#idk what to do for the next part lmao I didn't think I'd actually think I'd get this far but brainrot be like that

[majimasleftasscheek]

👗 pt. 4

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[mypoisonedvine]

another idea for dr crane but i'm afraid it might be too similar to thoughtless so please just ignore if it is!!: from personal experience, being a patient of his who is seeing him bc of sexual trauma. fear of penetration due to previous sexual assault. and ofc he's all about exposure therapy. and you wanna trust him so so bad bc he wants what's best for you, he's encouraging you ("you deserve to embrace your sexuality, you get past this one barrier and you're free"), but you start to fight back. and he takes personal offense bc he's your doctor, why don't you trust his expertise? but then it starts to feel good~

idk i picture reader trying with a toy in front of him but he gets impatient sees she's struggling with going that extra step further so he takes control either with the toy or himself.

warnings: not actually that dark (I mean, it is cause he's her therapist lol but he's not nonconning her) but still manipulation, slightly medical kink?, praise kink

(oops this turned out pretty long how did that happen? lmao)

"Did you try what we discussed last week?" he asked, and you pressed your knees together as you looked down and shook your head. "Really? You seemed very positive about it before."

"I was," you admitted. "It seemed really easy-- just sort of training myself, you know. But then I got home and... I guess it was a little overwhelming."

"Hm," he said, and you started to feel guilty for disappointing him. "That's interesting-- it seems like you were more comfortable here than at home. I figured it would be the other way around."

"Yeah, that would make more sense, I guess," you shrugged, "but-- I dunno..."

"Do you want to try again?" he wondered.

"I do," you admitted, "but I'm nervous that I'll start panicking again..."

"Then why don't you try here?"

You tensed up at just the suggestion; "Wouldn't that be... I mean, isn't that...?"

"I'm a medical doctor," he reminded you with a chuckle, "I've seen much worse. This is simply part of your treatment. I want you to get better."

You took a deep breath, nodding. "Okay," you decided. "Okay, I can try it."

"Great," he smiled, uncrossing his legs and resetting his clipboard in his lap. "We agreed before that you'd be more comfortable with your fingers than silicone dilators, is that still--?"

"Yes," you interrupted, "definitely. Feels too... clinical, otherwise."

He nodded, and there was a brief silence.

"So, do I just... start?"

"I'd like you to try," he said gently.

You noticed that his gaze never broke away from you, but you looked down into your lap as you started to slowly spread your legs. "So I just.. reach under my dress?"

"That should be fine," he encouraged. "There's nothing to be afraid of-- this is a safe space."

You nodded in agreement, pulling up your dress enough to reach into your panties. Sighing, you tried not to let nerves get the better of you as you pushed your lips apart with your fingers. But still, the anxiety was bubbling up, and you pressed the tip of your finger to your hole only to feel resistance alongside your distress. "I-- I don't think I can--"

"It's alright," he soothed, "start with the outside first-- stimulate your clitoris."

You choked on a laugh, still too nervous to look at him. "You really are a medical doctor..."

"What, too formal?" he chuckled. "Alright... rub your clit."

That shocked you even more than the clinical language; but it made you pulse inside, too. "O-okay..."

You pressed your fingers against the bud, trying to rub it, but it didn't really feel like anything-- like rubbing your elbow or something. Jonathan corrected you right away: "Not so hard," he said, "start gently."

"Sorry," you breathed, shutting your eyes.

"No-- it's fine," he assured, "I just want to help."

He was right, though; when you lessened the pressure and gently rubbed in circles, it started to feel good-- slowly, but surely. When your next breath came out shaky, you heard him hum with satisfaction.

"Is that better?" he asked.

"Yes," you answered, but you didn't mean for it to be a moan.

"I think you're ready," he informed you-- and something about his voice, it was lower than before, it was different... it was making you wet.

"Ready... for what?" you whispered, daring to open your eyes and see the darkness in his expression as he watched you.

"Ready to fuck yourself with your fingers."

"Oh," you sighed, feeling like you'd been punched in the gut-- in the best possible way. "Okay..."

"Just one to start," he encouraged, "put a finger inside yourself, nice and slow."

You sighed as you pressed the finger up to your hole again, smiling as you realized it was more open-- and wet-- than before. You gently pressed in further, finding some pressure but pushing through it until you were knuckle deep in yourself. You smiled happily; "I did it," you breathed, "oh my god, I-- I never thought I'd--"

"Don't stop," he cooed, "move it back and forth. If you do well enough, you can add a second finger."

You figured he meant it that you would be able to add a second finger, but it almost sounded like a bargain, like a reward. Do what I say and I'll let you add a second, or something. Surely that wasn't what he meant.

"A little faster," he encouraged as you pumped the finger. "That's it, very good."

You whimpered, biting down on your lip to hide your moan. You wanted him to say that again, to tell you that you were doing this correctly.

"Add the second now," he instructed, his own voice suddenly sounding a little hoarse and needy. "Stretch yourself out-- and tell me how it feels."

"It feels good," you panted as you started to add your second finger, whining at the stretch. "Fuck, I-- will they both fit?"

He chuckled a little-- a low, rough sound-- and promised you: "Yes, they'll fit. You can take a lot more than two fingers, with some patience."

You hadn't even imagined being able to do more than this-- for years, you hadn't been able to put anything inside you, and now here you were... fingering yourself in front of your therapist. "How much more?" you wondered, hardly imagining how it could be possible.

There was a long, long pause; you worried he hadn't heard you. Looking at him again, you found him watching with a tight jaw.

"How much more can I take, Dr. Crane?" you asked again.

"You can take anything I give you," he answered tensely.

A shiver ran up your spine; "F-fuck," you whimpered, and your walls pulsed around your fingers.

"You're going to come, aren't you?" he noticed, and you nodded. "Good."

You gasped.

"Very good," he egged you on, seeing the effect it had on you; your head tilted back as you pushed your fingers into yourself faster. "You're doing very well for me-- now I just need to see you come. I just need you to make yourself come."

"Yes, yes," you chanted, hips rocking, moans growing louder. "It feels good-- fuck, Doctor, I--"

"I know," he soothed, "just let it happen. Keep going. Come for me."

It hit you all at once, a heavy and numbing feeling that left you shaking on his couch; he purred out his praises, telling you how good you were doing, and it only made the feeling stronger.

When you exhausted yourself, you stilled; there was a moment of silence, just your panting filling the air, until you found the strength to meet his gaze again. He was smiling at you sweetly, looking oddly similar to how he always did at the end of a session. "That was incredible progress," he said proudly. "You should be very impressed with yourself."

You sighed as you nervously pulled your fingers out of yourself. "I-- do you have a tissue I can wipe these with?" you asked nervously.

"No need," he said, "you should taste it."

"Wh-what?" you choked out, your face even warmer than before.

"Just taste it-- I think you'll like it," he encouraged.

Though you hesitated for a second, you brought your wet fingers to your lips and gently licked off some of the sticky substance left behind.

"What do you think?" he asked.

"It's sort of strange," you admitted.

"It's an acquired taste," he shrugged, making your heart pound as you realized just from the look in his eyes that this was absolutely a taste he'd acquired... then again, there must have been a reason that he knew even better than you how to touch yourself and make you come.

Then, it was impossible not to imagine what he's like when he does this off the clock-- the way he touches and pleasures the women he takes to bed. You imagined him with his fingers inside lace panties, whispering in her ear about how good she was being for him; you imagined him pushing two inside and promising to give her more; you imagined him making her come, over and over, until he's satisfied and brings those soaked fingers to his lips and calling her delicious.

And even though you tried not to picture who that woman would be, you couldn't help but wonder if he'd like a woman like you... if you were the type he'd do that to, if you weren't his patient.

"Thank you," you blurted out. "I never thought I'd be able to... thank you. It's been a long time since I was able to feel that."

He nodded. "Thank you for trusting me," he replied. Glancing at the clock, he sighed a little through a polite smile: "Oh, look at that, we're out of time for today. This has been a really excellent session."

"Yeah," you agreed as you both stood up, "definitely."

"And next week, we can discuss the next steps in your recovery."

You raised your eyebrows when you heard that, already almost halfway out of the office. "Next steps?" you noticed.

"Yes," he agreed, "you made great progress, but there's still so much more for you to learn."

[imanes]

doing a lil august reading wrap up because apparently i read 13 (!!) books. in chronological order (bolded are those i recommend):

city of stairs by robert jackson bennett: quite the interesting read. i think the character work in this one is a standout, as well as the world building. the good thing is i have no idea where this trilogy is going so it's exciting. the audiobook for the second book arrives in 2 weeks on my shelves on libby so I'll be reading the sequel soon

braiding sweetgrass by robin wall kimmerer: this one took me a whole entire year to read and finish lol. no comment. or maybe one comment: i think i'd have found this book a lot more eye opening if i had read it three years ago so right book wrong time i guess? i do recommend it i just think it didn't impact me as much as i thought it would

the blighted worlds by megan e. o'keefe: this one hit me like a truck!! i was so obsessed. it's a sci-fi space opera with an element of horror and an interesting romance sub-plot. basically everything i love lmao. i really do recommend this book it might actually be my fave of the month

sanctuary by ilona andrews: i have to stay up to date on all things kate daniels-related to this spin off was high on my tbr. it was a lot of fun but it petered out toward the end

where the dark stands still by a.b. poranek: a bit of a let down not gonna lie. the gist of my opinion is that it felt underdeveloped and in turn i felt under-interested in whatever was going on

shadows of self by brandon sanderson: once again i am begging the protagonists of this series to stop being aggravating

the fractured dark by megan e. o'keefe: continuing my obsession with the devoured worlds trilogy... unfortunately i have to wait on my libby hold to get the audiobook of the next one (i read with my eyeballs and listen at the same time to help with concentration)

the right to sex - feminism in the 21st century by amia srinivasan: i read this book because i know of two people who broke up with their significant other (one of them resulting in a divorce) after reading this book so i had to know what srinivasan had cooked in there and yeah she did cook.

