#idk man he just checks my fucking boxes and was also relatively normal

[ken-katayanagi]

Is it wrong to want that long-dead Spanish surrealist's (no not that one, not that one either, you probably haven't heard of this one) dick? More at Eleven.

[sharkneto]

For the ask game: Top 5 books?

I'm cleaning out my ask box! Slowly but surely! Let me respond to this from (checks notes) definitely not nine months ago!

It's also good I waited on answer this because I've read a bunch of books in the past nine months. So, top five books I've read this year, in no particular order:

Gideon the Ninth - Tamsyn Muir. Love this world, adore the characters, great little mystery going on. The usual tagline of "necromancer lesbians in space" does not do this series justice. It is way more nuanced than that, there is so much queer shit going on and none of it is like And Here Is Our Lesbian Character! This Character Is Trans! People are just people and sometimes (oftentimes) those people are queer. Also, the love and grief of this series is So Good. I listed Gideon here because it's my favorite of the series, but Harrow the Ninth has one of the best reveals in a book I've read in a long time and it makes me ache.

Murderbot Diaries - Martha Wells. I'm counting the whole series as one long book. Loved, loved, loved reading these. Murderbot is the best, I love its friendship with ART and the humans, my favorite thing about it is how clearly its a person but it is absolutely not a human and that should never be forgotten.

The Goblin Emperor - Katherin Addison. My friend recommended this book to me because one of my favorite things in fiction is Just A Normal Guy up against not-normal circumstances, and this book is about A Really Normal Guy (goblin) suddenly thrust into being king thanks to all the successors ahead of him dying in a crash. It's a relatively simple premise but I love it for that. It doesn't try to be more than it is, I loved the main character and how he approached the problems of Suddenly Being King. I know there are more books in the series but I don't think they follow the King as the main character anymore and I loved him so much, I haven't had the heart to go try them yet.

Way of Kings - Brandon Sanderson. I would be remiss to not include one of the Stormlight Archive books, as I'm working my way through them. Do I complain a lot about how Brando Sando could use an editor while I'm reading these books because they're too damn long? Yes. Do I still absolutely enjoy them? Yes. Brando is really good at taking 800 pages to set up all his details so that you can have the most satisfying 200 pages of your life as every single fucking piece slams into place, each conclusion you've been waiting for for the past 400 pages hitting and it's So Good. I was miffed about the very end of Words of Radiance, but Way of Kings was a triumph the whole time. I love Kaladin - who doesn't? - and the world building and positioning to get everyone primed for where they need to be in the other character POVs is masterful.

Six of Crows - Leigh Bardugo. I fucking love heists, and Six of Crows has a fucking great heist. Kaz is also exactly my kind of character, so it's no shocker I loved this book. I didn't read any of the Shadow and Bone books, I have no plans to, but I did watch the TV series first so I knew the basics of the world and Grisha and whatnot. Idk how much of a learning curve there would be if I hadn't done that first, but I doubt it would be much worse than the usual learning curve of a new fantasy series - but it was nice to be able to just jump in and hit the ground running. I cannot emphasize enough how satisfying a heist this was to read, though, excellent and interesting characters aside.

I feel like honorable mention time to some of the nonfic books I read?

Pageboy - Elliot Page. Was very good, with the incredible added bonus of that I got to see one of his author talks in person. He was an absolute delight to listen to. The book was a very interesting and enjoyable read, but I think he could have made his time jumps back and forth more purposeful. It felt very much like he was trying to emulate:

Man Alive - Thomas Page Mcbee. I read this one and Amateur, and I liked Man Alive better, probably just because it reflected me a bit more in where I'm at in my transition. His jumping between time points worked really well as he described figuring himself out around different moments in his life. Both really great explorations of gender and just what does it mean to be a man.

Into Thin Air - John Krakauer. My twin and I went on a hard binge of mountaineering disasters, and you can't do that without including Into Thin Air. A really tragic and gripping true story about the climbing disaster on Everest in 1996. An as honest as possible look into what happened and what went wrong that cost eight people their lives, and the even wilder details on how some of them survived.

