#idk what I'm doing anymore and I'm trying to make these better quality sorry

[bambi-kinos]

Why do you think Paul keeps saying to this day that John was really sweet. He really wasn't. He treated everyone like shit including Paul. Because he feel he has to? Because he was killed and people made him into something he wasn't? I don't blame John for this ). Or but because he was in love with him and that's what he remembers. John doesn"t deserve it. He's even overrated. Both P and G was/is better. I just don't get how someone like Paul who's a better man, artist and person keeps giving J so much credit. I'm not a new fan of the Beatles or Paul. I really can only see it that he was in love with him.

What else is Paul supposed to do?

Idk man I think Paul is just doing his best with what he has. He's never going to get closure on their relationship. He's never going to get an explanation that satisfies him. So he has to work with what he's got.

You have the wrong end of the stick on this, Paul isn't trying to give John credit that he hasn't earned. Paul is trying to move on from what John did to him by focusing on the good moments and remembering who John was before he was brain damaged by heroin and LSD. If your boyfriend has a TBI that changes his entire personality, is that really your boyfriend anymore? Is he really still himself? These are the questions Paul has wrestled with and it looks like he's realized he's never going to get an answer.

So he's focusing on what he does know which is that the John he knew and fell in love with was a sweet kid who sometimes let his insecurities rule him. But he was still a loving person who cared about Paul and was his closest friend for years.

Furthermore: if John was actually the raging dickhead that the internet thinks he is then he would not have had any friends to begin with. People with truly no redeeming characteristics who are assholes all the time don't get friends who defend them even after they die. The truth is that John was not actually a prick all of the time. Otherwise no one could have stood being around him. Paul calls John sweet because he knew the John that was a sweet guy, the guy that Paul loved.

You're also falling for John's own propaganda a bit. John never stopped projecting the image of being a cynical hard bitten street tough that intimidated everyone into submission with his temper. John occasionally admitted that all of this was an act (see his comments at playacting the Teddy Boy image while not actually being a gang member and why he felt he had to do it.)

But the truth is he never stopped projecting the "I'm an asshole you better not fuck with me" thing. All of this "I'm an irredeemable asshole I hate George and Paul!!!" is pure fakery. The very qualities you don't like were fabricated in large part by Yoko as part of a propaganda campaign, and from what I've read in the Dakota Years memoirs, this propaganda was out of John's control from the moment he started the Lennon Remembers interviews. John is just as much a victim of information warfare as Paul is, he just reacted to it differently and used it to barricade himself away from Paul.

That doesn't mean you have to like John or feel sorry for him or agree with Paul's decisions to try and leave the damage behind. You are reacting to the fact that Paul is visibly in pain when he talks about this stuff. He's bleeding in public and there's nothing no one can do to help him. The wounds are permanent. It is, in fact, rage inducing. John isn't here to speak for himself and try to explain. What else can we do as observers except be angry.

But Paul McCartney is 82 years old.

He's close to the end.

He doesn't want to do that, doesn't have time for it, doesn't want to spend his last years rehashing this shit.

Is there an alternative for him? All he can do now is try to make peace with it while he's alive and then he can finally get closure with John when he moves on to the next stop.

Paul doesn't call John 'sweet' for the sake of John's image. He does it to remind himself of the boy he fell in love with in 1957. Because he doesn't have a lot of time left and he wants to spend it being in love with John, not being angry at him. Paul is doing this for Paul. Simple as.

[clxja16]

The Unspoken Words

Lewis Hamilton X Reader

Genre: idk man

Warnings: suggestive(?), angst(?)

Word Count: 1.4K+

Author's Note: idk what to think of this. I think the idea in my head was better than the actual product. honestly I'm just gonna put this up for now, but if it doesn't get like 200 notes in the next three days, then imma delete it.

update; it got 200+ notes in three days, so I guess it's staying up

-----------------------------

The unspoken words of an almost relationship; 

“Just to be clear, we’re…” 

“Friends,” you said calmly, with an all too knowing smile.  

Lewis smirked at you.  “Hmm, you weren’t saying that last night,” he says before walking away.  Lewis was many things, but above all he knew how to be discrete.  A quality that you were ever so grateful for.  

-

“Just stay for the night,” 

“Just stay with me for a little longer tonight.”  Lewis clings tightly to you, even if it’s only for a moment longer.  One day, you won’t try to leave in the middle of the night, and Lewis hopes that day comes soon. 

“We both know I shouldn’t do that.” 

“No one will know,” Lewis says, as he pulls you closely to him in the bed.  You can’t help but allow your eyes to close.  Just for one more night, you���ll stay. 

“No one has to know that you like being with me, I won’t tell anyone if that means you stay longer,” Lewis wants to say.  He knows he’s getting attached; too attached. 

-

“Congratulations on the podium,” you say, as you and him walk side by side towards the hotel elevators. 

Lewis smirked, “Do you want to help me celebrate tonight?” 

“I thought you’d never ask,” you say as you begin to unbutton the blouse you were wearing. 

-

“Lewis look at this,” you say, shoving your phone in his direction.  At the worst timing ever you get a text notification from your partner back home. 

“y/n,” Lewis says with a tone you can’t place. 

“I’m sorry.” 

You’re trying to say, “I’m sorry, that I fell in love with you when I’m already in a relationship with someone else.  I’m sorry that I’m willing to hurt you to protect them.” 

-

“I told you before, this is not something serious Lewis.” 

“If I had met you first, If I had known you first, If you were here first, this wouldn’t be happening right now.  I wish I waited for you, but now is too late,” you heart tries to free itself from your mind, but you refuse to allow it.  Your mind keeps your heart locked away, to protect it from itself. 

“Why can’t we change it to be serious?” 

“Why can’t you let me love you?  Let me love you out loud.  Let me show you what it means to love and be loved.  Let me be in love with you.  Please.”  Lewis wants nothing more than to love you, how you deserve to be loved.  He would give anything in this moment to love you.  

-

“I don’t want to fight anymore,” Lewis said, a few days after the initial fight. 

“I will stop asking for more, If I can love you for a second more.”  Lewis gives up on the possibility of something real.  He gives up on loving you out loud.   He lets go of something serious, if that means you will be with him for another second. 

“It wasn’t a fight,” you offer him a smile, “it was a heated conversation” 

“Thank you for not making me choose.”  

“If that’s what you want to call it,” he says with a smile as well. 

“It is what I want to call it.”  It’s time to let him go, but you’re not ready. 

“Let me pretend for a little longer, that this isn’t becoming serious.” 

-

“Oh just like that,” you can’t help but moan out.  You can hear Lewis scoff at you. 

-

“I have to go,” you say to Lewis as he watches you pack your things.  “Toto is sending me back to the factory.” 

“For how long?” 

“Just a couple weeks,” you smirk at Lewis, “I’ll be back.” 

“I’m going to come back to you, because I’m not ready to let you go.  I know it’s selfish for me to expect you to wait around for me.  But that's what I want you to do.  I want you to wait for me just a little longer.  Wait for me just for a moment more.  And then I’ll let you go.”  It's about time you let Lewis go, you force him to stop loving you, but not right now.  Not this exact moment.  You want him to be yours for just one more second. 

“Good.” 

-

“I’m gonna extend my time at the factory,” you speak into the phone to Lewis. 

“You said you were going to come back,” 

“You told me you were going to be back, and I waited for you.  I will wait for you; so long as you tell me you’re coming back.  I will continue to wait for you, just tell you’re going to come back.  That you’re going to come back to me.  You tell me that, and I will wait.  I will wait as long as it takes.”  Lewis wants to wait, he wants to wait for you to come back to him.  

“I am going to come back, just not as soon as I thought.” 

“Wait for me, for a little longer.  Please.” 

-

“God, I missed you,” Lewis says, as he sees you waiting outside his hotel room. “When did you get here?” 

“A few hours ago,” you say, revealing the luggage behind you. 

“Let’s get inside,” Lewis opens the hotel room door for you. 

-

“Oh this is perfect,” you praise. 

“Just for you.” 

“Everything I do is for you.  I wait, I long, I live, I breathe for you.  All I have done and will do, are for you.  Because I love you.  Because I am in love with you.”  Lewis hopes that in another life he will get to say all the unspoken words of this moment to you.  

-

“y/n, you’re getting a call,” Lewis calls to you, while you’re in the shower.  

“Who is it?” 

“It’s them.” He says it with the same tone that you can’t place. 

“Why?  Why do I do this to myself?  Why do I continue to love you, when you don’t mind hurting me to protect them?  How can you hurt me like this, again?  How can you do this to me?  Why do I let you do this to me?”  Lewis knows that you aren’t willing to hurt them.  He doesn’t understand why you continue to protect them.  Maybe in another lifetime, you can hurt them to be with him.  

“Oh,” you stop for a second, “just leave it. I’ll take care of it.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

-

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” Lewis says, as the two of you sit across from each other in the hotel room, half-dressed. 

“I love you, but I don’t love this.  I don’t love the secrets.  I don’t love the pain.  I don’t love how you’re not mine.  I don’t love that you can hurt me easily.  I don’t love that you met me second.  I don’t love this.  I love you.”  Lewis thinks that in another lifetime, he won’t have to say all the unspoken words to you.  He wants some unspoken words to remain unspoken. 

“I know,” you say truthfully, “you want something serious.” 

“You deserve something serious, and I wish I could do that for you, but I can’t.” 

“And you’re trying to get away from something serious.” 

“You told me.  You told me you didn’t want this to be serious.  I knew what I was getting myself into.” 

“It was fun though.” 

“I loved every minute with you.  I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you, but I would do it all again.  I would put you through all the pain again, just to feel an ounce of your love.  I’m being selfish again, but I love you too.  In another life, find me first.  Find me first, so that I can be with you first, so that this won’t ever happen again.  In another life, let me meet you first.”  In another life you want the unspoken words to remain unspoken, but you want to say all the unspoken feelings of this moment. 

“If you change your mind about something serious, you can call me,” Lewis offers. 

“Tell me to wait for you.  Tell you’re going to come back to me.  Tell me that, and I will wait.  I will always wait for you, just tell me you’re going to come back to me.  Just one more time, tell me you’re coming back and I will wait.”  Lewis asks for you to give him hope.  He wants you to give him hope that things can change.  

“Don’t wait around for me, Lewis.” 

-

“Now we’re just…” Lewis speaks up, when he sees you leaving the hotel.  

“We’re just people that used to know each other,” you say, as the taxi to take you to the airport pulls up.  “Goodbye Lewis.” 

“Goodbye y/n.” 

[blackstarchanx3new]

Creations AU, But I obnoxiously over explain it PT 3

Pages 61-90

Back at it again with Mike and his silly little adventures in Freddy's.

Huh.

What'd you see.

Stop being vague.

Who are these creepy masked people???

The bullies from FNAF four

Damn if only there was an entire side comic FNAF 4 cough cough I made about them that will explain that lol. We'll get to the side comics I promise. ;)

Whatever he saw, he's terrified to re-live.

Ouch.

Someone got hurt-

What the hell are you apologizing for exactly?

What'd you do?

None of those people in the masks were you...

We can tell cause they actually had a skin tone lmfao.

