#idk what it is but i did try and put some medicine cream shit on it

[tinytrashkid]

boy oh boy do i love feels constantly gross ‘cause my skin feels awful and there’s not much i can do about it!

[love-lilly02]

The Challenge— Ch. 8

AN: This is a preview for the next part, where we will find out more about the readers past and get to explore the existing elation ship between the boys. it got posted early so the next chapter could take a while or come out like tomorrow, idk

“Hold still,” Price said, holding the packs above your hands. You nodded, shifting nervously on your knees. “Only gonna hurt for a second.” He lied every time, but the brief attempt at comfort made you feel a bit better. 

The second the medication touched the burns you cringed, tensing immensely. You heard him try to tell you to relax, but his voice was drowned out by a wave of pain. Every time you two did this procedure it only seemed to get worse, but you were slightly thankful for it. 

Coming back home had been rough. Nik only stayed for a few hours, making sure that you were situated and properly taken care of before he returned to his desolate corner in russia (they always preached how lucky you were to make your way to him, instead of heading in your enemies direction), and you had been thrown into testing immediately after that. 

It felt like something out of a marvel movie, they assessed your injuries and just how well you were able to operate, thanks to Nik, you were still able to participate in field work as a long distance asset, you gave them the information you stole from the russians, and they gave you medicine for the many burns you had on your body. 

Which was why you found yourself in this position. 

You could still use your hands, thankfully. They were good for a manner of things, fighting, eating, and the like. But you couldn’t do things like write or hold a brush, which was the exact task required to apply the medicine that the doctors gave. So Price had to help you. 

At first it was awkward, sitting there half naked on his desk while he applied a cream that burned worse than the one Nikolai gave you all over your body, but you two slowly got used to it, even breaking the tense silence with small bursts of conversation. Usually about something that had happened earlier that day. Never about the indecent that put you in this position. 

There was one burn that required special attention, seeing as it hadn’t healed correctly. On the back of your neck, just in the juncture connecting your shoulders, and the only place you couldn’t reach. That one specifically hurt the worst, and you couldn’t stop yourself from moving to touch it once the cream was applied. 

Price’s solution to this was to have you sit between his legs while it was applied. 

It did help, of course. Any time you tried to shift your neck or flinch away from the pain, he was there with a steadying hand on your head and a slight “Don’t wana do that,” and you were still again. 

Some nights were better than others, but you were always distinctly aware of the position it left you in. 

Just as you were always aware of the way he would go half-hard every time you two did that. 

“There you go, all done.” You sat back, looking up at him with wide eyes. You didn’t miss the way he had to swallow a bit harder, or shift his hips ever so slightly. “Wasn’t too bad.”

“You try having second degree burns and come back with that same bull shit.” He just laughed and shook his head. 

“Ya know… if you want to talk about what happened—“

“John, it’s okay.” Truth be told, it wasn’t okay. It was the farthest thing from okay, but you weren’t going to bring it up anytime soon. “What happened happened.”

He just grunted. “ ‘Boys still haven’t given up on that challenge.” You just laughed, wincing at the sting of the burns. 

“Honestly, you guys find even one photo and i’ll sing your praises.” You could feel his eyes on you as you got dressed, and sure enough when you turned back around he was staring at you with a different kind of intensity. 

“It took you being gone for two months for us to realize we hardly know anything about you. Why is that?”

You blinked in surprise, stepping towards the door. “I have my reasons.” The hall was empty, and you sort of wished John had people outside eavesdropping on your conversation. 

“Find those photos and you’ll figure it out.”

me when i wanna write sex but they aren’t like that yet

My masterlist<3333

[heavyhitterheaux]

Cramps and Cuddles

First Lady of Private Garden Fic

AN: Jack will do anything for his girlfriend including dealing with her mood swings 🤣😂

Synopsis: Jack is trying to think of anything and everything in order to make you feel better while it's that time of the month

Pairing: Baby!Jack Harlow x Baby!Reader

Requested by: an amazing anon 😘

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

It was the middle of July and since it was summer time you and Jack were attached at the hip more so than when the two of you had school with the rest of PG.

Your parents were at work while your older sister Danielle was spending the entire week with her boyfriend in Hawaii.

That left Jack to fend for himself when it came to your mood swings from being on your period.

Those few days were always literal hell and the rest of PG would stay as far away as possible from you.

Even Urban.

But Jack always being concerned about his baby girl would suck it up.

Your period only lasted for three days anyway. 

You were currently laying on Jack's chest in your room as he was massaging your lower stomach in order to help give you some relief.

He put on your favorite Disney movies

He brought you your favorite snacks

He gave you a massage on your lower back

And you still felt like shit

"My boobs are so fucking sore!"

"I can massage those too if you want."

You simply looked up at him and all he did was shrug.

"What?"

"If you so much as look at them, I will bite you."

"What!?! Babe!"

"I'm serious Jackman. And I am so horny like got damn I hate this shit."

"I can take care of that Saturday so just two more days since it usually lasts three."

"Look at my baby paying attention to detail about me."

"Of course I do."

"Hmm, then why did you show up this morning with no doritos!?!?"

"Uhh…."

"Well!?"

"I'll text Urb to bring you some."

"Urban doesn't want to be within 100 feet of me."

"He'll do it for his best friend."

Jack- Urb! Bring my baby some doritos. The spicy nacho kind.

Urb- Fuck no. You on your own my boy. I am NOT coming anywhere near her.

Jack- She’s going to kill me if you don't 😫

Urb- And how did you even forget them!? She got the same routine every month. One she wants to kill us and two wants her snacks and three wants cuddles from her boyfriend. The shit is not hard!

Jack- She'll beat the shit outta me if I move. She's laying on me now.

Urb- Give me 20 minutes 🙄

"He's coming mamas."

"That's surprising."

"You need to eat fruit too. You have been eating literal shit all day."

"No I haven't! And ew I don't want any!"

"Let's pull receipts shall we? Tasty Cake krimpets, gummy bears, oatmeal cream pies, frozen yogurt, a huge ass slice of chocolate cake and six donuts."

"What's your point?"

"Baby! You cannot do that!"

"I can do what I want, Jackman!"

"You are to stay here and I'm getting you some fruit."

"Just because you get it doesn't mean I have to eat it." You said while crossing your arms and pouting since Jack moved you from his embrace.

"Y/N!"

"What? What I do?"

"Like I said I'll be back."

Jack went downstairs into the kitchen to see what he could find for you to snack on when he got the bright idea of texting his mom for help.

Jack- HELPPPPP

Maggie- What's wrong?!

Jack- Y/N is on her period and she's miserable. Idk what to do to help her. I'm just over here trying not to be killed.

Maggie- Awww! So get her healthy snacks, nothing extremely sweet or extremely salty, get her a heating pad for her back and lower stomach, and get her Midol to help with her cramps. Tell her I hope she feels better. 

Jack- If you don't hear from me, I've crossed over to the other side

Maggie- Go do what I told you and stop being so dramatic 🙄 

Jack- Yes ma'am 

Jack found some cherries in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator which he knew was your favorite fruit (that video still has me in SHAMBLES).

He also found grapes, he made you celery with peanut butter on top, and got you some popcorn which was lightly salted so you had options to choose from.

He texted Urban to get the medicine for you too along with some dark chocolate.

He had read somewhere that it could help and at this point he was willing to try anything.

Just then there was a knock on the door and he assumed it was Urban.

He opened the door to see him and he simply handed him the bag.

"JACKKKKK!"

"Andddd that's my cue to leave. Good luck."  Urban said before turning around and heading towards his car.

"So, you just about to let me get killed!?!"

"Shit, hell yeah better you than me."

Jack immediately rolled his eyes before closing the door and bringing everything upstairs to your room with him. 

He walked back in to see you sprawled out on the bed and watching Beauty and the Beast.

"Here mamas, sit up."

You did as you were told and he simply handed you the plate with your snacks on it and the bag of popcorn.

"Jackkkkkk, I don't want fruit!"

"Baby! Eat it! Super salty and super sweet foods only make your cramps worse. And Urb got you some medicine, here." 

You also saw how there were doritos in the bag and quickly tried to grab them, but Jack smacked your hand away.

"Y/N! No!"

"Fine." You muttered defeated as Jack plugged in the heating pad and set it on your stomach as you were munching.

He also handed you a bottle of water which made you turn up your nose.

"Drink it, mamas."

"You are literally the best boyfriend but you get on my nerves."

"I'm going to ignore that last part because I know that's your period talking." 

You had finally finished your food and you went right back to laying on Jack and he cuddled you closer to him while kissing your forehead.

"Here babe. I got dark chocolate for you too. I read somewhere that it helps." 

You looked at Jack after looking down at the candy and simply smirked.

"You should know better than that."

"Huh?"

"I want the white chocolate that is your dick. Take your shorts off."

"BABY!"

"What!?! Think of it as a thank you for all you did for me today. Let me suck your dick." 

"But…."

"Like you said, I'll get mine on Saturday. Take them off NOW."

Taglist:

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[marveloussupernerd]

The Flu - SakuAtsu

Writing this for my wonderful friend’s bday !! Sorry it’s posted so late whooops also this is short af bc I might do a part 2 or something idk

Summary: Omi gets the flu, which is a rare occurrence, and Atsumu goes to take care of him. Pure fluff

Background: Sakusa is attending college in Tokyo and Atsumu is still playing volleyball in his home town so like still a commute for them

Omi never got sick. Man was one of the most careful people in the world — he always wore his mask when he was out and about around large groups of people, carried hand sanitizer with him and sanitizing wipes to clean off any surface he may have to touch (the handles on the train, for instance), and made an effort to keep his home spotless, even wiping down groceries as they made their way through the door.

So when he did get sick, it kicked his ass.

The last thing he needed was to get sick now, with an exam in a little less than a week. He had outlined what he needed to study, but hadn’t actually gotten to studying yet. And it wasn’t a cold... his high fever, chills, and congestion made it very clear to him it was the flu.

What was he going to do though? He had to skip class. At least today was a Friday, so he could spend the weekend recovering. He grabbed his phone and texted Komori, begging him to bring some medicine because he couldn’t imagine pulling himself out of bed.

He hated asking people for help, or showing any sort of weakness. That’s why when Atsumu texted him, he proceeded through their conversations like usual, trying to conceal the fact that he was sick until he finally passed out from exhaustion, leaving Atsumu’s texts hanging.

Omi never left the conversation abruptly. It made Atsumu uncomfortable, but he ignored it. He was probably studying. Still, he sent him a few messages to get back to him as soon as possible.

When a few hours had passed, he asked Komori if he knew what was up, and that’s when the cat was out of the bag: Sakusa Kiyoomi was sick.

It was the weekend, so it wasn’t like Atsumu had any priorities. He packed his bag, strapped on a mask, and took the train to Tokyo.

He always traveled this trip with a mask for Omi. His boyfriend was always so careful that he’d feel like a jerk for giving him a sickness he picked up on the trip because he hadn’t been careful. His boyfriend had, admittedly, rubbed off on him just a little—trains were gross and unsanitary and he couldn’t help but think about it from time to time during the trip.

His first stop in Tokyo was at a pharmacy near Omi’s house. He purchased some canned soup (there was no way he’d be able to make anything from scratch... he was... himself), medicine, a few boxes of tissues, the hand sanitizer Omi liked, and some ice cream for good measure. The next stop was to Omi’s place.

It was a good thing they had gotten locked out that one time and his boyfriend told him about the key he hid in the flower planter. He didn’t have to wake the sick man up at all to enter the house.

“Omi Omi!?” He called, not actually expecting an answer. It was pretty clear that he had been napping, and was likely still asleep. He just hoped his boyfriend wouldn’t hear him moving around and think someone had broken in (although technically, he had).

He went to the kitchen and wiped down his groceries with Clorox wipes to make sure they were sanitary before putting them away. He pulled open one of the drawers to grab a piece of notebook paper to write to his boyfriend.

Hi Omi <3 I’m in the shower. Love you lots.

Tsumu

That would be fine for now. He slid the paper under Omi’s bedroom door and went in the direction of the bathroom. He had to make sure he washed away anything he could have picked up on the train.

He liked using Omi’s body wash — it smelled like lavender. He had never been huge on the scent in the past, but now it made him feel all warm and fuzzy, associating it with his boyfriend’s scent. He made sure to wash every square inch of his body, leaving nothing up to chance, but still tried to get done as quickly as possible. He didn’t want to keep his boyfriend waiting (more like even though he knew his boyfriend was sick, he couldn’t wait to see him... it had been two months already since their last hangout).

He turned off the shower and shook some water out of his hair, going into his bag for a fresh, clean pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He pulled on the outfit then made his way to his boyfriend’s bedroom, knocking quietly on the door before entering.

Omi was passed out in bed, his phone next to him, blanket covering half his body. Atsumu strolled over to the bed, taking a seat on the edge of it next to his peaceful-looking boyfriend. He very gently placed his hand on the sick boy’s forehead, then put his other hand on his own forehead to compare. Yep. He was definitely warm. He tucked a stray hair off of Omi’s forehead and gently took his arm away.

He was going through a crisis of whether he should wake his boyfriend and inform him of his presence or not. He looked so relaxed, and it was probably hard to fall asleep to begin with. But also, he was very worried Omi would groggily beat the shit out of him when he woke up because he was afraid he was an intruder.

Yeah, sounded like his mind was made up.

He shook the man’s shoulder carefully. “Omi,” he whispered, trying to wake him gently. Luckily it worked, as the latter’s eyes peeled open slowly. “Hi,” Atsumu whispered.

“Tsumu?” He asked, his voice hoarse.

“Ya coulda told me you were sick,” Atsumu playfully complained, leaning forward to kiss his boyfriend’s forehead. “I was all worried.”

“I’m okay,” he frowned, but he knew that playing it cool wasn’t working. His throat felt all ticklish and he started to cough.

