#idk it's easy to know i'm hot when people have paid for my sexy stuff back in the day

[aviofavalon]

i always like think about maybe taking full body selfies and semi nudes to post and just like. idk. normalize it more and i always go nah idk about that and then i see some absolute cutie rocking it like. hm

idk i have an odd relationship with my weight, because like.... whilr sometimes i have thought, oh man, maybe i'm fat ): i end up choosing not to worry about it. especially bc like my whole life people told me i look just like my mom, and my mom is literally one of the most beautiful people i have ever seen, so it's hard not to like. know i'm pretty

but also?? my mom has awful body dismorphia and absolutely struggled with her appearance and her weight when i was a kid. and it just confused me? bc she's so gorgeous??

but also like fatphobia is ridiculous and i honestly like. am floored by people who are so viscerally fatphobic. i can never forget when i excitedly posted a picture of myself in a bikini on here years ago, bc i was excited about the bikini, and somebody told me i don't have the body for it

and it doesn't really get to me but i can't help but sometimes like

does my girlfriend really not care that i'm fat? a lot of people care about that. does she actually think i'm attractive?

and it may partially be bc my girlfriend is one of the skinniest people i know so maybe like i get worried she might accidentally be like, fatphobic skinny person

or like, to step away from fat for a second but my facial hair? i was bullied for being so hairy as a kid and being afab and people now tell me like aw your beard is cool! or your beard is cute!!

i think i wanna post cute pictures of my body and my face but like hm

i recognize some of this btw may be sex work trauma lol like, needing to look a certain way, knowing less people will want my work if i don't shave or cover up fat

i have no idea where i was gojng with this i have more to say and work out i think but frankly i might take a nap

[spectralsleuth]

MORNING REBLOG. Also, in the comments of the new chapter @thedawningofthehour had a bunch of questions so I thought I'd put my reply here!! Because maybe some of you other people will ALSO be interested- I DON'T KNOW!! Spoilers for the chapter but no spoilers for the fic itself going forward.

(Faikishi if you don't want me to post this I'll go ahead and take it down, but it was all such good questions I decided to put the comment on my fridge.)

I had ONE FEAR and it was Faikishi with their insanely good world building asking me questions LMAO I was like please no one look too close at my world building please please please- (I mean that in a good way I live for your comments lol)

EXCUSE THE LORE DUMP I don't think any of this is necessarily spoilery- it's just stuff I've tried to imply within the story, but left vague on purpose because- I don't know why honestly. I guess because the characters might not know everything or think of it?

>I am just curious, I know the reason you don't give the Hamato fam a lot of 'rich people stuff' is probably because it's just funnier the other way, (and because Lou doesn't want his kids to grow up spoiled rich kids) but I feel like he'd have a car and/or paid driver. I mean, it's a security concern too, he's Lou Jitsu. Crazy fans and whatnot, people kidnapping a rich guy for ransom. (which would be hilarious because not least of all he could kill a man with a single one of his gelled-up hairs, but if they called home to make their demands instead of directly to Sal-well, if the Jitsu didn't kill them, the Donnie would) I mean, they could just be trying to keep a low profile here. I feel like the cabbie couldn't have known this was Lou Jitsu he was threatening. They do use a private diver/car sometimes! I feel like Yoshi mainly uses the car and driver for work, but the family as a whole mainly uses the subway or taxis or bus because that's the 'New York' thing to do. (Also I've been visiting NYC a lot recently and the idea of driving there is unimaginable to me. I will never do it, and the subway is WAY faster and easier besides.) I'm basing Yoshi's income based off of Bruce Lee's income, which I figure would be a similar paygrade arc if we're taking the silly cartoon show seriously when it hypes up Lou Jitsu. so, man is a MULTI MILLIONAIRE before he disappeared, and he only made more while he was gone. (Because people love a mystery.) But (and here's where I may be drifting outside my lane) he is also a first generation Japanese immigrant who didn't have family support when he first got here so I imagine he was pretty broke, and his Grandpa always struck me as the type of strict guy who doesn't like waste. So while Yoshi is someone who will throw money at a problem to make it go away rather than deal with it, he also sometimes doesn't think to do it, and will yell about the AC and also not throw anything away until it's falling apart. IDK if that makes sense lol, Xander is super fucking cheap and Yoshi approves because Xander will just sit and clip coupons with the kids before going grocery shopping.

