#idk just thinking abt something my roommate said the other day abt how she cant do anything alone anymore

[daisies-on-a-cup]

part of me believes that community is foundational and that is it true that human beings were made to be "pack people" and were never supposed to go about this life alone. part of me also believes that going to the grocery store with people you love, doing random, mundane things with those you cherish, is a good thing and deepens social bonds in a way that no other interaction can. however, i think if you can't do those things alone, if you can't go to the grocery store without a friend or eat something without someone next to you, then you are at huge risk of losing your sense of self. there's also something there about mental stability and independence, that if you can't do anything alone, be anywhere with just your thoughts and you alone, then there's something wrong there i think. it's not normal to need someone by your side every waking moment of your day or else something bad will happen. there shouldn't need to be a distraction of a phone or a person for everything you do. it is a beautiful and wonderful thing to do things together, but you should also be able to do it alone without falling to your own mind

[geffenrecords]

Hello i am here to say that what you wrote abt David doing things in threes means I love you, kind of destroyed me and I genuinely don’t know if I’ll ever be okay again. Do you have any other davenzi Thoughts cause I’d love to be destroyed some more and I miss them a lot. Have a good day!!

aaaaaa im glad u liked tht :'-))) i was so surpirsed a lot of ppl liked my davenzi like im rlly happy bc some of u guys r so nice??? if u rbed any of those asks and put something nice in the tags i am kissing u rn right on the mouth

but anyway yes send asks whenever i love talking abt these two sm pls ask whatever and whenever hehe <3

but anyway hmm yes......matt and dave......those bastards. today i will talk about.... [spins wheel] them having sleepovers :-)

so obvs they sleep at each others very often like.....they're so comfortable with each other and matteos p chill w laura and david gets along with matteos roommates so theyre over at each others so often......good for them......

but the first few times everyone was probably like "omg theyre gonna have sex......wtf........." cos yknow how highschool ppl are and hans was literally that meme where he would burst in and be like AHA YOU TWO ARE HAVING SEX!!!!!!! and matteos like draped across david getting his ass kicked at super smash bros while davids drawing and davids like "matteo wtf u should have told me id make sure u put away the switch" and matteo would just start laughing and hans is like i hate you guys.....[he does not]

i think laura would be cool abt matteo being over like. constantly. hes p funny and they get along and will talk about movies or whatever [matteo cant read rip] and shes like "stay up as late as u want idk just be fucking quiet" but unfortunately matteo and david r like 5 year olds together so that never happens but she forgives it cause they cute or whatever <3

but like literally.....they are so obnoxious. theyd probably like stay up till 5 in the morning watching dr phil or some shit [idk what's the german equivalent of tht or like any german shows so. feel free to suggest smthn else] but they stay up so late and laugh so loud.....like theyd do stupid shit like wrestle w each other and matteo would probably fall off the bed and their both crying laughing and lauras like What The Fuck Was That.... or theyll get stoned [most likely at matteos house] and lay on the floor together and hold hands and have hushed conversations n the only light in the room is probably matteos phone thats off to the side playing some shitty song he likes and then matteos like "u draw me all the time......im gonna draw you......bc.....i love you....." nd then he kisses davids face and david giggles and is like "babe ur drawings r shit but i love u too so i will let you try" and matteo does ad he sits there for so long with an intense look on his face and davids just laughing and he cant stop smiling and finally matteos like "hows THIS?" and it's just TERRIBLE but david loves it hes like oh you did so good.....and he kisses matteo and they kiss as a 15 minute ad plays bc matteo uses youtube to listen to music like a loser <3

another thing i think theyd do is dance in the kitchen....I KNOW I ALREADY SAID THEY WOULD DANCE ON THE PLAYGROUND but them dancing in the most unromantic places is so funny to me and it's so them.....theyve probably danced in that empty pool together........

but theyll dance together in davids kitchen and theyre trying so hard to be quiet but theyre just genuinely so happy and in love <3 annoying ass mfs play the music quietly and laura can hear muffled laughter all night but she never says anything bc davids never been so happy and thats all she wants for him and um. yeah theyre literally just so annoying and in love and idk how anyone stands them

[almost-casey]

Do you have any oc's??? And can we see them :3

I mean, I do kinda yea! I'm not really that great @ characters n stuff but! Ive tried to make n expand on a few!

