#idk maybe my version just has a bug but if i have a presentation and i open a document

[quatregats]

I will say that while I like LibreOffice very much and am quite pleased with it I do wish it would let me keep documents, presentations, and sheets in separate apps

[artistdove]

Ok so I finished the Epic Mickey Demo a while ago and here are my thoughts. I played it on the Switch. This is gonna be a bit long, sorry in advance. Gonna put a read more in case none want to be spoiled or read this, idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Graphics: Amazing. Everything has a new model even the characters, nothing looks like it was ported from the Wii and HD-ed. Though that does mean for the Switch it may glitch at times. Sometimes I would catch the models load and unload. Though some of the new models seem a bit odd when they do certain animations. Really it's Ozzy's model that had me double take. It's great, but when he puffs out his chest it looks a bit geometric instead of smooth. Idk maybe the light sources make it look bad. Mick's ears have a slight bug when the camera sticks for a bit as they are made to follow the camera. The cutscenes do seem to cut off abruptly. I was a spamming A quite a bit, but that shouldn't have caused such jumps. I only had one second of footage of the teacup ride before it cuts to the ruined Dumbo ride. Others seems too fast for the animation to fully play out too. The thinner rivers also look odd as they are brighter in color.

Animation: Flowy and sleek. Apparently, they erased the controller Mick holds in the old cutscenes. I didn't notice it. I did noticed that some of the animations looked new. They may not be, idk. I played this game on the Wii, so. But I swear, Ozzy makes a slightly different facial expression in the intro scene. The animation does feel a tad lifeless and buffered at times. It doesn't squash and stretch like it used too, heck Ozzy's shocked expression felt quite stiff. Mickey's jump animation seems floaty in how he transitions to it. I definitely notice some of the enemies get stuck in the stage animation and took a bit to gain control. The paint/thinner streaks are crazy. It either looks normal or breaks physics with how it hits objects. Breakable objects go brr cuz they put physics on those.

Sound: Sound doesn't seem to have changed drastically. I can tell there is some new sounds or ones I just never noticed. Like piano notes when Mick tip-toes. Ozzy's new little noise when he taunts Mick. New ink sounds for his movesets. Upgraded sounds for the grunts. Though, the volume is strange. In the beginning, there is like no sound. Music was definitely present, but I could barely hear the footsteps, Gus, robot, etc. I swear the machine's cranks were like blasting in the old game. It's so muffled, and I had the volume at like 25. Later, the volume was fine. Neither sound or music was out doing each other.

Gameplay: Not bad. The new movesets and dash feature is great. Buttons layout is odd, though again. I played it on the Wii so I am too used to motion controls for it. The Switch offers it, but only when you press the buttons to paint or thin. Other than that, your stuck having to aim it with the camera stick. Took me a while to get used to it. The other layouts are fine. There seems to be a new move with the Guardians on guiding them, but idk how that works. The game plays the same as usual. I will warn that when too many enemies are on screen, causes crazy lag. Most likely due to the high graphics and it being on the Switch. I got ganged up by Splatters.

Other: I can definitely tell that the game may need patch updates or something. Some parts felt behind or laggy. Wish there was more graphic options to help it run better on Switch. The motion control could have been better. I mean Skyward Sword got ported and that still functioned like it's Wii version. The new moves are neat but until the full game, I don't understand how useful they will be. The UI is neat. I understand the charm of the old ones. Least if they remake the sequal, they have those new assets. The characters icons or eh to me. Neat poster-look, but I like the 3D or sketchy style. Nice to have Gus be optional in his tips. He'll still force tips, but it's not near as often. Some stuff does seem to be missing. The only thing that comes to mind is the first pin found has no camera swirl, poor Mick just snaps his kneck. Didn't get to look at the concept art before I finished it, but nice to know you can zoom in and know who drew it. Even nicer that there is much more concept art. Menu is amazing. Sleek and easily readable. The new loading screens are great, I will be missing the old ones though. Main menu is also cool as heck.

Overall, I have hopes for this game. I am so excited to get the full release. I do feel that a tad more improvements need to be made. Probably doesn't help I have a console that has questional performance and quality, which is sad cuz Nintendo was known for that. Happy to see Ozzy be brought to a spotlight and Mickey be used again.

[polyhexian]

Since expanding the Jasperverse is apparently my current hobby let's try this on for size: The Collector decides rather than tattling to Philip that his current Grimwalker is stealing the new Grimwalker, it'd be WAY more entertaining to see Philip's face in the morning when he realizes what happened, and thus keeps quiet about the whole thing. Jasper makes a clean getaway with baby Hunter, but for plot reasons doesn't end up running off to some other Titan, and spends the next several years raising his son in hiding and on the run.

Fast forward to Darius finding a 6/8/10-year-old Hunter on his doorstep (or figurative doorstep, your Darius doesn't have a house so maybe it's his mom's doorstep, or Hunter corners him in Bonesborough or something), and this kid informs him that he's gotten separated from his dad, but his dad told him that if things ever went south, he could go to Darius for help.

Darius is just, like, bluescreening, because this kid looks exactly like Jasper, and admits that his dad's name IS Jasper (when it isn't something like Onyx Bloodwilliams or whatever), and is also speaking of Jasper in the present-tense, so like, 1) Jasper is alive??? and 2) JASPER HAS A KID???

A kid who is apparently relying on Darius to take care of him now. And the kid, Darius is disconcerted to learn, KNOWS Darius - he keeps asking him for his version of stories his dad has told him, like is it true that you - and can you tell me about the time you and my dad - And Darius is just like, oh my god, I never considered having kids and I was barely able to consider being in love with Jasper, but Jasper has a kid and has told the kid all about ME, and I need to be the best guardian figure possible to this child until his dad shows up and I can ask him WHAT THE HELL???

(Where's Jasper? Idk, maybe he told Hunter to split up while he goes and lays a false trail elsewhere, maybe he's dealing with bounty hunters who aren't even after them for Golden Guard stuff because who knows what Jasper's been getting up to for the last few years, maybe he's gotten in with the rebellion and is running a mission or something, who knows.)

Also Hunter is, like, a weird kid with a number of worrying skills. He's not a child soldier in this 'verse, more like a child spy. He goes through life like he's playing the world's most intense game of hide-and-seek. He squints suspiciously at everyone and everything. He can pick a lock in 6 seconds. He recreationally pickpockets and thinks it's doubly fun to reverse-pickpocket the item without his mark even realizing it was missing. He can cry on command and make for a good distraction. He knows how to break someone's instep if they try to grab him. He eats bugs.

Bonus irony points if this Hunter still has all the issues Canon Hunter has, but he has those issues because he's loved, not abused. He's very good at doing exactly what he's told…because he knows his and his dad's survival depends on doing everything Jasper says when he says it. He's scarily good at fighting for his age…because Jasper's trained him to be able to defend himself. He's got PTSD and anxiety…because he's spent his whole life worried that people will hurt him and his father. He doesn't have any friends…because they've never been able to stay in one place for very long.

Idk where Darius would stash Hunter for safekeeping. I mean, for HILARITY and SUSPENSE it'd be great to see him trying to sneak the kid around the castle. Hide him in his apartments. Shove him under his office desk whenever some other Coven Head comes in for a chat. Hunter takes it upon himself to explore the castle's fantasy ventilation system and maps out every vent and secret passage in the place to pass the time and give Darius a heart attack. Darius finds a tiny scout uniform and insists that this is totally just a small demon that's been assigned to Darius as an escort. Hunter is scarily good at maintaining a disguise, and Darius doesn't have time to unpack all that. Hm, we know nothing about the covens themselves, could there be some sort of masked Abomination Coven uniform? That'd be better so no one could try to reassign Darius's random scout escort.

The castle might not be feasible though (and Darius would realize that getting Hunter anywhere NEAR the castle would be the EXACT OPPOSITE of what Jasper would want him to do) so the other options are stashing Hunter at his mom's house or recruiting Eda into the situation.

Darius: I need you to house this kid. Eda: Do I LOOK like a babysitter?? Darius: He can pick a lock in six seconds and he's pickpocketed you twice since we started this conversation. Eda: …Intriguing.

Either way though, Darius knows he has to be there for Hunter. He knows that Jasper is relying on him to be there for Hunter. It's like, here Darius, have a universe where you DON'T shoot yourself in the foot and hurt the people you love! He barely understands what's happening and he never wanted kids and he doesn't know if he and Jasper would ever have been a thing so maybe he's not the stepdad but by GOD is he gonna be the dad that stepped up.

Hunter is a good kid despite his upbringing and is really excited to finally meet Darius after everything his dad told him about the guy, but he also really misses his dad and is worried if Jasper's okay. Darius is like, come on, we both know your dad is the strongest witch in the world (even if APPARENTLY NEITHER OF YOU HAVE MAGIC WTF??) he'll be fine. And Darius is maybe not cut out to be a father, but Hunter's a weird kid anyway, so they make it work. Granted Hunter gets REALLY irritated by some things, like, Darius doesn't know how to be as attentive to his infodumps as his dad is, and Darius can't teleport, and one time Hunter skins his knees really bad and Darius slaps on a healing patch and Hunter is REALLY UNIMPRESSED to learn Darius can't just HEAL IT HIMSELF and Darius is like HUNTER YOUR STANDARDS ARE SUPER HIGH AND A LITTLE SKEWED, OKAY???

Jasper might show up again out of the blue perfectly normal, but we all know Jasper's an overdramatic bastard so it's more likely he shows up at some climactic moment while Darius and Hunter are surrounded by enemies that Jasper blasts to kingdom come, or Jasper shows up missing approximately half his blood like "Hey Darius, do you have my kid?" before passing out while Darius is like WTF and Hunter is like "he does this sometimes."

Btw if you wanna make things even MORE complicated, throw in a new Golden Guard who's an adult Grimwalker but only a few years younger than Hunter. He could be an evil asshole or Jasper 2.0 or idk whatever the plot demands. Lol maybe he's an adult version of Will who doesn't have active decomposition issues. Literally no idea what purpose he'd serve in the plot beyond possibly existing tho.

