake......hes a bloodhound and hes got the scent

SORRY im SORRY i crave context with the same ferocity that i crave, like, air

and then they start roughhousing when gordon tackles him to the ground one day to stop him from doing.....something......and gordon snaps being to being a normal person so quickly afterwards that its dizzying. turns out a solid 80% of what he really wanted was a sparring buddy

> good afternoon everyone this is not horny in the slightest but i just wanted to say- you know that thing dogs do where they get REALLY excited and playful when you come home from a long day at work? well i’m just thinking about. y’know how benrey has a tendency to just, vanish for a while and come back like nothing happened? think it’d be cute if he were gone for a particularly long stretch of time b4 catching up with the science team again and gordon RESPONDS in his typical annoyed, bratty fashion while his body language is saying something completely different (he still hasn’t mastered the art of puby)

> like, u know, tail wagging a hundred miles a minute, ears perked up and attentive, subconsciously getting all up in benrey’s space

Im going to Cry thats so fucking cute wtf wtf  wt ff

still going insane thinking about the “good boy” thing......like...... its all fun and games until hes grappling his best friend benrey and hes got benrey in a headlock and hes plastered against benreys back from head to toe and his tails thumping excitedly against the floor and hes panting hot and harsh right against benreys ear and benrey takes that moment, right there, to choke out "good boy"

its half outright horny and half power play b/c benreys banking that either theyre gonna fuck or gordons gonna let go and be like "what the fuck, man" and then benrey can get the drop on him again

the way gordon just goes stiff after he says it.....breath getting shaky.....dick twitching once against benreys ass and the guy can fucking feel it clear as day......Augh

his tail slows.....and then fires right back up again when he tentatively rocks his hips against benreys ass and feels the sound benrey makes more than he hears it......and like for fucks sake theyve been dancing around how horny their roughhousing sessions are for weeks, this guy deserves to finally get his rocks off by dry humping benreys ass while benreys getting spots in his vision from how tightly gordons got his arm wrapped around his neck. he deserves this

gordons free hand slowly opening up and pressing flat against benreys shirt, then crawling under it so that he can feel the bare skin of his stomach......rocking his hips against the dip between benreys cheeks and whimpering when benrey says it again, breathless and hoarse. "good boy." his tongue poking out to lick a broad, wet stripe up the side of benreys neck to taste the salt and sweat and the hormones, jesus christ, hes never been able to taste if somebodys horny before but its rolling off of him in waves.......and gordons breath comes out so loud and harsh and desperate when benreys leg lifts up a little bit for him to slot his own between them more easily

just mumbling stupid horny shit like "fuck benrey, you taste so good" while his tongue lolls out of his mouth and he licks the curve of benreys ear and rolls benrey onto his stomach b/c something in the back of his brain is whispering to him that it would be a really, really good idea, and hes originally got benrey just crushed flat against the floor with his full body weight but benrey takes a rattling breath and tells him to ease up, get up offa him.....

and gordons confused at this point b/c he was pretty sure this was where this was going, he was being a good boy, but that thought doesnt last very long b/c benreys shuffling into position under him, raising his hips and pushing gordons up with him while his face and torso are flat against the floor, and, Oh. hes. hes doing that. this is what theyre fucking doing now

> gordon taking the collar of benrey’s shirt in his mouth in an crude imitation of scruffing him

every fucking bone in gordons body is telling him to move his hips, fuck benrey stupid, bury himself to the hilt, but he cant do that when theyre both still clothed so he does the next best thing and ruts against benrey like he fucking means it and like if he just tries hard enough, gets enough friction, itll be just like fucking him for real......

hes so dizzied by looping thoughts of he wants this, he wants you to mount him, like youre a filthy fucking animal, arent you? you sick fuck, you wanna mark him and breed him and hed let you, hed beg you for it, look, hes doing it right now and when he comes back down to earth, yeah, benrey is begging right now, isnt he. while hes palming at the front of his sweatpants and whimpering and calling gordon a good boy, attempting to tug his pants down to his knees so gordon can rut against bare flesh, and gordon slows down just enough to let him do it and to fumble open his own zipper to ease some of the agonizing pressure

gordon fumbling his dick out of his underwear to line it up between benreys fat cheeks and god, the feeling of skin against skin is so much fucking better than chafing against his jeans that it makes him growl against benreys neck and benrey cant pump his fucking dick fast enough. hes so encouraging, what with all those little sounds hes making and the way hes arching his back and pressing his hips up as high as theyll go, groaning into the crook of his arm "fuckin, fuck me, bro, j-just like that"

> thinking...... they both get so lost in it, they both can’t hold back long enough to fuck for real. this is too hot, benrey feels something hot and wet on his ass and gordon is curling into him. benrey’s never felt so simultaneous turned on and frustrated that he’s still empty, he’s still gonna have to wait, snd ironically that denial pushes him over too

GOD yes fuckin. coming on his ass b/c gordons so frantic and desperate that he cant wait...... but seeing his cum all over benreys ass is deeply satisfying in its own way. he smears it deep into benreys skin to mark him like that

> oh hey imma be nasty sorry but Gordon all cum-high just sort of manouvering Benrey until he can start licking his cock clean bc he likes to uh. i mean benrey's all wet and you know. he likes it. and benrey comes from that, before he can even think about sucking him off properly

> he doesnt have a thought left in his head at the moment... and can u blame him? so he just uh follows he nose.......  and benrey's brain is deleted except for "GORDON FREEMAN ON MY DICK????????" bouncing around like a screensaver yes

> yeah he's not even trying to suck him off really, hes not gotten that far yet cuz hes so cumbrained, gone stupid, etc

im gonna be gross here too okay......and like. fucking. huffing and burying his nose into the crook of benreys thighs b/c he smells so intensely like sex and sweat and it makes gordon lightheaded

> YEAAH maybe he starts licking there before he gets up to his dick. it's not like he's dragging it out really so it's not long but benrey's gaping like a fish. he's trying to say something sorta but he can't get any words out and isn't even sure what he himself is trying to say

maybe he cant help himself and he just starts licking and biting on impulse b/c its your resident fuckin thigh guy here and i think benrey deserves to get em chomped like a drumstick

> and then that's gordon's tongue on his dick, bro and this neurotic mf looking so pleased and blissed out as he sloppily licks him all over is a sight he couldn't have even cooked up in his imagination before now

> benrey not coherently enough to warn him he’s like right there, his babbling incoherently at the tease of gordon’s nose and lips is gonna make him- and then his Tounge darts out and it’s over, the start of the end and he’s spurting all over gordon’s completely surprised face without even being jerked or licked through it

> maybe since gordon's been so stressed and keyed up for so long that benrey coming is a surprise but still doesn't shock him enough to clear the cumbrain, so he licks ben clean after that too, while he's twitching and whimpering etc

> think that benrey massive meat being useless and barely even touched is hip and rad even in the context of him technically being in the higher position of power

> then rests his head on beny's belly for a while, feeling very accomplished and tired. he'll panic later, don't worry

god im still thinking about. pillow humping/voyeurism

gordon freemans a bad fucking dog and sometimes he cant help himself and just starts rutting into a pillow with his ass up and his face buried in one of benreys undershirts while hes just panting and mumbling shit the whole time about benrey, benrey, benrey, why is he so fucking obsessed with benrey and with thinking about mounting him just like hes doing to his poor abused pillow every week

and. you know. maybe one day......benrey kind of.....catches him in the act. i think that would be cool. just coming home one day and cracking open his bedroom door and seeing gordon freeman on all fours, his teeth sunk deep into one pillow and another pillow between his thighs, desperately fucking it while hes groaning benreys name b/c he sure as shit was not expecting him back that early, which is why his cumbrain made him feel confident enough to crawl into benreys bed and roll around in it and mainline benreys scent from his clothes and nut on his pillow (and then feel fucking bad about it and frantically try to clean it off)

and benrey just slooowly steps back with his heart pounding out of his chest for possibly the first time in his whole life b/c he did not think gordon freeman ever wanted to fuck him, but here he is, using benreys pillow as an imitation of the real thing and jerking off in his bed

just turns right the fuck back around and goes into the bathroom and splashes some water on his face and stares down at his sudden boner

THANKS FOR READING ALL OF THIS B/C THIS ISNT EVEN GETTING INTO THE PISS STUFF THAT WEVE OBVIOUSLY BEEN THINKING ABOUT. SORRY FOR BEING LIKE THIS

[vocalyunho]

Sorry

pairing — Hongjoong x reader (fem).

genre — angst, smut

word count — 2.6k

warnings & tags — jealous! Hongjoong, hard language, explicit unprotected angsty sex, choking, finger sucking, overstimulation, multiple orgasms.

synopsis — it all started with an argument, a drunk guy and a party you didn’t want to attend in the first place.

This is the first time I’m writing something THIS angsty...idk if it’s good, but I was really in the mood for angst and this request fit it well.

You and Hongjoong had decided not to make your relationship known yet, but when you had to attend a friend’s party separately you knew this would be a problem. You didn’t want to go in the first place but there was no other choice..now, you’re stuck there in the middle of your friend group with a guy that you barely know, being all over you the entire night.

San isn’t a friend of yours, you only know him through your friends and you’ve met him quite some times, but you still consider him kind of a stranger to you. The fact that he’s drunk tonight doesn’t help the situation, nor does the fact that Hongjoong and you had a fight before going to the party. It was a small misunderstanding and you knew he’d get over it sooner or later, but for now he uses the silent treatment which gets into your nerves.

You could play with his feelings and get him jealous, especially now that San is drunk and trying his best to get in your pants, but that’d be too harsh. You ignore San as much as you can, however he’s being too much...he tries to dance with you with your bodies as close to each other’s as possible making you feel his bulge on your thighs...this boy is too hard, he could get off in a minute with just a handjob. You’ve been trying not to make a big deal out of it...after all, he’s drunk, he’ll probably text you a million times tomorrow apologising for what he’s doing right now. Hongjoong doesn’t know that though, and his look on you from the other side of the room is burning you. He hasn’t stopped checking on you and San the entire night, he probably thinks you like what San’s doing and when you get a text from him, your thought gets confirmed.

