#idk what to tell you. some ornamentation is sexy

[iamthemaestro]

honestly I think you could seduce me if your baroque ornamentation was good enough

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

@zepskies

I really needed some happy Christmas fluff today and I was so glad to see this!

“Dean, it’s not gonna fit.” That was Sam, obviously. You’d recognize his testy bitching anywhere. “You kiddin’ me? All that work I spent sawing this thing outta the ground, I’m gonna damn well make it fit. Come on, put your big boy pants on.”

Ah yes, the "testy bitching" of Sam Winchester. Could in this instance we call it him being a scrooge? 😂

“Something tells me you didn’t get this thing at Home Depot,” you remarked. There was a pause, and Dean called your name questioningly. He also sounded a bit embarrassed. “Yep, I’m here, Chevy Chase,” you said, laughing as you grabbed the branches that were stuck in the doorway. You bent them at the angle the guys needed to get the whole thing inside, and all too quickly you had to step out of the way as Sam and Dean broke through the doorway with the rest of the tree.

Imaging Dean's little embarrassed call of the reader's name in shame just had me giggling. He got caught red-handed like the Grinch by Cindy Lou Hou 😂 🎄

Also the idea of Dean being really handy and DIY around the house in my opinion is so 😳. Idk I might be a little crazy, but there is something so sexy about watching a guy fix something or watching a guy cook something or do some little thing around the house that you meant to do but kept forgetting or even just watching a guy through binoculars as you stand outside his window LOL jk 🤣. No seriously though, I just think it's really hot when a guy knows how to do stuff around the house. And imagining Dean doing any of those things was just 😮‍💨

“Illegally obtained tree aside,” you said, not bothering to temper your smile, “I thought you guys didn’t really celebrate Christmas. Or any holidays, for that matter.” Dean gave you a small grin, though again, he seemed a little embarrassed. He freed one of his hands to scratch at the back of his head. “Yeah, well…weren’t you the one who was talking about the Christmases you had growing up?” he said.

Dang it Zep. Why you gotta do this to me??😭😭😂 And I LOVE the Scooby Doo ornaments.

Dean tried to get up, but his foot slipped on a stray ribbon. He careened back onto his ass and knocked into the tree. Not only did its branches poke into his face and arm, making him wince, but he managed to displace a couple of ornaments, sending them tumbling to the floor by his hand. He grunted and raised up onto his forearms. For the pièce de résistance, that lovely golden bow landed right in his lap.

This was such a funny thing to picture. Again, catching Dean doing something that he didn't want the reader to see and him having a comical almost cartoon-like reaction and falling on his ass. It's so good. And the "cheeky ending" was *chef's kiss*

Girl again, this was so good! And the thought of falling asleep on the couch with Dean while watching Christmas Movies was literally just what I needed today. ❤️

'Twas the Night...

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Dean listens, sometimes when you least expect it. This year, Christmas begins to become something new for both of you.    

AN: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everyone! This is my @spnfanficpond Secret Santa gift for @eldritchlibertine! The idea is based on this request from @whichwitchwanda (a story prompted from the header image).

Word Count: 2.4K

Tags/Warnings: Fluff and more fluff! Christmas feels. ❤️

A door burst open, and your eyes raised from the page. You nearly dropped your book into your lap when you saw it—the wide, bristled top of an evergreen tree trying to shove its way through the door of the bunker.

Or rather, it only seemed that way.

All the way up at the top of the rod iron staircase, grumbled cursing and muttering and arguing filtered down to you in the common room, where you were leaning back in your seat with an old copy of Wuthering Heights. You sat up, an incredulous smirk beginning to curve your lips.

“Dean, it’s not gonna fit.” That was Sam, obviously. You’d recognize his testy bitching anywhere.

“You kiddin’ me? All that work I spent sawing this thing outta the ground, I’m gonna damn well make it fit. Come on, put your big boy pants on.”

The equally familiar gruff, grousing tone of your man’s voice almost made you snort. You set down the book on the table and debated whether you were going to get up and try to help, or let them hash it out. You were surprised they hadn’t called out for you yet.

After a few more seconds of listening to their frustrated huffing and puffing, you shook your head and got up. You reached the top of the stairs, and their sounds of irritated, breathless struggle became even clearer.

“Dean,” Sam protested.

“Shut up. I’ve almost got it…”

“You’re gonna break the damn frame—”

“Something tells me you didn’t get this thing at Home Depot,” you remarked.

There was a pause, and Dean called your name questioningly. He also sounded a bit embarrassed.

“Yep, I’m here, Chevy Chase,” you said, laughing as you grabbed the branches that were stuck in the doorway. You bent them at the angle the guys needed to get the whole thing inside, and all too quickly you had to step out of the way as Sam and Dean broke through the doorway with the rest of the tree.

Sam caught himself on the wall, while Dean threw a hand out to grasp at the railing of the stairs. You grabbed Dean’s arm to help steady him. Once he had his feet planted, he slung an arm around your waist and looked down on you with a satisfied smile—one that he then aimed at Sam.

“See? Told you it would fit.”

“Where did you even get this thing?” you asked. You eyed Dean in curiosity, even as you were helping him stream the lights around this seven-foot monstrosity. You’d also taken great delight in putting on some holiday music. Now, Frank Sinatra’s “White Christmas” was playing from a Bluetooth speaker on the War Room table.

Dean shot you a distracted smile as he worked in concentration, bringing a string of lights around the part of the tree that was closest to the wall. He handed off the other end to you, and you wrapped the line of multicolored lights around.

“Eh, there’s a nice bit of forest a few miles out of town,” he said. Your brows raised high. You’d suspected, of course, but you still shook your head with a smile.  

