#idk what the fuck i'm doing. but i'm learning that no one really does. everyone is just winging it and hoping for the best
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sometimes you have nothing left to lose and everything to gain so without even choosing to do so you end up being more authentic and shameless than ever before. and when you do things it feels like an actual human being, an actual being completing tasks, and those tasks feel like ghibli movies, they feel like domesticity, and even if you live alone it's like you live with a roommate who is always there for you (yourself, your truest self) and before you know it you're thinking of that being living within you, that being you repressed, as your self, as your body, and you forget the fake mask you thought was yourself for years and years because others liked you better that way.
suddenly, when you care about other people's opinions, you start having standards about which people's opinions you hold onto, and you still find yourself placing your ideas as #1 on your list of priorities, because who else knows you better? who else has lived in your shoes, in your mind? only you have. others are simply making assumptions about what's going on in your mind and in your life. even your beloved spouse or bestest of friends would still not know what you are truly like deep down unless you tell her. only you are there for yourself 24/7, and only you know your entire journey from within!
choose yourself!!! choose yourself above everything else!
choose to put out there who you truly are, warts and all. because there is not a single flaw or trait or quirk in yourself that you would never find endearing and lovable and harmless in someone else. the greatest shame is being a hypocrite and inauthentic to the weird, scrungly, beloved creature you truly are. you are so human. you are so strange yet so normal. you are a breathing, living being. there is nothing wrong with you that you are incapable of welcoming with warm, open arms; chances are, you have already done so with others. you are your own cheerleader, trusted advisor, and closest friend. it's time to have that frenemies to soulmates arc with yourself. see it as a 2025 challenge. stop being the mask, begin simply existing.
#lay text#idk this is mostly @ myself#i have become more authentic than i ever imagined#and it's scary!!! it really truly is#but i can't help it anymore#maybe it's growing older and closer to my 30s idk#but it's so freeing and exhilirating and daunting#idk what the fuck i'm doing. but i'm learning that no one really does. everyone is just winging it and hoping for the best#and it's MY journey#i can be a broke writer/youtuber/activist aiming to someday be a filmmaker and a scriptwriter and a whole bunch of crazy shit i would love!#i can have the biggest dreams ever!!!!!!!! no one can stop me!!#i don't need to follow the usual path people take!#if i need to be broke to slowly further my dreams so be it#i KNOW i'm capable of achieving them#idk where that strong confidence comes from and it might all be delusional but i'm so 1000% sure of it somehow. so fuck it! yolo!#i'll still do translation/transcription ofc. but i have priorities and i chose ones that others see as childish. and that's fine!#no one needs to understand me except myself#i don't need to give excuses to anyone!#i also can be a scrungly chaotic adhd gremlin#and the right people will love me for it!!!#2025 will be so crazy and i'm so excited for it!#ponderings
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Heylo my maggotsies... I'm sorry to do this but I have a thing that I really, really need to do (thank you Ash for helping me realise that) but I'm terrified to. so well. I'm going to make one of the posts (Neil reblogged me a couple of days ago so I feel pretty safe making one now since he only lurks by once in two weeks so this is as good a time as it gets to make a post and not expect many notes, yes I'm an overthinker and I'm actually scared of this getting notes).
Sigh. Here goes.
...I'm scared of even typing it.
Nope okay I can do this let's go.
If this post gets 1k notes, I'll look up jobs in design and film making that don't need a college degree.
2k notes, I'll sign up for an Alliance Francaise course so I can have another language on my CV, and I'll find a course that teaches me how to use design software.
5k, I'll look up distance learning alternatives, because just talking about physical college yesterday made me spend the whole morning and afternoon today in and out of nightmares screaming. Fuck.
10k, I'll tell my mum that I can't do the offline college. She's been talking to me about it, but I've been dodging because I'm not well-off and I really need to be earning and idk how to do that without college and I feel so guilty.
15k, I'll officially back out from the college (does that count as dropping out, if it hasn't begun? maybe half. i am a college and a half dropout, my 11th grade self would hate me and my 10th grade self would refuse to believe it).
I don't know what I'll do then. I don't know how to live as trans here in India, I don't know how to earn enough to be able to help my family, I don't know what I'm good at and I'm so fucking terrified. But. I spoke to @random-doctor-on-the-internet last night (I love you Ash you're such a fucking amazing human) and they made me realise that well maybe landing in a hospital with steroids to relieve an allergy attack because of exam stress isn't normal and so.
Well. Here I am. I know I can't do it, but I'm scared to risk everything, it's just not something people do here, dropping out. But also (TW s**cide statistics mentioned below the cut)... And so I've just. Got to do it, got to save myself and say no to college (cue say no to school, kids joke). Somehow be brave enough. And yeah.
To quote a financial express article: "In an alarming situation, a total of 7,62,648 suicides were reported in India between 2018 to 2022, Of this student suicides account for 7.6% at 59,239". Maybe if more people did say fuck you to the system here, that wouldn't be the case. That number could have been 59,240 (aside from everyone who wasn't counted and hushed up), that could have been me, and I don't want to put myself in that situation again. You know? Yeah.
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Stuck in twst without meds pt 2
electric boo-hoo-galoo
featuring: CATER, SEBEK, SILVER, LILIA and special guest star ✨️BONUS✨️
Idk I just imagine Cater not giving any fucks. He treats you like normal. This obviously endears Cater to you, as everyone else is low-key very annoying when it comes to your diagnoses. So now you're the closest to Cater, of all people, and he does not hesitate to post a million pictures of you two hanging out to Magicam, reminding everyone else that he's your favorite and missing everyone the fuck off.
Sebek is the fucking worst when it comes to this omfg. You know how he is in game, the annoying little crocodile, obsessing over Malleus and being low-key racist??? towards all humans? Uh YUH he is one of the most ableist by far. And yet he's always helping you, like why??? Bro he acts like he hates you, yet he follows you around like you're Malleus??? He will not leave you alone, insisting you need his help.
Hey you n Silver are kinda similar when you think about it. Like you may not be falling asleep, but you're definitely not awake whenever your attention decides to deficit. He often finds himself wishing he could use his UM to see what you're daydreaming about. I'd only it'd work that way. You do also feel empathetic towards his lights. You even introduce him to the rubber band trick, where you wear a rubber band and snap it whenever your brain wanders or you start to feel sleepy. Sometimes when he sees you snap it, he finds himself fiddling with his own... not because he's feeling drowsy, but because he feels connected to you.
Liliaaaaaa. Silver and Malleus are the only ones who really realize this, but you make Lilia go full dad mode. No joke. He employs all the same tricks he used on those two on you. But neither Silver nor Malleus would ever tell you this, not on purpose. Mostly because Lilia is always watching/listening to ensure they don't. Because he knows you'll get upset if you learn he is quite literally babying you. But it's so hard not to!!! You remind him so so much of them... of Malleus with your mood swings, of Silver with your nodding off. Plus, as a human, you are a baby to him, so in a way, you should let him treat you like one. I think that's Lilia's favorite part, you make him feel so young.
BONUS
Sam has your meds. They're available in his shop, and they have been the entire time. You're just in the shop when you see them, and Sam's just like, "why didn't you ask sooner, of fucking course I have your meds in stock, why wouldn't I, I'm SAM."
So this raises a new problem, because he's, yknlw, SAM, so you won't be getting your meds without paying up.
And with your measly earnings, there's no way you'll be able to consistently pay for your meds.
So this raises a new challenge for the yanderes: who's gonna be your supplier? Your sugar pill daddy, if you will.
#Stuck in twst without meds#yandere twst#yandere#yandere rambles#yandere twisted wonderland#yandere diasomnia#yandere lilia vanrouge#yandere silver#yandere sebek zigvolt#yandere cater diamond#twst sam
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Why did i only just now learn you were doing 30 days of think pink? oh right bc tumblr decided to hide all of it behind a mature content label 😡 anyways I just caught up from where I left of...in june 2024 and I read until the End of That Scene. fucking cliffhangers, man
ok followup thoughts: kon is actually just as crazy as I would be if I had been repressing my feelings about my best friend for most of a decade and we had saved each others lives countless times. And also I died, got forgotten, and came back to the narrative to find out that my best friend was bi now. with a boyfriend. but tim might be crazier. what do you mean my best friend who I was repressing feelings for for most of a decade is into gay sex now because of a plot rock? Is he going to be straight again after this?!? I can have him, but only for one weekend? My best friend is into every fantasy I can throw at him but there's a time limit. that man (tim) can't stop thinking about the implications even when the best boy is in his bed. No wonder he colored look all I'm saying is that if there exists an outtakes chapter with Tim's perspective of any of this I want to see it
rUDE, Tumblr, jfc.
I will say the "mature" label def does seem to cause some issues that way, because I feel like at least sometimes it just doesn't even show the posts as a thing you CAN choose to expand on? idk if that's a filter thing or just a hellsite thing, admittedly, god knows, hah.
. . . so like, you are objectively correct about everyone's crazy and also I understand the desire for that outtake chapter concept, but I am PRETTY sure that if I wrote Tim's perspective of any of "think pink" whatsoever it would take another 50k to get through literally just the phone call, ahahahaha.
Tim Drake has so much crazy to hide and so much to contain over this long weekend and he is CERTAINLY having some THOUGHTS, and then also is having to deal with Kon, like, being into or ASKING for those thoughts, occasionally unprompted!! FREQUENTLY unprompted, in fact!!!!
Also, like:
"oh, Kon's into D/s too.
oh, Kon's a sub, that's convenien--
. . . oh, Kon's REALLY into D/s too.
. . . . . . oh.
. . . . . . . . . O H ."
That was CERTAINLY a thought process that Tim Drake got to experience in real time. It certainly, certainly was.
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helloo! idk if youre taking requests, but if you do i was thinking of revenge era gee with fem reader who is also a well know singer. like shes on tour and does some festival mcr is playing at and shes really mainstream so the guys dont have high expectations on her music but then they watch her play and they're like "fuck, she actually does know what shes doing" and somehow her and gee exchange numbers and start texting all day long bc theyre both on tour
idk if this makes any sense tbh.
i saw one picture of ts on the red tour that looks like if it was taken with a shitty flip phone and thought of this somehow
anyway, feel free to ignore this and have a good day :D
Title: Happily Ever Accident
A/N: Hey y'all I know it's been actually forever but I saw this in my inbox and thought it was cute so managed to somehow write this amidst midterms season. Idk how but it happened. It's also not thoroughly proof-read because tbh I'm tried and lazy right now. But here's some content for y'all for once. Also, side note, but as I was writing this I was visioning reader as a Sabrina Carpenter-esc figure. Just in the sense of popularity, stage presence, etc. Pairing: Gerard Way (circa mid-2005) x F!PopStar!Reader Word count: 7,978 words Warnings: Swearing, mentions of insecurity
Low expectations. The constant standard he had set for almost every single festival his band was expected to play.
