#idk if they’re all lightweights or if it’s just that thing were city people don’t really drink a lot

[suck-mein-pokeballs]

Today I went to a sex shop for the first time and when my roommates asked how it was I said it was like going to the marked but there’s dildos instead of produce

[jessiebanethedragon]

Scuttle (5/?)

takes place after the reader and crosshair have their first kiss because i thought it would be cool/different to write it like this (i have a plant dw) also i’ve left her trauma kind of ambiguous hinting rather than stating bc i don’t feel like it’s my place to say how a reader would react idk. 

also also reader sometimes goes by Yona instead of y/n just because it means rain and i thought it would be kinda cute

Tech finds your fascination with hyperspace fascinating but a little worrying. You seem to spend hours sitting by whichever window you have chosen for that moment, watching the universe whizz by. Sometimes he sits with you, and you both talk about your theories for explaining the galaxy. He learns that your parents never left your homeworld once you were born and nicknamed you Yona after the rain that poured down so often. He mentions it offhand to Crosshair and catches him whispering it to himself later that day. Tech himself sticks to calling you Fairywren, while Wrecker has committed to little bird, Hunter goes with Fairywren like Tech but Crosshair has decided on not using your name or any of the many nicknames the bad batch have for you. 

Infact, he’s starting avoiding you all together. 

You flit around the ship like a plague according to him, Hunter and Tech can’t figure out why the sniper has such a disdain for everything you do but it’s getting out of hand.

“When do we drop out of hyperspace?” He asks one day while you’re perched in the cockpit staring out the window, away from the current conversation. 

“Soon.” Hunter states his focus on his holopad, receiving instructions from Cody about laying low. 

“How soon?” Crosshair presses, keeping an eye on the door that separates you from hearing him. 

“Doesn’t matter.” Hunter says, getting slightly annoyed with his brother, not to be dramatic but you’re literally a joy to have around. All the batchers love you to bits and Hunter is frustrated that Crosshair is being a spoilsport. 

“It matters to me.” 

“Yeah we get it. You can't stand Fairywren, because she’s the problem and you can't wait to get rid of her.” Hunter snaps, putting his holopad down.  “Just days ago you were all over her, what happened to ‘we aren't leaving her’?” He’s staring at Crosshair, enhanced senses burning into his soul.   

“Just a little leftover Hutt goo.”  You’d said to him, not that he’d heard, his face was on fire, burned from where you had touched it. And he is surprised he didn't flinch away from your touch, had he become that accustomed to you already? Was Crosshair so entranced by you in such a short amount of time that he was already missing your touch? No. He doesn't know you. You don't know him. He’s memorized every part of your face, but you don’t matter to him. His heart seems to beat for every smile you give him. But you have no effect on the sniper. Every shot he takes is one to protect you from anymore trauma. But he doesn't give a damn about your feelings. Love at first sight doesn't exist, soulmates are fake. And even if they did Crosshair doesn't want it. 

Kamino broke him, being defected, trained and thrown away for your one purpose does that to person. He tells himself to hate you for putting him back together.

“Nothing changed.  But we aint a charity.” He tells his sergeant, who absolutely knows he is lying. But because he doesn't know why he’s lying, Hunter lets the conversation drop, but mostly because he can hear you get up from the co-pilot's seat and head towards the door. 

“Wrecker says we’re dropping out of hyperspace soon.” You report, popping your head out of the door. “Says it'll look cool.” You add with a blush. Hunter chuckles a tad and says something about going to let Tech know. Leaving you to stare at Crosshair. 

“Ram'ser” you say all of a sudden, slow and precise, testing out the word and being very careful of  your pronunciation. 

“What?” Crosshair spits, more surprised than malicious. Since when did you speak mando’a? You visibly flinch at his words. 

“Tech likes to talk to me in phrases of mando’a  and have me guess what they mean.” you explain slowly. “He uses that word when he talks about you.” 

“Yeah? Good for him.” Crosshair is glaring at his reflection in the table. He hates this, he wants to hate you. He can’t stand the way the words come out of his mouth, but his head reminds him that you will be safest far away from the war. And that means he can't catch feelings and any that have slipped through must be thrown away. He hears the door slip closed as you retreat to watch the stars again. Tech and Hunter follow moments later, Hunter looking down at his vod with a sigh. Stupid enhanced hearing. He heard every word. 