2:14 am

From Hongjoong ❤️

“meet me in the bathroom in 2 minutes.”

“Be there.”

no emojis, just fullstops on both messages.

You see him making his way towards the toilet, but you take your time to follow after him and for your own good, it doesn’t get unnoticed. 2 minutes later you get a third message from him.

2:16am

From Hongjoong ❤️

“are you coming or should I make you come?”

In any other situation this message could be translated completely differently, but you know he’s mad now. So, instead of acting immature you head to the toilet to solve the, probably, new misunderstanding.

“oh, so you’re talking to me now. wow that’s progress” you say loudly entering the toilet, but he’s not there. Feeling a burn in your stomach, you turn around to leave. Did he really play that game to you? What’s the need?

“follow me” he stands at the door. His face is more serious than ever before and his lips straight, like a line.

“You can’t just move me around the house like a fucking toy, tell me what you want here” you say and he stops dead in his tracks.

He comes close to you, his eyes on yours and his expression strong “I said follow me to the room down the hall”.

Why is he so serious and...most importantly, why’s he so scary? You’ve seen him mad before, many times...and the last time was literally just before you came to the party, but right now he acts like you’ve made the worst mistake of your life.

You follow him silent, ready to snap anytime if needed. If he tries to blame you for anything, you won’t play along with his game. You’re not the perpetrator, you’re the victim.

You both enter the room down the hall, him first, you last and the moment you’re both in, he turns around and slams the door behind you locking it afterwards.

“Who was he?”

“who?”

“don’t act stupid and tell who the fucker that was all over you was”

It’s not visible, but you’re sure smoke is coming out of his ears and, maybe, nostrils too. His eyes are red and the veins on his neck have popped out for the effort not to yell.

“ANSWER ME”

“no one”

If he acts like this, you’ll act like this too.

“I’m sorry, do you think I’m blind?” he comes closer to you “I saw you and him in there acting hideously...last time I checked you were in a relationship with ME, do you think I’m some naive asshole?”

“you are because you don’t fucking trust me” you do the same and the space between you gets small.

“HE WAS ABOUT TO FUCK YOU, IM GLAD I PREVENTED IT” his breath smells like alcohol, but so does yours probably. He isn’t drunk though, at least he doesn’t look like it.

“HE WAS NOWHERE NEAR THAT, BECAUSE I WOULD NEVER LET HIM DO IT”

“OH, LIKE YOU WOULDN’T LIKE THAT”

He really said that, right into your face...like he doesn’t know you, like he doesn’t know how much he means to you, how much you care about him, how much you love him.

“you know what FUCK YOU, HONGJOONG” you point every last word to his chest. Your eyes are filled with tears but you don’t blink to clear your vision, you look at him dead in his own and move to get to the door as soon as possible.

Once you reach for the handle he turns and traps you between the door and his body so fast, you felt dizzy. Your hands are against the door, but his left on your hip and his right on the door next to your face.

“Don’t you dare leave this room, before we solve this” his eyes are on your lips as he speaks.

“We’ll never do that because you’re an asshole and you NEVER listen”.

He distances his face from yours to take all your features in “DON’T YOU FUCKING GET IT?” he slams his hand on the door and you felt a knot in your stomach “DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND HOW JEALOUS YOU MADE ME?”

“I did nothing” he tilts his head.

do you understand who you belong to?”

Your walls clenched and your breathing got faster. His face is on the crook of your neck as he speaks now, his lips slightly touching your skin as they move.

“I belong to no one” you spoke softly and he breathed out loudly and a chuckle left his lips. You want him right here, right now.

“you’re mine, do you get that?” you can feel him poking through his pants.

“fuck me so I can” he instantly felt his dick twitch.

His hand went around your neck and forced you to look up at him. He pressed his body on yours and collided your lips with force. He’s kissing you roughly and you tag on his shirt to keep yourself up, but at the same time your knees feel like no strength is in them anymore. He’s cutting your air influx just a bit, but this with his tongue in your mouth are making your head dizzy.

You part gasping for air and he drives you on the bed with his hand still around your neck. The mattress is firm under you as he’s taking away the obstacle that your clothes are and then he does the same with his own. You’re glad he took responsibility of that because you really needed to calm down and catch your breath. You still feel light headed, probably not only from the lack of oxygen, but also from the anger inside you. How dare he?

“look at me” Hongjoong says hovering above you, he comes closer enough for his lips to touch yours as he speaks “the only thing you’ll be able to say after tonight is my name”

“and everyone will know who you belong to, baby” he licks a stripe along your neck and bites hard onto it with no warning. Your mouth dropped open at the sudden attack, but his words got stuck in your head and the gush of wetness from your core increased. He’s taken his job on marking your neck seriously with his left hand under your chin keeping your head up to have the entire canvas on his view while his right caresses your thigh.

It took him a while to stop and position himself in your entrance, but he slid in so fast, you flinched and the concentration you had on your neck, instantly moved to the feeling between your legs. He bottomed out easily and your eyes rolled at the back of your head. “I said look at me”, he grabbed your chin and made you face him. He managed to stay still for a bit, but your walls are asking for friction so when you started moving your hips against him, he becalmed you with his free hand and his other squeezed your cheeks to lock eyes with him “beg for it”.

“no”

“such a brat” he laughed, “be a good girl and beg for it”

“I said NO”

By the way he looks at you, you know he doesn’t mind the begging that much. He only wants to see your reaction to it and you didn’t let him down at all, so when he pulled out and snapped his hips against you, a smile formed on your lips as a whimper found its way out of your mouth.

“you fucking-” he thrusts hard and slow.

“who the fuck do you think you are to tell me what to do?” you laugh as he picks up the pace. You’re making him angrier. He’s always the leader, the one to be in charge and have everything around him as he wants it, except for when it comes to you. You’ve come in terms with it, it’s hot. It’s hot when he pins you down and fucks the living lights out of you, but you don’t play along with it. You love to make him so hard to the point he can’t keep himself in, even on a friend’s house, like right now. These are the consequences of being in a relationship with you, he asked for it and he’s loving it.

His hold on your waist is so tight, but not enough. You keep bouncing on his dick because of the force of his thrusts and you know he’s thinking the same because his other hand wrapped around your throat again. The headboard starts knocking on the wall and you’re glad the music on the speakers is loud. The curve of his cock and your walls parting for him so easily, helps him hit just the right spot.

“shiit- ffuuuckkk- mee-” you say through greeted teeth and your back arches to feel him deeper.

“watch your fucking mouth” he groans.

“wh-what are you g-gonna do about it-?” you looked at him with a smirk on your lips and his pupils dilated when he looked back at you. “You’ll be begging me to stop” he said and kept fucking back into you, a groan accompanying each thrust. Something felt different on how you felt him inside you this time...he fills you up better, the feeling between your legs is stronger and your mind is messier, but you couldn’t bring yourself to realise the reason, until he accidentally slipped out before a thrust.

His dick hit his stomach hard, but he didn’t mind it and buried himself inside you again. Your body twitched at the sudden stretch again and a groan left your lips. That’s it. He feels different because he pulls out completely every time, not just halfway like always. He pulls out his entire length and backs it in harder.

“so- fucking tight”.

Your mouth has formed into a silent scream as occasional moans or cries make their way out of it, until he puts two fingers in it.

“suck”, he groans it. He can’t speak properly anymore and when you started sucking on his fingers, he dropped his head as a low “fuck Y/N” found its way out of him. He’s pounding into you, yet his fingers stay still in your mouth. Your mind is all over the place, you’re sweating and you can feel the blood running hot through your brain.

“ffuuuck that’s it THAT’S IT” you cry it out, but push yourself down on his dick as he took his hand away from your mouth.

“you’re such a dirty brat” he half laughs, half groans.

“fuck me harder, you coward” Your hands reach for the sheets under you, not really making a difference, but this gave him the opportunity to hold on your thigh. “how fucking- dare you assume t-that I’d like someone else fucking me?” you’re shamelessly grinding against him and tears start to form on the corners of your eyes. Your walls clench and sparks appear in front of you, you’re close. You instinctively try to close your legs, but he pushed them wider than before.

“Give me your all” he started drawing circles on your clit and, now, your legs tremble too.

“Hongjoonggg-” all your senses have left you and the only thing you’re feeling is the pleasurable abuse of your clit and hole.

“HONGJOONG IM-” you didn’t get to finish your phrase, not that you could anyways, and you came around him with loud cries mixed with louder moans and curses. He’s groaning and his dick’s throbbing inside you but he doesn’t stop. He falls on top of you, keeping himself up with one hand as the sound between your legs gets squelchy.

You’re crying and you can’t stop your chords from letting all types of sounds out. You’re bouncing, but he synchronised your movements and collided your lips. He’s kissing you hungrily and your eyes are wetting his cheeks. He bit onto your lower lip and let his words fill your mouth “fuck, I’m sorry” he groaned heavily against you. He shoved himself inside you once again and kept pounding mercilessly, like you hadn’t just come. You can’t take it anymore, the feeling is too much, but he still hits your g-spot.

“Hongjoong- please”

“come again” he says and slips his tongue inside your mouth. Your moans get mixed and he’s breathing so heavily, you know he’s holding back his climax. Every ridge of his cock gets dragged along your walls and, fuck, you’re clenching again.

“Hongjoong please, PLEASE-” it hurts but you feel the burn in your stomach again.

“come on, come for me again” he’s looking at you but you shut your eyes and he touched your foreheads. You feel numb and you didn’t realise but your legs started trembling again.

“fuck I’ll come- you’re so tight again-” his hips stutter.

“shiiiit” he pulled out fast and came in spurts on your stomach as you let your hot spill out for the second time tonight. He’s groaning as he’s pumping himself and his hot liquid lands everywhere. You’re heaving and you can’t feel your lower part at all.

