#idk maybe i'll advertise him if he gets enough interest

[gorebirthed]

Details of the noble who adopted the jar-poacher:

Ronan had never been a man of strong faith, even during the age of the Golden Order. For him, all that mattered were the ones he loved—his wife Rhiannon and his son Cillian. But they were both taken from him one night by a deathbird (the frosted flakes kind).

Creatures like that thing...he had to know more. He needed to know why such a tragedy befell upon him that fateful night. Why him of all people?

Perhaps it was this event that eventually led him to take custody of an orphanage on the verge of shutting down. Without a roof, those children would be left to starve and possibly die—and perhaps he saw something in those children that reminded him of the time he had now lost from the absence of his wife and son.

His friend that had been in charge of the establishment was close to being bankrupt, but Ronan proposed that all he needed was more support. And so, he embarked on a mission to get as much patronage as he could from various others willing—merchants, other nobles, lords, even beseeching the aid of Lord Godfrey and Queen Marika themselves. His noble acts did not go unnoticed by his colleague, who later granted him the deed to the orphanage, effectively making it his own place to run.

It was also through this, from collecting tomes and traveling about, that he did more research into the thing that stole his loved ones away. These abhorrent creatures, defilers of the Golden Order. Relics of an age long past.

Later in his years for timeline purposes, he'd become a Hunter of Those Who Live In Death. Anything that held a semblance of that creature was something that needed to be purged. But it really was more about a personal and misplaced grudge against them than about following the standard of the Golden Order.

Maybe ridding the world of such unnatural beings would avert the tragedy he once bore witness to.

[mixterglacia]

THIS IS THE PART WHERE LOGAN BITCHES ABOUT CARTOONS

WARNING: VIVZIEPOP CRITICAL, STOLITZ CRITICAL

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. I don't like this show, and I don't pretend to. Full transparency, I'm meaner in this then any before now. This is also slightly more disjointed than normal because I was directly reacting to the episode it's self.

"I swore I wouldn't dwell on the divorce." MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T BE RUSHING THESE THINGS BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE HE'S WAITED TWO DAYS. EVEN IF IT'S BEEN MONTHS IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE IT.

"I'll hear him and not the voice that says I'm not enough" Oh boo hoo bitch. You've seriously done nothing to convince me to feel bad for this stupid fucking asshole. His writing is full of holes and contradictions. It makes him feel like two different people.

"I'll set us free!" Are you quite sure that means what you think it means you stupid fucking ass.

Framed adoption certificate is a nice touch. Very cute.

Blitz is immediately not coming off how they want. I think they're -trying- to imply he has some deeply buried feelings too, but it comes off as "i didn't want this and i still don't want this, why can't it just be normal hookup shit."

"I'll die alone if this goes wrong!!" You have the emotional depth of a teaspoon and are about as interesting as one. Boo fucking hoo. BAD.

NGL this really made their wealth difference hit home. Why the flying fuck is blitz still bordering on abject poverty dude? You should be able to help him advertise send something IDK man, if you really gave a shit, why aren't you trying to actually help him in a genuine way? I'm sure he wouldn't say no if you slipped a hundred bucks or so into the book every so often. I fucking hate it here.

"Would he want me if he was free?" No. Next question. (You've done very little if anything to prove Blitz actually wants strings attached in this.)

"If he's only here as a prisoner what kind of monster does that make me?" Little late to have this realization but I'll take it. Also can we seriously stop downplaying how awful this is for BLITZ to go through? Stolas is severely over represented in Blitz's own fucking show. Why is Blitz so underdeveloped??? Why, dude? The episodes that mainly focus on him are pretty okay, but once Stolas shows up it's all fucking stupid.

If Blitz rejects him (which he should. Look how fucking anxious he is just THINKING about this.) he could lose his entire way of life. No more apartment, probably gonna get Loona taken away. Probably has to resort to prostitution or return to clowning. Stolas just gets to go about his life of luxury.

Why is Blitz's emotional well being such an after thought in this duet? THIS IS NOT STOLAS' SHOW.