“You know you need a permit for that, right?” you said.

“I tried to tell him,” said Sam. He was on his way up the stairs, heading out back to the car to get the box of ornaments he and Dean bought at Walmart this morning along with the pretty multicolored lights, all while you were still sleeping.

Dean rolled his eyes at his brother, but just kept focused on his task. Once he started something, he had to finish it, you noticed. And when he got into something, he was Mr. DIY, putting in his all. You liked watching the crunch between his brows, the set of his lips, the sureness of his hands while he mentally calculated what they were going to accomplish next.

Most of all, you liked the look of self-satisfaction when he was done, and happy with his finished product. It didn’t matter if he was tuning up the Impala, making a home-cooked meal for the three of you, or decorating a wild tree. That face was the same. 

“Illegally obtained tree aside,” you said, not bothering to temper your smile, “I thought you guys didn’t really celebrate Christmas. Or any holidays, for that matter.”

Dean gave you a small grin, though again, he seemed a little embarrassed. He freed one of his hands to scratch at the back of his head.

“Yeah, well…weren’t you the one who was talking about the Christmases you had growing up?” he said.

You blinked, your mouth gently falling open in surprise. That had been a couple weeks ago, when the first snow of December began to fall over Lebanon. Late that night, after settling into bed together, you’d turned towards him in his arms. Maybe it was the turn of the season making you nostalgic, but somehow the conversation drifted into you making a confession, about what you missed the most about your family.

Your parents had passed on, and your sister was distant. She had her own family and her own life, and she wanted to keep it far away from the things you hunted. You couldn’t blame her, even if the thought of her always pierced your heart.

Beyond than that, what you missed was the house where you grew up, small but cozy and lived in. You missed the smell of pine and cinnamon that filled the living room every day of December. You missed the nights you and your sister curled up by the fire late at night playing imaginary games, long after your parents’ had put you guys to bed. You missed your mother’s cooking, and helping her bake molasses cookies on Christmas Eve.

You missed togetherness, the feeling of warmth and safety.

You tilted your head at Dean.

“Yeah, but…” you trailed, not willing to finish the thought as another suspicion grew in your mind.

“Just thought we could do some of that this year for you, that’s all,” he said. And he shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal. His hands were busy untangling some lights. “Matter of fact, we could all use the time off.”

You couldn’t help but pause. Your breathing shallowed, and no matter how much you fought it, tears stung in your eyes. You bit your lip to try and hold it all at bay. When Dean glanced up at you, he had to do a double take. It made you smile, despite your slightly blurring vision.

“Hey, what—”

You dropped your end of the lights and went to him. You raised up on your toes so you could wrap your arms around his neck in a warm hug. Dean uttered a surprised huff, but his arms came around your waist and gathered you closer. He soon realized he was still holding onto the tangle of lights, and he hung them on a nearby tree branch for now. His smile overtook his surprise and crinkled the corners of his eyes.

“I love you. You know that right?” Your voice was muffled in his neck, but he heard you well enough. He chuckled and slipped a soothing hand up and down your back.

“I do know, actually,” he said, his voice warm and teasing.

A giggle escaped you. You tugged on his short hair in retaliation, making him chuckle.

“Hey,” he warned, but it had heat of a different kind. His hand began venturing down to your ass, but before he could do some retaliating of his own, a door swung open and Sam came down the stairs hefting a couple different boxes of ornaments.

He raised a brow, though he smiled at the way you and his brother were entwined. You half pulled away to nod at Sam, sniffling at quickly wiping at your face. Dean dried some of the wetness from the corner of your eye with a curled finger. You glanced up at him and couldn’t help blushing, smiling, despite your embarrassment.

Dean still had an arm wrapped around your waist as you peered over at the boxes Sam set down near the tree. One of them caught your attention and made your eyes widen.

“Oh my God. They’re Scooby Doo themed!”

The rest of the afternoon was spent decorating the tree with Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby echoing throughout the common room. After you made a trip to the grocery store, soon the smell of cinnamon, brown sugar and rich molasses joined the scent of pine throughout the entire bunker.

It was a Christmas Eve well spent. The night was filled with a rewatch marathon of Home Alone and Christmas Vacation. You agreed to Dean throwing in Elf into the mix, as long as you got to watch Love Actually,and The Holiday with Jude Law. Dean complained more than Sam about your girly chick-flicks, but he became just as invested in Colin Firth pouring his heart out in mangled Portuguese to Aurelia as you were, if less teary-eyed.

When The Holiday came around though, he was half asleep as he laid sprawled across your lap and the couch. Your nails gently massaging his scalp nearly did him in, along with Sam’s heavy-ass pour of eggnog. It was tradition, at this point.

By the end of the movie marathon, you were the one snoozing from your corner of the couch, your hand still in Dean’s hair.

He carried you to bed that night, your eyelids heavy as you teetered back and forth between slumber and the waking world. At least you were already in your pajamas. All he had to do was tuck you under the sheets on your side of the bed, then slip in behind you afterwards.

His arm draped around your waist, and you curled towards him, half on instinct as you let out a deep breath. Dean smiled as you settled against his chest. Your soft snores soon greeted his ears. Only then did he let himself rest…

Just not for long.

You woke earlier than you planned to in the morning, mainly because your man pillow was no longer beside you. You reached out a hand and found Dean’s side of the bed empty and cold, the covers pulled back. With a frown, you opened bleary eyes and checked your phone. It was around the ungodly hour of 5:30 a.m.

What the hell was Dean doing up at the crack of dawn?

Unless… You paused as your memory served you a grim reminder. Unless he’d had a rough night, kept up by memories and dreams he didn’t always want to talk to you about. It wouldn’t be the first time he came back to bed after a few hours with the heady smell of bourbon on him.

