#idk if i'll ever iron this out into a proper fic

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

the angstiest au you can come up with please

im hereby giving you permission to go wild

I have class in like an hour and I should be studying for my test but yes yes absolutely

Timari Soulmate AU where soulmates can feel the other's pain

They discover that they have soulmates rather quickly

The telltale sign that someone has a soulmate is that they will cry slightly more as a baby. After all, babies have very few experiences. Every jolt of pain, every negative emotion, is very big for them. So, whenever they or their soulmate experiences something even mildly discomforting, they cry

Tim's soulmate is clumsy and it takes a while for him to get used to the sudden feeling of hitting the ground or bumping into something without warning. It isn't uncommon for him to absently rub a hand over whatever his soulmate hurt, as if confirming to himself that he's actually fine

Marinette's soulmate gets sick way more than is probably normal. It's odd to see her without a red-tinged and irritated face from how much her soulmate is blowing their nose and she has to sit down often lest 'her' nausea get the better of her

When they're three years old, Tim visits the circus. Dick Grayson promises to do his special quadruple flip 'just for him', and Tim is gearing up for a fun night out with his parents. But, of course, it goes wrong

Oh god oh god oh god

They're falling

They can't be dead, can they?

They're DEAD

RUN RUN RUN

The Graysons fall, and so does Marinette. She spills from her bed at just past midnight, screaming at the top of her lungs. Her parents try to console her but she can barely hear them. The heels of her palms dig into her eyes as she cries, thrashing as Tom desperately tries to keep her from running around in fears of her getting even more hurt

Neither of them gets a full night's sleep after that. They're always jolting out of bed, their hearts beating wildly and their eyes prickling with tears. Marinette feels like her tongue is going to be bitten off as her soulmate struggles to keep quiet, Tim feels imaginary hands tugging at the roots of his hair as his desperately tries to ground themself

At age five Marinette starts helping her parents out in the bakery, they're both awake anyways. She tries to be careful, but Tim's palms are red and raw regardless

When they're six, Tim's parents leave him alone for the first time. A five-month-long trip. They barely even give him a hug before loading their things into the taxi. He waves to them as it drives off, but they don't wave back

Don't go

Please, don't leave him alone

Why would they leave him alone?

Don't they love him?

Marinette finds herself clinging to anyone that will allow it, but no matter how many friends she makes she can't soothe the desperate loneliness that presses in on her until she swears she can't breathe

Marinette steadily becomes people-pleasing in her desperation to keep people from getting annoyed by her clinginess. No matter how much she tries to explain that she just wants to be near them, that she just loves them, it's not enough. She's not enough

They're annoyed that I'm hugging them again

Should I make it up to them?

That's not nearly enough. I need to do more

She can do more

She can fix this

Please, please, don't go

She doesn't want to be alone

Tim sits, huddled over his desk, struggling to read his textbook through blurry vision. His shoulders shake with repressed sobs. He doesn't want to disturb the maid, after all. So, instead, he stuffs his hands in his mouth and tries to work. He can be better, he thinks. And, if he is better, then maybe his parents will stay

They just need to be good, they agree without ever saying a word to each other, then maybe they'll finally be worthy of love

At age eight Tim's obsession with Batman and Robin heightens to the point where he starts following them through the city on an almost nightly basis. Marinette learns what it feels like to constantly have ankles that ache and knees that feel like they're on the verge of tearing open but not knowing why. The tips of Marinette's fingers tingle whenever Tim tries to pet a feral cat and ends up getting scratched or bitten. No matter how much she sleeps she's always exhausted. No one says anything when she starts bringing sodas and thermoses of coffee to every class

When they're eleven, Marinette gets her first period. Tim trips in the middle of walking between classes, surprised, and many thoughts run through his head. Had his soulmate been punched? Stabbed? Because, wow, this was probably the worst he'd ever felt. He struggles to move for a good five minutes and by the time he's able to open his eyes again properly he's being dragged to the nurse's office. Panic grips him, he can't miss class -- his parents will get called, they don't want to worry about his attendance when they're out having fun. He stumbles to class and no one says a word about how weird his gait is or how his face is pinched with pain

At thirteen, Tim begins his career as a vigilante. He gets stabbed for the first time. Experiences what it's like to have a bullet wound. Concussions and fear gas and acid and...

Calm down, no one wants a crybaby

He needs to be better

He has civilians to protect, he can't mess up, people are counting on him

B won't accept anything but perfection

He'll never live up to Jason's memory, he'll never be good enough

But if he keeps working at it... maybe he'll be kept around

If B genuinely starts to like him then, maybe, it'll be worth it

Marinette finds herself on the floor more and more often, curled into a tight ball. Her hands grip her hair desperately, trying to pull her focus away from the fact that she feels like her stomach is being torn open from the inside out

Marinette begins her career as a superhero at age fifteen. She gets thrown into walls. Her fingers ache where her yoyo digs into her fingers. Broken limbs and Cataclysms and magical blasts and...

