#idk if i can handle seeing him get his heart broken for the 3rd time :^(

[ihophashbrowns]

new true beauty adaptation means that my obsession with seojun is reawakened

[notebookmusical]

Hi!!! This ask will probably be all over the place but I wanted to reply! Sorry it's kinda late..like not right away like I hoped but I also wanted to give the tracks a few more listens before saying my opinion. I also meant to send one before 9 simply saying enjoy listening! But then I didn't wanna risk any lyric spoilers since it was already like 9:30..lol. I actually did not get around listening to it until midnight.

I would love a live album of surprise songs on tour, and I like the version of Cruel Summer on tour when she adds the with you near the end. I love mosaic broken hearts too..I think the whole song flows really well but I love the beat and drums of the original over the acoustic. She also doesn't really have another song that sounds like it. I was also shocked there weren't as many mashups on tour, but I do like how it is. I also did not expect her to go era by era but I think that might be a reason there's less mashups too. The tour is almost more theatrical than previous tours and that's something I like about it.

Holly's album is good but I also think Cocoon is one of my favorites after hearing it more and I can't believe I didn't list that one. The OC lyric really stands out lol. Maybe I confused it with another song at first but I mostly agree with you about the album and I do like all the songs. Idk when I will hear it again though with 1989 out.

Haha I did hear that about Jordan Fisher a lot too so I hope he can handle the role. I liked him from what I heard from him in Dear Evan Hansen and Sweeney Todd but Orpheus is pretty different vocally, but I hope he's good. When are you seeing it on tour? I loved the Come From Away proshot so I hope you get a chance to watch it sometime. I'm sure Sara is amazing since she wrote the music so I hope to watch it. I think Newsies will always be my favorite proshot though lol. I do not know much about the little women musical actually and am having a hard time imagining it as a musical lol. If you like it, it's probably a pretty good adaptation though. With Gatsby, I think it's hard cuz I just read the reviews of people that went apparently and everyone will like different things so idk if it makes that much of a difference yet. I totally relate to not watching a lot though..cuz my sister and I were just looking at a list of musicals we watched..like bootlegs or movies, and there was only like 5 or 6 including live performances in the last year and a half..lol.

So the book I started the other day was Tomorrow Tomorrow Tomorrow..cuz I read you were not liking it and I wanted to see what I thought. Idk how much that you read but I only read 2 chapters and the main thing that stuck out to me was it being in 3rd person. That will take getting used to for me cuz I honestly can't remember the last time I read a book in 3rd person lol. But if you don't like it so far, then I will start and focus on the Night Circus..but I actually think thats in 3rd person too haha. Ooh maybe I will try to find The Starless Sea cuz I do like reading authors books at the same time and comparing them. Which one is your favorite out of the two? I will try to keep that in mind about the timeline..thank you for letting me know!

I do love the Midnight Rain part of the show with the umbrellas so I don't mind it on the setlist. It did remind me of the How You Get the Girl performance from the 1989 tour..which was one of my favorites! I do think Midnights and 1989 are definitely the most similar more than rep or Lover but I can't really explain why. This became clear with the vault tracks in a way too..based on sound. But we actually listened to Maisie first! This vault it seemed clear why songs were left out. I didn't have an obvious favorite and some of the songs seemed a little off from verse to chorus..like they just didn't flow well, but I really enjoyed the last two songs which almost had an older Maisie style. Unfortunately I've only heard these songs once so far, so my opinions could change. What did you think?

I think this rerecording is one of the best cuz I can barely hear a lot of differences in the original songs. Like How You Get the Girl Shake it Off and I Know Places seem pretty identical to me, but I wouldn't look for differences that much either. I did notice the blank space drum seems pretty loud and noticeable throughout the song when I heard it again. I listened on shuffle and I think it really worked for 1989.