Eberwolf thinks Hunter is great and thinks the whole situation is a riot and is generally very unhelpful except for when he's actually extremely helpful. Darius would like Eberwolf to stop feeding the child bugs. Maybe at some point Raine gets involved (surely they are doing work IN the Bard Coven long before they become its Head Witch, yeah?) and is like "Darius why do you have a child??" and Darius is like "Don't ask and don't say anything" and Raine watches Hunter lockpick his way into a file cabinet of restricted info and just kinda melts because it reminds them of a certain OTHER miscreant chaos child…

Darius and Hunter's relationship has its ups and downs because on the one hand, Hunter is excited to meet this guy, but on the other hand Hunter is a young kid under a lot of stress and Darius wasn't expecting Hunter to exist let alone be his responsibility and also Jasper probably left some stuff out during storytime. Hunter was NOT prepared for Darius to be this…stuffy. Darius is like "Here I got you some new clothes so you don't look like a streetrat" and Hunter is like "I understand the importance of blending in but why is it so fancy-looking" (Hunter thinks anything with a single frill is fancy) and Darius is like "look at all the extra hidden pockets I sewed in for you" and Hunter is like "SOLD."

Basically tho it's a Jasperverse Dadrius AU where Darius gets to be the good guy and Hunter is messed up in all the same ways for completely different reasons, lol.

WHY DO YOU KEEP SLAPPING ME WITH THESE FUCKING BANGERS???? EXCUSE YOU????

I imagine hunter is also very independent... He probably HAS been left alone before, more than jaspers wishes he was. But it's either bring him somewhere dangerous or leave him behind.

I'm going to imagine he still HAS his old GG staff but because it's so old now it's sort of... Like dying batteries, it's way past its warranty. He uses it extremely sparingly and only when there's literally no other option. So generally neither of them are using magic.

Belos must KNOW he got away. And I actually think he wouldn't put up wanted signs for him or anything- jasper hasn't exposed any of his secrets because he's in hiding. But if he's shoved out of hiding he's going to have to go scorched earth to survive. So theyre on the run... But only certain people know to look for him. Coven scouts all know they're looking for a tall blonde man with four scars on his face. Higher level members of the emperor's coven know way more about him. People like Lilith and kikimora know he was the previous GG.

But only the next GG know who he REALLY is..the next one knows he's a Grimwalker past his warranty, and so is Hunter. He is HUNTING them. Actively.

Man what could split jasper and hunter badly enough that he would pull the trigger on going to Darius after all these years and expose the huge secret that he's still alive? That he has a kid? He obviously hasn't gone to Darius yet, so he considers this a risk. What would put him at greater danger than leaving him to find Darius by himself?

I think jasper would legitimately have to be in serious danger. Maybe he gets seriously wounded fleeing coven scouts and he knows he can't protect Hunter like this so he sends him running the opposite way while he keeps them busy, so Hunter doesn't... Actually know if he's okay or not

OH! Omg hang on... They got caught by the new GG and jasper got seriously wounded like. He's bleeding everywhere. And he sends hunter away, get out of here, go find Darius. I'll find you. And hunter doesn't know for SURE if he's okay or not but he's soooo sure his dad can handle anything, nobody could ever REALLY hurt him! And Darius isn't so sure, but... Nothing HAPPENS. Like there's no big petrification ceremony or anything. If he's dead he was killed quietly. He has no idea where jasper is or if he's okay but he's got his kid now and hunter is CERTAIN his dad is fine, he will be here soon. He keeps saying stuff like "when Dad comes back" like when Dad comes back he can show you x thing or when Dad comes back you can tell him y! And Darius doesn't... Know what to say and he's terrified of when the ball might drop that.. it's been days and he's not here yet. It's been more days and he's not here yet.

ONLY HES NOT DEAD because the next GG isn't nearly as loyal as Jasper was. He's caught him and is basically holding him hostage secret from Belos trying to get his OWN answers on what's going on and what's true.

[rodolfoparras]

Okay I gotta complain for a moment

Dorian, the company that bought The Arcana (?? Or brought it onto their team, Dorian doesn't make games themselves but helps others), made a modern story dating sim version of The Arcana and I am NOT the biggest fan 😭

I never played it but the way they dressed and characterized them just from their cards. I edited the cards to be side by side for reference for their casual outfits and info

LUCIO IN AXE BODY SPRAY???? NUH UH. He'd have a very expensive, fancy cologne that's like 3k for a few ounces bro. And something bugs me about his clothes, and I think it's the jacket.

Yes, Portia has a cat, but she would NOT wear the cat thigh highs in that fit?? She looks like she's about to do yard work??? Get her a sun hat, gloves and clippers bruh, maybe some knee pads instead to keep her knees safe. I cannot see her wearing that fit very casually either

Muriel would be a chronic sweater wearer, soft and comfy, but not that.... Especially the jacket tied in his waist. (Hell on earth that Muriel can't even escape the violence in the modern age)

In my head, I think Julian would be a LITTLE flashier. All the drip that boys got is a WATCH?? He's probably wear a necklace or something.. and probably piercings, at least his ears

Idk about Nadia... Something about her fit is... Wrong to me.

Asra looks good, me thinks. I almost see him wearing flowy skirts tho... Almost hippie-ish but not quite...

Learning to draw solely to fix these designs up

I've heard a few people say that they don't even know the characters any anymore and a lot of them are fandomized which is devastating. And with the way they present the characters with the extra Arcana game stuff makes me wanna agree

Anyways, sorry 😭😭 I just couldn't stop thinking about it, they irk me so bad, hoping the other anons get it

-🐧

I tried Dorian today!!! I played the modern story of arcana just see what the fuss was about since I keep getting ads for it and I decided I didn’t like it! I don’t like how the game is set up. For example if you want to charm Lucio you have to pick really obnoxious dialogue choices. I understand he’s self centered and what not but I don’t understand why I have to be that as well to charm him. If anything I’d love to have dialogue choices that do not reflect his personality because there’s no reason for me as a private investigator (that you are in the game) to come to a party to investigate a crime and say “woooooo partying all week sounds like so much fun”??

And although I don’t know the characters super well I too dislike the jacket 😭it feels like they did try to stay true to the characters but still keep it modern but it doesn’t look right with Lucio and it certainly doesn’t look right with Portia. I do have to say I liked Muriel’s suit but the casual outfit is certainly something Julian kind of reminds me of an eboy and it certainly doesn’t match his original style 😭

[real-total-drama-takes]

Okay I think rather than replying individually to every single person it would be better if I complied everything into one take

if you guys can't handle me at my coderra takes, you don't deserve me at my reboot takes /j, but in all seriousness while no I don't "love the male stalker trope"/think coderra is the healthiest ship (or healthy in canon whatsoever aside from the last 3 or so episodes of WT)/whatever other bs people tried to impersonate me with back in december, I've always been a coderra shipper & will bring up my defenses of the pairing if prompted, idk why this is news to some people

first off, worm anon & watermelon anon, yes I would ship them if the genders were reversed. Genders aren't really a factor when it comes to my opinions of ships, like as a trans person I don't really like hearing "oh I'm ok with x if one gender does it but not another" because like I'm the same person I was prior to me transitioning, I don't want to be treated any differently because I present masculine instead of feminine now. I absolutley would ship coderra if everything was exactly the same but Sierra was male and Cody was female. The closest thing we have to a genderswapped coderra in canon is gwody and while I don't care about gen 1 enough anymore to activley ship any gen 1 pairings aside from coderra and maybe gwourtney, I do find gwody kinda cute actually and like it as a secondary ship/brotp

https://www.tumblr.com/real-total-drama-takes/757942733215301632/not-to-add-to-proshipcourse-bc-its-driving-me-nuts?source=share this anon is particularly based and kinda already said a good chunk of what I want to say, but TLDR, so long as a pairing isn't activley harming anyone you shouldn't really be shitting on people for liking what they like. Literally the most I've done for coderra is write a couple fanfics about them, comission coderra fanart and create a list of hcs and I really fail to see how that's somehow problematic. Again, if this was like an incest/pedo pairing or some shit like that I'd get it but coderra hurts no one

gonna be real with you guys I started shipping coderra back in 2016 when I was a literal middle schooler who just didn't really understand the negative connotations with it because I didn't know anything about stalking; Sierra was my favorite character because I thought she was funny and occasionally relatable and thus chose to ship her with her canon love interest because I wanted to see her happy. Yeah I lost interest in TD in mid 2018 and didn't get back into it until late 2021 but I've still been shipping coderra for a long ass time and it's kinda hard to let pairings go when you've spent years creating a version of them in your head that's special to you, even if you've grown to realize they have problematic elements to them with time. I'm sorry if my coderra defenses have offended anyone and I've met some really cool people through this app and blog (tbh I wish I could actually like start friendships with my moots I just don't have the balls to ask), the last thing I want to do is like activley hurt anyone and I can stop sending in coderra takes if it's really bugging people that much. Regardless tho, I'm not gonna stop shipping the pairing itself over pointless discourse lastly "catnon has been really quiet huh" I'm not trying to be rude but have you considered I'm 21 years old with a life outside of social media. Like I get some of you are young and have a surplus of free time currently with it being summer break and all but please like in general can we normalize giving people at least a day to reply to stuff? thanks

-🐈

[sunmoonjune]

i conked right back out after reading that first answered ask LMAO ive literally been sleeping 12+ hours a day bc i ended up taking sick leave from work and i also got my period so my body's really just been like hmm what other doozy can i give her but now i'm actually awake and my brain juices are kinda flowing so ive been doing some hard thonking about your comments. this is literally unedited word vomit none of my theories make sense but oh well HAHA

YOU'RE TELLING ME WE HAVEN'T EVEN HIT THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG YET???? brb getting my straw so i can drink up the ocean and reveal the iceberg

went back to dig around your past asks and you said a lot of the reason why the villagers hate her is bc of her father and the incident happens around 9-10yo that changes everything sO idk im gonna take some shots in the dark dont laugh at me ,,,,,, so men are usually the only ones meant to train to become a warrior and enter the trials,,,,,,, and ofc as bug's father is the chief of the village he's going to want a son to take over but then he gets two daughters ?? bc you did also hint gender plays a big part of her backstory so im thinking is this one of the underlying reasons in the first place why bug and soojin always had such a rocky relationship with their father even before the incident . . ...... .has bug's mother passed? i feel like she has passed. and i feel like something happened during her death that bug's father then twisted and pinned the blame onto bug. ????? maybe that's why the memories of villagers spitting out it's her fault is so engrained in her :((( and it would make sense why she had the need to make a sign for 'dead'. IDK THERES STILL SO MANY HOLES I CANT SEEM TO THINK OF A SOLID THEORY i need some more hints ;)))))))

HMMMM sometimes soojin wasn't there?? now i'm thinking was it bc yun and bug often found themselves receiving the brunt of bug's father's anger .: they were often punished together and chucked into like a cell or sth so it was just them two sometimes. but then what did YUN do that got him on everyone's bad side too bc him getting banished was fo sho just a convenient opportunity that presented itself for bug's father to get rid of yun. HMHM speaking of ,, he was banished for conspiracy and injuring an officer. yun's not the type of person to just do that for no reason (+ im willing to bet your $11 and my 60c that the situation was twisted to make him look like the bad guy) and im thinking did bug's father say or do something that finally made him snap therefore leading to his accusation HMM

