#idk if anyone will read this and idc tbh i'm doing it for myself and hvaing fun

[ladysomething]

honey, I'm homeee!

1. maddie I physically cannot wait for the untitled fic because it seems like it's gonna be good. (let's be honest, if it's yours, is gonna be good. weekly dose of me sending you love 😘)

2. the snippet made me feel a little bit like acting insane, you know?

3. I just now remembered that I, in fact, did not send my ask/rant/yapping session about last chapter. tumblr hates me I think. but, it's coming right up, because we're about to re- read. I do remember that I wanted to hit someone with a pan or something like that. although that happens quite often. regardless of whose face would be on the flat surface of the pan.

+1. brother asks: I do not want to jinx anyone, of course, but can you ask Lady if she believes in the ao3 writer curse and if she has ever experienced or something like it? he's been investigating, next thing you know, he'll be sending you asks himself. /jk

+2. my roommie also, has been investigating. though to a bigger level. he has turned our living room into a giant base of operations. we even have this funny whiteboard with the red thread and a damn lot of random drabbles he makes in the middle of the night only about your fic. If I could I would send you a picture but, as stated beforehand, tumblr hates me. so I can't. yes, he does have a job. a serious, strict and well-paid one at that. his question is: how did Max found Kelly? did he knew her from before, was she in the paddock before? was the recontratripletetrahijueputa carepicha malnacido desgraciado (idk if there's a translation for that insult, so we'll settle for wretch motherfucker) that hurt her was from there? and when will we see more of that Mercedes guy?

have a nice day sweetie! I'll come back in a while with our report. 🫡

blesssss! I won't respond to your first few because I have another ask waiting for me about the new fic, so I'll talk about all that there!!

so for the other stuff:

+1. serious answer: no I don't believe, because if somebody is writing long enough, then obviously something big will happen in their life! non-serious answer ... it's a thing. literally last night I posted the ao3 an hour after our brand new puppy was rushed to the vet after swallowing a bee and going into anaphylactic shock. I posted it to make myself feel better while waiting for news about whether she was going to live. so yes!!! its a thing!!! and well ... you could say I've experienced it, but tbh my life is literally just drama - writing fic - drama - writing fic. so like. ya know.

+2. I WANT TO SEE THE BASE OF OPERATIONS SO BADLY. DM ME??? DISCORD DM ME??? IDC!!

for his questions - can't tell you how Max found Kelly. it will be revealed soon!

can't tell you if he knew her before ... also about to be revealed!

can't tell you where her abuser is from - where about to find out who it is.

I CAN tell you that we will see of the Mercedes guy, his proper purpose will be served within the next ten or so chapters. probably less.

[neptuniadoesstuff]

Smtn (No I'm not good shush)

Considering a bunch a negativity I have been posting (which I am still atm...) on here I think it would be best to draw some g0r3 to bet my feelings out...?

Idk maybe I should draw Dia like idk... covered with bl00d? BCS SHES LIKE THE WHOLESOM BUNCH & TBH IM NOT REALLY IN THE MOOD TO DRAW WHOLESOME! I wanna get my feelings out bcs words, DO NOT WORK! & I KNOW MOST OF YALL DONT READ!

This is not directed at anyone but myself. I'm starting to despise every bit of myself again & it would be best if I draw smtn that would get out how I'm feeling. I have not seen my frikin therapist for WEEKS & the only time imma see her again is when the school year is gonna come back.

Now idc if you talk to me when I'm not available (bcs I wasn't really myself yesterday, I was a just a bit stressed) just don't pestering to me or I'm gonna have to ignore you bcs again... I'm starting to h8 myself..

Except... I despise venting out as well bcs someone who I know is prob gonna say this is fake... I'm not faking it... I'm not tye chaotic Gremlin you know everyday.. infact... this self doubt & h8red has been going for DAYS!

[ta-ni-ya]

I’m sorry that I constantly want to talk to you

I’m sorry that when you take to long to reply I get sad

I’m sorry that I might say things that pi$$ you off

I’m sorry that I might come off as annoying

I’m sorry if you don’t wanna talk to me as much as I wanna talk to you

I’m sorry if I think about you too much and too often.

I’m sorry if I tell you about pointless drama when you don’t really care

I’m sorry if I come off as clingy but it’s just that…

You’re one of the only people I can talk to about my interests, one of the only people that don’t call me weird for liking anime as you like it too, one of the only people who don’t look at my drawings and go ‘that’s bad, what the hell did you draw’ or ‘why the hell did you draw that’.

AHHEOOOEOWOQOQ I WILL FKING CRYYYYY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Ok I will say it with the flow-

I don't mind nor do I stop anyone- literally anyone from talking to me! Ahhhhh you can talk to me anytime you want!

