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#idk i never used to be like this in my 20s??? now it's like everything is just an anxiety source
emilyjunk · 21 days
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Crazy how everything that is good for your mental health is also bad for your mental health. If only there were a solution to this
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g0thsoojin · 1 month
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📓🦇
#honestlyyyu#life without him is so boring....#idk... just imagining my life without him makes me feel bored lol#i want to be with him i think ...#but it is difficult bc we live on two different continents#and relationships between nations are difficult bc you're not allowed to just move anywhere lol#idk how it could work#plus ... also he's 20+ years older than me.. to me it isnt an issue more than#1) he wont live as long as me (if we both die of old age that is lol)#2) everyone are very judgemental and even if both of us mainly want to just have us and not any social circles#it will be hard.. and how am i supposed to tell my mom....?#the thing with that is hard because of my avpd.. im not normal#i never will be. even if i like met a guy my age now in school and we started dating i wouldnt want to tell me my mom#i cant explain how i feel to normal ppl but yeah... im just someone who wants to live isolated to myself#i dont want to be like yeah hi mom heres my bf who i fuck and love and now lets go for family dinner woooop#idk ... i could never. i just cannot do that normal life.#so then its like.. it isnt purely bc im 'ashamed' of him and the age gap#im just someone who feels shame about everything.... so i wouldnt wanna tell my mom anyway#but then it feels like im 'betraying' her. if i move away to another country to be happy on my own#and she wont even ever get to meet my bf or hear abt him... i'll get married (bc of convenience) and she wont know#that feels bad.. like im hurting her. but i know in my heart that even if i met a bf my own age here#i would NEVER want a wedding. my avpd.. im not a normal functioning person.. i'd want just me and the other person there. not infront of my#family... idk i just cant do normal life things..#maybe sometimes i dream abt having a few friends and being cared for. but that is a DREAM#theres no way of knowing if i'd ever find ppl like that. im also very different and cant connect to basically anyone i meet fkn EVER!!!!!#he's the only one i've ever met that im this compatible with.. and he is real. and i know him. should i let go of him just for ppl i havent#even met? who i might never even meet? bc yeah the thing is that with him we wouldnt have a conventional life. it'd be just us#and thats not really a bad thing. its just that w my avpd i never know what i really want bc i want smth but when it gets real#and i can actually have it suddenly i dont anymore. and i want the other thing i didnt want before...#so i have sm fears.. what if i choose him but then will never get that comfortable job in a cozy school and my own apartment
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caruliaa · 1 year
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i dont know how three years could be over in a week i dont know i dont know i dont know i dont know how that could happen i dont know how i could let it. all i know is id do anything to get it back
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celibibratty · 1 year
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Don't you have afraid of the healing, get healead to a point where you will you stop caring, this is what you always wanted and prayed for, but if this is leading you to the End?
#One of these days i checked this ao3😒 and this fuckin t0p d4niel fanfic that traumatized me had an update...and i didn't felt nothing#Of course i still not dare to look at it but geez i remember that Both 2020 and 2021 when i passed by this shit/when appeared/had updates..#My body used to tremble so fast i used to cry of stress/anger but this year i didn't got afraid i felt nothing#Maybe because i kinda used to it now i not that naive anymore i don't get surprised#Still if i getting so healed to a point where i will stop caring about this game?#If i growing out of it?💧#Tsc this is lie i still do get very affected i still get carried away by those things sometimes (proving that i still care about them)#Like woah i/we liked this game when we had 14/15 years and this year i'll do 20 years (if i'm getting tired? Cuz i kinda growing💧)#No! i like to think this is actually a good sign that i starting to have a more health/balanced relationship with this game#To a point where i don't take those shitty versions of them💢🔥 that seriously#reflection#I don't feel that conected to this game these days please please Just be a phase please Just be a phase💧#I know whenever i still believe it i will still keep it but i can't control it i can't control it the emptiness#Idk playing the games makes me realize like ;woah its so good to consume the thing that you enjoy but not stressing about it;#I like s1fu w0man and i/we playing the game but i don't feel sick or intimidated playing it cuz i know i won't find something that triggers#I know the game is kinda okay and our protagonist are DECENT💢🔥different from this game imagine me playing it urgh...#I get so anxious i have afraid of find out something i won't like it (triggers) or i wish i couldn't know#Like it's so different so different that it hurts notice it#And i can comfirm it ;playing-it-it's-different-than-seen-it; play it's a different experience you notice more things#I can't i never want to play this game in my life i don't want to find out what i will feel i don't want to revive everything over again#Please brain be just a phase
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BREAKDOWN IN THE COOKIE AISLE AT WORK
#whiskey yelling into the void#do you ever just think about things you’ve done or said to people you care about and regret everything you’ve ever done#in one case i should have known better but didn’t#in other cases he shit i’ve said made me feel like an asshole after and pushed this wedge between me and my sibling#and it hurts because i’m never going to be able to rebuild the relationship i once had with her#and ofc thinking about her makes me think abt my childhood as a whole and my parents did their best they never wanted to cause us any harm#but they have their own plethora of issues which seeped into their parenting and they don’t even know what they did wrong#and if i explained it to them now it wouldn’t matter because it’s all said and done and we’re all grown up now#so it’s not like they can repeat their mistakes#but i’m not mad at them anymore and i’ve forgiven them even though they don’t know what they did anyway#and for most of it there’s no one to blame. it’s no one’s fault#for some of it i can only blame myself and maybe my big sister but she’s doing her best too and idk how to. feel. about that#i’ve said and done so much shit to her and other people but she said and did shit first so#did i say these things to her in defence or did i do it just to hurt her??? i don’t want to hurt her#but at the same time i want her to understand how she’s hurt and traumatized me but she just. can’t. she doesn’t get it she doesn’t try#and i would take to my little sister abt this but she does so much for this family already and she’s busy all the time#and my little brother a) lives in jersey and b) i feel like i’ve hurt him too even tho he’s long since forgiven me#thinking about this makes me wanna bash my head against a wall#i’ve been sitting in the cookie aisle of my store for like 20 minutes i’m so glad it’s not busy in here#fuck. anyway
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bootlegspiders · 5 months
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Hey, so for Watcher fans who may not wanna pay for another subscription or just wanna watch something new here are some other youtubers you should take a look at if you want to get a spook or learn some history
(* = potentially triggering topics covered usually associated with crimes, so be careful)
Ghost Hunting and general spooky vibes:
AmysCrypt - Your typical ghost hunting show with two Australians traveling the world, though I will say they do go to places I've never heard of before and they do very good research. And there are some goofs along with the spooks.