the way of kings by brandon sanderson: just part of my re-read in preparation of the release of wind and truth in December. this month we tackle (again) words of radiance teehee

just for the summer by abby jimenez: womp womp womp. idk what it is with romance authors these days they're in a competition with themselves to portray the healthiest love stories but this one teetered on the wrong side of boring one too many times and the volume to therapy-speech in this one was staggering.

the ex vows by joyce jessica: twas a cute poolside read, it's nothing revolutionary but it was pleasant enough and it didn't make me roll my eyes like just for the summer jdkjgsk at least the love interest had a personality and a life... i mean it's fiction so it's not a life but it appeared as if he contained multitudes or something

funny story by emily henry: I'll go ahead and say it nobody writes a contemporary romance quite like miss henry because she's got the secret recipe for the right balance between heartfelt feelings and amusing situations + her dialogues feel a lot more natural than most (though if i had to nitpick she always has this side character who's a fountain of wisdom and gives you life-changing monologues but i guess such people exist out there)

the thief by megan whalen turner: the megans are really out in full force because this is another book written by a megan that i loved so much. yes half of this book is a fairly episodic journey across made-up countries, yes i ate it up, yes the second half is worth the wait (if you were out of patience, which i wasn't, bc i was having fun) and yes the plot twists are chef's kiss. "gen's ambitions are his own" is the perfect summary. everand has all the audiobooks so you know what I'm gonna do... that's right... listen and read at the same time

as an aside the tandem reads i do with both books and audiobooks happen only when i like the narrators. if i find a narrator i like i stick to them like glue because they're few and far between as far as my picky ass is concerned. i never do romance audiobooks they're the worst...

[obsessivestar]

'What If It's All A RomCom?' - a Ted Nivison x Reader

{{- Welcome to Chapter 4! Gonna ditch the Story Description from here on out. If this is your first chapter, I'd recommend reading Chapter 1, Chapter 2 and Chapter 3 first! Or just read this one if you want the good shit, up to you ;^) -}}

//General Warnings: 18+ fic, Reader implied to be afab and under 5'5.

Chapter Warnings: Heated language. Heavy kissing. Mentions of Jackbox (Idk if that should count as a warning but the game is in this chapter so if you don't know of it you might get confused)\\

> Word count: 4.7k (I'm so fucking sorry LMAO)

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@k-k0129

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Chapter 4: You Don't Wanna Kiss Me?

The shots we had just done looked very pretty, actually. The crew had gotten this one beautiful shot of the extras throwing around the ball on the left with Ted and I along the flagpole on the right, the bright sun giving this shadowy effect to us all. Good. This way, you can't see how absolutely embarrassed I was with how close Ted was to me; practically had me pinned against that pole. It did make for an excellent shot though, and I could tell Tanner was proud. I didn't want to ruin that for him.

Once we all moved inside, Ted and I finally got to take part in some scenes where we'd be speaking to one another. These next scenes had extras moving around with packed bags and boxes, simulating a large group of friends helping each other move in. Ted and I would be discussing graduation in the scene over by the kitchen table. He and Tanner had apparently made some adjustments to the script earlier in the morning as the personality of 'Mason' needed to be tweaked for Ted's more extroverted personality. I didn't mind it, any new context didn't change my own lines and we were free to improv if need be. Ted would even start the scene by picking up a box from the front door to bring to the kitchen table to make the scene feel more natural. I liked how much Ted was willing to adapt to everything for the production, I'm sure Tanner appreciated it too; and I appreciated getting to see Ted move some more.

Oh man, I'm not actually starting to like this guy, am I?

I have to control my thoughts for the scene to continue. These casual takes are relatively easy to get through when my brain isn't arguing with itself. We shoot several different scenes together, some where we're talking alone and some where we're in a group setting, once again doing any necessary retakes until the sun starts to set once again and Tanner decides to call it for the day. As the film crew once again packed up and dispurse to their own accommodations, I found out who that 5th mystery member of the editing team was. It was Dan, the guy that had almost hit me with the football earlier. He apologized to me more, but I reassured him all was okay and that I wasn't upset with anyone. The interaction had got me thinking about how to wind the night down without us all retreating to our bedrooms. We had ended the 2nd day of filming a little earlier than we wrapped up yesterday, so we had the free time. I pitched the idea to Tanner once everyone else had left, and he loved the idea, so we got everyone else together and met up in the living room.

Tanner was the one to suggest bringing his PC down from his room to play Jackbox, a party game where you use your phones as controllers to connect and play some entertaining mini games. We'd all have to be together for the next 3 weeks anyways; it felt like the perfect ice breaker. At this point, everyone had changed into their own clothes, including Ted, who was wearing a black sweater and some casual dark grey pants. He looked pretty comfy, actually. The couch we were all on was like one giant sofa, all connected together in the shape of a sharp U with a large flat screen TV mounted up on the wall adjacent to us. I had sat myself near one of the corners on the left side, pleasantly surprised when Ted chose to sit next to me. The scent of pine I had caught on him earlier was a little stronger now, even though he wasn't sitting all that close to me.

"Did you put more cologne on?" I ask with a smirk, sitting up a bit more on the couch as he got comfortable next to me. "Yeah. I sweat a lot sometimes and I don't want to smell." Ted admitted, sounding a lot more relaxed than I'm used to hearing. He might've been a little tired from the long day we've had.

"That's actually why I'm sitting over here. Tanner smells like shit, like, almost all the time, so..." Ted jokes, giving a tired grin to Tanner who was setting up his PC to connect to the TV. "That's cap, chat. That's so cap." Tanner casually responds, plugging an HDMI cable to the side of the TV, then moving to sit at the far left end of the couch. Dan had chosen to sit somewhat in the middle part of the large sofa, more on Tanner's side so Joe could sit next to me.

"If you want to sit next to (Y/N), you can just say that." Tanner speaks up again, moving his mouse and keyboard onto the coffee table. I blush to myself, pulling my hands into my own long sleeved shirt. If Tanner of all people is starting to comment on...whatever's between Ted and I, it must be noticeable to literally everyone else. So it can't just be my imagination. "No, see, she doesn't smell like gym socks, so that's fine. I'll take vanilla over gym socks."

"I smell like vanilla to you?" I scoff, turning my head to him and raising a brow.

"It's not 'to me'. I just know you use vanilla."

"What do you mean I use vanilla?"

"You have a little spray bottle that says 'warm vanilla sugar." Ted spreads his thumb and his pointer figure to estimate the size of the bottle. I'm flabbergasted because he's right.

"How the fuck do you know that???" Joe asks, sounding about as confused as I am.

"Because I saw her put it in her bag!"

"Why were you--" a chuckle escapes me. "How do you know exactly what it's called?"

"You left it on the counter this morning and it scared the shit out of me because I thought it was, like, a little container of piss at first, so I looked at it!" Ted admitted, gesturing over to the kitchen with his arm. Everyone in the room starts laughing, myself included. His logic makes no sense sometimes. "And then I saw you put it in your bag, so I know it's yours!"

"Imagine it was actually was a container of piss though. Like, sorry, I left it there." Joe jokes, grinning over at Tanner. "Yeah, sorry chat, I was saving it for later." Tanner continues the joke, laughter once again filling the room. "Man, we should start a podcast." My friends are an interesting pair, I tell ya. I was surprised to see Dan and Ted weren't phased by our strange humor. They seemed to fit right in our strange friend group.

Tanner got the first game up so we could test some of the types of minigames this series had to offer. We quickly realized the trivia ones weren't very fun for us, mostly because we didn't know what any of the answers were. Quiplash gave us some good laughs but got old very quickly, and Tee K.O. was fun, but the creativity didn't last. The ones that really entertained us were The Devil's And The Details, Talking Points, and especially FixyText. There was something about the more cooperative ones that were an absolute blast, especially if I was ever paired with Ted. We'd be pushing and yelling at each other whenever one was trying to stop the other from committing a selfish act in one game, then get close together and share the screens of our phones as we created the funniest text replies in another, snickering and whispering to each other to plan ahead. I think we really blew everyone away with our fake presentations, too. Whenever we were paired up for a game, we'd be inseparable. Sensational, even.

But as always, time is fated to pass and it eventually got rather late in the night. As the last awards of the night are given, I realize just how much closer I had gotten to Ted. I wasn't leaning on his shoulder or anything, but we were practically stuck side by side together with our knees up to our chest, sharing the award we were giving out. I could tell Ted was getting tired as his voice was the lowest I had ever heard it. It was kind of...hot, actually. Especially this close. Dan is the first to say goodnight and head upstairs, with Joe helping Tanner pack away the PC to bring upstairs as well. For a little while, it was just Ted and I.

On that couch.

In that living room.

Downstairs.

Alone.

"You look tired." I speak softly as I look at Ted, who had put his hood up earlier. I could see the subtle bags under his eyes from this close.

"You kept me up past my bedtime.." Ted muttered with a tired smirk, keeping his eyes on his phone. He was checking all of his social media for the night, switching from Instagram to Twitter. "I didn't mean to keep you up.." I chuckled a little, sticking my own phone into my baggy pockets. "You're a big boy, you can make your own decisions."

"I know, but you were staying up, so.." Ted sniffles to stifle a yawn, looking over at me as he wipes one of his eyes with his hand. "Your fault."

"My fault?"

"Mhmm.."

"It's my fault you chose to stay up with me?"

"Yeah. Exactly."

"It sounds like you wanted to stay up with me, Teddy.." I shoot him a gentle grin, taking the opportunity to tease him. "I wanted..." Ted pauses to allow himself to yawn, stretching one arm out while covering his mouth with his free hand before continuing. "I wanted to make sure you'd lose."

"You wanted to make sure I'd lose."

"That's right."

"That's it?"

"That's about it."

"You wanna know what I think?"

"Prolly not a whole lot..."

"I--fuck off, I think--" I let out a cackle, lightly smacking his shoulder. "I think you wanted to stay up with everyone, not just me."

"Not just you?"

"No."

"No?..."

