#idk whats good about not wanting to draw anymore lol🤡

[god-tier-or-nothing]

IRLs DON'T CONTINUE!!!! STOP!!!!! DON'T READ THIS.

ok so before I was only pining for a partner now i be searching for friends too 🤡

Lol literally like, no boyfriend, no friends. At least not good ones. All I had is like one really close friend but now she's. not close anymore. Idk if it's me, if I'm demanding too much from a relationship to fill the "hole in my heart" or whatever but it recently feels like no one cares about me. No one is close to me. No one who texts me first, wants to do everything with me, tells me everything in their life and wants to know everything about me. Whatever problems i had till now, i was happy that I had great friends. Idk what happened....but they've a dwindled down to like one and yeah she's definitely not being a good friend. I mean, I'm literally telling all this on my Tumblr lmao. Idk what's wrong w me. Am I too closed off and reserved? Do i drive away people.,...,I keep wanting friends and bfs but not making active effort. Bc like, it's just supposed to happen right?? You don't like,.,.go hunting for them...I've never had to (for friends, no bfs so lol)

Now I just feel like drawing into myself and just not interacting w people at all. I don't want to talk to anyone unless they show any interest. But then i feel like I'm missing out on so much fun. But what's the point of this superficial fun if there's nothing beneath it.

So that person who was my friend, i stopped talking to then last week. I again had some realisations about their "friendship". He may know me, but he doesn't actually care about me. It was a minor issue (it was objectively his fault tho) but i kinda used that and am separating myself from him. It's really hard now. I already got too attached. But it's for the best right...i don't want to interact w anyone who doesn't care about me or has an active interest in my life like i have for them. If it was reversed, if he had stopped talking to me, even something silly, i would definitely go to him eventually and try to make up with him cus I missed him, missed talking to him (i so so miss talking to him rn) I'm still in the group tho. And I see some of his messages sometimes. And he's talking about his gf and. I literally can't take it anymore. I don't want to know about his life or what he does with his girlfriend. It just hurts me so much. I really should leave. I will. I guess I'm still holding on, giving him chances. One word from him, about how he wants to end this fight will be enough. But without it, I'm not going to do anything. I don't wanna keep giving and get nothing in return except so much hurt. In a way, i hope he doesn't bc then I can distance myself and get over him. If he tells anything i know I'm gonna cling to that wicked hope again like I'm drowning.

Here's me telling myself, I will meet great people. People who will genuinely care about you, and share so many of your interests, and you can converse with for hours. I'm only 21.

(21. Hah. 21 and never even been kissed. Not even been in a serious relationship, i.e. relationship where my partner was also serious. Ik these are not things I should use to measure my life. But. That's all I can think about. god. There's no changing it. Forever.)

I'm just really lost. My cat also has been distant lately, because of his leg pain, poor baby. Please get better soon copper. I hope I at least do well in these exams.

Feeling so alone.

I don't know if I'm overthinking and exaggerating everything but. Yeah. Not like there's anyone to advice me about that.

[garlickk]

tiktok said august 27 is gonna be a great day why tf am i not feeling it