#idk maybe im just weird and untrusting | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

percy-ils · 2 years ago

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Nooo I have become unrecognizable even to you I don't even really like my new url but I didn't know what else to come up with

I have been feeling pretty bad apparently one of his editors called him a horrible person on Twitter today? I'm not very sure but after learning about that I decided to uninstall Twitter and just chill out for a while basically

Sorry for not answering right away as well it's because I literally stood up and went and busied myself I have started coding and you know just yesterday I was thinking wow I'm doing something Dream was doing at this age too I wanna make him proud which maybe it's rather silly but it helps me keep wanting to do it

You shouldn't abstain yourself from your own coping mechanisms because of what other people could possibly think about you if you know hearing his voices and seeing him would make you feel better then go ahead and do so you don't have to punish yourself or anything it makes me really sad and worried to hear you are going through so much pain right now I wish I could be there and give you a hug

You put it into words but now whenever I log on I just feel the same pit on my stomach that I felt when we learned about Techno but just like back then I'm sure we will make it through

I also don't really understand it very well I also think so many people were just fed up and saw this as a good moment to dip like they saw his face the meetup the live panel and the pictures it's like their storyline was finished and now they can move onto something new

But remember it's not your fault the fact that you got a special interest isn't your fault you are in your full right to have it and to keep enjoying and loving Dream I know for a fact I'm staying on Dreblr and whenever lore drops I'm watching it and whenever he streams I'm watching it and whenever he makes a video I'm watching it because at the end of the day no matter what I can't help loving him

Also remember it's only been like two days since this whole thing has started there's a lot we don't know yet so we just gotta wait and see

I still think very much that by the next Saturday everybody will have moved on and those who stay will continue to enjoy it and those who don't will be missed and we will all come out stronger from it and more united

Don't lose hope after just two days we will get through this eventually

I love you too <3 sending you all my hugs and strenght and hope :) - Beloved and idk how to introduce myself anymore ex-Drellumina I suppose

You literally mean the world to me thank you for taking your time to write this all <3

I didnt answer this until now because I had to make my mind about things and I'm pretty clear about what I think now.

I'm not changing my blog, im not leaving the fandom or Dream. I read so many things and listened to many people and I'm pretty sure that Dream is innocent and I trust him. I'm not gonna apologise for loving and following him and there's so many people already sure that he's innocent and this Amanda girl's story makes no sense and it keeps changing, it's just untrustable and inconsistent and she's just seeking clout.

So many people are just acting weird and I cant understand them and you know what. I'm giving up on trying to understand. They do what they want. I'm gonna keep watching Dream. I was saying that I'd trust him with my life last week, that still stands and I trust him with his. He's gonna handle it and it will pass.

But I'm still mad at these people for treating Dream like shit and ruining everything only for a little bit of attention, or the "fifteen minutes of fame" as it is. I'm pretty calm and content right now, just gonna wait for it to pass.

Take care of yourself :))

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mapsofnonexistentplacesremade · 2 years ago

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my brain is particularly gripped by somsak IDK why but i love him so much and his keytar we need to bring those back. but if you have any brainthoughts about him i'd love to hear them!! also ik the relationship section on his toyhouse page is a wip and idk if that's for like any reason but if you have anything to say about that it'd be cool. smash mouth

SOMSIIIIII honestly he exists in such a weird state because i built him up to be a pretty important character really early on and then my brain got distracted by all the other guys i made up.... i need to think about him more and maybe actually working on his page would help LOL

right now he's kind of just sitting in the story as a weird 'absence' character which i do find fun but yknow it means he doesnt really do much. in my minds eye hes just like cool skater kid from a prog ska band who says swear words all the time. theres more to him but i havent been able to put it into words yet....

rest got long so

honestly the relationships part is probably the most interesting. at least so far. the person he's technically closest to is ulises because she's the one who basically revived him and yknow. she feels this kind of responsibility for him and checks in with him to make sure he's ok. somsak thinks he's too cool to ever confront his emotions and likes to stay aloof but deep down he REALLY appreciates ulises' concern.... i think soms is kind of aware that nobody on the train really likes or respects him and though he knows he kind of does it to himself hes at least glad Someone cares about his existence at all. also thinking about it theyd both bond over music they like the same kind of tunes :+) ulises is like his cool prog rock uncle

