#idk this comes out of someone who couldn't care less about the change in sound of the re recordings

[alexisnotstraight]

Is it just me or most of all 1989 set at the eras movie sounds weird?

It sounds like it they grabbed the tv and just added it on top of everything, specially in style and blank space. Im not saying she used play back, im saying that it sounds like the movie was edited for some reason.

Taylor's vocals live are amazing but you can easily tell apart when she is singing live and when her vocals are carefully produced.

I watched the eras movie on theaters and when the extended version came out and nothing really stands out about the 1989 set of that nature, but a couple of days ago i watched the movie on Disney with headphones on and it did sound weird.

If the vocals were edited i dont think it was to make taylor sound better, i think it may have been to make people get used to 1989 tv. Specially to style, aka the song that got the most hate after being re-recorded. And lets also remember how excited taylor seemed with 1989tv, also with the whole fail on making slut the biggest single. So maybe they did this so we'll any option other to listen to style Taylor's Version.

[queenofzan]

Arevin family background

So changing some of the things about the set-up for Jaz and Sasha to meet necessarily meant changing some things about the backstory I stole from the Vorkosigan Saga. One of the decisions I made early on was that I didn't want Helen (Elena, if you couldn't guess) to be a romantic interest for Sasha at all, and to have her own things going on. I also thought, if Sasha and Helen are several years older and Sasha has gone through the entire Academy before getting drummed out, it really would be silly for Sergeant Arevin to come with them. So he's actually at home, fretting about Baby Girl's First Big Bodyguard Job Solo, safe and sound.

And I mean, since I'm not starting with Delara and Emil's courtship, and Arevin is just like. Taken for granted in the household in order to keep some plot elements equivalent (which simply makes rewriting the civil war bits of The Warrior's Apprentice easier for me, lol) there was no reason I needed to keep some of the more problematic elements of his/Helen's backstory the same.

So rather than the product of rape, Helen is simply adopted. This is not to say Sergeant Yuri Arevin didn't rape people, but he didn't do it without Boris Kasharik pushing him into it and setting it up. (I also think it is just wildly unrealistic that an adult soldier capable of getting pregnant would not be using birth control. Like I guess based on the pregnancy fetish thing they could have removed implants or whatever, but like. Come on. That's harder to cover up.)

Anyway, rather than the product of rape that Arevin feels ~responsible~ for, Helen was simply born at the same brothel Arevin was born at, to a woman Arevin had definitely hired in the past, and who didn't make it through Helen's birth or infancy. The Petrovs were at the time already pregnant, and Arevin was specifically looking for something to help ground him and maybe deal with his trauma a little bit without, like, going to therapy (which on Kavagor at this time would have been...difficult to find). A baby needed adoption from what is essentially his family, and he would have the example of the two people he trusted the most in the world to follow as far as parenting went, and if he had to take care of a child he wouldn't be able to space out and lose time so much. So he adopts Helen without bothering to check if she is biologically related to him, because it's plausible and the brothel can't really afford to have that young a child hanging around.

When Helen is a child, people are like "IDK if she's related to you man she's pretty good-looking and you're. not." but as she hits puberty and becomes A Big Girl it seems more likely she is, in fact, Arevin's daughter. He literally never bothers to check, because he figures she's his daughter either way, and neither does Helen, for the same reason. What's the alternative, finding out she has a biological father who visited a brothel ten months before she was born and almost certainly was not expecting a baby to result from it? What good does that do her? If she was very lucky, this would be a man who wasn't shitty, but like. The odds of just gaining some controlling adult Kavagoran who feels entitled to boss her around are too high.

Arevin is also either less of a traditionalist butthead than Bothari, or Helen is more stubborn than Elena. This is probably helped by the fact that Helen does get Large, so when she's like "yeah I'm gonna be an armsman and bodyguard like my papa" he doesn't go "Aww sweetie, girls don't do that," he goes. Well let's see if you like it.

This is also a practical decision, since by this point she and Sasha are as close as siblings but she is much more physically capable than he is, and having someone his age to ride herd on him that is both willing and able to like. Pick him up and carry him away from bad decisions sounds great. That also leaves Sergeant Arevin more free to do his duties for Emil and the household, rather than babysitting the kids all the time.

So by the time Helen and Sasha meet Jaz on the Stolas, Helen is Sasha's full-time bodyguard and sworn in as a man-at-arms. They had to fight with the tailor to get her official livery, but she has it. They got around how annoyed the Baron was by having her sworn to Sasha directly, so she isn't a House armsman, she's Sasha's personal guard.

Helen does take liberties and talk to Sasha in a manner her father would never address Emil or Delara--or tbh even Sasha, once he's an adult--but she also has a strong handle on Work Mode and being properly formal when it's necessary. Which does sometimes surprise people when they don't know she and Sasha grew up together and they overhear them when they're off-duty, and Helen is like "You little shit, you promised to warn me," because like. Yeah that's her boss and her liege lord but he is also effectively her little brother.

Yuri Arevin is very much still inclined to cling to traditional rules, because they at least provide a framework through which to understand the world, but raising a GNC daughter alongside Obviously Bisexual Sasha (with his co-parents being Openly Bisexual Nobleman and Pansexual Gnillesian Scientist) means that he's less aggressively tightly wound up about some things. He is honestly much more upset that Helen comes home with a deserter boyfriend than that Sasha brought home Jaz, especially since Jaz quickly proves ze can fight and Delara loves zem. Helen has to be like "HEY. I didn't ask you. Fuck off." while Dimitri is like. Trying not to piss his pants.

(Jaz and Sasha both vouching for Dimitri probably helps also. Arevin never really Gets Dimitri, or why Helen likes him, but she has her own hang-ups from growing up a gender non-conforming girl on a very patriarchal planet that Arevin just. Very much does not have.) (Helen is like, I love my non-threatening queer engineer boyfriend who thinks my specific brand of gender is sexy and could never take me in a fight or want to, whereas Yuri Arevin Needs a partner he can trust to defend themselves against him if necessary and could never in a million years date someone who could not at least make him work for it in a sparring match.)

Helen and Yuri both do still fall into the themes I'm evidently working with in the Kavagoran project; Helen has a non-normative body and a non-normative gender presentation, despite being cis and straight-passing enough for Kavagor to pretend, while Yuri has a physically admirable body but a face and background that is undesirable, not to mention his extremely problematic sexual proclivities, both of which have led to some estrangement from his self. Helen, like Sasha, is extremely attractive and desirable...to people not from her home planet. Yuri has only ever been desirable for his usefulness, which unfortunately Emil and Delara don't do a whole lot to correct even though that is a misapprehension on his part, and he's just kind of written himself off as Intrinsically Bad when he's not playing a well-defined role.

Helen did manage to have a much less fraught relationship with her sexuality than her father, so when she can finally believe Dimitri actually likes the things about her that have historically made her undesirable to Kavagoran men, she's like, "Oh hell yes," and doesn't take much further convincing, whereas her father is in his sixties before he starts actually dealing with his shit.

And Helen at first tries to keep her distance from Maria, mostly because like, yeah her papa needs friends and apparently a girlfriend, but Helen doesn't want another entitled Kavagoran older than her trying to force her into a square hole. Maria is also pretty abrasive, but her obvious disinterest in having a maternal relationship with Helen makes it easier for them to get along. By the time Yuri realizes he wants to marry Maria, Helen is ready to take a bullet for her, because actually this crusty bitch of a trans woman has a lot in common with her and really sincerely loves her papa. Helen ends up yelling at the baroness and chasing her out of the fitting room while they're shopping for Maria's wedding dress, because the things this kind of butch older common trans woman needs in a wedding dress are not the kind of things a younger, more femme baroness needs.

I suspect that Maria bitches some times about how bigger tits would get her misgendered less, and Helen is like YOU'D THINK THAT, WOULDN'T YOU but noooo you wear trousers because that way you have fucking pockets and can ride a horse in a pinch and go into low-g environments without flashing everyone and no one even notices your tits, they're like Oh hello sir what can I do for you. And then they're swapping stories about times their goddamn haircuts apparently tricked people about their genders.

[spongebobafettywap]

i see this topic was brought up here and you seem to have spent sometime in the marvel fandom before dropping out so I have to ask you, as someone who's new to online fandoms: were X-Men fans always this worked up over Nightcrawler's origins whenever an element was added or slightly changed...? Like baron Wagner no longer being Nightcrawler's father?

i feel like i'm the only old time fan that never got bothered by something like this happening, even the last one as controversial as it sounds

as of late, I hear a lot about how baron Wagner "represented/was the source of nightcrawler's humanity" and how this part was "fondamental to parallel Kurt with Graydon's character" who was born from two mutants but turned out human (and embraced human supremacy) while Nightcrawler was born from a human and a mutant but turned out mutant (and embraced his mutant self) so "the retcon ruined all that"

... but was this really the case?

objectively, baron Wagner is a non-character: you could have had him be any human with any kind of background and it wouldn't change a thing because he never had a face (X-Men TAS made all his design up) or spoken line to begin with. he didn't even have a firstname before the retcon and his lastname is a direct plothole (how come nightcrawler ended up with the same lastname as a well known aristocrat who died around the same timeframe he was born in and lived not that far from where Margali found him but he never once investigated it...?). his title isn't even consistent: sometimes he's called a baron, sometimes a count. even after finding out he was related to him, Nightcrawler didn't try finding more information on the guy from the people he was managing or looking after. he couldn't care less about this human parent who ended up being a direct victim of this whole situation

i'm all for parallels but Nightcrawler and Graydon aren't archenemies or even directly antagonized each other on the long run: they only ever interacted with each other during the family reveal and then never again! because next thing you know, Mystique goes on to assassinate him. Nightcrawler doesn't ever talk about Graydon or this parallel once. this isn't a deep "Gara vs Naruto" situation in how these characters parallel each other, it's a "乁⁠(⁠ ⁠•⁠_⁠•⁠ ⁠)⁠ㄏthey found out they got that in common that one time and then dropped it"

Nightcrawler's adoptive family is the only element of his origins/backstory that represents and IS the source of his humanity even if they were magic users (let's not talk about what the comics did to them time and time again tho). if it was a case where the baron and the Szardos were a blended family and Kurt was raised by him as his biological son amongst is adoptive siblings then yeah that retcon does ruin a few things... but Nightcrawler never interacted with him... And he never could after the reveal as the baron's first ever mention already had him be dead. Nightcrawler also always believed his biological parents were humans that abandoned him at birth (because of his appearance) like just Graydon did because, like him, the idea that either one or two of them were mutants was far too outlandish: Kurt living his entire life under this assumption (and growing up loving himself to counteract) only to face the fact he was abandoned by a mutant parent at birth because he wasn't enough/wanted due to his appearance still is a far stronger aspect of the reveal than who the parent turned out to be and that wasn't taken away with the retcon

idk, what do you think? am I missing something about this topic?

I joined around the early 2010s there was some discussion on people not liking the Azazel as Kurt's father but it was more from a case of they just disliked the implications of Kurt being a demon. But there wasn't a demand for Destiny to be his biological parent, it was more they hated the origin story's implications. Maybe over time they started to demand the Second Origin story Claremont came up with, I would guess thats the case. I actually remember more people wanting Wolverine's German Sword wielding Mutant buddy Maverick to be Kurt's father which makes way more sense than Destiny. Some people wanted it to be Sabretooth.. which idk I feel like Sabretooth should only really be related to Wolverine if anyone he makes more sense as a member of that family tree. I do suspect some of the reason why they want Destiny to be his parent is some kind of way of trying to "fight against lgbtphobia in comics" but I don't see why Kurt has to be her child for that to work. They could literally demand Rogue be the biological child of Mystique and Destiny and that would actually work in canon because she doesn't really have a clear origin and she is connected to both characters, Kurt BARELY interacts with Destiny as we have discussed many times here haha. But then this does make me wonder how much biological functions can Mystique replicate if she could have a child with a woman biologically? she's not really able to replicate other abilities of characters beyond appearance.

I don't remember anyone caring about Baron Wagner at all, and frankly the idea that Kurt gets his humanity and morality from an absurdly rich German Aristocrat is absolutely hilarious. I'd say it would be more likely he gets his humanity and morality from Mystique. Sure she's a violent extremist but at least at times she actually believed in something and fought for others to live better lives.

So you're right he is a Non Character, but not only that he's not even a character where Kurt would inherit anything decent from if we are going by his lifestyle and position he was born into.

Graydon isn't really used by Marvel as a whole, he's interesting in that he is somehow not a Mutant despite his parents being Sabretooth and Mystique and he's a bigot against Mutants. I think he suffers as a villain because he's a human child of two extremely interesting Mutants, a child of Sabretooth and Mystique makes you think of a very interesting set of powers but he doesn't have any so why even use him when you can use other Human X-men villains?

Personally I would actually have him experience a mutation as a late bloomer but still have him hate Mutants and make him into a Boomerang Bigot. I think that would be interesting as at that point he would be a villain like both of his parents but he would be working against his own kind.

And yeah you're right Kurt got his humanity from being raised by the Szardos and the circus he grew up with, there's no Biological origin of his morality. I mean its pretty clearly laid out in the comics in the AoA timeline where Kurt WAS raised by Mystique and had Sabretooth as a father (though he was implied to be abusive) and in that universe he turns out to be a male Mystique...

I do love Kurt Darkholme because of that distinction and I wish he wasn't killed off as he would be a good alternate version of Kurt to keep around and maybe form a weird brotherly relationship with Main Kurt.

Personally I think it always made more sense to me that Mystique only wanted to abandon Kurt because of how dangerous her lifestyle was not that she didn't want him. In the 90s cartoon it was because she could no longer live that rich lifestyle with the Baron as the child gave away her mutant status but also because she wanted to protect him. I think the abandoning to protect angle always makes more sense than Mystique didn't care. Also she's a shapeshifter so its kind of crazy to me we don't have stories of her monitoring him growing up lol.

