#idk i was trying something here and some Trusted Pals said i should leave it so :> and we all know i'm flowery as hell

[coldshrugs]

12 for the fluff prompts 🥺💗

thank you fren!! this is SO late but i missed them so. here we go.

closer to you

pairing: io laithe / estinien varlineau word count: 815 note: this prompt was "pushing a strand of hair behind their ear" and uh... we got there in the end :')

Muddy darkness thaws to warm pink-gold scattering behind the thin skin of eyelids. She is still in the edgeless realm of half-sleep, unburdened by body or name. Unaware of the exact space she occupies, only that it is too warm.

It would be a simple thing to drift off again, but even now she recognizes the fracture in his routine.

Somewhere outside the boundary, he breathes, and she hears it here, a deep, comforting rumble her mind cannot help but latch onto.

Inhale (Estinien).

She stretches, languorously rolling towards the sound. She breathes with him.

Exhale...

(Estinien)

And now there is a sense of place. They’re in their suite. In their bed, and he’s still here. Her heart (she must have one, the part that recognizes him before remembering herself) is swollen at the thought.

Inhale.

Balsam. Charred vanilla. Uncomplicated and earth-grown, distilled into a sweet amber scent that clings to him like smoke. This is the tether that drags her toward reality.

Estinien.

Exhale.

Estinien. And her name chases his until both settle into something solid. Estinien and...

Io opens her eyes to a flood of soft golden light. The details are unfocused. Here, the bed and her pillow. There, the thin cotton quilt shoved down to her waist. The humidity, thick and oppressive, creeps through the window at her head, relieved only by the feeble breeze that ripples the gauzy curtain.

Her eyes adjust, and Estinien is golden, too, painted by dappled patches of the morning sun. The steady rise and fall of his chest shifts the light. It dances over and into the valleys of long-healed scars, warping into mesmerizing patterns.

It is rare to wake before him. His days have early starts and late endings, a routine worn deep by years of disciplined training, and still more years of dread at what he might find in his dreams. So he rises with the sun, leaving Io to sleep while he readies himself for the day. He wakes her eventually, when only a sliver of morning remains, with the promise of breakfast from a favorite restaurant, or a cup of coffee, or a bath already drawn.

Anything to keep busy.

Then there are mornings like this one when the exhaustion catches up to him. Mornings when his familiar weight and warmth in their bed surprise her. Io savors these opportunities to watch him sleep in.

She props herself on an elbow.

He lies on his back, one hand on his bare chest, the other resting between them. Asleep and utterly untroubled, Estinien's face is softer than the version she holds in her mind. Free of the lines that sit between his brows, free of the tension in his jaw. Dark circles still ring his eyes, evidence of his usual sleeping habits, though they're less stark in this light.

As much as she loathes to disturb his hard-earned peace, Io cannot resist sweeping a stray silver lock away from his cheek, tucking it behind the blade of his ear. Her hand falls to his chest. She settles into the pillow again.

Estinien pries open an eye. "What are you doing?"

"Go back to sleep. I didn't mean to wake you."

It's too late. He rolls onto his side to face her, and the strand of hair she tucked falls loose again, as obstinate as the man in front of her.

"I overslept." He grins, squinting against the light. "And you let me."

"And I'll do the same tomorrow. You need the rest." Io's hand returns to his cheek. "Besides, I like waking up with you like this."

"Mm, perhaps it's more likely you want a partner in midmorning indolence." His tone is teasing, his voice syrupy, and he yawns loudly, demonstrating the point.

Io laughs, preparing a quip to celebrate her victory, but she doesn't get the chance to answer–Estinien's arms snake around her waist, and he pulls her across the short distance that separates them. The heat is sticky and stifling, so they kick off the quilt. Io curls into him, forehead to forehead, smiling softly at the patterns his fingers trace across her back.

He kisses her slowly, content to linger in each deliberate movement. His lips part, and the kiss deepens, but there is no heat, no request for more than this quiet intimacy. For the second time this morning, her heart feels too big for her body, tenderly beating against her ribcage as if it's trying to find its way into his.

Estinien pulls away and peace returns to his face for a moment.

“Fine,” he sighs, looking at her with an adoring sort of resignation. If Io melts, it will have nothing to do with Thavnair’s heat. “If you would have me waste half my day here, I expect to be plied with coffee. ‘Tis only fair.”

She has never been happier to leave her bed.

[bluefirewrites]

I'm sorry about your presentation, idk if your still doing hcs but can you do one where Reggie is julies older brother by 1 or 2 years and Julie in love with Luke and Luke likes her as well but neither will do anything because of Reggie. If not its ok. ☺

I brought up an idea similar to this a while back! But let’s rework it. 

In this scenario, let’s say that the Molinas and the Peters' have known each other for a long while, ever since Julie and Reggie were kids. They’ve pretty much grown up together. 

And then they get older and a lot of shit happens. Julie’s mom dies. And Reggie’s parents finally get a divorce. 

As the two families are healing and trying to move on, eventually Ray and Reggie’s mom sorta just clicked. 

And years later, they ended up getting married- officially making Reggie Julie’s brother. 

They move into the Molina’s house and they transition to one big family so seamlessly that Julie often forgets that Reggie isn’t her brother in the biological sense. He’s always been an older figure to her, always looking out for her and Carlos. 

She’s so used to having him around. And even used to having Reggie’s friends around growing up. 

They all met when they were in middle school, but Julie hasn’t seen them much over the years, only seeing them during special occasions or whenever she would go to the Peters’ from time to time. 

She remembers Alex, the shy blonde one who does his best to keep the peace when everyone got too rowdy. 

And then Bobby, who is just hitting his stride in his sullen, moody teenager phase. Still nice though. 

And Luke, the wild one. The guy was all long haired, energetic, and sporting some gnarly braces the last time she saw him. 

She hears a knock at the door the night Reggie and his mom had moved in. Julie opens it and it’s the boys: Alex, Bobby, and- woah. 

“Julie?” Luke smiles, his long hair cut to a still shaggy ‘do, braces gone, and now ripped, telling by how he’s proudly wearing his Nirvana cutoffs, “No way! Long time no see,” 

“Y-yeah,” Julie instantly wishes that she wasn’t wearing her dinosaur slippers at the moment. She leads them all inside, telling them to make themselves at home while they wait for Reggie to come down. 

Julie hurries off to her room, red in the face, internally freaking out about the idea of a cute guy coming over to her house on a regular basis. 

A cute guy she cannot get involved with... imagine how Reggie would react... 

The guys note the dreamlike expression on Luke’s face as he watched Julie go up the stairs. Once she’s gone, Luke whirls around, “Has she always been like that?” 

“Squirrely?” 

“No...” Luke drops his voice down to a whisper, “I mean, has she always been that cute?” 

Alex and Bobby shoots this idea down real quick, “Woah! No no no! Off-limits! She's off-limits, Luke!” 

“How come?” 

“She’s Reggie’s sister,” 

“Step-sister,” 

“Still,” Bobby cuts in, “You know Reggie. He takes the brother role very seriously. He won’t let you stand a foot away from her if he heard what you just said.” 

“If who heard what?” Reggie says, coming down the stairs. 

“Nothing!” They all exclaim, and Luke silently thanks the boys for not ratting him out and invoking Reggie’s wrath. 

He does know how Reggie can get when it comes to Julie. He’s already so protective of her. So he’s not going to try and do anything to piss him off. 

And besides, he just finds her cute. It’s not like anything’s gonna come from it. 

Wrong. 

Luke and Julie are hardcore pining for each other the more time the boys spend over at the house. 

And they’re over a lot. 

Julie would come into the garage, now a studio space for the boys’ band, and watches them practice. 

Somehow Luke finds a way to gravitate towards her. Always standing beside her, ready to show a song he’s been working on or just ask how she’s doing. 

And Julie would find an excuse to hang around the boys, whether offering to help with songwriting or help clean up the equipment. One time, she hands Luke his guitar and their hands met. They both blush but quickly part before Reggie could see what transpired. 

They sneak little casual touches here and there, both to gauge if the other person reciprocates their feelings and to hide whatever was going on between them from Reggie. 

This all coming from the fear of Reggie flipping out on them. 

Apparently when the boys bring up Nick from Julie’s class, joking about the way he was starry-eyed when dancing with Julie (secretly trying to get a rise out of Luke), Reggie immediately asks Julie about a thousand questions: 

“Who is he? What does he do?” 

“Do? He’s a student. In my grade...” 

“Oh. No job? So he’s a deadbeat, huh? Doesn’t sound like a suitable match,” 

“What are you going on about?”

“Does he like the Star Wars Prequels? Yes or No? There is a right answer” 

“What does this have to do with anything, Reggie?”

“I need to know if he’s good enough for you!” 

Reggie starts watching Nick like a hawk at school, going out of his way to intimidate the junior (well as much as he could. he’s still pretty much a puppy and super non-threatening). 

It’s getting ridiculous. 

So Julie goes to talk to Luke, to try and nip this in the bud before Reggie notices their weird behavior. She manages to play off needing help to get something in the laundry room to get him alone without suspicion. 

“Look, we can’t do this anymore... whatever this is,” 

Luke nods, “Agreed. Reggie’s my best friend.” 

“And he’s my brother,” 

“I don’t want to do something that would upset him,” 

“Me neither. Glad we’re on the same page,” 

“Right. Same page. So just friends. Deal?” she sticks her hand out. 

He shakes it, “Deal,” 

They lock eyes, appreciating how the other one looks under the warm dimmed light. 

It takes only about .5 seconds for them to crash their lips onto each other’s, igniting a full on make out session. And by the time they finished, they realize their mistake. 

Uh oh. 

They can’t go back after this. 

Now they really have something to hide from Reggie. 

They sneak around the house, whenever they could. 

Luke would make up an excuse to grab water or go to the bathroom in the middle of rehearsal, just to sneak up to Julie’s room to grab a quick kiss and maybe a small tickle fight just so he could hear that laugh he loves so much. 

And Julie would join the boys at the dinner table, sitting next to him and discreetly slipping cue love notes into his pocket that she knows would make him blush and smile all goofily later (and if they turn into potential song lyrics? Well that's for them to know).

Alex warns Luke the next day, “I think he’s catching on. Be more careful,” 

They spend more time together now that Julie starts writing songs for the band. Her and Luke would huddle over the piano, scribbling the night away, always sitting dangerously close to each other.

Once, Reggie observes them quietly from the couch with an unreadable expression on bis face.

“We are careful,” 

Bobby raises an eyebrow at him, “Really? You tried to pass off the hickeys on Julie’s neck as rashes.” 

“And Reggie bought it, remember? He went out and got ointment for her and everything,” 

“He’s not stupid, Luke. You better do something about this. Fast,” 

Luke sighs, “You’re right.” 

Later that night, Luke pulls Julie into the upstairs bathroom, the one between her room and Reggie’s, to talk. 

“Jules, as much I want to keep doing this... I can’t stand lying to Reggie,” 

“Me too,” she says, “So, let’s just tell him. I don’t like hiding you.” 

“But we need to plan it out. We can’t just spring it on him,” 

“Catch him in a good mood hopefully, and we’ll tell him together,” 

“Sounds like a plan, boss,” 

“Love it when you call me boss,” Julie smiles, angling her head up to kiss him. 

Just then, the door connecting to Reggie’s room bursts open and the said bassist enters in his bathrobe. His eyes grow wide at the sight of them tangled up in each other. 

“What is going on here?” 

The couple breaks apart. Julie and Luke jump to opposite sides of the bathroom, hands up in surrender. 

“You didn’t lock the doors?” Julie hisses at Luke

“Was not my main priority!” Then Luke steps forward in an attempt to calm Reggie down, “Hey, Reg, pal, um, what you just saw-” 

“You guys were kissing in here?” he yells. 

Julie and Luke lower their heads, “...yeah,” 

Reggie sighs, throwing his hands up in the air, “Unbelievable!”

“Reggie, we’re sorry-” 

“In the bathroom, really? Can’t you guys do this in the laundry room like you usually do? My toothbrush is here, come on!”  

Wait. What?

Did they hear him correctly? 

“You knew?!” Julie all but screamed at her brother. 

“Duh. You’re not really subtle,” 

Luke splutters, “B-But Nick-” 

“Found out real quick that he’s not the one I should be worried about,”

“And the... the, well..?”  Julie gestures lamely at her neck, “Why did you get me ointment?” 

Reggie smirks, “Just to mess with you.” 

“So... you’re not mad?”

“Nah. Like I said. I need to make sure whatever guy you end up with, Jules, is good enough for you. And, well, I’ve known Luke almost all my life. And I trust him. Honestly, there’s no other guy I could think of that could be a better match for you.” 

Luke’s hand rests on his shoulder, “You mean that, Reg?” 

“Of course. I’m happy for you guys. But uh...” he sticks his thumb towards the door, “Could you like skip on out of here. I did come to the bathroom for a reason.” 

“Oh, right,” 

“Your Tia’s chicken went right through me-” 

“Ok, Reggie! We’re leaving!” 

“But one more thing,” 

Luke and Julie stop in the doorway leading to the hallway. 

“If you think I’m bad,” Reggie shakes his head, “Try breaking the news to Carlos,” 

Luke pales, “Oh no,”

“’Oh no’ is right,” 

The couple spins around to find Carlos in the hallway, arms crossed, staring them down, “Care to explain why you two were in the bathroom?”

“Well, uh, um, we were-” Luke turns to Julie, but the girl is nowhere to be found, having already yeeted to her room to escape an overprotective Carlos. 

Luke throws a pleading look at Reggie, “A little help here, buddy?”  

Meanwhile, Carlos is unamused, carrying so much tension in his small body that it has Luke gulping nervously. 

“Nope you’re on your own,” he winks, “Make sure to tell him about the ‘rash’ while you’re at it.”

And with a laugh, the bathroom door closes. 

“I can explain...” 

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Any tips got people starting their creative writing degree in September? Xxx

oh this is a great question!! sometimes I forget I will literally be an upper year next year :) how did this happen :) still feel like I’m in grade 9 :) lol! but I do have tips!

1. Trust in the process

Okay, this sounds a little gimmicky, but what I mean is, let things happen the way they’re going to happen. I was extremely prepared when I entered first year, and even more prepared for second year, and I’m not saying this is a bad thing--in fact, I recommend having something small (even an idea) at the ready, just in case of emergency writer’s block, time constraints, etc, but I’d love to go back in time and tell myself to chill! I wanted so badly to experience the idea of the Ideal Writing Degree Experience, and so kind of missed out on the actual (great) experience I had in front of me! so let it happen! Take creative risks! stray from your plan if your gut is telling you to!

2. Get involved

In first year, I found it SO helpful to get involved in writer events, or clubs on my campus. I joined my department’s lit journal (which I shall be managing in the fall!) as an intern, and made sure to attend most, if not all the writing events they had on campus, including general fine arts mixers. Though I am a super introverted person, it was actually super fun to make connections, and even so, just make memories of faces that I could later recognize on campus. This is also super helpful for getting to know people in your program! On orientation day, I really tried to huddle with some other Writing undergrads, and that was super fun because we just chatted about our writing backgrounds, etc! If you’re anxious like me, coming up with literal talking points could be helpful the night before, kind of like an “About Me” refresh?? Like, oh my name is Rachel and I write literary fiction, also I am from Toronto, would be what I would say in case someone asked (usually people were very excited to hear I was from out of province lol so this worked as a great talking point!). ALSO!! off campus events! go to readings! Readings are 100% more accessible to attend where I go to school versus where I live at home, and so I def took advantage of this by making sure to go out to multiple literary events! It’s nice to make connections, chat with the readers, or even other audience members! Usually people asked me if I was a student and what program I was in, etc, and because being a Writing major is kind of a Fun Thing To Be at a reading, this was always a great talking point!

3. Remember your writing degree is still work

I know a lot of creative degree pals give this advice to remind undergrads that their creative work for school is still work so they should sit down and do it rather than leaving it to the last minute, but I kind of like to flip this idea on its head by saying: it’s okay to prioritize your “non-academic” work versus your “traditionally academic” work! For example, I took many, many English classes this year, and put about 20x more of my time into those classes than my literal writing classes. I am a writing major?? lol! I could’ve gotten an English degree closer to home?? I did not come here for this?? I think it was easy for me to write off putting time into my writing classes because I was “good at that” and “needed to focus on my academic work” (whatever academic even means), but if you’re there for writing, don’t be afraid to actually... do your writing?? Fighting internalized stigma about my own degree is something I still work on! It’s still work! Which means it’s hard, and you should take breaks (and extensions if necessary/if you can) just like with any other work.

4. If you want to, prep a little

Like I mentioned above, this could be a helpful thing to do, though I do caution over preparation because that was me!! and I feel like one may learn more if they have more room to fail (which sometimes preparation reduces?) but this is also dependent on the type of person and student you are, so disregard if necessary! When I entered first year, I didn’t prep actual work, but made sure I knew what was expected of me so I could mentally prepare myself, haha. I knew there were 5 assignments for 5 different genres (because of COVID they actually axed 1 genre which I am GRATEFUL for rip playwriting), so I kept this in mind throughout the term. If I got an idea for a poem but knew we wouldn’t be doing poetry for the next term, I’d write the poem in advance, or write down the idea. A little bit of prep can help alleviate stress especially if you’re transitioning out of high school, but I do tend to overdo it!

5. SUBMIT your work!!!

This is also totally okay NOT to do if you don’t want to publish your work, but if you are interested in curating a portfolio, it doesn’t hurt to start submitting your work early to literary magazines! I know some people are too nervous to send out their work in first year, but if you’re comfortable with it and want to, go for it! I submitted my work for the first time in first year, and got 2 stories published. If you want to be published, you don’t have to wait for upper years to put your work out there! If you have a piece you like, send it out! This also includes on-campus writing contests if your school runs these. I entered one not thinking anything of it and won first place (HOW), and these experiences were fantastic in shaping my experience in the program and also showing me submitting your work is not so scary!

6. Talk to your profs and TAs

Y’ALL I did not realize how much I talk to my profs and TAs and how much the pandemic took that away from me! It’s so critical to form relationships with the people who are teaching you, not only because they’ll help you to shape your work, but also because they’re a great start to networking! In first year, I sat down with my TAs or prof for literally every single piece I wrote, and the amount I learned is astronomical. I guess this depends on your program, but generally, writing programs are generative based rather than super lecture heavy, and you learn by doing hands-on work (workshops, etc). I learned so much (sometimes, even more) by talking to my teachers. They want to help you and it’s a great way to get to know them. I only attended office hours once in COVID (and it was Zoom office hours), and I certainly feel a difference in my experience. Reach out! When I took an intro journalism course, my prof line-edited every one of my pieces by hand, and while it was nerve-wracking because she is a fantastic writer and a tough critic (and literally right in front of me), it was so rewarding when she’d point out where I’d improved. She was also great at taking her time to explain how I could better my piece. You can’t do that if you’re sitting in a 200 person lecture, but you can if you take some time for a one on one! Highly recommend if you can (coming from someone with social anxiety)!

7. Make friends

I will admit it! I still have not done a great job at this lol. But if you can, try to reach out to your peers. You’re all there to learn, and it’s actually so fantastic to meet likeminded people! My peers are incredibly talented, smart individuals, and when we’re in person, I’d love to chat with them more! In first year, it can be scary to reach out, which is why I did this minimally, though I still made an attempt to jump out of my comfort zone whenever possible. It’s nice to recognize faces on campus and wave at people/have a short conversation before you head into class. Like I said, I interned for my on campus lit journal in first year, so I had to reach out a few times to my classmates to participate in events etc, so this was actually kind of easier for me since I had a lil ~motive that allowed me to muster the courage to chat with people! It could be as easy as joining in on a convo of a subject of interest (for example, a lot of people at my school especially in my program, love D&D. I have no idea what that is/how that works, but if I did, this might be something to talk about if you love it also)! Also - follow people on social media if you can find them, or start a group chat!

8. Don’t be afraid to speak up for your needs

This will be my last tip, and it might be the scariest tip of all, but if you are not happy with how something is going in your degree/classes, speak up about it! If something is not accessible to you, don’t be afraid to speak out about that. Idk if it’s just me, but I’ve been advocating for the betterment of my education since elementary school (why am I like this loooool), but especially in university, you’d be surprised by how receptive some people can be! Shoot your prof or TA an email if you have concerns, and see what they say. Rarely, they can be assholes, but most of the time, they’ll try to work with you to make your class experience better. This is why I also recommend filling out your course evals. Most great profs really want their students to enjoy their classes and succeed, so don’t be nervous to speak out about your needs if xyz isn’t being met.

hope that helps!

[trensu]

Episode 6: the One Where LWJ is Drunk and Gets Married

YES, GUYS GALS AND NB PALS, WE ARE AT THIS MOST WONDERFUL EPISODE.

OUR FIRST INTRODUCTION TO DRUNKJ!LWJ

AND THE HANDFASTING THAT INSPIRED A MILLION FICS

Okay, to set the scene, we’ve got JC, NHS and WWX having a sneaky drinking party with Forbidden Alcohol

Obviously, LWJ can spidey-sense when a rule is being violently broken so he appears at the scene of the crime to BREAK UP THE PARTY (or possibly a threesome?? He’s not sure but he’s gonna put a stop to that immediately)

HIS SERIOUS BB FACE IS SUPER ADORABLE HERE, GUYS

LIKE, I’M MORE PARTIAL TO WWX BUT UGH, LWJ IS SO CUTE HERE???

IT’S AWFUL

WWX: *bounces right into lwj’s space* join us for a drink lan zhan!! We earned it after defeating the Haunted Water!!

LWJ: *stares over wwx’s shoulder* alcohol is forbidden in the cloud recesses

WHY WON’T YOU LOOK HIM IN THE FACE, LWJ?? IS IT BECAUSE HE’S SO CLOSE TO YOU SUDDENLY???

WWX: chill out dude *playfully tugs on lwj’s sleeve*

Oh man, the glare that lwj shoots at wwx’s hand here could have started a fire. I mean, it must have at least burned a little with how quickly wwx lets go

LWJ: Report to the Punishment Chamber

Did they have to call it ‘punishment chamber’??

It sounds like some kind of kinky sex dungeon, which, like, to each their own,(i’ll read some kinky sex dungeon fic every once and a while, myself)

But this is Ancient Fantasy China summer school…seems a little inappropriate in context

ANYWAY

WWX again tries to coax LWJ in to having a drink with them. He doesn’t understand how someone can just…not drink alcohol. Oh wwx, you budding alcoholic you

And here WWX nobly sacrifices himself to save his drunk buddies by distracting lwj (who was about to call for backup, like a narc) and pins some sort of mind-control talisman on him

Wwx: sit and have a drink with me!

Lwj: *sits down and takes a shot*

Lwj: *passes out*

Wwx: omg i killed him. WAKE UP YOU CAN’T STAY HERE!! YOU HAVE TO GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM!! 

Wwx: *proceeds to gently guide lwj onto the bed*

You know after that initial panic, wwx looks too damn pleased with himself, especially after he gets lwj to call him wei-gege

Wwx suddenly notices that lwj’s ribbon is off kilter and informs him of it bc that’s what friends do

Wwx: your ribbon is crooked

Lwj: *scandalized gasp* crooked??

Why’s he so adorable when he’s drunk?? LOOK AT HIM TRYING TO SEE HIS OWN FOREHEAD AND GETTING ALL CROSS-EYED, WHAT A CUTIE

Wwx: i can help!! 

Lwj: *slaps wwx’s hand* Go Away

Wwx: you’re making it worse!!

Lwj: *slaps wwx’s hand away harder* DON’T TOUCH! THE RIBBON IS ONLY FOR FAMILY AND SIGNIFICANT OTHERS

And now we have a way to measure their queer queer love for each other without making the censors mad

How does this show do it?? This is gayer than most of the stuff aired in the US and the US doesn’t even have that kind of censorship laws media producers here are a bunch of COWARDS, disney i’m looking at you

Wwx: lol, significant others, really?

Lwj: what’s so funny

Wwx: nobody’s gonna marry into the lan clan with your thousands of dumb rules and chronic allergy to fun

LOLOLOL BOY HAS NO CLUE. JUST YOU WAIT WWX, YOU’RE GONNA EAT THOSE WORDS

Wwx: nope, you are gonna be Forever Alone

Lwj: …that’s fine

This is actually kind of heartbreaking tbh

He’s so resigned and pretending so hard not to care!!

HE TRULY BELIEVES HE’S NOT LOVABLE *UGLY CRYING*

Idk how the actor did it bc lwj still has a very placid expression on his face but it somehow manages to convey like, a sense of loneliness while still looking adorably drunk?? Idk man, i think black magic might be involved

All this to say POOR BB LAN ZHAN, COME HERE SWEETIE AND LET ME HUG YOU. YOU’RE GONNA BE FINE, I SWEAR.

Wwx is so incredulous at this response. Like he totally believes lwj would be okay staying alone forever but he doesn’t understand it

Bc wwx is a dumb teenage boy who doesn’t yet have the emotional intelligence to see that lwj is just saying that bc he’s scared and hurting

Now we get to see an acute case of Foot-in-Mouth Syndrome like we did back in episode 2!

Wwx: your mother must be so bored here all the time

DAMN IT WWX

WHAT IS IT WITH HIM AND BRINGING UP PEOPLE’S DEAD MOTHERS???

LWJ: i don’t have a mother 

He says flatly HIDING HIS SORROW

*UGLY SOBBING*

HE’S SO SAD AND LONELY GUYS

IT HURTS TO LOOK AT

WWX: you can’t not have a mother! Somebody gave birth to…oh.

There’s a crack vid somewhere on youtube with this scene voiced over “it was at that moment he realized…he Fucked Up”

And it’s true

Dumb boy

Here WWX makes up by sharing his sad orphan story with LWJ. it’s so sweet

THEIR SONG IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND WHILE THIS EXCHANGE HAPPENS

UGH THIS SHOW

LISTEN, ALL THIS HAS HAPPENED ALREADY AND WE’RE BARELY 10 MINUTES INTO THE EPISODE

LIKE, WHAT??

HOW. HOW CAN YOU GIVE ME SO MANY FEELINGS IN TEN MINUTES. THE FIRST TEN MINUTES OF THE EP EVEN.

WWX: my parents died when i was four and I can’t remember their faces–but i do remember getting chased by feral dogs

POOR BB WWX

HE CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER THEIR FACES 

OH, but we do get to see Actual BB!wwx in a brief flashback (within a flashback, remember this summer school business is not present time, how weird is that) and he’s riding a donkey while his mama and papa walk beside him. It’s adorable.

And after all that Emotional Vulnerability, he’s like “i’ll drink to that bro!” and makes a toast

I actually kind of like the toast he makes here with lwj tho

He tells him “may we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is worth forgetting”

Idk if that’s like, a traditional toast or something he made up on the spot, but i like it

We get a brief moment of plot development here. 

AND OOOOH, THEY’RE ABOUT TO GET IN TROUBLE!!