WAIT ALSO ARE THE SCARS UNDER HER MASK IN THE SHAPE OF SOMETHING OR SPELL OUT WORDS ???? bc it's been hinted again and again that there's an awful injury underneath and you have it as the cover of the to-be-published version but you cant reveal it bc it's too big of a spoiler so that leads me to think her face has been deliberately disfigured to look like sth 👀👀

waiting for the published version of ltm to drop so we can get signed copies but also asfksdjg we're gonna need a commissioned version of ltm with the atz boys to purchase instead bc can you imagine the line 'you may have cost wooyoung his yunho' as 'you may have cost kieran his brandon' HAHAHAHAHAAHA I LITRALLY CHOKED ON MY OWN SPIT sonia and her random names always have me cackling HAHA

OMG ALSO ARE WE GONNA GET YEO TEACHING BUG TO DANCE IN THE FUTURE OMGGMGGGG THATS THE LITERAL CUTEST i can already see all the boys tripping over each other and manhandling each other out of the way (with love) so that they can reach bug first and extend their hand out to ask for her first dance dsgjkagfdg noooooooooo 😭💕

also none of my friends irl stan ateez so i have no one to tell and i dont use tumblr enough to have moots apart from you (i woke up at 5am that day and saw your notif and couldnt fall back asleep bc i was literally rolling around in bed giggling) so im gonna tell you but im a relatively new atiny and this is going to be my first comeback with the boys and im literally frothing at the mouth with excitement bc the concept teasers ??? I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

hehehe I SO enjoyed your theories OMG!! Keep sending them my way I eat up all your thoughts on LTM <33

we have not indeed reached the tip of the iceberg ;) but we're close

and haha I would never laugh at you xD this was a very interesting theory about her past and I can't tell you if you're right quite yet,, but I can say: yes, chiefs want a son to take over the title of leader. and bug's father ended up with two daughters... there will be MUCH more on this in the future >:D

onto the topic of bug's mother... this is a VERY important part of the next chapter ;) I'm so glad you've brought it up,,, again I can't tell you much about her until the release of the next chapter but bug's mother does play a VERY BIG role in why certain people despise her so much

I genuinely cannot wait to see your reaction to the lore bits in the next chapter xD it won't reveal everything quite yet but it does reveal some of bug's past so I'm VERY excited,, I hope you'll come back to update your theories after you read it hehe >:D bug's past is long and kind of confusing until I string it all together at the end, but I'm hoping some of you will be able to puzzle it out hehe ;))

as for yun and Soojin,,, part of why Soojin was not with them as much will be referenced in the next chapter I think,, but it may not yet be revealed,, but you are correct in that yun and bug were often on the receiving end of her father and the village's anger :( I can't tell you why they directed it at bug but most of the hate towards yunho simply emerged because he was always trying to stop them from hurting her (this is heavily implied throughout the series so I don't think it's spoiling anything...)

and yunho's banishment.... that will be brought up again as well... perhaps not quite yet ;)

bug's scars.... yes, these are VERY important to bug's past and her entire story! that's why they're the cover of my hardcopy ;) once we reach that part of the story I'll show you the cover so you can get an understanding of what they look like. beneath her mask is extremely relevant to her past and why the village hates her so much... I can tell you that the shape of the scars are less important than what they did to her face...

hehe when the published version finally goes out there's going to be new content in it ;) extra scenes and what not that weren't included here :DD and perhaps I will send signed copies out if you guys want them enough xD

AHHAHA NO I've settled on their names for the published version and I promise there will be no Kieran or Brandon's LMAO,, names in books are SUPER important to me cause they give me a BIG ick in novels xD I cannot read a book about a guy named 'jack' or 'daniel' or something HAHA

and the dancing <33 there will be some fluff in the future about the dancing scene I promise ;)

also omg!! none of my irl besties like kpop either :( I would be happy to be on the receiving end of your rants about the comeback hehe xD I've been an atiny since pirate king and each cb has been AMAZING and I'm very excited too!! me and 🪷 anon have been yelling at each other in messages every time concept photos get leaked xD

I hope this answered some of your theories (even tho I couldn't really say much xD ) thank you for them hehe >:D I LOVE hearing your theories about bug's past because I CANNOT WAIT to reveal it xD

also! do you have a name you want to be called? I've been calling you 'eight' in my head since I saw your first messages but I haven't asked yet xD

[mouseratz]

silent Hill 2 thoughts (please no spoilers I just got to an important part with maria/around 3f of the Brookhaven hospital):

- this is a very fun game similar to the first entry and already has a stronger story than game one.

- it is, however, far more sexual/has sexual overtones, so like, don't play this one on a big screen around kids. not that most people do with horror games anyway, but I was a kid who grew up watching horror movies and my family play other horror games (like some of the resident evils) and this would've been too much for me. I think it serves a narrative purpose though & is presented really weirdly/interestingly so this isn't a criticism, just like, if you haven't played it, now you know.

- PS3 version is far buggier than the PS1 silent Hill one, which I find funny, but whatever, I'm gonna play the one I've got, you know. (I've also heard this was due to a lot of development shenanigans, including the studio they had revising the game losing the original build of the PS2 version, but man, it doesn't just look a little worse, this game has crashed on me like twice lmao.)

- the graphics aren't terrible, they certainly don't look better than the PS2 version but are at least comparable.....but even then, neither really match up to the stunning quality of the first game. It still has a lovely and creepy atmosphere, but very genuinely, I can see too much. I don't actually want to see the character's facial expressions, as uncanny as they may be- there was something eerie and charming about the PS1 blurred, smushed-up faces, sharp angles, and dark corners of the world.

- the soundtrack however IS an improvement, building on what works while delivering it through not-ps1 hardware, the haunting melodies and tense ambiences are better than ever.

- most of what I have bad to say about it are simply visual preference or complaints about the specific version I have (the PS3 version also just has shitty load times overall, like traversing the world literally feels like it takes longer in this one than the PS1 game. wtf)

- I do have at least one story nitpick though: I don't care what you have to say about all of the characters being flawed/morally grey, the only fat character (Eddie) being associated with food and emetophobia related horrors is fucked up. he's also depicted as fairly stupid & incurious, in addition to being the star of the few unironically "comedic" moments I've encountered in the game so far. this hardly ruins the game by any stretch but it is something I don't like about it.

- I also ......really like most of the enemy designs but they aren't as scary to me. Idk if it's because I just got used to the design sensibilities of this series or because I can see them better/another visual preference or because they're just not as scary so far. idk. Pyramid head guy IS scary, but not because of how he looks- he may as well be a horny cosplayer from a series I've never heard of. I could see this guy on tiktok. I'm sorry. what's scary about him is the way he moves and how differently he behaves from the other monsters, and how he always seems to be either lurking behind you or one step ahead of you. he kind of just looks like a guy in a funny outfit to me.....maybe it's just because we live in the age of internet horror & this game was likely inspirational to many people, so I'm just kind of, already "oh okay" about seeing that type of guy....

-i don't want anyone to take away "oh mouse HATES silent Hill 2" nooo Im still loving it Im just having a different experience than with the first one. if anything, this game is more compelling story wise AND more player friendly (other than the bugs....but I assume the PS2 original lacks most of whats gone on here). I just really like crunchy and obtuse visuals and I'm coping with the loss of them. why can I see James's face. This is a crime

[annyankers]

I made a comment in my earlier post about my frustrations with how people talk about the magic metaphors (ex. the “willow’s addiction muddles the gay metaphor” hellhole argument i Loathe) about how the way Wicca/paganism is talk about in btvs and how I don’t vibe on it because it has “Silver RavenWolf Energy” and I absolutely KNOW that reference will fly over many heads so here’s a lil bit about that.

First off I’ll say I’m not a wiccan myself. I learned about it’s basics years ago when I first got into actually learning about Occultish Stuff. I’m out here in the rökkatru end of things fondly remembering spongecakegate and slacking off on all my research and practice related anything. I also haven’t actively researched magic/witchcraft in years. I just know enough about Wicca and witchcraft to be able to look at it in the media and be like “lol yeah that’s Not It”.

My first pet peeve with the BTVS version of Wicca is they call themselves “A wicca” and not just “a wiccan” like normal human beings. Maybe this was a thing in the 90s, idk. I just know that in the present it makes me wanna chew on glass.

Now we get a bit more into the meat of the Bullshit:

Silver RavenWolf is a lady who writes books about Wicca and witchcraft and like, babies first paganism shit. All of it is FULL of misinformation and some very hot very bad takes. She’s the kind of person who’ll take about the Salem witch trials like real witches were burned and like it wasn’t a perfect form of religious fanaticism, sociopolitical moves for advancement inside the community, personal grudges and old fashion paranoia that got a lot of regular ass people killed. Like the puritans hung a few quakers for not renouncing their faith or living the colony. Quakers. Also NO ONE WAS BURNED IN ANY US WITCH HUNT. IT WASN’T EVEN A THING IN ENGLAND. They only burnt catholics and traitors far as I remember lol.

However, everything about her shitty awful bad books of bad takes is very Of The Times in the 90s -- as in, I’m not shocked that BTVS Wicca has a Silver RavenWolf flavor to it because she was the main bitch of “mainstream” Wicca at the time it was being made. Like honestly the magic/pagan/wicca group being all new age white feminism, granola lesbian energy and misinformation bout like... multiple religions is pretty on point, not just for a 90s occult college group but a current one and just how it was all viewed at the time of creation.

It just bugs me because there’s so many other people out there even in the 90s-00s that could’ve been referenced and Silver RavenWolf is just.... So Cursed. The takes..... So Bad......

BTVS Wicca never for even a MOMENT talks about the Horned God/Male Deity of Wicca which is um-- he’s kinda of Big Deal. Wicca is a duotheistic religion focused on the Triple Goddess and the Horned God but the show literally never mentions him and is all woo woo co-op goddess worship vibes. Cursed.

Witchcraft =/= Wicca. WITCHCRAFT =/= WICCA. THEY’RE TWO DIFFERENT THNIGS. ONE A FORM OF MAGIC PRACTICE/”CRAFT” AND THE OTHER IS A RELIGION. Willow can actually BE A WITCH and be JEWISH. Judaism even has it’s own history and legacy of mysticism/magic/occultism that Willow could tap into. Not really sad to not see it in the show mostly bc I know it’d be a lot of non-jews writing this and no one wants to see how they’d whiff it but fanfic writers... 👀

Willow shouldn’t be pissed about how the Witch Stereotype is disrespectful to witches and more pissed about how it’s antisemitic (the nose thing alone....)