Omg you were right about the coffee lyric being from is it over now?! These songs actually did have a slower dreamy sound more than I thought..which was surprising to me. At first, the songs didn't feel that 1989 to me for that reason, but they also did in a way. Now that We Don't Talk kinda sounded like I Wish You Would and Is it Over Now definitely reminds me of Our of the woods. So the order I heard the songs in, mixed between original songs, were Now that we don't Talk, Say Don't Go, Suburban Legends, Slut! And Is it Over Now..and I wonder if that affected my impressions. Honestly I did not have an immediate favorite..like how I pretty much liked Speak Now vaults instantly..so maybe the sound just threw me off at first. I've still been listening on shuffle and it seems like they do fit 1989 after more listens and have grown on me. My favorites are "Slut and Say Don't Go and Suburban Legends. Slut is the dreamy sound I was predicting but I didn't think it would be this song lol but I love it! Then Say Don't Go does sound kinda like a slow 80s ballad too with more listens. Suburban Legends was a fun upbeat song and still different than the original album. Now that we Don't Talk has grown on me with more listens and I really like the way she sings some parts of the song. I was most surprised or disappointed with Is it Over Now. Some of that is lyrics that shocked me but the song is just okay.I think cuz I was expecting some deeper song like Clean and it did not fit as a closer at all, even if she said why she chose it there. It felt short and even after a few listens, I have a hard time remembering it..but I do think it's very 1989. One of my favorite songs ever is called I Know it's over by the Smiths and maybe I was expecting something like that based on the title and this was not that at all..there's no longing in the song either so I was wrong based on the coffee lyric..but its growing on me more. Okay what did you think???

Yes I play it daily with my family and sometimes it's hard but other times it's easier. That could be cuz I have help though. Is it mostly easy for you or sometimes difficult? I also do wordle spelling bee and the mini. Well I don't really have any plans since I went to Les Mis last week so This weekend I might just watch a few sort of spooky movies, not scary, before Halloween and listen to 1989TV of course!!! What are your plans? I hope you have a great weekend friend! 🩷

hi hi friend!! i hope you had a good weekend! did you watch any good movies? i am not a scary movie watcher, but i did really enjoy happy death day, which i watched with my friend jamie a while ago! my weekend was okay, just hectic, but i didn't get a ton of time to read as a result!

i love the way she says PROVE IT in the eras film/in that audio; it scratches an itch in my brain haha. the other day i literally had "PROVE IT" stuck in my head, not even any cruel summer lyric, just the specific way she said PROVE IT. i do agree it feels a lot more theatrical than other ones (except maybe speak now)! i also didn't expect her to go era by era, but i'm glad that she did!

"i've been paralyzed for more than a week but don't let you scare you this is fairly routine" and "i've become a taxidermy version of myself" are some of my favorite lyrics on the album; it's why i immediately latched onto cocoon, i think (although i had heard a snippet of cocoon earlier and had already loved it).

i'm seeing hadestown on tour next saturday! i am just so, so excited!! this is going to be my mom's first time seeing it, so i hope she likes it! i haven't watched a bunch of bootlegs lately, but i do have some saved that i've been meaning to watch!

i really struggled with tomorrow x3 — i don't know why! i am fine with 3rd person, but i just really struggled with that one. night circus and starless sea are both in 3rd person — and i love them both a LOT! they do take some time to get into though, so take your time!! the starless sea is my favorite out of the two, but the night circus is more romantasy!

i loveeeeeed the maisie vaults! i've been listening to them nonstop, i think my ranking is: yoko → truth is → the last one → the song → holy revival → guy on a horse but i love all of them!! holy revival definitely grew on me, i was worried i wouldn't like it but i actually love it! i also miss older maisie music; i wonder if she'll ever release some of the things she's teased :( (probably not, but one can hope)

i was also surprised by "slut!"; i think everyone was! i think my favorite is now that we don't talk, or suburban legends, or is it over now? but i'm not really sure — i wasn't immediately attached to any songs like i was fearless vault, red vault or speak now vault, and i've mostly been listening to good witch deluxe! the way she sings "oh lorddddd" is so good! i was also expecting something more similar in sound to clean, or this love, and was surprised by the sounds but it is growing on me a lot more!

sometimes it's difficult! i usually do it right when i wake up — or if i wake up in the middle of the night — but sometimes i'll look at it and just close out of the tab and forget to do it till later, if i do! i used to do wordle but haven't in a while, and sometimes i'll do the spelling bee or the mini if i'm bored but i am definitely more of a sudoku girlie than i am a crossword one!

hope you have a good week ahead 🤍 🤍

[holidcy]

i am actually embarrassed to say how long this intro too me to write out ? so im not gonna say it ! it’s not like it took be 3 hours or anything 👀 . and for what ? idk because this intro is a mess . but anyways ... i’m mia , i’m a whole twenty years old which really just feels like a glorified teenager but whatever , we’re not here to talk about that right now . we’re here to talk about my lil baby holly . guys she is literally the sweetest human ever ? but also ? to sensitive for her own good and really the good of those around her ? very happy feet energy coming form this girl . but without further ado , below you can read up on holly & if you wanna plot give this a like . also my discord is 𝖒𝖌𝖐'𝖘 𝖜𝖍𝖔𝖗𝖊#9789 if you wanna plot there or just generally chat !

𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐃𝐄𝐏𝐓𝐇

full name: holiday elena addams nickname: holly ( she’s basically turned this into her name , not one really calls her holiday ) , holls , elle ( by her parents ) birthday: june 3rd birthplace: chicago , illinois hometown: highland park , illinois ( although the family home was located in highland park her parents would in chicago and holly even attended private school in chicago ) residence: new york city , new york nationality: american ( est. 1999 through birth )  ethnicity: english ( maternal & paternal , 50% ) , polish ( maternal , 25% ) , spanish ( paternal , 25% ) religion: catholicism  orientation: heterflexible ( she claims being straight but in all actually she’s not closed off to anything despite not having much experience outside the opposite gender ) languages spoken: english ( fluent , first language ) , spanish ( fluent , second language ) , polish ( conversation , third language ) , mandarin  ( conversational , fourth language ) . father: leandro oliver addams  ( 49 years old )  was born & raised in chicago , illinois by a politician / businessman & a philanthropist . leandro went on to take a little bit from both of his parents as he is a highly esteemed business tycoon as well as being regarded as one of the most charitable men in the world .  ( relationship:  there has never been a day that has gone by where the two didn’t get along . if there is anyone in this world who gets holly it is her father . truly , daddy’s little girl . the two of them are as thick as thieves . ) mother : susanna renee addams ( nee daniels ) ( 48 years old ) was born & raised in long island , new york . the daughter of a hedge fund investor & a stay at home mother . susanna grew to be an amazing cosmetologist and which the help of her father’s amazing business mind she was able to start up a salon in new york city . she gained the most devoted clientele , loving every second of her work . she took a break for almost a decade before deciding to return to the beauty industry . today she has salons across the globe in chicago , los angeles , toronto , london , and new york city .  ( relationship: susanna often had to play bad cop when it came to parenting and because of this the two butted heads quite often whilst holly was growing up . despite this , her mom is her role model and the two have always had a friendship that underlined their mother - daughter relationship .  ) social class: upper education: attending new york university ( s. 2018 ) she spent her first year of university at usc , she’s majored in creative writing at both universities  career: author ( her book is a coming of age mystery called privilege that she’s recently admitted to writing the full book during a coke binge ) , internet personality , philanthropist , socialite , and student  notoriety: being apart of the prominent addams family , amassing over 32m followers on all social media platforms , publishing a new york times best selling book at the age of seventeen . weight: 120lbs height: 5′5″ hair color: brown ( with blonde highlights ) eye color: brown positive traits: benevolent, high spirited , extroverted , romantic , honest , affectionate , intelligent , friendly , ambitious , passionate , approachable , charming  negative traits: immature , vain , garrulous , critical , sensitive , stubborn , inattentive , naive , sarcastic , obsessive , insecure , impractical , irritable likes: anything strawberry flavored , flowers , driving fast , pink , watching the first snow fall , birthday parties , lips gloss , netflix , sunkissed skin , dogs , peanut butter , agatha christie , redecorating , driving with the windows down , long plane rides , denim jackets , taco bell , orange juice , makeup , sports , female empowerment , online shopping , fresh berries , roller skating , photography , writing , tea dislikes: liars , driving in the snow , coffee , having no siblings , deep water , bad drivers , body shaming , pizza , hateful people , being rushed , cuss words , repetition , disloyalty , being alone ,  horror movies , dentists , silence , cheap perfume , criticism , the unknown , traffic , wine , poptarts ,  small spaces ,  hobbies: reading with a hot cup of tea , video editing in the back of a car , smoking before bed to help fall asleep , going out to eat with her parents , napping , hiding alcohol in her bedroom , painting alternate universe cartoons , attending big soirees , stashing drugs in jewelry boxes , sleepovers with her closest friends , talking the dogs on walks , early morning instagram lives , old disney marathons , scribbling in a notebook while snuggled up in bed  chara inspo: olivia baker ( all american ) , leila faisal ( all american ) , tan france ( queer eye ) , elena gilbert ( the vampire diaries ) , dorothy gale ( wizard of oz ) , lucy pevensie ( chronicles of narnia ) , lara jean ( to all the boys i loved before ) , elle woods ( legally blonde ) , jeffree star , jenny humphrey ( gossip girl ) , cassie howard ( euphoria ) fashion inspo: vsco girls , bella hadid , megan markle , rihanna , selena gomez , perrie edwards , emma watson aesthetics: ghostly sounding music playing as background music to a pen to paper , eyes widened at the chance to do something positive , the annoying beg for approval , infectious energy , a pout so crippling , the swell of regret as you sneak a bottle into your bedroom , tanned skin tousling with silk sheets , big eyes threatening to shed a tear , the zip of a pink mclaren 

