unacceptable-behaviour

[bonefall]

Just here because I was thinking. Is Tigerclaw's Fury axed in BB? On another note, and this is me just rambling, I actually thought it was a pretty decent book, to get a feel of what Tigerclaw thought and how he acted when he was booted. I kind of wish they did more antagonist books. My only real gripe is that Mapleshade had no business being there and interfering. Like, It should have just been him. Maybe even Thistleclaw if they had to, but it would be better if it was all just his choice.

Eh, there's parts I like and parts I don't. It's better than most, simply because it's actually fun to be in Tigerclaw's head because he is SOOO petty. I love his cunty ass.

"Yes Jaggedtooth made me leader. No he cannot be my deputy because he needs to learn I don't owe him shit" King behavior

But it is very annoying that Mapleshade was made into the Satan of Warriors. Of all the demons, why her? She has such a good, clear gimmick-- She Haunts Applekin. That's It. Why does she need to be behind every evil thing?

(The answer is because the writers basically see evil as a broad nebulous thing and are allergic to having consistent motivations for their villains besides Killing Murder And Elder Abuse unless theyre gonna pull a DOTC but. Sip.)

TF is not axed in BB, but it is massively reworked. This time, it is actually Firestar's perspective...... in StarClan. He, as a ghost, tries to channel Tigerstar after his double death to gleam any answers about him, to find out what made him so evil, so horrible.

What he finds is... nothing. He gets to experience every thought behind every action Tigerstar ever took, and sees he was normal. He loved his mom. He thought about his kids a lot. He was filled with the same kind of jealous spite for Redtail that Dustpelt had for Fireheart way back in the day, and that he felt bad when Spottedleaf died. He was fearful, lonely, angry a lot, but it's not particularly inhuman/noncatlike.

He finds NOTHING, and in that absence, there were allies. Tigerstar wasn't special. There were dozens of people just like him, who coalesced around his broad shoulders and big speeches.

The real horror of Tigerstar is this; anyone with white teeth and enough ambition could have been him. That he was going to happen, and had occured before, as Brokenstar, as Oakstar. If Tigerstar had died as a kit, Runningnose would have still been there, and Blackstar, and Leopardstar, and even Darkstripe and Dustpelt and Longtail. Who would have been Thistleclaw's apprentice instead?

Heroics are precious and unique. But evil... evil is banal.

[minusecko]

8's New Outfit - Courtesy of Callie

Day 1 of 4 in my Agent 8 miniseries

omg hi i didnt think you'd actually click keep reading!!!

I'm gonna use this space for creator commentary I guess? Idk what to call it.

So originally I intended for this to be a 4 part comic, where first Callie judges 8's outfit and decides for a makeover, and the new outfit is like a grand reveal at the end, but I ended up reworking the original 1st panel into Callie approving of 8's new fit, streamlining the whole thing into 1 render instead of 4 to save time and sanity.

Here's the original wip, before I even finished the textures for Callie lol

I imagine the convo would go something like:

C: So you've been using this as your agent gear since you got to the surface? It's kinda bland don't ya think?

8: It's not perfect but it gets the job done. I do wish I had something a little more free flowing, though.

C: Say no more~ Just give me a couple days to work my magic.

[memberment]

Genesis

Goooooooooodmorning.

Idk why I'm making a post yet I really don't feel like writing. ANYWAYS. Updates may come today. They also may not. Idk yet.

6:51 Hello from beyond. A new playlist is being born as I write through chapter 30. Also, I think I finished my chapter 7 art. It's Craig carrying Tweek home after they first met. They were so cute 😭 Idk what the message is gonna be in that one yet though. I know what the response is, but not the og message. And I am realizing as I type that that I was not supposed to reveal that but fuck it we ball there's like six people on here it's okay.

ANYWAYS. IF I CAN FINISH 30 AND ACTUALLY WRITE 27 (due to a restructure, I skipped over it entirely and have to go back and rewrite it.) AND MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, CIRCLE BACK AND FINISH 22, I will be soooooooo happy. I got like 12 hours til sleep time and I prob will not be working on chapter 8 art. Because I do NOT wanna draw Kenny and Clyde just yet. (I'm afraid. I wanna put them in their magical girl uniforms and ACTUALLY SHOW THEIR UNIFORMS bc they do change eventually and I feel like the contrast goes INSANE.)

9:19: Hello friends totally didn't get distracted<3 ANYWAYS. Back to this hell chapter of everyone having a bad time.

1:38: I got so distracted Desolation was late and I didn't write anything. I have literally written under 1k today which is fucking insane to me. I write more when I'm "on breaks"

But I have come here to yap about something. While I'm "on break" I think I'm going to rework The End Is Near AND New Beginnings. Meaning they might get deleted for a bit. Because I kinda wanna redo them both because let's be so real here. My writing was not shit, but I feel like they are both gems that need a bit of love. I don't know if I'm gonna commit to the bit but I really fucking might LMFAOO.

But I do really want to redo New Beginnings because that was the whole reason I started writing fanfic and people are still looking at it and I feel like it pales in comparison to what I write now.

And reworking those two will be much more lax while I suffer through 15 weeks of physics hell. SOOO.

Whatever. Gonna try and get through chapter 30. and maybe 27 BECAUSE I STILL HAVE TO WRITE IT WHAT THE FUCK‼️‼️

I lied I'm yapping for all of five more seconds because I need to complain and refuse to get a diary.

I am actually really sad that I'm not gonna have every day posts anymore. Like I am trying so hard to cope with it but y'all.

Desolation has 4 chapters left. Tweek's Guide has 7 chapters left. Eclipse has 4 (technically five but epilogue's short so it's gonna get posted same day) chapters left. Craig's Guide has like 10 chapters left. Dandelion has 8 (technically 9) chapters left. and Leap year has 8 chapters left. (Genesis doesn't count because that just started. ) LIKE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COPE. I HAVE FOUR FICS AND THERE ARE SEVEN DAYS OF THE WEEK. AND I CAN'T POST MY ONE REALLY FUNNY TRASHFIRE FIC BC PART OF IT IS SO GOOD I KINDA WANNA SPLIT THE CONCEPTS UP AND I REFUSE TO FINISH IT TIL I GET MY SHIT TOGETHER. Like y'all do not understand daily posts are like embedded in my brain. I love it. HOW DO I FIX THIS WITHOUT ACTIVELY WRITING. I hate it here. Oh also when Eclipse or Desolation get finished Dandelion is moving to Monday/Wednesdays because Freedom Pal Fridays are being a thing. Because I have. So. Many. Goddamn. Freedom. Pals. Fics. Sitting. There. ScREAMING. For. Me. To. Write. So An Answers getting thrown on Fridays. But how do I space this out? (I am so sorry for this unnecessary lengthiness I am officially just gaming this out as I type because my brother is sleeping and I can't call him to yap.) Like- I wanted to do Sunday for Genesis but I feel like Sundays kinda suck as post days, lowk. So what then? Monday Wednesday Friday Saturday???? I can't just do Tuesday and not Thursday. AH. I hate it here. I need more time and we are constantly running out of time.

Life is fleeting, and I simply hate it.

2:39: JUST HIT 90K. This has been cut down to 38 chapters. I have 1k ish left of 30. 27 is still undone. 22 needs its angel fight. So approximately 29k-36k ish left. I'm losing my mind. I can't believe I am speedballing through this like that. WHICH MEANS IF GOD SHINES DOWN UPON ME I CAN FINISH BOUND IN PEACE.

Then what?

Do I start my break early?

I don't wanna do that? What the fuck would I even work on then though??????

LMFAO about to pray for clarity.

3:44: Creative freedom is fucking crazy because Wendy's having a heart to heart with Brimmy right now.

4:14: I keep cutting chapters and part of me is starting to worry that this is too short but in the same breath like I'm combining them because drawing them out feels kinda lazy and rude. But we are now down to 36/37 chapters. I can't be too mad about it. But part two might be like, way longer. Also we're at 92.3k. SO I DID SOMETHING TODAY.