Calm down, no one wants an akuma

She needs to be better

She has to be the one to fix everything, she can't mess up, everyone is counting on her

Paris won't accept anything but perfection

She'll never live up to their standards, she'll never be good enough

But if she keeps working at it... maybe she'll be kept around

If Chat Noir genuinely likes her then, maybe, it's worth it

Tim moves in quick, jerky motions. If he stays still for too long he struggles to start moving again. He feels dead, he probably should be because he swears that his soulmate's body should have given out with all these injuries, but they stay stubbornly alive and he continues to be in pain

There doesn't seem to be a moment when they're not hurting at least a little. It becomes their new normal. This isn't to say that they ever get used to it -- they still feel every punch, every blast of power, as if it were their first time -- just that it no longer surprises them when their lungs fill with acidic air or when they feel as if a car is about to crush them

People whisper that they must be faking it to get out of classes

Sometimes, they wish they were right

I don't want a soulmate anymore, their anger and sadness and fear and hatred seem to scream

I'm sorry, the pangs of guilt whisper back. I'll try to be better

Marinette gets pulled from school when they're sixteen. It had been a long time coming, really, but she just can't stick to a strict schedule with all of the stuff both she and her soulmate get up to. She tells herself it's for the best, but all she can think about is how her friends are visiting her less and less. No one really noticed that she left, anyways...

Alonealonealone

Tim keeps losing people. His mom, then his dad. Then Darla gets murdered and Bernard stops talking to him because it's painful for them to get together without her there. Then it's Bart and Cassie... and then, finally, Bruce. To make things worse, Dick practically replaces him with Damian even though the kid literally tried to murder him on several different occasions... he leaves, desperate to find Bruce. No one will notice or care that he's gone, anyways...

Alonealonealone

They're seventeen. Tim's search for Bruce brings him to Paris, but he's really just passing through. He plans to leave by morning

Marinette flashesa thumbs up when her parents ask her to deliver something because they had a date that night. She forces herself out of bed. She winces a little as she takes the heating pad away from her shoulders and turns it off. She rolls her shoulders and cranes her neck and finds that, for once, she isn't in pain.

Weird, she didn't think her soulmate had been in physical pain much at all in the past week...

She grabs the box of pastries and heads out quickly, she didn't know how much longer the lack of pain would last. Might as well get work done while she could

Tim glances the person in the doorway up and down once. There were heavy bags under her eyes and her hair hung in limp ringlets. She looked on the verge of death. Definitely not a threat to him. His shoulders relax just slightly

Marinette hesitates. He was about her age, but he looked exhausted. His face was long and gaunt, wrinkles creased his forehead. She considered asking if he was okay

He glances behind himself and suddenly tenses up. She doesn't see why. He trades the box in her hand for cash, muttering a quick "merci" before slamming the door in her face

"De rien," she mutters under her breath, sarcasm dripping from her tone, and then she turns to leave

She's waiting for the elevator when the hotel room suddenly bursts into flame. Heat washes over her and she's quick to transform in hopes of letting that take the brunt of the attack

An akuma, she thinks. Really, she should have been expecting that

She runs in and finds that he's already leaving the room

She follows him to the next rooftop where he's already found three people to fight and... god, this may just be the ugliest akuma yet

He spots her from where she's perched herself on the edge of the roof. He stops moving for just a second, confusion tugging at his expression

She's quick to wrap her yoyo around his legs and pull him to the ground

But then she stops cold

Because she feels the familiar tug of her yoyo. Around her legs

He was... her soulmate?

But, wait, soulmates weren't supposed to feel the things their soulmates felt while akumatized

So was he not akumatized? Was he just a hero?

Then what about the people he was fighting? And the exploded hotel room? Or was he just defending himself?

She takes a few shaky steps forward, feeling weird and off-balance and conflicted and confused and unsure

They stared at each other with wide eyes

... wait, why was he surprised?

His lips part but his eyebrows are furrowed as he tries to say something

God, he didn't pay nearly enough attention in his French classes to tell her what he needs to

She barely has time to realize that he's looking behind her before something beans her over the back of the head

The both of them curse in unison

Marinette goes stumbling forward and understanding passes between them as Marinette and Tim stare at each other despite the fact that half of their faces are covered by their masks

The fact that they're soulmates will be dealt with later. After they're no longer in imminent danger