#idk if it's worth tagging the other guys since they barely appear...

[hamletisintown]

Some doodles inspired by Reasons Unresigned, a fanfic that has been consuming my soul for the past 3 weeks. (You can also find another piece of art inspired by the selfsame fanfiction over there)

Here is an assortment of other doodles inspired by strange musings between friends such as "what if Gulool Ja Ja could climb walls like a gecko" or "when the stairs' steps are too small for him, does he just slide down instead"

As well as some sweet things, because those lizards NEED. SOME. LOVE. Dammit.

Also this for some reason:

(ID in the alt text)

[fuwushiguro]

@dabitdabi Welcome to playmate life gorgeous! Hawks is one of my favourites to write so thank you so much for sending him my way, I hope this is worth the wait!!

This is part of my Playboy Mansion event, feel free to participate!!

Hawks x f!reader

Genre: smut, (idk if this might be a bit fluffy too??)

Warnings: 18+, virginity loss, consensual sex, mentions of alcohol, oral (female receiving), fingering, mentions of cum, vaginal sex, unprotected sex.

Words: 3.5k

This wasn’t your first Playboy party, and you were sure it wouldn’t be your last. You’d been working as a bunny for around three months now, the first party was a little overwhelming, but the other girls were more than happy to hold your hand through the whole experience. The more parties you attended, the more comfortable you became. You never worried about guests being inappropriate, you weren’t just employees to your boss. You were bunnies, and you deserved to be treated with respect like everyone else attending the parties, you were the stars and made these extravagant events what they were.

You knew being a bunny came with the connotation of being hypersexualised, but becoming a bunny was too good of an opportunity to pass up. You weren’t one of the most popular bunnies since you were a little shy, but you were known by all of the guests who regularly attended these parties. You were often tagged in photos where you’d posed with guests. They’d always leave little comments that made you smile. You had the best job in the world.

Your first instance of trouble came at this particular party. You’d never experienced any guests acting unseemly, but this evening was different. You leaned over the bar to collect a tray of shots to walk around with, when you felt somebody tug on the tail attached to your corset. You ignored it at first, understanding that guests enjoyed playing with the bunnies. However when the assailant delivered a stinging spank to your ass cheek, your attention snapped in their direction. You recognised the man, he was a gruff looking entrepreneur who’s name you couldn’t place right now. It was apparent that he was drunk, you hoped it was just a little bit of teasing. He became a little more aggressive with you, begging you to kiss him and spend the night with him. There were no members of security nearby, but a few of your fellow bunnies did their best to help you get away from him, to no avail.

“Hey, get away from her.” You heard someone speak. You turned to face the soft voice, and struggled to see the man who had came to your defence through your bleary eyes. The drunk man tried to argue. Quickly you rubbed the droplets out of your vision so you could see who was helping you. Before the drunkard could state his case, your rescuer had grabbed him and pulled him towards a member of security to deal with. Some of your friends crowded you and coddled you, making sure you were okay after what happened. The blonde-haired hero came to check on you once he’d dealt with the situation. Before you could think, you rose to your feet with tears flowing from your eyes and ran to the nearest bathroom. You locked yourself in a stall while you broke down, feeling bad that your makeup would be ruined. You hoped that you wouldn’t get in too much trouble for taking the rest of the night off, but you’re sure that the other girls would defend you and explain the situation. You wouldn’t be surprised if the man who groped you got banned from attending these parties. There is a strict policy against any fornication at work, it was a fireable offence. But guests also had a one strike and you’re out rule, they mostly knew better than to try anything as brash as that man had, but he’d regret it now that he wouldn’t be invited to return ever again.

While you continued to cry, you heard the door squeak open, and footsteps approach your stall. You sniffed slightly, but mostly tried to calm yourself down. You couldn’t cry all evening after all, you didn’t want to give yourself a headache. You waited for the person to reveal themselves, assuming it was one of your friends. It would have been hard to tell who was who from the crack under the stall door. You were all in the same uniforms after all. But the shoes were nothing like your uniforms. It was a man, clearly, wearing a pair of bulky black boots and tan trousers.

“Um,” You sniffed, “Sir this is the ladies bathroom.” You alerted him, sure he already knew.

“Yeah, I know, I just wanted to check on you birdie.” He spoke back to you.

“I’m a bunny not a bird.” You corrected him, completely glossing over the pet name he’d decided to give you.

“Yeah I was just, never mind… You’re okay right? Can you come out here?” He queried. Obvious concern in his voice. You declined, you didn’t want him to see you like this. Your eyes were clouded with unshed tears. Your mascara had ran down your cheeks and you were sure your foundation underneath had probably ran too. But he wouldn’t take no for an answer, he asked you again… and again… and again…

“Fine.” You responded.

You flushed your crumpled up pieces of tear-stained toilet roll away and unlocked the door. His expression flickered from concern to sympathy as he saw how upset you were. You walked by him so that you could wash your hands, and you noticed in the mirror that he walked into the cubicle you’d just left. You weren’t sure what he was doing, but he returned to your side with several layers of toilet roll. When you washed and dried your hands, he ran the toilet roll under the tap. He cupped your face in one of his hands and lightly dabbed the damp tissue into your cheeks and under eyes. He was trying to help you; he was trying to tidy up your appearance. Why was he being so sweet?

“I think that just might make it worse.” You announced, knowing you were right.

“Okay then. Show me what I need to do.” He requested, “Please let me help you, I don’t want to see you upset like this over that scumbag.” He explained. Your heart clenched a little he was so caring and considerate; you could almost feel your heart melting. You took him by the hand and led him out of the bathrooms. You knew there were a lot of areas off limits and you’d risk losing your job, but you wanted to spend more time with your saviour and give him the chance to help you out again.

☆ ☆ ☆

You brought him to the bunny dressing room. You barged in with him assuming your co-workers wouldn’t be here, but one of them was sitting in a dressing chair topping up her makeup.

“You know you can’t bring people in here to hook up!” She reminded you.

“We aren’t here for that!” You protested, feeling extremely embarrassed. You felt the heat rise to your face and you tried to change the subject, “He just saved me from some trouble, please don’t tell anyone, he’s just checking on me.” You stated, hoping she’d take pity on you.

“Oh I don’t care, you know I won’t tell. I’m just about finished here so I’ll let you love birds do what you need to do.” She teased as she exited the glamorous pink dressing room.

You tried to protest once again before she left but it was too late. The honey-haired man smiled but decided not to join in the teasing. He simply requested that you show him what he needed to do to help you fix your makeup. But instead, you gave him your removal kit. You were done for the evening, there was no way you could go back to work when you felt the way you did. You both smiled and giggled sweetly as he did his best to remove your makeup for you. You chatted a little and got to know each other better, you found out his name was Keigo and he was a friend of the hosts. Once your makeup was off, you gave him a grateful, “thanks” and stood to your feet. The least you could do was escort him back downstairs before you turned in for the night.

“You know angel, you look just as cute without makeup as you do with.” He told you. You were stopped in your tracks as you couldn’t help but blush at the compliment. “Don’t you wanna hang out a little while before I have to leave?” He wondered, hoping you’d stick around. You knew that you shouldn’t, but you were too drawn to the handsome stranger that you couldn’t resist. You sat back down on the comfortable carpet with him and couldn’t help but coyly shy as he stared deeply into your eyes.

“Thanks again for saving me Keigo.” You repeated, you were so grateful for his help. You were sure that security would have helped you sooner or later, but you were truly fortunate that Keigo had been there to rescue you from his clutches.

“It really shook you up, didn’t it baby?” He sweetly questioned, “Have you never had to deal with something like that before?” He added. You shook your head.

“It was scary, obviously, but it wasn’t just that.” You expressed, not sure why you felt so comfortable sharing your personal life with this man.

“What do you mean?” He asked you, placing a hand on your leg. He stroked over your pantyhose with his thumb as he held onto you.

“Oh… I’m not sure I should say,” You started, “It’s a little embarrassing.” You followed. He didn’t speak, instead he just stared intensely into your sweet eyes, willing you to continue if you felt like it. You kept stuttering, starting and stopping your sentence as you tried to get the confidence to confide in him.

“Birdie, I promise I won’t judge you if you want to tell me.” He soothed, hoping to help you get your words out.

“It’s just… I’ve never…” You began. You screwed your eyes shut as you couldn’t bare to look at him when you finished your sentence, “I’m a virgin.” You blurted out. Your eyes were already closed but you felt so exposed you decided to cover your face with your hands too. You were so embarrassed; you were sitting with a guy who seemed too cool for school and probably had a wild sex life. You wouldn’t have been surprised if you opened your eyes and he was gone. But instead, you felt him grab your wrists and remove your hands from your face. Instinctively you opened your eyes, and right at that moment Keigo planted a delicate kiss onto your lips.

“I’m sorry if that was a little forward, I just wanted to show you it doesn’t bother me.” He smiled as he parted from your lips slightly. It was your first kiss, you weren’t upset. If anyone had to steal your first kiss, you weren’t mad about it being this beautiful stranger.

“Can we, um, do that again?” You asked, the words left your mouth and you instantly began to cringe. You hated how awkward you were, but he just had this effect on you. But before you could overthink your graceless comment, his lips were on yours once again.

You got lost in the feeling of his soft lips on yours. He tasted so heavenly; you couldn’t get enough. He got more adventurous and slipped a tongue into your mouth. You weren’t sure what to do so he did his best to guide you. Once you eased into it a little more, your kissing became more frenzied. You couldn’t get enough of each other. What started off soft and sweet became hot and passionate, but you knew you had to hold back. You couldn’t risk getting caught with him or you’d risk losing your job. He lightly groped your breast as his kissing traversed from your lips down to your neck. You couldn’t stop the moan that huffed from your lips, and you bucked against his thigh trying to gain some friction against your clothed cunt.

“You look fucking hot in that outfit.” He mumbled between kisses.

“Stop!” You raised your voice as you pushed yourself away from him.

“Did I do something wrong?” He wondered, confused by your sudden outburst.

“No, you’re great I’m sorry. It’s against the rules for Playmates to hook up with guests, I will lose my job if we’re caught.” You explained. Keigo nodded as if he understood, giving you an innocent smile as he planted a kiss on your lips once more.

“I get it. Sorry I got carried away.” He told you, picking himself off the ground. He held a hand out to you to help you to your feet, “I think I’ll get going. I’ll see you at the next party though, right?” He explained. You didn’t want to see him at the next party. You didn’t want him to leave. But you didn’t want to risk losing your job for the sake of keeping Keigo around. And you really didn’t want to throw your virginity at him just to prevent him from leaving.

“I, um…”

“I’ll have no reason to come to these things anymore if I don’t get to hang out with the prettiest bunny in the whole mansion.” He smiled, lightly brushing his thumb over your cheek.

You weren’t usually one for compliments. You knew guys would say anything to get in your pants. But there was something so sincere about Keigo. The way everything seemed so genuinely sweet and affectionate when he spoke to you. The way he made you feel like you were the only other person in the whole world with him. You loved being a bunny. You loved living with the girls and you loved all of the fun you had at the mansion. But you were in a role in which you were hypersexualised to everyone around you. How could they expect guests to not want to fuck you? How could you be expected to resist someone as sexy as Keigo? You didn’t think you’d lose your virginity like this, but who were you saving it for anyway?

☆ ☆ ☆

You pressed your lips against Keigo’s once again, and he was more than happy to respond. You began tugging at his clothes, indicating that you wanted them off. You didn’t break your kissing for more than a second. He took his jacket off while still deeply kissing you but removed himself quickly whilst he took off his t-shirt. You didn’t break the kiss either while you removed your high heels. You shrunk a few inches but Keigo didn’t mind leaning down a little further to keep smothering you in affection. He began to travel down to your neck once again but settled on the flesh of your breasts that were being hoisted up by your corset. You let out soft sighs as he continued. He crouched down slightly as he began fondling the bottom of your corset that resided between your thighs. He managed to unbutton it as he pulled down your sheer tights and panties. You were about to remove your corset when he asked you not to.

“You look too fucking good in that outfit to take it off.” He alerted you.

You felt slightly embarrassed by the praise, but it didn’t last long when he pulled you down to kiss him again, you were looming over him a little as you did. “Lie down.” He commanded. You did as you were told, eagerly awaiting whatever he had planned. He parted your legs a little, he repeatedly kissed your leg as he travelled up towards your pussy. He spread your legs wider when he reached your sopping sex, and instantly got to work licking your clit. You moaned almost instantly at the contact as your body softened into his touch. He slowly plunged a finger in, carefully working your innocent interior.

“Tell me if it hurts or if you want me to stop, okay birdie?” He instructed.

“Y-yeah…” You moaned. You’d be crazy to want this feeling to end.

He latched back onto your clit. His licking started off slow, but he eventually picked up the pace. He alternated between licking and sucking at your sensitive bundle of nerves all while still pumping his digit in and out of your tight cunt. The euphoric feeling caused you to writhe around on the ground. You were compelled to close your legs and clamp them around your lovers head, but he used his free hand to pin one of your legs to the ground while he continued working at your desperate cunt. He slipped another finger inside of you and continued his motions. He frantically began scissoring you open so he could prepare you for his cock. The sensations were too much, you hadn’t felt like this before. You felt a rising knot in your stomach and you were sure it was going to unfurl at any moment.

“P-please, Keigo I… I think I’m gonna.” You panted, your chest rising and falling at a rapid pace.

“No.” He spoke. Halting all actions. You were crushed. Why did he stop? You whimpered at the loss of contact and Keigo admired your little virgin hole clenching around nothing. You sat up a little, wondering what was going on. “Lie back down for me angel.” He commanded. You did as you were told, anticipating what he was doing. You knew instantly when you heard the unzipping of his pants. He was going to fuck you.

“Keigo… N-need it. Need it s’bad.” You whined. Your bratty voice earned a smirk from Keigo.

“Yeah? My mouth and fingers made you a little needy huh? I wanted to feel you cum around my cock.” He told you as he made contact with your dripping pussy. The feeling of him sliding his cock up and down your slit alone was heavenly. You were desperate for him to fill out your hole.