The Ouija Brothers - Two British dudes finding ghosts in England. The vibes are generally pretty chill and it's a good time
The Paranormal Scholar - A mixed bag of all paranormal happenings from ghosts to demons to cryptids and aliens. Sort of an overview to deepdives on various paranormal occurrences. The research is immaculate and their voice is very soothing in my opinion.
Paranormal Quest - Ghost hunting in the US, sometimes goofy sometimes serious, but they do go to some interesting places and some familiar ones too
Weird History:
ObsoleteOddity* - This guy is great, like 80% of the things he covers I've never heard of before. Very atmospheric, fun little visuals, and a large variety of weird events and people for topics.
Georgia Marie* - A little bit of everything, but she focuses on strange things that have happened, lgbt history, true crime, and historical disasters. She covers enough of everything that I'm sure you'll find something
Stefanie Valentine* - I'm not sure if she even posts anymore, but I thought what she was doing was great. Think Vampira or Elvira but for older true crime and ghost stories, I think the latest covered would have been like early 1900s. Idk I just thought it was like a cute spooky lil storytime
Caitlin Doughty or Ask A Mortician* - Pretty sure y'all would know who she is but just in case, she's a mortician who covers topics relating to death! From odd ways people have died, or odd things that have happened to people after they've died. And just odd or tragic things that have happened through history. It's silly, but done with levity and care and respect the topics deserve.
General History:
Part-Time Explorer - Mostly history on ships and ghost towns with the occasional train. Lots of research and interviews, very well done and worth checking out even if it may not be your thing.
History's Forgotten People - Talks about sometimes obscure, or sometimes not, historical individuals. Even if you've heard of the person in the topic, they'll talk on something obscure about that person.
History Tea Time with Lindsay Holiday - A heavy focus on royalty around the world, a generally upbeat dive into historic individuals.
(Or you could always go watch time team, that's an option and it's my guilty pleasure love me some archeology)
True Crime:
There are so many out there, so I'll just recommend two of my favorites
Gabulosis* - She focuses on vintage cases 20 years or older (literally in her opener) and is well researched and respectful. Another one that talks on cases I've never heard of that deserve to be heard.
Mysterious WV* - True crime and missing persons based in the West Virginia area and neighboring states. Idk how to even explain the vibes. This guy is just great please watch him trust me you won't be disappointed.
That's all for now, feel free to add your own recs out there!
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mygnolia · 4 months
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sunghoon when you’re sick
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pairing: sunghoon x gn!reader headcannons!
cw: cursing, mentions of chicken noodle soup (the food not the song), married life, getting sick/colds, hoonie my bae
wc: 1k
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- okay so i feel like because he’s on the ice a lot
- he’s cold
- like in en-o-clock ep 20 behind he said it had been a while since he was on the ice so he was cold but that just means whenever he’s performing he’s not cold or not that cold at least
- and he’s acclimated to ice rink temperatures right?
- (and self projecting here but i myself am very cold all the time and it takes me a long time to get warm but i never get hot-?)
- so i feel like maybe one day its raining
- or the heater is broken and you have to suffer
- and you’re both on the bed, scrolling through your phones, but you’re shivering
- but sunghoon’s used to it
- only issue? he is not a raging furnace
- he’s a block of ice
- “sunghoon i’m cold.”
- “y/n, i can’t help you.” he’s just honest w/ everything atp
- “yes you can! cuddle me.” and you’d forcibly grab his arm and tangle urself with him
- you come to the very shocking realization that sunghoon is literally colder than the temperature outside.
- you pull away IMMEDIATELY and scowl at him
- he shrugs as if to tell you “i told you so.”
- he’s not offended he just accepted that he will never be warm
- man knows you’re just trying not to become the ice cube that he is
- omg sunghoon emotional brick and ice cube look at my…shape skills go
- so you’d go back to becoming one with the blankets but it doesn’t work and you’re like “hoonie :((“
- “yes dear.” sunghoon rolls his eyes, looking over at your covered figure nonetheless abd adjusts your blankets for you
- “can we cuddle, the blankets aren’t working :((“
- sunghoon probably gets an eye workout with how many times he rolls his eyes
- but he… L words u…so “okay. come here.” and he puts his phone down on the nightstand and gives you a hug
- internally he would laugh at your antics but he knows you’re just cold and he obviously wants to help but
- mans literally -2 degrees in body heat idk what to tell u
- but after a while you warm up the blankets EVENTUALLY get hotter
- u probs fell asleep and your body heat increased so you’re warm now
- he falls asleep too
- u end up with a COLD and he’s fine btw
- through the coughs and sniffles you blame him for not being your personal fireplace
- he goes “we slept together???? and you cuddled me??? for three hours??? fyi you could have gotten more blankets”
- ‘why can’t this man just spoonfeed u chicken noodle soup like a good bf’
- “can i at least have a kiss?” you pout at him underneath your blankets, even though the heater is in perfect working condition, and sunghoon feels himself falling harder for you everyday
- you are just so DAMN!!! CUTE!!! he can only handle so much until he says fuck it and puts a ring on ur finger
- omg married life with sunghoon or wtv…. NOT blushing
- “no. i’m going to get sick if I kiss you too.”
- “I AM SO SICK OF U!” /j
- ur stupid play on words makes him laugh and he gives in w/ a small peck :>
- even though ur hating him for not being cute and cuddly he just can’t get sick
- he has a competition coming up! sunghoon can’t be under the weather when he’s already under ur spell >:
- “take your medicine goddamnit” but it’s lovingly scolding you as he pushes the weirdly cherry flavored liquid down and follows up with a cup of warm water
- always has tissues on hand
- you’re in the car? tissues. you’re in the kitchen? no babe don’t use the paper towels to blow your nose it’s too rough on your skin
- if you want to cuddle he will say no
- I MEAN EVERY OTHER TIME HE JUST SITS THERE AND LETS U DO WHATEVER U WANT
- “guess this is my life now”
- “i can’t believe you won’t cuddle with me :(“
- “i cant believe you got sick despite hugging me and still having three blankets.” NO CHILL
- sunghoon simultaneously makes fun of you but will take care of you
- if he’s not home expect a sticky note or a voicemail
- “ahh, sorry for ringing your phone so early, i hope you’re getting your sleep <33 just wanted to call and make sure you drink the water in the bottle next to you, i warmed it this morning before i left for practice, and there’s some food in the fridge that jay brought over yesterday. hope you feel better soon i love you”
- alexa play fighting bleeding losing…no matter what i do by txt
- yeah he’s so sweet he’d stop the teasing bc he knows you hate being sick and doesn’t want to make it worse for you
- sometimes you wake up and you literally can’t breathe??
- breathing through nose era when!! /j
- you’d try to get your work done, hoon alr called sick days off for u but you have nothing to do at home so you get your laptop
- “Hi honey,” Sunghoon greets from the doorway, quickly kicking off his shoes and entering your bedroom. “I brought you some tea, Heeseung said it would help you since his mom gave it to him. Do you want some right now?” You nod, coughing with the quick and unexpected movement of your head.