You got up with a sigh, rolling your neck as you did so. You just wanted to check on him. Maybe you could even persuade him to come back to bed.

You threw on a sweater over your pajamas and some fluffy slippers Sam bought you for your birthday—all to shield you from the bunker’s chilly air and ice-cold floors. You’d have to remind Dean to check on the heater.

You padded out of the bedroom and down the long hall…and became distracted by the Christmas tree in the common room. It really was beautiful all lit up. The lights softly flashed in green, red, purple, and gold. Traditional red and gold ornaments hung beside the Scooby Doo themed ones, with Fred and Daphne front and center, along with the rest of the gang scattered throughout.

And then you found Dean.

“Damn it…friggin’ piece of shit ribbon…” 

Dean’s muttering drew your attention to his hunched figure kneeling at the base of the tree. Your head tilted in wonder as your face broke out into a smile. What the hell is he doing? You tried to be light on your feet as you approached him from behind. Peering over his shoulder, you could almost see what he was trying do with some shiny red wrapping paper and a big golden bow.

Your heart swelled. Had he really gotten you and Sam something for Christmas too? He didn’t need to get you anything…

Dean’s hunter reflexes must’ve been tingling though, because suddenly he sat up straighter and looked over his shoulder. His eyes widened when he saw you standing there in your pajamas, arms crossed over your robe.

He actually jolted, muttering a curse as he tried to cover up what he was doing.

“What’cha doin’, babe?” you asked. Your eyes gleamed with amusement.

Dean tried to get up, but his foot slipped on a stray ribbon. He careened back onto his ass and knocked into the tree. Not only did its branches poke into his face and arm, making him wince, but he managed to displace a couple of ornaments, sending them tumbling to the floor by his hand. He grunted and raised up onto his forearms. For the pièce de résistance, that lovely golden bow landed right in his lap.

With raised brows, you took in the sight of your man—all bedraggled and looking sheepish (and adorable) as hell. Your hand went up to cover your mouth, but you were unable to quiet the giggle that bubbled up and escaped your lips.

Dean cleared his throat. “Hey.”

You glanced down at the bow, almost perfectly placed in his lap.

“Hey,” you replied, your lips curving into a smile.

You lowered down to kneel in front of him, and you took his face in your gentle hands before you leaned in for a sweet, sensuous kiss. Dean breathed into it. Your eyes shut along with his as you savored the moment, and him.

When you parted, your smile remained as you fingered the shiny edge of the bow. Dean began to smirk as well, despite how warm his face had gotten. His big hands found their way to your hips, welcoming you when you took a comfortable seat over his thighs.

You whispered against his lips, “I already know which present I’m gonna unwrap first.” 

AN: Lol there we go, a cheeky ending for you! Let me know if you liked this! ❤️💚

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[flirting-with-psychology]

2014/2015/2016/2017 New Years Survey

Adding in 2017

1: What did you do in 2014/2015/2016/2017 that you’d never done before?

2014: Had sex

2015: Got further in my love life

2016: Went to the PAC 12 Championship, and about to go to a bowl game

2017: Graduated and moved in with friends

2: Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 2014: I don’t think I actually made any. I might try to this year

2015: I kept a lot of them, and I will probably make new ones

2016: I can’t remember what they were. I might make new ones

2017: I can’t remember what they were. I am making new ones

3: Did anyone close to you give birth? 2014: No

2015: No

2016: My mom’s ex-boyfriend’s daughter

2017: No

4: Did anyone close to you die? 2014: No

2015: No

2016: My friend Zach, although we hadn’t really talked much for a couple of years so we weren’t close anymore

2017: No

5: What countries did you visit? 2014: I stayed in my home country this year, but hopefully I will travel more in 2015 or 2016, I am planning to study abroad

2015: I stayed in my home country but I am planning to study abroad in 2016

2016: I studied abroad in Italy :)

2017: I went to London with my mom

6: What would you like to have in 2015/2016/2017/2018 that you lacked in 2014/2015/2016/2017? 2014: A boyfriend, more confidence, and a more interesting personality

2015: A boyfriend and more confidence

2016: A boyfriend already goddamnit it’s time

2017: An official boyfriend and a film job

7: What dates from 2014/2015/2016/2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 2014: 12/13/14, the day I had sex, and it was interesting because I had my first kiss on 11/12/13

2015: 9/3/15 was the day of the Old Chicago watch party where Hawaii flirted me.

2016: 6/8/16 the day I found out Zach had died

2017: 8/21/17, the solar eclipse

8: What was your biggest achievement of the year? 2014: I think my Blank Space video was cool. Also I got a job

2015: Maybe finally starting to go to the gym and get confidence

2016: My short film Pancakes, which had a full film crew

2017: Graduated college

9: What was your biggest failure? 2014: Letting myself remain unhappy instead of figuring out how to change it

2015: Losing some of the confidence I gained in the fall

2016: Kinda giving up on trying, in various ways

2017: Did not get back into working out

10: Did you suffer illness or injury? 2014: I had a trifecta of stomach flu, pink eye, and common cold during finals week. I also cut my foot open at Water World and it got infected

2015: I was sick for a month from kissing Hawaii

2016: Yeah, that month-long Hawaii plague kinda turned into a year-long strike from my immune system. Also, I got a node in my thyroid. So far it’s benign, just a weird lump

2017: I had to get surgery to remove the thyroid node

11: What was the best thing you bought? 2014: A Netflix subscription

2015: My TV

2016: All my Italy souvenirs. Idk I can’t pinpoint one thing

2017: Sebastian the pirate merman ornament

12: Whose behaviour merited celebration? 2014: My mom’s boyfriend is finally apologizing to her and trying to make up for cheating on her last year, and he actually seems to be working really hard to change