“Please, please fuck me now.” You requested.

He lined himself up with your entrance. He slowly sunk himself into you, making continuous eye contact with you as he did so. He was paying attention to every facial expression you made, he didn’t want to hurt you. He was impressed that you took him like champ, he completely bottomed out inside of you and he was more than ready to fuck your brains out.

He set a harsh pace almost instantly, he was aching with such a desperate need to cum. As soon as he saw you he knew that he had to have you tonight. He could see there was something untouched and innocent about you, but he didn’t expect you to be a fully fledged virgin. You were his now. No matter what you’d remember him as your first sexual encounter and no one would ever be able to compare.

He continued drilling into you, thoughts of owning you bringing him closer to his climax. Your arousal was rebuilding too. He began kissing you once again, although it was hard for each of you to focus. The building pleasure in the pair of you caused you both to occasionally moan into each other’s mouths. The sounds being devoured by each other arousing you more, bringing you closer and closer to your highs. He bent both of your legs up to your chest so he could continue pounding you at a deeper angle.

“K-Keigo,” You whimpered, “It hurts.” You expressed, not used to the feeling of him nudging your cervix.

“I’m sorry birdie, I’ll make it better I promise, I just-“ He stopped as he moaned through his speech. Making no attempt to change what he was doing to alleviate the pain you were feeling, “Cum for me baby you’ll feel better, I wanna feel you cum around me.” He huffed into your face. He reached down and began toying with your clit as he encouraged you to let yourself go. The contact was more than enough to send you over the edge. You were forced to keep constant eye contact with Keigo as he fucked you through your release. Your cunt clamped down on him, milking his cock for all it was worth. He rested his forehead on yours as you both came together, looking lovingly into each other’s eyes.

You’d always heard mixed reviews about losing your virginity. You would either hear that it was a beautiful and romantic moment you should give to someone meaningful, or that it’s a terrible time and it has no meaning on your life. You didn’t know Keigo very well at all, but you felt grateful that he was the one you got to share your first time with. For someone who was a stranger, he truly did care about your enjoyment and keeping you safe. He was still between your legs, letting you warm his cock as he laid on top of you. He gently peppered kisses on your forehead and cheeks while stroking your hair.

You were lucky you hadn’t been caught, you were lucky that for now you still had a job. But if he comes back to the next mansion party, you knew that you wanted to do this with him again.

© 2021 dabistiktokdance

Thank you so much again for participating, it was a pleasure to write this and have you be a bunny for the night! I hope you enjoyed your experience at the party!! 

[random-mha-thoughts]

Warmth (LoV x Reader)

Pairing: League of Villains x Reader (Platonic)

Appearances by Toga, Dabi, Shigaraki, Twice, Kurogiri

Someone on Wattpad requested: “hi! idk if you're still doing requests or not (and you don't have to do this if you want to) but can you do a platonic LoV where the reader is in a abusive relationship and she's coming back to the hide out and she goes to her room to cover up the bruises and stuff and toga come in asking to hangout when she see the bruises on the reader and goes and tells the league without the reader knowing. you can end it with some family fluff if you want.”

Genre: Angst/Comfort

Warnings: Mentions of physical/mental/emotional abuse

Word Count: 1,324

Tags:  @yuki-osaki​ @liviitehe​ @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog​ 

a/n: Yes, listening to The Neighbourhood while writing this hits different

This will be gender neutral on both fronts, in terms of the aggressor and the reader, since abuse can come from anyone. If you're in an abusive relationship, please get help and break out of that relationship if you can before it escalates. You are worth so much more and deserve to be with someone who will love and cherish you and not treat you like trash💖 

"There you are."  Kurogiri wipes down his glasses as per his normal routine.  "The kids were wondering when you would come back, they're waiting for you."

Act natural.  I tug at the sleeves of my jacket and .  "Y-Yeah, if they ask again, I'm just changing my clothes.  I think it's chilly, I want my hoodie, y'know?"  You're talking too much, that's not natural!  I scurry off to my room before Kurogiri can comment about my strange behavior.

Retreating into my room, I make sure to shut it closed so no one can see.  Ripping off my jacket and my tattered shirt, I throw the latter into a corner of my closet where no one will see.  Once I slip my black hoodie over my head and stand in front of the mirror, the first thing I see is the discoloration on my neck still peeking out from the collar.  Putting my hoodie up doesn't help anything either, to my dismay.

I have no choice but to pull out the concealer and color corrector.  My intense stare focuses on the pigmented tender spot as I pat it.  I guess it was my fault this happened anyway.  

The door suddenly opens in the midst of my wallowing and I pull the neck of my hoodie up before turning around.

Toga bares her fangs at me with her wide smile.  "(Y/n)~" she sings, "You're back finally!  Dabi and Shiggy wanna go out for a while, we were waiting for you to go!"

"Oh, yeah, I heard from Kurogiri, I'm just, uh, fixing my hair and changing my clothes because it's cold outside."  My heart still pounds from her entering so suddenly.  I nervously pretend to rub my neck just in case.

Her smile drops into confusion as she scans me.  "You're awfully jittery, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine!" I smile as enthusiastically as possible.  "Just give me another minute, I'll meet you guys out front!"

With that, she's back to her blushing face and grin.  "Okay!  We're waiting!"

Once she shuts the door behind her, I turn back to the mirror and remove my hand.  Good enough, I sigh, At least it'll be dark.

.

"So, how was your date?"  Shigaraki takes a sip of his beer.  I know he's only asking to make conversation, he's indifferent to my relationship.

I finger my own cool metal can.  "Fine, we just watched a movie in the house."  I resist my instinct to flinch at the memory of the screams.  "Nothing special."

"You guys have been going out for a while, huh?"  Toga rests her head in her hands dreamily.  "What's it like being in love?"

Love, huh?   "It's...something."  I try skewing my voice to sound vague and mysterious.  "It's a lot of feelings, I can't really explain it."  It's best if I don't answer directly.

"You're pretty inseparable, I'd say."  Smoke rings lazily emerge from Dabi's blue fire.

Only because I'm told to.  "We just can't stay away from each other," I muster a smile and another sip of my beer.

Turquoise eyes study me from the side before the circle of fire disappears from his hand and he faces me fully.  "You're happy, right?"

His question catches me off guard as I almost choke, but I quickly recover.  "Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

.

Waking up at the hideout the next afternoon is lonely and quiet.  Patting into the kitchen for food confirms my suspicions that no one's home.  Though I'm disappointed, it's assuring that I can use a heating pad for my marks without anyone commenting.

As I sit in front of my mirror facing my shame, I can't help checking my phone for any messages.  My notifications are empty.  Not that I expect anything less, it would be much more surprising if an apology was waiting for me.  Because I'm the one who should be apologizing.

I start texting with my one hand, holding the heat pack to my neck.  At least the temperature provides some kind of comfort in such a small space of my body, though I wish it would encompass me entirely.  The message sends, but it doesn't get read for a few minutes.  That's not normal, usually I'll be left on read.  They must really be angry.  My body goes colder with shame.  Our fight must've been worse than I thought.

I hear the front door slam open suddenly, heavy footsteps approaching my room quickly.  I don't know what to do with the heat pack.  As I'm panicking, the group storms into my room, catching me with it in my hand dumbly.  The boys' gazes all intently lock onto my face.

Toga lazily sits next to me, brandishing her knife as if it's the most casual thing.  "(Y/n)~ I wanted to ask you last night, what happened to you?"  She points the blade at my neck.

The darkness didn't hide it that well then, or she must've seen in my room last night after all.  "I-I got into a fight."  I rub the tender spot nervously.

"Yeah, with your supposed lover," Dabi spits, crossing his arms over his chest.

My body loses all heat as I go numb.  "W-What-?"  How did they find out?  My eyes flicker to the pseudo-innocent schoolgirl on the bed.  She must've told them, but how did she know?

"Why didn't you tell us what was going on?  Why would you let something like this go on?" the raven haired man continues reprimanding me.

I lower my head at his intimidating stare. I knew they'd be mad for not telling them, but I didn't want to worry them either.  "I wanted to take care of it myself," my feeble voice answers halfheartedly.

"You know, we would've taken care of that trashbag earlier if you'd said something."  Twice cracks the bones in his fingers one by one. "I don't care who they are, I'll destroy them either way."

My head snaps up.  "What do you mean you took care-?"

"We paid that loser a visit," Shigaraki stuffs a hand in his pocket, careful to stick his thumb out so it doesn't touch his pants.  "Let's just say we took care of your breakup for you, in our unique way of course."

I'm in disbelief.  They were all angry for me and decided to take matters into their own hands?  "Y-You did that for m-me?"  My body starts trembling.

"You're our family," Toga grins, walking over to me and wraps her arms around my neck from behind.  "Why wouldn't we eliminate someone ruining your life?"

My eyes well with tears the same way my chest fills with the undeserving warmth she's providing me with.  "Because I don't deserve it?"

"Oh, please, no one deserves to be unhappy or bullied by someone they love."  Twice joins the hug between the two of us, his large arms attacking from the other side.

"I'll pass on the hug," Shigaraki mumbles and retreats from the room, but there's a smile on his chapped lips.

"Dabi, don't you dare leave this room without contributing to the hug!" Twice bellows as the other man turns to leave.

His blue eyes roll and he huffs.  "Fine, just this once for you, kid.  Don't get used to it."  He awkwardly fits over our bodies, his warmth the last straw that allows my tears to overflow.

"We're your support group, silly," Toga comforts me, wiping my face, "Who else is gonna have your back like us?"

"Yeah, people are super cruel!" Twice chimes in.

"Can I leave now?" Dabi groans impatiently.

I release my grip on the heating pad and grip the arms around me, leaning my head onto Toga's.  Part of me wants to ground myself in this moment, their strange affection filling the void inside me.  I don't want to move from this spot, smothered under these three bodies of my home, my trusted comrades.  Next time - even though I pray there's no next time - I know if I need comfort, if I need warmth, I just need to ask for it.

[rnegitsune]

Ok so I thought I'd put together some horror stories from my time as a babymetal fan bc of how drastic the shift in the fandom has been the past year or so. For context I got into babymetal in like june of 2014 (all 3 girls were still underage at the time, I was 22; when I first got into them I thought I would be considered an older fan lmao the naivete, the innocence of new fan me wow I know now I'm not at all in the older half of the fandom esp considering I was born the same decade as su and moa), and I made this blog in I think may of 2015.

I've had people say I should compile men being gross into a post and I just couldn't do that out of fear for my own mental health but this will be pretty close. These are all my experiences with this fandom over the years; I'm definitely missing some but what I do remember should do well to cover most of how this fandom used to be vs now. It's gonna be a lot and tw for men being gross about minors.

Back in my first year or so of this blog I on multiple occasions got dms from men asking to be friends. At the time my bio only said my name and my pronouns. I've always been cautious of dms so I'd ask their age and every single one was considerably older than me. I wouldn't usually answer after that bc no thanks but they would generally try to continue convos til I blocked. The only one I still had was this one

After I put my age in my bio, which was 23 at the time, I never got a dm like that again; take from that what you will. But if you're young please be wary of this hell fandom even now. And if you're an older fan and esp an older male fan reading this, don't dm people trying to be friends. I was over 18 and it still creeped me out to no end.

One of my real first men in this fandom are disgusting moments was a blog back in like 2015 or 2016 who I had some contact with due to common interests; he was a huge yui stan and made bm content. He was like 28 or 29 at the time and I eventually noticed he would tag idols, mostly kpop girls, by their body parts (legs, butt, etc) which is disgusting enough as it is but then I saw him do the same for literal minors, like tzuyu from twice. I messaged him asking what the hell he was doing objectifying women but also actual children and he blocked me lmao. He later unblocked me to let me know that's just how he tagged things and it was my fault he had anxiety and then he blocked me again.

Back before the tumblr purge this fandom was repulsive to a degree I cannot even begin to describe. Someone would reblog something from me, I'd go to their blog and it would be underage jpop idols and japanese p*rn all the way down. I even stumbled upon a man editing underage su into p*rn gifs. Obviously no proof of that but I did go find my initial reaction to it

The number of times I'd get a follow from someone then go to their blog and it would be as mentioned above or their bio would be the most misogynistic trash I'd ever read was staggering. I genuinely considered giving up and deleting this blog so many times bc i felt oberwhelmed and outnumbered by these gross old dudes; and so the fact that this fandom has evolved into a bunch of chaotic wlw?? Amazing, I could cry.

Fun phenomenon of women running bm blogs was men sending messages asking if we liked babymetal. No joke. I think this happened to me two or three times but I spoke w other female creators at the time and it had happened to them as well. My entire blog is babymetal, and yet???

He said the weird guy idk bc he sent some random ass messages vaguely insulting me and when I responded coldly, he acted confused so I said you're some guy idk, hence the above message starting as such. Also that pic and the one up above that has my current pfp bc I just took those screenshots. Like I said I typically blocked weird dms but I guess these passed me by so I still had the messages.

Most people know the sub reddit is the worst and don't need me to tell you but it's a hellscape and I highly recommend avoiding it. A short list of things I've had to see as a result of going there: men discussing at length kano and momoko's appearances and how they look in costume vs in normal clothes. Men discussing at length the hope that the girls would marry men who aren't Japanese, a thread that was from when all 3 girls were underage. They aren't gonna marry you dude they're really not.

The insulting of billie Eilish, a 17 year old at the time, was horrible too. Su and moa got to meet her, something they were extremely excited for, and they posted a pic; the comments were disgusting as you can imagine. The yui rumors were terrible too, fatshaming, slutshaming etc all based on nothing. Some man saying the rumors about yui leaving bc, no joke this was a real rumor, she "got too fat" couldn't be true bc "look at saya." Saya being a barely 18 yo back up dancer who covered the third spot after yui left but before the avengers. Not to mention the upskirt shots from when they were minors, the constant editing of their faces onto explicit photoshoots etc. I remember being a new fan looking for a su pic on google and being horrified at the fact that one of the top suggested results after her name was “bikini;” she was 16 at the time. Also, the uptick in massively creepy posts and messages sent to bm blogs as each girl, but esp moa and yui, approached 18 was disgusting.