It wasn’t that Gerard didn’t like other people’s music, or festivals for that matter, but considering the label had cornered them into a small handful of non-genre restrictive ones he was annoyed. The culture, the vibes, the people- this was not his place. Not his band’s place, for that matter.
But commercialism was the name of the game, he had learned that early on. He was lucky enough the label had allowed their last album to be artistically driven by him, from songs and lyrics to the artwork on the cover. But there is always a quid-pro-quo in the entertainment industry. And playing at a mainstream festival was apparently one of them.
They wouldn’t have agreed to this had their last music video not gone over budget by a significant amount, and now they were paying the price. On top of that the label had encouraged them to be in public, watch other bands play from the VIP tents. Gerard narrowly lost his shit after trying time and time again explain that they needed time to prep for their show, get in the proper mindset, and that would take all the morning into late afternoon when they were finally on. The label exec begged to differ, giving no ultimatum.
“Fucking hell, if we have to listen to another fucking basic pop artist I’m going to lose my mind.” Frank sighed walking through the festival grounds. The group was by no means blending in, as three security guards stood around them and they could easily hear and see people left and right gawking at them as if they were circus animals.
“Good fucking luck with that.” Ray replied. He was never the sarcastic type, if anything he was the most mature and level-headed. So when he had enough, everyone knew it was bad.
“We have one more.” Gerard too sighed, sticking his hands aggressively in his jean pockets. “Then we’re off the fucking hook.” The group took sighs of relief out of sync.
“Who is it?” Frank asked, seeming halfway curious.
“Uh-“ Gerard stopped, checking his phone to see what their manager had texted them. “Great. Y/F/N Y/L/N.”
“Fuck me.” Frank sighed. “My head is going to fucking explode. Listen, I like all music, but I cannot do this much commercial, manufactured pop.”
“I don’t know, her stuff doesn’t seem as bad as some of the others.” Mikey chimed in for the first time.
“How would you know? I’ve only heard her shit in Targets.” Frank speedily replied.
“Social media, I guess. Enough sound clips from her songs have blown up to make them pretty hard to miss.”
“I’m still keeping my expectations low.” Frank shrugged.
“It’s the last one, try to be somewhat positive.” Ray replied halfheartedly.
“We’re never going over budget on anything again.” Gerard quickly added, turning a corner to the next stage’s area. “I can’t fucking do this.”
She got nervous before shows. She was great at hiding it. But in the last few weeks every festival she was playing had crowds growing bigger and bigger. From what her manager had communicated to her approximately two minutes ago, she had the biggest recorded crowd so far for the second day.
Staring at herself in the mirror of the green room, she pushed every bad thought out of her mind. She even closed her eyes and imagined all the bad energy within her swooping out of her body in swirls of dust and being replaced with positive rays of sunshine. It might’ve been stupid, but it worked.
She opened her eyes, putting on her signature smile, looked herself up and down, reminded herself that she was incredibly sexy at the moment, and b-lined it for the door.
Anxiety be damned, her ambitions had gotten her this far and would get her further, she knew that much. She was happy at this point to be thrown into the group of “pop girlies” currently dominating the charts, because it meant she was catering to an already large fan base, and proving others wrong in their assumptions too.
Give a girl some platform boots, a tight outfit where the tops integrity around her chest was questionable, and a microphone- then you’ve got a pop star.
Gerard stood there amazed. He could not fucking believe it.
Three songs in and he was mesmerized. He wasn’t sure if he was more shocked with her or himself. He was trying to rack his brain for reasons to not like this, and blank answers came up time and time again.
To begin with, her songs were substantially above average for pop. They had creative instrumentals, catchy sounds, and her lyrics were truly the star of the show.
But then he took into account her as a person. She was quite attractive, sure. He had seen her enough online and in magazines to see at least that much, but he was sure most of the male population and a decent amount of the female population also saw that. But here, in this light, in that tight little outfit that showed off all the right things just enough to give a good idea, but still leave a good amount to the imagination, he was falling head over heels.
He was almost flustered with her perfection in his eyes, having to catch himself to make sure wasn’t staring like a dog at a bone. After all, there were enough people around to know him and take photos, which would lead to massive and weird speculation online that he simply didn’t want to deal with.
And her stage presence was empowering. She was confident, not selfish. She was sexy as much as she was innocent. She was clear in her intentions and messages, just as much when she left some ideas not fully complete to leave people longing and wondering.
Suddenly he understood all the teenage girls in the audience. She was fucking incredible.
“Told you.” Mikey said next to him with a smirk. It was hard for Gerard to look away from her, but he did. “Don’t always believe stereotypes man. You out of all people should know better.”
“That really wasn’t so bad after all.” Frank shrugged as the group walked back to their own green room, hidden in an array of tents set up on the edge of the festival grounds.
“Yeah, but standing in the heat for that long was exhausting.” Ray commented next, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets. He was always tense until they got all the equipment set up and knew everything was going to go right.
“I don’t know man, that last show kinda rocked.” Mikey responded. “Been trying to tell you guys that not all pop artists are that bad.”
“Well, a lot of them are.” Frank quickly rebutted. “However, you are right, that last one was incredible. I just thought having a girlfriend who obsesses over pop music had gotten to your head.” Mikey rolled his eyes.
Gerard was silent, partially because he didn’t really have anything to say, and partially because he was hanging on to the last show. He learned through years of art school and sketching under cubicle lights that some of the best art was clear as day yet still left you thinking. That was how he felt at the moment. Dwelling in the really astounding feeling he had.
She had single handedly proved a lot of his fallacies wrong. And he saw with his very eyes how she managed to go from half the crowd being into her to the master tools her voice and movement had that puppeteer the crowd like a pro. Who was he kidding though- she clearly was a pro.
Turning a corner he was so lost in his thoughts, his body in auto drive and his vision turned to the cement ground. He knew he needed to stop thinking soon, get in the right headspace for his own show- and then he bumped into something.
His body lost a bit of its control as his right arm collided with something a bit smaller than him. Suddenly he regained all his consciousness as his stabled his footing again, turning his body to see what it was.
And there, low and behold, in those damn platform boots and an oversized hoodie that went so far down her thighs it was a dress, was the very woman who had captured his mind just minutes ago. She was lingering within him, and now she was right here.
Fate works in strange ways.
“Shit, I’m so sorry-“ She began, regaining her own balance as she clearly took more of a hit than he did given that she was shorter and had boots that, despite looking like they weighed a ton, he doubted helped to ground her any more.
“No, that was my fault.” He quickly interrupted, growing embarrassed as she looked up and he realized he had managed to be rude to her in the last 30 seconds not once but twice. “I should’ve been looking out.”
“Me too.” She calmly replied with a small smile, handing this with so much grace and calmness compared to his internal panic.
This close she managed to look even better than on the screens. Photos and videos didn’t do her beauty justice. She looked almost like a doll- near perfect features, beautiful hair, and a smile that was so comforting and cute and graceful. Her makeup was almost as perfect as it was when she went on, but her mascara was ever so smeared around the corner of her eyes, her lipstick fading, and hell- his mind couldn’t help but wander to a place where he wondered what it would be like if he had put her in this state. And then he shut those thoughts up as quickly as they appeared, choosing instead to wonder how anyone could be more perfect.
“I um- I better get going and leave you guys to get to your show.” She quickly said, but froze up not even a moment later, her eyes growing wide with embarrassment of her own. “Shit that was weird wasn’t it? I don’t know you but- well I do, kinda, but like not personally. I mean knowing your music and band and-“ she stopped talking not knowing what to say, her body almost shrinking in a sense of even more embarrassment. “Fuck. I’m gonna shut up now.”
Gerard gave a chuckle and a smile of his own. He felt better now that both of them felt embarrassed.
“No, it’s okay.” He replied. “We’re just coming from your show, actually.” Somehow she froze even more. He could tell under that huge gray hoodie her muscles had tensed further.
“Oh, uh, I hope you enjoyed it.” She softly smiled, polite but seeming almost nervous. Why was he so bad about talking to women, especially pretty ones?
“It was phenomenal, actually.” He replied, nervous himself and instinctively rubbing the back of his neck with one of his hands. There was already a thin layer of sweat connecting back there from standing in the heat for so long. But he didn’t care about that nor how he would survive the heat on his stage later- all he cared about right now was not completely fucking up this interaction with the woman in front of him.
“Are you just saying that to be nice?” She asked with a pouty lip as she clearly questioned the integrity of his response. He rapidly shook his head.
“No, of course not. I don’t lie- ever. If anything I went into the show not knowing much- not in a bad way, I mean kinda in an ignorant way if I’m being honest, and you just- fuck, man, the way you controlled that crowd was so exciting and empowering. It truly was incredible.”
Her face looked like a damn puppy dog begging for a treat. If he weren’t human he would have definitely melted by that look. Big eyes and a genuine smile, her cheeks big and emphasizing her reaction.
“That’s really sweet, thank you so much.” She replied, yet again with grace that he wished he had in these moments. “I um- while I would love to talk more I need to take a shower. I feel so sticky and just- gross. But it was really nice talking to you. And thanks so much for watching me, I really appreciate the feedback.”
His heart broke just a bit.
“Yeah, of course.” He replied, and before he could think he blurted out. “You’re more than welcome to come to ours as well, I mean I’m sure you have the artist VIP tent access, but if you wanna get closer I can definitely arrange a barricade pass for you.”
Her eyes lit up and glowed in a way he wished he could see every single day.
“That’s amazing!” She replied. “Would it be selfish to ask for one more too? My best friend is here and she likes you guys too-“
“Consider it done.” He smiled as she smiled back. “I’ll have my manager send them over to your trailer.”
“Thank you, that’s very sweet of you.” She replied.
“It’s the least I can do. Returning the favor of watching your show and providing feedback.”
“Does that mean I need to take notes for yours and give them to you too?” She asked with a playful smile. Just now he noticed the water bottle in her hand with a straw as she took a sip and damn- he quickly erased all the dirty thoughts that rushed into his mind before it was too late.
“Only if you want to.” Where had this confidence in him come from? He didn’t even know. But right now it was working, and that was all that mattered. Yet again, his body thought before his mind as he said, “Give me your number and we can arrange a meetup. To, ya know, exchange notes and whatnot.”
She seemed flustered, but hid it well. However, the red blush growing on her cheeks and her face that froze yet again for a mere moment told him maybe she wasn’t all that good at this either. But hey, there was a learning opportunity for both of them, he supposed.