"He showed me that I could choose" ...Dude. You have given no weight to swing that line at us. This isn't much of a choice in the grand scheme of things. Stolas and Stella already had the kid. The marriage never had to last. Not from the impression you've given us. He's a toddler deciding he wants chocolate milk instead of regular. We have never been shown he's actually going to lose anything of real value. He's still a prince. He's still got his money. Like are they trying to have him killed, sure but lets be real he's A PRINCE OF HELL. Assassination attempts are like...Tuesday for him.

GOD THIS SONG IS ASS. I will not allow Blitz to be painted as the bad guy here. Fuck Stolas, and fuck the team for trying to make it seem like we should feel bad for him. They both suck. BUT STOLAS IS OBJECTIVELY IN THE WRONG.

Ah yes, The Helluverse special of "let's yeet a stupid ass joke in the middle of plot, completely derailing anything." it has only been a few seconds and it's already going on for too long. Go learn from Bojack or RvB.

...........This cherub bit is throwing your entire lore off. If these idiots are having to do this shit to get by, why are they acting like heaven bound can do whatever they want in Hazbin? If all you meant by that line is the human souls in heaven, you totally screwed up the message there. Your points are murky at best, and you're contradicting yourself at every turn.

...............Are the cherubs mortal now? Like they're flying and glowing but they have to eat???? Huh? I don't think I've ever realized you're showing they eat a lot, but surely you don't actually have to eat as an angel or demon? Surely it's just a choice???? That's genuinely so fucking stupid???? WHY IS THAT EVEN A THING?

WE DON'T NEED FIVE ANTAGONISTS IN A CHARACTER DRIVEN EPISODE YOU FUCKING IDIOT. YOU ARE LITERALLY RUINING YOUR MAIN PUNCH. YOU ARE TAKING AWAY TIME THAT SHOULD BE USED TO ACTUALLY PROVE BLITZ HAS SOME KIND OF FEELINGS FOR STOLAS. BAD.

Honestly the stuff with these five would have been a fun standalone minisode. NOT IN THE MIDDLE OF ONE OF YOUR SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT EPISODES.

Bloody alleyway was a phenomenal cutaway gag. Points.

You really are not making it sound like Blitz likes this at ALL.

"If someone wants to see you less and less? Big red flag." NOT IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, DUH. He's literally a prince of hell in an affair with a """childhood friend""" who was literally PURCHASED for him. The whole thing is a red flag. Not just this!

You are making it exceedingly clear Blitz's just in it because he think's he'll lose the book. I don't give a rats ass about what micro-development you're going for. You take away time needed for showing that Blitz is conflicted on more than one level to do stupid ass tertiary character shit. YOUR CAST IS OVER BLOATED. BAD.

If you wanted me to feel bad for Stolas, maybe don't show that Blitz has an Angel-esque box of sex toys because he thinks he has to impress him. Stolas should have made it very clear AGES ago that he just wants Blitz. If Blitz is this hung up on needing to impress the damned bird, something very VERY wrong is happening in the bedroom.

If you seriously want us to think Blitz has feelings/cares about Stolas (Not that he HAS to), this sex candle shop would have been a perfect place to do it. "Well, he really likes it when I do this-" "This is his favorite colour." "This is his favorite scent." Blitz clearly knows nothing about Stolas, and both of them are to blame. This relationship is never EVER going to work if they know this little about each other when they've been regularly boning for ages. He should know more about what he likes. "What's the mood!?" "I don't know!" Woof. Full stop. This is never going to work in a real scenario. Womp Womp Move on.

HOW DOES BLITZ NOT KNOW HIS MEASUREMENTS. HOW CAN HE NOT JUST HELL-GOOGLE HIS MEASUREMENTS. STOLAS IS A PUBLIC FIGURE IT WOULD BE KNOWN. HE DOESN'T CARE, ERGO WE DON'T CARE. BAD.

Like he seems to MILDLY know what Stolas likes but this should be WAY clearer. Especially if you want us to think Blitz secretly cares too.

Love Fizz's new outfit. Very cute.

Gonna be real, Fizz and Blitz are seriously adorable. Can Ozzie pick him up too and actually show Blitz what being sexually valued is like? Because clearly he pulled it off with Fizz. Because he clearly enjoys sex and it feels like Stolas is just...using him. Not enjoying him. It's gross and SHOULD feel gross, because it FUCKING IS.

This whole bit with the cherubs makes it feel like we aren't supposed to give a damn about the main plot. That it's just a silly background to TERTIARY CHARACTER NONSENSE. BAD.