Oh that could use some cream.

So that's why "the bite" kept making Mike uncomfortable...

This kid got his head munched on.

And it wasn't ACTION but LACK of action he's cowering in fear from a child over.

Side note this panel out of context is hilarious and I won't pretend it's not.

Hi Bonnie! :D

He is the best.

Damn okay.

What's reality?

Ominous poster of the yellow Freddy for sure isn't important.

Haha Mike ya have episodes like this often? Often enough he composes himself afterwards.

He's utterly bamboozled Bonnie apparently SAW the kid he was chasing so...maybe.

That smirk is unsettling.

So this part of the building used to be "Fredbear's" the place Michael's favorite animatronic "Spring Bonnie" is from and mentioned earlier. Fredbear is clearly the one who bit the child.

I'd be scared too Bonnie thousand yard stares are concerning.

That's hysterical coming from the clearly possessed giant rabbit but go off I guess-

He's obviously trying to make Mike feel better which is nice of him. UwU

Aww. Hug how sweet.

So now we know a bit more about Mike. Let's review:

This nameless kid Mike saw die was obviously Michael's brother Cody Afton from all the context clues we've been given:

Mike's reaction to Micheal bringing up Fredbears, due to it being a traumatic event.

Cody being "Bit"

Mike doesn't seem TOO sure they're the same person but we know it is.

Mike blames himself for not doing anything at the time to stop Cody's head from getting crunched.

Mike's grasp on reality is...Flimsy. Self admittedly he thinks it's flimsy and he knows when he needs to go home when it's too much.

Mike is desperate for comfort over his trauma with Freddy's and Bonnie's a cool dude who'll give it.

You'd think Bonnie would be a bully from his intro but he's actually a super caring guy, he just can't stand people who purposely cause problems.

Bro comes in clutch with the hugs.

You can see why Freddy would run to this guy to solve issues haha.

So from those first panels we know 1 thing:

He had no clue Ennard was in the room with them. So add stalking to the list of creepy things that clown robot has done so far.

My god it's an old man-

He's Micheal's dad! :D William Afton!

Alright I'm gonna stop being goofy and vague for a moment:

It's obvious he's evil as fuck and for the people who like to bitch he has a personality in this comic or ANY media where people give William a personality: Stop making excuses as to why you write him one note you cowards, you can give him a personality without condoning what he does lmfao. Only a bad writer would say you HAVE to make him one note for him to work. Fucking morons actually you are stupid if you believe that.

If you wanna make him cartoonishly evil with NO redeeming qualities: Cool. Whatever. Just shut the fuck up don't act like yours is "Better" because you can't think of ways to make him anymore interesting.

Everyone's William caters to their tastes. Nobody's is PERFECT. I only judge stupid vapid bitches who complain about other interpretations while blowing smoke up their own asses. Because an ego isn't pretty on anyone lmfao.

The idea giving William a personality makes you a terrible writer/person needs to die I'm sorry that's such a stupid as fuck idea idk who came up with it but kindly stop writing and stop giving writing advice. UwU With love~ From me!~

Anyways I've spoiled William is a bad person who does a bad thing, Won't say what yet but all the death in the building can give ya some ideas. And apparently because William is bad guy there's "Rules" on how to write him. From a bunch of 12 year olds who dunno how to write but I digress.

I detest the idea of that. Because let's be real all FNAF characters are blank slates and the idea of squashing creativity is dumb. Literally go wild with your FNAF AUs.

Rant aside: William seems to be a bit of...An ass.

Just slightly manipulative and rude language towards his only living child it's fine-

Ah yes. He also demands physical affection.

We get Michael's age, he's 23 aka still a damn baby.

Also, William and Michael are British.

Since we're on voices:

Mike Schmidt would sound like Legoshi from Beastars lmfao. I imagine Bonnie with a new York accent. Freddy sounds like a lady.

We finally get to see what Ennard and Michael interact like together...

Michael doesn't seem to put up with him.

Ennard's kind of a prick.

Also apparently they have a HISTORY.

One that involves Michael talking shit about his father...

For people who know shit about the games: Yes Ennard is possessed by the same person from the games.

Hah Michael tricked him.

Okay so everyone in Michael's life is manipulative towards him.

Neat.

Also Ennard is a raging hypocrite.

Also conformation William is an owner not just a robot maker. (Can't remember if this was brought up earlier again some of these pages are 2 years old lmfao)

Also this comic assumes you got SOME Fnaf knowledge. I'd hope it's still interesting for those of you who are here for my other stuff! XD

Like ouch Ennard ya don't gotta be such a jerk.

Also Mike is cute.

This panel unironically is one of my favorites because this man doesn't scream in terror at any of the terrifying robots:

It's the gay guy he's trying to befriend he screams like a little girl at.

Another help wanted joke about the Faz token under the cupcake in the office.

Michael just wants to hang out with Mike obviously.

Despite all the shit he's clearly going through dude puts on a very pointy smile.

This man is built like a cat.

Lol they made pizza together. How cute.

Hah bro is apologizing for something he didn't even do nor has control over-

Is it obvious Michael is abused yet?

Going real unsubtle here: Everything about Michael shows off he has been abused in some way shape or form.

Michael wants to think he's being friendly for reals despite clearly having second thoughts due to Ennard.

Bro is desperate for a connection with someone.

Also

Pff.

Mike c'mon Bonnie's so sweet how could you- X'D

Few things: William doesn't "Let" Michael do things.

If it wasn't apparent he was controlling as hell before it sure is now.

Also Michael is embarrassed of his interests.

Also the locker:

Again we see an instance of Michael going by "Mike" as his locker literally just has a piece of paper tapped over it adding the rest of his name lmao.

Michael is used to being toyed around with that is sad.

Bonnie continues to be a sweetheart even when he's off screen. X'D

Mike attempts to relate to Michael's interests once again.

Also another instance of Bonnie lying his ass off about how close Michael and him are:

He knows Michael's locker combination and puts gifts in there lmao.

Mike clearly likes that plush a lot. Maybe he likes Chica a lot lmao. Who knows.

One thing to note:

If Michael's working day shifts and night shifts...when does he sleep?

Grant it, it isn't ALL THE TIME but still bro's sleep schedule must be OBLITERATED.

Oh hi giant floating head in the hallway you're stalking Michael too huh?

This is just two sides of someone's brain arguing with itself that the entire positive interaction they just had was terrible AND the other party hates them.

And that comparison only makes more sense down the road.

Yeah Michael you tell him. You don't need to take that from him.

Jeremy's a cool dude.

Also the fact the kids pay no mind to this argument is funny.

Also Ennard taking genuine offense to Jeremy being a better friend lmao. Anyone can be a better friend than Ennard. X'D

We hit the image limit but oh boy. So much joy in this update.

[akookminsupporter]

yk i used to have an old frnd who i was very close to. like really. we used to talk all the time even though we live miles away and haven't met in like 7+ years. but we always got along. she had a really wide and kind of a different approach to life than other people which i really found admiring. i learned a lot of things from her and i honestly miss her presence sometimes. we don't talk anymore. time got us. there wasn't any fight or anything, we just gradually drifted apart and that's what hurts the most. why am i telling you this? because you remind me of her sometimes. she was strong, opinionated and never feared stating whatever was on her mind. that's a quality i acquired from her. so yeah... reading your messages (replies to the anons) remind me of her sometimes.

hope u do well in life, get everything u want and keep up with your spirit, rosie. i wish you the best in life and i hope everyone around you shows their love in their own way to you. and it's my request to you too, that if you have something to say to someone, say it. you never know when things might change, nothing is forever even the best of relationships (platonic, familial or romantic) end sometimes and you don't know when a stranger might become your new special person. so please don't ever hesitate to show your love to your loved ones. i've lost people and it won't be a lie if i say i barely have friends right now (i'm not forty years old, sigh. just ended high school) but that's fine i still have a lot more things coming. i could meet new people in college and hopefully form new definitions of friendships and relationships. but yes, from whatever i have seen so far, what i am sure of is that nothing is forever. i talk to everyone and you won't believe me people see me as a "happy go lucky girl" which i always like, because why being sad in front of people and making them feel sad when they can't do anything to help you? (in a good way. but i have this serious issue of bottling things up and that lead to anxiety. bad one) i literally have these thick walls because of how scared i am of forming bonds just for the fear of losing them. sigh. i just told you nothing is forever but i, myself have a hard time accepting that. easier said than done, isn't it? lol anyway a lot of sentimental and philosophical stuff have been said. geez i might cringe later at myself if you post this. nvm, it's so good that i found your blog, found bts, found armys, and found uh idk everything? yeah, life could be depressing but i try to smile it off because why not?

a frnd of mine was saying she's going to kill herself and i swear i've heard that lot more times from different people. two kids (15 year olds) commited suicide in the last two months where i live. and i was crying in the bathroom because idk who might be next. and it scares me yk what if it's me next? or in future months or years later maybe if i can't smile anymore? it's so disturbing, sigh. and i hate when people joke and say 'i'm gonna kill myself' at the slightest discomfort in life. at least once, just for a second i want them to think of thousands of those people who are surviving under constant fear of hurting themselves for real, who are actually struggling to keep themselves alive, to fight back life harder than it comes for them, and those who want someone to help them out of vicious circle of depression, anxiety and other similar problems they're caught in. i don't like people who make mental health issues look 'aesthetic'. hope they grow up to know better soon.

god i need to learn how to shut up. sorry this long. i love your blog, please don't ever shut this down. ilysm, hope you stay healthy and live your best life. also, again i'm sorry if my message is too depressing. i started off only to tell you that you remind me of my (ex) best friend lol.

Hi, anon! How are you?

I hope this doesn't sound disrespectful but I was a bit surprised when I read that you recently finished high school. There is experience in your words, experience that is usually gained over the years, with mistakes and frustrations but also joys. You are wise beyond your years, anon. That was nice to see. Although I keep in mind that at no point did you mention your age, assuming you're a teenager is perhaps a bit bold of me.

I think I've said it all day but thank you for the nice opinion you have of me. Thank you for the way you think of me. Thank you for somehow telling me that my sincerity is perceived by all of you. I'm sorry that you and your former friend have drifted apart. Life is funny like that sometimes. Sometimes people come into our lives to teach us something but not to stay. And in itself, that is also a life lesson.

In part, you remind me of me but unlike you, I have never had such positive thoughts about my future. About other people's? Of course, I have, but not about mine, I guess in that respect I like to preach but I don't apply what I preach.

Thanks for the advice and good wishes. You are a special person anon. Try not to change. Always try not to let life and all its tribulations ruin your way of thinking. Maybe try to be a little more positive about yourself. Trusting someone else people say is a rewarding thing to do, I need to work on that too, maybe we can do it together. I sincerely hope that people come into your life who bring something to you instead of taking something away from you. I hope that people come into your life with whom you can form sincere, honest and lasting relationships. You sound like the kind of friend I would like to have. That I often need to have.

I wish you nothing but the best anon, thank you for your kind words. I promise I won't forget what you said to me.

GRACIAS!!

[nanamiscocksleeve]

Hey Ray, how are you? I've read about your flu recently. I'm very sorry and I hope you get better soon. Have a fast recovery, ok?