he also has this with beatrix. having been the person to save him from falling into fornax. but its to a lesser extent just because beatrix is way sharper and untrusting themself so their relationship basically amounts to like. theyre both walking around the train and see one another. silently walk up to one another maintaining full eye contact. beatrix asks in a jovial yet stilted tone "have you fallen into any more dimensional holes as of late" as like the worlds funniest joke. somsak answers "at least 12" plays a haunting riff on his keytar and runs away. they dont talk for another month

uhhhh next thing doesnt really count as a 'relationship' i just think its an interesting character thing i wanna bring up real quick. demeter doesnt like him because he stirs up memories of míra most unpleasantly. obviously they dont say it aloud and its less of a "why do you get to live when she didnt" thing and more of a "wow every time i look at this guy i wonder how my whole life would've changed if míra had survived too" so its just like. wah. they're cold to him :+(

notably hes friends with freya kind of. they both like to cause mischief and will like. very quickly catch on and support one anothers jokes its like epitome of doing a bit with some stranger and just getting the yes/and in sync completely somehow. sometimes freya finds him very annoying and gets kind of rude but that shit flies over soms head completely and he doesnt care

i think his connection with dalisay also works in a similar manner but unlike freya dalisay speaks far more earnestly and its more of like. bouncing off of a straight man sort of improv between them. somsak just finds hir monotony brilliant honestly

somsak kind of admires olzhas and isel and like. has a weird respect for the both of them LOL he tones himself down around them which baffles olja especially. hes just like hey these guys came to the train and found a better life aboard just like i did!!!! fuck yes!!!!!!! theyre cool im also cool!!!!!! he also thinks theyre both just cool looking. transmasc swag forever

what else. have some quotes about him from like typed up relationship charts i made a few months back. theyre the funniest ones

#my ocs #ccs.text #ccsimulacrum

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skunked-up-kicks · 3 years ago

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Omg... same... I don't remember my first reaction to that kevin-andrew staring line, but like for example, it took me a while to get why Nicky warned Neil not to look too much at Kevin. And when people interpret things sexually/romantically in the fandom I'm definitely surprised, like the cigarette pack in Andrew's back pocket turned into staring at his ass etc. I did find stuff like Andrew brushing Neil's back more telling, but I didn't read every moment from a sexual attraction lense u know

I don't know if my last ask made sense but basically same sometimes im like "oh you guys think this line is about attraction. ok. i didn't know that" i feel like i learnt to see the romance/attraction in most of it bc i remember i felt like neil for the longest time -- i didn't see the signs of 'attraction' a lot of the time, though i did see more blatant flirting

lil disclaimer thingy: i understand everyone reads book differently and is coming from different perspectives, and i'm not intending to shame anyone or anything, just wanna talk about my experience reading aftg.

so, if i'm being honest... i do genuinely find it so baffling that people read certain scenes (mainly book 1 scenes) as sexual. like you mentioned the infamous 'neil sussed the twins out by which one had a cigarette packet in their back pocket' scene that people have turned into 'neil was ogling andrew's ass'. which.. neil is a respectful king and would never, okay? i hate when ppl make him into a fucking creep :// but also it's a good example of an early moment in the series that showed how observant and clever neil could be so it also makes me sad that the moment got stripped of that in favour of it being sexual :(

anyway, besides sexual clearly not being how it's intended to be read, it's also weird to me because like... my mind was not at all in the place to be reading scenes as sexual when i first read that scene.

we've just been introduced to neil not that long ago, and he's been presented to us as a traumatized teenager who's been squatting in his highschool's gym locker room, seems to have a nicotine addiction, is really anxious, has seen his mum die, and i'm also pretty sure there's lines about how lonely neil is and about how much he's grieving his mum. not that long before the cigarette-in-back-pocket scene doesn't neil have a moment at the window where he thinks "one of us has to make it mum"??

what i'm very poorly trying to explain is that, at least when i first read the books, i was really attached to neil early on and more importantly i was really protective of him. cause he's a child really... and a very hurt and distressed one at that, who's in a new and clearly unsafe environment. andrew's group is not presented in a good light early on, so i was rightfully suspicious and untrusting of them. how people can be given a character like neil in a situation like that and be playing matchmaker almost immediately is... yeah.

like... my mind wasn't in the place to be going "oooo neil thinks one of them has a nice ass!!🥴🥴"... LIKE? the scenes before certainly aren't set up in a way that's leading you down that train of thought...

