#idk that sounds so weird but I just need someone to freely give me attention and love rn ya know

[princemick-archive]

literally in the weirdest fucking mood rn??

[thejudgingtrash]

Can you explain to me how Rachel was annoying in the series?

Well, I’ll try to keep myself short for this one (lol no, this took an hour to write). Also, let’s not forget that they’re all kids, but I’m basing this off from when I read the series as a fourteen year old because my opinions haven’t changed much (for better or for worse).

I’m not the biggest fan of Rachel. I have to admit that portrayals of her by Simi, Kit, Logan, Apollo and all the others helped to shape her into something cooler than what she had been in my foggy memories but I actually went back to take a look in the books (well, TTC + BOTL so far) to refreshen my mind about events that have happened.

Also, you should browse through @blackjacktheboss's blog as she’s a) hilarious and b) says whatever I say in like a single sentence lol. But your ask is about me and my opinions so here we go:

What I didn’t like about Rachel was that she’s rude and bold (DON’T GET ME WRONG, I love that in female characters!!!), but she doesn’t have Annabeth’s excuse of survival of the fittest (literally running off as a traumatized seven year old) and introducing us into the world of the Riordanverse.

Percy was on his way, had shit to deal with and Rachel pretty much interrupted him from the get-go and thought getting her answers was more important than letting Percy just rush forward. Yes, this is Rachel’s entrance into the series and the net Riordan threw into the sea, to make us little fish adapt to her. But it still didn’t sit right with me, probably because I would never interact that way.

I get why she did that, but it’s the way how she did it that’s just making me go ???

Even if I was seeing weird things, I wouldn’t set out to distract/interrupt someone who is incredibly busy to get my way. Rachel’s dick move seems like a Karen boomer type of thing to pull off, but guess that’s up to you.

If I were her, I’d either film/try to photograph the monsters via phone (if that’s possible) or internet stalk enough to find the other person (note: despite Riordan’s stupid rule of not being able to use phones, demigods still can use computers/the internet, I guess). Percy was national news like a year or two ago in the timeline, so it shouldn’t be that difficult to find more stuff out about him, even in like 2008 or so. Let him have a spot on Perez Hilton's shitty gossip blog, for the OGs reading this.

Annabeth was used as a tool of exposition to introduce us to CHB, the demigod life and how things roll around there. She barged into Percy’s mission as a nuisance first but a necessity second in TLT.

However, in comparison to Rachel, Annabeth was transformed into a fully-fledged protagonist within a span of a chapter or two. Rachel needed another separate book after her first appearance, so we don’t just know Annabeth better, we know that she’s an important constant throughout the story as of Rachel seems… almost random? Is she truly necessary as a character?

This doesn’t come from a shipper perspective, this is coming from a character design perspective and adds to the feeling that the way she has been introduced to me as a reader just seems off.

Yes, BOTL makes sense with her as a reborn Ariadne, but technically Sally could’ve done the job as she’s a clear-sighted mortal as well lol. Then again, Sally is an adult, went to college, had a job, was unfortunately probably working it up with Paul, did the cha cha slide with him and had overall better shit to do.

Then Rachel as the oracle, which is just super weird in general. Wasn’t Apollo himself responsible for issuing prophecies in the OG myths? Or did he both, have the oracle of Delphi as his spokesperson and issue important stuff to Team Olympus? Am I mixing things up? I’m getting sidetracked, my bad.

Either way, this oracle gig might be the only time I’d say Rachel might be important in the future (badum tzz), but Riordan fumbled the bag in the follow ups series so there’s that. Did she even appear in HOO? Can’t remember and also don’t care.

Rachel is used as one out of three choices in regard to his love life that Percy can make. Calypso literally got introduced into BOTL and was admittedly Percy’s biggest what if… But the general gist doesn’t sit right with me. We have three possible routes with Percy and the others:

Rachel: somewhat normality in the mortal realm

Annabeth: the danger and thrill of the demigod life

Calypso: ambrosia and nectar. a hint of immortality

(On one hand, literally why but on the other hand, mad props for Percy who has literally three romantic leads in the same book.) I’d cancel one of them at least out and since Annabeth isn’t going anywhere, I’m taking Rachel. Sally could literally been Percy’s anchor to a normal mortal life as she had intended until it didn’t work out anymore when he became twelve and his monster alerting scent grew stronger.

Calypso and Annabeth would’ve been the perfect opposites where each of them had a strong case. The demigod life within the realms or mortal or the demigod life ascending to Olympus/immortality. Sounds cooler and is way simpler. Three people is way too much, this truly feels like a shonen anime harem thing and it’s defo not my cup of tea (and while some Annabeth sideships aren’t my thing (Lukabeth go cry in the corner, no one likes you, WTF, Connabeth you fugly), it’s super unfair that Annabeth solely has Percy (fuck off Luke) to rely on in regards of romantic endeavors).

Rachel almost feels redundant? The option to walk away from all of that… which isn’t really true as Rachel really tries to push and insert herself into the story the very first time we meet her? But that’s just me, I’m certain that others are saying they’d kill off Annabeth or kick Calypso (I mean yeah) into the curb.

Big ALSO:

Why does Percy need another white and uber-rich love interest?

I semi-joked on Dez’ post (@sawasawako) with this response about Annabeth needing to keep up with powerful Rachel, but the core still stands.

We already have an affluent Annabeth (granted, we don’t know exactly how the Chase’s riches are divided, whereas it’s clear that Rachel can just make anyone drop dead by saying who she is. Annabeth needed that weird lotus casino credit card to make that happen, so Miss Harvard Legacy doesn’t wield that Dare schmoney. Also don’t think Annabeth can just up papa’s money and go…? Idk).

Why do we need another person needing to upstage this?

Like Rachel has to triumph in regards to standard and prestige as if it were a badly written Jane Austen AU. For what reason…? Why not make Percy friends and acquaintances with someone who comes from a normal household for once, not super rich brats (Piper, Annabeth, Rachel, technically the Graces with their TV starlet mother amongst others).

Moreover…

Important question: why should Percy actually be impressed/attracted to that? He’s dirt poor and has been sent to (boarding) schools filled with stupid rich people since he’s been twelve, probably even younger than that. As if that’s the very first thing Percy would look out for or be wowed or something. He’s used to rich douchebags. I think he’s more surprised that someone used their money for his benefit for once and not to crash daddy’s new Mercedes again.

Like seriously… Rachel did that weird art project thing in BOTL with her covered in gold and posing like it’s a super normal thing to do? Even for rich snobbish kids standards? That sounds weird to me. I don’t know, maybe Riordan’s been streaming the new Gossip Girl reboot on HBO Max on repeat and thought this girl is on fiyah (performed by Alicia Keys).

Rachel trying to separate herself from her money just comes off as super hypocritical when she’s using the very same funds to finance her lifestyle. I get it, trying to make amends and make a difference with the damage you have done but... your father still doesn't give a shit about the environment or YOU, sweetie. Kick him in the balls for once! Then you can go out about your art projects.

The concept of Percy having friends in the mortal realm is cool, but why does Rachel almost have to compete with Annabeth with her wealth and art stuff?

No seriously, the comparisons are constantly there, out and about. Roaming freely on the finest grass, needing to be feed delicious locally sourced carrots and stuff.

Annabeth is Athena’s kid. Athena is the goddess of wisdom, weaving, justice, warfare yada yada and arts and crafts. So definitely something which would affect Rachel, right (someone write that Athena messing with Rachel because she can AU and tag me please!)?

Annabeth wants to become an architect which translates to fancy building designer who is driving engineers like Leonardo Eugenio Valdez Cortes insane irl because the maths and physics don't work like that in the working field trust me I'm an engineer, which could/should be considered an art form.

They even shared some common ground while talking about architecture and design in BOTL!

Furthermore, they both share broken homes with absent parents (granted that all demigods go through that). Wealthy families at that as well. Shitty fathers that don’t care about their daughters well-being. Rachel however, is super powerful and influential in an unseen level in the mortal world. She isn’t like Matt Sloan (?) who truly messes up by destroying shit to get his father's attention, but she’s still in that circle and can easily demonstrate that. Making deals with her father and what not. We rarely see Annabeth doing that. Did y’all forget the fucking helicopter Rachel brought along in TLO?

Pan saying Rachel is just as important as her father has multiple meanings to me…

(Sidenote: I do think it’s hilarious that Annabeth is jealous/annoyed of Rachel that her remarks were she’s cute right and Percy went??? Or when Tyson said Rachel’s pretty? Or that time when Annabeth actually defended Luke and his weird behavior (because Kronos was slowly taking over, don’t forget that kids!), because f that rich artist nepotism kid that Rachel seems to be, right?)

Another note: Percy thinks Rachel is annoying in BOTL for a while and it took a while for him to admit that and he spent way more time being annoyed/jealous (for once, Lordy) at Luke for him to even notice lol.

I guess it’s really hard for me to exactly pinpoint what’s bothering me. I believe Rachel's persona just doesn’t seem to hit right, because it feels like a knock-off Annabeth who just simply isn’t a demigod, yet has two cool powers, but in even richer who still needs to be part of the story for exactly what reason?

The jumping around from the richest in the series to the poorest in the series is kinda bothering me as if the middle class doesn’t exist, like I’ve stated earlier. Why didn’t Riordan mix it up with Rachel, giving her more nuance the minute they met, not towards the end? Have her be Percy’s platonic friend from the get go. No weird oh wait she is kinda cute in the middle bullshit.

This kinda drifted more into a Perachel vs Percabeth essay, which really wasn’t my intention. Don’t worry kids, I’m criticizing Annabeth (and her stans) enough already.

And I do think that others in the fandom have softened my views on Rachel as a person like I’ve stated in the beginning. So friendship!Perachel is popping! But I do think that there are some valid points that I’ve made.

Also not gonna lie, Rachel issuing the new prophecy in TLO kinda dampened the end of PJO series but that’s more Riordan’s fault than hers.

TLDR: I’m just not a huge fan of this overbearing, uber-rich, excessively flaunting being that Rachel sometimes displays. She’s flawed, she’s broken at times, has a semi-interesting background story (although it has been done over and over again throughout the series and should be changed up for once) which is great, but it is still annoying.

We don’t need an anti-Annabeth who feels like a weird caricature of the real Annabeth.

Also if this seems super incoherent, repetitive, or whatever, I'm sorry, massive headaches + mental health going down the goo lagoon does this to ya, I hope I made somewhat sense!

[just-jordie-things]

Wherever I Go - John B Routledge

word count: 8075 warnings: swearing, fighting summary: John B is fleeing the country without saying goodbye to the girl he’s been in love with his whole life.  this is a collection of their memories (I guess) + loosely based on this song kinda ish idk ___

[ i know i could lie, but i’m telling the truth // wherever i go, there’s a shadow of you ]

(y/n) always thought it was kind of unoriginal, and lamely expected, falling for John B.  Even the moment she’d realized that she was catching feelings for her childhood best friend, she’d wanted to face palm.  Because of course she did.  She had to fall for the same guy that every girl has a crush on at some point.

It was kind of funny to her sometimes.

Like when he did his stupid shit, whether it was trying to con CPS, or when he would find a vacant Kook house for the Pogues to party in until they got chased out by security.

(y/n) missed the days when they were running from a security guard that would stop chasing them when they got to their side of the island.  She missed when John B wasn’t a wanted suspect, she missed life before this whole stupid treasure hunt.

Had she known there was an equal chance of the gold ruining their lives as there was it being the best thing that ever happened to them, she would have convinced her friends to drop it.

Because so far, it wasn’t worth it.

[ i know i could try looking for something new // but wherever i go, i’ll be looking for you ]

“I don’t want to stay here forever”

(y/n) glanced over at John B, surprised to hear something so profound seeing as they’d been sitting on the sofa, watching a kids movie.