- Sunghoon comes back with a steaming cup of warm golden tea, and blows on the top before letting you take a sip. “Be careful, it’s hot.” And you dismiss his words before you’re hissing at your burned tongue.
- u don’t catch a break huh
- you finish the cup of tea by the end of the night and sunghoon comes to give u a little forehead kith before telling you to sleep
- tmr u wake up and you can BREATHE again
- which gods did this why do you finally feel like a functioning human being
- ANYWAYS THOUGH!! Sunghoon’s competition is in two hours you don’t have time to waste hello?
- Outfit with hoodie, giant puffer jacket, and a turtleneck, and the thickest pants known to mankind
- driving to the rink where he’s competing and watching him with a giant lovesick grin without him knowing you’re there
- you give him a hug when he’s done
- happy at first and loves to see you, but wants to make sure you’re okay
- You both go home and he’s like “half of that outfit is mine.”
- yeah. he’s not wrong. anyways.
- celebratory dinner! he kisses you many many times thanking you for coming out to see him
- happy to finally cuddle again, holding you close now they you’ve recovered
- he got sick the next day.
f for sunghoon. thank you.
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in-my-feels-probably · 4 months
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Older Art spoiling his 20 something yo girlfriend that goes to Stanford. She looks up to him and listens to him and does whatever he says and basically lives for his praise.
I Feel So High School (Every Time I Look At You)
Request: Older Art spoiling his 20 something yo girlfriend that goes to Stanford. She looks up to him and listens to him and does whatever he says and basically lives for his praise.
and: art being 10ish years older than reader? that’s all i got. go crazy
Hi! Challengers has been on my mind literally since the day it came out, and I think I've read every single fic on here about it, so I figured I’d give it a shot writing one myself. First of all, I combined your requests, hope that’s ok. Second, this is my first time writing for Art, so please bear with me while I try and get the hang of writing his character. I haven’t written a fic in weeks, so my skills are definitely a little rusty. Please be kind! Anyways, I hope you like this. Let me know what you think, and thank you for the request :)
(Warnings: none? idk, maybe very vague mentions of sex, art is divorced, swearing, i guess the age gap taboo. let me know if i missed anything)
You should have known trying to explain your situation with Art to someone else would’ve been difficult, but finally telling your roommate everything was just as humiliating as you thought it would be. She always had a knack for nosing her way into your business, and not even you were immune to her federal level detective skills when it came to getting information out of someone. 
“And I’m seeing him today,” you finished your rant as you sucked in a breath, wincing as you waited for the bomb to drop.
But it didn’t. Your roommate just grinned, standing up and walking over to your closet. You watched with a confused look on your face until she turned to you, already elbow deep in your clothes.
“So…you have a sugar daddy?” your roommate asked, trying to stifle a laugh as she rifled through your closet to help you find an outfit. “No judgment, I’m honestly jealous.”
You picked a pillow up off your bed, launching it at her when she smirked as you flushed. “I don’t have a sugar daddy! I have a…well—ok, I don’t know what we are. But he’s not my sugar daddy.”
“No, he’s just an ex pro tennis player with a famous ex wife who was also a pro tennis player that he had a perfect little girl with, complete with a house in the Hamptons. Now, he’s…what, exactly? A coach? A commentator? Part of Stanford’s glorified alumni? No, I’ve got it! I know what he is — hot. In a beekeeping age, recently divorced, kind of way.”
You rolled your eyes, standing up to help her look through your closet. “He’s only in his thirties. You’re making him sound archaic and washed up.”
“Look at you, gushing over him,” she grinned as she finally landed on something for you to wear, quickly handing it to you. “At least he has good taste. You’re hot, too.”
Your roommate turned around while you quickly changed, sitting down at the foot of your bed. She talked over her shoulder as you got dressed, her voice full of curiosity.
“So, how did this all happen anyway?”
You sighed, shaking your head. “Remember alumni week with all the guest lectures and presentations a few months ago?”
“You met Art Donaldson during alumni week? What the fuck! Why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have skipped all my classes that week if I thought I was gonna pick up a trophy husband instead of being forced to sit through a mind-numbingly boring presentation from some guy who used to go here that I’ve never heard of.”
“Sucks to suck, babe,” you grinned, finished getting dressed. “I’m good, you can turn around now.”
She quickly turned around, patting the spot on the bed next to her.
“How did this even happen? I’ve never seen you step foot on a tennis court in your life, and I know they wouldn’t have asked him to speak in a graduate lecture.”
You sat down next to her, nodding. “He did a seminar down at the courts for the kinesiology majors or something like that. They were learning about sports related injuries and how to treat them. He told them about how he hurt his shoulder a few years ago during a match, and he talked about all the physical therapy he had to do.”
“You’re telling me you sat through a kinesiology lecture? On a tennis court? When you don’t even study kinesiology?”
“Absolutely not,” you laughed, leaning back against the headboard. “He told me about it that first week while he was here.”
Your roommate giggled, grabbing your hand and squeezing it. “Oh my god! Okay, okay. Spill. Now. I want to know everything.”
You playfully rolled your eyes, but started ranting again anyway. 
In truth, you didn’t really know what your relationship with Art was. You’d met when returning alumni who’d gone on to excel in their fields came to campus for guest lectures and demonstrations.
In a total mortifying cliche, you ran into Art in a hallway while you were rushing to a lecture that had already started ten minutes earlier. You would have been on time, but your roommate accidentally locked herself out of your dorm, and the RA wasn’t answering their phone. She had an exam she needed to get to, which—in her own words—“trumps your boring book lecture.” You had no choice but to turn around and save her, making the trek back across campus to let her in. That’s how you ended up running face first into Art, your bag and all your things scattering across the floor. By some miracle, at least the halls were empty.
You quickly kneeled, scrambling to pick up all your things. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going. I’m late for class.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he said, kneeling to help you.
It was then when you looked up, and you felt your heart jump into your throat. Art Donaldson—famous alumni and world renowned tennis player—was crouched right in front of you, handing you half empty tubes of chapstick, a pair of headphones, and a stray pack of gum. Oh god, you thought to yourself. Why me? Why today? You quickly cleared your throat, standing up.
“God, sorry. Thanks…Mr. Donaldson.”
You cringed as you said it, the title of Mr. feeling off as it rolled off your tongue.
“Mr. Donaldson?” he raised a brow, shaking his head. “No, just call me Art. Uh, you know who I am? Am I actually still recognizable here? I figured no one off of the courts would have any idea who I was.”
You glanced down at his shirt, pointing. “You’re wearing a name tag.”