Regarding confessions, I have nothing much to say. I think other anons already mentioned lots of valid points. Sure- porn fics are obv exaggerated, characters get mischaracterized and ships get pushed down out throats all the time but hey, that's just an average fandom experience, right?

So I'm trying to ignore/filter all the negativity and allow only good, quality content on my dash. Unfortunately, the content is few and not many appreciate writers and artists here on Tumblr. So it's for the best if they'd just change platforms and try their luck somewhere else that offers more positive interaction/involvement. I miss Tumblr reblog culture and nice feedback on dif stories/art. Nothing is the same anymore...

Regarding mischaracterization- it's not a problem to headcanon things, in fact, to each their own. But it's a problem when people openly accept headcanon as canon and unapologetically fight others over inaccurate opinions. It's so beyond me. And the funniest thing- it's mostly minors. Can we get rid of the minors in for-them-inappropriate fandom spaces pls? Tumblr staff where you at?

I noticed that fans of less popular characters are more fun. I'm not that big into Choso you see, but his fans made the whole fandom experience so much more enjoyable. And I don't think that Mahito fans are weird if you compare Toji smut fics (I'm not calling out people but I'm calling out people). Sukuna fans I'm looking at you too...

I'm forever grateful for Nanami, Higuruma, Kusakabe and Shiu quartet. Gege, thank you for feeding us while it lasted. The fics are divine and I understand why Shoko didn't see the appeal in stsg, like girl I get you.

I'll come out and say it- stsg is overrated. And jjk girls deserve more content that isn't ship-oriented.

I think Gege needs to make up his mind because Yuta and Yuji can't exist as two mains at once. Everyone is taking away Yuji's spotlight, but they're dying and dying until nobody's left except Yuji... I don't know how jjk will end.

I miss Yuki and Todo's dynamic and all the funny stuff, I wish jjk was a comedy fr... Gege is writing an idol manga after this one so I can't wait for the things he has in store for us!

Hello! Thank you for your concern about my cold. Honestly, with all of you wishing me to get better, I'm recovering a little faster! 💜💜💜

I agree with mischaracterization, but imo, unless a mangaka explicitly states something, then a fictional character is always subject to having HC's being formed about them depending on the writer. What gets problematic though, is when fans of a writer start looking at those HC's as an actual canon, and now they're picking fights/sending hate to other creators who have different opinions.

Fans of less popular characters tend to be more chill from what I've seen. They just want to talk about their faves and have a good time, and are less bothered with what could be canon or not. They have their HC's and are open to hearing different ones too.

I feel like JJK gave us this genre of 'tired men in suits' which is very appealing, even to us older girlies who are in the same age range as these men.

Stsg being overrated...imo I don't feel that way. I think they had great potential as a couple and I'm filled with sadness at the thought that they didn't catch Suguru's spiral when it happened. I can see them with heterosexual partners too, but I love the concept of Stsg.

The JJK women definitely need content not surrounding ships or smut. Something more action-related or just let her shine in her own right in a fic.

IDK what'll happen going forward...The story is supposed to center on Yuji but it feels like he's constantly being pushed aside. I hope things resolve soon but it looks like Sukuna might win after all this. I'm just sad thinking about it.

I miss the slice of life feel to the story as well but what can ya do...Gege is the mangaka, so he'll do what he wants. But if he brings back Nanami I ain't complaining lol.

Thank you for your confession!

[aliensubstance-011]

Harry Osborn HCs by me >:]

Keep in mind that this is for TSSM Harry

Love that lil' guy. Also sorry for formatting I'm on my phone and I don't make posts much anyway lmao. ANYWAY.

- he's Trans!!! FTM (He/him) thank you v much and of course Norman got him the best/most expensive surgeries possible because him being an Ally is TSSM Norman's one redeeming quality and it's not even canon.

- after the explosion inside the helicopter at the end if S2, Harry is mostly deaf (mainly on his right side) and has to wear hearing aids to be able to hear anything more than muffled noise (uhh apologies if i got that wrong please correct me I'm trying to do better at just knowing stuff)

-He's gay (closeted), and at the point in S2 probably doesn't understand/realise yet... Everyone just kinda knows (including Gwen), and Flash and his group tease him for it, He's still oblivious though.

- Even though he just uses he/him pronouns he doesn't care what he wears, whether it's a dress or a full suit or anything. Because fuck gender roles. I do what i want.

- all of this is so focused in Gender + sexuality well NOT ANYMORE he loves to cook but cannot bake for shit. He just doesn't get it. His cooking is delicious however.

-He will probably grow his hair out a bit/experiment with it after Norman is gone, it's not unusual to see old pictures of him with long curly hair, shaved, with a fade, undercuts, pattern shaves ect ect ect. They all look really good on him because i said so. He doesn't dye his hair at all.

- let this boy have Therapy. Capital T Therapy. After Norman "dies" he gets counseling to help him with his grief and the councilor is just 'get this poor boy some full time therapy'

-He gets some tutors in and starts to work towards business school- he wants to fix the corruption in Oscorp before anything else. Yes it's not stated there's full corruption but c'mon it was run by Norman Osborn.

- It takes quite a few years, but eventually Oscorp is run by a good board of directors (is that the right thing??? Idk group of people who run the company lol) who report to Harry for executive decisions.

-Part of the proceeds from Oscorp go to many different charities. Kind of getting off topic from Harry here pfft

-After he can do his own thing, he opens up the Café (Coffee bean Café- I'm being serious there's an Harry Osborn who owned a Café in the comics, Raimi and Tasm! fans who don't know™. It's awesome) and uses the apartment above as a safehouse for abuse victims.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk. I got very off topic. Hope yall liked it at least :)

Please let me know if I've written anything wrong/offended someone in someway. I'm just not v smart and I'm always open to critism.

[thefirsthogokage]

Considering I keep having... issues... with Doogie Kamealoha, I might as well be prepared to make another post about Episode 5

And I really just want to say, before I continue, these are entirely on the creative team. I am fine with the actors. I just... Look, I used to tolerate marginally ok tv in the past. Then I watched ABC's The Rookie. It got off to a pretty good start, better than any freshman show I had seen in a long time. However, the quality tanked at an exponential rate in the second second to the point where I couldn't even watch it anymore. And I think that shift - the good tv to bad tv - really had an impact on me being able to handle middle ground television. Like, for a couple episodes, The Rookie was middle ground, and it's just something about that progression that just broke me. So, I'm sorry my watching of shows is hypercritical. I really think it all started because I noticed all these little details cropping up in The Rookie before it shat on my soul with how bad it got, and now I have this trauma that I take out on other shows and all the little details I know I should ignore, but no long can.

Sorry for that long rant, on to episode five.

HOW DOES SHE NOT KNOW WHAT SHE MAKES?!

I know, I know, plot divide, stupid Disney show, I know.

Oh Randall Park is still on...oh wait, they are pronouncing Choi wrong. That's annoying, especially since Park is Korean. It's not like 'choy,' rhyming with Troy (but with a 'ch' like it chair instead of the Tr), it's more like - from my understanding - chway (the ch like in chair with the word "way" - at least that's as close as I can get it). Yeah. Anywho we shall continue.

God I hate his character. Glad he gets around though. And that he's playing a Korean character, even if the character's name is pronounced wrong.

Ma'am, those are not the pants to play basketball in.

It seemed to slam the stock market, and yet is also promoting the stock market? Umm...wtf is this?

Wonder if she really did those push-ups with the kid on her back or not.

Oh no, Doogie, what the fuck are you going to do?

Oh dear. I refuse to believe that she would be this dumb and inconsiderate with that level of intelligence. Like, I don't like this storyline at all. (But I guess they are trying to say trading stocks is bad and addictive?)

UHHH, THE MESSAGING HERE SHOULDN'T JUST BE "Your mom was going to use those shoes," IT SHOULD BE, "YOU SHOULDN'T SELL STUFF THAT DOESN'T BELONG TO YOU!"!!!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

OH. So...they go riding horses? Geezus this is stupid. Doogie isn't fixing her mistake, she's off riding horses to get the stock shoe trading out of her system while her BROTHERS take their mother to find new shoes she can wear to play basketball with her outgoing boss.

Like I get that the meaning with what she taught her boys this episode fits better to get her to cheer up and all that, but Doogie fucked up royally here and the messaging why (that she sold someone else's property) isn't actually being given and she isn't really facing any repercussions.

Might be the last episode I watch of this show. This is just awful.

Ok, they kind of maybe tried to touch on the selling other people's stuff for literally one sentence. Hard to tell. Still aren't emphasizing what they need to. And these speech by her dad don't seem to fit with stuff here.

Uhhh, what? So, the game was casual, but she got rewarded for being aggressive...I'm confused.

Again, lightly played lesson of "stole someone else's shoes". Ugh.

Concluding Thoughts:

Ugh. I just. I honestly think I haven't given up on this show yet because of the setting. And the hot mom. Like, I think that's all distracting me from certain off-ness going on. Might continue this show, might not. Idk.

[newobsessionweekly]

Sad Jealousy 🌿

berfingsss said: Hellooooo :) how's the quarantine going? 😂 I'm so boreddddd :( Anyways I was gonna ask for a aron request. I just saw his photo shoot for lacoste (one looks like a Greek god) anyways I as thinking he could have his girlfriend on set with him and she gets like super jealous because of the shoot he does with the girls. 💜💜💚💚  a/n: so yeah, this is it, I hope you like it. For me quarantine is going great so far, I am enjoying sun and fresh air in the garden and I write almost all day. I don’t want it to end, it feels like heaven tho knowing there’s a virus thing killing people outside, it freaks me out. Thank you for asking. How are you guys? 🌿❤️

word count: 2.384 warnings: idk.

Arón Piper x reader 🌿

You first met Arón at a private gathering with the Élite cast at your brother’s place, Omar. You already knew who he was, he played one of the main characters from a very special movie to you, Omar and your mom. And before you knew, he and your brother became closer and he was around maybe too often just for a set buddy. In a couple of shakes you started talking and figured out you have more things in common that you thought. Your taste in music, movies and books, your ideals, thoughts and expectations. He revealed to be this kind and sensitive man, with a thoughtful heart and unavoidable you fell in love. You were not the only one whose heart had been stolen, you unknowingly robbed him and his heart is in your hands since then. You started dating and discovered a perfectly imperfect man, with a lot of qualities and flaws that fits with yours. Omar always made fun of you by saying what a disgusting perfect pair you made.

