#idk my brain is seeping from my ears been thinking sm on this is hurts/hj

[youngdutchishot]

Something about a fifteen year old running away from home isn't out of the ordinary. But, it truly does conjure the question as to why he had and never even came back either. He could've returned to his mother at any moment, but must've chose not to.

And another thought I've had. Was he alone for all those years until he reached his mid twenties and had met Hosea? Did he run with minor gangs or was he a "lone wolf", and kept to himself?

If he was by himself all that time then hell, that's nearly 9 years. And even if he "ran" with other people, he probably never grew an actual connection like he had with Hosea, and was still most likely extremely alone and lonely.

AND. Back to his relationship with Greta. Usually there's a reason children / teens run away from home. And, shocker, that reason's usually never the greatest. Kids will be reckless, they'll disobey sure, but to never go back? Well, now. That's a different story. Not much is exactly said of his mother, expect his quotes in The New South mission. Sure, his gravestone indicates she was a very loving mother, but with how he spoke of her I do think otherwise. Maybe I've read into his tone too much, but he feels slightly distasteful from the thought of it.

Before this "I left home at fifteen and didn't see her again." brief pause~ "She and I didn't always[pause] see eye to eye.." another pause~ "I wasn't always a very obedient child." Said certainly? Said bitterly, as if he's been told that by her before- huh what who said that? Seriously, before that there hadn't been many pauses, he spoke coherent. Wasn't hesitant.

His tone softens as he says the next "Still.. I loved her[brief pause] in my own way[pause], and she me in hers." Then he makes this joke "Somehow, even from the grave, she managed to have the last laugh." Like a "well she is my mother I can't just not love her how ungrateful would I be to ignore her love" if that makes any sense. I don't think she was the spawn of satan, but, I do not think she was the greatest mom either. And it probably left him feeling not-so-good(to put it politely ) as he grew up without much guidance, if any at all.

AND- AND, final thought lol. If he didn't properly grieve Hosea, he most definitely did not properly grieve his father's death. He was, If I had to guess, near 9-10 of age? Could be younger, I might be incorrect. But that's still quite young to lose a parent, and you could rightfully assume he didn't know how to deal with that properly( proper for himself) because he was a child. That's where resentment builds. Towards not only the southerners, but his father, too. Maybe not as vast as those whom murdered his father, but a stem of resentment for leaving him alone. Not being there.