#idk man i didn’t even realize I could feel stuff for guys anymore but ig I do?

[sparkles-and-trash]

I need to stop having twitter crushes

[hannamoon143]

Silver springs- Fleetwood Mac

Bang Chan with "Silver springs" from Fleetwood Mac for the fall series

Genre: Angst, Hurt/no comfort?

Warnings: metion of crying, none rlly ig

Word count: 1k

Fall series masterlist

a/n: hii, this is based on this req from @asherthehimbo. I didn't know the song before and actually idk if it turned out good or not,help. Well get ur blanket and hot cocoa and have a cozy fall <33

Was it worth everything? To you, oh yes, it was. But chan? No, it wasn’t.

Chan, the man that always worked, always giving his attention to his laptop. You always kind of understood him. You knew how much his job meant to him, because it was the same for your own. And of course you were understanding when he couldn’t come home early somedays, or when he wouldn’t talk to you when he had to finish something. But when this „somedays“ got „always“ you weren’t so understanding anymore.

You weren’t able to count the times you tried to make him see clear. You tried to tell him that of course he could work and do everything he needed to, but maybe at least a bit attention would be nice. At least one time in what, two months? And you knew he understood what you meant. After one night where he came home late and you told him that everything, he was promising to do better, that he would only need to work so much till the comeback, and then he would be fully yours.

The worst thing was, he knew that it was a lie from that moment on. As you were a singer yourself, you probably knew that this was a lie, but you didn’t want to believe it.

It wasn’t that chan was trying to hurt you on purpose. Actually it was the opposite. He didn’t know what to tell you, that wouldn’t make you leaving. So telling a lie that made everything a bit more justified, seemed to be a good solution for the moment. And you wanted to believe him. You stayed quiet when he worked through the nights, sometimes not even coming home, but when he was home, ignoring you entirely.

And then? Well then the comeback was there. All the said work was done, and you were hopefull now everything would go back to… well what you could call normal. But you thought wrong. After that he made up more excuses. Sometimes the boys needed him, sometimes he would have meetings, sometimes he just needed to finish that one track.

And slowly you were growing more and more tired of it. You knew chan was not a bad guy. That was the only reason you didn’t already leave. He was kind, and the people and things he loved mattered more than anything to him. And maybe exactly that was the problem. You never judged him because of that, but from time to time you had to realize that his work more important to him than you. You had wished to at least be just the same important to him as them.

So one night, where you had decided to take things in your own hands with telling him how you felt at a date, he agreed to come and talkt hings out. But what a wonder, he forgot it.

That night you cried yourself to sleep. All the expressed words and feelings in you were simply to overwhelming. But as you did that, you decided that it was the last time, you were doing this because of him. This last night you would be hurting because of him. But tomorrow? That was a new day.

You left. You didn’t say much to him, since he wasn’t really listening to you anyways. But you weren’t a person to break up with someone over text so you just grabbed all your stuff, your key to your shared apartment, and drove to his studio. You went in, laid the key at the table and said you were leaving. The ironical thing was chan didn‘t even look up. He mumbled something of you having to calm down a bit then you two could talk. He was thinking you were just mad at him for working late again and being dramatic. But oh, the fool should have listened to you for once.

Because you, you kept your promise. You didn’t cry again because of him. You were concentrating on your work. You were hearing from stray kids‘ succes since you were in the same branche but that was it already.

And slowly, but firm, you worked your way up. You became more famous, you newest album hitting the charts. You gained lots of fans, succes and more than you could have dreamed off. So basically your name was everywhere now.

But chan, wished it wasn’t. When he finally began to realize that you had left he tried to gain you back for a while but gave up. He tried to tell himself it was alright, when for him it wasn’t. He knew it was his own fault, with the constant lies and excuses, but he wished it ended different. He listened to the records you once made together for fun, every night. And then suddenly you dropped another album, and you gained so much more attention. Chan couldn’t stand it. Your face was haunting him everywhere, on the streets, on social media, and in his dreams. If he would have made time for you, would things have ended different?

Surely he tried to reach out a few times. You weren’t cruel, you always politely declined, or just cut his actions. Because you’d lie if you’d say you didn’t love him. You weren’t sorry for the time spent with him, because at the beginning it made you truly happpy and feel loved. But it just wasn’t right. Maybe things could have been right if both of you tried to change, but you were stubborn. And could you really have changed that much?

Now as time flew by, things were healing for you. You worked to get back the confidence and trust in yourself you lost with chans lies and excuses. You were thinking it was the right decision that you left chan, since you were being more focused on other things, and also having more succes in things you truly loved.

And chan? Well he would move on, after a long time probably. But still, he would never entirely get away from the sound of the woman that loved him.

taglist: @darqlys @lina-linny @0omillo0 @onementally-unstabel-kid

[vitosscaletta]

All of them for juliasam. now. sorry to anyone else who sent any this is my city now

(thank you 😌 also @jmcolt asked 1-8 too, thank u ❤💕)

Who is the most affectionate?

JULIA DUUHHHHH... it’s the repression 😔 he squeezed her hand when he was fucked up from blood loss once though. love. 

Big spoon/Little spoon?

They don’t spoon.. they're the same size it just ends up being weird 😔 

Most common argument?

It’s not really one specific topic, like I said before she doesn’t really agree with most of the crime stuff around 1938 anymore but lets most of it slide.. 

Favorite non-sexual activity?

ahem 😌 i think i already said this on another post but she likes to take walks by the docks on central island (other places too that’s just where she goes because her workplace is there) and drags him along lol.  Also they sit in a corner booth at Salieri’s like freaks and talk shit about the other guests/some guy in the gang they don’t like 😒

Who is most likely to carry the other?

hmm neither lol, Julia would try it for fun but she’s not strong enough :(

What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

Ew corny 🤢🤢🤢 but for her... he rarely smiles but the maybe 3 times he does.. she likes that she thinks he looks cute 😌 (that one screenshot from the race where he looks normal. i know i said i hate it but I really don’t, I actually like that pic. he has dimples :/) For him uuhh her fucked up small nose.. the way it looks when she laughs. he’d never say that but yk 

What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

mmmjdsjhdfjhdfjdfjjhdfjhdfj sam is fucked up so he avoids her.. he’s obviously not emotionless but rather. emotionally stunted. Doesn’t talk to anyone about himself, not even his closest friends and instead uses random prostitutes as therapists while mistaking physical intimacy for an emotional connection with that one girl even though she was just doing her job.. Meanwhile Julia has been in the “friend you don’t really open up to” category up until that point and the fact that these feelings come from actual friendship with an actual connection of sorts rather than aforementioned physical intimacy (which was already bad enough last time & didn’t end well you know 🤷‍♀️)... BAD... Which leads to the whole “just don’t think about it” mentality clicking because it’s easier than just facing it I suppose.