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐄𝐑𝐀

holly is the only child to leandro and susanna addams ( the addams family 👀 ) . she was born with not just a silver spoon but the silver spoon . the addams are a prominent american family , that are regarded as one of the leading industrialist during the gilded age . in short her families been billionaire rich for a long time and are known as one of the families to bring wealth to the city of chicago . she was incredibly spoiled growin gup as you would assume but by the grace of her parents teachings she was anything but a brat . she had being filthy rich and being an only child working against her and she still managed to be the most giving and down to earth child . from a young age holly would give her toys to other kids during play dates & ask her parents if she could donate the things she didn’t use anymore to the less fortunate . 

although her father had a busying career as he took over the family company just a year before holly was born , but in spite of that he always made time for his family . luckily her mother had stepped away from her career soon after meeting holly’s father , so she was able to be a stay at home mom and be there for every important moment of holly’s life . by the way , susanna was straight of of a real housewives show only just an overall better person ? they had dinner together as a family every night , threw parties at the house for every big moment in holly’s life . everything from birthdays , graduations , academic honors , to becoming captain of the cheerleading team and everything in between warranted a celebration in the eyes of susanna and leandro . 

she grew up extremely sheltered , mostly because her parents wanted to keep their little girl well their little girl . they didn’t want the world to taint her . she went to church every sunday and even wednesday nights , if she wanted to have a sleepover it was always at the addams household , and her parents met the parent/s of every kid she befriended growing up . 

despite their attempts her parents couldn’t shield her from one thing . getting her heart broken and at sixteen she experience her first bout of heart break . the boy she’d falling head over heels for just stopped talking to her one day , with no rhythm or reason he moved on to another girl with a blink of an eye . she couldn’t understand why ( pst ? it was because she slept with him and that was all he wanted to begin with ) someone could be so cruel an play with someones heart like that . it was her first experience of how the world could really work and in all honesty , holly couldn’t handle it . she got her hands on her parents bar room in the house and would literally drink every night before bed so she could sleep . 

this soon turned into her going to parties , promising her parents "i just want to hang out with my friend , i wont touch any alcohol” and her promise was always kept , she didn’t touch alcohol at these parties instead she smoke weed and on the chance one of her friends had it on them she’d do a line . 

this double life , if you would , didn’t lead to any real issues , at least not while she was in highschool . she still graduated top of her class  and even got accepted into her dream school university of southern california .  it wasn’t until she was a semester deep in usc that she realized she was losing control over her life . maybe it was a mix of her derailing mental state , being separated from her parents , and the los angeles social make up . whatever it was holly wasn’t too far gone to see she needed help . 

instead of going back to school the following semester holly checked herself into rehab . her parents freaked out , unaware their daughter had touched a substance a day in her life . it was a long process and took alot of owning up for her own wrong doings but after a couple months she checked out of rehab and flew out to her parents .

she had decided upon leaving rehab that her best bet directly after getting out would be to surround herself with people who loved her . during her short stint in california her parents had made the temporary move to new york city so that her mom could focus on the salon in the city , so holly transferred to new york university to continue her studies and be around her parents .

she lives under their roof , despite being more than self efficient thanks to her multiple branches of income including her trust fund but she figures there is only so much more time before they leave to go back to chicago that the more time she spends with them the better off she’ll be when they leave the city . speaking of , she doesn’t know her parents will be leaving the city in the next few months . on a positive note they plan on paying the rent in the apartment they live in for her until she finds somewhere she likes better .   

today , holly is a sober ( she smokes weed here and there but it’s not a addictive so it fine 🙄 ) and happy . although due to how sensitive the girl is anything could make her snap , she’s incredibly fragile guys . like capable of having a mental break at any moment but like we ignore it because if we bring it up it’ll happen . wooo . 

not so fun fact ? when she has an off day she’ll literally sit in her room holding either a bottle she had hidden in her walk in closet or stares at the coke she keeps in her jewelry box . she hasn’t used any of it but she tells herself its there as a reminder when really it’s a crutch for if she ever needs it again , she has easy access .

secret time ? she pushed her ex boyfriend of a balcony while she was drunk . this happened before she went to rehab ... perhaps you could say it was what prompted her to realized her crazy ass needed to go to rehab . ummm , it’s not acceptable and she knows this but one thing we all need to know about holly is that holly + substances + being upset = toxic shit that is always the equation and there is never another answer to it . 