So some Lan SNITCH barges into the room where lqr and lxc are at and is all “we caught wwx drinking Forbidden Alcohol!” and lxc’s expression is all gently amused

but then Lan Snitch continues “LWJ was with him!!” and lxc’s amused expression quickly morphs into Very Alarmed

(right before that all happened tho we get to see lwj fall out of bed, still passed out drunk and wwx laughs at him. I can’t even hold that against him bc i totally laughed at lwj too)

The camera now shows us some frankly HORRIFYING beating sticks (paddles?? Do they qualify as paddles?? THEY’RE HUGE AND SCARY AND MADE OF NIGHTMARES)

And bc LWJ is too honorable for his own good

Lwj: i am at fault and accept my punishment!

And goes on his knees to willingly get beaten. STOP THAT LWJ

WWX IMMEDIATELY steps in to take the blame, like no, it’s actually my fault bc i forced him to drink when he didn’t want to. LAN ZHAN SHOULDN’T GET PUNISHED!!

LQR: (proving that lans are all Dramatique) ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN CLOUD RECESSES??

Take a chill pill, old man. A teenager getting drunk is not gonna start the apocalypse (probably)

And here lwj completely ignores wwx’s attempt to absolve him and is all no, I Made a Mistake and Must Get Punished 

Wwx: STOP ASKING FOR PUNISHMENT YOU IDIOT

So the punishment is kind of…harsh, but also lol bc as soon as wwx sees lwj take the beating without flinching or even staggering under the strength of the hits (lwj is truly a stronger man than i; one look at those Nightmare Sticks I would’ve run for the hills), he grits his teeth and forces himself to stay steady

Wwx: *internally but you can totally read it in his face* i’m not gonna let that bastard one-up me!! I have WAY more experience taking punishments. I am the punishment KING.

Okay so that all happens and afterwards WINGMAN LXC STRIKES AGAIN

LXC: wwx, you should definitely visit the family’s private cold spring

LXC: you know, so you can heal faster and not miss class

LXC: not for any other reason

I’D LIKE TO TAKE THIS MOMENT TO THANK GOD AND ALSO JESUS FOR THE UPCOMING SCENE

WE ARE AT THE COLD SPRING

LOOK AT WWX RUNNING TOWARDS LWJ

WET, HALF-NAKED LWJ

Wwx: *leans coquettishly against a tree thing and pouts* why didn’t you tell me about this spring? Friends don’t keep secrets from friends!!

wwx, you’re so clever, how can you be so stupid – boy is flirting at max level and doesn’t even realize it???

Lwj: HOW ARE YOU EVEN HERE *frantically robes up like some virginal maiden which he kinda is*

Wwx: your brother told me!

Lwj: *internally* brother why

And here wwx gets into the cold spring

Wwx: so cold so cold, let me get close to you where it’s warmer~! *dives right into lwj’s personal bubble*

Lwj: *takes a HUGE step back*

Wwx: *pouts* you know i didn’t like you much before but after our Romantic Moonlit Sword Fight and our Sword Fight By the Waterfall, i’ve decided i like you a lot and we should definitely be friends forever

Lwj: *doesn’t even look at wwx* That’s Not Necessary

Wwx: before you reject me, let me show you all the ~benefits~ to being my friend! *starts to strip*

(I’M NOT EVEN KIDDING YOU, HE LITERALLY SAID BENEFITS AND STARTED TO GET NAKED)

LWJ *is Horrified in a Repressed Gay Way* WHAT ARE YOU DOING

WWX: getting naked?? To heal better?? I thought this was obvious???

LWJ: *determinedly walks away*

WWX: wait don’t leave!! I’ll keep my clothes on! Anyway you should definitely visit me in yunmeng and i can pick lotus seeds for you. That’s totally what i meant about benefits.

LWJ: no

WWX: i can also introduce you to all the pretty girls there!

I CRACK UP EVERY TIME AT THIS. WWX, THAT IS A WHOLE GAY BOY YOU’RE TALKING TO, OH MY GOD

Then it turns out the cold spring is actually Haunted Water 2: This Time It’s Personal and tries to drown them

See this is why i don’t trust any bodies of water

They’re all out to get us

AND NOW WE GET TO THE  CAVE OF WONDERS (or cold pond cave, whatev)

Wwx: what is happening

Lwj: *is fascinated by the cave of wonders*

Lwj: *internally* ooooh Magic Guqin!! (BECAUSE HE’S A NERD LOLOL)

Magic Guqin: NOT TODAY SATAN *attacks wwx*

Wwx: WHY IS IT ATTACKING ME, I DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING YET!!

brief pause here to point out that we meet the bunnies now!! Hello bunnies!!! Everyone in the fandom loves you~!!! 💗💗💗

Okay so Magic Guqin continues to attack wwx but wwx is a Clever Boy and figures out that it’s only attacking him because he doesn’t have a sacred lan ribbon

Wwx: lwj, quick, give me your ribbon!

Lwj: *FLIES RIGHT OVER TO WWX and proceeds to bind their wrists together with the SACRED RIBBON ONLY FAMILY ANd S.O.’s CAN TOUCH*

Then the camera zooms in on the metal piece of the ribbon that is now swaying gently between them like, Subtlety? Never heard of her!

Camera: yep, this is totally a straight thing that straight bros do together

So now that they’re bound together for eternity the boys approach the Magic Guqin

Lwj slaps wwx’s hands away from the guqin here – just bc i let you touch the sacred ribbon doesn’t mean you can touch the magic guqin that tried to murder you

BC LWJ IS A MUSIC NERD AND IS TOTALLY GEEKING OUT OVER THE PRECIOUS MUSICAL HEIRLOOM

LWJ proceeds to reverently play the Magic Guqin and we have this moment where he’s like, floating in space surrounded by glowy blue lights??

Idk man, it’s weird but we’ll roll with it

This is the first time we see him communicate with spirits using music, btw. 

Now we meet Lan Yi!! Who is a badass and important for plot reasons but the Valid Reason she’s mentioned here is because SHE OFFICIATES THE WANGXIAN WEDDING (bc we’ve already established that we’re not here for the plot lol)

the boys are tied together with the sacred ribbon and then they bow to a clan elder. How is that not, bare minimum, a handfasting??? 

Okay, technically, lwj bowed to the elder first to show respect while wwx stood there all stunned until lwj reminded him of the Importance of Manners. Then wwx bowed. But I’m pretty sure that still counts.

“You two being here must be destiny!” lan yi says, “i’m gonna do some plot exposition so pay attention.”

Thankfully we are not lwj or wwx so we don’t have to pay attention at all!!

At some point, wwx makes a clever comment and lan yi is all “wwx you’re as smart as i thought!! 

Yes yes i definitely approve of you marrying my great great great grand-son/nephew/whatever the heck he is, idk i’ve been in this cave too long with only bunnies for company" (🎶bunnies are better than people, buns don’t you think that’s true~?🎶 I AM SO SORRY FOR THAT REFERENCE, DISNEY YOU STILL SUCK I JUST HAVE POOR SELF-RESTRAINT)

Okay, she for real complimented wwx’s intelligence (bc I guess everyone’s hot for WWX’s big brain? Idk) but i’m pretty sure she was thinking the rest of that really loudly in her head

Then more plot stuff happens and the episode ends!!!

Beautiful, phenomenal episode. One of the MOST IMPORTANT Wangxian episodes we have!! 100/10 stars, would watch again.

Return to Masterpost

[kitt-rider]

my emotional journey of the episode ‘knightmares’. i have A Lot To Say

so kitt and michael’s first interaction after michael loses his memory is this

kitt: michael? michael please, stop! it's me! kitt! *chase ensues, kitt leaps over something to get to michael* michael: *shoots at kitt in panic* alright out! hands away from your body! kitt: this is not quite the reunion i'd hoped for michael... michael: i said; get out of the car! kitt, sounding hurt: michael, have you really forgotten me? michael: has small flashbacks to kitt jumping kitt: are you alright? michael: no! no, i'm confused! nothing makes sense to me any more, this face, is not my face! my whole world has disappeared and now i'm talking to a car kitt: i think i can explain everything, michael michael: how do you know my name? kitt: we're partners you and i, we're a team. please, let me help you. get in michael: no thanks kitt: as you pointed out, i'm only a car. please. trust me 

and it. it’s a lot. there’s so much emotion in kitt’s voice here, like. something i’ve noticed is that they’ve grown so close that if they’re apart for too long, or don’t know what the other is doing or where they are or how they are, they freak out. if the watch breaks, or loses connection, they get really thrown off kilter, both of them. they’re so entwined that they feel lost without the other, as though they’ve become two halves of a whole. 

kitt sounds really hurt when he realises michael has forgotten him. this is the most human we’ve seen kitt so far, not that he hasn’t been before, but the emotional range in his vocals are just. they’re so raw and it’s so clear to anyone, even if this were to be the only episode they watched, that the two of them have something really special, that the two of them love each other. but then michael has little flashes of kitt jumping. it starts to come back to him. this is a big deal because it’s the first instance of him remembering something. kitt is so deeply embedded in him that his brain automatically responds quicker and easier to kitt, and kitt is a stronger trigger than anything else has been so far. 

kitt speaks very softly, coaxing michael with gentle words of love. the “trust me” absolutely killed me, idk why. maybe because michael DID end up trusting kitt and getting in, or maybe because it was just the gentleness of kitt’s words. i just. hnnnng.

so then michael gets in, freaks out, they go to the foundation, devon and april try to talk to him, they can’t, so he leaves. kitt follows. and the next interaction is this

*kitt is following michael who wants him to go, eventually they stop and michael opens the door* michael: i'd tell you to get this through your head but you're a machine, so run this through your data processor. get lost! kitt: i can't do that michael. i'm programmed to respond to your needs. despite your being unaware of it, you need me! michael: what if i don't want you? kitt: ...i suppose i'll be quite hurt  michael: ...alright. it is pretty hard to get around without a set of wheels. alright. i drive from here on kitt: absolutely. providing you'll promise me one thing michael: what? kitt: please do not refer to me as a car, or a set of wheels. it's most demeaning. i'm the knight industries two thousand. *wistfully* you always called me kitt...

OOF!!! mega oof! kitt can't stand michael calling him a machine because it's not right, his michael always treats him as a person, always calls him kitt, always refers to him as if he were a human bc kitt does have a soul, and he has personality like one. he's not used to michael being so standoffish and mean (although it's not really michael's fault since he's probably freaking out, and also it's like he's reverted to when he first met kitt when he didn't understand that kitt isn't just a machine) so he's. hurt. and his voice is all soft and wistful. it hurts for michael to refer to him as “machine” or even a “car”, because for so long michael has called him buddy, pal, or kitt, as kitt himself said. and it’s important to kitt that that continues, because he loves michael very much, and the thought that their relationship might not be as close as it once was is something he can’t bear. 

and then they drive and all that, we get michael literally calling kitt hot, and kitt smugly replying that he knows. and then on the way, more conversation and. 

michael: you know it's a terrible feeling, every time i pass a mirror or i see a reflection in the window... i see a stranger's face kitt: i wish i could help you regain your memory. especially your memory of ME. ...we have quite a history together

GOD. it's so much. it's all so much!!!!! kitt is desperate for michael to remember him, not just cause he's programmed for michael's sake, but bc he wants michael to remember him specifically, as he says. kitt is going all ways out of professional this episode, and his voice is just. especially when he says the history part, it's so, so soft and full of love and yearning. i can't get over them, honestly. the episodes where kitt is reprogrammed or removed from the car and where michael loses his memory are quickly becoming my favourites, mostly bc there's so much affection and love between them in it. like. their bond is so strong, and these episodes like to prove that that bond breaks through everything.

kitt wouldn’t say he wanted michael to specifically remember him over everything else if it were simply his programming/in a professional sense, which means he wants michael to remember him for HIM. because having a human he’s imprinted on so much feel indifferent to him is just awful, and insulting to the hell and high water they went through.

gahhhh and then! they get to the dam and michael gets in trouble, and goes “kitt! i need you!” and kitt excitedly goes “it’s about time!” AND I!!!! aside from the fact that “i need you” as a general phrase is A Lot to me, because i associate it with “i love you” and in fact, sometimes i need you is even more of a romantic gesture to say than i love you, it’s just so sweet how excited kitt is that things are falling back into place, that his michael is his michael again, and they’ll be a team once more.

then they head off, and kitt shows off his analyser and michael. “you.. .are a regular wonder on wheels, aren’t you?” and kitt “i like to think so”

AND THEN. AND THEN?!

michael: kitt? you said you knew me before the accident. what was michael knight like? kitt, softly and full of love: michael knight was bright, agile, often quite logical. he was also stubborn, impatient, readily distracted by pretty girls. and he listened to possibly the most appalling music to ever shatter my airwaves michael: sounds like my kinda guy kitt: yes that’s what i’m afraid of

and this interaction is so... affectionate? so loving. even though michael is still trying to remember, he smiles automatically, even jokes around a little. kitt analyses the material and then michael says he’s impressed. and then i get a damn BOMB dropped on me.

michael: kane’s? i’m impressed! i mean how does a chemical analyser identify a store? kitt: it didn’t! there’s a card inside michael, smiling: good work kitt kitt: oh one other thing about michael knight michael: what’s that? kitt: i was extremely fond of him

like. i have no words. it’s all right there. i can’t really say any more than what kitt did. and he says it as though it’s a fact. he says it as a way to describe michael, bc now, kitt is a part of michael, and everything that embodies him. kitt loves michael, and it’s a fact. it’s an identifier of who michael knight is. michael knight is someone kitt loves very much.

michael tries to get into a building that’s locked. kitt unlocks it

michael: should i say thanks? kitt: if you do i’ll say ‘you’re welcome’ michael: thanks! kitt; de nada (no problem, no need for thanks, you’re welcome)

god! can they BE any cuter? their interactions are so precious. 

once again we get an “i need you” from michael. i love that. it looks like from now on, that will be a regular thing, bc michael’s only just started saying it a couple of eps ago. something else i love is that the two of them fit back together quickly and easily. they’re already acting as a unit/as they did before not long after they’ve started working together again. they also bicker again, and it falls naturally into place.

michael: i got a hunch that door is not gonna stand in our way kitt: michael this is beginning to sound like old times! 

and then

that’s michael’s expression in response. a warm, wide smile. things are coming together again. he’s starting to remember kitt.

AND THEN

kitt: michael i pride myself on never pointing out the obvious, but i’m afraid we’re driving into a trap michael: i’m not worried kitt, i have an edge. a secret weapon kitt: really? what is it? michael: you

and then kitt blushes!!! for sure! there’s no other way to see it! he’s blushing not only from being a little flustered that michael’s praising him like he did before, but also because even a little while of michael not being affectionate and loving towards him was awful and he’s so happy that michael is becoming more and more like his old self again that his “cheeks” glow with happiness. ugghgngn!!! god. so much! they are so much, and so in love.

so the girl is saved and everything is well. he regains his memory, and we end on michael and kitt being all domestic and married-coupley.

kitt: welcome back michael. i thought as a little present i’d play you some of that appalling music you like so much michael: thanks buddy. come on. let’s shatter some airwaves! *music plays* michael: you know i was thinking. i could have april install an electronic board here and she could hook it up to your speakers kitt: michael? michael: yeah? kitt: don’t press your luck michael: whatever you say pal, whatever you say

AND!! THAT IS JUST SO. coupley! hhhhhhh. and ofc, michael will take kitt on vacation. i was wondering for a moment if he wouldn’t, but that was dumb. of course michael will take kitt with him! he can’t stand to be apart from him! they both can’t stand it!

god. i kind of want to write a little ficlet of the vacay, and i probably will, because i am SO full of fluff. golly. what an episode! michael and kitt are in love and as the show goes on that just becomes more and more apparent <3

[dracimexidae]

@lives-ruined-and-bloodshed replied to your post “@lives-ruined-and-bloodshed mentioned you on a post “You wanna try and...”

Yeah, I think May would definitely win in a real fight but I think they have so much fun just sparring, they know each other so well and probably sparred plenty of times so they know most of each other's moves and well, it's just really hot to imagine them going at it lol of course AoS couldn't give us that. We even saw Coulson fighting but ofc not with May, that would be giving too much to the shippers.

OF COURSE RIGHT, GOD FORBID THEY GIVE US EVEN JUST A FLICKER OF CONTENTMENT LMAO, WHO CARES ABOUT THE FANS ANYWAY... Sorry for the capslock, but I couldn’t express this any other way than shouting it because I’ll always be annoyed by this! Yeah, they don’t owe us anything, they should be able to tell the story they want without feeling obliged to indulge in the fan-service, bla bla bla, don’t care, I’ll stay pissed off, I’m sure the writers won’t mind, and at this point it’s the level of resigned annoyance that doesn’t ruin my day, so I can stay “fueled” without feeling miserable about it like I was some time ago, when I was more invested (not that I’m not invested in the ship now, but I made peace with the fact that I won’t get the satisfaction - and there is no “compliance” involved here :p - I need from the show so I’m looking for it elsewhere)!

I am convinced it would have been so amazing seeing Phil and Melinda spar because I found adorable (ok, maybe it’s not the best term to describe sparring sessions, but I have big family feels about it because Philindaisy obviously so for me that adjective stands) the sparring scenes Daisy had with both Phil and Melinda so yeah, it was a huge waste of potential, but what’s new when we talk about Philinda’s treatment in the show...

I do see their relationship as a bit unbalanced. There are so many times we saw May showing in words and actions what Coulson means to her, even her freaking robot was out there declaring her love and willing to die for him and the team. I think you're right that Coulson being the director is one of teh reasons for that difference but I think who they are is another.

For Coulson there is Humanity, SHIELD, Daisy and ofc May cares about that too but I mostly see her putting him ahead of pretty much everything, she's so ridiculously loyal to him, even Garret knew that about her, it wasn't follow SHIELD to the grave but Coulson. Watching gifsets of S1B was actually making me ship them less lol, he believed she was Hydra up until she was about to be killed too and then he was a raging dick, to hurt her, and not even an apology after.

Nothing much to add here, I agree with you, let me just underline the awful treatment Phil reserved to Melinda when he thought she was Hydra... All right, I get it, he must have felt overwhelmed discovering such huge betrayal from people in his organization to the point he felt he couldn’t be able to trust anyone, when he was raised in SHIELD with the “trust the system” drill in his head, valid for him until he died and was brought back, at least, not to mention the fact that he was kept in the shadows about this goddamn GH-325 secret by his closest (at least that’s what he thought she was) friend and ally, but just because he seemed to rely on Melinda so much that he decided to choose her as his “right-hand” for the task he accepted, I was flabbergasted that, after the first (comprehensible) moment of shock, he didn’t give her just a glimmer of benefit of the doubt, straight up assumed that she betrayed him and all... So was there nothing at all to be saved from their relationship until that moment that he could just pause just a second and consider that that was Melinda May he was crucifying, and I’m aware that it all happened so fast that there wasn’t a moment to breathe, let alone the chance of having a proper, lenghty conversation with her, but it took him too long, in my humble opinion, to realize that he couldn’t just throw whatever they had out of the window so rashly... Anyway, after the “epiphanic” Audrey episode the writers OBVIOUSLY never addressed the situation again, making us believe that between them it was all good again just by magic... mumble mumble... Thankfully there is fanfiction to fill in the gaps, because there is not a chance in the world I’ll be convinced that that evening, after Melinda brought Phil the infamous pendrive with the video about the TAHITI project, didn’t end up with them spending the night discussing everything and both apologizing AT LENGTH (in my universe there would have been also moments gradually and steadily reaching the R rating, but I would have been perfectly fine watching a scene with just them talking and making a real effort to clear things up and it would have actually made more sense considering canon, but they gave us nothing so whatever, I consider myself free to imagine whatever it pleases me :p )

I remember watching all of that some months ago and thinking he's going to to redeem himself by showing she the same kind of loyalty but then S2 and May was again with that massive devotion of hers, with the alien illness and the "real" SHIELD but what I got was Coulson lying to her repeatedly for no good reason. 3A was weird, I don't mind they had LIs, I actually really liked Andrew but they barely felt like friends imo. When Andrew/Lash was happening *Mack* was the only one who thought that maybe she could use a friend, that was bizarre. 

WHEN HE ASKED HER TO KILL HIM IF THINGS GOT OUT OF CONTROL (and just that, my god, I understand that he trusts only her with everything at this point, not only SHIELD but even his life, but it’s rather a terrible thing to ask anyway), AND SHE INSTEAD HAD ALREADY PLANNED TO SPEND THE REST OF THEIR LIFE IN A GODDAMN CABIN IN A PLACE SHE KNEW HE WANTED TO VISIT, DECIDING TO STAND BY HIS SIDE AND SUPPORT AND HELP HIM UNTIL THE VERY END... AND BY S5 SHE HELD UP TO HER WORD AND DID IT, EVEN IF IN A DIFFERENT PLACE... 

“NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I’LL TAKE CARE OF YOU, THAT’S MY PLAN”  

EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO DIG MYSELF A HOLE IN THE GARDEN AND CURL UP IN THERE FOR THE NEXT DECADE IF THAT ISN’T LOVE I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS??!?!!!!! That sentence and her actions show her love for him more powerfully than any “I love you” voiced out, but ok, let’s carry on...

I could even let the fact that he didn’t tell her about Theta Protocol slide because of all that classified crap and such, even if she called him out brilliantly about him not having the right to know that as well him not being Director anymore (HA, sorry Coulson but take that!) - I’m not really sure it was that a valid reason the fact that he should have told her because Andrew was involved, I mean, idk, they were not even married anymore, I don’t think that officially it should have been her business to know, but surely, as his best friend, Phil maybe should have felt more of a moral obligation to inform her, also because I can’t really recall if Phil started seeing Andrew before he confessed Melinda about his writing impulses, but at some point she knew, so what was the harm on letting her know? Where was the logic in keeping at least that hidden from her? I’ll be damned if I know! 

Anyway, what I seriously would have kicked Phil’s ass for is the fact that he, TWICE (as far as I remember at least) affirmed that he didn’t want to go to Melinda after the whole Andrew/Lash debacle because “she wouldn’t want me to go after her right now” “she’ll talk when she’s ready”... Phil... pal.... buddy... what the fuck???!!! I mean, ok, Melinda would have assured you that she was fine, especially if you approached her in public, but... you know... we know... THE WHOLE WORLD knows she wasn’t, how could she???!!! One fucking sentence, one “you know I’m here if you want to talk or anything” like she said to him, more than once, would have killed the writers to insert it?????!?!?!?! But no, not only he doesn’t reach to her (at least, we don’t see it and it isn’t even implied in the show)but in the meantime he proceedes to go out and have drinks and slEEP WITH ROSALIND AND START A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER WHAT THE HELL KINDA BEHAVIOUR IS THAT?????! His best friend is anguished, tormented and in pain, he should have at least stood by her bunk’s door all night just to reassure her he was there for whatever she needed, or at least stay at base, work, go to sleep, idk, with what spirit you go out and go on a date and everything???!! Why is that, to distract yourself?? Oh yeah, but he’s also working an angle here, yeah all work and duty and no play, eh, Coulson?! MELINDA NEEDED YOUR SUPPORT AND FRIENDSHIP FFS!!!!!!! Damn it, at least find time to show a scene in which he makes an effort to reach for her, then she is free to do anything she wants with his support and if she asks he’ll be considerate enough to leave her alone, but show us he tries, because that’s something I think Coulson would do!!!! Instead he apparently just straight up assumes that she doesn’t want anyone close in that moment so he doesn’t even bother to assure her that if she needs it, he’s there for her... I get it, we all know she closed off after Bahrain and all and she’s the kind of person who tends to keep things for herself, but it doesn’t hurt to at least let her know he’s available if she needs help, especially because she’d hate to bother him knowing well that he has a lot more to think about than just her? Listen, Coulson in certain instances could be a little dense, but I think he’d make such a reasoning, idk? Or am I assuming too much about him? But, as you said, even Mack voices his concerns about leaving her alone, someone who is not particularly close to her, but not Phil 

3B was better but still too little. It's funny but two of my favorites scenes of the show were the one about the boundaries, SO much to unpack there and when called him on it when he said she was too quick to the trigger and Daisy wasn't Andrew, the murder vest was bad enough but damn he still went the extra mile, but if he's going to be a bastard, at least have May fight back because I don't think I could take more of him being a dick and May just taking and getting no apologies like in 2B. 

Oh my god, OH MY GOD yes, that was the peak of the idiocy!! “You’re always so quick to the trigger” JESUS CHRIST PHIL HOW COULD YOU EVEN CONCEIVE TO SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO HER, TO MELINDA, HOW THE FUCK DOES YOUR BRAIN WORK????!!?!?!!? I seriously tend to erase all this stupidity in s3, I know it’s not fair to the show but I’m sorry, I really can’t stand that Phil could say shit like that to Melinda, I can barely recognize it as canon... Maybe it’s me who has created this version of Phil in my head that actually got things wrong about his character, maybe I’m misreading him and don’t really understand him fully (not that I have ever claimed that I do, anyway), because no matter how stressful this moment is for him and no matter how much pressure he is under, I can’t for the life of me accept that he would say those things and behave like that... S1 behaviour I understand even if it still pisses me off a bit but it’s definitely more comprehensible, but these aspects no, just no, no way... The writers kinda saved it with May taking no shit from him (thank god for that, at least) and him apologizing, even if that was still pretty mild according to me, but oh well, better than nothing at all I guess? Let’s try to convince ourselves of that...

S4 was kinda funny to me because they just turned it up to eleven but I appreciate we actually saw him showing love/devotion/loyalty, without S4 I don't think I could ship them as much and since S5 was also disappointing in my I need to believe Coulson loves her as much as she loves him thing there was little Philinda, but still we had May showing in actions and words her love for him and Coulson, well, I believe he loves her and I guess he kissed her, said he didn't want to leave her and invited her to spend a few days together before he died in front of her. Her SL in S6 was about how much she loved him but I knew that already lol and then emotional torture and death. 

Definitely, I seriously don’t know what happened during s4 writing that convinced the writers to suddenly push on the accelerator with their relationship, but I’m actually grateful (see? I can also say good things about them lol ), even if in terms of continuity for their dynamic I’m not sure how much sense it makes unless you take for granted that interactions must have happened in between the seasons, things we obviously weren’t witnesses of... As you pointed out, otherwise it would have been pretty hard to root for them to get closer, because May deserves the world!

It’s kind of ironic in a way to see, despite her being not openly vocal and expressive in her affections, how much more Melinda has said and done to and for Phil compared to him for her - again, as it has been said, he had far more things to worry about than her, whose mission was mainly Phil from the very beginning, so he obviously was more preoccupied to allow himself the luxury of devoting himself to just one person, but still...

S6? What is that? I really have no idea what you’re talking about here... :p

And that's why I appreciate so much how the fics do the work on Couson's part because I don't think I would love the ship as much without it either. And I just find confusing why AoS decided to go for the ship if they didn't care much about committing to their relationship on screen.