“Sure.” She said, as he grabbed his phone, handing it to her as she quickly typed it in.
Y/F/N Y/L/N it read on his screen, the line of numbers under it.
“It was nice meeting you, Y/F/N.” He smiled.
“You too-“ She said, but stopped herself. “I know your first name but I don’t want to say it before you do because that’s creepy.”
He let out a genuine laugh.
“Gerard.” He said.
“Gerard.” She replied. “I’ll see you later, Gerard.”
“So what you’re telling me is Gerard Way wants to fuck you?” Lacey asked her. But she supposed this is why people had best friends- to be both supportive, honest, and borderline crude all at the same time.
“I don’t know if he wants to fuck me-“
“He wants to ‘exchange notes’ on your shows? Code words for ‘come back to my trailer and let’s have sex’.” She said with confidence, sitting down and scrolling through her own phone as Y/F/N changed into a solid black hoodie and jeans to not make her presence obvious. Their show was not about her, and she hoped her presence wouldn’t make it about her.
“Well, I don’t just fuck guys. And I’ll be happy to tell him that if he tries. But he seemed very sweet, and all the interviews of him lean towards him being a very nice guy.” Y/F/N responded quickly, borderline defensive.
“Nice guys can have hookups too, ya know.” Lacey said. She wasn’t wrong, but Y/F/N swore this felt different.
“Regardless, that’s not happening with me.”
“Preach, sister.” Lacy said with a bit of pop in her voice. “If what you’re saying is true, it did sound like you have him wrapped around your finger.”
“We talked for like two minutes. I barely know him, he barely knows me.” Y/F/N rolled her eyes, expertly reapplying her lip gloss in a small mirror.
“Do you know that amount of men after your shows that would fall on their knees and beg for you?” Lacey asked, finally looking up from her phone to make eye contact in the mirror.
“Whatever.” Y/F/N sighed. “I’m just excited we have barricade to a My Chem show. How long have we been wanting to see them?”
“A solid year.” Lacey admitted, standing up to find her shoes. “I’m still not over Gerard Way wanting to fuck you, though.”
Y/F/N was sure rumors would be circulating by morning. As soon as she entered the VIP barricade area alongside Lacey, there was a sudden eruption of screams, and as she looked over a sea of phones were taking photos and videos of her. She gave a polite smile and wave before turning back around towards the stage, hoping as soon as the band got on the attention was going to divert away from her.
Damn her for thinking having a black hoodie on with the hood up would prevent this.
Within minutes though, as the lights on the stage went pitch black and screams from the entire crowd erupted she knew that finally she could just enjoy seeing a band she really liked play from right in front of her. Perks of being a pop star or whatever.
She had to admit that the in-person performance easily knocked any of the recorded ones she saw online out of the fucking park. And while Gerard Way had always been objectively attractive, and happened to be the skinny sad white boy that was her type for whatever reason, he looked really attractive in this light. Like a new skin of confidence took over him. Maybe it was the tight black skinny jeans or fake bullet proof vest with no shirt on under it that perfectly sculpted his lightly muscular arms- and damn the hands. Masculine hands were one of her weaknesses. And his very much fit into that category.
So did she have any notes after the show? No, actually. It was exactly what she had expected, but two fold. She was left amazed and energized as they walked off.
If he really wanted to compare notes with her he was going to be sorely disappointed in the lack of notes she had.
That night did not end with them sharing notes about the others show. Instead, it ended with them sitting on a grassy patch of the festival grounds when it emptied out talking about anything and everything. Gerard had quickly realized how multi-faceted of a person Y/F/N was. Every preconceived notion he had of her was torn down by her random knowledge about random things, her admissions to cringey teen phases she had, cute childhood stories, dichotomy of family and how difficult that could be to navigate.
She was fucking perfect inside and out. And he knew he couldn’t lose her.
In an assertive nature he decided to text her more through the next week. She was on tour in one town, and he was in another. But that didn’t matter. Every other day, or three days apart maximum, they would call from their hotel rooms, or from outside his bus, and talk. About everything. Their days, their histories. What they ate, what they did or didn’t like, who they saw, where they were next, what they wanted to do, asking the other about cool things to do in the city they were in for that day.
And finally, a little less than two weeks after they met, they had that talk.
“So what are we?” She asked over the phone, sitting on her bed and nervously picking at her brightly colored nails. She needed to know before she got too attached and her heart broken further down the line when she was way deeper in than she was now. Not that rejection now wouldn’t hurt- she was trying to save herself from more potential hurt later.
“Seeing each other?” He asked. “I mean, no pressure- we can always take it slower.“
“I would like for us to be ‘seeing each other’.” She replied with a smile growing on her face.
“Great, then we’re seeing each other.” He decided, she could hear the small smile in his own voice despite not seeing him.
“We have a four day break coming up.” He mentioned on a call. A few weeks had blown by, and things felt very normal between them given how abnormal their situation was.
“Okay.” She replied simply, wanting him to go on.
“I want to come see you, if that’s okay.”
“Okay.” She replied again, not hesitant- but a mixture of excited and logistically starting to play a mind puzzle about how this was going to work.
“Just okay?” He asked, now sounding more hesitant himself but equally as confused.
“No, I just mean- like, yes, please come, I really want to see you, but if people see us together again, I think it will kinda be obvious. I- it’s not that I don’t want to show you off, but I kinda like the direction we’re going in now. I don’t want public speculation or opinion to fuck that up.”
Even in a fucking baseball cap and sunglasses at her show, people would grow suspicious of that figure in the secluded family/friends area. They would equally as quickly figure out, judging by the firestorm online caused by her presence at their show the night they met, who it was. And then they would be official without actually saying anything. Just by being together.
She wouldn’t mind being official to the public, eventually. But she wanted more time to have just them to herself.
“I can stand off to the side behind the stage.” He offered.
“Your view is gonna suck.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“Okay then.” She replied affirmatively.
“Okay?” He asked for clarification.
“Yes, okay.” She softly smiled with a giggle. “Come to the shows, I even have a hotel room booked one of the nights.”
“Oh fancy.” He replied with a chuckle. “Lookin’ forward to it.”
She shouldn’t have been nervous. He had seen her perform before.
Well once- the first time they met, and then twice on TV in the last few weeks since her career had managed to blow up even further. But this felt different. It was different.
She knew he could now have expectations of her. What if he didn’t like something, or got the ick from the way she danced or what if she fucked up? What if she tripped on stage for the first time or bumped into something or forgot a lyric or her voice went out-
“On in two.” She heard one of the stage techs say, peeking their head through her green room door. As if one queue, she heard a roar of screams from the direction of the stage, queueing that her little intro video had started. Despite still playing smaller venues, at least ones smaller than arenas, her label had actually been willing to put quite the production into her tour after realizing that her stage presence and personality was one of the things that charmed audiences so much.
She gave herself one final look over in the mirror. Her opening outfit was standard- a body con number decked out in black sequence with red accents and her infamous knee high boots that were plain leather, but that she had begun to notice were also being worn more commonly by fans to her shows. It was one of those trademark things that made her feel more like the pop star she was growing to be. At least the headlines called her that.
Taking her hands, she fluffed out her hair a bit more giving her light waves more volume, dropping them, closing her eyes, and reopening them in her stage persona.
She walked out of the door beginning her strut with the sense of confidence she only gained to this level when she knew she was going to be on stage. As she approached side stage, her bedazzled microphone with her initials on it in small rhinestones at the bottom was waiting for her with one of the stage assistance. She gave him a small smile and nod as a thank you, taking it delicately and wrapping her hand around it firmly.
Her in-ear monitored queued up with her sound guy, Jeremy, who gave her the 20 second warning. She allowed herself one final deep breath, realizing this was her time to shine. Even if he was here for the first time watching her as the guy she was seeing, and just generally in a new light, she recalled meeting him for the first time after a show, figuring if she could impress him once maybe she could do it again.
After all, the version of herself that managed to get his attention in the first place was the one who was about to step into the spotlight in a mere three seconds.
Sweaty, hot, tired, worn, happy. The best ways to describe how she felt almost every night coming off stage.
She felt great about this show. The crowds she was dealing with were getting better at each stop, she figured it was venues being sold out and her rapid growth as an artist that was to thank for their enthusiasm and their increased screaming of her own lyrics back to her.
But what made this show so special was seeing him in one of the boxes up and over from the crowd. He kept a low profile with a plain t-shirt and baseball cap, standing next to Lacey through the entire duration, but the occasional eye contact they made was what kept her going.
He was always at least smiling at her. If not he was beaming, or nodding, swaying to the music, and her favorite was when he was so focused on just her that she caught his lower lip being bitten, his eyes glued straight onto her. She knew she always had most if not all of the crowd in a trance- but tonight his attention was the one she really wanted.
She giggled at something her manager had said as they walked through the back hallways of the venue, sipping on her bottled water through a straw and trying to regain as much hydration and energy as possible. As the turned a corner toward the green room, she paused and gave a big toothy smile as she saw him at the end of the hallway.
There was Gerard, still in his relatively incognito outfit, and a full smile as their eyes met. As fast as she could manage to run in her boots, she made her way down the hall and collided with his torso, breaking out into a fit of giggles as he hugged her back.
“Did you like it?” She asked first, letting her chin fall on his chest as she looked up at him with big doe eyes hoping for a good answer.
“You fucking killed it.” He said affirmatively with a smile, leaning down to give her a quick kiss. “You’re absolutely insane out there. Such a natural- fuck, I wish I had half the confidence and ability you do when I’m on stage.”
“Oh stop it!” She playfully and lightly hit his shoulder as she backed away to walk back to her room with him. In the process he swiftly grabbed her hand in his, intertwining their fingers which made her smile even more. “Don’t give yourself any less credit- you’re a fucking beast on stage.” He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the head.
“But nothing like you.” He replied, holding the door open for her as they entered back in so she could change.
She quickly and stealthily changed into a shirt and sweatpants, sitting down to take her makeup off, or at least that’s what she would typically do. But as she sat and looked at herself in the vanity mirror, catching a glimpse of him in the back scrolling on his phone, she wasn’t so sure she felt all that confident with him in person without all of this on.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, catching her in a trance. Damn, why did he have to be so good on picking up these things?
“Nothing.” She said with a soft smile. His body language with a raised eyebrow implied he definitely did not believe that. “I just- should I take my makeup off?” She asked turning to him. He gave her an even more confused look.
“Is it what you normally do?” He asked and she nodded. “Then yeah, take your makeup off.” She didn’t move, still staring at him. “Baby, what’s wrong- actually?” She groaned.