Now for some personal nonsense. A big reason why I haven't touched my youtube channel in months is bc I got tired of dealing with the men of this fandom. I poke fun at metal and get told I deserve to die. I say ped*philes and creepy men are gross and get a swarm of middle aged men cursing at me. Had a guy cry about how men are shamed for liking bm and then he turned around and said some gross shit about wlw. Had a guy call me racist for liking a band he also likes (and despite him having no way of knowing my own race) and tell me the babymetal fandom doesn't need my kpop feminist bullshit, which is honestly a great description and I thought about putting it in my yt about lmao. Had a middle aged man unironically say he'd never seen a man be creepy towards bm but fans su and moa's ages calling them hot was creepy. The disillusionment....the level of unawareness is astounding. If you want to see screenshots of some of these comments they are fairly recent in my don't mind me tag; I don't want to see them anymore tho bc they're infuriating so I'm not going to look at them to post here.

Essentially I haven't looked at my channel since may bc men are exhausting and rude and refuse to examine the fandoms they're a part of no matter what. They're told by a woman of the fandom that she's had bad experiences personally and they all start crying about how it's either a lie bc they haven't seen it or unimportant. I did stop reading comments in may and I will never read another one again probably as a result of this shit. Trash men being trash are not worth my time and I refuse to give them anymore of it. I do plan on making more videos tho and let my ~feminist kpop bullshit~ live in their minds rent free.

I will also continue to make fun of metal and the creepy men in this fandom bc it's important and I'm a spiteful asshole who likes disrupting these dudes perfect bubble of a fandom. It genuinely brings me so much joy seeing all the new fans recently (which sidenote if you got into them recently I am kinda curious as to how you found them; I've gotten tons of new followers and considering how inactive they are rn I'm curious). People sending messages about how they finally feel like they belong or that they have a safe space....like I don't even know what to say and I never feel like my responses fully convey how genuinely wonderful that is and how thrilled I am that this is where we're at now and I have had at least some part in it. As this post shows, my experiences have been negative for the most part so the shift recently is such a relief I cannot even begin to explain my gratitude.

So to anyone who read all of this and hasn't disintegrated from the male bullshit, thank you. Keep being yourself and fighting for your place in this fandom, esp if you're a young woman; keep making fun of the creeps and keep making wlw memes!! Babymetal's music is in such a huge way meant for girls and to see more and more finding their way to this previously hellish beyond belief fandom is incredible.

[ahgastae]

phantasm (pt.1) – namjoon x reader

➥ word count: 1.6k | fluff

➥ m.list

➥ a/n: this is a wip i’ve been saving for a while lol. it’s *technically* a rewrite of an extremely old one-shot i had that didn’t quite turn out how i wanted it so here we are!! i’m thinking of making it a series that i kinda just update whenever i feel like/have time to work on it but idk. feedback is always appreciated, and thanks for reading! ♡

An aggravated sigh leaves your lips, giving up on yet another failed attempt to force the basement door open. The metal handle remains stuck no matter what you do or how hard you push, and at this point you’re starting to run out of ideas. 

Part of you wonders how you managed to get yourself into this situation; locked in the basement of some musty, old abandoned hospital. It’s not exactly everyday people willingly wander into places like this, and you would normally be one of the ones who stayed as far away as fucking possible.

So what changed? What made you take the risk? And how the hell are you going to get yourself out of this?

“Why in the hell would I ever want to do that?” You quirk a brow at your best friend, popping another fry into your mouth as you do. “Actually, scratch that, why the hell would you ever agree to that?” 

The unamused look on Hoseok’s face makes you want to laugh, but you cover it up with another sip of your chocolate shake.

“Because,” Hoseok grumbles with a roll of his eyes, “those little shits can be very persuasive when they want to be. I didn’t want to be the only one in the group who didn’t go, you know?”

You nod your head understandingly, “So you didn’t want to be the one to pussy out.”

“Y/N!”

You burst into a fit of laughter, barely dodging the onion ring he throws your way. Hoseok rolls his eyes again, and the furrow in his brow makes you realize he’s a lot more serious about this than you first thought.

“Okay, okay.” By the time you manage to contain yourself, his scowl has softened slightly. “But if all the guys are going, why do you want me to go so badly?”

Hoseok scoffs, “Uh, are you kidding? That place is going to be creepy as all hell, and I need my best friend there to provide some serious emotional support. And to keep Jungkook from posting videos of me freaking out on Twitter again.”

You both cringe, clearly remembering the last time he got sucked into one of these “adventurous” outings. Jungkook got the silent treatment for a solid three weeks because that clip of Hoseok screaming at a pigeon went viral. The kid still apologizes to this day, but you have a sneaking suspicion he’s behind some of the (admittedly hilarious) edits that have cropped up.

It makes sense for that reason alone as to why Hoseok would want you to tag along, but you’re honestly just as much of a scaredy cat as he is. You’re a lot better at keeping it under wraps, though, always coming up with some excuse for why you can’t go exploring whatever creepy abandoned place his friends want to check out next. But Hoseok has never been the one to ask until now, and you’re more than a little conflicted about it.

“I don’t know, Hobi,” You sigh, glancing down at your half eaten burger. “This has always kinda been your guys’ thing, you know? I’m not really into any of that.”

“Honestly, most of us aren’t, either,” Hoseok shrugs. “The only ones who really like it are Tae, Yoongi, and Kook. The rest of us are kinda just along for the ride.”

“You mean the ride through every possibly haunted, definitely dangerous place in the area.”

“Yeah…”

A small silence falls in between you, and you briefly wonder how in the hell he ever thought this was meant to convince you. Sure, he took you out to lunch, said you could get as many milkshake refills as you desired, put on those heart wrenching puppy dog eyes that you always have to struggle to ignore. But is it really worth getting the shit scared out of you with him and his six friends? One of whom might “accidentally” post a video of you losing your mind over something stupid?

You aren’t ready to become a Twitter meme!

With that terrifying thought, your mind is finally made up. You’re just about to open your mouth and tell Hoseok you just absolutely cannot–

“Joonreallywantedtoknowifyouweregoingtocome!”

The words leave his mouth in a jumbled mess, but you make them out clear as day. You should’ve known that’s the game he was playing. There’s no way Jung Hoseok would come to you with a request like this without having some kind of backup plan. And, unfortunately, his role as your best friend means he knows all about your little crush on the de facto leader of his friend group. You just never thought he’d be so prepared to openly exploit it.

“So what do you say?” Hoseok bites his lip from across the table, and you have a sneaking suspicion he already knows what your answer is going to be.

“...Fine. I’ll go on your stupid ghost trip,” You grumble, a bright smile appearing on Hoseok’s face as he starts to thank you rapidly. “But I’ll break that kid’s phone if he so much as tries to record me!”

Your threat falls on deaf ears, Hoseok already whipping out his phone to presumably tell the other guys. Part of you wants to be mad that you let yourself get played so easily, but does it really count if you knew that’s what he was trying to do?

Eh, whatever. At least he’s happy. And who knows? Maybe you’ll actually end up enjoying yourself after all.

So that was a fucking lie.

You haven’t even been out of the car for five minutes, and you’re already starting to regret leaving your apartment this afternoon. Hoseok said you guys were going to check out some old hospital on the outskirts of town when he picked you up, but you had no idea he meant this far out.

The woods surrounding the “hospital” aren’t particularly thick, but it’s just enough to where you know it’ll terrify the shit out of you when the sun starts to go down. You’re honestly not sure if you’d rather be stuck out here or in the creepy ass building in front of you when that happens. But, if all the guys currently standing around Taehyung’s truck are anything to go by, that decision might be made a lot sooner than you think.

 “Y/N!” One of them suddenly calls, breaking you out of your thoughts. “Stop being a weenie and get your ass over here!”

Rolling your eyes, you push yourself off from your spot leaning against Hoseok’s car and make your way over to the truck bed. The three younger ones are huddled around some sheets of paper in the bed while Jin and Hoseok fiddle with some flashlights and batteries near the open passenger seat. You head over to Hoseok first, curious about the two missing from your party. 

“Hey, where are Joon and Yoongi? I thought you said everyone was coming.”

“Don’t worry, they’ll be here,” Hoseok laughs. “Joonie just had to finish up some stuff at work real quick. I’m sure they won’t be long.”

You nod, crossing your arms and scanning over the building in front of you. It definitely looks old. What used to be white paint has faded to a dark, muddy grey, and the windows are either smashed to bits or boarded over with moldy planks of wood. There’s stray graffiti scattered all over the place, the parking lot barely distinguishable from the overgrown weeds and shrubs surrounding the area.

Honestly, everything about it just screams “Danger! Stay the fuck away!” to you. How in the hell did the guys even find this place?

“Ah, fucking finally!”

You’re jolted out of your thoughts once again by one of the boys shouting from the truck bed. It must have been Jungkook, since he’s the one who jumps out and starts running towards the car pulling into the clearing.

Wait, a car? That could only mean-

The car slows to a stop behind Taehyung’s truck, and sure enough, you can just barely see the two boys you were asking about waving to you all inside. Well, one of them is waving. The other seems to be focused on parking without running over the energetic Kook jumping around the car.

You can kind of relate to the younger boy’s excitement, but the butterflies in your stomach are for an entirely different reason.

“What took you guys so long?” Jungkook whines, greeting the two newcomers as soon as they step out of the vehicle. “We were supposed to get into the building before it got dark!”

“I know, I know,” Namjoon apologizes. “We would’ve been here a lot sooner, but-”

“But someone kept insisting on grading ‘one more spelling quiz’ before we left.”

Yoongi’s grumpy pout is as evident as ever as he wholeheartedly throws his roommate under the bus. The three of them have joined the rest of the group now, the other two youngsters leaning over the side of the truck bed.

“You weren’t thinking of ditching us for some second graders, were you, Mr. Kim?” Taehyung teases, quirking an amused brow.

Jimin falls into giggles, “That sounds exactly like something he would do!”

“Hey, I promised the kids I would have them all handed back by Monday!”

Namjoon’s desperate attempts to defend himself are ignored, and you can’t help but smile at the small pout that crosses his face. It’s short lived, though, as Jungkook soon calls everyone’s attention back to him as he hops back up onto Taehyung’s truck.

“Alright, losers, now that we’re all finally here,” A mischievous grin grows on the maknae’s lips. “let’s get down to business.”

[boompowkablam]

Favorite Fic Rec- List # 3

WALKING DEAD LIST

Just a list of some of my favorite stories. I’m gonna act like I remember how to link stuff it will be great. Pairings are going to be Daryl/Glenn and Daryl/Jesus. Maybe a Daryl/Rick thrown in IDK .

     How These Days Grow Long  By Never_Says_Die

This work is COMPLETE!

Written in response to a prompt on The Walking Dead kink meme:

Rick & Co. are finding it increasingly difficult to deal with Daryl's outbursts, his racist remarks, and easily-ignitable temper.  They are in fact, considering just cutting their losses and telling him he has to leave when they come across another group of survivors...one of whom is very, very special to Daryl.

AU in which Glenn and Daryl have been in a relationship for a few years before the ZA, and were separated when Atlanta was overrun.  Each think the other is dead, and Glenn ended up with a different group of survivors while Daryl ended up in the quarry camp.  Story also assumes Merle would've turned his back on Daryl for getting involved with Glenn, so they parted ways long ago.

Action , Adventure, Love , Suspense,Sadness,Longing, Its just everything you want from a fic. Word count 100,538. Pairing Daryl/Glenn

     The Diary of Glenn By  ornategrip

Seasons 1 and 2, as seen through Glenn's diary.

This is so funny I love it! I wish I could make a podfic for it like whoa.

Word count 4,938. Pairing Daryl/Glenn

     Ghosts Among Us  By  TWDObsessive

Daryl sees the dead.  Not the walkers, the twice-dead once they become ghosts.  It started since the turn and he assumes it’s his body’s reaction to the walker infection they all carry.  One by one he experiences losses of loved ones and each of them come to visit him.   And they all seem to be guiding him to Rick.

This was really good but also really sad to me. Mind the tags so you don’t read something upsetting . Word count 6,422. Pairing Daryl/Rick

     Picking Up the Pieces  By  Riastarstruck

When Rick works night duty while recovering from the shooting, he becomes friends with Daryl, the young guy working community service as a janitor in lieu of prison time.

"If you found an animal in an alley and it was raining and you approached it, it would try to bite you. But if you could get it inside and feed it and take it somewhere warm, it would follow you forever. He's got that kind of vibe to him." -Norman Reedus on Daryl Dixon

This one is cute but also makes me feel sad even though it’s not sad.

Word count 21,161. Pairing Daryl/Rick

     While the World Falls Down  By  oleanderedits @oleanderedits​

They were supposed to have ten days to dispute the quickie wedding they'd had the night they'd been drunk. The world went to shit three days later. Part 1 of a series re-write focusing on Glenn, Daryl, Merle, and Maggie as what it means to be 'Family' is stretched, twisted, and redefined by circumstances no one should have to live through. Covers Seasons 1 and 2 and mostly follows the canon storyline.

This is hands down 100% my absolute favorite walking dead fic. It is so good I have read it so many times now. I seriously can not get enough of it.

Word count 48,284. Pairing Daryl/Glenn , Glenn/Maggie , Daryl/Maggie , Daryl/Glenn/Maggie.

     Friction Match  By  vegarin

It's the end of the world. You can be anyone you choose to be."  Daryl Dixon, at the end of the world.

I am not sure what it is about this story that makes me love it so much! I am working on a podfic for it right now so at some point I’ll have a link up for that.

Word Count 24,769. Gen no Paring.

     Fall Into Your Arms. By  doctorkaitlyn @banshee-cheekbones

“I am done with dating.  And I mean it this time.”

Glenn is sick of his friends setting him up.  He’s sick of going on bad dates and he’s sick of getting his hopes up and never hearing anything back.  In all the time he spends not going on dates, he can do things that he actually enjoys, like sleeping or marathoning a television show or trying to find a better job.

He is done with dating.  Seriously.