It's been really fun to get into books again, this year. I was one of those kids who constantly had his nose in a book growing up and fell out of that when college hit. I refound audiobooks this year which have been a godsend to listen to at work, and physical books have snuck their way in, too, for more books happening. It's fun to be thinking about plots and new characters again and having opinions on how x or y played out (I still think about my predicted ending to Gideon, I think that would have been fucking incredible, not that the actual ending wasn't fantastic - I had the big beats predicted correctly at least lol).

My current book I just started is The Lies of Locke Lamora, which I'm already enjoying immensely and all my friends who recced it to me were like "what do you mean you haven't read that yet? you'd love it".

Anyone got any good book recs, hmu.

[usagichanp]

lexthan

*rubs hands together* I was hoping someone would ask me that

This is gonna be a long one folks.

General:

Rate the Ship -  

Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - Life long partners, babey.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - I think they had crushes on each other for a while. They didn't officially say "I love you" till a few months into their relationship, but they thought it sooner.

How was their first kiss? - I wrote a lesbian Lexthan version of their first kiss, though I don't think canon Lexthan's first kiss was like that. I imagine it to be not really planned out; just like they're talking to each other in the car and lock eyes, then slowly lean in and kiss. Since they've had kisses before, it's not a catastrophe, and it's actually fairly soft.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Ethan. Wrote a whole ass fic about it.

Who is the best man/men? - I know who the best man is in my fics (it's my man Marsh, for those who have read it), but idk about the canon Ethan's best man. Maybe Danny (the Smoke Club Boy) but I'm not sure if they'd be friends enough to be his best man. He might not have one.

Who is the bride's maid? - Hannah. Duh.

Who did the most planning? - Ethan, but Lex chipped in too. Tom might help as well if asked lol

Who stressed the most? - Ethan. Though their ceremony isn't big, he still wanted it to be a good memory down the road (it was)

How fancy was the ceremony? -

Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

First they had just a courthouse wedding where they signed the papers, then had a tiny wedding ceremony with only close friends. Even if they could afford a proper wedding (Canon Lexthan prolly couldn't afford it) I don't think they'd want a big affair anyways. It's be exhausting.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Lex's mom. Obviously.

Sex:

Now we're getting to the good part lads

Who is on top? - Ethan is a fucking switch. You can't convince me otherwise. He tops maybe like... 60/40 or 65/35. But when Lex tops, she tops bitch.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Ethan likes instigating things since he's a horny teenage boy, but it Lex doesn't want to, he stops. Sometimes Lex instigates, but usually when she does she's in the mood to top.

How healthy is their sex life? -

Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

I'd give it a 7.5, depending on the situation. While they try to tone it down around Hannah, when they have alone time they'd totally go for it. Ethan's glovebox in his car has a box of condoms in it at all times. What can I say, as I said before, they're horny teenagers

How kinky are they? -

Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

They don't like seeing each other hurt so they wouldn't like BDSM. They're not vanilla but nothing too crazy- blindfolding, light bondage (aka tying hands up with rope or cloth), scratching, light spanking, pegging

How long do they usually last? - It depends on how much time they have to have sex. They've done quickies in bathrooms or whatever before, but if they have all night then they're pretty good at prolonging it.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Absolutely. It is said in multiple fics (I think?) of mine that Ethan makes sure Lex has the same amount of orgasms as he does. Always.

How rough are they in bed? -

Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

They certainly can have slow, soft, romantic sex, but Ethan is also 100% capable of rocking Lex's world so hard she can't walk right for a week. (That happens in my first fic, Cassieopia, albeit off screen)

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? -

No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

1) I fucking love that metaphor 2) They don't get much physical affection at home, so they fucking love snuggling and cuddling- whether it be after sex or just hanging out. Sometimes they cuddle as a form of stress relief after a shitty day.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - 2, maybe 3.

How many children will they adopt? - I think they might prefer to have children naturally, but in my California series they gain custody of Hannah when she's 12. Does that count?

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Lex forces Ethan to learn how to change diapers. That being said, Lex isn't half bad at changing them either, since she helped change Hannah's when she was a child.