Julia on the other hand had a dumb little crush early on that she never really acted on - she’s not emotionally repressed, she just cares too much about what other people think about her.. she’s not trying to be liked, just to be taken seriously so talking about your feelings to some mafia guy out of the blue is probably not the best idea 😔 She just kind of ignores it/complains to her friends... after the hand holding thing even more so because she’s pissed he’s acting weird. she kind of knows he’s a fucked up repressed guy but she’s not gonna chase after him or anything.. make an effort 🔫

Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate?

She calls him “chief” lol. Just for fun.. the more affectionate thing is “Sammy” though which is cringe but whatever.. uhh he doesn’t strike me as a nickname person though, he just calls her Julia. Maybe some corny shit in italian if he’s feeling it

Who worries the most?

Julia 😔 mafia boyfriend thingz, meanwhile her job is just to write things for the newspaper so she’s not actively in danger. 

Who tops?

ewww don’t force me to talk about s*x on tumblr. She does. 

Who initiates kisses?

In public... mostly Julia 🙄 which isn’t much she’ll just give him a kiss on the cheek sometimes. At home/private it’s. both :)

Who reaches for the other’s hand first?

Ahem.. She does 😌 see this.

Who wakes up first?

Uhh it depends. They both have to get up early as fuck but sometimes he’ll get a call from the don at some fucked up early hour. Which wakes her up too but she can go back to sleep ig

Who wants to stay in bed just a little longer?

This ties into the previous question but IF it happens.. she :)

Who says I love you first?

She does. she has to do everything I guess 😒

Who leaves little notes in the other’s one lunch? (Bonus: what does it usually say?)

godd neither that’s cringe. Also they probably just eat out all the time 

Who tells their family/friends about their relationship first?

Julia. Sam doesn’t say anything probably, when someone asks he’s like. mind your own business 😒

What do their family/friends think of their relationship?

omg they mostly have the same friends. I don’t think anyone really gives a shit, they have mafia things to do. Olive knows about it of course and thinks it’s uhhhh questionable... Sam is kinda fucked up but once it works out she’s cool with it 😌

As for family (that’s not “the family”).. Sam doesn’t have any. He does but they live somewhere else and do.. idk something. being catholic. they don’t know what he’s up to. Julia’s dad already knew him obviously (sitting at some cringe family dinner & one of your daughters brings some guy who bled out on your couch a year ago ❤), she could have done better but there are worse guys out there, he’s okay with it. Her sisters are just like. ew we hate this man.

Who cooks more/who is better at cooking?

Technically Julia but she’s too lazy/”””busy””” to cook so they just eat at salieri’s every goddamn day

Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines?

Neither 🙄

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear during inappropriate times?

UHHH maybe he does. sometimes. 

Who needs more assurance?

Sam but not in a “actively craves it” way, more in a.. doesn’t need it but then gets it once & says it’s dumb but has to think about it for 3 weeks way 

What would be their theme song?

I don’t have one but like you (dany) said.. sara by fleetwood mac’s lyrics have the vibes & i get weirdly emotional about them every time i hear it so. that qualifies 😌

Who would sing to their child back to sleep?

GODDDD I don’t know. the mental image of them having a child at all (MAYBE in the au just for fun but.. idk.)

What do they do when they’re away from each other?

gooddddd Sam is just doing mafia shit idk. hangs around with the don/his friends or in his stupid boxing club. Julia goes back to writing some random article/rewriting it if she’s particularly bored. Also hangs out with her friends. 

one headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart

GODD the entire canon timeline 1938 and after that. We have au’s for this bitch but you know how it is... Like I said in a post on my oc blog, she doesn’t know anything about the bank job/salieri smuggling drugs now/you know what :)... just a bunch of fucked up things all happening on one day. 

She & Olive leave for Empire Bay after Tommy tells them to get out of town before he snitches on Salieri, Julia ends up marrying the nephew of her old editor-in-chief because she never had that (a wedding lol) & feels like she’s missing out. She’s not happy though, she doesn’t really love him so she just drowns herself in work instead/becomes a bitter workaholic :) He’s not a bad guy, there’s just no real connection there. Come back when you’re emotionally repressed 😒  Her husband also doesn’t know anything about her life before moving to empire bay except that she was a reporter in Lost Heaven and that she has a dead boyfriend who he saw on a few old photographs that Julia keeps in a little box :( Sees her with big smile on those that he never saw on her before 🙃

one headcanon about this OTP that mends it

I don’t know what to say here but in regards to the AU i mentioned uhhh.. basically the ending doesn’t happen bc Sam is somewhat normal I suppose, gets over his repression & doesn’t betray his friends 😌.. they get married in 1939/40 something :^)

[hyyunjinn]

    I swear if I forgot someone, and I feel like I am because I’m so bad at keeping track of things, I’m gonna go scream. ALSO: all those tags and mentions I’ve been tagged in, I swear I saw them but it was usually when I’m in the middle of doing something and I didn’t want to reblog aND THEN I JUST LOST THE TAG so I’m sorry ; - ;

    But uh, I. Reached. 3K. Followers. On this blog a while ago actually I’m just that lazy of a person and I never do anything on time. And I just wanted to say thank you so much for supporting me and screaming about Stray Kids daily? I haven’t been feeling the greatest emotionally which is why this might turn into a rant—but I just want to use my emotional energy for something good and that’s saying thank you! This is the first time a community has shown so much interest in my work and supporting it and I really, really can’t say how much I appreciate you all. I’ve been creating content for a while now, but it just never got the support I hoped for and,,, idk—just the fact that you guys like this blog just makes me so happy. And it’s not just the gifs: the gfx and writing that I post are the ones I care more about and I’ve gotten so many positive comments on it ahhhhhhh I want to hug each and everyone of you.   

    I know I don’t respond that well and those who tried to talk to me are probably disappointed by how I keep up a conversation but aklsfjasf I want to use this an appreciation post for all the wonderful people I met because of Stray Kids. Also, I want to say that, I’ve tried to talk and support you guys all—even if I don’t follow you, I lurk your blog and stuff—it’s just wow, we’re getting really big and I feel bad not being able to interact with everyone BUT I WANT TO SAY THAT ALL OF YOU ARE SO AMAZING AND WONDERFUL AND YOU WORTH MORE THAN YOU BELIEVE YOU DO. I think it’s easier for me to talk about random stuff on kakaotalk so uhhh, if you wanna shoot me a message my id is cicikookie!    

    And just to my followers in general: thank you so much for sticking around haha. I see a lot of regular usernames and lurk sometimes haha so ;)) Thank you ♡

    Thank you again for being so supportive and I love interacting with all of you: LET’S SUPPORT STRAY KIDS TOGETHER FOR A LONG TIME!

