#idk if one gif is even worth tagging everyone so😭

[chappellrroan]

[buglaur]

she's live

now you can see what everyones height is in my head because i refuse to download height sliders. look at ass <3

[lavender-annd-lilac]

Author: I wouldn’t mind some feedback! 😃

Me: ok will u accept like 5 pop culture references from the same movie instead? 😭

I just learned how to do cuts so I’m going to put one here!!!

Jokes(?) below the cut??!

You go to the counter where a woman in a black turtleneck dress smiles flirtily at another customer

Oooooh it’s Emily Blunt from the Devil Wears Prada 😍😍😍

the associate, her name, Kelsey, etched on her silver name tag

Oh ok, I guess it’s Kelsey Grammer from Fraiser? 🫤

Colin doesn't care if you give him gold or a card, he's just happy with whatever.

You just want him to feel special. For one day. To feel like he didn't settle, like maybe, he got the prize.

Ok so I’m prob being an asshole but like… Who is the one that’s really trying to feel special here? 🤔

Is she getting the gift for him? Or for her? Not as in the watch is for her, but like, she’s getting it so she can feel good about getting him something fancy even tho he’s not really a material gworl….

Me: 👉👈AITA for feeling like this gift is more about proving something about herself than what he actually wants as a gift??

Everyone: YES 🖕😡😡😡

"I'm gonna have a look at the tie pins."

Tie and tie pins are outdated come at me bro.

Like, idk maybe a skinny tie with a shrunken suit for some hipster Wes Anderson chic but like otherwise… it’s just like… a long ass tongue hanging down from your neck picking up germs like some kind of flaccid cotton swab 🤢

"Sure, sorry about the wait. We're a bit short staffed at the moment," she smiles

Ok so definitely not Emily Blunt. That stone cold bitch (affectionate) would never apologize to anyone that isn’t the editor of Vogue

"with the blue."

I swear I make this reference every time the colour blue is mentioned but it’s obligatory at this point

“It’s not just blue, it’s not turquoise, it’s not lapis, it’s actually cerulean.”

"My husband," you smile, "he needs a new one.

Ok girl.. NO!!!! 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️ Him not having a watch is the prefect setup for him to ask u the time so u can say, “time to get a watch!!” And then cackle maniacally

"There's a Wal-Mart down the road," the man mocks as he leans on the glass, "think they might be more in your range."

This is one of those things where if someone accuses u of attending a satanic mass u can just be like, ok bitch well what were u doing at the satanic mass, huh???

Like, dude, how do u know there’s a Walmart down the road? Is that where u got ur shitty stick on moustache? 🥸

"Sure thing, how do we want to split it?"

Kelsey so nice 🥺 using the inclusive “we”

You peel open the top and start to count through the twenties, tens, fives, and hundreds, apologising for it as you do.

Me counting out change at the grocery store tbh

frazzled as a few bills slip and flutter down to the floor

"It's okay," Kelsey says, "I'll count."

Dang, ok rain man. Kelsey’s got skills 😲

"Sir," Kelsey says as she puts the cash in her till,

Sir, this is a Wendy’s

"Mind your business," he snaps

FUCK NO. Don’t u dare come for my girl Kelsey 😤😤😤

"No wonder you're splurging, gotta keep him around somehow."

Ok but like why are u splurging on fucking tie pins man?? Who are u trying to keep around huh

"Sir, please, I'll have to call security," Kelsey warns.

🛎️🛎️🛎️ DING DING DING!!! 🥊🥊📣📣📣 Aaaaand in this corner, we have consummate professional and best employee of the month 8 months running, KEEEELLLLSSEEEYYYY🥳🥳🥳 *crowd goes wild*

"You won't. I'm about to drop a month's worth of sales on you so you'll sit pretty and wait for me, dolly."

📣📣📣 Aaaand in the other corner *boo, hiss*, we have rich asshole… oh hang on… I’m getting a payment from Venmo?? 💰😳😳😳Holy shit ok well…

…in the other corner…. we have… this very stylish and handsome man.. I guess 🫥

"Tell daddy you need a good fucking to get that stick out your ass," the stranger snorts after you

Me trying to figure how how that even makes sense from a physics perspective

🤔🤔🤔

Is this like the thing where u can’t pull out fish hook or an arrow bc it’s barbed at the end? So u have to push it through the other side?

Idk how it happened, but I’m like high key cheering for Kelsey and reader to become like best gal pals or maybe even cousins, if u know what I mean 😉

Unsolicited 1

Warnings: bad self-thought/talk, bullying, insults, low self-esteem, money problems, more dark elements to come.

Wouldn't mind some feedback! Lloyd was driving me nuts so I had to do it. Thank you in advance 💜

The glass cases and sparkling gems contrast your unbelonging as you step through the elaborately decorated entry. Your imposter syndrome nips at your neck as you twist the strap of your purse, the brown leather faded and cracked.

You swallow and look around. Unlike the rest of the mall, the shop is mellow and nearly empty.

You pick at your wooly cuff poking out from under your puffer coat. You go to the counter where a woman in a black turtleneck dress smiles flirtily at another customer. He looks like he belongs, though you're not a fan of the mustache. He chuckles as she helps clip a gold watch around his wrist.

"Does it bring out my eyes?" He kids as he puts his arm straight and pushes his shoulders back.

"They don't need help," the associate, her name, Kelsey, etched on her silver name tag, "it suits you."