“It’s so stupid.” She admitted, now looking away from him. “I just- I don’t want you to like, I don’t know, not like me without this on.”
He looked a bit shocked and confused at look, but it quickly melted into sympathy.
“Sweetheart, take your makeup off.” He requited with a sweet tone. “I promise you, I will not view you any differently without makeup on. That is such a minor thing. And I’m not with you for your looks- I mean, you are fucking gorgeous- but that’s with or without makeup.”
“Fine.” She replied, grabbing some of her cotton pads and makeup remover, then going to town on delicately running them over her skin and cleaning everything off.
Once she was done, only a few minutes later, she grabbed her bag and regular shoes, slipping them on and getting up to approach him where he leaned next to the door. As soon as she was a few inches from him, he delicately took her face in his hands.
“See, just as gorgeous as always.” He softly smiled, giving her a soft and passionate kiss. She offered a sheepish smile and a growing blush on her cheeks.
“Thank you.” She nervously replied. “We gotta go though- I’m fucking starving.”
“Holy shit.” She said, taking another forkful of pasta and placing it into her mouth. “This is so fucking good.”
“Mhm.” He nodded in agreement taking a bite of his own. It was nice to have some company to actually eat with, and not just pull out her laptop to watch a show or call her parents who were halfway across the country. Now, she had her boyfriend laid across the bed sideways in front of her as she sat criss cross at the head.
“You want a bite?” She asked. He looked at her skeptical for a moment before nodding, allowing her to grab another few pieces, giving them to him.
“Well, shit.” He sighed with a smile. “That is fucking amazing.” She nodded in agreement. There was a brief moment of silence that followed.
“I hate that we have to go back to being, like- normal.” She said. It was one of those thoughts that just spilled out without her even thinking.
“Hm?” He asked, looking up with his eyebrows furrowed.
“Ya know, like being apart for so long.” She said with a tight smile. “We’ve barely spent any time together in person but every time we do I want to spend more and more- and we can’t.” He sighed, putting his fork down in his container.
“I know, baby.” He softly said, taking his now free hand and placing it on her bare thigh, rubbing small circles into the skin with his thumb. “But it’s only another month- then we’re on break and I’ll come be with you as long as you want.”
“Gee, you should get a break.” She said with a serious face. “You need to go home and settle for a few weeks and be with your family and friends there who you haven’t seen in fucking forever.” He shrugged.
“I’ve had all the time in the world to make relationships with them- I want to continue to build ours, and if that means going on tour with you than so be it.” He replied with confidence.
“Even if we do that people will speculate and- we would have to go public.” She explained.
“Is that such a bad thing?”
“No, but,” She took a moment to think, making eye contact with him again as his eyes begged hers for answers. “I don’t want to keep you or us a secret. I would love to show and brag about my super cool, super talented, super hot boyfriend to the world, but I want to keep it private.” He smiled lightly and nodded.
“Then let’s do it.” He said, affirmatively. “We’ll take it at your pace. Whenever you’re ready, I’m ready.”
He had been on tour with her for a full week. And it was becoming unbearable how many things were circulating around.
It started at the first show he came to- a solid handful of people had noticed him and put a name to the face, despite his attempt to remain to himself. A small firestorm erupted online over the alleged rumors. The headlines abusing taboos and cliches of the “pop princess and rockstar” trope that made people go crazy.
Then he actually began coming on tour. She wasn’t sure she had been happier on any other leg of it, until he was there to watch every show, and take her out when she had breaks to his favorite spots in each city, and then end the night in her queen sized “suite” on the back of her bus if you could even call it that. She had even bought more storage bins for under the bed to make room for his things.
But people didn’t need to see all the stolen and sudden kissed, or hysterical fits of laughter, or constant touching that were soft reminders of the other. They didn’t need to know about all the photos they had taken of each other, or the memories made, or the lyrics and words that began filling her songbook as she wrote almost exclusively now about him. At least yet.
But on day nine of them being on her tour together, she couldn’t take the speculation anymore. She couldn’t ignore all the photos taken of him at her shows, or the videos that replayed her not-so-obvious smiles and slow hip movements while making direct eye contact with him. In all fairness, she wasn’t trying to hide it.
People could see moments and snippets of their love. But she wouldn’t let them see the whole thing.
“What d’you think?” She asked, the back of her head leaning against his shoulder as they both looked at her phone. It was a simple story draft for her Instagram of the two of them just a few nights ago walking into a gas station. Not the most romantic thing, but her makeup artist had managed to catch it at one of their stops late at night.
The lighting was perfect and almost vintage aesthetic, offering a slight blur to the photo. It was the two of them holding hands as they walked in, both with hoodies and sweatpants on. Only half her face was shown, brightly smiling up at him, and only the back of his head was shown as a mop of slightly messy slightly put-together black hair.
“I love it.” He said with a small smile, giving her a kiss on the top of the head. In the bottom corner she had just put a small black heart, meant to be a small clue.
“Okay,” She smiled. “I think I’m gonna post it.” She said, looking up at him. “You okay with this?”
“Of course.” He genuinely smiled back. “I don’t mind at all.”
Before she could second guess she hit the post button, immediately turning off her phone and throwing it to the edge of the bed.
“It’s done.” She said with big eyes and a giddy tone. “Like, we’ve confirmed.”
“Mhm,” He nodded with a small chuckle, “We have confirmed.” He leaned down to give her a soft kiss, not even a few seconds later his phone buzzed.
He reached over to grab it, smiling at the screen, and showing her.
I was wondering when you guys were gonna post something. Mikey had sent. It’s been fucking long enough.
She should’ve stopped staring after a few seconds, but she couldn’t help it. She rarely felt this confident in herself, but just as quickly as the adrenaline boost of self love hit her, the sobering of imperfections came knocking too.
Dressed in a long green strapless dress that was built to just fit her, she looked and felt like a Barbie. Her makeup team had really done quite an impressive and good number on her face, exemplifying all her good features perfectly, and covering up or minimizing the ones she didn’t like so much. Her hair hung in a low, sleek pony tail against her back, her nails for once long with extensions that would be removed for sure in the next two to three days.
“You’re absolutely perfect, ya know that?” She heard him, turning around to find her boyfriend with a big smile as one of his hands placed itself lightly on the small of her back. She softly smiled up at him, and he swore his heart skipped a beat and nearly sent him into cardiac arrest the way her big eyes stared right into his.
“Not necessarily, but thank you.” She responded in a small voice. She always got nervous before events- he learned that quickly after having to be on text and call standby as she repeated her own self-doubts while spiraling about things going wrong. No one would have ever known- her presence on carpets, stages, and everything in between was flawless.
And now here they stood for the first time together doing this. Him in a traditional and well-fit suit, her in the dress that would put anyone else wearing the color green to shame. He gave her one good look up and down (what was realistically the dozenth already), relishing in the fact that he was merely an accessory to her- and was blessed to be one at that.
There were already rumors circulating everywhere about the potential for them to show up together tonight. It was the ideal place to hard launch, and after dating for just over six months it finally felt like a good time to let the world see them together in all their glory. She was feeling more confident in him, and he was honestly just along for the ride- a very happy passenger too.
“How do we act?” She asked next, his hand still sat on her back as she leaned more into him so their bodies were no more than two inches apart.
“Like how we normally act.” He replied confidently. “I’m not sure anyone will be genuinely surprised- people have been expecting this.”
“When people set expectations about things they don’t know, it typically doesn’t work out the way they want.” She replied quickly.
He knew better than to ruin her hair or makeup, but at this moment he couldn’t see her for that, so he leaned in without hesitation and gave her a soft kiss as an attempt to calm her nerves.
“We’re not here to appease to anyone’s wants or expectations of us.” He explained in a tone just above a whisper, as if they weren’t the only two people in the room. “We’re here to be with each other- not to explain us.”
It was a relative blur, and she thanked the blinding lights of paparazzi that overtook her vision and senses as soon as they took a single step onto the carpet together. She had never heard the two of their names meshed together so many times in such a short period of time. It felt weird to hear them coming out together from other people’s mouths- but it also felt reaffirming.
His hand had initially snuck around her back, resting itself on the other side of her waist and pulling her close to him. The slight warmth from his body made her feel okay, an emotion she typically had to forcefully place at bay here but was tamed solely by him.
They gradually moved their way down at the instruction of the event staff, and narrowly at the last stop he leaned in to whisper to her, hiding his lips behind the back of her head to not let anyone get a chance to overhear what he was going to say.
“I think I have a new appreciation for my name when it’s next to yours.” He said with a small smile, pulling away and looking down at her.
She couldn’t help herself but to break out into a bigger smile, one that wasn’t posed for the cameras but more authentic. She usually hated her full smile, the cheekiness and roundness of her face making the pictures look unbearable to her, but in that moment it didn’t matter. She playfully nudged him a bit as he resumed his position with his arm around her waist, but this time she placed her hand on his chest, angling herself towards him.
He authentically smiled, not expecting it, and had to resist the urge running deep within him to kiss her. But no one here deserved to see that part of them- no one here deserved to know her like he did.
“New album stuff?” He asked, walking over to the living room with a “new” cup of coffee in his hands (this was his third refill in the last two hours). She nodded from where she sat on the floor, back against the bottom of the vintage arm chair she fell in love with and insisted on having to decorate their new place. Their place.
Gerard had always respected her boundaries with her music. She was being incredibly secretive about her upcoming project- despite it essentially being finished from what he had gathered- but he also knew incredibly well how labels worked. And despite both of them being in the industry, her upcoming album was expected to be gigantic. Both in the reception of it and in the work itself.
“They just began pressing all the vinyls.” She smiled up at him.
“When are you gonna see it?” He asked back, sitting down on the couch and leaning over the coffee table to grab his sketch book and pencils again.
“Hopefully within two weeks.” She shrugged. “That’s if everything goes right. Not that I think it won’t- there’s just… a lot.” He looked up for his eyes to meet her, giving her a sympathetic look and nod.
“Regardless of how it goes, you have worked your ass off for this.” He explained. “Critics will always say shit because they’re jaded and subjective. Most of them haven’t even made music. And your fans are gonna love anything you put out.” She softly smiled back.
“Thanks.” She said. ���I can’t wait for you to hear it.”
“Don’t you have the entire record on your computer?” He asked, eyeing the laptop that sat in her lap. She rolled her eyes.
“It’s not that simple.” She replied, closing it and getting up. “Besides, I want it to be a surprise.” She finished, walking over to him and giving him a kiss on the cheek.
“So are you flattered or what?” Their manager approached where he sat on the bus. He was so lost in the trance of finding the necklace that she had been dying to get for ages online as a surprise album release gift that he didn’t hear a thing.
“Hm?” He asked looking up at him.