“You haven’t gotten sick since what? Middle school? Ya need someone to take care of you.”

“I don’t wanna make you sick...” Sakusa whispered, his eyes shutting.

“You won’t. Even if you do, though, I’m a big boy and get sick all the time too, so I’m used to it.”

“Fine. I don’t want you making me more sick because you were out,” Sakusa grumbled. It was clear he was actually concerned about his boyfriend’s health, but sometimes speaking this way was the only way to get it through to Atsumu. Tsumu was somehow the most arrogant and selfless jerk he had ever met.

“I wore a mask on the train and everything! Sanitized the groceries, took a shower before I came in here. All for you Omi,” Atsumu explained proudly, his back straightening a little bit as he spoke.

“Mm whatever,” Omi mumbled. He still hadn’t opened his eyes from when he shut them earlier. “Can we go to sleep now?”

“You want me to too?”

Sakusa reached out and grabbed his boyfriend’s hand, pulling it closer to him. “Cm’ere and lay down. This is the only time in your life you get to be big spoon.”

Atsumu carefully clambered over his boyfriend to the other side of the bed, plopping down beside him eagerly. He was trying to not make too many motions that might shake the bed and make his boyfriend nauseous, but he was extremely cuddle deprived and would be lying if he said he wasn’t on cloud nine. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. “Sleep tight Omi. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Omi slept like a rock for a few hours. Atsumu took a nap with him, woke up, went on his phone, checked up on his boyfriend, and those sorts of things. It had probably been about three hours when Sakusa started moving, tossing and turning and trembling.

“Omi? You okay?” He asked, reaching over to feel his boyfriend’s forehead for a temperature. It felt even warmer than before.

Atsumu clambered out of bed, rushing to the kitchen to get an ice pack and a glass of water. When he returned, Omi was now mumbling in his feverish state.

“Atsumu...”

Atsumu rushed to his side, sitting on the edge of the bed. He carefully put the ice pack on his boyfriend’s head, holding it in place despite Omi’s sudden movements.

“I’m here Omi. It’s okay.”

“Don’t...” he whispered.

He pushed the sweat-coated hair off his boyfriend’s forehead so he could get the ice pack on well. “You okay?”

“I’ll be better...”

“Omi? Are you dreaming or talking with your eyes shut? You’re freaking me out.”

“I’m sorry...”

“That’s not helpful for my question honestly.”

“Don’t go...” he sniffled, inhaling heavily, the congestion making it hard to do so.

“Dreaming it is.” Atsumu shook him gently, trying to wake him up. “Get up Omi, it’s just a dream.”

His eyes snapped open, then blinked furiously, a few tears escaping as he did so. “Tsumu?”

“It’s okay. I’m here. It was just a dream,” Atsumu cooed softly, dropping the ice pack and opting cup his face gently and stroke the tears off his cheek.

Sakusa sat up, scooting to his boyfriend to give him a hug, burying his face in the crook of his neck. “Had a dream you left. Said you didn’t love me,” he muttered. “I was still sick and everything.”

“I’d never do that.” Atsumu kissed his cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything.”

“I know. But I’m sorry Dream Atsumu did that.”

Omi laughed, a pitiful laugh that sent him into a coughing fit, but a laugh nonetheless.

“Oh! Let me check your temperature. You feel warm,” Atsumu remembered, scrambling out of his boyfriend’s grip to run to the bathroom cupboard and grab a thermometer. He quickly returned to his spot, sweeping his legs to plop down on the bed. He held the thermometer out towards his boyfriend. “Say ‘aw’.”

Sakusa sighed, rolling his eyes, then opened his mouth and let out a small ‘aw’. Atsumu put the thermometer in his mouth and waited patiently, silently, as the temperature was being read.

“102. Why is your thermometer in Fahrenheit?”

Sakusa laughed. “I didn’t realize it was when I bought it.”

A Google search later told the two that it was, indeed, a fever, but he would be okay.

“You sure you’re alright? You wanna take some more medicine and go back to sleep?” Atsumu offered, laying back on the bed.

“Not yet. I don’t think I can sleep anymore.”

Atsumu paused, a small smile forming on his face.

“What is it Miya? You’re scaring me...” Sakusa asked, averting his gaze from the blonde’s.

“You know what’ll help your fever? Ice cream. If you’re up for it, I bought a pint.” Atsumu offered, looking up at his boyfriend with a very small pleading look that said ‘please give me ice cream or I’ll cry’.

“Okay,” Omi smiled. “It’s going to help me get better, so how can I say no?”

[disabled-queen-hc-blog]

hey uhhh idk if you write this kind of thing, but i have an alcohol problem. in the past i’ve found your writing about depression really validating bc i’m a big Queen fan and it kind of... normalises my issues? idk, i just wondered if you’d ever write about alcoholism? maybe the band coming to terms with the fact that the affected member isn’t just a “party animal” and actually has an addiction, then getting them help? yh sorry if this is a weird ask 😅

Content Warning for Alcoholism/Alcohol Abuse

♚

John’s eyes fluttered open, the room still spinning, the bathroom lights looking like the spotlights on stage. His cheek was cold and flush against the rim of the toilet seat, his body hunched over it. He spit the foul taste from his mouth into the bowl, lifting his heavy head up, to look over at Roger who was standing by the door.

“At least you made it this time,” Roger said with a chuckle. John smiled at him, nodding slowly in agreement. Throwing up in anything but a toilet or trash can was a definite way to end a party and ruin the mood. And the both of them still had a lot more dancing and drinking to do.

Roger helped him up, John flushing the toilet before washing his hands and rinsing his mouth. The nausea was already fading. A good puke was all it took to get back in the game. It worked nearly every time.

Roger pat John’s back as they walked back out into the party, John intent on keeping up his antics. One instance of vomiting was not going to keep him from participating in this rager.

The music blasted, the bass rattling the windows of Freddie’s house. Colored lights spun all around the room, illuminating the party goers smiles and laughs. The dance floor, which was once Freddie’s living room was packed with hot bodies all pressed against each other, writhing and swinging to the beat that was almost too loud to be heard. Hands groped and pushed, feet shuffling. Heads were thrown back, liquid courage streaming into open mouths.

John lost Roger in the crowd, the blond probably craving another fix of the white stuff going around like candy. John needed his own fix, so he headed for the makeshift bar. One plastic cup, a dash of orange juice and a helping of vodka. His heart sped up as it slithered down his throat, nestling into his irritated and hot stomach. Immediately, the warmth spread through his core, his limbs beginning to feel like lead again, his mind beginning to fog.

He made himself another, forgoing the orange juice in favor of plain vodka. He let out a fiery sigh, now ready to join the others on the floor.

He floated over to a familiar puff of curly hair, a loopy smile on his face.

“Enjoying yourself, John?” Brian yelled over the music.

John began to sway side to side, the music dictating his every move. “Yes,” he said with a bubbly giggle.

Brian couldn’t hear him but figured he was. He continued on with his awkward dancing, his hands in the air, unknowingly moving away from John.

John didn’t care. He let himself get carried away by the funk, his knees bending, shoulders rolling, head bopping. He felt careless and free. He danced up women and men alike, accepting every drink that was pushed into his hands. He was rained with cigarettes and even found his way back to Roger, his nose red and white.

The room was ill-lit, but Roger’s eyes looked black, consumed by the pupil. “Want some?” he asked, holding up a plate. John held up his cup, graciously filled with brandy. He shimmied away, working his way over to Freddie, half naked and drenched in sweat from nonstop dancing.

John wrapped his arm around Freddie’s waist, startling the singer. Freddie playfully slapped John’s shoulder, saying, “You scared me! How’re you holding up, Deaks?” John just hummed the lyrics in response, too far gone to make any sensical words. Freddie found the answer sufficient, letting the two of them bop together to the music for a bit before scampering off to make out with Jim again.

John downed the last of his brandy, the world beginning to spin again. He laughed, unsteadily walking back to the bar for a refill. He could barely coordinate himself, but he got there in one piece. More vodka, his preferred vice. One swig, two swigs, three. A stranger, whooping and hollering, added more to his cup. He couldn’t say no. Down it went.

He unbuttoned his shirt, fumbling with the buttons. It was hot and he was roasting.

Everything became too woozy. He sipped more. The music sounded like blurs. The lights looked like smudges. He sipped. He felt nausea tickling the back of his throat. Another sip.

His conscience told him to stop.

Something deep in his heart told him to not listen.

Bottoms up.

He fell back onto his ass, his cup spilling all over him. He licked at his arms, trying to salvage what he could. And then he laid down.

He was 10 and on a merry go round, laying flat on the middle, being spun over and over, faster and faster by someone he didn’t know. Faster and faster until the sky white and he was soaring.

A torrent of vomit came out of John and all over himself. He rolled over and continued heaving and retching until he was pure again, the floor defiled with his filth.

I didn’t make it this time, Roger, he thought.

♚

“You went real hard last night, John. Just came to see if you woke up this morning,” Brian said as he hung his coat on the coat rack, walking into John’s house.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Got too excited is all,” John said, shuffling to the kitchen in his bathroom, trailed by the guitarist.

Brian chuckled, rubbing his neck. “I think we all did. Roger called me this morning, not knowing how he got home. I was the one who got him the bloody taxi!”

John snorted, walking up to his coffee machine. “He looked manic last night. His eyes were all wild. Sounds about right,” he said, pouring himself a cup, offering one to Brian who declined.

He rummaged through his medicine cabinet, pulling out some over the counter pain killers. This time, Brian accepted the offer.

“Even the virtuous Brian went hard last night, hmm?” John teased, popping 4 tablets into his mouth, swallowing it with the black coffee. Brian waved him off, taking his tablets with water.

“It was Fred’s birthday. Kinda hard to resist the devil when Freddie’s the one throwing the party.”

True that.

Brian sat by the kitchen table, sipping his water and wincing at the sunlight that poured through the window. He became so quite that in John’s hung-over brain, he forgot he was even there.

He poured himself some more coffee, throwing in a dash of sugar, a splash of creamer and a hearty glug of vodka from the flask he had in his robe pocket.

“John, you’ve got to be shitting me,” Brian said, making John jump in surprise.

“Jesus Christ. Sorry. Sorry. Bad habit,” he said softly, his face reddening as he dumped his concoction down the sink.

“Habit? You’re telling me you not only do this daily, in the morning none the less, but you walk around with a flask in your bloody dressing gown?” Brian asked incredulously, the tendons in his hands popping out.

John was faced away from Brian, holding onto the edge of the sink. He squeezed it tight, letting out a sharp puff of air. “I’m hung over. I- it was a mistake is all. Sorry.”

Brian wasn’t so sure about that but left anyways, his welcome clearly overstayed.

Once the door was closed, John ditched the coffee and cream, going straight to his flask.

He wondered if Brian would bring this up again.

♚

John felt a firm slap to the back of his head, flinching as he woke up, looking around for the perpetrator, wiping the drool from the corner of his mouth.

“Why’d you even come over if you didn’t want to help?” Roger asked, throwing an oil stained towel at John’s face. John was too slow to catch it. He set the towel down on Roger’s work bench, lazily getting up and toddling over to Roger who was crouched by an old car.

“Sorry. Tired, you know,” John offered, a weak excuse but the only one his hazy brain could make up.

Roger recoiled at his presence, nose scrunching up. “Jeez, John. Were you partying last night?”

John shook his head. He was home all night, watching TV.

“You fucking reek like a pub, mate. What’s up with that?” Roger said, his perfectly blue eyes looking him up and down.

John should’ve probably been scared from the interrogation, but he felt too loose in the joints to care.

“Oh. I had a few drinks,” He admitted easily.

“A few?” Roger spluttered out.

“Maybe more.” John shrugged.

Roger’s lips pressed into a tight line, taking in John. Dirty clothes, disheveled hair. Bloodshot eyes and a 5 o’clock shadow. He didn’t look put together.

Roger looked at the asphalt at his feet and then up to John’s eyes.

“You know...Brian told me he caught you putting vodka into your coffee one morning…is that true?” His head was tilted, eyebrows furrowed.

John thought for a moment. “Probably.”

Roger cleared his throat, not prepared for that answer.

“Are you drunk now?”

“A bit.”

“And you drove here?”

“Mh-hmm.”

Roger got up, dusting his jeans, his head shaking. They all knew John had an affinity for drinking. It was obvious during parties and after shows. The man liked a stiff drink. Who were they to think any worse of it?

But lately, John hadn’t been himself. Sloppier and lax. Always dozing off, always up in his head. They thought he was going through a down period. None of them would’ve guessed he was a functional drunk. Not until right now.

“You need help, John.” Roger said, his voice a mixture of confusion, fear and sternness.

John leaned back to look up at Roger, frowning. “What? No, I’m fine. Really. Don’t worry about me.”

“I’m way passed that mate. You need help and I’m gonna get you it.”

John huffed, standing up, wobbling some. He walked past Roger, back into Roger’s house, saying, “I did not come here to be lectured. I don’t need help. I’m fine. I’m going.”

There was a tight grip to his arm, tugging him backwards. He was now in front of a red-faced Roger.

“And I’m not letting you drive home,” he said, teeth grit.

“You don’t have any right to do that! Let me go, Roger. I’m fine! I’m fine! Let me go!” John hissed, struggling against Roger’s unwavering hold on him.

“Fine,” Roger said, his eyes big as he let John go. John crashed to the floor, his flask and keys flying out of his pocket. He scrambled to pick it up, but swiftly and with sober ease, Roger snatched both of them up. He walked away after that, without so much as a word to John.

“Where are you going?” John yelled, fighting a losing battle with gravity as he tried to get up.

“Gonna make some phone calls. Meet me in the kitchen whenever you can,” Roger replied with a bitter sting.

John gave up, laying down on the cold tile. He shivered, his stomach churning.

I didn’t make it this time, Roger.