When Arón asked you to join him on his shooting for Lacoste, you thought it was sweet. You’ve been on the Élite set before and saw him acting, admired him while he gave the best of him in front of the camera and saw him helping at creating a breathtakingly project. You saw him working with Omar and were the most exceptional team you’ve ever seen. You were beside him and saw him at the make up area.You thought he was already gorgeous. He didn’t need a bit of make up on his beautiful face, but you weren’t exactly the best person to comment about it, you are not a public person as he is, at least you tried to understand why he has to wear that powder thing. Before he passes you and takes his place in the front of that white background, he leaned and placed a lovely kiss on your lips. He smiled, proud that he could bring you there, for you to see his work and be as proud as he is. The love you carry for each other is no doubtable, he loves you more than anything and he is proud to call this brilliant person his girlfriend. You are happy for him and proud as well, he is working so hard and he is making his dreams come true, beside him you feel like you are constantly living in heaven. Waking up with his lovely voice and some kisses, going to bed beside him, with your legs tangled and falling asleep on his chest. His cologne floating in the air, it is following you and his smile haunting you. The excitement you receive after a busy day when he finally sees you and the “good-bye” too hard to say when one of you has to leave for work. You adored him since the day one and that feeling only grows every day. He was posing in a Lacoste underwear and all you could do was to smile like an idiot. Seeing him giving everything to make it great, made you realise he’s indeed the most charming and talented man you’ve ever seen. He gained your sight and automatically smiled as he saw how proud you are of him. He felt his heart bumping on his chest and his lips refusing to take any form but the form of a bright and beautiful grin.  “Come on, Arón! I need your serious face right now!”the photographer laughed too as Arón tried to maintain his face straight. Five takes, and he still couldn’t get that frowned, serious look characteristic to him. Around you he couldn’t keep that frown on for too long. He consistently says you are the brightest light from his life, and he just couldn’t help smiling every time he sees you. “I’ll go and grab a coffee.” you laughed too when you saw his face blossoming again in a smile.

------

Half an hour later you ended the call with your mom, notifying her about the last days and all helped you stay outside the room and let Arón get done his photoshoot. But when the clock turned three in the afternoon, you couldn’t help it and became concerned, entering the room after you threw away the plastic cup. He was dressed in a dark blue polo t-shirt and dark coloured pants, and despite the fact that those clothes weren’t really his style, he however could manage to slay in those. The girl next to him was also dressed in a similar way, in that royal blue. Your attention was captured when the girl suddenly started laughing though they needed to be serious and present some watches. You frown as the girl apologised. “I’m sorry! He’s extremely funny and the joke he told me earlier is just repeating on my mind.” she laughed. “Alright, calm down and let’s focus so that everyone could get home in a reasonable hour.” Arón placed his hand on her back and shifted it up and down to calm her. That was the moment when your chest burned a little and you could feel like the air was not enough. He’s such a lovely person and no one could resist him. Everyone got along with him so quickly though he remain an introvert. He knows how to make himself loved despite the fact he is shy and silent at first. When he did that thing with the girl, you understood you are replaceable. That girl is stunning and they share the passion for acting and posing. You don’t know what was that joke about, but you were convinced that this photoshoot isn’t the only thing they have in common. Everyone got along with him so quickly though he is an introvert. When he put his arm so naturally around her shoulders and she clasped his hand, you knew he could also do another things with so much naturalness with other girls beside you. He could discover in others all the things he finds in you and many more, and that made you feel not that extraordinary. She has a very beautiful face and body, and you couldn’t really say you fit into that category. You were merely staring at them, and all those thoughts made you feel jealousy running through your veins. You didn’t want that girl to touch him or him touching that girl too much. You didn’t want him to look at her too much; you were afraid that he might realise he could do more than just you. You didn’t feel that kind of angry jealousy, where he isn’t allowed to talk, touch, laugh with other girl because you are too possessive.You were feeling that sad jealousy where you realised how replaceable you are and the thought that he might realise that, made you experience so many feelings at once. You weren’t convinced which one you should let out so you just stood there and gazed at them while the photographer told them what a wonderful job they did.

Your expression changed, and it was one that showed no emotions. When Arón approached next to you and collected his stuff, he saw something was changed at you. You weren’t paying attention to anything around, you were just scrolling through your Instagram. He put it on the tiredness, because you hadn’t the best night, but when you stayed quiet when the most annoying music was playing, instead of commenting about it and changing it eventually, he knew something was truly wrong.

“What is going on inside that lovely head of yours?” he looked at you as your hands were staying in your lap and you were looking absently on the window.

“What? Nothing is going on. I’m just tired.” you tried and lied to him.

“You have to get better at lying if you want me to bite that. I know you far too better to know that even when you are tired and you can’t keep your eyes open, you still talk too much for a normal human being. So talk to me, amor!”

He indeed knows you better than anyone, even better than yourself. But it’s hard for you to admit all of your thoughts that have been rushing to get inside your mind even deeper.

Him on the driver seat with his hand on your lap and stealing kisses when the red light is on, would normally feel the most genuine thing in this world, but in this moment, you don’t find your place next to him.

“I just, I...” you stopped and moved your head, so you are not facing him. “I don’t think I’m good enough for you anymore.” you said it and Arón’s left hand frizzed on the steering wheel. He immediately pulled over on the edge of the road.

“What are you saying?” he stopped the engine.

“It’s stupid but-“ you could feel some tears in the corner of your eyes, but you didn’t allowed them to move any farther. “I try so hard to be like your girl friends, like your costars and your colleagues. I try so hard to be skinny and beautiful as them, but lately it seems impossible. I’m not like that and I will never be, I’m just ordinary. And I am not good enough anymore.” his heart broke at those words coming out of your mouth.

“What is going on inside that beautiful head? How can you say that? Do you think I stayed with you all this time just because you are thin and have a beautiful face?” his hands moved from the steering wheel and landed on your lap, reaching for your hands.

“I don’t know. Did you?” your head was still down.

He grabbed your chin, so you could look at him, “Of course not! I fall in love with you because you possess something that I couldn’t find in any other girl. You have the most superior type of beauty.” you waited for him to continue, “To me you are beautiful because you know how to speak your mind and heart out. You are the kindest person and a very talented one. You know how to talk, and you have far too many topics you could talk about. You don’t talk all day and all night about bags, make up and clothes. You have a beautiful heart, you know how to love, how to be loved and how to be a friend. You are funny, kind and much more than just that beautiful body of yours.”

You were crying, you couldn’t see him clearly and you couldn’t even breathe properly. His hands were holding yours tight, he is searching your face. He is crying too, and he is glad that you can’t see it.

“Are you serious?”

“No, that was a fucking joke, and I want you to get out of the car.” his sarcasm is so natural, like he was born with it and for him speaking sarcasm is like his first language. “Stupid, you can’t imagine how much I love you. But I need to know if you still love me.”

What kind of question was that? The love you’re caring for Arón isn’t doubtable, your feelings are pure and sincere, beside him you’ve discovered yourself, you have felt a love that Omar simply couldn’t understand how that feels. Beside him you found happiness, friendship, understanding. You found everything in one man, and now he is questioning your love.

You promptly responded,“To be sure I do love you. I worship you.” you didn’t want him to think any farthure that that. 

“So where those thoughts came from?”

“When I saw you with that girl today-” you swallowed the lump and shake your head.

He grabbed your chin once again and made you look into his eyes as he smiled,“So you are jealous.”

“Yeah, kinda. But it was a sad jealousy, you know.” you admitted and shrug.

He was confused, “Sad jealousy?”

“Yeah, like when you realise that you are so easy replaceable and the fearing of losing the other person... you know.” you tried to explain, but what you experienced was so intense. 

His heart broke again because of those words. He also discovered so many things in you. He knows he can find friendship, understanding, commitment in you. He is in love with you so deeply, therefore couldn’t imagine his present without you in it. He doesn’t like to plan his future much, but beside you he thought maybe he was wrong about that, maybe he should plan something so there will not be any chances of losing you. For the first time, he feared that he might not find you in the future.

He joked again,“So you are jealous.”

“Oh, shut up!”, you finally smiled and that was the moment when the car lighted up.

 “I’m sorry you had to consider about not being good enough. I’m sorry I haven’t showed or told you how perfect you are as much as I should have to.” his smiles paled a little, now on his face a sad one was painted. You could tell looking in his eyes he regrets it, he thinks your thoughts are his fault.

“Don’t apologise, I shouldn’t have thought about it in the first place. Everything you do is perfect, it’s not your fault. I love you so much.” 

“I love you more.”

You couldn’t resist but smile, “Don’t start this game, you know you are not able to win it.” 

“Maybe you should let me win, because you are just too precious and you need to hear that you are the most beloved girl of the earthly. And I am the most beloved boy because I am loved by you.”

 Your heart dropped on your stomach and you stopped breathing for maybe too long. You have beside you the sweetest, caring and lovable man you had fallen too hard for. Him, standing in his seat, looking at you with his beautiful brown eyes, the sun kissing his face, make him look like he was unreal. He is made itself by the Goddess of beauty. He can be itself the God of beauty, kindness, love. All of the Gods batteling inside your man because he is far beyond perfect. He is something this world would never understand.

[mynameisminhooooo]

They get to spend all of quarantine with their s/o (Monsta X)

Request : Hi!! Could you do an exo and/or Monsta x reaction to getting to spend all of quarantine with you?

Sorry I put in bullet points bc it's felt like it made more sense? Sorry if you didn't like that. I also included what y'all would do. Bc why not¿

Shownu :

Omg this precious little bear was beyond excited to spend quarantine

Like as soon as his manager said plans were cancelled until further notice he ran out of the practice room

"Y/n I'm staying with you during quarantine..."

"Oh. Aight"

Your guy's quarantine consisted of laying in bed from the moment you woke up till 4 pm

As well as making a lot of food

And taking baths bc social distancing who?

Leads to other things 34% if the time, bc why not??

And of course singing together and him teaching you how to dance to all the songs

Cooking with this dude, where do I start

100% chance of making a mess

Would knock over bowls of side dishes while trying to grab a towel to wipe his hands

Just smiled at you when the food is all over the ground

Talking to the other members over the phone during dinner so it was like you guys were all eating together

Taking food to the other members and leaving it on the doorstep

One time they came outside before he was able to run back to the car and he was convinced he was contaminated

You had to spray him with Lysol to make him feel better

Him just being a whole lil bear the whole time

You guys would go on walks when you'd feel couped up too much

Y'all would be that extremely cute ass couple during quarantine

"I'm so glad I got to spend my quarantine with you" he'd say while kissing your forehead

"I love you y/n"

"I love me too, but your cool too"

"That's not funny" cue pout

Wonho :

Would literally be so happy to spend time with you

Hasn't seen you in like 2 weeks because of his rigorous schedule

When he finally gets to you're guy's apartment he'd just drop all his stuff and run to you, wrapping you in the biggest hug

You guys would eat until you couldn't breath

Ordering take out everyday sometimes for all 3 meals

You guys would take an online art class because why not

Video chatting his family and ofc the members to make sure everyone was well and healthy

Calling his mom 3 times a day

Would be the person who stocks up on toilet paper

Disinfecting everything every morning

Singing karaoke every day after dinner

Doing workouts in the living room because you guys gained weight and he wanted to watch his gorgeous figure

You'd help him write lyrics

You guys would try to be productive and do fun things like read at least once every other day

He'd be so happy to spend time with you like omg

Would literally cry when he looked at you sometimes bc he just loves you that much

Your guy's favorite things to do was lay in bed in each other's arms

"I wish we could stay like this forever, I love you so much y/n"

"I love you too, but can you let me go I have to pee really bad"

Your guy's quarantine would honestly be so fun

Minhyuk :

Would honestly act like he didn't want to spend time with you

"I guess I'm stuck with you"

\(-_-)/

"Your so lucky to have me, huh because I bought food"

Supports every small business and buys from all of them so they'd keep going

"I'll have 3 jars of kimchi, 2 bowls of kimchi jjigae, just give me half of everything"

"Minhyuk where are we gonna put all this the fridge is full"

Gives almost all the food to his family and the members

Buys like 2,264 board games

"Hey, you wanna play Monopoly I'll let you win"

Once again \(-_-)/

Fights about the dumbest thing

"I wanted to buy boardwalk!"