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

a girl squad or just a squad in general really , give my baby her lil group of people please

maybe a fellow chicago native ? who she dated in highscool and you know is the one who dropped her like a hot potato after she slept with him

ex hook ups 

frenemies but more like a blair & lil j circa season 1 situation ? 

someone who just doesn’t like her , but like she does everything she can think of to get them to like her 

an unrequited ting were he’s leading her one so he can sleep with her ?

or maybe someone has a crush on holly but she just doens’t have the heart to tell them she’s not interested so now here she is kissing and OMG YUP NOW SHES SLEEPING W THEM ...

someone she races ? she loves cars especially fast ones

a we hang out and watch/obsess over sports but the whole time i can’t help but think about how hot you are kinda vibe ?

someone who is v bad for her and they know it but she doesn’t care because she like them so much & he likes her too but knows he’ll hurt her ?!

someone who sees that she might be teetering on falling off the wagon ( maybe they were over her place and saw the stash of substances all over her room ), maybe they’re trying to get her to stop smoking weed bc they feel like for her that’s a huge gateway  

smoking buddies where they literally just hot box cars together and munch on taco bell talking about why sound vibrates & shit

someone who she used to party with & be wild with ( could be from chi or nyc because she visited alot as a kid ) and now they feel like she’s a lame bc she’s sober

she’s a good influence on them ? they’re a bad influence on her ? ride or dies ? partners in crime ? only friends when there is a substance involved ? sugar baby vibes ? unlikely friends ? flings ? crush ? friends with benefits ? everytime they are around one another its a fight ? someone she lets crash at her parents place sometimes ? someone she’s backstabbed but like she got tricked into doing it ? anything fluffy , anything angsty ... reall just anything you got , i’ll take ! 

[itsbaekyoongi]

Don’t Hang Up- Baekhyun Scenario

Type: Angst/Fluff

Warnings: Implied Depression?

Length: idk medium ?

Author’s note: I’m sorry for any typos or bad formatting I did this on my phone. It’s also my first scenario. Also, hopefully this makes sense bc I sorta wrote this from experience-ish

Baekhyun had always been the sunshine to light up your day when you really couldn’t bare life anymore. Perhaps you weren’t the greatest of friends, hell, he had many friends, far more than you. Perhaps he wasn’t even a close friend. Just an acquaintance, someone who happened to be there when you needed that little bubble of light. Regardless of the place he held, there was nothing but love and kindness in mind when you thought of him.

However, it felt embarrassing. He always saw you in your worst places. He saw you when you were pathetic. He saw you when you had lost every other friend and had nobody else to run out with in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon to get coffee and cry. He was truly spontaneous. A spirit in your life that you couldn’t imagine being without. You can’t imagine he felt the same. You were just his back up friend—he was your only friend. Words couldn’t fathom the feeling in your chest when you happened upon this realization. Sure, you were friends, but you were of no priority to him. He had better things to do with his precious time.

When your cellphone buzzed under your thigh you were unable to wallow in your feelings, since his caller ID, accompanied by an unflattering photo of him with marker scribbled on his face, popped up. With little to no hesitation you accepted his call, wallowing or not, he was always a surprise.

“Y/N, hey-y. Hey. ” His voice shook through the speaker.

“What’s wrong? Are you alright? Tell me.”

Did that sound desperate?

“Actually- no, no...” you could practically feel the dryness in his throat as the sound of his lips smacked into the microphone.

“I’m just— gah— I’m not feeling very well. I haven’t been. Just— I’m sorry— no I shouldn’t have called I don’t know what I was thinking-“

“No Baekhyun, please don’t hang up you have to tell me what’s going on, please don’t feel bad for calling.”

You could hear his voice shaking and shuffling going on from his line, your heart was in your throat waiting for a response.