♚

Dear John,

I’m terribly sorry I never noticed you were suffering. I should have been a better friend. I took you under my wing after all. I should have noticed.

I hope that here, you can begin to find peace again. I’m still not sure what’s ailing you, but when you get out, we can work on it together, alright? I need you to know that you’re not alone. That you aren’t bad. That you’ve done nothing wrong. The human condition can be treacherous at times. The need to numb it isn’t a sign of failure. It’s a sign of a fight to continue in any capacity possible.

I love you so much, Deacy. I can’t wait to see you again. I want to go shopping with you and maybe you can stay with me and Jim sometime, if you’d want.

Take care of yourself. Heal. Breathe.

Love, Freddie.

♚

John,

I apologize for my lack of initiative to figure things out. I’m sorry I chose my own comfort in ignoring this rather than reaching out. I promise I won’t ever do that again. You are one of my greatest friends. I’ll never do anything to jeopardize that. I need you here with me ‘till I’m old and grey and I’ll make sure that you never go through something like this again.

I pray that once you’re out, we can talk together and do some soul searching. I know what it’s like to be so down that only a substance feels like the right medication. I understand more than I’ve let on to you guys before. You can always come to me to talk. I guarantee you, I probably was there too at one point or another.

Until then, I hope this place does you well. A break from the stress of life is always a good thing. Don’t rush it. Take your time here. Let yourself unravel. Be truthful with the psychologists. Don’t be afraid to sound silly or obnoxious or rude. You won’t be any of those. The mind is a weird place. Let yourself be vulnerable.

I’ll be seeing you soon, Deacy. Keep your head up and you might just see the stars!

Bri.

♚

I’m so sorry.

RMT

♚

John sniffled, putting away the letters his best friends had written for him. He got out of his bed, walking towards the window. He leaned against the windowsill, the morning sun heating up his skin, lighting up his face.

This was the first day he felt completely detoxed. No shakes, no anxiety, no nausea. He finally felt free of the chain around his ankle. He could move better, think clearer, breathe deeper. He felt like this whole recovery thing might work. He might be a human again. No need for liquid crutches. Just a man. A free man.

He cracked open the window, sticking his head out to smell the spring air. His cheeks felt an invigorating cool breeze and not the frigid porcelain for once. A smile tugged at his lips, his hands running through his hair. He was ready for today.

He had group therapy in an hour. He had time to bang out some letters before then. He rushed to his desk, pulling out some pen and paper.

Rog,

Don’t be sorry. It should be me who’s sorry. Without you, without the other guys, I would’ve kept spiraling.

I wouldn’t have made it.

But I’m here and alive and I think I’ll soon start to thrive.

So, I want to thank you. Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for still loving me as a brother even after I yelled and cursed at you. Thank you for taking my life into your own hands. I’ll never be able to repay you. But I’ll try.

I want to tell you about my time here. I don’t know, maybe you’d be interested.

Every morning, we wake up at 8. We get to….

[gamerwoo]

Seungcheol: I’ll Wait

Anonymous asked:  For the writing prompt thingy could you do 16 18 and 23 for Seungcheol, thank you!!

16: “It’s okay, I couldn’t sleep anyway.”

18: “Here, drink this. You’ll feel better.”

23: “I’ll wait.”

Characters: Seungcheol x reader

Genre/warnings: non idol au, best friend!Seungcheol, lots of fluff, and some drunk vomiting (idk I know people don’t like hearing about that stuff, so)

Word count: 1,676

Summary: Seungcheol’s your best friend, which means he’ll be there to pick you up when you’re drunk at 2am outside some dive bar, and keep the secrets drunk you tells him--even if they’re about him.

As he laid in bed, his eyes glued to the screen of his laptop that was open on his stomach, he felt and heard his phone vibrating somewhere on the bed. He quickly glanced at the time in the bottom right hand corner of the screen--2:13am--before fishing through the sheets for his phone. Normally, he would’ve probably ignored the call, but he saw it was you.

“Hey.” he let out a bored breath, his eyes returning to his laptop. “What’s up?”

“I know it’s like...reeeeeeally late,” you slurred out, swaying from side to side as you tried to find your balance outside of a bar that your friends ditched you at, “but I’m cold and I’m drunk and I’m alone.”

“Alone?” his tone was sharper this time as he quickly shot up. “Alone where?”

“Uhhh...” you turned in a circle a couple times, trying to find the name of the bar but all the words on various signs on the strip blurred together into shimmering neon. “A bar.”

“Yes, ___, I know that,” he sighed, getting out of bed and putting the phone between his cheek and shoulder to find his sweats and keys, “but what bar?”

“The one Mingyu threw up in.”

“Ah,” he nodded, slipping some sneakers on and heading for the door with his keys, “I know the one. I’m on my way so please stay put. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?”

But before you could even reply, you accidentally hung up.

He pulled the phone away from his face and stared at his lockscreen for a moment before chuckling and slipping his phone into his pocket and heading out of his apartment.

He drove down the strip slowly, looking for any sign of you. He was worried you’d wandered off but was hoping it was the opposite. You did normally tend to listen to him, which he was very grateful for, but who knew what drunk you would do? Drunk you also tried to makeout with him on multiple occasions, only to profusely apologize the next morning with pancakes with whipped cream smiley faces.

He finally spotted you sitting on the sidewalk near a group of people that were talking outside the bar. He saw a couple sketchy dudes in the mix, so he quickly pulled off to the side of the road and got out to get you.

“___!” he called as he jogged over.

You looked up and tried to push yourself off the ground, stumbling into his arms with a huff. You were relieved to see him but your face showed you were feeling grumpy about something. He’d just interrogate you in the car because he wanted to get you away from those creeps as soon as possible.

He wrapped an arm securely around your waist and led you back to his car, helping you into the passenger seat and buckling you up before closing your door and going around to his side. He buckled himself in before starting up the car and driving back to his apartment, glancing over at you every so often due to how quiet you were being.

“So...” he began slowly, “care to tell me what happened?”

“I got drunk!” you announced cheerily, your pouty demeanor disappeared and replaced with a chipper one so suddenly that it made Seungcheol laugh.

“Yes, ___, I can see that. But why were you alone?”

“My friends left.”

“Yes, but why?”

You shrugged and made some sort of noise to indicate you didn’t know. He sighed, knowing he wouldn’t get anywhere with you in this state. Instead, he turned on the radio and started playing a playlist from his phone of your favorite songs.

Instead of singing obnoxiously loud like you usually did, you stared at Seungcheol with your head laid back against the seat. He felt your staring and looked back at you when he’d stopped at a red light.

“Can I help you?” he chuckled.

“What the fuck are you so pretty for?” you asked bluntly, sounding truly offended.

He should’ve expected this from you considering you normally hit on him in a drunken state. He started to wonder if drunk you was saying things sober you wouldn’t ever tell him.

He patted your knee with one hand. “You’re pretty too, though, ___.”

“Yeah but you’re on another level.” you slurred, putting your hand over his. Then your attention suddenly turned to the clock that was showing brightly that it was passed two in the morning. “Holy shit, it’s that late?! Cheolie, I’m sorry for making you come get me! Please don’t hate me!”

He laughed at how panicked you were, rubbing the smooth skin of your knee with his thumb. “It’s okay, I couldn’t sleep anyway. I’d never hate you, ___; you know that.”

The fear was replaced with a bright smile quickly. Your switching emotions were giving him whiplash at this point. “I love youuuu!”

“Yeah, I love you too, weirdo.”

He finally got back to his apartment complex and went to the parking garage, finding a space before turning off the car and getting you out of the car. He decided to just have you on his back to make bringing you up the stairs easier. You were more than happy to cling to him while he kept his hands firmly under your thighs to make sure you didn’t fall off.

In a swift movement, he had the door unlocked and the two of you inside before he closed it again. He carefully set you on the floor before you dropped your heels that were in your hands beside his at the front door. 

“How do you feel?” he asked you.

You thought for a second, biting the inside of your cheek. “Icky.”

“Icky?” he grinned cheekily. “What are you, four?”

“Five.” you quipped, sticking your tongue out at him--much like a five-year-old, actually.

“Alright, you giant baby, go lay down on the couch for a while.”

“Are you going to sleep?”

“No, I’m waiting for you to go to sleep first.”

“Aren’t you tired?”

He just shrugged. “Kinda, but it’s okay; I’ll wait.”

You grinned at your best friend, wrapping your arms around his waist as he snorted softly, rubbing your back. You didn’t really know why you were hugging him, you just kinda felt it was right. Then you let go and waddled your way to the couch, flopping down on it and almost making yourself throw up everything in your stomach.

“What, do you think I’d just let you stay up on your own?” you could hear him grumbling in the kitchen as he pretended to be offended. “What kind of friend do you think I am, ___?”

He walked back into the room with a glass of water and two tablets in his hand, he instructed you to open your mouth, so you did, and let him drop the white tablets in his mouth. As soon as the bitter taste hit your tongue, you spit them out and tried to wipe your tongue on the back of your hand.

“Ew!” you whined, looking up at Seungcheol with a pout. “Why would you give me gross candy?!”

He sighed, a little frustrated you just wasted medicine, and the fact he also couldn’t find them on the floor. “It’s medicine, dummy. You need to take it.”

“Why? It’s gross...” you huffed, crossing your arms over your chest.

“You need to listen to me.” he stated firmly before going back to get more medicine for you.

While he was gone, you felt that weird tingly feeling under your tongue like you were about to vomit. Somehow, you managed to make it to the bathroom on your own--without stumbling, too--and vomited just as you lifted the toilet seat up.

Seungcheol could hear it from the kitchen and rushed to the bathroom to keep your hair out of your face and rub your back. He knew throwing up stressed you out so he didn’t want you to be alone.

He knelt down beside you on the cool tiles and gathered your hair behind you, holding it in one hand at the back of your head while his other rubbed soothing circles into your back as you dry heaved and coughed. He frowned seeing the tears forming in your eyes and hearing your labored breaths but he was glad you at least got all of that out of your system.

You were grateful he was there for you, because you didn’t throw up in front of just anybody. You’d known Seungcheol long enough to be comfortable doing almost anything in front of him. Hell, you’d probably walk around his apartment naked.

“Here,” he held out the glass of water he’d brought with him to the bathroom, knowing you’d need it, “drink this. You’ll feel better.”

You grabbed the cup like you hadn’t had water in days and gulped some water in your mouth, swishing it around before spitting it back out in the toilet. Then you drank half the glass before Seungcheol took the glass away and made you take more medicine. This time, though, you didn’t spit it out. Instead, you washed the pills down with water and let Seungcheol help you to your feet.

“Feel okay?” he asked, and was relieved when you replied with a nod as you flushed the toilet. “Still kinda drunk?”

You nodded again. “You know, Cheolie...you’re-” you paused to hiccup, “-you’re the best boyfriend ever.”

Seungcheol’s eyes widened. You’d definitely tried a lot of non-platonic things with him when you were drunk but you never actually dropped the “b” word, especially not so casually.

“Boyfriend?” he questioned with an awkward laugh. “___, we’re just friends.”

Your mouth gaped as you gasped. “Oh, I wasn’t supposed to tell you that!”

“Tell me what?”

“I like Seungcheol,” you whispered pretty loudly, making him laugh and roll his eyes, “but don’t tell him. I’m afraid to do it just yet.”

“That’s okay, ___.” he nodded, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. “I’ll wait.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #121

“it’s the rich man’s war, but it’s the poor that fight.”