Throws your character off the board

Another person who stocks up, but he bought all the ramen

Your guy's quarantine would be so unproductive honestly

Like you guys just sit around playing board games

Listening to music all day everyday

Going for walks when the sun went down

If he sees an animal on the street he is bringing it home for "safety reasons"

"Look y/n this poor pigeon was left on the street"

Did I mention \(-_-)/

"Minhyuk... It's a pigeon"

Dancing throughout the house

He broke the TV while doing a twirl

Blames it on the pigeon, who you guys have name Piggy

Trying on each others clothes

But at the end of the day he'd be so happy he could spend his quarantine with you and Piggy

"I guess your ok to spend time with..."

Kihyun :

He would be so happy to spend time with you

Would be the most precatious person

"Put on gloves y/n"

"I'm changing the channel..."

Would 10/10 spray down everything before you guys touch it

You guys baked a lot during quarantine

Burning almost everything

Would try to make jokes the whole time

They were not good...

He would try to teach you how to hit the highest notes

Him almost breaking the window

Singing together while reading

Would call every member every day to see how they were doing

You guys would try gardening together because you guys got bored

10/10 the type of dude to telling everyone to buy from small business

If he saw anyone in the street outside the window, he'd yell at them

"Get inside!"

"Do you want to die?!"

You guys would people watch

You guys tried everything possible to pass boredom

Yoga, Singing, Staring Contests

If you got sick would literally call an ambulance

"They want to know if you have a fever, are experiencing lethargy, or have a cough?"

"Kihyun I just have a stomach ache"

Would be so relieved when he just found out it was just gas

He would not let you leave the house

"I really care about you, I cant risk you getting sick"

"You do knows there is a 3% chance of death right"

"But I wouldn't be able to see you"

Wow, whatta man

Hyungwon :

He honestly would be one of those ppl who didn't take it very very serious

"You wanna go to the park?"

"We can barely leave our house to get food?!"

"Ok, loser"

Was happy to spend time with you, but he wanted to actually do things with you like go to dinner

He just wanted to spend quality time with you

You guys would just lay in each other's arms everyday watching TV

Blinds closed letting no light in

The members would call you guys because after 3 days of nothing they were worried

"Oh we're fine, we've just been eating, sleeping and watching TV"

You guys would watch watch every variety show they have been on

You guys would try dying your hair by yourselves

"Wow y/n this blue is really nice"

"Blue it was supposed to be lilac"

How???

Shopping online for everything, food, clothes, furniture

"Y/n we need a new couch I just bought one"

\(-_-)/

You guys got erasable markers and literally drew on the wall

But they did not come off...

He would be kind of sad that he couldn't take you anywhere

But being the cutie he is he'd find ways to do cute date ideas at home

Jooheon :

"Guess what I'm coming home for quarantine!!!!"

Literally couldn't wait to hold you in his arms

Would cry when he came home, because he gets to spend time with you for who knows how long

You guys just hold each other and cry

Would follow you everywhere

If you went to get the mail he'd go with, if you needed to run to the store to get food, he's right by you

"Why is the door locked??? Y/n, you alive? Did corona get you???"

"Don't break the door down! I'm taking a bath"

"Ohhh, let me in!"

This little jerk picked the lock

You guys just sat in the tub for like 3 hours talking about what you should do during quarantine

Things you would do together during quarantine include sitting in the tub for 3 hours everyday

Calling his sister every day so he could talk to his cute niece

He would teach you all his rap parts from every song he could

You guys would send the members a goodie package every week with food and toiletries

Because he worried about them

You guys would take online dance class

Because why not???

Tango, Rumba, Foxtrot, Meringue

He would enjoy every minute with you

You're guys little vacation came to a halt when he fractured his fibula after falling down the stairs

He felt bad that you had to take care of him

But he was so grateful to have you by his side to help him

"Y/n you don't have to get up I can go to the kitchen to get a fork"

Could barely get off the couch

"Just please sit hear"

"So like you wanna bang?"

"No, I want you to get better"

After he got injured he just got so sad that he couldn't do anything with you really anymore

"I love you y/n"

"I love you too"

I.M :

He already was used to seeing you basically everyday

The only difference was you guys got to stay home

You guys didn't even have to change your schedule

He was grateful that he was able to wake up to you every morning tho

"Good morning, cutie"

"Why are you so close??"

Would be so nice the entire quarantine

Need him to wash your hair, just yell for him

Need something off the top shelf

He got it covered

There would be days where you guys just laid in bed the whole day though

You had online school throughout this time

"Y/n hang out with me!¡!¡"

"I'm doing homework for my English class"

"But I'm cuter than English class"

*insert pouty face*

Would try to get in your pants every other hour

You'd let him because ofc

"No, not now Changkyunnie..."

"Yes, now... Pleaseeeeee"

All the members would worry about you because you guys were the youngest and they thought you wouldn't take this seriously

Y'all did though, you only left the house for food

"Y/n am I cute?"

"No, now go to sleep"

"But I love you and I miss you"

"I'm right next to you and it's 3 am"

Bro. Idk why but this drained me I'm gonna write the exo one different bc I literally ran out of ideas of what to do doing quarantine.

[theaspers]

Zara! I just got back from a short trip. In a perpetual state of i want to do fuck all 😑 but I really should focus n do things. How are u? Anything random u want to share? My face n upper body r quite sunburnt lol so I've been a hermit trying to recover 😂 thanks for the well wishes on the job hunting. My mood on that journey is like ⬆️↗️➡️↘️⬇️↙️⬅️↖️🤣

I revisited hades after u replied! N spoilers: I got past elysium n then died to the Chambers (items got so expensive n it's multiple pathways to find cerb's treat lol n the poison...) butttttt I came back like next run n got hades to like 1/3 of his health and then died!!!! I'm pretty chuffed tho. I know now heueueue. And I MET THAN! GORGEOUS SOFT DEATH BOI. His voice man 🥰 BTW r zag n than half brothers that share hades as their father? But he cute that ain't no lie. I um am assuming u finished at least one complete run so I hope I ain't spoiling anything? I'm really sorry if I did. Third fury sister met too heueu.

Lololol I'm not really shitting on luci's yukata haha. Tbh I've been into kpop n Korean shows for yearsssss so I feel like nothing really fazes me too much? It's funny seeing ppl shit on Satan so much but I'm like honestly it doesn't hurt my eyes that badly. N his Pepsi yukata looks pre good. Not the worst by a looooooongggg shot. I hope the devs fix up the wonkiness of obey me cuz otherwise they will keep losing players n awesome content creators. V understandable tho. That's also why I probably won't play om and genshin cuz gacha, too stressful n it's kinda nice just evolving the charas by headcanons n imagination alone. The lore is v noice tho. Have u read the genshin manga?

Hahaha it's a good thing I thought of u. The fic does have some grammatical errors (I went back to read it again hehe) but it's just so soft n realistic to me that I thought u might like it. Probably ooc for Thea tho sorry. It's alright if u never get to it or don't like it!

Aww my ask got ate up huh. I sent it in the morning after u recommended achilles to me. It just said that the song is so fucking good. So cathartic n would've been such a help several yrs ago when I was going thru some shit. I love the lyrics, the sound...it's very soothing n I love it a lot. I hope to find more English songs that have such beautiful n haunting lyrics. I'm trying not to make the ask too long so I've dumbed the original ask down a lot. It's going to be long anyways 🙃

I asked about any personal hcs u wanted to share? Mine were that I would call Lucifer: Luce Luce or Luci haha. N I would greet him by saying Luci....fer after making eye contact with his brothers above his shoulder but he would be glaring at me anyways. Ever perceptive Luci. I would like to mess around Belphie by calling him Moo Moo 🤭 I hc that once close, I would go around the dining table every morning n give each bro some individual loving. Some nuzzles, cheek kiss ya know n get to Belphie like wut up moo moo? Lplolol thanks for letting me ramble haha this is sort of embarrassing. Can u tell my love language is physical touch 💖

Haha no worries about ur messy blog tho. I love the stuff u reblog. Some legit quality content n it's so amusing seeing the juxtaposition between the sfw n the NSFW. Ur duality zara never fails to make me laugh. If u want u can guess my height. What vibes do I give off? I have a feeling my answer will make u v happy ☺️ ALSO DUDE UR FIRST LANG AIN'T ENGLISH? WAT IS THIS BLASPHEMY? THAT'S SO FUCKIN IMPRESSIVE. KUDOS TO U SON. Wow. damn. U. R. So. Cool. 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️ Ahem finally much love to Luci anon. Better reinstate their rightful emojis hehe. Thanks for letting me visit again 💙 - (not a) worker lurker

long answer so under a cut hehe.

hey there!! sorry i took so long to reply shsjs but anw hope you’ve been doing well. i have been doing alright too? i guess? lol i have no idea. i’m simply just vibing. i hope the sunburn’s not bothering u as much anymore though! and still wishing you lots of luck on the job hunting front!

oooh, glad to hear that you’ve made some progress on hades! you’re not spoiling anything at all so don’t worry hehe. i wish you luck on your future runs, you can do it!! (side note: those stupid rats. i swear. i hate them so much 😭) AHH THAN!! isn’t he just so precious? 🥺 like i realise he is death but he’s so. soft 🥺 and no!! afaik they’re not related lol i think nyx might have just. made him and hypnos? they grew up together tho, i think. oooh, love the fury sisters. they’re very interesting hehe. definitely missed playing the game but i’m still not in the mood to play it unfortunately. i miss zag tho. and hypnos. ugh one day i’ll pick it back up again 🥺😭

shdjd same tho. and ur right. after seeing all the kpop idol outfits, nothing fazes me anymore. plus i don’t think their outfits are the worst thing ever tbh :’) ugh, i agree. the main route itself is getting harder to play and the non-stop events are tiring. i want to hope that they slow down a lil bit but idk. kinda doubt they will. and the obm gacha rate is terrible but at the end of the day, it is gacha, right? :’) genshin is horrible gacha wise but there’s always a lot to do, and places to explore. plus they’re still updating the game so i’m sure it’ll remain relevant for a little while longer. i haven’t read the manga fully but i have seen bits and pieces, and some screenshots. diluc and kaeya look amazing in them 😭

oof yeah, i still love listening to achilles come down. it’s so good!! definitely very cathartic. i’m glad you enjoy it too. 🥰

ahaha, ngl i just always call him luci tbh. i know he probably doesn’t like it. but like lucifer is just a mouthful to say sometimes hehe i just know he’ll get his revenge on u for calling him that tho. belphie moo moo shdjd that’s kinda cute?? hmm. i don’t think i have nicknames for them tbh? :0 just kinda. shorten their names lol. and there’s nothing wrong with having physical touch as ur love language!! hehe i think that’s cute. i’m sure they enjoy the show of affection anw. i think i would just be way too shy to do anything like that tho :’)

ik people tell me they enjoy the messiness but sometimes i scroll through and get so embarrassed 😭 like i would like to not be perceived, please and thank u. but i’m glad that u enjoy my blog, regardless 😭 your height? :0 oof that’s a bit tough. you don’t radiate short ppl energy. wanna say ur probably average height shdkd and no, that’s definitely not me projecting my own height onto other people :’)

yeah, english isn’t my first language shdjd 😭 but i have been speaking/learning it for a while now. doesn’t matter tho, i still makes mistakes occasionally ahdjd but i’ve stopped caring lolol luci anon has yet to pop up again but it’s okay hehe they’ll get back their rights eventually hehe oh, and thank you for dropping by!! much love 💖💖💖

[iamanartichoke]

Oh man.. I went to see endgame again and I want to like Thor in this movie I really do and am worried I'm a bad person for not but like, the tone feels all over the place with him, like the tragedy undercuts the humour but then the humour disrespects the tragedy. I can't get my head around this creative decision. What do you think?