At least, that's what he says before he meets Daryl.

This is so cute and awkward I love Glenn’s bad luck.

Word Count 4,549. Pairing Daryl/Glenn

     Dear Mr. Hawkeye  By  Psmith73 

@psmith73

AU. Glenn is a struggling student neck-deep in debts. One day while trying to earn some money he gets himself in serious trouble. An anonymous benefactor offers him help in return for weekly emails describing events of his life. Jean Webster's "Daddy-long-legs"/TWD fusion. COMPLETE.

This is really good I dont know why I want to say human disaster Glenn but im  gonna. I think its cause it references marvel hawkeye but also Glenn kind of is.

Word Count 20,552. Pairing Daryl/Glenn.

something keeps pulling me back to you  By  wardeness

 Daryl Dixon sat on the steps of his porch, elbows resting on knees as he sharpened his knife. Katydids called around him in a chorus of chirping crickets, the sound only interrupted by the rhythmic scratch of metal on stone. The heavy air—a sure sign rain was coming, Daryl predicted—felt moist and honeyed against his bare arms. The evening was calm. Peaceful, even.

 Peaceful, that was, until Jesus appeared.

AU after 6x11. Slow burn.

Super cute .Super fluff.

Word Count 64,037 . Pairing Daryl/Jesus

Daryl's Addiction By  DestielHardcoreLove @bugandkitlove

Paul had no clue what was going on.  It seemed as if every time he turned a corner he would find Daryl on his knees with someone different from the community.  He didn't know what to make of it, what to even think but he did wonder how to get on it himself.

This was just really funny to me. Instead of talking I’m gonna make sure you catch me blowing the town.

Word Count 7,702. Pairing Daryl/Jesus

  Against the Dying of the Light  By   LottaCharlene

After escaping Terminus, Rick's family is at their strength's end. When the walls of yet another community loom over their heads, they must decide if they take the risk to seek refuge in this new community. They are met with a strange tradition that they are still willing to follow through for the sake of their family's well-being. Soon enough, they realize that they found a place that they could call home again. But the peace is treacherous and yet again they have to fight for their freedom and the lifes of the people they love.

Unexpectedly, Daryl is the one that has to fight for more than just his family.

So very good and sweet and sad and Gregory is a nut sac but you already knew that. Also I fucking love arranged marriage fics.

Word Count 108,454. Pairing Daryl/Jesus.

 Ripples on a Black Shore  By  Mugatu

For Daryl Dixon the world ended days before it did for almost everyone else, and it was heralded with a prerecorded phone message instead of a bang.

An AU fic where Daryl met Paul several years before the apocalypse.

Kind of sad but with a happy ending.

Word Count 200,540. Pairing Daryl/Jesus.

 Cross Your Fingers  By  starclipped

Daryl finds himself wrapping his fingers around Paul’s wrist before a bandage can be pulled from the tattered box. And Paul peers at him when their skin touches, fierce eye to fierce eye, with… with such veneration. Daryl wouldn’t know that feeling if he saw it, he thinks he’s seeing it now and he can’t believe it, but he can sure as hell feel it; rolling off his hippie ninja in waves, seeping into Daryl’s soul. A gasoline soaked rag, simply waiting to be set aflame. That's what he's become. He swallows the foreign emotions that suddenly make him feel too big for his body.

So very good and kind of sad worth the read for sure!

Word Count 204,186. Pairing Daryl/Paul

 Finders, Keepers  By  Joel7th

Jesus came to Alexandria to do trade and to see a certain grumpy hunter. However, he didn’t see said hunter; instead, just outside the walls of Alexandria he found a black cat – wait, was that really a cat?!

I found this so funny!

Word Count 10,148 . Pairing Daryl/Jesus

 All you need is twinkling stars and ancient cities  By TooRational  @toorational

Daryl Dixon of all people turns out to have the Ancient gene.

Go figure.

Or: The unlikely tale of a redneck from Earth and a Runner from the Pegasus Galaxy, and how they fell in love.

I fucking love Stargate Atlantis Crossovers and this was amazing !!!!

Word Count 16,454. Pairing Daryl/Jesus

 Help Wanted  By  Scababagorn

Daryl Dixon hasn't believed that he deserved to be who he really is. He hasn't ever felt safe enough. Is the reason that so many of the people he loves are dead. And then, suddenly there is a man named Jesus. And he likes to call Daryl "Dixie"

Cute,cute, cute I love it!!

Word Count 22,618. Pairing Daryl/Jesus

 if the world should break  By  transstevebucky @gaydaryl

It's not like Daryl hates the guy. It's exactly the opposite.

Very cute. Be mindful of the tags daryl gets outed without his permission.

Word Count 36,343. Pairing Daryl/Jesus

 Misunderstandings in a Car Crash By  Neeka

Misunderstanding. [mis-uhn-der-stan-ding]

Noun 1. Failure to understand correctly; mistake as to meaning or intent

Warning: Does not mix well with love and may lead to heartbreak

Dude like super sad face for like half of this but it gets less sad .

Word Count 18,614 Pairing Daryl/Jesus.

 Breaking the Cycle  By  AidaRonan @bisexualstarbucky

Daryl's life seems to follow a cycle of pain and violence. So when he starts falling for his new roommate, he's more than wary about what it might mean.

But sometimes breaking a cycle means making a choice.

So very cute a little sad also be mindful of the tags.

Word Count 7,416 . Pairing Daryl/Jesus

 Fables of the Reconstruction By  Mugatu

It’s more than two years after the end of the world and six months after the war with the Saviors when Daryl Dixon returns to Alexandria.

This is just so good holy crap and glenn lives which makes it even better!!

Word Count 91,918.  Pairing Daryl/Jesus

 You're Like Me (a goddamn idiot)  By  yellowhairedrobot

Jesus tilted his head to the side. “If I tried to kiss you right now, would you kick my ass?”

“Yes,” Daryl answered, way too quickly.

This is funny and gives me extreme second hand embarrassment.

Word Count 6,395. Pairing Daryl/Jesus

 the streets are full of strangers  By  smilebackwards @smilebackwards

When Deanna asks Daryl to leave Alexandria, he meets Paul on the road a little earlier.

I would like to say cute-meet . lol its very good and very cute.

Word Count 11,563 . Pairing Daryl/Jesus

There is also a podfic for this.

     [Podfic] the streets are full of strangers  By  Boompowkablam   @boompowkablam

Length 1hr 7 mins

  a heart that's on loan  By  smilebackwards @smilebackwards

Aaron and Daryl discover Hilltop on one of their scouting trips and find that the community has an interesting throwback custom for establishing alliances: marriage.

I LOVE ARRANGED MARRIAGE AND THIS IS THE BEST ONE!

Word Count 11,686.  Pairing Daryl/Jesus

 Just Another Day  By  PezzieCoyote                   

What if Daryl was the one in charge? How would things be different? And what secret is he hiding?

Supernatural elements you know besides the zombies .

Word Count 9,950. Pairing Daryl/Jesus

  Escape  By   AbigailHT, TooRational  @toorational @abigailht

  By the time the song starts drilling into his head worse than the headache, he's come to the conclusion that he can't do much.  There's no way to get out unless someone unlocks the door, and even if he could, he has no idea where he'd go once he's out anyway. Nor has he any idea who has him. Or why. Or where. Or where home is. Or—Basically, he doesn't know anything, and even the things he does know are mostly instinct and completely unverifiable anyway.He's contemplating sitting back down again — he'll have to do it at some point, if only to preserve his strength, but the cold, and the dirt, and he's naked, his skin crawls at the mere thought — when the song shuts off abruptly.

Or: The Saviors' latest prisoner isn't quite what he seems.

Its just like everything you ever wanted out of Jesus in the show. So good a tiny bit sad.

Word Count 6,894. Pairing Daryl/Jesus

There is a podfic for this.

  Escape  By  Boompowkablam @boompowkablam

Length  45 minutes.

[bigskydreaming]

@princeescaluswords tagged me in a fanfic ask meme, and I’m loling at how few of the questions I can actually answer, because I swear I’ve literally forgotten more fandoms than most people will ever have. And I’ve probably written a good couple million words of fanfic all in total....

I know with just my first fandom alone, Roswell, I was in that one writing regularly for about three years and wrote and published probably a million words between the six or so ‘big fics’ I wrote......21 Down topped out at just over 200K, my Paradise Lost trilogy was probably a little longer as I think Genesis and Exodus were both around 80K and Revelations was probably closer to 100K. Riders of the Storm was around 120K.....Passage to Dawn I never actually finished because I scrapped it halfway through and started over.....and my revised version left off at around 50K I think, but the previous version before that had gotten up to 100K......and then I honestly can’t remember the names of my other two big fics at the moment, lmfao, I just know I had one more that was an amnesia trope fic and one that was....oh! Never mind, just remembered. The Long Dark Night of the Soul was one of my shorter ones, probably somewhere between 60-80K.

But yeah, that was just my first fandom alone......but fandom was a little different then, like in the sense that nobody was really writing posts about meta or episode or character analysis......Roswell fandom existed almost entirely on various messageboards and linked sites created by the community. It was years before Ao3 of course, and while ff.net was around, Roswell was one of those fandoms that just never congregated around it......people posting Roswell fics on ff.net were the outliers, the majority of fandom was centered around sites like roswellfanatics.net, crashdown.com and my personal site/board of choice to hang out and post at, polarattraction.com. I’m pretty sure all of those sites have been defunct for years, and I wish I’d done a better job of saving some of my own fics at least, lol. But point is, the fandom was geared just towards the writing and consumption of fanfic more than anything else......so if you were writing something, it was either a fic itself, or a comment on somebody else’s fic, lol. 

Anyway, was just reviewing my various past fandoms, the ones I could remember, and thought of Dark Angel fandom, which I haven’t thought of in forever. Which is kinda funny to me, actually, considering my focus in DA fandom was pretty much exactly my focus in Batfandom - the found family feels.

LOL. Like, I was never one of the better known writers in DA fandom given that my focus was not really the same as most of fandom’s. DA fandom was largely split into two camps locked in eternal ship war - Logan/Max and Alec/Max. I had by this time ‘evolved’ to the point of looking at this and just snobbishly intoning “I do not care for the Straightness of this all and thus I choose to Abstain from the conflict” so there was that at least.....but yeah, thing was, personally, I was in Dark Angel fandom for the found family feels. Max’s eternal search for her siblings she’d been raised with but lost track of when they escaped from Manticore as children.....like that was the good stuff, that was what drew me in and kept me under lock and key until I’d banged out a good couple years’ worth of constant fic writing about her and her siblings before I moved on.

But while Max’s search for her siblings was the catalyst and central plot of the first season of Dark Angel, fandom pretty much only ever took off with the introduction of Alec in the second season, when it became an either/or choice between Alec and Logan. And with most of the second season moving away from Max’s search for her family to focus more on the larger big-picture plots, combined with the fact that most of Max’s siblings never actually made an appearance onscreen.....understandably, they didn’t end up occupying too much of a role in most of fandoms’ fics or interests.

Anyway, like I said, I churned out a shit ton of DA fanfic in a pretty short period of time....my single most popular fic was probably one about transgenics racing to find a cure when they realize they’d been genetically engineered to all ‘expire’ by a certain age, since their creators had no use for genetically engineered super-soldiers past the prime of their lives.

But my personal fave bits of writing, and the series I reeeeeeally regret not saving and wish I could find again, like, there was this one series of one-shots (ranging from a couple thousand words long to some that were about 20-30K long) written about each of Max’s siblings.....all fifteen of them, lol. Jondy’s was the first one I wrote, and one of the first things I wrote in that fandom, and then I just added new stories to that particular series up until Jack’s, the very last one a couple years later....which I THINK was the last thing I ever wrote/posted in that fandom.

And since we only ever met about half of these characters on the show, and most of them only for an episode each, for the most part they were blank slates and the equivalent of writing OCs......and so I’ll always have a soft spot for my time in DA fandom solely because of how many people told me my version of Max’s various siblings was like, the definitive version for them and what they based their own fics or takes on her siblings on. Swoon. Like, that’s my favorite kind of compliment, especially in fanfic writing.

So that series was my Big Thing even if it wasn’t my most popular or well-known fic, and the various stories in it were weird and whimsical and largely experimental. Because part of the point of fic writing for me instead of writing original fic is its like....fanfic is often the place where I just get weird with my writing and try new things even just stylistically. See what works and what doesn’t, etc.

Anyway, kinda curious if there’s anyone out there who was in Dark Angel fandom at all to any degree, or if any of these sound familiar or if anyone remembers reading them.

Like, so Jondy was Max’s sister who we never met in canon but Max talked about often as being her favorite sibling, and her story in this series was called “Little Lightning Girl.” In it she was a stripper slash vigilante, who used her job to take note of predatory guys who then she preemptively scared away from her coworkers or ran totally out of town. I forget how it went exactly, but that one was written as though it was all her stream of consciousness, and she had to my mind a kind of chaotic, whimsical sort of nature, so there was something in there like: 

“Call me little lightning girl, for I’ve lightning in my veins. My hair is always frizzy, my steps all flicker-shimmy-shake. But when I strike, boom, clap, I’m thunder in reverse - by the time you hear the rumble, its already too late. That was you hitting the ground. Don’t hurry getting up. I can wait.”

And then Zane’s story was called “Zen and the Art of Not Breaking Your Customer’s Fucking Face (remember, its bad for business).”

Brin’s was “I Wasn’t Born Yesterday (but yesterday, I remember being very small).”

Zack’s was “Rules For When The Sky Is Falling (and this time it isn’t your fault).”

Syl’s was “The Kind of Girl You Bring Home to Meet Your Parents (when you’ve got the kind of parents that need killing).”

Ben’s was “They keep telling me I’m crazy (I say its the world that’s gone mad).”

Tinga’s was “A Storybook Kind of Princess (with a Grimm kind of happily ever after)” and Krit’s was “The Good Die Young, So Boy, You Better Be Bad.”

Kavi’s was “I Never Learned How To Play Ball (striking out comes naturally).”