You land on a desert planet you already can't remember the name of, but apparently it’s a neutral system and a good place to lay low. The sand dunes make you frown because they go as far as the eye can see, and Tech makes you take a spare pair of goggles and a makeshift hooded cape that was fashioned out of a lightweight tarp from the hold. That combined with your clean (albeit mud stained) pants and an oversized shirt you fit right in with the mess of inhabitants on the planet. 

“You’ll get itchy.” Hunter tells you when he sees that you’ve sat yourself in the sand and are now in the process of burying your legs in the strange stuff. 

“Sorry, I’ve just never really seen this stuff.” You apologize but Hunter waves it off with a smile. 

“It’s okay, just a heads up. Stuff gets everywhere.” You reluctantly pull yourself out of the sand, joining everyone by the edge of the sand dune, looking over at the nearby city in the distance. 

“So what haven't you guys seen?” You ask as you struggle to walk down the intense slope. 

“We don’t see a lot of water usually.” Tech says, “but only because not many species can survive underwater.” 

“If you could go anywhere, where would you go?” The bad batch is used to your barrage of questions. It’s one of the things they like most about having you around, from favourite colours to wild would you rather questions, your brain is always humming with things that take you away from where you are. it’s also beginning to worry Tech.

“Somewhere small and quiet.” Hunter says quickly, the light, heat and everything else already giving him a headache. 

“Coruscant.” Tech answers, the complete opposite of his brother. “Libraries and Jedi temple.” He explains further. 

“Kamino.” Wrecker says, surprising you. You had assumed they all hated it there. “Home is home.” He explains with a smile. Crosshair doesn't say anything, but he can feel the eyes on him. 

“What?” He says to the four faces looking at him. 

“Cross would go to Hoth, because it’s cold.” Wrecker sasses him with a slight push. 

“Shut up Wrecker.” he snaps, in a very bad mood today. 

“Or anywhere his cyare is.” Wrecker adds without thinking. Making Hunter, you and Tech very confused. That's a word you haven't heard from Tech before and both him and Hunter are trying to figure out who Wrecker is talking about while Crosshair looks like he’s actually going to explode. 

“What did you just say?” He says each word is its own sentence. 

“Cross has a cyare?” Tech is now thinking out loud (another habit of his) “no way Cross has a cyare we would know if he did. I mean we are with him all the time so it’s not like we wouldn’t  know them or have met them…” His rambling fades into the background when Wrecker speaks up again. 

“Wait Tech, Sarge? You two seriously didn't notice?” He asks, shocked that his clever brothers hadn't picked it up. 

“Wrecker, shut your trap.” Crosshair orders, and a very tense silence falls over the group, and you’re only a third of the way to the city. You decide to ask Tech what the word means later.  And the now very awkward walk continues, that is until a speeding starts  to approach you from the town. 

“Bad batch! Defensive positions!” Hunter calls to them, and within seconds they have their helmets on. except for Cross whose helmet is still in the bottom of that lake, but has a new one waiting for him at base. But either way they’re all ready for combat in record time, leaving you to shake awkwardly in the middle of them, closing your eyes. repeating the things Tech told you during a window sitting sessions  

“not my fault not my fault not my fault.” 

“Civi’s!” Tech calls, having analyzed the people within the speeder, it’s a Twi’lek woman with a young child. She does, however, raise a blaster before addressing  the group.

“Saw the ship land. Thought someone or something might need help.” She says, eying the group. “Clones eh?” She adds. “Can't be here. Neutral system.”  She lowers the blaster. 

“We just need a few days.” Hunter says, taking his helmet off. 

“Perhaps you didn't hear me.” She’s more aggressive now. “You can’t be here. One day or a hundred, we don't care. Get gone.” You step forward. 

“Hunter we should go.” You whisper, looking at the mother and her young one. 

“Kriff,” The twi’lek sighs when she sees you. “Huxx has already got a bounty on her.” She looks at you with pity. 

“Thought you said this was a neutral planet.” Crosshair snaps. 