it's the same as the scene where neil puts andrew's hand under his shirt, people talked about seeing that as sexual too. but andrew's been raped literally like 2 or 3 pages ago??? when i read those kinds of posts i can't help but think "how is this what's on your guys minds right now??..."

plus, when people say they saw these moments as sexual attraction they are often also implying they were thinking "maybe they'll get together". which is why i mentioned that i didn't trust andrew's group, cause i assumed everyone else felt the same, so i also assumed that like me they wouldn't be thinking of neil possibly getting with any of them... cause if you don't think they're trustworthy... why would you? i just wanted to protect neil from them ngl :') the only other character i liked at the time besides neil was wymack cause he actually showed that he cared about neil's wellbeing.

even that scene where andrew runs his fingers also neil's back, i honestly thought andrew was trying to intimidate neil... cause i didn't fucking like or trust andrew! he had non-con drugged not that long ago and i was still pissed at him and his group at the time. plus, andrew had used touching neil as a way to try and intimidate him before that so. even if i had picked up on the fact that andrew was attracted to neil from that during my first read, i wouldn't have thought they'd be getting together, or even wanted them too lol.

also because, aside from what i've said, there was also the fact neil told us he didn't swing... some scenes happened before that but most that people talk about happened after. if i'm reading a book and i'm having moments where i'm thinking maybe someone is attracted to the main character it's because i assume something might actually happen!

but i believed neil was aro/ace and so i wasn't looking for moments of neil being attracted to people, or moments of others being attracted to him. i never really bothered trying to read between the lines, it never even crossed my mind for so long... cause i had already set my mind on "neil won't end up with anyone". i only remembering it occurring to me at the "doesn't mean i wouldn't blow you" scene.

and honestly, when that happened i remember thinking something like "andrew's gonna end up getting rejected". idk? i never doubted neil was aspec, i started off thinking he was aro/ace like i said but i never went "oh he's gay", i just went "oh so he's not aro/ace but he's somewhere on the spectrum of being asexual".

and also tbh... i liked that neil never thought of things sexually. it was nice :'( and seeing his own thoughts and actions getting interpreted in that way, especially after we should have been under the assumption he wasn't interested in things like that... it rubs me the wrong way.

(i know aro/ace ppl can have relationships and/or have sex, but the way neil presented his sexuality and acted when hit on. to me, it made it seem like he was completely uninterested in either)

i can understand going back through the book after reading for the first time and being like "oh andrew's actions or words here might have been partially motivated by his attraction to neil at the time!", but through the first read? and for neil?? it's weird to me...

this is quite long so sorry bout that lol, i think i'll leave it here. it's nice to see someone else feel a similar way anyway ;^;

again, i don't think it's wrong if people read it differently. it just confuses me cause it's so different from my experience reading it and what i would expect it to be like for others

#ask

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imanes · 3 years ago

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sorry if this is annoying of me to ask but is it normal to feel weird bc a friend of mine (who unfollowed my e* bc we were broken up) suddenly followed him back? It could be bc she saw that we’ve kind of been following each other but idk. He used to have a slight, very slight crush on her before he met me but idk. Im not in a position to be trusting anyone lol

don't worry it's not annoying it's just that i don't know any of u and especially not ur friend so i don't think i'm in any position to be commenting alkjfkjg i know post-breakup times are very fraught and anxious and untrusting but ultimately if ur friend ever gave u any indication that she could be up to doing stuff that would hurt u then u already know, and if she's just trying to mend fences bc she was friendly to ur ex before and u didn't give her any indication that you'd be very disapproving then she can't read ur thoughts unless u share them with her. in any case if i were in ur position and i were bothered by this, i'd just wait and see. time gives clarity. i wouldn't say ur emotions are weird (i think it's normal to be irrational). u have to embrace them first before u can unpack them. but u also have to remind urself that ur subjectivity skews ur perception. if u are in no position to be trusting anyone then u aren't in a position to trust urself unless u have open conversations with the people in ur life and tell them where u are at and how it makes u feel. but that's just my 2 cents i am a random person on the internet and also i feel like an old grandma so maybe i don't understand instagram politics! hope u heal from ur previous relationship and u get to trust ppl again <3