[dizzydizney]

For the new ship ask, Ben/Gil because you are the only person I’ve seen ship it 💔

2-5-16-20-23-31-34–45-49

well you (or another anon) got me into it and now all i can think about is the endless potential!! (also idk if that's supposed to be a regular dash between 34 and 45 or if you're asking 34 thru 35 but im doing it the second way lol)

2. Who is the big spoon/ Who is the little spoon?

Gil is the little spoon more often than not! He loves having Ben wrapped around him while they sleep. But sometimes after a really stressful day, Ben will be the little spoon and Gil will just hold him tight all night long

5. Who usually has nightmares?

Gil has more nightmares but Ben has more just plain weird dreams. They still both wake up from them feeling shaken, and comfort one another whenever they happen

16. Who is scared of thunderstorms?

Gil. They don't have normal weather on the island, so the first time he actually experiences a thunderstorm in person, he freaks out. He gets better over time, but still ends up cuddling under a blanket with Ben until they pass by completely

20. Who is dominant/ Who is submissive?

Gil is more than happy to take the reins and let Ben relax. Running a kingdom is hard work, and Ben is more than happy to let someone take care of him when he can manage it

23. Who asks who out on the first date?

Ben asks Gil out first. But even before that, they carried on like they were dating without actually calling it dating. Gil is so surprised when Ben actually asks him out, even though things hardly change between them at first bc they were just Like That

31. Who is more affectionate?

Gil. It comes from Isle kids having literally zero boundaries when it comes to other people's personal space

34. Who would wear “if lost return to…” t-shirt/ Who would wear “I am…” t-shirt?

Gil definitely wears the "If lost return to Ben" shirt. And Ben wears the "I am Ben" shirt which is doubly funny bc everyone in the kingdom knows who he is!

35. Who goes overboard on the holidays?

Gil! Once he learns about them all, he's excited to go all out for every single one of them. Decorations everywhere, following all the usual traditions, and trying to make up as many new ones as they can manage

36. Who is the social media addict?

Ben. He's used to living with it. And needs it to an extent for his job. Gil couldn't really care less tbh

37. Height difference or age difference?

Height difference! Even tho it says Mitchell is 5'11 which doesnt sound right lmao. I just like the idea of big strong Gil being to pick up his man like it's nothing and carry him around lol

38. Who likes to star gaze?

Gil! It's hard to see the stars thru the barrier and Gil's only seen them drawn out on Uma and Harry's charts so he's excited to see them in person finally

39. Who buys cereal for the prize inside?

Definitely Gil. But he still eats the cereal so it doesn't go to waste

40. Who is the fun parent/ Who is the responsible parent?

Of course Gil is the fun one and Ben is the responsible one. Altho idk about them as actual parents. But as the parents of the friendgroup lol. That's them!

41. Who cries during sad movies?

Both of them, definitely

42. Who is the neat freak?

Ben. It's just how he was raised

43. Who wins the stuffed animals at the carnival for the other one?

Gil! He's so good at all the games and Ben ends up with an armful of stuffed animals at the end of the night

44. Who is active/ Who is lazy?

Neither of them could be considered lazy. They're both pretty active. But Gil is more outdoorsy, while Ben likes to spend more time inside just chilling when he can

45. Who is more likely to get drunk?

Ben. Gil drinks more in general and he's more used it. Ben only gets a taste of wine or champagne on special occasions and definitely can't handle anything that's much harder than that

49. Who is the driver/ Who is the passenger?

Ben gets driven around a lot, so if they're together, there's a good chance they're being chauffeured. Otherwise Ben likes driving and Gil likes sitting in the passenger's seat and looking out the window while Ben drives

[chiyohsrifle]

Got tagged by the marvelous @hvnnigram and I can't wait to bare my soul to you guys. this is a long one, so let's go!!

Rules: Tag people you want to get to know better 🖤

Your name and then what you would've named yourself: My full name is Montserrat (I'm Mexican, in case you couldn't tell. Well Mexican-American but anywho) but I typically go by Montse. Mainly cuz people struggle to pronounce my full name hehe but I also just think it's less of a mouthful. Idk, I honestly really love my name and don't think I'd change it given the chance. Maybe something shorter just cuz paperwork can be a bitch. I like Rene but otherwise, I'm pretty attached to my name lol.

Astrological sign (sun/moon/rising if you know them): I'm a sun Pisces, a moon Aries, and a rising Virgo, I believe :)) All in all, I'm an emotional, empathetic bitch

When did you join Tumblr and why?: Was going through my emails yesterday and I've been here for a year?? apparently. So yea, I joined Aug./Nov. of 2019 and I'm almost certain it was cuz I wanted to see more Good Omens fanart lol. But I got more active this year cuz quarantine do be forcing me to have some wack coping mechanisms. Also BBC Merlin had me reeling and I needed somewhere to scream.

Top 5 fandoms: Hannibal (obviously), BBC Merlin, Killing Eve, Good Omens, and The Umbrella Academy 😊

Top 5 favorite films: (oh Lord, the cinema buff in me is Panicking rn) God, there's so many I love but I'll try to give varietyTM. But I'm a Cheerleader (1999), Parasite (2019), The Wind Rises (2013), Little Shop of Horrors (1986), and Hector and the Search for Happiness (2014).

Go to song when you wanna Feel something: if we're talking like emotionally charged, TALK ME DOWN by Troye Sivan always sends me reeling. Endorphins wise, Ahora Te Puedes Marchar by Luis Miguel always makes me wanna jump and move around. And La Vie Boheme from RENT, just pure serotonin

What's your religion or faith, if you have one?: I was raised with a heavy Catholic background but I'm agnostic, I believe is the term. Basically, I don't think there's not a God or higher power(s). I just don't align with anything specifically. But I do believe there's something running things, whether that be spirits, the stars, gods, etc. I can't say.

A song that makes you feel seen: Not to be a theatre kid on main but, Breathe from In The Heights. That song and whole musical hold such a special place in my heart, esp with Nina's character cuz I'm Nina. Every part of that song just Gets Me and i ugh, can't articulate it but yea, that song be me.

If you could pick a career: A writer or painter. Anything creative/artsy really cuz crafting is just so calming to me.

Do you have a type?: ngl, I'm kinda the 'falls in love with their best friend' stereotype but beyond that, not really. I kinda just see attractive people and mentally short circuit

What does your soul/heart yearn for?: Not to sound like a character from Hannibal, but to be understood. To be cared for and feel supported. To allow myself to rest and be comforted/loved. Just to feel safe ig. Whoop, that got personal, anywho

If you had to describe yourself in 5 words to someone who doesn’t know you: intelligent, caring, awkward, Very Queer, and chaotic

Favorite subject in school: English and History!! I think they're absolutely fascinating and I'm gay so obviously I connect way too much with literature

Where does your soul feel most at home at?: Close to someone that I love, in comfortable silence. Or any situation where I have wind blowing in my face, it's super comforting and idk why

Top 5 fictional characters: Rowena from SPN, Bella Crawford, Beverly Katz, Eve Polastri, and Jack Crawford

Top 3 moments in a show that made you ugly cry:

1. The ending of Your Lie In April. Idk if any of yall have experienced that, but let me know if you have cuz shared trauma. I was crying so hard, I couldn't breathe. Dry heaving and everything, it was Not Pretty

2. Like literally all of One Day At Time. I know, it's cheesy but that show means a lot to me and I get so emotional watching it cuz I connect to the characters so much. Anything with Elena makes me sob cuz like she's me but also my baby, ya know

3. Um Queer Eye in general but specifically the episode with the gay pastor. That hit close to home on so many levels and boy, was I sobbing the entire time.

(Before y'all ask, honorable mention to Mizumono, TWOTL, and the ending of BBC Merlin cuz I may have been too tired to cry, but trust me, I was emotionally wrecked after all three)

The earth, the sun, the moon, or the stars: Ooh, I'm gonna have to go with the stars but I love that lesbian space rock too

Favorite kind of weather: Thunderstorms, rain, cloudy, grey weather. Fall, I love the fall, give me autumn pleASE

Top 3 characters to kin you with: Guinevere Pendragon from BBC Merlin, Vanya Hargreeves from TUA, and Abigail Hobbs from Hannibal

Favorite medium of art: I love all art very much but I guess drawing and film especially

Introvert/Extrovert/Ambivert: Gonna say ambivert cuz I can be shy but buckle up, cuz the second I'm comfortable around you, it's absolute chaos. You will learn too much about me and that's okay 😌

Favorite literary quote: If poetry counts, it's something like "And if the devil was to ever see you, he'd kiss your eyes and repent". Idk who wrote it but it's an Arabic love poem. Actual book quote tho, "But I'm tired of coming out. All I ever do is come out. I try not to change, but I keep changing, in all these little ways." from Simon vs. The Homosapiens Agenda cuz damn me too.

Some of your favorite books: Simon vs. The Homosapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli, the Carry On series by Rainbow Rowell, When I Was Puerto Rican by Esmeralda Santiago, Fun Home by Alison Bechdel, All The Bright Places by Jennifer Lee, Autoboygraphy, and Copper Sun

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?: Europe or New York. No real specifics for Europe, defiently leaning more towards Western Europe and the Mediterranean cuz they just seem so pretty. And NY cuz I want a studio apartment hehe and also I adore NY. I went a couple years back and just fell in love. Although live is a loose term cuz I've always thought of moving around a lot. I like traveling and settling down isn't really convenient for that so these are kinda just ideals lol

If you could live in any time in history, when would it be?: Oh, defiently 60s/70s. Also, anytime matriarch societies were common cuz I wanna see what that looked like

If you could play any instrument masterfully, it would be: the acoustic guitar and piano. Maybe violin, but those two for sure

If you have one, which god or goddess do you feel more connected to?: I've always really vibed with Athena so her. But also Diyonuses cuz man's is the ideal.

And finally, your favorite recent selfie in your camera role:

(Excuse the eye bags and look in general, I was sleepy when I took it)

Whoo, that's all folks. I'm just gonna say that any of my followers/mutuals who want to do this, feel free to say I tagged you. Thanks for tag, once again, babe!!

[seventhroses]

☁️ Dreams

👩🏻 A/N: It's here! This is my first story! I just wrote it as I needed an outlet to get my mind off reality. Probably gonna write again? Idk 🤔Anyway I'm excited to share this! Not sure if it’s good BUT I hope anyone that gives it a go would enjoys it! 🥰

🌠 Geners: Fantasy, fluff, slight smut

📃 Word count: 4.9K

Since young, you always have a thing for dreams. You were told many stories of different people's dreams and you've always finds it fascinating on what goes on in there when your body shuts to recharged.

There was one in particular that had it imprinted in you till now. It was your grandparent's dreams. You can't believe that they actually met in their dreams and how their love unfolds into reality.

How can anyone dreamed of someone else when they've never cross path or see each other before? You always questioned.

You could never figure out no matter how many times they tell you their tales. But even so, it was the sweetest love story that you've heard and of course, seeing it through parts of their times, you were partially convinced that maybe dreams do come true.

As you get older, instead of popping colours of life, nightmares get the best of you. You eventually start sleeping lesser and lesser hours. Dreams were no longer the happy fluffy thing you did look forward to every night.

Today was the worst. It was one of those days, where you felt like everything was collapsing on you. This week have been so exhausting and you probably had less than 10hours of sleep in total. Having to deal with your sickening boss that always throws you with piles of urgent paper work that you end up OT till 1-2AM to finish, colleagues that act as if they're the only one that have a life outside of work and dumped their unfinished work on you.

Just when you thought things couldn't get any worst, you sprained your ankle while chasing for your last bus home tonight.

"How great.." you sighed while limping up the bus with your now sore ankle.

"Well at least, I managed to catch the bus…" Trying hard to comfort your miserable self as you found a seat and sat down. 

You finally reached home after what seems like forever. Throwing your heels aside, you limped towards the kitchen to get some ice for your swollen ankle. Walking to the living room you plopped yourself onto the sofa, turning the TV on that you have no plans on watching. You find yourself staring into the ceiling, can't help but to question about your life.

Even though you're tired as hell, you can feel yourself fighting that tiredness, refusing to let another nightmare invade you tonight. But as the clock ticks away by the minutes, you know your fight is futile.

"If only.. I just wish for one good dream.. Just one, to end this miserable week" with that, you find your heavy lids closed as you fell asleep.

The next thing you know, upon opening your eye you saw the ray of morning sun shining into your room.

Checking the time on the clock, 

"It's 11AM?!" Now, widely awake. "Did I just sleep through the night?"

Not remembering when's the last time you slept through the night without waking up with cold sweat or hyperventilating from the nightmare you had. Though, you weren't complaining. You were in fact longing for a good sleep like this.

You got out of your bed, slipping into your bunny slippers, ready to kicked start your day. You just felt really good and recharged from the long sleep. After washing up and making yourself a cup of coffee, you walk to the sofa and sat down, finding a comfortable position to plan how you should go about your day before having your best friend over tonight for dinner and movie.

While you were making plans, a suddenly feeling strikes you. Something doesn't add up, but you can't seem to put it into words.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's 1PM. You're dressed in your ripped jeans and cute smiley sweater ready for some shopping therapy and groceries shopping for tonight's dinner. You grabbed a pair of your most comfortable heels and skipped out of your apartment. You were in a good mood, stress free and you know that's not normal but again you're not complaining. You're going to enjoy it while it last and so you thought.

As you were going down the long flight of stairs towards the bus stop, you were impressed at how you managed to go up these 'stairs of hell' with your swollen ankle last night. That's when you realised, they aren't painful anymore. You were pretty sure it was swollen before you fell asleep but they seem perfectly fine now. You also remember falling asleep on the sofa and not in the room.

So, how did I get to the room? When did I changed into the pj? Now, lots of thoughts are flying in and you couldn't much process or find an answer to them.  Are you that tired that you can't remember what you did?

 "Be careful!!" A loud voice snapped you back into reality and you can feel a strong hand holding on to your arm.

Facing the stairs down, you're pretty sure that you will get more than just swollen ankle if it's not for this person. You turned your head around wanting to thank your saviour but came to face with a white tee and strong veiny arms that is holding on to you. You tilted your head up trying to see who's this perfect fitting body belongs to and there, you saw a pair of small worrisome eyes looking at you.

 "Are you ok? Hurt anywhere?"  he asked worriedly.

At that moment, you couldn't seem to find a word as you were too focus on looking at this charming looking gentleman in front of you.

Let's be honest, ever since you start adulting, life has been a struggle of paying off bills and dealing with your work life. You hardly even have time for yourself, so let alone finding yourself a partner to add on the struggle with.

The only male presence in your life other than your dad, is your childhood best friend, Lee Minhyuk. Well, he's called your best friend for a reason. You have been in each other's life for more than a decade and you know each other all too well. Also, knowing that there will probably be no peaceful day ahead if you guys were to even try. You and Minhyuk can't even decide on a movie together for movie night without bricking for at least 30 minutes and ended up having to tossed a coin to decide. Which, you think it's probably going to happen tonight too. So, it has never really cross both of your mind about developing your relationship into anything else more than what you guys are.