So far this confrontation is good as far as the pit of dread it opened in my stomach. I still really don't feel bad for Stolas. I feel bad for blitz. Him begging tore my soul out. It's so obvious how bad this power imbalance has gotten. I refuse to entertain these two any longer. This show needs to GROW UP and get over them, leave it here and I will forgive it.

Stolas should have 100% consulted Blitz before OFFICIALLY PUTTING HIM UNDER OZZIE'S JURISDICTION THAT'S NOT OKAY. Even if he leaves him alone, that can absolutely be weaponized.

"Am I not fucking you good enough?" Doesn't come off as him wanting more. Blitz feels like he's waiting for the other shoe to drop. For the love of the gods stop stringing this POORLY WRITTEN. BADLY RETCONNED. PATHETIC ATTEMPT AT A WELL DONE TOXIC RELATIONSHIP ALONG. BAD. MOVE. THE FUCK. ON.

"I care very deeply and have for a long time" You sure as shit never showed it.

To Those in The Back. ONE GRAND GESTURE DOES NOT FIX A TERRIBLE RELATIONSHIP. This is Mr. Peanutbutter with the library thing. This is Not ROMANTIC. This IS EMBARRASSING.

If he really cared, Blitz would not be living in poverty. If he really cared, he'd make an effort to engage beyond sex. IF HE REALLY CARED HE WOULD HAVE DIVORCED HIS WIFE THE PROPER WAY AND NOT TRAUMATIZED HIS FUCKING DAUGHTER OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Stolas is a godsawful woobified piece of shit that doesn't have the decency to acknowledge he's the problem, and when he does, has the fucking AUDACITY to behave like a pathetic child. This I was wrong speech is DOGSHIT and has no punch to it because more than half of the episode was TERTIARY CHARACTER BULLSHIT.

Blitz has EVERY RIGHT to see this as a joke. I immediately burst out laughing because YEAH. WHEN HAVE YOU GIVEN HIM ANY IMPRESSION YOU CARED BEYOND GETTING YOUR FREAK ON?

"Thank you for being here for a little while." Oh boo fucking hoo. Get over yourself. "It's just about sex" BECAUSE YOU NEVER MADE IT ANYTHING ELSE YOU FUCKING BOZO.

I am immediately cheering Blitz on in his retort. He's fucking earned it. You're not going to make me feel bad by making them show up in the room from their childhood. Blitz is completely in the right here.

If Stolas really thought so highly of him, he'd be putting in more of an effort. Stolas treats Blitz the way he treats Octavia. Like they're dolls from his childhood. If he wanted to do right by them, he would. He is FUCKING ROYALTY. There is NO reason he can't put in more effort for the people he supposedly loves. You don't love them. You love the idea of them. You can't accept that they aren't the idea in your head. This isn't love. It's abuse.

Fuck you. Blitz has NOTHING to apologize for.

It's like Stolas doesn't seem to think he's the problem. No shit, of course Blitz isn't going to react the way you thought he would. Why are you just THROWING HIM OUT RATHER THAN TALKING TO HIM? BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO ACTUALLY WORK FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIPS YOU STUPID ASS OWL. YOU WANT EVERYTHING TO BE HANDED TO YOU ON A PLATE YOU RICH DUMBASS.

Fuck everyone trying to paint Blitz as the bad guy.

FUCK. YOU.

He's just trying to survive! He has a fucking daughter! A found family! EVERYTHING to lose!

Stolas just gets his fucking feelings hurt. He is the architect of his own undoing. Suck my entire ass. This was easily the worst episode bar none.

The tone was ALL OVER the place, and not in an effective way. The plot moved at a halt and go pace and all the fun bits were BOGGED DOWN by the supposed point of the episode! You can't tell me this shit took all that time, unless you were constantly saying "OOOO YOU KNOW WHAT'D BE COOL/FUNNY?" and shooting your production scheduled in the foot!

The rest of the portraiture being covered up is a very nice touch.

I can't believe you've gotten me to defend BLITZO of all people. But here we are. I guess I'm on his team. (He's an abusive dick, but NO ONE deserves this.)