    So, I guess I’ll start with the personalized messages:

@changlix Wow Lexi, you were my first friend in this fandom anD IDK WHAT IT WAS THAT MADE ME DROP MY USERNAME TO YOU BUT AKLSJFALSF LOL I’M SO GLAD WE’RE FRIENDS because everyone loves you and you’re amazing and I love your blog and everything and alskdfjaslfd you’re really crazy but I love you and ahHhHhhh. I know you’re busy with life, but whenever we talk even for like 2 messages at a time, I love it so much. ESPECIALLY WHEN WE WERE THROWING SHADE AT EACH OTHER EARLY ON. I still. Can’t believe. yOUR PROFILE PICTURE IS STILL HYUNJIN ON TWT WYD GIRL. And you calling me a hoe—wow, I keep that close to my heart. HAHA BUT ALL JOKES ASIDE, I appreciate you so much for being the inclusive self that you are and keep being amazing. Okay, I’ll admit: when you told me to “take care of your man properly or i’m coming for him cici” I THINK THAT’S THE REASON I’M STILL LOYAL TO HIM OR I WOULD’VE SWERVED AGES AGO. Thanks Lexi, you’re best ;) altho how could you come for him when i am taking care of him, traitor

@manny27lei I’m adding you here but I don’t even wanna write you anything hAH. YOU DON’T EVEN TALK ABOUT SK. MAKE A SIDEBLOG AND I MIGHT

jk ily thanks for listening to me cry everyday and laskfdjasf it’s crazy how we met because of sk but it’s not even because of sk, it’s because of svt whoops

@seungminty yOU’RE STILL MY FAVE SEUNGMIN STAN AND YOU FOREVER WILL BE. ULT SEUNGMIN STAN. And ofc vocal line enthusiast. Thank you for being you and asklfdjasldf goodness, sometimes I worry that you’re being too hard on yourself MAR ILY AND THE GC LOVES YOU AND BE CONFIDENT! YOU’RE AMAZING AND A TIIINY BIT OF YOURSELF GOTTA FLAUNT IT. You keep the chat going and ahhHhhH I don’t even know how much I want to say the fact that I appreciate you so much. Thank you thank you thank you ♡ random confession: you make me really soft because you’re so soft and i just wanna hug you until everything goes well for you

@princeminho ASFKLJASLFD MAHI! MY CEREAL BUDDY! I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WERE A actually, the fact that he was your icon should’ve told me bUT WHAT. MINHO STAN SINCE DAY ONE? WHY DID IT TAKE YOU SO LONG TO ADMIT IT AHAHHAHAHAH I’M STILL SO SHOOK. You’re so lowkey about your love for him and I feel and it’s really cute and lksadfjalsd FAVE MINHO STAN BC I DON’T FEEL LIKE I NEED TO FIGHT YOU UNLIKE SOMEONE/ Thank you for just hanging around and taking our shit and just being you—I love talking to you so much, you’re so amazing and ♡♡♡♡♡

@9traykids I give up. You can have Minho. You save me every time you send in Hyunjin photos and I cannot appreciate you enough hAH THEY’RE SO CUTE AND I JUST START SPAZZING OUT AND ALSFJDASDF that one photo where you badly edited with “i ♡ cici” I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THAT AHHHHH. stop making me cry ; - ; I love talking to you and you’re so randomly funny and laskdfjasf THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU ILY ♡♡♡♡♡

@seungchanie HI YOU AMAZING PERSON I LOVE YOU SOSOSOOSOSO MUCH YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. I’m not quite even sure how we met but it’s like one of those friendships where it feels like it’s been forever because, everything is just a blur but there are good moments, you know what I mean? Vale, I love you so much—you’re so cute and friendly and whenever we talk, I get so excited because you’re so excited and hehe aHHHHHHHH LEMME JUST HUG YOU. You’re always there and yOUR CONTENT. I LOVE YOUR CUTE LITTLE FANARTS AND THAT 3RACHA SCIFI AU WTF I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR YOUR AMAZINGNESS. You have a really simplistic style and I love it so much mwah

@hyunjinh laksdjf hi jas!! oKAY CAN I JUST SAY YOU’RE PROBABLY MY TUMBLR CRUSH BUT LIKE, WE TALKED BEFORE BUT I STILL DON’T ASLKDFJASD IDK YOU’RE REALLY COOL AND I REALLY LIKE TALKING TO YOU but idk how to keep a convo going and ahHhhHh LOWKEY BLUSHING BC I REALLY LIKE YOU HAHAH you’re really amazing and I love your blog and I hope we can become better friends hehe.

@straykidzz OKAY TBH IDEK WHEN OR HOW BUT THE FACT THAT WE NEVER HAD LIKE, A PROPER CONVERSATION and yet we act like good friends is aslkdfjasldf—maybe it’s a mutual thing hehe aHHH MANDA ILYSM AND JUST SEEING YOU ON MY DASH MAKES ME SO HAPPY. Or maybe it’s the fact that you’ve been here as long as me heheh. I hope we get to know each other better and skajflasdf W A H ♡♡♡♡♡♡ TAKE MY HEARTS

@chanbng Fishy, you. are SO AMAZING — we never seem to be on the chat at the same time but you’re so sweet and lasdfjasdlf wow i’m highkey crushin haha AHHHHHHHI JUST WANNA SAY I LOVE YOUR WORK SO MUCH AND THANKS FOR BEING YOU and i hope we get to talk more heheh

@aussieline KLASDFJALKSDF YA BIBI WE NEVER ACTUALLY HAD A REAL CONVERSATION BUT JUST, THIS MUTUAL THING WE GOT GOING ON? ILYSM YOU ARE SO AMAZING AND YOUR ARTWORK ALWAYS MAKES ME SMILE AND AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH we gotta talk more omg but thank you for providing my dark life with cute fanart and cute tags, you’re adorable

@jeongin-ie sup smol softie ilySM WE GOTTA START CHATTING FOR REAL OR SMTH YO which means i should be the one who sends the message but laskdfjsadf i su k but i also want to be better friends with you ; - ; hit me up with your kkt thO THEN WE CAN CHAT PLSPSPSLSPSL i hate chatting on tumblr lmao CJ, YOUR WORK IS AMAZING AND YOUR BLOG IS CUTE AND YOU’RE CUTE thanks for being you :)

@strgaykids Okay. I SAW YOUR 3K POST THING AND YOU ARE SO PRETTY I NEARLY FELL OFF MY CHAIR CONGRATS ON HITTING THE MILESTONE TOO! You make the fandom so much more fun and I love the shitposts you have TBH, I REALLY HOPE WE GET TO BECOME FRIENDS OR SOMETHING BECAUSE YOU SEEM, I was gonna say chill, but maybe lit? but that doesn’t really make anysense—tHE POINT IS: hiimciciandihopewe’lltalklaterinthefuturehehebyegottablast

@spearbin asklfjdsaldf pffffffft Camille right? YOU ARE SO TALENTED AND I JUST, LOVE YOU AS A PERSON AND SEEING YOU SPAZZ OUT IN THE TAGS IS SO CUTE and i have a highkey tumblr crush on you but like, we’ve interacted before and >///< AHHHH HIHIHI I REALLY WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND BUT I’M SUPER AWKAWRD I HIGHKEY HOPE YOU DON’T SEE THIS BUT YOU PROBABLY WILL AND PFFFFFT I’LL JUST, LEAVE NOW

