#idk im feeling a bit ostracized from a group of ppl tht ive literqlly known since i was a kid and it hurts!!
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parkinglothater · 1 year ago
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idk hiw to sum it all up in words
#the closest i can think is melancholy#idk and like whayever the sadness of passing time and fading friendships feels like#like idk idk idk#it seems like all my friends are saying one thing and kind of acting the opposite#we love you we want to see you grow we want you to be yourself#but qlso every time i mention my bf or anythinf we did or r planning on doing the mood completely shifts#the look on their faces says#i dont care#at the least#please shut the fuck up#at the most#not tht theyre saying it out loud but i can watch everypne demeanor change#its gut wrenching#having to separate my romantic relationships and my platonic ones#hqving to choose between these people all of whom i love and want to support and care for#i didnt want tht with my last boyfriend!#i dont want it now!#other friemds have been able to successfully intergrate theyre partners into the friendgroup#idk im feeling a bit ostracized from a group of ppl tht ive literqlly known since i was a kid and it hurts!!#a lot!!#i always felt like i was on the fringes anyways!#and now it feels likenall they needed to fully push me out of things was my behavior against my ex and my new boyfriend#as if he didnt also do equal or greater harm to me#as if my behavior towards him was malicious and i need to be taught a lesson about it#as if theyre focusing on the one part of the breakup i didnt want them to focus on bc it is the tinest fucking fraction of the issue#in fact my behavior was a direct reaction to the deteriorated state of the realtionship and the awful behavior i was being presented with#i jst dont know how to not b on the fringes of my friendgroup i guess#and it feels like every decision i make for myself makes it worse#amd ik theyre discussing me behind closed doors#“renee rambles in the tags”
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