First of all, you’re not a bad person for not liking Thor in this film. The negative reaction to how Thor is portrayed is pretty widespread, especially on Tumblr, and a lot of people share your opinion that his character was handled poorly. 

I ... *sighs* Here’s the thing. My immediate/general reaction was something like being stunned and second-hand embarrassed for Thor and really upset at the portrayal, because it really, really does feel like the narrative is framing Thor’s very real PTSD as a joke. Playing it up for laughs when there’s nothing funny about that level of loss and grief. 

I felt it was disrespectful, that it undermined not only Thor but those of us who suffer from mental illness and have unhealthy coping mechanisms. I felt like depression was being made fun of, like trauma was being made fun of, like weight gain/generally showing how far a person can sink into depression where they can’t take care of themselves was being made fun of. Furthermore, I have been especially furious that despite his trauma, Thor didn’t mention Loki even once, even when acknowledging literally everything else he’s lost besides Loki (family, Asgard, Jane). 

But. 

Everyone knows, because I have been obsessing about it for days, that I’ve discovered some really, really good during/post-Endgame Thor fic. Fic that manages to strike the balance between what we saw on-screen and what’s going on in Thor’s head. I have found fic that somehow manages to reconcile the two, showing how deep Thor’s trauma runs while still being consistent to what was portrayed on-screen. 

And in finding myself not only empathizing with Fic!Thor, but also feeling very protective of him and generally loving toward him, it also made me admit to myself that, when I watched Endgame, it was like two days before the release and I was watching a really shitty cam rip, where I missed 75% of what was really happening, due to poor sound and visual quality. 

So, tonight, I went back and rewatched it. Not in the theatre but I found a better cam version on Putlocker, with much better sound and video. I tried to be open-minded. And I had no idea how much I missed, when it came to Thor’s microexpressions and mannerisms and even what he was saying half the time. Watching it in better quality along with having the fics in my head has kind of ... brought me to an understanding of it, I think? In a way that I’m no longer furious about it, because I can sort of get behind the creative decision to show Thor just completely deteriorating and becoming something like an entirely different person than what he’s been before. Because mental illness and trauma do do that to a person. And I do think that it was a bold, but not necessarily a wrong, decision to go the opposite way in portraying the illness than what is usually shown in media. Usually, in films and tv, traumatized, depressed people are portrayed as stoic, and usually really thin, and scowly and brooding.

Thor in Endgame as a concept is taking that expectation and subverting it and showing the other end of the spectrum: that sometimes you are smiling and joking even though it’s an act, that you’re laughing on the outside while a weight is pressing down on you on the inside, that drinking to excess can cause weight gain, that eating as a coping mechanism can cause weight gain, that not caring about life can mean not caring about yourself and you don’t necessarily notice that it’s been a week since you washed your hair and two years since you cut it and what does it matter anyway, because you’re not going anywhere or doing anything or trying to impress anybody, you’re just putting one foot in front of the other and trying to make it through day by day until the universe finally decides to take pity on you and you die. 

And I get that, because I’ve been there, because a lot of people have been there, because it’s a very real, uncomfortable, visceral portrayal of someone who has just completely broken down - mentally, physically, emotionally. 

That all said - I understand the intention better now than I did before, but I do think that it fell flat. Instead of really delving into these things, the narrative played it like we were supposed to laugh at Thor. Not a single person, except for Bruce, asked Thor if he was okay. No one acknowledged that Thor might not be up for this mission. No one acknowledged that even if the snap was reversed, Thor will still have lost everything and he doesn’t get anything back. 

Thor is very visibly breaking down, and the others just roll with it. Worse, they make fun of him, what with the way they look at him and the way they act toward him and Rhodey’s stupid “cheeze whiz” joke. The narrative supports this view, especially with camera shots that emphasize Thor’s weight and general disheveled appearance. And the version I watched today was still filmed in a theatre, so I was able to hear all the places where the audience just laughed, even when Thor was obviously in pain and obviously needed sympathy rather than mockery. It smacks of fat shaming and general mental health shaming. And that’s not okay. 

I feel ... more generous toward Chris Hemsworth’s performance than I did before. On a second, closer viewing, I do think that his facial expressions and his delivery of his lines did show someone who was in deep pain, especially when it came to Thanos specifically (his change in demeanor when Bruce says his name, the way he begs to wear the gauntlet and “do something right,” the way he approaches Thanos in the final battle, among other moments). 

I also think, though, that Chris may have gotten too into the comedic aspect of it, too, and that probably contributed to Thor in general being played for laughs. Because Chris likes to laugh, and have fun, and screw around, and he’s said so himself. I think if Chris had a better understanding of mental illness than I assume he does, he might have been more willing to delve further into the emotional side and relied less on the comedic side. And if Chris wasn’t so anti-Loki, then I think we would have had a lot more acknowledgement of how much Loki’s death has contributed to Thor’s grief and mental state. 

Idk. It could have been better. The fics are better. But at the same time, I do get it now more than I did before. I’m not really crediting the Russos with that, bc they’re trash, but I do give Chris Hemsworth and his acting more credit than I did. And honestly, I give the fic writers credit bc reading them forced me to consider my point of view and whether or not I was looking at Thor too critically due to my general hatred of everything the Russos touch. 

So, yeah. Overall, it’s ... a complicated thing. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay with it, but I’m not so anti it either, anymore. If that makes sense. 

I didn’t mean to write you a dissertation, Anon, so I’m sorry for the length. This has actually been on my mind for several days, though, so I kind of hopped on this ask and took it as an opportunity to write all of this out. I hope it makes sense. I hope people can understand where I’m coming from. And even if you can’t, please don’t @ me, I’m very tired. 

Anyway. Yeah. So that’s what I think. I hope this somewhat answered the question. XDD 

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

WARNING DRAMA AHEAD

(Which is crazy because I try to actively have a drama free lifestyle)

So, awhile back I wrote about some issues in a friend group containing A & Em. Summary: I chatted with Em about A unintentionally making me feel shitty for FINALLY accepting my limitations & making lifestyle & wardrobe changes to reflect that. Em said she'd talk to A because if I did it, A might feel attacked & get defensive.

Day before yesterday, Em dropped by to hang, help me put together a shoerack, and go to a local costume shop that does rentals and serves all the theater departments & dance companies in a 70 mile radius. This shop is amazing, been around since I was little, almost everything is hand made with amazing care and detail, and the decor in their shop is ever changing, detailed, and super fucking cool. ANYWAY, we got on the subject of A, whom I've only seen once or twice since talking to Em about it & seemed ok both times aside from getting legit pissed that I'm better at macrame plant holders than she is. Apparently A currently thinks I dislike her or like her less or something. So I asked Em if I should gently talk to her about it and see if we can reach an understanding. She said she thought it was a good idea h really, I don't like one of my friends thinking I dislike them. So yesterday I pulled together some courage and messaged her. The following is the conversation that occured:

Me: So, I've heard that you are upset and under the impression that I don't like you anymore or like you less or something. So I'm gonna clear the air, but I'm gonna be blunt and honest with you because I'm not down for lying. K? (And let me go ahead and flat out say, I don't dislike you or like you any less)

A:I've just been feeling some reservations toward me lately. Go ahead I can take blunt.

(Spoiler: she cannot take even sugarcoated gentle level blunt)

ME: So here is the deal. My illness is eternal and is only ever going to get worse. In fact, it is constantly getting worse in small, large, and sometimes interesting & unexpected ways. Sometimes it creeps on slowly, sometimes it hits like an anvil was dropped on me. Therefore I am constantly having to adjust my lifestyle, activities, wardrobe... EVERYTHING. Very recently, I realized that I have spent the last 3 years trying to live my old life and just cope so my quality of life has been SHIT. I've finally truly accepted the shithole that is my health for what it is and have started to truly make real adjustments to my lifestyle, hobbies, wardrobe, ect. Because I will never get better and live in about 400 sq ft (at best) that means when I realize something doesn't fit my abilities or needs anymore, I get rid of it. However, I always offer those things to the kids & my friends first before donating them. But here's the thing, when I offer these things to you, I get a load of questions & comments that end up making me feel like I have failed as a person for realizing what has taken me 3 years to realize. For example: when I told you that Julia's candles were my last batch ever, there were loads of 'have you tried...' and 'I'm sure you can find a way.' I know you mean well, but if I'm giving something up, I've truly tried ever avenue to make it work within my limits and it just doesn't. Even after I quit candles in May, I kept the stuff (which took up massive space) until August because I doubted myself and was reluctant to lose another hobby. But I need to face facts and be realistic. Same with the sweater. I am drastically altering my wardrobe for whatever the upcoming season is to fit the fact that I need my cane at all times now (POCKETS) and the fact that my clothes need to be comfy enough for me to get dressed every day not just days I'm leaving the house. I've lived in PJs for the last year and a half and it's not good for my mental health. So all things that don't fit that criteria or my new altered lifestyle must go. And it's going to be a constant process because I'm constantly getting worse. The jewelry making stuff, I genuinely forgot you wanted it because honestly i don't even remember what happened yesterday, so I'm sorry. (I had jewelry making supplies that I can't use anymore due to -15 hand strength, which I gave to Em.)

A: I'm sorry that I've been putting you down and making you feel shity. That's never been my intention. If I ask a ton of questions it's not because I don't understand the severity and challenges in your daily life. I ask so many questions because I often find unconventional wacky solutions to peoples problems all the time and if I can be in the slightest bit helpful in finding a loophole or a way you might not have seen, I thought that would be better than just saying "I'm so sorry to hear that" I figured you hear that enough but idk how often you hear people actually trying to find a way. Like the sweater example, I would have been happy to take you shopping for a fun print material the made you some pockets. Outside like a cool patchwork with awesome prints, or inside like a bond detective. But you were so quick to snap at me and explain your whole situation like I am not taking you seriously. I ask because I want to hear your needs and maybe just maybe be able to help out. But if all I do is make you feel like your grandma did then I'll do you a favor and stop inviting myself over to make you feel shitty. I'm glad Emma always knows just what to say.