Art paled, raising a hand to awkwardly scratch at the back of his neck. Good one, he thought to himself. Very humble. He cringed to himself as his cheeks flushed, a small smile on his face.
“Right. I knew that.”
You smiled, pulling your bag back over your shoulder as you let out a little chuckle. “I know who you are. Stanford never lets us forget about their prized students.”
“Ah,” he nodded, grinning. “In my day, it was Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Connelly. Although, Reese dropped out halfway through her degree, so they don’t talk about her much—”
“And Jennifer left Yale to come study here,” you finished. “That’s one they do still brag about.”
Art smiled, leaning back against the wall as he looked at you. You suddenly became very aware of your situation, tearing your eyes away from him to look down the hall where your class was. Art’s eyes followed, and he straightened up, clearing his throat.
“Am I keeping you?”
“No!” you said all too quickly, biting your tongue for a second before you forced yourself to calm down and continue. “Uh, my class already started. It’s not really important, he doesn’t count attendance anyway. And, to be honest, he’s pretty dull. He managed to make Jane Austen boring.”
“Not Bazin’s class, is it?” Art asked, making you raise a brow.
“Yeah, it is. How’d you know that?”
Art smiled, letting out a little laugh. “That’s why I came this way, I wanted to see if Professor Bazin still taught English here. He was a dinosaur even when I graduated. I’m surprised they still let him teach.”
“If they actually read the end of term course evaluations they make us fill out, they wouldn’t,” you mused, making Art grin wider.
“I guess I should let you go then,” Art shrugged, glancing down the hall. “Wouldn’t want you to miss out on something you could use in your scathing evaluation.”
You glanced back down the hallway at your classroom, but you couldn’t get your feet to move. You weren’t sure why, but you didn’t want to go just yet. 
All you did at Stanford was go to and from class and stay on top of your studies. It was monotonous and boring, and you were always up to your neck in papers and projects. Other than your roommate, you hardly had any people left you talked to or hung out with. They all graduated with their undergrad degrees, and you moved on to your graduate studies. Your education was important to you, but it got lonely. You almost never took risks anymore. But as you glanced back at him, that’s what you did.
You took the risk.
“Or…you could save me from my misery?” you stuttered out, an awkward smile on your face.
Art looked at you with an amused expression, tilting his head as he waited for you to continue. You swallowed, fiddling with the strap of your bag.
“My classes are almost all entirely in this building. I’m sure you’re sick of talking about tennis, but between here and my dorm, I don’t think I see enough sunlight in a day to keep me going. Maybe you could walk with me somewhere that actually sees the sun? Doesn’t have to be the courts or anything, although I can say with full confidence that I’ve never actually seen that part of campus and I’m in my graduate studies. Uh, maybe you’ve got somewhere in mind? Or you could let me buy you a cup of shitty cafeteria coffee? I promise I’ll refrain from asking you about your career. But, as I’m sure you can tell just by looking at me, I don’t really know enough about tennis to ask anyway.”
As you rambled on, horrified by your own rambling but determined to put yourself out there, Art smiled. 
He’d met a lot of girls over the years. Some girls who had a genuine interest in him but didn’t last, and some who saw his fame and fortune as a one way ticket to an easy life. 
None of them mattered. 
He had married Tashi, head over heels from the first moment he saw her. He had a kid with her, a career with her, a seemingly picture perfect life with her. It didn’t even occur to him to look at other girls until his marriage started to strain under the weight of his career, and he’d almost forgotten what it was like to look at a girl for the first time and feel that sickening but addictive feeling of butterflies fluttering around in his stomach. After the divorce, it felt so foreign to him that he didn’t even try. He had resigned himself to being a single father who co-parents and lives the rest of his life comfortably and quietly.
But here you were, rambling on with flushed cheeks and bright eyes trying your hardest to ask him out, and he couldn’t be more captivated.
There was just something about you. You were pretty, obviously. Anyone with eyes would’ve been able to see that. But there was something else, too. You were still young and not entirely pessimistic yet, with your whole career ahead of you. Probably no more than a few heartbreaks under your belt, able to muster up some sort of courage to fight for what you wanted. He used to have that, and he missed it — admired it, even. As you finally cut yourself off and looked up at him with mortification written across your face, Art saved you from further embarrassment with a smile. 
“Um…coffee sounds good,” he said with a shy smile. “Not from the cafeteria, though. If it’s as bad as it was when I went here, I’m not gonna let you waste your meal card money on it. There’s a cart outside of the athletics center, I stopped by it this morning. It’s still good.”
Trying your best to mask the shock you were feeling by his answer, you quickly nodded. “Oh, okay. Sounds good.”
You spent the entire afternoon with him. Coffee turned into lunch, and lunch turned into a long walk. Although you both had things to do, neither of you wanted to say goodbye and go on with your day. You skipped the rest of your classes for the day, letting Art show you around campus. He took you to all the places you had never been, and you kept quiet and let him show you anyway when you passed somewhere you had already been a hundred times. He was polite and asked you about your major and career goals, even managing a graceful smile when it was his turn to tell you about his career and how it unfolded after he graduated. He was careful to leave out the end, but he found himself comfortable enough to tell you about the first few years. You asked what you could, but you really didn’t know enough about the sport to ask much of anything.
“I’m boring you to death, aren’t I?” he asked when there was a lapse in silence after you passed a poster with his face on it for a Wimbledon campaign.
“No, not at all!” you replied, tilting your head up towards the poster. “I’m just wondering how you managed it.”
Art cocked a brow, turning towards you. “Managed what?”
“Not becoming a complete asshole,” you shrugged, making him burst out laughing. “I’m serious! You’re not the first celebrity to come here during alumni week. The difference between you and them is that you didn’t show up and immediately start bragging about how successful you had become. As far as I can tell, you’re the same as when you graduated. That seems pretty rare.”
“There’s not much to brag about,” he shrugged, too humble for his own good.
“A career Grand Slam isn’t worth bragging about?” you asked, turning away from him when he gave you a confused look. “Okay, fine, I may or may not have Googled you back in the restaurant while you were in the bathroom. I was running out of things to ask you, and I figured I should know something about tennis. Anyway, I was impressed.”
Art just chuckled. “I’m flattered.”
After walking a few more minutes, the street lamps turned on. It had gotten late enough in the evening that they were starting to light up around the darker parts of the campus. It was your cue to stop walking and look around, both of you realizing how long it had been since you started talking.
“I guess I should be headed back to my dorm,” you said, a hint of disappointment in your voice. “My roommate is probably freaking out by now. She knows I never really go anywhere after class without her—and yes, I heard how pathetic that sounded as it came out. She’s probably gonna call campus security if I don’t show up soon.”