She knew that he meant it in the same way all the Pogues meant it when they said they wanted to get out.  He’d say it all his life, but in the end he’d settle down and stay in the Outer Banks, because in the end, it’s home.

But nonetheless, the words tugged at her heartstrings.

“Where do you want to go?” She asked, angling towards him to better give him her attention.

It was at that point that they gave up on the movie completely.

“Anywhere,” John B huffed, turning towards her as well.  “Maybe Florida.  Maybe north, I don’t really care”

(y/n) gave him a sad sort of smile, but she entertained the idea anyways.  It was important to have dreams, she thought, even if they were unattainable.

“I’d go to Florida with you” She said sweetly, making him grin back at her.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” She affirmed.  “We could like… I don’t know, open up a canoe shop or something.  Then we could still be on the water every day,”

John B’s smiling even wider now, enjoying her little made up plan.  He doesn’t say anything, hoping that she’ll say more nice things so he can pretend he lives anywhere but the OBX.

“We’d probably have to share a studio apartment or something,” She added, catching the way he was waiting for her to continue.  “I don’t think we’d be able to afford anything else.  Oh, what if it was just above the canoe shop?”

Her eyes lit up at the idea of having their own place above their own shop.  It could be completely theirs, and suddenly she too was falling in love with the idea of escaping.

“You’d live with me?” John B asked, and she giggled, gesturing around herself at the Chateau.

“I pretty much live with you now, dork,” She told him.  “I don’t think it’d be that much of an adjustment”

“Good point” John B chuckled.

It was quiet for a minute, the both of them daydreaming about their imagined place in Florida.  In their minds, it was perfect.  There was no DCS trying to put John B in the system, there were no Kooks, no Pogues, they could live there freely, and happily.

“We could walk everywhere,” John B added his own little fantasy.  “It’d be a small enough town.  I’d take you to the farmer’s market on the weekends, and then we could surf…”

(y/n) could feel her heart swelling up as a bittersweet feeling settled over her.  As lovely as this sounded, she knew deep down it would never happen.  Her and John B had grown up on this island, they would grow old on this island, and they would die on this island, it was just the Pogue way.

“I’d love that,” She tells him anyway.  “Maybe we could have a pet, or something.  Something weird”

“If you say something like a lizard-”

“Lizards are cool!” (y/n) laughs, and he laughs with her.

It’s a happy moment, her heart is full and her smile is genuine.  She’s reminded of all the reasons why she’s fallen for the boy in front of her, especially because of how his charisma makes his happiness contagious.

“That’s the plan then,” John B murmurs after their laughter dies down.

(y/n’s) eyebrows raise slightly, but she doesn’t shoot him down.  She would never.

“Florida” He finishes.

“Florida” She agrees in her own whisper. ___

[ some people lie, but they’re looking for magic // others get down on their knees and they pray ]

This treasure hunt had quickly gone from a fun summer adventure to a life altering and probably traumatic nightmare.  John B had pretty much prepared himself to lose his life looking for this gold, and somehow that was a reality that didn’t scare him.

The plan was simple, for an escape plan.  JJ and Kiara would steal his dad’s speedboat, Pope was discreetly getting supplies needed for a getaway, and (y/n) was back at the Chateau, packing up everything of value that John B had listed off to her.

Then at three o’clock, on the dot, they were supposed to meet at the docks.  No exceptions.  John B needed to get off the island as fast as possible, and they’d made it clear before splitting up that if anyone wasn’t there on time, he couldn’t wait around.  It was too risky to be out in the open with a speedboat and a wanted man.

That was why they’d all shared a quick group hug before breaking apart and running their errands.  Just in case.  But they’d all promised to be on time.

She promised.

“Dude, you have to go,” Pope said, shoving the bag of emergency supplies into John B’s hands.  “We can’t hang around here-”

“No we have to- we have to,” John B argued as panic settled over him.  “I can’t leave without saying goodbye-”

“I’ll tell her,” JJ cut in.  “We all will, and she knows, JB-”

“No she doesn’t- look- I’m not going without seeing her”

“You don’t have that choice!” Pope hissed.  “If you don’t get on that boat now, you’re going to get caught.  You have to go, we don’t have the time”

John B shook his head, too stubborn to listen to reason.

It was 3:10 now, and (y/n) still hadn’t arrived with his things from the Chateau.  And with every passing minute, John B only started to freak out worse.

“What if they arrested her?” He thought out loud.  “What if she’s hurt? Maybe I should go back-”

Before he could take a step JJ had stepped in front of him, both hands on his chest.

“Don’t even think about it- do you hear yourself man?” He asked.  “Get on the boat, you can’t afford to wait around for her-”

“I told you, I’m not leaving without saying goodbye-”

“Look, we get that you feel bad, I get it, but you can’t risk losing this chance dude-”

“We’ll tell her that you waited as long as you could!” Kiara shouted, annoyed that they were still standing around arguing about this.  “She’ll understand, John B, she knows just like the rest of us that we couldn’t do exactly this.  You need to get off this island, now”

As usual, Kiara was the voice of reason, and as his stubbornness faded, his heart started to break.

But he shakily nodded his head, and slung his backpack over his shoulder.

“Tell her- um- tell her I..” His voice trailed off as his throat swelled up and began to burn.

“I know,” Kiara nodded.  “I’ll tell her, I promise”

John B couldn’t say anything, just nodded his head as he stared down at the ground, trying not to cry.  He couldn’t believe he was about to leave without seeing her one more time.

And he’d probably never see her again. ___

[ i feel alive when i’m close to the madness // no easy love could ever make me feel the same ]

Parties were hit or miss with (y/n).  When it was just the Pogues, she always enjoyed them, no matter what they did.  But when they threw beach parties that the whole island was invited to, she was usually too anxious about the mix of Kooks and Pogues to fully enjoy herself.

But she always went, she wouldn’t miss the chance to hang out with her friends, or have free beer.

Currently she was sitting in the sand, her shoes had long been missing, and a half empty cup of cheap beer in her hand.  She tended not to drink too much at these things, always worried that something terrible would happen, and someone had to be sober enough to handle those situations.

She’d been chilling by herself for quite some time, eyes roaming the swarms of people, pretty much expecting the worse.  It wasn’t a great mindset, or a healthy one for that matter, but she couldn’t help it.

Besides, there was plenty of drama that she could watch that most people missed.

Like the Touron couple that was about to break up because the boyfriend had been grinding on some random Kook girl.  That was pretty entertaining.

Or Rafe Cameron, who was trying way too hard to look like he wasn’t high out of his mind.  There was still a little bit of coke visible under his nose, that even (y/n) could see from ten feet away.  She made a mental note to keep a close eye on him.

“What are you doing down there?”

Despite her watchful eye, she hadn’t noticed John B walking right up to her, and now standing before her, looking down at her with an amused half-grin.

“Keeping an eye on things, like usual,” She shrugged, and then nodded to where Rafe Cameron was hitting on an entire group of Touron girls at once,  “Rafe looks kind of-”

“Come dance with me” He cut her off, and her eyes darted back up to his.

“What?”

“Come dance with me,” He repeated, sticking his hand down towards her now.  “You gotta loosen up a bit, and I haven’t seen you all night”

“I don’t know, I kinda think that he’s gonna pull something,” (y/n) explained.  “And when he does I want him out of here immediately-”

“Then I’ll help you keep an eye on him while we’re out there,” John B reasoned with her.  “But you can’t just sit here by yourself all night, so come on”

He tapped his fingers to the palm of his hand, beckoning her silently to give in.

“Fine,” She sighed, and placed her hand in his, letting him pull her up off the ground.  “But as soon as he-”

“I got it, I got it, we kick him out when he goes full asshole,” He said.  “Now just relax for a little bit, won’t you?”

(y/n) rolled her eyes, and despite something telling her deep down that her attention should be on the reckless, known-to-ruin-the-night Rafe, she allowed herself to be distracted by John B.

It was just so easy.

He twirled her around under his arm, trying to get her to let the tension in her shoulders go, but it took quite some prompting to really get her to dance with him.  He pretty much had to grab her by the hips and move them to the beat for her in order to get her moving.

But by the time a new song started to play, she started getting into it, and soon any worries about Rafe or Tourons were far from her mind, and all she cared about was dancing with John B.

He laughed and cheered with her, eagerly twirling the girl around under his arm over and over just so that she’d keep on giggling.

It was cheesy, but it was so, so worth it.

“Okay John B quit it, you’re gonna make me sick” She finally grabbed at his wrist so he would stop.  The dizziness lingered, and she swayed slightly while trying to get it to settle.

John B was still chuckling as he reached his free hang out towards her shoulder, holding onto her with a strong enough grip so she would stand still.

It only lasted a second longer before she was grinning up at him, letting him know she was fine.

“Drinks?” She asked, and he agreed instantly, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as they walked towards the keg.

JJ and Kiara were currently in charge of the beer, which was good news because if it weren’t for Kiara, JJ would be pouring drinks for anyone no matter how intoxicated they already were.

“Look at you two,” Kiara giggled before hiccuping, and then giggling some more.  

Her finger pointed at (y/n) and John B, waving unsteadily.

“All cute and shit.  Jay- look how f’ckin’ cute they are”

Alright, so maybe tonight Kiara had more to drink than usual and her judgment was a bit off, but it was funny nonetheless.

“Is there any beer left in that keg or did you two hog it all?” John B asked, trying to ignore Kie’s comment.

Kiara and JJ shared a look, before snorting and bursting into more giggles.  That wasn’t a great answer.  But neither (y/n) or John B cared much, they just happily accepted their beer.

“Where have you been, anyways?” JJ asked, throwing back his own drink and immediately pouring himself another.  “We haven’t seen you guys all night… you’re not macking are you?”

John B’s face went pink at the accusation, even though there was no truth to it.  But (y/n) burst out into giggles.  Nervous giggles, but no one else knew that.  John B thought that she just found the idea so preposterous that it was funny to her.  It made him blush harder, but no one seemed to notice.

He supposed that was the positive effects of alcohol.

“No!” (y/n) screeched between her giggles.  “We were just dancing” She told their friends.

“Awww” Kiara cooed, folding her hands together and placing them against her cheek.

JJ rolled his eyes and shook his head, but didn’t say anything about it.

“Usually you’re inside going to bed,” JJ said, glancing at (y/n) with his eyebrows raised in surprise.  “You up for the night tonight?”

“I am not,” (y/n) argued back.  “I just like to sit back and people-watch, that’s all”

“Well, still, you’re out here drinking with us instead.  Not so much of a goodie goodie now are ya?” JJ smirked.

He was only teasing, the Pogues knew that (y/n) wasn’t uptight like that, she just worried about her friends.  She’d proven time and time again that she could handle herself if necessary.  

In the tenth grade Topper Thornton had a broken nose to prove it… he also had a limp for a few days because of how hard the girl had swung her boot between his legs.  But that’s what he got for saying the nasty things he did about her and her friends.

And she’d do it again if she had to.

So she knew that JJ was just messing around, he’d never say anything to genuinely upset her anyways.  But she noticed the way John B glared at the blonde.

“I’m just messing, calm down” JJ laughed it off, also seeing the look on John B’s face.

“Hey, speaking of sitting around, where’s Pope?” (y/n) asked, quickly changing the subject out of discomfort.

“I think he’s still flirting with a Touron,” Kiara said, wiggling her eyebrows.  “He’s been chatting up the same girl all night, I think he might have finally found someone who’s interested in the shit he talks about”

She pointed off to where Pope and a pretty girl with brightly dyed hair were sitting in the sand.  Whoever she was, she was definitely interested in him, and (y/n) couldn’t help but think Pope struck gold.

“Wow, look at how into him she is,” She said with a click of her tongue.  “Good for Pope”

“I know right, it’s about time” Kiara muttered in agreement, grinning at the sight.