“You’re the muse for the number one song on Billboard right now.” His manager replied with a small smile, arms crossed over each other.
“Right.” He awkwardly responded.
He was, indeed, the quite obvious muse for her first single, which happened to somehow skyrocket on the charts as soon as it released and within a few days was impossible not to hear. Whether it be radio, playlists, grocery stores, social media- the damn song was everywhere.
By no means was he upset, he just wasn’t expecting it. He was actively figuring out how to deal with the amount of empty and comical threats he got from fan accounts saying they were fully prepared to fight him if it meant even a shot at being with her. Also, while he had approved of the lyrics she had showed him (well, specifically the incredibly, borderline obvious, suggestive ones) it still made him feel a blush grow on his face when he heard them over and over again.
And the fucking cherry on top was the music video. At this point, he had seen her in many different ways, doing many different things (if you catch the drift) but as soon as he watched it he felt like he was falling for her all over again, ten-fold this time. It also made him begin to seriously question why the fuck you were with him, and simultaneously wonder if all the manifesting bull shit the merch girl was telling them about was something he should look into given that he needed some form of magic to get someone so out of his league.
“Good luck when the album drops, man.” His manager smiled, “Can’t wait to see all the teenage girls that want to band together and fight you.”
Gerard didn’t drink anymore and hadn’t for a while. But he did stare with a smile as she took a shot of tequila and her face immediately grew into a sour and twisted expression.
“Fuck that was worse than I remember.” She said through a small cough, grabbing the water by her and downing a chunk of it.
The low-key album release party was being held at their place. It was primarily close friends, the one producer she worked with on the record and her engineer, then the band as well as some of Gerard’s friends. Despite it being small, the place was buzzing under the dimmed lighting as there was consistently multiple conversations happening in the background, solid laughter mixed in too, and her album playing track by track in order softly in the background.
She sat on the floor, back against the couch, in a simple shirt and jeans, him right behind and next to her sat on the couch. She wasn’t drunk, but was definitely tipsy as she laid her head on his jean clad knee. He looked down at her with a smile, running a hand through her loose hair.
“I love you so much.” She smiled up at him. “Thank you for being such an incredible muse.”
He had been complimented plenty of times by critics, reporters, fans- but nothing even came remotely close to that comment.
“Baby, this is all you.” He insisted with a smile back. “We wouldn’t be here if you weren’t so damn incredible at everything you do.”
She sighed happily, closing her eyes for a moment.
“I’m so fucking glad you bumped into me.” She said. “I was so pissed at first and so tired and hot and sweaty- I thank the universe everyday for making that happen.”
“I do too, sweetheart.” He said, letting his smile melt into a sincere and content one. It only felt right. “I do too.”
#my chemical romance#gerard way#my chem#my chemical gee#my chemical gerard#gerard way x reader#gerard way fanfiction#mcr gerard#my chemical romance x reader#mcr x reader#mcr fanfiction#mcr#gee way#gerard way x you#gerard way x y/n
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We're appreciating these pro-endo posts as an endogenic, especially the fact you account for traumatized endogenics (we at least notice "usually" and other such words in a lot of posts, and were taught at a young age how to analyze shit because of being autistic) so like...thanks. :)
Hopefully y'all are okay, anti-endos are really showing their asses this time in your asks. And we hope everyone else realizes they have always been that bigoted.
hey of course, thanks for sending this ask!
yeah i don't know why people don't understand that endogenic systems can... also have trauma. like. endogenic doesn't mean 100% free from trauma. anyone can have trauma. trauma doesn't always manifest in the most extreme forms possible like dissociative disorders. like i cannot stress enough that dissociative disorders are a very specific kind of plurality, and should NOT be used as a metric to gauge whether or not someone's plural experience is legitimate or not. the diagnostic criteria for dissociative disorders is so painfully restrictive that a lot of people who probably do have a dissociative disorder don't get the diagnosis because it's so fucking specific
and again, i just want to stress that endogenic systems literally are not hurting anyone. you are not spitting in my face or talking over me as a system with DID. you are being respectful by using a term that suits your experience way better. like idk how that is offensive to people. endogenic systems developed a term to express a specific type of plurality. that's not trying to mock or ape on dissociative plurality. it's not an attempt to talk over dissociatives. it's creating an entirely new conversation that needs to be had
people getting upset about endogenic systems are creating mountains out of mole hills. it is quite literally a nothing burger of a problem. there IS no problem. nothing wrong is even happening. like i cannot overstate how fucking annoying it is when other dissociatives decide its time to get on their high horses and act as if they're suddenly experts on psychology and mental health. like it really pisses me off when other plurals with dissociative disorders decide the entire plural community is about them. the dissociative disorder communities are about plurals with dissociative disorders. specifically. you can still occupy spaces made for people with DID, OSDD and so on and leave endogenics alone and the world will keep turning. the sun will rise tomorrow regardless.
learn to mind your own goddamn business if you can't respect that other people experience the world differently than you do. maybe, just maybe, the dissociatives who are intentionally going out of their way to mock and harass endogenic systems are the fucking problem, here. you don't get to be a fucking bully just because you have trauma. you don't get to attack and hurt people who haven't hurt you just because you were abused. that's literally fucking perpetuating the cycle of abuse. if you think to yourself that because you are traumatized, that it's okay to take your anger out on people who have no trauma, you seriously need to reassess your life. what does that do for you? temporary catharsis? a rush of dopamine that lasts mere seconds? chasing the high of harassing strangers will not undo what was done to you in the past.
as a dissociative- i only understand what dissociative plurality is like. i do not understand other forms of plurality. and you know what? i don't find the fact that other types of plurality existing offensive to me. it's just not. i've been very close friends with so many endogenic, spiritual, natural, etc. systems out there over the years. i have never found it offensive for anyone to say "oh hey i'm plural too!" and then explain a different plural experience than the one i have. thats why the term plural even exists, because it encompasses a broad range of plural experiences, not just dissociative ones.
like, to the dissociatives who are pissed off that endos exist: literally stay in dissociative disorder-centric spaces and tags. they're right there. you HAVE a community that you can interact with who understand exactly what you're going through. if it offends you that you find a VARIETY of plural experiences in the general plural community- that community isn't for you. like seriously. if it offends you that deeply that other types of plurality exist- the general plural community is not for you. it's literally not made for you if you can't except that numerous types of plurality exist. you have spaces you can occupy that ARE made 100% for people just like you. you can quite literally stay in spaces made for dissociative plurals only. like. you can do that. that's an option. and you can stop bullying other people out of spaces that they rightfully belong in.
trauma is never excuse to be a fucking jackass. it's perpetuating the cycle of abuse. that's nothing to be proud of. break the cycle. stop abusing people just because you were abused.
#asks#answers#plurality#plural gang#endogenic system#endogenic#endo safe#endo friendly#endogenic safe#endogenic friendly#pro endo#pro endogenic#plural community
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I'm sick of this Fandom saying that Dick only eats cereal and that the only thing Tim can cook is a cup of coffee and treating Jason like he's some sort of michelin star chef, like seriously? that's it?
Dick came from a circus full of people with different cultures and backgrounds. Idk if y'all have every gone to one of those big weddings that takes place in your cousins back yard but fucking everyone comes together with food. You make the things you know and love and share them with the people your friends and family know and love. And also Dick was a kid that loved attention, of course he would sit in the kitchen and be entertained by someone while his parents were training. I'm convinced that Dick knows how to cook the most random, homey, comfort food dishes but like nothing 'ordinary'. Like that man can make the best goulash you've had in your life (only with the good paprika), he makes vegetarian momos that even Damian can't resist, his challah had more jew in it than Bruce does. But if you ask him to bring a casserole to a get together, he'll fucking bluescreen and buy a pre-made potato salad.
I agree that Jason is a good cook. As a kid I was poor, but in my later teenage years we were more middle class. That change in being able to buy ingredients, to actually make something homemade with is insane. I'm convince that one day he showed Alfred one of those '3 ingredients browine recipe' and asked if that wasn't too much to use and Alfred introduced him to the concept 'the more ingredients the better taste'. That said, as an adult I don't think he was making all these grand dishes. He doesn't live with Bruce, and frequently changes safe houses. He doesnt have the dishware to make these extraordinary foods. Like he'll make some fettuccine alfredo, but those aren't homemade noodles. He's not making a cheesecake, but he'll make a nice banana bread. I also think that he would be a bit nostalgic for the foods of his childhood like we all are in a way, but he would better it. Like cheap ass Ramen? That man is making a steaming bowl of pho. Baked potatoes? Creamy potatoes au Gratin. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches? Fruit tarts with peanut butter cookies. He's not phenomenal, but he's resourceful.
I said this in a previous post but Tim can cook goddammit. He grew up in a big home as tween with an unlimited fridge. He did what kids do; make really shitty food until they understand cooking. He would thrive off of reciving praise from his parents if he informed them on how independent he is. I know he tried to learn how to make all of their favorite meals until he could recite the recipe word for word. And I don't think that left even after he became robin. Because things were shaky with Bruce for a while, and Tim needed to prove himself. He definitely found out how to make the most tasty protein filled post workout foods because he was determined to be a good robin. I think that as an adult a lot of those would stick too. Like he would know how to make a lot of standard meals, and knows how to read relatively re create a recipe. He isn't useless in the kitchen just because he's rich.
Stephanie is always neglected in these and I refuse too, I love her. I think that she would be kinda a combination of Jason and Tim, like she knows as a vigilante (especially one always underestimated) she really needs to prove she can hold her own and I think that means that she would care about her diet in relation to her workout regime. Her diet would probably consist of a lot protein, fiber and vegetables. But also I think she would be more nostalgic that Jason. Because who can't help but romanticize the sight of your mom making your birthday cake and adding a drop of magic that turns it purple. If it comes down to the frozen pizza or the frozen stir fry, she might choose the pizza because it's the same brand her mom would make on Fridays. She knows how to make the foods that are good for her (to an extent, similar to Tim in that way) but she would also be able to make more of her comfort foods. But above all else, she's a sucker for convenience store meals. She's a patsa roni after patrol kinda gal. And some days she'll add in steamed broccoli, but the nights she's really feeling it, she might just turn on some old cartoon and sit on the floor with her pasta roni.