“You needed a good fuck, didn’t you?” he’s sitting on his heals, trying to catch his breath as his member softens. He’s so beautiful like this...his hair’s gotten all fucked up and his lips are red and swollen and you heard his “I’m sorry” damn well a while ago.

“shut up” you say, your heart’s beating so fast. You needed this, indeed.

“watch your mouth”

“shut up and help me up, I can’t feel my legs”

“......I didn’t mean what I said earlier”

“we’re not gonna talk about this here”

“are you kidding? We just fucked in here”

“I don’t care. We’ll talk at home with clear minds and without this damn loud music”.

[magniloquent-raven]

Number 73 "take mine" I'm thinking jacket sharing with Harringrove (either offering the jacket) if you have time!! 💖 💖

so. it’s not jacket sharing, i hope that’s okay!! and it’s actually a sequel to your first prompt? @bambixxblue and i were talking about a fix-it sequel where billy comes back and im weak for fix-its so i ended up with this. it’s. angsty. but also. soft? idk, i hope u like it anyway!!

basically the premise is billy and hopper were both in russia and had to break out together. posted on ao3

—-

Max turned seventeen three weeks ago. It’s hard to keep track of the days sometimes but Billy’s pretty sure he’s right. It’s hard to wrap his brain around Max being seventeen. When he pictures her in his head she’s still a bratty twelve-year-old with skinned knees who doesn’t know when to shut her mouth.

He tells Hop. Tells him about the birthdays he was there for, wonders about the ones he wasn’t. Cries a little too. Funny how easy it is to do that now. It used to be an ordeal, would burn and claw at him until he broke. He’s too exhausted for that nowadays, lets his tears fall unfettered and ignores the shame that still sneaks up on him when he does.

They have to be quiet, always afraid of being caught again. Billy’s constantly looking over his shoulder, jumping at shadows. It’s stupid to risk it, for something so trivial, but he can’t stop the words from spilling out.

“You miss her.” It’s not a question. Hop doesn’t ask that kind of shit, he just knows. Which is why Billy doesn’t respond. Doesn’t have to.

He pats Billy’s shoulder awkwardly. It’s the clumsy kind of affection a father is supposed to offer and it sets Billy off again, tears dripping down his nose and cutting streaks through the dirt smeared on his cheeks.

They’re holed up in an abandoned warehouse this time. Waiting. Always waiting. The plan is to stow away in the next cargo hold with enough space but in the meantime they’re fugitives, laying low wherever they can find empty, forgotten places.

Hop tells him about El while they wait. Billy’s heard most of his stories by now, but he listens anyway. Listens to the wobble in his voice as he talks about teaching El to read, hears the question under it all, about whether he’ll ever see her again.

Billy wishes he had an answer.

~~

The first time Billy set foot in Hawkins, Indiana, he was seventeen, angry and wanting nothing more than to be anywhere else.

It’s three days after his twenty-second birthday the second time. An icy December evening, dark and windy. He’s exhausted. He hasn’t eaten in two days. He’s a patchwork tapestry of scars that weren’t there before, a battered effigy of the person he used to be, cobbled together with scraps of what he could salvage.

Hawkins is the same unremarkable, rinky-dink town it always was. Seeing it again is a relief and a punch in the gut all at once. It’s all he’s wanted for three years, but it’s terrifying.

They end up in Loch Nora, of all places. The Byers’ old house was empty, and going too far into town is risky. 

It doesn’t feel real. Standing on Steve Harrington’s front porch, suddenly all too aware of the layer of sweat and grime on his skin. This place is too clean, too quiet. Peaceful, in a way that can’t be true.

Billy chews on his thumbnail, stands behind Hopper while he bangs on the door. There are no cars in the driveway, which means at the very least Steve’s parents won’t answer the door. But there’s no guarantee that Steve even lives here anymore.

He’s getting antsy, glancing around, heart pounding.

Then the door swings open.

Billy is seventeen, half-drunk and stinking like beer, colder than he’ll let on because fucking Indiana and its shitty weather, wiping the drool from his chin when he spots him across a room, already half in love by the time he’s clambered over a couch to get a closer look.

He blinks. He’s twenty-two, pale and shivering, thumbnail still between his teeth, and Steve Harrington’s doe eyes still make him weak in the knees.

Steve’s hair is longer, brushing his shoulders, but other than that he doesn’t look any different. Except that he isn’t looking at Billy with thinly veiled contempt or anger.

“Hey, kid.” Hopper says. “Gonna let us inside, or what?”

Steve is silent. Staring, lips parted. One hand still on the doorknob, the other slack at his side. He sways dangerously, and Billy tenses, prepared to catch him if he falls over. He doesn’t, but Billy’s still itching to touch him.

“Am I dreaming?” Steve blurts, looking dazed, unable to decide who to look at and ending up unfocused and hazy.

Yeah, it’s me, don’t cream your pants. The memory feels like someone else’s. A lifetime ago.

Billy bites down on his lip, battling an inexplicable, and slightly hysterical, urge to laugh.

“Dream about me often, Harrington?” Billy says, because apparently it takes more than nearly dying and spending three years as a fugitive to get over his inability to keep his mouth shut around pretty boys (or one in particular). Though now his voice comes out soft, quiet, betraying genuine sentiment. He’s not sure if that’s better or worse than the armor of taunts he used to cover that shit up with.

Probably worse.

Steve’s looking at him. Only him. Billy had almost forgotten how addictive that is. He watches Steve’s mouth open and close, tracks the way one corner curls up a little when he lets out a little disbelieving huff that isn’t quite a laugh. “More than you’d think,” he murmurs.

And Billy’s brain shuts off. There are a thousand questions stuck up there, but he can’t get a single one of them out because he’s too busy trying to get past, more than you’d think, echoing through his head in surround sound.

He’s startled out of his Steve-induced haze by Hopper’s pointed cough.

It seems like he’s not the only one, because Steve visibly flinches, “Right, shit,” he stammers, “Get—uh, get inside.” He ushers them in, glancing around, checking the street behind them.

The Harrington residence is one of those big fancy houses with more rooms than anyone could possibly need, but that means multiple bathrooms so Steve (as politely as possible) tells them they can both shower whenever they feel like it. And he fusses. A lot. All nervous hands clutching his elbows and teeth worrying at the inside of his cheek, eyes darting between Billy and Hopper like he’s sure they’ll vanish any second and never have been there at all.

Billy isn’t sure how to deal with it, so he avoids his eyes. Then misses looking at him.

An hour later they’re all in the kitchen. Billy keeps plucking at the sleeve of his borrowed sweatshirt, trying to keep calm. It’s too much, all at once. His skin feels raw, weird and tight. The overhead light is too bright, and the smell of Steve on everything is making him lightheaded. The soft detergent scent from his clothes, the shampoo Billy used when he showered (his hair is a lot longer than it used to be, it took forever to detangle it all).

Steve makes some calls. It’s late, too late to be calling people’s houses but he does it anyway.

Not long after, the front door bursts open.

Max is taller than he remembers. Rougher around the edges. Her hair is a choppy mess, auburn waves sticking out in every direction, curling around her ears, and there’s the sharp glimmer of silver in one lobe. She’s wearing a jean jacket with a torn elbow.

And she’s crying, messy and red-eyed, not bothering to wipe the snot from her nose.

“Where. The fuck. Have you been?” she sobs, shoulders shaking, and she practically trips forward in her hurry to throw her arms around Billy’s neck.

He opens his mouth. Closes it again. Feels unsteady, like he’ll fall to pieces if he moves wrong.

“I’m here now,” is all he can manage. She doesn’t need to hear about military hospitals and Russian prisons, about being kept in a cell, wondering if he’d ever see sunlight again… She doesn’t need that right now. Hell, he’s not ready to talk about it. Might never be.

He hugs her back, torn between wanting to squeeze as hard as he can, make sure she’s real, and being terrified of breaking her.

She still uses that shitty coconut-scented soap, and that’s what shatters him. He’s crying into her shoulder, clutching the back of her jacket. He used to dwarf her, remembers her being tiny and fragile, despite her fierceness, yet now she’s supporting his weight while he buckles.

They’ve never actually hugged before, he realizes, and that realization opens a door he wishes he could’ve left closed a little longer.

Guilt. Like undertow, pulling him back to harsh reality, cold steel gripping his heart, weighing it down. He should’ve been better. Treated her better. And now she’s here, crying like she actually missed him, and he doesn’t deserve it.

He pulls away, wiping the back of his hand across his eyes.

She’s still looking at him, hands on his shoulders, a wobbly smile on her face.

Billy is overwhelmed again. It must show, because suddenly Steve is at Max’s side, eyes gentle and his soft mouth pinched in a frown, “Max. Maybe give him some space.”

She clenches her jaw, probably physically holding back an argument, and nods, stepping back despite the reluctance written all over her face.

“I’m sorry,” Billy says, barely louder than a whisper. Then he can’t stop himself from saying it, again and again, gaze fixed on the floor, tears still dripping down his chin. He has to bite his lip hard enough to draw blood to finally stem the tide of apologies. He squeezes his eyes shut, tries to will the world away.

“Billy.” Steve’s voice is soft. He has a nice voice, so Billy focuses on it, through all the angry buzzing in his ears. “Billy, I need you to nod if you’re listening.” He doesn’t want to, he wants to curl up and fucking die, anything but be a person right now because everything hurts and there isn’t enough air in this room and— “Billy?”

He bows his head, twitches, it’s barely a nod but it’s all he’s got.

“Okay, good. Can I touch your hand?”

Billy’s heart stutters, aches. He’s having a hard time concentrating through the burn in the back of his throat, the static drowning out his thoughts. He nods again.

Steve’s fingers are gentle, pulling Billy’s hand from where it had tangled in his hair. He hadn’t noticed the fingernails digging into his scalp until Steve took one of his hands away. It ends up pressed against something warm, soft material under his fingers, moving slow—oh. His hand is on Steve’s chest.

“Can you breathe with me? Concentrate on me, okay?”

He does.