“I don’t know what I am doing. I don’t know what you must think of me, Y/N. I’m such a fraud. Nobody is ever bubbly and happy twenty-four seven, it’s impossible. I’m just tired. I want to feel content. All I ever do is hop around with everyone. Nobody sticks. Hell, I’m the one that doesn’t stick. I’m a liar. I’m just a showman, it’s an act.” He blurted in one breath, or at least, what sounded like one breath. The sniffling continued in the other side.

“Baekhyun, listen to me. Okay? Listen to me well. First of all, don’t you dare apologize for calling, you aren’t inconveniencing me here. Second of all, you, my friend, are possibly the most amazing person I have ever met in my life. It’s ironic, really, I have been sitting here all day wondering if you’d ever value me the way I value you. You can say that you don’t ever stick with anyone, but that won’t be forever Baekhyun, I’m here for you. I’m not hanging up the phone until you tell me to.”

You let out a sigh, and you heard him sob, and immediately wondered if you had said something wrong. Had you upset him more?

“Goddammit, you really are the most kind- hearted person I know. It’s too bad that I’m just going to change your mind on me again, don’t trust me, Y/N, you’ll just feel broken. I’ll ruin everything, and you’ll regret feeling sorry for me because I’ll abandon you once I’m too scared to handle myself again.”

“That’s not true. You just need to trust me. I’ll be here when you need me. You aren’t going to ruin everything because I won’t let you. I like you too much.” You smiled lightly, knowing he couldn’t see you. Little did he know you were also shedding tears on his behalf too. You spoke up once more to crush the silence.

“I’m here, Baekhyun, I’m not leaving. Where are you right now? Are you home? I’ll come over. Get comfortable, I’ll be there soon.”

“I didn’t even answer yet. There’s no need, please, you can jus-“

“I insist. You sit down on that greasy couch of yours with a blanket and wait for me. Actually, if you want, you can stay on the phone if you don’t want to hang up.”

He let out a small noise of approval and nodded his head, not that you could see him, you just knew he did that when he made that noise.

You left the phone on speaker as you dabbled around your room to switch shorts, rinse your mouth, and just make sure you weren’t disgusting. You could hear Baekhyun’s breathing ever so slightly from the phone and the ambient noise of his fan that you had known to be settled in the far corner of his room. Within the few minutes you took to gather your things, grab snacks you had stored up for any kind of emotional emergency situation, usually period related, he let out a few pleased noises.

“Is being on the phone really that comforting?”

“Mhmm, I like knowing you’re there.”

You smiled and grabbed your keys from the counter top, jingling together. You slipped on your comfy shoes and made sure to lock up the house.

“I’m on my way now, Baekhyun. Do you want me to stay on the phone? I won’t really be able to talk.”

“Yes, please.” He muttered into the speakers.

The drive to his place was oddly comfortable. You felt no need to turn on the radio, you had the ambience and comfort of the phone call. He lived not so far away, but enough to warrant the usual 2 and a half songs, the 3rd one always you always attempted to squeeze into the final minute of drive time. Sometimes you’d stay in the car to finish it, only if it was an especially good song though. There would be no temptation to stay in the car today.

As you parked your car nearest his humble abode, you chimed:

“I’m here Baekhyun, open up, I’m coming to the door in a second.”

You heard him mumble an “okay” and more of the infamous phone-shuffling noises occurred as you got out of the car and kicked the door shut with your heel. You were making your way to his door with snacks in hand when you saw it fly open. You were met with a slightly glassy-eyed and reddened Baekhyun, who lifted up his phone to end the call.

“I have a funny feeling I won’t need to keep that on if you’re actually here, huh?”

He laughed, a small laugh, but still a laugh, none the less. Your smile plastered across your face as you brushed by him to set your bag on the closest chair.

“No, I don’t think so either. You have the real deal right in front of you.”

Before you could even turn around he was enveloping you the tightest and most heart-felt hug that you had ever experienced. He was so fragile and vulnerable in this moment. He began to cry again, and it took all of your willpower to restrain yourself from sobbing with him. You let him have the cry that he needed, since he had clearly bottled it up for so long. You could have stayed there all day with him because nothing compared to feeling needed by him. You rubbed his back as his let out toddler-like bursts of whines and tears.

“Baekhyun, I will let you stand here as long as you want, but I came here to make you feel better. Why don’t we at least sit down and get comfortable?”

He stepped back as he nodded, covering his nose with his wrist. He turned around and went to sit down on his couch.