Honestly there’s more but this is long enough for the moment since I have other things I need to do and I’d have to refresh my memory with an s4-6 or so rewatch and make some notes and all that so like-- another day.

for those interested here’s some links on why Silver Ravenwolf sucks so hard lol Tarnished Silver Why We Despise Silver Ravenwolf The Problem With Silver Ravenwolf

[kaidenshenandoahknapp]

this was an absurd amount of effort for what was ultimately an offhanded-joke but i needed to procrasinate lmao

if you watched @henrykathman's "Melody of Moominvalley" stream, (hi, hello, i made the thumbnail art, that was a cool surprise to see in my sub-box lol) Kathman made a comment about being glad no one has made him into a Moomintroll (or Snorktroll, i guess) because he thinks he would look like Snork

i had two thoughts in reply to this VOD:

that's probably because i would assume most video-essayist are on the spectrum of Hemulans (oversimplification: academics) to Teety-Woo/Woodies (oversimplification: big fans, arguably obsessive). you're probably more of a Hemulan? based on how you present yourself in videos? idk, i dont know you in your personal life lmao Hemulan just seems likely considering the hobby being so analytical (and also is easier for me to look at the different styles of since Woodies seem to have less general rules towards their appearance. and Teety-Woo is the only one of its kind that i know of, idk what is Teety-Woo's species and what is Teety-Woo's individuality there. but, like, that's not nearly as fun as my bullshit quiz lmao)

fucking bet

*: assets in not-gif form below Read More

(psa: please do forgive me for misspellings. i am dyslexic and will probably edit this repeatedly for quite some time, but im tired atm so Now It Is Posted)

anyway, i whipped all these up in about 2 or 3 days? idk, my chronic health issues have been a monster lately, its hard to keep track of days rn

but i made:

comics Moomintroll/Snorktroll

90s Moomintroll/Snorktroll and Hemulan

Tales From Moominvalley inspired illustration art of Hemulan where it has those lifeless "bug eyes with tiny pupils" style i love (but that i also understand why Jansson went back and gave them bigger pupils after a certain edition, and drew with more expressive eyes after a while)

why did i do three different styles + 3 different species? because i was torn on which to do and ended up pulling a classic Kaiden-Shenandoah and going "ill do more work and let them choose which one they like best". something something anxiety, i dont know what to tell you, im trying to learn self-acceptance lmao besides, it was fun to do a quicker shuft through style changes than the usual heavier studying i make Google Images help me do

speaking of, i dont often share my references because i worry about clutter, but i want to include it today and i also used less ref than usual, so you get clutter lol

(i learned last time that Tove Jansson doesn' often draw mugs; so i did my best guesses based on the references here + the result of my references the last time i drew in Jansson' style, which was more so her later novel-illustrations, if i remember right, as opposed to today. lots of best guesses today.)

first of all, i guessed on Kathman's eye-color based on zooming in and it was too pixelated to tell for sure even with the eyedropped tool. secondly, very fun tying in the blue hair dye since 90s Snork has a pink edge to his hair and Mr Hemulan has a green edge to his. last of all: i made them with (and without) a light beard/stubble, since i saw Kathman has one now. but also that was enirely guesswork on my part: Tove Jansson drew heavy-duty moustaches/beards or completely facially-hairless characters, no in-between. so i used educated guesses on how to adapt that. and i feel a bit like i did the male version of that one Snorkmaiden lipstick comic for my efforts lmao but hey! i tried!

my only thing is idk which set to upload to instagram, bc doing all the assets of with/out facial hair feels oddly excessive and maybe goes past instagram's images-per-post limit, idk, ill upload these there someday i guess. really wish instagram would let me post a gif but idk how to do that. c'est la vie

you also may notice one of the Hemulan sets includes a magnifying glass. i just thought it was thematically appropriate for someone analytical, especially since one of my references above did have it available for me to also reference lol

as a fun detail, i did a more Police Inspector color palette for the 90s Hemulan design, and a more Moominpappa palette for the 90s Moomintroll/Snorktroll designs. hence why those colors aren't the same

and the last thing is that i made the comic assets yellow-y to reflect the aging of paper and the quality of the photo references i have. (Henry Kathman, if you want to edit them to be white for the aesthetic of something, feel totally free)

here's all the assets i made in total. the gif version felt the most succint but yeah. also, Henry Kathman, if you are reading this: same rules apply. feel free to use these in anything you want, credit would be nice. (also, very sweet that you saw my name change away from my childhood nickname, i appreciate that 🫶). credit in the future can be to either here or my instagram (which i changed to match this hyphen-less url, since tumblr terminated my last blog for unknown reasons) i hope you are not upset that i went against your wishes of gratitude that nobody had drawn you as a Moomintroll/Snorktroll, but i hope the fact that i think you don't look like Snork even as a Moomintroll/Snorktroll helps. i hope you also dont mind the Hemulan additions lmao. but yeah, i wont blame you if you prefer the more human (or arguably Mymble? idk species) style i did beforehand in the last batch and don't use these. that one has way more references with lots of drafts and this is more of me messing around and finalizing the first draft i made each time around lol but i think they came out fun! very silly distraction, thanks for the idea lmao

thanks to Henry Kathman for the fun VOD and the much-(un)needed procrastination excuse. it was a good distraction from a pretty bad flare-up in my disability and a full plte of things to do that i needed an escape from. hope youre having a great day!

[chocodile]

Lmao just know I'm brainrotted and am mentally making both my Xatts Anthros but more animal aligned than anthro Xatts cause Xep is based on a hare in my mind so I wanna turn her into a gangly limbed uncanny hare freak (lovingly) with stupid big ears who just generally has major something is very very wrong with her vibes and probably delights in torture and maiming like a little freak and would growl at Hayden ears pinned back in aggression showing, sharp back teeth that definitely probably shouldnt be there if he looked at the rabbit Xatt anthro too long.

Meanwhile sweet bun Xatt is stuck with this terrifying lanky maniac and is just shaped smaller squishy and ever so soft and fluffy with such delicate gentle paws and a light step. And Xep just wants to dress her up and admire her prize. But also probably has something a bit wrong with her as well. What exactly idk but probably don't get caught snooping somewhere you shouldn't by her. Cause I like the oh a cute lil lady <3 - oh there's something wrong with her actually. Maybe magic idk like I like the idea of powers especially darker magic making her perhaps just as deadly as the maniac hare.

Cause both being Xatts they're both dangerous just in slightly different ways bun is a cutesy lure with the unexpected jaw while Xep is cunning and moreso hunts and I think that'd translate over making them both deadly in different ways. They probably have some sort of work deal pact, not sure what or why I like them being in a fucked up partnership cause dynamic. Bound by blood. I'm just so brain rotted and so normal about this XD with so many mental images of art I'll never make but oof I wanna. I just thought you had a right to know your hayden world stuff urg it consumes me I love thinking about it its so fun.

Also I just like uncanny Valley hare lanky wrong and unnerving paired with a small fluffy and trustworthy bunny rabbit. Like the brain is vibrating at mental imagery of that the opposites the cute correct adored and the terrifying incorrect feared, always kind of bound to the other inseparable almost. Idk I can't fully explain it but thoughts go BRRR

In regards to the designs, any proportions you wanna draw them with are totally fine! You can draw 'em anthro with human proportions and clothing, you can draw them quad, you can draw 'em like Bugs Bunny and anything in between. Xatts can come in many shapes and sizes! A long gangly uncanny one sounds cool.

Also, having something "wrong" with 'em and a slightly ominous streak is very much in character for Xatts...they tend to be a little odd and feral at the best of times--it's mostly a matter of what their individual "bad" percentage is and how good they are at controlling it.

Also, your description of your two as a tag team sounds very endearing! I'll keep that in mind when I do your Xatt sketches… (still planning that, just catching up on stuff and in a bit of a digital art slump at the moment)

In regards to Hyden's reaction, I can certainly say he'd be rather creeped out by a Xatt. Once the surprise wore off, though, he'd be fascinated by this strange, new, potentially magical creature… careful, Xep, don't let him get you on the dissection table!

In the current version of the Amaranthine story, Xatts aren't canonically present--they're more of a free-floating monster idea that could be plugged into any setting--but they were originally part of Amaranthine back in 2009.

In the original 2009-era backstory for Xatts, they were born from the Shadow. Given that Hyden was the one who released the Shadow upon the world in the first place, that would have made him their accidental "father", in a way.

The connection between the two isn't canon anymore, but just a fun little bit of trivia. :)

[boom-fanfic-a-latta]

(This has been sitting in my drafts for over a week I just keep forgetting to post it)

So I was listening to “The World Revolving” (the Man on the Internet lyrical version specifically) on repeat multiple times over for a couple days straight and it just goes to show that I have some very intense Psychonauts brainrot rn cause I was inspired and made a concept for what a level based on Jevil’s mind could be like while I was listening:

Carousel aesthetic big-time

House of cards?

Circus?

Think like the battlefield where you fight Jevil with extra inspiration from the Chapter 1 Dark World (specifically Card Castle’s aesthetic)

Lots of moving parts, LOTS of spinning

Chaos, Chaos!

Gravity isn’t always normal

House of mirrors segment similar to an Escher painting?

Lots of impossible geometry

Blacks, purples, whites, yellows/greens

Almost like an unstable tower of building blocks suspended in a void

Meat Circus/Flea Circus vibes in the platforming challenges/setup but not frustrating

The World Revolving is playing on a loop in the background as the level music (preferably with the MotI lyrics cause that’s what I listened to specifically while making this)

Gaster(?) influence is represented by patches of gray static void bleeding through the circus jester aesthetic

Maybe also literal buggy static insect/beetle creatures, “all these bugs are in my brain”

Nothing makes sense

Lots of spinning blades and scythes

And weird horse guys like the attack he can do litter the level as NPCs or something like that

You’re trying to climb this twisted tower of insanity and Jevil is waiting for you at the top

Boss battle might be similar in nature to the actual Jevil fight from Deltarune? You have to tire him out with a new hypnosis ability or something while dodging his moves

Idk how the level would resolve honestly I just like the evil jester aesthetic a lot and was inspired

Bars with walls between are all around the level as boundaries—the “prison” of the outside world

If you look at it from outside you can see through the walls the level is almost like a giant music box with the song and the spinning

Music Box + birdcage look from the outside basically

Outside the bars, you can faintly see through the walls a weird faint staticky-looking audience going out as far as you can see

The whole place has an unsettling feel to it you can’t quite place

Raz’s outfit is now in a similar color scheme to the level and jester-y (frills, bells)

Raz also looks slightly doll-like while in the level, IDK why it just kinda fits (I think Seam is to blame for this design idea)

Different challenges on each level of the tower related to a different card suit?