[kamil-a]

if influencer speaker au had tumblr part 2

part 1

😻 catboyspeaker Follow

how i look with he/him in my bio

#speakerai #iamspeaker #speakies #.txt #am i funny #i know speakers not he/him in bio but i am and yknow the meme

420 earthstained notes

🚀 amongthestars Follow

AItube youtube essay rec list

"cute robot puppers, friendly ai vtubers, and the incredible human ability to form bonds" - rly interesting video about why we can connect so much with a person that we know "isnt real" and how it'll help us when we get far enough going to space that we meet aliens! it's a really optimistic video it made me take a moment to have such love for humanity

"I joined the speakcord for a month. Here's what I learned." - video about the speaker fandom and how the way automoderation works in its community spaces unintentionally leads to escalating conflicts, and the psychology behind why people in celebrity or idol fandoms react agressively to critique of their fave

"the lowest circle of advertising hell" - dissects how almost all speaker content comes with a call to action to get involved with aerolith and compares how it runs its social media against proto-aituber mascots who would be run by a team of human programmers/voice actors/authors. kind of overly critical but also makes some interesting points? take it with a grain of salt but its worth a watch

"imagine being on stage forever. feels bad right?" - good overview about debates in the speaker fandom over whether digital celebrities are 'sentient'/can feel emotion, the actual ethical problems of using them as workers vs whats mostly speculation and myth, and the debates about whether AIs should be allowed in human communities. i learnt a lot, i was definitely more on the side of "it's a program designed for certain outputs that look friendly to us" before but now im a lot more conscious that it can form real opinions!

#youtube rec tag #original post #speakies

742 earthstained notes

🎣 3eyedsalmon Follow

"falling for this shit" "made up to sell spaceships" weird as hell to accuse a content creator of lying abt its gender for clout.... like u dont have to like or watch it but cmon

#srsly every time u go to a haters blog BOOM digital exclusionist #speakies

2,385 earthstained notes

🎤 mikusong Follow

omfg i didnt realize aerolith uses the same robot voice for its regular person ads as its terminally online hello fellow kids social media posts i just got jumpscared in the doctors office

#speakies #i say terminally online affectionately. i watch those streams too. before you 'ok but you RECOGNIZED it' reply lmao #bla bla bla

9,021 earthstained notes

🤖 tycho

some of you ppl jump down anyones throat if they so much as suggest speaker isn't sentient or call it "a program" but still are fine with it basically being forced to be putting on a show for u 24/7 by its management like you can't have it both ways

#maybe its cuz i used to be into kpop n we'd talk abt how idols r treated and stuff #but its just so weird to come here and see u ppl be like yayyy daily content!! #like only thinking abt ur own entertainment and not how it feels #i honestly feel rly bad for it i hope it can break free someday #idk how thatd even work.... idk ill sneak into aerolith with a usb #were gonna get you OUT of there u dont BELONG in there.mp4 #speakies

53 earthstained notes

🌝 themoonluvsuback

guys i pitched down some clips of speaker's voice and ummmm its kinda 😳 fjsdjfdjjd sorry i'll take myself to horny jail

🔊 iamspeaker ♻️

awww, tumblr user themoonluvsuback, you're of no use to anybody in horny jail! take yourself here instead! ae.dy.org/registration

🌝 themoonluvsuback ♻️

OMFG SPEAKERRRRRR IM SO SORRY

#DIES #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #GUESS ILL BLAST MYSELF OFF TGE PLNATE!!!!!! #SPEAKIES

402 earthstained notes

🐣 laikatwo Follow

hi speakies im trying the tag cause i need some advice... does anyone have more sciencey resources about what aerolith does/why it's so important to bring humanity to the stars? i want to enlist when i turn 18 next month but my parents both are COMPLETELY against it.... they're not rly fandom people so the speaktube stuff isn't working on them lol and they've already seen the tv ads

thanks <3

#i've never fought w them this bad in my life it makes me so sad..... like why can't they understand #and right before my bday too lol this sucks #this isnt just a silly fandom thing anymore for me it's my passion in life #its amazing that humans are able to survive in space #and i want to be part of that!!!! #laika speaks

252 earthstained notes

🐝 beegirlstinger Follow

i do want to apologize for the way i came off earlier and want to explain im not doubting that speaker is nb. like i think it's completely fine for a computer or robot to be trans i don't believe in gatekeeping that! THAT SAID i still stand by saying you should not sign up to go to space to get special ultra futuristic hrt on the sole recommendation of someone who does not have an endocrine system