“Are you hungry? I have sweet and salty options.”

He pointed out to the box of candies. You knew he’d pick those, smiling, you sat next to him. Without even speaking he laid down on across your lap and stole the candies from your hands.

“Hey, just because your mopey doesn’t mean you are allowed to have no manners, mister.”

He giggled. It was nice to see him smile, it was possibly the prettiest thing on the face of the Earth. You pinched his ear with your index finger and thumb.

“Say please next time. Jeez, what has gotten into youths these days, unbelievable.”

He burst into a hearty laugh, one of those that made you understand why it was written like ‘Ha-ha-ha’. You loved this boy, no doubt about it. After he settled down he stretched out so that his legs were over the edge of the couch and his face was aimed away and towards the direction of the television that neither of you were really watching. You fingers found their way to his hair, which is so soft and comforting to play with. You couldn’t imagine feeling more loved and content than you did now. He let out another if those pleased sighs.

“Whatever you do, don’t stop that, it’s possibly the most amazing thing you’ve ever done for me.” He whined.

“No worries, I didn’t plan on it.”

“You’re amazing.”

Your heart fluttered again.

“No, really, I can tell you’re going to change my life for the better. You already have. Don’t feel insecure in regards to me, because you hold a way higher place in my heart than you probably think. I’m just an asshole.”

“Be quiet and let me play with your hair while I pretend to care about what’s on the tv, okay?”

He chuckled lightly.

“Don’t let me stop you.”

[elizabethrobertajones]

I was wondering what you thought about soul canon for the show? I've been watching Buffy recently and trying to reflect over the difference between the vampires with and without souls and thought it would be interesting as applied to Cas. The idea being that without a soul one can only do things for selfish reasons (even if the actions are good) and you require one for a certain level of altruism. I personally think Cas grew a soul at some point, and I was wondering if you thought (1/2)

that some of his early actions on the show reflect this. For instance, the whole saving the world for Dean instead of for the fact that the world needs saving. Also just curious about your thoughts on the whole soul thing in general. :) (2/2)

I’m totally aboard the fanon train that Cas has had a soul since the end of 8x23 that hasn’t gone anywhere since, no matter what happened to him. Death said back in season 6 that souls couldn’t be broken, so I get the feeling you can’t just destroy one once you have it - Cas just keeps piling angel up on top of it. It seems to be forgotten and I’d kind of like it to stay that way unless the show is going to pull a scenario directly from a fan fic on us, because Cas is one of the only characters NOT to do a demon deal and he’s got a ruthless practicality about him that is a very bad combination when you hang out with Crowley :P If this ever comes up on the show NOT in the context of building Cas up to happy married retirement with Dean and a guinea pig, only bad will come of it :P

I’m less certain about how angels are different from not having a soul though. I’ve always understood what Anna says back in 4x10 about what angels are SUPPOSED to feel as being an order, but pretty much all the angels display emotions of some sort or another.

Actually, brief detour, but I watched 6x07 last night and was reminded that vampires in SPN work under, like, reverse Buffy rules:

Alpha Vampire: The boy with no soul. I’ve got big plans for you. It’s amazing how that pesky, little soul gets in the way. But not for you. You will be the perfect… animal.

I mean, even back in the first infodump about them ever, John told us that they mate for life in a sort of dismissive way you might describe, idk, that some animals do as well :P  But if you don’t look at it like John, it seems fairly straightforward to just assume vampires have a lot of messy human baggage because they remember their past lives and still act on emotion and feel love and mate for life like HUMANS do. Later lore doubles down on this by thinking much harder about where the human soul is in all this and I guess Dabbflin’s conclusion was that vampires have to be affected by its existence inside them even if they’ve been turned (there was no wider plot reason to this line so I assume that’s just a detail one of them liked :P). 6x05 showing you can be turned back from being a vampire also suggests some complicated, arcane “dibs” system on souls between Heaven, Hell and Purgatory even more than we already knew (though it does amuse me that the next time Dean “dies” after that it’s because he’s in Purgatory :P) … idk. Point is, having ANY sort of type of soul in you, even if it’s been twisted into a monster one, still has some of the burden of having a human soul.