Damian is more interesting. Always being wealthy has him thinking cooking a bit beneath him. BUT, he also how easy it is to poison someone by making their meals. I feel like in the league of assassin's he learned to detect poison in food and knows how to get it back up. But, it's easier to detect that type of thing with plants. I think he knows which plants are poisonous simply by sight, taste and smell. And besides the obvious reason behind his vegan/vegetarianism I think that is also one of the contributing factors. But I still think it took him a while to come around to Alfred and ask to learn how to make more of the foods he can eat. I don't think that would happen until after he has since how the memories from cooking affect Dick, how cooking gives Jason a sense of freedom and control, and Tim independence. I think he would come to recognize the importance of being able to do something for yourself without assistance. I think he would begin with shyly approaching Alfred vegan recipe he found (because vegan/vegetarians recipes are finally becoming more mainstream and popular on social media), and Alfred will agree because he wants Damian to request certain foods. He wants Damian to truly enjoy meals and not just tolerate something Alfred makes. So I think Damian would know how to make a lot of staple dishes, but also a lot of really yummy vegan dishes. But I also think he would have a slight nostalgia for foods more regional to Nanda Parbat. Specifically I think he would miss spicy food and that it would become necessary in his favorite dishes. I think he would be a sucker for a nice lentil soup, so spicy that only Jon can stomach it.
Sorry for the long post, but this has been on my mind a bunch lately.
#batfamily#dc comics#tim drake#dick grayson#jason todd#stephanie brown#damian wayne#red robin#robin#nightwing#red hood#spoiler dc#batgirl#dc universe#batman#alfred pennyworth#bruce wayne#Is this overkill#I've thought too much about this#I'm so fucking hungry now
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Anyways I'm bored BSD no nuance hot takes
Yosano could probably beat pretty much everyone in the series with the exception of Fukuchi bc. Y'know
Dazai's not that hard of a character to understand if you've had depression from a relatively young age
Chuuya's not an alcoholic
He is gonna have heart problems when he gets older though
Kyouka's mischaracterization is so blatant in fandom but basically never bought up
Naomi and Junichiro have relatively equal amounts of focused screentime and development and in fact Naomi shows more initiative separate from Junichiro than he does from her
Also the theory she's a manifestation of his Ability has already been disproven
idk if this is even a hot take. Mori's not a predator. It's annoying and inaccurate and also boring as fuck to insist he is.
People write Ranpo too nice. Ya'll he's an asshole let him act like one.
Any problems people have with how Kunikida 'treats' Dazai are the same as how Chuuya treats Dazai and there's like zero argument there
Dazai wouldn't self harm
Atsushi's a great main character, one of the most interesting in the series, and does his damn job AS the main character
Chuuya's a good character, yes. There are also other fucking characters in this damn series than him and Dazai
Oda and Dazai pedestalized one another; this wasn't a healthy dynamic. However Oda really did understand Dazai in the end of Dark Era and WAS the reason Dazai was able to better himself and move away from a path that was gonna kill him and was one of the only people who could have convinced him to better himself.
The ADA-PM trade isn't gonna happen
Kunikida is both a well developed and fascinating character who's behaviors stem from stress, trauma, and likely high functioning mental illness, and is not as predictable as fandom makes him out to be
Also this isn't even a hot take but neither he nor Teruko are perma dead
Akutagawa did in fact Do That Shit. He did in fact Think That Way. He's having development but he does still believe the weak deserve to die and is only now learning not to have his instinctive reaction be murder. Like he can do what he wants but the fact his development is so good is undercut if you ignore how he started.
Also the PM is like. Not a good place? For anyone? Like the characters are sympathetic and we've been made aware of the complexities surrounding how it benefits the city but also as an organization and structure it's not at all healthy and BSD is. Pretty clear about that.
This fandom is like definition of "why are you going for moral simplicity in the nuance store" or however that post goes credit to the postmaker
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#chuuya nakahara#dazai osamu#kunikida doppo#kyouka izumi#atsushi nakajima#akutagawa ryuunosuke#mori ougai#fukuzawa yukichi#yosano akiko#ranpo edogawa#teruko okura#junichiro tanizaki#oda sakunosuke
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I don't think the crew's comments about Lydia and Beetlejuice being endgame should be taken seriously. If that was seriously considered I feel like the movie would have gone on a different direction, they were pretty consistent with Lydia being disgusted by Beetlejuice and he's the villain all the way to the end
yeah that's kiiind of how i feel too. i would not say he's the villain though? i think he's more of an anti-hero type of character in this one. definitely not a good guy though lol not by a long shot
ultimately the cast isn't the one who's making the story here, however they do have some insight the audience might not have. like i feel like they know something we don't and that's why they feel that way, because they were all VERY sure about it.
this is just my guess so take this with a grain of salt, but i feel like the cast might be a little biased because they know michael personally and he's nice to everyone behind the scenes, you can tell everyone has a lot of love for him. i don't like assuming stuff like this so AGAIN don't take this as fact, but i remember winona saying something along the lines of like, him making sure she wasn't uncomfortable while filming the first movie, so maybe that kinda stuck with her and she conflated it with beetlejuice's character. she speaks of the whole thing in a very shy fangirl manner (which is honestly kind of adorable winona youre 52 and acting like this) like she knows it's silly and she knows she shouldn't want them to be endgame but she does anyway. so THAT feels like it really is her own personal opinion that hasn't much to do with what's planned for them (if there's anything planned at all because we don't know anything for sure, we can only guess and hope there'll be a third one)
tim burton has talked about how he wanted the whole macarthur park scene to be straightforwardly romantic and emotionally intimate, in its own fucked up beetlejuicey way of course. i think it can be all that and still be pretty one-sided idk i personally enjoy the one-sided aspect? macarthur park IS a breakup song after all. so i think i kinda see where he was going with that. it's uh. kind of an enigmatic scene once you stop laughing at the ridiculousness of it all and try to analyze it lol
sorry i lost my train of thought there i got interrupted many times while typing this
i think what i was trying to say is that, even with the one-sidedness and breakup song and all that, there could still be a possibility that things take a strange turn in a third movie if it happens. it's just. wow. how would they even make THAT work, you know? because this movie didn't push hard enough in that direction. it's not impossible but if they do go for it, it will be insanely hard to pull off successfully. fics are one thing, you can do whatever you want in fanfiction, but canon can't be approached like that.
who knows man. lately i've been thinking about how i would've reacted to learning about the events of the sequel if i hadn't been eased into it with trailers and promos and through the movie and its storytelling, and i just know i would've thought "that's insane and would not happen, ever, come on" and now here i am. accepting it. breaking it down and analyzing it. enjoying it! i love this crazy ass movie.
at this point i think anything could happen even if i'm also very skeptic about everything. i won't believe anything until i see it.
#beetleposting#idk if this post counts as beetlebabes talk but there's the keyword for those who want to mute#beetlebabes
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Behold, a silly AU I've been yapping to @cursed--alien about for... A week? Or two? Idk. Either way this is what they called Nine Mercs And A Baby, in which Medic creates a test tube baby (using his and Heavy's genetics) to develop an artificial womb then gets really attached to the resulting offspring. I'm not much of a fankid or kidfic person (kids weird me out), but this AU has really grown on me despite being a joke at first
(more details under the cut)
Before their "birth", Medic refused to acknowledge the question of what he was planning on doing with the baby if it survived. After it was born he claimed that he was only keeping it to study human growth and development first hand
Medic is extremely weird about fatherhood. He's simultaneously really anxious and distant. He knows he's not cut out to be a primary caregiver. It's just not something he's capable of, and he thinks himself too old for this nonsense. However, once he realizes that he really does have the support of his dysfunctional found family, he allows himself to learn to be a better father
The kid was raised relatively gender neutral. Ever read the book "X: a fabulous child's story"? They're not quite that neutral, but they're not really forced into gender roles or expectations. They have two first names (one feminine, one masculine), but no one in their family uses them. Most of the time they're just called the Kid, but everyone has a nickname for 'em. They don't care about pronouns all that much. (C'mon, they're my OC and I headcanon Medic as transmasc. There was no way they wouldn't be some flavor of nonbinary)
Heavy treasures his child and is so fucking protective. He's wrapped around their little finger. Though everyone helps out with their needs, he's his child's primary caregiver and no decisions are made about them without Papa Bear knowing
They're born in 1968 and spend the first four years of their life living on the base. MvM doesn't happen in this AU, so once the Gravel Wars end, Red Team goes their separate ways... At first. After a year or so they start trickling back together because nothing feels quite as right as being A Team. Kid only had about a year of their life where they didn't have a big family to rely on
It's not all sunshine and rainbows, but the only Major Issue in the family (at least for Kid) is how distant Medic is despite being their actual Legal Father. He tries, but he's afraid of smothering them or pressuring them into following in his footsteps. Had he been younger when they were born, he probably wouldn't have cared. But having the opportunity to form strong bonds has made him a softer man. Regardless, they still love each other, and Kid feels lucky to have a dad like him
#gopher art#team fortress 2#tf2 oc#tf2 heavy#tf2 medic#tf2 engineer#tf2 demoman#tf2 pyro#tf2 sniper#tf2 scout#tf2 soldier#tf2 spy#heavymedic#(implied since they're a fankid of them)#nine mercs and a baby#(because i feel like I'll draw more stuff for this at some point)#tf2 kid#(which will be Sonya's tag)#dont have much else to say tbh! ive grown really attached to this au which is hilarious since i normally hate kids in my fanworks#i think medic would be a terrible dad still. do not give him a child. the only reason this works out as well as it does is because EVERYONE#raises this damn kid
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False god- Vladimir Makarov
A/N: he's so weirded out by emotions he apologises this way?! my dudes I need a man like that, like yes apologise to me with money
Based on a request:
HERE ME OUT. The lack of attention my babygirl Makarov gets has me crying. But hear me out on my request. Let's say during one of Makarovs mission he came across a certain individual, and it caught Makarovs attention, Makarov told his me to gather information about the individual, after he got the information turns out that reader(the certain individual I'm talking about) has there own task force and is the commander of it. Turns out that reader is oddly similar to Makarov. To similar. And this caught his attention. To test reader he decided to purposely raid her base and make a trap seeing if they could see through it which they did. And it obviously angered them causing them to become enemies, until Makarov decided to try and be Allies with them considering he needs there help on a certain mission and there the right person for it (idk what trope this would be.. probably an enemies to frienenies+ with benifits let's say Makarov had a slight crush on them 🙏🙏match made in hell basically..)
---- F!Reader, romance? fluff? soft!makarov?, established!relationship ----
Secret kisses behind closed doors. His hand was on yours when the room was dark. You and him never meant to be together, at least not in front of others. He failed at two things, meeting you liking you and falling in love with you. Does he regret it, no, definitely not. It's been a while since you have wanted to let everyone know that he is the reason you smile like a fool and tonight, as you met up with him again, the conversation came up.
