#idk it mentions hospice so I like to be safe

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

I know this is a witchcraft blog but this feels like it belongs here anyway. This is... genuinely something I hope I remember to implement myself, because it's so helpful????

What’s going to make you happy right now? Is it some cake? Is it a nap? Is it calling your mom? Is it going on a drive and blasting music? Is it taking a bath? Is it reading a book?

Check in with yourself because you deserve that happiness, whatever it is.

[sniffanimal]

vague tw that I'm talking about weird fears and triggers I have, I'm gonna try and not be detailed but listing them above the cut seems redundant so only read below if you want to read about weird upsetting things

notably death, pregnancy, and suicide are mentioned.

I have like 4 fears that are like to my core absolute terror fears and like 3 of them are the easiest things to never encounter and the last one is so unlikely but they're still like terrifying to me

one is freezing to death, specifically on a mountain. I hate hiking and rock climbing already, so I'm likely never going to climb a mountain in the first place, let alone an icy mountain. but I'm terrified of dying in the cold, especially from low oxygen/nitrogen poisoning.

similarly, I'm terrified of being far underwater, really more than a few feet underwater in general. I'm afraid of drowning, but also afraid of decompression and nitrogen poisoning. I don't like swimming in the first place so the odds of me like, scuba diving, are so slim. but I'm so scared

those two also combine to my fear of dying in the vacuum of space, which again is very easy to not do.

next, I'm VERY afraid of getting pregnant. this is relatively easy to avoid, using contraceptives and such, but stuff like the Handmaid's Tale is deep horror to me. the entire process of pregnancy makes me sick, I'm scared of not only like the social emotional repercussions of having a baby, that's also terrifying, but the medical biological process of developing a baby and giving live birth is skin crawlingly terrifying to me. I think it's similar to how most people feel about the idea of getting a parasite. part of the horror is the fact that my body is designed to do this, and that people all over love doing it and seek out doing it, and it's regarded as a general good. what if you woke up one day and everyone was telling you it's extremely good and normal to have tapeworms and that God will bless you with a tapeworm someday. horrifying.

the last one that I can think of is assisted suicide. my full opinion is just people have a right to make informed medical choices about their bodies and nothing further than that. but something very specific about assisted suicide like gives me the willies. idk what aspect of it is, maybe it's just my entire history of suicide prevention depression therapy repelling against the notion of it being the best option for someone, idk. hospice care also sorta freaks me out in general. I think I'm really just scared of death in its many forms, but that's anxiety, babe!

I find the fact that I'm watching Grey's anatomy, a show where death is probably the second biggest plot driving force behind sex, interesting. It's kind of like watching a horror movie you know will scare you, or looking at a picture of something fucked up out of morbid curiosity. it helps knowing it's a TV show and thus not real, so it's like a safe way to engage with this fear of death in a way.