2015: Vincent has become close friends with me and shows a lot of bravery in how he handles things

2016: The football team finally got good

2017: My film class for all we accomplished and helping each other on projects

13: Whose behaviour made you appalled? 2014: There were a few guys who bailed on me without explanation, but the biggest one is my friend who stopped talking to me, apparently because I vented to her too much, but did not give me any chance to fix it and seems to hate me now

2015: All the guys who were too cowardly to text me back

2016: This one dude in Italy on my study abroad program made out, etc with me, then told me not to tell anyone because there was a different girl he wanted to get with

2017: My friend and his girlfriend got mad at me for seeking out another ride because they drove recklessly

14: Where did most of your money go? 2014: A lot went into camera and film equipment rentals. Unfortunately quite a bit also went into the vending machine

2015: Random stuff, and more than usual went to holiday presents

2016: Groceries and clothes and knick knacks

2017: Rent

15: What did you get really, really, really excited about? 2014: I went to the Telluride Film Festival with a school group

2015: Getting to go on a band trip

2016: Getting to go on 3 (three!) band trips

2017: Graduating and London

16: What song will always remind you of 2014/2015/2016/2017? 2014: Songs tend to remind me of people, and the songs that remind me of the people of 2014 are “Don’t Cha” for Captain and “Wildest Dreams” for Marble. Also, Blank Space for all of them

2015: Taylor Swift’s 1989 album

2016: Shut Up and Dance

2017: Not sure if I have one. Maybe the Anastasia soundtrack

17: Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? © richer or poorer? 2014: A) Maybe a little sadder. I’m just getting more desperate as more time passes with me single. B) About the same, maybe a couple pounds fatter. C) Richer, now that I have a job

2015: A) Happier. B) Thinner. C) About the same, maybe a little richer. I’m not excellent at saving

2016: A) Happier. I was about to say sadder, because I think this year as a whole I’ve been sadder than last year as a whole, but I remembered that in december I was trying to get over Hawaii and that sucked ass. B) Fatter. C) About the same, maybe a bit richer

2017: A) About the same. Maybe a little sadder, I kind of miss college. B) Probably about the same. C) Probably poorer because I actually have to pay rent now. But I also make a lot more money so maybe it evens out

18: What do you wish you’d done more of? 2014: Adventures, swing dancing, and maybe a little more textbook reading

2015: Enjoying myself and trying new experiences, and getting the most out of school

2016: Exercising, making friends in Italy

2017: I wish I had done more in college as a whole

19: What do you wish you’d done less of? 2014: Fighting with my parents, perhaps, and maybe less being sad or worried around people because clearly it pushes them away

2015: Worrying about things

2016: Thinking about Hawaii

2017: Strategizing

20: How did you spend Christmas? 2014: With my mom’s boyfriend’s family

2015: Oops awk, I’m doing this early. But I will spend it with my mom’s boyfriend’s family

2016: Lol I’m doing it early again. I think I am just gonna be chilling, I’ll probably do Hanukkah that night

2017: I keep doing it early. Idk maybe watch a movie or something

21: Did you fall in love in 2014/2015/2016/2017? 2014: No, I don’t think so. Maybe, with Captain a little

2015: Not quite

2016: I stayed in love with Captain. I’m pretty sure that started before this year but maybe not. I told him that I loved him this year, though

2017: Almost maybe, but not quite

22: What was your favourite TV program? 2014: Supernatural

2015: How to Get Away With Murder

2016: Suits

2017: Friends

23: Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? 2014: My friend who hates me, I’m starting to hate her back

2015: I still don’t really hate anyone

2016: Don’t really hate anyone

2017: Yeah. Didn’t know her last year

24: What was the best book you read? 2014: Mistborn

2015: The Testing, maybe

2016: Mistborn series

2017: Mistborn series. Also not quite a book but the Choices game

25: What was your greatest musical discovery? 2014: Blank Space

2015: Shut Up and Dance

2016: Collabro

2017: Anastasia the Musical

26: What did you want and get? 2014: A job, new experiences

2015: More confidence, losing weight, better friend relationships

2016: A bowl trip, a summer abroad

2017: I may be on the path to getting a boyfriend?

27: What did you want and not get? 2014: A boyfriend, to lose weight, more confidence and conversational skills

2015: A boyfriend

2016: A boyfriend

2017: Cadence

28: What was your favourite film of this year? 2014: The Imitation Game or Guardians of the Galaxy

2015: The Martian or Inside Out

2016: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

2017: Coco

29: What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? 2014: Being in college

2015: Better friend relationships

2016: The football team doing well

2017: Graduating

30: How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014/2015/2016/2017? 2014: Lazy

2015: Thift-shoppy

2016: Lazy

2017: Lazy when I was in school except for the days I saw Cadence, and then more fashionable when I got my job

31: What kept you sane? 2014: Hope for the future

2015: Belief in myself I guess

2016: Genetics and environmental factors that have not yet caused insanity

2017: Not sure

32: Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? 2014: Chris Pratt

2015: Still Chris Pratt I think

2016: Chris Pratt is a sexy, sexy man

2017: Yup. Or Kit Harington

33: What political issue stirred you the most? 2014: Probably the Leelah Alcorn suicide that just happened

2015: The presidential debates are happening

2016: The presidential election, first one that I got to vote in

2017: Maybe Net Neutrality

34: Who did you miss? 2014: My friend who hates me

2015: Hawaii

2016: Hawaii and Zach

2017: I missed Jessie while we were fighting

35: Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014/2015/2016/2017. 2014: Let it Go