You did met a few people, go for a few dates before but that was in collage when you had the privileged of time. All that just seems so long ago.

Right now, having come face to face with this charming guy, it is sure to activate your needs for a new male presence in your life. Not to mention, this gentlemen in front of you, his visual is… let's just say, he's totally your type. With your 'love struck' expression which you probably are showing now, he figured that you should be ok.

"Hi, I'm Hyunwoo." Waiting for your answer while holding on to you as you steady your feet. 

You noticed his expression changed to a shy and smiley eye, that would totally make anyone soft.

 "Hi" … "I'm y/n." Quite sure you sounded like a robot.

A red one to be exact because you can feel yourself blushing hard and the distant between the both of you and his perfume smell is not helping at all. You can hear him chuckled. His hand is still on your arms. His warm palm on your skin certainly have you feeling the butterfly flying wildly in your stomach.

 "Are you free for a coffee?" You blurted out of nowhere and a sudden realisation that you're thinking out loud, got you in panicked mode.

 "I mean… I mean you just saved me from the probability of cracking my head like an egg... so.. " pausing and cursing yourself for the lame joke. Now, you just want to dig a hole and hid.

He laughed. "I like that" not sure if he said that out of courtesy, just so your now red af face wouldn't burst. 

"and sure. I would love for a coffee with you, Y/n. "

You liked the way he calls your name. Like you never knew it could sound so sweet.

 After the awkward invitation, Hyunwoo slide his hand down from your arm. Holding on to your hand now, he casually walks down the stairs. Going one step ahead of you as he leads you down. He turned his head to looked at you and smiled,

"Now, you don't need to worry about getting your head cracked."

You're very sure at that moment, your face was in tomato red as Hyunwoo holds your hand and walk towards the nearby café.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Do you stay around here?" You asked as the both of you set down on the sofa seating in the café.

"Yes, I just moved here recently and was exploring the neighbourhood. You stay around the area?"

"Yup. Not far from the 'stairs of hell'." Almost rolling your eye.

Hyunwoo let out an airy laughed "I totally know what you mean."

Taking the first sipped of his drink, he started making some sound. "Mmmm! Mmm! This is so good!"

His reaction makes you adore him. How can someone be so charming, gentle and cute all at the same time.

"Oh, what did you ordered?" you asked out of curiosity.

"Honey grapefruit tea! It's on the drink's special menu. It's so refreshing!" You smiled at him as he sounded so proud of his order.

"Do you stay alone?"

 That question was definitely out of nowhere.

 There was a short pause as you were a little startled by the intruding question. Hyunwoo probably felt that he might have make you uncomfortable, so he explained.

"Oh, don't get me wrong. Since I moved here alone, I just thought it would be nice to know people in my neighbourhood. But its ok! You don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable. I'm sorry for the sudden question." Looking apologetic and not sure if he sounded weird.

But somehow his explanation makes you feel comfortable enough to tell him, so you looked at him,

"It's ok, dont be sorry. And yes, I kind of stays alone. But I have this best friend of mine, that would come crushing every so often to check if im still alive. So i'm not sure if that counts." Again, cursing yourself for the lame joke but it's kind of true too.

Well, atleast your reply showed Hyunwoo some relieved as you can see the smile back on his face.  

"It would be nice if we could have…"

 Before you manage to hear finished his sentence, the whole place start to shake violently. You could hear someone calling your name very loudly, somewhere but you couldn't find the source. Scared as hell, you closed your eyes shut.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 When you opened your eye, you were in a dazed. Minhyuk is now on the sofa beside you and shaking you violently. You frowned, now back to your sense. You were quite sure if he were to continue shaking, you would have thrown up on him that instant.

 "Babe! Back on earth?! You scare the hell out of me!" "What happen to you?!" "I came into the apartment and the first thing I saw is your dead body on the sofa!" "I mean lifeless. I mean.." As Minhyuk went on with his chains of words, you rolled your eyes at him. You can totally see that small smirked on his face.

 You had given Minhyuk the password to your apartment on day one when you move in, as he was whining non-stop about it until you gave him the digits. Since the both of you are having movie night every other Saturday, so you though it did be more convenient to do so too. But Minhyuk always says, it's for your safety so he can come by to check on you and see if you're still alive and kicking. You just want to rolled your eye, knowing all too well it's for his own convenience, as he always comes over for free meals, if not when he wants to escape from his mom's nagging. But even so, you never really mind it because he would keep you accompany whenever nightmares start taunting you.

 "What time is it now?" you asked.

 "It's almost 7PM, y/n! And you are supposed to start cooking dinner at 6:30PM!" He shouted across the kitchen while getting you a glass of water.

 You took the glass from him while trying to figure out what just happened.

 "Are you having nightmares again?" Minhyuk asked with concern on his face.

 "No, it's not a nightmare. In fact, it was a good dream." You paused.

"Well, at least it is until someone starts shaking me so violently, I thought there was an earthquake." You said to him with a somewhat annoyed tone now. He pouted.

You stood up wanting to get a quick shower because you're still in your yesterday's work clothes but your ankle give way. Now you remembered that you had sprained your ankle and it's still swollen. You realised what was not adding up. You were dreaming, that's why it wasn't hurting earlier.

And that guy in your dream, Hyunwoo.

Who is he? Have you seen him before?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 It’s been a month since you dreamt of Hyunwoo and you were hoping to dream of him again but instead, the whole nightmare routine starts bugging you instead.

 Today, was no different as you find yourself fighting the tiredness to sleep. But after sometime, you finally can’t hold much longer and you fell asleep on the sofa. When you opened your eye and to your delight, you were at the same cafe, same sofa seat where you and Hyunwoo were at before.

 "Hey, your coffee." Looking up, you saw that smiley eyes that you were missing so much, right in front of you.

 "Hey.." You replied, fighting the urge to ask if he he's real. Afraid that it would break the spell to whatever is causing this dream.

 You decided to throw the thought to the back of your head, as you have been waiting for this to happen ever since that day, you tell yourself to enjoy it well it last. So, you turned your focus back on him.

 "How have you been?" You smiled while sipping on the coffee he got for you.

 "I'm good. And I've been thinking about talking to you again" That sudden confession caught you off guard.

 Has he been thinking about me? This is a dream, right? He's probably a reflection of what I've been wanting to hear from a guy.

Now you're very much convinced by yourself that all this are probably just in your head.

 The both of you talked for a while, enjoying each other's company. It felt nice talking to Hyunwoo and you were hoping to talk for a little longer but a loud ringing sound woke you up.

Lazy hand searching for the source of the dreadful sound, you grabbed the alarm and turn it off. Looking at the time, it's now 5AM and you know you are back at the harsh reality of work week. A sigh leaves you as you drag your heavy body out of bed.

 On the way to work, you can't help but be hopeful about dreaming of Hyunwoo again since the second time did happened.

 Indeed, you found yourself seeing Hyunwoo in your dreams for the third, fourth and fifth time in a spent of 2 months. It always happens at the same cafe. The both of you would be seating at the same sofa seat, drinking the same drinks. Even though, there's no knowing to when you will be dreaming of Hyunwoo but when you did, he never fails to makes you happy and recharged. You start seeing yourself looking forward to sleeping and dreaming again. Something that you use to love before adulting. Not to mention, nightmare have been less frequent and you were feeling better every day. It was a good sign for you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 And today you're dream again, the sixth time. But you found yourself at a different setting. It wasn't the usual cafe or the sofa seat that you always sat on. It was a place you are not familiar with. It was someone's home.

 It was Hyunwoo's home to be exact. You can see his family picture framed up sitting on the kitchen's table. He was smiling so brightly in the picture and you can see where he probably gets his youthfulness from. You smiled because in front of you, stands a familiar back hovering over the stove.

 "Your mum look so young and pretty." you said while admiring his back view.

 He turned around sounded in agreement. Now turning towards you, you can't help but to admire this perfect looking guy, in his home clothes and combing his hair back with his hand. He wearing a white tee that hug his body perfectly, showing his chest muscles curve and broad shoulder and a pair of shorts that shows his long legs. Unaware of yourself checking him out so openly, he chuckled

 "Enjoying your view huh?" he says jokingly as he turns back to cook.

 You cough trying to hid your blushing face, "Ahem, are you cooking ramen?" "The legendary 'Hyunwoo's ramen'?" You giggled as you teased him.

 "Yes, I promised its the real deal."

 "Are you sure is that good?"

 "Oh yes, it's that good that you would want for more." feeling challenged as he places the ramen in front of you.

"Go on, have a taste"

 He leans in on the table, moving into your personal space as you took your first bite. You're trying to ignore his extremely close presence, not sure if it's the ramen or Hyunwoo that's making you all hot now.

 "How is it? Good?" Staring at you earnestly, waiting for your feedback.

 How am I supposed to concentrate and eating with him being so close?

 In all honesty, he looks so yummy you just want to eat him instead. You can't help but blush so hard at your own desirable thoughts.

 "Are you ok?" Hyunwoo asked as his hands feels your burning cheeks and his face just inches away from you.

 Your face now so close to his. You looked at his so kissable lips and a sudden impulse urged you to slid forward and kiss him. You retreat back and shut your eyes, hoping to wakes up so you don't have to face the embarrassment from your action. But you didn't. Before you know it, you felt Hyunwoo lips clashing back on yours causing you to open your eye in a shock. That impulse and innocent kiss had turned into a heated open mouth kisses as Hyunwoo move his hand behind your head keep you closer. You felt yourself heated up from the action. You want more. He pulls away after a while, only to carry you up onto the table as he parted your legs to stand between you. He latched his lips back on yours and you swear you're feel all sorts of sensational feeling with what he was doing. Hyunwoo slowly moves his hand with lazy fingers gliding all over your body leaving hot trials and tingling feelings to where ever he passes. You can feel the shiver up your body and the tight knot somewhere inside of you wanting more of him.  

He pulls you closer to him while moving down to your neck, giving you soft open kisses. You can feel his growing bulge pressing on your centre as he grinds up against you, cause you to make soft seductive moans that you never thought you're capable of making.

 "Hyunwoo.." You murmur as you arched your back.

 He tilted his head up to look at you, so done for him just from the kisses. You can see his pupils blown; eyes filled with lust. He wants you. Before you can think of anything, you shudder as you felt the sudden contact of his palm cupping your heated clothed centre. You moaned and that encouraged him to move further. He slipped his hand through the side of your shorts and pushing your panties aside. You hissed at him when he parts your folds and starts making circle at your swollen nub. You can't remember the last time someone had taken care of you like that and saying you were a moaning mess is an understatement. You moved your hand wrapping around his now fully grown budge, wanting to help him relief from the strain in his shorts. You can hear his low moaned when you start pumping him. He sounded so attractive, yet so sweet. Soon after, both of you were helping each other to chased your much needed high.

 "Baby.." the sudden pet name got you closer to your high " I can't…" you curled your toe and shut your eyes, preparing for the rush that was going to come through.

 But talk about bad timing.

 As you opened your eye as you found yourself lying on your own bed. You rolled over, face pressed down and you screamed into your pillow venting out your frustration. You need to settle your sexual frustration. Reaching down to your panties which is now soak with aroused. 

You sighed. "I want him." 

You find yourself craving for Hyunwoo. While thinking of him, you settle your needs with the fate of your own fingers.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 2 weeks went by after that heated dream you had. The seventh didn't come.

  "Just go to that damn cafe! It won't hurt anyone…" Minhyuk retorted over at the other side of the phone. Clearly annoyed at you talking about the cafe for the nth number of times over the months.

 You had told Minhyuk about all your encounter with Hyunwoo in your dreams. Maybe not all, you did leave the sixth encounter out to save yourself some teasing that you would for sure get from him.

 "I dont know. I mean they're dreams. I shouldn't let it bothers me so much." turning and twisting your hair on your finger while you talked.

 You have been thinking of going to that cafe ever since the first dream but you couldn't find a reason to go. You make your own morning coffee so you won't willing to spend that extra money on coffee outside. Work also got the best of you, so you go only between your work place or home. Your life it's so exhausting, so during weekends you just wants to stay at home do your overdue laundry and spend the rest of the day sloth-ing.

 Today, Minhyuk finally convince you to get out of your den and you both were planning to meet for lunch.

 "How about you go there and get me a cup of coffee before we meet?" Minhyuk suggested. Clearly taking advantage of your dilemma but, it works. You were more convince to pop by the cafe for a reason.

"You're one smart ass." you can hear his sinister laugh, knowing that he succeeded in getting himself a free coffee.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 "Hi, welcome!" The girl behind the cashier smile as you walk through the door. In reality, you have never noticed this cafe before, so let alone visit it, but it felt familiar. The interior and the seating were the same as what you could remember from your dreams. You look at the menu board for a while, even though you know you would probably get an ice coffee to satisfy your caffeine needs as you didn't have one in the morning. But you saw 'Honey grapefruit tea" on the drink’s special menu and without much thinking you ordered it along with Minhyuk's ice coffee. You set down at the same sofa seat that you and Hyunwoo had sat on in the dream, while waiting for your orders.

Your phone vibrates.

TheannoyingBFF: Hey babe! Please dont kill me!

TheannoyingBFF: Hyungwon car broke down and he needs me to find him

You: ...

TheannoyingBFF: I'll buy you dinner tomorrow

TheannoyingBFF: I PROMISE!

You: You better!

You: Be glad that I'm still at the cafe and not on my way

TheannoyingBFF: I'm sorry and I love you!

You: I would've killed you

You: along with hyungwon

TheannoyingBFF: Hope you will bump into him, so my sin can be off set *Praying emoji*

You: ...

You: Bye

 You grabbed your drinks when your order tag buzz and went back to the sofa seat. Having your plans cancelled and with no back up, you decided to stay in the cafe for a while. This cafe makes you smile. You were happy when you're there, so it naturally makes you feel good.

 You took a sip of the new drink and with an impressed look, you mumble to yourself “Waoh, it's indeed nice and refreshing."  Continue drinking, you stare at Minhyuk's ice coffee that is place in front of the empty seat, you thought to yourself how lonely this makes you look. Like you've been bumped or something and this makes you feel like cursing at Lee Minhyuk.

 'Ting Ting' the doorbell of the cafe rang. You didnt react to it as it has been sounding out quite a few times. While you continue to scroll through your feed, a familiar voice started talking.

 "Hi, is this seat taken?" Looking at you and gesturing at the empty seat in front of you.