He stops stretching and looks at his phone one last time to close Twitter, then slips his phone into his sweater pocket and turns his head again to look at me. Our eyes meet and the room goes quiet. Ted has this relaxed half-smile as he looks at me, his eyes subtly moving left to right to suggest he's looking at both of my eyes. I return the tired smile, taking the quiet moment to gaze into his earthy orbs. As our gazes stay fixed on one another, I can feel a pit of anxiousness grow in my stomach like a slow, blooming flower. He just admitted it, didn't he? He wanted to stay up for me, with me. I can't deny this any longer. Ted is...a very handsome looking man. I can't break my gaze away. I turn my body a bit more towards him to make my neck more comfortable. His eyes wander along my blushing cheeks. I wonder if his gaze would go any lower, but he returns his stare to mine. I shouldn't. I can't even find the willpower to say anything, but he isn't speaking either. He isn't speaking, he isn't teasing me, he's stopped teasing me. Why has he stopped teasing me? He's so...he's so...

"(Y/N)"

I hear my name come from Joe's voice, startling Ted and I a little. I look over the couch to see Joe standing at the stairs, giving me a knowing smirk. How long has he been standing there? I look at my phone and realize it's nearly midnight. We should all be going to bed. I look over at Ted again, but he's already off the couch, cleaning up the empty bottles and cups to the kitchen. Son of a bitch.

I get up to help clean up, as Ted missed a cup since his hands were full. "Hold on." I tell Joe, heading into the kitchen with Ted. It's all one big room, so Joe can still see Ted and I in the kitchen. As Ted's putting the bottles in the recycling, I start putting the cups in the sink. There's a moment where we both reach for the same cup and his hand slightly rests on top of mine. His hand is surprisingly colder than I anticipated. We look at each other and chuckle quietly, then Ted removes his hand so I could put the cup in the sink.

"Clearly I am fuckin' tired.." He mutters and looks at me with a tired smile. "Don't stay up so late next time.." I pester him a little, returning the smile as I move away from the sink.

"I probably will.."

"Right, and it'll be my fault, yeah?"

"It'll absolutely be your fault."

I roll my eyes at his response, not even making an effort to hide the blush on my cheeks.

"Goodnight, Ted."

"G'night, stinky.."

A little laugh slips out of me, finally joining Joe at the stairs. Before we're even out of Ted's sight, Joe is already badgering me about that exchange. He whispers in a criticizing tone, but I can barely hear him over our stepping until we get to the upstairs hallway.

"I literally told you. I literally told you not to flirt." Joe huffs, picking up his tone now that we were likely out of earshot. "No no no, you didn't tell me not to flirt." I shake my head and waggle my finger in Joe's direction. "You told me not to sleep with him, I'm not sleeping with him."

"That's not what it was about to look like." Joe's whisper becomes raspy, like he's quietly yelling at me.

"What do you mean?? I didn't start flirting, he did."

"Did you not feel how fucking close you two were the whole night? He looked like he was about to kiss you just now!"

I look over at the stairs, as if I'm able to look at Ted through them. I think about his eyes and his smile. God, his smile. His stupid smile. "He was?.." Once again, I find myself smiling. It seems I can't even hide these feelings from Joseph. Not sure why I thought I could, Joe's see's everything, especially if I'm involved. He may know me better than I know myself. He's my best friend.

He snaps his fingers in my face to wake me from my gaze, furrowing his brows at me in frustration. I let out a huff, shrugging my shoulders at him. I'm not going to dance around him anymore. I know he has good intentions, but I see him as a brother, not a father. "Well, so fucking what? What do you want me to say, that I think he's ugly?"

"I'd know you're lying to me."

"Exactly! What are you gonna do if it actually happens? I have to kiss him tomorrow anyways. If something else happens, it happens. I don't know what to tell you that'd make you feel better other than I'll be fine."

Joe takes a deep breath, turning his head away from me for a moment. I could see his thoughts through his body language. He was unsure at first, but a mischievous smirk began to take over his expression. I saw Protective Brother Joseph leave his body in favour of Gossiping Best Friend Joseph.

"...okay, you two would be pretty hot together."

I let out a louder laugh than I probably should've, quickly covering my mouth as Joe playfully shushes me. I know Joe just doesn't want me to get hurt, I acted the same way with him when he met his husband. We love each other like family. "But you have to promise me you'll tell me first if anything happens. I need the tea."

"Oh you know I will.." I grin at him, moving over to my door for the night.

"Night, Joe." "Night (Y/N)."

I enter my bedroom and plop right down on the bed, letting out a content sigh. I take out my phone to glance over social media one last time. I see Ted had posted a photo of the 5 of us earlier, and I see just how close I was to Ted. I take a screenshot of it and rest the phone down on my chest, unable to contain my smile. I giggle to myself, knowing what's coming. I fall asleep wondering if I'll be ready tomorrow. There's a very good chance I could freak out.

Turns out, we both might've been freaking out.

The morning comes and goes, mostly because some of us had slept in. By the afternoon, we're having to turn the lights down and close the blinds to simulate it being much later in the night. We've got a bunch of RGB lights and even a light-up disco ball on the ceiling to make it feel like a party. This is the first scene in which Ted and I will be sharing a kiss. I actually really like how the scene is set. Ted and I are sitting in a circle with a bunch of the extras playing Spin-The-Bottle. Of course, after a few spins, the bottle will be pointing for us to kiss. We have to act like we're nervous, which probably wasn't helping. When it came to filming the actual kissing scene, we had to sit down beside each other, turn our heads and kiss, but it had to be slow. We have to linger on it, really show the tension building up just for it to burst with that very first kiss.

But for nearly a whole hour, we couldn't do it.

Maybe it was all the extra eyes, maybe it was the weird angle we were at, I had no idea. Sometimes Ted would be ready and I'd mess up, sometimes I'd be ready and he'd mess up. It was a whole ordeal. I felt bad for everyone that was waiting for us to get this. No one appeared to be mad, but one kiss was taking over an hour. Even I'd start to feel a little frustrated if the leads couldn't wrap it up. We almost get it at one point, but I choke at the last second and start laughing, which makes Ted start laughing as well. He grabs my face and starts shaking me, chanting. "We have to kiss, (Y/N)! This is our job! You need to kiss me, God damnit! Look at my lips and kiss me!" We both were becoming hysterical, so much so that Tanner finally decided to call for a break. I was relieved, actually. As hard as I was laughing, I was embarrassed. I thought I'd be more prepared for this. Perhaps getting this comfortable with Ted was a mistake, now I can't do my job.

As everyone's leaving to grab lunch or touch up their hair and makeup, Tanner approaches Ted and I as we get up from the floor. I half expected him to encourage us to get the kiss over with in front of everyone, but he has a different idea. "Okay, this is going to sound insane, but hear me out..." Tanner begins, gesturing to the both of us. "I'm gonna get the camera rolling...and then I'm just gonna leave it there."

"Leave it there?" I ask, raising a brow. "What do you mean?"

"I just...I feel like all of the eyes watching are making this a little harder for you guys.." Tanner admitted, clasping his hands together. "I can bring another camera and go outside with everyone, I want you two to be comfortable. You can take your time and, yknow, Ted could look at the shot afterwards.." Tanner trails off, probably looking for a specific reaction out of either Ted or I. Ted didn't seem to mind the idea at all, looking over at me with a shrug. I look down at my shoes, sort of clicking them together. So Tanner wants Ted and I to kiss on camera...alone.

"But if you want to wait, we can film something else..." Tanner speaks up again, looking at me with a concerned expression.

"Are you okay...?" Ted pauses, lightly touching my arm with one of his fingers, almost like he was...caressing me. I turn my head up to look at Ted, watching as he tilts his head. "....with that?"

"Yeah, I can do it this way." I finally answer, giving Ted and Tanner a smile. "He probably needs a refresher on how to kiss a woman anyways..."

Ted chuckles and shakes his head at me, though Tanner is satisfied with the answer. "Alright, I'll just set it up and give you two the reigns.." Tanner speaks, moving over to the camera. He adjusts a few things on it, then takes a step back and shoots us some finger guns. "Shout if you need me."

Ted and I watch as Tanner collects the rest of the team and brings them outside, watching one of the bigger crew members pick up an entire camera and hoist it on outside.

Now, it was just Ted and I.

In the living room.

Alone.

On camera.

"Alright, go sit where we were before, I'll make sure the camera's in focus.." Ted instructs, pointing over to the floor. I can't help but blush, only because It sounded like a command. I wonder if he's the type to talk you through it...

Stop it. It's just a kiss.

I go and sit back on the floor, criss-crossing my legs as I watch Ted fiddle with the camera. After a moment, he lets out a sigh and steps back. "Alright. You're in focus. It'll adjust to us." He speaks, coming over to sit next to me. I can feel my heart start beating out of my chest once he sits down. This is really happening. I know I have to do this for Tanner, I want to do it for Tanner, but it's...harder now. For some reason, it's harder now.

"If you want, we could just...talk first.." Ted spoke to me in a condecending tone. Our eyes meet once more and I get that same pit in my stomach that I had last night. No. I'm not gonna let him have this. He got me yesterday on that fucking pole, I'm getting him today. "We could...talk about last night.." I offered, shooting him a little grin. He cracks a smile, gliding the tip of his tongue along his top teeth briefly.

"You wanna get into this on camera?" Ted asks, nodding at me with am embarrassed little smile.

"What!? You're the one that offered to talk!" I start laughing, tilting my head at him mockingly. "You don't wanna kiss me, Teddy? You afraid to kiss me?"

"Fuck you."

"You don't wanna kiss me?"

"This film is going to fail because of you--"

"You don't wanna kiss me?"

"and your--and your giant fucking ego."

"You don't wanna kiss me?"

"Are you done, princess? Are you fucking done?" Ted's swiveling his head in my direction to mock me back, a permanent grin on his face. "Shut your mouth, I'm comin' in."

"You're not doing shit! That's not the tell!"

"Hey."

"'Hey' what?"

"Hey."

"What?"

"Shut your mouth."