“What do you mean?” John B asked, taking a sip of his beer and leaning down slightly as he spoke to (y/n).  He was looking at the same scene, but he just couldn’t see what she was talking about.

“What do you mean what do I mean?” (y/n) retorted, and John B had to stop and think through her slight tongue twister.  She giggled, looking up at him and enjoying his ‘thinking’ face.

“I meant what are you talking about?” He asked, semi quietly.

(y/n’s) brow furrowed a bit at his dropped volume.  Pope was pretty far away, there was no way he could have heard his friends talking about him, but she didn’t understand why John B was still whispering.  Did he not want JJ and Kiara to hear? Why didn’t it matter?

She took a large swig of her beer after realizing she’d been overthinking far too much, and then turned back to John B.

“I mean, look at her,” She said, nodding off to the girl with pink hair.  “Look at how close she’s leaning to him,”

John B nodded, checking that off in his head.  Leaning.

“And she’s making eye contact, and smiling, and talking enthusiastically,” (y/n) continued her list.  “I mean, Pope’s a pretty oblivious guy so he probably doesn’t see it, but she definitely wants him to kiss her”

“You can tell all that from all the way over here?” He asked, amused.

(y/n) shrugged, looking up at him again.

“What can I say? I’ve got a natural talent for reading people,” She said proudly, and then finished her beer.  “Hey, Jay, be a doll and pour me another?”

She handed her cup back to the blonde before turning to John B again when he tapped on her arm.

“Do someone else,” He says, but she clearly doesn’t get what he’s trying to say.  “Your reading thing, do it on someone else”

“Alright,” (y/n) shrugged, eyes roaming over the crowd around them.  “Who?”

She wanted to show him the Touron couple that were still arguing and on the verge of breaking up, and tell him about what she saw earlier, but he already had someone in mind.

“Her” He said, pointing to a blonde girl down by the water.  She was wearing a pretty floral dress, and was wading around barefoot where the water barely reached the shore.  Her boyfriend was standing further away from the water, obviously yelling at her to get out of it, even though he couldn’t be heard from where (y/n) was standing.

“Sarah Cameron?” She asked him, and he nodded his head.  “I mean, I don’t know what she’d thinking going out with Topper-”

“That’s not the same thing, you’ve gotta read her from afar, forget about what you already know about her” John B instructed.

(y/n) huffed, but nodded in agreement, and focused on the pair that were some thirty feet away.

“She’s pretty free spirited…” She finally told him, it was something she’d never noticed before.  “And seems pretty happy, genuinely happy.  For a Kook,”

John B chuckled as she added in that last part hastily.

“But I don’t think her and Topper will last long, really,” (y/n) continued.  “I mean, he keeps trying to hold her back, look at him,”

(y/n’s) eyes wandered to John B, only to realize he wasn’t watching Sarah and Topper’s interaction with her, instead he’d been staring at her the whole time, mesmerized by the way she could read body language like it were in a book.

(y/n’s) cheeks tinted pink, but she ignored it, pointing off to Sarah and Topper to redirect John B’s attention.

“See how he’s just pouting like that? He does it a lot.  He gets frustrated with her very easily.  Pretty much whenever they’re not doing what he wants to do”

With that, (y/n) took her refilled cup from JJ, and took a swig.

John B had a wide grin on his face as he nodded at her with respect.

“That’s pretty cool.  I didn’t know you were so good at that” He said.

“I’m full of surprises” (y/n) giggled back, hiccuping a bit.

She drank more beer in hopes of getting rid of the hiccup.  It didn’t work.

“Me too,” John B, suddenly taking hold of her hand.  He was right, that did surprise her.  Usually she was the one to initiate physical affection, not him.  “Come on, let’s dance some more”

Shrugging, she followed him as he began to walk backwards, away from the keg.

They both drank some more, so that when they danced with their cups it wouldn’t spill over.  Now they were properly tipsy, borderlining on drunk.  That perfect in-between that would last the next fifteen minutes or so before they got truly drunk.

But for now, as they danced wildly and without rhythm, it was perfect.

At one point, John B ditched his beer completely, dropping the cup to the sand, so that he could wrap both arms around (y/n’s) waist.  She was just about to reach her hands up to his shoulders, thinking they were still dancing, when he abruptly lifted her up off the sand.

The squeal she let out caught the attention of a few surrounding party goers, but no one paid them any mind.

John B proceeded to spin her around a few times before he set her back down.  She was giggling again, just like when they were dancing before, soft and calculated, like she was trying not to laugh too much.

He laughed with her as she regained her balance and hooked one of her arms around his neck, continuing to dance without a care in the world.

She still had her beer in her other hand, not much of it was left, but there was enough for her to take a swig and then let John B throw back the rest.  Her now free hand landed on his chest haphazardly.  The button down he wore wasn’t buttoned anymore, so her palm rested on his warm chest while her fingers dug into the soft fabric.

There was no denying that the feeling of her skin against his made him heat up more.

After he drank the remnants of her beer, John B tossed her cup to the ground next to where his had landed earlier.

“We gotta remember -hic- to pick those up later,” (y/n) told him, her eyes hooded slightly as she tried to keep eye contact.  “Or Kie will kill us” She finished, and then hiccuped again.

John B laughed at the hiccuping, but nodded his head.

“Okay, I’ll remember”

“No you won’t” (y/n) said knowingly.

“I’ll try to remember” John B replied, but the slight slur in his voice as he tried to properly pronounce ‘remember’ said otherwise.

“You’re not gonna remember” (y/n) argued again, and this time he nodded his head.

“Yeah, I’m not gonna remember.  You should remember for me”

They were both laughing again, just because it was a stupid conversation but it was the funniest thing in the world to them, at the moment anyways.

But then suddenly everything changed.

She looked up at him and her laughter died.

He was the only thing she could see.  The party was in the background, their friends, the Touron couple fighting just a few feet away, the music that had previously been blasting in her ears, it all faded away.  She was intently focused on the slope of John B’s nose.  Followed by the way his eyes kind of turned green in the dim lighting.  Then the curve of his jaw.  And the few freckles scattered over his cheeks and down his neck.  And lastly the fullness of his lips.

His lips had never looked that kissable before.  Sure, she’s always wanted to kiss them, but right now it dawned on her that she absolutely could if she wanted to.  They were right there, it would be easy to reach up and plant her lips on his.  Even if it was just for a second.

John B must have picked up on her change in demeanor, because his arms around her waist tighten in the slightest, drawing her in closer.  The action made her heart skip a beat, because she knew.  She knew he knew.  They were thinking the same thing, consequences be damned, it just had to be done this once, the mood was just right.

Subconsciously, (y/n) licked her lips, cursing at herself for drinking so much beer that she could still taste it on herself, but the thought was fleeting as her eyes met John B’s for the shortest of seconds, just to make sure that they were thinking the same thing, before they lowered back down to his lips.

When she stood on the tips of her toes, they were almost eye level, which was close enough.  And when she stood on the tips of her toes, John B pulled her in until her chest hit his.

And finally, she let her eyes fall shut, leaning in to let nature take it’s course.  Or maybe it was fate- it certainly felt like fate was guiding her right now.

But just as she could feel his nose prod against hers, a loud shout broke the pair from their hypnotized state.

“I’m sick and tired of you dirty Pogues thinking you own this island!”

Suddenly, the party was back in the picture, and it wasn’t just the two of them on the beach.

(y/n) pulled away from John B with more force than she meant to, but Rafe Cameron yelling something like that was not a good sign, and she was certain that he was picking a fight with someone.

Of course, as her eyes finally found him, that ‘someone’ was JJ.  Of course.

“Oh, shit”

John B came back down to earth and was moving before he could think.  (y/n) followed right after him, hoping to get to the arguing pair before it could escalate.  Topper was walking up to defend Rafe if needed, and if any other Kooks closed in, then this party was going downhill fast.

Before either of them could get to him, JJ took the first swing, knocking Rafe on his ass right away with the blow.  And despite the slight pride that John B and (y/n) felt, they knew that it wouldn’t be good if the fight continued.

So John B got in front of JJ, putting his hands on his shoulders, while (y/n) wrapped her hands around his arm.

She’d learned some time ago that touching him gently, carefully, was a quick way to calming JJ down.  He had a bad temper, but if he was reminded of the consequences of his actions- like getting arrested again and being away from his friends, which were his safe haven- then he could calm down faster and it made it easier for him to walk away.

“Maybank, you hitting that?” Topper asked, nodding to where (y/n) was still at his side, trying to whisper nice things to calm him down.

Apparently she’d been soothing the wrong person.  Because as soon as Topper spoke, John B was abandoning JJ, and whirling around to punch the Kook across the jaw.

“John!” You shrieked in a mixture of fear and shock.

John B didn’t start fights, ever.  He’s ended them before, and gotten his ass handed to him before, but he never threw the first punch, no matter what.  Normally it was JJ, and sometimes it was a stupid Kook.  But him decking Topper just now, that was the first time (y/n’s) ever seen him swing without hesitation.

JJ whooped beside her, and she stopped her comforting caress to smack his bicep in nonverbal scolding.

Next thing she knew, Topper swung back, and he and John B were full on brawling.  Rafe had even stepped back, cheering Topper on as he landed a couple punches in a row.

And then there was Sarah Cameron, who must have just shown up, because she was screaming at her boyfriend with the entirety of her lungs.

“Get off him! Topper! Cut it out!”

She continued to scream until she realized that Topper wasn’t going to listen no matter what she said.

He hit John B again, sending him to his knees.  (y/n) gasped, her hands flying over her mouth as she flinched at the pain he must be in.  It was a tough punch, to get knocked down like that.

John B didn’t stay down though, just as Topper was winding back to deck him again, John B was lunging forward, tackling him to the ground.

(y/n) had forgotten that she was supposed to be keeping JJ grounded, because suddenly he was in the picture, sending a kick into Topper’s side as John B kept him down.

“JJ!” She called, her eyes darting between John B and JJ, not knowing who to yell at currently.  “John B!”

Frustration grew inside of her as a pit in her stomach.  It mixed in with the fear of her boys getting themselves hurt, again, and she felt like she might throw up right then and there.

Rafe came back into the picture then, as if on cue, grabbing JJ by the shoulders and prying him away from Topper and John B, sparking a completely different fight.

Without JJ helping John B to keep Topper down, the Kook was shooting forward, pinning John B to his back, completely knocking the wind out of him.  Enough so that when Topper threw his fist against his face again, it completely disoriented him.

It was when Topper started dragging John B towards the water that (y/n) snapped and finally stepped in, consequences of getting hurt be damned, whatever Topper was about to do wasn’t good.

“Topper! Let go of him!” She cried out, and then screamed in terror as she watched him force John B’s head under the water.

There wasn’t a moment of hesitation before she threw herself onto Topper’s back, trying to throw off his balance and force him away from John B.  Her body weight wasn’t enough to bring him down though, and he pulled John B back up just to push him under again.

“Let him go! Let him go you dick!” (y/n) continued to scream in his ear, throwing her fists anywhere she could before Topper got annoyed of her.

“Get the fuck off me, bitch” He growled, and with ease was able to maneuver her into falling off him, her body crashing into the shallow water.

“You’ll kill him!” (y/n) cried out, kicking at his legs as she tried to get back up.  “You’re going to kill him!” Her words fell on deaf ears, and now her fear had morphed into something far worse than worrying John B will get a black eye.

“JJ! Pope!” She screamed out, hoping one of the boys would be able to stop Topper from drowning John B.  “Topper get the fuck off of him!”

The next part is always a little fuzzy in her memory, either because there was plenty of alcohol in her system, or because it was just too much for her brain to process at the time it happened, but suddenly JJ was there.

He had a gun in his hand, a gun that (y/n) thought he had hidden in the Chateau after he found it, but apparently he’d kept it on him.