I lowk wanna work on bound for a bit but that means committing myself to an entire chapter because I can't just write part of a chapter and go back to it for that one and kinda I wanna reread the whole thing before I work on it more. UGH.

I might. I honestly fucking love Bound, like that was my baby when I was concepting it. I literally wrote so much of it while I was on vacation. Like stats on that one suck bc it's so niche but I do not even care. One of my favorite fics that I've written, easy. I'm not even a K2 girlie. I just wanted to write one because it was gonna annoy me if I didn't throw my hat in the ring at least once. I might write background K2 though for something unimportant bc I kinda like how I write them ngl. OKAY GOODBYE FOR NOW I'VE CONVINCED MYSELF TO MAYBE WRITE ANOTHER BOUND CHAPTER.

[purgetrooperfox]

*Blinky Blink*

gazcte post op, shadow!roach ?, talk is overrated (tentatively re/working), and refsheets for the WIP Game pleasse?🙏💘

[wip titles game]

hiiiiii 👁👁

shadow!roach is a stab at What If Roach In The Reboots, basically hinging on him surviving the Loose Ends fire because someone in Shadow Company saved him. I was thinking maybe for leverage against 141 reasons that ultimately fail and then Graves gets it into his head that if they piece Roach back together with the right story, they can use him. spin a tale about Price sending him and Ghost into a trap and leaving them to die, reframing who betrayed who. Operation: Turn Roach Into An Attack Dog. give him a vendetta against Price, misguided desperation for revenge at all costs, extremely poor coping with trauma, and Graves holding his leash. Roach's "loyal to a fault" deal switches hands because Graves saved him, healed him, showed him the truth

then Ghost is alive, but that's not his Ghost. everyone is around, but they're all wrong everything is all wrong. :)

He imagines the ceiling collapsing. The way dust would do the air and fill his lungs in a cheap imitation of gasoline and smoke. Rubble would be heavy, layered with medical equipment. Machines meant to keep people alive could just as well crush the life out of them. It might even be faster than all that, if he takes a good blow to the head. Losing consciousness all at once would mitigate the pain.

The fissure his life creates in the laws of nature would be allowed to heal.

When he blinks focus back into his vision, the ceiling is intact, if not in prime condition. Those life-saving machines buzz and drone what's become a familiar lullabye. He could almost sleep, were it not for the hell he knows waits for him when he lets his guard down.

Letting his head list to the side, he gets confirmation that Graves hasn't left. Yet. Impatience bounces his knee in a rhythmless staccato.

“Well?” he asks, like Roach was listening to a word he said. Like he expects an answer.

The urge to spit and seethe and snap at his throat rises like a tide. Unstoppable. Inevitable. It would be an unwinnable fight, though, and Roach doesn't pick unwinnable fights. He keeps his trap shut. Won't speak until he gets up on level ground, evens the playing field.

Graves isn't so stupid that he hasn't figured that out, but he keeps coming by and running his mouth. The why of it is beyond Roach's reckoning.

aheem gazcte post op is . I dumped Nocte in call of duty and gave him big gay emotions for Gaz. it's very self indulgent, because I too have big gay emotions for Gaz, just a little h/c post-mission recovery blurb. maybe after ultimatum, maybe pre-cod4, idk but Gaz is ambiguous injured. Nocte's there, he's unimpressed, he's worried, he's angry, he's trying very hard to compartmentalize

“I can't be everywhere at once.”

“No,” cuts sharp, “but you can go where the captain sends you.”

A muscle twitches in Gaz's jaw, try as he might to keep a grip on his temper. “I saved the captain's life.”

“And nearly paid for it with your own.”

The fan sputters in the corner, like its own protest to their present condition.

“I'm just trying to get everyone out alive.”

Nocte scowls – stubborn and furious and bright – and refuses to back down. “Maybe you should start by following orders, same as the rest of us.”

talk is overrated (let's just fight) is a vox undercover mission fic that I started a long ass time ago and didn't finish even though I mapped out the whole plot :/ what's written needs a rework so bad

Sometimes, Fox got the impression that troopers on the frontlines felt bad for the Guard. There were several reasons that sympathy would be warranted, from being stuck on Coruscant, to the politicians, to the Chancellor, to acting as military police, to the constant harassment, to the rate of unpunished murder of clones on the streets, and so on. Those weren't the reasons that Fox heard, though. No, the rest of the GAR pitied them because they didn't have a Jedi. Which made no sense whatsoever.

The Guard didn't have a designated Jedi, but they had Quinlan Vos. He was already more than Fox could handle. Vos was a deliberate nuissance and seemed to derive some sadistic pleasure from derailing Fox's entire day. For all that Rex and Cody complained about their admittedly crazy generals, Fox struggled to believe that they could possibly be worse than Vos.

It wasn't becoming of a trooper loyal to the Republic and, of course, to the Jedi, but Fox thought he might hate Quinlan Vos. The feeling seemed to be mutual, for all that Jedi weren't supposed to hate. Fox thought he hated Vos when he came barging, unannounced, into his office at all hours of the day for no reason but to eaate time. He hated the sarcastic flirting and patronizing nicknames. He hated the way he took nothing seriously and his complete lack of professional decorum. Fox hated how familiar he acted around the Guard and himself in particular.

He hated Vos' confident, swaggering gait and the way he draped himself across furniture instead of sitting on it like a normal person. He hated the way gold tattoos contrasted against his skin and brought out flecks of amber in his eyes. He hated how competent he was when he actually focused on a job. He hated his idiotic, regulation breaking outfit and the view of his stupid blasted arms and the knowledge that Vos could hand his ass to him if he wanted to.

And Fox hated, hated, himself for being attracted to such a bastard-ass Jedi

aaaaaand refsheets are gsheets I'm working on for my ocs! I'll link them to a ref post on here when they're done!

[siennaditbot]

I've seen others share their Sonic AU and headcanon stuff so I thought I could share mine!

It's kind of a career focused thing, everyone has a job cuz they need money now. It's kind of in the IDW continuity but has AU stuff and other Sonic comic characters. The location is Seaside City from IDW, and everyone is a bit older than in the canon.

Team Chaotix has a café. Vector owns it, Espio is the assistant manager, and Charmy, Mighty and Ray work there part-time (my oc, Slushie, works there as well, for self indulgent fluff and shipping with Espio :3)

Vector and Vanilla are married and laid the groundwork for the café together before Vector found the staff members and randomly picked them off the streets. He plays the piano at the café

Espio isn't a ninja but does come from a family that's big on judo. Likes to paint in his free time (maybe also play the shamisen or koto, idk)

Mighty works as a personal trainer and does gym videos. Gym buds with Knuckles

Ray does "MeTube", both parkour and gaming videos

Charmy helps Silver with gardening around the city. He might not be adopted by Vector but he sees Cream as his sister and the guys as his brothers

Silver is the local gardener, keeps the city plants looking fresh and tidy (shipping with another oc)

Sonic is a really popular MeTuber (imagine MrBeast), he travels around the world, helps others while making fun and entertaining content. He takes Mighty and Ray along sometimes

Shadow owns a clothing store called 'Maria's'. He does the paperwork and keeps it running for the others (Amy, Honey, Blaze and Omega)

Amy works at Maria's, sews and sells the clothes. A casual writer outside work? (Unofficially a thing with Shadow?)

Honey has her own line that Shadow is willing to have and sell at the store. She comes and goes as she pleases

Blaze is the store's model, but also helps make and sell them

Zero (Infinite) is Shadow's competitive neighbour, creator of the 'Jackal Squad' brand (expensive but plain), has a crush on Blaze lol

Omega is an old campus robot (created by Robotnik) who wanted more from life. Shadow gave him a job, he's basically a living sewing machine lol. (Needles can be used in a threatening way, though)

Robotnik (Eggman) teaches robotics etc at a local university, students love him. Basically Mr Tinker from IDW

Metal Sonic is another campus robot who's willing to stay with his creator and help him. Based on the famous MeTuber

Tails is an intern studying under Robotnik at the university

Cosmo is most likely going to appear just for some Tailsmo fluff, not sure yet

Rouge has a jewellery store (and is married to Knuckles?)