I raise both of my eyebrows at him and scoff. Before I can think of another sarcastic remark, he does it. His eyes wander down to my lips, lightly nibbling on the end of his own bottom lip, then he returns his gaze to mine. That's the tell. He's about to lean in, but I don't let him.

My body moves on its own, darting towards him so our lips could finally meet for the first time. All of the tension that had been building between us finally begins to melt as our lips continue to connect, slowly at first. It's not enough. I unravel my legs and sit up on my knees. Ted reacts by placing both of his hands on my waist, pulling me in closer to cause a breathy moan to escape into our kiss. My hands reach up to hold both of his cheeks, his glasses caressing my face as our lips caress each other's tenderly. I can feel the heat radiating off his cheeks, my own warm blush making my breathing pick up. I can't pull away. It feels like his lips were meant to be attached to mine. I can feel his breathing on my chest, his stubble along the palms of my hands, his fingers gripping my lower back, his tongue gliding along his lower lip into mine, his cologne, the tension. The tension. All of it was making me stir crazy. His lips, his kiss, I could lose myself in him. I could truly lose it. I don't want to stop. I want to run my fingers through his hair, I want to bite his stupid lip, I want to be louder.

But we're on camera. Tanner's camera. We have to stop. I have to...

I'm the one to break the kiss, hearing a quiet pop and an airy moan from Ted in response. I connect my forehead with his for a brief moment, keeping my eyes closed until I pull away to look at him. The tip of his nose tickles mine, his hands still wrapped around my waist. We share a quiet moment, steadying our breathing. I don't even know if this kiss was supposed to be this heated, but it's what Tanner's getting. All he wrote was 'Kara and Mason kiss' in the script. He can work with this.

"...I think we got it.." Ted is the first to speak up, but he doesn't remove his hands from me just yet. I can't help but let out a laugh, leaning my head back for a moment. "What? What did I say?" Ted asks, smiling through his teeth.

"No no, I just..." I take a few breaths through my laughter, letting go of his face to wave my hand a little. "I-I think that's the quietest we've been together so far.."

"Oh yeah? We should probably get louder then.."

Now that. That is something I didn't think I'd hear out of Ted, certainly not to me. Did he forget we're supposed to be shooting a scene?

"Camera's still rolling, Teddy.."

"...FUCK!"

Ted nearly throws me off of him and struggles to get up to go turn off the camera. I'm absolutely killing myself laughing as I pick myself up off the floor. No way did the fucker forgot we were filming. He JUST said 'we got it'.

"You forgot!?"

"Can you cut footage on this!?"

"You fucking forgot! Oh my god, you sad fuck!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Ted laughs, trying to sound angry with me as he pauses the film on the camera. "Tanner's gonna see that!"

"Hell yeah he is! Great Job, Teddy! You sleazy mother fucker.."

"Me? Me!? He's gonna see you being a fucking slut!"

"Oh I'M the slut!? Really?!"

"Yeah!"

"Really!?"

"Yes!"

"Your hands on my fucking waist? I'M the slut!?"

"Your tongue in MY mouth!"

"You started with it!"

"I did fucking NOT! I felt yours first!"

"I felt YOURS first! YOU started with it!"

"Started with what?"

Tanner suddenly steps into the room, startling both of us. He must've just stepped in from outside, I didn't even hear him close a door. He's got no idea what we're yelling at each other about. "Have you guys kissed yet?"

Ted and I look at each other again as I struggle to contain my laughter. All I can do is nod, pointing in Ted's direction. "Ask him about it. It's on there." I manage to speak after a little while, walking passed them to head outside. I lightly touch my lips as I open the screen door to get outside. The last thing I hear is Tanner asking Ted about all the yelling, and a final huff from Ted himself.

Truthfully, I needed to head outside to compose myself. I could still feel his hands on my warm cheeks, placing my own hand on it to feel just how hot they had become. I couldn't believe he forgot he were filming, he seemed very into...all of that.

What would've happened if the camera wasn't there?

__________________________________

|| Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 (smut) || Chapter 7 || Chapter 8 || Chapter 9 || Chapter 10 (smut) || Chapter 11 || Chapter 12 || Chapter 13 || Chapter 14 (smut) || Chapter 15 ||

[wrongcaitlyn]

I HAVE RAMBLINGS ABOUT TYT

Nico and Apollo def have geek out sessions over greek mythology like they are NERDS and Apollo def grew up having snippets of the Iliad and Odyssey read to him so the moment Nico showed even the slightest of interest in Greek mythology as a kid, best believe Apollo used that to warm up to him 😭🙏

ALSO I can just picture little Apollo curled up next to Leto as she read him all these different poems (I'd like to think she read to him in Greek and while Apollo wasn't completely fluent in Greek, he def understood it very well but then he lost it 😞)

Also, Leto definitely called Apollo sunshine, and that's why he calls his own kids that. Every time Apollo would ask why he was named Apollo, Leto would scoop him up and say it was bc he was the light of her life, and Apollo is the god of light, so ofc she named her pride and joy after the god of light

Anyways whatever u do don't think about sixteen year old Apollo drunk (and probably high) out of his mind, curled up in a hotel room that he hardly spent any time in wishing he could've spent more time with his mother before his father whisked him away and into the spotlight :(

UGH AND DON'T THINK ABOUT APOLLO READING THE ILIAD TO HIMSELF WHENEVER HE MISSES LETO

clearly I have very strong feelings towards the relationship Apollo has with his mother and the fact that he should've had more time with her but bc he was in the spotlight all the time as a kid he didn't get to :(

Wait, oh my god, did Apollo go to his own mother's funeral?? Bc like Will was in middle school when she died, right?? So would have he trusted Will enough to be alone in the house for a few days, or did he just not go?? And how many times did Apollo look at his sixteen year old son and realize that the neglect Zeus put him through (ignoring Apollo's very clear addiction in favor of making him famous ofc) was definitely abuse. HOW MANY TIMES DID APOLLO HAVE TO REALIZE THAT HE GREW UP TOO FAST EVERY TIME HE LOOKED AT WILL??? 😭😭😭

ALSO ALSO IDK IF IT WAS INTENTIONAL BUT HAVING APOLLO, THE PROTECTOR OF YOUNG BOYS, BE THE ONE TO RESCUE NICO FROM AN ABUSIVE SITUATION AND GAVE HIM THE RESOURCES HE NEEDED TO HEAL???? AMAZING

I think Kayla def tried to teach everyone that Will was friends with archery. Just bc archery is severely underrated 😞

(Only Piper managed to actually hit the target, and Jason somehow sliced his hand open??? He has a very faint scar now, and if someone asks about it while he's with Leo, then Leo will come up with the most ridiculous stories instead of telling them the truth 😭)

Also, I think you've mentioned it before, but did either Darren or Kayla try to teach him archery? Idk but the mental image is very funny and it probably took him a plethora of tries to hit the target and Kayla was probably so proud

ANYWAYS IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG IM DOING THIS INSTEAD OF WRITING MY CREATIVE WRITING ASSIGNMENT (I love that class but also UGHHHHH)

HAVE A GOOD DAY 🫶

FIRST OF ALL THIS JUST MAKES ME SO HAPPY TO SEE LIKE AHHSDFHLSDFJ OMG TYT RAMBLES

the whole part about apollo and leto... YES YES YESLKJDSFASDF AHHH apollo was 100% raised on greek mythology and he does have various copies of the iliad and the odyssey and other myths, an old worn-down version from his mom which had been passed down to him in her will, and a bunch of fancy pretty ones bc if he ever sees a pretty copy of the iliad or the odyssey he WILL buy it.

i think that he did go through a phase where like,,, he was just completely uninterested in that sort of stuff, considered it childhood and whatever. but i think that eventually, esp when taking in will, he went through what i'll call the "dumb and poetic try-hard intellectual" phase where he actually did read through the whole thing, read through various translations, annotated some copies, attempted to learn greek (modern greek, not ancient greek lmao), and just in general getting in touch with his heritage bc he realizes, watching will who's so small and resembles him so much, that those memories of him and his mom were actually some of his happiest moments of childhood, not annoying ones. and so he does try to replicate that, despite having not left his family on the best of terms *cough* really bad onesSLKJDF

and as someone who had a parent speak to them in their language, knew how to understand that language, but refused to learn it themselves bc it was boring, there's gonna be such an intense regret there from apollo, thinking that he should've taken the opportunity to learn when he could. he definitely would still understand bits and pieces, maybe a few quotes that were his or his mom's favorites, but it's just a lot harder to learn a language once you've grown up ://

as for the funeral, he did not go, because he still wasn't on speaking terms with his father, and well,,, yeah. he didn't want to cause a scene, also didn't want to tell will much about it, but i do think leto left some things to apollo in her will that apollo had to fight pretty hard to actually get sent to him

and GOD the emotions of apollo watchign will grow up... AHSDFJ ILL NEVER GET OVER IT like its hard to accept but he eventually does recognize it. and it's painful but it also feels good to know that that'll never happen. to watch his son at 16 spend his afternoon doing homework, and at 17 having a healthy relationship with his best friend, and at 18 applying to colleges... it definitely makes apollo proud, but it also breaks his heart a bit. because he couldn't imagine ever forcing the childhood that he had on his son, and he has to admit that his father hadn't felt the same sense of protection or care, and that even though his mom did, she wasn't in a position to do anything that would truly help :/

ALSO ALSO IDK IF IT WAS INTENTIONAL BUT HAVING APOLLO, THE PROTECTOR OF YOUNG BOYS, BE THE ONE TO RESCUE NICO FROM AN ABUSIVE SITUATION AND GAVE HIM THE RESOURCES HE NEEDED TO HEAL???? AMAZING

KSDJFLKASJDFSD PARALLELS AHHSDHFHDSFJ no bc that actually just makes me so happyyyyy like yes apollo is a good father yes he always has been and yes he always will be!!!! to literally anyone who needs it. i love him so much. can you believe when i was first outlining this fic i was like "hm, yeah, he plays an important role, but like i'll make sure not to make him a major character or anything"

now we're here. apollo is probably like. the third most major character after nico and will. in greatest of luxuries, at least.

kayla absoluTELY tried to train everyone in archery, and apollo's trying to avoid it bc he's trying not to think back to 2002 when darren tried to teach him archery, and kayla has the exact same instruction style bc darren had taught her, and hes actually better than will and will's friends bc he's learned before, but he fails on purpose bc the memories are too painful because THEY WERE HAPPY-

sorry pollen is possessing me! it will never leave

ANYWAYS IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG IM DOING THIS INSTEAD OF WRITING MY CREATIVE WRITING ASSIGNMENT (I love that class but also UGHHHHH)

this is SO real bc i am responding to this to avoid doing my lit essaysdlkjf

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK

[readingoals]

End of Year Book Tag

With the end of the year approaching, I've seen a few people on youtube doing this End of Year tag and I thought it'd be fun to do it too, as a kind of followup to the mid year freak out tag. I've adapted the questions a little based on a couple different versions I've seen but I believe the original tag was made by Ariel Bissett. Anyway, onto the questions!