Yes! And ah, at this point, especially after S6, I’m so deflated about some choices that were made that I hardly care about trying to understand what goes through the writers’ heads, so again, I’ll just take what I want and run away quickly before they catch me and throw me in the pit of misery again (lol, look how confident I seem, as if I firmly believe that I won’t be affected at all by S7... Mh mh, yeah, sure, stay tuned to find out how much I’ll fail despite me training myself not to get involved with the show like I used to be...)

[ts-2020-olympics]

EPISODE 2 - “Landen’s Going Home” - Emma

Billy's back! If we lose I am screwed heavily, though I do think there's a chance. Slide puzzles aren't my thing, so hoping for the best out of this.

Kathy, I'm voting for you. Bailey had a good excuse for not doing the challenge, and I haven't heard anything from you, whatsoever. Hate to say it, but your ass is grass, pal. 

i'm gonna be a lazy bitch and do a written confessional this round bc i look too ugly for a video. so, basically after the events that transpired last round, jordan came begging at my feet for my forgiveness after lying to me about the vote. he doesn't realize that i knew what he was doing before the fact thanks to sammy, so i just played along and acted like i didn't know and told him that i understood his perspective and understand him lying to me. but believe me, a bitch never forgets being lied to. like, if he can so easily lie to me this early in the game, how am i supposed to trust him going forward? i guess it doesn't really matter because he's he easy boot if we happen to lose again before a swap. but i think i did a good job of making him feel like i wasn't mad so that he will trust me in the event of a swap or if we lose again he won't vote me. also, i'm pretty confident that both sammy and caeleb consider me their closest ally. they both tell me about their findings in the village so i'm getting two people per round telling me where not to go, so that's super helpful. i could see the three of us going far but i'm sure that the two of them will go for each other eventually, especially if they are both competing to have me be their number one. i'm fine with it tbh. sammy also got a vote block from the village. so now he has an idol that lasts for two more tribals, and a vote block lasting for one more tribal. so definitely think sammy is of more use to me at the moment especially since he has all of these advantages. my tribe won immunity this round which is nice. i'm glad i can just relax and not worry about a tribal. i hope we can keep winning until a swap bc i think all 3 people left on my tribe could be of use to me. also fuck connor, he told everyone at the arena that me and caeleb have a premade, as if we even knew each other before this game. someone is bitter that he couldn't make relationships and was first boot. so im sure that information is spreading around and i should probably worry about that. but oh well, i'm just gonna focus on winning for now! woo go me.

Alright, so here we are, the first loss of the 2020 Tumblr Olympics.   Sure, we may have had the Silver medal bonus for that challenge, but the tribe just isn't suited I guess towards slide puzzles, and plus Bailey was busy so wasn't able to compete like we had hoped.  It's all good though, as I always say that life comes before an online game, so nothing but respect.  Anyways, I formed a three person alliance with Beck & Ben, basically as far as I am aware, us three are the most active on the tribe, and really only ones that talk much on the tribe, so basically they are the only two I really connected with enough to be able to put my trust in, just hopefully this alliance all works out for now.   Then in terms of this vote, I feel it will be Kathy going, as she just doesn't seem all too dedicated towards the game/is a little inactive, and not talking really to anybody, so even though I do like Kathy, just inside this game, at least at this stage of the game, we need tribe strength, and she just isn't going to be putting that through whilst not being as active as others.   Anything can happen though, and there is still the arena yet so who knows, the person voted out of this tribe could end up coming back with a gold medal.

i'm pretty sad that my tribe is going to tribal but at the same time i'm confident i won't be leaving, mostly because 2/5 of our tribe members aren't very active. i also have this alliance with ben and darcy now which seems like a strong trio, so even though we lost immunity it could be a LOT worse. unfortunately the downside is that if we're voting out kathy (which is most likely) she's probably too inactive to do the arena challenge, so we're not gonna get any medals in the arena... but that's alright i suppose, we just have to work hard for the next one. if ben can't participate in the next immunity challenge i feel like our tribe is gonna be in a really tough spot. but i'm praying for the best anyway.

Not gonna lie, slide puzzles are awful for immunity challenges, especially if the RNG is manipulated just right. There's a way to solve them correctly every time, but to do it in the minimal number of moves requires that everything go your way in terms of luck. I'll take the L, but I am not happy. 

i’m honestly so frustrated that emma didn’t even submit but! she’s such a sweetheart that i felt really awful voting to get her out, but that was just a lil. hm. also apparently i’m close to her now? so that was inch resting to hear. thank u billy

Landons going home 

my truth is that i keep forgetting check my skype and i want my teammates to glock me and vote me out 

Even with the gold medal I won, we still somehow end up going to tribal. Tell me, HOW THE FUCK DO WE MANAGE TO DO SOMETHING LITERALLY SO ASTRONOMICAL?! It drives me mad how we had such a big advantage...christ. Anyway, a few things I'm thinking about heading into tribal. A) Everyone voted me last time, so I'm playing this one a little more no holds barred. B) I'm thinking about what's the biggest advantage to me whether the person I vote out comes back or fucks off into 24th place. C) I couldn't care less about how we're doing in challenges at the moment. I want people who'll be loyal to me, and in return people that I can put my faith in. Right now, that's Emma and Emma only. However, she didn't participate in the challenge, so it's a little bit of an awkward situation. I know that Landen, can be an extremely good player UTR heading later into the game, and to be honest I feel like he's a bit shady. So, adios to him. I get Emma and Juls vote, and Jacob if he cares enough, easy done. I'm 99% sure tribal will go my way tonight, here's to hoping the odds are in my favour!

I am now apparently a swing vote somehow someway. Landen or Emma goes. I would prefer to vote out neither of them, but hey, I could end up going to. Were you expecting something better? nah. Five player tribes SUCK. Billy and Landen are battling for control of the tribe. I kindof like that battle to continue. Plus I trust Landen, kindof. If Juls is voting Landen, I vote Landen because there's no point. If Juls votes Em, then I vote Em. If Juls doesn't respond before the vote, uh, we'll see. I think she'd be more likely to vote out Landen, but like idk. EIther way, none of these people are me, and I am a number to anyone involved. Mission success? I just need to challenge beast a little bit more.

Ughhh I don't want to be making this confessional right now. Hardly anything has changed since the last time I went to tribal, in terms of my annoyance with the team. We were SO close to winning, we almost had it, and we could've gotten it if Emma had just SUBMITTED. I actually really like her too so it's really frustrating that she does this but I can't justify keeping her when she just.... didn't submit. Not only that but she never apologized, commented on it, or anything. Like that's just plain disrespectful. So I'm wanting to vote her out. Unfortunately I feel like Juls is way too close with her, their bond is dangerous and Juls probably feels like she has to work with Em because they are some of the only girls in the gay-infested ORG community so they just feel a natural connection from that, and they are similar in other ways as well. I definitely feel like those two being as close as they are will be dangerous to me tonight and I know for a fact my name was going around, too. I heard about that from Jacob and it's not surprising at all they would throw my name out. The danger is they could abuse Billy, and they know it. They're definitely trying to get me voted out, and they're definitely trying to use Billy as a number to do it. Which is absolutely ridiculous since they were the first ones to throw his name out and push for it, but oh well. A snake's a snake, and I'm going to try and chop this one's tail off. Notice I said the tail because Emma is literally useless and does absolutely nothing and she's lucky Juls is tryna carry her through this. I'm pressedt. I definitely know I'm in danger and it's like, whatever. If I go in, I'm fine, I can presumably make my way out of the arena and back to the game where I can wreak havoc and be righteously emotional because taking me, the person who got the best score and has been making the most effort to actually talk to people on this deadbeat fucking tribe, out, in Round 2, is kinda just psychotic. I'm absolutely livid and I just... Ugh, it has not been the best week and this game is just starting off so slow and I hate my tribe SO much like it's literally disgusting. I used to hate the One World Twist and I still do as a concept, but thank GOD for it being in this one because I can only tolerate my tribe thanks to being able to talk to people from the other tribes like Jacob, Sammy, Caeleb, etc. I just want this round to be over with and to stop losing for just a few rounds. whew that's all i have to say fuck emma for throwing this 

So I survived tribal! That's great! I was really hoping it wasn't going to be like a permanent red mark against my record. I obviously had a plan for if I did go into the arena, and I figured I would survive, but I'm really glad I don't have to have that permanent scratch on my Tumblr Survivor Record now, and hopefully that makes the endgame easier to navigate. You have to consider things like the FTC early in seasons like these because of the one World Twist and the Arena twist. Both totally impact whether the jury will vote for you, and so it's important to be thinking far more ahead than one usually thinks in Survivor. I'm honestly SHOCKED that I survived tribal tonight, I was 100% Juls and Billy were voting for me, but I'm really glad it happened. I think this confirmed my loyalty with Billy, but in tribal I did come off passive aggressive and honestly, they can deal with it. I wanted to be slightly entertaining but still try to sound rational and sane in where I was coming from, hopefully I accomplished like that? Like I was just so frustrated that my name was in genuine consideration, from what *I* had heard. Like... why the fuck? I got the highest score in the challenge, offered to do flag and did chant for the other team, Emma did nothing both times, it was obvious she should've been the vote. And I'm really happy all the tribe came around with that. I'm really happy I can appreciate loyalty from the people I've grown to like on this tribe. I think I can count on Jacob as a number, and as far as Juls and Billy go, I love those two man. They are great people and I love talking to them. The only issue I have with this tribe is everyone is quiet and shaky and on such a small tribe, everyone gives indefinite answers and it makes things fucking awkward and paranoia runs rampant as you saw tonight. I'm just happy to be safe, have numbers, and be out of the damn Arena. That being said, this tribe is still too tiny and with a possibly furious Emma coming back to exact revenge (and I know she has a lovely heart and personality so I'm definitely expecting her to win over an army) I want to swap out of here as fast as possible so I can begin building my own path to a glimmering throne. 

He’s not as good at challenges as billy, and I’m close with juls and Jacob so I’m not voting them, and billy is immune And everyone is voting with me in theory except landen Next round I’m hoping we don’t go to tribal lol 

This tribe kindof hates each other. Landen and Billy are distrustful of each other. Emma and Landen are also distrustful. Juls and Landen and Emma and Billy are pairs if we want to go that far. I am good with Emma and Landen, Emma slightly less so now, but I did help her out quite a bit. I'm playing both sides pretty well, let's see how far that'll get me, cause I need to be incredibly careful. Juls is also viewed as a greater swing vote, so if both sides-ing does come back to bite us, it should bite Juls before me. Hopefully Emma comes back.

so round two has been a bit better, i think ive repaired all my relationships on my tribe and even managed to stand out in the challenge so maybe they think theyll need me and keep me around. Long story short i think I have longevity for now, but to be completely honest the longer this twist is in the game where once im voted out i just have to beat somoene in a challenge to get back like, im not overly concerned

Just wanted to ask HOW WERE WE ABLE TO WIN IMMUNITY WHEN WE DIDN'T EVEN GET A MEDAL?!?!?!?!?!? *cackling* Also Connor getting voted out is what he gets for saying in the main chat to vote me out. <3 u Connor <3 

[hclles-blog]

hey guys ! this has been sitting in drafts for at least a day now, but trust me when i say i’m as excited as i was when typing this fucking monster of an intro SDKFGJKFD but i’m jules, kard and clc supremacist and a struggling student about to apply to the english faculty of my uni ! like i said, this is a super long intro, so get settled as i introduce asteria’s resident skating brat halle, a bitch who overworks and doesn’t know how to chill long-term !! stats page is HERE for your reading pleasure, extensive plots and an extra list of options are linked accordingly !

jeon somin, cis female, she/her. — have you seen ( hyunmi “halle” chae ) around ( hecate ) ? they’re a ( twenty-two ) year old ( senior ) who’s majoring in ( kinesiology. ) i know they’re busy with ( dance club, women’s volleyball, and kappa delta sorority ), but you should tell them to check their latest starred rating ! ( jules, 21, she/her, gmt-3:30. )

honestly she is.. fucked sgjfsgdkl

this is mostly a carbon copy of an intro i’ve made for her in the past, so while some random points seem a Little dated or repetitive, they’re valid enough to stay here sfdlgkdg

i’ve had inspo for her after the olympics and rly wanted to use her somewhere, so if some things here seem a little.. idk, farfetched for your taste, we’ll pin it on that sfdgkdfj

this is her as popular vines

so chae hyunmi aka halle, ulsan born, raised in seoul and relocated to toronto, canada with her parents, little sis and partner to train bc..

she’s a figure skater, good enough to win ( .. junior ig ) titles when she was in her early teens, so it was only inevitable for her to leave for toronto to train with the Best eventually

she’s competed in international competitions, as part of a pair, and made her olympic debut in sochi by the skin of her teeth; her highest placement was third place ( not at sochi pls sgjkld she prob ranked in the top ten at best ), so she’s got a medal or two to her name

ultimately it was after sochi that she saw her coach and ( ex ) partner intervene with her.. unhealthy practicing habits

she’s a perfectionist through and through, so of course she’d spend hours on the ice at just seventeen/eighteen years old, even younger tbh, to get a routine right. but she pushed herself harder and harder, where small missteps would lead her to fall hard and recover for days on end, even spraining her ankle just before competition season was to begin

so when her coach insisted she take a break, her parents following suit, it was with good reason — one that she didn’t fucking see fsdkgkl

even so, them pushing her to prioritize education for a bit, to get ahead of the skaters who would prob only be able to do so upon retirement in a good few years’ time, and hanging up her skates until she saw it as.. less than something she needed to abuse herself to feel comfortable with, for as long as they would do so led to her resolve shattering and her applying for universities in canada, the us and sk ( the sly brat reasoned that it’d be nice to be reconnect with her roots.. for the sake of having something going for her beyond just competing in pyeongchang ! )

but the latter wound up being a bust bc she opted for asteria u, close to some of the popular yet secluded skate clubs the greats went to during their off-season training.. and before tr*mp got elected bc she would’ve cancelled everything, demanded her money and scholarships back, had she arrived after that LSDFGJFKLD

should be noted that her grades were good, she had a super brief volunteering stint and she’s a rising star ( well, was.. the bitch wouldn’t be competing again anytime soon to keep herself where she was within the skating circuit ) in her favoured sport, so she deemed all of this inevitable sfkljfdgk

though the school didn’t and still doesn’t offer its own skate club so, that was a slight drawback for the invested bitch

the transition wasn’t too hard ofc; she got comfortable with the campus and was back on the ice in no time, joining one of those aforementioned skate clubs under her parents’ noses and making the most of it as comeback/olympics prep

she saw herself as poised to be added to the roster once again, now a singles prospect after a major falling out with her longtime partner for one too many dumb bitch moves, and was desperate for it; however the stars didn’t align back in 2017 during her sophomore year, when she just missed obtaining qualification while now on canada’s roster on a technicality, and nothing could’ve compared to the agony that was missing her chance in something she invested sm practice, time and compliance with the people around her to pull through and get to pyeongchang

she’s still distraught over it, it’s been a couple of years since that happened and she gets emo real quick, misty-eyed if you bring it up ( she uh, has issues with moving on from things if you can’t tell )

suffice to say she resents her coach for his minor contribution in fucking her and himself over, dropped him out of anger ( a move she.. does feels bad abt on a personal level but professionally ?? pft ) and linked up with one back in toronto who she’ll begin seeing when she’s “ prepared ” to give it a shot again

meaning she’s currently on hiatus from the sport, but she knows a good few people think her career is Over now — and it pisses her the Fuck off

studying kinesiology despite wanting to be a skating coach when she retires as a competitor, bc she rly loves being active and thinks she’d be a resource in the field down the line ok ??

anyways, she’s found new things to invest her time in, such as the sorority, dance club and volleyball

dance helps with the choreo for her routines.... or Did, but we all know she’s still doing Some amount of skating on the side so

and it helps in areas where muscle memory and years of flexibility can’t quite do so

volleyball’s a great second option for her as a sport, mostly bc she can exert as much of her frequent frustration as possible into a game and act like it’s just her being into it. though she really can be That competitive, as you can see, rather than bratty

so, moving onto other things —

personality and other shit

she is.. a mess rly

inflexible, independent, charismatic, etc

most of her actual personality is further down oops dsfgjklfg

kinda detached ?? like she doesn’t want too many distractions and she deems relationships as the fucking Worst for it.. she’s had some pals from skating with potential go downhill when they got too deep with certain partners or just with too many side hobbies, social obligations, so she’s trying to be level-headed while not destroying her social life ?

idk it’s hard to explain, she’s an enigma even to me in that area

only dated once or twice. the first time being when she was like nine. with her first pairs partner that she quickly ditched.

not.. super sexually active either ( rip ?? )

but she’s been Involved with people so fdskng

on the ice, or just in whatever she’s applying herself to, she’s domineering and blunt, v strict on herself though she’s slacked off a bit over the years.. so imagine how self-disciplined — in the worst of ways — she was when she was younger

with a rigorous work ethic like hers, her being a leader among those at the local skating club implies that she’d be strict too with what little power she has.. but she’s kinda chill overall ?? tho you still have to get your twizzles right before the end of the day, don’t care that the hockey players will be out in two ! let’s go !

uh.. her attitude carries over with a Lot of things. she especially has no time for people who are Committed to their sport but show poor performances bc of laziness, distractions, etc. so brace your kids for hurricane halle ??

call her ice queen. try it. try it. GKFDJKGDSF she hates that nickname 95% of the time, usually bc she assumes people are basing it off of her initial/professional demeanour first and her passion second

she rly just has a hard shell where it matters, aka her career and stuff, but is a semi-precious gem overall

or, for a better way to describe it though it sounds like i’m just repeating myself: she gives off Proper head bitch vibes ( subtract the Need to feel powerful in being a piece of shit to anyone who walks past you ) but she’s really just a blunt and serious brat with a super dry and at times menacing sense of humour

she won’t hesitate to call you out on your shit or make it clear that she doesn’t like you, though, even if she appears cordial on the surface

as a result, hockey players HATE her !

bc she rips into them the most for frequently poor experiences with her fellow ice people. most of which are them hogging her reserved practice time, and being thirsty and pretentious dicks about it within and outside of the arena

kind of dramatic and a meme ngl, curses quite a bit, whips out korean or her conversational-level french far too often — especially if she’s shit-talking bc you made an ugly choice but is trying to be a Supportive Friend

english name came from halle berry bc hyunmi thought she was rly pretty on all the red carpets her mom would have on growing up sfgdkjflk

unwinds with the usual netflix and wine

oH also prob still hurts herself by overworking, especially after That Lost Opportunity, i hate

she’s pan but..... girls disappoint her far less than guys so she has a preference djfgskgdkf

all of that being said, it clearly plays into how she’s perceived by others, so —

her view and reception on starred

she..... probably doesn’t do too hot tbh

well. maybe she Does if starred's social ladder resembled most high school/college shows, movies.... rps, but it doesn't really so —

in all fairness, she probably does do better than i'm assuming rn bc.. she Is a character of sorts, who knows gskfksl but MOVING ON !

her blunt and kinda snarky attitude is partially Why she hates this point system, bc people tend to kiss ass just so they aren’t given a low rating whereas she can only hold back about 5% of her unfiltered opinion — but that’s IT !

tbh she relies heavily on her involvement in extracurriculars, and especially her public image from her glory days, more so than she herself to keep her head above water

so she looks entitled from that alone

given the way i’ve played her in the past, ik she might come across as a hbic type: thinks she’s the best ( which.. she kinda does sjkfgd ), savours the power she tries to or does in fact exert, doesn’t come across as particularly sympathetic or nice, etc

but she’s just a shit disturber with thick skin and a slight kink for receiving admiration and respect, puts herself first a little too much

in fact, she doesn’t really Care to hold people by a leash, but yeah, it can come across much differently since her tone never really Shifts if she doesn’t know you well, doesn’t trust you, knows you’re naive with such things, doesn’t like you, is just fucking around or in a sour mood.... the list goes on

so if your character focuses on who’s the nicest or most cheerful when giving high ratings, makes a v quick judgment on their character from a first impression, she’s gonna be near the bottom of their list dfsghkfgj

and like i said, she doesn’t care for the system Enough to change any of this, so she gets by

KDFJGSKFL uh, let’s end it there bc this is painfully long — congratulations if you’ve made it to the end of this intro from hell ! if anyone wants to plot, like this or im me !! ( ps, if you prefer d*scord like yours truly, just ask for it or send me yours ! )

[chimchimchoo]

Fly Me to the Moon :: Ch 1

Genre: Pure fluff crack

Word Count: 2,510

Pair: Yoongi x Jimin

Collaborated with @tayvengeance

Chapter: 1

"CHEER UP THIS SAD, EMO BOY!"

02-222-3333

Jimin stared at the note on the bathroom wall for a solid 5 minutes before he pulled out his phone and typed in the number.

authors note: we do not own any of the pictures, for better formatting so it’s more comfortable to read, check it out on AO3! AO3 link:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/14944508/chapters/34626863 Twitters: Tae’s Sujin’s <3 - Tae & sujin

Chat with Mochi_Moves

2015.11.15

14:00

Mochi_Moves:

Will this make you feel happier?

SUGA:

What the fuck

Who is this?

Mochi_Moves:

That doesn’t matter. Did the picture make you laugh? c:

SUGA:

No what the fuck

I think you have the wrong #

Mochi_Moves:

Aw :c

No, I just found this number and wanted to make you a happy emo boy!

SUGA:

Wait, who are you

How do you know I’m emo

Also it’s not emo

It’s grunge

Fuck you

Mochi_Moves:

But..I’m not supposed to tell strangers my name :c

Just call me Mochi

I’ll be your anonymous friend c:

Why are you a sad grunge boy?

SUGA:

Life is a bitch

That’s why.

Mochi_Moves:

Ohmygod, this poor soul

Who hurt you??????

SUGA:

Like i’m gonna tell a stranger my life story

Mochi_Moves:

But didn’t you know?

It’s easier to tell strangers

Come on c: c: c:

SUGA:

Add another smile to that and I just might strangle you

I’m kidding

But not really

Mochi_Moves:

:c

SUGA:

Now that’s a relatable emotion

Mochi_Moves:

Okay alright

I won’t pressure you

You can tell me tomorrow c:

Instead tell me something happy about yourself!

c:

SUGA:

I have mint hair.

I guess that’s happy?

Idk

Coloured hair makes me happier

Mochi_Moves:

Mint???? Wow!

I’ve never seen anyone with mint hair

That must look so cool *.*

SEND ME A PICTURE

SUGA:

No, what if you’re a predator

I’ve watched Catfish

I know how this shit goes

Mochi_Moves:

But I’m not! Just the hair

Pleeeaaassseee?

c:

SUGA:

Only if you tell me who you are

Mochi_Moves:

How do I know you’re not a predator either?

Maybe you’re the bathroom janitor for all I know

SUGA:

YOU’RE THE ONE WHO KNEW I WAS AN

EMO BOY

YOU MESSAGED ME FIRST

Mochi_Moves:

I just found it in the bathroom and wanted to

cheer up a sad grunge emo boy

SUGA:

Goddammit Hoseok.

He fucking put my number on the

stall wall again, didn’t he

I’m gonna fight him

Last time he did this, I got calls

nonstop

Mochi_Moves:

Hoseok?

JUNG HOSEOK??????

SUGA:

for a week.

Holy shit.

You know my arch nemesis?

Mochi_Moves:

Yeah! I dance with him!

He’s a great friend

Annoying sometimes…

BUt wonderful c:

SUGA:

Holy shit

You’re that Jimin kid he always

talks about

The revered dancer

“God, Yoongi you should see him. The way he moves his body is

the closest humans will get to magic.”

Mochi_Moves:

He really said something like that?? Wow, he’s really pushing it

Hah..

But you exposed yourself,

Nice to meet you Min Yoongi c:

SUGA:

That’s Yoongi HYUNG to you

Well, since I know you’re not going to prey on my gay ass

Mochi_Moves:

Ah, well

Two gay boys can be friends

c:

So don’t worry

I won’t be a gay predator

SUGA:

Fellas,

Is it gay to have gay friends

Mochi_Moves:

Let’s try it and see if it’ll answer your question!

c:

SUGA:

Well, I showed my face.

Your turn, punk.

Mochi_Moves:

I’m not a punk :c

According to Hoseok

I’m a soft mochi

SUGA:

Is that that Taehyung kid

He’s in my art class

I swear to GOD

Loudass motherfucker

But I guess he makes me laugh

Mochi_Moves:

BITCHDV

WATCH WOT U SAY BOU

M E

I KNOW WHE REY

YOU SIT

SUGA:

Holy shit he’s been reading over

your shoulder?

Hey kid, you’re wild. I admire it.

Especially when you got the fire alarm to go off

in the middle of free painting the other day.

Idk how you did it. You didn’t even leave your

seat.

Mochi_Moves:

I hav my ways ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Next time i jasdskjf

Sdfgk

Sorry! Taehyung took my phone

When I left the room

But yes it’s the one and only

We’re roommates

c:

SUGA:

I see. So no hanging at your place.

Haha

I’m just kidding

Not really

But yeah

Mochi_Moves:

Oh, so you do want to

come over sometime then?

Is that what you’re saying?

c: c: c:

SUGA:

I thought we had bonded over being

Hobi’s friend

I thought WE were gay pals

Without it being gay

Mochi_Moves:

Ah, you’re right!

I thought maybe

You already went onto the next base

Im so glad it didn’t turn out like that

My best gay pal c:

Second to Taehyung of course

SUGA:

I mean, you are a handsome fella

But

I don’t uh, date, really.

Mochi_Moves:

Ahhhh, does your love life

have to do with you being a sad emo grunge boy?

A tragic backstory?

SUGA:

A tale for another time.

(like far beyond this time)

Hahaha

Mochi_Moves:

So like

tomorrow?

SUGA:

Someone’s persistent

Why do you wanna know so bad?

Gonna try to fix the depressed grunge boy?

Mochi_Moves:

You’re just an interesting person

Min yoongi

I’ll figure you out c:

SUGA:

That’s hyung to you, brat.

Chat with Mochi_Moves

2015.11.16

02:30

Mochi_Moves:

Did this cheer you up?

c:

He had too much soju last night

SUGA:

You all drank without me

What the fuck

Mochi_Moves:

I’m sorry :c

I’ll invite you next time!

It was a night out for the dance team

But it can just be us the next time

And I’ll bring taehyung

And hoseok

c:

You don’t want to be around the dance team

When they’re drunk

Trust me

SUGA:

I’ll take your word for it.

Mochi_Moves:

But did it cheer you up????

SUGA:

How can I not laugh at his dumb face

Mochi_Moves:

Just don’t tell him

He’ll make me do push ups for days

if he finds out I have this

considering he blacked out

and doesn't remember a thing

heh

SUGA:

I told him you found my number yesterday

He screamed

Then he sent me this:

And asked how gay I was for you

Mochi_Moves:

DELETE THIS NOW

!!!!