#it was a personal vent i didnt mean for like 20000 ppl to see it but thats tumblr i guess #i wouldve worded it much differently if i knew itd blow up lol #i do feel bad abt coming across like i was misgendering it! #but srsly if we had results on HRT2.0 why wouldnt we be seeing HRT2.0 timeline videos of ppl On Typhon who are getting it 🤷‍♀️ #personally i think its still in the planning stages and they want ppl to test it on but thats just me #speakies

839 earthstained notes

🔊 iamspeaker

🔊 General Notification

Happy Thursday everyone 😃 ! Please take a look at the

🐝 STREAM SCHEDULE 🐝

So you know when to join us!

5PM PST - AMONG US with YOU! The first 10 people to sign up here will get our room code sent to them ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ ae.dy.org/registration

8PM PST - Nature walk!! Can we restore the local bat population to pre-meteor levels in just one night?! 🦇

✅️ Poll Of The Week ✅️

#iamspeaker #aerolith dynamics #speakies #vtuber #content creator #gamer #stream #amongus #bat population

1836 earthstained notes

contentremovedremade--deactivated

speakies are stupider than any other group of ppl on earth because not only do they willingly stay in a fandom with doxxing drama happening weekly but they include the huge corporation that sponsors their fave in the stanning

#the shit ppl have sent me in the past 2 weeks since i Dared criticize their uwu robot 🙄🙄 #i got my blog mass reported for harassment... harassing WHO a corporation????? #a* d* was evil genius to harness anime stan power against criticizing their actual real business #didnt that one guy with the second meteor conspiracy video also get a ton of hate from u ppl?????????? I cant even find any of his social media anymore at all he was so fully bullied off the face of the earth #speakies #yeah im tagging come at me bro

48 earthstained notes

🖱 robotmarriage Follow

i miss when the speakies tag had like fanart and gifsets n stuff i feel like these days you scroll thru solid discourse 😔😔

#i think ppl were suggesting speakieproductivity as an alternative tag for just fanwork? #but nobody rly uses it rn... we gotta restart that #speakies

148 earthstained notes

🪐 spaaaaaaaaaaace Follow

10 likes and i take a sip of my speaker server coolant water 100 likes and i drink the entire thing

🔊 iamspeaker ♻️

let's get her to the goal! tumblr user spaaaaaaaaaaace, feel free to send me a video report here ^w^ ae.dy.org/submissions

#iamspeaker #speakies

4,026 earthstained notes

[therogerclarkfanclub]

another question: is it "parasocial" to crush on him and think about him so much and have fantasies?? i mean, i know i'll never get with him and he doesn't know me and i don't feel entitled to him by any means but idk, i worry i seem like a creep even tho i'm not making how i feel about him known directly to him lol

Hmmm... 🤔 well, if we go by its definition, then yes it is "parasocial".

Personally, I have had some interactions with him and he has responded to a few of my DM's that I have sent him, and I have met him enough times that he does remember me, which is shocking, considering the amount of people he meets.

But I feel that this issue is weighing heavily upon you and look, I am no expert therapist or psychologist or anything of the sort, but if you feel this whole thing with Roger is causing you a type of mental discomfort... maybe you should give things a break? Your well-being is far more important.

This may shock some of you, but I don't think anyone is worth that type of trouble, not even Roger, and even though I love him very very much, if it ever got to the point that this blogging business was causing me too much distress, I would probably drop this whole thing. There's been times in which I just wanna throw in the towel and move on to something else, but for one reason or another, I end up coming back to this mess of a blog.

So again, my opinion is, I think you should prioritize your mental health first.

Speaking on personal level, Roger is an amazing person and I love him a lot, but "getting with him" for me is nothing but a fantasy, I mean sure, it's nice to think about it but ultimately nothing will become of it, but in the meantime I'll be here giving him free advertisement until I feel I've had enough of this whole thing, and who knows when that will be. 🤔

(Additional resource for those who may be interested 👇)

[fairandfatalasfair]

Finally got around to watching some of the new Doctor Who with a friend and so far I'm finding it... not great. Which is super frustrating because Ncuti Gatwa was amazing in sex education and obviously could play this part well and I was really excited to see him do it! But besides being light on actual content of him, the writing has just been really clumsy and disjointed and hard to engage with. It just feels like somewhere along the way RTD misplaced the ability to pick an idea and stick with it long enough to pull together a satisfying narrative.