That gun was pressed against the back of Topper’s head, and the click of JJ turning off the safety rang in everyone’s ears.  Topper let go of John B.

(y/n) wouldn’t admit it, but in that moment, all she could think was thank fucking god.

Ignoring whatever JJ was saying to threaten Topper, she scrambled past them, reaching for John B and holding him up out of the water.  It was then that she realized she was crying- sobbing, really- because her vision was blurry and watery while she tried to assess the damage.

“Oh- oh my god, John B,” She mumbled, her lip trembling with her words.  Even her hands were shaking as they reached for his face, and then patted from his shoulders to his chest.  “Oh my god, oh my fucking god”

She continued to repeat herself while John B coughed up water, unable to say anything even if he could breathe.  His head was spinning and everything was fuzzy.  But he could feel (y/n) grabbing at him and touching him everywhere she could.

And then three gunshots rang out, and the pair jolted, both heads turning to the sound, assuming the worst.

“Everyone get off our side of the island, now!” JJ howled.

John B sighed in relief, while Pope and Kiara yelled at JJ.  He was just glad someone didn’t get shot.

His head fell forward, hitting (y/n’s) shoulder as he heaved.

Her hands smoothed up his arms, squeezing gently, prompting him to get up.

It took quiet an effort to get him to his feet, but by then Pope was at his side, helping (y/n) get him to walk.

“What the fuck happened?” Pope asked, looking over at the girl for answers.

“Rafe- and then Topper- and John B hit him-” She was still crying, and most of what she was trying to explain was incoherent, but Pope did his best to listen.  “He was drowning him-” She whimpered, taking in short gasps of air after every word.  “He was- he was gonna- k-kill him”

“He’ll be fine, he’ll be just fine,” Pope said, realizing that now wasn’t the best time to get details.  “He just needs rest”

(y/n) nodded her head shakily, pulling John B’s arm tighter around her shoulder, her other hand pressed against his stomach, hoping that he knew she was right there for him.

They got him inside and on the sofa, where he groaned as soon as he landed on the cushions.  He’d stopped coughing, and although his breathing was a bit ragged, it had at least evened out.  Pope continued to assure (y/n) that he would be fine, because it didn’t seem to click for her yet.

[ i know i could lie, but i won’t lie to you // wherever i go, you’re the ghost in the room ]

Kiara ushered JJ towards the guest room, leaving Pope and (y/n) to tend to John B.

While Pope went to the kitchen to find something frozen, (y/n) dropped to her knees on the floor, grabbing hold of John B’s hand and holding it close to her chest.

“Are you okay? Does it hurt?” She murmured before pressing her lips to the back of his hand.

John B’s eyes were closed, and he didn’t bother to open them.

“When we move to Florida,” He mumbled quietly, “I’m gonna get a tattoo”

(y/n) paused for a moment, thrown off by the comment, but a second later a slight smile tugged on her lips.

“A tattoo of what?” She murmured.

Pope came back to the room with a bag of frozen vegetables.  Wordlessly, (y/n) took it from him and gently laid it against John B’s bruising eye.  It was red and swollen now, but by morning it was definitely going to be a dark purple.

He hissed, from the cold or pain she wasn’t sure, but she whispered softly to soothe him anyways.

“I know, it’s just for a little bit”

“Maybe a surfboard, on my ankle or somethin’,” John B finally answered her tattoo question, his jaw clenched and his teeth grinding, but he spoke through the pain anyways.  “Or when we get the treasure, for every gold bar we find, I’ll tattoo it somewhere”

(y/n) forced out a light laugh, smiling at him again.

He finally opened his eyes, pleasantly surprised to see her smile, but not so delighted to see the flow of tears falling from her eyes, and the streaks already stained on her cheeks.

“You look rough honey” He muttered, lazily bringing up a hand to graze the back of his fingers over the tears.

(y/n) scoffed, rolling her eyes.

“That’s real hot coming from you” She retorted, glancing over the bruises on his body, and the split in his lip.

Pope chuckled from where he’d sat himself on the chair in the living room.  He hadn’t wanted to disturb the peace that (y/n) had worked so hard to create in the atmosphere, but he was also genuinely amused by how the pair got along when no one else was around.  It was much more… intimate.

“I can’t look that bad,” John B mumbled, tiredness evident in his voice.  “I walked to the house, didn’t I?”

“You only got here cause Pope and I practically carried you, you baby” (y/n) reminded him.  The laugh she let out was watery, but she was finally calming down enough that her tears stopped.

“Thanks for carrying me” He mumbled, his eyes falling shut again.

(y/n) just hummed in response, sitting down more comfortably.

Her free hand, the one that wasn’t holding onto his, rested against his head.  Her fingers twirled around the long strands of hair, curling the brown locks before letting them go, and repeating the action.  His head rolled to the side, eyes still closed as he was slowly falling asleep, but leaning more into her touch.

After a few minutes of silence, Pope got up from his seat, announcing that he was heading to bed, and if anything changed with his pain, to get him.  (y/n) nodded, and thanked him quietly as he bent over to kiss the top of her head before he left the room.

Almost as soon as he was gone, John B was talking again.

“Come up here and lay with me”

“John B, you’re taking up the entire sofa,” (y/n) whispered back, laughing softly.  “But I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep-”

“No,” He whined, and tugged limply on her hand.  “Come lay with me and stay the whole night”

She huffed out a sigh, and his eyes opened to meet hers.

“Please?” He added hopefully.

She was silent as she gave in, standing up and crawling into the small space on the couch.  John B moved as best as he could to lay on his side, his back against the cushions so that (y/n) could have just enough space to lay on her side before him.

He wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her tight so that she wouldn’t roll off in the middle of the night.

She sighed again as she rested her head against his chest, being careful to stay away from the bruises that were slowly starting to darken, but this time the soft exhale was one of content, and relief.

“It doesn’t hurt?” She murmured.

John B took the frozen vegetables off his eye, and dropped the bag somewhere on the ground carelessly.

“It’s not that bad,” He lied.  “Really”

She didn’t know if she should believe him, because she knew he would lie just to ease her worries.  But she decided to just nuzzle further into him, her own arm sliding around his hips, her hand splaying out flat against his back.

“I thought he was gonna fuckin’ kill you” She admitted, her voice barely a whisper, but he still heard her.

“It’s Topper, he just wanted to prove a point, (y/n/n),” John B said, even though there had been a moment where he’d thought the same thing.  “You probably scared him, though.  He probably thought you were gonna break his dick again”

The girl let out a small laugh.  It was momentary, but it was worth it, and John B relaxed a bit against her.

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” She mumbled, starting to fall asleep in his arms.  “I don’t like seeing you hurt.  It was stupid of you to hit him, not that he didn’t deserve it,”

She was on a bit of a confession spree, the remaining alcohol in her system mixing in with the adrenaline of the fight and her exhaustion.  But John B didn’t mind, he’d stay up to listen to her talk all night.

“Someday we’ll get out of here, and never have to see him again”

That was the last thing she’d said before falling asleep, and it warmed John B’s heart.  It was relieving to hear that she thought about their dream of getting off the island too, and not just to entertain him.

He told her goodnight and kissed her forehead before allowing himself to go to sleep too.

[ i know i could try looking for something new // but wherever i go, i’ll be looking for you ]

Kiara had told (y/n) a few weeks after that incident that her and the Pogues had found John B and (y/n) completely intertwined the next morning.

Apparently JJ had been the first to get up that morning, bright and early, the aches and pains that he had as consequences to fighting the night before made sure that he wasn’t able to comfortably sleep through the night.  

And apparently when he’d headed for the kitchen to make breakfast, he’d come across the pair on the sofa, and just about laughed so hard he risked waking them up.

He did, however, wake Kiara and Pope.

The boys laughed into their hands while whacking each other in the sides, calling John B a simp among other teasing names.

But Kiara just smiled, silently getting a blanket from John B’s bedroom and covering the two.  

(y/n) was completely wrapped up in John B’s arms, her head buried in the crook of his neck and both of her legs tangled with one of his.  While John B was peacefully snoring, head resting against hers.

It was kind of a miracle that his snoring alone didn’t wake up (y/n).  It wasn’t that loud, but it definitely wasn’t soft, and it was right next to her ear.  Kiara thought it was adorable that the two slept so perfectly in each other’s arms.

When she’d told (y/n) about it, the girl blushed and had a hard time keeping eye contact.  She was adamant about staring down at her shoes and insisting that there was nothing between them.

But deep down, she got butterflies just thinking about cuddling up with John B again.

It was a good memory, despite the fight and Topper being a psychopath, when (y/n) looked back on it, it made her feel soft inside.

[ you think it’s a lie when i’m telling the truth // wherever i go i’ll be looking for you ]

“John B! Wait!”

The shriek was desperate.  It was tearful and fearful, full of pure terror and worry.  It was also hopeful, and it was relieved, but it was mostly desperate.

As (y/n) came up to the dock on JJ’s dirtbike, driving terribly as her balance was shit and she didn’t technically have a license so her ability was already in the toilet, the whole gang swiveled in surprise, not having expected to see her.

John B especially, he had been trying to prepare himself for the fact that he might never see her again, but here she was, nearly crashing the bike as she came to a stop, and throwing JJ’s helmet to the ground.

“Hey!” JJ shouted, quickly grabbing the gear and dusting off the dirt.

(y/n) practically scrambled to get off the bike, careless letting it fall to the ground as she swung her leg over it, and then sprinted towards  her outlaw of a best friend.

“You were just gonna leave without saying goodbye?” She spoke breathlessly, her arms already extended for him before she actually reached him.

But John B was quicker than her, lunging forward and literally scooping her up in his arms, hugging her tightly.  (y/n’s) feet couldn’t touch the ground, but she didn’t care, she reciprocated the tight embrace, beyond thankful that she got to him in time.

“I didn’t want to leave without seeing you,” He mumbled, burying his face in her hair  as he set her back down on the ground.  (y/n) could tell he was crying.  “I thought you weren’t going to make it in time, I thought-”

“John B,”

(y/n) pulled him away, her hands cupping his face as she smiled at him, her grin stretching ear to ear, and tears shined in her own eyes as well.  He smiled back at her, letting out a sigh of relief.  Bittersweet relief, as he would still have to leave her in a minute, but at least he got to look at her one last time.  Maybe he could  memorize her face, so that when he got lonely on the other side of the border he could think of her, and imagine she was there with him.

(y/n) didn’t say anything, just pulled him down to be level with her, and then pressed her lips against his.

It was a fast kiss, harsh and desperate, just like her arrival, but it was everything either of them needed.

His hands had a tight grip on her waist before trailing lower, pulling her roughly into his chest.  If this was the last time he saw her, and this was the only chance he’d get at kissing her, he was gonna have to make it worth it.

Pope and Kiara quickly averted their gaze, and JJ let out a low whistle in amusement.

Finally, they parted, only because they needed air, and because John B knew his time for getting away was running out.

(y/n’s) forehead was glued to his, her hands still splayed over his face, nose still pushed up against his, it was like she couldn’t bear to ever be apart from him again.  

And she couldn’t.

“You’re not leaving without me” She murmured.

John B sharply pulled away then, his brows furrowed as his eyes flickered over her features, assessing her expression to make sure she was serious.

When she shrugged the backpack of her shoulders to show him that it was very full, definitely with more than the things he’d asked her to get from the Chateau, his eyes blew wide.

“Really?” He asked, full of hope and excitement, but then the reality of her choice hit him.  “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure” (y/n) nodded affirmatively.

“I’ll be on the run- probably for the rest of my life, I could get picked up and arrested at any moment-”

“We’ll be on the run together then,” (y/n) told him, voice unwavering.  He could tell that she was being as genuine as she could be.  “I love you.  And I  don’t ever want to be apart again” She stated.