“Bounty is a bounty, no matter who’s side it’s for.” She says shaking her head. She pauses thinking for a minute. “All i can offer you is the fact that any planets around here will have been given the same information.” 

“What if I had credits?” You ask, it’s dangerous. But you know if one person saw the ship more must know by now. 

“You’d need a lot of credits and a really stupid person to let you camp out here. Especially with clones” she says, beginning to bargain. 

“What about credits, a nice person, and no clones?” You counter taking a pouch out of your pants pockets. 

“That might work. For a couple days that is.” She agrees. 

“Absolutely not.” Hunter interrupts. “We aren't leaving you.” Ignoring someone with a sniper rifle mumbling ‘hypocrite’ under his breath. 

“The name’s Leeya” she tells you, ignoring Hunter. 

“Yona.” You reply, moving to hop in the speeder, but stopped by Hunter's hand. 

“This isn't happening.” He says firmly. 

“Get in the speeder and tell your very angry friends to find something to wear other than armour.” Leeya smiles softly at you.

“We’ll be back soon.” Tech speaks up, very nervous, just as the rest of his batch. 

“I know,” You tease, “who else is gunna listen to you if i’m not around?” He laughs a little, and you hug him goodbye, before wrapping your arms around Hunter and Wrecker in turn. Crosshair doesn't move. 

“See ya around.” He says, turning away, and there’s a crack forming in your heart. You know he’s been different recently, you know he’s just putting up with you. But you thought there was something there. The present evidence seems to prove you wrong. Wrecker’s looking between you and Crosshair in disbelief. He sees you begin to inwardly collapse, hands around your middle, head down, just like the time he dropped the Gonk droid and scared the living daylights out of you.

“Wrecker!” Crosshair all but screams as he’s lifted into the  air by his brother. Of course he heard him stomp up behind him but he definitely wasn't expecting to be snatched from where he stood. 

“She’s your kriffing cyare!” He booms, before unceremoniously shoving Crosshair down into the sand in front of you. It would be funny if you weren't so shocked by Wreckers actions. Crosshair pulls himself up and whips around, arm cocked ready to throw a punch. The hardest  glare you’ve ever seen on his face. But it falls when you gently take hold of his arm. 

He’s taken back to the night he kissed you, and you begged him to keep the nightmares at bay.  He blinks and he’s taken back to the morning he woke with you in his arms. All at once  he remembers and forgets why he was pushing you away.

“Crosshair…” You start, but he pulls you into a crushingly tight hug before you finish. Nose to your hair, and your hands around his neck. Like they were made to be there. 

“I-I” he starts what would be an apology that he knows won't be enough. 

“It’s okay,” you interrupt. “Just be back soon.” and in a haze he watches you pull away from him and get into the speeder. 

“But I promised…” He whispers to himself. “I promised not to leave you…” you’re becoming a speck on the horizon, and he should be happy, he doesn't have to torture himself by refusing to love you anymore. 

Except part of him knows, as he feels his heart get torn from his chest, the real torture has just begun.

tags: @mangoberry43 @imalovernotahater @professionaltrashcompactor @vesperstalksclones @haloangel391 

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1976

Under the cut.

Bay City Rollers – “Saturday Night” -- January 3, 1976

They prove they can spell Saturday a lot. Anyway, he's going out to dance with his girl on Saturday night. The song is bouncy to a fault -- I feel like the repetitive, samey beat is following one of those balls the mind-controlled kids bounced in A Wrinkle in Time. It sounds like a cheerleading chant. Something to do aerobics to, not to dance to.

C.W. McCall – “Convoy” -- January 10, 1976

So, besides the cb radio fad, 1976 was also the year of the OPEC oil crisis and basically, it seems the reason truckers became folk heroes evading The Man in popular consciousness had its roots in international relations. Anyway, it's a baritone story song, but about truckers instead of cowboys. I like the verse, "Well, we shot the line and we went for broke/ With a thousand screamin' trucks/ An' eleven long-haired Friends o' Jesus/ In a chartreuse micro-bus." It's a silly song with a lot of trucker lingo (or fake trucker lingo, idk), and I don't exactly dislike it, but I'm not gonna listen to it again either.