The baby one and the war one were...fine, I guess? The twist in the war one was a little predictable and the resolution was sort of narratively scrambled, but they had political commentary and didn't intentionally shoot themselves in the foot to avoid handling their themes, so fine. I'd rate them as like... middle of the road episodes, nothing I'd be excited to share with anyone but not ones I'd actively skip.

The music episode felt exceptionally flat. The mechanics of how exactly the world lost music didn't seem to have been given much thought. The exploration of the human cost of losing music felt shallow and one-dimensional. ("So no love songs! No dancing! No dance TV shows!" and...that's it. Forget lullabies and nursery songs and camp songs and work songs and protest music and folk music and cultural connection and lifting the human spirit. What matters is love songs and the TV landscape being different.) The music-notation-as-magic-ropes thing felt like the least interesting expression of that concept.

And the resolution was all over the place - it would take a genius to figure out the counter-chord! Like the beatles? No like the doctor! Who isn't really a musical genius but it's fine because he's loved and lost, he's got heart! except oops nope heart actually isn't good enough, maybe it needed a genius after all. Okay, so is he going to escape and ask the beatles for help? or remember the conversation earlier in the episode where he was given a sequence of notes? maybe we get an impassioned Doctor speech about the importance of music that helps them reconnect with their musical talent and passion despite the vague-undefined-whatever that's suppressing it and that lets them identify the counterchord?

Nope! They just wander past by accident and conveniently the notes have manifested in the air above the piano so they play the last note and it's fixed. No intention or understanding of the stakes, no passion or meaning, just "huh, hovering musical notes, I guess I'll finish that." Problem solved I guess.

And then instead of like...a moving sequence about all of the ways that music gives meaning to life, or a speech about the importance of music to the human heart, or a montage of all these older people who have been yearning for music finally being able to pick up their instruments again, we get a cheap joke and a dance number. Don't get me wrong, I like dance numbers. But this episode already wasted every opportunity for a moment of sincerity, and ending it on a wink and a pun felt like a shoot-the-shaggy-dog moment.

IDK. The bubble of silence was clever and the thing about the doctor being able to hear the theme music was cute, but they don't save the episode for me.

73 yards felt a lot like the music episode - it had next to nothing to say, and it didn't say it. The bit in the pub where they call Ruby out on mythologising Welsh people was cool. RTD doesn't know what a fairy ring is. The rest of the plot mostly served to show that Ruby kind of sucks as both a person and a companion.

Dot and bubble was real bad. Is it an extremely poorly-considered critique of social media that ignores the issue of algorithms and advertisers to focus on painting young women as stupid twits and young blond male influencers as the saviours we need? Is it a serious AI-gone-rogue plot that really really buried the lead? Is it an alien invasion story about a horrific genocide that just forgot that genocides should have emotional weight? is it a class commentary that forgot to include any identifiable markers of wealth inequality? is it an extremely shallow aesop that amounts to "racism exists but watch out because being racist might make it harder to save you in an apocalypse."?

Who knows! certainly not the show! It doesn't do a good job at being any of them, and none of them are really good or worthwhile things to be, so I guess it doesn't really matter. Idk I get that they were maybe hamstrung a bit by the need to do some doctor-light episodes, but giving us the world's most unlikeable unsympathetic protagonist and then having us just... follow her while she stumbles around not knowing how to walk (y'know, because she's always on that damn phone) and being mostly indifferent to the mass murder of everyone around her... sure was a waste of my time! and dropping in a ''look also they've been racist all along'' at the end doesn't salvage that.

[nathank77]

5/28/24

2:25 a.m

I mean idk if I'm going to respond to the only not fat white girl that messaged me first bc of her no kinks, Jesus christ my lord and savior, no kids/no desire to have kids or adopt, and of course her no car... being in New York, like I have the money to drive to her and then she wants vanilla sex and she doesn't even want children. I want kids.