By the end of it, your eyes filled with tears. "But you have to listen-" "No." You hated how he had to have the last word in that but you'd let him, even if it meant to not voice your emotions for him. Soon later, he told you about some mission he did, his actions were wrong, and you knew that, so you called him out. A man like him will always deny such words and will not want to be confronted with the truth. That is when you two would clash. You were mad, of course, and he was too. So, you end up walking away. "Where are you going?" he follows behind. "I'm not going to entertain your shit-thinking tonight." You say without turning to him. Vladimir stops in his tracks and scoffs. "You're being a baby, R/N." Oh, that was it, no more contact, make him learn his lesson once and for all.
If he really wanted to be better for you like he said months ago, then this is prime time to prove that statement. But he won't do it, not so easily. Hours after the conversation, he went home, waiting for your call but it never came in. He grew worried. You always called him to let him know you were home and safe. Three days go by and he is already anxious and scared. His men watch over you, giving him updates which keep him steady. Day 9 comes by and he can't help but try and reach out...except he stops before dialing your number. No, he isn't weak, he can't be the first to say sorry, that is not who he is.
For fucks sake, he runs a group of strong soldiers, he is meant to be heartless...right? And if he is heartless then why does his heart ache anytime he thinks of you? Why does he get the urge to cry if you don't ever speak to him? God those lips of yours, that voice and the stare. He becomes a madman for you. You are a drug, one he needs to consume. So, for days he plans it all. He will talk to you, a speech he rehearsed which is nothing but the truth. The mirror knows that too. "Sorry...no...there has to be a better way through this," Makarov changed. He was confident in everything but without you there, what is he now?
A mess, this is what has become of him. Damn it, why do you feel so close and still be so far? Idiot, fucking idiot. His office, filled with plans now empty from a clean spree he made while trying to not think of you. He knows you are around, knows you are at base playing a card game with your friends.
Time passes and it is day 12. He hasn't been the same, why the fuck do you affect him like this.
"No, no..." you laugh and he nudges you. Gosh, look at this view. Your legs over his snuggled on the couch as a cheap romance comes on screen. Cliche, all of it but it even makes him excited to experience it. He looks over at you, this is perfect. Your angelic face is complimented by the shades of the screen. He cups your face, "Kiss me, please," Vladimir needs this more than you.
Fuck it. He knocks on your door. It's been 504 hours since he last held you in his arms. Kissed you, smiled because of you, laughed with you, made love to you. 504 hours of pure torture. Everyone at your base was asleep. His heart races as he awaits to see you. Your door opens and you stand there, confused. "Makarov?" Oh yes, say it again, say my name, he thinks.
In his hand, a bouquet of your favourite flowers mixed with money. "I'm an idiot, I know. And...I'm sorry for not apologising sooner, for not acknowledging you calling me out on something I know now was wrong, I'm sorry...I'm sorry for needing you, I'm sorry for crying...but I'm not sorry for loving you," his eyes filled with tears. Fuck does he love you.
You may ask, what made him so emotional? That picture he took of you and him on Christmas. That day, he knew he loved you, he knew that in his miserable life, you were the only and last good thing he could have. That morning, he received the best gift. The first genuine 'I love you' he ever got in his life. You knew then that he was the one. It's why you now have him in your room, kissing him and cuddling him because, for 504 hours, you too missed him.
"I love you, I love you.." Makarov repeated after every kiss he gave your body. You smile and repeat over and over, "I love you too."
And so it goes that the cruel Vladimir Makarov, held the hand of his beloved as they walked down the aisle. Mr. and Mrs. Makarov, what a risky love this will be.
Tags: @rowrowrowyourboat13 @thefragmented @selarus @kielsegur @shotmrmiller @liyanahelena @personwhosucksassatmath @iamashadows-blog @strangepuppynightmare @thesnailus @arialikestea @baldwinhearts @wack2000 @johfaam0 @goldenmclaren @moonsua1 @rvirienner @frazie99 @viomast @saoirse06 @vampsquerade @alxexhearts
#vladimir makarov cod#vladimir makarov#vladimir nabokov#makarov x reader#makarov cod#makarov call of duty#cod makarov#mw2023#cod mw3#vladimir makarov x you#vladimir makarov x reader#makarov#cod mw#modern warfare#vladimir makarov fluff#cod mw2#cod x reader#cod#mw3 2023#call of duty modern warfare 3#modern warfare 3#modern warfare iii#call of duty mw3
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FASHION JIRAIS DNI /SRS
The thing that really annoys me about the reyinblack situation is how they're the ones telling us to "get help" even though a lot of us are already doing that and are just using tumblr as a way to find a support group n shit.
Rey has this stupid belief that you should cope the way other people cope, and if you don't you're "glamorizing it and influencing others", and it genuinely baffles me how completely ignorant they are surrounding both the topics of jirai kei and mental health as a whole.
since when has anyone in the jirai community ever encouraged anyone to self harm? The only self harm shit I've seen coming from the jirai community are literally people just talking about their own struggles with self harm.
Tbh, the only thing I don't like about my self harm is that whenever I relapse I have to hide it until it heals so that my family doesn't get pissy at me over it (especially my dad, cause he deadass once told me "self harm is stupid", and honestly, wtf), but that's just me. People got their own reasons why they romanticize their own self harm.
And I am putting the emphasis on the "their own" part, because this douchebag really missed that part and I don't think they'd bother to care anyways.
Also, "just get a diary" THIS IS MY DIARY, JACKWAD. My therapist knows that this blog exists, i literally showed it to her to look at. And I start intensive outpatient therapy next week, so idk what you're on about when you say I should "get help."
Speaking of "getting help", I do agree that if someone needs professional help, they should try to get it as soon as possible. Walk in crisis centers exist (at least in Colorado where I'm from)
But regardless of whatever it's for, when someone does get help, it doesn't mean that all of your problems will go away.
it means that you are learning the skills needed to cope with them so that you don't end up doing some genuinely harmful behaviors like drugs or risky sex.
Sometimes getting help means de-escalating from a crisis so that you don't try to kill yourself or others.
Or it could be to help manage some behavioral issues or trauma that you had to deal with.
People get this stupid misconception that the minute you go to the psych ward for a few days or start talking to a therapist, that all of a sudden you're gonna be this mentally stable and happy person who has no issues whatsoever. I've been dealing with the mental health industry for 5 years and yet I still haven't gotten better, if anything I feel fucking worse tbh.
And to add on to that, not everyone has that same kind of access to help. Sometimes parents don't believe their kids are struggling and refuse to get them help, sometimes financial barriers can make it difficult to afford it, lots of things.
Japan (the place where Jirai Kei originated) has a major issue when it comes down to the stigma surrounding mental health and mental illness, and getting help is completely discouraged there. That's where the Jirai Kei community comes in to help destigmatize mental health (while looking cute as shit).
but the part that's gotta piss me off the most regarding this situation is how rey is so upset that different ways to cope exist to the point they're literally reporting blogs and getting them t worded ALL BECUASE NOBODY AGREES WITH WHAT THEY GOTTA SAY.
Sheesh, and people tell ME I can't take criticism...
Anyway, just wanna say that if you see reyinblack anywhere, please report and block them. DO NOT ENGAGE WITH THEM.
Thank you.
#mental health#mental illness#jirai kei#jiraiblr#landmine#jiraiblogging#landmineblr#jirai#jirai girl#jirai onna#jirai joshi#jirai lifestyle
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i have a genuine question. i promise i am not at all trying to defend him. ive dropped him entirely, literally deleted everything i had of him and unliked his songs.
ive just been wondering like considering that he has been in therapy, and also considering how if he does take a year off and then comes back, why cant it be redeemable? like cant people change? cant we give them second chances? he is 27. is he just doomed to be an abuser forever?
its just scary and im asking as like a younger person who is in my very early 20s. i know ive made mistakes. i know ive not been a good partner or friend sometimes. (and yes i was also abusive to a past partner...im not proud of it and ive learned from it. i have never ever touched anyone in that way after that. it took awhile but my current relationship isnt toxic and i would never hurt anyone or hit them again yknow?) and it scares me that people keep insinuating that he is irredeemable. like cant abusers change and become better? dont they get second chances? if shelby has grown and healed in 10 months wouldn't it be fair to say the same for wilbur?
im just genuinely asking because based on everything i believe you are older than me and im looking for guidance and just...idk im scared. growing up on the internet has made me so scared of making mistakes and doing anything wrong because when it happens to others i look up to, its always treated as something they'll never be able to change or improve. makes me feel like imma just be a horrible person forever because i made mistakes in the past.
This is a really complicated question that multiple answers can validly fit.
I don't think, personally, that anyone is irredeemable. I think everyone is on a journey of forgiveness and some of us may need more grace than others.
This is tw// abuse even more than the current topic, but my mom was incredibly abusive. We lived in a very rural area and she had a lot of undiagnosed problems and trauma of her own that created a pressure pot of issues. After I was born, she suffered through full on post-partum psychosis that nearly ended about as well as that sentence implies it could have. She was incredibly violent, controlling, and cruel for years. My sister went no-contact with her the second she turned 18. A significant event occurred that eventually spurned her into seeking real treatment that lasted for years. It's still ongoing.
My sister is also still no contact and I support her decision 100%. Those are her wounds and what she needed to do to get peace should be respected. I decided I wanted a relationship with the person who came out of all that work and, even then, it's been hard. I don't know if she's redeemed herself, and my god do we still have bumps in the road, but I support her for trying.
With Wilbur, how he responds to this is going to really impact a lot of things. I mean, I know no matter how he responds I won't be going on whatever journey of redemption and healing he has to go through. I'm tired and I feel hurt enough. I would think, if he wanted to show he was sincere, admitting what happened would be a great sense of closure for a lot of people who put time and energy and faith into this guy for years.
Not every person that causes harm is inherently evil, but there has to be some kind of knowledge that you're aware of the harm you've caused. No one is stuck as anything forever, life is constantly moving, and most people aren't saying his life is just over. You can work on yourself. You can change. And I'm saying that specifically to you, anonymous.
(Saying this, actually, there ARE people who would argue once you've done x you're beyond redemption based entirely on their life experiences as a victim, personal histories and many other factors. Kinda like my sister, that's their choice. And you have to accept that sometimes you fuck up so badly that you will permanently lose some people from your life. But your life isn't over.)
But I do think, regardless of what he says or does about this, his time of controlling a large platform is at an end. He can still do a lot of things in his life after he works on himself -- editing, song producing, directing, writing or whatever -- but being in charge of a large impressionable audience that could enable more destructive behaviors is just not it.