Everything looks...fake, in a way, "Your World's a Fantasy"

No Censors, Doubts, Regrets, Judges, Bad Moods, or Bad Ideas

The only standard enemies present are Enablers, who all have a corrupted circus look to them, like ringmasters mixed with jesters

Possibly an introduction of a new enemy type representing Apathy/Nihilism or similar (this is the origin of my Unconcern enemy type idea)

The Enablers are enabling the "I can do anything with no consequence" mentality and the Unconcerns, as well as Gaster's corruption static bugs

Here's a concept design I made of the level from the outside:

You enter the level by emerging from the large tent in the center

Each floating cylindrical layer contains a different challenge or something similar, and once that is beaten the path to the next one up the tower opens

The top canopy part of the cage contains the boss arena inside of it

[jq37]

The Case File – Mice and Murder Ep 3

The Case of the Curious Clues

Before we start, a quick plea to Grant O’Brien: Please stop finding clues. I can only take notes so fast. You’re killing me Grant. Moving on...

We start off this episode with yet another flashback, this time to the final confrontation of Sly and his supposedly dead arch nemesis Fletcher Cottonbottom at Reichenbunny Falls (...Brennan please). Fletcher was using a local castle as a storage center for munitions but Sly tipped off the cops before they could be moved. They do some repartee back and forth before Fletcher, the madman, handcuffs them together and jumps off the edge. They hit the water but Sly is able to lockpick himself out and escape while Fletcher disappears beneath the waves. 

You know what I got from that story? No body.

Anyway, we jump back to the present where there *is* a body, Squire Badger’s specifically. Everyone in the room who isn’t a PC thinks that this must either be the work of ghosts or Mrs. M who was the only person in the room when it happened (allegedly). 

This is a crucial time for clue gathering and Brennan keeps everyone in initiative for investigative purposes. Now, *so much* stuff happens here that I’m not going to recap every single detail--just the major clues and the things that seem relevant. I’m serious, this is like the volume of info we usually get in the once per season later game lore dump ep but it’s episode THREE.

Daisy tries to find a secret door but critically fails. She clocks Gangie, a fellow criminal, and in the moment Rekha and Katie decide that they prob have worked together in the past even though they are very different kinds of criminals. 

Buck, who is outside listening to what’s going on in the room notices that his ankle knife is missing which is Concerning considering a man was just knifed to death. 

Sly has Lars guard the door (he opens it and Buck is discovered, whoops) and then rolls a NATURAL 20 plus NINE to investigate so Brennan just has to tell him literally everything. RIP to him and me. Anyway, here’s the rundown (along with some of the stuff other ppl got):

Mrs. M’s hands are covered in blood but she couldn’t have done it. Based on her personality for one and for other reasons we’ll get to.

The wound is much messier than it would be if a person stabbed themselves typically.

There is a note in Squire Badger’s handwriting that says “Sylvester Cross I am afraid” No indication of if that was the whole message or if he got interrupted (maybe Buck could figure it out with his handwriting checking skills). Daisy from across the room clocks that Sly’s name is written on the paper but can’t read the rest.

The knife is a hunting knife with a pronghorn handle--an animal not common in England but very common in Texas (and Buck is sweating obv).

There is a slight layer of charcoal type dust on everything on the big resolute desk in the room (which makes sense, ash from the fireplace) but there is parchment type dust on the bust of Barkus Aurelius (OK, that one’s good) on the table and that’s the only place that dust is. Ian later notices that the date on the bust is wrong. 

Speaking of, the desk (which we learn later was put in and taken out of storage once Loan Hall was modernized) is bolted to the ground and a lot of stuff has been thrown off it as if by a powerful force but Sly notices that it’s just the metal stuff like things made of silver or with screws. Stone things like the bust and other non-metal things have stayed put. Plus he smells ozone. This was the work of magnets, not ghosts, he concludes. And, for the record, Grant figured this out himself!

Mrs. M’s eyes are rapidly dilating. She is questioned about what happened and she says that she was told she was fired and would receive a small pension. 

(Not a part of Sly’s clue dump but Buck rolls a 24 with disadvantage to persuade everyone he didn’t do it but then 2 nat 1s in a row to see if Harding--who said he was standing outside the door--is suspect. Buck thinks he’s at most a stooge but he did roll a nat 1 so who knows?)

Anyway, back to Mrs. M. Gangie fully believes Mrs. M is innocent and scared. She doesn’t quite remember what happened for a couple of seconds in there and it’s clear this is not the first time she’s had missing time. Sly calls Longfoot (the bunny photographer) over to take a picture of Mrs. M which everyone is a little appalled at until they realize he’s making a point. When the flash goes off, she bugs out like she did in episode 1 and forgets that the picture was ever taken. Sly then has Dr. Magpie list the symptoms of epilepsy. It seems that Mrs. M had an episode triggered by the flash she mentioned seeing and then lost time. It’s possible that what she thought she saw after that she didn’t actually see.

[While Sly is monologuing this Rekha texts Brennan and gets a 17 to swipe the “I am afraid” note. Sly doesn’t notice.]

So if it wasn’t her, then who was it? There’s only one door into the study and anyone who walked in would have to have walked past Mr. Harding, Shellcrest, Calliope, and Tabitha (who is having a marvelous time being in the midst of so much drama). Ah, but who said there was only one door? Sly has Harding pull a sconce and a SECRET DOOR OPENS! Woo! Finally! It’s a classic bookshelf one that opens into the hallway and there is some extremely fine crushed glass under the door. Hmm.

Sly clocks that there is something under the desk but we don’t know what it is because Brennan texts it to him and it’s redacted. There are actually a couple of redacted texts that go around this ep so we are def missing information. 

OK, that’s more or less everything. 

Sly notices that the page is missing and Grant gasps while Rekha does an excellent job of pretending like she doesn’t even remember what paper is being talked about. Constance asks if it’s possible that Mrs. M totally made up the memory because of her epilepsy and between Dr. Magpie and Sly they determine that that’s uncommon but possible. Dr. Magpie says that everyone should leave so he and Sly can examine the body and Sly says that someone should watch Gangie at all times. 

At this point, Harding and Gilfoyle (the butler) say they should establish where everyone was at the time of the murder. A lot of the staff and guests have solid alibis cause they were in big groups/cleaning up together. But the PCs were off alone (or with each other) and had reasons to want to guy dead so they’re prime suspects. Sly even admits that he’s one too. Also everyone dogpiles Ian because Raph makes it so fun. 

Harding mentions the letter that was given to Buck (the one selling his shares in BB and giving voting writes to his rival Josiah) and asks him to read it. Buck reads it and gives a streamlined version of the truth, saying everything except for the part with the proxy vote. With a 26 he is able to allay everyone’s suspicions for now, but now he’s purposefully hidden the truth in a way that can be readily called out if anyone sees the letter or the contract which he resolves to find. 

Buster distracts the group so Daisy can “check the body for a pulse” aka: check the body for the contract. She doesn’t find a it but does find a key attached to a piece of red silk--something that would be weird for him to be carrying around instead of his valet. She figures this must open whatever locked drawer the contract is in and swipes it but Sly clocks her stealing it (his perception ties her sleathiness but an earlier Bless from Ian tips him over the edge--poetic).  

Calliope says that everyone is kinds suspect, including Sly, but *someone* has to solve this and Sly’s their best bet so everyone should just stay put and they can guard the exits. The butler says that, besides the front door, there are some towers that poke up above ground and a servant's exit/entrance by the elevator in the kitchen wing but they can lock down both and have someone guard the front doors. 

The butler is like, lmao yeah Sly I know you didn’t do it and I’m not gonna stand guard here but you know, everyone is keeping an eye on y’all. And then he leaves the PCs, Mrs. M, Constance, and Dr. Magpie in the room with the body. 

Lars is about to go watch the kitchen staff but, before he goes, Sly says to him that he saw Cottonbottom and is obviously quite scared. Gangie, who used to work for the guy, overhears and asks what’s going on. Sly assumes Gangie is playing coy but rolls high enough to know that he isn’t. He saw a starkly white Cottonbottom and one of his known conspirators doesn’t know he’s back? Perhaps it was a ghost after all. 

Case Notes

My 2 fave bits of this episode were “bad to bad bad bad” (and the further riffing) and Daisy throwing increasingly bigger books at Sly.

Even with a Nat 1, Sly gets a 16 on Investigation. Wild. 

I don’t think Rekha got enough props for her “Cross examination” line so I’m mentioning it here.

Brennan said the ozone question was still open--but I assumed it was like the electricity smell from an electromagnet. That would make sense, right? Maybe he meant they hadn’t found the source of it specifically yet?

Brennan says Buck’s knife is a pronghorn knife. I assume they’re made from the animal’s horns? Even if they’re the kind that fall off every season, is that weird? Or is it just like human hair wigs? Also, does this world have leather?

I love that the dice keep supporting the narrative that Daisy simply cannot get her shit together when she’s with Sly because he distracts her too much. Delicious. Their whole relationship is delicious. 

OK, I am a tiny bit suspicious of Calliope. It’s partially the way she took control of the situation near the end and partially the fact that she doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would be involved in this which would make her heel turn delicious. No hard evidence and obv she couldn’t be the person who actually stabbed a guy but idk. Just spitballing. I’m very curious about whether we’ve met everyone we’re going to meet more or less or if there are still outside people/hidden inside people. Because, in real life, a murderer could be literally anyone but in a story, you can’t just introduce a new villain all of a sudden at the end. Bad storytelling. Weak payoff. We’ll see how things start to pan out. 

[plokoonsdisapprovingeyebrows]

8, 13 and 27 for the Not From The US ask game!

MEME REFERENCE

8. do you get confused with other nationalities? if so, which ones and by whom?

*points at australia*

who does it? fuckin everyone lol

tbf we do have a lot in common with them - former english colonies in the south pacific, where up until relatively recently it was very hard to get to - quick music rec for Six Months In A Leaky Boat lmao - and the economies of both places were built on agriculture and resource extraction. it's the accent that trips most people up though, including sometimes us XD (I have a lecturer this term who I thought had to be an aussie but it turns out she grew up just inland of me lmao)

13. does your country (or family) have any specific superstitions or traditions that might seem strange to outsiders?