Barry Manilow – “I Write The Songs” -- January 17, 1976

It's obvious from the first lines "I've been alive forever/ And I wrote the very first songs" that Barry's not singing about himself. It turns out "music" wrote the all the songs. Except that's obnoxious too. People wrote the songs. Also possibly birds, but definitely people. And it's musical goo.

Diana Ross – “Theme From Mahogany (Do You Know Where You’re Going To)” -- January 24, 1976

It's a song about regretting letting an ex go, and probably more. There's a ton of orchestration that sounds like it belongs in a lightweight movie, and Diana Ross doesn't put much emotion into it. It is a thoughtful song, rather than one calling for melodrama, but I would like to hear some emotion here, and I am not getting it. A trifle light as air.

Ohio Players – “Love Rollercoaster” -- January 31, 1976

It's a funk/disco thing. I've listened to it three times trying to get anything from it at all. The lyrics are dumb, asserting love is like this or that amusement park experience. I'd think "love rollercoaster" would be about how there are huge highs and terrifying lows, but it's not. It's horribly repetitive. I guess it's danceable. But I find it dull.

Paul Simon – “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover” -- February 7, 1976

I love how pared down this song is. It's sort of funky, without all the funk orchestration. The simple drums are the main focus. The melody's also simple, without being dull. And the lyrics aren't complex; a woman is encouraging the narrator to leave his official lover for her. "Just get yourself free." But she's doing it so very nicely -- "I wish there were something I could do to make you smile again." Not that the song expects us to believe she or the narrator actually are nice. Or that it's really all that easy to leave your lover. But it doesn't tell you what to think about the situation either. An excellent song.

Rhythm Heritage – “Theme From S.W.A.T.“ -- February 28, 1976

Apparently, there was a TV show about S.W.A.T., and this was its instrumental theme song. Which is exactly what it sounds like. Not a good TV theme either. I looked up 1976 shows, and here are some shows with better TV themes from that year: Charlie's Angels, Alice, M*A*S*H, Happy Days (which surprisingly only hit #5), All in the Family, Barney Miller, Welcome Back Kotter (which hit #1 later), The Jeffersons (that Movin' On Up doesn't seem to have been a hit is shocking), The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Sanford and Son, The Bob Newhart Show... look, all of them. All shows in 1976 that I can find had better theme songs than S.W.A.T., often to a staggering degree. But songs don't reach #1 for being good. Still, usually I can hazard a reason for them. I can't for this one.

The Four Seasons – “December, 1963 (Oh, What A Night)” -- March 13, 1976

It's about the narrator getting laid for the first time. He didn't even know the name of the woman, which completely undercuts anything happy or fun about this song for me, and makes it icky. At least it's not falsetto. I wasn't born when it came out, yet it was overplayed on the oldies stations in the 90s so much that I developed a deep and abiding hatred for it.

Johnnie Taylor – “Disco Lady” -- April 3, 1976

This is a song about disco that isn't a disco song. As such, it confuses me. It's kind of a mild funk/soul song, and it's about how turned on this guy is watching a woman disco. Johnnie Taylor can definitely sing, and I'd like to hear some more traditional soul/jazz stuff from him. This isn't doing it for me.

The Bellamy Brothers – “Let Your Love Flow” -- May 1, 1976

I saw the title and immediately the song shoved itself into my head. It's such a mellow song, but the hook is still monstrous. The song is about how it's the season for love, so grab your lover and "let your love flow." It's one of many 70s songs about sex that sounds like it could be a song about how pretty trees are. It kind of is about how pretty trees are too. I rather like it.

John Sebastian – “Welcome Back” -- May 8, 1976

Welcome Back, Kotter was not on Nick at Nite or WGN or anything else that ran old TV shows when I was watching TV (rather than the internet), so I've never seen it. The theme song lays it all out -- someone moves back to his old neighborhood, where they need him. As TV theme songs go, it's fine. Just fine, though. When "Movin' On Up" and "Love Is All Around" were also theme songs for TV shows in 1976, why this one? The rewards of mediocrity I guess.