 You looked up, couldn't believe by the person standing in front of you. You start looking around and find the cafe seat all packed, so you turned back to him "Erm.. No" while you kind of avoid looking at him as you try to calm your nerves and trying hard not to show that "love struck" expression.

 He smiled and thank you as he set down. You moved the cup of now showing two layered coffee away, so he can have his space.

After a minute or so, his order tag buzzed and he stood up to get his drink. Your eye followed him as he went over to the counter. When he got his drink, you notice the table at the far end were about to leave and you can feel a slight disappointment in you, thinking that he would move to that available seats. 

But to your surprise, you see him walking back towards you.

 "If you don't mind, I did love to seat here. Is that ok?" His requested makes you smile.

 "I don't mind. Please seat."

 Both of you were quiet for a while, looking at your individual phones when you decided to break the silence.

 "Do you stay around here?"

A sudden Goosebumps came to you as you asked the same question, at the same place, same spot.

 He looked at you and with a soft smile, not questioning or looking at you weirdly.

 "Yes, I just.."

before he finished his sentence, you were mumbling under your breathe, like you already know what he would probably say.

"..moved here recently and was exploring the neighbourhood."

 He now looked at you with wide eyes but somehow it doesn't look like he was spooked by you but rather a sense of realisation. Like you know his secret.

He grabbed your hand and rushed out of the cafe, bring you to the 'stairs of hell'. That very spot when he first met you.

 "Do you know this spot?" trying to search for an answer from you.

 "Yes" is all you say, as you're trying to process the situation here.

 He grins, showing his teeth and his eyes turned into a smiley eye that were so familiar with.

 "This is real right?" you couldn't help but asked.

Because at this moment, you were just confused and happy all at the same time. Hoping that this could be real and not wakes up to nothingness again.

 "It is." "Let's do this all over again." Not sure what he means by his words, you waited.

"Hi, I'm Hyunwoo. Nice to finally meet you." he stretched out his hand wanting for a handshake.

 You couldn't help but to smile and hug him instead. The guy that you have been thinking of, debating if he is real or just fantasy, is right in front of you.

 "Hi.. I'm y/n" you murmur as you can feel the tears that trapped in your eyes threatening to fall out.

 He hugs you back and you could hear him say "Thank you for finally going to that cafe."

You look up at him "Did you go to that cafe frequently, hoping that you could meet me?" You're certain your face is now showing that 'love stuck' expression as you ask that question.

 "Yes" is all he said as he held your arms and gave you a kiss on your forehead. 

That moment, knew you're the one that needs to buy Minhyuk a meal and you can't love him enough for giving you the reason to go to the cafe.

 "Shall we continue where we left off?" He whispered softly into your ears and turns to look at you with a goofy smile. 

You can feel your face burning as he reached down to kissed you on your lips.

 Having to experience ‘real dream’ yourself, you now truly believed your grandparents dreams and that some dreams really do come true.

[erikawritesss]

✨Old Story Piece: “Mine.”

I title the things I write sometimes. Taylor’s name (is one I love for some reason) and apparently a while ago when I wrote a requested blog ..... I like stole the idea and look of her (name, personality, etc) and just used it for her little blurb with Rowan. I feel like Rory is kinda like Rowan... but Rowan from my little ask request was more of like... idk shy? But more of a Top/Tol. Where in this story/blurb thing Rory is like smol and a little more... fiery?

Anyways here this super unedited story piece/blurb thing I wrote sometime in Aug 2016... when I was still 15. Hope y’all enjoy! Or just lmao idk read it. 🥺❣️

  Taylor laid her head on Micah's tan bare chest and sighed. Her short platinum colored hair splayed across his torso and she shuffled running her legs along his in a plea for attention. When no movement or sign of acknowledgement came from him she groaned. Lifting her head she stared at his strong yet smooth features relaxed in sleep. She shuffled again in irritation at his unwillingness to wake up and sighed in delight when she sees his lips twitch.

  Taylor doesn't resist the urge to run her fingers down his smiling pink lips, then her down his cheeks and jawline on his slight five o'clock shadow. She wiggles again and squeals when he nips slightly at the top of her index. She calmly places her cold feet against his warm ones and smirks as he hisses and flinches back.

  "Come on Tay," Micah laughs as he attempts to sternly reprimand the short haired girl on him, but fails as Taylor once again cuddles closer. With closed eyes he tries again, "Taylor, Princess I'm sleeping." She snorts and buries her head further into his arm.

  "Aw, does your highness want attention?" Micah says jokingly, but slowly looks down concerned at his blonde when she doesn't immediately counter back at him with a quick snarky comeback. "Princess? Is there something bothering you? 

   Taylor rolled to her other side with her back facing Micah as to not look him in the face as she spoke, "It's Rory babe."

   Micah groaned behind her, "Not this again. I thought you'd promised me we'd leave this alone. I'm with you I promise I'm not-"

   "Dammit Micah not that. I'm worried about her." 

   Taylor twirled her shoulder length hair delicately along her fingers. "Its just ever since that day she's been acting off and avoiding the both of us. And on top of that she went to that party tonight without me. She doesn't even like parties. I'm always the one to push her to go to them." Taylor glowered to herself and rapped her arms around her midsection. 

   "Babe, maybe she just wants a break from the both of us." Micah whispered behind her rapping his arms around her as well. Taylor's stomach collapsed in worry, "But Jesus why? We are her best friends. Me especially. She should talk to me. Why would she want a break from us?"

   Micah shushed his girl friend as her octave slowly rose with her body that was now sitting up in bed in a frenzy. Taylor kept going.

"I'm her best friend-"

"Taylor..."

"-she should come to me-"

"Taylor..."

"-if something is bothering her-"

"Taylor..."

"-I mean I'm the only one that could-"

"Taylor!" Micah screamed still laying down on the bed. Her blonde head whipped around and glared down at her boy friend, "What?!"

 "Maybe she couldn't. Talk to you that is. Maybe she has something she couldn't say to you directly, because it would affect...stuff."

  Taylor blinked her grey eyes at him flatly and Micah groaned, "Taylor you've messed with her enough. Me and her actually. You think that you wouldn't be sick of hanging out with people who pursue you constantly who are suppose to be your friends. You've crossed lines Tay. Lines that friends shouldn't cross." 

   Taylor let out a small breath, "But Micah we crossed them. We were friends before we were anything. She got us-"

   "-together. I know. But think about how that must have felt. To have gotten her two best friends together because they were circling around each other without properly asking each other out for all of high school. And then having to deal with them all sophomore and junior year?"

  Taylor laughed, "Micah we weren't that bad. We never left her like other people do when they get a boy friend or girl friend."

Micah chuckled and tugged her back down, "True. But that's the problem, we were always with her and we were all over each," he nibbled on her ear for affect and smirked as her breath hitched. "We were practically in the honeymoon phase and she was...dealing with her own relationship issues." His voice lowered in a tone of anger.

 "Micah..." 

  "That guy was an asshole and we were so rapped up in each. We just let him..." 

  "He took her virginity and bounced." Taylor joked and jumped when Micah pinched her waist. "Oh come on, she's the one that made that joke. It's been two years."

  Micah growled, "Doesn't matter, he shouldn't have touched her. He had no right to-"

 "He was her boy friend," Taylor reminded her boy friend in a singing chirpy voice. Micah's jaw clenched and Taylor lifted her head to stared down at jealous boy friend. He blinked angry electric blue orbs at her and sighed through his nose. 

  She quickly distracted him before he went on a rampage much like every other time he got jealous of someone being around his girls. Taylor long ago realized how much Micah cared about their girl, Rory. Even if he refuse to admit it to himself. No matter how long she pestered him. 

  "Okay, forget about that. So me and you are all lovey dovey and shit. But so what? She's never had a problem with us being together." Taylor said with a sigh into Micah's neck.l

  Micah laughed, "Lovey dovey and shit? You're so romantic Tay."  He ran his hands over her soft platinum locks.  "Its not that, that bothers her Tay. It's the...changes. You've went from being with me to suddenly trying to make me be with her."

  Taylor scoffed, "I've done no such thing."

   Micah pinched her again and this time she squealed. "The fact that you talked all proper just now to deny it, proves you have been princess. You've been pushing her and I into situations with each other. Hell you've pursuing her yourself, don't think I haven't noticed Tay. I love you Taylor, so I'm always gonna be here, but maybe she needs a break. Maybe she doesn't like the idea of being pushed with me," Micah looked away almost sadly, but as quickly as the hurt over took his features, it was replaced with anger. "I don't even know where it's come from. We've been together for two, almost three years. Do you suddenly not want me is that it? Trying to get with her or make me be with her, so we aren't together anymore. We can't use her like that."

  Taylor sighed and sat up once again, "Shut up Micah. You sound stupid, of course not, I love the both of you and I'd never use her. Micah, I do what I do not to get rid of you. I do it cause I see the way you look at her, I know how you feel about her..." She watched Micah's features pale. "I know you think of her sometimes...I know it's not innocent. And I know despite what you say, you don't think of her like a sister. You just got jealous of her being with another guy just now for crying out loud."

Micah was quick to defend himself with cheeks that were far past pink. It was a nice color of him. "I don't! What makes you think I like her? I'm not even-I don't even feel anything..." He flustered more as Taylor smirked down at him and he sat up for leverage.

  "I don't like her. And I was only jealous cause-what am I saying!? I'm not jealous. I just don't like that guy using her. No one deserves that." He huffed.

And Taylor giggled, "Oh dude, you are so into her. You're into her green eyes. Into her long brown hair...and her lips..she has really full lips..." She kept going as the redness rose to his ears and his breathing levels went up. "Micah you seem nervous? Is that it? Let me guess you like her lips? Or no, you like other things?"

   Micah groaned and shifted besides her, "What about less physical things like her personality or her cute little laugh?" He froze as he realized his mistake, " I mean-"

   "Ohhh, so you think her laugh is cute? And you love her personality?" Taylor said with a infectious laugh and soon Micah was laughing too. 

  "Tayloooorrr." Micah blushed again when she smiled suggestively at him. "Stop it."

   Taylor giggled. "Okay okay. But admit you think she's cute."

    Micah smiled, "Okay fine she's cute ish. Doesn't mean I like her though." 

   Taylor narrowed her eyes, "Oh really? Well want to know why I'm worried about her? Because she hasn't texted me since she went to the party just to make sure in her 'subtle way' that we aren't gonna be there."

  Micah leaned back against the headboard, "So? What's that gotta do with me? I'm not her boy friend, I'm yours. She doesn't even have a boy friend." He sounded quite smug about that fact. 

  Taylor smiled innocently, "Yeah, you're my boy friend. She doesn't have one. Can you imagine her at that party single?"

  Micah's body tensed. Taylor smothered a laugh. 'Got him,' she thought. 

  "I wonder what she's wearing." Taylor fake pondered. "I know you're probably thinking you don't care, but can imagine if she's wearing something skimpy."

  Micah popped wider, "I hardly think she'd-"

  "Micah babe I don't know. I think she could be wearing anything. You know it's Matt's party right?"

  "Matt's? Don't his parties have-"

  "-a skimpy dress code?" Taylor laughed, "Oh hell yeah. She's probably in shorts and a cute top...unless she's like in a short dress. I know she had that blue one? Remember that one she brought at the store when she was shopping with us?"

   "I remember." Micah's voice had gotten extremely deep. She smothered another laugh, he was so cute.

  "Damn, if she's wearing that then guys would be ALL over her. And like you said she's single.-" Micah growled and she went on, "God I hope she's not drinking. All those boys around. She gets so playful when she's tipsy, but drunk? She gets frisky."

   Micah's jaw flexed, "They'd take advantage of her." Taylor spoke, "Well I mean it's not like  she wouldn't want it...that's why I'm worried. Imagine those stupid fuck boys. Their hands would be all over her and she'd be showing skin." 

  Micah pulled away from her abruptly and stood up. He pulls his keys from the nightstand by her bed, "That's it. We are going to fucking find her right now."

  Taylor stares at him as he looks at her frantically, "Tay come on!"

   "Pretty bold moves from someone who doesn't like a girl."

   Micah runs his hands through his hair a common sign of his for being anxious, "A friend could-"

   "Micah!" Taylor cut him off. "Okay fine Taylor. I like her but I'm with you, and she's not even-"

"I doubt that. I doubt that a lot."

   "I'm not good enough for her." He sighed and clutched his key harder. "I use to be the exact type of her person that hurt her. She's a hopeless romantic who just...Tay, I use to be such a player. I was-"

   Taylor kissed him silent, then pulled away. She grabbed his arm and sat on her knees at the edge of the bed, "So was I. But we are together. Both of us our different now. Neither of us deserved her before. That's why she was our friend Micah. That's why we found each." She ran her hand down his cheek as he tilted his head down, "But we are together now. We can't try to be with her, it wouldn't be fair. No matter how much I-"

  Taylor interrupted him, "-we. We both want her. But...I understand. But she wants us back, I know she does. She hides it better than you do that's for sure, but it's cause she doesn't know. She can be the most analytical person ever and she could read other people so easily, but when it comes to stuff involving her she's so damn oblivious."

  Micah chuckled fondly, "How do you know she's just not interested. We are exactly alike, maybe we are too much for her."

  Taylor smirked, "Are you kidding? She likes us most definitely. How could she not? And who would say no two being offered two different people? I know my best friend trust me." Taylor rapped her arms around Micah's neck and smiled at him, "She thinks she's got it all figured out, she doesn't want us to corrupt it, she doesn't want us to not want her back. We are together after all. It's why she hasn't said anything. She cares about us just as much if not more than we care about us. Her heart is big enough to love us, trust me."

   Micah leaned his head on her chest. "Why are you stopping me from getting her back here. With us. If she's not convinced, I wanna show her. We can show her we can take care of her. I can show her that I can take care of both of you." 

   Taylor smiled into his hair, "Something tells me you've been holding that in for a long time." She giggled when he groaned into her breast, "You know it would've been a lot easier to claim her as yours if you admitted you actually wanted her as yours to begin with." He groaned again.

   Taylor sighed, "Micah we can't go to her cause that would make it worse. If she's separating herself from us like you said, than if we suddenly barge in-"

  Micah growled on her chest and slid his hand between her bare midsection between her cotton shorts and sports bra, "Barge in on what? She's ours. Mine." 

   Taylor smiled in full agreement of his words, but she had to disagree with him before he got carried away, "Slow down hot shot. She's not ours, not yet. And that's not what I meant. If we try to force her out of the party it'll upset her. And you know her when she's mad." Micah bursted out laughing. 