There are so many sorrys I can't- please never apologize for what you're feeling and I'm so glad that you opened up to me I did not know I was making you feel that way- as I said I was busy for a whole day that's why my replies were late I'm sorry babeee 😭🤧

You're definitely not pi$$ing me off bae- you're making me cry when I read this ahhhhrkjakqejebeb

You're not annoying 😭😭 I was honestly happy that you tagged me in your oc art challenge thing

Oh shut up I definitely want to talk to you wdym 🥰 feel free to message me whenever you want ;)

Girl- I love drama 👀 and let me tell you- I'm clingy af irl so what you're saying is really just something I love 😤

Yk I so glad you actually said this- I would've never known 😭 pleaseeeee feel free to randomly talk to me anytime! I will always try my best to reply asap and this goes to all my other moots too 🤧 and tbh- who ever thinks liking anime is weird- they're weird themselves and idc about them cuz it's ok to like something and if the other person doesn't agree they should just stay quiet if they dont got anything better to say. And like I said, every artist has its own way and being myself an artist I know how it goes from start lol- I was terrible at it but that doesn't mean I can criticize others without them asking for it- i can simply just give tips right? Honestly your art is amazing I dont ever wanna say bad about any art unless the artist asks for some mistakes in it- though I'm not professional or something too but atleast I can help with what I know right?

All I want to say is thank you! And please don't say sorry too much idk how to handle that 💀 I feel bad ok-

[straightlightyagami]

rating my autism, or What It's Like To Be Autistic (for me, personally)

sensory issues: 0.5/10 worst feature. sucks ass. worst part is I cannot take exams if there are annoying sounds or smth. also cannot be in public places too long. cannot go to parties or concerts at all but idc. nearly impossible to buy new shoes and cannot wear most clothing. half a point for flex of being able to discern noises very well but that does not make up for it at all.

shit motor skills: 1/10 affected my life a lot more as a kid, but I still have trouble doing some daily tasks. also hate when I try to pour tea and it goes all over the place, or when I drop things or bump into things and everyone laughs.

special interests: 10/10 I have several that are pretty varied so it makes me appear knowledgeable and able to discuss a wide variety of topics. also fun.

rigid thinking: 5/10 it sucks being able to not understand directions unless they are extremely clear and specific and also needing clarifications for everything. but also I like that I have a fixation on ethics and the need for consistency in my principles. like from the pov of others it makes my life harder but imo it's a good thing. idk if it's in this category but I hate that thing where I get convinced I'm Not Allowed to do something for no reason and then have to text my mom 10 times asking if I'm Allowed to enter a store.

need for routine: 3/10 I used to be constantly having meltdowns when I was a kid but idrc as much anymore. mostly manifests in the form of me hating being in unfamiliar places or away from home.

speech problems: 2/10 if I could get rid of one autism trait I have it would be this. hopefully my political career is not doomed before its start /hj. 2 points for being mild enough to compensate for (at least in theory) with ridiculous amounts of scripting and practice.

alexithymia: 7/10 cannot tell what I'm feeling most of the time but also I'm fairly sure I just feel less than "normal" and it's usually nothing, which is fine because I don't want to bother.

problems with reading social cues and displaying Expected Behaviors: 4/10 hate being treated like I'm clueless but it's …somewhat(?) fixable for me by doing reading, observing, and practicing. it's doable but annoying that I have to put effort into things others don't. probably good that as a kid I was completely unaware of what people thought about me.

(in)ability to have Normal Relationships: 6/10 I can pretend but I really almost never can bring myself to care. I had a lot of friends (?) at some point but I sort of prefer being alone and find that I have a lot more time and energy if I have no obligation to spend it with anyone. part of it has to do with unrelated trust issues. tbh this one does not bother me as much as it bothers people who notice. I get the feeling I might be missing out though.

lack of empathy: 7/10 I don't really have affective empathy except some specific cases, but idc it's better like this. I have some cognitive empathy but I have trouble conceptualising that people might have fundamentally different views/experiences of things than me and it always catches me so off guard...

the pattern noticing: 10/10

AVERAGE: ~5.05/10 decent, some bugs that need to be fixed

[vidhi-ka-vidhaan]

my @sanskari-kanya 💌 tagged me sooo...

1. Are you named after anyone?

no not anyone... my name is actually a verb

2. When was the last time you cried?

day before yesterday cause i had physics exam and i couldn't study TT

3. Do you have kids?

main toh khud bacchi hu ji

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

i took personal classes from miss chanandler bong

5. Whats the first thing you notice about a person?

i think their body language... idk it's a subconscious thing i notice the way they're standing or sitting whether they're holding themselves or at ease or their stance when they're walking... don't judge me it's a subconscious thing!