Does your refrigerator have an ice maker or do you use ice cube trays?  Trays. Have you ever been searched by the cops?  No. Do you draw your name in the sand at the beach? I never have just because... why? Are any of your great-grandparents still alive? No. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?  I'd rather sleep with Sara any night. Did your parents try to push you into a certain degree or career path?  No.  I was blessed with parents who seriously did encourage me to do what I wanted. What’s your favorite film genre? Horror. Would you ever dye your hair silver? It's on my to-do list. What color is your refrigerator?  Black. What was the last thing you sent in the mail?  My closure letter to Jason. What cuisine is your favorite restaurant?  Italian. Have you ever visited hot springs?  No, but I'd love to. Who was the last person/thing to lick you?  My dog. If you had the chance to live anywhere in Europe, where would it be?  Germany. Do you have a favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?  No, I never watched it. Do you like candy canes?  Yeah. Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else? Tampons.  Pads feel like bloody diapers. Have you ever visited someone in prison? No. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to eat? Sashimi. Are you the type of person to take naps, even if you’ve slept plenty? If I'm sad, stressed, or unbelievably bored, I sometimes will. Have you ever had casual sex? No, never would. Do you think it’s attractive for a man to wear eyeliner? I'm a sucker for that shit. Are you the kind of person who does not like talking about their past?  Nah, I'm open about the dark parts now. Have you ever taken a ride in a convertible?  Yeah, my brother had one. What size bed do you sleep on?  Queen. What sort of music did you listen to when you were in high school?  The same I do now, though I went through a more screamo phase. When was the last time you made out with somebody?  Years ago. What month of the year was your mother born?  August. Would you rather travel to Japan or Scotland?  SCOTLAND. Does your house have a porch/balcony?  We have a small front porch and a really big back one. Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings?  Nicole that I know of, idk about Katie. Have there ever been any bushfires/wildfires in your area?  No, but we've been a few hours away from some that were so large the smoke traveled here. Do you think age matters in friendship? Nope.  One of my closest friends is in his early 30s. Do you enjoy clubs? If so, which club do you enjoy going to the most? I've never been to one and I'm really not interested in going.  I can just imagine it being too loud and crowded. Do you take good care of your skin? Apparently not considering it's dry as fuck. Do you play any PC games? What is your favorite?  Not currently.  I loved WoW, but I'm not paying for the subscription when I could spend money on better things. What have you done to your room to make it cozy? Fill it with personal things. What is your favorite seasonal candy? (only available at certain times):  Hm... candy canes. Are there any television shows you own in entirety on DVD or VHS?  "Meerkat Manor." How far away from your house is the nearest gas station? Like two minutes. Have you ever been to SeaWo​rld?​​  As a kid, yes.  I never would as an adult because I don't support it.  You can't keep whales in a damn pool. How long did your last relationship last?  If you're talking about the last one that ended, like four months. Last person you watched a movie with?  Sara. Have you ever touched a cow?  Maybe? Do you call the ice cream topping “jimmies” or “sprinkles”?  Sprinkles. Do you like the idea of promise rings in relationships?  No real opinion.  If you're not ready for engagement but know you will be one day, sure, give one if you mean it. Do you plan on dressing up for Halloween this year?  Hopefully. Have you ever been on a subway?  No. What do you usually buy for snacks when you go to the cinema? Popcorn and a soda. Look to your left and name five things you can see. Water bottle, medicine basket, Illidan poster, crashed ship lamp, and my Silent Hill 3 poster. Do you like having your lip softly bitten when you’re kissing? Yes. Have you ever been on a boat?  Yep. Do you have or want any piercings? I have five, but I want my right nostril and collarbones pierced, plus loads more in my ears. Have you ever set foot in a tanning bed?  Nope, never will.  Skin cancer doesn't sound fun, nor does having to keep exposing myself to one to maintain a tan. Do you trust a lot of people? No. Do you have both a loud side and a quiet side? Yes. If you had to save one thing from your burning house, what would it be? Assuming Mom and Nicole are already out, my dog. What would you want your last words to be if you could choose them?  I don't know, haven't thought of it.  Guessing my family's there, in that case I'd want them to be "I love you so much." Can you sleep with the light on?  Only if I'm seriously tired. Would you ever have a bird as a pet?  Realistically, nah.  I wouldn't be able to handle to likely noise. Do you know someone who’s been cremated? Not to my knowledge. Do you like canopy beds? YESSSSS. What is your favorite animated movie? Probably "The Lion King." Have you ever been 'violated'?  I felt violated when Girt tried to make out with me when I in no way wanted it.  He for a second tried following me as I pulled away, and that's when I really felt violated. Have you ever put gum on the bottom of your desk/chair?  No, disgusting.  There's trashcans for a reason. Would you rather open a used clothing store or an antique store?  An antique store would be cool. Magenta, aqua, or coral?  Coral. Would you rather be a wedding photographer or a nature photographer?  Honestly, nature, but for income's sake, I'm aiming to be a wedding photographer.  I'd love both, though. Have you ever had an ulcer?  No. Have you ever felt like you were going to throw up while you were at school?  In kindergarten, I was running for the trashcan and threw up on the floor.  Whoops. What is your favorite type of donut? Cake and glazed. Have you ever walked through a labyrinth? No. Do you like avocado?  EW. What is your favorite kind of bear?  Pandas. If you have any piercings or tattoos, do you remember the name of the person who did them?  June Bugg did one of my tattoos.  I don't remember the others. Do you do that typical girl thing out in public where you have to have someone come into the bathroom with you? No, I'll go alone. What does your dad look like?  Super tan, black hair that's mostly gray by now, connected beard and mustache, brown eyes, tall. Do you like chicken soup? Not really. Do you like deviled eggs? NO EW. Do you keep your fingers on the home keys when you type?  Yes. What would you name your future son?  Probably Severin. When was the last time you used a regular telephone?  Been yeeeaaars.Do you like the moon or sun more?  The moon. Do you think dimples are ugly? Personally think they're real cute. Has your boyfriend/girlfriend ever stayed up with you all night? Not my current girlfriend, but an ex. Are you a paranoid person? Yup. Have you ever been in an inflatable bouncy house?  Yeah. Have you ever seen a nun in public?  No. Who was the last person to kiss you on the cheek?  Sara. Have you ever played in a waterfall?  No. What job would you NEVER take, even as a last resort?  Prostitution, for one. Who was the last person you sat beside at a restaurant?  Sara. Have you used Limewire before? Ha ha yeah. Is the taste of alcohol appealing to you?  Noooo.  If I ever drink, it has to be fruity and cover the taste well. What’d you last look up on YouTube?  A KittyKatGaming video because I knew Mark was in it lmao. Would you ever get a tattoo sleeve?  FUCK YES I WOULD.  I'm already planning on dedicating my entire right arm to things that relate to my recovery, so I could kinda design it into a sleeve. Do you have appreciation for graffiti?  It can be gorgeous and super creative.  Personally don't mind graffiti if it's not vandalizing a public-public place and isn't offensive. If you could learn a superpower in exchange for your memory would you do it? Definitely not. Do you know any TV shows’ theme songs by heart? Which ones? "That '70s Show" and "Supernatural." Have you ever gotten stitches? Twice. What’s your favorite music video at the moment?  "Cool Patrol" by NSP will always be the answer to this. Your take on one-night stands? Are they okay?  It's a no from me. Have you ever had sex outside? No. Have you ever needed to call the police? No. How do you feel about kettle cooked chips?  Ew. What strange food combinations do you thoroughly enjoy? My dad loves waffles with peanut butter and syrup, so I tried it when I was young.  It's AMAZING. Would you considered yourself to be well-exposed to life or sheltered?  Too exposed. If you’re in a relationship, how long have you been dating?  Six months. Have you ever played the game Halo?  No. Have you ever had to learn lines for a play/skit/movie?  Not that I remember. Can any of your friends sing very well?  Sara has a gorgeous voice. Have you ever been attacked by an animal?  No. Who did you dance with last?  Colleen. Can you speak in different accents?  British. Has anyone ever aimed a gun at you?  No. Have you ever been through a natural disaster?  Hurricanes. Have you ever been in a parade?  No. Have you ever had a dream where you could understand a foreign language?  No. Have you ever owned a beanbag chair?  Maybe? Are you a fan of retro things?  YES. Have you ever used pastels? Yes. Who was the last person you flipped off? Probably Colleen or Chelsea playfully. Would you consider yourself to be loyal? Very. Who was the last person you shared a bed with? Sara. Do you know anyone who has been abused?  Yes. What is your brother’s name?  Robert/Bobby. Did you ever go to daycare as a kid?  VERY briefly.  One of the adults hit me simply for going into the wrong room. Have you ever experienced a medical emergency?  Yes, when I passed out and got a concussion plus a deep wound in my chin.  And when I overdosed. Do you know anyone who has been to prison?  I don't think so. Do you have one of those removable hand-held shower heads?  Yes. How many burners does your stove have?  Four. When you go to a restaurant, do you prefer to sit at a booth or a table?  Booth. What’s something you think everyone should do/experience at least once in their life?  A different country.  Working towards that. What is the last compliment you received?  That my singing was pretty. /v\ Do you shower facing the water or away from it?  Away. Do you wash your body or hair first?  Hair. Do you put your name on your food coverings?  No. What is the most daring thing you’ve ever done?  Fly alone. Have you ever given to any charities?  Yes. What have you created that you are most proud of?  Some, imo, interesting OCs that I love like chilren. Who was your favorite Disney princess as a child?  Ariel. When did you do your first illegal activity?  When I was in middle school, downloading music. When did you lose your virginity?  I don't remember the age because at the time I didn't consider my virginity lost.  I'd guess 17-18. Do you like your boyfriend/girlfriend’s parents?  I LOVE THEM. Are you taller than your mom?  She's less than an inch taller than me. Where did you get your last bruise/cut from?  Bruise from working out on the floor, cut, idk. Is anyone over-protective over you?  Not really.  Mom's pretty protective, but not overly, I'd say. Have you ever had to call the cops on someone? No. Are your parents divorced?  Yes. Who do you think is the most attractive actor?  Johnny Depp. Are you good at wrapping presents?  NOOOOOO. Who were the last two boys to text you?  Dad and Girt. Are there certain things that can’t be joked about with you?  Yep. Have you ever read the Hunger Games series?  I read the first book. Are your lips soft?  Everyone who's kissed me has told me so, yet I think they're dry as fuck?? Your thoughts of long distance relationship?  Being in one, they're definitely hard, but SO damn worth it for when you actually see the person.  I think it's true that distance makes the heart grow fonder. Do you drink regular or diet sodas?  Regular, diet gives me a headache.

[eldritchsurveys]

987.

5k Survey LXIII

3201. What if this is as good as it gets? >> What if what is as good as it gets? 3202. Have you ever dated someone mostly or completely because of their looks? >> Most of the time, I dated people because they wanted to date me, and I didn’t find them completely repulsive. There really wasn’t much thought process beyond that. 3203. What does the word 'of' mean? >> I’m not a dictionary. 3204. What should you never forget? >> --- 3205. How many of the 7 Dwarves can you name for us? >> Sleepy, Happy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc, Bashful... yeah, that’s all I got. When it comes to shit like this, I always forget one -- it used to be the same way with the deadly sins, but I’ve gotten better with naming those.

3206. What animal does your mom resemble? >> --- 3207. Have you ever had a palm reading? >> No. 3208. What's a crazy thing you did that you got in trouble for as a kid? >> I got in trouble for everything, but nothing that would qualify as a good answer for this question. I just... had a really strict parent and got punished for every random child-typical mistake I made. 3209. What do you battle against? >> Myself, most often. I’m trying not to. 3210. Do pircings really make the pierced area dramatically more sensative? >> I’m guessing this is a “true in some cases but not every case” sort of thing, like... well, most things, I guess. I’ve never had this experience, but I’ve also never had any sensitive place pierced. Sounds kind of like this relates more typically to genital or nipple piercings? 3211. If you had put aside some money for a trip and the travel agent said he had 2 trips available in your price range during the week you want to go, which would you choose: a> a week in hawaii in a luxory beach resort b> a week in africa helping the red cross distribute food and medicine >> Here’s the thing. If I’m planning a vacation, then I want a vacation. A week volunteering for the Red Cross is not a vacation. If I was planning a volunteering trip, that’d be different. You can’t substitute one for the other. But also, luxury beach resorts are not my idea of a vacation, so I wouldn’t take either one of these options. I’d just keep my money saved and wait for another opportunity. 3212. Have you ever played with a dreidal? >> Yeah. 3213. Did you know that Kraft is owned by a ciggerette company? Does that bother you? >> I assume every brand is owned by one of a few corporate mega-conglomerates, because that’s the way this country works nowadays. That is bothersome for its own reason. 3214. With all the information constantly rushing at you, how do you know what's important? >> I decide what’s important. 3215. How is your life unlike a movie? >> In just about every way. It absolutely galls me that appropriately dramatic music doesn’t play when stuff happens to me. Ugh. 3216. Where is the most beautiful place you have visited? >> Hmm. 3217. What is never going in your mouth? >> Oh, you know. The usual. 3218. Are there realaly 5,000 different facts about you? >> I don’t know? 3219. Do you like banana bread? >> No, I don’t like bananas. 3220. Who are you the most gentle and tender around? >> Inworlders. 3221. If electrodes were inserted into your brain and a button was put into your arm so that you could push the button and stimulate an immeadiate orgasm would you forget about life and sit at home pushing the button until you died? >> Fuck no. This is completely counter to how I want to experience orgasms, thank you very much. This is not at all what it’s about for me. 3222. Is there a differance between being scared and afraid? >> No? I mean... is there? I assumed those were entirely synonymous. 3223. Are you scared and/or afarid of death? If yes, what is it about death? The pain? The seperation? the unknown? the fear of nothing? >> What I fear about death is the possible pain and not knowing how aware I will be when it happens. I don’t want to be painfully aware of my body shutting down. I also have a vague fear that it won’t just be a return to the void of nonexistence. What if I persist? What if I don’t get to rest at all? *shudder* Yikes. 3224. What is exsitentialism? >> www.dictionary.com 3225. SUCCESS is counted sweetest By those who ne’er succeed. To comprehend a nectar Requires sorest need. Not one of all the purple host Who took the flag to-day Can tell the definition, So clear, of victory, As he, defeated, dying, On whose forbidden ear The distant strains of triumph Break, agonized and clear. by, Emily Dickinson What is Emily Dickenson trying to say here? >> I don’t know what Emily Dickinson is trying to say because I’m not Emily Dickinson. Or a mind-reader (a time-travelling mind-reader, at that!). As far as how it speaks to me... well, the first stanza made a bit of sense, and then I lost the plot after that. I’m not good with poetry. 3226. A college girl (maybe you?) blows a tire and pulls off the road in an unfamilliar residential neighborhood. She is having trouble changing the tire when a man in his late thirties-ish comes over and asks if she needs some help. He changes her tire and offers to let her go into his house to wash her hands. She is dirty from trying to change the tire. Should she accept? >> Not me, as I am not in college and am not a girl. I don’t see why I should care whether this nonexistent girl accepts his invitation or not, and since I wouldn’t be in this situation... don’t know what to tell you. She does accept and he gives her a tour of the house inclding the upstairs. The staircase in the livingroom leads directly into the master bedroom. The view out the window is beautiful. What are you thinking about this situation? >> I’m not thinking about this situation. Next. 3227. Are you too trusting of others? >> Not at all. I’m too distrusting of others, I’d assume. 3228. What's the difference between a den and a living room? >> I don’t know. 3229.Write a stream of consiousness sentance: >> No. 3230. Who is the hero of all kids? >> What? 3231. Who do you tend to show more of your best side to, your family or strangers? >> My best self exists Inworld. 3232. How do you think the harry potter series will end? >> Ha! 3233. Name three things that would make really bad ice cream flavors: >> Oh, I don’t know. 3234. Would you try a jelly bean if it's flavor was: toasted marshmellow? fried chicken? black pepper? vomit? grass? dirt? boogers? ear wax? sardines? >> This is just those Every Flavour Beans and I don’t want to eat those. Did you know that you can get these flavors of jellybeans at harrypotter.com? >> I knew they were available for purchase. Pretty sure I’ve seen them in, like, Hot Topic. Sparrow’s sister and brother-in-law also got them at that Wizarding World theme park place. 3235. What's at the center of the earth? >> Magma and shit, idk. 3236. have you ever wondered where holidays come from? >> I mean, no? I know where holidays come from. They come from people. 3237. Do you think there should be more movies shown in 3D? >> No. 3238. Are you just another brick in the wall? >> No. 3239. Write a haiku (a poem with 3 lines, 1st line is 5 syllables, second line is 7 sylabels, 3rd line is five syllabals): >> No. 3240. Are you cautious and tame? >> Er... 3241. Do you like to eat at Subway? >> I don’t. 3242. Is 42 the meaning of life? >> In one story in particular, it is. 3243. Would you agree that a blade of grass is nothing less than the journeywork of stars? >> That’s pretty, I like that. 3244. Do you want to die? >> I mean, no??? Not right at this moment, that’s for damn sure.Eventually I do want to be more accepting of this fact, but I still would rather that I got to live a few more decades before going into that good night. 3245. If someone was studying 'the humanities' what the hell are they studying? >> Google would be happy to tell you. 3246. Is this question REALLY is this question 3246? >> No, because a lot of these questions have multiple parts. For all I know, more than 5000 questions may have been asked already, lol. 3247. Do you want to dieT? >> Hmm, repeat question... 3248. What is colder, your feet, or the floor? >> I don’t know. 3249. What is older, your mouth, or the door? >> We might be the same age; this complex was built the same year I was born.