Art nodded, knowing you were right. And yet, his feet didn’t move. Neither of you made any attempt to leave, still standing under the soft light of the street lamps. Art looked at you with soft eyes, absentmindedly reaching to fiddle with his wedding ring with his thumb before he remembered it wasn’t there anymore. Finally, he cleared his throat. 
“Well…I guess this is the part where I ask you for your number.”
“It was nice meeting you, too—” you started, doing a double take once his words registered. “Wait, what?”
Art let out a nervous laugh, shrugging. “You bought me a coffee, it’s only fair that I do the same. I’m here all week. Maybe you’d want to do this again sometime?”
“Uh, yeah! Yeah, that sounds good,” you replied, trying your best and failing to sound as nonchalant as you could.
Art smiled and pulled out his phone, opening his contacts. He handed it over to you, watching as you typed in your number before handing his phone back to him. You fought the heat pooling in your cheeks, fiddling with the strap of your bag. Art grinned, breaking the silence. 
“Go find your roommate. Tell her to call off the search party.”
You chuckled, nodding. “I’m on it. Well…bye, Art.”
“Bye, Y/N. I’ll text you,” he replied, enjoying watching you shuffle back and forth on your heels. 
He made you nervous. And for some reason, he liked that. He’d spent practically the last decade of his life perpetually nervous. It was nice to know someone else felt the same way. 
He watched you go as you turned around and headed back to your dorm, a distant but still familiar warmth in his chest. He’d only known you for a few hours, but he could already tell he liked you. By the time you made it back to your dorm and managed to come up with an excuse for your roommate who immediately interrogated you the second you stepped through the door, your phone was ringing. You excused yourself to the bathroom with a bashful grin on your face, answering the call.
You spent the better part of a week with Art when you both had time between your classes and his seminars. 
It felt surprisingly easy and normal talking to him. Your small talk about your careers and plans turned into more personal topics, and then you were talking about anything and everything. You were fully aware of the age gap between you two, but it didn’t bother you nearly as much as you thought it would. If anything, it was part of the draw to him. He was also kind and friendly, with a surprisingly self deprecating sense of humor that made you laugh. Not to mention the fact that he was drop dead gorgeous. You had to actively make sure he didn’t catch you staring at him when his head was turned. He made you want to actually giggle out loud, which is something you never thought you’d do over a guy.
By the end of the week when it was time for him to leave and go back to New York, you both were dreading saying goodbye. 
It was late in the evening, about an hour before he had to leave to catch his flight. He’d finally taken you to the courts, once again only lit by the street lamps overhead. It was the first time all week he’d stepped onto the court and actually wanted to be there, not surrounded by onlookers who knew every nook and cranny of his life and career. Instead it was you, the sweet pretty girl who made him genuinely laugh when you asked him why the points system would ever use the term love to describe a lacking score. 
He fiddled around for a while, teaching you a few serves and how to hold the racquet to hit the ball. Eventually he was on the other side of the net, watching you giggle and chase after the few balls he’d softly serve your way. He could hear you panting and the sound of your shoes skidding across the court, but your laughter was too sweet to make him stop. 
Finally, you stopped to take a break, sitting down on the bench. “Don’t look at me, I might cough up a lung.”
“Very impressive,” he smiled, passing you his water.
“Thank you,” you grinned, motioning between him in the court. “Go on, let’s see what you’ve got. I’m down for the count, but I’m sure the ball machine will be more than happy to fill in for me.”
Art smiled, watching you grin at him with flushed cheeks and glowy skin. If anyone else was asking, he wouldn’t have done it. He wasn’t interested in showing off his skills, or lack thereof to put it more accurately as of late — he’d stopped training as intensely after the divorce, no new tournaments waiting for him to come and win. But the look on your face when you asked was just one he couldn’t say no to. Plus, your knowledge of the sport wasn’t that vast. You probably wouldn’t notice if he slipped up anyway. And if you did, you’d be too kind to make him feel bad about it.
“If you insist,” he groaned, but he was still smiling to himself as he moved to the other side of the court.
You watched him play for a few more minutes. He really was something to see. Every movement he made was smooth and graceful, a far cry from the stumbling around and huffing and puffing you had been doing. Every ball hit its target, every serve lining up exactly where he wanted it to. As silly as it sounded, you actually had to prevent yourself from clapping once he finally slowed down and turned the machine off.
“Look at you go,” you smiled from the bench, handing him back his water as he walked back over.
His cheeks flushed pink, and he was silently praying you couldn’t see it from under the low lights. He was too busy getting all flustered to reply to you, and it made you smile. It was silent for a long moment as you stared at each other, before he finally stood up. You followed him, a sinking feeling in your gut as you realized that it was probably time to say goodbye.
It had been a week you had never even dreamed would’ve happened to you, and yet it did. The one risk you decided to take had led to the most fun you’d had in your entire time at Stanford. You didn’t want to see him go.
As you looked up at him with soft eyes and a melancholy look on your face, like you were looking to him for all the answers, Art felt a sharp tug in his chest. He found himself immediately wanting to fix it, wanting to make you smile again — smile because of him. He’d have done anything in that moment to get you to laugh again.
So, against his better judgment, he leaned in and kissed you. 
It was a spur of the moment decision, one he almost immediately regretted. But then he felt you sink into the kiss, your hands coming up to his waist to steady yourself. He cupped your cheeks and pulled you into him, unable to stop the smile spreading across his lips. 
And that was all it took — he was falling, and falling hard. 
That was months ago now, and yet, Art still found reasons to visit you. 
When there was lapses in tours, or it was Tashi’s week with Lily, he always somehow found himself ending up coming right back to you. He’d pick you up from your dorm, and you’d spend the entire day with him. On weekends, you ended up in whatever hotel he was staying at, telling your roommate you were going back home for a few days. When you weren’t together, you were constantly texting or calling. He even sent a postcard once when the ATP took him to Europe. It was cheesy, but you couldn’t wipe the smile off your face all day when you got it in the mail. 
You hadn’t exactly put a label on the relationship, but it was clear to the both of you that you meant more to each other than either of you cared to admit out loud. Quite a bit more, actually.
And Art wasn’t stupid — he knew what your relationship looked like. 
Recently divorced, a younger woman by his side. If they knew, the media would paint him as one of two options: an easily manipulated victim of a gold digger, or a washed up athlete who split with his wife that was now taking what he could get, the younger and prettier the better. 
But that wasn’t it at all for Art.
It wasn’t just sex, or a new pretty face. You were something different. A breath of fresh air. Someone who didn’t care about his career or money or fame. You had no interest in what he could offer you, or what you could get out of him. You never made him feel pressured to do anything or talk about anything he didn’t want to. He’d spent so many years craving a sense of normalcy and peace. Time and time again, he’d wanted to go to Tashi and beg for a break in his routine. But, always too afraid to disappoint her and everyone else watching him, he stayed quiet. He never got a break. As odd as it was to say, that’s what you were to him when he met you — a break. A minute to breathe, a moment to relax. He always felt that way around you.