The first 2 r kinda old, like from last year, but their names r chip & mace! I think ive posted some drawing of mace on my blog a while back, but the arts old so,,,, eh :[]. Any way! Mace is this like ?? Knight who lived around the middle ages. Then there was this whole big war or something, and most of the ppl in their army died :(. They are basically the only one left, so they wander around w/an arrow in their back or smthn until they stumble into this huge cathedral, where they're kinda like? Taken pity on & given 'eternal life' (not really they're conntected to the sun so they die when it burns out)(domt ask its dumb). So basically for the next few centuries they just kinda. Try 2 live theyre best life & stay away from mobs w/pitch forks and government agents trying to kidnap them. Then! Around maybe the 2010s, chip comes into play! Hes an alien from like. Idk some far off planet, I dont know exactly how he came to earth. But he crashed down sometime around Europe finding out abt america. He's taken/adopted by some pirates, specifically the captain, & he kinda joins the family & the captains son becomes his kinda brother!! However, because hes an alien, his life span is much longer and he basically has to watch the captain age & die :( he notices his brother is getting older too, and runs away cause he cant handle the pain!! Its very angsty yada yada. So chip does the same thing as mace, avoiding being kidnapped and burned @ the stake n all this other stuff cause he's an alien! And aliens look kinda weird (I wanna revamp his design tho so ill come back 2 that) then, as I said, around modern day they run into each other in some big city! Chip is all like 'aaa dont freck out cause I'm an alien' but mace is all like 'eh its not the weirdest thing I've seen' & they become friends/roommates and abunch of other things happen

Oof that was long! But in terms of more recent oc's, ive made some fantrolls!

So tjis is 'nulmax trilia' (thanks to metrosexualsailor on insta for the name!) And shes a teal blood! She's a receptionist/bodyguard for my other fantroll! She's kinda tiny in comparison but she's also super fast! She's like, cynical and cold but she really cares abt those who are close to her!! My other troll calls her max, which makes her annoyed & also kinda flustered cause :3 she likes my other troll!! Who doesn't have a name whoops. "she pRonunciates heR R's and F's, and tRails oFF at the end oF sentences..."

(This is a really messy doodle whoops) so tjis is [idk]!! She's a purple blood who wears sopor slime instead of her face mask, which makes her spacey but she says its good for skin. Shes way taller than max, but b/c shes so loopy max has to protect her most of the time. She works in like? Dyes I guess. Which the dye is,,, blood cause that's how it goes. Shes super oblivious!! She looks intimidating but shes honestly so kind and generous w/her love!! It flusters max all the time and dkfndbsjdb sorry ,,, theres no real story there just in love & trying to get 2gether :3 "°She is soOo excited ab0ut talking!! S0mtimes she makes her w0rds really loOong!!°"

[patchdotexe]

So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

[lylabnt]

hello hello i’m moose (she/her) comin at u from cst. i’m 20, a piece of shit, and idk what i’m doing with my life !! just tryna have a good time without having to worry abt school but that bitch is coming. anywayyyy this is lyla, i’ll have some info about her under the cut !! i want to plot w everyone so pls.....HMU or LIKE THIS and i’ll come to you !! u can also catch her pinterest board HERE if u wanna check it out !! it’s got some semi-nsfw content as well as a lil blood and knives !!

there are mentions of miscarriage, abortion, alcohol & drug addiction, abuse, sexual assault, violence, drug use, overdose, death, and sex work. it’s a lot i’m so sorry y’all. if i missed something pls let me know !! i’ll also put lil warnings before i mention them just to be safe. 

「 ELLE FANNING 」—  have you heard from 「 LYLA BENNETT 」 lately? the 「 NINETEEN 」 year old has been living in greystone for 「 TWO YEARS 」, and 「 SHE’S 」 known as 「 THE AMARANTH 」. i heard that they identify as 「 BISEXUAL 」 and 「 CISGENDERED 」. if you ask anyone around town, they’d say 「 LYLA 」 reminds them of 「ALL GLITTER EVERYTHING, MENTAL BREAKDOWN HAIRCUTS AT 3AM & HELLO KITTY BAND-AIDS ON SCRAPED KNEES 」. they live in 「 BELLA RIDGE APARTMENTS 」, currently 「 DOESN’T ATTEND SCHOOL 」, and 「 works FULL-TIME 」 at 「 MASQUERADE 」. a fact about them that not many people know is 「 SHE CHANGED HER NAME TO AID IN HER ESCAPE FROM HER FAMILY 」.

okay so!!! my baby lyla is kind of a sad story but man is she a fighteR

she was born elizabeth hopkins in a small town in georgia. lil lizzie always tried her best to be a happy go lucky kid but she the hand she was dealt wasn’t all that great. she grew up on the shitty side of a trailer park with a mother that didn’t want her and quite frankly it was a miracle she was even born, let alone as perfectly healthy as she was

tw: alcoholism & drug addiction & miscarriage & abortion !! her mother was a drug addict & an alcoholic. her daughter definitely wasn’t her first (or her last) pregnancy, but she was the only one that didn’t end in fetal death or termination.