[5sos-aka-life]

i’m gonna be a massive dick and ask: 1-100

HAHAHAH alright well here we go then. Also thank you from saving me from the world’s most boring lecture rn.

Everything will be under a read more inorder to save people’s dash but feel free to learn more about me haha.

1. The meaning behind my url: 

I feel like its kinda self explanatory. I made this back when I was a giant 5sos fan and I’m too lazy to change it and idk what I would change it to if I did. I might soon though.

2. A picture of me:

3. How many tattoos i have and what they are:

I have 1 tattoo currently and it’s a pinky promise. I got it with a former friend. I have a couple more planned I just need money for them.

4. Last time i cried and why:

Like 2 weeks ago because I miss social interaction.

5. Piercings i have:

I have my ears pierced but never wear earrings, I have another set of piercings and I used to have my nose pierced but it got ripped out at work one day. Do not reccommend it hurt like a bitch.

6. Favorite band:

Not a band per say but I’ve really been into Tones and I lately, specifically never felt the rain.

7. Biggest turn offs:

Definitely not being motivated. I am very driven and like for sure have goals that I am working towards and want to achieve and when someone just has no goals (even small ones) makes me feel like I’m dragging them along and acting as their mother almost. Also people who can’t keep a conversation, like I’m not really one for small talk like I’d rather talk about the mysteries of the universe you know.

8. Top 5 (insert subject):

You didn’t provide a subject so I’m just gonna say songs:

Never felt the rain - Tones and I

Is everybody going crazy? - Nothing but thieves

Complainer - Cold War Kids

Trampoline - Shaed

Don’t stop me now - Queen (permanently in top 5)

9. Tattoos i want:

I have several lined up. My next is going to be a crow with some minimalist geometric lining in the back and some hydrangeas and delphiniums around it on my forearm. Next I’m going to get a small snapdragon along the outside of my forearm. Then I want to get my thigh pieces done one will be a watercolor tree and the other will be watercolor mountains and it’ll have some quotes underneath them.

10. Biggest turn ons:

I like assertive people who aren’t dickheads. 

11. Age:

22

12. Ideas of a perfect date:

I’m super easy to please so pretty much any place where we can actually do something because i find that that helps break through the awkwardness of dates.

13. Life goal:

To buy my mom a house and live close to my family

14. Piercings i want:

My nose repierced, maybe like a double nose piercing idk yet.

15. Relationship status:

Happily single 

16. Favorite movie:

Grave of Fireflies

17. A fact about my life:

hmmm I have like 7 siblings.

18. Phobia:

Bugs and spiders, the idea of the feeling of them walking on me freaks me out.

19. Middle name:

McKenna

20. Height:

5′4″

21. Are you a virgin?

Nope 

22. What’s your shoe size?

women’s 8, men’s 6

23. What’s your sexual orientation?

Tbh still figuring that out but pansexual

24. Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?

I drink occasionally but not very often

25. Someone you miss:

my awesome coworkers rn

26. What’s one thing you regret?

Not taking time to focus on myself earlier than I did

27. First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive:

Kate McKinnon

28. Favorite ice cream?

Cheesecake or honeycomb toffee

29. One insecurity:

My body shape/size

30. What my last text message says:

“Most likely yes. I know Steven was walking his dog through the park by himself and a cop was giving him shit for it”

31. Have you ever taken a picture naked?

Ooof yeah

32. Have you ever painted your room?

Yeah my childhood room at both parents house and then i had to change rooms immediately after at one and the eother moved houses.

33. Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?

Yup!

34. Have you ever slept naked?

Not fully i don’t think

35. Have you ever danced in front of your mirror?

Of course!

36. Have you ever had a crush?

hahaha unfortunately yeah

37. Have you ever been dumped?

Yeah pretty even with the dumped/dumping ratio

38. Have you ever stole money from a friend?

No, if anything i give my friends all my money if they need it

39. Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?

Like only people I just me? No. With people that I also know? yeah

40. Have you ever been in a fist fight?

Nah never gotten to that point

41. Have you ever snuck out of your house?

No but I have lied about where I’m going/doing.

42. Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

Ooof yeah I have

43. Have you ever been arrested?

Nope and I’m trying to keep it that way

44. Have you ever made out with a stranger?

Yeah, it wasn’t very good though

45. Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?

Yeah for like dates or hangouts

46. Have you ever left your house without telling your parents?

Yeah, it didn’t go over too well but it was several years ago

47. Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor?

Nah all of my neighbors have been way younger than me or like 70

48. Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun?

Yeah I do it with college all the time haha

49. Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?

Yeah mostly platonically though

50. Have you ever seen someone die?

No and I’m glad that I haven’t

51. Have you ever been on a plane?

Yeah a ton actually

52. Have you ever kissed a picture?

I’m sure I have in my cringey teenage phase.

53. Have you ever slept in until 3?

Not quite that late as I’m a relatively early riser, the lastest I’ve slept in is like 1

54. Have you ever loved someone or miss someone right now?

I’ve loved people yeah but I don’t miss anyone in that way rn. Like every relationship has ended for a reason.

55. Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?

Yeah it’s a really relaxing thing to do

56. Have you ever made a snow angel?

Yeah but not a huge fan of it cuz i don’t like the cold

57. Have you ever played dress up?

Yeah I’m pretty sure most young girls do

58. Have you ever cheated while playing a game?

Yeah I’m sure I have

59. Have you ever been lonely?

Yeah but I like to try to move past it and not fixate on it, easier said than done though.

60. Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school?

Yeah I was super sick at school one day and fell asleep from all the medicine I had to take

61. Have you ever been to a club?

Nah I’m more of a bar person if I’m gonna go out with people

62. Have you ever felt an earthquake?

Yeah a couple since living in California

63. Have you ever touched a snake?

Yeah my brother used to own one

64. Have you ever ran a red light?

Yeah on accident, I was driving home from a really late night at work and was kinda zoned out so I didn’t even realize it was red. Luckily it was a super small street and it was late enough no one was on the roads.

65. Have you ever been suspended from school?

Nope I’m a good girl.

66. Have you ever had detention?

Yeah I was late too many times for a class

67. Have you ever been in a car accident?

Yeah I rear ended someone on my way to a new job like a couple days after getting my new car

68. Have you ever hated the way you look?

Yes I am not happy with the way I look right now but I’m working on accepting my body and chaning the things that I can

69. Have you ever witnessed a crime?

I don’t believe so.

70. Have you ever pole danced?

No but I’d love to learn sometime.

71. Have you ever been lost?

Definitely, I’m not the greatest with directions

72. Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country?

Yup I used to live in michigan and now I live in Cali

73. Have you ever felt like dying?

Unfortunately yeah

74. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?

Also yes unfortunately

75. Have you ever sang karaoke?

Yeah I love it

76. Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?

Yeah but it didn’t turn out to be that bad

77. Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?

I don’t think so but maybe

78. Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger?

No but I have dated someone who was 5 years older than me

79. Have you ever kissed in the rain?

No but I’d love to given the opportunity

80. Have you ever sang in the shower?

All the time

81. Have you ever made out in a park?

No, no one ever wants to go with me

82. Have you ever dream that you married someone?

Yeah but I couldn’t see who it was

83. Have you ever glued your hand to something?

Not my whole hand but definitely a finger

84. Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?

No haha those are too dirty

85. Have you ever gone to school partially naked?

Not completely, but there was a time where I was so tired i forgot to put a shirt on under my zip up hoodie and didn’t realize until i went to take it off.

86. Have you ever been a cheerleader?

No but I was a dancer

87. Have you ever sat on a roof top?

No but I want to at somepoint

88. Have you ever brushed your teeth?

Yeah gotta be hygenic

89. Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?

All the time, I don’t do scary movies

90. Have you ever played chicken?

Yeah a couple of times

91. Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?

I don’t think so but I wouldn’t put it past my brothers

92. Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?

I’ve had people hit on me at work

93. Have you ever broken a bone?

Yup my right wrist when I was 3.

94. Have you ever been easily amused?

Yeah I’m sure I have

95. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

Yeah a couple of times

96. Have you ever mooned/flashed someone?

No not that confident haha

97. Have you ever cheated on a test?

Yeah a couple

98. Have you ever forgotten someone’s name?

All the time, it takes a couple of interactions for it to really stick

99. Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?

Yeah but always when I’ve had surface level interactions

100. Give us one thing about you that no one knows.

Hmmmm. I’m a hopeless romantic but don’t like to show it.

[surveysonfleek]

564.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 34

3201. What if this is as good as it gets? i don’t believe that. 3202. Have you ever dated someone mostly or completely because of their looks? nope. 3203. What does the word 'of' mean? originating from. that’s the simplest way  can describe it i guess. 3204. What should you never forget? all the great memories and experiences i’ve had throughout my life. 3205. How many of the 7 Dwarves can you name for us? all of them. happy, doc, bashful, grumpy, sneezy, dopey... omg maybe i can’t lol. i had to google it, i missed sleepy :(

3206. What animal does your mom resemble? haha none tbh. 3207. Have you ever had a palm reading? no i haven’t.  3208. What's a crazy thing you did that you got in trouble for as a kid? jumping on furniture at a furniture store. i didn’t think it was that bad lmao, i got told off and my mum was so confused. 3209. What do you battle against? nothing? 3210. Do piercings really make the pierced area dramatically more sensitive? once it’s healed, no. 3211. If you had put aside some money for a trip and the travel agent said he had 2 trips available in your price range during the week you want to go, which would you choose: a> a week in hawaii in a luxury beach resort b> a week in africa helping the red cross distribute food and medicine first option, ONLY coz i haven’t experienced straight up luxury before. 3212. Have you ever played with a dreidal? no. 3213. Did you know that Kraft is owned by a cigarette company? Does that bother you? i didn’t know and tbh it doesn’t bother me. i hardly buy kraft products to begin with. 3214. With all the information constantly rushing at you, how do you know what's important? i decide for myself. 3215. How is your life unlike a movie? it’s incredibly boring. 3216. Where is the most beautiful place you have visited? el nido, philippines. 3217. What is never going in your mouth? bugs. 3218. Are there really 5,000 different facts about you? probably! 3219. Do you like banana bread? love it. 3220. Who are you the most gentle and tender around? my boyfriend. 3221. If electrodes were inserted into your brain and a button was put into your arm so that you could push the button and stimulate an immeadiate orgasm would you forget about life and sit at home pushing the button until you died? no. i’d prefer getting an orgasm the natural way lol. 3222. Is there a difference between being scared and afraid? yes. 3223. Are you scared and/or afraid of death? to an extent. If yes, what is it about death? just not doing everything i’ve wanted to do in my life. The pain? not really. The separation? yes. the unknown? yes. the fear of nothing? eh, idk. 3224. What is existentialism? cbf. 3225. SUCCESS is counted sweetest By those who ne’er succeed. To comprehend a nectar Requires sorest need. Not one of all the purple host Who took the flag to-day Can tell the definition, So clear, of victory, As he, defeated, dying, On whose forbidden ear The distant strains of triumph Break, agonized and clear. by, Emily Dickinson What is Emily Dickenson trying to say here? idk. 3226. A college girl (maybe you?) blows a tire and pulls off the road in an unfamiliar residential neighbourhood. She is having trouble changing the tire when a man in his late thirties-ish comes over and asks if she needs some help. He changes her tire and offers to let her go into his house to wash her hands. She is dirty from trying to change the tire. Should she accept? no. i carry around hand sanitiser all the damn time.