Knuckles is a guard at Rouge's store. His calling is guarding gemstones lol

Big is still himself, just fishing

Cream works at a daycare with the other oc, Briar

Bean, Nack/Fang, Bark, Sally, Bunnie, Antoine, Rotor and maybe others are the kids at the daycare

Not everyone has appeared yet but at least these peeps are gonna be in the fic. I'm also kinda working on a comic of it but gotta rework some of it.

It's most likely gonna be a series on AO3, rn I only have a ship-heavy fic of Espio and Slushie going. Probably gonna write about what the others are doing soon.

Anyway, here's the link if anyone wants to read some Slushie x Espio (Sluspio) fluff lol:

[fereldanwench]

so since i had the tower ending available to me, i figured i'd run through it

disorganized, spoilery thoughts under the cut

so a few world-state items of note:

valerie had no romance (ofc)

valerie did the parade and saved goro (ofc)

valerie never met kerry

valerie didn't help judy with the clouds stuff so judy was also not a friend to call

valerie did have panam and river available as friends

valerie and johnny were very much not friends

i had only seen the ending with a friendship johnny, so getting to experience the rival dialogue was actually really cool. i did record the whole thing so i'll probably upload some clips from that and muse on it properly, but yeah, i love it when valerie and johnny fight. i loved being able to have her call him a narcissist 10/10. and i like that i could play her as still somewhat sympathetic to his situation

i love 2079 reed. his tie and office bod are precious <333

since valerie had no romance, i did get to hear goro during her in-and-out-of-consciousness scenes, which i absolutely loved

i knew about river and panam's phone calls/msgs and neither one of them are actually that close to valerie so the emotional impact there for me was minimal

much like with the devil ending, though, i wish goro was at least listed in her phone, even if it went to a disconnected number in 2079. valerie did tell him she was going to go with hanako prior to this, so having some kind of 'hey, are we doing this thing' msgs from him in 2077 would have been cool.

and like there seems to be some recognition from the devs that players who didn't get attached to any of the romances or had any other friends likely had some degree of fondness towards goro--hence using his voice in the coma. so once again, it just feels like there's missing content from him, basically. not even asking for romantic stuff here either--just more platonic interactions would have been very much appreciated!!!!

vik's situation depresses the hell out of me, even moreso than v's, although i did love getting to spend more time with him and see a different side to him just for characterization purposes. i loved the employee eval on his computer that said he talks to patients too much, because MUSE FUEL MUSE FUEL MUSE FUEL

(i'm actually in the process of working on some story sets for the events that happen directly after the heist, and vik gossiping to goro has been on my mind since the 'vik likes to talk' line v can deliver so this just compounded that)

connecting with misty briefly does kind of heal the soul a little at least

seeing valerie un-chromed and with a shaved head was pretty jarring, although not as much as seeing her in those clothes lmao. like wtf did the fia do with the clothes she arrived in??? even if she wasn't in top form, she would still make an effort to look somewhat nice going to see an old friend but i mean, i get it, at this point my vision of valerie is so beyond the possibilities of the game's potential characterizations for v

i also have a glitch in my game in which she's constantly holding a pistol during some cutscenes lmao so uh having randos try to beat her up while she's visibly armed was odd

the devil ending is still valerie's canon so this was just a curiosity playthrough, but i am somewhat intrigued by the possibility of another AU/alternate timeline for her and goro playing off these events.

the obvious scenario would be valerie becoming a fixer and goro becoming her bodyguard after they work out their shit since goro is clearly unhappy in 2079 lmao, but this ending plays on the convenient-lack-of-communication tropes that i fucking hate in stories (like really, the FIA couldn't find a way to get in touch with v's friends and let them know what's going on? i don't buy it) so it'd require a lot of rework for me.

and i really can't see valerie willingly going with the FIA, particularly after she told goro she was gonna go with arasaka, so i think a lot of that would have to change too

but idk, it's not a priority. i like having the AU stuff to tinker with when i need a break from their canon, which i currently do not. maybe it'll be like the nomad AU and suddenly hit me out of nowhere :3

but yeah im glad i experienced it for myself since there can be so many little personalized variations, but i also feel kinda out of sorts because it just felt really OOC for valerie and there were some major downers there, lmao. i feel like i need a bit of a palette cleanser

OH and i liked rogue taking nibbles, that was a pleasant surprise

[russeliarat]

In regards to Cia in a lot of the LU fanon space (aka fics and headcanons), I feel like she's being portrayed far worse than she actually is in Hyrule Warriors. I do think that Wars would have a lot of trauma regarding her considering she's the whole reason a war was started in his name. I do also think that starting said war is pretty bad. But I don't think she really deserves the black-and-white viewpoint most people have of her, it undermines the (attempted - it was a bad and rushed attempt but an intentional attempt nonetheless) redemption of her character arc. I say this as someone who owns the game and has combed through it for hours to attempt to rewrite that bullshit game.

But I think a lot of people are missing the part where Cia actually had control over her one-sided love for centuries as she only watched each hero and never interacted, but it was when Ganondorf came in and corrupted her that she started the war. She was under Ganondorf's influence throughout most of the game, even when she defected from him and attempted to gain the Triforce. She eventually made attempts to redeem herself after becoming free of Ganondorf due to Lana. There's also an element that Cia herself was exploited for Ganondorf's own power fantasies, it was likely that he manipulated or even told her to go to such extremes as making a war to get the Triforce and just used Cia's quiet yearning as a motive.

As dogshit as Hyrule Warriors is as a game and story, I think the idea that Lana is this perfect good is a great foil to Cia's unwavering evil, both forced to these extremes because of Ganondorf, who then regained their humanity once Cia finally broke free of him, though is more subtle in Lana is actually expressed kinda well compared to the rest of the wonkiness of the game. I think there's something to be said about Cia treatment as a antagonist compared to others like say Shadow, the way they're treated as being redeemed villains who were manipulated by Ganondorf for his own gains is vastly different across the fandom. Idk if there's a reason but it feels so distinct and I can't answer why.

This isn't to say that I don't think Wars would have a lot of issues surrounding what happened, its quite obvious he would have a lot of relationship problems on top of everything going on about the war. Its more a ramble about how people portray Cia post-HW/during LU. I myself don't understand how it happened, but as a DLC that was added for free in the Definitive Edition, Cia was revived and re-evilised, so yes she is technically alive still. I don't blame people for thinking she's some mega evil seductress that wants to capture the hearts of all the Chain, she seems very one-sided as a character at first without either getting the game and playing through yourself or skimming every website about the game (which is surprisingly few compared to its Age of Calamity counterpart - which also has its issues) and analysing the very misleading text in wiki pages and reviews. But no, she's not portrayed as a rapist (wtf literally where in the game is it even implied) nor is her character shown to be a pedophile (each hero she has been shown to fawn over are very explicitly the adult heroes).

I'm fine with headcanons, but the kind of stuff I see passed around in LU fanon is basically character assassination. It's kind of sad to see Cia just absolutely obliterated. I'm fine with some of the tamer headcanons, but some of the aforementioned like her being a rapist or a pedophile is so gross to me (and yes I've seen both multiple times in many more words to try to soften the blow of the writer/headcanoner's implications). I don't really like her character myself but I feel like I've analysed her and reworked her and picked apart her character too much to even consider humouring these kinds of ideas. Saying things like she's hypersexual or playing into her seductress image and appearance is fine because it's almost canon, I'll even agree with people calling her a stalker because she definitely was one during the war, but saying anything close to her committing anything more extreme is just not it for me.

[bonefall]

Is Sandgorse still abusive in BB? If so does he still save Sparrow? Idk I think it'd be a neat thing for Talltail to brood on and move past once realizing the truth. Like just because your abuser did a "Good Thing tm" doesn't mean you have to forgive them or that all of a sudden it excuses their past a tion towards you.