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HIIII :)) i saw that request were open! is it possible that i can request boyfriend headcannons for miyata from hajime no ippo !! , thank youu ^_^
(This boy does not have a single normal pic of his eyes I swear-)
Ichiro Miyata romantic headcanons
| PLAYLIST |(the first song is literally made for him)
(my fav Hajime No Ippo boy I waited for it. Sit comfortably it will be a long list)
You and Ichiro were classmates in high school. That's basically how you met, but you didn't talk to each other much before one... accident.
You always liked boxer boys. Who doesn't, duh? And well, your female friends found out and started shipping you with Miyata, as everyone knew that he is a boxer. Very hot one If I may add.
He found out about it and god it was awkward. He just stared at you.
But somehow you got yourself together to apologize him about your friends and that's how it all start.
You were walking from school together as you live near his boxing club. Except he ran few meters in front of you...
After few months you became really good friends. You were taking pictures of him sometimes as you were learning how to use your new polaroid. (( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))
One day it was raining really hard and after his practice he went straight to your house. Your parents were shocked at the least but let him in.
You gave him a towel and started drying his hair off as he was changing his bandages on his knuckles as it were all wet. He said that you're paying off a debt of having polaroids of him lmao.
You were soooo ashamed.
And he just kissed you.
Pure shock.
After that you stood in silence. He was laying on your bed, reading a magazine and you were trying to do your homework to keep your mind away.
Your mom went to your room to ask you both if you want something to eat and oh god how hard it was for Ichiro to explain his diet to her so she wouldn't think that someone is starving him or something.
After that you just sighed and went over to lay next to her. You never said those words, but you are together. He calls you his girlfriend next to his friends in class after all.
He's the type of guy that won't fight for you when needed. He'll teach you how to fight for yourself and then help you.
The high school it couple hellooooooo
You started running with him after school. Holding hands.
Comes over to you after his trainings and then his dad picks him up after.
Now you can take pictures that show a little more of his daily work if you know what I mean.
Takes you to his matches when he can.
You're learning things on each other and how the fuck he makes out with you so good at first try?????
Literally you hid in your room to try and he's randomly a pro????
Will braid your hair.
If he goes out with his friends. He takes you. Always. No exceptions.
You'll be just walking through some weird places (yk teen meetup spots) in the middle of the night with his friends? He's holding your hand. Non stop.
Will take you to urbex. In the night. Without his friends.
Will also make out with you in random abandoned buildings cus why not
WHEN HE WEARS THESE SHORTS THESE SPORT SHORTS IDK HOW THEY'RE CALLED BUT THESE PLAIN SPORT MALE SHORTS THE ONES THAT ARE LIKE ABOVE KNEE LEANGHT HDSUJGFSDKF OMGGGGG (these are my addiction I had to do this I'm sorry but just legs in them...)
holds your hand in school so there's not really any boy hitting on you, but if there were one trust me it wouldn't be good.
Not really jealous type of guy but a 'I don't like someone touching what's mine' type.
Will talk shit on other people with you. I think he's a type of guy that would gossip, but only with his girlfriend because he thinks that friends can always leave.
trust issues but in other people not you. You're the only person he trusts.
Takes you to his family dinners.
The type of relationship that even your teachers know about.
He says that he will marry you and even if you won't want to he'll make you cause it's you or no one.
Let's you pick his outfits because he knows how much you love his body.
He loves it too, yours as well. That's why he won't even let you stand near other teens that try out smoking or alcohol. No exception.
You fight sometimes obviously. It's not rare and it's not oten.
Typically either cause he want's you to be healthy and you don't do stuff to be healthy or over some teenage drama. The second one is rare though as he's a little bit more mature than rest of people your age.
10/10 boyfriend. Would recommend. Want one myself.
These one wasn't that cute but I really love teens will be teens trope and doing kind of south park/wladcy moch kind of vibes so soz I ain't quitting that.
#ichiro miyata headcanons#ichiro miyata x reader#ichiro miyata#miyata ichiro x reader#miyata ichiro#hajime no ippo ff#hajime no ippo headcanons#hajime no ippo x reader#hajime no ippo#hajime makunouchi#ippo makunouchi x reader#ippo makunouchi
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so i'm rereading trc with my friend and we're currently on bllb and i just read chapter 30 and in it blue's asking malory what gansey used to be like before he moved to henrietta and the gansey that malory describes to blue is so different from the gansey she currently knows and i just cant stop thinking about it.
first off, malory describes gansey as "small" as in not just his height but as in gansey was young and it makes sense because at the time gansey was 15 but it just kind of does something to my heart when i think about young, small gansey trying to figure out why he's still alive.
malory then goes on to say, "He was still trying to prove that he hadn't just hallucinated. He was still quite obsessed with the event [his death] itself." gansey first died when he was 10 and to be obsessing over your death for FIVE years trying to convince others but mostly yourself that you didn't make it up that you actually died and not some part of a childs imagination it must've fucked with him so bad???
then malory tells blue exactly how obsessed gansey was with his death and was to the extent that he was always drawing bees and hornets and "Got screaming nightmares over it- he had to get his own place since I couldn't sleep with it [...] Sometimes these fits would happen in the day, too. We'd just be toddling through some riding path in Leicestershire and next thing I knew he'd be on the ground clawing his face like a mental patient." the gansey that blue currently knows doesnt act like that but this was only two years prior its fucking INSANE and it's here blue starts to think about the facade gansey had learned to throw up since he was a kid.
AND IT GETS WORSE SOMEHOW?? earlier in bllb in chapter 3, gansey talks about how he felt like running and how it had been a long time since he had felt that way. at the time it didn't make sense like wdym by that gansey but then back in chapter 30 malory tells blue how gansey just disappeared one day. left most of his bags and left without a word to anyone not even his family who then called malory to ask for gasneys whereabouts. "He picked himself up and moved on so easily, so quickly. He had done it so many times before England, Jane, and it was old hat to him."
it makes blue rethink every conversation she had with gansey previously, similarly to when adam heard gansey's voice of fear in the cave in chapter one where gansey had the panic attack because its around this book where the gangsey start to figure, as blue puts it, "It was more like the Gansey she'd seen was a partial truth."
it's so very easy to pass off ganseys insecurities and his feelings about how he should comfort other people but they shouldn't do the same for him because he's had it the easiest (his words not mine) because he himself skips over it so fast. like he'll mention something and then act like he's never thought or said it, like its something normal which really isnt and then it slowly makes sense that gansey throughout the series, starts to lose that mask (there's multiple masks but thats a conversation for another time) and the readers and the gangsey get to see what the real gansey is like instead of the bulletproof, untouchable gansey they're used to seeing.
the idea of gansey running is insane in a good way because its nothing like the gansey we know, plus paired with the fact about how young gansey has me clawing at the walls because he's just this kid desperate to prove he wasn't hallucinating, trying to find some purpose to his life before he finds it in henrietta. a kid who was still terrified of his death who relived it, screaming every night who still had panic attacks anywhere and everywhere and would end up clawing at himself because there's hornets everywhere. a kid who doesn't stay in one place too long who learns to put on an easy smile to convince everyone okay and gets so good at it that it works and people think that hes normal and okay when he's anything but.
idk pre canon gansey is something that i need to inject into my bloodstream and analyse in a lab.
#thinking about the different masks gansey has is so crazy like gansey on fire the gansey his family sees the gansey aglionby sees#SORRY LONG POST#FUCKKKK GO TO THERAPY GANSEY#chapter 30 bllb has changed my life in insane ways#i dont think i can ever be the same#richard gansey#trc#the raven cycle#bllb#adam parrish#blue sargent#idk malorys last name sorry
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Jesus, I just got to the point in Words of Radiance where Kal is in prison and Dalinar basically says "You're not going to end racism by being radical and acting upset about it. You can't just expect us to treat you like an equal because you're not one. Play nice and maybe the racists will grow to respect you"
I.
Buddy what the fuck
In general I think I've found that I'm... Not as fond of Dalinar as I used to be. Don't get me wrong, he does some great things and he's constantly trying to improve and I appreciate that. Flawed characters make stories interesting and I think Brandon does a fantastic job of writing him. However, he is overly strict and judgemental (Still not forgiving him for hating on Adolin for trying to express himself a bit more through style in ROW; let my boy dress up a bit if he wants), he struggles to accept other ways of doing things (we could look to Adolin again, being "too friendly" with those he commands and Dalinar going "noooo they might respect you less if they think you see them as an equal individual"), and while he talks about how he wants to change how everything works, if someone tries to defy convention in a way he doesn't approve of he shuts them down. (Kaladin pointing out very fair issues with how dark eyes are punished severely and light eyes get away with everything only to be talked down at until he shut up and fell in line, for example.) He wants change and has power to bring it about but won't do anything too radical for it, I guess, and that frustrates me. He tends to support systems as long as they work for his own goals, even if they're still exploitative and deeply unjust, while also complaining that everyone else is being exploitative and unjust. I dislike that he acts like he's doing Kaladin such a favor by treating him as almost an equal. "I'm sticking my neck out by treating you like a human, act civil and don't try to speak too loudly about the injustices yet, you might make the others uncomfortable." Dalinar isn't like other light eyes, he's so quirky and different and sometimes acts a bit less classist and racist!!! Aren't we lucky!! Idk maybe I'm stating my point a bit too strongly but damn. He's giving "yeah I'm a stubborn old man but really I'm quite progressive, I don't even go out of my way to hate crime people"
Words of Radiance, while I enjoy it, is rather difficult to get through because it's just so many main characters who I generally appreciate being awful to/supporting or ignoring awful behavior towards Kaladin and if he reacts they're like ":0000 how dare he attack first" (I appreciate Zahel chewing out Adolin for antagonizing and then fighting Kal in shardplate because goddamn Adolin I love you but that sucked.)
I'm finding Elhokar a lot more unlikeable on this reread as well. He's meant to be unlikeable of course, so good job on that, but Jesus he can be the worst. Honestly standing beside my past thoughts that what Moash did wrong was not in turning on the system that oppresses him and all the dark eyes, but just that he knowingly hurt Kaladin and other people who cared about him repeatedly and severely to do so.
I'm on board with killing horrible leaders (especially if it seems the only way to remove them and stop them from causing harm: people shouldn't have to suffer and die as part of a leader's learning curve and character growth, and going "they're working on it" when people are actively suffering is garbage. I'm still sad at Elhokar's death but I'm not sad that he's no longer king) but I draw the line at abusing and killing one's friends and I am just hoping he comes to terms with what he has done wrong and improves in book five.
Anyways that was long and scattered I'm sorry lmao you should have heard my rant to my poor cousin, I was rambling for like half an hour.
#words of radiance#stormlight archive#kaladin stormblessed#dalinar kholin#elhokar kholin#moash#rhythm of war#rhythm of war spoilers#words of radiance spoilers#adolin kholin#words or radiance reread
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