John B’s smile returned, and he nodded his head back at her.

(y/n) hugged the Pogues as quickly as she could, crying out her last goodbyes, and as the sound of sirens grew nearer, her and John B hastily made their way onto the speedboat.

It was difficult saying goodbye, but they had a good feeling this wasn’t the end.  Their story had only just started, and they’d only hit the tip of the greatest adventure of their lives.

As John B expertly sped off into the storm, he pulled (y/n) into his side, kissing her cheek affectionately.

“I know the plan was Florida,” He told her, “But how do you feel about the Bahamas?”

She grinned back at him.

“I’ll follow you wherever you go”

[ wherever i go, i’ll be looking for you ] ___

idk what this was, just wanted to write it so i did

xoxo ~ jordie

[rontufox]

trans ask game taken from here!

How did you choose your name?

I wasn’t gonna change it initially.  I like my given name.  but I don’t like attention or talking irl, especially about myself.  so I figured I’d have a simpler time if I changed it to something more people considered masculine  

my new name had to start with B so my initials could remain BLT.  I also wanted a “white” name cuz although I’m biracial, my given name was white, and it just feels weird to have a name of totally different feeling, in that regard

the only B names I liked were already associated with people I knew, which I didn’t want.  so I kinda stopped.  I wasn’t motivated to find a name LOLOL.  one night, my cousin asked what I’m changing my name to.  when I was like “idk man I can’t find any I like” he pulled up a huge list of B names on the internet and just started reading them off the whole night lolol.  a few resonated with me, but Brian really felt right.  

I like how it sounds out loud, the feeling it gives.  I like its meaning (strong, virtuous, and honorable or hill/noble).  it’s Irish, which I am, so that was perfect.  and, amazingly, the strokes involved in writing it are actually really similar the ones I use for my given name

in the end I’m even more glad I changed my name, for feeling so much more of a self-made person.  it was kind of a new start, where I could decide anything.  I chose my own name.  I could choose anything else in life I wanted.

What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria)

my dysphoria stopped after I got top surgery and transitioned socially ✌🏼

What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?

in college.  that’s when I fully learned the term.  I always knew what I was since I was 5 or 6.  but college is when I learned there’s a term and community for what I was.

What is your favorite part of being transgender?

just, being able to be myself, freely.  

How would you explain your gender identity to others?

trans guy

How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? 

I thought I’d stay closeted irl forever honestly.  it always seemed something I’d never be capable of.  coming out as trans was something incredibly strong people did.  people who were wiling to change their entire life.  well... I eventually became that person.

I first came out to my online friend Bsumo.  that was easy cuz they’re amazing, and we talked about gender so much anyway.  then I came out online, only on tumblr (I’ve been stealth online all my life).  after that, I personally told a few people irl I really trust.  next in line was my parents.  I had no idea how that would go.  but I was prepared to be rejected.  it went okay

then I had to come out at work.  I wanted to do that before making an announcement to my extended family via facebook to avoid anyone at work seeing it.  and that, was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.  I’m very fortunate to work in a progressive organization, so I knew I’d be okay.  but it was hard.  I first told the CEO and our HR person.  it’s really, really hard to let the words out.  but I did it.  and the second I did, it was like... a floodgate.  like, there was absolutely no turning back at that moment and I loved it.  I told the rest of my coworkers in a meeting a few weeks later.  I gave them my new name and the pronouns they should use for me.  the older generation staff members had trouble getting the hang of it, but I didn’t meet any intentional resistance

I will say, you receive allyship and rejection in very unexpected places when you come out.  people you thought would support you that don’t.  people you thought would avoid you, reach out and advocate for you.  it was all quite an interesting experience.  

What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?

none

What are your experiences with binding or tucking?

tried binding a few times before I had surgery.  I couldn’t stand to wear it more than 3 minutes.  it triggered a fight or flight response in my body for some reason.  like the panic you feel when your finger or limb gets stuck in something and your life flashes before your eyes as your mind overreacts thinking you’ll never escape.  I even cut a binder off with scissors once cuz I felt like I needed to get it off NOW.

Do you pass?

yeah, unless it’s over the phone lol!

What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?

top surgery and T.  I woulda still been miserable to this day if I hadn’t gotten top surgery.  but I kinda took T on a whim.  see if I’d like it.  I’m glad I did, I really enjoy it.  out of all the changes I love my sideburns the most!

How long have you been out?

3 years!

How does your family feel about your trans identity?

frankly I don’t care lolol

Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

I’m kinda in the middle.  I’m open about being trans online.  I pass irl so I’m pretty much stealth there to strangers.  but if anyone ever asked if I was trans, or if a trans discussion ever came up, or if I was just talking bout my past where it’s relevant to the story, I’d be fine revealing I’m not cis

What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

1) that no, people don’t secretly see you as a guy, 2) the term trans,  3) that you can get top surgery without any therapy involved (I thought I’d never be able to get it because of that, I resigned to that fact for so many years when I could’ve been arranging it!)

What’s your biggest trans-related fear?

lol I’m not sharing that

What do you wish cis people understood?

I honestly don’t think about that much

What impact has being trans affected your life?

it didn’t affect me much til puberty.  before puberty I sorta deluded myself into thinking everyone around me secretly regarded me as a boy but weren’t allowed to show it.  when puberty came my life ended.  dysphoria really made me suffer all through my 20s.  and I always hated being seen and treated the way people did.  I’ve never ever disliked being trans.  it’s always been me.  but now I live so fully and happily.  I love being trans

How do you feel about trans representation in media?

I really do not want it unless a trans person is the one creating it.

Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?

can I say myself? lolol

How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

making/reblogging trans posts is the extent of what I do.  I did do a few things irl--helped carry a huge trans flag during pride once.  it was an amazing experience, but way too overwhelming for me lol.  tried going to our trans masculine group at my local lgbt center but had a bad experience with one of the members there, and he later became the group facilitator so lol

How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

same as I do now

What trans issue are you most passionate about?

trans youth having all the info they need to be aware of themselves and make decisions about their own lives

What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?

I’m aroace and it’s amazing!  I love being ace!  being both trans and ace made me wonder how the heck my life’d pan out in terms of having a partner.  cuz I did always want one.  but I thought I’d have a pretty low chance of finding someone I liked (I don’t like many people LOL) who also embraced and understood both my transness and aceness.  and who made it simple and easy for us on both ends.  maybe the chance was low, but I got the perfect partner now ❤

How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

it was just painful.  there’s not much more you can say

[jangyeevns]

🔥🔥🔥 rant freely. go wild

send me a “ 🔥 “ for an unpopular opinion — ( accepting )

🔥 

let’s get controversial ! SGKLGFJFLGDS

gonna start off strong bc this will never Not bother me and i read someone else’s rant about it earlier. Stop Making Self-Inserts/Projecting Muses !!! i’ve seen my fair share of them over the years but some of y’all ( generalizing here as always, dw dgfklsd ) OUTDID yourselves in the last what, fourteen, fifteen months ? if they’re either a placeholder for how you view yourself/how you work through your insecurities/whatever or for what you WISH to be/what you wish to DO in relationships or something of the sort, Log Off. all it does is put more pressure on people Not to offend you, thus compromise their characterizations if you’re particularly sensitive over Any amount of teasing or critical, IN CHARACTER, discourse. now, obviously certain topics are exempt from this behaviour, but if you’re projecting your insecurities onto Most of your muses, are almost Too invested in how other muses perceive yours/get defensive when people hit back or respond in a certain way, or are making them like yourself for any other reason, you’re no longer portraying a muse and people can see that from a mile away. i know it sounds harsh, but cut it out, log off, take a walk and some much needed time to yourself before getting back into a group or your indie because it’s not healthy for you nor the muns you interact with

🔥 

branching off of that Slightly and to a topic i’ve ranted about Enough, but ( generalizing again ) some of y’all need to fucking STOP getting contrary over ships or pushing for them, BOTH preferably. you should also stop initiating flat, boring ships the Second you join a group bc of your thirst and your gay asian fetish. DSLJGFDK this is really just specific to a couple of muns i’ve encountered, but i cannot stomach any of this shit anymore. focusing on the rampant Hets in the rpc, some of them can’t accept their target giving anyone else their attention, thus they have to sabotage it in some way or they have to get pissy in general. and it’s fucking ridiculous, it’s Fictional Cock honey ! as for those ( a MINORITY, let me make that clear ) who portray mlm muses Specifically, y’all have to be the most pushy and disturbing people i’ve encountered ! during my time in the k*rp scene, i saw so many cringey and fetishized portrayals from girls and guys alike ( the guys are usually not at fault, they wanna show some representation ! they just get involved with, at times, questionable muns and muses when it comes to shipping ). the worst was, and still is, seeing borderline harassing shit ic that They think is charming and is gonna get them a ship or just some smut. but what bothers me most are the mlm muses who are portrayed as the same whiny asian twinks, sometimes still MINORS in their home country and getting involved with fcs in their mid-to-late twenties, and get outrageously sexualized by their muns — it makes my stomach churn when it’s a mlm mun doing all this too, and acting like a kboo even with their WHITE bottom muses. basically, every Gross element that comes with these pushy, possessive and petulant muns can fucking ROT already, stop validating them bc of representation, their fc, the mun’s hierarchal position in an rp ( such as an admin or an admin’s friend ) or my personal favourite angle, “ their sexually liberated, bold personality ! ” with a specific, lgbtq mun in mind

sidebar, i know it’s odd of me to go on a tangent mostly focused on mlm muses and at times, mlm muns, but it’s only because a lot of shit with m/m interactions that would not be acceptable towards m/f or f/f interactions have often gotten a pass and i don’t agree with it at All. idk if it’s certain sections of the community enabling it or what, but it has to stop because it doesn’t do mlm muns or muses any favours, it doesn’t do other lgbtq+ muns any favours either and in acting like these “ cool and bold and funny ” portrayals and muns are above the standards Set with other pairings is honestly vile. i wanna see mlm muses be given dimension in groups, i wanna see them flourish without being predominantly sexual beings or sexualized, and i wanna see them treat other muses ( and the muns behind them treat other muns ) in a rational fashion — not tossing out some weird blowjob insinuations at them out of left field and without talking about it, ESPECIALLY with minor muns. frankly, i want it for all muses, but godDAMN people, do right by your boys who like boys, they deserve so much better than they get

🔥

uhh, so i snapped a little Too Much in those first two that idk what else to say rn KJGDSFFG

pineapple on pizza isn’t the fucking end of the world ?? like, this constantly, imo heated more than chill debate is SO childish and for what, a topping you Don’t have to check the box on when ordering in if you and your pals don’t want it ? or better yet, one that doesn’t need to be on the Whole pizza, just a section for the pal who likes it. pineapple’s Good, sometimes it’s good with a decent meat topping because sweet + savoury ?? is Good. do i have it all the time On the pizza ? 90% of the time it’s on it, bc my mom likes hawaiian sometimes, i pick it off and eat it by itself because i like pineapple in itself, but will i bitch and bawl because it’s on there ? at 21 years old, you best believe i’m grown up enough not to care, much like i don’t care if there’s mushrooms on anything when i Despise them. because i pick them off and move on with my day or i ask for them Not to be on it. and yeah, i’ll reblog posts about controversial foods or toppings, but it’s before everyone takes So Much of the piss out of it that it comes off as bitter and snide. @ tumblr and twitter dot com, stop making lighthearted debates so Deep that people get uncomfy or get side eyed for it, that it doesn’t feel like a joke when it gets to a Point, and over fucking pizza toppings especially, jesus

[ask-svt-hearteu]

vampire! Mingyu

Anon requested: “ WOOOO requests are open?? I'd like to request a mingyu vampire au lol idk this just came to my mind... “

Genre: fluff

Word Count: 1973

A/N: not too sure yet, but this may sound the tiniest bit of graphic to some, you’ve been warned :’) 

few humans know of vampires 

and the ones that do, or did, are dead

what kind of dead, that’s up to them and the vampire 

vampires aren’t evil, they still have their personalities

and like humans can be good and evil, vampires can be too 

like humans can have armies, groups, organizations

vampires can have them too

one of the more well known ones, Seventeen, actually extremely hard to get into 

to this day, only thirteen male members, and some rumors of their girlfriends 

meanwhile, getting his face smashed against the tree, Mingyu takes deep breaths

hands holding onto the tree, he grins at the sound behind him

“is that all you got?” 

