#idk if she was expecting to find a cutter in my bed tbh

[solemncitrus]

you alright?

had an argument with my mom, the past few days we actually talked to each other then last night she snapped at me for asking a lot of questions abt psychiatry and differences abt medical experts (that's how i try to communicate since i can't normally and i wanted to talk to her more tbh), this night i was having thoughts of starving myself for days until she called me into her room and asked me if i ate yet when she was trying to grab more medicine for me (i have a wild cough rn) and things escalated and she forced me to sit down on her bed and smacked me near my eye and told me about all this shit about love and caring and stuff and shoved her hand in front of my face, doing the 🤏 gesture and kept repeating how close she is to not caring abt me and how i'm not her only child (which i already knew since she favors my older siblings more) and like in the past she once said "you make me want to kill myself" and like honestly it just rlly sucks. Ig, well, i had it coming because i tend to do shit to see if they actually care and not quit halfway (which she usually does) so ig this was just a classic case of "fuck around and find out"

[fieldsofview]

3. 10. 17.

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

I've got this idea for a total AU - something post-apocalyptic with the planet irradiated and barely livable, along with a military-elite who are controlling all the resources. Ya know, you're typical anti-capitalist stuff narrative lol. (very Fallout meets The 100 meets The Last Of Us).

It has a Gwen Stacy who's been accidentally exposed to radiation in a way that's given her spidery powers and makes her able to fight against the nuclear weapons being used by the elite. Her father works for the upper class and she's always known they're not great, but not to the true extent. She slowly finds out that the ruling class aren't just kind of shitty but there's actually a whole conspiracy theory thing going on. MJ is a freedom fighter for the resistance group fighting against the elite and the two end up sort of working together. Queue falling in love but also MJ ends up kind of using Gwen as a tool and hiding things from her 'for the greater good'.

I can picture the scene where they fall out. The fight. The emotions. The sides taken. The hurtful words thrown about because they both care too damn much. But it would require SO MUCH to get there and idk if I'll ever write that fic. Maybe someday.

10. How would you describe your writing process?

At least with SMH it's been pretty methodical, which I think is making all the difference compared to previous WIPs. I made the outline in a haze of hyperfixation over like 3 days. Then I tweaked the outline a bit over the next week or so.

But since then, I just sit down for whatever length of time and just put one sentence in front of the other, following my outline. I've very rarely deviated from the OG outline, more adding things than making changes. As I've gotten closer to the end, I've been making more minor changes, but even still I'm following it pretty closely.

The outline was over 10k words though, so it was pretty darn detailed. Idk if that will work for future projects, but I'm going to aim for it again.

17. Do you think readers perceive your work - or you - differently to you? What do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or your motivations?

Gosh I have no idea how people perceive my stuff tbh! I hope they like it and notice all the details I put in. I've been trying especially hard to focus on not holding the reader's hand as much and trusting them to see things without it all being spelled out.

I also think, especially with SMH, that people are expecting a happier, cookie-cutter kind of ending because so much of us want that catharsis after what NWH put us through. I'm not saying SMH won't have a happy ending. It will, to an extent. Peter will end up in a better place than he was at the start. But it's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows, and not everything will be all tied up with a bow.

Especially with my writing from more recent years, I have focused less on tropes and pairings that I want to read, and more on telling a story that hasn't been told yet. That's what Under The Moonlight was, that's what SMH is, and my side WIP (temporarily titled Hopeless Devotion) is also like that. I've realized that, at my core, I'm lazy. If I can read a story already, I don't have a desire to write it myself. But if I can *feel* a story in my soul and can't find anyone else who's already written it, then I end up dragging my ass out of bed to put it on paper. Because I want to read it. You know?

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING SEEK!! <3