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survivorpanem · 8 years ago

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EPISODE ELEVEN - “ONLY SO LONG BEFORE THE PET SNAKE TAKES A BITE “ - ANDREW

hieeeee. omg okay.. i feel like it's been a hot minute since i made an actual confessional and not just me vs kait and jenn in my host chat. ANYWAY. i won my second immunity basically just my luck sdhg. i just had one person in mind and went down the list each and every time and put there name with who i thought fit best and that really played out for me? NOW. i just won my third immunity and jake literally... went off one. saying fuck me and shit. like bro skldhg. im gonna be at work till 10pm tomorrow and im gonna miss tribal and the whole day. i couldn't risk anything because anything could happen so i had to ensure MY safety. like i love jake but i swear he has one more nasty mesage to send me before i ask him "who do you think ur talking to btw?" can i just say this real quick... allison- started the rally to try to get me out me- lets get allison out. allison- goes home. ryan- was partners with jordan pming everyone trying to get me out. me- lets get ryan out. ryan- goes home. jordan- same as above. was partners with ryan pming everyone trying to rally votes against me the allison week. me- lets get jordan out. jordan- goes home. everyone- lets get andrew out its time! me- lets get jaiden out. jaiden- goes home. https://68.media.tumblr.com/02aa5ec34518a894eef3408820de7bbd/tumblr_ohuo4d0OUh1uxnkpto1_1280.jpg NOW. im not getting jake out. he can have his hissy fit all he wants but i know theres loyalty still down there. but do i want isaac or andrew out now? hmm..

ME: TRIES TO SAVE ANDREW IS SUPER EXCITED WHEN JAIDEN FUCKS HIMSELF OVER SO ANDREW CAN SURVIVE THINKS WE'RE GOING TO WORK TOGETHER ANDREW: I'M GUNNA ELIMINATE SAM FROM THIS CHALLENGE ME: BOY WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? I'M OVER IT!! I'M READY TO KILL ANDREW I've decided I want me, Zack, JC, and Sam B to final 4 because fuck Jake and Andrew for killing me and fuck Isaac because he's guilty by association. Also in all of these receipts of Jaiden trying to try up the votes, ANDREW is the one who suggested me! Jaiden said me or JC and Andrew COULD HAVE SAID JC BUT HE DIDN'T SO BYE ANDREW. AND HE THREW HIS VOTE TO ME WHEN IT COULD HAVE GONE TO SOMEONE ELSE HONESTLY BYE

I'm honestly v upset to see Jaiden go :( I was definitely stressed in those last few confessionals but I really do luv Jaiden so much and actually did see us getting so much further in the game together :/ I don't know why he had to flip and not even tell me about it but idk hopefully I can make the best of this. Like I'm not the reason he got out necessarily and I feel like our relationship was good enough to have an ok chance of getting his vote if I ever make it to FTC, which is highly unlikely idek why I'm thinking about that when it's still like 5 votes away if it is going to be a f2 like I think it is. Then the immunity challenge seemed to go well even though I didn't win. It appears to have raised distrust towards Andrew from Sam which is veryyyy good because I'd love to get Andrew out! I'm not a fan of the comp slayers in the game, even miss Zack and Jakey who are my allies are worrisome because of their challenge abilities. Sky Ferreira is sex btw. Speaking of jakey too I'm not sure where his head is at? Idk I got weird vibes in the challenge, especially since he took me out before comp queen Zack which is...interesting, so it's caused a bit of untrust with jakey and I too. I'm just worried that he's actually going to start picking his game up and start slayin and when he does I wonder if he's going to stick with me or flip and go with other people. So I need to keep an eye out for his ass, and another on the finish line. I'm also going to try for the time being to just continue playing as if I don't have an idol. I feel like idols can impair your judgement abilities and actually be a kind of crux to your gameplay because you can get a bit too assured of yourself, and you can never feel safe in these games. It's worrying now too because I see like one of the main benefits that was around keeping Jaiden was that he was such a big threat, it was just like you could just be like oh yeah let's do Jaiden, and people would be like yeah tru and then of course you could flip it to who you really want later. Now jaidens gone and Isaac asked me who I wanted to vote and it's not like I could be like oh yea we should vote Jaiden hurr hurr. So idk I was just like what about jakey idk and he was like yeah I think jaidens high key annoying and I was just like ok 👀 mama calm down as he continued talking about how jakey a lil trifling hoe, but I mean jakey likes Make Me (Cry) by Noah Cyrus so could he really be that bad? Idk. I should ask what his zodiac sign is before I make any decisions for the vote or ideas of his character.

flkjfdsal I don't remember if I did a confessional but this could be my last one since it's 20 minutes before the vote and I've heard NOTHING from anyone except for JC! so like fuck Andrew and Isaac honestly I REALLY hope me Sam Zack and JC stick together but I don't see it happening. I'm pretty sure I'm getting voted out so like it's been real.