Steve’s cradling his hand. He’s got callouses along the top of his palm, barely there but present. He’s breathing deep, calm and steady. But despite his outward demeanour his heart is racing, Billy can feel it through his shirt. He curls his fingers into the sensation, fingertips digging in as far as he can push them.

Billy almost forgets to breathe he’s so fixated on Steve’s heartbeat.

It does its job either way though, because exhaustion is starting to hit him as the static recedes. He sags, relaxes. Every muscle in his body feels leaden.

He opens his eyes, squints against the sudden light.

He’s almost afraid to look up. Afraid of being judged, of triggering another episode, so fucking terrified, all the time—

“Billy?”

His fingers twitch reflexively, tightening his grip on Steve’s polo.

“You good?” His voice is still so soft, and so close it hurts.

It takes several long moments for Billy to collect himself. Then he looks up.

Max is hovering, standing behind Steve with wide eyes, her worry palpable. Hopper looks grim, but then again, he kind of always does. He’s a respectable distance away, watching. And Steve… Steve is right there still, holding Billy’s hand and looking at him like he cares, doe eyes shining, fixed on Billy’s face.

“I’m okay,” Billy says, voice rough. He sounds like hell, but they all visibly relax anyway.

The room is silent for too long after that. It feels tense in a distant way, like it would be awkward if Billy had the energy to care, was awake enough to feel anything but vaguely fuzzy. He’s still got a handful of shirt and doesn’t plan on letting go any time soon. Steve’s the only thing keeping him upright, and he hasn’t let go either.

“Did… did I do something wrong?” Max asks, her voice is small and tremulous and cuts right through Billy.

“No!” he’s quick to cut in, “No. Max. It’s…” Billy trembles, stutters to a stop. He has no idea how to explain, even to himself, let alone Max. Steve squeezes his hand. His stomach flips. “It’s not your fault.”

She doesn’t look like she believes him, but she doesn’t argue. He wishes he could make it better, but he’s got no idea how.

“We should all get some sleep,” Steve says.

And that’s that. His tone brooks no argument, even in a room full of stubborn assholes. Apparently, the past few years have given Steve time to hone his babysitting skills. Or maybe they’re all just as exhausted as Billy is.

There’s some squabbling about sleeping arrangements though.

Everyone insists Hopper take the master bedroom, Steve says his parents won’t know or care, his old friends did worse than sleep in that bed. They all poke at him until he relents and trudges off, bidding them a quiet goodnight.

Then Billy says he’ll take the couch and both Steve and Max yell at him.

Billy rolls his eyes. “It’s fine, guys,” he mutters. He’s not about to make Max sleep on the weird little couch (he’s done enough to her already) and putting Steve out in his own house would be shitty. “It’s not like I haven’t slept on worse.” He winces as he says it, realizing as the words come out of his mouth that it’s probably the wrong thing to say. It was meant as a reassurance, that he would in fact be fine with the couch, because at least it’s clean and warm, but all it does is make Max look sad and put a little wrinkle between Steve’s eyebrows.

“I’ve slept on this couch before,” Max says, a stubborn tilt to her jaw, “I’ll take it.”

Steve scoffs at that, “You complain every time you have to sleep on that couch, Max. Take the guest bed. Billy can take mine.” His fingers tense when he says it, and Billy realizes they’re still holding hands. His hand slipped from Steve’s shirt while they were bullying Hopper into taking the master suite, but Steve has yet to let go.

And… suddenly he wants nothing more than to sleep in Steve’s bed. But. “Only if you come with me,” he blurts.

Which is really not how he should have said that, but it’s out there now.

“Oh my god,” he hears Max mutter.

His whole head feels like it’s on fire. “Shit. I—I mean—”

“Okay,” Steve says hurriedly, then clears his throat, “Yeah. That. That works. Uh. Okay.” He’s glancing at Max awkwardly, nervous, but she just rolls her eyes. Billy barely notices her do it, too busy looking at Steve, his heart hammering.

“Steve, it’s okay. I’m—” It’s her turn to look uncertain, but it’s only for a second. “Me and El are dating. We’ve been trying to figure out how to tell everyone, and—yeah. Anyway. I’m not going to judge you, or whatever.”

Well, that was not at all what Billy was expecting. He takes a moment to worry about both of them, be terrified of what would happen to them if someone found out. Then he remembers that El can kill people with her brain and Max once threatened to castrate him with a spiked bat. The knot of anxiety doesn’t dissipate but he’s freaking out less.

“How long has that been going on?” Steve asks, sounding more bemused than anything.

Max turns pink, and it’s kind of fascinating to watch. She’s flustered. That’s adorable. “Since, um. Since April.”

“Happy for you, kid,” Billy says. And he means it. He barely knows El, in theory, but really. The kid’s been in his head. He could recite every story Hopper’s told him about her from memory. He died protecting her.

He knows her well enough to know she’s good for Max, and he loves Max enough to want her to have good things.

She grins, bright and real. Billy’s fairly certain he’s never seen her that happy before, and his heart clenches.

“I’m not sure who I’m supposed to give the shovel talk to here,” Steve says, more to himself than anything.

Billy snickers, and tugs on Steve’s hand, “Like you could take either of them.”

Steve steps closer, looking faux-offended, “I’ll have you know I won a fight once.”

“Yeah, three years ago. You’re a has-been, Harrington,” Max chimes in.

“Isn’t it past your bedtime?”

“I’m seventeen, dingus.”

“You’ve been spending too much time with Robin.”

He missed them so much. Missed something he, if he’s being honest with himself, never really had in the first place. They both hated his guts before, and he… he was a mess. Still is. Just a different kind now. But being here, being part of this, is something he always on some level wanted and…

“Oh my god, Billy, are you okay?” Max asks, concern bleeding into her voice.

He’s crying again, smiles through the tears. “Yeah. Yeah I am.”

[robinskalechip]

home - chapter two

robin buckley x reader

warnings: smoking, mild language

a/n: i really enjoyed writing the first chapter, idk how long this will exactly be but let me know if there’s anything else y’all would like to see. also send me hc requests!

not my gif!

chapter two - homecoming

robin had been an hour into her usual after school shift at the video store. steve was sat next to her at the counter reading a comic book dustin gave him.

“i can’t believe you’re actually reading that” robin joked

“ya know i didnt think i’d like it but this professor dude is actually pretty cool-“

before he could finish his thought, the two pair of eyes were immediately captivated by the chaos coming from the store entrance. dustin ran into the store without even acknowledging steve and robin, but immediately turning back towards the entrance where robin recognized a familiar denium.

the girl was yelling at someone down the street, faint barking could be heard, “I DONT CARE IF YOU SAID HE DOESNT BITE IF I SEE A DOG RUNNING AFTER ME, IM RUNNING NO CHANCES MRS. MENDEZ NO CHANCES!”

she closed the push-pull door aggressively and was still panting, trying to catch her breathe until she locked eyes with the hair himself. the smile robin had been thinking about all day had made a tremendous comeback, causing her to smile without her even noticing.

steve’s voice interrupted robin’s mild fazed moment

“MILANI~~”

“HARRINGTON~~”

“MILANI” steve yelled once more as the two ran to each other, steve immediately lifting the girl up and spinning her in his arms. robin’s heart dropped a little. of course.

“PUT ME DOWN OR I SWEAR TO GOD ILL MESS UP THAT PRECIOUS HAIR OF YOURS IN TWO SECONDS FLAT”

steve dropped the girl out of pure fear

her smile quickly turning to a face of slight anger and annoyance as she yelled at dustin, “nO HORROR MOVIES I DONT FEEL LIKE GETTING YELLED AT BY YOUR MOM”

dustin hurriedly put the film back on the shelf and relocated himself to a different genre.

steve was still smiling like an idiot, “when the hell did you get back? oh oH-“ he moved to the counter and disappeared from the girl’s sight for a few seconds and re-emerged with a lunch container in hand. he showed her the box, still smiling like an idiot and placed the box on the counter. once opened he took out a chupa chup lollipop in the flavor of strawberry and presented it to the girl. she stared at him with a blank expression for a few seconds, robin watching confused but also intrigued. the girl grinned and snatched the candy from steve as she said “i got back last night, here for ma” steve’s expression fell.

“yeah i heard some old ladies talking about your mom the other day, i’m sorry sof”

“i’ll be okay harrington, gives me an excuse to come back go hawkins and see the kids and my oldest friend and his legendary mane”

“oH OH IM SO SORRY! sofia, robin. robin, sofia.”

robin chuckled, “we’ve met dingus but it’s the thought that counts”

robin and sofia smiled at each other, perhaps a little too long because steve cleared his throat to make conversation. he was the only one who felt awkward in that silence. “i heard you were in new york, how are things up there”

sofia broke her eye contact that robin and her had held in order to answer steve’s question. “um yeah i work for a paper, get paid pretty well, eat good pizza, and smoke some decent weed here and there, life is good”

dustin interrupted the conversation by placed two film selections onto the counter. sofia picked both up and handed them back to him, “nu uh. one. its a school night, no double features” dustin looked at the girl with furred brows “you’ve been gone for how long now? i need to catch up on lost time and lost movie dates. it’s bad enough you were going to take mike out instead of me on your first night but you’re also going to limit our time together? are you really going to deprive me of that?” sofia lowered herself slightly so she was closer to his face, “you either get two movies and no snacks or one movie and snacks.” the boy quickly picked up one of the films and rushed to return it back to its place while picking up three packs of candy on his way back to the counter.

robin chuckled once again and looked at dustin, “date?”

steve laughed, eager to explain the context before either dustin or sofia, “yeah so when dustin and the rest of the boys were younger, sof’s family would always hang out with mike’s family, so she was around them a lot. they ALL had a crush on sofia so she would do a movie night with a different kid every week”

dustin looked at sofia with a smile, “but im her favorite though...right?”