Or did you remove this plot beat entirely? If so I don't blame you :P

Weird that Tumblr search isn't giving me all the stuff I tagged :/ hopefully after finals are done I can compile a 1st draft/The Story So Far for the rework of Tallstar’s Revenge

It's now called TALLSTAR’S COLLAPSE. It is actually a story I am rewriting with tragedy in mind. It's about Talltail fleeing WindClan with his starcrossed lover, Sparrow, only to eventually be drawn back to it where he becomes a perpetuator of all the things that made him leave.

To answer your question; Yes, and. Sandgorse is abusive and there's a LOT of nuance to this situation. I'm not sure if he still saves "Sparrow" though because I have waaaay more of a point in mind with Tallstar’s tumultuous relationship to him.

Summary of changes,

Tallstar's Collapse

Sparrow is the Clanmew name Jake takes when his group interacts with WindClan. His first language is actually a dialect of Townmew!

(Also Firestar has no known father in BB)

His group is nomadic. They go from place to place trading goods. I need a name for both them and their cultural "cluster" but in my head, Jake's family is the Algernauts because Algernon is the current leader

It's important the Algernauts are extremely endearing because leaving them is VERY painful

(and something i want to frame as the wrong choice for tallstar, emotionally)

WindClan is in a very sensitive period of its history. Before Tallstar was born, Heatherstar began the Mothermouth Moorland War, to take a very large parcel of land from ShadowClan. A good 1/5th of it.

Naturally this is a huge project and incredibly ambitious. Sacrifices Must Be Made

The sacrifice she has chosen to make is the death of tunneling. Because she's smothering it.

Tunneling is PEACEFUL, defensive at best. You can't dig them in a floodplain, they would be useless for holding the Mothermouth Moorland territory

Tallkit is born into a terrible position. Son of the head tunneler, mother in a terrible depression, and Heatherstar trying to pry a wedge between the "future" and the "past"

Im also planning to change his name. He was born Slowworm-Kit, which has a connotation of cleverness in Clanmew. To bully him, Shrewpaw calls him Wormtail, because Slowworms drop their tails if pulled. It means "you will get trapped in a cave-in, and when they pull your tail, it'll fall off"

But it doesn't translate well into English... so I'm not sure what his Heatherstar-given warrior name would be. Wormwing or Wormleap maybe, like he "defied fate" to become a wonderful moor-runner...

Or maybe the prefix is Drop? Droptail as the mean bully name and Dropflight as the warrior name...

Anyway, when he returns, Heatherstar welcomes back the extra claws and honors the lesson he learned with "Talltale." In Clanmew this is "Story-travelled," his leader name meaning "Tale-star."

Anyway. Back to the cat drama

Talltail (name pending) is in a tight spot. I kind of want to show everyone being a victim except Heatherstar herself, who has all the power in this situation.

Not that it excuses anyone

Sandgorse is watching something he loves dying, an ancient tradition passed down for generations. He is trying to force his son into a position he shouldn't HAVE to occupy, but his child is the one thing he might have any control over

(Until Tall breaks it ofc)

Tallpaw was just a kid. He needed to take out his bullying and the stress on something, and that was usually his mother and the concept of tunneling

Palebird has been completely neglected by her mate as he focuses on the person he WANTS his kid to be. She NAMED a Fading Kit, a serious social taboo, and even the support of the nursery and Woolytail can't pull her out before Tall's kithood is over

Heatherstar is using Tallpaw as a political pawn and Tallpaw is too young and hurt to realize it. He was given to her sister, Dawnstripe, and endlessly praised for his skill and talent in a time where he NEEDED positive feedback

Which is making his relationships with his parents worse

All the while, there's VIOLENCE. Regular raids and counterstrikes. Cats die and get injured, and it only escalates as Tall gets older and Cedarstar is reaching the end of his lives, hoping to end the conflict before then

And in all this chaos and uncertainty, there comes Sparrow.

Just a trader and an honored guest, there's been lots of these nomadic visitors since the time of Windstar herself, but they've become quite rare.

When Sandgorse dies suddenly in that collapse (TITLE DROP) Talltail has the push he finally needs. It's too much. He can't process this

Sparrow begs him to leave with them, they don't even need to confront anyone, just come!

IF IT SUCKS HIT DA BRICKS

I have tons of really nice little things planned for this part of the story. It's several chapters of Talltail being free.

He engages in the funeral rites of Wee Hen, asking if he may sit vigil for her. His new family is honored to allow it, Reena even tries to do it too and falls asleep

(Little sister energy)

They meet all sorts of people and go to many places. Talltail learns that the world is vast, and there's an endless amount of knowledge out here.

It all starts crashing down when him and Jake find a litter of abandoned kittens, and become parents.

They're a few moons old.. around the same age as his halfsibs back home.

It starts bringing back memories. He wonders how they're doing. If they made a nice grave for Sandgorse...

The sudden longing for his own mother strikes him like lightning.

For the first time in eons, he feels GUILT over leaving. He thought it was over-- he's living his own life now!

But what if they're hurt? What if there was a battle and he couldn't help? What if his mentor died and he didn't even know?

What kind of a horrible son doesn't even say goodbye?

The problems that made him leave seem so small now, and the homesickness is like acid leaking from his stomach, dissolving his guts and leaving him hollow

He's raising kits who will never know what it means to earn a title, or have a permanent home, or--

(Any of the other things he should have learned don't have meaning outside of clan culture. Things they wouldn't miss.)

He cherishes the memories he makes here, raising children with his mate, but something turns inside of Talltail. Like the groaning ache of a hundred stones on top of a decaying mineshaft

The REAL collapse is this. An existential crisis Talltail can't escape from.

And eventually, it comes tumbling down with one last, horrible nightmare.

In his dream, he came home only to find the sandy camp abandoned, the dens decrepit, full of musty scent and cobwebs.

Sandgorse was there. And they talked.

His dad was gruff as always, disappointed. But he didn't say anything the real Sandgorse would say.

The nightmare said, "You really did turn out like me. We both left your mother when she needed us. Turned our backs on our leader. And now we're both dead to WindClan."

Tall wakes up crying. Jake is there to comfort him, but the conversation they have is sad.

Jake tries to tell him that's all not true, and even if it WAS his dad, his dad sucked and would only say that to hurt him!

But... Tall can't believe it. Jake's right but also wrong. He IS all those horrible things.

And...... how can jake ever Understand? He does not know the Bonds of a Clan cat

(thought terminating cliche. Outsiders Cant Understand Our Bonds.)

He stays a few more days, but that nightmare was the end. And everyone sees the change.

The kits are apprentice-aged. He stayed until they would be old enough to keep up with the Algernauts.

And he says goodbye. He won't ever leave without saying goodbye ever again.

Jake says it doesn't have to be goodbye, he'll always love him, and they can visit! They can see each other again!

And Tall says yes. That this isn't the end. It's... see you later, my love.

(...but they both know how violent it's getting between Wind and Shadow. It isn't safe to visit.)

It is the end. But neither can admit it.

But after Tall is a fair distance away, one of his kits tackles him.

POSSIBLY Post-Tallstar's Collapse

Not sure if I'd put these in a novella or still make it part of it, but these are all directly related to the fallout of Tallstar's Collapse

Most likely is that there would be overlap between this and Brokenstar's Cataclysm, so the same events would be seen in different perspectives.

The kit's name is Fly. Tall has to wait for him to catch his breath and stop crying before they can talk.

Fly already lost parents before. He says he knows he can't make his dads stay together, "But PLEASE, papa, let me choose where I go this time!"

How could he say no? How could he send his son away after a plea like that?

He told him it would be hard. That he would be trained. That there would be dangerous fights.

Fly didn't care, he said he could be strong. He could do anything he needed to.

So... Tall took him to WindClan, where he became Flypaw. He became the warrior he promised he would be.