The Sylvers – “Boogie Fever” -- May 15, 1976

It's literal. You come in contact with someone who can't stop boogie-ing, and you will catch the Boogie Fever yourself. Listening to the song will certainly make you want to boogie, unless you are immune. A fun dance song, and I wouldn't be surprised if Tik-Tok made it a hit again in the next year.

Wings – “Silly Love Songs” -- May 22, 1976

"Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs / What’s wrong with that?" Nothing.  Paul even emphasizes something important in it: "Love isn't silly at all." Still, I can't say it's one of my favorites. I get tired of it about halfway through, and it's a long song. A silly love song shouldn't be nearly 6 minutes long.

Diana Ross – “Love Hangover” -- May 29, 1976

It starts with Diana Ross making sex sounds that I find embarrassing. Then she goes into singing about how she doesn't want to get over "the sweetest love hangover", and a minute and a half in it becomes a disco song. I find the entire thing irritating.

Starland Vocal Band – “Afternoon Delight” -- July 10, 1976

"Afternoon delight" is sex, but these doofuses may as well be singing about tea and scones for all the excitement this song has. It still doesn't deserve the hatred it's gotten. But it's not good either. The number of sexless sex songs in the 70s is just... ugh.

The Manhattans – “Kiss And Say Goodbye” -- July 24, 1976

He has to break up with the person he's been cheating with. It's an achingly sad Philly soul song. It also manages to be way sexier than the vast majority of 70s sex songs. Real emotion (or the ability to fake real emotion) does a lot, as does being able to sing like this. And beautiful backing music. It's so sad, and so good.

Elton John & Kiki Dee – “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” -- August 7, 1976

This song isn't mutual. Elton John's the one who sings "don't go breaking my heart," and Kiki Dee's the one singing "I won't go breaking your heart." It is all and entirely and completely about the male character's feelings. Of course it's an Elton John song so I wouldn't like it anyway, but I really don't like this one, especially because it still gets airplay.

Bee Gees – “You Should Be Dancing” -- September 4, 1976

I hate the Bee Gees. Not on a personal level -- as far as I know they're perfectly decent people -- but their music. And I have a particular hatred for Barry Gibb's voice. His horrible falsetto has caused me immense pain in my life. If I should be dancing, then they need to shut up and sit down and let a band that I can dance to take the stage. As it is, I feel like a dog during the 4th of July; I just want to hide under a bed.

KC & The Sunshine Band – “(Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake Your Booty” -- September 11, 1976

Here's a command to dance that I can get behind. Or that my behind can get behind. Again, a great song for dancing but not for listening to from KC & The Sunshine Band.

Wild Cherry – “Play That Funky Music” -- September 18, 1976

Good for both dancing and listening. How you can listen and not get into that funk groove even when sitting, though, I don't know. Play that funky music till you die.

Walter Murphy & The Big Apple Band – “A Fifth Of Beethoven” -- October 9, 1976

This was the #1 hit the week I was born. It's a good one for me; it's by a guy who loved classical music enough to write contemporary music based on it. Whenever I'm faced with questions about what kind of music is my favorite, my answer is "the good kind." Anyway, this is a fun song.

Rick Dees And His Cast Of Idiots – “Disco Duck (Part 1)” -- October 16, 1976

Billboard used to base their hit songs on calling record stores and asking what was selling. I think that's how this stupid, stupid song reached number one. I think it was a prank by a bunch of stoned college kids who co-ordinated it over cb radio or something. It's about a duck. Who discos. With an obnoxious voice and obnoxious music. It's by a radio dj, and is as painfully unfunny as radio djs usually are.

Chicago – “If You Leave Me Now” -- October 23, 1976

This song makes me have a weird reaction. It gives me the warm, comfortable fuzzies, and makes me want to sleep. That last part might not be too surprising, as it is a soft song, but to me it is very much more than that. I have always had trouble sleeping at night, since birth. My parents hit on putting me into the car and driving around with soft music playing to get me to go lights out. I need to ask them if they played Chicago during that. I can't think of any other reason for my hindbrain association with this szzzzzzz....