Now at this point, I stopped replying. I was kind of shocked at her response. Like, I expected her to explain her intentions, despite me making it clear I knew her intentions were good, because that's what people do. I expected us to discuss how things should be moving forward so I don't continue to feel like a failure. I considered maybe mentioning somewhere in there that if I want help or advice or solutions, I'll fucking ask. But I did NOT expect those last couple sentences where she basically stomped her feet and said well since this isn't going how I want, I'm not playing with you guys anymore.

After careful thought, writing & editing over a 5 hr period, I sent this (which are screenshots from my notes because typing is rough, I wanted to convey what I wanted just right, and now you have to click on them to see the full thing. I'm sorry I've failed you, the reader of this normal convo turned melodrama, in such a fashion.):

She responded at like 2 am (when I was asleep) so I saw there was a response when I woke up, but given the history of her behavior in situations like this (conveyed via Em, who has known her MUCH longer) I decided not to open it just yet, as I'd like to relax and enjoy my day. This shit stresses me out. I don't do drama and tantrums. I don't tolerate it from my teenage Spawn, much less fucking adults. I get the feeling that the response is going to be just as melodramatic & tantrum filled. If this is how she handles her intentions not aligning with the result of her actions that were driven by said intentions, then she's in for a real shock when she leaves the cuddlebox of college and enters the real world. Your boss isn't going to care about how good your intentions were when you accidentally burned down the kitchen of the bakery you work in. They will just care that you burned down their fucking business.

Welp, may as well rip off the bandaid. For you, my dear reader, to have closure I will read the response. Back in a sec.

OMG IT WAS SO MUCH MORE DRAMATIC THAN I EXPECTED.

A:I understand. And I told you where I stand. I am the type of friend that instinctually tries to help those she cares deeply about. I'm not the friend to just sit and feel bad when there's something I can do. But I have been feeling for a while now unwanted and you have confirmed it by not saying anything then, just talking about it to my former close friend, and then throwing it in my face that you have been holding on to a box cuz of me. And like the adult i am, I don't see why I should change the type of friend I am just because some one is ungrateful for it. I'll go help someone else leave their abusive boyfriend's in the middle of the night. for the people I care about I'd do anything, anything except sit and do nothing while I'm told how much worse I make things when I try and help. I will just take my good intentions elsewhere. I have had the worst year of my life but I don't remember you asking me once anyway. I wish you the best buy obviously your life is better without me and my negativity in it. I truly am sorry I hurt your feelings and I never ever wanted to. I cherished your friendship more than you'll ever know and you can ask anyone. But because I can't see myself sitting by biting my tongue around you and waking on eggshells because I clearly can't see the bounty between helpful conversion and being a cunt. Since I respect you so much I'll go ahead and remove that stupid cunt from your life so you won't be put down again.

HOOOLY SHIT. I'm not responding to that giant fucking dramatic pity party. She legit needs to grow the fuck up. Good god.

[musicalgamingdorks-blog]

“hey little dude !”

*Dipper tries to defend himself*

[thatskepticalbitchcara]

Sorryyyyy I’ve been a little stressy this week between work and moving but I hope you’re feeling a little better and are doing something fun this weekend 🤍 also you seem very likable to me as well 😘

favorite color: black but I tell people blue because it’s more socially acceptable lmao

favorite food: probably swordfish or sushi

are you friends with exes: friendly I guess

do you still have feelings for exes: no lol

coming out story if you have one: I don’t really have one, one of my brothers is gay so I kind of just piggybacked off him when he was coming out to the fam and was like yeah same

what time do you go to bed: it depends, during the week between like 11-12:30 and usually before 2:30 on weekends

what time do you wake up: 5:30 during the week and usually like 8:30-9 on weekends (unless it was a long night, I’m very much not against sleeping in but I don’t really do it on my own)

whats your best wifey quality: incredibly talented in making a perfect bed ngl

whats your worst wifey quality: mmm I really hate unloading the dishwasher

body count: lmfaooo I’m not answering that

worst habit: honestly idk? I don’t think I have any that are too obnoxious but I can be a little overly focused on cleanliness if that counts

are you a sports fan: you don’t really have the option not to be in Boston 😂

what activities did you do in high school: soccer and track

have you been to pride: I have not! Wanna go?

have you ever lived with a partner: yes, didn’t end well 😂

do you have piercings: I have a bunch in my ears, I had my nose and nipples pierced for like 5 years but I let them close

instagram handle: 😳😳😳

what did you do today: nothinggg fun. Just worked and stayed home tonight and watched a movie

place you want to travel to: Greece

do you have a big family: my immediate family is pretty average but I do have like 50 something first cousins

biggest fear: I mean if we’re going with basic fears it would be heights

adult beverage of choice: wine usually

it's okay, babe 💜 i hope moving hasn't been too hard on you.

favorite color: probably green, but it truly depends. i don't just have one favorite!

favorite food: probably some sort of carb.. like a really, really good baguette toasted with brie and a spread.

are you friends with exes: nope.

do you still have feelings for exes: i will always love my one ex but i'm not in love with her like that anymore. she's also... not a problem as she lives on the other side of the planet.

coming out story if you have one: i don't have one really! i had a ~thing~ with a girl in 8-9th grade and i sort of used that to tell my friends and two family members at the time. but overall, i just sort of tell people as i meet them or drop it casually into conversation. don't talk about it w my family, would only explicitly tell them if i was in a normal, serious relationship.

what time do you go to bed: it depends, but usually between 11-12:30ish.

what time do you wake up: also depends! i love waking up at like 6 am, but when the seasonal depression hits it's.. more like 8 which i hate. i don't really sleep in on the weekends either.

whats your best wifey quality: i think i'd be a good housewife. happy to cook and clean for you, make you lunch for work, make the home oasis, take care of the kids/cats, you know 😌

whats your worst wifey quality: i can get stressed out super easily and also i HATE putting laundry away (don't mind dishes though 😘 )

body count: also. not answering this lol but it isn't high.

worst habit: talking down about myself idk my bad habits are all wrapped up in my depression and anxiety which i'm TRYING to work on in therapy but it's... a process

are you a sports fan: i'm not ❤️

what activities did you do in high school: i danced throughout all of school and played piano (no, i can't play anymore. i'm sorry! would love to get back to it eventually but right now i'm more focused on guitar). i also worked on the school newspaper briefly lol and did a theatre camp in the summer. ummm trying to think if there was anything else but not really in high school.

have you been to pride: nope, i haven't. and sure 👀

have you ever lived with a partner: LMAO so there's a funny story here but i won't tell it on main 🤫

do you have piercings: no! i need to get my ears redone since the holes closed. i tried getting my nose pierced twice but it wouldn't heal properly despite me following all of the cleaning rules 😢

instagram handle: 😳

what did you do today: so far i have woken up and made coffee

place you want to travel to: everywhereeee baby

do you have a big family: i'm an only child.. but my more like.. extended immediate (?) family is relatively large and close we all just live scattered

biggest fear: illness

adult beverage of choice: wine (rose is my fave)

[threemoonsareshining]

i read through all the 'get to know me uncomfortably well' questions and honestly i couldn't pick because i'd love your answers to any of them so idk just answer the ones you feel like answering? is that allowed in these ask games? idk i'm making it allowed (also have a great day!) xx

Hi!!!!!! Oh my god you’re blessing my night with this message because let’s say... I haven't had the best day today, and I’m sure that’s allowed in these ask things, i mean are there even rules? I do’t know how many i’ll be able to answer but I’m going all in so let’s go

2. How old are you? 19 such an ugly age let me tell you

4. What is your zodiac sign? taurus and i’m not really into astrology and stuff so i don’t know if i can relate to my sign or not

5. What is your favorite color? i really like earthy tones, and i’ve always loved dark colors but i’m trying to broaden my horizons in terms of colors, unsuccessfully this far

6. What's your lucky number? i’m not sure if it brings me luck but i’ve always loved the number 5, maybe bc it’s my birthday, i think it’s really nice overall

7. Do you have any pets? yes!! i have 2 cats, i love them so much even though they’re not the friendliest cats in the world you know. I used to have fish but they kept dying not matter how hard i tried! It makes me a little sad but in the end it was just too much work and if i wasn’t able to take care of them properly i’d rather have no fish honestly

8. Where are you from? i don’t like to say these things but i think it’s pretty obvious if you pay a little attention to what i post every once in a while

9. How tall are you?i’m 1.64 or so, which is like… 5.3-5.4??? I’d like to be a little taller tho

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? I don’t own many, this year i bought some winter shoes but i just realised all my summer ones are either a little too used or i just don’t like their style anymore so yeah i should do some shopping (if only i had time to do that hah!)

12. What was your last dream about? i don’t remember very well but i think i saw my economics teacher riding a bike with no pants after i’d been fined by the police for having a water balloon war in the middle of the street, I wasn’t happy about that. I’ve had many dreams i was able to remember these last days, but they were more like nightmares i’d say, many of them about being kidnaped, other studies-related (i failed my math test again, i had to retake my college-access test… just terrible), and other were with people i actually know, which wasn’t the best thing ever honestly

15. Favorite song? Plant life by owl city, i’m going to paste the answer i wrote to explain why it’s my favorite (Plant Life by Owl City, that song just describes my soul at a spiritual level, like I could choose 1564 other songs by Owl City that describe me as well but this one is the one that I can relate to when i’m going through the worst times, but also gives me the hope that things will get better idk. And it’s funny because I still loved it before I had the level of English to understand the lyrics, and then I found out what they meant and i was like “woah this actually speaks to me in a way i can’t explain” it was a really weird feeling idk, that song is just me)

16. Favorite movie? billy elliot, actually it’s been a really long time since i last saw it. I remember i watched it like 7 times in a row in one week when i first saw it, i just loved it so much

17. Who would be your ideal partner? Just… someone that i’m 100% comfortable with, which should be a given, but apparently that isn’t that easy to find. Idk i’ve been thinking a lot about this lately basically because some of my coming decisions are going to be based on who i want as a partner, obviously not in a serious-for-life way, but in a way that i deserve right now. I’d like to have someone that doesn’t make me feel inadequate like almost everyone does, that doesn’t make me feel like a temporary asset in their life until they get want they want for me and just don’t care anymore. I don’t know, recent experiences have made me realise I need to figure out what I want and fight for it, not settle for someone just because it’s convenient, or because i don’t want to be alone... because in the end, if someone is making you feel like shit for being who you are and it’s acting like you are not important, even though they’re willing to be with you (even if it’s just for the physical part) that clearly makes you feel even more lonely

18. Do you want children? I’d say my #1 fear in life is getting accidentally pregnant (i know that shouldn’t worry me that much if i use protection and stuff), i meant a good reason i’m so wary of having sex is because i’d go crazy just considering the possibility that the condom failed or something. I think this answers the question, i really don’t want children, idk if i’d be able to take care of a kid, and above all, i don’t want to. Every time i see a kid in the street or in the public transport i pray he/she doesn’t interact with me because i just find it so so so difficult to be nice to them, basically because i don’t know how . Then i also look at their parents, their tired look, and don’t get me wrong, I’m sure they love their kids and all but I don’t think everyone can find happiness in having kids, and I don’t think I’m one of those people that won’t feel complete until they have kids or stuff. Furthermore, I’m not willing to sacrifice my body and to suffer the pain of giving birth, that doesn’t even cross my mind. So if I consider the possibility in the future i think I’d adopt.