SUGA:

No. it brings me joy.

Mochi_Moves:

Yoongi

Whyy

:c

SUGA:

Hey, haven’t you been trying to make me

happy?

It worked.

Mochi_Moves:

That’s true..

My pain is your happiness

c’:

SUGA:

But I told him I wasn’t gay for you

AND THEN

He sent me this:

And said “how about now?”

I just need to know, what was the

occasion?

Mochi_Moves:

Why does hyung still have this

I swear

I’m going to go talk to this..

Brb

He’s in the other room

c:

SUGA:

Tell him I said thank you for our new

Kakao chat background pic

Mochi_Moves:

YOU DIDNT

MIN YOONGI

TELL ME YOU

DIDNT

SUGA:

Mochi_Moves:

That’s..heh

I don’t know what to say to that

Asdfhjkl

That was a performance I did a few years back

For a dance competition

Hoseok hyung begged

I didn’t want to

But i did anyway, it’s hyung

I can’t say no to him

I retired the exposed chest look

So don’t expect another one

C:

Ever

SUGA:

Not to sound gay or anything

But

You have a nice body.

Good job.

Mochi_Moves:

What about you Mint Yoongi?

What do you do?

SUGA:

Write/compose/play music

A lil art here n there

I’m skilled on the piano.

And I have some beats on soundcloud

Mochi_Moves:

Wow! I love a good artist c:

Have you released anything to music companies??

SUGA:

Uh...

Kinda?

Mochi_Moves:

You must be famous! Can I hear some of your work??

SUGA:

I’m about as famous as you.

https://soundcloud.com/bangtan/agustd103

There you go, I guess.

Mochi_Moves:

It sounds amazing!

You’re so talented

One day you could compose a song

For one of my shows???

How cool would that be?!

SUGA:

Woah, take me to dinner first

Mochi_Moves:

So are you asking for a date??

Mint Yoongi

We haven’t even met formally yet…

So fast..

SUGA:

You were the one talking about intimacies

Composing a song for someone is as

intimate as fucking them.

Mochi_Moves:  

Alright alright

Just gay best pals

Who’ve never met

c:

SUGA:

Well are you insinuating that we should get up

get out and go meet somewhere?

Mochi_Moves:

That would be a good start

Besides

Hoseoks been wanting me to meet you for forever now

I just never had the time

Let’s do it for the sake of this poor hyung

SUGA:

It’s a monday morning.

I don’t have class.

We’re getting coffee.

Also

Why is Hobi hyung but you REFUSE TO

CALL ME HYUNG

Mochi_Moves:

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Meet me at the campus cafe at 10?

SUGA:

Yeah. Sounds good.

Chat With Mochi_Moves

2015.11.25

13:00

SUGA:

Hey

Heyyy

Heyyyyyyy

Jimin

Ji

Min

Mochi_Moves:

Mint Yoongi?

Hi!

What

What is it?

SUGA:

Did I leave my composition notebook

at your place? I can’t find it

And I’m honestly freaking out

I’m gonna have a panic attack

All my songs are in there

And some stuff I don’t want people

poking around in

Mochi_Moves:

Give me just a second, I’m walking back to my room

I’m almost there

SUGA:

Fuckkkkk

Okay

It’s okay

Mochi_Moves:

Oh goodness

Uh

I found it!

I caught Taehyung holding it, but I don’t think he read anything

I’ve never lurched at him so quickly

Do you want me to drop it off?

c:

SUGA:

Yes <3

Ew

That heart was so entirely

A you thing

Mochi_Moves:

Aw c:

You’re sending hearts now

SUGA:

Did it make yours go bangya bangya

Mochi_Moves:

Just a little

c:

SUGA:

That’s fucking gay wow

Mochi_Moves:

I’ll safely return your notebook now!

I’ll guard it with my life

And I won’t read anything

I promise

<3

SUGA:

Jimin

You’re a true hero

I might end up composing that song for

you if you don’t watch out.

Mochi_Moves:

You want to go to the next base already?

wow

I’m impressed

SUGA:

Don’t get your hopes up, sweetie

My emotional capacity is that of a

teaspoon.

Mochi_Moves:

If you triple the recipe, you’ll get a tablespoon

I just gotta triple my love

And your emotional capacity will go up

c:

SUGA:

Which girl group sang that

Bc that’s what you sound like

It’s pretty gay.

Mochi_Moves:

I live with a gay roommate,

I learn a lot of gay things from him

Now open up Mint Yoongi

I’m outside

SUGA:

I would yell @ you for not calling me hyung

But i want my damn notebook.

I’m coming.

Chat With Mochi_Moves

2015.11.27

02:50

Mochi_Moves:

Mint Yoondi

Min

T

Yonff

Ccd:

SUGA:

Wha

Are you drunk?

Mochi_Moves:

Yeff

Yessd

So muffh soju

Whaff aru yo u ding

SUGA:

Where are you?

Are you safe?

Mochi_Moves:

I jusf go t home

Tae t ae passef out

I wasa bored

And mussed u

SUGA:

You saw me like 7 hours ago

Mochi_Moves:

Oghmygo

Ohmydo

That wascd so lo ng ago

::(

SUGA:

Jimin

You should drink water and go to sleep

Please

For your health

Mochi_Moves:

Im

Im nof tierd

Ill  dinrk wahter though

Aru you still u p wrintinh musi

C

???/

SUGA:

As usual.

Mochi_Moves:

WHAt isi it about this tim e/?

SUGA:

My first love.

Mochi_Moves:

Fird love?

I neve r heARd anything abo ut your love life

Didi somethin rly happen to make u

An emo grunge bo y?

Can you ttell me about it??

SUGA:

Not when you’re drunk.

Ask me when you’re sober.

Mochi_Moves:

Ehehhehfdhe

You sitll won t share about yourself :c

I thoght we were best gay pals

I thoufht we got close enough to talk abuot these kind

Of things

SUGA:

Your hangover is gonna be nasty.

How about

I come over in the morning, bring some fire ramen

And tell you about me.

I just don’t want you to forget the conversation.

Mochi_Moves:

Wooooooooooow

minT yoon gi

The sweetest man

Fire ranen sounds

fantatiiiiiiifc

SUGA:

You bet your ass I’m the sweetest man

I’ll fuck up anyone who says otherwise.

Mochi_Moves:

Sweet as suga r

c:

SUGA:

Damn right i am

Mochi_Moves:

<3/

Chat With The.V.Zone

2015.11.29

15:00

The.V.Zone:

Lstn Yoongz

I saw your notebook

SUGA:

I figured you weren’t above snooping in my shit

Trying to figure me out

Or whatever.

The.V.Zone:

I was nvr a fan of you in the first place

Ill b honest

SUGA:

Understandable.

I used to find you unbearably obnoxious

The.V.Zone

I don’’t kno what my Chim has goin on in his head

But he’s all ovr u these days

And im gttn weird vibes

I dnt feel comfortable with this situation

Bck off a little

Chim is a sensitive soul

I don’t want any1 hurting him

SUGA:

Just curious, but what did you read

The.V.Zone

Smthn abt ur first love

SUGA:

Ah.

That’s uh,

I wrote that about my piano

The.V.Zone

Wut.

SUGA:

Look, my family situation was kinda

Eh

It wasn’t great

So I played piano and wrote music

And well

I fell in love with it.

I think it’s the only thing I’ve ever loved.

The.V.Zone:

…

weLL WHY DIDNT U JUST SAY SO

LOOK @ U

A SOFT EMO BOY FALLIN IN LUV

WITH A

PIANo

Wow u r so gay

SUGA:

My name is literally sugar, why are you all

so surprised to find out i’m nice?

The.V.Zone:

U always look rly grumpy

Like ur ready 2 kill someone

I dnt want my Chim around a murderer

SUGA:

It’s call resting bitch face and I’m sorry it

bothers you.

Jimin is a dear friend to me. I would never

do anything to hurt him.

The.V.Zone:

Well

If u say so

THEN BY ALL MEANS FEEL FREE 2 CUM OVR ANYTIME

But im not kiddin bout backing off

Chims mine

Furever

SUGA:

Wait, are you harbouring romantic

feelings for Jimin?

The.V.Zone:

Am i

Am i harborinfdsf

LMMAAAAAAAAOO

Ohmyg o d

Hyung

Ur so funny

Im crying

Oh dear god no

Im happily taken

But ty for ur concern

SUGA:

See, we don’t talk so I don’t know these

things about you.

Don’t worry

You still and will forever remain Jimin’s #1

The.V.Zone:

Good

But wait

What abt u

R u harboring feelings for my Chim??

SUGA:

…

I liked it better when we weren’t talking

The.V.Zone

Oh

O h

OH

I liked it better when we weren’t talking too.

BUT 2 LATE 4 THAT

SPILL THE JUICES

I WONT TELL I PROMISE

SUGA:

Every single fiber of my being tells me that

that is a lie

The.V.Zone:

:)

U dont kno me

SUGA:

Yeah that’s the problem

The.V.Zone:

Okay

Rmbr Jimin’s recent performance?

U 2 sick with the flu

And cldnt go

SUGA:

:/ I still feel bad about that.

He was so excited for me to watch.

The.V.Zone

Well

I hve pics

V good pics

If u tell me ill send them 2 u

U wont regret

:) :)

SUGA:

You know, I might have misjudged you, Kim Taehyung.

I apologize for that.

The.V.Zone:

U r forgiven

SUGA:

Well. I haven’t told anyone this

but

I have

emotions

regarding a certain person

named

Park Jimin.

The.V.Zone:

*sigh*

Some1 in luv

With my Chim

SUGA:

You throw the word “love” out so easily

I’ve only known him personally for like 2 weeks

The.V.Zone:

Gr8 point

Thats why ur perfct 4 him

An intellectual

I’ll deliver what i promised

Cherish these with ur lyfe

Regrettin that flu yet?

SUGA:

Holy shit

I’m gay

[stormy-boy]

Why Jackson Storm is my favorite character (in Cars)

Ahhh yes. The question I’ve been waiting for. (Cue that gif of old Rose from Titantic going, “It’s been 84 years…”) PREPARE FOR THE LONGEST POST EVER. (Also kind of messy and disorganized but I don’t care, I just wanna talk about Storm).

(I made this into a separate post because it’s really long and a long time coming. I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR THIS).

Well first off, I don’t necessarily like Storm because he’s a nice person (car?), because as far as the movie shows us, he’s a pretty rotten jerk, ha ha. Definitely NOT someone you should look up to. I guess I just have a thing for asshole characters. But it’s more what people in the fandom have been creating (i.e., headcanons, backstories, fanfictions, etc.) that make him a more interesting character. Not to mention the Storm Chasing book, which casts a more sympathetic light on him. So I’m mainly basing my love of him off of that. I’ll split my impressions of him into the fandom part, the grey-canon part (the Origins book), and the canon part (Cars 3).

From the fandom:

I love the idea of Storm feeling this pressure that he has to win and be the best, and that if he doesn’t, he isn’t valuable. I think it’s a feeling that a lot of people can relate to—this fear of losing and being second-rate. I also personally have this headcanon where he was emotionally neglected by his parents, so he seeks approval and attention through racing. I just think that all my boy needs is some love and someone to straighten him out. IDK, I just get the notion that Storm has the potential to become a better person (but we’ll never know for sure because Disney/Pixar will never give him a redemption arc, nor will they probably ever bring him back, RIP). So that’s why I’m writing my own...

From the Storm Chasing book:

UHHH does everybody know how much I love this book, because maybe I haven’t posted enough photos of it yet (SARCASM).

My boy is a gamer who hates to go outside and honestly, if that doesn’t speak to me and a lot of the millennial generation, I don’t know what does.

He doesn’t know how to make friends/he’s socially awkward (Yoooo, I didn’t know this book was about me!!)

“I’m just not great at hanging around other cars. You’ve seen me. I’m horrible at it—telling jokes, being pals, grabbing a pint of oil or whatever it is cars do” (83).

He’s a freaking baby who has temper tantrums when he loses (THIS IS BASICALLY CANON).

“YOU CHEATED!” (79)

“I SAID I’M NOT ANGRY!!!” (Cars 3)

He’s a privileged diva who hates even getting a tiny bit dirty.

“These distractions are just really annoying. They’re throwing me off my game. SC3 is so much cleaner... and it doesn’t have any weird smells” (61).

Trust Issues™???

“Maybe I have trust issues…” (106) (Me???)

He’s actually a hard worker when it matters, and hates to quit.

Based on multiple descriptions, he appears to be independent, solitary, and perhaps even an introvert.

“I’ll need my own room… I don’t like sharing a room. I’m private that way” (42). <<<----Look, it me.

He shows up late to training meetings (probably ‘cause he’s up playing video games all night).

When he shows up to the L.A. International Speedway for practice and sees a bunch of kids there to watch him, he tries to book it out of there and if that ain’t me.

From the movie (Cars 3):

Umm have you seen him??? This beautiful masterpiece:

Like, can I pet him???

His aesthetic: he’s dark, edgy, and his name is Jackson Storm. I’m such a sucker for that kind of stuff, as cheesy as it is.

Another thing I thought was funny was his faux-chummy attitude, and how while he seems like he’s being nice on the surface, he’s actually dissing you. 

It’s so amusing to me that I laugh every time I watch this scene. And then he rides off with his dub-step music playing, and it’s so obnoxious and corny that I can’t help but think it’s hilarious.

He gets in your head (well for me, he gets in my head for other reasons, if you know what I mean ;))). Storm is an interesting contrast to Chick and Francesco because he’s much more inconspicuous and subdued in the way he taunts people. Like I mentioned before, every compliment he comes up with is a hidden insult. So with the way Storm keeps constantly  pushing the idea of Lightning being old and obsolete, it finally comes to a head in the final race at L.A. International (and then Lightning crashes while trying to keep up with him, RIP). And if this type of psychological manipulation isn’t both messed up and intriguing at the same time, I don’t know what is. It’s honestly a part of Storm I wish I included more in my own writing. Because it seems to me that because of Storm’s constantly putting up this front of his being one thing when he’s actually another, I can’t help but think that there’s more to him than meets the eye, you know? What kind of person is he off the racetrack? In his private life? That’s what fan fiction is for ;)

He’s not as confident as he looks. From what I gathered from the movie, he plays mind games in order to eliminate his competition. This includes Cruz and Lightning. I always had the notion that Storm worked so relentlessly to get Lightning to retire because he actually perceived him as a threat to his place as a racing champion. I could be wrong, and that he only mocked Lightning to just be a jerk, but I couldn’t help but feel that some part of him felt intimidated. Because as you see later during the Florida 500, he does the same thing to Cruz (and he truly IS intimidated by her). Seeing Storm lose his confident front in the last race is really interesting to see. He claims to not be nervous, but you can see him checking Cruz’s position over and over, and even when Ray tells him that Cruz is moving up toward him, he says, “Why should I care?” but you can SEE it in his face that he’s angry because he does care, and he’s actually afraid of her! And then he speeds the f*** up right after this part! 

Bonus: The expression he has after Lightning passes him in the pits at L.A. International. Maybe or may not be that same look of uncertainty I was talking about, but based on the way he pulls up to taunt Lightning afterwards makes me think it is (or I’m overthinking this).

Also, the fact that he feels the need to resort to those dirty tactics of mind manipulation means that he doesn’t have complete faith that his racing abilities alone will help him to win. (Because isn’t that the reason why people tear others down? Because they aren’t completely confident in themselves? IDK, not a psych expert here). When that doesn’t work, he loses his patience (and temper) and rams Cruz into the wall. It’s kind of a defense mechanism that he has—whenever he feels in danger of being compromised or beaten, he trash-talks someone. So yeah, Stormy boy might have some confidence issues of his own, hmmm?

He’s a young, spoiled, arrogant brat, but that doesn’t sound too far off from someone we used to know ;) I’m honestly a bit disappointed that the movie didn’t point out the similarities between Storm and Rookie-Lightning (maybe it was obvious enough). But I feel that the two have a lot in common (arguably, Storm is the meaner, edgier version of Rookie-Lightning). They both know what it feels like to always be on the track and not know how to properly treat people and make friends. Maybe Storm just needs the RS Treatment™ to straighten him out, ha ha.

He’s actually a really talented racer, and I have no doubt that he’s worked hard to get where he is. That at least is something admirable about him. <3

Reasons why I don’t like him:

There are none.

He’s an egotistical jerk.

He slammed Cruz against the wall, the jerk.

He’s indirectly one of the causes of Lightning’s crash, the jerk.

I still love him.

There’s not enough official material of him in existence to satisfy me.

Honestly though, I can’t remember when or why I began liking him. It must have been his dashing good looks that caught my attention, and then everybody began fleshing out his character more, and then I fell in love with him. I think I can also relate to him on some levels (besides the part where he’s mean and confident), so there’s that. I could go on and on, but for the sake of everybody else, I don’t want this post to go on to infinity, so I’ll leave it at that for now. That’s probably more about Jackson Storm than you ever wanted to know, ha ha. Thank you for asking! (Bet you had no idea the storm you were bringing when you asked this question, lol).

I hope most of this made sense (because I have a bad habit of over-analyzing everything). If not, feel free to correct me or add something.

[gukyi]

pen pals | jjk

⇒ summary: to put it simply, pretending to be jungkook’s pen pal when you were both eight just so he wouldn’t be disappointed was a bad idea, because now he’s in love with them. or, well, you, he just doesn’t know it. 

⇒ friends to lovers au

⇒ pairing: jungkook x reader

⇒ word count: 11k

⇒ genre: fluff, light angst, lighter smut

⇒ a/n: no, i don’t have an obsession with writing cute jungkook fics, idk what you’re talking about. this is unedited, as per usual. 

Lies. They’re a pretty damn funny thing, if you’re being honest. Some lies can ruin lives, while others can save them. Some mean the entire world to people, others are about as insignificant as the pebbles that crumble off of the edge of the sidewalk. But one thing is for certain, and it’s that all lies, every single one of them, have the ability to take something as small as a ladybug and turn into something as big as a whale.

It starts when you’re eight, sitting at your desk at school. Actually, you’re not really sitting, you’re doing that thing where you push yourself off of the ground and balance on the chair’s hind legs, which never really works out, because you always fucking fall every time you do it.

Truthfully, the whole thing starts a long time before that, a whopping two years prior to the inciting incident, when you first met Jungkook as little children marching into the first grade together, but who cares about that? The eighth year of your lives is where things really begin to kick off.

“We’re getting pen pals,” your teacher says to the class, making all of the children gasp in excitement. The mere mention of it makes you fall flat on your back, though that would have happened had she not said a word.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m fine, I’m fine,” you reply, rolling off of your chair and pulling it upright, sitting back in your seat like the well-behaved child you should be.

“There’s an organization that connects kids like yourselves to others all over the world, meaning none of you will have a pen pal from the same place. I have the names and locations assigned to each of you, and I will be handing them out, along with a blank sheet of lined paper, for you to write to them.”

You turn to Jungkook, who is bouncing up and down in his seat excitedly as he waits for the slip with his own pen pal’s information on it. When the teacher places it on his desk, he shows you with a rectangular grin on his face.

“Look! Look, they’re from South Korea! Isn’t that neat? I wonder if they know Korean,” he says aloud. “Maybe I can get Jeonghyun to write to them in Korean.”

“But then if they responded in Korean, you wouldn’t know what they’re saying!” You point out.

“Oh, I guess you’re right. I’ll just ask them.”

And then off he was, pulling a pencil the length of a decently-sized ant out of his backpack’s front pocket, and writing away.

Having pen pals is one of those things that you read about in books meant for higher-grade elementary-schoolers, where you think it’s super cool and exotic and special until you actually do it yourself, and it turns out to be none of those things. Your contact with your pen pal dies exactly one week after you receive their letter back, one of those standard ‘Thanks for writing to me! Hope we can continue speaking!’ that you never follow through with. Your pen pal is from somewhere in Europe — Italy, if you’re not mistaken — but it’s not as if the place interests you so much that you desperately want to keep talking.

Jungkook, however, ever the overzealous and over-engaged eight-year-old, finds himself enchanted by the basic information his pen pal provides, avidly writing back everytime he gets a letter from them in the mail.

Eight-year-old Jungkook is a pretty dynamic fellow, if you do say so yourself, the boy involved in nearly every extracurricular on the planet. You feel so bad for his poor mother, who has to drop him off at swim practice only to pick him up and immediately drive to chess club, then to the mathletes, then to his piano lessons, then to dance. Kid only gets home at nine at night, even for an elementary schooler, so it seems pretty typical for him to be equally as intrigued with the concept of pen pals as he is everything else.

And, as his honorary best friend and the only one willing to put up with his ridiculous schedule in order to plan play dates, you hear all about it.

“Y/N!” He shouts, bounding down the hallway as you sit patiently on his couch, let into his house by his mother as you wait for him to leave his room to greet you. He’s holding a torn envelope and an unfolded letter in his hand as he rushes over to you, pulling himself up onto the couch next to you. “Look! She wrote back.”

“What’s her name, again?”

“I told you, it’s Hari,” Jungkook reminds you, like it’s such a big deal that you’ve completely forgotten everything about his pen pal. “Look, look what she said,” he repeats, shoving the letter into your hands.

“Dear Jungkook,” you begin to read. “I can’t believe you’re also Korean! Just my luck. It must be very cool to be Korean but not live in Korea. Can you speak Korean? I can. What’s your favorite color? Mine is purple, but I also really really like pink. Do you have any pets? I want pets, but I can’t because my younger brother is very allergic. Do you have any brothers or sisters? What are their names? Hari.”

“Isn’t she just the coolest?” Jungkook beams as you hand the letter back to him. “She’s so fun to talk to.”

“Isn’t this only your first letter from her?”

“Yes, but she responded very fastly.”

You open your mouth to tell him that that’s not a word, but you close it, deciding that it’s not worth ruining his mood to point out one of his mistakes.

“What are you going to write back to her?”

“I don’t know,” he says, huffing as he looks down at the letter. “Help me?”

“Okay,” you agree, following him to his room as he brainstorms all the answers to Hari’s questions. Once he’s closed the door, you lie on your stomach on his carpet as he sits at his desk and writes, keeping your eyes focused on the way his feet dangle off of the chair, too short to reach the ground.

The letters go back and forth for the next couple of months or so, Jungkook easily being the only kid in your entire class to somehow manage to maintain a relationship with their pen pal past the first few weeks. He talks about Hari like she’s actually there with you, sitting in the same class and listening to the same lesson. Any average person would probably grow to be a bit jealous of his relationship with a girl he’s never met, but considering the fact that you know Jungkook would never drop you, his only friend, you’re pretty unfazed by the whole thing.

“I’m trying to get her to send me a photo of her,” Jungkook admits to you one fine day outside, the two of you sitting under the shade of a thin birch tree as you watch the rest of your grade run around on the field, playing something along the lines of ‘Chase the Girls’. You’re glad you have Jungkook to guard you from being dragged into that mess of a game. “But she won’t. Why?”

“Maybe her mom won’t let her.”

“But my mom let me send a photo of myself to her,” Jungkook whines, throwing his head back in anguish and knocking it right against the bark, an unsettling hollow sound echoing by your ears.

“Maybe her mom is different,” You suggest.

“I’m gonna keep asking her. Maybe she’ll send one eventually,” Jungkook decides firmly, like every other eight-year-old when they make the decision that they want something, and they’re gonna get it.

“You shouldn’t make her feel bad for not showing her face,” you inform him. “That’s rude.”

“I won’t, you sound like my mom.” Jungkook frowns at you, raising a disappointed eyebrow your way.

You choke back a snort. “Maybe she doesn’t want to send you a photo because the one of you was so ugly, that she didn’t want to make you feel bad.”

Jungkook scoffs, as if the scenario is impossible. “That’s dumb. I’m the cutest eight-year-old you’ve ever seen. Don’t you agree?”

“I don’t know, I mean, I’m sitting right here.”

Jungkook places a hand over his chest in mock offense before he pushes you over and into the grass. You retaliate by grabbing the edge of his cobalt blue shirt and pulling him down with you, leaving the both of you in a fit of giggles as the teacher opens the door to signal the end of recess.

Much to your relief, Jungkook receives a glossy photo of Hari by the next week. She’s grinning from ear to ear in the photo, messy bangs covering the top half of her eyes with fairy pink icing all around her mouth and almost none on the chocolate cupcake she’s holding. It’s one of the photos printed from an old camera, you can tell by the orange letters at the top right corner, signalling the date it was taken. You’re just glad you don’t have to hear him whine about it anymore.

The day he receives the photo is the day that Hari officially cuts off all contact with him, only he doesn’t know it yet. He’s too busy gloating in your face about the photo, getting his oily fingerprints all over the nice, shiny paper as he waves it in your face at his home.

“And you said she wouldn’t send me one,” he taunts, marching around with the photo like a damn champion holding a trophy.

“I didn’t think she would,” you reply, squinting your eyes at him. “What are you gonna say back to her?”

“I think those cupcakes look delicious.”

“That’s it?” You say, furrowing your brows.

“Am I supposed to say anything else?”

“Tell her she has nice hair.”

“Do girls like being told they have nice hair?” He questions, scrutinizing the photo.

“Some of them do.”

“But I think she has bad hair.”

You take the nearest throw pillow you can grab and fling it at him from where you stand, throwing it over the couch in between the two of you as it socks him in the jaw.

“Hey!” He shouts from where he’s fallen over.

“Trust me, Jungkook. I know girls, and she’ll like being told she has nice hair, even if you don’t think it’s very nice,” you insist. “No one cares about what you think.”

Jungkook purses his lips in disgust, very obviously not wanting to compliment her hair in the letter he sends back. “Do you like being told you have nice hair?” He asks, turning his attention towards you.

“As a matter of fact, I do,” you state, standing up tall.

“Well, your hair looks ugly today, too.”

This prompts a full-on pillow fight between the two of you, knocking each other over with every pillow in sight, as well as a couple tissue boxes. Hopefully, his mother doesn’t have anything very expensive sitting on wobbly tables in the room, because neither of you will relent until the other surrenders.

Spoiler alert: you win.

Nearly two weeks pass and Jungkook still has no response letter from Hari, him informing you of this as he mopes about having to visit the mailbox every day, only to be let down every time he opens the flap.

“Maybe she’s running late. Maybe Korea is busy and can’t send letters right now because something came up. You know, sometimes, when my mom has a really important letter to send, she waits an extra day just to proofread it like five times. Maybe she’s doing that.”

“But it’s been so long,” Jungkook whines. “I complimented her hair just like you told me. I want to know if she likes it.”

Truth be told, you never find out if she likes his compliment about her hair, because by the third week, you can pretty much tell that she’s given up, just like every other eight-year-old on the planet who ever attempts to maintain a relationship via pen pal. The only thing is, is that Jungkook is still as hopeful as ever, his faith in her not dwindling even the slightest.