Vada’s was “Chase Me To The Desert and Watch Me Live, I Bet I’ll Thrive (you better believe I was born to survive).”

And then Seth’s was “All Her Brothers’ Keeper (you keep your secrets and I’ll keep the watch).”

And though technically not escapees with the rest of them, I am anal and a completionist, so of course I had to write ones for Eva, Jack and Jace too. 

Eva’s was “Big Sisters Know Best (so when I say I’ll die for you, just say thank you and live).” 

Jace’s was “Leopards Never Change Their Spots (but why worry about my 5% leopard when I’m 10% shark). 

And Jack’s was “Shelter The Innocent (but don’t look at the boy without shelter and say that boy, he’s no good).”

Anyway, been randomly thinking about those today now. Well, not randomly since I can follow the train of thought that led me to thinking about them, but you know what I mean. Its just kinda funny to me that I do remember those particular stories so well when there’s entire other fandoms I can barely remember writing in at all. And DA fandom wasn’t even one I was in all that long, ever knew too many other people in, or like....idk. I definitely, definitely have written much more well read and frequently commented upon stories than that fairly random little series of almost-OCs, but for some reason it stuck around in my head a lot longer and a lot more clearly than a ton of other stuff.

[mooxnlights]

Will You Still Love Me In The Morning?

Fandom: Marvel

Characters: Bucky Barnes x Reader, the Avengers

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, intoxicated reader

Word Count: 2,761

Requested: Yes

Anon: Can I request Bucky x reader where they both like each other but are too shy to admit. And of course Tony has some kind of a huge party and they all go and the reader who usually doesn't drink, drinks too much and Bucky decides to take her to her room and she hugs him on the way and says cute stuff to him and they end up confessing that they like each other haha I know it's stupid but idk I like shit like that Thank you sooooo much 💕

A/N: Not stupid at all love! Very cute actually. This got a bit long because I got towards what was meant to be the end where I got stuck not knowing how to end it (because I’m not a fan of such intimate and personal experiences/confessions taking place when either parties are under the influence) but then I took something off of the movie ‘Click’ and ended up making it longer. I’m not too fond of how it ends tbh but I hope you enjoy it.

IMPORTANT (apology): I’m sorry this was late and sorry for the other requests that are still coming. I’ve had a lot going on lately, I’ve had a formal, a death in the family + the funeral and a 6 hour RSA course all within two weeks but I promise the other requests are coming soon.

Y/N = Your name Y/L/N = Your last name

You were standing next to your friend and fellow avenger Sam Wilson as Tony made his grand entrance emerging onto the balcony above everyone holding his arms out as he took in the applause from the various guests he invited to his party that he nagged you all about attending. What was being celebrated? You had no idea but the idea of an open bar is what seemed to coax the team into attending, including you.

You were never a big drinker but you had been on quite a few missions lately so your stress levels have been at an all time high especially when on one of those missions a certain super soldier seemed to completely disregarded his own personal safety in order to help you when you were struggling with multiple hydra agents. This ultimately resulted in Bucky suffering a gunshot wound to his right shoulder which didn’t seem to bother him in the slightest as he recovered rather quickly with no damage to any organs or major arteries but it still made you feel guilty nonetheless. So with one free night where you know everyone on the team is safe and together in one room you decided to let loose. Primarily to wash away and numb some of the guilt you still held over endangering the man you had been harbouring a huge crush on since the day you met him. So with that established you headed over to the bar where you began a night that was sure to leave you with a headache the moment you woke up the next morning.

As the night went on most of your fellow Avengers had tagged teamed in coming to check up on you as you had barely moved from the bar where you had been laughing and swapping stories with Sarah, the bartender who had been bouncing between you and other guests all night.

Your current visitor however was the host of the gracious party himself, Mr. Tony Stark.

“You’re not draining the bar are you Y/L/N?” He jokingly questioned upon his arrival making you turn away from Sarah while she continued pouring drinks for other guests.

“Of course not man of the irons,” you responded in a deep voice before sipping the last of your drink and facing him as he stood next to you.

“That was my Thor impression,” you said as an answer to his confused but not surprised expression.

“When has Thor ever- No never mind, I came here to tell you, sweetheart that I’m cutting you off,” he declared loud enough for Sarah and the other bartender to hear who both nodded in response.

“You can’t do that!”

“I can and I will,” he responded calmly while taking your now empty glass off you and putting it on the counter before he started to help you out of your seat.

“This is America, it’s a free country!” You countered loudly, even though you were allowing him to help you to your feet where you stumbled slightly.

“Nothing is free sweetheart, especially when you're hammered at a bar that I’m paying for believe it or not.”

He started leading you away apologising to the surrounding guests who had to listen to your outburst.

“And by the way, could you maybe have used the confidence you gained at the bar to confess your feelings to Barnes instead of sharing cooking recipes and bikini wax stories with the bartender so the rest of us don’t have to suffer through anymore of the longing looks and reluctant flirting like its a high school cafeteria, its sickening, seriously.”

He sat you down on one of the couches where you were now in the middle of Natasha and Bruce who seemed more amused than annoyed at your interruption to their conversation. With a quick word from Stark informing them that you're not to be let out of their sights, he rushed off to continue playing host.

“How are you doing Y/N?” Bruce asked with a chuckle taking in your now subdued appearance as a result of Tony’s comment.

You sighed in response and rested your head on Nat’s shoulder closing your eyes as all sorts of heightened emotions ran through your brain.

Natasha and Bruce simultaneously looked at each other before Nat decided probe.

“What are you thinking about in that pretty little head of yours Y/N?”

“I haven’t seen Bucky tonight,” you responded pathetically as you opened your eyes and sat up straight, trying to get comfortable.

“Well he’s right over there,” Bruce stated softly pointing over to where Bucky was standing alongside Steve watching Sam take on Rhodey at a game of pool.

“No, I haven't seen him,” you respond stretching out the word. “I’ve been here all night, conforming to society by wearing a dress I can barely breath in and not to mention these death shoes,” you continued while reaching down and slipping off your heels and now holding them in your lap, “and he doesn't even say hi to me? What the hell is that about? Can he just fall in love with me already so I don’t have to feel like a freaking lovestruck puppy whenever I see him?”

Nat gave Bruce a knowing look before responding to you, “why don't you just go tell him that then?”

“Well maybe not those exact words but tell him how you feel,” Bruce cut in.

You looked at him with a blank expression on his face before protesting “what the hell do you know? You could barely tell Nat how you feel.”

Natasha let out a short laugh while Bruce sighed.

“Who cares anyways nothings ever gonna happen, I’m just going to go to bed and be a self-depreciating hermit,” you stated while standing, not bothering to put your shoes back on and opting to carry them instead.

“Wait Y/N-” Bruce began before he was cut off by Nat.

“Sleep well babe and drink some water,” she said smiling at you while you nodded and began your trek to your room.

Bruce looked at her in confusion before questioning, “shouldn’t one of us go with her?”

“Don’t worry, someone else has that covered,” she said with a smirk before raising her wine glass to her lips as they both watched you get closer to the pool table that you had to pass in order to get to your room, the pool table that Bucky was still was next to.

Bruce let a smile take over his face as he silently held out a clenched fist that Nat acknowledged and proudly bumped with her own.

You cursed quietly to yourself as you continued to stumble despite not wearing the heels that were currently in one of your hands while the other landed on the pool table in order to steady yourself grabbing the attention of Sam, Rhodey, Steve and of course Bucky.

“Big night so far baby girl?” Questioned Sam as Steve came to your side like the gentlemen he is.

You didn’t notice however how Bucky tensed at the nickname Sam used for you.

“End of night,” you responded to Sam while brushing Steve off in order to convince him that you were fine to walk.

You weren’t.

You took three steps without the help of Steve or the pool table before you tripped over your own feet and fell flat on your ass. Bucky rushed to help you up while the others let out laughs. Except for Steve who tried to hide his chuckle with a cough.

“You guys are the worst,” you grumbled as you let Bucky help you, all the while your face heating up over embarrassing yourself in front of him.

“I think you’re right about it being the end of the night for you Y/N,” Rhodey said through laughs to which you flipped him off.

“Here I’ll help you to your room,” Bucky offered sweetly while taking your shoes out of your hands and wrapping his left arm around your waist to keep you steady as you continued your journey to your room now with Bucky’s help.

It was silent between you both until you made it to the elevator, Bucky hitting the button to your floor all the while keeping his arm around you as you stared up at him, completely mesmerised by the perfect structure of his face.

“How’s your shoulder?” You asked still staring up at him.

“It was over a month ago, I’m fine, stop worrying,” he responded gently.

“But it was my fault.”

“It wasn’t Y/N, it was mine and it saved you so it was worth it. Plus I’ve been through so much worse, that was like a paper cut,” he concluded with a chuckle.

“You’re so lovely,” you said with a dreamy sigh.

Bucky laughed at your comment putting it down to the alcohol but he still felt his face heat up.

You leaned in closer to him and wrapped your arms around him, pressing your cheek against his chest and taking in his scent. Bucky stilled and lightly wrapped his other arm around you with your shoes still hanging loosely from his hand.

He broke away from the hug and cleared his throat at the sound of the elevator dinging and the doors opening onto your floor. Keeping his arm around your waist he began to lead you down the hall.

“You’re so handsome, like you’re bone structure is just wow.” Bucky kept his eyes on the floor as you continued walking, grinning slightly.

“You’re eyes as well, I’ve never seen more beautiful eyes than yours. You’re so nice to me too, you’re just so selfless and sweet and charming. Probably why I’m so in love with.”

Bucky stopped immediately which just so happened to bring you right in front of your door.

“What did you say?” He questioned, his heart beating faster when he realised what you said.

“You’re not supposed to know that,” you said in a shocked whisper.

“Don’t worry you’ve just had too much,” he said in a dejected voice quickly blaming your words on the alcohol in your system.

He lead you through your door and walking you to your bed where he sat you down and made his way to your bathroom, dropping your shoes by the closet on his way there.

“I do mean it though,” you responded in a quiet and somewhat nervous voice.

Bucky closed his eyes and sighed before he returned to you and placed a towel over your pillow knowing you couldn’t be bothered taking off your makeup tonight.

“You don’t Y/N, get some rest.” He lightly pushed you down by your shoulders to where you were now resting your head on the towel while leaving the covers off you, knowing you will probably get uncomfortable still being in your dress.

It killed him to see you stare up at him the way you were, with a look adoration and love in your hazy eyes that Bucky’s current frame of mind took for you being an overly affectionate drunk. He had been in love with you since he first got to know you, you were one of the first of the team to accept and welcome him. You never acted overly cautious around him because of his past like some of the others did initially. You were always so kind to him and that’s what made Bucky hide his feelings from you, he always thought you saw him as a friend with how easily and eager you are to show him kindness, but little did he know it was because you were just as in love with him as he was with you, and through doubting that he felt the same way you decided to show it subtly through your actions.

“Please stay,” you asked again in that soft voice while reaching for him.

“Screw it,” he whispered quietly to.

You continued to stare at him as your eyes grew heavier. He shifted around your room bending over your desk as he scribbled something on a piece of paper and came back over to you.

“I don’t want you to regret anything tonight,” he said softly while putting the paper on your bedside table as he leaned down and pressed a long kiss to your forehead.

“Go to sleep,” he said pulling away from you.

You nodded your head with a soft smile on your face as you easily began to drift off into a peaceful slumber.

You awoke the next morning with a pounding ache in your head, it only took you a few moments of laying awake and staring at the ceiling that the memories of the night before came rushing back.

“Oh my gosh,” you groaned as you sat up and swung your legs over the side of the bed and sat with your head in your hands.

You were in the midst of calling yourself an idiot for the fourth time when you noticed something on your bedside table. Leaning over you picked up the paper and let out a choked breath when you read what was written on it.

‘Will you still love me in the morning?’

It was scrawled perfectly over the paper in Bucky’s neat hand writing.

You thought back to the kiss he left on your head last night, his soft words, him not being deterred by your proclamation of love.

“Friday where’s Bucky?” You called out as you stood up and shimmied out of your dress before slipping into a t-shirt and sweat pants.

“Mr Barnes is in the kitchen Miss Y/L/N,” Friday responded as you walked to your bathroom and began washing your face.

You let out a nervous sigh as you walked back over to your bed and picked up the paper again, you looked down at it for a moment before taking it with you and making your way to the kitchen.

You took a moment in the elevator to let out a shaky breath while gripping the paper securely in your hand. This was it, it was time to finally confess your feelings, sober that is. Your heart started beating even quicker as the elevator doors opened and you stepped out, you made your way to the kitchen at a quick pace knowing that if you didn’t get it over and done with now you would never do it.

You stopped as Bucky came into view, he had just turned away from the fridge where he was standing with a water bottle in his hand.

“Hi,” you breathed out once your eyes met.

“I know I look like a hungover piece of garbage but I really need to make things clear,” you began before he could respond.

Bucky simply nodded his head setting the water bottle down on the counter, doubts now circulating in his mind about your feelings for him.

You cleared your throat and looked down at the piece of paper still in your hand before you continued.

“What I said last night wasn’t because of the alcohol- I mean it was because I never would have actually admitted those things if I hadn’t of been drunk, but I have been thinking it for a long time now I just never knew how to tell you.”

Bucky looked down and took a few steps towards you while you held your breath waiting for his response.

“So you've been thinking for a while now that my eyes are the most beautiful eyes you've ever seen?” He questioned looking up at you with a grin.

You let out a laugh and looked down in embarrassment.

“Pretty much.”

“And my bone structure? Has that always been ‘wow?’” He teased as he stopped directly in front of you.

“Yes and you know it,” you mumbled still looking down.

You were forced to look up when you felt Bucky’s hand on your chin, your eyes shutting when you notice him leaning in.

You were stood in the kitchen with Bucky’s lips against yours, only pulling apart when a loud clapping came from behind you. Turning around you and Bucky came face to face with an unimpressed Tony Stark making his way around the two of you and towards the coffee machine.

“About damn time you kids got that out of the way, now scurry off and go do that somewhere that doesn’t disturb the sanctity and purpose of the kitchen.”