And Tall didn't notice how much the kid was changing until it was too late. Flytail took to it as if he was Clanborn-- but had to work twice as hard, fight thrice as viciously.

Though Talltail was graced with an Honor Title and open arms, he'd adopted his greatest rival.

Fly and Tall started competing for deputyship as soon as they finished training apprentices; Heatherstar had a fondness for the two of them.

In the end, Talltail won the spot by springing into action and saving Heatherstar's young nephew, a little golden tabby, from an adder.

Flytail continued as one of the more aggressive warriors in the Clan, surviving increasingly violent and bitter battles, until it came to a head in Heatherstar's Last Stand.

Her final battle as an old leader was a gruesome, definitive curbstomp in the last strategic point ShadowClan held above Carrionplace.

One of the losses was Lizardstripe-- neck snapped in Flytail's jaws.

Runningnose, and by extension, the oak-tree to his long-shadow, Brokentail, remembered this. Especially when Runningnose's father Mudfoot collapsed later that year.

As Talltail took leadership from the dying Heatherstar, a familiar regretful guilt wormed into his belly.

His son Flytail stood with a bloody mouth, eyes wet with sorrow, looking down at the leader Talltail once loved almost as much. Appreciating her sacrifice.

(secretly he didnt choose Deadfoot as his deputy just for his honor title or the battle move he invented... he chose him because there was a shocked, sorrowful look in his eyes at the fallen shadowclan cat. Sympathy seems more honorable in this moment.)

Tallstar is a wise leader... but his fatal flaw is naivety. How could he think he'd bring his son into WindClan, and not see the boy grow into a ferocious Warrior?

And naivety is what he displayed when he offered Raggedstar a peace deal. WindClan would keep the land, but they would pay a small tax of rabbits over the winter.

It was unprecedented. It was merciful. It was stupid.

When the winter was over, what would stop them from pushing further south?

Would they trade back the frogs and the flax, come summer?

On the blood and bones of so many warriors? As if giving up was ever an option?

Brokentail killed his father to prevent him from taking the deal, and reawakened Ripplestar's War Tactics.

BURN the peat. KILL the prey. OFFENSE is defense. A dead warrior is 10 less claws. A dead apprentice is 1 less warrior.

Stolen kittens are 1 more warrior on your own side.

Tallstar paid the ultimate price for letting Flytail follow him home that day. On the night of the massacre, Flytail went down fighting alongside a mate and a daughter. Dogpiled by Tangleburr and her squadron in revenge for Lizardstripe and Mudfoot.

Tallstar's granddaughter Stoneclaw, made a warrior and sitting for her vigil on that night, was the sole survivor of the little family.

The event stopped her from speaking again, like she's still sitting vigil.

Tallstar is a character who almost broke free of the control of the Clans. For a brief moment of his life, he was free.

He thought maybe he could change things a little, protect his Clanmates from the battles by being part of them, have the Mothermouth Moorland and protect the peace at the same time. But you CAN'T.

You can't fix broken systems without fundamentally changing them. He thought he could be a nice warlord and that would work on the Clan whose territory he had inherited. Power acts through people just as much as they act through power.

And that's Tallstar. He who travels the world, yet is never able to go far enough. Always falling just a little short of the point, believing that love and mercy is enough while blissfully ignorant of the pressures of pride and power.

Into this role, as a successor to this leader, Onestar is unwillingly thrust.

[anxietywithfloof]

Warning: This is a long post that i need to make for my own mental health, so if you don't want to look at this all, then I recommend going to the tl;dr section at the end, but if you do read, thank you.

Also, no names will be put because I DON'T want anyone to be dragged into this shit either. Don't go looking for them either, as I will refuse to give names of anyone. Thank you.

I don't care if you like, share, reblog, whatever. I'm not doing this for fame or to call out anyone. I just want to rid this of myself and to move on and to forgive those that I'm potentially leaving.

With all that out of the way, let's begin:

I have an announcement.

I'm taking a break from the commewnity. For a while. Idk when I'll be back, if at all. I might still talk to a few members of the commewnity, but don't expect anymore OCs from me if i decide to leave it forever. Everyone has proven they don't like them anyway. I'm angry, had multiple breakdowns, and a counselor told me this was my best bet to have my mental health be better.

Let me tell my POV.

I want to put this to rest, never to be a problem ever again.

All from the moment this shitstorm started.

My second ever reference sheet.

It was terrible, to be frank. I didn't know how to draw a Mewtwo at ALL, as well as how to execute my ideas in a drawing format or how to make a skeleton for drawing poses and such. Hell, I deleted it off of my Tumblr AND my phone because I hated it that much later on. All I knew is that I wanted one that represented me. My anxiety, my imperfections that I see in myself, my creativity. I made it and wasn't sure of the looks. It looked weird and I wasn't sure. My boyfriends and all my friends told me they loved it, however, so I went with it, nervous as hell.

This is the start of a mistake I made.

At this point, I had a couple of friends in the commewnity and I was doing decent. At least...I thought.

I wanted to join a Mew and Mewtwo server that was VERY popular, with some amazing, incredible artists and members in it, so I asked to get in.

I never got in. Still haven't.

They said they were "weary/wary" of me, which at the time, didn't make sense and...after a while...I lost, losing a friend in the process...

This was a while ago and I no longer wish to be in. It won't happen regardless, so why should I care anymore.

But the thing is...all the mods were too. From the old and bad ref that, at THAT time, I had changed and it was a bit better.

Informed it was because of my character, I tried to fix it. And, after a couple of iterations, is how you see them today. Marla. And I probably will rework them more in the future because they're a really interesting character that I want to make lore and deep characterization for.

I deleted all the old ones and that became what she looked like. Everything good, right?

Except it wasn't.

I found out other members talked about me, never even letting me KNOW about it, all behind my back saying they were uncomfortable about me, always pulling up that same damn old ref sheet that I deleted long ago and I HATED. They started saying it was a fetish character, a kink character, an NSFW character.

Marla. Is. Not. NSFW.

She's never been one and never WILL be one. NONE of my characters are, in fact. I'm a minor! I'm 16! Why the HELL would I make a character intended to be an NSFW character and post them out in the open?! What's worse?? Even though I cleared that up, they STILL think that no matter WHAT I say AND they still are holding onto that old damned ref that I didn't have confidence for in the first place.

Then they started saying they were wary because of other things, like accounts that were recommended (to which I do NOT know why they were bad for a small amount of time. Only thing I can think of is maybe because of the controversy. Maybe I accidentally followed an account that was 18+ that didn't state they were on the front. Idk. I still don't 100% know, but I think it's been fixed), to my desperation at the time to be in the server, which I get, but you have to understand that I came from a school that bullied me relentlessly and made me feel alone 24/7, so this felt like a chance at finally being heard or seen, to even my fucking ARTSTYLE and OUTCOME, to which, I need to say this. I have no control of my artstyle. My artstyle is the result of COUNTLESS practice and finding different tutorials to borrowing techniques of my favorite shows, so I'm sorry if the artstyle makes you wary of me. I can't control my own artstyle. I'm trying to IMPROVE and make it more refined, but I can't outright get rid of my artstyle. And I ALSO hate the outcome of my art sometimes. I'm not the best at angles and that feeling of "ugh. This looks off...even though I made it" happens to ANYONE that draws as a hobby. I've deleted FAR more artworks than I've posted because it looked off or I thought it could do better. So, I'm sorry my efforts also weren't enough. I really am. Like, genuine.

It's gotten to the point where I don't feel comfortable posting ANYTHING because I'm worried mods and others in the server or in the commewnity will hate me MORE for it for even MORE misconceptions and false reasons I don't know of yet. I've felt alone. Shunned. Bitter. Felt like I wasn't good enough for a chance at redemption. I've asked multiple times if i could do anything to be even in any way I could, but nothing.

If I wanted to feel like this again, I would've stayed at my old school. It's gotten to the point it feels like bullying or gatekeeping or just outright shunning me from others because of all this.