@chanskitty AHHHHH DIAN HOW ARE YOU?????? I know we don’t talk as much anymore but — ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ You’re so amazing and chill and ahhhhhhhh. You are taking care of yourself right? Getting sleep? I HOPE WE GET TO TALK MORE SOON ♡ I’LL SEND A MESSAGE OR SMTH tag you in something????/// :DD

@realstraykids Did you know it took me a couple of weeks (or was it days) after following you to realize that your url is the same handle as Stray Kids’ official ig name alskfdjasdf I FACEPALMED MYSELF SO HARD LMAO — also hold on, I didn’t know you’re minho bIASED AH YESSSSSSSSSS Em. I really hope we get to know each other better beCAUSE YOU’RE SO COOL AND I LOVE YOUR EDITS SO MUCH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH They’re really different but a good kind of different and tell me your ways of sitting in front of a computer screen and masking each frame of a moving object hOW I HATE DOING THAT

@stray-k1ds hOLy cow I don’t think i actually know your name—is it Tiffany? I THINK WE FORGOT TO INTRODUCE OURSELVES—I’m Cici! AND I LOVE TALKING TO YOU YOU’RE SO CUTE AND LASKFJAAKD I love your cute little scenarios and all that and keep up the good work!!!!!!! I HOPE WE CAN BECOME BETTER FRIENDS AY

@jeongn pfft Nicolle, you actually haVEN’T DONE ANYTHING IN A WHILE THAT MADE ME WANT TO BLOCK YOU AHAHHALSFKJASLDF i still can’t get that image of tired chan and his accent coming out whAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME you can be so cool and so fREAKING TALENTED I CAN’T BELIEVE SOMEONE LIKE YOU FOLLOWS M E. I love the times we do actually talk, so! :))) I hope we become better friends ayyYyyyyYYY

@stray4419 hehehehehe i know we just started talking but Chi, you are so kindhearted and i’ve said it twice and i’ll say it again: thank you so so so much for personally offering me a shoulder to cry on haha. You have no idea how touched I was and I really can’t thank you enough. LET’S MEET UP SOMETIME AND CRY ABOUT STRAY KIDS TOGETHER YO AHHHHHHHHH

@woojinskids eASILY YOU’RE MY FAVE WOOJIN STAN M. YOU’RE SO SOFT FOR HIM AND READING YOUR TAGS FOR HIM IS SO CUTE I actually fall in love with him even more every time you talk about him aahahh I know we don’t talk as much but I really love seeing you around ♡

@chxngbins NehaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I MISS TALKING TO YOUUUUUUU and your old username not gonna lie alskdfjasdf whoops but AHHH YOU’RE SO CUTE and smart wow and asldfkjsdf I wish I was as levelheaded as you pFFT. You are so amazing and smol and i associate you with that picture of namjoon eating pizza lmao BUT AHHHH KEEP BEING YOU ILYSM

@felixsfreckles I WAS LOOKING THROUGH MY FOLLOWING LIST AND ASLKDFJASLDFK WTF I CAN’T BELIEVE I WASN’T FOLLOWING YOU THE ENTIRE TIME i feel so bad omg i’m sorry—actually hold on, are you not a felix stan anymore wH A T. but alskfa hiiiiii thanks for being amazing!!!!!!!!  idk, you’re like one of those mutuals that, I’m sorta comfortable knowing that you exist? because you are so nice and we’ve been on here for so long kinda thing haha ♡

@bunny-minsungie asfjkdhsda I KNOW OUR CHAT IS PRETTY MUCH ALL BUSINESS SOUNDING/RELATED NOW BUT I JUST WANNA TAKE THE TIME TO SAY THANK YOU FOR BEING AMAZING and doing so much ; - ; Now that I think about it, we don’t even talk about anything else noooooooo but I really appreciate you Lys ♡ and that demon!hyunjin au is seriously taking over me omf

@bbang-channie Dude Leah, you are so cool omg—you’re so inviting and fun to talk to and AHHHHH I REALLY HOPE WE GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER BECAUSE LKSDJAFLSDF FROM THE SHORT TIME WE’VE TALKED VIA GCs, I love it  ; - ; UGH I FEEL SO BAD FOR NOT KNOWING WHAT ELSE TO SAY BUT!!! I APPRECIATE YOU BUDDY!!  

@seoracha I KNOW YOU’RE NOT EVEN HERE ANYMORE but i just wanna say you the craziest triple biaser i’ve met probably the only triple biaser i know and honestly idek how your brain works but lmao miri you’re so cool ily

@utlwoojisung @kim-squishmin @doublekn0t @chanyeolsidepiece @vallkyr @hi-hello32 @sparklingthoughtss @straykidding @indiepoptime @f3lix-lee @ultchris @maaatryoshka @straykidsstan @softlix OKOK I KNOW WE’VE TALKED BEFORE/ARE MESSAGING/SOMEHOW INTERACTED AND YOU SEEM COOL but alksdfsd like, I don’t know you guys as well bUT I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU ALL TOO AND I HOPE WE CAN GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER! :))

Ummmm, here are people that I follow and don’t really know but uhhhh ihopewegettotalkonedayahahiwantmorefriendsandyouguysseemreallycooltotalktoahhh @jicue @chans97 @cosychans @lees-minho @leefelixs @chngbins @changbinsplushie @starrykids @softstraykids @sprearb @stray-keeds-in-yo @straykeeds @hyuunjins @bvian @straybros @straykidsmp3 @straykiz @straybabies @stkids @1straykids @felixeslee @jeonginie @jeongin @str4y-kids @bchanies @changbln

[kafkasgods]

faaya

“We'll buy back our own harm with what is most dear to us.” ― Euripides, Iphigenia in Aulis

tw mentions of puke, suicide

Space. Faaya was buying herself space. That’s all it was suppose to be. Just time to sort out her feelings and reevaluate her priorities. Bentley’s confession had made her afraid. Being frozen under the drakon’s gaze had made her afraid. Dayn’s hospitalization made her afraid. Fear was power and Faaya was spiraling, powerless.

The text messages with Luke wasn’t suppose to go that route initially. She had already bought their gifts and she didn’t want the obligations of giving them to weigh on her while she figured things out. She’d give Luke his gift, let Luke give her gift for Bentley as his, and she could step away from the holidays easily. Then somewhere along the way, Faaya thought Luke was going to feel the way she pulled back eventually and she didn’t want to have another talk about it, so she’d let him down on her own terms. While he took it as well as she could expect, the guilt still lingered. Thumb on her screen, Faaya scrolled through the texts again as she sipped her hibiscus tea. Then, she swiped back to mull over Bentley’s texts.

“Faaya?” Glancing up from her phone, Adam got her attention from his seat at the bar. “Not working?”

He was Dayn’s friend, though Adam was a quiet person. She didn’t know him that well, but she had nothing against him either. “Not really. I had to come in to fix something. I’m just getting a drink since I’m here. You don’t visit these parts often.”