2015: Bravery means going after what you want

2016: The importance of storyboarding

2017: Strategizing just wastes time

36: Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. 2014: Got a long list of ex-lovers, they’ll tell you I’m insane

2015: I almost brought him up, but you start to talk about the movie that your family watches every single Christmas, and I’ll talk about that, for the first time, what’s past is past

2016: Buffaloes, Buffaloes, Go CU

2017: School’s out forever

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie, Bronson, Charlie & Bea

Ronnie: I'm going on a run Ronnie: who wants? Bronson: My stash is depleted for some unknown reason 🤔 please stock me up Charlie: Ooh, new year new you babe? Charlie: couch to 5k is it aspirational af 😍 Bea: ✋ me Ronnie: fuck off i just dont need you pussies crying when you can't scav my gear Ronnie: what'll it be princess? the usual Charlie: c'mon, we've always shared everything, nothing is your own #carekidlife Bronson: Ha! That'll be why the lock on my door never sticks Bea: yep, not decided to get heavily into crack since we last spoke, just lots of amphetamines in any form you find 'em, tah, got exams coming up Ronnie: Shame Ronnie: reckon I'd like you more on the hard shit Charlie: just in case you missed the old place, man, giving you that nostalgia for when you had to padlock anything that wasn't bolted to the floor 😜 Bronson: Good times! 😀 Bea: Shame I'm not trying to be your type then, I guess Bea: soz darling, spoken for 💋 Charlie: Truly, missing that tenner a week pocket money, LUXURY! Ronnie: fucking am Ronnie: pissing jobcentre Bronson: I'll add it to your tab if you're desperate as Charlie: gotta learn to play their game, babe Charlie: not throw the board in a hissy Ronnie: 🖕 doss cunts Bea: catch me here fanning myself with sweet, sweet debt for future me to give a shit about Bronson: I'll wipe it out if you use some to keep me sweet Bea: sweet enough sugar 😘 Bea: but forreal, if you could manage that I would be your sugar mama for LIFE 🙏 Bronson: It's student loans not the feds Bronson: Easy peasy Bea: true, like all branches of the gov, pretty fucking useless Bea: but I'm an immigrant as far as they concerned so they treat me SO good 😋 Bronson: Same, but we can always stretch our hands out a little further Ronnie: To jack it and pat yourself on the back at the same time, yeah? Ronnie: calm it down Bronson: New year, new look too! Green looks ace with black 😄 Bea: Clearly do not have natural rhythm Ronnie, that's really not that difficult Bea: You're not a drummer, are you? 😕 Ronnie: get off my tits all of yous Ronnie: do you want gear or nah? Bronson: 🤐 Bea: I thought you'd already gone tbh Ronnie: not trying to score that weak gay shit Ronnie: hitting up a more reliable source like Charlie: rude, i'm RIGHT here Ronnie: are you even gay fitzy? always in my pussy lad Bronson: 😷 Bea: 🤢 Charlie: idk, ask ur man 💖 Ronnie: that'll be why me and Bron's dads did a bunk Bronson: Get yourself locked up at the same time just for the d, did you? Romantic Charlie: if the porn n the stereotypes n the rate of STIs are anything to go by...love is in the air always in cell block h Ronnie: princess'll have some handcuffs to get you on your way to that good loving Bea: 🚿🧠 anyone got any bleach? Bea: Charlie isn't worth the 💰 use cable ties, more authentic Bronson: 99 🚔 My fingers are on the button....Stop for the love of god Ronnie: Bron can help you out there Fitz Ronnie: 🤓 Bronson: Take that over a thicko label Charlie: Look, babe, know you wanna tie me down forever but do it yourself, don't involve the kid Charlie: 💍 diamond or no D, soz Ronnie: Bring a needle I'll snag a gem Bronson: Don't go there, C, I'm still riding the ear infection wave Bronson: It's been 84 years Ronnie: yeah cause you're a mong that can't turn an earring Bronson: In my defense I was a legit child Bea: nothing screams low-class like stabbing your friends for the bants Charlie: and i already scream homo loudly enough, don't need another reason to be hate crime-d, a thank you Bronson: If I didn't know you I'd guess bisexual Bronson: You can have that for free Charlie: what a smooth-talker! thanks babe 💖 Charlie: and if i didn't know you, i'd guess you were trying to see my dongle Bronson: Been there, repressed the trauma o that Ronnie: get a fucking room benders Charlie: why you being so homophobic when we all know how bad you want on princess? cliche stuck in the closet much Bea: shut up Ronnie: in your wet dreams Charles Ronnie: fuck off Charlie: oh the delicious tension Charlie: too much for either to bear Ronnie: I know where she's been Ronnie: fuck that Ronnie: like you wish you could gayboy Bronson: Wait, you fancy Fraze, Charlie? Ha Bea: Bron can you not encourage either of them Bea: thanks Bronson: Sorry my mind's just blown I thought he was out of his straight boy phase Charlie: What? Its a compliment for you, he's adorable, why else would you be with him? Ronnie: they're both annoying cunts Ronnie: match made Charlie: and never out of that phase, bro 😍 #daddyissues Bea: get his name out of your mouth bitch Ronnie: oi get your mouth off his dick Fitzgerald you heard her Ronnie: princess is raging like Ronnie: when your mans a slag and youre a prude Bea: As if Bea: Only one McKenna fucked up to go near you Bea: #singletear Charlie: Children, enough Ronnie: Bron do that final 9 she's going off 😂 Bronson: Walking away Bea: know you're hard up but as per we're all funding you getting your rocks off so run along and do it, no need to bore me trying to get your kicks Ronnie: know youre a snobby cunt but I don't work for you Bea: you don't work for anyone, not even JC gonna fund your lack of a life Ronnie: 🖕 mad cause I don't need reddies to fund myself Bea: yeah fuming Bea: if only I'd have thought of selling my body, wouldn't even NEED to be at cambs rn omg Ronnie: nailed it Bea: 😂 Bea: whodathunkit Bea: talking to the cure for cancer stuck inside a waster here Bea: and I'm the snob, okay Ronnie: fucking hell Ronnie: devvo like Bea: We can tell Bea: you don't need to shout about it, you've got the energy of a walking wasteland Ronnie: can't wait until you take some more speed and get more smug Bea: Right? Bea: Must sting, better only getting better Bea: why don't you get something to numb the pain- Ronnie: let you know how it feels when the lads come up Bronson: A rare compliment, you hitting it already? Ronnie: you'll have your share calm the fuck down Charlie: i don't want any, i'm busy Charlie: glad you all noted my silence, feel so listened to usually! hmpf Ronnie: so now you're a little bitch too Ronnie: fuck's sake Bronson: PARTY TIME, am I right? Really in the mood now thanks everyone Charlie: who's in who's pussy, dollface? Charlie: keep your shirt on, Bro 😂 got enough with the two angry feminists here Charlie: I've got previous plans, if you're really so hurt, you can save me some, no? Whaddya mean that'd hurt more? 😏 Bea: you're alright, I personally rather you weren't there, suits me 😘 Bronson: Shirts already off, too late 😜 Bea: Standard 👌 Charlie: you big man whore Charlie: when i'm not around to be predatory, too, tuttut Bronson: I'd wilt under your stare, you know you aren't missing out Charlie: our beautiful wallflower Charlie: I bagsy being a red rose, lil trashy but iconic Bronson: Thorn in our sides Bronson: accepted Bea: Nice one, babe Bea: i'll be an orchid, because i'm beautiful, ornamental and high-maintenance Bea: getting in there before any of you fucks can Charlie: though your silence IS noted, wonwon Charlie: don't be cross at me 😘 Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: you're not the only one who's busy Ronnie: got a dick in my mouth too like Charlie: such a skilled multitasker Charlie: teach me your ways Bronson: in private please Bronson: not a lesson I want to learn Bea: we're not living in that teen movie Ronnie: On my way Bea: 👍 getting cash out, meet you there Bronson: Doors on the latch