I am definitely on track for my 2024 reading goal! This year I set a goal of 40 books and as of today (Nov 2) I am sitting at 38 read which I am obviously stoked with. I am a little behind on the Read Christie challenge this year but only by 4 books so I shouldn't have any trouble finishing the challenge.

What I am behind on is posting about what I've read (oopsie) so I defs want to try and get caught up before too long.

(Originally this prompt specified an autumnal/winter read but I live in Australia and we're entering summer so I changed the wording a little.)

I don't often pick books based on the season but this year I do actually have a couple of summery reads that I'd like to get to. The first is Every Time I Go On Vacation Someone Dies by Catherine Mack. The other is Everyone This Christmas Has A Secret by Benjamin Stevenson which it the third in his Australia set mystery series so I'm assuming it'll take place in the summer too lmao.

If you'd asked me last week I would have had a few titles on my list but currently there's only one. Ghosts: Brought To Life was released in October and I have ordered it so I'm just waiting for it to arrive.

Oh I have so many more than three lmao but the one's I'm focusing on most are the Agatha Christie's I have left to read - Hickory Dickory Dock (which I just started today), The Mirror Crack'd From Side to Side, Third Girl, and Passenger To Frankfurt. Aside from them I also have a few books I'd like to get to if possible just to tick off challenges I've been doing through the year (namely the Buzzword-a-thon and a bingo board I made in my reading journal). So that includes Artemis by Andy Weir, Not Now Not Ever by Julia Gillard, and There Should Have Been Eight by Nalini Singh, amongst others.

Absolutely. Most of my five stars this year were re-reads and, honestly, nothing stands out as my absolute fave at the moment, so there's defs a possibility. I think maybe the most likely would be Every Time I Go On Vacation if I get to it before the end of the year.

Nothing solid yet. I will be doing the Read Christie challenge again next year (although I'm getting close to having read all of them so I may have to stretch some prompts to get to everything lmao)

The other thing I've kind of had at the back of my mind is to move my Frankenstein thing I've been doing in October to a different month next year, maybe something around the april/may/june/july part of the year. This year October's reading did not go as planned, I spent 3/4 of the month reading and annotating Emma and then only got through one Frankenstein related book. October tends to be an especially busy time of the year for me with work and I usually have to read the book I'm annotating to exchange with Lauren around that time too. Plus the weather doesn't really give the right vibe. I don't celebrate Halloween so I didn't time it to coincide with that when I started doing it, it was just coincidence, so there's really no reason to keep in in October. But I am thinking of maybe making a lil mini bingo board or something for anyone who wants to join in on it. idk it's all very much just a vague idea in the back of my head right now.

[burntblueberrywaffles]

Fic tag game

got tagged by @fangeek-girl ❤️❤️

How many works do you have on Ao3?

I have 7 works but 3 of them are fanfic lol

2. What's your Ao3 word count?

1896 words total. Your girl is definitely one for brevity LOL

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Wednesday, that one drabble I made for The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, and I've been writing for Star Wars (though I haven't posted anything yet) and Mrs maisel (i wrote a whole short fic for that almost a year ago but I forgot about it completely until I found it in my notes apps, I should get around to posting it)  

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I don't have 5 fics total but here's my current count in order:

1-Lies

2-The world's a little blurry

3-Pretend

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes always! the fact that people are READING my stuff and taking time to comment has me 🥺🥺🥺

My writing ao3 isnt linked to my main email adress though so sometimes it takes me a while to respond because I wont see it until I periodically check my fic stats

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

.....Probably The world's a little blurry let's be real (I'm going to fix it it in the next one in the series, I promise!!!)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

akdadhjgsjgd hard to say all my shit is angsty, I guess Pretend?? kind of, it's less of a downer than the other ones. The final part of Come a little closer will have a happy ending though I promise! (already finished writing the end, I just need to write the beginning lol)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No ❤️ I don't think any of my stuff has gotten enough attention for that lol

9. Do you write smut? What kind?

NO my ace ass has no experience with that so I wouldn't know how 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️(I might need to in some future project, fortunately a lot of my friends are perverts (affectionate) so I could probably ask for some guidance if it comes to that LOL)

10. Do you write cross-overs?

No, I'm not a big fans of crossovers in general so certainly have never felt compelled to write one.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No

12. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No

13. What WIP you would like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

So many ugh I cant even choose, it's more rare for me to actually finish something than the opposite, that's why I'll never post anything unless the whole thing is finished (only exception is my current series, but that's because I felt like each fic making up the series were self-contained enough that they didn't need to follow up immediatly to work? if that makes sense - plus the first one was a one shot and only thought of how to follow it up after posting it)

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

ANIDALA MY BELOVED

15. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm really good at imagery and emotion (being a poetry writer goes brrrrr)

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

DESCRIPTIONS oh god I'm so bad at it. My fic are vibes only lmao, what are they wearing? where are they? what movements are they doing? NOT IMPORTANT how about I offer you 12 metaphors on how this character is feeling instead. (though I'm forcing myself to work on it haha)

I also struggle with any longer story arc... there's a reason all my stuff is so short lol

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

If it's in french it would be pretty fun since it's my ✨first language✨ hehe. For other languages I'd see if one of my friends speak it but otherwise idk if I'd include it bc I don't want to butcher another language, I've seen too many english authors put french through the ringer it's painful 😭

18. First fandom you wrote for?

I guess Julie and the Phantoms? I never posted it but I had a pretty advanced fic for that. unless you count the 13 reasons why fic I posted on wattpas when i was early teen but we dont talk about that

19. Favourite fic you've ever written?

right now it has to be The world's a little blurry, I just love how it came out hehe

20. What fic would you want to rewrite one day?

none right now.

Anyway tagging @nonamemanga @beri-allen @unlifeira @realmermaid333 @suchaladyy @witchysith @king-crimson-works @theycallme-thejackal and anyone else who might want to do it!

[melonyfelonyfellonme]

Cerys thoughts (under a cut bc it's kinda long lmao)

This is just a big stream of consciousness really lol (can u tell I kinda really enjoy character planning lmao, I have so many notes on Cerys alone, it's a bit sad hahaha)

Yes she had a lottt of friends growing up, both in her clan and also in the city itself. It's where she began to feel that tug of doubt over who she really is, what she really believes, etc

She'd seen city elves being treated horribly, been at the receiving end of racist treatment more than once, and honestly, I think if she didn't join the Crows, she'd have likely been a Shadow Dragon (had she also been closer to Tevinter, I guess). Her clan had taken in many elves who needed the support. Some stayed, others left for pastures new (including following Fen'harel, as mentioned at the end of Trespasser). Some tried to get her to follow, but she really wasn't certain that was a good idea (plus, given her own identity crises, adding "possible agent of ancient Elven god she'd been warned about" to that would have.. not gone well lmao)

She talks a lot when she's nervous, and for someone who already has a reputation in her family for being a bit gregarious, let's just say it's an almost endless stream of consciousness

Honestly her clan aren't too happy at the idea of her dating/marrying a Crow, never mind being one.. but the income's decent

The marriage was spur of the moment, and neither of them planned it well. Does it hold up legally? Probably not, but it was an impulsive decision on both of their parts (bc they were young and foolish)

After her husband's death, she confides in his best friend, who tells her that should she find someone again, they should be someone normal: someone she can come home to, who is stable (in that, they won't be randomly sent to idk Tevinter and not come back), etc. Yeah, that worked out well(!!)

She does love an argument though; all through her life she just enjoys a battle of smarts against people (again, likely due to that uncertainty of whom she is, so if she challenges someone on their beliefs or viewpoints, she can become more certain in hers; if she challenges authority, she can become more certain that she's doing the right thing if they appear certain of themselves. It wins her no favours with her Keeper nor her Talon)

I'd say around the time Veilguard begins, she's a bit less trusting of people than she used to be. She's polite enough but it takes a while for her to be fully trusting. That doesn't mean she isn't going to talk their ears off though

She used to be a lot more bubbly and energetic, but as she's gotten older/experienced more grief and uncertainty, she became a bit more reserved and sarcastic. A bit moody.

As much as she likes to argue with authority, she does actually feel incredibly anxious about if she's even competent at what she does. Fine as an apprentice, but your first two missions go incredibly wrong? Okay sure, made it up a little with the next mission but it's hard not to feel like you've let your house down a bit

(More to be added probably)

[localrye]

LADS I'M BACK AGAIN! Kind of! My nerves are fucked again! c': (personal ramblings ahead)

I had a big three weeks since like mid-June till early July So first I went to this hardcore fest I mentioned last month, and it was fine, but I found that fests aren't really for me. I'm glad I went because now I know. I guess I may attend again but buy only one-day ticket in the future but idk if I'll want to honestly, maybe only if some band I really like would play. Guess the only fest I'm still interested in is K-Town but that'd be different coz I would be sleeping at my friend's house in a town nearby, so at least I'd get some *peace and quiet* far away from people and only come to the fest for the bands. But yea, it was kind of overwhelming and uncomfortable. Completely unlike venue gigs, which feel intimate and comfortable and make me feel very present and like I'm a part of this scene. Fest was just chaotic, and since there was no breaks in-between sets I feel like all bands blent into one, I literally don't feel like I made any memories beside discomfort. And also almost everyone was drunk, which of course was to be expected and I know that getting wasted is the point of fests for many people and it's fine, but just not a space for me and it definitely contributed to the discomfort; I'm really glad my friend who was there with me also doesn't drink alcohol. But I got cassettes and a vinyl from bands and distros so that's nice!!