Simply put, he was head over heels for you. He didn’t think he’d feel like that for another woman after Tashi until he met you, and it shocked him how easily the feeling came to him.
And it wasn’t just him that had fallen. 
You practically hung on every word he said, and soaked up every ounce of praise he gave you. You had never been with someone like him before. Someone so experienced and sure of himself, but just as gentle and patient as he was sure. He made you laugh and smile, and he made you feel safe. For whatever reason he had taken interest in you, you didn’t care, you just didn’t want it to stop. You clung to it, enjoying it while it lasted.
And if either of you had anything to say about it, it would last.
By the time you finished explaining your relationship with Art to your roommate, she was already pushing you out the door. 
“Go, go, go,” she squealed, tossing you your keys. “Wait!”
She wrapped her hand around your wrist, stopping you in your tracks as she glanced down at the outfit she chose. “Is that a new dress? Did he buy you a dress? Oh my god, please tell me he has a brother.”
“Not sure,” you grinned, smoothing your hand down your front. “Show up to alumni week next time and find out.”
You were already pressing a kiss to her cheek and rushing down the hall before she could get out another word, giggling as you made your way to the stairs.
On the drive over to the hotel, the nerves in your stomach were making you nervously tap your fingers on the steering wheel. You must’ve got caught by every stop light, making the trip even longer. You were practically vibrating once you finally pulled into the parking lot, grabbing your bag and hurrying inside before your nerves got the better of you and made you stand like an idiot in the lobby, trying to muster up the courage to get in the elevator. You coasted on autopilot as you forced your feet to lead you upstairs to his floor, all the way down to his door. You only came back into your body when you raised a hand to knock on the door, pausing to take a deep breath.
Just knock, you thought to yourself. You’re a big girl. Just knock.
You had barely even knocked twice on the door before the door swung open, and you came face to face with Art. Your breath hitched in your throat, and you took a second to take him in. Still as pretty as you remembered, and every bit as alluring. You could feel yourself melting. 
The feeling was mutual. 
Art let out a sigh of relief, like it was the first good breath he had taken in weeks. A genuine smile crept onto his face as he reached for you, practically making grabby hands like a child. 
“Come here, pretty girl.”
You tried and failed to stifle a giggle, immediately burying yourself in his chest. You let out a hmph as you pressed your cheek against him, your arms wrapping tightly around his waist. You could feel his thumb running along the bare skin of your arm, his lips pressing a kiss to the top of your head. He nudged the door closed with his foot, tugging your bag from your shoulder and setting it on the floor without even letting you go. He was warm to the touch, and steady against you. He hummed into your hair, squeezing you tighter.
“There she is,” he murmured, letting out a small laugh. “My girl.”
“Hi, baby,” you giggled, the sound making his heart soar in his chest. 
He slowly walked you backwards to the bed, supporting most of your weight as you laid down. He was quick to follow, burying his face into the crook of your shoulder. His arms hooked lazily around your waist, his weight pressing you into the mattress.
This is what you both had been waiting for. This feeling, this moment. Just this.
“You look very pretty today,” he whispered into your skin, pressing a kiss where his lips rested. “All this for me?”
The humor in his voice made you grin, your fingers running through his hair. “Couldn’t let you be that pretty all by yourself.”
Art smiled, pressing his face further into your neck as he let out a breath. You tightened your grip around him, holding him close. You let your eyes close, resting your cheek against the top of his head. 
A comfortable silence fell over the both of you, as easy as it ever was.
A/N - Hi! So sorry this took so long to get out, thank you for your patience. I keep rereading this and editing it over and over, I’m not totally happy with it. But something is better than nothing, and I’m tired of staring at, so here you go! Hope this is ok, let me know what you think :)
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rinhaler · 7 months
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OMG HI I LOCW UR WORKS U ARE SO TALENTED THAT MEGUMI KNW WITH THE GUN?? JAW DROPPED SCREAMING DLENCHING THE TOES WANT TO LICK THE SCREEN
anyways i love you and everything you write <3 was thinking about ex babysitter jujutsu kaisen guy.. envisioning geto or sukuna or gojo (???) idk but they like used to make fun of u and be a little angel for the parents n stuff but seeing them again but ur all grown up and a little spicy reunion !! n they’re like 5-7 yrs older so yum
got so so so carried away as usual but this was so fun to write.. i made it satoru and suguru bc i thought it would be fun :3
warnings: 18+ MDNI, slight dubcon, fem!reader, age gap (reader 20s + them 30s), childhood crush to lovers?, alcohol consumption, love bites, tit sucking, praise, slight cucking?, double penetration (one hole), spanking, hair pulling, squirting, slight pussy eating, creampies, snowballing, pet names (sweetheart, baby).
words: 2.3k
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It’s been months since you got to see a movie in the theatre. You don’t even remember the last time, or what you saw. But you’ve been counting down the days until you and your best friend finally had a day off work that lined up with each other. Why you’ve been craving seeing a movie, you’ll never know. But what you’ve been most excited for is the food.
Nothing has caught your eye, but your friend points out a cheesy sounding horror movie that you’re happy to see.
“Satoru? Is that you?” you ask, a familiar head of white hair catching your eye as you and your friend walk closer to him, seeing him leave the cinema screen you’re about to walk into. “Oh my God, I haven’t seen you since I was…”
“Wow,” he chuckles. “Look at you, all grown up. Yeah, it’s been a long time.” he continues. Your eyes meet the stare of the woman on his arm.
She smiles, but you see it’s disingenuous. Her body language is clingy and affectionate, desperately holding onto Satoru’s arm as she urges him to leave with her. You aren’t surprised that she’s trying to lead him away, but you are taken aback that someone has managed to tie the Satoru Gojo down. He was always popular with girls back when he used to babysit you, but he was never one for commitment or staying faithful.
“You two make a cute couple.” you smile at them both, trying to put the girl at ease. It doesn’t work, however. Instead, it seems to make her more nervous.
“It’s our first date.” Satoru informs you. He sighs a little as she pulls at his t-shirt, and it’s less than discreet. “We’re going to dinner later, so we better get going. It was nice seeing you though.” he smiles.
“Wait,” you stop him. “Um, are you still in touch with Suguru?” you wonder.
He smirks at that. He always teased you about having a crush on his best friend after the first time he brought him over for babysitting duty. They didn’t come as a pair every time after that, but it was more often than not. He made your heart race and you lost all ability to form a coherent sentence. You knew he’d never be interested in you; he was older and cooler than you’d ever hope to be.