You have to admit, it’s a little bit disheartening to see some girl give up on a guy as involved and genuinely interested as Jungkook, but you give Hari the benefit of the doubt anyway, as she likely has much more enjoyable things to do than write letters to a boy who once bragged to you about he could fit his entire foot in his mouth, and then proceeded to show you.

It’s still a shame, because Jungkook truly seemed pumped about his pen pal, and for it to just vanish in front of his eyes can be a punch to the gut to any child.

If anybody asks you, you do it because you can’t bear to hear the kid moan and groan about how the mailman has started to tease him for always waiting for the mail after school, and not, under any circumstances, because you actually care for the boy’s feelings and don’t want him to get hurt. You’re doing this for you, not for him. The greater good. Taking one for the team.

As you sit down to get writing the letter to Jungkook, praying that he’s too stupid to recognize the differences in handwriting, your mother opens the door to the reserved computer room you have, and you get an idea.

There’s no way Jungkook can call you out for handwriting similarities if you type the thing.

Dear Jungkook,

Sorry for the late reply! My family just got a new computer, so I was busy figuring out how it worked instead of writing to you. We even got it connected to the printer, how cool is that?

Thank you for the nice thing you said about my hair. It was kind of a mess that day, but I’m glad that you like mess. Those cupcakes were really good! I wish I could send you some. I’m sorry if I stop replying for a while. I’m getting very busy these days. Korea keeps me occupied. But I hope you are well! Please send my regards to your friends and family.

Hari.

Okay, so you do feel a little bad about lying to the boy, but it’s all for his good. If he gets the message that she’ll stop replying, then he’ll stop feeling the need to send letters to her, and eventually he’ll forget, problem solved. The plan is foolproof.

What isn’t foolproof is how you’ll manage to fake the return address so it seems like the letter is coming from South Korea and not your house, but if you can do anything, it’s come up with a plan.

Jungkook once opened one of the letters from Hari at your house, meaning the envelope was likely strewn somewhere on your absolute disaster zone of a desk. You sift through papers and papers, math worksheets and torn coloring books and arts and crafts from book tutorials, until you finally manage to locate the envelope under a large pile of what appears to be every single thing you worked on in the second grade. How it got there, you haven’t the slightest idea.

The return address on this envelope is handwritten and in English, which is good, because you were not about to copy Korean characters onto the top right corner of the crisp new envelope that sits on your unmade bed. However, getting the right return address is only half the battle, because now you need a way to mail it to him, without worrying about where it will get redirected should the mail folks lose it.

Eventually, through precise timing and a quick Internet search of the local mailman times, you decide that the best time to leave the letter would be when your mother drops Jungkook off at his house after picking the two of you up at the end of the school day. The mailman would have just arrived, the new mail fresh in the mailbox, and Jungkook walks into his house through the garage, meaning he can’t see you once he hits close on the garage door. This leaves you the perfect window to slip the letter in the mail.

The plan follows through with pretty decent success the next day, if you do say so yourself. Not to toot your own horn, but everything went exactly as planned and Jungkook did not notice a single thing. Your mom did ask what you were doing, snooping in the Jeon’s mail, but you merely replied that you had something to send to him, and that was that.

What you did not foresee coming was the excitement the next day at school as Jungkook runs over to you right before class starts, waving the letter frantically in his hands, held high above his head. He nearly falls over as he darts towards his seat to show you the letter as he glows.

“I knew she would respond, I just knew it!” He says, pointing at the letter as if you need reminding that he was right. “It’s so fancy now that it’s typed.”

“Wait, but look here,” you say, pointing to the line where you wrote that you would be busy. “She said she’s gonna be busy, so she won’t be able to talk to you.”

“No worries,” Jungkook says like it’s not a very big deal at all. His reaction frightens you, making you raise an eyebrow in panic. “I’ll just keep sending letters to her. She doesn’t have to respond.”

This was definitely not in the plan. Not at all. Oh no.

“Are you sure? You’re wasting the money your parents spend on stamps,” you say, wracking your brain for any valid reason as to why he should not do that.

“I’m the only one that sends letters in the house,” Jungkook proudly proclaims. “My parents use e-mail, which I’m not allowed to have, and Jeonghyun texts on his phone. He makes fun of me for sending letters, think’s they’re ‘old fashioned’. All the stamps go to me, anyway.”

“But… But…” You say, at a loss for words. There goes your hope that all contact with Hari would cease after what was supposed to be a final letter.

“Why, is something wrong, Y/N?”

Jungkook may be dynamic, but he is a little bit oblivious at times, a quality that saves your ass more often than you’d like to admit.

“Me? I’m fine,” you say, coughing to distract from your stutter.

“Really? You seem stressed,” Jungkook notes.

“I’m stressed these days,” you quickly spit out. “It’s fine, just a little bump in the road. Hey, we should go get ice cream today after school. My mom has a coupon.”

Any mention of food is enough to catch Jungkook off guard and change the topic completely, something you desperately need.

“Sounds good.”

At the ice cream place, Jungkook informs you that he’s too busy to respond to Hari today, so he’ll have to do it tomorrow, when swim practice doesn’t meet. That makes you breathe a sigh of relief, thrilled to hear that you have at least a bit of time to plan how you’re going to go about this.

You try and wean him off the topic of Hari by asking him about the moving truck in front of a house a couple of doors down, the one you saw for the first time yesterday, as you dropped him off.

“Oh! We’re getting new neighbors,” Jungkook says cheerfully. “No one’s lived in that house since before I was born, so it’s nice that they’re moving in. I hope they have a kid my age.”

Jungkook doesn’t suspect a thing, and if it makes him a little bit happier, you suppose there’s really no harm being done.

Is there?

Just as planned, Jungkook leaves a letter for Hari in his mailbox the very next day, and just as planned, you pick it up the following day as you drop him off after school, his new neighbors keeping the mailman stalled for just the right amount of time, so you reach the letter before he does. You don’t know how things are working out so well for you, but you’re glad they are.

“Stop fishing in the Jeon’s mail,” your mother instructs. “It’s rude.”

“Jungkook is giving me letters, though,” you try to explain.

“Then why isn’t he sending them to our house?”

“I’m tricking him.”

You refuse to elaborate further, but your mother merely sighs, probably dropping the topic because it’s just one of those kid things that she won’t understand.

You tear open the letter on the drive to your house, but when you pull out the piece of paper, another falls onto the car floor. When you pick it up, it’s a photo of you and him, one that his mother took at your school’s spring fair. The photo actually makes you feel a little bit nostalgic, looking at your smiling faces as if you were not one of the people in it.

Dear Hari,

I hope Korea does not keep you too busy! Even if it does, I will still send you letters, but you don’t have to respond super fast if you can’t. I still like to talk to you.

I hope you like the photo I’ve sent! It’s from my school’s spring fair. Do you have fairs in Korea? We have them every year, and they’re lots of fun even if the prizes kind of suck. I only go there for the hot dogs, to be honest. The girl in the photo with me is my best friend. Her name is Y/N. We spend a lot of time together! She helps me write my letters to you. I really like playing with her. She’s the best.

I’m going to send you another letter next week, if I can. Don’t feel pressured to answer me. I just want to keep you updated on what’s going on in my life.

Jungkook.

It’s weird to see Jungkook talk about you to a person neither of you have ever met, as you never imagined you’d be present to hear him describe you as a human, let alone his best friend. He speaks to Hari as if she’s just another new friend he’s showing around his house, and it’s reminiscent of when you first met each other and completely new all at once.

“What did he say?” Your mother asks as you begin to fold the paper back up.

“Nice things,” you reply, staring down at the letter in your hand, never meant for you.

In order to conquer the problem that is preventing the mailman from picking up your response letter and whisking it away for it to get inevitably lost in a flurry of envelopes, you leave a note for him on a Post-it attached to the inside of the Jeon’s mailbox as you stuff the letter inside while Jungkook walks into his garage the following week.

On it, in your tilted handwriting, says, ‘The letter in here is already adressed addressed to the Jeons. Please take this Post-it with you but do not remove the letter. This will happen every now and then, so pay no attention to it! Thanks’. You believe that a lime green Post-it won’t be particularly difficult to miss, so you can only hope the mailman follows your request.

You get your answer the next day during recess, when Jungkook gambols over to you, opened letter dangling from his finger tips. You’re more than relieved to see him, especially after finding yourself confronted with a game of ‘Chase the Girls’ without him by your side.

“She mailed me back!” Jungkook says, whistling pleasantly. “I’m glad she did, even if she said she wouldn’t.”

“She probably didn’t want you to be the only one sending things,” you tell him as he plops down in the shade next to you.

“That’s exactly what she said!” Jungkook cries, a surprised look on his face. Your eyes widen, but you say nothing in response and hope that he’ll forget about it as soon as possible. Sure enough, he does. “Wow, you really do know girls.”

You simply beam in response, hands under your chin to display your angelic qualities. “You gonna keep writing things to her?”

“Of course,” Jungkook says, rocking back and forth on the grass contentedly. “She’s so easy to talk to,” he continues, taking the silence between the two of you as a perfect cue to keep speaking. “Like, I feel like I’ve been talking to her for ages. Especially recently, you know? It’s like we’ve already known each other for years. I don’t think I’ll ever want to stop talking to her.”

And for once, under the shade of the tree as you watch the other kids dash around the field, you wish that you were apart of ‘Chase the Girls’, because then, maybe you wouldn’t feel so bad for lying to a boy after hearing about how something that’s not real makes him so happy.

The charade carries on into your higher levels of schooling, the lie only ever snowballing. Jungkook, despite your outward refusal of the fact, has become something of a looker as he’s gotten older, filling out the meat on his bones and growing a good several inches taller in the transition from middle to high school, nearing six feet tall. But, regardless of the self-awareness of his good looks, the only two constants in his life in terms of girls happens to be you and Hari. Well, you and you-but-not-you. His schedule is still as hectic as it’s always been, meaning he hardly ever has time to actually go out and date.

Over the past eight years, you’ve amassed quite the collection of random photos Jungkook decides to include whatever letter he’s sending Hari, the photos ranging from him at one of his swim meets, sopping wet with a Disney branded towel wrapped around his shoulders, to one of him taking a selfie with a fresh head of lettuce. You sometimes wonder if you would ever be able to see such photos if you weren’t posing as his pen pal.

And while your horde of both flattering and unflattering Jungkook photos is quite impressive indeed, it’s been getting increasingly difficult to hide the entire thing from Jungkook every time he stays over at your house after school on the off chance that he’s free for the afternoon. You store all of the extra things he sends you in a shoebox at the bottom of your bed and the letters reside in another shoebox at the back of your closet, behind all of the shirts that you buy on whims but never fucking wear, and you just have to keep Jungkook away from those areas.

By now, the conversations between the two of you as pen pals are just like old friends reconnecting, no basic nonsense like what your favorite colors are and how many pets you have. No, the two of you have started writing to each other about the mindless things, like when Jungkook did a school presentation on anime just to see how many weeaboos he could find in your class, or when you got totally socked in the head by a dodgeball he had thrown during gym.

Admittedly, it’s sort of fun being this ‘Hari’ character, because you’ve been able to fabricate her life into whatever you want, since she’s not physically there to call you out on it. You’ve taken your brief knowledge of her, from what Jungkook told you when you were mere children, and you’ve made a whole new life. She plays tennis, she acts, she loves classic English novels, but hates poetry. She has friends who are twins, she stinks at math, she’s never had a boyfriend before. These are all things you’ve turned her into, and who’s to say you can’t?

One thing that hasn’t changed is the guilt.

Every time you open your laptop to type up another letter, every time you hit print, every time you sneak the envelope into his mailbox when he’s walking up his driveway, you are guilty. Guilty of lying to your best friend, and guilty of letting it catapult into this huge, ridiculous, act that you are too afraid to drop. People always told you that lies only get bigger and never smaller, but you never believed them. Until it happened to you, of course.

What makes the guilt a thousand times worse, however, is how happy Jungkook is every time he gets a letter. He’s already a cheerful boy, always lighting up whatever room he’s in and charming everyone’s pants off with that smile of his, but the happiness he gets when he sees a letter from her is like nothing else. It’s the same excited feeling he had when he was eight, eleven, thirteen, and now, sixteen, and you hate that it’s all fake. You hate that you’re the reason it’s fake.

Jungkook’s over at your house, just after having received a letter from ‘Hari’ the day prior, and he is glowing.

“What’d she say, this time?” You ask as you sit down next to him on the floor, where he leans against the side of your bed, your textbooks and homework strewn all around you, practically untouched.

“She was just telling me about the antics that the twins get up to,” Jungkook tells you, sighing as he lets his head fall back, just making your mattress. His hand is on the floor, a little too close to the shoebox right beside it, and you need to move it, stat. “They’re so funny.”

“You’ve never even met them,” you say, carefully trying to push the shoebox further back with your fingertips.

“But they do such funny things! They break out into song and dance in the middle of class and always make jokes about the teacher,” Jungkook says. He has not noticed the box yet.

“They sound very entertaining,” you say, like a mother talking to her child about something she doesn’t care about, but the child does. “You get along with her well, you know?” Wonder why.

“I know, I just — I feel like I can tell her everything. I could tell her my whole life story and she wouldn’t judge me. She’s so easy to talk to, like you,” Jungkook says, smiling at the mere mention of her. “I never disagree with her on anything. She’s like a fucking dream.”

“Well, dream on, kiddo,” you tell him, patting his back. The shoebox is successfully out of reach of his hand. Crisis averted.

“I can tell you anything, right, Y/N?” He asks out of the blue, turning to you.

You scoff. “Of course. We’ve been best friends for years, I’d never betray you.” The words taste like bile in your mouth. You swallow them down without missing a beat. “Unless you’ve killed someone, Jungkook. Then I’m sorry, but I’m turning you into the police.”

Jungkook laughs at that. It rings through your ears, making you grin at the sound. “No, I haven’t done anything illegal just yet.”

“Then, what’s up?”

“Uh, you know the one girl in our English class?”

You roll your eyes, making wild gesticulations to emphasize the fact that you don’t know which girl he’s talking about. “Oh yes, very specific, I know exactly the girl you’re talking about. The one girl from our English class. Wow.”

He frowns at you, glaring and unimpressed. “She sits right behind you. You know her.”

That you do. Just last week, she asked you if Jungkook had a girlfriend.

You think you know where this conversation is headed.

“Mmm,” you hum in response, letting him continue.

“Yeah, anyway, um—” he begins, scratching at the nape of his neck, “—she asked me out yesterday.”

You figured as much. Jungkook was incredibly easy to read and you were also well aware of the fact that she liked Jungkook anyway, so it was only a matter of time before she made a move.

“And?” You ask, knowing that there’s more to the story than he’s letting on. “Obviously you didn’t say yes, I know you. But you’re hiding something in that tiny brain of yours,” you say, poking him in the noggin as he scrunches up his nose.

“Hey! My brain is not tiny, thanks very much,” he defends. “I think it’s above average, actually.”

“Explains your big head.”

Jungkook sort of walked into that one, if you’re being honest. It looks like he knows he just got played too, because he’s tackled you almost instantly, pinning you down on your hardwood floor with his hands right by your ears. You can see the muscles just barely bulging out of his arms, likely a result of the countless hours he spends at swim practice, and you laugh. This is a compromising position for anybody, especially when dealing with unresolved emotional anguish and sexual tension, but for you, it’s laughable.

“I did not ask for this disrespect,” he tells you, pretending to be incredibly offended as he hovers over you. “Who do you think you are, telling me I have a big head?”

“Your best friend,” you retort. Neither of you are very uncomfortable despite the otherwise incredibly suggestive position you’re both in. “You had something else to tell me?”

“I didn’t say yes because I think I have a crush on someone else,” he admits.

“Oh God, alright,” you say, pushing him off of you and sitting up, rubbing the spot on your lower back that first made contact with the floor when he tackled you. “Lay it on me, who is it? A senior? Another girl from our English class? An artsy emo kid you’ve never spoken to?”

“Hari.”

If you were concerned about the slight bruising at the bottom of your spine before, you most certainly aren’t now.

“Hari?” You ask incredulously. Suddenly, you feel a lot more guilty.

“Yeah,” he admits softly, rubbing the nape of his neck again, an action he does whenever he gets hesitant about something. “I like her.”

You hate to be that friend, but, “You’ve never even met her, Jungkook.”

“I know, I know, I just…” He says, trailing off as he turns away from your perplexed gaze. “I was thinking about all the things we’ve told each other, all the secrets I’ve spilled that only you and she know, and how she just accepts me for who I am and listens to every word I have to say, and I think I like her.”

You’re speechless.

“No, I — I know I like her,” Jungkook decides firmly. A weight lifts off of his shoulders the second the words leave his mouth, and you can see it. “I know it’s weird. I know. I’ve never met her but I wanna kiss her. I know.”

“Jungkook, this is insane,” you say, desperately trying to think of something else to tell him, but your brain comes up empty. “Are you gonna tell her?”

“Should I?”

“Beats me.”

“I don’t know if I should,” he says. “I’m worried she’ll think I’m weird, or stupid. Or if she’ll think that it’s not possible since we’ve never met. I don’t want her to think that.”

You roll your eyes. “No person wants to be outright rejected, you’re the same as all of us. Just do whatever you feel makes you comfortable.”

“I—I don’t think I’ll tell her,” Jungkook says, and it makes you breathe a metaphorical sigh of relief. Thank God. “Not yet, at least. I don’t want to come on too strong.”

“Sounds like a good decision if I’ve ever heard one,” you say, stepping all over your homework as you collapse on your bed. “You sure you’re okay with not telling her?”

“I’m sure,” he tells you, joining you as he climbs onto your bed, sitting up straight and maneuvering your head so that it rests on his thighs.

“So what are you gonna do about all the girls that ask you out on a weekly basis?” You wonder aloud. Surely, it will break their hearts to hear that Jungkook is desperately in the throes of love with a girl he’s never met who lives thousands of miles away.

“I’ll just say I have my eye on someone else,” he says, shooting you a wink. You chuckle, knowing that that ‘someone else’ is you that he’s referring to.

You don’t notice it, or, maybe you just refuse to allow yourself to notice it, but the wink that he sends your way has your heart fluttering just the tiniest amount, a single butterfly taking residence in your stomach.

It’s too bad Jungkook likes no one more than a character you’ve created.

You’re in English, packing up your school stuff five minutes in advance for the end of the day. It’s Friday, and you’re desperate to get out so you can go home and take a nine-hour nap on your couch. Your notebook has just made it into your backpack when you see Jungkook walking over to you, a happy grin on his face.

“Hey, Y/N,” He says, hands in the pockets of his grey jeans (“They’re a faded black, not grey!” “That’s what grey is, Jungkook!”).

“And why am I being graced with the presence of the one and only Jungkook today?” You ask without even glancing towards him.

“I have a free night tonight,” he says. “Wanna go out to get something to eat?”

“Like a date?” You scoff. “What makes you think I also have a free night tonight, huh?”

Jungkook nearly laughs. “When was the last time you stood me up because you already had plans on a Friday?”

“You got me there,” you say, pointing a finger gun at him as you zip up your backpack. You turn your head ever the slightest, and see the girl who asked him out a week ago, pouting. Jungkook truly has absolutely no shame. “Sure. Where to?”

“How about that Greek place downtown?” He suggests.

“You hate Greek food.”

“I’m trying to broaden my horizons, here. Stop calling me out.”

“Alright then, Greek it is. Dress code? Do I have to wear something expensive, Jungkook? A pearl necklace, diamond ring? Six inch heels?”

“You know what you wore for the awards ceremony last year? Wear that. It looked good on you. Your hair looked nice.”

“Is that what you say to all the girls, Jungkook?” You joke, an eyebrow raised.

“You bet,” he says back. “A good friend of mine told me girls like that kind of stuff.”

“They were right.”

It doesn’t really occur to you that you’re going out on an actual date with an actual boy until your mother asks you where the date is, making you stop dead in your tracks as you fix your hair in the mirror in the main living space.

You’re going out on a date. With your best friend. Nothing wrong with that of course, it’s just that this particular date happens to be very romantic, despite your insistence that what you and Jungkook share is strictly platonic. He’s picking you up, taking you to a moderately fancy Greek place downtown, and the both of you are wearing some of your nicer clothes.

The doorbell rings, and when you peek out of the window, Jungkook’s terribly old car sits outside.

“Look at you,” you say, foregoing any sort of greeting as you open the door. Behind it stands a dare you say, dapper looking Jungkook is a pretty decent getup, playing with the collar of the dress shirt he wears. “I don’t think I’ve seen you dress this nice since our elementary school graduation.”

“Hey, you’re wearing the thing,” he says. “It looks good.”

“It looked good last year, it’ll look good this year. Ready to go?” You ask, grabbing your wallet from the coffee table and wrapping the strap around your wrist.

“Let’s do this,” he replies, letting you link arms with him as he leads you to his car.

Sure enough, at the restaurant, Jungkook turns his nose up at every single dish on the menu, muttering to himself that there has to be something better (there never is). He eventually settles for the saddest salad you have ever seen, while you go for a selection of appetizers you’re hoping to coax Jungkook into eating.

“You’re so uncultured,” you comment as his salad arrives, simply a heap of lettuce with some tomatoes decorating the edge of the bowl. “We’re at a nice Greek place and you get a salad.”

“I hate Greek food,” he says, like that makes it any better.

“Then why did you suggest this place?” You ask, taking a large bite of one of the several dolmades in front of you. “Here, eat this.”

Jungkook scrunches his face up as you shove the fork in front of his mouth, hand under it to catch any drips as you force him to take a bite. He doesn’t immediately spit it out, so you call that a win for you.

“I wanted to focus on you instead of the food,” he says, mouth full.

“Oh, stuff it,” You say, though you can feel your cheeks heating up at the comment.

“No, I’m serious. I feel like we’re losing touch,” Jungkook insists. “We don’t talk as much anymore.”

“We text every day.”

“We don’t talk about deep shit anymore,” Jungkook rephrases.

You chuckle. “Did we ever talk about ‘deep shit’? What’s your definition of ‘deep shit’, Jungkook?”

“Why don’t you ever go out on dates?”

“What kind of an asshole question is that, hey?” You frown, stuffing another dolmade into his mouth.

“I’m not kidding, Y/N. You’re funny, pretty, easy to talk to, you could get lots of dates if you wanted to. Why don’t you?”

“I guess everyone just thinks I’m dating you,” you shrug, like it’s no big deal. The compliments he laid on you are making that butterfly in your stomach lose its butterfly mind.

“I guess they do.”

“How’s Hari been?”

“Good, good. She just finished reading Macbeth.”

“Did she like it?”

“She thought Macbeth was kind of an asshole.”

“I agree.”

“I wasn’t joking when I said you were funny and pretty,” Jungkook says randomly.

“I know.”

By the end of the night, the butterfly has friends.

First things first, you do not have a crush on Jungkook. No way.

Okay, so maybe you have a slight crush on him. But it’s manageable, it’s fine. No big deal, you’ll get over it. Maybe you’re just confused after the mess that was your date-not-date with him. Yes, that’s it. Your brain’s just playing games with you.

The main reason as to why you have to get over your crush as soon as physically possible is because Jungkook doesn’t seem to be giving up on Hari anytime soon. Despite not confessing directly to her, he’s definitely made a show of how much he truly likes her when he’s around you, and it’s not helping your case whatsoever. The faster you stop liking Jungkook, the easier it is to clear up this whole mess whenever you decide you need to.

The Hari thing has been going on much, much longer than you wanted it to, but you can’t stop just yet. Imagine how that would break Jungkook’s heart.

You and Jungkook haven’t really discussed your whole date-not-date since it happened, and it’s been several weeks. Neither of you appear very keen to bring it up, pretending like it never happened. You’re not exactly sure why, though, since it’s been pretty damn clear to the both of you that you’re just friends.

So, you’re essentially stuck, trying to worm your way out of having a crush on your best friend, watching him fall in love with another girl, who just so happens to be you posing as someone else, and the cycle endlessly repeats.

You have to admit, you most certainly did not foresee this when you were eight-years-old and writing a letter to Jungkook just to get him to stop his whining.

Having a crush on Jungkook isn’t all that rare, anyway, since you could probably list ten girls off the top of your head that also fancy him. The problem is that you actually talk to him, all the time, which makes falling for him even worse.

“Coach is letting me have the pool to myself on Wednesday, after school,” Jungkook says while you’re over at his house. You’re actually doing your homework this time, but you can’t seem to say the same thing for him. “Wanna come?”

“Am I allowed?” You ask, sort of laughing. You already know you’re not, but Jungkook’s never been very good at following rules.

“What Coach doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” Jungkook reasons, and you take those words as a ‘yes’.

“If we get caught, will you take the blame?”

Jungkook sighs, knocking his head back and into a picture frame, making it fall to the floor. “Why do I always have to take the blame?”

“You’re always the one that comes up with the dumbass idea in the first place,” you retort, but you notice that he’s not really listening to you anymore. When you finally look up from the notebook in front of you, you see that he’s looking at the photo, expression soft and fond and regretful all at once. “You good?”

“What?” Jungkook says, spurred out of his trance as he places the picture frame face up on the floor. A closer look, and you see that it’s the one he framed of the photo Hari sent when you were eight.

“You good?”

“Yeah.”

You motion to the picture frame, pointing the end of your pen towards it. “Has she sent any more photos?” You feel terrible just asking the question.

“No,” Jungkook sighs. “But she doesn’t need to, I mean. I’m not gonna force her. I just wish I knew what she looked like now.”

You’re looking at her, you think to yourself.

“You could use one of those age progression websites,” you suggest jokingly.

“Yeah, and come up with a shitty Photoshop job,” Jungkook says, laughing to himself at your recommendation.

“You really like her, don’t you, Jungkook?”

“Of course,” Jungkook replies, eyes crinkling up at the mere mention of her. “I think she’s amazing. A best friend, just like you.” He nudges your shoulder, flashing his pearly-whites towards you in the warmest of smiles. You take it in, letting the memory of his glowing face sink into your mind, and you think that perhaps, crushing on him isn’t so terrible after all.

Jungkook swims like a maniac. You’ve been to his meets, watched his performances, and he’s like a shark, tearing through the water at almost an alarming rate. It’s no wonder he’s his coach’s favorite, the pride and joy of the school’s swim team. There’s no other way he could be hooked up with free time in the pool. But you’ve never seen him swim just for fun, so you wonder how this could be any different.

“Is it cold?” You ask as you leave the locker room, seeing the boy already doing laps around the pool.

He stops mid-freestyle. “No. But that’s probably the swimmer in me talking.”

“So, it is cold?”

“Why don’t you see for yourself?”

What a tempting offer. You tentatively step towards the pool, dipping a single toe in before pulling back sharply, nearly toppling over.

“Holy shit,” you say. “It is so cold. How do you swim in this?”

“You get used to it,” Jungkook says. He swims up to you gracefully, an elegant butterfly from where he stands at the opposite end of the pool. “Come on, jump in.”

“I don’t want to,” you decide. “You said absolutely nothing about the temperature of the pool water.”