There's a very cute little bird called a fantail or pīwakawaka (or apparently about 20 other names haha) that will often come up very close to you because they eat little bugs that bigger creatures stir up when they walk through the bush. In one of the versions of the legend of Maui's death, the pīwakawaka laughed at him and gave him away. (in other versions, it's a different bird, or one of his brothers.) The superstition varies from place to place, but the one that I heard from family is that if a fantail flies into your house, there will be a death sometime soon. Other versions specify that it has to be a black fantail, or that the fantail has to twitter while it's in the house.

idk if this is that strange but tbh I don't know of many superstitions or traditions lol. my family is extremely non-spiritual in general.

27. favourite national celebrity?

man thats a good question XD Taika Waititi, maybe?

orrrr maybe John Campbell, for a world-famous-in-new-zealand option. He's a local journo who had a current events, investigative type show after the 6pm news for ages when I was a kid, and was a presenter on the news before that (we only had like 2 national news shows for ages lmao), so he was kind of an Icon. Did both serious stories and not so serious stories, like this thing where someone in the south island stripped a handful of roadside pine trees of all the branches until it was just a straight pole of a trunk, and then stuck road cones on top. I went down a great rabbit hole just now trying to find that piece lmfao

[bigskydreaming]

So I’m writing a short story in my Changelings ‘verse for a galaxy brain commission that was simply “Boyd gets a boyfriend.” Nothing wrong there. But it does mean I feel like I finally gotta nail down the full intricacies of Boyd’s magic, which is unnecessarily....extra, due to the existence of the Curse of the Specialist Snowflake that afflicts me. 

Like, I couldn’t just give him one physical change and one magic like most other Changelings, nooooooo, he’s gotta be the Zodiac Kid and have twelve completely different changes and magics, one for each sign and he changes throughout the year in accordance to the changing of the signs. Why’d I do it that way? Cuz I gotta, obviously. Hahahaha, shut up, me.

I mean, there was a point to it originally, like, his sister Alicia’s Change and magic is that she’s surrounded by ghostly versions of a bunch of her alternate universe selves at any given moment, and she can communicate with them and call upon their skills and is sometimes called Sibyl around town, so like, the common thread/theme of her and Boyd’s magic is like, an infinity of self, but also, by “there was a point to it originally” I also just mean I couldn’t settle on and pick what I wanted Boyd’s magic to be so I was like here’s a fun thing I could do, make up a reason for him to have even MORE options.

.....I feel like, potentially, this self-created problem I’m having could have been avoided somehow, but gosh, fuck if I can see how.

So most of Boyd’s magic is hammered down....

In his Sagittarius phase, he’s physically a centaur whose lower half looks like a night sky studded through with starfields and moving constellations, and his magic from November 23rd to December 21st is uncanny intuition, a kind of off-the-top-of-his-head divination. He just instinctively knows the answers to questions when he’s in his Sagittarius phase, the more specific the question the more accurate his answer. He doesn’t have context, he doesn’t KNOW how he knows the things that he knows, he just knows them. 

You ask him if you’ll meet someone who could very plausibly be the love of your life within the next week, and if he says yes, its absolutely, one hundred percent true and accurate.....but if you ask him then how can I find them, he might say well first thing you gotta do is get out of my face and stop bugging me, and then walk down the street and turn left.....and that too, would be absolutely true and accurately point you in the direction that answers your question but like, that’s all he’s got and you’re missing a few steps at that point. So. Its not an exact science or anything. 

There’s definitely tricks to maximizing the intel you get out of him when he feels like being hit up for intel and doesn’t just string you along to be a total troll. Which he is. Hence why he also spends most of December filling in all of Alicia’s large stockpile of crosswords and sudokus, as he just instinctively and whimsically knows what to fill in even if he doesn’t actually have a clue WHY the Mesozoic Era is the answer to 49 Down. Alicia maintains this is cheating. He maintains he doesn’t care, and answers 64 across with “Johannesburg.” Fuck if he knows why.

In his Capricorn phase, he sublets his apartment in Bordertown and takes a month lease on a place underwater in Sub Francisco.....as for this period he’s more of a classical merman, but also if a classical merman has goat horns. But like, whose to say they don’t? Have you ever met one? Thought so. His magic during this period is horns of plenty.....he touches something to one of his horns, and comes away holding two of that item. So it basically only works on things that can be hand-held, but other than that it could be food, physical items, medicine, etc.

In his Aquarius phase, he’s physically the same as he was when a normal mainstream human....except that his skin has a faintly translucent quality as if that of water, with faint stars spiraling in distant patterns in the depths of his slightly watery form. He’s not invisible or actually translucent, like you can’t see through him or even see his organs or anything....rather, its more like most of the time he just looks like normal, human Boyd, albeit wearing a lot of glitter for some reason....but then he turns and catches the light just so, and for a moment you can see how the light is shining THROUGH him similar to the way it shines through the surface of a body of water. His magic in this phase is based on Ganymede, the cup-bearer of the gods.....water he touches becomes imbued with healing properties. 

Like, he unscrews an ordinary bottle of Evian and reaches in with the tip of his finger, and whammo, you’ve got a healing potion whose magic will last until the last of the water is gone, even if its not used until after his Aquarius phase. Once he’s imbued a source of water with his magic, its a healing potion from then on out, which makes his shop a useful place to find healing magic year-round.....or at least until he runs out. You come into his shop even in late July, if he’s still got some healing potions lying around they’re as good as ever....but if he’s already out of stock, you’re out of luck until next year’s Aquarius phase rolls around, and you gotta go look elsewhere on Mercy Row for a healer in the meanwhile.

In his Pisces phase, he goes back to his Sub Francisco apartment as his physical Change here is that of a centaur-triton....kinda the classic ithyocentaur, but also he’s got kinda webbed-like wings spanning from his back.....its a whole thing. But a good look. His magic in this phase is ‘the perfect pair’....he cups his hands and forms a magical, elemental construct in the shape of a koi fish that’ll swim off in the direction of the perfect complement to something or someone. Like a personal, magical compass guiding him or whomever he makes one for to like, the magnetic north that exists somewhere as the perfect counterpart to an already present south pole. Whatever, this makes no sense and is super confusing, I get that. But it makes perfect sense and is not confusing in my head. Still just working on translating from point Head to point Paper without the concept getting lost in the translation.

In his Aries phase, he’s his ‘normal’ mainstream-appearing base form....but also he’s got golden wings and ram horns. And his magic is that he breathes fire. But its magic fire, and it doesn’t burn things it touches, it turns them to gold. Its a whole Golden Fleece thing mixed with a King Midas thing.

In his Taurus phase.....idk yet. I mean, bull horns seems a pretty obvious go-to motif, but haven’t decided for his magic yet. Mostly because @sunwukxng is a Taurus and he takes things like this juuuuuuuust personal enough that I know if I don’t come up with something good here he’ll decide its a mortal insult towards all Tauri and thus him as well, and he’ll declare a blood feud against me that shall last five hundred years. And he’s already got like, six of those in progress, so....trying to avoid racking up anymore.

In his Gemini phase, he splits into two selves, his physical self and astral self, so he’s basically followed everywhere by both his shadow and a spirit version of himself he can astral project elsewhere. And when his astral self goes through something, kinda like how there’s that idea that when a ghost passes through someone they feel a chill or as if they almost left their body for a second.....his astral self can kinda like....yoink other peoples’ astral selves out of their physical forms temporarily. Yoink is of course the highly technical, scientific term for the phenomenon. Obviously.

In his Cancer phase.....idk yet. Look, its hard to be classy and deep concept-y about crabs, okay? I’m sorry Cancers, but even in the original myths about the constellation the gods were like yeah, this crab constellation was a mistake, we just felt bad about Artemis kicking that one all the way up into the heavens after it pinched Orion, the only himbo she ever almost made a boytoy out of. A lot of other Zodiacs featured animals that had the common perception of being viewed as pushing the sun across the sky, so there’s maybe something there in that direction....idk yet.

In his Leo phase, Boyd mostly appears as his ‘normal’ base mainstream-human looking self....except he’s big in a way that is not exactly Giant Big (and there are a good couple dozen giant-sized Changelings living in Bordertown, so like, he isn’t officially anywhere near that) but he is possessed of a height and size that are nevertheless best described as Ridiculous. Like he’s bigger than the Strange Angel, but not as big as Teddy the Sun-snake. That means nothing to anyone but me. Whatever. Moving on. Anyway, in his Leo phase he also has a fiery red mane kinda....that’s threaded through with silver stars in the Leo constellation shape. His magic in this phase is his ‘roar of command’....basically, he can imbue anything he says with the force of his will, and thus like.....make inanimate objects do what he tells them. He’s like “Open sesame” and a locked door is like you got it, boss.

In his Virgo phase.....I am not entirely sure what he looks like yet. I’m pretty sure its mostly his mainstream-looking ‘base self’ but like.....with an unnatural charisma, but also something a little less generic than that. Needs a specific hook still, beyond just “I’m ridick pretty.” Like, he’s Sinqua Walls. He’s always ridick pretty. Its a thing. But his magic in this phase is like.....an aura of inspiration. He just sorta puts out a vibe that inspires people around him in various ways that are unique to the individual. 

He’s also way shorter than he used to be even before his Change hit, or like, shorter than he is in any of his other phases. Like, we’re talking five and a half feet max. Is there any reason for this whatsoever beyond me being amused at the juxtaposition of him going from his Biggest and Most Ridiculous Phase immediately to his Smallest and Most Ridiculous Phase? No. No there is not. Fear the deep profundity of my creative process, for it is deep and it tis profound.

In his Libra phase....I’m not sure yet what his physical change is, but I do know his skin has a scaled texture, and I know those aren’t the scales normally associated with Libra but there’s a point to it, its just......missing some ingredients still to totally make sense. But he also tends to wear a blindfold a lot of the time during his Libra phase because I know his magic here has to do with viewing things in terms of overlapping possibilities and potentialities, like, he looks at things and sees not just the way they ARE but also a whole bunch of different ways they COULD be, and his magic enables him to kinda tweak things from the way they are more towards one of those other possibilities, in a sense that’s all about ‘balancing’ things.

However, the sensory stimuli of all those potentialities 24/7 is honestly overwhelming and gives him serious migraines, so he mostly tries to rest his eyes behind some kind of blindfold most of the time and just take it off to focus on specific things in order to utilize his magic, and only a little at a time. This is probably the most technically ‘powerful’ of his magics in terms of both versatility and scope, but it takes a toll and he really tries to pace himself during his Libra phase or it just gets to be too much, really fast.