Adam lifted his shoulders and spoke only after a moment, changing the subject. “I heard you were with Rune. During the snow in,” he clarified. [6:01 PM] It took a moment for Faaya to remember. Right. Son of Ares. “Yeah, he saved my life and was blessed by your dad.”

“He saved you?” The slight surprise on Adam’s face didn’t really make sense for what Faaya knew of Rune, but she guessed she didn’t know him that well either. She was biased too, anyway. “What happened?”

“You can ask him if you’re so curious.”

“Probably not,” Adam answered, oddly honest. “He did okay though? He was alright?”

“As far as I can tell.” Ice clinked against her glass as she stirred it.

“Alright, thanks.”

A simple guy, Adam paid and left, leaving her with half a glass of her drink left—A light shone from the ground—And his phone, apparently. Faaya was not a nosy person, she didn’t think, but seeing Dayn’s name across the screen along with hers in the message made her curious. He was typing something, but she scrolled up to get some context. [6:03 PM] Dayn Thompson: yea faaya came by once

Dayn Thompson: she was my emergency contact

Dayn Thompson: im changing that to you btw

Adam Hudson: so my phone’s never gonna stop ringing huh

Adam Hudon: how’d that go

Dayn Thompson:

Dayn Thompson: it was weird though

Dayn Thompson: i told her about siding with athena and that was fine but then she started crying and idk it made me super uncomfortable

Dayn Thompson: like were not dating and even if we were we just never did that stuff really

Dayn Thompson: i wouldnt want to start now

Adam Hudson: you guys dated for awhile. wouldn’t that come up

Dayn Thompson: yea but she kept that shit to herself and that was better

Adam Hudson: you sound like a dick

Dayn Thompson: hey if actually loved her then maybe i might feel different but not the case man

Dayn Thompson: yea id definitely handle it better if i like really really cared about them

Dayn Thompson: and faayas just not soft like normal girls it just doesnt look good on her

Adam Hudson: if you didn’t like her why do you keep getting back together

Dayn Thompson: because she lets me ig

Dayn Thompson: its just super easy to get back with faaya if i feel like it [6:03 PM] At some point reading the messages, her heart had dropped. Every fear she’d ever had about Dayn was true and Faaya felt sick. Deep down, she’d always known she was just some play thing for him to pass the time with. There was too much going on around her now. The music, the laughing, the dancing, the lights. She had to get out, it all felt too small. After dropping Adam’s phone off in the lost and found, she drove back home, feeling a numbing in her arms and legs.

Stumbling out of her car, she wanted to hurry up to her apartment so she could  throw up the rock in her stomach . The drive had only made her feel sicker. But of course, it wasn’t over. Because there was Bentley standing by her building with his jaw locked and an unfamiliar anger set in his brow bone. It didn’t get better when he saw her approaching.

“Bentley, I told you I didn’t want to talk.” The strength in her voice wasn’t there. Maybe he’d try again later.

“You weren’t going to reply again.” It was true. “Check your phone, Faaya.”

There was no room to argue, so she did so gritting her teeth. A message from Luke with his Christmas gift to her. Why did everything have to be so hard and hurt so much? It was like there was bright and happy future that was out of reach, but beckoning her towards it. The problem was, it just wasn’t possible—Bentley was fragile. Luke was sensitive. And Faaya was afraid. Always afraid. She just didn’t realize how much until now. [6:04 PM] “What do you want me to do? Say sorry and go on the trip with you guys?” Faaya asked exasperated.

“I want to know why you thought it was a good idea to get Luke involved in this. Your problem is with me.”

“Luke’s in the middle of our problems whether we like it or not. I told you I needed space from you. I don’t know how long that is. Luke was bound to read the room eventually and I’d rather have it now than later.”

“Well that’s nice of you, Faaya. It’s super mature and thoughtful.” The sarcasm didn’t go unnoticed. “You know, you’re a real arsehole. I’ve bitten my tongue about it for years because yeah, sometimes the pros outweighed the cons and I used to think, you know what, ‘yeah Phobos made her like this.’ But we’ve reached the point where it’s all just you and it’s inexcusable.”

The onslaught from Bentley was harsh and only filled with truths. It left Faaya speechless.

He continued. “I can’t believe I told you I wanted to kill myself and instead of giving a shit about me, you’re just worried about how it makes you feel. You’re scared about living in a world without me? About caring too much? About you not being enough for me? Well it’s all true and it’s all your own fault.” Bentley was breathing hard, getting it all off his chest. A fist was clenched at his side and his scolding glower was burning holes into her. “You’re a bad friend, Faaya. You’re a worse person. I wish we’d never met. You’re not someone meant to have friends. You don’t have the heart for it.” [6:04 PM] “No, I don’t, Bentley.” Faaya’s eyes narrowed on him as she crossed her arms. As true as it was, attacks were the only thing she knew how to handle. Efficiently and devastatingly. “So don’t bother me again and I won’t bother you.”

Brushing past him, Faaya didn’t feel so sick anymore. She didn’t feel anything, and she wouldn’t. Bentley was right. Certain and solid, Faaya just wasn’t meant to care about anyone else, but herself. It was what she defaulted on anytime the choice had to be made. Siding with Ares had been for her own control. Stealing her biological mother’s abilities had been her own rage. Everything Faaya did was with herself in mind. Being vulnerable had only lead to suffering to her and those around her. There was no reason to fight it now that was clear. [6:04 PM] [ SCENE CHANGE ]

“My kid’s not that much of a bad influence.”

“Bad or not, he was still too much of an influence.” Phobos rolled his shoulder. It’d been a very productive afternoon. “Faaya doesn’t really do well being held back by shit like that.”

Deimos raised a brow. “She can’t be a ‘real natural’ if you have to get involved with her life so much.”

Phobos scoffed, shaking his head. “That’s what parents do, don’t they? Make sure their kids doing the best they can? Faaya wasn’t gonna get anywhere if I left her to her own devices. Besides, I let her have her fun. She’s gotta grow up now. Childhood friends have gotta go. Fuck sentimentality. And I’m bored of the Dayn phase. He’s with Athena now anyway. We just don’t need any of the useless shit.”

Kids always liked making their own mistakes and Phobos let Faaya make those for awhile, but she was better than that and she needed a little push. She’d already been fearing everything he’d showed her, he was just hammering the nail on the head.

“And have you considered the stars of your horror show making a real appearance and countering the events of all your hard work, Phobos?” Deimos asked feigning disinterest, but the slight curl to his lip said otherwise.

“Maybe if you spent more time with your children, you would know them better. Faaya really is a daddy’s girl.”

