#idk if this is worth putting on ao3 and either way i cant b bothered to fix it up enough for that rn so its just a post

[kingofthecapybaras]

brief lil fic i wrote bc i was having too many thoughts about landduo hurt/comfort

obvious warnings for mentions of missing eggs and general angst

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foolish walks out of his tower, having just finished organizing his loot from the dungeons he did today, and pointedly not dwelling for too long on anything other than the chests in that room. he still has a bit of time left today, and he's certainly not looking forward to trying to go to sleep and being left alone with his thoughts, so maybe he can finally squeeze some work in on the titan, or he'll go to spawn and run into someone else to goof around with and distract himself.

foolish gets halfway across the path to his warpstone when he finally notices bad on the shore. he's sitting on the ground outside his and dapper's first house, with his arms wrapped around his legs, knees tucked up to his chin, staring off blankly into the water as it waves and ripples against the land.

foolish pauses for a brief moment, and then turns to walk along the shore over to him.

"hey," foolish greets softly. bad turns his head to look up at foolish, but doesn't say a word. foolish notices the bags under his eyes. bad turns back to staring out at the water.

it's not an outright 'go away,' so foolish takes that as invitation enough to sit down next to him on the ground, curled up similarly to bad with his hands resting on his knees. for what feels like the first time all day, foolish lets out a deep breath, the full weight of his thoughts washing over him like the sound of the waves.

he thinks of leo. he thinks about how in the days leading up to the eggs' disappearance he didn't even get to see her, missing her by mere minutes. he thinks of the note she left in the chest in her room, he thinks about the totems left there and how wherever she is now, she doesn't have them. he thinks of vegetta, how he's probably going to come back and find out their daughter is missing. he thinks of all the other eggs. surely they'll all come back, right? the last time they went missing they came back. they have to come back, it's not fair for them to just be taken without any warning, without any explanation, without any closure.

foolish feels tears start to prick at the corners of his eyes, and tries to push the feeling away. bad is still sitting next to him, after all, and foolish can only think however he's feeling, bad must be feeling it worse, he practically took care of all the eggs. he doesn't need to add foolish having a breakdown in front of him on top of all of that.

foolish takes another few deep breaths, listening to the sound of the waves, letting his thoughts wash away with them, and he thinks he might be somewhere close to feeling normal again. and then he feels bad lean his head against his shoulder.

he looks down to find bad already looking up at him, and they share a brief glance before foolish wraps an arm around bad's back, pulling him in closer, and bad moves to fully wrap his arms around foolish's chest, and then foolish moves his other arm and they're hugging each other so tight foolish worries he might crush him.

and then foolish notices bad is crying- shaking, silent sobs with cold tears landing where bad has tucked his head near foolish's shoulder- and then foolish's carefully put up wall cracks, every last thought and emotion foolish had been bottling in rushing out in the form of tears that trail down his cheeks and fall against bad's back.

they stay hugging even after they've both stopped crying, until finally foolish feels bad push back against his hold and he releases him. bad pulls away, wiping at his face with one hand, still saying nothing. foolish has the impulse to poke fun at him just to regain a sense of normalcy, but quickly pushes it down. he has the feeling bad needed that just as much as he did.

they sit in silence again for a little while longer, staring out at the water and the now mostly set sun just barely dipping below the horizon, before bad stands up.

"uh, i should go… i have stuff i need to work on."

foolish stands up with him, feeling that whatever moment they were having before has now passed.

"yeah, yeah. me too," foolish says. bad turns to leave, and foolish puts out a hand to stop him. "uh. thanks, though."

it's doesn't feel exactly like what foolish really means, but it's close enough.

"oh. thank you too," bad says.

they go their separate ways, and they don't mention it again, aside from the knowing glance they share when they see each other the next morning.

[keysimash]

Hello!!

I do not want to be bothering or rude, I am just curious if you’ve had time or energy to continue Leave, I still love the story so much and am looking forward to find out how it goes!!

But if not it’s ok, I just hope you have a nice day no matter what!! <3

Short answer , it's not discontinued but idk when I will work on it again. Sorry to be a disappointment

Long answer you probably dont want to read

I hate it. I can't even read it. I like my story, I like the plans I HAVE for the story, I just.... cant read my own writing. And this isn't some kind of compliment fishing either, it's gotten to the point I dont even like getting nice comments about it on my ao3 inbox anymore.

I sit down to work on it and I just... can't. All I can think about is how cringy it sounds ... and how bad it is, etc etc

Logically I know I'm actually a pretty good writer. But all I see when I look at this shit is mistakes.

And I come across in my writing as... way too emotional and earnest? If that makes any sense. I've mentioned I never made a plot outline, that shit is sooo obvious when i read it. And how I changed the plot three or four times. And how I changed the plot every time I got upset.

I used to not give a fuck about appealing to other people when I wrote because I didnt have anyone whose opinion I cared about reading it but now I feel like I have to write it not shittily or I'll disappoint everyone and myself. And I'm not capable of writing it not shittily right now because I would

a) have to build off the disjointed skeleton I've already made that's got plot holes and mischaracterizations

b) start over from scratch

And I can't do it right now! I cant!

I keep thinking about how my best friend told me I shouldn't put vent art on the internet at all. I feel disgusting now almost. Like people that take pics of their cuts and post em. I know shes full of shit but I cant shake the feeling. That it's my fault if I trigger somebody. That by writing anything that isnt a joke or fluff I'm doing something gross and self-masturbatory and harmful. "If you interpret the characters in a way the author didnt want you're just wrong..." that's what she said.. Its kirby and Meta knight and magolor for gods sake. What am I doing trying to make a gritty realistic darkfic... from a kids game.... cringe.... (only me tho. Nobody else counts)

Even my other works for other fandoms, it almost feels like they're on a timer as soon as I post them. I go "I like that, that's good" and post, and then a few days later I'm like "oh . That's shit now" and it has nothing to do with engagement or anything, its just like an arbitrary switch flipped in my brain

The only time I was writing well and writing consistently... was when I was being abused... I feel like I've lost my spark ... because maybe the only time I can make anything good is when I'm under so much emotional pressure I feel like I'm about to snap.... but if that were true I should be writing right now haha.

And I can sit here and know all these things, that when I'm stressed my thought process goes all stupid, that I'm actually a good writer, that I'm not hurting anybody by the fic I post, that writing something shit is better than not writing anything at all, but it doesn't do anything to change how I feel.

But. I did say it's not discontinued, didnt I?

If its stressing me out so much well why dont I delete it, well the answer to that is I HATE HATE HATE when authors delete their good shit.... deep down I know a lot of people love my stories and that they have some worth... that's why I haven't deleted them all...

I love writing, still.... writing for cotl feels less bad than kirby cos.. it feels like its expected to be edgy and dark, so I dont feel bad about what I write until later at least... but I still love to write and create....

I just need some time... I miss writing kirby stuff but I just can't face my own writing. I cant face myself. And it order to start writing again -- I think that's my problem. I would have to forgive myself for not being perfect. I would have to admit that , like my writing , its okay to love myself/my writing even with the manymanymany .flaws.

I can't. Not right now. Maybe later tho

I didnt have that last revelation before. Not until I wrote everything out. When I was trying to explain all my feelings to someone else , I ended up explaining it to myself. This post was long overdue anyway

Sorry