Who is the stricter parent? - They're not exactly strict parents, but both Lex and Ethan can definitely scold the kid. ("hAnNaH! tHaT bEtTeR bE fUcKiNg fLoSs!!!!!") That being said, both take care to not be abusive to their child, especially Lex. She doesn't want to be like her mom, so she tries to keep her temper in check.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Ethan has good reflexes, and has stopped his kids from falling and hitting their chin on a playground structure more than once. (Fun fact! That happened to me when I was 3. I fell from a steel elephant shaped jungle gym at a German zoo, hit my chin on a steel bar, and bit through my lower lip/knocked 3 teeth out. I still have the scar years later lol)

Who remembers to pack their lunches? - Lex. Though the lunches aren't always the healthiest.

Who is the more loved parent? - I think they're both loved, but maaaaaybe Ethan a bit more.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Neither would attend PTA meetings out of the goodness of their hearts. If Lex or Ethan would go to a PTA meeting, it'd most likely be because they wanted to yell at a teacher or principal. They might go seperately or together depending on the severity of the issue.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Ethan wouldn't admit he cried, but he did. So did Lex.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Oh bitch, Lex and Ethan both said fuck the law. If it was just like, an overnight jail cell for some stupid misdemeanor, they might try to break their kid out. Otherwise, Lex would probably the one paying the bail because Ethan would try to punch the cop in the face if the cop talked shit about Ethan's kid. That reaction is not exclusive to cops.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Neither of them are exactly 5 star chefs, but they can hold on their own. Lex is better at cooking breakfast and Ethan is better at cooking dinner- but if he's exhuasted from work, Lex can cook dinner for him.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Neither are picky. Both of them grew up young scrappy and hungry just like their country without really the chance to be picky. They had to take what they could get.

Who does the grocery shopping? - Lex. She's good at calculating totals in her head. I wrote that in an unrealeased fic.

How often do they bake desserts? - Rather rarely. Perhaps on special occasions or to bond. Ethan has ruined the kitchen with his kid trying to bake a cake for Lex at least once. Maybe more.

Are they more of a meat lover or salad lover? - Meat lovers, babey. Fuck that fancy plant bullshit.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Ethan. I wrote that in the proposal fic.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Depends on what you count as "going out". Lex likes going to McDonalds, but Ethan is the one who suggests eating at actual restaurants.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Ethan, but both have had near misses.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Both had fairly messy rooms as teenagers so they're not super anal about having sparkling clean rooms. That being said, when someone comes over Lex does try to tidy the place up a bit. At least enough to make it seem like they have their shit together. Ish.

Who is really against chores? - Ethan can be a bit of a lazy bones sometimes, but Lex isn't exactly a huge fan of chores either. However, she is used to doing chores since she practically raised herself and Hannah.

Who cleans up after the pets? - They take turns. Both hate it.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Ethan, because he doesn't want to incur Lex's wrath.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Lex. As I said above, she actually actively cleans the house beforehand. Not to the level of that freaking out mom from the comedy video who's name I can't remember tho.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Ethan. He has a nack for finding random bits of money. Score.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Lex, though both take relatively quick showers to save water.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - They actually like doing it together. It's nice to get some fresh air, and they enjoy each other's company.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Ethan goes over the top, partially to annoy Lex. You know that Christmas tree Chris Pine vine? Yeah, Ethan would fucking do that.

What are their goals for the relationship? - Live a better life together than they did in Hatchetfield. White picket fence and California dreams shit.

Who is more likely to sleep till noon? - Ethan, but Lex is known to sleep till 3 in the afternoon if she's really tired.

Who plays the most pranks? - Ethan. That's literally canon.

I can babble about them all day lol

[robbiereadshomestuck]

Part One - Act One, Part One

The first time I read this the format confused the heck out of me.

Classic.

His eyebrows look weird and I never noticed that.

It does that thing like in video games where RELEVANT WORDS are in ALL CAPS. I like to imagine a narrorator talking normally but then begins to scream when they reach those words.

Are the fake arms just a meme or something? Like is it a joke about art style or what?

HAH "Sassacre". Like sass + massacre. Good jokes.

"You still aren't totally sure what that means." Correct!

"Copasetic" (adjective), Slang: fine; completely satisfactory; OK.