Then after I came back, I only had 3 days before leaving again to visit my best friend to go to some Pride events, a Xiao & Speedway gig and a bonfire on which I was supposed to play mandolin. Pride was nice as usual, I think I looked pretty faggy at the main parade but I'm def getting some chained harness for the next year, I'm brave enough for that by now lmao But neither the gig or the bonfire happened!!! :/ The gig was cancelled like 3 hours before it was supposed to happen coz bands' plane was delayed. And bonfire didn't happen coz one person couldn't attend and I couldn't play mando coz my fucking...... nerve issues in the right arm came back...... But it was still great, I love my best friend, we had such a lovely time, love just spending time with them!! Heals my accumulated mental damage lmao

And since I came back I've been waiting for my nerves to heal, not doing much, which is very annoying coz I got only like, 3 months since the last time I couldn't use my hand. It's really difficult to accept new disabilities, especially when they're still pretty new and you don't know what you can and can't do yet. But I guess I know a bit better now. Definitely can't spend a few days in a row writing down the chords and playing an instrument, definitely can't do any strength-based activities like lifting heavy objects multiple times a day or doing push-ups and I definitely need a longer stick for my aro flag so I don't have to raise my hands at all!

Honestly I'm still pretty upset about the gig not happening coz like I said, the fest just blurred into one, so I feel like I haven't been at any actual show this summer! (and also I REALLY wanted to see Xiao) Thank fuck Frail Body plays here at the beginning of August coz I wouldn't go at any gig before October otherwise!! But it sucks to live in the middle of nowhere, having to travel 2 to 4 hours to see a gig, pay a lot of fucking money for the train tickets and having to always figure out the place to sleep coz no trains go back to my county from the cities past like, 19:30 lmao

But anyway, guess I can try to come back on tumblr again, I miss my blog!! My hand is still doing bad, it'll probably take at least one month till it's fine again. I hope only a month!

[retphienix]

You know what, they ain't kiddin'.

17 arcanes before taking into account acolytes, and that's playing solo as a console host so less killin' goin' on?

Yeah I get it. They really ain't kiddin' about Void Cascade being a great farm lol

I didn't stick around for level cap (obviously), now that I think about, have I ever stuck around for level cap? Kinda doubt I have because when would I have bothered?

That's another thing to consider since that means even less arcanes since apparently thrax spawn faster at higher levels (hearsay that I decide to believe)!

I digress. Didn't stick around because I was kinda getting bothered by nitty gritty things. At like the 20 minute mark I had a situation where I got distracted recapping an exolizer at "c" when the map was swapping to "a" spawns, and when I zoned back in from my daydream play I had to run like 700m to cap 3 exos at "a" before it timed out.

A VERY bad play on my part due to forgetting the game type loves making you run from C to A spawns. I wish it just went ABCBABCBA in spawns instead of just going "Haha, go run now :)" but I already knew I didn't like that mechanic coming into this lol

From like the 6 minute mark all the way to closing I had a bugged thrax just stuck in place in ghost form whom never got to die and give me any loot, and he was permanently marked on my map as a "risk" because he was next to an exo spawn, but you know, can't do anything about that because buggy enemy lol

Also had a moment that annoyed me where I jumped into an exo at the exact moment an acolyte spawned on my operator and one framed me. Obviously, you're operator, that's not really death, but something about going "Okay, time to do the boring chore part of this game type *SMACK*.... okay. Time To Do The Boring Chore Part Again Because Someone Was Rude." got to me. That's strictly my disinterest in the game mechanics of this game mode being exasperated by pure chance, and it didn't even negatively impact the mission- just my mood towards it lmao

Also energy was annoying. Considering my oberon can spam like hell in anything else with no energy issues this makes me curious on a basic game mechanic I might not know.

When you're in operator, I know your frame takes like 99% less damage or some nonsense (still CAPABLE of death, but unlikely outside of niche cases from what I've experienced)-

Do dick head mag thrax and energy eximus still target your frame and just drain you dry? Because I swear I'd hop into an exo with full energy, 'disable' it, swap to my frame, and just have 0 energy so I'm basically just playing a weapon platform with no weapon platform abilities, it got annoying by like the 3rd time it hit me like that -.-

Probably wouldn't have been an issue I ran into in a group due to diverted enemy focus. But I wanted to run solo because, IDK, I like doing shit solo sometimes lol

So overall I can now say, holy shit the people who hold Void Cascade on a pedestal as a fantastic grind- they are right as hell.

But, even knowing that, still not a fan of the game mode.

Running every 3 "zones" from C to A is boring. The chaos fucking rules! But then the game mechanic of getting knocked out of your frame to do busy work spraying portals is like the opposite of fun and my mind focuses on it instead of glossing over it like I assume others easily do.

Boring game mode with awesome chaos surrounding it and fantastic rewards- that's 2 for 3, pretty dang nice- I definitely have a newfound appreciation of it and might try hopping in to actually hit cap with some friends now that I know it's capable of being fun (definitely moreso with some friends lol) :P

[here2bbtstrash]

your votes are in! part 2 survey results ✨

i asked, and y'all answered!!! 👀

as mentioned a few times before, the survey is not closed - i won't update it with new works moving forward, but i will keep an eye on it if anyone decides to run back and add votes! so please don't feel like it's too late, esp if you're new and still catching up on the porn (there is A LOT of porn. pls take your time and stay hydrated okay 😵‍💫)

but since it's been about a week, and new votes have slowed down, i thought it'd be fun to do a reveal of the top 10 results as things currently stand! sticking them below the cut - join me, won't you? 🍷

at #10, with 40 votes, we have... moving day! i was honestly surprised to see this one crack the top 10, but i should know better than to underestimate the yoongi hoes at this point. y'all love your delusional long-haired boyfie content, and who am i to deny you that??

at #9 (my lucky number 👀), with 42 votes, we have... it's sweet! shocked to see a fluff fic crack the top 10 honestly, but let's be real, the taehyung hoes are THIRSTY (anyone who follows jai already knows this 😂) - i promise i'll write more for y'all soon, and that the next one will actually feature smut!!!

at #8, with 43 votes, we have... park and ride! (and technically also its sequel, five minutes!) y'all really said give us a part three mother 😭 and jokes on you because i have an idea for a part three *and* a part four for these two. you'll never be free of them lmao!!

at #7, with 45 votes, we have... the spins! i'm happy to see this one here!! i love this couple and i've wanted to do a sequel for them for AGES, though i swear my idea for what i actually want to do changes every few months 😂 guess i gotta decide on one!!!

at #6, with 51 votes, we have... sunday! idk why i didn't expect this one to rank omg!! i don't feel like i write jin particularly well, and i especially thought that level of BDSM would be too much for some 🙈 but i have learned y'all are freaks who like crying during sex.... huh...... DULY NOTED 👀📝

halfway there, time for the big hitters! at #5, with 54 votes, we have... party on you! ahhhhh this one makes me happy to see 🥲 forever AMAZED and ECSTATIC that my most popular fic on this blog is a hoseok fic!!! i want to write a million billion more hobi things this year, and i will certainly see what i can do about circling back to these two cuties. at the very least there shall be more ass-eating in 2023!! 🎉🍑

at #4, with 58 votes, we have... deep end! joon hoes with TWO appearances on the board, we love to see it 👏 i loooove that y'all are down not only for period smut, but for some of the risks i took with using more flowery/poetic language in this one! i had so much fun trying something new, i'd love to revisit this couple and that writing style again!!

at #3, with 59 votes, we have... two in one! y'all. no. i'm shook. wig FLEW, wig in the STRATOSPHERE. say WHAT?!?!?! the first fic i ever posted on this blog, my most self-indulgent work (actually it might not be the Most lmfao but it's UP THERE) - i'm. NUMBER THREE?!?!??! okayokayokay 👀 i see y'all 👀 we're gonna have a verrrrry fun jihope month next month aren't we?!?! 😈

at #2, with 65 votes, we have... the shape of your body! oh man 🥺 i'm almost, like, emotional to see this one rank so high. this fic is so so personal and dear to me, and was a BIG leap for my writing in a lot of ways. the fact that the response has been so overwhelmingly positive, and that so many of y'all read all 24,000 words of that fic and said you want MORE. i can never put into words how much that means to me 🙇‍♀️ it's hard for me to think of a whole plot for a sequel - bc i wrote so damn much already 😂 but lemme see what i can do to at least cook up a drabble or two (if you have ideas, keep 'em in your back pocket for jihope month 👀)

and finally... at #1... with 70 votes... no one is surprised 😂 - it's drip! ahhhhh squirt god min yoongi. we meet again. i will never live this fic down lmfaoooo. and funny... doesn't he have a birthday coming up soon? i could've sworn... 👀💦💦💦

alright besties!!! i'd love to know your thoughts!!! any surprises? any you're happy to see?? anything that didn't make the list that you're about to get out the torches and pitchforks over??? i wanna hear it all, so drop me a comment or an ask and let me knoooow!! 🎤💜

(for me, it's babygirl missing out on the top 10 by two votes... but it's fine i'm fine... 😭)

also can i just say - look at y'all, getting ALL OF OT7 ON THE BOARD??? we fucking love to see it!!! equal opportunists on this blog! yaaaaaaas porn for everybody!!! 👏👏👏

[jamiethebeeart]

A different kind of post from me!

Asking for ✨help✨

So *long story short I created a cosplay design for Oboro/Kurogiri? And I kind of settled on a design I like, but something still feels.... not right. So on the off chance one of my followers has design know how and is willing to chime in.... uuh please feel free to weigh in.