“honey you know will was always my main man, besides you have suzie poo”, she said mockingly but in the nicest way possible.

they all laughed as sofia payed for dustin’s findings and then adjusted herself to where her elbows were now resting on the counter top. “what time do you guys get off?”

robin was finishing up bagging the items, “8:30 and then the overnighters come in, same most nights”

sofia contemplated, “that’s a little late for dustin but do you guys want to hang out after as three? or maybe this weekend? i was recently informed that sam was throwing a party down by old lake. i was gonna go, see some old friends”

steve laughed looking at robin who joined sofia in holding herself up via elbows on countertop,making them lose a great amount of the space that had been between them, “well I would love to accompany you to the party, unfortunately robin has to do the overnight due to her inability to have faith in my skills”

“skills?”

robin gave steve a look of annoyance as she explained “we had a bet that if he got a girl’s number before we ran out of airheads that i would do the overnight this weekend, we’re both free after work today though if you wanna get a bite”

sofia smiled at her, ignoring steve who was playfully flexing his muscles unironically , “ok, harrington” steve stopped once robin turned to look at him. sofia continued, “meet me at larry’s after work? and be a gentleman and give the beautiful lady a ride” she pushed her elbows off of the countertop and before turning around to leave, she gave robin a wink and harrington a smile. as she walked out she reached into her pocket and brought a packet of cigarettes to her mouth, grabbing one with her teeth.

with the unlit cigarette still between her teeth, she used her back to open the door as she let dustin go through before saying “nine o clock”

robin and steve watched at the two walked down the street, the girl lighting her cigarette in the process

steve looked at robin, “well, looks like you and i have a date”

next chapter

[fuckthis-and-fuckthat]

His loss, my Gian.

JokerXChubby reader.

Summary: Reader reads a text on her boyfriends phone and finds out he’s cheating. She finds him at J’S club and he’s impressed by what she does.

Warning: little bit of smut, like fingering, murder, the joker, language. Yeah, that normal shit. -I’m going to hell. Again. Oh, some fluff if you count that as a warning. J is little nice....out of character. But oh well. 

A/N: idk is it’s just me, but I love when people add visuals, such as pictures or gifs, to a story. So there will be lots.

A/N 2: guys, I got carried away. I think I’m gonna write a part 2 for this when they actually have sex. Actually, might turn this into a series. So yeah. I’ve never wrote a Joker fic, so bare with me here. 

Part 2- https://1-800-kill-me-im-gay.tumblr.com/post/173576126505/his-loss-my-gain-part-2

Picking up your boyfriends phone, you looked at the screen. A contact named ‘Baby’ said “I’ll see you soon, babe. Meet at club Allibi like usual.”

Oh, cheating on me, I see. Alright. 

You hopped into the shower, a plan forming in your head. I’ll get dressed up and go to the club, kill him, and leave. You smiled a little and giggleled, allowing every ounce of anger reside in you, waiting for it to boil over when you saw him. 

Slipping out of the shower, you wrapped a towel around you body and started to blow dry your hair. Hmmm, I could stab him. That’d be easy and quick. Slit his throat. Cut off his dick. Who knows. Maybe both. You let out a psychotic chuckle and threw your head back. 

Deep down, you had a thirst for blood. You enjoyed hurting people. Hurting your self. Physically of course, not mentally. You built up a wall and didn’t feel anything, And when you did, you pushed it away, saving it for when you needed it. So, you weren’t lying when you said you were going to kill him. 

You pinned your hair out of your face so you could start doing your makeup. Going light on the foundation but super dark on your eyes and lips. 

You sighed happily at yourself and walked to your closet. You had no clue what to wear to this club. No fucking clue. You decided to go for a short velvet dress that was deep purple. 

You might be a little chubby and curvy, but that dress hugged every single one of your curves. Grabbing a choker and another necklace, you picked out a pair of combat boots, fishnets, and a leather jacket. You could smell your perfume on it from now many times you’ve worn it. Your smell had seeped into the fabric and you loved it. Ohhhh, I need my knivessss! You chuckled at yourself and grabbed your thigh garter from under your bed and slipped your twin knives into it, sliding it on your leg. 

Oh yeah, you looking good. You chuckled again, and flipped off your lights, and walked out your bedroom door. You didn’t live far from J’s club. Just a few blocks, so you decided to walk and get your blood flowing. A few cars slowed down and yelled things out the window to you or honked their horn. It didn’t really bother you, not until you heard a car speeding down the road, turning your head, you saw it. The jokers lambo. Your heart sped up in your chest and you felt your knees go weak.

Turning your head back around you continued strutting down the road, the street lights bouncing of your glittered eyelids. Right when you reached the club, the lambo pulled up. You about pissed your pants. Not out of fear, but excitement. The man of your dreams, your hero, he was right there. 

You looked at the line outside of the club ad groaned, throwing your head back. “Holy fuck, dude.” You turned to go walk down the line when you heard his voice, and what you heard made your walking wobble. 

“The one in the purple dress.” Fuck. I’m gonna die. Hey, at least I go by him! 

“Miss?” You turned around when someone grabbed you arm. The man was dressed in black, head to toe, including unglasses. “Mr. J wants you.” He pressed his hand on the small of your back and started walking you towards J. 

“Nah ah, hands off of what’s mine, Luke.” J said , giving the guy named Luke a glare. Did he just call me his? Oh yeaaaahhhh! 

“Yes sir.” Luke turned around and went back to his post by the line. 

“Care to join me, dollface?” He said, more of a statement than a question. 

“Always.” You smiled at him, Trying to hide the fact that you were about to shit bricks with excitement. He wrapped his arm around your waist and you instantly pressed yourself against him. It was two pieces of a puzzle colliding for the first time. You thought that he felt it too, because he let out a satisfighed sigh and pulled you closer to him. 

You sat on a couch in the V.I.P area that was facing the dance floor. Your eyes were everywhere, searching the dance floor and bar. Your body slumped forward with your arms on your knees and hands balled into fists. You were knocked out of the daze when J pushed the hair behind your head and gently kissed you neck. You turned your head, giving him more access to graze his sliver teeth across your skin and nip at your ear, 

“Who you tryin’ to kill, baby?” His hand slipped to your fishnet clad thigh where the garter was.

“What? No one.” You didn’t know why you lied to him. Maybe because he thought that you couldn’t kill someone. He pulled out one of the knives, trailing it down your neck and holding it against your throat. 

“Don’t lie to daddy, Baby girl. He doesn’t like it.” J moved closer to you, his face getting closer and closer to you until your lips were pressed against his. “Who?” He slid the knife down to the exposed skin between your breast and pushed the knife into you. You let out a moan and closed you eyes, loving that feeling of pain. You opened your eyes and looked at him, causing a rush of heat to settle between your legs.

“My boyfriend. I’m killing my boyfriend.” you said, attactching your lips to his. He kissed back, roughly, letting the blade slide down your skin and leave a trail of blood. J threw the knife and grabbed a hold of you, moving to where you were now straddling his lap. 

You held his cheeks in both hands as his were groping your ass, pushing you down in his clothed erection. You let out a whimper and moved your hands into his hair, fingers latching onto the lime green locks, loving the feeling of the gel. You pulled roughly, causing his head move back and he let out a growl, slapping hardly on your ass.

“Daddy.” You whined, now grinding against his hard cock. “I need to focus.” You moved your head to the side and he continued attacking your neck. Biting, licking, sucking, kissing, he was doing everything. 

“You can focus when daddy is done with you, baby girl.” J stuck a hand between your body’s and reached between your thighs, ripping your fishnets open. He slid his hand farther up your thigh and rubbed against your naked sex. “No panties? Naughty, naughty, naughty. Daddy’s gotta spank you later. 

“Please, daddy. I need you to touch me.” You wrapped your hand around his wrist pushed his fingers against you, rubbing through your slick and causing you to cry. “Fuck.” You continued dragging his hand across your pussy, hitting your clit each time. “Daddy, I need your fingers inside of me.” 

J happily laughed, sticking two fingers inside of your dripping core, “fuck you look so hot fucking my fingers like that.” His free hand rummaged through his suit jacket, trying to find his phone. Once he found it, he started taking pictures. Some of your face and others of your pussy wrapped around his fingers. 

Honestly, you were surprised he was letting you do this. Letting you slightly take control and tell him what to do, and fucking Christ it was hot. 

Before you could cum, he pulled his fingers away, making you whine in protest. “You can cum when you go take care of business. Now, take that pretty ass over there And do it.”

You watched as he brought his fingers up to his mouth and sucked them off, loving the way her eyes devoured him. Leaning in, you pressed your lips against his, moaning as you tasted yourself. Your fingers danced around his chest and ran along the gold chains that hung there. “Can I wear one? You know, as a good luck charm?” 

Your voice was soft and innocent, putting on a cute act and pretending that J didn’t just finger you in his club. “Go ahead, doll.” You grabbed the chain and slid it over his head, placing it on your neck. It hung perfectly between the valley of your breast. He placed a kiss where the chain was, “Make daddy proud.” You were about to get up when He realized He didn’t know your name, so he stopped you. “You gotta name, baby?” 

You turned back around and smiled, “its Y/N. Y/N Y/LN.” you slipped the knife into your garter and took off your jacket, leaving your arms and back exposed. You didn’t say anything, just looked at J and winked, and strutted away. 

He watched as you pulled a girl by the hair, throwing her across the floor until she hit her head. Out cold. J leaned forward, watching as your boyfriend grabbed your throat. You laughed historically, letting out a loud ‘HAHAHA!’, resembling his signature one. Turning your head, you locked eyes with J, smiling at him before you brought your arm up and knocked it against your boyfriends, causing him to let go of your neck. Throwing a kick into his crotch, he hunched his body forward. You took the opportunity to kick him in his face until it was bloody and he was laying on his back. 

“Mr. J, do you want me to stop her?” Luke asked him. J let a smile reep onto his face as he watched you straddle your boyfriend with a knife to his throat. Your dress was riding up and he could see where the fishnets were torn. 

“No, let her keep going. Get her clothes. She’s coming home with me.” He waved off his guard, standing up and walking closer as he watched you with anger twisted on your face. 

“Why!” You screamed at the bloody man under you. “Why did you cheat?” 