>Okay, that character design fucks. I love that. Justice is blind and so is fucking Medusa. I just wanted to give Sal a sexy archnemesis I am a simple writer with simple needs. He gets a hot bunny paralegal and a seven foot tall Council retainer who hates his guts. (For yokai that's actually romance, but Sal doesn't know it yet lol.)

>Oh, well that's interesting. I guess Draxum couldn't have exactly kept his creations secret in this universe, huh?

I have a weird idea of nobility and how it works in the Hidden City because like- BARON Draxum?? That kind of IMPLIES A LOT?? I MEAN you know you're writing fucking. DAWN OF THE HOUR. The implications. Baron Draxum is "at large" but the Council of Heads is not exactly working as hard as they could to get him, because the political mess it would cause is almost not worth the trouble. But an easy target is the human who doesn't have any political identity in the Hidden City besides "famous", and who has custody of the neat little science projects that you were going to be confiscating anyway. (Meme voice: It's free super weapons.) The Hidden City is 'aware' of mutants because they have agents and spies (I'm assuming Mayhem isn't the only one), but they're calling the turtles here yokai for two reasons. ONE it's easier to win a custody fight without all the legal tape if you just call them normal kids, and TWO they don't really want word of mutants getting out quite yet. Some crazy fucking guy in a castle on a hill is basically recreating the yokai CREATION event, they're trying to keep it quiet for now. Even Euryale isn't aware of all the nuances, she'd kind of working with a disadvantage here, but she's got enthusiasm because. Conflict of interest. The Hidden City is actually aware of the turtles in this universe, because how could they not be. There's still yokai above ground (I'm going to cover this later because I had to do a lot of research about CLEM the goat guy in a few of the episodes) so word would eventually spread even down there. And Yoshi has done PHOTOSHOOTS with the kids, their trip to the zoo was in the social column of the NYT.

>?? I feel like? Conflict of interest? Conflict of interest doesn't exist! The court process in the Hidden City is HORRIFYING but also INSANELY SILLY. (Just like ROTTMNT lol.) There's rules but also there's NO RULES. It's why Sal is going to have a heart attack, and why he has Mariko in the first place. She's actually studied human law so she knows what the differences are.

>To be fair, I can see Big Mama getting all the correct paperwork for this. I mean, why not? It would be trivial for her to accomplish. If she does have the correct paperwork she definitely did not present it for this trial because she lowkey is trying to make things harder for Yoshi, but. SLIGHT spoiler? Sal is not referring to "Law" as we know it, but different law which is part of his argument. I had to struggle SO HARD with this fic precisely BECAUSE I had to come up with both sides and I can only hope I did- well not even a good job, but a LEGIBLE job lmao.

>I'd wonder if Lou and Sal have contingency plans in case this doesn't work out They do! It's called "Lou get me the fuck out of here Lou get me the fuck out of here Lou get me-" and Yoshi trying to kill everyone in the room lmaooo. Literally every time I try to figure out what Yoshi would think I remember him going to rescue the kids in the season 1 finale, and looking at April ( A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL) and saying, 'Alright, new plan. We each defeat 300 Foot ninja.' And then April NODDING AND AGREEING like mmm. Yes, of course. They are BOTH THE SAME KIND OF STUPID I love him so much. I think he's terrible at planning he just brute forces everything.

And like- he CAN brute force everything? He's in his sixties in the show and hasn't worked out for decades and still cracks concrete with Draxum's HEAD. He ripped a hydra apart barehanded in the Nexus flashback. He's a FREAK OF NATURE no wonder Draxum sucked his DNA for superweapons. I have this whole complicated headcanon lore reason why the Hamato are like this, but I don't know when and IF I'm going to be able to include it.

I'm super grateful for the comments honestly because I'm dying to talk about this shit.

NEW CHAPTER RIGHT UNDER THE WIRE FOR THE ANNIVERSARY! I did it...

Guys, I can't think you enough for what a great year this has been and I can't wait to start showing you guys what I've been working on in this upcoming new year. All the comments and community and fun crossovers with friends have really made my year, and I'm so happy I started writing a stupid little turtle fanfic that people actually enjoyed. I expected maybe 100 kudos if I was lucky, and a couple little comments;

But my expectations were absolutely blown out of the water by you guys commenting, and drawing fanart, and just- playing with me in this silly little turtle space.

So thanks for a great year!