her father was her mother’s drug dealer and was entirely absent, more of a sperm donor than anything else. she likely has a ton of other siblings running around that she doesn’t know about tbh.

anyway. she learned pretty quickly as a kid how to take care of herself and how harsh the world was. she got herself up and got to school on her own, cooked her own meals, washed her own clothes, did everything on her own while her mother went on week long benders and disappeared for days at a time.

tw: abuse & sexual assault & violence !! her mom was also quite abusive and this only got worse as she grew older. it wasn’t rare for any of her mother’s various and seemingly random boyfriends to look her way and obviously she hated it. she didn’t like them flirting with her and saying suggestive things to her. she just wanted to be left alone and kept out of her mother’s life. but skeevy boyfriends and jealous mother’s don’t mix and lizzie’s mom would accuse her of flirting back or trying to steal her man or whatever it was that particular day and she’d go to bed that night with a black eye or a busted lip. she was sixteen when her mother’s current boyfriend took something that didn’t belong to him. it was the first and the last time she let a man lay their hands on her without her consent. the next time he tried, she stabbed him through the hand, went on the run, and never looked back.

she left everything behind except the clothes on her back and what little money she had saved up, went to her best friend’s place, and the two took off in his pickup truck without a word to anyone. she never told him (or anyone else) for that matter what happened, but the two had been planning their escape for years, waiting for the right moment to take the leap.

they both changed their names, leaving their old identities and their pasts behind them. elizabeth hopkins didn’t exist anymore. she was lyla bennett and her companion, elliott o’connell. they traveled until they ran out of gas, taking whatever shitty jobs they could find in whatever city they ended up, staying in motels or sleeping in the truck when they needed cash. they both did things they weren’t proud of and relied on the kindness of strangers to get them by. their nomadic lifestyle was not glamorous. they would go for days without eating, a week without a shower, doing anything they could just to scrape by. 

tw: cocaine use & heroin use & overdose & death !! it wasn’t long before they found themselves in bad company. wolves dressed as sheep bet a club heard their story offered them a place to stay as long as they liked. the offer was eventually accepted and after months on the move they finally had a real bed to sleep in and real food to eat. but soon enough sleeping turned into parties that lasted all night and breakfast turned into a couple of snorted lines or a shot of heroin. a few months later lyla awoke after a party to find her best friend and life companion cold and lifeless next to her, a little too much of a deadly cocktail doing him in

before she even had time to let it sink it, she was out the door with all of the money she could gather, never to be seen or heard from again.

she eventually found herself greystone, a little over a year after she kissed the trailer park goodbye. she stayed in a motel until she could get herself on her feet, picking up odd jobs here and there until she got a job working as a dancer at masquerade at the age of 17 (although every piece of i.d. she owned said otherwise) with the stage name honey.

tw: sex work !! now at 19 years old, she finally has a real place to herself. and her roommate, but at least it’s a place she can finally call home. she’s a sex worker on the side as well, just to bring in extra cash to help her make rent and have food on the table.

okaY i think that’s it for her bg ?? it’s....a lot im sorrY but i will talk a bit abt her personality now bc.....i gotta.

she is v soft-spoken and honestly a lil mysterious ?? like....she’s a quiet girl n rarely speaks unless spoken to basically. and even then she doesn’t talk much

her label is the amaranth which basically means she is someone who isn’t very easily forgotten. she’s got this v magnetic way about her and she can be quite charming when she wants to be

she is soft, don’t get me wrong. she’s sensitive and sometimes she just needs to cry but don’t mistake her kindness and her generosity for weakness. she’s been used and taken advantage of too many times. she’s been thru too much to left people walk all over her now. she’s capable of pretty terrible things if that’s what she has to do to survive. don’t think she won’t snap just because she’s soft. 

she’s quite dreamy. always in her head & never really seems to be paying attention. she’s always somewhere else in her mind where things r quiet and everything is peaceful and perfect.

clumsy af but also graceful ?? she was so luckily given free ballet lessons as a child which she used as an excuse to get away from home so when she’s dancing she’s a graceful bih and she’s rly always wanted to be a ballet dancer but just in real life ?? catch her trippin over herself and scraping her knees on the daily. always has random bruises she cant remember getting

very girly. wears a lot of pink all the time & loves anything sparkly or glittery or fluffy or anything girly and cute basically. 

tw: cocaine addiction !! she also has many addictions. cigarettes & nicotine being one, candy & sweets being another, and cocaine being the last. also disney movies tbh

she never rly got the chance to be a kid so she;s like....kind of catching up on that now while she feels free & safe

idk waht else to say this is trash and i rambled the whole time im sorRY but plot with me pls i luv u all already 

my wanted connections are honestly open ?? idK i’m bad at thinking stuff up so y’all let me know if any ideas jump out at u or let’s brainstorm something dope ok lets d O IT