   "Yeah she's something." He toyed with the bottom of her sports bra. He softly bit the top skin of her breast that popped from her bra and then looked up at her, piercing her with his cool electric colored eyes, "You are too, princess. Just cause I love her, doesn't mean I don't still love you. You're my world." She pulled his head up to her level and pressed her lips to his with a lack of words to say. 

    With his lips against hers, he pushed her back flat onto the bed. His hands swept down her sides awaking up all her nerves. Micah nipped at her bottom lip and let his tongue slide over it soothingly. With a hiss he rolls his hips down on hers and she pants below him. He pulls back and she leans up and attacks her lips to his upper neck mouthing against him as he sharply grabs her hips for control over himself. 

    He pulls back a little and out of breath he whispers her name, "T-Tay." Taylor trails her lips to his ear, "I know Mickey. I know. I love you too." He stares down at her adoringly and she leans back. She's quite a sight. Her short platinum straight her falls gracefully and effortlessly around her fair skin. She's panting and her breast rise and fall with every breathe she takes hypnotizing Micah. Her pupils are blown wide and her grey eyes are dark with lust. With cheeks painted rose, she smiled at him. God, Micah loved her. There were very few girls who would be okay to know that their boyfriend were secretly in love with both them and their best friends.

   Micah couldn't help falling for Rory being similar yet different to Taylor in every way possible; both of them being everything he ever wanted. And now knowing he could actually have both of them. His heart soared in his chest. 'He'd make sure he'd treat them both perfectly, they were everything to him,' Micah thought. 'He'd be damned if anyone laid a finger or tried to hurt either of his girls.' Micah reached across the counter and dropped his keys and picked up the phone instead. He calmly handed it to Taylor. "Call her princess. Make her come back to us."  

 ***

   Unknown to them, Rory was a lot closer than either of them thought. 

 

   Much like Taylor had joked, Rory was in the dark tight blue dress that she had bought with Taylor and Micah. Thinking about the experience had her checks flushing. Standing in Edge Look and being forced into the dressing room by Taylor as Micah sat to the side and watched her get manhandled with a smirk had her wanting to kill best friend. But it was walking out of the dressing room in the dress was the most embarrassing thing. Shuffling in the dress barefoot against the carpet floor as both her best friend and her best friend's boy friend had fallen silent and started at her with wide intense eyes. They had looked her like...

   Rory shook her head, no, it wasn't that at all. She had long convinced herself that the grey and blue eyes that had stared at her with an almost unrecognizable emotion had simply been surprise and approval of the dress; and not of the girl in the dress. Similarly to how she had convinced herself that if she put on the dress, despite the fact that Taylor had convince Micah to buy it for her, she would most definitely regret it. And she definitely regret putting it on. 

  Bryan, a boy in her advance calculus, had stopped her after class to asked her to come to this party that another one of her classmates (Matthew-she thought his name was) was holding. A lot had been bothering her lately regarding her best friends and she was almost going to say no. Till one of those said best friends turned the corner near the end of the hallway and glared daggers at Bryan hand was on her arm. That to be quite frank pissed her off, they had no right to treat her like a baby who couldn't handle herself. Thus quickly changing her mind. She needed some time to regroup herself away from her best friends anyways. Her friends, Taylor and Micah were dating and they were driving her nuts. 

   Despite the fact they were dating they seemed to draw close to her and bring out the most elicit reactions out her that she still refuse to even acknowledge. But if she didn't back up from the golden couple, Mr. And Mrs. Prom King and Queen, she was gonna lose it. They were so perfect for each other and it wasn't fair that they should feel guilty about how they felt for one other simply because Rory had stupidly caught feelings for both of her best friend. It was much easier to pretend she wasn't jealous when she wasn't around the couple who seemed to forever be on gushy mode and couldn't keep their hands off each other. It made her sick. Hell she was sick, to have feelings for two people so strongly who were complete different genders and were dating each other. It was completely unethical. This is what prompted her answer to Bryan to be yes. Bryan was a shaggy haired blonde boy with light blue eyes, he was cute and he was interested. She needed to get over both her crushes so she agreed to go to the party and meet him there. 

   That whole day she avoided her friends, and only texted Taylor before going to the party. 'They were "It" couple after all,' Rory thought bitterly. So of course it was possible they were going to be there, so she had to make sure. But according to Taylor, her single working mother had taken a 2 week long business trip and both her siblings had left earlier to their friends houses, giving Taylor the house to herself. Both Taylor and Micah had taken advantage of the alone time. 

  'Probably in her room.' Rory sulked at the time. This made her more determined than ever to go to the party and have fun without either of them, and most definitely not think about anything they could be doing in Taylor's room alone with no parental supervision. 

    That itself had been a mistake. Going to the party that is. Rory knew she hated parties. Or at least hated going to them with out Taylor to make fun of people with and Micah to ward off all the annoying drunk party goers, mostly male. It hadn't been that bad at first. She had gotten there and while the music was loud and the house had been in full party mode, it was almost hypnotic. She had grabbed a red cup and had drank herself tipsy in boredom cause while she wasn't irritated with the party, Bryan hadn't seemed to want to show himself. She had eventually gotten bored of standing in a corner watching people grind and basically have sex with each other out on the dance floor, if you could call the living room a dance floor. She began to walk around with stumbled steps and was actually genuinely surprised and hurt to see Bryan playing tongue hockey with a some girl in the kitchen. 

   'Damn,' she thought. 'Had her willingness to get over her best friends convinced that this guy had actually been interested in her. Ha, he invited her to a freaking party that should've been her first guess.' 

  Bryan had pulled back from the girl and had proceeded to try to grab Rory in some form of apology. "R-Rory. Baby-"

   "Um no. Don't call me baby, I'm not your baby. I think you got me confused with that girl who had your tongue down her throat." Rory slightly slurred and stumbled as she stepped back. "H-have fun by the way." She turned on her heel and walked straight out the party. She then proceeded to call herself an uber, because she wasn't a moron. 

   When asked where to take her Rory made the biggest mistake of her entire existence, well at least she thinks so.  She gave the driver Taylor's address. Rory cussed to herself as she stared up at the tan colored two story house before her. Before she could turn and tell her driver, who she already paid, that she made a mistake and to take her home he had already drove away. Rory sighed and looked to the sky. This was another mistake, cause being tipsy didn't exactly make her balanced and she felt her head sway and she barely caught herself before she tumbled into the pavement of Taylor's driveway. Rory groaned, 'Taylor's driveway, Taylor's front yard, Taylor's house.' She giggled, life had a way with fucking with her 

   Her phone went off and Rory jumped in surprise and blinked when she saw Taylor's home phone pop up as the caller ID. 

   Rory clicked the answer button and smiled, "Hellooooo!"

***

    Taylor leaned down in anticipation after putting the call on speaker and flinched back at Rory's loud scream. 

   "Rory? Bae, are you okay?"

   Taylor's stomach clenched when she heard Rory giggle, "Hiii best friend!"

   Micah slid up beside her and leaned his bare chest on Taylor's nearly bare back. "Tay, I think she's drunk. Shit I knew we should've went to get her."

   Rory giggled, "Nuh uh. I'm tipsssy." 

    Micah sat forward and leaned down to the phone, "Baby where are you? I'm coming to get you."

    "Sillyyyyy. I'm hereeeee." 

   Micah's eyes furrowed, "What? Baby girl stop playing. Where are you?"

    "I'm not a baby." Rory whined petulantly, "Stahhhp it. H-He...he called me that. No."

    Micah growled lowly, "Who called you that?"

    "B-Bry...um..Bryan...umm are you mad?"

     Taylor sucked her teeth, "I knew he was trying to talk to her." Taylor raised her voice for Rory to hear her, "Roar don't let him touch you! We are coming tell us where you are."

    Rory made a loud bleh noise. "Nooo. B-Bryan is..is t-touching someone else." And Rory sighed as if she was talking to two 5 year old that would not listen and spoke slowly, "I s-said I'm here sillyyy."

    Micah stood off the bed and walked away in frustration and Taylor groaned in irritation. Dammit why wouldn't Rory just tell them where she-

    "Oh shit." Micah exclaimed. Taylor's head snapped up to look at the dark haired boy standing by the window looking down, "Princess, she's actually here. She's dancing in the grass." Micah let out an incredulous laugh and whispered, "Thank god," before rushing out the door and down the stairs. Taylor was quick on his tail. When they reached outside Rory was no longer in the grass dancing, but instead in front of the door humming with a dreamy smile. 

   "Hiiiii besties. Took you long e-enough." Rory hiccuped and stumbled past them and with wobbly feet began to race her away upstairs. "Jesus," Micah raced after her and began to help her up the stairs. She stumbled for a few seconds and nearly hit a wall once she reached the second floor, but Taylor straightened her and lead Rory to her room. Micah promptly pushed the door open and watched amused as Taylor lead a now struggling protesting Rory to the bed.

   Honestly, it was less leading and more pulling and dragging from Taylor's part, with added retreating and whimpering from Rory. Taylor finally gave up and stood straight allowing Rory to slump against her and bury her head between Taylor's neck and shoulder.

 "Dammit Rory, why won't you lay down?" 

   Rory mumbled something briefly onto Taylor's neck and Taylor shivered as it touched her through. "W-What? Bae, I can't hear you." Taylor regretted this instantly as Rory rapped her arms around her neck and pressed tightly into her putting Taylor and Rory body to body. She moved her soft lips next to Taylor's ear and let out a soft whimper and Taylor's thighs clenched. Rory delicately ran her hand over her bare sides and up to her breast, sliding her finger innocently over Taylor's sports bra. Her finger felt hot, so hot. Taylor could feel them through the fabric. She could feel them slide over her nipples. "Fuck," Taylor moaned and gripped her sides tightly as Rory ran her lips on Taylor's ear slowly. 

   "I'm not tired."    

    Rory's voice snapped her back to reality. 'Shit,' Taylor thought. 'Rory drives me crazy and I almost just lost control.' Taylor looked up and by the door Micah stood with a fist clenched tightly on the knob and teeth digging into his bottom lip, his eyes were dark with lust. "Fuck, Taylor." Micah voice was beyond deep and was dripping arousal, "Let me take her..." He cleared throat, "I mean, let me put her to bed. I can handle her."

    Micah walked up behind her and lifted the small brunette into  his arms in a bridal position, "Come on baby girl. To bed with you before you drive my princess crazy. Little minx." Micah smiled softly when Rory rapped her hands around his neck and giggled. 'Ha,' Micah thought. She actually wasn't fighting him and letting him take care of her. And Micah loved to take care of her as Rory so rarely let him. 

   He laid her down gently and turned when she heard Taylor digging around in her dresser. She pulled out pajama shorts and a tank top, "I'm gonna change her into this."

    "R-Right now? Change her now?" Micah cleared her throat and as he was distracted Rory whimpered at no longer being paid attention to. From her place laying on the bed, Rory raised her legs up and rapped them around Micah's waist and her arms around his neck. "Mickeyyy." She whined and raised her hips up to his shifting. Micah was sure he was losing his mind at the delicate hypnotizing up and down movement of her crotch against his through his sweatpants and her hand trailing down his bare back. "R-Rory," he groaned. "Ugh baby, you gotta-" he panted as her nails dug into his back and her lips into his neck. 'What was with her and putting her lips all over them when she was tipsy?' Micah thought, 'Taylor wasn't kidding about Rory being frisky.'

   "Kitten," he groaned and his mind nearly snapped when he heard Rory moaned below him and Taylor whimper behind him, both of them shifting in place. Abruptly, Rory pulled him down completely on the bed and rolled him to her other side. Taylor couldn't help the laugh at the comical sight of small 5'3 drunk Rory, pulling a 6'3 sober and surprised Micah down into the bed. Micah bounced from his place on the bed and blinked in shock, "How the f-"

   Rory shushed him promptly and cuddled into his bare chest, "Sleepy Mickey." Micah couldn't help the warmth in his blood at the cute nickname Rory whispered, that Taylor sometimes called him. He softly petted her hair wavy brown hair till she slipped into sleep. Taylor had long moved to the edge of the bed and sat and watched the amazing display before. Two of the the most important people in her world were together before her eyes and she couldn't help beaming. Taylor crawled up and told Mickey to roll Rory over slightly towards him. With her body rolled to the side, Taylor pulled the zipper down letting her finger graze against the olive smooth skin of Rory's back. 

   Micah watched with electric eyes blazing hot like a blue fire. Taylor pulled the dress off Rory's shoulders and looks at Micah with a pointed look for the sake of her best friends modesty. Micah stared back at determined. She could beat him with a pillow he wasn't taking his eyes off either of them. Taylor broke under his intense stare. No one had a look quite like Micah she realized. With a resigned sigh she proceeded to pull the blue dress down and both her and Micah sucked in a breath at Rory's breast covered by a black lace bra. Taylor quickly slid her tank top onto Rory's arms and over her head, before she and her boy friend lost their nerve. She continued to pull it down off Rory's legs and pulled off her flats as well.

   Taylor and Micah chuckled together, even with a dress like that Rory refused to wear heals. Micah trailed his hands down Rory's bare thighs and sighed, "God cupcake, I can't wait till she ours. I can't wait till the both of my kittens are mine." He slid his hands slightly and watched his large fingers on her thick thighs. "Fuck I want you both." He watched Taylor slide her pants up her legs. 

   After this Taylor and Micah fixed Rory on the left side of the bed and covered her. They watched her shuffle for warmth till Micah slid in the middle again and she settled as she felt his skin and cuddled back into him. Taylor giggled at the soft look on Micah's face and blushed when he looked at her in an indecent manner much like usual when they were alone. "Close the light princess. Lay on my other side, I wanna have both my girls in my arms."

She quickly followed instructions and in the dark made her way into the bed on the right side. With one arms Micah pulled her close and pressed his lips to hers. "You guys are gonna drive me crazy, babe." Taylor rolled her eyes, "We aren't even doing anything."

   Micah pulled his hands from around and led Taylor's hand to his crotch and rubbed against his hard bulge. "You guys do everything to me. You feel that baby?" Taylor gasped and felt liquid pool in her underwear, "Y-yea." She began to move her hand down against him thought his sweats and was fairly certain he wasn't wearing any briefs or boxers underneath. "Oh god." Micah groaned and pushed his hips up into her palm and Taylor rubbed hardly as he panted. They almost lost themselves till Rory shifted besides them and they both froze. "Later," Micah panted. "Later when she's awake and aware. I want you both. I want you to touch me. I want you to make her touch me too." 