[mirvns-blog]

OK SO here’s my proper intro!! i’m so excited to be here tbh, and for the sake of.. idk, something, i’m lia ( again ) and i’m a panini obsessed, suffering uni student from canada, the nt specifically — aka the most unnecessary tz ?? i’m kpop, sci-fi and alt rock trash, csi reruns have kinda become my life now and when my social life isn’t dormant like it is rn, you can usually find me at the campus bar having a wild time with a couple of my ra’s lol. anyway, on to my content, frivolous bab miran who rly.. doesn’t know what she’s doing with herself despite finally getting her career on track, but she’s trying:

so lil kang miran was born in incheon to a korean-american father and her mother who had moved from changwon abt ten years prior ??

has a younger brother by about four years and ig you could say they were middle class

so most of her family bg is still up in the air for me but

her parents were always v big on education, wanting the best for their kids and to be cared for in their old age, so mimi and her brother were diligent in their studies as kids

however, she became a bit.. lax ig ?? like she studied but she didn’t go overboard

her grades were still good, she just didn’t get as into it and overwhelmed by it as before

prob took up a job at some local fast food place like every other teen to save for uni

so fast forward and she graduated !!! she thought she’d do medical science and had no real worries about changing her mind

got into snu and was set on medicine.. until she finally began attending uni, about a month in and she was fucking clueless

keep in mind that at the same time, she had just met a dude maybe twenty years her senior that decided to idk, impress/dazzle the pretty girl chilling by the racks of some luxury store that she was merely browsing ( bc hello ?? uni student ? she can’t afford shit ) by buying her a dress that she kept going back to

this girl.. just went along with no complaints bc she liked the attention, liked the dress and hey, if the dude wanted to buy her something for the hell of it, she’d be stupid to reject it

the guy asked her to dinner shortly after and again, why not ?? 

side note: she’s an idiot to just go along with a strange dude but

long story short, he asks her to be his sugar baby — which was something that had she thought of it sooner, she’d fucking go for it in a heartbeat bc attention !! pretty things !! keeping her head above water financially !!!

she’s down, thought he was good-looking so bonus if things went beyond just having someone around to talk to

which it did, btw lol

so despite her suffering with academics, other aspects of her life were p good and she was content for the most part

a year later, she dropped out of snu to pursue fashion instead, especially since she always had an interest in it and had kinda had a knack for things like sewing

and guess who financed it ?? 

ok so it’s a tad messy, but long story short, she moved to gangnam to be closer to her sugar daddy ( .. can u guess how she’s able to afford to l i v e these days ?? i’ll give u a minute ) and to get away from her currently v disappointed parents

she proposed he put his spendings on her into helping her establish something that would make her v happy and he went along with it

so to the present, miran is still with the dude but it’s not.. rly a relationship, never has been, and she still doesn’t know what to do with herself

she doesn’t know if she has actual feelings for the dude beyond gratitude and lust so she’s coming to this point of questioning everything ?

not to mention that one of the only reasons she’s still in this is bc she feels like she owes it to him, he p much handed her a small business without any negative consequences after all

so she has a small clothing line, has a website for it and it’s doing ok in the area and a couple of other regions of south korea and she wants nothing more than to make it up to her parents by making it big, but tbh it’s still mostly a dream for herself so

anyway she’s kinda a mess, not rly sure of what else to say lol

personality and other stuff ig

soft af !!

spontaneous, if her suddenly becoming a sugar baby isn’t already an indication lol

obsessed with the idea of leading a luxurious lifestyle after getting a taste of it 

has a bit of a dependency on others, even if she tries to deny it bc she knows she does deep down

a generally cheery person who wants the best for people

C L U M S Y

won’t admit to this either, but she tends to feel rly insecure bc she didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life once she actually dived into uni or how to tell her parents, or how some people tend to walk over her bc of her occasional naiveté, see her as weak for being a more gentle soul, etc

idk i’m still working on some aspects of her personality

super chill though, always smiling, just a rly cute bean

loves cats and dogs, she’ll never pick one over the other

hc: when she has a family and all that and they decide to adopt a puppy, she’ll leave the kids with her partner and snatch a tabby cat bc why not have both ??

the biggest meat hoe™

but loves cocoa more than life itself

tries to dress in a sophisticated manner but also rly loves wearing cute baggy sweatshirts and ball caps

skIRTS

loves all of the cult classic teen movies, has a soft spot for well done romance flicks and kdramas too

also a hopeless romantic, legit will fall in love with/develop a crush on you so easily, hence why she doesn’t know what to do with this whole sugar baby thing anymore

has never been in a relationship tho lol

.. wh y am i saying that like she’s a loser when neither have i 

i rly just played myself, why am i not surprised lfjdkgh

loves indie/electropop music

has a profound admiration for classical as well

not the heaviest drinker or user of sorts but it’s prob for the best bc she’s such a lightweight lmao

can be like four different people when she’s drunk so.. yeah js hahaha

so she’s sometimes that chick™ that has a wild time at a party but surprise !! she’s stone cold sober

has a slight oral fixation ig ? not in a sexual manner though so don’t get any ideas hahaha

.. ok maybe a little but it’s rly innocent on her part 99% of the time. you’ll almost never see her without a straw in her drink for example; she’s also a lollipop and liquorice hoe so yeah

she’ll never bite her nails though, at least not beyond a light nip that’s p subconscious when she’s concentrating on something

.. funny how i typed more about this than her feelings abt her career rIP

but listen when i said she’s lowkey freaky i fucking meant it lmAO. idek if she realizes it herself but yeah.. she’s not that pure sdhfkg i hate myself for this you doNT UNDERSTAND

like i think this’ll do for now, i’ll add a few connection ideas below !!

i could’ve just put that last point here but oH WELL

a brot3/girl gang/idk ?? [ 1/2 ] : kinda speaks for itself bc i can just imagine her having like two or three people that she met at once when she moved into her apartment or something that she’ll do anything for, like late night study sessions ( for them, she’s just along for moral support lmao ) in the lib with tons of soda and candy to keep them hyped up or being squished together on her bed to watch movies. just.. rly pure, or it can be a bit trying but it ends up being mostly just a cute bond  [ jake oh + ]

ride or die : ahh yeah, so this girl ?? super friendly, a gem, it wouldn’t be too hard for her to start an acquaintanceship with most people. but this person is her number one supporter and vice versa, they’re probably one in the same or they’re complete opposites, idk hahaha. anyways, they’d know everything about her sugar baby lifestyle, prob be the one to talk her out of it 

heR SUGAR DADDY’S KID !! : plEASE OK IT’D BE AWKWARD AF FOR THE GIRL. it’d prob get angsty where they both know that she wasn’t the one to suggest being in this arrangement with their dad but they’d still see her negatively or something ?? maybe the man’s an ass since i haven’t rly figured him out as a person and they don’t like seeing mimi subject herself to his bullshit for the sake of being looked after. i just rly want this above all else

pen/online pal : so this might have occurred during her high school days, maybe it was the idea of her school if it was writing to someone, or it just happened when she started using tumblr or something, idk but suddenly she got a pal and just rly took to them bc she almost always does. she put in the effort to keep that person around, but if they lost touch or not, knew who they were, etc can be figured out between us so yeah 

the older sibling she never had : ok, so she is indebted to this person after prob pouring her heart out while drunk at 4am and them ( prob taking pity on her, lbr ) kinda just looking after her ?? they now know some of her biggest insecurities and they’re not gonna use them against her like she always fears people will. like idk man, she just rly needs someone to protect her and tell her everything will be okay and cuddle her while they watch some rly bad, borderline hilarious horror movies that still fuck her up badly with the jumpscares lol

mutual pining perhaps ?? who rly knows : so we’ve established that miran’s a hopeless romantic. maybe this is someone she’s been interested in for like, two seconds, maybe a year, who rly knows bc she wants to suppress her feelings while she’s in her sugar baby arrangement, it just makes it so much easier for everyone.. except maybe her lmao. also prob has lingering feelings for someone else so it wouldn't be fair to them but i just rly wanna see two shy buns ( or just two people in general lmao ) dance around each other and !!! 