He let out a drunken laugh, “look at you. Who could ever love a pig like you? I don’t want a girl with scars and stretch marks. I don’t want you.” 

You felt a pang in your heart. One you thought you wouldn’t feel. It wasn’t sadness, more like anger. You felt you stomach twist and you grabbed the second knife. Twisting them in your hands, you brought them down, jabbing them into his eyes before he could blink. “Fuck. You.” 

A/N: there will be a part two, possibly more parts. Let me know what you think about it and if you’d like to be tagged. Feedback is greatly appreciated. 

[ofstaffs]

steve steve was absolutely walking on air. the weather was amazing and he was enjoying it with the woman he loved. of course, it wasn't a totally perfect afternoon due to his endearing clumsiness. after his second time dropping the venue folder, they decided it was better if peggy carried it instead. other than that, it couldn't have been better. "i really like the meadow, if i'm being totally honest," he glanced at peggy as they walked under a cluster of trees in magnolia park. "but the park is fine too, of course."

steve: im screAMING

peggy: OM G CUITE

peggy: CUTIE

steve: the ghostbusters theme song came on while i was writing thiS

peggy: HAHAHAAHHA

peggy she didn't think it was possible for her to love him anymore. the bold and the brave captain america was stumbling over his own feet and dropping the folder each time he held onto it, papers flying everywhere, which required a ton of chasing. she hadn't laughed more in her whole life, and she was sure she had never been more infatuated with someone in her life. "i know, i do too. i just wanted to look around here to see if it was a backup choice," she explained, craning her neck to glance around.

peggy: lets just do them for a bit then ill bring rey in

steve: okie dokie

steve "you know, the first wedding i went to was out here." steve spoke, pointing at the patch of grass by the fountain. it wasn't exactly an enjoyable experience; they hardly knew the grooms and there was quite a bit of drama at the end of the night. he decided to leave out the fact that he brought a date to it. "you would have hated it. it ended in absolute chaos." he laughed quietly, knowing his future bride wasn't one to put up with people's shit.

peggy "oh, dear. maybe we shouldn't have it here, then. i don't want people to be reminded of bad memories when they come here," she said, biting her lip in concern. then she glanced up at him with a teasing smirk. "you know that if anyone tries to start /anything/ at our wedding that i'll deal with them myself." they couldn't exactly hire security; plus, they didn't need any. the groom was captain america, after all. "i don't think you'll let that happen, though," she winked.

peggy: omfg deans rper will not stop chatting me

peggy: like

steve: my ot4 tbh :,)))

peggy: actually

steve: im confused on how it all happened so fast

peggy: they kind of pushed it on kathryn and i

peggy: im convinced the mun is the same person

peggy: they're literally the SAME

steve: nO WAY

steve: mia's rper chats me a lot too so

peggy: yep

steve "i can only think of one person who'd be bothered." steve shrugged. that person was rey. she left early on in the ceremony and sprayed someone with beer when she returned. but at that point, he wasn't even sure if she'd show to his wedding. "i know you will." he grinned with a raised brow, tightening his grip on her hand lightly. him and peggy had already waited way too long for someone to ruin it. "hopefully everyone just keeps their issues to themselves."

steve: if somebody hijacks the steggy wedding i will take it ooc

steve: no shame

peggy: ya tru

steve: i feel like dia would tbh not trying to be rude

peggy "they better," peggy agreed with a firm nod, placing a hand on his cheek then slowly smiling again. "but i don't care if /everything/ goes wrong. as long as i get to be your wife at the end of the day. that's all i want. that's all i've ever wanted." she leaned up to kiss him softly, wrapping her arms around his neck.

peggy: BLESS

peggy: ok im gonna bring rey in]

rey joined the chat 2 hours ago

steve: yaaaasssssssss

rey getting some fresh air was nice, as her dispute with derek was still ongoing, and she felt like she had the opportunity to really clear her mind of everything. until she stumbled across a couple. as soon as she saw the red and blue clothes (did they plan that or did they always just coincidentally dress that way?), she knew exactly who it was. she clenched her jaw but let out a sigh and tried to walk past without her face being seen, tilting it away as much as possible.

steve: does steve stop her orrrrrrrrrrrrr

peggy: probs

peggy: i didnt know how else to bring her in lmao

steve "trust me, you'll be my wife no matter what. even if it means i have to become a minister and do it myself." he chuckled against her lips, gladly welcoming the kiss. naturally, he got too carried away, wrapping his arms around her waist and stumbling back slightly. he didn't even think about anyone else in the park until he felt his back brush against another person. "oh, geez. i'm sorry about that," the avenger apologized to this person behind him, before he quickly realized who it was. "rey?"

steve: i just did that instead whooops

peggy: nice

peggy peggy pulled away as soon as steve did, glancing at the person he had, literally, bumped into. uh oh. hopefully he wouldn't be recognized. she smiled apologetically and began to say sorry when steve said the girl's name. peggy's smile faded as she stared up at him, then chuckled softly. "is-is this a friend of yours?" she asked quietly, nervous about the expression on his face.

rey oh, great. clumsy steve, back at it again. she rolled her eyes and turned to him, crossing her arms tightly over her chest. she was sure she looked horrific, given she'd been bedridden for five days, but finally seeing peggy in person for the first time shocked her most of all. she really did look like her. at peggy's question, she just glared up at steve again before firmly replying, "nope."

rey: ouch

steve: damn steve, back at it again

peggy: i kept saying that in my head while writing jrc

peggy: jfc

steve "uh..." he stammered, glancing between rey and peggy. oh god, they looked so much alike he was getting confused. he genuinely did not know what to say. rey and him had a large falling out, sure, but they were so close. they were still friends in his eyes, best friends even. his eyes narrowed at her once she spoke. "no. she's tony's friend."

steve: yiggity yikes

peggy peggy's shoulders straightened at steve's words, and she stood protectively at his side, hand on his arm. "tony stark is no friend to us. it is obvious that steve doesn't want you around, so i recommend that you keep walking before i have to take action."

steve: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

rey rey couldn't tear her eyes away from steve. her expression was a mixture of heartbreak, anger, jealousy, and distress. she missed him, but seeing him with peggy angered her beyond belief. she clenched her fists at her sides as peggy spoke to her, then raised her eyebrows. "believe me, i think that's the best idea, seeing the last time i spoke to your fiancé, he threw a coffee table across the room."

rey: riP

rey: sry im replying so fast im like trying to do this fuc kn g study guide

rey: WHY DID I PORCRASITINA

rey: ETE

steve: UR DUMB

steve: WHAT CLASS IS IT FOR

peggy: US HISTORY

peggy: FML

steve: WRITE STEVE ROGERS FOR EVERY ANSWER

peggy: O K

peggy: ITS OPTIONAL TOO

peggy: BUT ITS 20 PTS EXTRA CREDIT

peggy: KMS

steve steve was stupid to think this day wasn't going to get ruined. he expected the cops would have something to do with it, not rey. not his /best friend/. he glanced at peggy once she spoke, but rey was already retorting before he could catch up. "that's enough." the expression on his face was enough to kill. no more clumsy, adorable steve. rey awakened the beast that was captain america. "so where's derek this lovely afternoon?"

peggy peggy's head snapped up to glare at steve slightly. "so /that's/ what happened? you threw a coffee table because you were angry?" she asked in disbelief. but the expression on his face was not allowing for any chastisement at that moment, so she turned back to rey, watching her carefully. obviously she had done something to make steve, sweet, kind-hearted steve, angry and she didn't like it one bit.

steve: http://66.media.tumblr.com/902d809ec25de... LOOK AT THIS

rey "he's at home. i wanted to go on a walk, so here i am." she'd only mumbled a few words to derek before leaving, but she didn't tell him that. she was too afraid he'd poke fun at her for having a failing relationship. two at the same time. just in very different ways. "oh, but i see you two are planning your wedding. you know, that's funny. the last time steve was at a wedding, he brought along a date. but i'm sure he's told you that."

peggy: DED

peggy: REY ST OP

steve "yes. but you should let rey tell you what she said to make me so angry." he spoke through gritted teeth. he could almost hear rey's angry outburst about peggy and bucky leaving him. his hand flew up to his nose, pinching the bridge of it as she continued to spill like an immature child. "i brought natasha romanoff, my colleague. interesting that you bring up the wedding, rey. recall your little beer incident?" two could play that game.

steve: steve rn: (ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'​́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'​̀-'́)ง

peggy "yes, i /would/ like to know that," peggy snapped to rey, crossing her arms firmly across her chest. anyone who upset steve had to deal with her. "i understand. you didn't want to be alone at the wedding. i get it," she assured him then turned back to rey, furrowing her eyebrows as steve brought up one of /her/ issues.

peggy: omg steve should do like a rly low blow

peggy: and then rey will just strt cr ying

peggy: bc i need them to make up

steve: how low u talkin

peggy: as low as u want

steve: idk how low i can go

steve: damn is this limbo

peggy: truth

peggy: idk like her being abandoned by her family or smth

peggy: or her problems with derek

peggy: or her family issues

peggy: rey has a lot of things to use against her ok

steve: i'll talk about her trying to get derek to propose cause i got an anon bout it

peggy: make it bad tho

peggy: or else rey will just be angrier

rey rey's eyes widened slightly as her expression darkened. now /he/ was digging. this was bad, and was surely not going to end well. she wished she had derek here to back her up. if he even would at this point. "well YOU'RE the one who had feelings for me while you said you were in love with /her/!" she exclaimed, motioning carelessly to peggy.

steve "why don't you tell her." steve looked down at his friend demeaningly, unable to bring himself to repeat her words. "at least i don't have to beg the love of my life to get marry me. i know who i love, rey, and you're sure as hell not one of those people when you act like this." the captain spat, grabbing his fiance's hand. "let's go, peg."

peggy: shIT

steve: shawty got low low low low low low

peggy "is that true?" peggy tried to ask steve after rey explained how he had feelings for her. if so... that was shocking. extremely. but at steve's words, she froze. ouch. that was a harsh one. but it was necessary. so peggy swallowed thickly and held on tightly to steve's hand before turning and beginning to walk away with him.