She does accept and he gives her a tour of the house including the upstairs. The staircase in the living room leads directly into the master bedroom. The view out the window is beautiful. What are you thinking about this situation? honestly, it seems innocent, but i just find it weird someone would want to take a random person on a tour of their house. 3227. Are you too trusting of others? nope. 3228. What's the difference between a den and a living room? i have no ideas. they’re just lounges and living rooms to me. 3229. Write a stream of consciousness sentence: no. 3230. Who is the hero of all kids? their parents and/or guardian. 3231. Who do you tend to show more of your best side to, your family or strangers? my family. but they also know my worst sides. 3232. How do you think the harry potter series will end? haha it’s done. 3233. Name three things that would make really bad ice cream flavors: spaghetti, sushi and bbq ribs. 3234. Would you try a jelly bean if it's flavor was: toasted marshmallow? fried chicken? black pepper? vomit? grass? dirt? boogers? ear wax? sardines? Did you know that you can get these flavors of jellybeans at harrypotter.com? pretty sure i’ve tried these. 3235. What's at the center of the earth? who knows. 3236. have you ever wondered where holidays come from? history. 3237. Do you think there should be more movies shown in 3D? no, there’s already a lot of 3d movies. 3238. Are you just another brick in the wall? sometimes. 3239. Write a haiku (a poem with 3 lines, 1st line is 5 syllables, second line is 7 sylabels, 3rd line is five syllabals): no. it’s incredibly annoying to see this person has spelt syllables in three different ways though. 3240. Are you cautious and tame? yes. 3241. Do you like to eat at Subway? no. i haven’t eaten subway in forever. whenever i do, it’s really unfulfilling. 3242. Is 42 the meaning of life? huh? 3243. Would you agree that a blade of grass is nothing less than the journeywork of stars? idk. 3244. Do you want to die? not yet. 3245. If someone was studying 'the humanities' what the hell are they studying? it’s a really broad topic lol. 3246. Is this question REALLY is this question 3246? idk. 3247. Do you want to dieT? yeah, i need to lol. 3248. What is colder, your feet, or the floor? floor. 3249. What is older, your mouth, or the door? my mouth. 3250. Are you more beauty or more beast? beauty but i’m not talking physically. 3251. Are we there yet? nope. 3252. Scantron or handwritten tests? whaat? 3253. What's that sound? the fan. 3254. True/false: To the maggots on the cheese, the cheese is the universe. wtf lol. 3255. What's the best treat to bring with you to elementary school for your birthday? Cupcakes? probably cupcakes so it’s easily distributed. 3256. What would you expect to learn from self interrogation? idk. 3257. When you feel cold does eating warm food help you feel warm? sometimes. 3258. Does being true to yourself mean saying 'screw everybody else, my shit is more important'? not really. 3259. Have you reckoned a thousand acres much? no. 3260. Have you reckoned the earth much? no. 3261. Have you ever had a vision? nope. 3262. If you have a vision or belief and someone else has a conflicting vision or belief, how do you tell which one is valid? Are they both valid? they’re both valid. 3263. Why is everything based around proof and facts instead of intuition? not everything is based on proof, let’s be real. 3264. What is the grass? azz. 3265. Have you ever supposed it is lucky to be born? Is it just as lucky to die? no... 3266. What is it that you express in your eyes? boredom. 3267. What is man anyhow? What am I? and what are you? *yawn* 3268. You understand enough. Why don't you let it out? this is lame. 3269. What is less or more than a touch? - 3270. Why should anyone wish to see god more than they wish to see this day? they don’t. 3271. Have you guessed that after death you yourself would not continue? sure. 3272. Have you dreaded the earth beetles? no. 3273. Have you feared the future would be nothing to you? no. 3274. Is today nothing? no. 3275. Is the beginingless past nothing? no. 3276. Do you believe in a collective unconsiouss? no. 3277. Jung or Freud? no. 3278. What is a 'fate worse than death'? being tortured for years on end. 3279. What are the 5 main things you think about?/ work, life, what’s for breakfast/lunch/dinner, friends, weekends. 3280. Name someone you know. my boyfriend. What is the biggest thing you have in common with them? sense of humour. 3281. Do you think that laws should be passed to regulate human breeding? i think it’s problematic.  3282. Do you think they already exist in a subtle way? idk. 3283. Why is it that so many people are demanding the death penalty as punishment for a wider and wider range of crimes? probably so they don’t waste taxpayer’s money on housing criminals until they die of old age. 3284. Is it partially to weed the nonconformists out of the gene pool? idk. 3285. What does it mean to be free? do whatever you want without being judged. 3286. What does it mean to be tamed or domesticated? conforming into something that you’re really not. 3287. Is the human animal becoming more and more tame and domestic? If yes, what is causing this? are we becoming more or less free? ugh, idk. 3288. Are you embarrassed about your naked body? If yes, is that freedom? yes and no. 3289. Are you the result of all of evolution up to this point? somewhat. 3290. The murderous person...how does he sleep? some can just deal with it.  3291. Your mother...is she living? Have you been much with her? and has she been much with you? lol wtf. 3292. Are these questions disturbing you? If yes, why? they’re not, they’re just boring. 3293. What are you focused on? myself. 3294. Have you ever admired wickedness? um, no. 3295. Is the accomplishment of one person the accomplishment of all humanity? Why or why not? somewhat. 3296. Is the imprisonment of one person the imprisonment of all humanity? Why or why not? idk. 3297. We're just following ancient history. If I strip for you, will you strip for me? no lol. 3298. Have you ever wished you had not so many clothes? no. 3299. What is the balance between conformity and individual freedom? just doing you but abiding by society’s standards. 3300. What do these things have in common: nakedness, sex, killing, fighting, shitting, death? idk.

[surveystodestressme]

44.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 5

401. Some say that high school is the best time of your life. Was that true for you? it was actually the worst time of my life 402. What do you find yourself encouraging others to try? following their dreams 403. Which is better: Mel Brooks or Woody Allen? either or i guess 404. When was the last time you were up all night? it’s been a while 405. __ is life. The rest is just details. Fill in the blank. such.

406. Are people too complex and different to be categorized? i suppose so 407. Is it good to have pride in your own race or does that separate people from each other because it makes them think of everyone else as ‘outsiders’? as long as it’s not too much pride where it’s a bad thing 408. What fictional story would you like to live through? there’s sooo many 409. Are cats or dogs smarter? idk they’re both pretty smart 410. Have you ever guessed someone’s password and broken into their diary? not someone’s diary but their account for something online 411. What teacher, if any, has effected you the most in your life? there are quite a few actually.  i love a lot of my teachers from grade school 412. Are you more easily bored or excited? a lil of both 413. What’s the bravest or most daring thing you have ever done? idk 414. “What’s the point of robbery when nothing is worth taking?” (- Adam Ant) true 415. If your man or woman served you breakfast in bed as a treat what would you want? bacon, sausage patties, toast, and waffles 416. What do you do only when you are upset? cry??? 417. What’s the oddest CD in your collection? i have a shrek christmas carol cd lol 418. What’s the best diary name you ever saw? uhhh i don’t know 419. What would your friends be surprised to learn about you? there’s not much 420. Who owes you an apology? no one that i can think of 421. Who deserves an apology from you? lol no one 422. How would you like to treat your kids differently from the way your parents treated you? i’m not having kids 423. Which do you like best: 60’s, 70’s or 80’s fashion? 80s for sure 424. What is the worst pick up line ever used on you? i mean it wasn’t really a pick up line.  but some guy asked if he could give me his number and when i said i have a boyfriend he asked if there were ever times when i was feeling lonely and needed some company.  he’s lucky i didn’t punch him in the face lol 425. Of the following, which word best describes you: inventive, kinetic (energetic), light-hearted, mature light-hearted 426. Do you own a record player? Do you use it? i wish i owned one 427. How easily do you make friends? it depends on my mood.  i feel like i’m pretty easy to get along with though 428. What is the difference between having character and being a character? being a character is more comical and having character is a good personality trait 429. Are there any animals you flat out refuse to touch? maybe a crocodile or alligator 430. Do you care about your weight? more than i should 431. Did you/will you go to the prom? i went twice 432. Have you ever wanted to date twins? no lol 433. What one thing would you change about high school if you could? that i stood up for myself when people were picking on me 434. If you came with a warning label, what would it say? sometimes bitchy 435. Are you artistic and creative? i think so 436. What were you (probably) doing on this date last year? probably watching movies 437. What are you obsessed with? cats 438. What was the last compliment you received? jack told me i was beautiful 439. Do you have any brothers or sisters? one of each 440. Who would you like to be alone with right now? my boyfriend. 441. Do you push people away when you really want them to come closer? no 442. Is a prenuptial agreement necessary or does it take the romance and trust out of marriage? i feel like it takes the trust out of the marriage 100% 443. Do you lie your way out of things? no 444. Are you better at talking or listening? listening for sure 445. What will only happen to you once in this lifetime? idk 446. Know of any conspiracy theories you think might be credible? not that i can think of 447. What are the most beautiful words that have ever been spoken to you? an old friend said this to me, “you know, as me and tiana were driving to the book store, we both noticed the view to the left was incredibly stunning.  like, the sunset hit the trees perfectly.  and all i could think was that i’d rather be looking at you.” one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me 448. If it were legal would you own a human slave (race unimportant)? hell no 449. Have you ever read your own writing at a poetry reading? i’d be too nervous 450. What is one simple thing that gives you the happy shivers? i dunno 451. What do you do for exercise? i just walk 452. Would you rather have a strict teacher with a sense of humor or a lenient teacher that doesn’t teach? strict with a sense of humor 453. If you ever have a baby what might you want to name it? i don’t want any babies 454. If you won free tickets to a concert from a radio show and had to choose between Inxs, Poison, Blondie and Moby, which would you choose? blondie 455. Are you a good cook? not at all 456. Do you prefer when things come with no assembly required, even if they are a bit more expensive? depends, i don’t usually mind putting something together myself 457. Start a sentence with the words: what if what if my cat could talk to me 458. Are you more spontaneous and unpredictable or loyal and routine? loyal and routine. 459. What is the highest number you can count to in your head? pretty high if i tried 460. How do you go about losing weight? shit i don’t 461. Do you have street smarts? i suppose 462. Do you have a lot of common sense? i think i do 463. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? orange sherbet 464. What’s your favorite movie that involves dancing? high school musical 465. Would you ever want to become a guest on a talk show? If yes what would the show’s theme be? sure.  jimmy fallon 466. Do you like the way you look naked? most of the time 467. Have you ever dissected an animal? several 468. Who do you know who is brilliant? my boyfriend 469. Who do you know who is dull? some of my coworkers 470. Do you ever think about time travel? occasionally 471. What is one interesting fact you know? when a cat is declawed, if it isn’t done correctly a new bone can grow back and cause extreme pain 472. Do you talk to yourself? Do you talk to your pets? i talk to myself sometimes and i always talk to my cat 473. Do you believe that humankind has a future in space (will we live there some day)? absolutely 474. Would you rather wear clothes that you don’t mind getting dirty or more delicate outfits? depends 475. How do you 'live life to the fullest’? do crazy things.  live every day like it’s my last 476. Are you sloppy or a neat freak? i’m kind of a neat freak 477. Would you rather have a trunk full of nickels or half a trunk full of dimes? half a trunk of dimes 478. What is the worst mistake you’ve ever made? there is plenty 479. Are you in good health? i suppose 480. Are you patriotic? no 481. The greenhouse effect is bad for your health. yeah 482. There are about as many molecules of air in one breath as there are hairs on your head. damn 483. The Miss America pageant started out as a contest in which people decorated wheel chairs and one chair was judged the prettiest. that’s cool 484. To remove a tattoo a physician can place a small balloon under the skin, which is inflated so that the tattooed skin gradually stretches. Then they cut the stretched skin away. lol really??? 485. Cock fighting is a sexual sport. i’m sure it is 486. It is the warmest time of the day during the hour that the sun is the highest in the sky. why are there 20 interesting facts in a row??? lol i don’t think i’m going to write anymore on this survey 487. Certain scientists specialize in studying cow farts. 488. The brilliant colors (reds, oranges, yellows) across the sky that we get from sunsets are caused mainly by pollution. 489. In Grimm’s original fairy tale, Rapunzel is pregnant. 490. Dracula was the first movie about a vampire. 491. The inventors of Corn Flakes, the Kellogg brothers, ran a school for delinquent youth. 492. “Kemo Sabe” means “soggy shrub” in Navajo. 493. Sir Thomas Crapper invented the toilet. 494. The Earl of Sandwich invented the Sandwich. 495. Some Chinese alchemists were trying to invent an immortality medicine and accidentally invented gunpowder instead. 496. The human body is made of about 99% water. 497. Bubble gum contains rubber. 498 This survey to the zero power = 0. 499. Most lipstick contains fish scales. 500. There are 86401 seconds in day.

[vandoornestoffel]

I was tagged by @pig-in-a-red-car & @dannyricciardo THANK YOU! And sorry for just replying but I’ve been away from Tumblr.

1: Are you named after someone?

Ana is the name of my godmother and my middle name is the female version of the name some guy my dad knew, however, I’ve been told I’m not named after him but instead I share birthday with the feast of Saint Aloysius Gonzaga, which is named in Spanish as the male version of my middle name, Luisa.

2: When was the last time you cried?

I cry a lot. And by everything. Last time I cried was Sunday, I was watching the SAG and I cried when I was remembered that Anton Yelchin died.

3: Do you like your handwriting?

Nope. I hate it.

4: What is your favourite lunch meat? 

I had to google what was lunch meat. TIL. I gotta say chorizo. The Mexican chorizo.

5: Do you have kids?

Nope. Nor am I planning to in the near future.

6: If you were another person, would you be friends with you?

If the other version of me still liked the same things I like, you bet your ass I would.

7: Do you use sarcasm?

Yup. not online tho. I’m good with Spanish sarcasm.

8: Do you still have your tonsils?

Other thing I had to good. TIL a lot. Yes I do.

9: Would you bungee jump?

I would, yeah...

10: What is your favourite kind of cereal?

Your basic corn flakes. I’m not keen to cereal.

11: Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

Depends entirely in which shoes. I usually don’t but I treat my running Nikes like if they were gold, so those I do untie them.

12: Do you think you’re a strong person?

I’m very emphatic so I trend to be soften up easily, but I’m usually who gives medicine to my pets or cures bloody injuries of all my family. In that, I am strong.

13: What is your favourite ice cream?

Keeping up with my basic bitch behavior: Vanilla. Besides this, CHAMOY!! Also I once tried Tequila ice cream and that shit was awesome even when I hate tequila.

14: What is the first thing you notice about people?

Eyes and accent.

15: What is the least favourite physical thing you like about yourself?

I hate the skin on my legs. It’s very dry, no matter how many treatments I put it.

16: What colour pants and shoes are you wearing now?

I’m wearing black pajamas and squared pink/gray/blue/white vans.

17: What are you listening to right now?