“Oh, come on, Y/N,” he says, pouting. “Just jump in. You’ll warm up straight away.”

“No.”

“Please?”

You can’t resist him. Goddamnit. You inhale a deep breath and brace yourself before jumping right in, splashing Jungkook with the force as you pop your head up, drenched.

“I knew you could do it,” he says, shaking his head, water droplets flying every which way.

You thought Jungkook looked pretty good in his swimsuit from afar, but up close he looks practically irresistible. The water rolls down his neck, shoulders, chest, glinting in the fluorescent light of the indoor pool and making his torso shimmer.

“It’s so cold, I hate this,” you say, arms zooming to your sides as you rub them up and down, moving around slowly in the water.

“You’ll warm up in no time, you know,” Jungkook says. “You just have to get used to the water.”

“And how do you expect me to do that?”

Before your mind can even register it, Jungkook splashes you, letting you stand there, mouth gaping wide, as he cackles to himself.

“You’re in for it now, Jeon!” You shout, barrelling towards him as he begins to make his getaway. You already know you’re toast, since Jungkook could probably lap you if he really wanted to, but you chase him down anyway, fuming.

He’s giggling the entire time he’s running away, stepping through the water rather than swimming, splashing behind him as a defense mechanism. You let yourself get soaked, following the path he makes in the water as the two of you laugh your heads off, a full-on splash war on your hands.

Later, when the war comes to a truce — not an end, it’s not an end until one of you surrenders — you find yourselves in the middle of the pool. You’re lying flat on your back as he holds you up, soft hands pushing onto your skin, like a coach helping a child learn to float. It’s strangely intimate for the two of you, though you imagine any sort of conversation you’ll have will ruin the mood instantly.

“Is this how you charm the pants off of all the girls, Jungkook?”

“Oh yeah, this and splashing them until they’re screaming ‘bloody murder’ is a real smooth move,” he responds.

“I can do this myself, you know,” you remind him.

“I know. I just like holding you up.”

“Makes for a nice view,” you joke.

“Oh yeah? My double chin looking good today?”

“Especially handsome.”

The exchange leaves the two of you in giggles, the low rumble spreading from his chest to his fingers as he moves you up and down ever so slightly. It’s certainly a view, where you float to where he stands beside you, drenched hair, gleaming torso, warm smile.

You wonder if he wishes Hari were in your place.

But you savor this, savor the view and savor the feeling, because platonic or not, it’s something worth treasuring.

“You’re cute like this,” he says, removing one hand from under your back to poke your nose.

“Am I?”

“Very. If you want boys to date you, you should get them in the pool like this.”

You actually at the comment. “As if. I don’t need the school’s ugly pool to attract boys. I’m irresistible.”

Besides, you think, the only boy I’d want to date me is you, and you’re already here.

Remember when you said you’d get over that tiny crush you had on Jungkook?

Liar.

You’re nearing the end of high school, the idea of university and moving away looming over your heads, and you can say with too much affirmation that you have fallen, head over your goddamn heels, in love with your best friend. Nice going.

Unfortunately for you, nothing seems to have changed about the relationship between Jungkook and Hari, and if she weren’t thousands of miles away, he probably would have taken her to prom.

But here you are, a collection of photos of your best friend sitting under your bed, growing by the month as he unknowingly adds to it with each letter he sends. You’ve got photos from prom, winter break, sports meets, summer vacations, stacked up in a careless pile in a box, and you’d be lying if you said you don’t look through them on occasion. There are pictures in here that you, as his best friend, haven’t even seen, pictures meant for someone who he likes, not someone who he hangs out with.

Jungkook’s opinion of Hari hasn’t changed in years.

“She’s wonderful,” Jungkook muses as the two of you walk through the nearest mall. “I feel like I can tell her anything and everything, and she’ll always listen, never judge me. She teases me sometimes, like you do, but she’s easygoing and heartwarming. She’s so easy to get along with, even if we don’t have all of the same interests. I feel like I’ve known her my entire life.”

“Haven’t you, though?”

“Not as long as I’ve known you.”

“But you like her?”

“Well, I mean I like you too,” Jungkook says. “But I just feel that—that thing with her, you know? You know that thing?”

“This must be why you’re in an AP Literature class,” you say, “ your descriptions of things are simply outstanding.”

Jungkook frowns, shoving you a little as he fights the smile growing on his face. “I’m serious, Y/N.”

“So am I,” you insist. “But I know what you’re talking about.”

“Have you ever felt that thing?”

“Once or twice.” The with you goes unspoken, and you’re glad.

“With who?”

“It was when we were children, Jungkook. I don’t remember.”

“That’s fake. Surely you remember your first love.”

“Not really, no.” I don’t need to remember you when you’re right in front of me.

“Well, that’s what I feel with her. I don’t know man, I feel like she’s just the person I was waiting for.”

“So, he thinks she’s funny, easy to talk to, and that it feels like he’s known her for a lifetime?”

You nod along to your friend’s words as the two of you sit on a bench in the local park. You’re lamenting your Jungkook troubles to her, since you obviously can’t go straight to him, and she’s providing insight as to what you should do.

“Sounds like he’s in love with you, not her.”

That makes you bolt up from where you were slouching back, like a dog hearing the word ‘squirrel’.

“What?”

“I’m serious,” she says. “If he likes her for all of those reasons, there’s no reason he shouldn’t like you as well. He basically described you.”

You have neglected to tell her about the whole pen pal fiasco, finding it too long of a story worth telling. The less she knows, the better. She’s already told you enough information, anyway.

“You think he’s talking about me?”

“Sounds like it.”

Maybe he is.

You are Hari, after all.

Maybe he likes you, too.

(Jungkook sits in his room, surrounded by college acceptance letters and textbooks he still needs to turn into his teachers. The blank piece of paper stares back at him as he glares at it, twiddling the pen in his hand.

This is what he writes in a letter to Hari that never makes it into the mailbox:

Dear Hari,

This is going to be a weird opening sentence, but I think I like my best friend. Actually, I think I’m in love with her, but I don’t know how to go about it. She’s been getting a bit distant from me, though I suppose that’s my fault as well, since we’re nearing graduation. What do I do? Do I confess?

I think I’ve loved her for a while know, but I didn’t realize it, hung up on another girl.

I think she’s funny, easy to talk to, and pretty.

But I think you are, too.

Jungkook.

Jungkook stares at the finished letter, wishing that it could respond to him. He crinkles it up and tosses it in the trash.)

The last letter Jungkook ever sends Hari includes a photo of him, his family, and you together at graduation, dressed up in your gowns and caps and grinning happily, and a sentence that catches your eye:

Don’t expect any more letters for a while, if that’s alright. I think I’ll be a bit busy.

It’s unusual for him to take a break from writing to her, the letters being weekly for almost ten years, now. You wonder what he might have in store, but you shrug it off. If anything, you’re glad for the respite. The lying has gone on for too long, anyway.

The two of you stroll along the sidewalk, high school graduates with coffee cups in your hands, passing by the local park. He suggests that you sit down with him, pointing to an empty bench in the distance, before making a dash to it in order to prevent anyone else from taking your spot.

“Can’t believe we’re going off to university,” you say, sighing as you sit down. “It feels like just yesterday you were walking up to me on the playground in elementary school, asking me if you thought the shade under the tree was big enough for the both of us.”

“I remember that. You stood out to me because you weren’t playing ‘Chase the Girls’ like everyone else,” he says, the memory popping back into his head.

“I never really liked that game.”

“Neither did I.”

It’s weird, some kind of out-of-body experience to be talking about your relationship with Jungkook over the years. You feel as though you’re watching yourselves grow up from a third-person perspective, watching you fall in love with him the same way he’s falling in love with Hari.

“Are you doing anything this summer?”

“Packing. Crying. Stressing.”

Jungkook chuckles at your response. “No, anything fun?”

“Hanging with you, I guess?”

“How would you feel about taking a vacation with me?”

You look at him, an incredulous expression on your face. “What, to the beach?”

“I was thinking something more along the lines of South Korea.”

Your mouth drops open, like it’s been pressed down by weights. “Korea?”

“Yeah. It’s been something I’ve sort of been keeping a secret from you. I think it’ll be fun,” Jungkook says, grinning.

“Why Korea?”

“I have family there I haven’t seen in awhile. But mostly, I want to meet Hari.”

If your eyes widen, he makes no comment, but you’re totally, one hundred percent, absolutely, without a doubt fucked. To meet Hari?

The charade ends here.

“You were hiding it from me?”

Jungkook shoots you a guilty smile. You bet you could top it in an instant. “I wanted to make sure everything was in order before I asked you.”

“I’ve been hiding something from you, too, Jungkook,” you say, bracing yourself for the worst while foolishly hoping for the best.

“What?” Jungkook asks, more curious than shocked. You hate to wipe that interested smile off of his face.

“Hari—Hari hasn’t spoken to you since you were eight,” you say, shrinking in on yourself as you wait for his reaction.

Jungkook scoffs. “What do you mean? Of course she has. I sent her a letter just a few days ago.”

“No, she hasn’t,” you repeat. “The person writing you those letters, she wasn’t Hari. She was—”

“You,” Jungkook finishes, and sure, you were prepared for anger, sadness, fury, but you weren’t prepared for the look of absolutely betrayal scrawled on his face as your words set in. “You were writing those letters. For ten years, you sent me things under her name.”

“Jungkook—”

“Why did you do it?”

“I care about you, Jungkook,” you insist, grabbing onto his arm so he can’t leave before you explain yourself. “I didn’t want to see you sad.”

“So you kept it up for ten years? You lied to me for ten years? I don’t think that’s better than me being sad for a day,” he says, heartbroken.

“We were eight, Jungkook! I didn’t know it would turn out like this. I didn’t know you’d start to fall for her,” you say desperately, trying to salvage the friendship you already know you’ve knocked down.

“Still, you couldn’t have just told me? What else did you do, huh? What other things are you hiding from me?” He says, eyebrows raised, not angry, just hurt. How can you do this to him?

You wonder the same thing.

“I’m in love with you,” you whisper. The words settle around you like dust, dust he’s about to walk over and forget about.

“You what?”

“I’m in love with you,” you say again, louder. “That’s what I’m hiding from you.”

“Y/N, you don’t—you can’t just go around telling me that,” he says, and for once his expression is unreadable. “You can’t just say these things.”

“Why not, Jungkook? I’ve lied to you enough already,” you reason. “You ought to know I love you.”

“You can’t just—you can’t just—”

“I can’t just what, Jungkook?”

“I love you, too.”

God, if you thought you had the biggest surprise of the afternoon, he has you beat.

“Can we take a break?” You ask, mind swirling. “We need a break.”

“No, Y/N, we have to sort this out,” Jungkook says, grabbing onto your wrist as you stand up. He won’t let you go without a fight, you know that much. “We can’t just let it go.”

“We’ll sort it out another time, okay? I need to clear my mind. I need to think about things.” You try to wriggle out of his grasp, but he refuses to part with you, keeping you firmly planted to your spot. “Please, Jungkook. I can’t do this right now. Please.”

Jungkook relents.

For a week, the thoughts fly in and out of your head, leaving you dazed and confused.

He loves you.

You lied to him.

He likes Hari.

You were Hari.

You love him.

You lied to him.

Jungkook leaves you breathless without even being by your side.

Eventually, as the new week dawns on you, he convinces you to talk. You suppose you kind of need to, anyway.

He meets you back at the park, same bench, same foofy coffee drink in his hand, grinning as you jog towards him.

“Hey stranger,” he says. “I think this week was officially the most boring week in my life.”

“I don’t think we’ve gone a week in ten years without contacting each other,” you say, taking a seat. “It feels like I don’t even know you.”

“How are you feeling? Mind cleared up?”

“I think it’s always gonna be a bit fuzzy, but I’m feeling better. You?”

“Fantastic, now that you’re here.”

You purse your lips, letting the silence fill the air around you as you think about what to say next.

“I’m sorry,” you blurt out, catching his attention. “I don’t think I ever apologized to you for lying. So, I’m sorry for deceiving you. I shouldn’t have.”

“Apology accepted.” He beams. “I’m sorry, too. Sorry you had to hear me gushing about Hari when really, I was gushing about you.”

“No, it’s fine, I understood,” you assure him.

“You know, I originally thought I started liking you earlier this year, but I realize now it was a long time before that. I just didn’t know it was you.”

“You still love me?”

“How could I stop?”

And then you’re kissing, pressing your lips together in the heat of summer, sitting on a park bench covered in bird poop, kissing. It cools you down and warms you up all at once. Jungkook tastes like chlorine and coffee and happiness.

“I’ve always wanted to do that,” he sheepishly admits when you break apart.

“You can do it again, for all I care.”

He leans into you, noses brushing. “I think I might just take you up on that offer.”

And take it he does.

To say that, post-kiss, the two of you part ways calmly and happily and head home is a complete lie. It’s quite apparent that neither of you can resist each other, sneaking kisses onto each other’s skin the entire way back to Jungkook’s, where he presses you against each wall in his house before you stumble into his bedroom, giggling.

“I’ve never done this before,” you say.

“Never been this close to me, hey, Y/N?” He says, winking.

“I’ve been this close to you before,” you say, thinking of the time he tackled you on this very floor. “I’ve just never been kissed while doing it.”

“There’s a first for everything,” Jungkook tells you as he presses you into his mattress, pulling off his shirt in one fluid motion.

If anything, his body’s only gotten better since the last time you saw it, floating in the school’s pool.

“That there is.”

Needless to say, he gets even closer to you. Toying with the hem of your shirt, he takes it off, relishing in the view below him as he presses his lips wherever he can, from your lips to your collarbone to your bellybutton.

“God, I knew I wasn’t kidding when I said you were pretty,” he smiles down at you, and you giggle, slapping his arm. “You’re gorgeous.”

“You’re stating facts, Mister,” you respond. “Get me out of these clothes.”

He is more than willing to follow your orders, ridding you of your bottoms and flinging them to his bedroom floor before moving his lips down even further. His nose is right by your drenched center, and he smirks to himself as his fingers hook onto your underwear.

“Ah, wait,” you say, tugging lightly on his hair to catch his attention. “You too, you know.”

Once the two of you are fully naked, reveling in the glory that is each other, Jungkook presses his body into yours, making you gasp at the feeling.

“Do it again,” you whisper into his ear, begging. He is happy to oblige, letting you grind down on him as you openly moan, brokenly moan.

“You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to do this,” Jungkook admits, honest and whole and nervous. 

You grin, letting your eyes rake up and down his body. He’s beautiful. He always has been. “I think I have somewhat of an idea.”

In order to wipe that cheeky grin off your face, he presses a kiss to your lips as he slides home, making you sigh at the feeling.

“I’ll go slow, alright? Neither of us have a very good idea about how to do this,” he promises, and you nod as you feel him pull out, little by little.

He gets a good rhythm going after a while, enough to make you moan with each thrust but not to hard to cause either of you any pain, and it’s not long before the both of you reach your highs, climaxing with gasps and promises escaping from your lips.

Afterwards, when the towel he came in with to clean the two of you up is hanging over his desk chair and you are lying comfortably in his bed, head resting in the space between his arm and his chest as he pulls you in close, he whispers.

“Do you think you would have still fallen for me without Hari?”

“Do you?”

“Can you stop responding to my questions with more questions?”

You giggle into his skin, warming the spot. “I think we were meant for each other.”

“Yeah,” he says. “I think so, too.”

“You know I love you, right?”

“You know I love you, right?”

“And here I was, the one who responds to questions with more questions,” you joke, earning yourself a flick on the forehead, followed by a kiss to the exact place where his fingers met your skin.

“I love you,” he tells you.

You snuggle in closer. “Yeah,” you say, the words feeling like falling asleep after years of being awake. “I love you, too.”

You sit on the airplane as you watch it drive away from the gate, rolling along the tarmac to where it will take off. Next to you sits Jungkook, already dozing off despite having only been on the airplane for less than an hour. He rests his shoulder on your chest, little snores escaping from his lips. You worm your hand into his and he makes a noise of satisfaction as you prepare to head to South Korea.

The butterflies are back. You hope they never leave.

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[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 6- “No matter what I throw to the wall, it won’t erase whatever writing is currently there”-Nick

SOMEHOW. .. I escaped rocks!  and the whole hufflepuff alliance did too!  I'm really sad about Jess going because I ADORE her but...  ugh. Part of me is very glad that Owen is still in the game because I feel like maybe I can salvage my relationship I had with him and we can sneakily work together without the rest of my alliance getting wind of it.  I just hope that hufflepuff doesn't have to worry about going to tribal again anytime until the merge.  That was... WOW. 

I have crazy news all you cool cat and kittens! https://media.giphy.com/media/RGixkYkOKdWATSReHt/giphy.gif 

 Tribal happened and instead of it being between me and Max as I had anticipated the Hufflepuffs voted for Owen. That's... a twist!! Anyway, since they are a bunch of phonies who lie I stuck my vote against Max and everyone else stuck with theirs letting rocks decide

 https://media1.tenor.com/images/422ca011d526025e11c9eaf90a3edf59/tenor.gif?itemid=11361132 

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This is kinda funny since we were joking about letting fate decide the vote prior to the crazy round. Also, I think Jess scored the lowest on the immunity challenge so it's like we voted off our weak link even though she didn't even do that much worse and it's a terrible way to look at things since she was such a good ally. Anyway, hoping immunity is something that we can win so that we don't suffer another tribal council because I'm pretty confident that they won't take a swing at Owen again just yet.

I LOVE how my business is getting spread from person to person LOL.  This is like the game of telephone that just keeps going.  I WAS MAD AT OWEN FOR TELLING PEOPLE I WAS IN AN ALLIANCE!  WHICH I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD HIM ABOUT IN THE FIRST PLACE.  somehow it has now gotten turned to me telling owen how i felt about max LOL.  Yes, I did tell Owen that i usually just talk to max in the OG Hufflepuff chat but NO THAT DOES NOT MEAN I WANT TO KEEP OUTING MY ALLIANCE TO EVERYONE IN THE WORLD now chips is wanting tea and i gave him some but i'm trying to without admitting the hufflepuff alliance chat that everyone already knows about now anyway.  WHY IS MY DRAMA THE CENTER OF ATTENTION ON THIS TRIBE CAN'T  SOMEONE ELSE RUN THEIR MOUTH NOW SO PEOPLE CAN TURN THEIR ATTENTION TO SOMEONE NEW??? but okay I think Owen and I are good now but I still trust Lily above EVERYONE else in this game. 

Hm... so Landen told me that he was planning on giving more information before the revote and the rock draw.. but unfortunately he wasn't there to share. I find out that Owen already communicated to him that Max and myself are the expendable bottom two of our tribe and that just kinda... syncs up with what I said earlier about Owen. Here I was thinking we had turned over a leaf. I'm going to give him another chance with me. And not judge him based on what somebody else said (and could have been lying about) that he said. But if the shoe fits. https://media1.tenor.com/images/a19f8b641e24d8c212ba0b3913af45ca/tenor.gif?itemid=11553933

THIS IS MY CONFESSIONAL FOR LAST ROUND DONT GIVE ME A STRIKE PLZZZZZ ok really quickly basically the last vote was on raffy bc he tried to get the vote on jacob or jules (not me thank goodness) and he blew up his own game, i have 3 alliances one with joanna nick and jacob and one with joanna dan and jules and then my core alliance with jules and jacob, raffy was kinda the outlier for my own game because i had an alliance with everyone else and then i clicked well with autumn so i wanted it to be raffy and it kinda just came up that way organically and he did himself no favors. I kinda pitched to autumn how after this we're the sole people from our og tribes and we should stick together because if we lose again i kinda wanna vote out dan bc he has an idol and an undisclosed advantage ON TOP OF THAT so he is really dangerous and he thinks jules trusts him but me and jules are each others number 1s (i hope at least) and they are telling me everything, in a perfect world me jules jacob and autumn vote dan if we lose to avoid nick slipping anything and joanna from having an emotional time with it since she struggled with just voting dan out, its a big move but i think it needs to happen, it's also the best cast for me personally bc i have the weakest individual connection to dan whereas with joanna and autumn i feel really strongly with and like i can work with them, nick is also there but he doesnt pose much of a threat and i think with jacob still being in the game he will trust me or jacob the most and we can use that as a number. Anyways we ended up winning this challenge anyways so it didnt matter but heres to hoping we win again bc while i would be ok with dan going if we can win immunity thats priority, so heres to hoping we can do that

3 minutes later

OK THIS IS MY CONFESSIONAL FOR THIS ROUND RIP JESS !!!!!!!!!! I AM SO SAD JESS IS GONE I LOVE HER WITH MY ENTIRE BEING SHE IS SO FUN AND SO GOOD AND I WANTED TO PLAY WITH HER BUT SURVIVOR GODS SAID NOPE I AM REALLY SAD. i am so sad. but the game moves on, with jess leaving nick really has no one besides me and jacob and maybe joanna? but she is more loyal to her og ravenclaws, so im hoping he sticks to my side, autumn and i are clicking well but shes just likable so shes clicking with everyone, i hope we can get closer in the game as well bc i wanna work with her, dan scares me alot, if we lose again i might try to blindside him with jules but idk, its all up in the air, challenge is music videos, im not particularly fond of this challenge or any judgement based challenge for that matter but i am rolling with it, it's usually fun i guess, but im awkward so eek, idk my tribe doesn't seem like the type to stand out in a music video but maybe they will all surprise me and turn it out, heres to hoping that happens! ok bye for now!

I’m probably being super sensitive rn but I really don’t like Joanna. Like at all. If it’s not her idea, she doesn’t want to do it. Like she’s so demanding and annoying and I feel like it’s probably just the game getting to her but I really don’t like it

So after my last confessional, what happened was I went to Ruthie to double check whether the information I was getting was true and she did want to vote for Max. i made sure to cover my bases discussing this with Lily and also telling Ruthie I'm totally down to vote Max if she is, i want to make myself as trustworthy as possible to her and start working with her more down the line, it's key moments like these where establishing trust is VITAL! with her being pissed that owen spread the information and wanting to vote hufflepuff strong though, it was the perfect time for us to try to make a move on owen. I was really confident I could flip Juls and Chips on the revote, and the truth is if I hadn't NAPPED THROUGH TRIBAL.. LMAO... I most likely could have. But it all worked out in the end since we deadlocked and Jess went home in the rocks. I love Jess and was really excited to work with her, but it's very obvious I wasn't a priority to her, and her going home leaves 4 Hufflepuffs on this tribe, so I'm okay with the results. I did my best afterward and will continue to work hard on damage control with Owen, Juls, and Chips. I went from perhaps one of the upcoming boots to a higher up social center on this tribe and I'm hoping that goes mostly unnoticed? But who knows. That's why we gotta win this challenge! Speaking of, it's a music video challenge! Yay I'm so happy I got to do one of these sooner rather than later :D I've had a blast coordinating the challenge with Lily. We work really well together and I feel it extends to challenges, but also our casual conversation, and just the fact that we get along so well, she is pretty much my tightest person in the game right now and I think that we can do a lot of damage as a long term duo (especially with an alliance with Ruthie, Max as an additional number to that, and us being Positioned in the middle tier of the Huffs.) I'm well aware how likable Lily is though so I'll keep that in mind before I promise ride or die loyalty forever, but for right now I'm very happy working with her. I'm STILL not going to look for any spells, sorry bout it. but yyyeaah... Overall I'm pretty satisfied with the MarshmallowMoves I've been making and im looking forward to what happens next in this crazy game.

Our music video is........ gonna lose lmao. It’s no shade at Joanna bc fuck editing. But it’s soooooooooooooo boring. I feel like the judges will watch like 30 seconds and fall asleep. It’s a cute song choice and everything, but it’s also....... so bland. The Harry Potter puppet pals would have been so good and I stand by it. 

I'm literally SO HAPPY!!! Hufflepuff won a creative challenge that I did a lot of work directing on (HUGE props to Lily who I love and was amazing to work with on this), and some of my ideas got mentioned in the comments as good things!! I'm honestly just ecstatic about the way this whole challenge went down, it was so much fun. Juls did an amazing job editing, the filming everyone else did was fantastic, I'm just in love with this tribe and I'm so happy with the music video we did. Not only that, but I wasn't feeling too hot about tribal council. It's not that I thought I'd be going home, but I thought the vote would be very difficult. It most likely would have had to fall on Chips or Owen - if it had been Chips, that would be really tough and could even result in some spell plays being cast against us, with the vote being probably 4-3 since Juls/Chips are close. If it had been OWEN though, Juls and Chips maybe would've voted with us, but Ruthie probably would've not wanted to go for him now that they've had a chance to talk it out since she admitted to their old Final 2. Luckily Ruthie and I were able to now agree on an official alliance between us and Ruthie, so it looks like we've got a lot to do together and I'm excited to see what the future holds. I've been trying to damage control a bit with Chips and Owen, I'm not sure how well it's working. Owen is a very naturally social person and I feel that he is quite good at deceiving his true feelings and emotions, either that or he is very rational and calm about the game, not upset he VERY nearly got blindsided - either way, he's super dangerous and I can't just trust that we had a nice conversation one time, it'd be dumb of me. I'm feeling positive about where I stand with this tribe right now though, I don't think anyone would be able to get a strong majority to target me because I really don't think Juls, Max, Ruthie, or Lily would want to vote me out. At least I sure hope not! No, but, a lot of times with creative challenges in these games I struggle because I am pursuing creative passions in real life, so even though it's just a few judges, it can feel defeating when you get judged bad and harsh critique. I take those criticisms into account but it can still make you feel a little self conscious at times. Winning this challenge was a huge boost and just something that made me feel good, not to mention the fun times I had doing it with everyone on the team. Overall - a GOOD DAY! One could even say.. "A sunny day!" (one of my lines in the music video DUH) Hopefully Kev doesn't go out, curious to see where this game goes next. Adios~

So thankful that we won! Although I feel like I need to deal with the madness that was the last tribal but if I’m being honest I’m just not ready. Last tribal was so beyond crazy but I know that’s part of the reason why I play. I didn’t play this game to play it safe. I’d rather mess my game up trying to make a move then sitting in the sand and letting others dictate what happens on a vote. Although in the end...rocks made the call. I really miss Jess and her company on the tribe. It sucks when someone leaves that you get along well with and I could see the potential of us working together in the future. Jess is a strong player and made it through so much already in this season. Seeing her go def has a huge impact on the rest of the game that’s for sure. I appreciate how Jess stuck to her guns too which I completely understand. With her going it shows me that I really need to prove myself and continue to be as bold as I can be without getting caught that is. I haven’t talked to Owen since we tried voting him out. He knows what happened. I know what happened. It’s awkward but I’m glad that we could all still have fun with the music video challenge. Landen and I did a lot of the planning and Juls did the editing. And everyone put in their input on ideas and sending in quality magic videos. I’m glad we turned out with something cute and fun. I wanted to suggest a tiger king song in Jess’s honor but wasn’t sure if the judges would appreciate it in the same way. Wondering what’s going to happen in this game. Ruthie and I have been working together in the castle to find an idol. So far no luck and I assume at this point in the game anything and everything would have been found by now. But who knows. We shouldn’t give up that’s for sure. Even though last tribal was incredibly difficult and hard and I’m not sure if I even handled it the best way I could, I’m still having fun playing this game and glad to be here. Hoping merge is around the corner even though I’m not ready for the craziness that comes with it. 