6. Whats your eye colour?

black as the celestial sky (with stars instead of hearts for my fav people)

7. Scary movies or Happy endings?

scary movies are a big NO for me like they're just not made for me i suppose and idc about happy endings until the movie either has me staring unblinkingly (thrillers and Bourne movies) or has me sobbing my eyes out

8. Any special talents?

i have a very contagious (and horrible) laugh so i can make my friends laugh just by laughing in a funny way... lmao that's not a special talent just wanted to appreciate myself for that

9. Where were you born?

INDIA (gaana yaad aagaya)

10. What are your hobbies?

reading, discussing science (mostly fun facts) and i sometimes write poetry

11. Have you any pets?

nope my mom says I'm too irresponsible to look after myself I'll leave a pet to starve if i had it... she's kinda right abt me tho

12. What sports do you play/have played?

played basketball for some time in school but couldn't play it for my school in team due to some reasons annnddd badminton... and i cycle A LOT (tbh i recently realised it's been one of my defence mechanisms)

13. How tall are you?

idk for sure maybe 5'4" (yess all that cycling since childhood and it is nothing in front of my genes)

14. Favourtie subject in school?

MATHS (hate me for it) and biology - zoology to be specific and sometimes English

15. Dream job?

many actually... ive always wanted to work in a bookshop or library OR there's always been teaching in my options but i realised I'd be the one every kid would hate... but tbh i wanna research in psychiatry field

tagging : @darkacademiahoonbhaii @wojosubahjaldinahiuthti @thewinchestergirl1208 @desisapphiccore @jayshy

[elliebear666]

Just gonna write this out... idc what anyone thinks tbh.

I like this dude a lot. Ight. If he isn't interested, I WILL move on. I'll respect it. Of course I will. Because, even if I do get angry about what seems to be a dude playing games? I do care about his feelings. I do. A lot.

I am not going to beg to be chosen. Did I act a fool while drunk? Yes lol. Everyone is dumb while drunk.

But like, if there's any interest? It's on him. He's going to have to put in the effort. I would gladly put in more if I thought it would be well received. I want to, but I'm going to pull back and focus on myself.

I can handle no. In fact, I prefer blunt honesty. Give it to me true. It's the ambiguity I can't handle. It tears me apart. I overthink. I have a major difficulty with understanding the nuance of hints and people's words.

When it comes to communicating needs, boundaries, wants? I NEED literal statements. Anything else leaves too much to the imagination, and I will struggle to understand what you mean or read between the lines.

I have a tendency to take things at face value. Idioms and figures of speech are taken at face value unless I know you or I know the phrase you're using enough to figure out what you mean. There are too many variables for me to come to a proper conclusion without literal statements. I'm sorry :/

I am trustworthy. But I also refuse to hold the sanctity of trust with someone that has brutally betrayed me - if you gaslight me, hurt me, manipulate me? I owe you NOTHING.

You can be vulnerable with me. In fact, I prefer it. You can always be yourself. That's what I want!!! That's the goal! Be who you are so I can meet you where you're at.

I'm healing, I'm working in therapy on my shit, I'm trying to improve, and I am, but I do have bad habits that I need to break.

I will be incredibly patient if I am given a REASON to. Give me SOMETHING.

I am not a bad person. I have some issues. But guaranteed, everyone does.

You're allowed to have friends, space, etc. You NEED those things. I don't need all of your time. I just need to know you're putting in effort and making time for me. That's it. I don't ask for much, just open communication.

Maybe I'm wasting my time writing this. But... idk. Something in me tells me not to let go just yet. To be patient.

I think you're worth it. I just need to know if you can be patient.

I am a loyal woman. I give a shit. I care.

My splitting episodes are not an indication of who I am as a person - and what I think during isn't a reflection of who you are, either. It's a defense mechanism. It was created to protect me, and now I have to dismantle it.

I can be the most loyal, patient woman out there.

But I need to know that there's something to be patient for.

I want to get to know you. I want to see who you are. I want to know about your dreams, your life, and your feelings. I care. I'm so fucking curious to see more. I want to see more. But I'm not going to beg. I can't do that to myself. I deserve more.

Am I wasting my time? Or am I hoping that there's something here, despite what everything around me seems to be telling me?

I feel it in my gut that something is there. Idk what, but I want to know.

I'm worth it. I may be emotional. And maybe that's hard to handle. But I think you'd rather me be sensitive and caring than indifferent. Maybe the indifference feels safe, but it isn't going to be healthy.

I may not be in the best place now, but I AM putting in the work.

Should I be patient?

[psychelis-new]

I'm answering, no worries. And I'll keep doing that.

To those who forgot to send part of the rules (season or color or emojis): I will write a post once I'm done with the others so you'll know I'm talking about you and you can contact me and send what's missing. If you won't send it I'm sorry but I won't be able to answer you (yeah my trust issues don't let me trust you sending me what's missing afterwards -at least not all of you. Sorry, nothing personal).