And then lastly, in his Scorpio phase, he’s got a whole scorpion tail and barbed stingers along the outsides of his arms.....but rather than lean into the whole ‘eww Scorpios are duplicitous and manipulative’ and also ‘eww scorpions,’ his magic here calls back to how scorpions are actually protective guardians in a lot of mythologies and folklore, and there’s also plenty of Zodiac lore about the idea of the Scorpio sign being all about uncovering truths at any cost, etc. So his magic here is another ‘liquid/mutable’ type and takes the form of venom from his stingers that’s almost like drops of amber.....and that have various properties aimed at uncovering truths and exposing lies and falsehoods. Like, elixirs made during his Scorpio phase are another highly sought ware at his shop, because depending on the venom concentration he places in each, they have different properties. Like, he’s got vials where just a drop placed in your drink or on your food will reveal if its been drugged or poisoned, or vials of elixirs that basically act as magical truth serum.....and then other vials where like, you splash a little of it on something you suspect to be an illusion or a magical disguise of some kind, and it’ll dispel the false magic and reveal what’s truly there. 

“What happens if like, I splash it in the face of someone I think is wearing an illusion disguise and it turns out they’re not and that’s really just what they look like?” A customer asks.

Boyd shrugs. “Then they’ll just be wet. And probably a little pissed, I imagine. That’ll be $49.95 please.”

“I thought you said it was $29.95!”

“That was before the Asked Stupid Questions tax was applied,” Boyd smiles placidly. “Will that be cash or credit?”

 Okay. So. Typing that all out cleared up some of that for me but not quite as much as I was hoping as Cancer and Taurus apparently still persist in Vexing me.

Hmmmm.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #270

“please remain calm; the end has arrived. we cannot save you; enjoy the ride.”

Do you own pastel-colored pants? No. What type of lotion do you use? I don't really use it. Nothing seems to help how dry my skin is. What were your favorite clothing stores in high school? Hot Topic. If you could have a car in any color you wanted, which color? Pastel pink, but realistically (given a pink car would probably have a paint job I'd have to pay for, I assume?), I like burnt orange cars. Not too brown-ish, though. What is your favorite color, do you look good in it, & do you wear it a lot? Pink, probably not, and no. Name someone you know who hates pink. Idk. What is your favorite Avril Lavigne song? "Nobody's Home." Do you kill bugs? Sometimes. Depends. If they're in my house, most likely. Have you ever had a bedroom that had wallpaper on the walls? No. Do you own any rompers? No. What’s one thing you’ve done to celebrate Earth Day? I made a birdhouse out of a milk carton once. Animal Planet taught me lol. Do you use window clings (aka window stickers)? No. What color is your stapler? Black. Do you have a desk that you sit at in your room? Ugh, no, but that's one reason I want to move to somewhere I have a bigger room for a desk so I don't do everything in my damn bed. What do you miss about college? Feeling like I was worth something and on a "proper" path. Was your middle school crush the same as your high school crush? No. What is/was your dream school? I never had a "dream" school. Do you wish you could talk to someone about your past? If so, who? Idk, probably someone. What motivates you? Music and/or videos on whatever subject I could use motivation in, like self-care on my bad days. Have you ever completed a weight loss program? No. Tried, though. When was the last time you did something for the first time? I went through a doctor appointment entirely without Mom just a few days ago; she had to stay in the car due to chemo, so I filled stuff out, checked in/out alone, answered questions on my own, that business. I'm entirely aware it's sad as hell that a 24 y/o did that for the first time, but if you knew just how dependent I am on my mom, you'd get it. Which do you prefer: Valentine’s Day or Easter? Valentine's when I actually have someone to celebrate with, but I love Easter as an aunt with how excited the kids are about candy and all. Easter sorta rubs me the wrong way though since, y'know, Christianity essentially stole and rebuilt it. Do you wait until the last minute to decorate, or do you decorate early? I myself don't even decorate. Mom only does for Christmas, and it's very last minute. What’s your favorite Starbucks drink? I don't drink Starbucks. What were you wearing in the last good selfie you took? *checks phone* uh the one where I'm wearing a red tank top is okay. That's all you can see cuz FUCK taking full-body pics of me. What’s on your wish list right now? Ha, I actually have a list in my phone of things I really want/need to buy when I can. A few include a bigger terrarium to Venus, a treadmill, an Unus Annus shirt before the channel and thus merch expire, glasses for driving... What do you use to sweeten your tea? I don't drink tea. Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette? No, I don't wear enough colors or makeup in general to warrant buying one. When was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone? The aforementioned doctor visit. How would you rate your self-esteem? Low, healthy, or high? Low as like, the deepest oceanic trench probs. Do you own a tripod for your camera? Yeah. Were you a bigger fan of Lindsay Lohan or Hilary Duff? Hilary. Do you make Halloween costumes out of clothes from your closet? Only ever to just be a goth to live out my inner fantasy of regularly flaunting that aesthetic. Do you enjoy putting outfits together? Not particularly. Would you rather it rain or snow? Snow! What does your umbrella look like? Don't have one. What’s one thing you’ve had a toxic reaction to? Do you mean like, emotionally/mentally toxic? I'm guessing probably yes. Even though parts of it were entirely realistic, understandable reactions/behaviors, I most definitely had some toxicity in me regarding the breakup, too. Which do you prefer: cropped tops or tunic tops? Uggghhhh, both are so cute. On me, I'd only ever wear tunic tops, but on others, I tend to find cropped tops cuter. What’s a style or trend that you think is ridiculous? I don't pay enough attention to this to really know... hm. Yeah, idk. Which YouTuber do you want to be more like? I could only dream of being as motivated and smart and determined and "I can do this shit" as Markiplier jfc I Love One Man Only. Do you like stuffed animals? EEEEEEEEK yes!!!! What was your favorite class in high school? Art. Have you ever gotten straight A’s in a class? If so, which classes? Yes; not to brag whatsoever, but too many for me to remember. I remember I got my very first B in 5th grade in I think math, and I was so bummed out. Were there any subjects that you got a perfect SAT score in? If so, what? I don't think so. Are you happy today? If so, what made you happy today? I'm content-ish, not happy, but also not unhappy. Is your bed right by a window? There's one to my upper right and middle left, but my bed's not exactly against either. Do you spend more time in your bedroom or your living room? I barely leave my bedroom. Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for? Halloween, if I actually did decorate. Do you name stuffed animals still? Very rarely. Depends on what it is, the importance, etc. What titles did you win in the senior class polls? I FUCKIN READ THIS AS "TITTIES" AND WAS JUST LIKE... Anyway, none. Were you popular in school? No. If you’re from the US, what states have you lived in? Only NC. Who was your best roommate? Well, Jason, if he even counted as a "roommate." Was your first roommate your best roommate? See above, considering idk if he fits the term; if he does, then yes. What’s the best family vacation you’ve ever been on? Disney World. Have you ever wanted to be a model? No. What years did you attend prom? Sophomore (bf was a senior and he took me) and senior. What do you want to be for Halloween? I was recently listening to a metal version of Oogie Boogie's song from TNBC and it hit me: MISS Oogie Boogie. A fat bitch could pull that shit off, watch me ho. Which member of your family are you closest to? My mom. If you have any regrets, what is the biggest one? If not, why do you have no regrets? Letting a boy become absolutely all that mattered and more to me. Would you ever apply to be on reality TV? Why? Ew, no. I don't need any more people judging me and my life. What is the best thing that has ever happened to you? The partial hospitalization program that saved my life, literally. Do you have a hard time letting things go? It depends on what it is, but generally, yes. I recently realized one of my greatest flaws: I respond very, very poorly to loss, in any way. Looking back on people (especially people), events, other things... a negative, chronic reaction to loss is present throughout. What have you accomplished in life that has made you the most happy? Emotionally healed, a lot. I don't think some things will ever fully scar over, but nevertheless, I don't mentally have fuckin gashes in me. Have you ever struggled with your weight? Ever since the breakup, yes. I thought I was slightly fat before then, but looking at pictures now, I just think "damn hunny u look gud" and realize I was perfectly healthy. But anyway, I was put on a medication called Abilify (full-on name droppin', fuck this med), and it MURDERED my metabolism. I could eat a fuckin carrot and gain five pounds, probably. Emotional eating probably contributed too, but here's the thing: my current doctor took me off of it, knowing the moment I mentioned it that it was not only bad for me and my conditions but also responsible for the extreme weight gain? Pounds dropped like a ton of bricks, and this started before my emotional eating began to die off and regulate. I lost around 80 pounds just from dropping a goddamn pill. Cue college essay-long rant here about how my body image was slaughtered, how much I loathe the fucking doc that kept me on the med and blamed everything on me, and now how I've been stuck weight-wise for two years despite a vast plethora of methods to continue shedding a;sdlkfajkwlelawe GUYS I could rant til my hypothetical great-grandchildren die. When you are out with your friends are you loud and outgoing or shy and reserved? It depends on who the friend is, where we are, etc., but generally, I'm just awkward, trying to be outgoing when in fact I'm questioning every single thing I say and do al;wekjrkawde this survey has taken a TURN. Do you like to stay in your pajamas all day long? I don't leave my pj's unless I have to leave the house and go inside somewhere besides like, a gas station or something that's just "whatever." In high school did you have a lot of friends? Do you still keep in touch? I wouldn't say a *lot*, no, but not a tiny amount, either. The only one I ever still see is Girt, but I keep up with many on Facebook via the like button and shit, ha. Do you really care about such issues as abortion, religion, and global warming? Fuck yes I do. Who is the biggest womanizer you know? Juan sure was, but I haven't been in contact with him for years. Would you ever have a threesome? No. Who is the most attractive person you know? Of those I personally know-know, my answer will probably always be Alon like jc she's beautiful. When did you last feel the most free? ZOINKS we can't ask that question in America rn. Is there anyone who likes (or liked) you and had a really hard time getting over you? I don't know. Did you ever love someone and feel like it was wrong? Love? No. Well, before I realized I was bi, maybe Mini counts, as then I was anti-LGBT and couldn't even imagine myself as anything but straight. What’s your favorite bug? Butterflies. What’s the longest amount of time you liked/loved somebody for? Yeesh... I still can't say with absolute confidence I no longer love Jason at all, whom I started dating in 2012 and went head over heels for. What song makes you cry? There's a few that are capable of it sometimes, but do fucking not play "Stairway To Heaven" if I'm within 10 miles of you. "Another Life" by MiW usually makes me tear up towards the end, but it normally doesn't get that far anymore. Do you like rock or rap music better? Rock, as I'm not a rap fan. If you could watch someone change, would you? Yes let me live my life a;lsdkfjaws Ever known someone with an eating disorder? I don't know. I think maybe? Have you ever had a white Christmas? I think? The best snow we ever got was late Christmas night though, and the next morning was a total whiteout. What’s something you want to do but aren’t sure of yet? Hm. Idk. I'm pretty sure of most things I want to do. Biggest lie you ever told? I'm not entirely sure and I'd rather not search for one. Do you have a religion? I don't fit perfectly into any. I relate most with Neo-Paganism, but even that I deviate from some. Believe that there is a point to churches? I mean sure, people have the right to believe in/worship what they want to, and some people get a lot of joy and reassurance out of going. How do eat Oreos? "I split them in half and lick the cream before eating the cookie." <<<< Converse or Vans? Idc. Eh, maybe Converse, but idk. Dancing or watching others dance? I love watching others dance, it's why I enjoyed dance recitals and competitions. Favorite thing to touch/feel? My cat! <3 Rather be in a tornado or a large earthquake? Both would be horrifying, but I guess earthquake. I've had an outrageous fear of tornadoes since I was very little. Would you rather Santa or the Easter Bunny actually exist? Santa, duh. Would you rather spread gossip or start a fight? Start a fight, I guess. Trying to sully someone's name with false information would haunt me way more than starting an understandable fight. What has been the best New Year's for you so far & why? I don't know. What is the weirdest fear you’ve ever heard of someone having? Do you have any weird fears, and if so, what are they? Uhhh I think maybe butterflies? Idk, even that's not too weird considering it's an insect, and that's common. I'm personally absolutely terrified of pregnancy and also whale sharks scare me quite a bit. ig that's weird. How did you find Tumblr? lol how could you not know at some point as a teen on the Internet. What of the 8 wonders of the world do you find the most fascinating, if any? I had to look them up lmao. I guess the Great Pyramid of Giza. I in general find Egyptian culture and art to be very cool. Do you have a webcam? If you do, do you ever use it and what for? I mean, it's built into the laptop. I never use it. What is something that you think is really underrated? The band Otep, for one. I mean they're not small, but I don't think most people interested in the metal genre know them. OH and then there are A LOT of YouTube artists that MADLY deserve to be signed. I have a large chunk of metal musicians I listen to, and those especially like Jonathan Young blow my fucking mind they haven't technically "made it," even if they have a large subscriber base. Have you ever had a dream where you died? Did anything weird happen to your body after it? Yes, a few. Now hang with me, okay? One of my worst nightmares as a kid involved the wicked witch from TWoO turning me into one of those fucking party things that you blow into it and the paper unfurls and her using it killed me. Yo idk. I was really scared of that witch as a kid. What’s the scariest dream you’ve ever had? How about the most realistic? It involved my dad and that's all that needs to be said. Realistic? Hm. This was SO long ago that I barely remember *just* how real it felt, but I remember it felt real as fuck. I was very little when this happened. I dreamed that I went outside to our porch because there was a weird light and when I stepped outside, a swan and a goose flew down from the light onto the porch to become my late grandpa and my deeply beloved cat Midnight, who died from sickness. I'm sure it was just a dream now, but back then, I was VERY convinced it was like a vision from God or something, telling me they were okay and with us. Do you have a favorite fashion trend? What is it? Is there a fashion trend right now that you think is completely ridiculous, and if so, what? What do you think was the worst fashion trend of all time? I don't care about fashion enough to go in depth about all this. I'll tell you right now though that mullets were the worst mistake known to mankind. Do you tend to like original horror movies or re-makes better? What’s your favorite horror movie? Is it an original or a remake? If you're remaking an old one, I'll probably like it more since they're generally not nearly as cheesy. Modern horror movies, I don't have much of a preference. My fave is The Blair Witch Project, and it's an original. What is one characteristic in a person that you cannot stand? What characteristics do you like best in a person? Do you possess any of these characteristics? Those that act violent when they're angry, for one. Those scare me. Some traits that I really like are compassion, patience, genuineness, empathy, kindness just for the sake of being so, stuff like that. I'd like to think I've got some of those. It's notable that in my nightmares, I'm way more violent than I actually am, though. What kind of jeans do you like best? When I actually wore jeans, they were like solely skinny jeans. What has been the most traumatic experience of your life? Does it still bother you? A very abrupt and poorly-executed breakup after a long-term relationship and falling way, way too hard to be healthy. Does it still bother me? PTSD is stapled on my fucking forehead if you know the slightest about it. I've healed a whole lot, but I'm pretty sure it's a scar that's never going to even fully seal.