Mingyu glances back at Seungcheol and mirrors the smirk the latter is flashing

“not even close” 

and there goes the two again, racing to the top of the mountain 

not afraid to let a little wrestling in on the way

“i win” Seungcheol grins, patting him on the back 

chuckling, Mingyu waves casually, “i’m going to find food”

after standing on top of the mountain for the millionth time, 

the view does get old lol 

running care-freely, he goes all the way down past the huge new house

vampires must move around after all 

and here’s the thing 

the means to get human blood is pretty morbid

though it’s their means of survival, the rule in Seventeen is blood bags and animals only 

can’t having anyone forgetting to change a human’s memory or heal them yikes

standing openly in the forest, Mingyu stays silent, looking around for the smallest of movements

then drawing his fangs out he runs 

teeth sinking into the live, innocent animal, bloodshot eyes burning in satisfaction

he drains the blood quickly, having not eaten the whole day

the limp deer drops to the ground with a slight thud as Mingyu grimaces in his smile

“sorry,” he whispers before turning and leisurely walking out the forest

it was either the hot animal blood or the cold blood bag 

while the truth was nothing could ever beat a human’s 

going back to the house, he grabs his bag and attempts to leave the door 

before Minghao flashes in front of him leaning against the wood smirking

“i can’t believe your voluntarily going back to that hellhole.”

with a bit of effort, Mingyu opens the door, grinning back at his friend

“college isn’t a hellhole” 

Minghao shrugs, “your dead and going to college so, yeah, it is.” 

he shortly gives a fist bump before going back inside

yes this is the twenty-second time Mingyu has been gone to college 

imagine the things he knows though oh lord 

while alive, he had always stressed over what to major in

now he could easily take anything he had the slightest interest in

so he sits in his psychology class, head resting on his head, smiling slightly at the board 

or maybe at something else 

or someone

“i don’t know how you can be so happy for a psych class,” you chuckle

the boy turns, his smile practically radiating 

“i can’t just be happy?” he laughs at your expression

“your allowed to have one bad day Kim Mingyu.” 

patting his arm, you settle into your seat, next to him 

‘how can i when i get to see you...’

alas, that’s not the words coming out of his mouth

sadly the conversation couldn’t continue, as the professor starts class

an hour later during class, running his hand through his hair, tugging at the roots 

anyone would think he just woke up from a nap and freaking out because he just missed an hour of notes 

but nope that’s not it, it’s what happened a few minutes prior 

okay vampires don’t sleep really 

it’s more like closing your eyes peacefully, while listening to the prof

“Mingyu-ah~” 

your soft voice sends shivers through him

and as he opens his eyes, all his senses rise as he stares deeply into your eyes, so close to him 

“i’ll text you the notes,” you wink, leaning away acting as if nothing has happened 

Mingyu never felt more disrespected 

your scent still lingers around him 

it’s torture 

and taking all his might to not pounce on you right now 

now after letting his mind wander, he’s at his current state 

stressing himself out because, what the actual fuck is he going to do 

it’s not like he can easily start a relationship with you 

how could he possibly start something where only broken hearts might come out of 

that’s not what your thinking 

“do you have a class after this?” 

“huh, oh um no i don’t” 

you smile nervously, “want to get lunch with me” 

not letting his thoughts peak through, other than ‘fuck it’ he answers 

“let’s go” 

his hands latch onto his book bag straps desperately, nails almost digging into his palms 

“what do you want to eat?” he asks

your arms swing back and forth, unintentionally drawing his attention to them 

but dammit does he want to hold your hand

“that little cafe shop down the road?” 

“uhhh sure” 

you smile at him, realizing the expression he has

he’s tilting his head slightly, grinning widely to try to hide the confusion in his eyes

“you’ve never been there have you?” 

sheepishly, he shakes his head shyly 

“what the heck,” 

you shock him by grabbing his wrist 

“let’s go then!” 

myth: vampires only drink blood 

nah, it’s just they can’t get nutrients from it, hence blood

what’s much more appetizing though, cough

you lick your lips, after taking a spoonful, “take a bite Mingyu~” 

how ironic 

“it’s really good” he smiles immediately, and not because of the food 

your pretty face, eating simple pasta, smiling like it was the best thing in the world 

ignorance is bliss 

“are you finally having that bad day?” you ask curiously

Mingyu’s been quiet today 

i mean you do only normally see him in class, and he did smile a bit 

but even then, he’s twirling his pencil, making origami with notebook paper

you didn’t add to your collection of mini swans today

but today nothing, nada

and it worried you more than you would admit 

strangely, you’ve grown fond of him, without even knowing him

“does it seem that way,” he smiles apologetically, “got a bit on my mind” 

“care to tell?” 

he hesitates, before leaning back

“there’s a girl I like, but i’ll never work out” 

you lean forward, your lips twitching, “and what makes you think it won’t” 

he stays silent and you take this as your cue to continue 

“do you know why I asked you to lunch?” 

he shakes his head 

“i like you, Mingyu, and I rather face rejection than regretting I never did something” 

you force yourself to not look away from his eyes, trying to read every single emotion that goes through 

“not a lot of people can be like that” he says finally 

“history” you state simply 

“for the record, you were the girl I was talking about” 

you smile at him, happy enough to get that 

swinging your bag back over your shoulder, you stand

“i think we can make it work, when you think so too,” 

his lips are parted slightly, showing there’s something he’s going to say 

judging from his face, it’s not what you want to hear,

besides that fact, you wink, 

“call me” 

he watches you pass through the door, cross the street, meet up with one of your girl friends while walking back to campus, he sighs

he looks at the ring on his pinky, the one so graciously giving him the ability to not burn on the spot 

“if only she knew” 

one whole week 

that’s how long Mingyu had until he saw you again

that’s also how long the others had to get it out of him 

even if it means bother him the kitchen 

“Mingyuuuuu, who’s this girl i hear them talk of?” 

Jeonghan smirks, trying to make eyecontact 

“hyung is there no subtly?” he laughs, unamused 

“who said there’s a girl?” Mingyu continues stirring his food for their dinner

how did they know??

“i know there is” 

Wonwoo pops of out of no where, head in a book

“you’re acting weird” 

if Vampires could blush, Mingyu would be past that 

“get out, get out if you wanna eat” 

and he avoids that conversation for about a day

but on that last day, he really cant take it anymore 

it’s 1:00 in the morning when he grabs his phone, and speeds to that little cafe

“are you awake?” 

“you have the audacity to call me at 1:00 am?” 

he smiles to himself, swinging his long legs back and forth on the cafe roof 

“i’m sorry” 

“i don’t need an apology for that” 

he’s speechless for a moment, mouth suddenly feeling dry

on the other side, you bite your lip nervously, all the confidence you show outside gone 

you can hear his breathe through the phone

“can you meet me?” 

you tap your pencil on your desk, surprised at his words 

“i only give one chance Kim Mingyu” you say softly, grabbing your coat and leaving 

you find him quickly, tilting your head up “how am I supposed to get up there??” 

“climb!!” 

he motions excessively to the tree beside him

taking a deep breathe, you latch onto the first branch, starting to climb 

there’s a comfortable silence when you get up there, and you break it, sitting closely next to him 

“making the girl do all the dirty work on the first date, what a man” 

you joke smiling, 

he grins, the grin you’ve been thinking about all week

“is this a date now?” 

you pout, “i’m leaving if this isn’t” 

without his eyes leaving yours, he takes his hand, tangling it in yours 

it’s feels a little cool 

“stay, please” 

you nod, leaning your head on his shoulder

he gives your hand a quick squeeze, “i think we can make this work” 

you feel a but coming

“but there’s something you need to know first” 

the sky is dark but you can still see his eyes glistening 

“i’m a vampire” 

your mind goes blank 

the words that come out your mouth are automatic 

“is that why your hand is cold” 

he chuckles, obviously not expecting your reaction 

“definitely didn’t think I was going to be hearing that” 

you burst into laughter 

“don’t worry i’ll be freaking out when i go home” 

“this...” you pause, “it doesn’t change how I feel about you” 

“seriously?” Mingyu bites his lip

your eyes haze over, possibly from the lack of sleep, or not 

“don’t get me wrong, it changes a lot” 

your words come out a bit breathless, as you tilt your head up slightly, 

leaning in, just a bit 

but instead, his hand lets go of yours as it moves to cup your cheek 

he whispers, “you always make the first move” 

before closing the gap

it was something completely different than what he’s ever felt 

ever since becoming a vampire, he gave up the thought the love

but maybe he’s found it 

his hands find themselves resting on your waist, before pulling away

“it’s going to be complicated” 

you can’t help the smile that forms on your face, looking at his worried expression 

running your thumb over his cheek, you chuckle, “we can think about that another time” 

your hands intertwine again, you head leaning on his shoulder 

just simply discussing trivial non-important things 

‘it’s going to work out just fine’ you think, smiling 

“what’s that smile for?” 

you grin, “nothing~”  

tapping on the roof, you huff 

“you better help me down” 

he smirks, “on it” 

faster than you can see, he stands up on the roof 

holding you in his arms bridal style 

his eyes are sparkling again 

“hold on tightly.”

The Seventeen Vampire AU Series:

| Mingyu | Junhui | Seungcheol | Joshua |

MASTERLIST

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 05.09.17 lb

lololol shivaay turning the paper this way and that trying to read it (it’s in marathi, lol) 😂😂😂

hein? this house has a staircase also???? leading where???? 🤔🤔🤔

shivaaaay + chaaaaaaaai = this should be interesting. 😐😐😐

oh boy she wants him to drink it from the saucer. (always seemed weird to me.) 😕😕😕

lmaoooo “no, that doesn’t sound right.” 😂😂😂

props to him for actually trying this. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

“IT’S GOOD!”  “MERE mooh mein paani aa gaya tha!” 

lmao my tharki mind is interpreting this whole conversation in a verrrrrrrry different way! 😏😏😏

lmaoooooooooooo baalti wali bath! ab aayega mazaaaaaa. the true middle class experience! never am i more humbled than when i have to do a baalti bath back in india. 😌😌😌

please to be watching this video by my fav, kenny sebastian, and him describing the process super accurately. my place in kerala is in the city and the bathroom is in the house and all (ooooh! so fancy!), but this is pretty much how it goes. i can smell the medimix just watching this video! 🙃🙃🙃

you were so pleased with the “rain water harvesting” yesterday billu. time to walk the talk! 😊😊😊

LOL HE TOOK HER SERIOUSLY. 😂😂😂

pft, “humare paas sabun bhi hai????” idiottttt 🙄🙄🙄

LMAO HE TOOK HER SERIOUSLY ABOUT THE DATUN TOO. MAN, RICH PEOPLE ARE SO FUN TO FUCK WITH. 🤣🤣🤣

“main jaa raha hoon nahaane ke liye. tum chalogi mere saath?”

lmao why, billu? do you want a witness for your embarrassment? trust me, you’re not gonna feel even remotely sexy while doing a middle class baalti bath. 