bad influences : idk, it rly just speaks for itself. she can let loose every now and again, but she hates to go beyond mildly drunk since she’s a rl lightweight, but maybe they persuade her to go further or to just do rly dumb shit knowing she’ll agree to most things lmao

good influence on your muse : like i said, she’s a rly soft, kind-hearted person when it comes to helping others out, or just in general. so she’d probably be ready to drop everything and be there for someone, encourage better lifestyle choices, etc

soft baby protects fellow soft baby : she feels some kind of responsibility over them and looks out for them often, basically an excuse for two soft-hearted cuties to bond and freely be soft-hearted cuties together ( how many times will i say soft ?? lmao )  [ song yoobin ]

frenemies : speaks for itself ( btw this girl is rarely capable of actual hatred so enemies is prob a no lol ) , but this is someone she finds discomforting to be around. something about their demeanour rubs her the wrong way, and perhaps it’s reciprocal ?? bc lbr, most wouldn’t consider many people to be as polite as they tend to appear, so idk  [ seo minsook ]

neighbours : just.. idk, make it as mundane or as eclectic as possible, either works lol

honestly ?? idk anymore rip

so that’s miran !! if you’d like to plot and haven’t already messaged me/gotten one from me, just like this or message me ! 

[mecha-velli]

i rlly don't think I'm self hating or whatever for thinking it's fine if someone has a preference for trans dudes... or like specifically I enjoy it? like there are lots of ways to be a transphobic creep and only some of those coexist with preference, and only some ppl with preferences are creeps idk... I think context matters. I'm more wary of pan+poly+cis dorks with greasy hair who claim not to have any preference than like, a normal respectful chaser. and like ok if someone is like mostly just into women and then likes some trans dudes (for whatever reason) I'm more likely to side-eye them but even then there's legitimate reasons sometimes. but like I think especially if someone is into men basically exclusively, and then specifically prefers trans men, there is likely an ok reason for that am I crazy? like... I don't think I am. I get if it's not for u but like... idk maybe I'll end up having a bad experience and I'll change my mind. but as for right now I kinda can't imagine that anyone who experiences sexual attraction truly feels neutral about bodies? like I think either you're going to like what's going on w my body or you're gonna dislike it. maybe it's bc I'm almost-sorta dating a non-trans gay dude (a monosexual lmfao) with a preference for trans guys but like, he didn't bring up that preference until I asked him abt it? bc I wanted reassurance that I'm not like gross to him.. and it was v comforting to know that he's Into it. but idk I mean probably some of the stuff I engage with is a little problematic idk. but like as someone who's non-op I guess I just like enjoy having my real actual body be valued. ig there's also the importance of the trans imaginary when it comes to both social n sexual relationships, but I think chasers also have a good chance of being able to engage in that.

also in the case of Boy specifically like he is also ~90% exclusively attracted to bigger guys and that also doesn't bug me at all... why should it. vast majority of dudes think we're nasty and that's a preference I gotta live with, why not also b chill with preferences that benefit me. additionally like idk. so what if someone has a type, like I definitely do. he likes boyish big dudes with weird relationships to masculinity, so ofc he likes trans guys.

also he likes poetry n writerly shit n intellectuals n extremely online people n whatnot. I'm learning the few things about myself that aren't his ideal and thankfully he is too. like I'm not older n more mature than he is; we're both working out how to be good to other ppl. but at least I'm at a place where I can hopefully meet him where he's at and we can both challenge each other to grow. I also don't know much about jrpgs. we also seem to have pretty different perspectives on sex but I, at least, am incredibly refreshed by his approach so far. there are probably other ideals which I shall shatter, but I hope they are also manageable human flaws rather than irreconcilable differences lol. still hoping he's not a scary evil person, and that I am also not a scary evil person. would really like it if neither of us destroyed the other.

talking with him abt my past and some of the stuff going on there and he is seeming to be quite understanding... but also there appears to be a similar darkness in his past which I am concerned about. if someone hates him the way my exes hate me, either he also met a real lunatic or... maybe he did something real bad. I'm scared for that conversation. he mentioned kinda taking advantage of his last bf and that does alarm me a bit even though he seems to be actively trying to grow in the wake of that.

I can't believe at first I was gonna post some of this to my main lmao girl u crazy for that one. speaking of crazy. he seems to be continually undaunted by my mental illness stuff but I wonder if he really has a handle on what all that means. does he reckon himself to be a saviour of sorts? does he think he's some shining white knight? like he's gonna idk... idk man. and like I was honest with him that one of the possibilities that excites me about pursuing a relationship with him is that he seems to provide some kind of room to heal. he is so gentle with me and like assertive and capable of having difficult conversations without shutting down (at least so far). but like I don't see him as a white Knight. I see him as a person that I can pursue emotional health and wellness with, without endangering myself hopefully. but what does it mean for him? what kind of growth does he see for himself in me? does he just see me as an opportunity for him to learn how compassion and ethics and principles work? bc I wouldn't like to be the person who taught him how to love lol...

I hate that I'm thinking so damn far in the future. like I'd like very much for him to be se great guy but I already feel myself clamping up and convincing myself that he's the only person who could be attracted to me. I have to actively remind myself that there are several people who are and have been attracted to me. and there will be many more. chances are that this relationship will not last forever, even if I'm already in fucking ltr mode mentally. I'm trying to predict what the problems will be so that they won't surprise me when they come.

possible problems: he or I meet someone geographically closer + fall in mad passion with them. I scare him away by broadcasting too many of my breakdowns to him, especially if I share my suicidality/true crime obsession/belief that I'm an evil sociopath/ whatever, and just generally be inconsolable enough times until he's worn down completely. I make fun of him and get too mean about it. he turns ace and I start fucking random dudes. he becomes emotionally unavailable and I become needy. he has problems that I can't solve. I never get over my awkwardness about his pain bc I can relate to almost none of it. he decides pussy isn't for him anymore. he drifts too far from gay boy gender-wise and I lose interest. we end up having to move to REALLY different places for work n life. he rapes me. he can't get over the fact that certain things abt me might not go away with recovery. he can't deal with my flirtatious ways. we move in and realize we can't stand each other. we have sex too soon and he loses interest. I'm bad at sex and he loses interest. he realizes my naked body is a shambling horror. he just gets scared of my feelings and the fact that I have them. my career amounts to nothing and he gets suck of supporting me through it