"Mm, sure, you're not just saying that for the commission, are you?" He holds out his arm for her to unclasp the watch, his dark jacket is no doubt designer, if not tailored to his tapered torso.

You tune out their back and forth, the superficial exchange only adding to your displacement. You have a budget and a mission. You want to be in and out before you can dwell on everything you can't afford.

You peer through the glass at the Rolexes, casios, and Tom Ford pieces. Your eyes wander, looking for another employee to fetch your purchase. You don't want it to sell before you can get your hands on it. The silver watch with the sapphire face is exactly like the picture saved on your phone.

You lean forward trying to see behind the tall counter then pace to the corner and around the rear of the store. There is only the security guard at the door, watching shoppers mill by. You go back to the front where the customer continues his playful tet-a-tet.

You sigh and cross your arms, heat gathering in your thick coat. Your scalp speckles damply and you sway as your patience dwindles. The man browses the cufflinks as he asks advice on style.

"Ahem," you swallow your reticence at last, "sorry to interrupt–"

"And yet you did," the man retorts, "you can wait your turn." His sneer is derisive as he takes you in, head to toe, almost revolted by your dumpy attire. "That is if you can afford it."

"Excuse me, I…" your voice crackles and you shrug away the insult, "I'm sorry, just, when you have a moment."

You step away and drop your arms as you pretend to look at the earrings. The man scoffs and the associate gives a tinkly giggle.

"You know what would look good on you," the man says as you look out through the open wall into the mall, "pearls."

"Pearls?" Kelsey preens.

"Oh, yes, a nice little necklace around that pretty neck," he intones.

"I don't know, aren't pearls kind of… outdated?"

"Not the ones I have in mind."

You cringe at his entendre and roll your eyes. You should just leave. You really don't have the money. A year of scrimping and saving and for what? Colin doesn't care if you give him gold or a card, he's just happy with whatever.

Still, he deserves it. You just want him to feel special. For one day. To feel like he didn't settle, like maybe, he got the prize.

"You hold onto those for me, sweetheart," the man's voice carries in the vacant shop, "I'm gonna have a look at the tie pins."

You turn your head to watch his figure from the corner of your eye. He sidles around the other side of the store and you spin around. You go to the counter as Kelsey puts away a tray of cufflinks.

"Hi, yeah, if you don't mind I wanted this silver watch," you point over to where you found it.

"Sure, sorry about the wait. We're a bit short staffed at the moment," she smiles, "um, which one was it?"

"This one," you shift over and point over it, "with the blue."

She takes out the watch and brings it onto the counter. "Is it for someone special?"

"My husband," you smile, "he needs a new one. He got a new job so…"

"Oh, how exciting, is this the one then?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"And were you interested in the insurance plan? It includes free cleaning and battery replacement."

"Hm, how much would that be?"

"For this price range, an extra one-thirty."

"Oh," you can't hold back the impact of the number, "um, what's the total for just the watch?"

You hear a snicker and a shadow blurs in your peripheral. Kelsey goes to the till and you move along to stand across from her. The taxes are more than you expect.

"There's a Wal-Mart down the road," the man mocks as he leans on the glass, "think they might be more in your range."

You don't acknowledge him, merely biting down. What an asshole.

"I'll take the insurance, am I able to split the transaction?"

"Sure thing, how do we want to split it?"

"I'll pay for the watch in cash and the rest credit."

You put your purse on the counter and search through your clutter of receipts for your ziploc of bills. You peel open the top and start to count through the twenties, tens, fives, and hundreds, apologising for it as you do.

"You could have a good time down at the strip joint," the stranger comes closer and you turn slightly as you try to block him out. "Aw, baby, am I hurting your feelings? Maybe you could take that money and get a manicure instead? Or sort out that rat's nest."

"What do you want?" You slam down your hand as you lose count.

He smirks as you meet his eyes, bold and sparkling with amusement, "that."

"Leave me alone," you start over, frazzled as a few bills slip and flutter down to the floor. You bend to pick them up and grit your teeth as you resume your count.

"It's okay," Kelsey says, "I'll count."

You look at her and nod, pushing over the loose money and the ziplock. You take out your wallet and slide free your credit card, for emergencies only.

You wait as the man lingers closer. You wince as you feel him touch your hood and you pull away from him.

"Don't touch me. What are you doing?"

"Sir," Kelsey says as she puts the cash in her till, "please, I–"

"Mind your business," he snaps and keeps his eyes on you, "I'm just tryna figure who would marry… you?"

"Credit," you say to Kelsey as you motion with your card. She hits a button and you swipe.

"No wonder you're splurging, gotta keep him around somehow."

You key in your code and submit payment. You shakily place the card in your wallet and pack up your purse as Kelsey closes the watch box and slips it in an ivory paper bag. She tears off your receipt and staples it to the warranty.

"You gonna cry for me? Hm? Or maybe you can go home to the old man and tell him another guy actually noticed your fat ass–"

"Shut up." You snap as you swipe the bag off the counter, "I told you to leave me alone."

"Just one tear for me," he steps closer.

"Sir, please, I'll have to call security," Kelsey warns.

"You won't. I'm about to drop a month's worth of sales on you so you'll sit pretty and wait for me, dolly."

She flinches and curls her lip, fighting against her customer service smile.

"It's fine," you wave her off, "I'm leaving."

"Tell daddy you need a good fucking to get that stick out your ass," the stranger snorts after you, "if he can even find a hole."

You steam and puff your chest as you pass into the mall. Your lashes flick as your eyes sear. Just your fucking luck to run into the biggest douchebag in the place.