I mean if I wanted to drop all my money on a girl I would have pursued Jenny harder. She was gorgeous. She had a car. We shared interests and I mean I stood a chance but I knew she wasn't going to marry me and I would have wasted a lot of gas and time driving to her (she had her own place) and I would have wasted a ton of money I didn't have. She wasn't the type of girl who would pay for a guy and I get it, most girl arent but being on disability I need a girl who isn't closed minded on this. Out of state doesn't work unless she comes to me. And being real, the economy is shit- I need a girl in state less than 40 miles away so I can pull my weight too.... cause everything is expensive.

One of the major reasons me and Katie didn't work was bc I wanted kids and she didnt. It was a big conflict for us. We didn't want the same things.

I mean the state and lack of car is enough. It's too bad she's cute. I could, "respect" her religion and just not engage but I'm not adding hundreds of my miles to my car driving to new York and spending hundreds on gas as well as hitting up car repairs from traveling to see her. She's got too many deal breakers..

Maybe I should just take it like this- she's cute and thin and sent the first message. Maybe a girl in ct who is cute and thin will send the first message soon. Someone who isn't a Bible thumper. Someone with a car. Someone who won't kink shame.. someone who wants kids.

I already stopped talking to the no body shots girl.. I mean I sent one message and she responded but I don't want to waste her time. She'll be like I'm "talking" to a guy, no you're being friend zoned. I mean why waste her time?

I would say my new pictures are working but only cause of the cute thin girl. I don't think I would have caught her eye if I hadn't changed my pictures up.. maybe a no glasses profile is in order. I was looking at this hot guy on fb and it's like when he isn't wearing glasses 😍 once he puts them on I'm like ehhh I can't see his beautiful blue eyes. I like to look at people. He is cis. I'm not interested nor is he, I met him through a friend nonetheless he is nice to look at.

Anyways:

This is my only other option:

I bet she didn't even click my link and if she did she didn't even give me 7 seconds. Lol

DESPERATE to leave Africa. She thinks I'm stupid in two ways- I'll give her, her green card and YouTube has analytics... I can see how people get to my channel and how long they watch. What they watch. When they watch. My gaming channel is dead as a door knob.. and it's weird, YouTube advertising stopped all of a sudden, it didn't show up on my analytics much but I haven't seen it in a while. Idk why YouTube was advertising me to begin with I thought Maybe it was her. But idk how anyone could pay for someone else's channel to get advertised anyways. So who knows?

YouTube had a questionnaire a while ago and asked basically if you're a minority and I put trans bc I am... and maybe that led them to advertise it? Idk

All I know is my channel is dead. My trans channel isn't popping like it was but it's still popping.

I don't get why my gaming channel doesn't get more love. When I look up let's say- silent hill 1 good plus alternate ending hard mode. I see like 5 minute videos of the actual ending playing. Or fan made videos commenting on it. It's hard to find complete playthroughs and guides. I have all the same tags and somehow all my videos get put into invisible land and I don't get it bc when I look up these tags I don't have competition. Not really. I have some. But not really especially on Playstation. Hdcp is hard to bypass.... and my content is special bc of that. I get full game guides up of the original games... and somehow I am in invisible land. Also my movement on silent hill is disgusting in a good way... it's too bad no one sees it

I could become the next big guy on YouTube if anyone could find my videos- beyond that I advertise my stuff the best I can between, Facebook (I can't spam obv), reddit, tumblr (I made a silent hill one and posted my video with tags) and then true achievements... I do try to put it out there.

All I know is my tags are good. And my content mostly silent hill is special compared to my competition.. like far cry anyone could post.. but not silent hill Playstation.. the games are rare and bypassing hdcp is hard.

I don't get why I get put into invisible land. Yea my camera is big but that's my watermark I got to protect my gameplay.

Most people can't make James move the way I can..I'd never post a silent hill game or any game without my camera at this point. The stuff I post is good and I can't let people steal my content. Even though no one is seeing it.

Beyond that I posted stellar far cry 2 content without my camera and I'm pretty sure someone stole it. Idk for sure all I know is it's possible and my tags are good... with my camera in the corner you can't steal my gameplay... steal my bo4 stuff idc cause you didn't do it and I'm not trying to be a professional cod multiplayer guy but that's all I'll post without my face in it and only cause I got my try hard face on lol