I'm too sleepy to go on

[0225pm]

sad bc no pictures today!!!! :( i didn't managed to snap any because of time constraints :(((((((((( anyway guess who finally get to meet her bb today? 😂 das right, me!!!!!! kind of a bummer bc i didn't expect that i'll actually get a shift on tuesday? i can't rmbr giving any shift for tuesday either but oh well i don't have a choice. but the feel to not go to work today was super strong though. if can, i wanted to skip work just to be able to spend more time with han but of course, i shouldn't be irresponsible just because i want to spend time with the love of my life. besides, it was already far too late to find a replacement + get an mc + i didn't wanna leave any more bad impression since their current impression of me is a little too close to borderline termination (ok it's just an exaggeration but ya idw to be a candidate for termination!!!!) ok so like i met han rly late, we only had about two hours to spend with each other before i start my shift and i was a tad bit grumpy because han sorta promised me meet me earlier today but i guess he was really tired or something. to the point that he even FORGOT that we're meeting early???? rly damn taik i want to punch him. i thought we can spend a little more time together today since we're always meeting during late afternoons but ughHh it was a botched. but i guess i should take 10% of the blame as well since i was about 15-20 mins late. honestly i was deciding what to wear and i was trying to dig out the company clothes from my narnia of a wardrobe (i own quite a fair bit of stuff from the company most of which i bought ages ago before i even started working for them but unfortunately, past seasons clothing pieces are not allowed even though they're bought from the company itself. i need more of their updated season clothing ughHhh). idk man i think i'm damn clingy or like what i heard han said, manja?? idk if there's a diff ah between those two words but?????? ok anyway then we went to have early dinner and i asked him what he wanted to eat and then he said "prata or smth" but when he came back to the table he was only carrying one plate and i got even grumpier bc i was like "then u not eating????" and then he's like "eating eating u makan abeh suap i pon we share" then i'm like??????? wtf i'm not eating alone???????? then he's like nO noooo i eat then i was like, is it u ate alr?????? then he just kept smiling that sheepish smile (the kinda smile that makes u wanna flick him bc u alr know the answer to ur own question) but ya apparently he alr ate chicken at home???? and i was like?????? and then we had a little mini argument bc he was being so passive aggressive about this person i added into ml squad and whom i followed on ig all lmaO so i decided like ok u know what i'm just gonna kick him outta the squad, unfriend and unfollow him ok and then he went all "noOoo i'm ok with it" but i still did it anyway bc idk i just can't stand his passive aggressiveness and then i asked him to honestly tell me???? if it bothers him and then he got all mad at me bc i kept asking and he alr said no but idk man deep down i still feel like a part of him wasn't feeling ok with it bc he raised the topic + even "joked" about how he's gonna do the same wtf idiot i want to puncH him but ok so i just decided to follow that feel i had and went ahead with what i've decided 😂 and then he ended up only taking a bite out of the plate of rice and i ate the rest of it. he complained that it was too spicy so he didn't want anymore (but lol i know it was just an excuse bc he's prolly too full) *rolls eyes* ok n then dayah told me that her class ended early so she was already at paya lebar but it was still a little early (we had about an hour or so to kill) so i asked her to come over to tamp instead and yes we were working the same shift today!!! i couldn't rly read han's expressions so idk if he actually mind or not the fact that i've just invited dayah over without asking him if it was ok but i guess he was ok w it??? bc he didn't seem to be showing any form of displeased during the whole journey to onekm. but u know what's the best thing of today? DAMN han actually waited for like me to end work today omg *cries tears of joy on the inside* and he hung around the store for a bit as well!!!! so i literally get to spend the whole day with him omg except i had to remain professional most of the time but ahHhhhh i love it!! just his presence alone makes my heart skip hehe (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε｀*) and then he tried on a couple pieces of clothing and fuckinG hell he i just can't deal w how good he looks in a plaid flannel man like doOoOdddd he looks foKin good so boyfriend look sia!!!!!!!! ok and then i was like i'm gonna buy this for u mi bb do u want it!!!! n he was like naaWww don't waste money i don't rly need it now but i was like????? fOK idc imma get it for u beb and he's like nooooo but he finally relented and was like ok fine fine hehe ok then fast forward ah to ending work time we had to tidy up everything then i asked him to help me put in the tags haahhaah and he rly did aiyo this boyo so qt i should pay him in kisses (alr did ;) heheeh) ok then he had to wait outside for me cus we officially close at 10 so he waited an hour for me omg fk i think his whole rs w me just consist of him mostly waiting for me sia hais but ok then U KNOW WHAT OR NOT WAH RLY DAMN SAD someone stole his recently bought clothing from the store wah damn dog istg if i catch that person i will ask him or her if she's rly that fokin poor to steal cb go work la!!!!!!! ok but then he said he dunno if he misplaced it then someone took it or smth but i was like???? even if u misplaced it that someone could have returned it to the lost and found area OR SMTH BUT NO THAT PERSON TOOK IT HOME WAH FK I WAS DAMN PANAS want to hurl abuse then i kinda took it out on the security guard lmaO sorry but idk la in the heat of the moment u know but money v precious now cannot anyhow throw. then after that we were walking to the bus stop n then han was like eh u suddenly so calm only and i was like ya i realized that nothing can be done even if i'm angry lol then he's like ya see this is why guys can handle things rationally unlike girls bc y'all let ur emotions take control of u (smth liddat ah idk) then i'm like????? ugh can't fight back bc it's true at least for me la. oh and the HAN PAID FOR THE TOPS ON HIS OWN ALSO OK like?? ok la one of it he wanted to buy for himself but the other one i meant to buy it for him omg like u know first pay gift (even tho its still about 6 more days till my first pay hahaha but since we're alr there then like advanced ah hehe) AND YA IDK LA JUST V ANGRY OK JUST NOW ok then we took the bus back and i asked him if i should get smth to eat then he's like "are u hungry?" and i was like nah just kinda wanna drink smth hahaahah and he was like lol?? bc i was alr holding onto a bottle of milk tea i bought before work. so we didn't get anything to eat or drink and then he sent me home!!!!!! oh and i also just started taking some fiber supplements today to help me with pooping regularly!!!!!! fuckin $70 for one box of 15 days fuck expensive but apparently to see any changes and rly have ur toxins in ur body rinse outta its intestines u gotta be on it for like 2-3 months at least wtf idk how long i must work to to pay for this expensive shit. and ya ofc i know i can just eat veggies but sorry fam ur girl isn't a fan of like 95% of veggies in the world ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ok gonna end this post abruptly bc im tired and this getting way tooooo long + it's alr 4:15am now hahahaahahha thank you bb!!!!! for waiting for me all the time and esp today bc u had to endure 4 hours of waiting for me to end work :') OH AND DID U KNOW!!! when he sent me home i was like sorry u had to wait for so long for me to end work :(((( then he's like "even if you don't have work i'll still wait for u" smth along that line la but hehe so cheesy so sweet this boy!!!! ok time to sleep goodnight!!!!!!! i love you ♥♥♥