“Of course. You know what? Here, give me your phone.” he tells you. The girl’s eyes fill with water, a look of defeat in a battle you weren’t even participating in overwhelms her. He quickly types his number into your phone and texts himself so that you can exchange contact information. “We can arrange a little reunion, yeah? See you around.” he winks before leading his date away.
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A whole fortnight has passed before any plans come to fruition. That cinema trip is a distant memory that has been replaced with flirty texts in the group chat Satoru decided to make with you and Suguru.
It’s like being a teenager again.
Satoru’s teasing is ceaseless. Everything is so casual and generic in the group chat save for the occasional comment about your crush on Suguru back in the day. But it’s worse in the private messages. Now that you’re older and wiser he sees no point in holding back. He’s so flirtatious and grotesque and vulgar all at once.
Your conversations with Suguru, however, are a lot more reserved. Your fingers tremble whenever he texts. And the conversation is a lot sparser in comparison to how you talk with Satoru.
He’s sweet and kind, but you wonder if he’s just tolerating you for Satoru’s sake.
Satoru: are u cooking for us?
You: we’re getting takeout 🙄
You smirk at your phone as you continue to read the bombardment of heartbroken messages from Satoru, disappointment from the lack of a home-made meal. You can’t even tell if he’s being serious or kidding. You laugh, nonetheless. Though you’re easily startled when hear your doorbell ring.
As you open the door, you have to will yourself from allowing your jaw to drop. Pocketing your phone as you look up at Suguru. That handsome youthful face ageing into a more mature and chiselled one. It makes your heart skip a beat, but you try to downplay it.
“H-Hey!” you smile. “Nice to see you, it’s been forever.”
“It has, hasn’t it?” he smiles too, walking into your home when you move aside. He follows you to the kitchen, watching your every move as you pour two glasses of wine for yourselves. “I’m glad you got in touch.”
You continue to converse as you lead him to the front room and sit side by side on the couch. Neither of you seem to notice how time flies as you chat and reminisce about the days he used to come over to keep Gojo company while he babysat you.
As if you weren’t old enough to stay home without a sitter. That hardly helped your ability to seem cool for your age. And Satoru didn’t fail to tease you about that either.
“I always thought your little crush on me was sweet.” he laughs. “But I was too old for you, then.”
“I know.” you nod, taking a sip of the red liquid sloshing around your glass. “Do you remember that time Satoru invited two girls over?” you ask, face filling with heat as you recall the embarrassing incident.
“Oh,” he chuckles lightly, like a memory has been unlocked in the back of his head. “You locked yourself in your room and wouldn’t come out all night. Even after we sent them home.”
“I was jealous!” you try to defend yourself. “I was such a lame little pre-teen and then these gorgeous girls with perfect skin and perfect hair came over and you guys were hooking up and I was just… heartbroken!” you clutch your hand to your chest dramatically and begin to laugh as you try and make light of the memory.
He breathes, a soft smile prominent of his face as he thinks about it some more. The girls in question were the pretty, popular, cheerleader types. Everything you wanted to be, everything you wanted Suguru to see you as. And yet, you weren’t even close to achieving that reality. And still, he told them to go. Satoru felt bad for upsetting you, too. So they didn’t hesitate to tell them they had to leave.
“I remember sitting with Satoru outside of your bedroom door the whole time. You didn’t even use the bathroom.”
“Oh my God,” you laugh. “I ran to the bathroom after you left. And then I cried to my mom all night about how devastated I was.”
He thinks to himself, putting down his glass of wine on the coffee table before he looks at you. Your body freezes, worried you’ve offended him or creeped him out. A slew of words run rampant in your mind as you try and formulate an apology.
You’re taken aback, however, when he cups your face and slowly tilts his head before kissing you. It’s everything your teenage self had ever dreamed of. You want to drop your own glass to the floor and cup his face in turn as it deepens. But he pulls away, leaving you breathless and longing.
“We’re not kids anymore.” he whispers.
You put down your glass beside his, before lunging in for another kiss. He lets you push him back against the couch, stripping yourself of your sweater so you’re down to just your bra. He smooths his hands over your hips, watching you eagerly as he awaits your next move.
“We’ll have to be quick.” you tell him. “Satoru will be here soon.”
You bend down to make out with him again, keening as he expertly unhooks your bra. His lips latch around your nipple before you’ve even realise he’s tossed your bra halfway across the room. Your hips roll against his clothed bulge, still in a state belief that this is even happening.
“I always wanted you to be my first.” you confess, and he halts his actions momentarily. “But I’m glad… I can fuck you properly instead.”
He allows you to help him out of his own shirt, neither of you capable of keeping your hands off each other for more than a second. Even less than that for your lips. Each sentence is hushed and hurried as you try and navigate this new and exciting development in what was meant to be a casual, friendly, reunion.
“So you’ve got experience now, huh?” he asks, kissing your neck greedily as he thinks about how much you’ve grown in the last decade. “You know how to fuck like a good girl?”
You nod, dumbly, kissing his neck in turn before traversing down his sculpted body. You both freeze, however, when the doorbell rings again. Your eyes widen in horror as you realise all of your clothes are scattered across the front room. There’s no way you can get dressed quick enough. Maybe it would be better to pretend you aren’t home. That you ran out because you forgot something at the store.
“It’s open.” Suguru yells, your heart pounding even faster than it had previously.
Satoru swaggers in as you sheepishly look in his direction with your arms across your chest, doing all you can to preserve your modesty.
“Wow.” he sneers, a teasing lilt in his tone as he looks at you both. Sweaty and dazed, though one of you seems to look less embarrassed than the other. “I knew this would happen.”
“It’s not what it looks—”
“Your tits are in his face and I can see a bruise forming on your neck, sweetheart.” he interjects, getting closer to you both. “I’m not judgin’. Why would I?” he smiles.
You can’t help but feel like you’ve been set up.
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“Oh fuck,” you moan, “It’s too much Satoru. I can’t. I can’t. Y-You’ll have to wait your turn!” you protest as he prods at your already occupied cunt. But despite your whining he continues to push himself inside of you, determined to stretch you to your very limit. He shudders at the sight of your pussy swallowing his tip and doing all it can to spit it back out.
He’s been watching on the sidelines, patiently, as Suguru fucks you in the comfort of your own bed. Palming himself as he gets off to the image of his best friend’s cock drilling into your perfect little cunt. He thought he could be patient, but he was sorely mistaken. He’s seen with his own two eyes how well you can ride cock, but he wants to see how well you can handle getting railed.
He pushes you down towards Suguru has his palm splays across your back. You’re soon comforted by the feeling of his lips on yours, though you break away to moan as Satoru inches in further and further. His cock flush against his best friends without a single care, revelling in the sounds of your ragged breath and desperate whimpers.