It links to a merchandise store right at the start of the story! Now that's capitalism at its finest!

Doesn't his dad not have a face or something? I think I remember him not having a face.

"The next thing you do will probably be exceptionally meaningful" This probably indicates the next thing he does will be exceptionally meaningful, but relative to the story so far I do not have high expectations.

HA

You wouldn't have guessed webcomics came with tutorials.

Is SBURB is SUBURB but without u :(

AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH. ~ATH // FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. ^CAKE // pff. ^CAKE

Someone made a real version of this I remember using it with a friend of mine who attempted to rope me into homestuck. Clearly they did not succeed >:^D

"Don't you think monster howie mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle?" made me chuckle

"In a kid's yard, a tree without a tire swing is like a proper gentleman without a monocle" is an odd simile to make.

Weirdbrows

"Sometimes you feel like you are trapped in this room. Stuck, if you will" ROLL CREDITS

"It could kill a cat if you dropped it" Foreshadowing or curiosity killed the cat meme?

Aren't they the ones everyone wants to be gay? Like I'm sure there's plenty of those but I mean "EB: yes, it is understandable because you are really attractive". Also do their Pesterchum names signify anything? Like their inner selves or something? Idk

His bedsheets have fish on them? Or tadpoles maybe? Or ghosts?

These all have meaning probably.

"EB: yeah, that's fine i guess. i can't imagine it's going to be all that relevant." I am pretty confident it will end up being relevant.

"Why the 'Game of the Year' or whatever isn't as good as some other stuff I like that's better."

Really lm'd my ao's

have you ever tried a disguise??

Michael Cera

Is this why people have yelled "the Batter With"? Also I like this house.

"In a home, a FIREPLACE needs a fire, because that's what FIREPLACE is for. A fire BELONGS in a FIREPLACE, dammit"

Has the box been mentioned yet? There's a clown in there if I remember correctly.

WHY

The clown has no arms as well.

???

Why are these kids not in school? April 13th 2009 was a Monday. Also tentacleTherapists (I think her name's Rose? Or was that the other one?) capitalises her sentences differently than John.

The clown has arms now.

Is the piano important?

"A father without a pipe is like a strapping roughneck without a toothpick. That is to say, HE IS A RATHER PISS-POOR EXCUSE FOR A ROUGHNECK IF YOU ASK ME." This format has been used twice now

[S] John: Play haunting piano refrain.

Oh! Also would his father not hear?

Okay perhaphs I was foolish for believing this actually took place in 2009. Clearly this takes place in the 90s. My apologies.

[S] ==>

"The game presently eluding you is only the latest sleight of hand in the repertoire of an unseen riddler, one to engender a sense not of mirth, but of lack" The game (amusement) is not meant to give but to take away. John (continually referred to in the second-person to draw a connection between him and the reader), counterintuitively seeks this amusement to feel an inner withdrawal, rather than a positive self-engagement. The "unseen riddler" is the intangible perpetrator of these events, and combining that with it and John's dual representation of the reader one may conclude that this line describes the reader, although the may not outwardly know it, pushing themselves to be characters (so to speak) in what is not a fun or light-hearded experience, but a lively experience. But idk lol

[S] John: Enter.

The Undertale guy did some music for Homestuck right?

Is this where that battle scene comes in?

[S] STRIFE!

Yes it is

But what do the smoke pellets m e a n

Oh man

That appears to be Harry Anderson

[S] John: Check Pesterchum.

"TG: the fact that theyre ironic makes them awesome // TG: and vice versa // TG: are you taking notes on how to be cool?? jesus get a fucking pen"

2meta2fast

3META3FAST

This stresses me out

[S] ==>

:0000

Postscript

Between pages 1901 and 2037, most of the story so far has just been set-up material. One line I focused on was on page 1982. The sentence goes, "The game presently eluding you is only the latest sleight of hand in the repertoire of an unseen riddler, one to engender a sense not of mirth, but of lack". I took this to mean the authour using both this "unseen riddler" and John's shared representation of the reader to describe the reader in the sense of them being subconcious self-perpetuators down this rabbit hole that does not enwarmthen, but suspends. An excellent framing for the story to come perhaps.