Edit: there are two of you I cannot contact, so yeah it'll be up to you seeing this post or the next probs.

@krystalk I like to say I'm more stupid than kind but I really appreciate your words. Idc if most of you see me as tough, unemotional and harsh, I'm trying to help and giving chances to do it, but I can only go to a certain length ofc. These people gained their spot by sending on time, they put effort (someone may forget something due to some kind of anxiety or nervousness caused by following the rules themselves tbh), so they can still add what is missing and get back imo. Plus, Idk when I will re-open personal readings (despite I hope soon).

@krystalk you know, it's fine. We're all different. People get only glimpses of us, some may focus more on something they get triggered by (may that even be my boundaries), others only by other more positive aspects, many just projects... we all have different sensibilities too and I'm not perfect either (meaning I am a human, I have bad days as anyone and I may still word myself with more difficulties and sound different sometimes, despite this is rarely what I want to do). I just try my best to put myself into others shoes and act as I'd like someone else to act with me. That's all. I'm just happy if someone can feel comforted and less alone by all this, or see that we can actually stress a little less and get other chances sometimes, especially when we try hard. :) Thanks again for your words btw, I really appreciated to read your very gentle opinion.

Will keep answering soon, no worries. I got more private asks than public, so just be patient if you don't see anything here.

[globodamorte]

GK SPOILERS FOR CH.310!!

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I'm.honestly in awe of how perfect his death was. he didn't get a redemption arc. he didn't let himself get one, which is pretty in character tbh. the way his whole life is full of self punishing and self sabotaging, guided by a philosophy that he only follows out of fear. "if I was loved? what then?" I love how he came to the final conclusion by himself, no one told him "oh you poor soul you're actually loved silly boy!" he just realized it by himself. and the breakdown he has while doing so is honestly .. chefs kiss.

ogata couldn't get a happy ending. it would be too ooc for him. he sealed his own fate, and realized his mistake too late. like, I'm sorry. as many other characters in Golden kamuy, it's a shame but there was no way. and who's to say that accepting his feelings of guilt, feeling loved, blessed for an instant and reuniting with his brother isn't a good ending for him? he's free of himself now.

also? asirpa hasn't killed anyone yet because ogata shot himself before the poison killed him. maybe he didn't even realize it and I'm reading too much into it, but it's nice to see one last act of him protecting asirpas "innocence", that draws yet another parallel between him and sugimoto. I bet he would feel.. uhh.. guilty lmao

having the realization happen with all ogatas from so many periods of his life is at the same time super cool but also acts like he's reflecting on his entire life journey. his life passing before his eyes, and him accepting (because realizing? he kind of already knew but was in such extreme denial that he was kinda trapped by it) his mistakes and true feelings simultaneously.

I kinda wish he would have cried a little. not in a "oh.... what is this...?" way but in a "azula after she gets chained to the floor" way.

in a "the fragile philosophy that guided my life was just shattered and I ruined myself and so many others for nothing and I feel so bad about it despite pretending I don't for over 20 years. also I'm in a lot of pain" way.

I also wish his delirium of yuusaku was a little more idk... affectionate. I think it would contribute and escalate his breakdown more up until the climax. maybe some changes will be made when the volume is released, but who knows.

his last line "brother, you were born a blessed child" also is perfect bc that's the last thing ogata thought he would hear in his life (even if it was a delusion of his IDC) it counters all the times he thought and thought and said to himself and others that he is cursed, defective, broken from the start and that there is no hope for him. but he Chose that broken path.

I'm also glad he said it himself. he CHOSE it. maybe he was afraid, maybe he was desperate, maybe he was so isolated that he couldn't possibly find another solution, after all he was a child, desperate for love and attention. maybe it's all of that together. but I'm glad that he doesn't shy away from it. he acknowledges that even so, he still was very in the wrong and his actions are not suddenly ok because he's so fucked up, and I really appreciate that.

edit: also I'm glad he was smiling.

[taexual]

hey ara!!! i came across your bts posts and I think I read them all within a week (I know wtf is wrong with mee) 🙈🙈 but now I wanna read more & I wanted to ask if youre currently working on any new ones? if not do you know anyone here who writes just as great stories as you do? preferably bts obviously & idk id read anything? idc if it's fluff or angsty or anything else tbh and idc if its one shots, fics,.. Im open for anything!!! thank you & keep up the good work!! ✌️💜

hii, thank you so much for reading, love! 🤗💕 i'm not working on anything for bts at the moment, but hopefully in the future! i haven't really been reading fanfiction myself much, but i can recommend @eleni-cherie who is one of my favourite people in the world, and she happens to write for bts! 👀 here's her masterlist 💜