So I'm taking a break.

To those people, I've forgiven you. I've forgiven you for all this.

If you want to talk about it and work anything out...I'll be on Tumblr... and I hope we CAN work things out. But for now, I won't be giving attention to the commewnity for a while.

I love the community and I love the creativity hosted in it, but I need to do this for my mental health. I'm sorry to everyone who considers me a friend in the commewnity and I hope this whole thing can finally be solved and this whole thing can finally pass, being able to actually talk to creators and not be shunned for honest mistakes and misconceptions.

Thank you for listening and I hope everyone's daycare be a bit brighter. Mine included.

●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□

TL;DR, an old ref I don't like because I didn't know what I was doing with the design is being hanged over my head as well as misconceptions of my characters, especially Marla, causing me to be isolated and I need a break from it.

If you want to speak, private chat me on Tumblr or Discord. You might need to wait until after I get home from school, bit I'm willing to chat or clear things up.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

[wetbloodworm]

i'm wanting to rework temerity's god a little bit, mostly because i just grabbed a lawful god from the forgotten realms wiki relatively quickly so that i didn't have to work on that myself. but now i. want to work on that myself lmao. i don't want to borrow forgotten realms lore i want to make my own.

so, just to summarize, this god's whole thing is Law Above Everything Else, and is particular about following the actual letter of the law vs any kind of interpretation or intended spirit etc. i'd categorize him as lawful neutral.

his full name is now Erolith Bor, though i don't know if that's how people refer to him? he might have a title. god my brain is just immediately jumping to judge language. followers praying to him addressing him as your honor.

okay i've made a lot of leaps in the last few minutes so i've actually made some decisions lmao we're not just working shit out now we've GOT it. details under the cut

okay so. people wouldn't know erolith's mortal name, they know him by the title The Honorable. you're meant to address him as 'your honor', but just calling him by his title is also acceptable. he will tune you out if you address him as anything else in prayer tbh.

all of his followers are expected to have a decent grasp of the law, though his paladins, clerics, and other higher ups in the church essentially have to pass the LSAT before they can take their respective positions*. it's very common for churches of the honorable to have a small semi-public library of local and federal law books/documents/etc to reference and study. if you can own your own law books, even better, but not everyone has the means to keep that shit up to date. followers of the honorable generally WANT people to know the law in order to follow it better so while they monitor anyone who uses their stuff, anyone is welcome to access the library.

* yes this does imply that temerity had the pass the LSAT against his will lmao

all followers are required to follow all laws, and paladins + clerics + higher ups are generally expected to uphold/enforce the law as much as they legally can. like if they're an actual cop/lawyer/judge/etc then yeah do your job, but those not in actual legal professions and such are still expected to get on people for breaking the law. citizen's arrest, reporting to the authorities, etc. if you've passed your fantasy-LSAT then you know how far you're legally allowed to go lol. followers of the honorable would like to have a pass to just do arrests and shit by virtue of being followers of the honorable but the law doesn't state that explicitly. not everywhere, at least. some local laws might give them more wiggle room.

in fallen-universe lore, erolith absolutely was a judge before the war and before ascending. he was definitely a hard-ass, no room for leniency or any real focus on morality, if you committed the crime you get whatever punishment goes along with that regardless of outside factors. of course if you didn't commit a crime according to what the law literally says, no yeah you go free. so an upside of his judge style is that everyone was technically treated the same, no favoritism or bias was shown, Law Above Everything Else. just, y'know. sometimes the law isn't fair.

i need to know more about how actual written laws worked in the time of the old gods but i'm thinking it wouldn't be a stretch to say there was some inconsistencies there, or maybe a difference between the law of the gods and the law of mortals? something like that?? idk i need to bug hale more but like. SOMETHING about how all of that worked didn't sit right with erolith. the morality of what the old gods were doing wasn't the problem, it was the legality. the technicalities. something was awry there.

that's the end of the post for now but we may expand on this. good start tho

[astorytotellyourfriends]

hi, hope you’re doing well! 🥰

if you’re up to it, I think ✨, 💘 and 💌 from the ask game sound interesting!

✨What’s a fic you’ve posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

i'm pretty happy with the reception on all of my hellcheer fics tbh, i don't think there's any one in particular that i wish would get more recognition but for my own inspiration and desire to finish the wip, i maybe wish if the fates allow had a little more hype? i wouldn't call it neglected by any means because i know there are people who want more and by god i'm TRYING to write more but every time i sit down to work on it, my brain just goes nah i don't wanna. so idk, maybe talking about it more would help the inspo flow but i'm also just trying to be kind to myself and i'll get to it when i get to it.

💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

lmfao probably all of my wips if i'm being really honest. the problem with posting as i write is that sometimes i find plot holes that i feel weird about going back and retconning so i just sort of hope nobody notices. if i were smarter about writing and posting as a whole, i'd at least TRY to write a multichaptered fic from start to finish before posting it on ao3 but alas, i'm impatient. (i'm working on trying to get back to that habit, though. it's hard.)

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

i started writing a one shot a couple days ago that i originally thought might be a multichaptered fic (and i've hinted about it in the past), and it's exciting to sort of experiment with a theme i haven't tried yet. i've posted a couple bits on twitter but here's another one for you:

"No wonder you came at me with a frying pan," he teases.

"Oh my--" Chrissy covers her mouth and her face crumples with distress. "I totally forgot-- I'm so sorry! Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm…" Eddie presses his hand to his shoulder, realizing in that moment that it doesn't even ache a little where she'd hit him. "I'm fine," he murmurs as he presses his fingers gingerly along the slope of his shoulder, pushing them harder and harder in search of any shred of bruising in his skin.

But there's nothing there.

let's get real fic writer asks

[an-abyss-of-stars]

He Saw Her At Daybreak - Baby HeadCanon #2

Out here posting more Rhaemond baby headcanons instead of actually reworking my behemoth of a chapterrrrr 🤣🤣

So this one, is about the first three babies! 4yr old Vaella, strutting the castle with her two 2yr old baby brothers waddling along behind her. I imagine these three escape/run away from their nursemaids quite often 😂😂 and I'd say it's 100% Vaella who initiates these escape plans!

I'm not sure what starts it, whether some of the nursemaids pissed Vaella off or maybe she was just in the mood for chaos 😂😂 but she hatches a plan, and she enlists her baby brothers to help her (by this point, baby Valaena would only be 1yrs old and Rhaena would most likely still be pregnant with baby Naerys, so the younger girls aren't helping with this😂). Now, how a 4yr old and two 2yr olds manage to spike the maids tea, idk, but they do, and they create a mess of things when all their nursemaids become incredibly ill! (Like horribly sick, puking and nauseous, nothing too deadly...or maybe one or two do die 🤔)

I imagine Vaella directing her brothers around like her own personal little troop 😂😂 and Daemion, ever so happy to assist his big sister, is happily handing her things to make their nursemaids tea the worst concoction to ever be ingested.

When all is said and done, and both Rhaena and Aemond get word that somehow all of their nursemaids have fallen ill, they both know exactly WHO did it 😂😂 Rhaena gets to the kids first, summoning them all to her and Aemond's chambers, lining them up in a row to see which baby will crack first. 🤣🤣 Like imagine a prisoners line-up, but it's three adorable babies instead 🤣🤣🤣 Vaella's standing tall, all smiles, totally proud of her work. Daemion is just giggling, having a good time, cause truthfully he really has no idea what he's actually helped to do. And poor little Aelyx, he's just fiddling his little fingers, twisting his little feet, like he feels really guilty even though he didn't do anything and he also has no idea what actually happened either 😂😂 he just hates being put on the spot like this 🥺 and Rhaena knows it, so she calls him over to her almost immediately, because Aelyx is on the verge of tears and she knows he's the most innocent baby of the group anyways.