[dorcassing-blog]

hello !! i’m mar, but i also respond to linda belcher, because she’s my inspiration in life, tbh. i will gracing ur dashes with the ?? nerd who goes by dorcas meadowes. under the cut will be some rambling && i cannot wait to talk to u all abt our charas eeee

DORCAS MEADOWES ? oh, you mean the TWENTY ONE year old MUGGLEBORN. they’re working as an SHOP ASSISTANT AT NOLTIE'S BOTANICAL NOVELTIES now, aren’t they ? I’ve heard they’re really ALTRUISTIC, but i know for a fact that they can be UNREALISTIC at times. No wonder they’ve decided to SIDE WITH THE ORDER.

LINKS: bio, pinterest 

it’s been a hot second since i’ve played this nerd so? here goes nothing. the bio above is more of an overview of her life and this is more a ?? RAMBLE. yolo!!

um dorcas is basically? a walking inferiority complex. literally. she has so little self worth it’s a miracle she hasn’t disappeared yet. people don’t Really know about this though, as dorcas is v extraverted and bubbly generally and doesn’t mind putting herself out there, which makes her come off as pretty confident. she’s Not, though. don’t be fooled. it’s part of the reason why she’s good at being an order member --- she values her life v little & will take on the most dangerous missions and take big, selfless risks. 

is under the dumb impression that she’d not mind dying for the cause, which in truth, she would not. she does romanticise the hell out of it though --- to her, dying for the revolution sounds beautiful when it’s? not. it sucks. she will find that out tho !! lol !!!!

is an adopted muggleborn ( her dad’s a muggleborn, too, and her mum’s a pureblooded witch / blood traitor ) and comes from a warm nest of adopted kids. really loves her fam. will fight anyone over her blood status. really. TRY HER. her being adopted does fuel her inferiority complex tbh and it’s something she has tried to let go off, bc she Has a family that she Loves, but she just? cannot let go that someone didn’t want her. is not trying to search for her parents though.

has a few siblings too, that are open to app for! they can be any ethnicity/age and stuff so yeah this is lowkey a plug for that lmao. just hmu if ur interested!

as a person she’s, as i said up there, pretty bubbly. dorcas loves surrounding herself with people (unless they’re a-holes, then she’ll ... be annoyed w you) and likes having fun. is also here for genuine convos altho she doesn’t like opening up herself a lot bc ... she’s emotionally constipated af. will listen to u for 6 hrs while drinking liquor or tea or both though. um? likes making puns. 

also really likes herbology. is a nerd when it comes to plants, tbh, and will talk abt them if granted the opportunity. works in a store that sells plants!! loves it!! idk man if she wasnt in the order and occupied with that, she would have gone on to become a herbologist and that’s lowkey still a dream of hers. she just has Priorities rn and thinks fighting the good fight is more important than having a career

drugs tw // sidenote: also loves a plant called hemp and smoking it. lmao.

was sorted into hufflepuff bc she’s One Loyal Son of A Bitch. also a hard worker tbh. at hogwarts she was rly into clubs and a few subjects ( read: dada, herbology & potions ) and didn’t put much effort in anywhere else. tried out for the quidditch team a few times but she fell off her broom the first time she tried out and they just never ... forgot that. which, tbh, is fair. was a loud presence tbh, really liked talking about ANYTHING that caught her interest ( one week it was cars, the others it was the environment ). was a flighty, loud idiot who was known for tumbling off stairs and crying during her first transfiguration lessons. um? idk. just a mess. never changed. 

dorcas loves girls and identifies as a lesbian. will make a lot of gay jokes. identifies as a demi girl and switches between she and they, as will i when writing abt her --- she has days where she feels more femme than the other. 

idealistic fuck who likes to talk abt her convictions re: a lot of stuff. goes to muggle demonstrations a lot and wishes there were more in the wizarding world tbh because the world is FUCKED!! activist child, tbh. 

loves punk. a lot. calls herself a punk, too, and is not just a fan of the music but also a POLITICAL PUNk and she’s the kind of punk who’s like ... u cant like punk if u dont also do the political stuff it’s a combination! it’s not just a way to dress or something! it’s a lifestyle!!!!! ( did i base this on my dad, who was a punk during this time? mayhaps. )

feels things deeply. loves easily, but hates easily too. tbh she just flies from emotion to emotion so dont try to make sense of it bc i cant follow it either? dorcas meadowes voice: im just so angry that i’m happy that’s why im crying!!

wants to learn how to play the guitar but her guitar has been gathering dust ( #relatable ) and she just knows the g chord at this point it’s tragic.

eats a lot of take out. 

currently residing in muggle london in a shithole appt. i’m up for a roommates plot aye!!