You and Bucky both looked at each other and shrugged your shoulders before exiting the kitchen hand in hand.

[yujachachacha]

The end result of my impromptu trip to Venice Beach! Click for captions~

(Context: In a recent Aqours Club video report, the girls were split into 3 teams and given 30 minutes to buy souvenirs at the Venice Beach Boardwalk with $30. They ended up signing their chosen items for merch purposes, but as a SoCal native I figured I’d just go and get the items myself.)

Explanation under the cut because I got waaaay too detailed about this stuff.

1. Look at all this merch I whaled on! I love Shukashuu so much that I bought 6 of her shirts! ᕙ(˵ ಠ ਊ ಠ ˵)ᕗ

…okay, I actually only own 1 of each item (shirt, shot glass, figurine). The rest are for friends. :^)

Fun fact: I only realized after I got home that the merch I picked out was all second-year stuff, haha.

Shukashuu’s blue shirt seems to be popular, as there weren’t any medium sizes available. The quality is actually pretty good - it’s 100% cotton and was soft and comfortable when I tried on the S size. Not really worth the $8.99 price tag IMO for such a basic design (the color is really pretty, but IDK how that would fare after going through a washing machine), but the “3 shirts for $19.99” deal made it a bit easier to stomach.

As for Anchan’s shot glass, that costs $3.99 (RIP Anchan bought it for 6 bucks apparently) and is totally not worth it. It’s slightly larger than average-sized with frosted glass, and the design on it actually consists of stickers that are already peeling/fading. It’s plastered with the words “venice beach”, “los angeles”, and “california”, along with pictures of colorful dots, hearts, various summer motifs, sports, and…a marijuana leaf. I have no idea what possessed Anchan to buy this, dear lord. She at least had to know what the item itself was used for, since it’s a common souvenir item that she’s probably seen often in her travels, plus Anchan’s recently become legally able to drink (since 2016 in Japan, and since February of this year for the US lol), so…actually, I’m just gonna stop myself here before I start implying that Anchan is totally a bro who enjoys taking shots like a champ whoops too late ε=┌(;･_･)┘.

But as for the design…Anchan, why? Why this specific glass out of all of the other cute ones you could’ve picked? Like, I’m not sure if the Aqours girls knew, but for me (a SoCal native who attended college in Grassachusetts MA and thus doubly familiar with the smell of pot), certain areas in the Boardwalk reeked of marijuana. Did Anchan think that the pot leaf on the shot glass was a palm tree? Did she not get a good look at the shot glass before she bought it? Or was she fully aware that a marijuana-patterned shot glass would become Aqours signed merch and was like, “lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it’s just a part of american culture, nbd~”

The “Little Rikyako” is exactly how I remembered it from the Aqours Club report - a hilariously fucked-up-looking figurine. The figurines appear to be all hand-painted, which probably explains the exorbitant $9 price tag for an item that’s barely the length of my ring finger (and I have small hands). I’d never go out and buy it on my own, but I was so amused by how amused King and Aikyan were by the little figurine that I ended up caving. The eyes do certainly remind me of Rikyako’s art. :3c

2. The mural that Arisha, Shukashuu, and Ainya took pictures in front of in the Aqours Club video! I could only take this lame selfie instead of replicating Shukashuu’s pose because I went on this pilgrimage by myself, but I’m hoping to make a return trip someday.

You might notice that I wrote a location on the caption for that pic. I’ve actually written a guide for finding all the places the Aqours girls stopped by at Venice Beach Boardwalk because apparently I’m frighteningly good at figuring out the locations _(:3 」∠)_. I unfortunately couldn’t find the Fureek merchant (the guy who sold Furirin a rainbow fluff tree for a fraction of the original price after she begged him to “GIBU MII DISCOUNT”), so I’m kinda on the fence about whether I should publish it just yet. I mean, I did figure out where his stall was located in the video, but I kinda want to meet the guy myself.

If anyone’s curious about my pilgrimage, feel free to ask me anything about it~ Though, I might answer a lot of questions if I published the guide…hm…

[fureniku]

The return of my blog or something idk

Looks like in my last blog I said I’d not post my semi-private stuff here, only to a private blog.

Honestly, I can’t remember the name of the private blog; let alone the login/password. I think I only made one post there, to zero followers, and kind of lost the point of doing it. So fuck it, lets just go back to being here.

Days since last post: 614 Todays date: 30th September 2019 Start time: 20:39

Well, I guess we have some catching up to do.

I don’t know how many people on here were following me before. So, I guess I’ll start with a sum-up. My previous blog was just me ranting about anxiety/depression related things. It was a good platform for me to vent my thoughts without real life friends knowing; I had a few RL friends who followed it which was great as they could give me some support, but most of them didn’t know about the blog, which was also great as they then didn’t know a side of me I’d generally prefer to keep private. That blog was deleted in early January 2018, when the drummer from my then-band found it. I had made some comments about my frustrations in the band which were true, and I stand by them - but naturally it caused drama. I deleted the account, and instantly regretted it - I only had maybe 50 followers, but now I have two, so yeah.  Life since then has been... chaotic. Not specifically in a bad way, just a lot of things happened. When the blog ended I was; - Single - Playing guitar in a band - Working a dead-end job in a Warehouse - Had no ambition/drive to progress life

Three of those things have since changed; I’m still single (not for lack of trying but whatevs). I guess I’ll cover a timeline? Jan 2018: I deleted my old blog, and made this one, and a second one with a more secretive/anon name. I made a couple of posts on each, then abandoned it. Instead, I started relying mostly on just one friend to help me. May 2018: I got a new job, working for a games developer. It literally changed my life. Anxiety/depression started to clear up a lot, things just generally improved. June/July-ish 2018: I left my band. There was an argument about the fact another band was using our space for free, after we had offered it to them at a split rate and they declined. I instigated the argument, other members didn’t see eye to eye with me, so I quit. It was a final nail in the coffin kind of thing, but it was certainly the healthy thing to do. The whole situation had been kind of toxic for a little while, but I now get on just fine with all of them - I think if I had stayed much longer, that might not be the case. Our vocalist left very shortly after me as well - I don’t know the reasons why, but it seems the terms were... less happy.

September 2018: I started taking Japanese classes. Met a girl, had a crush on her for a bit, it didn’t go anywhere as usual. No biggie.

December 2018: Depression came back a bit, as it always does around then. Not much I can do about it so I just power through.

February 2019: I got made redundant from work. I was cool with it, I could see it coming for a while and there was like 12 other people too, my boss had fought hard to keep me but the game wasn’t doing so well, so I totally get it. I got a nice redundancy pay (which they by no means had to give me, so I’m super grateful). I applied for a job with another studio; quite a big one called Jagex. They were far from me so it would’ve involved moving and stuff, so quite scary. I made it to the final stages, but didn’t get it.

I now had a fair lump of cash (I had been saving for a house anyway), but not quite sure what to do with it. Followers of my previous blog can probably guess what I decided to spend it on...

April 2019: I went back to Japan! My mental-health-reset trip mark 2. I spent about two and a half weeks there (despite fucking up and accidentally buying a ticket to return mid-may... whoops). I got detained in China on my way home too but that’s a whole other story (it was all sorted and fine in the end).

While in Japan, I had time to clear my head and think. I decided I wanted to go back to university, so started thinking about how that would work. Here in the UK, we get a student loan to pay for university. It’s a bit complicated, but the way it works is you get your course length plus one year of funding. The day you set foot on campus, you use one year of funding. Now, I had already been to university previously - I studied music production. Totally dead industry, I dropped out about three weeks into my second year. That meant, I only had course length minus one year’s funding left available. So I have to pay the first year of university myself. At a cool £9,250.

My dad agreed to pay one term, so one third of that. I managed to save up another terms worth by working over the summer. I’m sat in my uni dorm right now, still not quite sure how I’ll pay for the third term... but I’ve got 6 months to figure that one out.

May 2019: I returned to my original job, back in the warehouse. Picking and packing sacks of bird food, so much fun. My mental health naturally slipped again, although everyone was really friendly to me while before it was kinda like I didn’t exist, so that was nice.

Around this time, I also joined an Overwatch team. It was a pretty big team with maybe 14-15 members, it was cool to make some new friends. Except one guy, was a dick. This OW stuff is like a whole side story from hereon... Anyway, I said to my squad leader (We’ll call her SN) that this guy is a dick. She said ok and she’d go talk to him. She said do you agree you’re being a dick, he said no. She said do you acknowledge one of the squad members thinks you’re being a dick? He said no again. Some other stuff I don’t know happened, and he got kicked off the team. He turned a load of people against her, caused loads of drama, and everyone blamed her when it was 100% my fault. So that was fun. The only reason I didn’t leave the team right then is because if I had, the entire drama would’ve been for nothing.

June 2019: My old boss who didn’t work there appeared at the end of may. I have a job for you. Ominous... but ok. Turns out, there was a new system being implemented on another contract. As I had experience with QA, and had done some IT stuff for them before, they wanted me to help with the testing and implementation. It was a job that would test my brain, while requiring little physical work - it was perfect for me. I really enjoyed it. It was supposed to be a four week thing, but we found lots of niggly little problems in the system... as far as I know, it’s actually only just gone live - but may have been delayed further.

While working up there, obviously there was downtime while waiting for fixes to be implemented. “What, you want this label a different size? oof, that’s gonna take about three weeks”. However, I got to stay in the office, doing odd jobs and stuff. One of the “odd jobs” ended up being a full on Android app, that my boss and me developed together. It was super fun to work on and really rewarding. That was worked on on-and-off between June and August.

July 2019: an interesting month. There was a major incident at work where a shelf holding very heavy metal shit stirrers collapsed. (The contract was a water treatment etc company, who provide all the clean water and water recycling for my local area. The things on the shelf literally stirred shit.) No one was hurt but it was a lot of drama, which was kind of entertaining to me as I was totally bunking off for the whole week where it happened. Not just the occasionally check Facebook on your phone at work kind of bunking off; I literally just messed about on Discord and worked on Minecraft mods for about two weeks straight. They had given me quite a big project to do, I automated the process... gg ez.

Around this time, the game I had been a part of before was to be officially cancelled. My old work invited me down to the studio to be a part of the formal funeral for the game, which was a big honour. I even got to fly the sky-whale which was awesome. It was bittersweet though, as the game meant a lot to me and had literally changed my life.

August 2019: haaaaaa august was a meme. I’d gotten kinda close with a girl (we’ll call her AP) in my Overwatch team. Like, we’d arranged to meet up at the end of August anyway but yeah, she was the first crush in a long time who actually knew I liked her. And she had certainly implied she felt the same way... like she’d been sending lots of hearts and stuff and talking to me 24/7, tagging me in “X has to take you on a date to Y place” memes and so on.  Anyways, so SN had apparently picked up on the fact I liked her, and started getting super pissy with me. I was pretty good friends with SN and we got on well, but in August she suddenly started getting crazy angry with me over tiny things. It all came to a head when I let AP kill me in a game (long story). Turns out, SN was like in love with me... despite breaking up with her boyfriend of over a year like 2 days before this conversation. So yeah, she told me to fuck off and that was that, she left the team etc, which thanks to chain of command meant that I was then in charge. fun. 

Anyways, get to the end of August, and I was due to meet AP. We met up, it was pretty cool. We hung out at a gaming festival, then suddenly like half way through she was like “lets split up for a bit” and I was like ........ok thats weird but alright. We didn’t meet up again until literally when she had like 2 mins to go, but it seems like she had a lot more fun without me being there. Clearly I’d done some major fuckup, which I still don’t actually know what it was. I had an anxiety attack before I even reached my car... and not a little one either. It’s quite possibly the biggest anxiety attack I’ve ever had, I barely made it to my car before having a total meltdown. It was the first one I’d had for about a year and it hit hard. It took me about 30 mins to calm down, then I headed home. 

I messaged her that night and asked her what happened, and she replied with “oh I never said I liked you”. It hurt a lot, like I’d been totally lead on. But hey whatever, that’s my life in a nutshell right? “Oh you want this happiness? this happiness right infront of you? HA nah”.  She said in the same message that I “seemed cool” and she’d like to hang out again sometime. But literally within a week she was clearly interested in another guy, so yeah whatever. We’re still friends and play games from time to time but I know she likes this other guy, so yeah. I still like her but whatever, not much I can do about it.

Work was a meme as well. I got taken off the fun and interesting projects to do paperwork. Literally, my job was to scan 35,000 documents because they couldn’t find a couple of bits of information. I suggested much better and more efficient ways, but the boss of the contract was like “no thats bad do it this old fashioned way we don’t want any fancy apps or anything” (I had suggested a spreadsheet or database). It took me about 3 weeks of just standing by a scanner which would jam up every 15-20 sheets in. It was mental health hell, especially in the last week after all the AP stuff had happened.

September 2019: I had one week left at work. I finished the hellish scanning project on Monday afternoon. “Oh as a thanks for your massive hard work we’ll make sure to find you things to do for the rest of the week” No it’s fine, I’m happy to just finish a few days early so I have more time to prep for uni. “No no no, we’ll find you stuff to do” They did not find stuff for me to do. I literally sat there, with nothing to do bar a few odd jobs “hey can you fix this printer”, for four days. It was incredibly mind-numbingly dull. The only thing ticking me over was “hey, maybe they wanna give me a card on my last day or something to say good luck and bye and thanks for doing this literal £20/hr job for half that because you’re agency staff”. But nah, a few people said cya later, but a lot forgot I was leaving entirely. So that was a fun way to finish what had mostly been a decent job...

I then had two weeks of freedom, before moving to university on the 21st. I was nervous; who wouldn’t be? but it was cool. I finally moved out of my house, and had a place where I could make a lot of new friends (LOL). On the day I moved in, I met up with someone I’d spoken to online a few times who was living in the same building as me, we’ll call her S. She was nice, we got on well, and it was kinda cool to have a friend who was a girl that for once I didn’t have a crush on (coz I’m still totally hung up on AP). We ended up going to a club in the evening which I’ve literally never done in my life, and she brought me out of my comfort zone a lot. She was great for my anxiety and really helpful. We’ve hung out a few times since, but I kind of feel like I was just a “filler friend” until she made new friends. She actually totally blanked me when I walked past her today, so that was fun. She has my Switch atm too coz I let her borrow it, I’ll probably just get it back later this week and then be done, its like I put in all the effort to be a friend and she couldn’t care less.