*a con I'm going to announced Elements as their gala theme and my friend suggested an Oboro/Kurogiri mash up and I dove head first into the idea. whoopsies. I did solidify fabric choices but looking at the cost of all dress materials in addition to Ms. Joke's stuff I decided to leave this as a cosplan for the future (maybe a masquerade entry???? I think it'd be lit... literally lmao - I want the lightening to be lights under organza. but since it won't have to fit into an elements theme I might nix that part or change it?)

Version 1 relies on tulle to create a kind of shadow-y gradient up the torso. I didn't actually figure out what under the capelet would look like - it's the most unfinished design of all. Version 2 played around with the corset idea, but I still wasn't pleased with it - it cut off too much visually, but at least I thought through the shirt portion?

(you might be asking yourself what's up with the white. well... yea. I like body paint more than straight foundation and I think the starkness lends itself more to the established nomu-ification more than trying to make the top portion more like Oboro's canon design. Honestly liable to change. Idk how to incorporate Oboro's nose plaster/bandaid on the white face as it is visually one of the markers of the character. But also I love contrast. oooooh contrast my love)

Version 3 tried to make the top section/corset more like Oboro's hero costume, and then adding in elements of Kurogiri's vest with the "buttons" but it was clunky trying to fit in Kurogiri's uuuh.. neck... brace... thing.... and I didn't like the silhouette enough to figure it out. lmao. BUT I figured out how to do the skirt portion! (The black dress is just there as a visual reminder of what the arm section is trying to go for. I just got lucky finding a picture that fit well enough to what I'd already come up with.) SO the bottommost base will be a circle skirt of sorts to lay down a base over the hoop skirt. Then the next layer of fabric on top will be like the 3rd reference picture down - I liked the poofy/cloud like texture, but I still wanted the smokiness of Kurogiri to be present in the skirt so I was thinking adding layers like you see in the 4th picture on top of the poofy cloud structure. Which is.... a lot considering I've never attempted a formal dress before. And all of that will be textured diagonally down the skirt to give a sense of swirling movement hopefully reminiscent of Kurogiri's portals. Inbetween the cloud texture and smoky texture is where I was planning on applying the lights. (The smoky gradient texturing would be layered organza which should be shear enough even with layering to allow the light to shine through.)

Version 4!!! So many variants of version 4! I solidified what I wanted the torso to look like! Which is a cross of a stay and a corset. I've yet to find any examples of real garments that match my design but I want a front lacing corset that has that blue stomacher. The shirt borrows from version 2 except this version is like a wrap shirt so instead of applying the blue ribbon (satin? I'll figure it out later exactly what I want from it) over a completed shirt I make things more difficult for myself by making a wrap shirt whose edge is lined with the darker blue. How will I make this stay in place and be comfortable under a corset? idk.

(Also - the shirt is going to be so much gradient dying.... because I have to add in things I don't have a lot of experience in.... I love throwing myself into the deep end haha... The black will probably be an applique? Or if the fabric won't hold up to the weight I might just "paint" on black dye for the corruption effect.)

I played around with different hair covering to bring in the orange cloud logo Oboro has on his jacket. I'm not sold on the jacket design, so I wanted to figure out how to incorporate the cloud motif and jacket colors another way. (Also on purpose to primarily focus that on the most Oboro part of this design.) At the time of compiling this post I might try out an actual (short) cape? So as to keep the frontal view as is but still add some interest to the back view? Also I'm imagining twirling with a cape on stage.... It'd look so cool.

I also tried out a hair down style instead of the bun with a few curls/waves released. I was leaning towards hair down would have the different hats/bonnets/hair accessories. And then hair up would be balanced with the capelet.

Also I might just be overthinking the hair lmao. A cute cloud clip in the hair would also work perfectly fine. (Also as mentioned I love contrast and that includes blue/orange my complementary color love)

Idk why I have pictures here with capelet and hair coverings but I do.

Anywho! This last picture is the one I've settled on.

Additional notes about the design: The white body base with shadows creeping up is actually a shirt. Because body painting myself and creating a mess on my body and clothes sounds like an actual nightmare. So it'd be more like white long sleeved shirt, basically the equivalent of a blue shift for the hero shirt with ... idk what those sleeves would be called where they're like gathered with a sewn in string or elastic? The sleeves would end in.... organza? tulle? for the kind of shadowy effect over the hands. (It's hard to see but the bulk of it over the hand would blend with the black fingerless gloves and then the bottomost layer would be purple to give that halo-y effect that Kurogiri's hands have. (Where his body smokes out you see the purple color on the edges - ya know that whole thing?) It'd have removable fingerless gloves taken directly from Oboro's hero design, but also so that I can visually continue the sleeves and still remove them as needed. The orange floating clouds are actually like a veil? The clouds would be embroidered on blue tulle (?) so it's hard to see but still be able to be embroidered on and pinned into the wig. I didn't draw in my eyes because... I was lazy lmao but I don't wear contacts... I suppose for this I'd have to either take off my glasses or finally get some. But I do think coloring in my entire eyelid with yellow so that with my eyes closed it all looks uniform across is the way to go.... Or maybe have one eye be normal and the other smoky? Oh, and then I could have a corner of my face that isn't white. I'm not sold on the corset/stay design. I think in order to have it properly supporting things I have to increase the length of it down so it settles over my hips to displace the weight instead of ending right above them... From what I gather that should increase comfortability, but it also makes it tricker to visually get the angles on the sides to translate right. Honestly I don't even know how well a more form fitting corset and a stomach will interact for support? I might just have to make it more like a proper stay with a flatter profile for it to physically work. I've got no idea on shoes though. (Men's) Dress shoes would be a fun nod to Kurogiri's formal outfit but also sneakers are so much nicer to move in... Oh! The bit around the eyes is supposed to be like smoky/cloudy makeup. Tumblr will probably trash the quality so it'll be hard to tell.

I have considered making this in a style that properly pulls from one time period but I've yet to find a historical period of fashion that encapsulates what I'm trying to achieve. Until then it remains a mish mash of fashion ideas.

[teddybeartoji]

i have a questionnnnn

do you like video games?

and do you know baldur's gate 3 and final fantasy 7?

i got into those during my last vacations and idk why it never occurred to me to ask you even tho i am obsessed with astarion and sephiroth (it's always the white haired guys my taste is so predictable) and cloud but that's another thing

the characterization in both of those games is soooo good especially if you watch almost everything ff7 related like i did (takes a while though)

anyways i felt you could do them justice if you were to write about them, especially astarion. ngl i was very disappointed when i went on socials, as usual, to consume content about the media i just watched and i was very shocked in a bad way

not by the quality, there's just tons of thirst edits for example and while i agree his character is pretty and everything, it kinda hurt cuz it just went against his WHOLE character arc ... i was very disappointed with the fandom haha

same with sephiroth, though i didnt resent as much cuz his story isn't about the fact of being sexualized against his will

UGH I LOVE BOTH OF THEM SO MUCH. SORRY FOR THE RAMBLING -

anyways yeah i love media in general, series/movies/games you name it as long as there's a story or just one character that i rlly like i'll love it

so i was wondering what games you liked... or media in general at this point, except the movies you posted about

also no pressure but is there a system with asks? are they removed from your inbox if you answer them? are they automatically deleted after some time? just to know cuz i haven't gotten an answer to mine and i'm scared i might've said something bad! esp since i read badly your rules and didn't see a negation and maybe said smth about looking forward to a next part :') smh

HELLOO NONNIEE:3333 I LOVE VIDEO GAMESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i have only heard abt baldur's gate and final fantasy sadly!!!! i have nothing against them they just don't necessarily seem my type of games.. BALDUR'S GATE CHARACTER CREATION SEEMS SO FUCKING FUN THOUGH OMFGGG

and i've definitely seen and heard a lot of astarion!!!!!!!!!! i've also seen some stuff abt him being really overly sexualized right????? his character seems so cool i would love to get to know him better wahh i really do wanna try baldur's gate one day!!!!!!! and unfortunately i only know sephiroth by name too:((( i'm sorry to disappoint u nonnie baby:(((

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH VIDEO GAMES I LIKEEEE!!!!! my all time favourite is definitely the last of us part 2!!!!!!!!!!!! i am on my like... sixth playthrough on that lmao i'm doing it on grounded so yk wish me luck!!!!! anywayy i ofc like the first one too but man.. the second one hits harder for me tbh. then i really fucking love ghost of tsushima, i'm actually replaying it rn too hehe.

honorable mentions go to rdr2, until dawn, the newest dead space remake, god of war, disco elysium, the resident evil games, assassin's creed (i know a lot of ppl don't like these all that much but idk i think they're really fun!! esp black flag and odyssey)(ok i am biased bc these were like my first games ever lmao), days gone (this is another that most think is rather lame but again.. i think it's really fucking fun i have nothing against it) aaaand death stranding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaahh so many games damn i might've forgotten some but these are some that i really love!!!!!!!!!!!! i have played almost all of them multiple times too lmao that's crazy

for overall media i'd just give a lil shoutout to the 'mindhunter' series on netflix!!!!!!!!!!!!! i absolutely fucking looove that show!!!!!!!! i've seen that multiple times too i love the characters and just the way it's done overall!!!!!!!!! also 'manic' i think that's a netflix one too.. that's a really short one but idk it changed me okay i think it's fucking great

OMGG AND WAAAHHH TRUST THAT I STILL HAVE YOUR ASK!!! I AM JUST REALLY SLOW WITH ANSWERING THEM SO I AM VERY SORRY ABT THAT!!!!!!! and you definitely haven't crossed any lines either, so it's one hundred percent on me!!!!!!!!! the thing is that i get a bit overwhelmed when i have to answer things which sounds ridiculous bc I LOOOOVEEEE TALKING TO YOU GUYSSS my brain just sucks okay i'm sorry

[tonberry-yoda]

hello! i'm not sure whether your slot is still available or not. if yes, i'd like to request a mystery date matchup for your event. if not, just ignore this!

my pronouns are she/her. i'm not sure about myself, but i'm fine with both men and women. i'd like a romantic hunter x hunter matchup ^^ about the character, ah, i don't think i'd be comfortable with illumi/silva/milluki.

i'm an... well, airhead? jsjsjs i don't know, but i often say stupid things (which i didn't even realize) which make people around me: 1. laugh, or 2. look at me with tired expression. i smile and laugh easily. i'm a carefree person. while i have my own stress, i tend to let it flow. i'm a bit slow in understanding social cues. so.. yeah! sometimes i just smile in a conversation because i don't really understand what the other is talking about.

i love literature! i also love video games and movies, especially animation movies! i just love the relationships between the characters in the movie. i can be touchy, too. i love hugs. i like holding hand.

what i want from a relationship is someone who can understand me, who i can trust and trust me back, who won't betray or cheat on me. umm well, someone i can talk to? i love talking, even if i'm not the best at it.

my dream first date is amusement park date! idk, it just sounds so fun. and we can talk a lot there!!

oh i hope this is not too long. i tried to follow your matchup rules and made it short jsjsjs but i think this is still long.

anyway! thank you so much for your time. i hope you have a nice day

notes: OMG HI!!! I am so so sorry this took so long, but thank you so much for your patience. Super sorry this didn't make it into my actual event, but it will still pretty much be the same. Thank you again for waiting this long and being so understanding <3 I really hope you enjoy :) and this wasn't long at all, it was perfect!!!

the character I match you with is...

