#idk if i have an eating disorder i mean i don't wanna self diagnose myself but i think i have one

[dariasonlinedairy]

okay chat, how the fuck I'm supposed to do this? like

in context, my family keeps telling me that I'm fat and then they say that im skinny, they make fun of me when i workout but then they tell me that i need to workout, they judge me whenever i eat more than usual or when i eat less than usual, they don't let me have my safe foods or safe drinks, and i don't even know what to do

i wanna be skinny, like, i just need to get a smaller waist and a flat stomach and thats all, but no because they always have to judge me and tell me what to do and in the end I'm so tired of working out and dieting that i just crash out and cry about that later

fuck them all, i mean fuck everything and everyone, why they can't let me just do what i think that it is the best for myself?

[fatghostboi]

Day 1: uhh so my scales are fucked I think but cw: 143.4 (I think it's mainly water weight lmao) and I wanna be 100lbs maybe 90lbs

Day 2: 5'3, I would wanna be a bit taller maybe at least 5'5 or 5'6 hhh

Day 3:

I want their legs. My legs have always been so big and I'm jealous. I don't want my legs to look femme fuck.

Day 4: the clothes I do like on me won't fit, or I'll have more curves. I know ill look more curvy, but I can hide that more I think. Or I'll just gain it all again fuck

Day 5: I want to lose weight to be good enough, for people to look at me and think I finally look good or even that maybe I did have a problem when they all turned me down. To look masculine enough and to have masculine features. To finally be good looking rather than the fat trans friend who looks too femme because of their fucking baby face with chub.

Day 6: I do and it's usually because I'm in a destructive headspace. I try not to often but yeah I do.

Day 7: no they don't. Mums never noticed, and the one time she did she took me to the doctors for depression thinking nothing of the food, then goes ahead and tells me I'm not depressed that I just get down sometimes when all the signs are there lmao.

Day 8: walk. My disabled ass cannot really work out and really shouldn't walk as much as i do when I do but my Ed can't help it, I love seeing the numbers on my watch go up and up.

Day 9: yes all the time. As a kid I was obese and overweight and I used to get called so many things. One thing that stuck with me was obese monkey. Good Times. Oh and the fact my ex said I run over my dog with my tree trunk legs... Ya know a few days after my dog just got killed but sure.

Day 10: probably my social life. I've lost my social life due to physical and mental illness. Everyone wants to go out and eat and I just don't want to. But also cooking. I miss cooking good meals rather than looking at meals as just calories I shouldn't consume.

Day 11: I don't have a favourite oops they're more on Instagram

Day 12: egg, egg whites, rice, toast, wheetabix, porridge, veggie sausages, chicken nuggets sometimes, a shit ton of veg like the amount of brocoli I consume lmao. Snacks wise sometimes the odd biscuit, usually carrots, houmous or just nothing.

Day 13: mainly unhealthy but sometimed I try to do it healthily and get no results so I get pissed.

Day 14: 100-90 lbs and I honestly don't know. I've failed so far but I fucking want to so bad. My first big goal is getting down to 120lbs so

Day 15: I'm not but I try to be. I would definitely consider being vegetarian as going vegan would probably affect my chronic illness worse due to the lack of vitamins I would get. I'm very picky with food but I do love to eat vegan food when i can.

Day 16: I was about like 10 lmao

Day 17: I mean not diagnosed but probably lmao

Day 18: chocolate and noodles. I can't help myself i still eat them. The noodles I have are 269 cals per a packet and that's why I eat those ones gah

Day 19: about an hour ago? I had 2 biscuits with my coffee so I didn't binge today lmao

Day 20: AIT starts off easy, gets harder down the line. Never completed the whole thing but I have lost loads of weight from it before. Except this time? Idk like my body shows I have but scales say nah

Day 21: ew. So naturally I have very big hips, that's not fat that's bone sadly, so in men's jeans I'm a 30waist in females I'm a size 10. Mens tops I'm a M if I want it baggy or it's a tight fit cause S makes me feel gross in tight fit. But if I want it to look decent I'm a S and I would fit into an XS if my shoulders weren't so broad but I'm not complaining on that lmao

Day 22: 122lbs. I gained this time around because of the medication I was put on, I really want to be off it because I also don't wanna get pregnant. But it's also causing issues so I may be put on a different one soon I hope

Day 23: yes and no. All the trans guys that pass are usually very skinny so I thought I need to be to pass

Day 24: ugh. I can understand if someone is pro Ana to themseleves because uh that's an eating disorder lmao, but if you want to encourage others to starve themselves and be unhealthy? You're fucked up.

Day 25: I have a lot. I can't remember my first experience because it was so long ago but I have the odd memories of purging in fast food places after I was taken out to eat.

Day 26: being good enough and passing

Day 27: I'm okay being around it cause I usually have good self control, I like baking a lot too, and I'll usually eat one or two then leave it.

28: yess. So hoodies will look great on me

29: everything's beautiful on everyone else except for on me so.

30: I'm 17, trans, and a wreck. Also my stats are the same cause I did this in one day lmao