Anyways, so as I said I moved in on Saturday. I met one of my four flatmates on Saturday and another on Sunday, but hadn’t seen the other two at all. It gets to Thursday and I’m tidying the kitchen a bit, my mum’s about to pick me up so I can move in my last few things, and one of the mystery people appeared - she hadn’t actually moved in yet and was just unloading her stuff. She had loads of kitchen stuff, seems she’s really into her cooking.

Anyway, mum picks me up, we go to get my stuff, then we’re driving back, and my phone starts blowing up. S: Are you in? Me: No, why? S: Your building’s on fire. Me: lol nice joke S: no really *picture of everyone evacuated with fire engines outside* S: It’s your floor too, idk which flat. I wasn’t far out, so found her outside when I arrived. I’ve seen people going in, not being funny but one of them looked like [one of my flatmates]. Shit.  A few mins later, the girl who had just moved in came over. You know it’s our flat right? Shit. Turns out the extractor fan on the cooker malfunctioned. I won’t share the video itself coz one of my flatmates is in it, but yeah it just started spraying molten something all over the hob and surfaces. (They said it looked like molten metal, and they were there - but I don’t see how it would’ve gotten hot enough to melt any metal. My best guess is fat that hadn’t been cleaned from last years tenants)

So yeah, we got moved into another flat. The open cupboard right there was my one - I rescued my custom cup from it that the games studio had given me. It’s no good to drink from now, but it still looks ok so I’m glad I can keep it for decorative purposes at least. The rest of the food is waste, and I have to wait for the plates etc to get cleaned. I’m currently eating ready meals out of their cook-in containers, because I don’t have any plates, and only one fork and spoon. I bought some paper plates today though so I’ll use those from tomorrow, but I still don’t have any saucepans or anything.

I wasn’t around when they sorted out the replacement accommodation. Because of that, the other four from my flat went to the same new flat together, with one new person. I was put into a different flat which also had one other person in, my building manager assured me they’re “really nice”. I asked if they knew I was coming, BM said “they’ll know when we get up there :)”. That was Thursday, today is Monday. The only food in the kitchen is mine, I’ve not seen anyone. I’m 100% positive I’m alone in this flat.

And so yeah, that’s my uni experience so far. I had my first lectures today, it was cool because I already knew all the stuff so I got to feel smart (I’m doing computer games programming, and it was mostly about design docs which I read through extensively while working at the studio, so I knew exactly how they worked etc). But, I didn’t really make any friends. I kind of joined in with a couple of other people in each lecture, but it seems like they weren’t really interested, so whatever. I had an anime society taster this evening as well, and it was when I was on my way to that that S blanked me and I just got hit my like a wave of loneliness. I didn’t make any friends at the anime society, so I kinda just gave up and came back to my flat, and started writing this. As I was getting the fire picture from above though someone asked me if I wanted to hang out, so guess I’ll see how that goes. Not holding out much hope tbh and I’m at the point of becoming a full on hermit... I mean hey, at least I’d get a perfect score on my degree if I just focus on that and eliminate any social aspect right?

Finish time: 21:38 Length:  3,302 words/16,759 characters

[groundramon]

I’m bored and I cant focus on my drawing so...

Since I’ve been ratting on Teen Titans all week even tho I insist I like the show (I SWEAR TO GOD I DO...I was off-put at first but? its okay, its hard for shows to immediately hook me), I think it’s only fair to list some of my major problems with some of my all-time favorite shows and some other shows that are currently on that aren’t really my favorite, but I still think are objectively decent and arguably pretty damn good.

I’m not gonna go in order from best to worst but here we go: (keep reading tag because this is going to get really fucking long and ik i dont usually do this with my rants but i feel like i should this time, idk im inconsistent this is a personal blog sorry)

Steven Universe: - I sometimes feel bad critiquing SU because it’s not too far into its run.  I love the show, some of the moments and even full episodes are legitimately mesmerizing, but it...has quite a few problems, yeah.

- The one I bitch the most about is the pacing.  Steven Universe tries to combine serialized storytelling, which is telling an overarching story over the course of several episodes (IE Avatar: The Last Airbender, most anime, ect), and episodic storytelling, which is telling several smaller stories that each fit in one episode with little to nothing connecting them besides the characters (IE SpongeBob, We Bare Bears, most cartoons honestly).  But emphasis on “tries”; Steven Universe, unfortunately, is not very good at blending these two styles.  Steven Universe ridgedly adheres to the idea of having a season that is half filler/”townie” episodes and half “cool alien”/plot-related stuff - and this is something that’s been confirmed, by the way.  So while this was fine in the first season (where the only true overarching plot-related episodes that weren’t just worldbuilding were at the end of the season) and the second season (where the plot episodes can be summed up all-together as “they catch and befriend Peridot and learn, not stop, the Cluster”), it isn’t in the later seasons.  Season 3 has the following plot points: the Cluster is defeated, Malachite is found and defeated and defused, Lapis joins the Crystal Gems, more homeworld gems (rubies) find earth, Jasper is corrupted and bubbled, its revealed that Rose Quartz shattered (killed) someone, and Steven gets lost in space because of a plan gone wrong with the Rubies (and he’s rescued in the last episode).  That is a paragraph worth of plot points.  And, being generous (IE including plot-forwarding episodes that feel more like filler than actual plot, like the baseball episode) that is 13 twelve-minute episodes worth of content.  All of those plot points are addressed in 2.6 hours time.  That is not long enough to visit all those episodes.  And there are a few more I didnt count that /are/ related to the aliens, but Bismuth and Centipeetle currently irrelevant and weren’t related to the plot points I listed so I didnt mention them.

- I’m also still waiting somewhat impatiently for resolution on certain character arcs.  Pearl’s behavior hasn’t been properly addressed for a while and I’m really hoping they dont wimp out of addressing what a piece of shit she can be sometimes.  Like, I love Pearl, but get the fuck outta hear with your Pearl stanning shit.  She’s unintentionally awful and I lvoe her for it.  I’m more patient about Bismuth but.......crewniverse, im starting to get a little impatient with her too.  Bring her back.  You should’ve brought her back in the next episode, because her friends shouldn’t have left her bubbled, but whatever.  It’s fine.  I’m fine.  (I’m not fine).

- Also, Lapis’s character arc.  Wasn’t properly addressed.  One episode she was saying she deserved to be with Jasper and the next she seems fine.  One episode she hates Peridot and two episodes (well several episodes, but two episodes as far as they appear) later they’re buddy-buddy with one another.  I get that there was probably a time gap where they developed closer with one another, but fuck, I would’ve liked to see that instead of Future Boy Zoltron but okay :) (and i dont even hate future boy zoltron, its just one of the few “meh” episodes I bothered to remember the name of)

- SPEAKING OF UNPROPERLY ADDRESSED CHARACTER ARCS I swear to god Crewniverse, if Amethyst was being sincere when she said she didn’t have self esteem issues anymore, I dont think I can call this one of my favorite shows anymore.  Where.  Where did she find the resolve to get over her self esteem issues.  The last time we saw her talk about them was when she broke down in Sardonyx’s room, but, she was speaking through Smoky Quartz (btw, where the fuck has Smoky been? I literally forgot about her because its been so long...).  But still, even if she WAS speaking through a fusion, before then she displayed the same self-destructive mindsets and she was never given the resolve to better herself.  All she did was wallow in her own pity with Steven (which? relatable, but not constructive).  Show us her getting the resolve to better herself.  Show her positively reinforcing herself.  Have her whisper “you can do this, Amy,” under her breath right before she kick’s a bad guy’s ass.  Have her high-five herself, have her cheer for herself, have her be sincerely proud and acknowledging her accomplishments.  Because that’s how you fix self esteem issues and kids should be taught that by someone other than a therapist or the internet.

- Just because a lot of these issues could be fixed with time doesn’t change where they are at this moment.  The past pacing issues might not ruin the show for me depending on the direction they go in, but I feel like they’re going to continuously make the same mistakes over and over - and with the intense direction this show is going now, the idea of having five filler/townie episodes in a row while Lars is in space is terrifying because of how awful that pacing is.  I do not care about Onion, please go back to Lars.  But even if they fix it and the rest of the series is near-spotless, what’s done is done, you cant fix the rushed pacing of the past seasons’ stories and the dumb filler that padded out the seasons in the wrong areas.

- Also, another problem with combining episodic and serialized storytelling is that SU’s story gets WAY too serialized for an episodic show.  There’s so much going on that you can’t just sit down and watch a random episode of the show and start watching the show from there, which is a huge problem when you have episodes like Onion Gang and Future Boy Zoltron that take up 30% of the episodes and offer literally nothing to the story and honestly arent usually even that great as far as episodic stories go.  You cannot have 30% of your serialized show be 100% filler.  That’s bad writing.  And SU is in denial of the fact that it’s too serialized to be episodic.

Gravity Falls: - I generally cite Gravity Falls as one of the best combiners of the traditional episodic and serialized styles.  It’s what Steven Universe dreams of being; it becomes serialized when it counts (the final half of the last season), but up until then, it’s episodic with just a few clues/reoccuring things sprinkled throughout.  However, this show is far, far from flawless.

- Some of the episodic shows, and I mean a lot of the episodic shows, have a tendency to feel rather generic.  Ah yes, a girl whose obsessed with boys and boybands.  Okay.  Seen that.  A nerdy, whimpy boy who has a crush on a cooler older girl.  Again, seen that.  I’m not saying that’s all there is to Mable and Dipper; clearly not.  But a lot of their traits encompass many different stereotypes, and while the characters themselves aren’t bad, the situations they find themselves in aren’t always the most original.  Sometimes I feel like Gravity Falls is a PG-rated Scooby Doo meets Disney Sitcom.  Which is okay if you like Scooby Doo and Disney Sitcoms, but it doesn’t always make for the most eloquent storytelling.  Which is fine for a kids show, but less fine for one of the cartoons heralded as a harbinger of the current cartoon renaissance (then again, I’m not into hardly any of the other harbingers of the “current cartoon renaissance” and I’d argue that we aren’t in a renaissance at all; we’re just finally, finally getting some decent cartoons after the awfulness that was the late 2000s)

- I’m gonna say it; we should’ve learned more about Ford’s adventures in the other dimension.  It’s possible some of the non-animation related materials (namely books) have information about his travels, but as it stands, I havent got a clue what happened to him during those years.  And I want to know.  I should know.  Its a glaring plot hole in all honesty, because we should know what happened to him and how it affected him.  Or maybe im overreacting idk.

Voltron: Legendary Defender: - Hoo boy, where do I even start with VLD

- VLD seems like a show that wants to be character-driven but somehow refuses to.  It wants you to be emotionally attached to the characters, but either it does that and does nothing with it, or it doesn’t even bother to do that.  The only characters whose struggles I care about are Pidge, Shiro, Allura, and only as of season 3, Keith.  Allura I was kinda on the fence about until season 3 but thankfully, if season 3 did one thing right, it was Keith and Allura (and yes I know people are complaining abt Allura’s treatment but I like watching my faves suffer).  That leaves two paladins - and Coran, but I’ll give him a pass because literally the only show that’s done a comedy relief right is ATLA so I’m not expecting him to be superbly well-developed - that I dont give a shit about.

- Lets start with Hunk.  GOD I want to love Hunk so much.  So FUCKING much.  But every time a new season comes out, I feel more and more disappointed.  This show is so obsessed with melding him down to “the fat kid who eats a lot and makes a lot of dumb jokes” and it’s....so disappointing, because there’s so much potential here for something more.  In the first episode of the series, we see Hunk display cowardice (which isn’t an uncommon trait for a fat stereotype) and a prowess for engineering.  Yes he’s a bit of a fat stereotype, but you know what?  I dont care if a fat character is cowardly, makes bad puns, likes to eat, throws up a lot, all that jazz.  I care that they’re more than that.  I hate the idea that a character having a stereotypical trait (assuming its not straight-up a caricature) makes them automatically stereotypical.  Sorry buddy but smart asian people exist.  Preppy blondes exist.  And food-loving fat people exist (hi! i know that last one is true because I am one).  But they’re so obsessed with ignoring Hunk’s other traits - his love of cooking and his engineering skills.  I dont even remember if he used his engineering skills in season 2 and I know he only used it once in season 3.  He didnt even cook in season 3.  And I think the most telling thing in this show is how the show described Hunk’s relationship with Shiro.  As Keith was expressing grief over loosing essentially his big brother figure, Lance thought back to when he viewed Shiro as a legend and a hero, Pidge reminisced about how her father and brother used to praise the guy, and Hunk?  Hunk basically said “uhhhhhh he taught me to pilot my lion.....that counts right.”  Because Hunk has no relationship with Shiro.  Because Hunk has no relationship with any character.  He doesn’t even have that much of a relationship with Lance, and the two seemed to be best friends - or at least friends - prior to the formation of team Voltron.  At best, Hunk is friends with Lance and Pidge.  But all Hunk has done with Keith is make bad jokes while Keith acted all loner-y, and Hunk hasn’t even interacted with Allura and Shiro.