Y’all this vote is stupid af haha. THE LADIES ARE FIGHTING! And by ladies I mean Autumn and Nick. They both want each other dead, and Joanna wants Jacob dead lmao. Me and Kevin are legit sitting here like 🥴

last round.. mess. this round.. thank god we won LMAOOO. i honestly don’t know what all to say because i’m starting to question where everyone stands with me, BUT. i think i’ll be fine.. hopefully. unless people keep lying to me, that’s when i’m como se dice.. fucked <3 

okay lemme scream in my dr real quick....jacob's ass DIDNT DO SHIT IN THE CHALLENGE BC HES IN 7 FUCKING ORGS BUT IF I VOTE HIM OUT AGAIN I HURT HIS FEELINGS??? he's also a loyal ally to me (at least, loyal enough) but he wants to keep NICK in who?? literally is gunning for me?? dude you put urself in this position not doing the challenge and it makes me so angry that i have to cover for him and cover his ass!! when he didnt do shit!! and i honestly think he's !!!! good enough to vote out at this point!!! especially bc mister dan thinks i know jacob IN REAL LIFE??? IM SICK IM SICK IM SICK IM SICK !!!!!!!! JACOB SHOULD'VE TRIED IN THE CHALLENGE!!! HE GOT HIMSELF INTO THIS MESS!!!

Good news! I mean,  it's kind of good news. We had a music video challenge and we picked a fun song. We did Magic by Selena Gomez sung for The Wizards of Waverly Place movie! So that was a lot of fun... and I suggested to our tribe we have some sort of "story" and aren't just lip syncing because I have had too many lost lip syncs where we lost because of no story being evident. So we did a "getting into Hogwarts" and being Hufflepuffs and it was cute! And fun!! I'm pretty sure if we lost I would be the vote off since they think Owen has an idol so they would vote me out since Landen has a close relationship to Juls and so I'm the next most obvious choice. Anyway! Our story carried us to the win!!! I believe this might be the first time across all ORGs that I've won a lip sync comp. That might be a lie, but I have a pretty bad track record.

ooooooh if this tribe don't make a damn DECISION! https://media.tenor.com/images/4ff794852927c7441b26618a705b340f/tenor.gif The vote has been me, Jules, Jacob, Nicholas, God, Trump- you name it. Particularly because Nicholas refuses to just sit down and eat his food. Like everyone was just gonna vote Jacob and then Nicholas had to start throwing names out, starting with me of course, so I've literally been whipping the vote all day. And just when I got a majority on Nicholas, now he's making a group chat with Joanna, Dan, and Kevin (aka all the white people lmao) to inform them that he's now ready to vote Jacob??? 

 https://giphy.com/gifs/bad-girls-club-bgc-rocky-8Cprh3gaXGGQw 

 Where was that energy at like 2:00? And why am I always saying that about Slytherin? They're nocturnal I swear to God and they don't give a fuck until the sun goes down because otherwise make it make sense. Why take us all through changes for 5 hours if you're actually down to vote your brother out? Like we have lives- make a decision and stick to it. And then all that back and forth is just showing your ass?? So now EVERYONE knows who you want out and just how indecisive you are. And tbh sending him out would do him a favor because how are you gonna come back from exposing your entire hand. I honestly want us to go back to tribal after this just so I get another shot at him before merge. Cause if he mobs up with Hufflepuff at merge it's a wrap for me. But! today we learned who's really with who and that shit is KEY: Jacob and Joanna got beef, Nick apparently has beef with me and Jules, Nick has Joanna and thinks he has Dan but doesn't, Kevin and I are solid, Dan and I are officially made a deal, and I think Jules thinks Ravenclaw is solid buuuut that ain't true lmao. But like it's fine Basically all's well that ends well, a Slytherin boy will go home and I have no clue which but I don't care at this point because enough is enough, and I'm going back to watching How to Get Away with Murder. So call me when y'all ready for me to vote https://66.media.tumblr.com/a6fc82d986adfcc112785f209fe163bd/tumblr_inline_ngmjfrxq071sggcf2.gif

WITH GOD AS MY WITNESS JOANNA IS RIGHT!!!!! SHE'S RIGHT!!!!! 

Long story short, I hate everyone here. Everyone is running around acting a fool about who to vote and frankly i don't even care who goes. my worry is that joanna knows about my steal a vote and I don't want her to fucking leak that shit around if I vote out nick, but at the same time I don't trust jacob because he's legit never online!! maybe i'll just tell joanna right before the vote that kevin told me he was voting nick so I flipped??? i'm so stressed. 

okay. im fine now. ITS FINE!!!! I LOVE YOU JACOB !!!! IF UR READING THIS I LOVE U BITCH!!!! AINT NEVER GONNA STOP LOVIN U BITCH!!!!! EVEN WHEN U MAKE GAMES HARD!!!!!!!

This round has been a whirlwind. I feel I’m losing the morals I entered the game with, because I’m possibly having to sacrifice my final slytherin teammate to stay in the game. I thought I had a grasp on this tribe, but I genuinely feel so lost. It’s exhausting, and I’ve been fighting back tears of exhaustion and defeat the entire day. I trust Joanna and Kevin with all my heart, but I secretly fear Joanna is just pocketing me as a number. Personally, I think we are great friends, but gameplay-wise, I do think she’s trying to gain me as a workable number. More power to her. I did not even suggest Autumn, I merely asked if that’s who is being considered since she’s one of the people, to my limited knowledge, that was outside the brewing majority alliance. I suppose it was leaked to her, meaning that I got blamed for a crime I did not commit. I tried fixing it with Autumn and Jules, but I’m unsure of my success. I believe Jacob will leave tonight, but I fear it’s my time. I’ve tried so hard, I just hate it. I applied to this game as a Ravenclaw, but I was placed on Slytherin. I’ve went to every tribal but one, but the one I did not go to resulted in one of my two allies leaving. Speaking of that, I’m thankful that Jess and I worked things out, genuinely. I just want to stay and fight, but I feel the spotlight is fading. No one is receptive, and no matter what I throw to the wall, it won’t erase whatever writing is currently there. ~ nick.

THIS IS AN AUTUMN APPRECIATION POST. I REPEAT. THIS IS AN AUTUMN APPRECIATION POST. PLS KNOW I LOVE YOU!!!!!!! POINT BLANK PERIOD!!!

Me almost forgetting to make one of these! I LOVE that we won another challenge and I really feel like something is about to happen to shake up the game, maybe a swap and one person is isolated for a bit or... merge? Okay sending this in before it’s late and I get a strike hehe. 

https://youtu.be/8omy0AqZ5cc

[boopypastaissalty]

It was an accident, I swear! Pg 6

Original comic:  patton-sanders-killed-a-man.tumblr.com/post/618278832333520896/one-shower-and-change-of-clothes-later

"Patton, calm down, don't act suspicious. Just try to be real confident and stuff, no one will question you. Also, just curious, who was it?"

It was always that question, wasn't it? 'Patton, who was it? What was he doing? You probably had a good reason, but who was it?' Didn't they watch me do it?

"A good way to get people to leave you alone is to walk briskly and purposefully, and looking anxious doesn't hurt. Running catches attention, but if you look like you forgot something or are trying to reach somewhere quickly -which you are- people will usually figure you're busy with something and let you be"

That sounded reasonable

"Good idea, Pat! Try not to look suspicious though- you don't want to draw more attention to yourself."

Great now the don't be suspicious meme is running through my head. That sure helps settle my nerves. I heard a familiar voice that I hopes was just in my head, but sadly, wasn't say "Oh Patty boy!"

I muttered "Oh no" and turned around. It was my neighbor, Ms. Green.

She smiled at me "Patton, dear, it's been awhile since I've seen you, how are you? Also, can you help me carry my groceries to my apartment? My knees are getting creaky."

Act natural... Act natural... Act natural "I, um, would love to and I swear I'll help you another time, but you see I hmm..." I paused trying to frantically think of an excuse, "I'm sorry Ms. Green but I got, uh, an important business meeting, I'll see you later."

I turned around and started to walk away as she said "Um, alright" I felt bad for lying to her, but it was better than her knowing what I did.

---------

Ms. Green looked at her hands and had a realization "Wait a minute, didn't the kid get laid off just two weeks ago?" she muttered as she watched Patton walk away.

---------

It took me about ten minutes to get home and as soon as I did, I  flopped down onto the couch and screamed into it, which kind of felt good to release.

"Just trying to help you out here pal, always good to have more people try to solve a problem, ain't it? Or is there anyone, ya know, real, you could ask for help in this situation?"

I lifted my head and whispered "Unfortunately the only people I'm friendly with are are, well, HIM and Ms. Green and one's dead in the alleyway and I really don't think Ms. Green would help me hide from the police... Virgil would have," I thought of my dark haired, emo friend, at least, he was my friend... "Ugh, I can't believe you're actually considering it, what are you even going to say? 'Oh hey, Virgil! I know we haven't talked in like three years but can you help me hide away from the police? Why? Oh, I just killed our former band mate' I bet that would go over so well, there's no way he would hate you more than he probably already does. HE was right, I am a horrible person" I face palmed at myself. I felt hopeless.

"Hey Patton? Why ARE you so afraid? I mean, if it was an accident as you said, you probably won't be punished that harshly. (It might be a different story now that you've hidden the evidence, though)"

Great the questions are back

"Mind if we get at least SOME kind of explanation Pat? We're on your side here!"

"Why don't you wanna talk? We can help you! You just need to let us know what's going on."

"Why are you afraid to tell us who this is? And why did you do it? Why did you stab this person so many times? Are you feeling alright?"

"Why are you scared to tell us? It's not like the cops will know what we say is true when they could just think they're going crazy and you can chat while you get your stuff. It's empty anyway, you're safe to talk, not too loud is all"

I sat there for a moment with my hand still on my forehead and then got up, I couldn't help but to smirk a bit "Okay, sorry, but I can't answer your questions at the moment, I uh, got to shower! I would really appreciate it if you guys don't follow me"

A few minutes later I was in the shower, the warm water felt good and was kind of relaxing when out of the blue a voice asked "So... Did you keep the teeth?" I jumped for a sec, glaring at nothing and pulled the shower curtain closed tighter.

After I showered, I picked up my bloody clothes and tried to figure out what to do with them when a helpful voice chimed in "Hi Pat! If you need to take blood out of your clothing, use hydrogen peroxide. Just small amounts can get rid of blood, and all you need to do is put it on the area, watch as the blood disappears, and rinse with cold water. Do this with the murder weapon too. Use gloves when you do, okay?" That one sounded oddly like a macabre advertisement.

"FYI, hydrogen peroxide gets out blood"

"Ya know, Pat, you should probably dispose of the body and other evidence. I'd recommend burning it. PS: Use cold water and soap to get blood out of clothes" [Quick little AN, don't burn a body to hide evidence, it smells, smokes, and is not high enough heat to cremate the body, all you're doing is creating a mess and a more disfigured body and idk why I know this]

"Can you somehow get your hands on some hydrogen peroxide? That should get the blood out of your hoodie. Or lemon juice, I've heard that works too!"

"Color me intrigued. Patton, about your clothes: pour hydrogen peroxide directly onto the stain (not to much, seriously use a cotton ball) and after the stain looks removed, rinse with cold water (repeat as needed). Also maybe do something that calms you down, like baking. That'll also help with the smell. Stay calm, take deep breaths. Drink a cup of water. We're here for you" Come to think of it, I hadn't even noticed the smell until now, I guess I was too worked up.

"Oh! And Darling, I forgot to mention, wash those clothes in cold water! Hot water just sets the stains. And you may want to do it by hand, just to be sure you get any stubborn spots. Blood doesn't stick to bathtubs, so that's likely the best place to clean up" How do you voices keep coming up with so many nicknames for me? I don't think I've had so many in my life, ever.

"I guess I can't avoid you guys-" I said, ignoring the advice for a moment, "Oh, nevermind, that's surprisingly useful, sadly, I don't think I have any hydrogen peroxide stuff, but I was actually gonna wash them with hot water since I thought that's what you do with stains." I went to the bathroom and but my clothes in the sink, thoroughly washing with soap and cold water, "I just realized that I don't have time to let my clothes dry before I leave" I said aloud, right as it came into my head.

"Hydrogen peroxide helps get bloodstains out!!! Do you have a hideout or a friend who doesn't ask questions?? Make sure that, if you're free, to bring money. And toilet paper because motel toilet paper is /a w f u l/"

"Okay, got my clothes, my wallet, my bus pass, my scrap book, a pillow, a small blanket, an umbrella, two books, one roll of toilet paper, hand sanitizer, the knife, and my phone..." I elongated the word as I stared at my lock screen

"What are you hiding, Patton?"

I didn't even look up from my phone "You guys wanna know that bad? Fine, I'll give you guys a hint. I trusted HIM with everything about me and HE broke that trust and I'm never gonna make that mistake twice." I changed my phone background. I couldn't have it be me, Virgil, and HIM.

Master Post

[wanderlustbabyvictoria]

What I’ve learned so far:

1) Have a goal in mind. I only do pay per meet (PPM) dates so I know I'm not willing to go under $100. (I had one person offer me $10 and like no.. that’s fucking ridiculous I'm worth more.) But you gotta figure out what works for you. You’ll get more dates if you are fine with less money but I’m offering them their ideal date and that takes work (mostly to remember my lies) but still, I wanna get compensated appropriately.

2) On that note; I don’t wear make-up and barely put time into my hair but if you do you should definitely be asking for more. That’s more time that you’re putting into the date and you should be getting paid for your time.

3) USE A FAKE NAME! Or at the very least don’t tell them your real last name. You don’t want them to be able to google you/find out real info about you because they might turn out to be real creeps.

4) If you decide to let them text you off the app then get a fake phone number. I’ve heard of a lot of girls using google phone or whatever but I use an app called TextMe (it’s free) and it’s a burner number so I can delete it at any point.

5) Before going on dates figure out how you want to get paid. I like cash because it’s fun to see how much I made and I always find it funny how awkward the guys are when they slid me the cash. Or set up a pay pal with a fake email/name. NEVER GIVE OUT BANKING INFORMATION OR GIVE THEM MONEY (some say they need this to make sure the transfer works or something? Idk hasn’t happened to me but I've read about it). This might seem obvious but I've seen a lot of warnings about people falling for this. So yea, just be smart and don’t.

6) For setting up your profile I’ve seen a lot of recommendations that you should put a clear picture of your face as your first picture. I’m not going to do that, so my pictures are mostly side angles or sunglasses on. Most of these guys blur out their faces so I don’t see why I have to show mine. Honestly though, you’ll probably get more offers if you show your face but I don’t care I’ll survive. 

7) As far as a description for yourself a lot of these guys are looking for “drama free” so if you can mention that you’re chill or drama free I’d recommend it.

8) I’ve gone out with guys in their 30s but most of them don’t know what they’re doing so it may be easier to go out with someone 50 or older. But it’s not a deal breaker for me. If you pay me $100 or more I'll be there.

9) After you get an offer for a date try to make them set a date to take you out as soon as possible. It’s a waste of my time to text you every fucking second of the day for two weeks. If I'm not getting paid yet I’m not putting in the time. When I accept an offer I immediately ask them when are they free/when can we plan to meet in person to get to know each other better. That said, once a date is set verify your plans day of. If they do not answer then do not go.

10) Go to a nice place for a date, have them wine and dine you and pay a shit ton. The legit guys will want a full dinner of drinks, apps and entrees. I love this because that means I’m full by my entree so I can take home leftovers and save on another meal. Don't drink too much though, you always wanna keep your wits about you to stay safe. If the guy suggests a cheap place he’s probably a Splenda daddy. Not the end of the world, I went on a date to AppleBee’s and it was fun. But it’s way more fun to go places you won’t be able to afford otherwise.

11)  Always go somewhere public where there will be other people. Worst case slip off to the bathroom and just leave. Plus most staff at restaurants can tell somethings off when a beautiful young girl is there with a way older guy so if you’re nervous about something just excuse yourself to the bathroom find a staff and tell them you need help leaving discreetly. 

12) I have a couple trusted friends that know I’m doing this. Someone should always know where you are and who you’re with. I have my location shared with like 4 people, I tell them where I’m going and what time, I send a picture of the guy and anything important I know about them and then I set a check-in time (normally 2 hours after the date starts).

13) Be clear about what your boundaries are. If you wanna have sex cool, if you don’t no worries. You probably won’t get anything long term if you’re not gonna have sex so you’ll have trouble getting a monthly allowance but for PPM it’s fine. I normally try to save the “what are you looking for” conversation until after I get paid (sometimes half way through the date and sometimes not until the end). Have a speech ready in your head and don’t budge on it. When I first started I was super clear that I would never have sex with anyone but then realized I could get second and third dates if I lied a little and said that if the relationship progressed to something real then I would be fine with it. However I do make it clear that I won’t do anything physically the first couple dates as I get to know someone. This gives me an easy out if they try to kiss me goodnight or something.

14) Don’t let these men pick you up or drop you off anywhere. You don’t know them so don’t blindly trust them. 

15) Don’t send guys picture if they’re asking for it. If they really wanna see you before you meet (which I’ve only had happen once) then offer them a Skype session or something. When I tried this a couple years back I had one guy constantly asking for pictures but never setting a time to meet somewhere public (he always wanted to meet at a hotel because he “was married and had to be discreet.”) I should have known then he was a sketch ball but whatevs. Anyways I sent him a ton of pictures of me and never got anything back for it. He used the fact that I was new and inexperienced against me. I have had guys stop talking to me because I won’t send them a picture of my face but if they’re that worried about it then I don’t really want to go out with them.

16) TREAT THIS AS BUSINESS. You are here to make money not find love (and honestly most of these guys will not be great). But if you’re just worried about getting paid you can make it through a conversation with a misogynistic guy or just a bad date in general. 

17) Unless you get to know and trust a man do not share personal information. Most of these guys don’t even really want to know about your emotions, they wanna lay their stuff on you and expect that because they’re paying you it’s a fair trade.

18) Going off of that, you will be a listening ear for most of these guys hardships/marital problems. If you’re not prepared to listen and hold their baggage for a coupe hours/if that will exhaust you, I don’t recommend this.

19) If you’re going on a second date make it clear that you still expect compensation. I made that mistake and went out with a truly dreadful guy and got nothing out of it. Become comfortable asking for money. I suggest asking for more than you need so that if they offer you something lower it won’t be the end of the world. 

20) On the first or second date it’s best to find out what the guy expects out of an arrangement. Also have in mind what you’re willing to offer. Don’t budge on what you’re going to do. Either you’re on the same page or you’re not. There are way too many guys on these sites for you to waste your time trying to change someone’s mind or sacrifice your boundaries.

[survivingjapan]

EPISODE 6 "If Britney Spears Can Get Through 2007 The Villains Can Get Through Tribal Again" -Brian

Hey Alex.... Sad thing is was that I was fighting for you probably the hardest for the longest (hence the Raven crying pic), but then not only does your pal Richie decide to be a lunatic at tribal, but you also were making it quite hard.... I defended you to multiple people, but I can't do anything substantial if A) I don't hear from Linus myself about his potential swing vote and B) You tried to make a deal with Kage to force rocks and not tell me I liked you more than most of these people, but I can't work with someone who makes an alliance and then tries to force it in danger by accepting a selfish proposal to try and save only yourself and not your allies. I think it was just the way the cookie crumbled that it ended up this way....:L gl on the outside, I might be joining u soon.

Where is Nic asking for confessionals when we need him? :P I'm really sad that Alex is gone, I wanted to work closely with he and Richie, so it sucks that he's not around but I'm hoping that Richie and I can work together before too long. Right now I just want to make jury and once I accomplish that I'll feel better! 

What happens when you bring together the 13 most messy, paranoid, villains? Kyoaku? Kyaoku? Kayoaku? Koyaku? I have no clue how to spell out name. But anyway, you get us Also, one more thing FUCK RICHIE FUCK LINUS FUCK JONATHAN

We win again... woohoo. Not anything different, but the more important part of this round is that I couldn't figure out how finding the idol went, since I'm pretty inexperienced, and honestly would've never figured that out, so I asked Steffen for help, and he goes ahead and just punches in a magic word into a url, and he found the idol and is now choosing to not give it to me, after it being all me who found it for us. I am clearly trusting Steffen for now, but I know he is a VERY smart player, and I wouldn't be surprised if he fucked me over at the end of the day, but I get a strong feeling that he won't do it to me. I just don't think he would, and if he did, it'd probably be one of the shadiest moves that could be pulled, but I'm also not trying to use this thing y'know. It'd be killer if I found it, figured everything out, and Steffen just punched in the URL, and he needed it to save himself and I didn't need it at all. My only concern is if one of us is holding onto it, and then the other needs it played on them, then that's going to leave the person playing the idol VERY vulnerable, but that's something we're just going to have to roll with, and going back to my previous point, if we even need to use this thing, it's a sign of weakness, but also a great tool for us to have in our back pockets. 

People are constantly criticizing my game but messy or not, when it comes down to it, my social game has saved me 3 times in a row now

crow and sarah can eat the entirety of my ass tbh GOD i hate being on a tribe with these people.... after the mess that was the rocks scenario crow came to me and was like "have you talked to alex he has a plan for an alliance" and i went to alex and said ".....crow and sarah didnt they just vote you out?" and he was like "they came to me my dude" so whatever i never trusted them because sarah was sketchy about the hinky vote against me at the rocks tribal... BUT i thought okay theres no reason for them to go thru all this trouble if they were just going to vote out me or alex like we're at the bottom no reason to string us along i guess we could come together vote out kage this one round and from there maybe a unified tribe would allow for more moves for me in the upcoming rounds.... but shortly before tribal brian comes to me and is like im voting out alex i dont want there to be a tie bc crow and sarah are voting alex so im like okay theyre votes are already in for alex and you cant change votes this wont cause IMMEDIATE consequences and im going to need alex still here to back me up for this so 15 minutes before tribal i start WW3 asdfjhasfk i call out sarah and crow for the alliance and for sarah blaming junior for the hinky vote against me blah blah more goes down i say more things alex says things they say things everythings a mess and im just trying to paint the image that those 2 are liars and expose them just in the off chance that someone believes me and has an ounce of doubt against them bc with alex leaving and those 2 lying about it i was alone on this tribe anyway with no real social connections so id be gone next tribal.....but of course we lost the duel immediately after alex was voted out and i went crazy so i dont really have the time to do damage control at this point now its just campaigning which is going to be.................difficult i already went to junior kage and tommy with some campaigning last night but idk im going to need a miracle or someone to realize that i'm an asset that can be used like anyone who saves me right now gains an ally that has no other connections besides them so im prime numbers material in arabia i played such an under the radar social game where even when i backstabbed people and voted everyone out (except ting ting RIP) and i still got them to vote for me in the end bc i formed relationships and remained a likable positive quiet game player.... in this game.... BITCH i'm JT the winner that should have just played once because they just blow up their game from being extra in the next go around 

okay remember the last time i wrote a confessional i was in the mindset of i know i'm going down but i'm going to do everything in my power to stay? well fuck that i swear to god i'd rather be voted out than ever have to have another conversation with tommy again i have never met anyone who is more infuriating to speak to and i CANT DO IT I"D RATHER BE VOTED OUT ITS ENOUGH!!!!!!!!    

On 9/6/17, at 6:28 PM, cat (japan host) wrote: > okay FIRST it all started when i woke up and had to live another day Honestly I'm Cat

Hey I haven't been here in a while because we literally haven't lost since Mist. Not that there haven't been any developments, because their have been! It's just that the villains suck booty. And they're losing their 5th person in a row tonight. I wasn't really pressed about any of the eliminations other then Jaiden. I wasn't sure if I would have been able to work with him, but I was able to get quite a bit of info out of him. And now my outlet for villain tea is kinda gone. And the fact that I was in Canada all last weekend didn't help me in finding a villain tea substitute. BUT with all of them dropping like flies, it's hard to tell who would be a good candidate :') Other than Jaiden, we saw Ashley go which is fine because she's from India and I want them dead. Alex S went too so that's a thing. I feel like I need to really start messaging some of these villains to gain a connection - whether we swap any time soon or not there's an inevitable merge that there's a chance I could be at. The problem is though, I don't wanna really talk to any of them asdfghjk. Tommy and Sarah sketch me out, Brian and I are not on good terms, and while Linus and Kage could be chaotic and spill shit, I don't wanna get caught up in their messes. That leaves Richie, Junior, and Jonathan. Which obviously one of these 8 is going tonight, so I won't start messaging until after the tribal. I'm still skeptical of a swap and I'm hoping one doesn't happen so I can utilize getting close to the villains that I want to before we ACTUALLY meet up with them. But as for tea on the hero side, there's an obvious conflict on who we would hypothetically take out if we go to tribal. With 12 of us, we need 7 so someone isn't Jaiden'd. The main argument is whether to go for a Malaysian or to just take out Steffen. The thing is, I've been getting really close to Johnny and I think he trusts me. And he wants to bring in Steffen for a strong Solomon 5. Now, I don't want that to last forever seeing as I want Steffen gone soon anyway. But I think we need him for one round. Because the Malaysia/India hybrid duo of Kendall and Alex is a major problem. And Drew is someone who is just a massive threat to begin with. But Isaac still just wants Steffen gone. And he doesn't think that we could take out someone like Kendall or effectively take out Alex with Pippa being close to him. HERE'S THE GAG THOUGH! I talked to Pippa for a little bit one on one today, and she is totally down with taking out Kendall or Alex. The thing is, they both seem a little bit checked out. Kendall has 2 strikes, and Alex has kinda died out since his audition. Which... I absolutely feel for them if they're dealing with real life struggle. But at the same time if they're not gonna be super invested and if one of them already has 2 strikes then I won't question voting them out. So if Isaac knows Pippa is down to come for one of them, then we have the Solomon 5 already. Then it comes down to the outliers of Dom, Trace, Ruthie, and Ashton. I know Pippa and Johnny both really like Dom separately. Isaac likes Trace. I personally like Ashton but dunno how long we could trust him because he seems like he could have a chaotic side to him. And then there's Ruthie who I just would prefer not to really work with long term because she's such a social threat, and if we swap or get to merge way down the line or whatever and Ruthie is there, I feel like she's someone villains would definitely flock to for a potential number because she's so social and kind. And I know girl can be a flipper. So this just comes down to who do we wanna take out, and getting enough people on the same page for my own agenda. Because at the end of the day this is to benefit MY agenda the most. Isaac wants out Steffen still, and I was already able to talk Pippa out of going for Drew first. If we could get a Malaysia/India person out, then Drew, then Steffen, that would be the most optimal. Will it happen? Probably not just because that's so specific. However, it is still at least an outline that I would like to ATTEMPT trying to follow.