Steve Miller Band – “Rock’n Me” -- November 6, 1976

Good bar rock, since it's the Steve Miller Band. Lyrically, it's also more complex than most of its genre. At first, he sings "I got to please my sweet baby, yeah." Then he starts singing about all the places he's been, including "Northern California where the girls are warm." And then "Babe, you know you are a friend of mine/ And you know that it's true/ That all the things that I do/ Are gonna come back to you in your sweet time." Well then. I can totally see @katatty's Duncan Huckleberry singing this song. And getting away with everything. It's a fun song, though (because?) the narrator is likely a dirtbag.

Rod Stewart – “Tonight’s The Night (Gonna Be Alright)” -- November 13, 1976

It's a sex song, and it is hugely skeevy. "Don't deny your man's desire/ You’d be a fool to stop this tide / Spread your wings and let me come inside." No, asshole, cover it up if you want to come near. And how about if you want her, you care something about her desire? This was a huge hit from a huge star, but I have never heard it until now. Ugh. I need to shower, this is gross. Also I hope whoever he's singing to is packing mace.

BEST OF 1976 -- "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover." I don't even think it's an amazing song, just a very good one, but the 1976 #1s don't leave me much to work with. Fleetwood Mac released some singles, but people wanted "Disco Duck" rather than "Over My Head." Tons of great music has survived from 1976, but most of it is not on this list. WORST OF 1976 -- "Tonight's the Night (Gonna Be Alright)". "Disco Duck" is stupid, but it doesn't make my skin crawl.

[coldstarlightsheep-blog]

I don’t want you to suffer, but I don’t want to suffer either.

I don’t want the anxiety that arises when the cellphone receives a new message.

I don’t want to think about the possible conversations, the possible polite behavior that would stimulate a celebration in an inappropriate post.

I would try to stop and listen to you, if you gave me the truth… but placing the blame on me for being ‘too jealous’ is just unfair.

But it’s okay…

I don’t what was the feeling/reason that made this guy come around… But I hope it’s still lasting.

I am not a toddler or afraid of being alone…

Been alone for a while, and it’s bad… But feeling this insecure is worse.

And just as food for thought: I was the only one to change the output of love that I offered.

From a weird guy that wanted to talk to you and know about you in Tumblr, to a cold liar dog fake person kinda thing.

And in the beginning I tried to help you even with my improper help, about your loneliness, about your self-esteem, about your anxiety, about all I could.

But time went on…

And little by little you lost the shame you had on getting naked or showing yourself to me.

Remember when you had an anxiety crisis when you thought about taking some clothes?

Time passed and I started retracting and retracting and retracting…

Galo art, ? And this cunt.

The first guy posting songs in your timeline disappeared with not a lot of problems.

I don’t remember if there was someone in the middle. There probably was a Brazilian girl that lives in Germany and your exes.

Guess that by the time this guy came around, you were already full of losing control of your life to someone else.

And the first time that you talked about what this guy was into… I remember I got stressed and asked you what did he meant.

But you guys kept talking in Instagram…

Then you got fierce, added him back on FB and told me to mind my own business.

A long while ago… You deleted the history of conversation with him because you needed space (you guys share files or smth? because text is super lightweight)

Then he kept the flow of messages and you started ignoring him, maybe… anxious to answer, anxious when I would read it.

Anxiety because you knew how that could affect me.

I’ve been feeling down with the whole thing that I got to read in Instagram. But we started getting back together, and in my own time I was starting to create roots again.

But a great day after classes exams and shit I get to read the celebration of this fucking asshole.. pretty much targeted at me, because it was not about the post and it was not about something you didn’t knew.

Teaching (maybe agreeing) with you on this pseudo freedom bullshit.

I remember checking his profile on your Instagram and he was blocked. And like (https://www.facebook.com/help/instagram/426700567389543/) I work with computers for a living and even though I’m not the brightest one sometimes… I can still know when things ain’t right.

And like you could tell me you’re sorry. That I’ve pushed you to unblock him and talk to him, you could have deleted his comment in “respect”(?)

But if you’re so certain that it ain’t worth to be an 'asshole’ to someone 'sweet’.

Then keep telling me how sick and jealous I am… And how I partially cause problems in the relationship, therefore I have to change entirely.