Bea: Morning sweetness 😴 Bea: manage to recover your good vibe/night? Bronson: is it? 😪 Bronson: Until now it wasn't too bad Bronson: Do you get to say the same or is it pure suffering? Bea: Wow, when you hit bae up with that morning text and he's like day=ruined 😰 thought we was forever 😉 Bea: Decided to get off with someone around the same time I lost track of yous, so it was fucking awful, don't tell me you coulda told me that Bronson: It's only the comedown I wanna dump you're welcome to come and nap 💗 Bronson: Not to be that know it all Bea: Molly's such a cruel, cruel mistress, she wants you to miss her when she's gone 💁 Bea: Poor bubba, better than waking up next to that pushy bitch from last night though, Jesus, what was her damage? Bea: I reckon he'd actually gone out and had his drunken kebab and THEN PAID TO GET BACK IN Bea: No sir, not alright Bea: Why do I bother? Bronson: But I'm shamelessly smitten, only girl for besides present company like Bronson: Whatever it is she's not the first or last sufferer Bronson: Thanks for the bail out and sorry I wasn't there to do the same with kebab Kev Bea: N'awwh 💞 glad I hold more appeal than Tina, don't need to be going down that route Bea: It's an epidemic! Basic bitches who can't get a man willing, yeah take that out on innocent onlookers who ain't buying and talk about how your ex ain't shit for being a creepy letch Bea: We see you sweets 💅 Bea: Any time, even if you weren't there to take that donner breath bullet Bea: I'd never ask that of anyone, even Ronnie, though she'd brag about not being arsed, I'm sure 😂 Bronson: Next time I'll carry gum and throw it at whoever you deem worthy Bronson: Give me the nod Bronson: It was all over her socials like we had a good night together until I got there first Bronson: Rather take out Tina and all her mates Bea: as if you don't already Bea: if only little miss would-be-rapist knew that strong jawline was from gurning up a storm 😉 Bea: not so sexy now Bronson: there's nothing in my pockets I'm just pleased to see you Bronson: Seriously though, some of those selfies had to go for that unflattering reason alone taking into account none of her other antics Bronson: I looked a state Bea: 😂 not fallen for that one before but i'll make an exception for you boo Bea: catch me in my duvet cocoon, please don't look at me 'cos same Bea: I dread to think Bea: kept off my accounts for that reason and many more, some of us have reputations to uphold, skank Bronson: want me to check Bronson: clean up the carnage Bronson: Then brunch, your treat Bea: please Bea: roleplay my IT bitch and I'll be feeling my boss best in time for a liquid lunch Bea: will have to damage control my face first, enjoy watching me lovingly whilst I turn a -2 to an 11 Bronson: Never get bored of staring at you, you know that Bronson: Make my hair great again Bronson: Thanks Bea: when you shoulda been Trump's campaign manager 😕 Bea: sort the weave, clean up that twitter Bea: what a wonderful world it coulda been Bronson: Last night proves I can't stop him pussy grabbing Bronson: Need you for that one Bea: This pussy bites back 😼 Bea: its not your fault, girls like that, if you tell her to fuck off, and rightly so, it'd be made like YOU were being a prick to her Bea: gotta bullshit these hoes sometimes, tis the only way Bronson: Or playing hard to get...they fire that one at me loads Bronson: 😦 Bea: 🤢 gross Bea: got that one myself a fair few times, when I'm not being accused of being a prude by Ronaldo, hilariously Bea: People are the worst Bea: 'cept us Bronson: It's only because she likes you Bronson: Flattering, isn't it? Bronson: Being called broken is my fave Bronson: "Who hurt you?" You are right now, fuck off before you get a slap yourself to feel the pain of Bea: Wouldn't that just be the perfect solution in their simplistic little world? If only Bea: Save myself the feelings of disgust not brought on by kebab breath Bea: Though, if you think that that's love coming from Ron, then you do have an answer to their riddle right there, not real but the masses'll take one look at her and buy it 😜 Bronson: No arguments here Bronson: Your socials are sparkling now so that's real comfort to take Bea: 💖 yay Bea: the world never need know Bea: as long as I didn't drunk dial or text Fraze, this day is looking up, tah babes Bronson: Not to be a know it all again so quick Bronson: but I'm going to go ahead and guess the answer to that one Bea: BITCH DON'T KILL MY VIBE Bea: I'm sure I'd have angry ranting in my inbox if I had Bea: or a passive indirect on the socials, come across one perchance smartiepants? Bronson: Might've Bronson: I'll spare you Bea: Noooooooooooooooooooo Bea: Coulda had it all Bea: Really sours my Bloody Mary Bea: Fuck sake, now he's going to think I FUCKED kebab kev and enjoyed it meanwhile I sit here virginal and scrubbing my mouth out with soap Bea: How's this game fair again, please remind me Bronson: It isn't Bronson: But I can't tell you to stop playing Bronson: All yours Bea: you're meant to be a superwhizkid Bea: can't you think up a strategy so I win Bronson: Thinking cap is on Bronson: Because my hair still looks shit as much as Bea: I'll fix your barnet Bea: Between you and Charlie, honestly Bea: Never known boys like it 😂 Bea: blatant lie, have you seen how particular Fraze is but he doesn't really have much hair to be stylin' so Bronson: 👴 awkward Bea: you fool Bea: not like that 😂 Bea: though I'll keep it in my backpocket for when we inevitably row later Bea: #malepatternbaldnessBITCH Bronson: Freebie to kick your day off right again Bea: if you refuse to tell me what to do, could you use your skillz for good at least and fucking disable my phone when i'm fucked Bronson: Last time I tried you tried to fight me like Bea: Look, I didn't say it was a task for the fainthearted 😉 Bea: and yes, you would be the first to succeed too Bea: but if anyone can, its my man 😘 Bronson: Ego boost before eggs Bronson: Whoa Bronson: Today is looking up Bea: Gotta keep you sweet with all the bitching I'll no doubt do at brunch Bea: such a Carrie move, like no one cares bitch, write it in your column or books or...what did she even write? Or was she just monologuing at her computer, like all been there babe but don't act like its buying you all that designer Bronson: Her real true love was that laptop Bronson: Solved it Bea: 😲 Bea: but Mr. Big Bea: clue in the name Bronson: Could be his wallet Bronson: explain the designer gear Bea: Exactly Bea: Just my type Bronson: I'd go in for it if I can spend and send him the receipts Bea: you must be aware there are websites for that Bea: get on it boy Bronson: It all gets too sexual for my tastes Bea: set out boundaries Bea: different strokes for different folks Bea: i'm SURE there's a millionaire out there that just wants to chat Bronson: 🤔 There's enough fighting off advances in the club Bronson: Shelving that until millionaires become good people Bea: not bad people by default Bea: just a bad system they profit from more than you Bronson: Getting deep in here Bronson: Truth though Bea: real talk take #2 Bea: where do you think charlie was last night? and who or what was he doing? Bronson: Good questions that I have no answer to Bronson: If he had a job we'd all know Bea: I need to know, suspense is killing me Bea: I didn't think anything beat drugs in his book Bea: somewhat encouraging? Bronson: You could ask but I doubt you'd get far enough into the real Bronson: It is Bronson: Boy's growing up? Bea: Full of the #bants them two Bronson: Since day 1 Bronson: I'm coming to get you, Barbara Bronson: Ready yourself Bea: *falls over gravestones like a dumb bitch* Bea: i'm good to go and looking fly Bronson: I'll do the coded knock Bronson: Made up rn Bea: Helpful Bronson: That's my thing Bronson: Soon, my love, soon