[tiergan-vashir]

Hi. Just want to thank you for being open about your experiences. Seeing your posts is part of what made me think about whether I’m actually cis or not. Idk what to call myself because I never questioned myself until now, mostly because I’ve always been called a pretty girl (sorry that that sounds arrogant) and figured that’s what I should be. But recently I started thinking about things I did as a kid or even stories I wrote. And I realized that before I even I guess knew the pressures of (1/4)

Hey Anon! I’m going to put my response to you under a cut, because it’s quite long, but I hope it might help and be of some use to you on your journey with your gender.

I think the most useful thing a friend has ever told me when it came to gender is that “Cis people don’t really think about it.”  Cis women don’t typically sit and yearn or dream of being a different gender, wearing a different gender’s clothes with a different gender’s body. If you’re worrying or even considering that the gender you were assigned at birth might not be the gender you truly are - I think that’s something worthy of giving some space and putting some time into in order to explore and discover the different parts of yourself.

If you do all that exploration and internal reflection and decide in the end, that you really are cis after all - then at least you reaffirmed it for yourself and maybe learned some new things about yourself along the way that can lead to greater creativity and self-expression.  But if you realise you’re not cis, you can start walking down a path to even more self-acceptance and self-discovery.

When it comes to gender dysphoria and whether or not you may have it, I would say that sometimes people have set notions on what gender dysphoria is and completely miss that they’ve been experiencing it at all. There’s actually different types of gender dysphoria and different folks experience them in different ways (or not at all. For example, someone might feel physically dysphoric but not socially or vice versa).  I would also try to look out for instances of gender euphoria, which can also be a telling sign.

In my personal experience, I didn’t know being nonbinary was an even option until just a few years ago.  After that, I still doubted my gender, because when it came to dysphoria, literally all the stories I’d ever heard were ones where trans folks were so powerfully dysphoric that living life as their assigned birth gender was absolutely unbearable.

Because I’d never heard anything different, I thought that being in a constant, state of overwhelming suffering was mandatory part of the trans experience before you transition and that if you weren’t utterly miserable, depressed, or suicidal as a pre-transition trans person, it meant you were cis. Period. I had no idea at the time that dysphoria can actually come in different forms (social and physical) and can come in varying degrees of strength. 

This youtube video is the best way I’ve ever heard someone describe how I personally also have experienced gender dysphoria, which is as an ever present ‘hum’.  Background noise that is so constant that you start to not hear it anymore, because it’s always there. Being referred to by she/her pronouns didn’t really bug me (though that’s changed now if I can tell someone’s intentionally trying to misgender me). I don’t HATE my body. I just feel a little awkward about it and don’t really like looking at it all that much - but I thought that was kinda normal for anyone who wasn’t a super model.  I hated most women’s clothing for most of my life, but I just kinda thought I just didn’t like fashion. I could live as a woman if I had to, even if I sometimes found myself wishing and dreaming (both figuratively and literally) I was a tall handsome man instead.

Meanwhile, just like that video above also describes: gender euphoria was like a bell.  This bright, short-lived flash of happiness and joy.  Every time someone referred to me as he/his OOC, I felt this burst of happiness and excitement.  Every time I saw pictures online of androgynous people or women that could dress so masculinely people mistook them for men, I felt a joyful rush. (The Kpop singer Amber had me obsessed for weeks. I thought I had a crush on her, until I realised I straight up wished I could BE her, because so many people mistook her for a boy in a girl’s band.)

There were several times in the past where I low-key avoided telling people what my gender was IRL when I played as male characters in other games, because I wanted to spend just a little more time getting to enjoy people calling me by male pronouns OOC.  And when I was a young teenager RPing male characters, I straight up lied to my RP buddy and told them I was a boy, crafting this whole other persona of this tall, handsome male version of myself.  I liked being seen as a boy so much that I didn’t want to ruin the illusion of it.

Unfortunately, this backfired when this RP buddy and I became very close and they eventually wanted to visit me IRL.  I spent hours trying on my brother’s clothes, and then burst into tears, because my body was all wrong and I just could not pass as male at all.  It was the strongest gender dysphoria I’d ever felt in my life.

I feel like that should probably have been the moment I realised I wasn’t quite cis, but I didn’t even know what ‘transgender’ or ‘nonbinary’ was at that time. And even when I did learn it was a thing, living as a girl/woman wasn’t CONSTANT SUSTAINED SUFFERING to me, so the thought that I might not be cis didn’t even register.

It was instead the repeated, consistent bursts of gender euphoria over the years that eventually made me question myself and my gender.  Noticing again and again how much more ecstatic and joyful I felt when seeing people who were visibly genderqueer or when people referred to me by he/him pronouns or just thought I was a man, really hit home.

Unfortunately, people don’t really talk about gender euphoria very much at all when it comes to the trans experience, just about the suffering.  Even now, I still sometimes get hit with bursts of “but is it really enough? have I suffered enough to earn this label? Am I a ‘transtrender’?”  Sometimes the joy and happiness at being gendered correctly is also a really good sign.

The funny thing is, once I realised I wasn’t a cis woman, I was able to re-examine traditionally feminine things see how I felt about them.  Like I mentioned in another post, I used to HATE and feel frustrated by make-up. Now I love it and deeply enjoy it now that I feel like it’s about my own self-expression instead of me doing something because it’s what women are supposed to do.  I discovered I love long, elaborate earrings and want to wear those things regularly  While I generally prefer more androgynous clothing, there are a few very feminine pieces of clothing I really like (and some that make me so dysphoric I yeeted them into the trash).

On the flipside, I also found out I really, really fucking love suits and want to look and feel powerful in one. I want several masculine-cut vests, and ties as soon as I find ones I like that actually fit me. I love anything that minimizes the existence of my boobs and want to fine more masculine footwear (though that’s hard, because I have tiny feet).  I tossed most of my bras out and replaced them with bralettes.  And I love blending the masculine and feminine together.  I was ecstatic when a friend told me that I achieved Peak Gender Confusion Inducement with my new haircut. Seeing Billly Porter in his gown + tuxedo jacket combo made my heart fucking sing.

I feel really free and empowered to be more myself than I have in a long time. And I hope, if anything else, your exploration helps you find that in yourself too regardless of what your gender winds up being in the end.

Hope this helps! Sorry this was so long.