   Taylor moaned softly and leaned down into his neck. Her legs shifted against his. "Okay. Okay I will."

   "Good. Sleep now baby." Micah whispered and ran his hand through Taylor's hair luring her to sleep much like Rory. Micah smiled at his two babies finally his. He let the breathing of them both lure him into slumber and drifted away with the word "mine" on his mind. 

A/N:

Hey guys. So that was it! It was a story once upon a time that I was gonna fully write out. There was tons of scenarios on how it went but if it wasn’t clear by now.... it was a “Thruple” or “Ménage a Trois” relationship. Basically a closed monagomous relationship of three. Well the development TO THAT status, as far as when the story starts off.

The idea of it and the complications and the love and just all of it, is something I would still love to write and explore...I feel like I wrote this when I was young and there was a lack of representation in my cast, as well as some problematic💀 wild elements. But it was still mine ya know? And for being 15, my writing wasn’t that bad ya know? I feel like I’m sorta getting better, but sometimes I’m like lol it’s the same shit just prettier words. But this piece was 100% unedited! So I’m proud even with the mistakes and other stuff.

Follows the story of this girl nerdy girl Rory... who fell hopelessly for her popular best friend Taylor. And then got blindsided by her crush on equally popular devil-may-care (lol) Micah, Taylor’s to-be boyfriend. Lmao thinking back this entire concept is wild and kind of ironic in the worst way. Anyways. I thought the story of their romance like all of them was really cute. And there was multiple versions. Some of them falling for each other in different orders and them being much older in life sometimes younger, but this happened. Idk. I’m equally extremely proud and crippling embarrassed for having created this absolute brilliant garbage.

But anyways I hope you guys enjoyed it!❣️ May have more random little things I wrote for me to post. As embarrassing and wild as they all were.

I was really out her writing since I was like 7. And I only started to branch out more on paper and stuff, when I was like 10 and had my DSI. And I made visual comic art stories on Flipnote (those were the days!) and then I joined wattpad and started writing with my cousin at 11 or 12. And the rest was history. *Sigh* Memory lane is great.

Thanks for reading💗

Signed, Erikawritesss

[ywridiculous]

Letter to You

April 9, 2019

I know we've sorta had this conversation many times. But im trying to go into it with a different attitide. Instead of despair and anxiety and insecurity, im trying to have a level of confidence and I want whatever is going on to be solved, or at least talked about.

I know you may have been going through things that may or may not involve me or this relationship, but I cant help but feel like at least another part of whats been going on the past few months may have to do with it. And Im giving you the floor to let me know if youre unhappy in this relationship or if there are things i could do for you to make you happier or try to fix whatever is wrong.

I know you dont like my lack of self esteem and I honestly dont know where the recent utter disregard for my self respect went, but i realize its probably a big factor in whatever ridges could be taking place. And honestly even me bringing this up can be a sign of self confidence issues but Its less of that and more of i know something is wrong please tell me.

I also realize now, maybe a little too late, that I do dump a lot of my negativity and toxicity into your life and i truly deeply apologize for that. You deserve a girlfriend who is a good balance of support for you and also sees you as a supportive person. You've taken my bad thoughts and listened to them for so long and even if you say its okay. Its not. You dont deserve me coming to you all the time with MY issues. I took your willing to listen and kindness for granted. I never truly understood that you need someone to be there for you. I know that you need someoje to talk to about me if i did something you didnt like but it couldn't be me you went to. If that makes sense. Which brings me to the next topic.

I cant be your entire world. Ive known that but now i fully understand it. Its toxic to expect it or even think it. Its toxic for both of us for ME to make you my whole world. I couldnt help it at first because i love and care for you. But if i truly do. I can understand that its not healthy at all. Its gonna be hard to let you breathe but I know i need to let you. I'm truly sorry for all the toxicity Ive brought into this relationship and even though you tell me im fine and perfect for you, i still need to change who i am in order to be the best for both of us. I understand tgat sometimes you might not say "mean" things to not hurt ny feelings and thats not what you should feel. You shouldn't feel like you need to hide things because of how i will react. And if im giving myself too much power here im sorry. But i just want us to be fully open and honest.

Im sorry for needing constant reassurance and possibly making you feel like i dont trust you. Its not you i dont really trust its myself. At first, i didnt think i deserved your love. I felt bad because you truly cared and i didnt know if it was too good to be true, sorta. As cliche as it sounds... idk. I definitely liked you a lot and you know not being able to see you felt really bad. But whenever i heard your voice or talked to you i knew it was fine.

I'm really sorry for possibly playing with your emotions by breaking up so many times and then essentially changing my mind. I decided that after that last time that i wouldnt do it again unless it was something really serious. Im sorry. I didnt realize the impact it couldve had on our relationship. I don't wanna lose what we have/had or miss out on what could be. I realize now that I did those things to try and run away from my feelings in a way. I dont know what I want in the way future but I do know that right now I want you to be okay and for us to be okay. If, in order for you to live your life, its without me in it as your girlfriend then ill have to accept it.

Moving forward, if you wanna keep being with me, I would like to start sorta fresh, with a new attitude. I want to trust you fully and not doubt your words due to my own insecurities. I want you to feel like you can trust me and come to me with your problems but I dont wanna force anything. I dont want you to feel like you have to hide things from me either. I tell you everything and maybe thats my fault. I dont want to keep big things a secret. I will always tell you the truth and always show and tell you i love you if thats what it takes. Im personally glad i got a chance to love you and i always will love you.

[mbergansmile]

When Y/n met Tom

One

The story and cast for it is on my Wattpad

Warnings: Idk honestly maybe some minor cussing.

Paring: Tom x Female! Reader

—————————-

“ What, can’t a man just enjoy the sight of his lover in the morning?” Y/n rolls her eyes. He knew the rules. ” Tommy” She says with pitty in her voice.

“ You know the rules!” Tom rolled his eyes before getting up.

“Look okay I didn’t mean to stay the night but it just sort of happened “ he explains before moving closer to her, trying to kiss her shoulder, but fails. Was it all it was? Just sex?

“Don’t let it happen again Alright“ her tone harden.

“ yeah, sure” he said .

“ I gotta go , The Chief Of staff wants to have a fucking meeting and I am so so late” she tells him before getting herself dressed. Tom doesn’t say anything

“ y/n can we-“

“ Later okay, there is a spare key under the doormat and you’re welcome to stay and help yourself to breakfast but you better be gone when I come back from work” Y/n rushed out the door, quicker than Tom could utter her name.

When Y/n met Tom everything changed. Her intention at first was to use him to get to her boyfriend jealous and angry. At the time Tom was unaware of her intentions but as you all know it was only a matter of time before he found out the truth. Thought did he too leave out a detail about his intentions. Tom was using Y/n as a rebound from his crazy ex and they both just realised they could benefit from it.

To prevent feelings from getting involved they came up with a set of rules.

Y/n only cared about one rule and that rules was that there not to be any strings attached. That brings us to the present with Tom listening to the light click that the door made as she closed it. He puts his shirt on and looks around the room for a little while. He thought since she offered so ‘ kindly’ he would take her up on her offer and stay. He couldn’t recall a singel time him and Y/n had a serous conversation, breakfast or even a walk in the bloody park. They’ve come close a couple of times but Y/n has always finds a way not to let him in. Tom had started to have feelings for y/n early on. To afraid to loose her he decided to keep them to himself. She was to distant and to consumed with work. There’s always something she has to do that makes her leave in such a rush.

Tom grabs one of her pictures and takes a long look at it. It was a photograph of y/n and her mother, they were hugging and smiling. She looked so different, happy. The y/n he knows is angry and angsts all of the time. Tom kept looking around in her room. The light from the sun kept him from crawling back into her bed. “ I wish she would just stay for one moment” he said to himself.

Tom opened the bedroom door. He casually walked out of the room and into the kitchen.

Just as Y/n enters the diner her phone rings. She looks down and sees that it’s Tom. “ yeah?” She breathes

“ hey yeah, I just um... I “ Tom stutters

“ what Tom, get to the point” Y/n throws her stuff into her work locker, making a loud thud.

“ I just thought you should know that you’re officially out of milk” he explains

Y/n sight loudly “ Anything else!l?”

“ no, oh- I made pancakes if you want some when you get home?” Tom could practically feel the eye roll as he realized how dumb he sounded.

“ yeah thanks” she hangs up.

Y/n continues out the staff room “ Hey I’m here” she exclaims while putting her hair up. She felt the glares as everyone looked at her. There was no staff meeting, she simply needed an excuse to get away from Tom. She didn’t like the way he’d been acting lately, she felt almost clustered like he was suffocating her. He had started to stay the night, making food for her and even come over whenever he felt like it. She grew annoyed and in desperate need of separation from him. Sure felt a little bad for using him but to her excuse he was in on it.

” what do we got?” She asked the cashier “ 3 coffees , two with milk and one black” She tells Y/n. Y/n nods “ table?” She asks

“ 3” The cashier said and went back to whatever it was that she was doing. Y/n grabs the the muggs filled with coffe and brings it out to table 3. When y/n arrives she notices that the people sitting at the table are friends of Toms. They all smile as they too notices that it’s Y/n.

Zendaya, Jacob and Harrison are all seated at table 3. In an attempt not to talk to them Y/n simply hands them their drinks with a soft fake smile “ 3 coffees, 2 with milk and 1 black “ she simply tells them. Just as she’s about to leave Zenday tells her “hey you’re Tom’s girlfriend right” y/n cringe at the word, girlfriend? Where had she gotten that from? Y/n certainly wasn’t anyone’s girlfriend and definitely not Toms “ no, we’re just friends” Y/n explains hoping that they all just leave it at that “ oh but I- “ Y/n cut her off “Whatever it was that he told you guys it’s not true. I lied earlier we’re not friends we’re more like two random people who happen to know each other” Zendays cuts Y/n off

“ Yeah, that sounds a lot like friends to me”

“Wrong, just because you know of each other doesn’t mean that you’re friends”Jacob corrects. Zendays rolls her eyes before giving her attention back to Y/n.

“Anything else I can help you ?” Y/n spoke sarcastically. Her tone deepened as she tried her hardest not to go right back behind the counter and give the table to someone else. Her breathing increased as she waited impatiently for a reply.

Zenday, Jacob and Harrison looks over the alternatives that they have. Y/n was going to kill Tom. Has he seriously been going around telling his friends she was his girlfriend. Y/n? Who has tried her hardest to show Tom that she wanted nothing more than just sex, yet he kept showing up and staying the night, if she didn’t know better it’s almost like they’re in a relationship.

“ yeah now that I come to think of it we’d like a whole bunch of pancakes sent to us just like a lot cause ya know we’re” her tone had changed. She went from happy and chipper to something completely different. Y/n hates it but at the same time sort of liked it.

“ was that it?”

“ Yeah, you may leave now”

Y/n rolls her eyes dramatically before leaving. Why couldn’t her first costumer be some she didn’t have some weird connection to. She turns her heals and walks back to the counter. Her eyes glued to the path she was walking in. She was enters the kitchen and calls out the order ”stack of pancakes for table 3” she says. Her eyes go back to the table where Tom’s friends are seated and she watches as they drink their coffee and chat.

Y/n walks back into the lockers. Just as she reaches inside her bag she can hear the faint noise from her ringtone. It was Tom calling, again. It couldn't have been more than half an hours since last time ” Hey” she speaks into the phone.

” hi, um I decided to go grocery shopping for you since I feel bad that I finished up all of your milk and stuff” Y/n couldn't help but chuckle. Even if she was annoyed with him she still needed that laugh

”hey, so your friends are here ” Her voice was soft. Tom was silent for a couple moments. There was something about the way he went silent that scared her.

“ Shit” he whispered, it was clear that he didn’t want her to hear that.

“ what? Tom” Her voice became stern again.

“ I sort of ish, might have told them where you worked. I just” She cut him off. The anger started to bottle up inside her

“ What?”

“They wanted to see if you were real. I don’t..they just didn’t believe me..I’m sorry” He sight. Y/n didn’t know what to say. She was lost for words. What had there been to believe? What was he going around telling people? Was that the reason for Zendaya’s sudden change? Honestly all she wanted was for someone to be honest “What wouldn’t they believe Thomas?” Using his name as a threat. She rarely called him Thomas, but whenever she does it’s because she wants to bring a point across or to show him she’s mad. Y/n didn’t have an issue with his friends being there, the issue had been the whole girlfriend fiasco and the fact that they started to embarrass her at work. Maybe people didn’t catch the memo but she knew what Zendays was doing. She knew that all she was doing was to protect her friend but Y/n just wasn’t in the mood.

” Can we not do this over the phone? Later alright?” He asked her

“ No, Valencia is picking me up after work” She says mater of factly. Like it was something that Tom should have known about it. Y/n was going to see Valencia and the others, including Wyatt. Valencia has been planing a going away party for Flynn. Tom sights with clear disappointment.

“ Fine whatever, but I just think we should talk whenever you have time Alright?” He asked.

“ Yeah-Yeah “ Y/n double talk, hanging up the phone and walking back out. Zendaya and the others are still sitting by the table. Casually eating and drinking their coffee. Annoyance filled her whole body. Y/n could help that she was emotionally detached from other people, the other people being Tom. What happened between her and Wyatt was bad and never to be repeated. She fee deep in with him and it nearly cost her everything. It didn’t matter anymore who she loved, she had to keep a distance and Tom was her solution to that.

Besides Tom was getting over and ex as well. Some upperclass brat who couldn’t have given less shit about him. Y/n had heard him talk about her on the many occasions when she fake slept to get Tom to leave early. He had stayed up for hours telling about thing he’d never have the balls to say to her face. Like shit about his ex, the fucked up things she said and did to him. Y/n came close to responding to Tom multiple times. But she refrained. She didn’t want him thinking the wrong things. The multiple times he had cried next to her thinking she wouldn’t hear anything, then getting his stuff and leave. Y/n had to admit it was sad. Tom was a good guy and he didn’t deserve to be treated the way his ex or Y/n herself was treating him. His sweet innocence could break at any moment.

There she was though. Sitting with Two of his best friend judging Y/n for her relationship with Tom. It pisses her off whenever someone tries to butt in on Y/n business. Her anger fades away when Jasmine Hart approaches her. Her long blonde curls swaying as she made her way over. Jasmine Hart, she and have worked Together for 4 years now. Jasmine is the light of the cafe, with her constant singing and flirting. She has quite a huge following at the cafe , regulars who specifically wanted her. The two became close after a customer got a little to handsy with Y/n and Jasmine came to the rescue.