Lily Allen - I could say. I’m listening to a playlist I have in Spotify that has like 2000 songs that go from the 70s Mexican music to 2Pac. 

18: If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

One of my favorite colors is Coral. The whole range, the closest to pink/redish the better. It’s the only share of pink that I like. If not that, papaya orange (PLEASE, McLAREN!!!)

19: Favourite smell?

Perfume wise: Michael Kors’ Very Hollywood. Natural smell, I love the smell of kittens. When you have as many kittens as I do, you learn certain smells about cats but kitten on winter smell is my fave.

20: Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

My ex. He called off our meeting that was supposed to be yesterday and I pretended that I was mad over it when in reality I was relieved.

21: Favourite sport to watch?

F1. I also enjoy American Football (GO HAWKS!!) and I also enjoy watching the X-Games.

22: Hair color?

Black that looks brownish with certain lighting and redish under the sun.

23: Eye color?

Black as it gets.

24: Do you wear contacts?

Nope.

25: Favourite food to eat?

PIZZA. All kinds of pizza, just no fruits on pizza. 

26: Scary movies or comedy?

Comedy

27: Last movie you watched?

I’m trying to think and I have no idea. It was an Emma Stone movie I think. OH YEAH, it was that really bad movie she did with Bradley Cooper. 

28: What colour of shirt are you wearing?

Gray Iron Man tshirt.

29: Summer or winter?

Can I say spring? Winter in Monterrey are like 6° C, but summers are 40°C, so in summers I’m dying of heat and winter I’m dying of hypothermia... so I would rather be on string when we are at 20/30°C.

30: Hugs or kisses?

Hugs.

31: What book are you currently reading?

I don’t trend to read. Last book I was readying was Generation Kill by Evan Wright

32: Who do you miss right now?

My friends from college and my friends from Poland.

33: What is on your mouse pad?

I don’t own a mouse pad. My desk regrets it since the wood is loosing up to all the friction.

34: What is the last TV program you watched?

I think it was Conviction. I stopped watching around episode 3 and instead will wait to binge watch it.

35: What is the best sound?

The F1 V10s and a newborn kitten crying. That soft little ball of fur making it’s first noises is one of the cutest sounds in the world. 

36: Rolling stones or The Beatles?

Beatles. But can I choose The Who?

37: What is the furthest you have ever travelled?

I’ve never traveled out of Mexico. I think the trip to Chiapas was the longest with 1hour in a half on plane.

38: Do you have a special talent?

idk??? If I do I haven’t discovered it.

39: Where were you born?

Monterrey, México - same birthplace as Esteban Gutierrez.

Since I have no idea who has done this or not, feel free to say I tagged you if you haven’t done this! I’m interested in getting to know you!

[of-another-broken-heart]

Today was: 

sleep 

so much sleep

too much sleep probably

Then: ouch my teeth hurt omg they shifted because I slept so much ugh. 

I tend to have my jaw lightly clenched, or to cyclically grind my teeth periodically throughout the day [it feels like a tooth/gum massage] so long periods of no-pressure make my teeth shift. Which means as soon as I need to do anything, like shut my mouth or chew food, I get PAIN as my teeth collide in ways they don’t normally. As always, that wore off as I “massaged” them back into normal place. 

I didn’t sleep through the whole day. I woke up and rolled over more times than I could count. I knew lil sis had a friend over. Which was part of why I tried to stay in bed so much. By the time I got up, it was quiet. I assumed the diabolical duo had invaded the friend’s house. I was wrong, though. I got up just in time to be debriefed by mom that the kids had asked to go visit a neighborhood kid’s house, to invite them out/over to play - but then decided they wanted to keep roaming the neighborhood with or without said kid, instead of coming back to our house. Mom had told them “No - your friend has permission from her parent to be HERE, not ‘in the neighborhood’,” but they made a fuss to the point where mom was sure she was going to have to go drive around, find them, and escort them back to the house herself. 

That got me pissed off, because mom is sick and lil sis KNOWS she’s sick, and giving mom a hard time should be the LAST fucking thing she’s up to... 

I had promised to go visit my grandparents, at the very least to pick up that piece of mail PopPop told me was there for mom. So mom asked me to swing through the neighborhood dirt roads to corral the kids back to the house. I agreed, but thankfully didn’t have to worry about it. The kids were gliding into the yard right as I was climbing into my driver’s seat. 

Mom’s sick still, so she definitely didn’t want to risk spreading it to her parents. She tried to go to work today, but the coughing and pain landed her right back home pretty quickly. She should have been staying in bed and resting, but with lil sis and friend doing their thing, idk how much rest she actually got. 

I updated my grandparents about mom’s state when I got there. Nana mentioned something about how my mom is pretty susceptible to brochitis, and mentioned that mucinex might help. I stuck around and chatted with them a bit (I was glad to stay away from the kid circus, and it makes them happy to have little social visits like that) then decided to visit a few stores.  

So I stopped by the drug store and picked up some generic medicines that were similar to mucinex (I don’t have $16 for one box of cold medicine holy hell). I also looked to see if they had replaced the out-of-stock pressed powder color that I had meant to buy. It was still out. Worst case scenario, I bought makeup that’s one shade too dark - but that’ll work out for spring/summer when lil sis spends more time outside probably, and her skin tone will shift to be a little darker. Hooray! I never thought about having seasonal makeup for practical reasons like that. I usually scoffed at the idea, like “Well sure there are different seasonal ~aesthetics~ but you don’t NEED different colors for different seasons!” but then the whole sunlight/skin tone reality snuck its way into one single makeup tutorial and BLAM sense was made. 

Next I swung by the grocery store because I was pretty damn sure we were out of american cheese and I had a half-baked plan of maybe doing grilled cheese and soup for dinner. Easy, filling comfort food. Half of it is soup, good for sick momma. That was my thought process, anyway. I checked the clearance shelves, as I always do, and found some good deals. The chocolate lucky charms cereal that my mom had found, and my brother really liked - two boxes, each marked down to eighty-two cents. A whole bag of onion bagels - at least a dozen - for three bucks. There were some good sales, too. I got myself two full bags of chips for less than four dollars. And two boxes of cheddar shell pasta for a buck seventy. My chocolate-hunting eagle eyes also spotted a thirty-cent clearance tag on the gift chocolate shelves next to the floral desk. Little caramel-filled chocolate squares. I swiped them off the shelf. The whole reason I stopped in was to get american cheese, so I picked up what seemed to be the best deal available (and the only american cheese on sale at all, jeez), and I grabbed some blocks of cream cheese to go along with my onion bagel loot bag. 

I got home to find mom was out. It was pretty easy to deduce where she’d gone. I brought my bag of groceries and drugstore medicine in, and the only obnoxious sounds were the slightly-too-loud living room television and the squawking of the bird and kids’ father. Mom had taken sis’s friend home and lil sis had gone along for the ride. 

I put some things away, then spotted a letter that needed to go into the mail. I decided I’d do that for mom, so she wouldn’t have to do it tonight in the cold, or try to do it tomorrow morning before the mail was collected. She pulled in the driveway as I was halfway to the mailbox. I waved the letter and said “So you can sleep in in the morning!” because there’s no school so she doesn’t have to be the kids’ alarm clock. I’d only remembered that at my grandparents’ house, and sure enough mom had forgotten, too. 

I put the letter in the mailbox with the flag up. (It didn’t strike me then, but... does the mail even come on MLKJr day? Shit.)

I chatted with mom inside, and asked about dinner. We’ve had some ground beef thawed and ready to go for a few nights now, but I asked about doing soup and grilled cheese anyway. She wasn’t really into it. Bummer for me, but not a big deal. My main point was “I’ll make a simple sick-friendly dinner tonight.” So she half thought out loud, half explained to me that she had planned to heat up some frozen fries to go along with sloppy joe sandwiches, and I was like “Okay, I’ll get started. Is there a specific pan you want me to use, or does it not matter?” 

And she was relieved and pleasantly surprised and got to go rest in bed, and I cooked dinner. I tried to get the fries to have a pseudo-fried texture to them, by coating the baking sheet with some EV olive oil, but the bottle we have doesn’t have a dribble spout, it has a POUR spout, so there ended up being a bit more oil on the sheet than I would have liked. And mom thinks she set the oven temperature a bit too low. Regardless of our reliable human error, the fries got good and warm and lightly toasted - but not enough to crisp. The oil coating helped the salt stick nicely, and it wasn’t so much that it actually made the food greasy or oily. Just a smidge heavier than planned. 

I doctored up the meat a teeny tiny itty bitty bit, too. (Can’t do too much or everyone will swear it’s spoiled or something) Some salt, ground black pepper, and garlic powder went in while it was browning. And even though I was supposed to drain off the grease, there really wasn’t much to drain, so I just left it in there. Mom tends to buy leaner cuts, so there’s not much fat that cooks off in the first place, and I was trying to slow-cook the meat to get it to tenderize and soak in some of the seasonings - which gives the little bit of grease time to cook off and out of the pan/onto the oven hood. I desperately wanted to chop up some onion or peppers to put in with the sloppy joe sauce, but even if we had any to add, I would have ruined the meal for mom and lil sis. So just the sauce went in, and I let it bubble and simmer until the fries were done. 

I heated up some canned corn and put a pat of butter, some salt, and some pepper on it, too. Not super fancy by any stretch, but a bit tastier than fresh-from-the-can flavor. 

Everybody ate and there were no leftovers! Except a little corn, because goddamn this family just doesn’t like vegetables =/ even may-as-well-be-bread corn. The kernels I couldn’t eat went into the compost bin. I washed the dishes after dinner, too. That’s normally bro’s daily chore, but he’s off at a friend’s house this whole weekend, and lil sis did it last night (and made a point of expressing how tired she was while she ate dinner), so I figured I’d just jump in and take care of it so mom wouldn’t have to worry about it at all. 

Then I made myself a cup of coffee. Because that’s a good idea at 7:30 at night. But it’s warm and delicious so whatever. 

I’ve been streaming some Legend of Dragoon the past few nights, and I’m gonna do some more tonight, too! Because I don’t have to compete for quiet in my immediate space tonight thanks to bro staying at his friend’s place an extra day wooo! 

[canaryatlaw]