[pebblevote]

Watchalong: Soul Hunter

Kendra:

I'm going to watch ... SOUL HUNTER

NO...don't fire your REAR ENGINES to slow down

Ooh sexy Obama doctor

Complete with eyebrow waggle

Discoooooo jump out of hyperspace

Out of controoooool

I just noticed the giant preying mantis in the intro for the first time?

Tony:

who is clearly receiving an american express card

PRODUCT PLACEMENT

Kendra:

Data crystalsssss

Ooh commander has such a sexy voice for "first contact...I waaant it"

No no no don't move your ship that wayyyyy

Tony:

I am human. we are humans. welcome...to our station

*suggestive eyebrows*

*flounce*

Kendra:

Ooh he GRAPPLED that ship successfully

Why are the floors flat? Isn't the ship rotating to create artificial gravity? So ... round?

Tony:

it’s simply the illusion of flatness. the station is actually about 800,000 miles in diameter

Kendra:

"Shock-dot? Shock-dot?"

Yikes

That is a crushingly fast spin

Tony:

get ready for some intense overacting

they really needed some time to work things out in the beginning

Kendra:

Yeah the bald headgear woman is giving me whiplash

Tony:

Delenn. who I promise becomes less excruciating

unlike, say, Garibaldi

Kendra:

I'm only here for her popcorn frustration. Tell me she "eats" popcorn again

Tony:

I can’t swear to it

but she does eat other things?