gauri is worried about becoming vidhwaa 6 months into her marriage. 😬😬😬

LMAOOOOO AAPKO US SAAND KE SAATH BAITHKE CHITHRA NAHI BANANE HAI 😂😂😂

OH MY GOD OMKARA, YOU ARE TRULY AN IDIOT. DANGAL MOVIE DEKHNE SE KOI PEHELWAN NAHI HO JAATA. MATLAB,  I’VE WATCHED LEGALLY BLONDE 300 TIMES, MAIN LAWYER THODI HO GAYI HOON. 😒😒😒

same, gauri. #same. 

oufff shivaay ke sarrr se nkk ka bhoot utarkar iske sarrr chadh gaya hai. 😑😑😑

hahahaha herrrrr imitation. her faaaace. i love her so much. 😂😂😂

OMG WTF EVEN ARE THESE KURTAS SHIVAAY IS WEARING THEY LOOK FUCKING RIDICULOUS, WHY ISN’T HE JUST WEARING HIS REGULAR KURTAS THAT HE WEARS AT HOME?!!?!? CURSE YOU SHIRALI CURSE YOU TO HELL, JUST LET THE MAN LIVE 😫😫😫

oh boyyyy chawl udaana hai 😬😬😬

10 to 1 the maalik is…

…. YUP. ����😒😒

the fuck shivaay, do you even pay attention to half the orders you give? 😐😐😐 how many bldgs have you felled like this without even knowing?

ok the rule was to not use your name and identity for undue advantages. not for situations like these! 😩😩😩

OH MY GOD HE’S ACTUALLY YOUTUBING HOW TO DO KUSHTI. 😧😧😧

son, if that worked, all the fitness videos i watch and subscribe to would have me sporting 6 pack abs and zero jiggle. 😣😣😣

lmao ek din mein 5 kele khaa ke kya hona hai????? 😶😶😶

chor naukar has an unsolicited opinion. 🙄🙄🙄

lmao their reaction! omki’s “get a load of this guy!” head nod. baat aane par dono ek team ho gaye. abhi chor ki jamkar dhulaai hogi. 😂😂😂

hey chawl-blower-upper-dude, why are you such an asshole? just chill maybe? 😒😒😒

gotta love these oBahus and how they’re all ready to throw down the second someone is mean to their patis.  (ง •̀_•́)ง (ง •̀_•́)ง (ง •̀_•́)ง 

GOD SHIVAAY YOU’RE AN IDIOT. JUST MAKE A CALL AND GET YOUR OFFICE TO STOP THE PLAN. HONESTLY. 😒😒😒

“IS CHAWL MEIN REHNE WAALA EK AAM AADMI.” 

WHOSE HAIR KE HIGHLIGHTS COST MORE THAN THE MONTHLY BUDGET OF PPL IN THIS CHAWL. 🙄🙄🙄

…. is he sitting ON the dynamite? 😟😟😟

lmao only the rich think that “the right to peacefully protest” achieves ANYTHING in india. bitch, the aam aadmi has no TIME to protest, peacefully or otherwise. humein ghar bhi chalaane hote hai. 🙄🙄🙄

i feel bad for the explosion guy. he’s also an aam aadmi, trying to do his damn job. kahaan is majnu se paala pad gaya aaj. 😑😑😑

…. and you’re only doing this for anika and sahil? they have alternate housing and are sorted in life now. WHAT ABOUT ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE LIVING IN THE CHAWL WHO DON’T? AM I SUPPOSED TO AWWWWW OVER THIS BS? 😤😤😤

anika’s like OMG!SEXXXXXXXXX TAKE ME NOW HUBBY hearing that sentimental pap though. oh well. whatever works for her. 😕😕😕

lmaooooo her mooophat jawab and his honest laugh at her bindaass-ness. 😊😊😊

the couple that does dharna together, stays together, i guess? 🤔🤔🤔

ok i can’t stop laughing at omki’s hella lame kushti moves. that too, with this untrained idiot who’s not even that heavily built. such false complacency. 😐😐😐

omki going in with some classic WWE moves. 😊😊😊

gauri’s excitement is hella cute though. 😍😍😍

“abbe kahan jaa raha hai bhaag ke? practice kiske saath karoonga abhi?” 

pffffffffffft. 

wifey be like I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE. 🙋🏽🙋🏽🙋🏽

girl, stop putting the sunglasses on every 3 minutes to look cool. woh bhi raat mein. it’s laaaaaaame. 🙄🙄🙄

sure. ok. with all the hair open. you been hanging out with bhavya too much. 😑😑😑

omki be like, oh yeah baby, imma wrestle with you. imma wrestle with you gooooooooooood. imma lift you up and pin you down and then take my shirt off and… hmm? what? yes. wrestling. this is how it’s done. (in the dangal themed porno i came across on the dark side of the web during my “research”.) 😏😏😏😏

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 😍😍😍😍

i like how the chulbul moments are there too. omki is canon confirmed bi/pan/demisexual, fiiiiiiiiiiight me. 😊😊😊

haaaaaaye my cuties. 💖💖💖

i like how it’s night in… lonavla or wherever the f rikara are, and early morning in mumbai where shivika are. because the two places are in DIFFERENT TIME ZONES 12 HOURS APART. 😐😐😐

balbirrrrrrrr should NOTTTTTTTTTT have done that. 😠😠😠

LMAO “AYE INKE HEIGHT PE MAT JAA!!!!!!!!”  “BOLNA ZAROORI THA YEH?” “YEH MOTA AAPKE HEIGHT KA MAZAAK UDAA RAHA HAI!” “haan, aur tum usse aur underline kar do!!!” 

my god what a family of fighty little munchkins this is today. 😊😊😊

oh, iska boss bhi idhar hi hai? 

LMAO IS THAT KHANNAAAAAAAAAA?????????? HAHAHAHAHAHA 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

lollllllllllllll khanna’s been using the SSO name to act like big mannnnn. 

“namaste khannaji!” “nahi, BOSS!” 

heeeee heeee heeeeeee 😂😂😂

ok that looks like the most uncomfortable way to sleep, gauri. 

has he been practicing all night????? great, he’s gonna go wrestle with NO training, and not having SLEPT either. idiot. 😒😒😒

oufffff gauri ask bhavya to send BACKUP instead of asking her for kushti tips, jfc. 😑😑😑

billu ka swaagat toh aise kiya jaa raha hai jaise jung se lauta ho. fucking ridiculous. 🙄🙄🙄

such cute. 💖💖💖💖💖💖

dadi gave you the fucking night off from her pehredaari to go at it like rabbits and you spent it talking about baltis and whatnot. this is what you call WASTE OF OPPORTUNITY. 😫😫😫😫

bhavya looking 10000% done with rudra is me. #freeMyGirl 😣😣😣

lo, billu ne bhavya ko bhi adopt kar liya. he’s like who needs stupidass brothers when i can have AWESOMEASS SISTERSSSSSSSS 😊😊😊

LMAOO RUDRA’S LOOK OF BETRAYAL 🤣🤣🤣🤣

don’t think i missed bhavya looking all choked up though. 😭😭😭

allllllllll the toe touches in the world aren’t gonna help ya, omki. 😐😐😐

dude, like yeh balram legit apne khanna ka bhai lagta hai. 😗😗😗

of course he’s not gonna listen. 🙄🙄🙄

aaaaaaaaaaaand there goes the lassi. and the omkara. 😕😕😕

OMG THAT SHOT OF HIS FACE BOUNCING OFF THE FLOOR HAHAHAHAHAHA 🤣🤣🤣🤣

HE’S FUCKING OUT. WITHOUT EVEN STEPPING INTO THE RING LOLOLOLOLOLOL. THIS IS FUCKING HILAAAAAAAAAAAARIOUS HAHAHAHAHAHAHA 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

LMAO HOW EVEN IS THE SHOW PLAYING THIS AS A SERIOUS MOMENT I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING OMG 😂😂😂😂

ouff. stupid mardaangi taunts. #masculinitySoFragile

ok fwding the nonsense till bulbul gets into the ring. 

aw. bhavyaaa. *hugs her* we love you, we do. which is why we want better for you than f’ing rudra. sumo toh khud hi jaan chudaaa kar chali gayi. ab tumhe kaise bachaaye is se. 🙁🙁🙁

anika’s crying too. and has dialogues about family ka hissa and all. all that is okay, but please god don’t make her chutki. 😬😬😬

rudra calling for cessation of this divisive team policy in order to get some bro bonding time. 😌😌😌

waaah, dadi maan bhi gayi. 😯😯😯

wait, shivaay and rudra have a GANG? these ppl have OTHER friends??? 😧😧😧

surprise element? um… idk why but my mind instantly went to bachelor party and strippers. 😬😬😬

gauri be like BITCH, DON’T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE AND EK JHAANP MEIN DEEWAR PE SATTAAO-FY YOU 😠😠😠😠

big talk from all the men. PFT. COMEEEEEEEEE ONNNNN GAURIIII. 

LMAO THE INTERCUTS TO SHOW OM STILL PASSED OUT COLD IS MAKING ME LOL SO HARD 😂😂😂

girl please, TIE YOUR DAMN HAIR UP. WHAT’S WRONG WITH ALL THE WOMEN IN THIS SHOW 😩😩😩

can balram stop with the stupid yelling and faces? coz does this woman look intimidated by it? uh. that would be a resounding NO. 🙄🙄🙄

ok fwding. coz honestly i fucking CAN’T. 

god just fucking kick him in the nutsssss and END THISSSSSS 😫😫😫

LMAO OMKI JUST WOKE UP AND IS LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK 😟😟😟😟😟

hold up, few seconds ka rewind. waaah, shivaay ki tarah ab isse bhi Awareness™ chadhta hai when wife is hurt/in danger. 

mubarak ho on your new superpowers, omkiiii! they’re gonna make your life an anxiety-ridden hell, since YOUR wife wants to fight every third person she meets. 🙃🙃🙃

hubs be like AW HELL NO, NO ONE MESSES WITH MY CHIRAIYYA; HERE HAVE A KICK TO THE GODDAMN CHEST 😤😤😤😡😡😡

arre waaaaah. out in like a minute. omki toh bada chupaa rustam nikla! boy, take off that shirt so we can see what you’re REALLLLLLYY working with, body wise. you know, FOR RESEARCH. 😗😗😗

what “uthhhhhh balram”??? whoever hits the ground back-first loses. and he’s lost. fuck off now sadde hue tauji. 😒😒😒

haaaaaaaaaaaye. my sweeeetooooos. 💗💗💗

actualllllllly cryingggggg at omkiiiiii freely confessing that he couldn’t bear to see her get hurttttttttt. 😭😭😭😭😭

“shankarji ki tarah gusse mein aapki teesri aankh khul gayi.” 😅😅😅

JUST KISS ALREADYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY 😩😩😩😩

yes ok uncleji, thanks for your completely unsolicited validation but we just want the murti, so give us that and we’ll be on our way, thanks. 😒😒😒

rikara be like pyaaaaaaar? whaaat? no! we’re just roomies! with a lot of sexual tension. 😯😯😯😯😯

lmaoooo chubby has some new cockamamie scheme. 😆😆😆

hahahaha “investment”. sure. maybe ask your cambridge mba waala bhaiyya how investments actually work?????? 🙄🙄🙄

[supaliaxpress]

Episode 12 Goblin Review: An absolute fate that is beyond human beings’ eternities

OMG!! Episode 12 was such a wild ride... I don’t even know where to begin! DAMN, GR made me fall in love with him 12 times over in this episode! Warning: This review is gonna be super long. 