- Now, speaking of Lance, lets talk about him.  While Hunk gets points from me because he’s a sweetheart who deserves better, Lance is a flirter whose too high on his own horse and makes even worse jokes than Hunk does.  Considering Lance is the one we follow in the first episode, I would’ve expected him to be the most centric member of the team.  But first off, fuck me for projecting anime stereotypes/tropes onto a western cartoon (even though voltron was originally an anime kinda but shhh), but secondly he actually is...the most forgettable of all the Paladins.  Yeah I said it.  I legitimately dont like Lance at this point.  Yeah, I said that too.  I basically cant remember anything about him besides the fact that he flirts and jokes around a lot and that Klance is inescapable (like, not that its inevitable that you’ll ship it, but you’ll never escape the fandom for it).  He’s Sokka with all the charm, intelligence, and depth taken out of him, and also bi but that’s the only improvement.  Seriously, what...draws you all to Lance?  I dont want to judge, but he’s just....so stereotypical.  So boring to me, despite being the most lively paladin.  And the development cockteasing.  Oh, the development cockteasing.  I cant tell you how many times I’ve gotten my hopes up specifically because of something the show said about Lance/Lance seeming to be insecure about something, only for them to immediately shoot it down and replace it with more bad jokes or...nothing at all.  Because did Lance even do anything in season 3?  He pilots Red now, he had a funny bit with Blue during the “breakup”, he comforted Keith, Keith comforted him, uhhhh ??? did he even have a line in episode 7??  I feel like there might’ve been episodes where he literally had no speaking parts.  The only good things I can say about Lance so far are: 1. sometimes hes really fucking funny, and 2. it looks like they COULD be building up to something.  But if they’re just cockteasing me all the way through, I’m disowning dreamworks entirely.

- The tone of the show? also shouldn’t vary as much as it does.  The tone of a show varying is fine, but it shouldn’t vary in the way it does in Voltron prior season 3 (I’ll get to what I mean by that in a second).  In season 1 and season 2, the heavy moments of the show were almost entirely carried by Shiro; there was something for Pidge and something for Keith, but even then, Shiro got involved or was there for the entire time.  Shiro, by merely existing, brings the tone of this show down to something almost too serious for a kid’s show (emphasis on almost).  During the light-hearted parts, he just has to keep his mouth shut, because the only time he’s done anything funny (besides ironically funny like with his new outfit and haircut) was when he was yelling at Sven.  Yelling should not be your only source of humor.  But the rest of the show?  Was pretty goofy, yeah it took itself seriously sometimes but it also knew how to have fun.  Which is fine, a show should be able to have fun sometimes.  But that means all parts of the show, including Shiro.  Shiro is physically incapable of having fun and that’s kind of sad.  Season 3 was better about this though; nothing in season 3 felt fun and goofy, like at all, besides Lance taking selfies with girls in the first episode, and that was just one scene.  So I mean, they didn’t fix their problem, but the tone didn’t vary as much.  And I’m not saying the tone shouldn’t vary.  No, it should; you shouldn’t have all serious moments or all goofy moments.  Have some fun, but also take yourself seriously sometimes.  The problem is that parts of the show can’t take themselves seriously (Lance, Hunk) and other parts of the show can’t take a joke (Shiro, Zarkon/any villain too but they get a pass since they’re villains).

- Also we REALLY should know all of the Paladins’ backstories by now, ESPECIALLY Keith’s.  I know his is a mystery, but we need to know what he knows or else we cant get invested in the mystery.  If we dont have the same facts as the characters, we dont know where to start or what to expect.  We should’ve also seen flashbacks to Lance and Hunk’s families - ESPECIALLY Lance’s, since he seemed to care so much about them, but welp now that’s gone :).  We should’ve also seen more flashbacks to Pidge’s family but at least she’s trying to find them.  Nobody else gives a shit about their families and I just.  Aaaaaaaaaa this show infuriates me sometimes.

Avatar: The Last Airbender: - There’s nothing wrong with ATLA, move the fuck along

- I’M JOKING IM JOKING SWEATS okay but it’s no surprise I like ATLA and think its near flawless.  But still, it’s near-flawless, not flawless.

- If you cant stand a little kiddish cheese, you wont be able to stand ATLA.  ATLA takes itself super seriously for something on Nickelodeon, especially something on Nickelodeon in the mid-to-late 2000s (god I wish I watched this show as a kid, my standards would’ve been so much higher and i would’ve known what animation could actually do if you tried) but it’s still written for kids.  Which is fine!  I actually prefer things written for children over things written for adults.  But if you can’t handle something with content that’s clearly written for children, ATLA isn’t for you.

- Ozai fucking sucks.  There’s no other way to put it, his character fucking sucks.  He’s meant to be the embodiment of pure evil, he’s not meant to be sympathetic like Zuko, but for fuck’s sake, we needed his backstory.  And no, The Search doesn’t count; love that comic book, but that’s not enough backstory on Ozai (unless I’ve forgotten an important scene in the comic, idk its been a while).  Azula isn’t a sympathetic villain but we see her reasons and backstory.  Give us something like that for Ozai.  Show us a character that was emotionally neglected and then grew up in a society where killing and genocide were encouraged and praised.  THATS the backstory for Ozai I want.  I want to know where he came from to fuel my hatred for him, to see him as a real person but not as someone who should’ve done what he did, and I want to hate him BECAUSE he feels like a character.  Right now he just feels like the embodiment of evil and that doesn’t make for a good, truly intimidating villain.  A truly intimidating villain is one that you understand and can possibly relate to.  Not...whatever the hell Ozai is.

- Katara and Aang’s romance plot fucking sucks.  I am ace/aro and cannot write romance for shit nor tell when characters have chemistry, but I can still tell this.  It’s not...forced?  It’s not...rushed?  But it’s unnecessary and poorly written and it’s just puppy love and honestly if it was real live I couldnt see their relationship lasting.  Also the idea of seeing someone as a brother and then dating them later is verrrry .... poorly worded to say the least bUT ANYWAYS NEXT BULLET POINT

- Toph and Suki could’ve been developed more.  Like, they were okayly developed, they were great characters, but idk.  Toph didn’t grip me nearly as much as Sokka, Aang, and Katara and I feel kind of bad about it, but thinking about how much development the others got compared to her, it’s not really surprising.  I also am not the hugest fan of rude characters anymore, but I digress.  Also Suki.  Suki had like, little to no development.  I want Suki to be part of Team Avatar.  Can we do that

- General Zhao also fucking sucks.  He’s so generic that the first few times I watched the show, I forgot he was even a significant reoccuring villain.

- Sokka could’ve also been more developed but they could’ve all been more developed honestly?  You can always add to perfection.  I shouldnt complain about Sokka tho, he was finely developed and I love my nonbending son

The Legend of Korra: - Uhhhh the first season’s ending?  0/10 bad, rushed, not good.  I wanted to see Korra deal with the loss of her other elements.  I wanted to see her cope with that.  But no, because Nickelodeon kept screwing over LOK, they had to rush it because otherwise it wouldn’t have been a happy ending for the series if they potentially had to end it after one season.  Fuck Nickelodeon :) but I’m still going to critique LOK for it even if it is Nickelodeon’s fault.

- Bolin and Mako were horribly underdeveloped.  Especially Bolin.  It’s so sad how underdeveloped “Team Avatar” was in this series compared to the last series.  I feel bad complaining about Toph, Suki, and ESPECIALLY Sokka in comparison to LOK.  The only one even comparably as bad is Suki, but she got half a season to be developed and these two got an entire series.  We got some of their backstory and then...that was it, besides the love triangle that Bolin was barely part of.  I guess they were kinda irrelevant for season 2 and season 4, but they had no reason to be missing in the later half of season 4, plus they had season 1 and season 3, so....  God, poor Bolin.  It would’ve been nice to see a nice (fat) comic relief guy like him get the same treatment as Sokka, but whatever....its fine.......ill just sit here patiently waiting for my good representation coughs.  Also all Mako did was do the love triangle and I Do Not Like Him for it.  Keith is a better Mako than Mako ever was because Keith dont need no love triangle and also he already has more development

- Asami also should’ve been more developed, but it looks like there’s potential for more development in the comics so thats good.  From the series alone though, she was pretty flat; better than Bolin and Mako for sure, better than Suki from the original series, but not nearly as good as Toph or the others.  At least she did have some development and a likeable personality that’s relatively original.

- I hate saying this but...Korrasami should’ve been more developed.  I wouldn’t like, take points off of a rating for this point because I mean it was the first lesbian/gay representation in a kids cartoon (from my understanding) and Nick might not’ve even known they were sneaking in something romantic at the end, not to mention they completely subverted the love triangle plot so it actually gains back favor in that way and its great.  Also, I mean, they had that buy-curious joke lmao.  And I’m pretty sure its expanded upon more in the comic; there wasn’t really room to expand upon it in the show because it was just starting.  But they probably could’ve done better than that.  It was still okay though and also, the subverting of the love triangle trope is the greatest thing ever and i long for the day that I can do that plot twist in one of my shows lmao.

- The Villains could’ve been more developed.  Besides Ammon (who is FUCKING AWESOME and you can FIGHT ME) they all had the same problem as Ozai; we dont have many reasons to see them as human or relatable and it makes it hard to hate them as much as we should.  I mean, they do show /some/ human qualities which I appreciate, but I dont entirely understand their motivations half the time and I want to know how they came to view the world the way they do.  But at least unlike Ozai, they do feel somewhat human.  (Except maybe Unaloq, I didnt like Unaloq very much)

And that’s like half of what I could say about each of those shows, and those are just some of my favorite shows I watch.  Dont ask me to go off on like, AOT or something, because I’ll be writing for another three hours lmao (actually feel free to because i wanna INSULT this PIECE OF GARBAGE ANIME that looks rlly pretty but otherwise IS BAD AND IDK WHY I WATCH IT lmao [idk if im joking or sincere sorry])  No show is flawless so I’m going to insult whichever flaws I see.  Fight me.

[wrestlingisfake]

Raw Fake Rankings, 6/5/2021

Men's singles division - babyfaces

Drew McIntyre

Damian Priest

Jeff Hardy

Angel Garza

Jaxson Ryker

Ricochet

Humberto Carrillo

Mansoor

Shelton Benjamin

R-Truth

Men's singles division - heels

Bobby Lashley (WWE world champion)

Sheamus (WWE United States champion)

Elias

Jinder Mahal

John Morrison

Mustafa Ali

Drew Gulak

Cedric Alexander

Akira Tozawa (WWE 24/7 champion)

Since Wrestlemania, Raw has tried to do some things with Garza, Mahal, Carrillo, Ricochet, Gulak, Alexander, Benjamin, and Mansoor. But none of it has really had any lasting impact to build them up as key players in this division. At the moment, it feels like the Elias-Ryker breakup will be more prominently featured than any of those other guys, but that's mostly because it just started and hasn't had time to be neglected.

The only guys on this list who feel like major attractions are McIntyre, Lashley, Sheamus, and Priest. McIntyre and Lashley keep fighting over and over. Sheamus is making all the midcard faces look like chumps. Priest is making all the midcard heels look like chumps. I assume at some point we'll get Priest vs. Sheamus, and then McIntyre vs. Sheamus and Lashley vs. Priest a million times.

It's probably worth calling attention to Jeff Hardy, if only because I keep forgetting he's not out with a knee injury. Of late, Hardy has spent as much time on the filler show Main Event as he has on Raw, and he hasn't won a match since February 1. I don't know if that means anything, but it's a strange way to use a guy with his star power. (In spite of all that, I still consider him the #3 babyface on the brand; that's how badly I think the rest of the roster has been misused.)

Men's tag team division - babyfaces

RK-Bro - Randy Orton & Matt Riddle

Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods

Lucha House Party - Gran Metalik & Lince Dorado

Men's tag team division - heels

AJ Styles & Omos (Raw tag team champions)

T-Bar & Mace

Orton and Riddle are doing the bit where the wacky guy can't figure out that his tag team partner hates him, and it's hard to believe that won't lead to a breakup soon. Then again, Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross were together just a little over a year, and the split was less "Alexa was using Nikki all along" and more "Alexa got possessed or some shit idk."

Women's singles division - babyfaces

Rhea Ripley (Raw women's champion)

Asuka

Nikki Cross

Naomi

Women's singles division - heels

Charlotte Flair

I'm listing Ripley as a face mainly because I read that the fans on the video wall at the Thunderdome are told to cheer for her. That's a stupid reason to consider someone a pro wrestling good guy, but I think it's hilarious that this is the only way to tell, so I'm going with it. Anyway, they're turning Cross into a goof (moreso than before), and Naomi was barely doing anything before her tag team partner was fired.

This division is a joke, which is crazy to say because I think all five of these women are great, but it is.

Women's tag team division - babyfaces

Dana Brooke & Mandy Rose

Women's tag team division - heels

Shayna Baszler & Nia Jax

There's only two teams here. Brooke and Rose once walked out of a match against Baszler and Jax because they decided they didn't want to get beat up. Baszler just lost a match to Jax's manservant, or whatever Reginald is.

No matches in 30 days: Alexa Bliss, Bray Wyatt, Erik, Ivar, Keith Lee, MVP, Reckoning, Shanky, Slapjack, Titus O'Neil, Veer

I've got Jinder Mahal's new cronies, Veer and Shanky, listed in italics because they still not listed on WWE.com's official Raw roster. (Actually, Veer is still on the site under his NXT name, Rinku.)

There was a report a while back that Slapjack (Shane Thorne) and Recknonig (Mia Yim) were headed to Smackdown, but that still hasn't happened, so as far as I'm concerned they're still technically Raw personnel.

Wyatt has been off TV since Bliss turned on him and essentially took over his spot. I've read rumors that he's dealing with some personal issues, but frankly that's none of our business unless he wants to address it publicly. What matters here is that I don't have enough information to list him as inactive, and there appears to be no timetable for him to return. (Same deal with Keith Lee, who's been out for months and nobody's saying why, not even to imply that it could be a concussion.)

Ironically, Bliss has been out of action longer than Wyatt. If they're serious about booking her like Wyatt's Fiend character, that will be the norm. Despite being a heavily-pushed title contender in the men's division, Bray has only wrestled 17 televised matches in the past two years. Based on that pattern, I expect each of Bliss's matches will be spaced apart by weeks and weeks of promos and skits.

Part-timers/semi-retired: Triple H, Reginald, Shane McMahon

Inactive

Becky Lynch (maternity leave)

Lacey Evans (pregnancy)

Riddick Moss (knee - ACL tear)

The Miz (knee - ACL tear)

It's been six months since Lynch gave birth, and fans are going nuts waiting for her to return. At this point you might as well hold off until Summerslam, and do her first match back in front of the biggest, hottest crowd possible. Unfortunately at this point I don't think any one person, not even Becky, can turn the entire WWE women's division around.