ONSCREEN EVEN

and they are important things

and also maybe her enemies

Kendra:

Oh dear god

Does she pick them apart with her fingernails over cocktails with Garralousaldi?

Tony:

she’s too classy for that

not for cocktails

but for Garriscarii

Kendra:

The doctor. is he extra shiny for a reason?

Tony:

he just is

he is a statement of being

Kendra:

She was watching Donald Duck with him...why not drinks?

Tony:

wonderful being

Kendra:

Kniiiiife

Whoa that murderer has great hair

Creepy old man is creepy

Tony:

easy breezy beautiful I killed a girl

Kendra:

Quoting creepy things

Why does his head have mud flaps

"We are not thieves! We are parodies of holy men and shaman stereotypes!"

Oh I know what bothers me about him

He reads like an MFA student at a poetry reading

Particularly sex poems and nature profundities

Tony:

YES

he does

so much ardor. so much passion. such soul. it’s like william shatner.

Kendra:

William Shatner with mud flaps over his ears

Tony:

william ‘mudkip’ shatner

Kendra:

Flatter

*Flatner

Tony:

for some reason I think his nickname should be giggles

Kendra:

That's okay. Mine is goggles.

Tony:

both excellent choices for mr. I-have-bluetooth-in-my-forehead

Kendra:

I'm really disappointed it doesn't light up

Seems such a shame to leave a Logan's Run reference unturned

Tony:

it could also have made a fun sound

which they could’ve incorporated in his action figure if they made one

Kendra:

Nyyyyooom nyoooom

Tony:

missed opportunity, that

Kendra:

Why didn't they?

Tony:

oh, they made action figures

I have several

just none with sound

Kendra:

Bruce Boxleitner is supposed to show up eventually, right?

Ughhh

Tony:

oh yes oh yes. second season.

Kendra:

Good

He adorned "Tron Legacy" like a king

Tony:

and so shall he here

Kendra:

THE MUSIC

WHY

Tony:

to you remind you it’s there

Kendra:

oh no there is an orb

A floating orb

Oh god oh god

Tony:

HEY IN CASE YOU FORGOT I am the music which is made from someone beating up a synthesizer in a back alley

Kendra:

I just realized it looks like labia

The thing on his head

Tony:

he seems to be labiaoring under the delusion that it doesn’t

Kendra:

Ughhhhhh

Oh no a preying mantis with humanoid arms is leading the sexface holy man??

Tony:

a muppety praying mantis, thankyouverymuch

#makealiensmuppetsagain

Kendra:

Make coming around a corner dramatic again

Tony:

oh they’ll definitely do that

and then some

and the music will be there to remind you

Kendra:

MUDFLAPS TWO

Tony:

one does not simply walk around corners

Kendra:

one *poses* around corners

Why is GarshopsAldi not commander? He has a point about the commander being so heroic. The commander does like 90% of the protection of the ship

Station

Thing

Tony:

he really does. as much as Garybaldy is not my favorite character, he does get the best opportunities to show common sense and be logical. sometimes.

“well, Garibaldi kind of has a point”

that’s the show in a nutshell

Kendra:

*delivers monologue over unconscious body while staring off into the middle distance*

This guy is hardcore for a poetry major

MOOOOSIC

Tony:

because he just kinda straight up tortures Delenn here and idk no one really talks about it?

Kendra:

why don't they swap places? It would be more efficient

Tony:

I read that as “why don’t they swan places?"

and I thought OH BUT THEY DO

Kendra:

And it would ensure we never have to see gallaboldi eat, ever again

Tony:

eh I could get into it

Kendra:

What is he distilling

Her blood?

Tony:

he’s bleeding her like a pomegranate?

Kendra:

Soul juice doesn't feel right

Pomegranate doesn't bleed

Unless...crushed

Oh no he has a ... GUN

ARE THOSE ...

laser pointers?

Why is the commander alone???

Tony:

he’s going to remind you what points you need to remember for the exam

TO

DEATH

Kendra:

He has a phone!! Thing!!!

Just ask for directions already

Bloody useless men

Tony:

yup, that’s pretty much the show too

Kendra:

Murder babies are orbing

Tony:

murder babies gon fucking fuck you up, head labia man

Kendra:

Nooooo

Noooooo

His belly is glowing

Tony:

head labia man could also refer to the gynecologist in charge

Kendra:

Aw

Captain soft eyebrows the Dellem

It WAS blood

Tony:

he literally took like a whole leg’s worth of blood out of her

but she’s gonna fucking walk it off

Kendra:

Mmmm he really needs not to smile coyly

Tony:

because she is a BEAST

Kendra:

"I knew you would come"

Sexy eyes

She has killer eyeliner for a walking helmet

"Keyword search" no no nineties STAY DEAD

Tony:

one wears one’s best eyeliner when one is going to be bled to death and then eaten as a murder baby orb by a cosmic vacuum

Kendra:

"There's always time ..."

UNLESS YOU AIRED ON FOX

Was the second soul hunter even required, at all?

Tony:

nope

in my mind he was named steve

and he led a mediocre life

Kendra:

Cosmic baby bubble wrap

Those were empty Christmas tree ornaments weren't they

CUT TO BLACK

Tony:

probably. wouldn’t surprise me.

the whole episode can be distilled to one line

Delenn is on the Gray Council

DONE

Kendra:

Cool. Can't wait for episode 3. Since it's called "Born to the Purple" I'm going to take it that everyone is wearing togas. The whole episode. Just that, togas.

Tony:

you’re in for a pleasant surprise or a disappointment