So that bastard Joong Won wasn’t dead after all and had the audacity to approach Eun-tak with his disgusting hands. Idk... her ghosts friends were being awfully weird. Thank goodness she didn’t touch his hand and told them to leave. After experiencing a frightening sight, Eun-tak ensures that she has a lighter in each and every one of her jackets (fuck, I’d do the same too and even put a back up lighter just incase). Then we see a depressed Sunny as she tries to make up her mind about GR, but it didn’t matter anyways cause Sunny knew she would finish in 7 shots and started with “I want to date him.” As for GR, he discusses with a grim reaper friend that he wants to have his memories back despite the painful longing and the consequences that come with remembering them. Shin notices that GR hasn’t been well lately and tries to find out the reason for GR’s behavior, but Eun-tak comes looking for GR’s help to translate Shin’s journal. She finally finds out that the journal wasn’t a love letter, but instead the words she was told by DH were Shin’s personal thoughts. This causes a domino effect causing Shin, GR, and Eun-tak to finally realize the many “mysterious” things that DH has done and said. 

The conversation between DH and Samshin was finally revealed - showing a very different DH from what we know. Samshin questions this his motives and why he brought them together, while he answers back, “It was fate.” This mysterious DH speaks with a presence of almighty and knowing... which suggests that God has always been listening and watching. The most interesting thing was when God said, “All God does is ask questions.” This means that God asks questions because he already knows the answers, but it’s up to ourselves to discover them, to think through them, and to make our own choices based on what we believe. With the scene of the butterflies flying out from DH’s body, it suggests that God has been inhabiting DH’s body to watch over Shin and GR. The look on their faces was priceless as they couldn’t believe that God was in front of them all this time, such as the saying, “God is closer than you think.”

Though Sunny knows GR’s identity of being a grim reaper, the first thing that concerned her was if there were any female ghosts who approached him. This shows that Sunny is quite strong-minded for accepting GR’s position as a grim reaper and just how amazing her attention and consideration to people’s situation (To both Eun-tak and the grim reapers who came to eat at her restaurant). Joong Won stirred trouble by approaching the female grim reaper, who was a maidservant during Goryeo, to discover her past by touching Sunny; apparently she committed a huge crime but we don’t know what she may have done exactly to put her in that situation (Maybe she was conspiring with Joong Won? Or maybe she did something to pit Wang Yeo against Kim Sun?). From the earlier confrontation with God, GR contemplated over about what God meant when he said, “I’ve never erased your memories. You made the choice to erase them.” He probably felt conflicted after learning that it was HIM who chose to erase his memories... not God - therefore this suggests that people who become grim reapers choose their own fate to erase their memories. 

I wasn’t prepared for it... our loving Grandpa passed away due to a heart attack. It was heart-wrenching to watch GR informed Shin of Grandpa’s death and how Shin asked GR to take care of him because, “I don’t want him feeling sorry toward me, even in his last moments... he mustn’t be tethered down to anyone in his next life, but live freely.” The way how DH looked when he realized what had happened and watching Shin cry as he mourned for Grandpa’s death killed my soul, “A man who was good-hearted every moment of every day rests here.” Eun-tak provided the best form of comfort: a hug in silence. During times of pain and sorrow, sometimes a silent hug is what people need the most because they just need to know that there’s someone there for them. With Eun-tak’s childhood, she gave the best advice, “That’s why the people left behind have to live their lives to the fullest,” because she is trying to do that herself for her mother. DH showed so much growth with the passing of his Grandpa and it was touching how GR, Shin, and Eun-tak tried their best to cheer him up with their own gifts (I loved how GR cut the apples into bunnies, Shin made his special dish, and Eun-tak was willing to give her camera to him, lol). Despite DH’s feelings of regret, it was very mature and thoughtful of him when he went to dust the candelabras/silverware, “I’m worried that Grandpa might be fretting over this.” He even acknowledged Secretary Kim as the CEO and how he has much to learn from the bottom up before becoming the man his Grandpa was, “I’ll learn everything well, from the bottom up.... how to play baduk, too. And I’ll become a good older brother, father, and grandfather to you.” 

Firstly, I’m so glad that Secretary Kim is not Joong Won! And secondly, we see that Grandpa leaves behind two letters with one for DH (his credit card T.T) and the other for him (his name is Kim Do Young). His letter said, “If someone whose last name is Kim and first name is Shin, meaning “belief” comes and says “I’ve come to claim what is mine,” give him everything. Everything I’ve left behind is his. He will walk through the rain and disappear with a blue spark. If he does that, know that that man is truly Kim Shin.” From what Grandpa wrote, it almost sounds like he knows Shin’s fate and this might be how he “returns to nothingness” - or how the drama might end for Shin. First, it’s important to note how he took the time to explain Shin’s name meaning “belief” and I think this suggests that Shin must believe in himself, the people he loves, and maybe God (regain his faith in the gods) to attain peace. And once he “walks through the rain” which symbolizes spiritual rebirth (or overcoming an obstacle) after he claims what is his, Shin will “disappear with a blue spark” which might be him “returning to nothingness.” Disappear with a blue spark could mean that 1) Shin will be reborn as a human after the sword is removed or 2) he will go to heaven. Why? Blue symbolizes stability (truth) and, also, heaven. Sparks symbolize a new source for a flame which can possibly be interpreted as a “new life” for Shin; thus the future of Eun-tak calling out to the “President” could actually be SHIN!! :O DH and Samshin walked pass each other again as the same in ep 1, but this time DH being himself. We learn that he is the “child who has nothing but kindness. And because of that, you brighten the world,” which is the DH that we all know. 

GR expressed his feelings of jealousy towards Shin for being an uncle and, for a split second, Shin saw Wang Yeo’s face in GR which surprised him. We then learn that Shin’s solider friend, Kim Woo Shik, was reborn and had applied to work for his company. Shin sees Eun-tak off on her first day of college and he presents her the necklace he bought in Canada, “It means “a fate decided by the heavens” in French.” This necklace is significant because it represents how their relationship was fated by God, but at the same time Shin took action into his own hands to ensure that he was the one who bought the necklace from 10 years into the future. Also, gifting a necklace usually symbolizes a strong connection between the giver and the receiver. Just saying, but what a perfect use and advertisement of SNOW when Eun-tak sent him a picture showing off her new necklace and to assure him that she’s safe, but I’ve also noticed how the word “death” is used often as a pun in this drama. I cried when Shin reunited with his friend, hired him, and how CEO Kim spoke to him with respect while presenting the gifts to Shin’s friend, “Because you saved the country in your past life.” T.T 

Ah, I love how Eun-tak is not ashamed to do cute stuff with Shin! But most of all, I love how she’s always thinking of what she can do for him such as giving him the money to repay Sunny so that he can see his sister. And I love it even more that she initiated the kiss and left Shin flustered, “Small and tiny mean the same thing. I want to come here every day.” But damn, that Joong Won just had to ruin my mood by showing up and revealing to Eun-tak that GR is Wang Yeo. But most of all, he’s causing trouble because he “wishes for their demise.” This obviously left Eun-tak conflicted, especially when GR came to talk with Eun-tak about him, Sunny, and Shin being connected in the past and about his true identity. With this conversation, GR resolved to confront Sunny, return her memories so that she could remember Shin, confirm if he was apart of her past, and erase her “sad and difficult memories” along with him so that she can live a normal life. It was so sad how GR decided to let Sunny go as his answer to the question as to why he chose to erase his own memories, “I, who gives you nothing but wrong answers hope that this, at the very least, is the right answer.” OMG!! Their kiss was so deep filled with longing for each other, but at the same time with sadness because they can’t be together. But it made me so happy to see Sunny greet her brother with her memories back and the joy on Shin’s face realizing that his sister remembers him. 

However a shocking revelation, Eun-tak cannot see ghosts anymore! :O Why? I’m not exactly sure but it may be connected to Joong Won’s appearance or it may be God’s doing? Or it may also be due to her becoming an adult and no longer considered a child because only children can see ghosts? But I was so glad that she at least told Shin about Joong Won - I was beginning to wonder when she was going to tell him. Finally Shin and Joong Won met again after 900 years - it seemed like Joong Won was “hunting,” which gangshi do hunt for life source during nighttime. BUT WHY CAN’T SHIN KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER DAMNIT, “You can’t slice away the 900 years of history we have together.” Essentially, what he meant was that something stronger and meaningful can only kill him because you can’t change what happened between them no matter how much you try to cut it away. Also, if Joong Won really is a gangshi... they can’t be killed by swords. He revealed to Shin that Wang Yeo has been beside him all along and Shin realized it was the truth when he confronted Sunny. It hurt my heart when Shin said to Sunny that she insists on protecting that idiot even in this lifetime... Shin must have felt betrayed, but knew it was inevitable. GR finally confirms to himself that he’s Wang Yeo when he went to the temple and understood why he erased his memories, “It seems that I was the source of the worst memories, after all.” Shin can hear GR’s thoughts and approached him while walking up the stairs just as he did 900 years ago, but this time Shin finally reached the king and was able to deliver the message that he couldn’t relay before he died, “Your Commanding General Kim Shin... is here to see you, Your Majesty.” 

But if you watched towards the end, we get a scene of the King holding the robes of Kim Sun and he asks, “These beautiful clothes have no owner... are you searching for them, perchance?... you may take them.” This may mean that he regretted killing her and, despite even holding onto her clothes after death, she wasn’t coming back to him. Therefore, he burnt her clothes so that maybe she may finally rest in peace (finally letting her go). 

So in conclusion, all the players are in place and the climax of the series will happen in the next episodes: the Goblin, the Bride, the King/GR, the Queen/sister, and the evil Eunuch. Now that we know Shin can’t simply kill Joong Won at any convenient time and Shin and the King finally meet again, perhaps Shin will be able to “save” Wang Yeo this time and they may be able to defeat Joong Won together. However, despite all of these answers - new questions were created. Why can’t Eun-tak see the ghosts? What will Shin do next? Did Sunny really forget GR? How do you kill that bastard Joong Won? Was this God’s plan? Personally, I think Sunny didn’t forget GR/Wang Yeo because, despite she had a tragic ending, I believe she cherished every moment with Wang Yeo/GR and that’s how Shin was able to confirm that Wang Yeo was indeed GR. Therefore, even if GR erased her sad memories, she has the happy memories of him and she died as “the woman who loves him who is the sister of a traitor.” In the next episodes, we’ll definitely learn more about Wang Yeo and how he lived his life after killing Shin’s family. We finally learn that God has been watching all this time and was the reason for how things happened the way it did. Also, there was another death card announcement for Eun-tak and I think it might be related to Joong Won? Ugh.. I just want Shin and GR to make up so that they can kill that bastard and then run to their woman and never let them go in this lifetime. T.T 

Other Reviews:

Episode 1-4 Review: Our Homegirl Eun-tak

Episode 5 Review: 10 years into the future, You’re still beautiful and bright as ever, but I’m not the one beside you

Episode 3-6 Review: I can’t help but stare at your smile (Grim Reaper x Sunny Relationship Review)

Episode 6 Review: If you had really been a bad person, he only would’ve created a Goblin, and not the Goblin’s Bride

Episode 7-8 Review: It couldn’t be helped that this was the beginning of this tragic love story (Grim Reaper x Sunny Relationship Review)

Episode 7 Review: Is the thing that I’m trying to steal one more glimpse of… my own immortal life? Or, is it your face?

Episode 8 Review: I beseech the heavens and ask that, on a certain day, after 100 years, on an adequate day… I can finally tell her she was my first love

Episode 9-10 Review: I was thinking about whether or not I should hold your hand one more time (Grim Reaper x Sunny)

Episode 9 Review: I’d like it if I could use that as an excuse to continue on living on… together, with you

Episode 10 Review: Your magic doesn’t work on me.. you can never escape me

Episode 11 Review: So you did come and go for a moment in my life

Episode 13 Review: My Life must have been a reward because I met you

Episode 14 Review: Please, someone save me from this curse

Episode 15 & 16 Review: The Person left behind must go on living life

Deok Hwa and Grandpa Theory Review: From this moment on, this child will serve you, your Lordship

Important Anon Question regarding Pedophilia