Rhaena has started a minor lecture, she's not keen on her kids killing the staff because they think it's a fun past time. Then Aemond finally arrives (idk where he was or what he was doing, but let's say he was actually busy with important reforms or paperwork or something when he got the news that his nursemaids were suddenly ill) , he walks in, sees his kids lined up as they are, instantly knows Vaella is the one who orchestrated everything 😂😂 he's honestly more proud than upset, like he finds this kind of amusing even if he doesn't outwardly show it at that moment. He knows Rhaena would admonish him as well if he did 😂

I imagine, in this scenario, Aemond doesn't even interject, like he lets his wife lecture their kids about the sanctity of life (even if he doesn't really care about the lives of their staff). He's fine until the end of lecture, when Rhaena let's Daemion off with a warning but tells Vaella she must go and apologize to the maids. Aemond's all "wait, what??" and Rhaena simply smiles and nods, ushering him to go with their daughter to make sure she actually gives a genuine apology.

Vaella is 100% her father's daughter, she doesn't understand why she needs to apologize to the staff, and she absolutely groans her disappointment, but she can't disobey her mama. So she goes with her papa, takes his hand when he offers it, and they go down to the servants quarters where the maids are laid up in bed (the living ones) recovering. Vaella musters a rather lackluster apology, the kind that you can tell she was obviously made to do. But it doesn't really matter, Aemond is standing behind her, offering up the most menacing glare ever, like literally "you better accept this fucking apology that MY baby is giving you" kind of shit 🤣🤣🤣

So of course the terrified maids nod, happily accept the apology from the little Princess and Vaella just skips away afterwards like she didn't try to kill all those poor ladies just doing their job 🤣🤣

This is a long headcanon, but I've thought about this one in GREAT DETAIL 🤣

[erintoknow]

Hello !

I'm sorry if you arleady answered this (I don't know how to use tumblr frankly), but I would like to know if you have any ither writting project ? I really like your stories and how you write, and since I spend too much time on fallen hero: retribution (the reason I'm back on tumblr tbh) I started my annual reading of the Aria-serie (btw I was the anon who asked if she could "print your story for personnal use" and I only realised later than it sound more "kinky" than "I-won't-print-them-to-sell-them-or-idk-do-so-capitalist-stuff-with-it"

hello reading friend, I remember you! c:

it never once occurred to interpret what you said in a sexual way, don't worry haha.

i do have another writing project now but it's unfortunately not one available for reading at the moment though i do post about it on my tumblr here from time to time.

towards the end of working on the Aria fanfic series I was getting really itchy to get back to working on something wholly my own and with my life getting busier, that's why i decided to give that series the little capstone it currently has and start exploring other ideas.

i toyed around with a couple different ideas and writing sketches before settling on that were a couple of character archetypes from the fanfic and plotbeats that i didn't feel 'done' with yet and wanted to explore more on my terms. so i started working on something in june and now like, uh, 8 months later i'm 47k words into my second draft of a novel project i'm currently calling Soul Rebel (i used that for a fanfic title first i know, but it's a good title okay, it stuck with me).

whenever i post about it on tumblr, that's i've been tagging it as too. sometimes i post draft snippets or thoughts or dump a bunch of vibes screenshots, i've got a concept playlist that i keep meaning to finalize and post at some point too because of course it's not my writing if i don't have music associations going on.

i don't have a good succinct elevator pitch for Soul Rebel's concept yet, but basically the core thrust for it comes from a pretty personal pondering of mine which is: when i first came out, i had a choice. i could have a roof over my head, or i could be true to myself. i chose to have a roof over my head, and i always wondered about how things would have worked out the other way. beyond that i've been throwing pretty much a whole bunch of stuff that interests or terrifies me: the effects of climate change and sea level rise on daily life, the totality of the surveillance state, how the advancement in medical care in a capitalist society only widens the gap between the poor and rich, cool superhuman powers (and their not-so-cool side-effects), queer community, being a neurodivergent little weirdo(affectionate), and the essential value of being kind to others in a cruel uncaring world

i could happily keep infodumping about what i've got so far, but this posting is getting long enough that i'll leave it there for now, haha.

i have no idea what i'll do with this novel once it's finished. i mean, obviously i have some vague ideas for another plot line after it that i want to explore, but i mean like, it terms of putting it out there. i can't imagine ever getting to publish it. the publishing industry is a nightmare to navigate, and while this technically won't be my first finished novel (those fanfics get that honor, i guess?) it's still statistically unlikely to go anywhere. would any printing press out there even be interested in a sci-fi novel with a bunch of queer characters and focused on a neurodivergent trans woman and an in-denial Ace enby?? i've been stuck reading a bunch of YA for my job so maybe there's some book i'm missing, but we seem pretty thin on the ground in publishing rep.

my other thought would be to set up a website and post it online serial fiction style, though i'd want to have the whole thing finished first. i value my ability to revise and rework way too much to give that up again, haha!

so... yeah, that's what i've been fixated and working on a lot in my free time. at least, when i'm not spending time with my partner, playing dnd, or reading. and now i have a second job which means even less writing time, tears.

some day i want to go back and give the fanfic a proper conclusion arc, but right now Soul Rebel's got my creative energy fixation

oh geeze, i went on for way too long, sorry about that! it's uh, it's pretty easy to get me talking about this at a drop of a hat rn. anyway, thank you so much for liking the fanfic!!

it means the world to me that people actually like what i write. i went to college for creative writing and it kind of sucked really. i ended up switching to poetry for awhile because a least people weren't tearing me down for it. anyway, it's been incredibly weird in a good way to get, and to continue getting two years on, positive comments on the fanfiction. i never imagined anyone would care or even like what i put out there. i just wrote it solely for myself and threw it on ao3 in a 'eh why not' gesture, so...... thank you!!!!!!!!!

[epersonae]

ehehehehe time for fic writer asks! R, Z, AN, AP, BC, BV, and then BW, BX, and BY for carlita <3

GIRL THIS IS SO MANY

Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

fuck titles, all my homies hate titles, etc etc. I don't think I've ever come up with a title first, but I can't say never for sure, so: sometimes during, often after. occasionally it'll be a significant line from the story itself, sometimes it'll be the classic thing of looking for a song lyric (and sometimes that means you are pitching me TMG lyrics), and once I just ended up with the dumbest description and couldn't think of anything else. (Looking thru the first page of my recent works, I swear there's one of every possible methodology, and actually I think Commit to the Bit I had the title either before or very early during the writing!)

Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

Carlita help (ie, for the benefit of all the broken hearts) - I say this both as a writer and about the story itself, the whole process has been a kind of extended madness, and also it's just a very odd piece altogether imho.

If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

we were talking about this on the phone yesterday! there is a scene in the next chapter of for the benefit of all the broken hearts that I would actually make good art. I also think there's some good visuals in the boss battle scene of The Reckoning Arrives that would be fun to have as art. (oooh, or Lucretia sitting at Taako's bedside after?) Oh, and Ed and Stede in the auxiliary closet in nice either way.

What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

I just read the second chapter of Respawn and it's very good. This AU gets something about Stede that I really appreciate, and Izzy's intro is fucking hilarious.

Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

Is it possible????? that the unnamed wife (aka carlita) of for the benefit of all the broken hearts???? has supplanted my other faves??? Which is tricky because she is more or less an OC, so I don't know if that counts.

Honestly, even though it's been ages, it might still be Lucretia, if only because I am fairly evenly split in my enjoyment of writing both Ed POV and Stede POV.

I don't think? reader reactions comes into it much, except maybe specifically your obsession with Carlita lol.

You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?

THIS IS A FASCINATING QUESTION THAT I HAVE ACTUALLY THOUGHT ABOUT. (I'm not digging it up now but I wrote a long rumination about that in re that collaborative Choose Your Own Adventure project, and trying to recognize writers I know.) Here's what I would say is particular to my unbetaed work: punctuation pokemon (gotta catch em all!), excessive parentheticals, "and then", and "is verbing". (I cautiously tag @gaypiratebrainrot who is by now exceedingly familiar with all my writing tics)

Thematically? idk. I'm pretty sure it's there, but I often don't notice those things until someone else points them out.