Therefore, you should come to talk to me if you think you’re being misjudged…

But I think you won’t. Because you ain’t used in asking for forgiveness, trying to argue that you did something wrong…

I think these are narcissistic-like characteristics and therefore

- you won’t try to approach. - you won’t be able to empathize with how lost I am. - you will think that as a human, I’m dealing with this whole thing poorly. - you will find all the right explanations to why I am so insecure, but you won’t listen to what I have to say.

If you can’t talk to me, it means that you’re just too conflicted with your own convictions. And between dropping some convictions and staying in bed feeling down with such an horrible bf, you will perform the second option and blame me for everything.

Its funny that in order for your friend to have a chance with her guy in a long distance relationship, they had to 'open’ their relationship.

When you freaked out feeling anxious because she was rubbing in your face that she was going to move out and etc…

I told you that she was not getting anything that was truly hers right?

I told you that it was not a good opportunity, that they still were too 'young’ and that only time would tell.

Now even with the open relationship, their feelings might still fade. After one of them doesn’t spend time to care for each other, because they’re too busy flirting with other people.

Can you imagine how awesomely nice it is to be working your ass off,

Waking up around 6:30 taking a cold shower in a fucking bucket,

then working/studying from 08:00 to 18:00 (sometimes even later)++, in a city with violence that has no water, where you’re robbed in your way back from university at 5pm…

while your partner is receiving the news of that special someone that has a crush on them?

- There are 3 tropical storms around here. - Ohhh you’re so lucky. - hahaha, _still_ coming to visit one day? - yeah, I would love to visit. 😁

~~~~

- I miss you, don’t count me out of your life. - I won’t. - don’t you wanna fix this communication problem? I want to talk more freely don’t you? - _I want it too_. - maybe we/you could create a new acct. Idk.

~~~~

You won’t know how it feels. Because you can’t empathize with me.

You will keep telling me that I’m the wrong one. That I’m the one with a fucked up head…

So we end up with in this shit.

If he talks to you and you’re sincere to them… He will probably keep getting in touch often. Sending random subjects to start a conversation and cheer you up.

Maybe you will just zone out for a while now and feel bad until you come back with the “new years” resolution plans.

The last thing that will happen is some action to try to fix this situation, repair my feelings.

My heart is falling apart and I feel as suicidal as always. But one thing I won’t do is to agree that I’m “too jealous”.

I guess it’s easier for me to block people when you ask that of me, because they don’t often give a fuck to me anyways…

34 weeks ago you posted a selfie of your #bangs and this guy started exposing his mind at least there 26w (6months and a half), filters from Snapchat on Instagram 25w ago.

Same fucking thing.💓

Since that time… I was doing what I could to keep things going.

I even suppressed my own self to put up with the comments that would appear in your fb. Block them, was the solution…

But it didn’t last long…

And now you don’t know what to do about it… Getting in terms with the disaster, is easier than coming around and trying to prevent anything.

Having to talk anything without sarcasm, without the intention to hurt…

And I know that it’s easier to try to be nice to those more distant from you… Instead of an asshole.

So I just let it happen.

Just don’t imagine me as a being that doesn’t feel anything…

I ain’t as talkative as in the beginning… But I feel the things just the same…

And I fell in love for some of your flaws, thinking that knowing hurt you would be okay to hangout with. I thought that being depressed, would make you feel with time more caressing of others… Since you know how pain can feel.

But this part of you, that wants to be free… pushed me away from the part that wants attention.

You said things that I have mostly forgot… But you started putting me in a place of a 'roommate’. I destroyed the morning that we went to call ganxo, I destroyed the trip, I would lose the flight if we hadn’t argued. (But you saved it) I destroyed most of your friendships… I made you spend a lot of money to not act to your expectations… I got obsessed over an asshole that has been lurking around for more than 7 months.

Therefore, I probably destroyed everything… Being this jealous. Over a trump supporter that is not my friend but I can’t be an asshole…

So I have to text him accordingly…

Argghhhhhhh the more I write the more it accumulates in the tip of my fingers.

I told you when we started dating that people are somewhat predictable and they are.

I will sink now… One exam Monday, another Tuesday, work…. The water in the pipes only arrives Monday. You probably won’t come over… And I will be labeled the jealous crazy fuck.

What I need is something simple… But it will probably not happen, you’ll not empathize, won’t regret, won’t approach…

Anyways…