KNUCKLE!!

he's a bit of a dummy too lmao

but he will help lead you both in the right direction lol

he doesn't mind that airheaded side tbh, he actually laughs at the stupid things you say

always know that you can go to him if anything is stressing you out, but he's glad that you have that mindset of let it flow because that's all you really can do

he will just grab you and press kisses all over your cheeks frfr

he loves watching movies with you and also loves animation

he doesnt give 2 shits if people call them kids movies because they are well written for god's sake!

also watching movies = cuddle time, so he really enjoys it

loves that you're touchy

really needs that in a relationship and will take cuddles, kisses, and hugs any day

he would NEVER cheat on you

he is so so so loyal and cries when he hides a little secret from you (like literally came to you bawling to say that he was the one to leave the light on in the car causing the battery to die and you just giggle at him and tell him it's okay)

he loves talking with you

you two could literally talk for hours omg

your fic <3

You walked into the amusement part with your hand in Knuckle's shaking one. You looked at all of the rides with awe while your boyfriend looked at them in fear. "It's going to be okay, Knuckle!" You said, pressing a kiss onto his cheek. "I-I'm just a little scared," he admitted. You were the only person he would tell if he was scared of anything. "We can just ride a couple! And then we can get food and stuff!" "Alright." He eyed the rollercoaster the two of you were walking to and his heart began to pound. "You don't have to ride this if you don't want to." You told him, hugging him while you waited in line. "No, I want to... It's just... I haven't been on a rollercoaster since I was a kid." "I'll be right next to you. And don't worry, this one isn't scary at all. No loops or anything." He swallowed and took your word for it. "A-Alright." When it was your turn to get on the ride, you and Knuckle buckled in tight and you promised you would hold his hand the whole time. Sure, he screamed through the entire ride, but when you got off, you saw a dizzy smile on his face. "That was fun." He giggled, grabbing onto your arm. "Wasn't it!!!" The rest of the night went a lot like that: riding rides, eating food, playing at the arcade, but it was also a lot of sitting and just enjoying the scenery and each other's company. You two would take time just to sit and talk while watching the stars and the neon lights above. There was no one you would rather spend this time with then him.

~~~~~

pinned post @tonberry-yoda

[piracytheorist]

Okay I gotta admit it, I logged in today just to check my notifications and messages because I was curious. Seems like cold turkey isn't something I can do, but I feel like I've found things to occupy the time I'm not spending on tumblr anymore, so I feel distancing myself from the site is possible. Not having the app on my phone anymore helps.

Anyway, I took a quick look on twitter today, and while I didn't see any sxf spoilers, I did see a post about a thematic week that I won't be able to take part in, not even as an audience, because it will be centered around stuff I haven't seen yet.

And damn me, I want to read further into the story so bad. It's been almost six full months since the last episode aired, and I'm finding myself wondering what is happening next based on the vague spoilers I've gotten. And there's at least three and a half more months left. I just know, I know it, that I will enjoy the story three times as much seeing it animated - and like, if I'm truly honest, my main drawback from manga reading isn't that it's not animated, or acted, or even coloured. It's that my way of reading it is not how it's intended to be read. Like, if I could have the chapters printed out for me, that would be ideal. Like:

Reading the story like this? Feeling the pages in my hands, seeing the wide and two-page panels in all their glory? Terrific. Perfect. 10/10.

Reading it like this? Having to scroll up and down for long panels, zoom in for small speech bubbles and out for wide panels, pixels getting distorted based on how zoomed in I am? No, thank you, immersion go bye bye. If I had a vertical monitor I probably could have worked it out, but I don't have a vertical monitor nor can I afford one right now.

And you'll tell me, well, a lot of further chapters are available in the next volumes. And I'll say, I'll probably work only for half of July, my contract ends after that, and in August I may need to move out to a different city so I won't even be able to get a steady job that won't work me to the bone. And I'm on a tight budget, so even the forty euros (being generous here, cause volume 10 isn't easily available to me yet so 10 euros for it is a generous offer) I would spend on the next four volumes are money I cannot afford right now. Plus, I know they don't reach to the current chapters so I would still have a ton of spoilers to avoid.

I don't know why I'm explaining all this lmao. I just feel like I don't want people to think I'm an anime snob. Because by god with every week I feel my resolve break. If I actually make it to October without having read one single manga chapter it will be a miracle. It's such a weird challenge I'm putting myself through, I don't even know if y'all can understand it. It's not like it's a challenge I can "win", or a challenge I can award myself for passing. Maybe a bit of venting can help, idk. It's not like I'm asking for recognition or pity or something, I am aware of how weird my choice may seem. I just had some feelings and thought, "well, fuck, what do I have my tumblr blog for".

Idk. I just feel like I love this story so much and in such a way that I also want to properly enjoy it. If I lived in Japan and spoke the language, you know I'd be running to whatever stores sell the magazine where the new chapters are posted in every two weeks and sit outside the very store and read the new chapter before even getting back home (wait, are individual chapters even printed out in Shonen Jump? I'm not sure I've understood the whole thing completely). But since that isn't happening, my choices are a) waiting for a long time and not interacting with fans, but enjoying the story animated, with colour, voice acting, soundtrack and on wide screen (and yeah yeah it's an adaptation not the original but listen it's a good adaptation and this is why it's drawn me in) and b) getting the full story and interacting with fans now but seeing the story in broken-down panels and messed up pixels, while having to fix the zoom-in and -out on every page. And I know me. I know choice a will make me immersed in the story, while choice b will just give me the details of the story. Maybe I am a snob after all, idk. I'm not making any effort to explain or apologize for myself. I'm just venting, lol. It's been weird and lonely and IT'S BEEN TOO LONG AND OCTOBER IS TOO FAR AWAY T_T

Anyway. Been doing good other than that. I will probably revert to logging out every day in order to try and keep my distance from the site, but coming back every other day or so. We'll see. I have a few messages to respond to (and a few more spoiler-free manga panels to react to! yay!) so I'll get to those today.

[capricioussun]

Sorry gamers I fell asleep and also appear to have a throat infection(?) BUT I am awake now so

The hashtag Commentary on the artists and styles✨ (under the cut ⬇️ )

⭒ Up first is decafcoffee00 - decaf's art is so next level, everything is so SHAPE and there's personality in every line istg. Surprisingly, this one didn't fight me as much as I expected! I don't think it's half bad, and I had an easier time w/ this one than any other lol, but fr if you're not following him uhhh you should <3

⭒ The next to the right, minksinty - phenom's art inspires me SO so much, the way they colour things is absolutely stunning and life just flows through it, even the doodles! I think this one is probably the one I did the worst on lol, idk! It just doesn't seem to have any of the right energy, but it'd be more than worth it to do a more thorough study bc uhhh absolutely gorgeous art fr

⭒ And the third in the top row, bonetrousledbones - the only one I've actually tried before! So I had a liiitttle more familiarity with it, but it's such a fun, super expressive style. Their art just seems to translate the characters feelings and personalities so strongly, it's like. A narrative art style. If I had more time and focus I'd have loved to do a full body shot like this, especially to get more into studying their Clothes Technique, of which they are a master in their craft !!

⭒ Now on to the bottom row✨ jnpie - this one is small bc I was so happy w/ the first sketch I didn't want to try making it bigger and having it get all fuzzy lmao, but! Jnpie's style is so cute and like. Idk what would be a good word for it, sincere? It really is an expression, and you can feel how much they put into their art just by making it, it's just so -gestures emphatically in a positive way-. This is also the only one that didn't have a direct ref to look at! So pls forgive any discrepancies 🙏

⭒ On to the right, savestar - her art always exudes such a softness to me? Almost like a somberness that I don't quite know how to describe but its sooo pretty and makes their stuff feel very nostalgic when you look at it. It probably comes in second for the ones I struggled w/ a bit and feel I couldn't quite capture, but you can make the judgement for yourself by checking out and following her :*)

⭒ And last but certainly not least, owl-bones - this one was very fun, I'm not sure how obvious it is but his art has definitely been an influence on whatever direction mines taken for how I draw these bone boys, as it should! Rayne's art is sooo cool and pretty and this is another style I'd love to try doing a full body shot w/, the way he poses and draws clothes is so fluid and appealing and !!!

-

Sorry if this reads a little off I'm a bit fog brained atm and did NOT check for typos well but I didn't want to put this off any more! Bc seriously while I was working on this I kept getting distracted just scrolling through everyone's art these ppl r sooo cool and good at art and just 🌟❕💗

I wanted to get to the second part too yesterday but I was flagging so hard man, so next week! And until then don't forget to rest and stretch and hydrate <3