rey no... he couldn't have just said that. had he? he /had/. he didn't love her. once upon a time they were inseparable, spending every day together. first he had used derek against her, and then he outright said he didn't love her. not even as a friend. her hands clasped over her mouth in shock as her eyes fell shut, not even acknowledging them anymore. silently, she began to sob as she slowly crumpled to her knees on the ground, slightly ripping the comfortable pajama pants she had on, decorated with stars. she hated this. she wanted her best friend back.

steve "it was." he admitted swiftly, avoiding her glance. it was before he knew peggy was alive. it was a mistake, all of it was. she had a boyfriend anyway. right as he's ready to turn on his heel, rey falls to the ground in front of them. at first he thinks she's hurt, so he accesses her body quickly until he realizes she's just crying. oh no. was it really that harsh? his jaw clenched as her scene attracted attention from civilians in the park. "rey... just get up, okay?"

peggy "steve," peggy gasped as soon as she saw rey fall to the ground. they were friends at one point; and she knew steve wouldn't want to see his friends hurt. even though it was obvious she was just crying, she knew steve would still want to help. maybe. so she stayed back but watched carefully as he approached her again, hoping things wouldn't get worse from here.

rey rey simply ignored them both, covering her face with her hands and tucking her knees to her chest as she continued to cry. after all they had gone through together... that was what he now thought of her? simply because she was jealous? sure she had said some things that went over the edge, but he knew she hadn't meant them. but his words... he meant each and every one. and she didn't care that he was now seeing her break down right in front of his eyes. she couldn't hide her sorrow anymore. she cried even harder as she leaned forward slightly, threading her fingers into her hair.

steve steve pursed his lips, sending peggy one last apologetic glance before crouching down next to rey. he wish he could comfort her like he used to, but it felt too unfamiliar to him at the moment. "c'mon, rey. get up." he curled his hands around her forearms, making sure to be gently while he pulled her to stand. he meant the words in the heat of the moment, but now he was beginning to regret them. "i didn't mean it, alright?"

peggy peggy nodded her head swiftly as her eyes saddened. she knew he had to take care of this. he needed as many friends as he could get here in magnolia, seeing as they had enough enemies. and she didn't want one friendship to be ruined because of some simple jealousy. she kept some distance, but watched closely with a sympathetic expression as he tried to apologize.

rey "no... no..." rey cried as he, literally, tugged her up to her feet. it took a few moments for her to get a stable stance on the ground, but when she finally did, she began wiping at her eyes as her sobs became almost completely silent. "y-you did- you-..." she tried to say, but only wept harder, wiping at her eyes yet again and trying to move out of his grip. she was beyond humiliated and ashamed now and just wanted to go back inside where no one could see her.

peggy: wtf im tearing up

peggy: this is rly sad but its also bc of this study guide LMAO

peggy: but mostly bc of this bc aw

peggy: i miss my bbs

steve: omg dont crrrrrrrrrrrry

steve: im sobbing this sad ass song just came on my shuffle i feel it

peggy: right omfg

steve: speaking of shuffle wdyt about the plot shuffle

peggy: what about it

peggy: did they post it

steve: no they just talk about it when they get clique qs

peggy: oh lmao tru

steve: ive never done one b4

peggy: idk ugh

peggy: bc i dont want rey or peggy to be stuck with chars they've never interacted with

peggy: fml

steve: same dude

steve: can u imagine if peggy and negan had to be 2gether

peggy: riP

peggy: steve would be freaking tf out the whole time

steve: steve would literally bust through every door in magnolia to get to peggy

peggy: i love him what a nerd

steve the expression on rey's face caused an ache to spread through his chest. "i didn't, i-i swear." he murmured softly, struggling to hold back the lump in his throat. he couldn't believe he let his anger get the best of him and cause this. the last time he saw rey this upset, it had something to do with snoke. she was right, he lost everyone he loved. he always did. he looked back at peggy with forlorn eyes, almost as if he was making sure she was still there.

steve: im cryin

steve: ldr just came on im gonna fight

peggy: whats ldr

steve: lana del rey

peggy "it's okay," peggy mouthed to him when he turned to look at her, making a silent promise that she wasn't leaving anytime soon, unless he asked for privacy with rey. she understood that she wouldn't understand their friendship, and she didn't try to. it was for them, and none of her business. unless steve was being hurt.

peggy: nice

rey "you /did/, you did," rey sobbed, beating her fist weakly against his chest two times then just crying again. maybe if she wasn't so weak from the concussion, bruised ribs, and all the medication she was on, then she would've run away by now. or maybe she just didn't really want to run away. she wanted to stay, to bring back what they once had. "l-leave me alone," she pleaded anyway, attempting to tug her arms out of his grip, to no avail.

steve he let her hit him once again, her fists rekindling memories from their last fight. "stop, s-stop!" he curled his hands around hers, pushing them away from him. "stop this! stop trying to fight me, rey. i don't wanna fight anymore!" who would have thought, steve rogers, the kid who would fight anything or anyone, begging to avoid a quarrel.

steve: im screAMI

peggy: riP

peggy "steve," peggy gasped when he raised his voice, immediately stepping to his side and placing a hand on his shoulder. but she didn't stop him from speaking to her. he wanted this solved, and she didn't blame him. so she let it continue, and would only step in if things got really bad.

rey "then why would you /say/ that to me?" rey sobbed in distress, trying desperately to tug her hands out of his, though, obviously, that was impossible. he surely wasn't even using half his strength and she was using everything she had in her weak body. "y-you don't want to be my friend, you-you don't love me anymore..."

peggy: im em o

peggy: r u here

steve: IM HERE

peggy: YEET

steve "i'm sorry," steve looked down, letting his head hang low. he was apologizing to both of them at this point for losing his temper and control. "yes i do, rey! i never said that," his eyes were wide in confusion, "do you even want to be my friend? every time we're near each other we fight!"

peggy "it's okay, steve. m-maybe we should take this somewhere more private, though," peggy whispered, noting how people were beginning to stare at the three of them. if steve was recognized... the location of the wedding would be the smallest issue.

rey "of COURSE i do! i-... i miss you..." rey admitted, her voice thinning out to hardly nothing as she said it, finally peeking her eyes up to look up into his own. then she sobbed again as she shook her head. "but-but not after you said that. n-no... y-you meant every word... e-every word..."

peggy: midnight rip

peggy: and still working on this piece of shit.

steve: jesus h christ

steve steve nodded, instantly cooling down when he heard her voice. peggy was his happy place. any place, any situation; if peggy was there, he could do anything. "no i didn't, rey." his brow furrowed and his face fell once again. "let's go home, okay? come with us."

peggy peggy held onto steve's arm gently, though he was still holding a fragile rey up. she wondered to herself why she looked so sickly, but kept her thoughts to herself as she led them both inside, and up to their apartment. "i'll get some waters," she offered and stole a kiss when rey wasn't looking before moving into the kitchen to do so.

rey rey didn't want to go to their house, to where the two of them spent their time together. but the stress was overwhelming and she needed to sit down, but she didn't want to go to her home just yet. she still wanted desperately to fix things with steve. she let him practically pull her up the stairs and past the door, feeling too weak to do so at that point.

steve "okay." steve whispered quietly against her lips. he lead rey's weak frame to the couch, passing over the spot where the coffee table used to be. "-uh, are you alright?" he questioned, refusing to let go of the grip on her arm.

peggy "you don't seem too well," peggy agreed, bringing over a glass of water for each of them and setting it on the little makeshift table they had in place of the coffee table. she knelt before them and looked worriedly up at steve, silently asking him what was going on.

rey "yes," rey exhaled as he sat them down on the couch, closing her eyes and bringing her hands to her head. "i... d-derek and i were pushed down a flight of stairs... i hit my head and got knocked out. and bruised a couple of ribs... w-we went to the hospital and now i'm on five different kinds of medication..."

steve steve shook his head at peggy's questioning look. he had no idea what was going on. whatever it was, it was more than just her being upset. she looked horribly fatigued. "what?!" he exclaimed loudly. the floorboards in the house might as well vibrated at his staccato.

peggy: omg steeb my bb

steve: he cares so much about his girls

steve: peggy, rey, nat, wanda

peggy peggy's hands came up to her mouth at rey's admission, looking over at steve in shock. oh, no. she knew her steve; and she knew the guilt would hit him /hard/ after this. "i-i'll get some ice," she whispered immediately and jumped up, jogging to the kitchen to get some ice to cool rey down.

rey for some reason, she assumed steve had known about her injuries. but how could he possibly? they hadn't spoken in weeks. "i-i'm sorry, i thought you knew..." she admitted honestly, nodding in appreciation as peggy went to get her ice. then she moved her hair out of the way so steve could see the stitched up gash near her temple, with sweat-soaked bandages covering it.

rey: im emo

steve way to go, steve. he felt absolutely terrible for everything at this point. all previous guilt he had was superimposed at her admission. "o-oh, god, rey. i'm so sorry." his gaze fell to his hands, which he quickly retracted from her forearms and placed in his lap. once peggy returned with the ice, he gave peggy his best attempt at a smile.

peggy peggy knelt in front of them yet again as she finished wrapping the bag of ice in a paper towel, giving a small, hesitant smile back to steve. "back of your neck, darling," she said to rey, handing it over carefully. any friend of steve's was a friend of hers. she was choosing to look past their differences, as they obviously wanted to as well.

rey rey shook her head. "i-it's okay, i should've told you..." she whispered, feeling bad that she'd, accidentally, of course, kept him in the dark about it all. it was why she couldn't stand up when he told her to, why she couldn't leave when all she wanted to do was run away. but maybe it helped them reconcile in the end. "thank you..." she whispered to peggy and placed the pack on the back of her neck, leaning back against the couch pillow with a slow exhale.

peggy: LAST PAGE

peggy: ITS SO LIT

steve steve instantly sat up from his spot once peggy administered the ice. she didn't need to be on the floor anyways. "i don't blame you." after the whole coffee table mess, who would want to speak to him? he acted like a complete and utter fool in their apartment and in the park. "i'm sorry."