Cas back in season 6 made a point of telling Crowley he didn’t have a soul to trade, but, well, one of my favourite quotes about Cas is the obvious “too much heart” one and that’s from the start of season 8, referring to 99% of everything he did before he’d feasibly have a soul. I think Cas rebelled because of love back in season 4 - I think maybe a much more hard to define kind of feeling that’s still arms length from messy human emotions, but I do wonder HOW far. Unlike vampires, angels were created to be good, and to love - their final orders were to love humanity, if I’m not mistaken? And they were originally created to love God? I think they’re actually creatures OF love, just in this sort of cosmic way (but which translates down to the family squabble of the apocalypse when all’s said and done… :P) 

I wonder if the difference is really just the freedom to love by choice whoever they like, and Anna fell to have that freedom… At the end of season 4 if you look at it through a non-shippy lens, Dean talks Cas over by reminding him of humanity, the original mission for the angels being to love and protect them. (I mean that still applies, but that’s also discarding all the character development between them and that Cas continually tells Dean he did everything because of him and like… the endless maintext confirmations of where Cas’s compass points :P Still, Cas’s rebellion is altruistically motivated because he chooses to believe in Dean’s greater good, not Heaven’s, so the end result is concern about humanity and who has the best idea about what to do for it.) 

And then later on the angels are in a total mess because they have all strayed so far from the original mission and they’re trapped in power struggles and all the immediate problems of Heaven, and they’re so short-sighted by the need for orders and their inability to exercise freedom and choice (without lengthy character arcs to realise it) that I think you could easily say that’s behind all the angel turmoil. Raphael in season 6 literally can’t comprehend a universe where they don’t follow what was supposed to be destiny - he’s Cas’s enemy because Cas is representative of freedom and choice, and deciding NOT to do it. But once Heaven doesn’t have an apocalypse to focus on, it crumbles about what its purpose is, despite the fact the angels all theoretically know what they’re supposed to be doing… 

(I do also think in season 6 Cas’s motivations are more complicated than JUST trying to save the world for Dean - he makes all his decisions through/about Dean but I think it is as much because Dean has shown him a way to live/things to believe in/a stake in the world to protect that can all be filtered through Cas’s experiences with Dean as to WHY he’s making the decisions, but just because Dean taught him to value the world in a certain way, that doesn’t mean Cas ONLY values it because Dean. He does genuinely love humanity, as much as we snark about that line about him being in love with ~humanity~)

Anyway, I see Cas as perfectly capable of making loving/altruistic choices before he has a soul, but afterwards - 9x11 through to current time - Cas is a changed angel and he chalks it up to his experience as a human, but it’s an immediate and permanent change to the softer, more vulnerable and emotive Cas we have now. I think from then on Cas does feel things much more intensely, in the messy, human way, even if he goes to great pains to pretend he doesn’t. I don’t think it changes his fundamental ability to love, but I think it changes the way he expresses it and how much sway he lets it have on his life. The end of season 9, with Metatron’s taunting, is a very good example of that. Cas has always acted on emotion but Metatron takes a great delight in pointing out that it wasn’t altruistic but selfish love that Cas acted against him for. Not for ~humanity~ but for Dean.

So again I think it’s completely backwards from Buffy; that if Cas changed at all it was going from more altruistically driven love to being able to choose what he wanted to love with complete freedom: after 9x23 Cas’s choices are always directly about Dean, in a much more open way. He helps get rid of the Mark and has no other conflict of interest in the second half of season 10 (and I’d argue the Hannah stuff in the first half shows as a mirror to Cas that he is letting go of this conflict of interest and following the “human things” that matter to him instead of Heaven’s orders for once) and in season 11 his relationship with Dean is at the centre of the PTSD and feelings of worthlessness that lead him to saying yes to Lucifer (of his own free choice as a being capable of being possessed and having to consent to an angel) - from 11x14 onwards he’s only still possessed because he wanted to use Lucifer to save Dean. In season 12 he’s dealing with some shit but it seems from the fact he has to leave (handled much better than all the other leaving in the 3rd episode times lately for some reason :P) seems to be very much about a hurdle to get over before he can feel at home and it looks like it’s going to be super personal again in the second half of the season…

And I think the ability to love selfishly is a much more human thing at least by Supernatural’s rules, because it’s being able to choose something for yourself, and for an angel, to defy the orders of the unconditional and impersonal love they were supposed to have. Since to me that IS the most human thing (which the show always has triple underlined as free will), and the way Cas changes after when I think he would have a soul even while being an angel, I think that’s much more a sign he has a soul BECAUSE his love is selfish now? (Selfish in the sense of “being about himself” not that he’s doing bad things to hoard that love all for himself or something :P)