“ I apologize for that asshole, sincerely. He always comes around the diner pulling shit like that. Like this place looks like a brothel” She had said. Immediately bringing light back Into the room. Y/n smiles at her work-bestie.

“ Stuck up rich kids” she eyes table 3. Y/n snort “ Something like that” y/n agrees. Tom and his friends were from the other side. They were something out an episode of gossip girl. “ I heard that they’re your table?” Jasmine asks. Y/n nods.

“ I feel sorry for you, you know what, let’s spit on their food that oughta teach them sometin’ “ again Y/n laughs and almost immediately catches a glare from Zendaya.

Jasmine always made everything better.

“ So you going to the Flynns tonight?” Jasmine asks.

“ yeah, Let’s be honest thought, it’s more Valencia’s party than Flynn’s “ Y/n tells jasmine as her bright white smile appears.

They both chuckle at their friend.

“Y/n” one of the cooks call. He hands out a plate full with pancakes along with a sticker that says 3. Y/n sights and grabs the plate “ ha, remember what a said, spit darling spit” Jasmine gives a another warm smile before going into the staff locker room. Y/n sights, as much as she’d want to she couldn’t spit on their food. She places it down before turning her heals “ Hey Y/n” Zendays calls. Y/n could practically feel herself wanting to fold 12 times until she could see the stars.

“ Look I realize I came off as a bit hars earlier, you know I only care about Tom and after Alicia he wasn’t himself. Then you came around and he came back to us. Now I find out that he has only been making that up in his head so he can forget about her. I’m sorry you got dragged into it and I’m really sorry for my behavior earlier and I will talk to Tom” She tells Y/n. She really hadn’t expected that from Zendaya. She wasn’t wrong though, Tom had been telling himself thing but why about Y/n? He has gone on numerous dates since they started and he even came close to ending things between me once.

“ it’s fine” Y/n fake smiles.

“ Not it’s not and I am sincerely sorry for my behavior” Without thinking she hugs Y/n. She barley knew how to react, minutes ago she had thought about spitting in their food and not they were hugging each other. Surprised Y/n just stands there. Harrison and Jacob was also just sitting there, equally confused about the whole situation as Y/n. Zendays finally lets go and sits back down “ Oh and it’s enough pancakes for us” she lets out a small laugh before going back to conversation with Harrison and Jacob.

Y/n walks back to Jasmine who is practically on the floor laughing her ads off. Y/n rolls her eyes and she watches as Jasmine recovers from her laugh attack. Her blond hair almost falling out of her bun.

“ Oh god can this day just be over”

” Why? It's barley getting started”

[itoshit]

I've been careful all the afternoon, hiding my wound well. And fuck, just because I paid with the wrong one, I've been caught.

When you forced me to sit down on a random bench I found it funny. You, the girl who was frightened by my presence only few days ago was now attending to my wounds.

How long has it been since someone properly took care of me? Years. Emma was the only one doing that.

You kept scolding me like a parent would do with their kid and I just looked at you, amazed by the switch of behaviour. So that was the real you, the Vee that I didn't know. You seemed so serious wrapping my hand in those bandages. With your tongue halfway out of your mouth you looked adorable like that.

'Thank you for my hand. I tend to disregard that kind of things'

Frowning at me you softly tapped my hair.

'You need to take care of yourself more'

You were right but I didn't need to. Pain was a feeling long gone in my body.

'Why should I when you can do it for me?'

Stopping mid-air you rolled your eyes at my flirting attempt while I laughed a bit.

'This one was good though admit it Vee?'

Not answering you resumed bandaging my hand but I could see the small smile at the corner of your lips.

And I kept repeating myself, don't kiss her don't kiss her don't kiss her. I didn't want to make a fool of myself risking you pushing me away. The best would be to wait for you to take the lead.

I'd to obey to that simple rule that I kept repeating like a mantra for days now, but it seemed like it wasn't particularly efficient anymore.

'All good!'

Analysing the bandages I noticed how well they were put in place.

'How come you know how to tend wounds?'

Curiosity got the best of me and honestly, I didn't know anything about you. I just knew you were three years younger than me, and... well yes, that was all.

Sitting by my side you explained how you used to work with pets on a daily basis.

Used to. Yeah all my enthusiasm fell down drastically at your words. Painful reminder that it was because of me.

'I'm sorry'

You glanced at me surprised by my words.

'You seemed to enjoy your job. I took that away from you too. Should we huh, go back to the hotel? Or do you want to go somewhere else again?'

I shouldn't get too comfortable around you. You would be gone soon living your life so I couldn't let myself get too warm around you.

And the feeling of peace left my body as soon as we got back in the car.

-Mikey

Idk why I love writing angst for Mikey's today though? But omgg I loved your part hello??

i think i have a favorite out of the roleplays. and it’s this. sorry draken baby :(

We were getting on so good. I obviously said the wrong thing somewhere; I could practically see him rebuilding the walls I had spent the entire day chipping away.

In the newfound, chilly silence of the car, I realize I didn’t wanna lose that. So I talked.

Do you sleep? My voice tears through the quiet, even though I asked softly, kept the volume low.

Huh? He honestly looks so dumbfounded at the question, I almost don’t ask it again. Almost

I noticed your sheets look untouched. Like you’ve never slept in your bed. Also, you have shopping bags under your eyes, Mikey. Do you sleep?

Clearly there had been a change in dynamic between us, less fear, a little more trust. I was beginning to feel comfortable enough to speak my mind, throwing repercussions to the far back of it.

I was growing to not fear Mikey, but challenge him.

Can’t, he finally confesses, answering the next question before I can ask it. I don’t know why. But even when I close my eyes, practically command my body to sleep it doesn’t listen. I only get rest when I shut down, which is rare.

My lips pull down into a frown. He wasn’t living. He was suffering. That’s not healthy.

I know, he agrees.

Pondering how I could help him, possible reasons for his insomnia, I interrogate him. Do you think it’s because you have to sleep alone? I can sleep with you if that’s the case.

The hidden implication at my words makes him smirk at me, rather than be shocked at my attempt to psychologize his life. Realizing how it sounds, I quickly do damage control. J-just because it’ll be easier for you to protect me! If we’re in one room you could ensure my safety at all times without the barrier of our rooms distance!

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

"I'm real proud of you, You know. We didn't know who they were but we could have been real hurt," little Tiny Queen Girl just almost 4 years old, hands on hips just telling me how it was. How she felt.

My Little co-member in our Army of Two.

Lord Blesses us with the moat precious for such a short amount of time.

This idiot shot her and when he realized he had shot a small child and she was in the hospital on life support, he went and kidnapped her from the hospital.

Finished killing her and hid her body in a freezer at his house.

It wasn't for years later that he thought the coast was clear and he placed her body partially in a trash bag next to a dumpster in that Compton neighborhood.

He didn't want the body to not be found. He wanted it to so his message was clear -- "No ni**ers in his neighborhood"

She was labeled only as missing by the family, at least to me anyway. They didn't want me to get crazy and go on a killing spree. Her brother joked that was what little 3 year old Laquisha Antuana Jefferson would want.

After the Rodney King Trial, I took racism hard. I took it differently. No longer could I be on top of it and stop it.

It was here to stay and there was no changing it. I was glad I lived in a mostly white suburb because I felt i could talk to the few African Americans at my school and make sure they were doing okay, individually and not have to worry so much like i did in NYC.

There were less. So less could get hurt and i closed my mind off to the rest of the world.

7 weeks before i was called to Compton they found Laquisha Antuana Jefferson by that dumpster behind the 711 Chevron.

My mom thought it would be good because she was shot just 6 blocks from the race track.

Maybe I could do something.

I bought him a house in a white suburb. I got him transferred to a predominantly white neighborhood and made him promise his entire family and anyone he associated with would never kill or go near a black person again.

He just had to pay bills in a Beverly Hills home.

If he broke the rules he would be killed but i didn't tell him that. I just told him he would move out and it would be grave.

The house is still in my name and he never did break the rules.

But he hadn't killed just Laquisha Antuana Jefferson, he had killed over 700 others.

This i didn't know or understand or I would have had him killed.

He was black so I couldn't understand how he would say African American children were niggering up the neighborhood or "bone thugging the street" part of me didn't believe he killed Laquisha Antuana Jefferson but the whole of me couldn't deny he was capable.

Her whole death was horrific and hard to believe. Who would do such a thing and to such a precious child?! I loved her with my whole being, everyone did. There wasn't anyone i loved or respected more than that child.

I had a nervous break down for three weeks. I visited all the places she had been and I cried the whole time. I was miserable.

Queen Elizabeth II had to come fetch me and get me awake, see there was more life to live and Laquisha Antuana Jefferson wouldn't want me so upset and she believed what happened although I couldn't wrap my head around it, She could.

So she bugged his house and set speakers in it and we tortured him. Part of me thought it was wrong but it made me feel so much better, healed even and brought me joy.

Could you imagine Queen Elizabeth II egging and toilet papering a house!!?? Well we both sat in the car while Prince Harry and William and Princess Diana did it

I owned it and still do so it was alright with me.

Princess Diana painted a red bloody swastika on the door and Prince Andrew hung a white paper mache man made from reprinted newspaper clippings of the people he had killed from his garage.

It gave me a sense of pride. I knew that my little Royal Army did just what my co-conspirator in our Army of Two would had wanted. It was perfect retribution for Little Queen Laquisha Antuana Jefferson. The reincarnated Queen Nefertiti.

As Princess Diana returned to the limo, laughing, I said "thank you, I have never been more blessed than I am just right at this moment. I don't even want to leave. I want to sit and stare all night"

About an hour later, a patrol car with its lights on came up behind us and rapped his knuckles on the window. "Oh you're all white good. Does anyone know what happened here tonight or were you all just driving by?"

"Well see Its just..." Oh in the pit of my stomach I felt bad.

"Oh Sabrina you're all here. Good."

"Well see me and my friends were just driving past, I wanted to show the Queen the luxury of Beverly Hills and the good neighborhoods here and well we saw all this and thought we might want to stay and catch the vandals in the act in case they came back" I hung out the window and looked around "nope all good"

Princess Diana took to a snort of laughter midway through my speech and tried to cover it with a fake sneeze. Then a cough and a mere sound of strangling herself.

"Hey miss! Are you alright?!"

"Oh that's Princess Di"

"Too much champagne it went down the wrong way÷"

"Yeah I gotta laugh at her, sometimes she's much too silly"

"Well take a look at my house! That's serious enough for you!"

"Oh God! William help me! This is much to much!" And she leaped forward and buried her head in his chest so she could laugh freely.

"Oh is she crying?!"

"Oh she will be fine" I was relaxed and drunk myself and wow how easy i found it to lie! We could get away with anything! Even murder! Nope! I told myself we must'nt lie. I just got too carried away and didn't speak soundly enough. I said all I was supposed to but much too much so it was actually a lie! But I must'nt have to be tooo careful, After all I did just buy him a house didn't I? Even so that wasn't the right way to be and I felt surrendered to guilt.

"Well I say, I say do y'all want to come in?! I've said it three times but yet no one is to answer!"

"Oh yes. Please move. Lets show off this mini mansion bought just for you" I opened the door and Queen Elizabeth II slid out quickly behind me

"Oh it feels so good to get out and stretch! I haven't gotten out since well id gotten in it!"

I snorted drunk laughter "Oh yes we have been truly blessed to be in this limo"

"So shall we?" He offered the crook of his arm for my hand to take which I did "I don't want y'all stumbling all over, you ole drunk things!" The queen had rejected his arm and allowed Princess Diana to take it. And i felt suddenly less callous. I felt sober and somber. Walking up to the house we just destroyed wasn't the problem. It was his ability to take over the situation with peasantry and take two drunken women into his home. The "goblin" hung from his garage blowing in the wind, saying all that he was accused of. In the dark, suddenly I imagined myself as a black woman. I thought that soon i would be inside and i could puke and wash my face and still take a shit if i needed to. My nervous tummy did that.

"Here you two stand here and hold yourself up if you need to. I'll be right back. No no I meant each other. I wouldn't take my face off him but i peeked a glance at Princess Diana and she was pleasantly smiling as ever. Still having fun. Queen was patiently pleased as well. The boys seemed fine looking around at all the had done. "You know i didn't kill that kid. You know that right?"

"What?!?! What the Hell did you say?!?"

Princess Diana grabbed me and put her arm around me and put her finger to her lips and Queen Elizabeth II put on her black leather gloves

"Oh i suppose you didn't hear me, i said "let me get my key out" it will be just a moment" he bent at the waist "oh it seems someone put gum in the lock. Let me go out back and hopefully i can get in"

I watched him and heard the back gate click "did he say about the key twice?!" Princess Diana nodded solemnly. "He didn't say anything about killing a precious black kid?"

"NO!! SHH!"

"Hey you know i been praying to Jesus a lot ever since i put that girl out" the lights for the front porch turned off. I let out a giant terrified scream!! Princess Diana slapped her cupped hand over my mouth instantly. I nodded and breathed in. She removed her hand and wiped my germs away. On his wall. -.- good DNA to prove ive been here in case they aren't seeing the truth. Not that anyone would check that place though for sure.. Maybe i ought to pee in the bushes?? Thank God Shaquille O'Neal stayed in the car. Maybe i could light this house on fire and send him smoke signals before he gets stabbed in the neck!

The door suddenly swung open "WELCOME TO MY HOME!" he spread his arms and stood back. Like a Royal Butler "i will even bow!" And he did so. "I'm not drunk. Not yet. But I did take a couple swigs of this, to catch up you want?"

"No thanks I'll pass" princess Diana put her palm out

He pleaded

"No I've got the boys and mom's already drunk and so someone has to be able to watch them. She will drink tho. She's a real drunkard especially with guests. She swishes it between her teeth, says it gets her drunk faster" wow we were all gonna die. But hopefully we wasn't gonna feel it. "Sabrina i feel you and i hoped you weren't right, but it's all here. The writing is on The wall. This is a beautiful home."

He was towering over me "this is the nigger you want" and i was fuckonf terrified. He was staring into my eyes with possessive lust and i looked back in terror. I was trapped between the fireplace and him

"Uhm sir?" He tuned to her and slipped his flask into his pocket. Idk why but Princess Diana and I both saw Freddie Kruger instead of a police man in uniform. She stifled her scream better than i did. I played the fireplace scraped me. And i was told to sit and i did.