steve: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

peggy "no, no, no," peggy mouthed reassuringly, shaking her head and helping him to sit again. "you sit, i'm okay." obviously rey wanted, or needed, his support right now, and she was sure he needed hers as well. they had just come back together, after all.

rey rey opened her eyes and looked sorrowfully over at steve, shaking her head gently. "don't apologize, it's my fault too... i-i didn't mean anything i said either, i just wanted your attention again..." she admitted. speaking of... she looked down at peggy sadly. "i-i'm sorry i was so jealous... it led me to do things that i wouldn't usually do. bad things, and it wrecked my relationship with the best friend i've ever had. so i'm sorry..."

steve steve responded to peggy's refusal with a tight lipped nod. "you didn't wreck anything." he murmured with sad eyes. "i shouldn't have got angry when you told me what you did. i acted the same way when you were with derek."

peggy: omg wtf when did u get here

peggy peggy smiled kindly and nodded to rey, gently patting her knee. "it's alright... everything's all better now," she reassured her with a light, soothing tone. obviously she and steve were very close, and it made her sad to think that they'd spent so much time apart because of peggy herself.

rey right... derek. that was a whole other ordeal that she still had to sort through. her eyes closed slowly as she let out a heavy sigh, readjusting the ice pack on the back of her neck. "i don't know what's going on with us now..." she admitted quietly, peeking up at steve again. "i want to be married to him... /so/ badly, but... but he's still not ready yet. and it's been /two months/... we've known each other for three of them... he doesn't understand that i haven't had a real connection with anyone for fifteen years... i don't want to waste anymore time in my life..."

[booksbroadwaybbc]

Don't know what to do with myself. via /r/selfimprovement

Don't know what to do with myself.

Hi. I'm 21 and still in community college, but I did get my provisional admission to this university I wanted to transfer to. I work as a runner at Din Tai Fung and I'm supposed to make bank, but I don't really know yet because I'm a new employee. Headtitle question at the bottom

I think I've lived an okay-ish life, kind of. story time, skip to the end if you dont wanna read it I come from a Korean family, can't say I remember much of my childhood except mostly being beaten and yelled at. There were good times too, but they usually ended prettily shittily. Moved around a bunch, went to a lot of schools. I've dealt with a lot of abusive stuff from both parents, but I'm not going to talk about my mom because things have gotten better and she's still here for me(?). For some extreme stuff- my dad broke my brothers toes in elementary school. In my senior year, he threatened me at knifepoint and forced it into my hands and told me to stab my brother or he would stab me. Beatings from him were pretty bad, and it's not just belts and sticks bad. I played co-ed baseball in 5th grade, so bam, there was that too. He liked to throw chairs and literally flip tables when he was angry (hes a private construction worker, so he's pretty strong). Broke a lot of his phones throwing them at us, the wall, the floor, whatever. Ive had a lot of problems with my social affairs in highschool- anxiety, being cold, being short tempered, aggressive, violent, sharp tongued. I started warming up in senior year because of this girl I dated, which was a pretty big deal because gays are not allowed in this household. And well, im bi but its the same thing to them. Can't say that went too well, because my brother found out and blackmailed me in the situation we were living in. But who cares, because siblings hate each other right? Anyways, broke up with her, broke her heart, treated her poorly and whatever two years later we made up and was able to be friends again. Back to dad- he was usually never around for things like elementary grad, middle school grad, and highschool- my mom made him come, but he sure didn't seem happy about it. In highschool, he only laid down on his phone playi ng his shitty phone games. Doesnt talk to me, doesnt talk to my brother, doesnt talk to my mom. His routine: wake up, go to work, come home, phone games, eat, phone games, sleep. If you try to talk to him, he ignores you. If you press it, he'll give you some boring answer like "go away already".

Anywho, that abusive fuck was caught cheating. Had an affair with a client's sister. Sold the house we lived in, mom moved to Newark, him to San Leandro. Mom didnt want to deal with me, so I got the boot and lived wjth acquaintances in Hayward. Couldnt afford it, so mom told me to move to San Leandro with him. I moved in with my best friend helping me and we saw the evidence. Bambam, hello lady clothing and shit. I went apeshit nuts and he tried to convince me, then threatened that I would be in big trouble if i said anything. (Parents were separated but not divorced). Alright, ill keep my big mouth shut.

I worked for his "girlfriend" at her cafe in Berkeley. Why? Well, it was easy money and i needed it to keep up with my shitty coping habits- partying and party favors, mostly e. You dont have to deal with stress if youre always out partying.

Anywho, fast forward, skip a lot of details. Mom gets a phone call one day from mutual acquaintance saying dad is sick and asks her to bring him some food. Alright. So she does because she still cares, and finds out the truth. Calls me and demands me to come right now and unlock the door- note that this is a 40 minute drive. By the time i get there, theres hella police and a window is broken and theres hella shit going on. Things settled down but being my immature ass i scream at my parents for both being immature, and they shouldve just cut things clean. I yell at my dad for being a fuckhead and cheating, you didnt raise a liar but you are one. I yell at my mom for being irresponsible and breaking things. Police grabs my shoulder but i swipe it off and bam. Im on the floor, face into concrete, chipped teeth and i cant even see where my dog is. Tbh i was more worried that he ran off because he was still a puppy and i was holding him during this whole ordeal. My glasses got knocked off my face when those two officers fucking bodyslammed me into the ground. I'm 5ft4, i weighed like 130 at this time but im just a legit smol asian girl.

What happened next? Well yknow, i got arrested and sent to jail for assaulting a police officer, nbd. Sat there for a few hours, listening to some psycho making weird noises. Finally get some call saying that my mom was waiting for me, and she bailed me out. She was crying a lot and told me that my dad didnt even bat an eye as they took me away, that he smiled and tried to fix his goddamn broken window. I believe it too, because I saw that shitty smirk on his face when i got to the scene. My mom has a bit of an uncontrollable temper so she looks psycho when the other person was the wack one. This was in January 2017.

Skip forward to the next police thing. June 2017. My mom demands that i pack all my shit and move back, and she wants to go with me. I plead no, but what am i gonna do against her? Alright, we drive and she starts saying stuff about lying and calls the bitch a slut and homewrecker and stuff, dad gets up to stand inbetween and stuff. Tells her to move than basically shoves her across the living room towards the door. **insert hysteria and bam again, screaming and each other, his hands on her, me trying to squeeze my body in between them and get his hands off of her. Doesnt really work cos he turns on me, hits me away and goes back to beat her. My screaming doesnt really help either, but i try what I can to claw his arms off of her. Nooooo, bad idea, but better me than her. He grabs me and my head is locked into his elbow so I bite down, arm. Baaaad idea again, but its in self defense imo. Im just trying to help my mom. He p much beats me up into a pulp her, grabs my shirt all the way up and yikes thats embarassing. The struggle goes on and eventually its calm again because slutface is like "honey staph"- note: only words and no actions to get close, buuuut, it works. Me and mom move to my room and start removing all my weebshit from the walls. Mom is muttering and saying a bunch of bs for him to hear and he storms into the room because hes fucking triggered and start the violence again. Oh but this is where i do the fun thing- i lunge myself at him so im like on top of him but holy shit, he legit pulls me off of him and throws me against the wall cabinets, and two hand chokes me, with his knees on my chest. Mom starts screaming at him, claws his face and soon the police are here and shit. Bitch called the police, and this is where it gets more fucked up. I legally live here, its on my license. I came back to move out, so its okay for me to be here, because i came to pack my stuff and take whats mine. So why exactly did the police not believe me? Why did my mom get arrested for putting dumb scratches on his face when he beat us, with pictures - that day- to prove that he inflicted more wounds on us. We were just defending ourselves. He put his hands on us first. Anyways, that starts my worries cos im like. Im 20, but idk what to do. How do i find money to bail my mom out? How do i even do that in the first place? But i managed.

Anywho skip forward, jackass is no longer in my life, tho i have to deal with him through my brother from time to time. Parents officially divorced Feb 2018. I've lived with my mom, she bought a cafeteria for a little bit so I worked there. Things were really hard because my mom had a lot of pent up anger that she would take out on me. My brother moved out because he went to university so he didnt really have to deal with much. Im also the older child, so bam. Anyways, we fought a lot. A LOT LOT. Like apeshit crazylot. I took a lot of beatings. It was like the weekend before Christmas of 2017 where a took a huge beating and ran away from my problems by going to my now-ex's house. He offered me to move in with him and his family, so I did. I had the choice of going back to my moms lifestyle and attempt to make up, or trying to live a different life. I lived with him from like Christmas to March 2018. We started having a lot of problems because he regret inviting me, he wasnt ready to give up his personal space and I was done babysitting someone who was older than me. Doing his laundry, doing his dishes, cleaning his room. I was done with being bored, never going out, being ignored while he did the same thing my dad did. Sit on his phone and not speak a word. Yeah, there were good times too, but they seem so fleeting when it seeps in with your own personal trauma of being ignored. Btw- when i moved to his place, my brother moved back home to fill the gap, but my brother is better with dealing with my mom and she doesnt blow up at him.

After I moved back, it was better. Yeah, shit went down sometimes but i guess overall it was better? My mom cried a lot. I would hear her talk on the phone with her family members in Korea and cry about how she was tired of everything and didn't want to do it anymore. I know exactly how that feels. Well, in the later months of 2018, we got along better and havent really had those blowups. I tried my best to stay home more instead of going out at night because she hated it. I tried to be nicer to her and more compromising. She's in Korea rn and things suck. During the whole parents thing, it sucks to feel like your parents are passing you to each other likea toy they dont want. It sucks to not really feel familial love growing up, where mom is just doing things because shes supposed to and dad just flat out pretends you dont exist. It sucks that it takes two years of partying, drugs and cons to find out

Submitted October 31, 2018 at 10:33AM by xfirelily via reddit https://ift.tt/2CRsVBn