I'm so happy I've made Final 7 but more importantly, I made it passed Jaiden! This vote is messy btw I just woke up from a nap and I have no idea what I'm doing.

So I'm being voted by Sam G, JC, and Zack. I know that for sure. I'm hoping Myself, Isaac, and Sam B all vote together. And just get out JC. I guess Zack is playing a map on me. So he'll see I voted for JC. And they might play an idol on JC and I'll be fucked. I dunno if an idol is being played tonight but hopefully if it is then it's played on Sam G? I really don't wanna die. But id I am then Zack is a snake. Like I knew that asdfghj but. I was hoping maybe he would actually take the secret pair beware thing farther. I guess it was fun while it lasted. Only so long before the pet snake takes a bite. Anyway, I'm probs not surviving tonight. So I hope Isaac or Sam B or Jake wins. But like 98% hope Isaac wins because he fucking deserves it. This will likely be my last confessional so. It's been fun and I'm glad I was able to play a pretty awesome all-star season. Anyway DAN GHEESLING IS MY BROTHER BYE.

I HATE MAKING DECISIONS! I have 5 minutes to decide whether I want to work with Isaac and Andrew or Jc and zack. I'm super nervous because there will be drawbacks for each option I choose. Zack will probably yell at me a LOT if I flip and Isaac will probably be so hurt by me and not want to be friendship anymore. And I want to work with Andrew in PI Allstars so I don't want to betray him here. Ugh this is messy fuck

welp i have 5 minutes so zack fucked me over hard core in immunity this round and all trust i did have in him is lost. this round it would be ideal for JC to leave but idk if sam b. is smart enough to make that move... um!!! yeah im just trying to convince her but i dont rly see it happening. andrew will prob leave or me tbh. i honestly think its me lmao. oh well. fuck zack

WELL, It appears Andrew is voting me again! Vote me once, shame on you; vote me twice, bitch you gotta go! Ugh idk I'm heeeeella nervous that I might be going tonight so I'm definitely keeping my idol close, we might be seeing a play tonight. Maybe even two if Andrew has one. Hm. So, I approached Isaac, told him I wanted to vote Andrew. He claimed he was down to vote Andrew too, but told Sam that he wasn't going to vote me but would vote someone else. Sounds like an idol might be getting played on andrewwww so they're splitting the votes, huh?! How. Fucking. Cute!!! This is disgusting I'll probably have to play my vote negator on whoever Isaac votes and use my idol for everything to work out tonight. UGH! This is so worrisome, idk why Andrew had to vote me tho! Like girl couldn't you vote either Sam instead since everyone else is on your side and Zack is immune. Whyyyyy meeeeeee 😢😢 it's not like I was pushing to vote for Andrew this week and last week also! *sarcasm* but I mean still, come on! It's not like Sam G wasn't pushing for you too, ugh. I don't know this is tough, if anything I'm probably gonna at least reveal to someone that I have an idol tonight or something. I need to find out how this vote is gonna go down...this is gonna be a long bumpy rife

Later...

Oh my fucking God Samantha BUSSY voted me out I can't fucking believe this. I'm honestly shook like I messaged Sam G first asking if she flipped then when she said no I went to Zack when he said no I was like what the fuck, how could it be pure angel Sam Bussy??? I pressed her and eventually she admitted to it. So I went to her and she denied it at first but finally admitted to it later. Then I called her and I think I flipped her. Hopefulfuckingly! I'm trying to flip Isaac as well just in case anything goes wrong and hopefully I can. I really hope I stay my dumbass should've played my idol when my gut told me to, but I simply didn't listen, I'm so stupid! But if I /do/ survive, then this would really be a wild move and I'll definitely be playing shit next week, if not everything smh. I'm puhRAYING that my mist works, because if not I'm going down as a big idiot who went home with their idol, probably the first big idiot who went home with their idol in storybook history! THE BIGGEST IDIOT IN STORYBOOK HISTORY!!! Kms if I go out this game I'm screaming.

#touchofrebellion

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