These three were requests about for the benefit of all the broken hearts specifically:

What scene in [Fanfic Name] took the longest to write? What was difficult about it? 

I don't know about the longest, but I'm pretty sure this most recent chapter (13) took the most drafts and the most reworking and rethinking.

There's so much going on, and all of the characters are finally "on deck" as it were, which means there's both a ton of conflicting emotions and motivations to keep track of AND "I am bedeviled by the matter of the pronouns" AND there's important action that takes place entirely off-page, and deliberately so, which meant I was resisting the need to write what that was because it was going to be throwaway writing, but it turns out I had to in order to make it work. The bit where Mary and Ed first meet backstage I probably ended up with four drafts altogether, including once where I threw out a huge chunk and just rewrote from scratch.

(oh plus I had a real life experience that necessitated a handful of little setting tweaks)

All of which is fair, because it's a big turning point and needs to be both surprising AND make sense in context. Which means I also had to go back to earlier points in the story and adjust in order to get some sense of foreshadowing, or at least plausibility. So thank you for pitching me on the idea for what turned out to the most difficult thing I've ever written in my entire goddamn life, I guess.

Did you have any ideas that didn’t make the final cut of [Fanfic Name]? 

I had this idea for something where Mary and Carlita would be painting together, maybe in the style of Jackson Pollack? (this may have been based on one of your pitches) And I can see it in my mind's eye but it just didn't work in context at all!

Do you have a favorite scene you’ve written from [Fanfic Name] story/chapter? 

I have two favorites, and one of them is the painting scene that I did write. I love the tension and the physicality of it. The other is in chapter 17, so a few chapters from now (YOU know the one), and I'm not going to spoil it but I like it a LOT.

[fic author asks]

[laesas]

For the fanfic as game:

💖 What do you like most about your own writing?

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP

🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

Thank you!!!!! I keep getting over excited and writing so much more than I mean to so in the interest of not taking over an entire dashboard! TINY answers here; Long answers and snippet under the cut :)

💖 What do you like most about your own writing?

I think I'm getting good at consistent use of imagery for characters that layers and carries across a fic! It's expecially nice to do for Kim or Chay POV (my little songwriter duo) who I imagine have a very good sense for those kinds of pretty descriptions and metaphors and use them in their heads!

🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

Ken my bestie Ken. Manwhore Manipiulate Manslaughter 🥰 - He terrifies me to write though!! (also Chan - answered here)

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP

I'm reworking my entire KimBig kiss from the beginning (again.) but this time I really like it, so there's a snippet of that under the cut! :)

✨📝 Writers Ask Game 📝✨

💌Send me one here!💌

Long answer time hehe!

💖 What do you like most about your own writing?

I really love consistent use of imagery in fics, especially ones that feed into eachother and build on top of eachother across several scenes. I'm definitely not perfect at it but it's one of the things that I'm really proud of in the KimBig story! (For context, they're both processing the fact that Kinn was kidnapped and shot and almost died)

Kim and Big are both heavily represented by fire, so lots of sparks and smoke and burning etc. and the warmth vs the volitility. I hoped by making the imagery consistent I'd give the sense of them desperately seeking warmth but also destroying themselves in the process. It gets referred to as "a mutual immolation" at one point, which I think sums the fic up pretty well!

By contrast, Kinn's metaphors are very cold and water based. In the beginning for example, there hasn't been any rain in Bangkok since Kinn left, but by the end when Kim has processed that Kinn is safe, it's raining outside.

For the layering; In the aftermath, Kim refers to his grief surrounding Kinn with this imagery of standing on a shoreline waiting for a tsunami to hit. So where Kim and Big come together and create a little fire, all of Kim and Big's feelings surrounding Kinn gets represented by this huge inevitable force of water that completely extinguishes what little warmth Kim and Big have sought out.

IDK probably a horrible explaination and I swear it's much more subtle in the fic haha! I dont want to be too self congratulatory about it because I am aware that that style of writing isn't for everyone and it's also a fic for such a ridiculous rare-pair that literally 6 people max are going to read. BUT in the interest of self-indulgent explorations of metaphor.... it's fun and I'm kinda proud of it hehe

🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

I answered Chan here (for so many reasons!) but I have spent the last several months WISHING I understood Ken well enough to write him!

He's just such a mix of things I struggle with as a writer - He's incredibly direct (to the point of cruelty) and I imagine it's similiar in his inner world as well, which takes a lot of my beloved imagery and metaphorical speak off the table. Plus he doesnt strike me as someone that's particularly introspective or self aware. If someone calls him out on something, he's much more likely to respond by lashing out than he is to absorb any kind of reasonable criticism or change his behaviour.

Paired with Big (and he *wILL* be paired with Big) there are just so many ways that those dynamics could play off eachother. I feel like putting them in a scene together would be a case of the characters very much controlling the scene and not me and I LOVE to plan a scene haha!

I do imagine Ken has a bit of a superiority complex though, which WOULD be incredibly fun to write. Especially as it feeds into how he became the traitor! He's finally being appreciated as something more than one of Kinn's loyal dogs! (Read: he's Vegas' dog now) If Big doesnt want him then he doesnt care! that doesnt matter because Vegas wants him! (Read: Vegas is manipulating him, Ken is lying to himself)

I literally love him so so much but writing him TERRIFIES me!!

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP

I'm currently completely re-working the KimBig kiss! once I'm done with that it's just........... betas and posting??? aah!?

Big's hand feels like static where it rests at his back. He stays still, he leans up, he goes where Kim guides him, but he’s almost sickeningly pliant, the only indication he’s affected at all is the uneven hitch in his breath as he kisses Kim back, meeting his mouth with a gentleness that’s almost cruel. His lips are soft but the sparks aren’t catching fast enough and all Kim wants is to be consumed. It’s not enough. It occurs to Kim that this, all of this, is a terrible idea. The thought, once distant and impassive, now spreads in ice-shard splinters across his skin. They should stop. Kim should stop.  Kim should let him leave. But that thought is worse. It constricts in his lungs and warps his vision in a rush of vertigo. ‘Please,’ Kim thinks. His desperation beats in time with the pounding of blood in his ears. ‘Please. please. please. please.’  He doesn’t think he says it out loud but he must have done something, whispered something, thought it loud enough that Big could hear; because suddenly there’s a shift. There’s a sharp intake of breath, the sensation of Big's fingers curling into a fist through the fabric of his t-shirt, then Big is taking his bottom lip between his teeth and Kim’s thoughts finally, finally go up in smoke.

I love a ramble! So sorry these got so long haha!! but thank you so so much for asking ily!! 😊🌸🥰💕

[painsandconfusion]

If you’re unhappy with the pacing of Waking Dreamer, what if you rebooted it? I know rebooting a series is a shit-ton of work, but it might give you solace to rewrite it with the changes you want to see

Just a suggestion. I honestly really like the series. As I said before, it’s really unique and I look forward to seeing what happens next. It’s important that you like it too, though

-Same person who said they liked Waking Dreamer

(Also the same hate anon who calls people short)

I've considered it a lot

I think I just catered a lot to the whump of it and less to the plot to try to keep people interested and ended up just missing the red herrings

Idk I might just do a whump version of it on the blog and rework it for an actual novel at some point? less of the bad dreams more of the everday mystery and mindfuck of Aaron trying to figure out if he's going crazy.

Like. One of the concepts I just couldn't make fit in this is the reiteration of 'the woman'. Instead of her just showing up in the dreams once or twice, he's supposed to be seeing her randomly throughout the day and thinking the's hallucinating. That adds a LOT of rising action for him but isn't really whump based so I cut it because this isn't the right medium for it.

So.

The whole plot got rushed and fucky and it's meh

I think I'll just keep going with it and do a rewrite for the actual plot and content when I'm done. Consider this a first draft or something?

If I'm writing this for a whump blog for whump readers I should just commit to it and move on to the whump shit.