alright, well today didn’t exactly go as planned, but was still an overall good day. My alarm went off at 10:30, I got up and showered, then got dressed and Jess and I headed out to my first doctor’s appointment of the day. The two doctor’s appointments I had today was the original purpose of the trip (and to placate my family about the fact that I’m not coming back to some degree). We stopped for bagels, because New York, and it’s mandatory to have bagels at least once while you’re here. From there we kept driving since this doctor is pretty much an hour’s drive from my house. This was my pulmonologist who has been with me through the ups and downs of my lungs hating me since 2013 lol. I was especially grateful to him today because in May when I woke up hacking my lungs up, I was able to get in touch with the on-call doctor (it was a Saturday) who prescribed me the medicine I needed and I got it two hours later, and by 24 hours I was totally back to normal. Now compare that to what happened last year when I couldn’t reach him and I suffered through 4 days of misery coughing, and having to do my trial advocacy final trial (which was a legit full trial) with my brain totally clouded by cough syrup fog, to the point where I was like, questioning if my surroundings were real lol it was BAD. so after that nightmare I was soooooo happy it worked out so much better this time, because I never want to deal with that again. So we drive there and park, then take the somewhat sketchy elevator up to his office. Got called in pretty quickly cuz they’re good like that, did the whole breathing test I’ve done at least 100 times by now (like that is not an exaggeration at all, it’s definitely been at least 100 times) which always leaves my lungs hurting but also always shows they’re functioning at very high levels (which is, objectively, a good thing, but can also be frustrating when I’m having an issue but the test says everything is great). Doctor comes in a minute later and did some stethescope stuff, then we went into his office and just went over everything, as he seems to be of the opinion that it’s all somewhat related, so we talked about sleep and studying for the bar and acid reflux and all that stuff. His daughter is also currently studying for the bar so he gets what that’s like lol. He kept being like “you’re getting enough sleep right?” and I was like 😂😂😂, oh yes, I definitely am lol. So he called in the one prescription I have from him and we made an appointment for six months out (so January). From there we headed out, we encountered a bit of traffic so it took a while but we were home at like 2. From there we just relaxed for a bit, talking to my sister in our room and just having fun. I looked at train schedules only to discover the two main train lines had a massive gap between 4 and 7 pm, presumably because of the massive amount of trains coming east during that time, but like, that totally screwed us over, so I mapped out and planned to drive to a station a bit further away but that had more options time wise and I thought should work. We then headed out to doctor’s appointment number 2 with my psychiatrist, and then planning to go to Anastasia in the city. So we got in the car and made a quick pit stop at Target to grab the prescription my pulmonlogist had called in for me earlier, and then made our way to my psychiatrist’s office. I really like him so much. He’s been in the process of retiring for a while now but has agreed to still see me until I can get settled with someone else (assumedly in Illinois) and I appreciate that very much. Got called in pretty quickly and had some conversation with him, he wanted to know about bar stress and all that, and I told him that while the bar studying is stressful, when I’m not considering the external factors like that I am still very much enjoying my life, so that was good. We didn’t make any changes to my meds, but we talked about the tremor issue. He seemed doubtful that it was actually caused by the medication that had the listed side effect of tremors, but said that after the bar (because we didn’t want to mess with it beforehand, obviously) I can try going off that med for a bit and see if it helps, but I should probably consult a neurologist regardless which is like 🙄🙄🙄 I really don’t need another doctor in my life at the moment lol. But I’ll probably talk to the primary care doctor I have in IL about it and see if I can get a good reference, it’s easy when I keep it all in the Northwestern Medicine system, so the info can be shared easily as needed. As we were leaving I checked my email quickly and saw I had one from the ticketing site I got the Anastasia tickets from, which stated the performance was at 7, not 8 as I expected. Well, fuck. I looked at the train times and if we made it to the 5:13 train we could get there at like 6:25 and be in decent shape, so we did our best to dash out of there and speed to the train station, but we were thwarted by traffic and it soon became clear there was no way we were going to make it in time, and the next train didn’t get in till 6:54, so clearly that wouldn’t work. We tried looking any other station that could work but didn’t find anything. So we pulled over for a minute and tried to figure out what to do next, and I was like well, I guess we have to drive then 😐😐😐 which I was not excited about but I would do my best. So we plugged in the address of the theatre into the GPS and got going. Again, doing our best to make good time, but traffic was slow in many places, and when it said we had about 24 miles to go but the ETA was putting us there at 7:01, more than an hour from the current time, we agreed this wasn’t worth the stress because I was high key freaking out about driving in Manhattan, and we should just cut our losses and head back home, so that’s what we did. Jess was getting really bad motion sickness at this point so we got off on an exit and found our way to a parking lot, so she could breathe and calm down for a bit without moving, and then went to the pizzeria that was right there because one cause of her feeling sick was that we hadn’t eaten yet (the plan was to stop between the doctors appointment and going to the train, but we of course had to ditch that plan). So we sat down and ordered some food, we got cheesy garlic bread (because of course) and ended up getting the baked ziti pizza, which, yes, is pasta on top of pizza and smothered in cheese, and oh man, it was very good. So we ate our pasta pizza and then determined we were too full to stop for ice cream (sad life, I know) so we headed home. When we arrived most everyone was just chilling, and of course my parents wanted us to chill with them since we’re leaving tomorrow morning. So we all got into the den and did our various activities while talking. My older brother was being a giant pain in the ass tonight, which isn’t anything surprising as he is often doing that, but it’s still fucking annoying. He’s just like, such an asshole, I can’t take it. He’s an emotionally abusive sexist power hungry asshole, and it’s like there’s nothing I can do that he won’t find a way to make fun of me for and like, even with the small stupid shit, I mostly don’t care anymore but it hits something in me that has been there from being treated like that for all these years, and I once again got confirmation that there is no way I could ever move back into any arrangement that involved me living here on any basis other than like a few weeks, at most. And of course my parents do nothing because they never do anything and were completely ineffective in stopping my brothers from torturing me for years to the point where I became suicidal as an 11 year old. There’s just too much there, and I can’t deal with it when the jerks would never admit they did anything wrong because they truly believe that they haven’t, and none of this could ever be their fault, it was obviously because of because I’m stupid and broken and messed up. I tried to stop myself from getting too upset but I can only do so much. There’s also this whole situation going on at my dad’s office with the girls who work for him who apparently ganged up on another girl working there and got her to quit, so my dad’s been all mad about it and the three of them (two brothers and dad) are talking about it and they’re saying all kinds of misogynistic bullshit and when my brothers left I was just like uh you better not be listening to anything they said because they’re full of shit, and he said he knows but he’s always the “softie” boss and bringing my older brother in will scare them, and I’m like yeah but not because he’s a good leader, it’s because he’s an asshole and you’re likely going to have them all quit if you do that because he’s incredibly condescending and just flat out rude and is totally power hungry. Idk, we’ll see what happens with that. After that we headed upstairs since we need to be up early for our flight tomorrow (as I type this at 11:45 pm) and ended up talking to my sister and her friends for a while before actually getting ready for bed, and then I started writing this and here we are. I still feel like shit, and I hate that I feel like shit, I hate that stupid stuff can get to me like that but it just slices right through the old healing scars from childhood and reopens the old wounds just as fiercely as they were first made. But then I also doubt myself, thinking but other people had it worse, you’re probably exaggerating and want attention...and like all of this is playing out in my brain while all of this is happened. I could probably write more about it now, but it’s late and I’m mad tired so I’m going to call it a night instead, I may opine on it further tomorrow, we’ll see. Goodnight everyobe. Thank you all for following me and providing encouragement, it’s much appreciated. ❤️

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #119

“she’s the type who likes to leave on all the lights.”

Are you friends with any bands?  No. How do you deal with oppressive heat?  Act like I'm dying because I probably slowly am. What’s one thing that people definitely CAN’T count on you for? Remembering something. What about something they definitely can count on you for?  An open ear. What’s one food that you want to try but haven’t yet?  Hmmmm... I know there's some, just nothing's coming to me. If you’re home alone and someone knocks on the door, what do you do?  I ignore it.  I don't check through windows or anything in fear of the person seeing me.  If you're coming to my house, let me know. Let’s say you received a gift from someone and open it in front of them – and it’s something you absolutely hate. How do you react?  Thank them anyway and act appreciative towards the kindness.  I usually won't actually say "I like it" unless they ask. If a friend suggested that you two were to do something/go somewhere, and you really didn’t want to, would you be more likely to just go along with it anyway or speak up? If I really didn't want to and we were close, I'd say no. What’s one book that you have read that will stick with you forever? "Johnny Got His Gun" by Dalton Trumbo.  I was strictly anti-war beforehand, but that book turned me into a full-blown pacifist. What type of movies do you get into the easiest? Paranormal ones. If you could learn to play any instrument, what would you pick? Guitar or piano or violin, idk. How do you feel upon seeing someone who’s missing an appendage?  I feel pity, but I feel no different towards them as a person. Why is your favorite store your favorite? They have clothing and accessories that best match my aesthetic. Would you let your child have a pet?  Depends on the pet, the child's age, and my faith in their responsibility level. Where were you raised and what’s it like?  I was raised in a bad neighborhood.  Lots of crime, gangs.  It was scary, yet at the same time, it wasn't the worst place in the world.  Good memories, bad memories. Do you get along with your best friend’s parents?  I'll find that out soon. Do you tend to become nervous when you know change is inevitable?  YES.  I don't like change. Are you a patient person when it comes to relationships?  Very. Do you prefer to hang out in groups?  Meh, depends on my mood. Would you ever consider styling your hair as a mohawk? Nope. Assuming you have blown bubbles in your milk before, were you yelled at for doing it as a kid?  No. Have you ever put on or lost a significant amount of weight?  I've done both. On a scale of 1-5, how often do you curse? 5. @_@ How is your posture?  It's fine, but I lean a bit to the right. Have you ever taken an Uber or Lyft? No. Do you shop on Black Friday? Only online. What do you dip chicken nuggets in?  Honey mustard or ketchup. Has your ex ever gone out with someone close to you?  No. Do you pay attention to how much you eat?  I think I'm overly conscious about it by this point. Does your town/city offer a lot of opportunity for your future career, or would you get more out of living somewhere else?  I'd have far more opportunity elsewhere, probably.  Well... maybe not.  I want to be a wedding photographer, and there's not many of those here.  But where I live isn't exactly a gorgeous place to get married. What's more painful: Tattoos or piercings?  Piercings hurt more.  They're super quick, but the pain is definitely more severe. Does your ex live in the same town as you?  None of them do. Do you have any of your teachers on Myspace/Facebook?  Previous teachers, yes. What comes up when you google your name?  The Instant Checkmate site. Where’s the closest church to you? Do you attend it?  Not even a minute away, and no. Dr. Pepper or Root Beer?  I hate root beer, but I'm not big on Dr. Pepper either. Do you have a firepit in your yard?  No. Who do you talk to about personal problems?  Mom or Sara. Have you ever captured a moth?  I had a "pet" caterpillar when I was a kid and it turned into a moth that I released, if that counts. How long have you been dating the person you’re with? A few days from five months. Did you have a tree house when you were a child?  No. What is something that makes you grumpy?  Being really hungry. What school teams or clubs are/were you apart of?  National Honors Society, National Art Honors Society You can get a $1,000 gift card to any store you want, what is it?  Hot Topic. What’s the longest book you’ve ever read? How long did it take you?  I think "Not Without My Daughter."  I was really invested in it, so I doubt less than two weeks. Should a convicted murderer have the same right to be on the organ donor waiting list as anyone else?  I mean I guess?  A valuable organ is a valuable organ. How is your blood pressure?  This may have changed since I've come off many medicines, but mine at least was usually concerningly low.  I always had to explain to doctors it was normal for me. Have you ever stalked or killed a wild animal?  No. Ever had a rumor spread about you?  Yes, that Jason and I had a baby.  Even though I was obviously never pregnant.  His ex started it. What would you want to be written on your tombstone?  Probably "but you took it like a woman," a reference to an Alice Cooper song. Ever kissed someone’s hand?  Yes. Have you ever ran for class president?  No. Are you a rather gullible person?  Not really. If it had to be only daytime or nighttime all day, which would you choose?  As much as I like the night, daytime.  Humans and most animals are diurnal, so it'd be very difficult to adjust to that. When was the last time you went camping?  I've never been properly camping. Did you play with Play-Doh as a kid? Hell yeah dude. Have you ever found a four leaf clover?  True shit, I found a patch of them in our front yard the day after Dad left. Do you own a raincoat?  No. Are you fascinated by outer space?  Yes yes yeees!  I'm scared of it also, though. Is there a tree outside your window?  Yeah. What season would you want to get married in? Autumn. Have you ever tried Akinator? Yeah. Do you swear in front of children? No. Are you good at catching things? NO.  My hand-eye coordination is shit. What’s the biggest bruise you’ve ever had?  I'm not sure... but I'm guessing one of my knees since they've seen some shit. How would you react if you had a particularly unusual pain or ache? Tell my mother.  Although I usually look it up online if she's not home and it's always a bad idea because I'll find something awful, and then my anxiety kicks up lmao. What’s something that you like wearing, but you don’t actually wear it often? Skinny jeans.  I never wear jeans anymore. How often do you paint your nails?  Never. Which one thing made you cry the hardest?  It definitely related to my breakup.  I think that actual night, I didn't cry as much as me being in shock.  Wait... no, pretty sure it was after Mom caught me running for a knife that night.  I sobbed my fucking lungs out. Could you fall in love with someone, despite what they might look like? Yup. If someone was crying to themselves in public, would you ask if they’re OK?  Absolutely.  As socially inept as I am, I'd still feel awful if I didn't. Ever fingered a girl?  No. Do your parents still hide eggs around the house for Easter?  No. Do you wear choker necklaces?  When I wear necklaces, sometimes. When was the last you ran a mile?  High school. Do you have a big butt?  No. Are you pro-life or pro-choice?  I'd say I'm mostly pro-life, but I believe abortion is acceptable in some cases. What color is your phone?  Really dark navy. Do you know more than two digits of pi?  No. Do you have any STDs?  No. Do you have a favorite NASCAR driver?  No. Who’s your celebrity crush?  Mark Fischbach. Have you ever had any article of clothing tailored? What for?  Yes, a prom dress and bridesmaid dress. What are two foods you think taste good with whipped cream?  I HATE WHIPPED CREAM. When you see a feather on the ground, do you ever pick it up?  If it's cool, I'll probably keep it. If you eat it, what is your favorite way to eat beef?  Burgers. When was the last time you had a pet goldfish? What was its name?  I couldn't tell you, dude. What are the three events this year you are looking forward to?  Seeing Sara in literally two days, probs getting a new tattoo, hopefully returning to my healthy weight or get at least close. Do you prefer nail polish with sparkles in it, or matte colors? I don't wear nail polish like ever, but matte. Would you rather hold hands or link arms with your significant other?  Hold hands. Have you ever done something bad but you don’t regret?  Yeah. Do you like getting hurt? Uhhh no I'm not a masochist. Do you believe in destiny?  No, I believe in free will. Do you have any birthmarks?  Yes, on the left side of my left arm. Have you ever watched anyone sleep? There were times where I'd still be up on the laptop at Jason's and look over at him and smile.  But it was never more than just a few seconds. Do you ever go back and read stories or books you read when you were a child?  Not for myself.  The only times I've ever done that is when I'm reading to Aubree. Have you and a partner ever had “a song”? My ex and I had two and Sara and I have about five thousand lmao. Do you think that it is okay for men to cry, or is it only okay under certain circumstances? Of fucking course it's okay. What is one of your favorite movie quotes?  "My mama always said, 'Life was like a box of chocolates.  You never know what you're gonna get.'"  From Forrest Gump. Describe your teeth:  Normal, just wish they were a bit whiter. What is one thing you look forward to every day?  A Markiplier video. What is one thing you dread every day?  Trying to go to sleep at night.  I like sleeping, just not tossing and turning until it happens. When was the last time you cleaned your ears via QTip?  Forever ago because they're the reason I got wax adhered to my eardrum from pushing it back too deep.  I use a different tool now. What's the longest you’ve lived without electricity?  Just like overnight and a few hours. Name all of the alcoholic beverages you have tried:  Daiquiris, sangrias, and margaritas are the only ones I like, but I used to have a sip of wine in Catholic school and also this disgusting coconut thing Nicole had. Name all the types/brands of cigarettes you have tried:  I've never smoked. Do you like to do puzzles (crosswords, word find, Sudoku, etc.)?  Yes. What is the most alcohol you’ve drank in a night?  I think five and a half daiquiris.  New Years 2017. Have you been to see an opera?  No. Have you ever been stung by anything? What?  A bumblebee. Is there anything you dislike about your house?  We don't have two bathrooms. What do you like to put on bagels?  Cream cheese. Do you like orange juice?  So long it doesn't have pulp, I love it. If you had to choose, which bug isn't ugly?  There's a number.  I love butterflies, ladybugs, moths, and caterpillars. Have you ever had an ulcer?  No. Do you have any rare medical conditions?  AvPD and (inactive) MRSA. The first time you remember being hospitalized, what was it for? Being suicidal. What does your favorite necklace look like? It's a spiked choker. If you crack your knuckles, do you crack them one at a time, or all at the same time?  I don't crack my knuckles. Do you sneeze into your hand or into the crook of your arm when you don’t have a tissue? The latter. Do you hate when grapes have seeds in them?  It doesn't bother me. Have you ever heard of Bananas in Pajamas? Yeah, my older sister loved that show.