20. Are you religious? I already answered this so I’ll just paste it I’m sorry this is so lazy (i was raised catholic and as a child i was really really devote, i truly believed in god. But you know, as years go by, then you find out you don’t agree with a lot of things the Church preaches (being in a catholic school doesn’t help, i will never forget the day i heard a priest telling literal 7-year-old girls that their only duty in life was to have children). My environment was really really conservative and I was lucky to somehow realise how fucking wrong some of the stuff they were teaching us was, sadly, i still see a lot of kids in my school being brainwashed… it’s crazy to see the way some families think. Anyways, that contributed to me getting distanced from everything religious-related. Now i could say i’m somewhere between agnostic and non-practicing. I still pray every once in a while but i’m not sure if i truly believe it or it’s just out of custom, i just feel too hopeless and detached from everything to believe there’s something greater than us… this question is too hard!)

24. Baths or showers? I used to hate taking showers just because I didn’t have the strength to go through all the process of taking a shower but I’ve been trying to fix this mainly because 1) Personal Hygiene and stuff 2) Even though i don’t have the willpower to do it, i always try to think about how nice it feels to be clean after a shower, or how relaxed you are (even if it’s for a short period of time) after taking a bath. So yeah I don’t like either of them but they’re obviously necessary

26. Have you ever been famous? I haven’t been famous but I’ve been mistaken for a famous people more than once. The first time i was very young and a man asked me if i was that girl (idk who) that was on tv and I said no, and the other was more recent, last year, when someone mistook me for a youtuber

28. What type of music do you like? I love instrumental music, specially orchestral but i also adore celtic themes. And i hate to admit it but i love electro pop, the owl city - type, even though many people (aka my dad) may think it’s not the Best Quality, but i mean who cares at least I enjoy it

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? I’m a mess so most of the time I have a coffee so I don’t die of tiredness throughout the day and if i have time i eat some fruit and cookies, not a lot honestly, which isn’t the most healthy thing to do but hey idc

34. Have you ever fired a gun? No. I really, really hate guns.

37. Favorite swear word? I never swear in public, just when I’m alone, I don’t think I can choose any word!

38. What's the longest you've ever gone without sleep? Maybe 24 hours, the thing is that i sleep very, very little, but i always end up sleeping anyway

41. Are you a good liar? Even when I’m actually telling the truth there are people who don’t believe me so yeah hah not really

42. Are you a good judge of character? i’m really good at getting the vibes of people, sometimes i think i’m just overreading everything but a high percentage of the time i end up being right, so yeah not only regarding people but also with other aspects of my life… i like to trust my gut. However, i don’t always say it bc i’m afraid i might be wrong, but when my suspicions are proven, I’m like yeah i was right how weird hahahahhhhhhhhh, i amaze myself in this aspect honestly

46. What is your personality type? i think i’m intj, but i remember retaking the test a few months later and getting another result but yeah i can relate to the architect type, introvert, cautelous, focused on analysing rather than acting blah blah all that stuff (i love this stuff)

49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie 4 life, because I’ve tried to force myself to be more outie and let me tell you that didn’t go well

50. Left or right handed? left!!!

51. Are you scared of spiders? I’m really scared of them but i also cry every time i kill one bc i feel sorry for her (but it’s either my life or hers i’m sorry) although most of the time when i see i spider i face my fear and i put in in a box or something to release it outside

52. Favorite food? i’d eat ice cream every day of my life for every meal all the time just give me all the ice cream

58. Do you have much of an ego? My ego is so tiny sometimes i forget it exists and let people step on it like it’s nothing

61. Do you sing to yourself? I perform to myself, i love singing alone in my room. I used to care about my neighbour hearing me but you only live once right

62. Are you a good singer? i wouldn't say i’m a bad singer, nor a good one bc the problem is that my voice is not very strong, so it’s very hard to hear me. But yeah, i’ve been complimented for my singing in some occasions, and i really enjoy doing it on my own (i still don’y know how i was able to sing in public the only time i have done it)

63. Biggest Fear? that i’ll keep missing stuff due to my anxiety, oh that and having unwanted kids obviously

64. Are you a gossip? it’s always interesting to hear stuff and be aware of what happens around you but i‘ve always said that things would be better if everyone just… minded their own business a little bit more, you can’t get mad at someone if they don’t want to tell you something, it’s their life and they don’t owe you all the explanations after all

66. Do you like long or short hair? i have really long hair and i’d love it if it wasn’t so so so hard to maintain… i’m pretty tired of it honestly and i know i said i’d be cutting and donating it this year but… it’s such a part of my identity (which is so silly but it’s true, i’m introduced to some people as “the girl with really long hair”) and… i don’t know i think i’ve enough changes this year, so i’ll keep it for a little longer

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? i’m so scared of the sea i think i’d die

71. What makes you nervous? sadly, even the most insignificant stuff makes me nervous, and apparently, ignoring them doesn’t mae them disapear! so yeah i’m basically suffering at all times due to stupid stuff, i’ve just learned to ignore it enough so it doesn’t interfere with the rest of my life (most of the time it works but it’s mentally draining now that i think about it)

77. Have you ever drank underage? I’m one of those people that can say that never drank alcohol until it was legal for me to do it, I didn’t do it even when my mom offered me something at family gatherings… yeah i think that’s the reason i drink so much now

80. How many piercings do you have? I don’t like piercings for myself (i obviously don’t have a problem with other people having them) but i just think it’s an unnecessary way of mutilating yourself (i hate needles)

86. What are you allergic to? Ironically, I’m allergic to cats, even though i have 2. It comes and goes, and it’s not serious, i sneeze a lot, my eyes itch a little sometimes, but i’m willing to pay that price for my cats honestly

87. Do you keep a journal? I do, but it’s been months since i last wrote mainly because i always feel like shit after writing, so now i can’t bring myself to do it, that’s why i post so much about my personal life in here, because i’m not able to journal but i also don’t want to forget about what happens in my life

90. What makes you angry? Anger is a weird concept for me. I get angry very often, but I’m angry in general, not at anyone in particular, I just find myself unable to get mad at someone, the anger instantaneously turns into sadness, so I don’t know what’s worse. If I’m being mean to someone (most of the time my parents are the victims) it’s not because of them, I’m just angry for no reason and I just can’t keep being nice.

Hey congratualtions if you made it till the end, i was really bored so i answered a lot. Thanks for the message again 🐱🐱🐱🌳🌳🌳

[aquarianlights]

Hey friend! I hope your cat ends up being okay. I can't offer much, but like I just want to say you and your kitty are in my thoughts and prayers, and that you're a wonderful person. Things will be okay, I'm sure of it.

Read this the night it happened and I cannot thank you enough for the well wishes. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve friends like you who offer constant support when I need it. You and everyone else who messaged me privately or commented on any of my posts.

I really appreciate this so much. So far, he’s okay. The drain came out yesterday and they took his bandages off. I have had to detach myself from the situation because my parents are not caring for him correctly and he is not my cat and I am not going to be here for his full recovery, so they either need to learn to take care of him or. . .Whatever happens, happens. I did everything I could. I taught them all the right things to do to have him heal correctly, I wrote down all the instructions and medication times, I got him a 14-day antibiotic shot so that my parents didn’t have to worry about the pills (a. my dad won’t give them to him and b. he’s a hard cat to give pills to so my parents end up wasting a lot of pills coz he bites and they don’t want to get bit so I’m the only one who can get them far enough back towards his throat to close his jaw gently and rub his throat until he swallows), and I’ve cleaned the drain site every time I go up to check on him and I am the one applying the antibiotic ointment to the drain site. But. . .I had to detach myself and stop doing that coz I’m leaving with Echo and all my stuff very, very soon and. . .I’m not gonna be here for his 1-month-ish (give or take) healing process where he’s gonna need to get his stitches out and be given medication and having the drain site kept clean and a thin layer of antibiotic ointment over it and all that. I’m not gonna be here to do all of that anymore. . .so I just had to. . .stop. And either let them learn or. . . Well. . . He’s a 15 year old cat. He’s had a good, long life. I found him on the streets outside my old neighbourhood when I was little and brought him inside and cared for him secretly and eventually my parents found out and we decided to adopt him coz we took him to the vet and got his chip read and the people who (very obviously) owned him (and also very obviously dumped him on the street) said “Well, we don’t know about any cat.” So. . .we adopted him. And he’s had 15 years with us. . .and he was full grown when I found him. . .so who knows how old he actually is. He’s had a life full of attention and treats and grooming and loving. . . If my parents are going to neglect him by not properly caring for him, then maybe it’s better if he stops suffering. I’m not trying to be cruel. . .and a year ago, I would have beaten myself to a pulp for thinking like this. But after being in vet med school and going through some tech school and volunteering at shelters and interning with a vet, like. . . My views have changed a lot. A whole lot.

I have realized my views as an animal rights activist are not even close to, like. . .animal “rights”. They’re just. . .anthropomorphizing animals. That’s what I was taught growing up. And that’s not right. Sometimes, pain is necessary to help an animal. Just as it is with humans. It just sucks that you can’t tell a dog you’re restraining him to help him. And sometimes, the suffering and pain is too much and there are times when it is necessary and probably the better option to put the animal down. I feel that should be a thing with humans, too, but the assisted suicide laws are so goddamn strict and they’re not with animals and that’s just wrong. BUT. . .I don’t think our Siamese should be put down. I think he should be properly taken care of and set to heal. If I had the finances to take him in and nurse him back to health myself, I would. But I do not. I cannot provide the quality of care that he needs to get better. . .so I cannot and should not. He would die with my financial situation. I would have no way to get the stitches removed in about 10-14 days. I would have no money for any medication or special care he needs. And what little I do have. . .I need to allot to Echo. He is my son and my responsibility. If I took in all the feral/hurt/old animals I could. . .I’d have nothing left for Echo and myself. I wouldn’t be able to care for them. . .

It hurts like hell, but I have had to compartmentalize and detach myself from the whole situation. And after seeing how they are trying to take care of him and failing, sometimes on purpose, I’m done. I’m just. . .so done.

He’s definitely not out of the woods yet. I don’t know if he will make it. . .but, if properly taken care of, he should recover just fine. Whether that is going to happen or not. . .Idk.

I hope to god he makes it and everything is okay. . .But, if that doesn’t happen, then. . . Idk. I’ll hurt. But I’ve dealt with a lot of animal death in my life and I need to learn to detach myself from death anyways. . .going into the medical field. . .So I need to put that into practice in every form possible, in my personal and professional life. It’s just better that way, I feel. . . Idk if I’m right. I could be totally wrong, but. . . it /feels/ right. Y’know?

Idk. I’m rambling. Sorry. I haven’t really had a chance to update anyone on the situation so I’m doing it now.

Thank you so much for the well wishes. And I appreciate this so much. Your support means so much to me, fren. I wish I could jump across the screen and hug you.