[survivorcutthroat]

Episode 2: “The queen stays queen for another day.” - Sherry

So I ended up cutting Nehe because I felt like I gained more from him going than from him staying. I know I'm almost 100% to blame for his elimination and although my dark side is loving it, I still feel bad....I view myself as a snarky hero not some heartless villain...I wish we had just won immunity ugh. But I cut him and that's the name of this season - cut or be cut. I just have to get used to the feeling - maybe I can take some tips from Matt???

Now that the first vote is over, I can get a sense of who all trusts me. I think Zack is thankful I didn't flip but he still doesn't trust me which was to be expected. Dustin seems to trust me but I think he might not be telling me the whole truth just yet - I'm starting to be skeptical that Seamus is lying about his vote....Amir seems to trust me too but I feel like he could be threatened by me? I dont think he'll come after me anytime soon but his tone kinda changed towards me when we talked game - he didn't realize how much of a role I would play I presume....for now, I hope a swap happens and I can go more UTR. I was a bit chaotic with this last round and I want to dive back down underwater for a while to disappear from any potential bulls eyes on my back! 

THIS WENT PERFECTLY. I set up Ali and Sherry going against eachother even though I was the only one going against both of them. I eliminated an idol, kept my trust with everyone but Sherry, and got rid of my target of Ali. I wish Ali were here but this is a great scenario as well.

15 minutes later

Tribe swap and I'm so happy. We are nu YANGBYE which is the best tribe name around. I love these people but I'd also love to say "yangbye!" to them one by one. 

Crow - Oh my god I get to work with chaos crow <3 

Jaiden - I don't understand Jaiden but I want to work closely with him 

Dom - YES it's my pal from whatever our starting tribe was 

Zack - I quite like Zach but I don't trust him. 

Liana - She doesn't talk to me very much. 

I'd like to keep Jaiden Crow and Dom around. The other two are threats and they're not on my side. 

Wooooo okay so post tribal council and I survived!!! Nehe was great and a nice person but Seamus was in his ear and Nehe was going around saying that Zack and I are a final 2 and in the end I couldn't have him here anymore and my target ended up leaving so hehehohohahha

Okay now I gotta focus purely on social bonds because our tribe dynamic is weird as fuck. us 4 voted together to outvote nehe and Seamus...but now its just us 4 lmao which means if we go to tribal then kumbaya time is gonna be over and someone gotta go. My plan? Turn crow and zack against each other. Crow was the most hesitant to keep zack and zack has thrown crows name out there in the past 

But other than that I fucking love Zack and I really didn't think I was going to during this game but if people are saying we're close friends when were not, we might as well align. Crow is still my husband, he's a lil sketchy but still my husband. Dustin is the only sane person here newfkj and I'm glad he's here and best case scenario is we don't lose the challenge and I get to keep my gays a little longer in the game. 

Current people I still want gone in order: SEAMUS, LIANA, stevie, ali, tommy 

This first tribal was interesting!! Winning the challenge I chose a tribe to go to and I got to vote with them but I was immune, such an interesting twist. It seemed like the tribe wanted to go for Sherry, which I did not really want. I end up talking to Sherry and she told me about the idol and that she was using it so to keep up appearances I voted for Sherry to vote in the majority, knowing what she was gonna do. Hopefully she isn't mad about that. Now Im on this new tribe and I have my old tribe as the majority so im feeling pretty good about this current position and hopefully nothing happens to ruin that just yet. 

I MADE FINAL 18! We just swapped tribes to 3 tribes of 6 and now I left my Yangbye tribe and joined the New Sagu tribe with Cole, Stevie, and Abel who were on my original Yangbye tribe and Dustin from Magyi and Sid from Sagu. We made an original Yangbye alliance chat however, I don't know how loyal the people in that chat will be especially a guy named cole.  For whatever reason I'm getting a strong vibe that cole doesn't like me or want me in the game long term so I'd be so down to get him out... I think he will be a threat however I also don't wanna just betray this new alliance but I don't wanna play dumb. I like Dustin and Sid to an extent, I'm not sure how much I can really trust either... For right now the two people I'm most trustful of on my tribe are Stevie and Abel, as for the rest of them I have no idea where their heads are at in terms on strategy of the game. I hope we just keep winning immunity, I really really don't want to go to tribal, I feel even less secure on this tribe than I did on my last one. 

Ok, so the first two tribals that have happened pretty much didn't effect my game at all! I barely talked to either Nehe or Ali so I'm glad they are gone. They were nice but I didn't see anything in them. I feel like my lip sync will be good enough to get my tribe to winning this Immunity, I just hope we find someone who can edit because I have no idea how to edit at all. If we do end up going to tribal I should be fine as I made a alliance with the original Yangbye tribe! Also omg at sherry snatching everyone's wig with that first tribal idol.... My mouth is still open. 

Anyways why was cole willing to let sid edit the video and willingly give him the power to be the first one with the finished product so sid can submit and get the idol clue when sid is on the bottom? He’s only fussing about it right now in the tribe chat bc i just pointed it out to him in pms. Like ik cole’s not stupid so i strongly doubt he would make such a dumbass mistake. Shady ass bitch. 

[7/7/17, 8:40:47 PM] Abel: 

[7/7/17, 7:27:03 PM] Abel: sis are we really gonna let sid get the idol clue [7/7/17, 7:28:08 PM] Cole™: I'm gonna try and get it 

[7/7/17, 7:28:21 PM] Abel: whoever submits it gets it 

[7/7/17, 7:28:38 PM] Abel: and if he’s editing it’ll probably be him 

[7/7/17, 7:31:23 PM] Cole™: But like I did the most work 

[7/7/17, 7:31:52 PM] Abel: one of us needs to submit it then 

[7/7/17, 7:32:17 PM] Abel: like i would share the clue with you obviously but yeah its just easier for you to submit it 

[7/7/17, 7:32:30 PM] Abel: and sid has the power if he’s making the final product 

[7/7/17, 7:33:43 PM] Cole™: True, I would share it too 

 I have an okay relationship with dustin. Tommy i still trust. Stevie eh mostly. I would love to just coast on tribal lines/challenge dominance for a bit. Sid is the only person i have no relationship with and I’m not really interested in trying to make one like i’d rather just vote him out lmao. Like i said hi and how are you to him already and it was just so exhausting idk i don’t have the energy to fake another friendship rn. We’ll see where my paranoia with cole takes me.

I am upset that I'm separated from Crow Zack and Dustin and I'm also really upset that I haven't been on a tribe with Cole Sid Or Bodhi but on the bright side, I have sherry and I have rob. I have enough people I won't die at least. 

ZACK IS MY SON AND I WILL PROTECT HIM.

hi it's me again hehetehe. 

lemme just talk about last round bc im still a lil FUCKED up. bc some people got me FUCKED up. 

Seamus is an ugly dirty little rat and if he really thought he would pull a fast one on ME.. he was SURELY mistaken. he can go back to fucking his cousin and eating his hay. he literally looks like he eats hay. like.. you're not gonna just try to get me out and think i'm not gonna say something.. and now he wants to come and apologize and act all innocent like bitch, please, save that shit. 

anyways... i like my new tribe? like i'm not completely fucked here. i miss dustin and amir tho :( literally dustin and amir are my hunts like they really put there ass out there to help me and i appreciate that so much. i got their backs in this game. i hope me abel dustin and amir can all make merge and run this shit to the end.

ps- fuck seamus.

Really? REALLY? I'm used to being on elite tribes not amateur ones.....so after the tribe swap I wind up on the worst of the 3 tribes with people who seem to either be shy or just incredibly nonchalant. Liana just spoke like, today - Zack is still Zack and Dommy is sorta like that team member who's all talk and no game at this point...and Jaiden is just an ugly troll. The only thing that could have made it worse would have been seeing Matt on my tribe so I guess thanks for not doing that to me.... 

Like I understand we all have busy lives and this isn't an easy comp but I've been sitting in Iceland halfway across the globe with internet lag and cut-out quite often but I was willing to put time into this comp for my piece of it (I was legit going to do my lip sync in a RV bathroom - how iconic is that?) 

But INSTEAD someone mysteriously submitted a dumb pre-made video to the blog (which is no "accident") which basically means we lose even though we never started. 

And Jaiden, I know it was you. I can't tell if it's out of complete stupidity or mischief, but either way, you're in hot water sir. 

Ugh, can we swap again? Pls? I can't do this constant losing thing it's bad for my ego.

Alrighty so there was no doubt I was going to get kicked off of my tribe before the swap. Luke, Jaiden, Sid, and Seamus? Jaiden randomly hates me (and my husband), and Seamus probably wants revenge for Zootopia, Luke is impossible to talk to. The only person I liked game-wise was Sid because he's really easy to get along with and I feel like I can actually trust him and he won't cut me, so to speak. 

In order to try to rectify this, I figured I could gain trust with Seamus by starting an idol searching brigade, so I told him where I searched. He could easily lie about this and probably did but it's whatever, I'm trying (reasoning on this later). I tried to clear the air with Jaiden and we talked things out and I tried to find common ground with him (idk if it worked or not). 

 Seamus talked to me about me and him and Sid working together. Ever since the tribe swap I haven't heard from them so I guess that's dead. 

I trust Stevie the most overall. I've been telling him my thoughts (lol contact him for confessionals). Stevie was actually my first ally in my first game so I like him a lot (he taught me how to be cutthroat). He told me about his and Seamus' idol clues, and how Seamus would probably lie about it (hence the earlier reasoning). He said that the clue said the number is the same on a clock (i.e. 1-12) but Seamus would probably say the opposite. Seamus has actually said nothing so anyway I continue to not trust Seamus. 

The other tribe was ugly for trying to vote out my fellow woman.

wow so um... cole and sid are targets more info tomorrow

I think I'm good with my whole tribe. I trust mearl completely. I love rob and sherry the most. I don't think they'll vote me out. I don't fucking care about this challenge but I have to act like I do. I actually was willing to stay up all night and do the work and commit my night for it but I can't put in effort if no one else will. Yesterday when I tried to bring it up no one cared. I'm really drunk. Also um Seamus and I worked out our differences but like I'd still vote him out. Luke and I promised to work together but I'd still vote him out. I'll vote anyone out I don't give a fuck. Also Crow has been ignoring me for like all day. So it's clear he's only social when you're on a tribe with him, same with Dustin. I think I've decided I'm most loyal to Cole and rob in this game and maybe Sid and zack.

One minute later:

I AM GOING TO DESTROY EVERYONE 

I WANT THEM ALL DEAD 

I WILL END THEM

Jaiden accidentally threw the challenge for our tribe. THANK GOD. Now I don't have to do it. Sherry and Jaiden both fucked up for the tribe and the target is off of me. At tribal I'm going to be targeting Liana or Zack. Probably Liana. I have Jaiden and Dom with me 100% for now, and crow is probably gonna be smart and vote with the majority. Liana doesn't talk to me so she doesn't need to be here. Simple as that. Zack doesn't talk to me much either, but Amir likes him, and I think crow does too. Zack can go next time.

I don't even know what's happening with this challenge. I think I lost it by accident for everyone but they're all causing unnecessary chaos around camp so I need to just sit down and shut up. Tomorrow one of us will be voted out I'm assuming, so I'll do whatever it takes to make sure it's Liana or Crow and not me. As it stands in the game right now, I've been able to go on private calls with Seamus, Bodhi, Dom, and Tommy. I'd say those four are my closest friends and allies at this point (but I don't want to speak too soon since the game has only just begun). I still need to work on getting into good graces with the rest of the players I wanna work with this season, so we'll see how successful I am with that. Also, I think I've formed an alliance with Bodhi and Dom. Like I said from the get-go, I won't take this alliance too seriously because I know that they can kiss my ass in calls and PMs but still say only bad things about me in confessionals. I'll trust them only as far as I can throw them and see how things go if we do end up going to tribal. I think this swap worked out pretty well in my favor and I couldn't be happier with how it turned out.

So before I came back to orgs this year the last ones I played were 2014/early 2015 and in those games I managed to go really far by doing the least and I feel like that’s what Cole remembers me as and I feel like he views me as a potential drag-along ally, one that he can always go back to as he makes shady deals with everyone else. What he doesn’t realize though is that I’m that bitch with the pristine memory and know he wins/goes far in so many of his games and knows that he’s been active all these years and knows everyone. Whether or not he actually is working with Sid, I just know he has a lot of connections in a lot of different places and in a one world season it would just be stupid to let someone like that reach a point where he can connect with others and fuck things up for everyone. ALSO SIS HAS THE NERVE TO BE A FLAMING FAGGOT IN EVERY CHAT AND CALL BUT WHEN HE GETS TO MY PMS HE SUDDENLY TURNS INTO BRITNEY’S MIC FEED! I spoke to Tommy last night and he’s on the same page and I don’t think it should be hard to get others on board…if we choose to do so bc I still don’t have any use for Sid at all whatsoever lmao.

Dearest Liana, Please speak to me. I'd like to not have an easy tribal! I adore going to tribal council, but you are making this too easy for me. With love, Bodhi.

I don't believe I've ever touched on WHY I throw so many challenges. The answer is simple. Tribal council is a wonderful group bonding excersize. If you can go into the merge with a group of 2-4 people, you'll have some people with as much trust as you can manage. There's another big facet to this, being that tribes that don't go to tribal council have a lot of time to stir up feelings of wanting other people out. People on cutthroat are going to be so willing to flip on their tribes it's not even funny. These people almost all feel like they have something to prove, and if you can just give them time to get bored, they'll be making big moves at the merge like no ones business. Tribal loyalty will not exist in that much of a sense on this season. One of the biggest advantages of having a tribe swap from 4 tribes this early is that there isn't the whole "day one alliance" that can sometimes unify a tribe. Everyone is on a tribe with someone that they want out of the game, and once those people get their ways, there will be new people who want revenge. Ideally, there will be one more swap, and neither of these first two sets of tribes will matter to anyone except for me and whoever I'm loyal too. I'm making ties with folks on the other side so that when we swap again I won't need to scramble or anything. I'll just need to sit back and watch people take each other out.

Well after that challenge fiasco, I still have little hope of winning immunity.....however at least we are submitting something semi-legitimate? I just really really don't wanna go to tribal again so soon....especially with so many quiet/shady characters. We have a solid idea in my opinion but it'll be a swing or miss sort of idea. As far as my tribe.....Zack says he's on my side and loyal to me til the end but A) He hardly talks to me on his own B) This is fucking Cutthroat Island Bodhi and I are supposed to be close but he's smart and tricky so I don't really trust him... Jaiden is a known troll but somehow one of the people I like?? (why do i find myself closer to trolls than norms..*ahem* Kyle) Liana is a fucking ghost. This girl just appears in the main chat once a millennium, hardly replies to pms, and doesn't even seem to care?? If we were to lose, my money would be on her leaving. Bodhi already suggested it to me actually.... Dommy is the chillest of them all and maybe will be someone I can use? But I don't know if he's closer to myself or Bodhi, which will be crucial down the line... Or maybe this tribe's flops are part of some mastermind machination to blindside me pre-merge. I don't even know at this point. My strategy pre-merge (considering GL pre-merge was....non-existent for me...) is to build as many bonds as strong as I can and go with the flow. Big moves that make your target bigger are p.o.i.n.t.l.e.s.s until at least jury! No one in finale talks about "yea that second vote where I flipped" cuz its so far in the past! The #1 goal should be survival - not control. Plus, the more targets that make merge, the better for me. Let the elite make it to merge and let the bloodbath begin while I fly through the underworld completely invisible to the finale <3 :D

And we're back! After Sherry pulling off a beautiful idol play round 1, I have a new vigor for this game! Amir survived his tribal as well! Things are looking good, everyone. But wait! I spoke too soon. Satan himself announced a FUCKING TRIBE SWAP. Okay, calm down, Sid. Now you have a chance to be with Sherry or Amir, right? Wrong. Austin's fucking Sorting Hat rip-off kept me on Sagu while Sherry and Amir are living it up on Magyi and Liana is stuck on Yangbye. What's worse, Nu Sagu is a 4 Yangbye, 1 Magyi, 1 Sagu split. WHAT STARS HAD TO ALIGN TO MAKE SURE I GET SWAP FUCKED IN EVERY GAME? I DON'T EVEN HAVE AN IDOL. (Speaking of, Sherry told me the clue Stevie got. Apparently the Idol is under 12 and Sherry found her's at 11. But, now I don't know why Stevie is giving out clues unless he found one. Hm.) But whatever. I'm screwed on Nu Sagu because Stevie is an egomaniac who I'm pretty sure wants me out, and I don't know who these other 4 are. Tommy said he'd work with me, but how much do I trust him? Or like even like him? Minimal. My only hope rests in this challenge, so I stepped up to edit our lipsync (And I think it can win us this challenge!). Also, the submitter of the winning tribe gets an idol clue! DOPE! Since I'm editing, I should be able to submit. Apparently not. Cole asks in the tribe chat if he could submit because he wants the clue. THE FUCK? NO I THINK THE FUCK NOT. I've been editing for hours, and all you had to do was twerk on camera for 3 minutes. And I doubt Cole is really a stranger to that, whereas I had to learn Movie Maker for this fuck-up of a tribe. So I said "yah sure" because I'm in a clear minority, but I have a plan. Even though I finished the video hours before the deadline, I'll pretend like I'm rushing to finish it. And in my rush, I submitted it on accident! I'm sure he'll see through my plans, but I'll have 2 idol clues, AND I think we'll have immunity with my video. Right now, I think working with Tommy or Abel is my best shot to survive if we go to tribal... ALSO P.S. Sherry, Amir and I have finalized our alliance. It's called "THREEVIL" (Three + Evil) and it is so fucking awesome! I love these two with all my heart. <3 <3 <3

This is some bullshit. I'm not about to do this challenge solo and still lose. Why did crow make a big fucking deal about it? We could've gotten a DECENT score on this shit and at least I submitted something???? Even fucking dom who is online all the fucking time isn't here to do shit 

if Me getting that ottn5 edit this episode huh. I'll really go off at tribal council when the time comes because we're clearly losing.

Everyone the past few days: 

https://68.media.tumblr.com/0590f2ef9171d9c120daa59db8f36233/tumblr_inline_oj6u3b7XBj1snhjdw_500.gif Me: Hey we should probably do this challenge! 

Everyone: https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2014-09/22/14/enhanced/webdr10/anigif_enhanced-11075-1411411562-9.gif Me: Guess I'm doing this on my own... 

This is what I've come up with so far! Everyone @ me because apparently it sucks: https://media.tenor.com/images/72c91bf233275e5da4c66dae418829e2/tenor.gif 

Me, internally: http://68.media.tumblr.com/baebe363529713f2fdee2b9047d27d47/tumblr_osadyruIyd1rt5ctno1_250.gif ... Me tomorrow night after we lose this challenge and they unanimously vote me out: http://wwwimage.cbsstatic.com/thumbnails/photos/files/asset/10/00/35/45/bronte-big-brother-eviction.gif

Day 7 Confessional 4: Ugh okay so lots of tea to spill. So i voted in the minority on the special tribal and Nehe left which like doesn’t matter much. But then we immediately tribe swap and my new tribe is amir luke mearl rob sherry and myself. Amir immediately approaches me and tells me he is angry that i was telling Nehe that he and Zack were a final 2 which never happened. I finally convinced him that it wasn’t true and now we are golden and Zack and I half made up too. But basically from the moment i got onto this tribe i started desiring another tribe swap because our tribe literally sucks. Like besides Mearl Rob and myself they literally fucking suck. Sherry is so busy irl, Luke is MIA and im not surprised, and Amir has family issues going on. I kinda hope we lose this challenge so we can send either Luke or Sherry home, then we will have a better chance going forward as a tribe…. Also the winning tribe gets a idol clue and I think I am going to approach them with an offer that I will share mine (I’ll lie about what is says) if they share theirs! But yah as of now I am kinda hoping we lose so we can cut some loser out of this damn game. 

So there was a tribe swap. Yippeee. No, not really. My whole original tribe ends up sticking together but of course I get separated. Thats alright, just means I'm going to make more connections I can use later down the line. Change is a positive thing right? Wrong. My tribe sucks ass. And I don't like sucking ass. If you do then think of whatever unpleasantry you wish instead.   First impressions- Luke- Ugh. I voted him out five times in a row in GL. I have a feeling he isn't exactly going to trust me. I tried to strengthen a bond but it seems so artificial on his part. Amir- Seems like somebody that can be a strong ally. I'm glad Amir is here. Seamus- First impression tells me to watch out or Seamus but he is wooing me in... but I'm aware that his wooing is why I wanted to watch out for him in the first place. Rob- Don't really know. Blah? Hopefully a potential ally. Sherry- I had a good conversation with her the night before the swap (when it appeared she was going home) so was happy to see her on my tribe. I figured that she'd be somebody that I could utilize... well lady is crazy and forgetful because she forgot the conversation we had and was asking me about myself and telling me things about her that she had told me less than 24 hours earlier... like scroll up. You can play the mother card and thats fine but when you are a no show in challenges (seems to be a trend) I have no problem voting my mom out. So the first challenge comes along... the dreaded lip sync. I hate this challenge. Hate it. HATE IT. Its just so blah. I hate singing. I hate dancing. And of course I'm busy but nobody else is able to edit a video (or wants to). Whatever.. then it gets worse. People aren't even fucking sending me videos. Like they missed deadllines and just flat out ignore me when I ask if they are giving me anything or not. I tell them that I need to know so that I can start editing the video if I'm not going to receive anything but nothing. Like I have just as much content 6 hours before the challenge is due as I did 48 hours before but I wasn't working on it because I figured I'd get more. So now I need to piece meal together shit and find shit and try and make it look nice. I mean I'm a creative guy I guess so lets see what I can do. For this challenge all I received was a piece of poop so I put it between two slices of bread and I’m hoping the judges like shit sandwiches. I really hope my efforts pay off because I don't wanna be going to tribal yet. Im not sure where I stand but I'm hoping this challenge has put me in a good spot.

First things first, fuck my old tribe! they literally like...don't even attempt to reply to me since the swap and its becoming really apparent whos genuine and who will play nice just for the game so as far as I care, they can all leave I don't give a fuck. However, I hope zack and crow don't go over someone like liana at the upcoming tribal. people like liana stevie tommy crow etc are able to lie so convincingly and make it seem like theyre on your side like....they can literally lie like sociopaths and no one in this game is allowed to have that quality except for me so they can fking go! I feel like I have a lot of those relationships right now, like circumstantial allies. I feel that way about Mearl, zack, crow, dustin, sid, sherry and even luke The people I fully trust right now are rob and cole and MAYBE Bodhi. everyone else is dead to me. Also why am I the only Canadian in this cast full of American freaks me trying to fit in with the americans: https://vine.co/v/e1EFMxhDZOB/card?api=1 Psa: do you guys think im the type of boy who wont send nudes to stay safe in a game, because youre 100% wrong. I am an adult, if another adult wants to see me arse for an idol clue or some shit, ill take it! Also talking about idol clues "hickory dickory dock, the number you are looking for is on the clock" The idol is right under your nose I think its jungle 9. because table is under the nose and 9 is under 12 lets try that next time lmao abel is.....LIKE...not smart. sweet guy but he asked me to have a secret final 2 within like five seconds of speaking for the first time and then told me im a good social player who'll make it far. not the best way to make me want you on the island buddy I love flirting with guys in games because its like playing pretend when the truth is the only thing that turns me on is voting them all out http://68.media.tumblr.com/bf80ec6181ee7722e81fba5665a78426/tumblr_o319g3ZJhR1uwwhj6o2_250.gif

Well, I'm safe another week so that's good right? Still annoyed that my tribe didn't win immunity, like we did so well and we honestly lip synced and I actually slayed everyone in the lip sync.... Oh well. I want to win something, I want to prove to the community that I'm a strong player physically and not just socially. I'm just grateful to be here right now, I don't think a lot of people see me as a threat but I could be wrong. I just want to make jury right now and prove it to myself I really am a bad bitch!

Last round, I was an iconic mess. I was able to flip the vote against Sherry, however she played her idol and voted for Ali. BUT! because I was in the pool and I removed my vote in case anything changed, I self-voted even though I gave a vote a minute late about it was close so grr. It tied between me and Ali and everyone minus Sherry voted against Ali. Wooh! I'm ready for my CPN/M4 edit. I am devastated that Ali is gone I really do trust him. I connected with him and he had NOBODY. We swapped like I predicted and it's 3 tribes of 6. I am on the Magwhy tribe with myself, Sherry, Seamus, Mearl, Amir, and Luke. I think I am in a decent position on this tribe. Seamus I feel has a certain degree of trust in me, he thinks he can control which I'm fine go ahead do it. Mearl I've been working on getting him to like me and I think he might, I did a lot for the challenge I went all out and I've been praising him which he did a great job. Amir LOVES me and the feeling is mutual. Amir is just so much fun and I want to be like him. I want to be like Amir when I'm older. Luke... I'm on good terms with but I want him out tbh because I am petty and he's a threat. Him being depressed, is to my advantage and that sucks for him I guess? Sherry, I don't know where I stand with her, we said during the vote last time we should work together, and she knew Ali was going, but she's blowing smoke up my ass. I'll try to work with her, but I doubt I'm going to talk to her. If we do have conversations I see it being strictly game which I despise. The video is a lip sync and we originally did something that Sherry did because we were sort of reluctant to throw ideas and I liked it. I felt it was a song I could do and people at first were like yeah. The thing is, skype is a fickle fickle bitch. It updated and I asked if we were doing All Summer Long and i got no reply. I filmed my video which was lit tbh because I had my sister help me out and she's a theater kid (tm) psycho.  I had it done and ready but then out of nowhere my messages update and I see at the same time when I sent the previous message they responded and they decided to change it to calling all the monsters. Like??? WHO THE FUCK CARES IF SHERRY HAS ALREADY DONE IT DO YOU THINK PEOPLE WILL ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT THAT? HELL NO AND THEN YOU USE THE SAME EXACT FOOTAGE FROM HER VIDEO WHAT A BUNCH OF DUMBASSES STFU. Anyways we win because Mearl pulled God's work and I'm shook because Saggy's was so good too. Abel as Valentina ctfu. I saw yangbye's too and it was hilarious i loved it Heather did amazing. I heard it was mean but I don't really think so? I mean Jaiden got it from her youtube videos so it's public domain and people could gif it anyways from there. The hosts got pretty pissy though like they weren't bad at all imo I enjoyed all three of them like sure maybe Yangbye could have been more active in their video but it was still a funny product. I'm active and I'm not a threat so I don't think I'm in a bad spot. Goat me! 

I don't feel great about this vote....but what I've heard from Zack and Bodhi is that it's an easy vote for Liana - but I no like easy votes cuz usually they aren't!