"Excuse me, i have to take this" Queen Elizabeth II had brought in her satellite phone and she went to the far end near the bottom of the stairs to talk to Shaq.

"Is it Snoop?"

"Oh no. The man in the car. Much better than smoke signals!!" I squeaked

"Oh are you hurt? Let me see that for a second"

"Oh uh sure" I let him lift my leg into his lap but kept it straight so it would not go to his crotch and put my hand between my kegs to hold my short party skirt down to protect my vagina.

"Oh a prude are ya?"I wondered if he said that out loud. NO one seemed to notice I felt alone and I felt scared. I wondered if he left a gaping hole in Laquisha Antuana Jefferson. I hoped she was dead when he did or at least the fear killed her... If she had any. I hoped she did for her sake

"Oh don't look sad! You'll be alright"

"Yeah because I'm old..." My eyes drifted to the Queen, "and big enough" i would take one for the team but i was gonna fight first. If i had to. Just keep my eyes open and my ears ---

"All i can tell you is that she is seeing truth and all is alright." She looked up at me "or was. I must go. Please stand by"

"Was that Snoop?"

Oh dear God i wish she would quit saying that. We were all gonna die. He grabbed my chin and stuck his tounge in with a French kiss. Okay let's die first. Much better on that.

"Uh yes. Was it Snoop?" I removed my leg and put my knees together and pulled my skirt to cover them both.

He reached down, grabbed my ankle and pulled up my leg again

"Oh you're so gentle!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you she has a fiancee" warned the Queen then she turned to check on the boys.

"Oh is he white?" He asked twice. In our culture we didn't speak of race so we all remained silent to his quest.

He turned to me "oh just one more" I pulled back

"Ouch! This thing is poking me!" I lied. I was scared. In my ways of life i didn't reject people. I distract. I dont like to be put in those situations. And the Queen had my back. We just needed to leave. "Queen please this house is attack-- guh ugh" somehow puke was on my breath although I hadn't yet, his tounge must had gotten my gag reflex as he kissed me rudely

"Ugh" I cursed him and had disgust in my face. "Im not into snoop. He's married and i am almost" he had fingered me during his kiss it seems or he was imagining it i wasnt sure but i seemed unaltered between my legs but the next kiss brought promises. I put my foot down and slid over.

"Snoop is? To who?"

"Shaquille!! I mean Shawntee!! You met her she came to this house with us!"

"What oh. Oh. Yeah get off. I guess i was jealous i thought you were fucking him. So who are you about to be married to, huh?"

I just kept seeing dead bodies and my heart was going to kill me. Inside i was screaming loudly we got to get out. It was as urgent as i had set a smoke signal. In my mind I saw the limo and I beat on the glass next to Shaquille's head. Maybe that would do the trick. I was sitting on the fire place after all. I saw a satellite view of the limo driver door opening and I resurrected back into Hell.

"Huh? What did you say?" I asked drowsily.

"Ah man! Y'all are drunk!! I gotta catch up! Now wait where is my flask?"

I saw in my mind Queen come to me and say "oh no she has a heart condition and touch my chest to gain a proper rhythm. I was dying and she knew.

That's what I get for pretending to be a drunk black woman alone in his home with him. I bent forward and breathed rapidly. Sweat dripping off me.

"Oh no Sabrina is coming down we must take her home"

"Here drink its bourbon" I did and felt hourly sick.

"Its sweet huh?"

The phone rang again "What is going on?!?! I got Sabrina beating on my glass and you two are all stand by?!?! Are you two in trouble?!?"

"Yes she is dearie. Every thing is fine. I'll see you... Next week? That all sounds fine"

"What is that nigger doing to you!?! I'll kill him! I've rang the phone twice already now!!"

"Oh yes. Please. The first. That sounds lovely. Soon. Soon. Yes i tell you the week will pass before you know it"

"Now? You want me to come now?"

"Absolutely! Of course!" She said angrily.

"Mom! You're drunk!!" Scolded Princess Diana. And nodded towards him

"Oh yes Please dearie you know just how it is --"

"Im coming now. Keep on talking. I'm killing this nigger!"

"Me first!" I rose the flask. "Oh here. I can't drink this shit"

"Oh yeah mixing liquor that may not be good. Who is she talking to? What y'all gonna have tea or something? Can i come?"

"Hey have you ever been to a hospital to see a little girl?"

His eyes looked at me in alarm

"About 6 weeks ago? She dead."

The doorbell rang while he looked at me in horror when i said the time frame. The bell rang again and he got up.

"And did you place her body into a trash bag?" I slurred.

"Shaquille! The greatest basketball player of all time! What you doing driving a limo?!"

"Oh you know. A favor to the Queen! Come on girls! Lets go! I got basketball tomorrow and i can't be out this late I still got to drive you all home then go to Vegas"

"No snoop I dont need no help i got this." I waved my arms drastically in the air and did not move my ass

"Come on girls Lets move!"

"Shaquille just pick her up, she's being a slut. Don't worry he's married too. To my -- mom! What in the hell get off the phone!! Come on let's go!"

"Shouldn't we call 911 to report this"

"Ah. No I am a cop and I don't mind as long as it was white people and I know it was because of the swastika"

"How many people have you killed with a plastic bag"

"Come on shh what is with you?"

"You're my legs! Lets move forth!" I announced then whispered "let's get away from this murderous uhhhh town" i got scared and kissed Shaquille

"Don't kiss me! What's going on with you?!?"

"Idk you!!" Was my reply.

"See? Slut" was Princess Diana's smooth comment as she passed. "Come along boys" she said beautifully

"Oh yeah and she fell -- by my fireplace isn't it exquisite?'"

"Oh yeah. You were being raped and all you could do was sit there? What's going on wit' you?!?!"

"Don't forget you belong in jail for killing that little girl!!" I accused and pointed as the door closed quietly. "He's drunk too he don't know. Come on Shaggy! To the Mystery va -- uh limo!"

"Who the hell is shaggy?! Which one of us?!"

"You Shaquille -- shaggy and he always has to carry scoobs the dog"

Princess Diana burst out laughing. "This is a conversation I expect to have with one of the boys! Not the two of you!"

"Well you get to carry the Royal Slut! Can you imagine the words that would be spoken at the police station tomorrow?!?!"

"Who gives a shit? Hes a piece of shit" stomped the Queen

"Well,from what he said to us. No one is gonna believe him anyway. He sounds like a complete doofus and a near rapist. Oh Sabrina that was brave asking those questions!"

"Oh I figured we would die anyway" i took off running to the car.

"What was with that shirt anyway? Didn't he really look like Freddie Kruger?"

"Was he really wearing that!?! I thought I was going crazy and your mom's black gloves didn't help at all i thought for sure we would all die!!"

"And you for real kissed me don't ever do that again. You know who I'm with"

"I panicked all I saw were lips and a face this close to mine and I thought it was him and I was scared too death!! I thought give in, it would go easier on me!! Its not my fault you're wearing a red shirt!! All I saw were lips!! But thank you for not kissing me back!! That was real gentlemanly of you like! And I can see why he just kept kissing me. I think he kisses allot of dead bodies as a matter of fact and he didn't even notice I wasn't responding. Like that woman that was strangled and had ligature marks all pink and he said. He said. Now you're all white and pretty like your vagina"

"Now You listen to me -- you get in this car this instant! He is standing in the drive way looking at you and me. In!" The queen just shoved me in the limo as i climbed blindly in and Princess Diana dragged me in the rest so the Queen could get in.

"Mom!!"

"Oh so nice to meet you!! Thanks again dearie!! Yoo hoo bye to you!!"

The Queen Elizabeth II relaxed as we got onto the freeway and further away from Beverly Hills. She rolled down the partition "to the ghetto, please sir" Shaquille stepped on the gas harder. "Then we will all feel a little bit better. Get away from this trashy ass place!"

We all looked at her like wtf

"I know! The irony of it!"

And we laughed joyously.

"Y'all were in there 45 full minutes now what did you find!?"

Velma? Queen Elizabeth II

Daphne? Princess Di

Freddy? Well half was Harry and the other Willaim since after all, they were just half pints in 1993.

Laquisha Antuana Jefferson died far too young.

3 days later i had a heart attack and a stint was placed in my chest which later failed in 1997.

I can't handle racism. I can't handle the pain and suffering of innocent people.

I'm not like all the rest of you. I talk to the dead. And sometimes I'd rather be there than anywhere.

My days are long and hard. And sometimes I don't want to live any more.

I'm tired of loving and I'm tired of caring and not receiving anything proper in return.

So for someone like me, just a white girl in a wheel chair. Black Lives Matter marches and people being out and saying it and being seen supporting it.

For little Queens like Laquisha Antuana Jefferson, they were everything. She was out in 1991, she would escape and run down the street sometimes naked in her little wooden sandals with white leather straps.

"Girl! You need a shirt!"

"´hey i know you! You're my Army of Two! I didn't have time to get dressed. I knew the door was opening and. I had to escape! They keep me locked in you know but i can't miss this! Im all about Black Pride and Beauty!"

"Well let's cover some of that up, Miss Queen Nefertiti, you want a pink shirt or black?"

"Oh no!! There he is!! Hide me!!" This tiny child grabbed a shirt off the table, slipped it over her head and dove under the table in front of my legs. "Is he coming?"

He was going straight... So i called him over "miss queen Nefertiti just ran off on me like she own me. Like i don't have my own friends"

"Well what are you doing?"

"Well looking for her now?"

"No i mean what are you supposed to be doing besides looking for her?"

"Oh just meeting my friends to go on the prowl. See?" He lifted his shirt and showed his Panther Pride most people hid in case of cops or white supremacist "i got one, too. He tapped the table

"I got one, too!" She piped up. She knew not to run and hide in the streets and had some hope if she had one she could attend like it was a licence to prooowl.

"Shh... Do you hear something? What's that scuffling? It sounds like her wooden shoes! Do you got her?!?"

I nodded quietly

"What?! Where?!?"

"So i mean if i see her do you think you or your parents i mean your ma would mind she sit here for a spell while you're out on the road?"

"Aw man! I want to prowl. Aw shit! I said it again!" Ahe grabbed my leg and held on tight

So i told him silently.

"I mean sure uhh if you don't mind!"

"Well i got two little boys over there having lunch. Thwyre on break but usually they are over in this chalk lined area."

"I want to prowl!! I want to go meow!" I could feel her jaw move against my calf.

"I can take them for a walk up and down the street"

"Okay that willl work!!" She jumped up excited. She saw her brother and tried to take off.

"Wait I'm gonna stop you!!"

"No way!" She zig zagged right behind me.

"You'll stay right there?" He rubbed his skull "uggggg you know what?! My friends can wait!"

"No! I'll stay! I'll stay! I swear I'm like her! We're an Army of Two!"

"Okay but you know what? Since you're no longer butt naked" he knelt down next to her

"I know! I got dressed fast!"

"She did and all goddess like i never seen someone so fast

"Really? Now what?" She put her hands on either side of his face

"Maybe ill take you for a walk instead. And let you meet my friends then bring you back Here where its safe. Then you can play with those two boys ew yuck icky and be a mascot? Hey? What do you say?"

"I think i will enjoy that. I will go with you." They both stood and she placed her tiny hand in his extra large one.

"Do you want a double layer?"

"No i think it will be safe. If I feel any danger I'll just pick her up and hold her close and hide her black panther. Okay? And you if you feel disgusted or moody or anger, you just come to me and tell me up! I don't want the white supremacy to see they might hurt us and that's not fair is it?"

She shook her head while looking at her toes and she looked up with sad eyes "okay you up?" He picked her up quickly

"Who?!!? Where?!?" He spun around wildly.

She laughed joyously "oh i just wanted a hug!! I didn't know you would protect me!! You are like her! An Army of One! Okay put me down! Lets prowl!!"

When they returned a short time later he looked disturbed "what? What's happening?"

"Turns out my friends are from the white supremacy! She would run around acting wild and when she would see a cop she would bolt back to me Then we would walk silently and she would be all calm then as soon as we passed she would bolt off again which was fine, that's what she do. But then once we got to my friend she didn't know him cause he was alone prowling and she ran to me all "up up" but do you think she knows instinctively that is who is taking m3 away from her at nights? And maybe she thinks they are trouble for me and her? Because we are reincarnated and I'm not her brother that is for sure! But do you think that is what it is? I sure hope so?"

"How about one night instead of prowling you just come over here and BBQ for me? You know it hurts me to stand and.."

"Nope I'm looking for the white supremacy because I have a feeling they're out to kill my Queen Nefertiti"

"Well the ones she is afraid of, have him or them play at the BBQ and then i can find out. I have a nose for it"

"But theyre black!! Is that even possible?!"

"Id have to call Miss Harriet Tubman for sure, But i think anything is likely."

"But can you see past his skin color? He is dark! Darker than me!"

"I don't see skin color I promise if it makes you feel better I can imagine him as white"

"Okay that will work. Come on Miss, lets go in"

3 out of 4 additionally including himself I could imagine as white. Which i could derive as only no racial prejudice between those.

The 4th was the only one she liked. Turns out he was most afraid of white people.

And none were like the man who killed her who was black and a white supremacist living in Compton when they went to go visit her grandmother.

Laquisha Antuana Jefferson

6 months after her body was found, he drowned himself in the Buttermilk Channel between Brooklyn and Governors Island. The Coast Guard attempted to resuscitate and even called me to see him to bring him back to life.

"Oh no. I know him. He wont come back." When everyone moved away from him, I knelt down next to him and prouncounced him dead in the language of the Egyptians. And i leaned over him in a hug and cried.

I kissed his lips, closed his eyes and placed two gold coins over them "in love may you always be. I am too sorry for you. You will be my friend" i picked up his left hand and placed it between his belly button and heart then picked up his right "always for me and for her always in love. I am too sorry for me. I will always cry" I gently folded his stiff cold fingers together. "And in silence you will bear the heart of a true man. May you always be beautiful, kind and unsuffering in her love. May you rest in peace. Ah man"

Laquisha Antuana Jefferson you were a wild one.

The world has suffered in your death. May you always be risen again. In true love and faith. May your heart always be bright and safe from us and all the world. I will love you again. Ah man.

Thank you for understanding why we have killed her killer tonight. June 8, 2020. It has been long awaited and her murderer has suffered plenty in his life in Beverly Hills.