#idk if ima delete tbh besties

[adraughtofamortentia]

now that i know how to add a read more cut ima ramble abt mental health and school real quick

so like long story short, i wanted to apply for a graduate student association club thing, but i got hella triggered last night and its due today and i wasnt finished.

i thought for sure i wasnt going to be able to get it done, i gave up last night. but i woke up today, and did it!!!

i finished writing the statement of interest and submited it like hours before the deadline (i work later so lmao) but like this is huge, this feels huge for me

Ive technically been in school all summer but i havent been (able to) do work. Last night i was literally thinking of dropping out (a frequent conversation with myself, any other grad students feel that? Lol) i know i wanna try to get through the fall term before taking another break/time off but it just feels impossible.

but this momment, whether i get it or not, is so validating. i can do it!! I can write words and sound academic and meet deadlines. im basking in this feeling because i havent felt it in sooo long and next time i struggle i want to use this as motivation

Idk what my semester holds as i continue to figure wtf do to with my mental health (like next time im triggered/relapse idk if ill be able to get to work, i didnt think i could) but this indicates that i can do it. and if i get the position it means im still good at it. 😭😭😭💕🥰