“I can’t wait, baby. You’re swallowin’ this cock so good. Just take it, yeah?” he tells you, slapping your ass as he starts fucking you slowly.
“You look so pretty full of cock, sweetheart. Does it feel good?” Suguru asks as he plants his feet down onto the mattress and starts to fuck you in tandem.
You nod as a response, yelping as you feel Satoru’s fingers interlace with your hair and yank you up towards him. Your sweat coated back pressed flush against his chest. His free hand holds your hips while he uses your hair to his leverage as his pace becomes brutal. Your pussy oozes and gushes as they each poke and prod and fondle you through their eager assault.
Suguru’s hands wander to pinch and slap your tits, his lip bitten raw as he gets off to the sight of your flesh jiggling and bouncing in all of the right ways.
You squeak, unable to utter a single word or even so much as moan as you begin to squirt from the pleasure. The feeling is enough to have Suguru tumbling over the edge right after you while Satoru wraps his arm around you to play with your clit.
“Again.” he orders, pulling you away from Suguru so that he can kneel in front of your twitching pussy.
The pleasure builds again. Harder, slower, but finally you snap. Your cunt gushes divinely and Suguru savours every last drop. Satoru finishes deep as his balls tighten and he moans pathetically in your ear. But he doesn’t give you or himself a second to relax as he hooks his arms under the bends of your knees, spreading you open wide so that your combined coupling drips out of your hole.
Suguru buries his face in your cunt, slurping up the mess created by the three of you. He sticks his tongue out to show you the lewd combination of your fluids, before looking at Satoru with lust filled eyes. Satoru leans in to kiss him, accepting the tangy tasting mixture into his own mouth before looking down at you.
“Your cunt tastes beautiful, sweetheart.” Suguru tells you as he lightly spanks your clit.
Satoru forces you to look in his direction as he holds your jaw, prompting you to open your mouth wide for him. He kisses you passionately, encouraging you to follow his lead and welcome to lewd fluids onto your own awaiting tongue. You gasp as the taste hits you, but before you can object, he covers your mouth and pinches your nose with one hand.
“Swallow it like a good little girl.” he orders, and you do.
He lets you go after that, though your body just goes limp in his arms. He helps you lie down next to Suguru as he spoons you, and your childhood crush peppers you skin in delicate kisses as you begin to drift off.
“I’m glad I went to see that shitty movie the other day.” Satoru smirks.
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© 2024 rinhaler
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@enchantedforest-network
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silksongeveryday · 7 months
Text
Drawing Hornet everyday until Silksong comes out - Day 365!
1 year! One whole year of daily doodles!!
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Honestly?? Idk how to feel, so much has happened since I first started this blog.
I guess I’ll just write what I’m thinking right now??
(Everything under the cut, this thing is longer than I expected)
A lot of this text probably isn’t going to make sense. I’m writing this at 1 am. If there��s any mistakes or errors that’s why. I’ll fix them in the morning maybe.
So like. This whole thing kinda started as a joke, I wasn’t intending to actually draw for a year straight lmao. Like I even used a completely different art style from my regular one that was simple, quick and intentionally dumb. Not that I’m upset by it, I’m actually quite proud of myself that I managed to stick to something for an entire year. That’s pretty unusual for me believe it or not. My original intention was to stop at maybe 20 days because I really wasn’t expecting for this blog to get as much love as it did.
So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so so much to everyone who has followed and supported this silly little idea I had, you guys are the biggest reason my experience has been so positive and worth it. (Sure it’s not original but I hope it’s at least been interesting!)
I’ve said this a few times now but I’ve mentioned wanting to take a break. I’ll admit that even though it’s been fun it’s still pretty tiring to keep up with this blog sometimes since some recent life events have made it so hard. After some thought, I’ve decided that I’ll likely take a break sometime in the coming months. Maybe toward day 400 or so. As of right now, things are at a lull so I’ve been okay enough mentally and physically to keep up this daily streak I think. Though this could change in an instant for whatever reason.
Overall I think my burnout has kind of gone away I think?? Or at least I’ve been reinvigorated recently after replaying a few runs of hk randomizer and steel soul. No promises it’ll stay away but I silly expect it to come in waves.
Ok but call me crazy or delusional or whatever, but my hopes are up that Silksong will release this year. (which means slowing down/not doing daily doodles yay) I genuinely believe big news is coming since I’ve been getting a lot of dreams lately about something happening with Silksong in March. Idk, I could be wrong but after doing this for a year I’m literally clinging onto anything right now lol
I’d obviously still make the occasional doodle or two when HKSS releases but not daily. This stuff is tough to keep up sometimes, I would never do daily posts like this again once it’s over
Oh yeah also I have an actual big drawing I’m still working on, expect that in sometime in the next few weeks I think!
Anyway, I can’t think of anything else to say right now so I guess that’s it for now!
Thanks so much and here’s to more doodles!
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elsa-fogen · 5 months
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what do you think about the fact that al likes doodling?
i have a head canon that he has some sort of scrapbook or sketchbook full of little doodles of things going on at the hotel and just in his life, I feel like he would draw really stick-figureish (is that a word?) but I read a fic that depicted it as the same art style as an Invader-Zim obsessed scene girl and I could not stop cackling.
I also feel like he would either guard it with his life from everyone (exception to Rosie, of course) or just not bother to tell anyone and one day they just find him doodling schoolgirl style, kicking his legs in the air, LMAO NEW THOUGHT WHAT IF CHARLIE OR LUCIFER FOUND IT
OH! OH! Now that you mentioned it - i LOVE that about him! I just absolutely ADORE little thing he made for the add in the first episode. And i love this fact because 1) he's the first character i like that likes to draw canonically (okay maybe also toothless from httyd?) 2) Me and Alastor share so many similarities, and even drawing???? This just makes me love him even more (i'm sure we would hate each other irl tho AHAHHAHAHA or maybe not, idk)
SO, SINCE ME AND AL ARE SO SIMILAR, I'M GONNA PROJECT ON HIM MY DRAWING HABITS >:3c Forgive me this one, i usualy don't do that, i usualy project characters on myself haha
He DOES have sketchbooks just to draw, and they are ORGANISED. He's numbers every sketchbook and counts every drawing in them since the first one. He also has two numbers for each page - through one sketchbook and through them all. He has over 300 of sketchbooks by now (I have less, only 56). They are stashed somewhere in a very safe place.
Every sketchbook has a date of first and last drawing. Also amount of drawings. It looks like: NOTEBOOK 253 (number of sketchbook, also he doesn't call them sketchbooks) 03.06.1978-05.07.1978 (dates while it was active) 119 (amount of drawings) 29961-30080 (which numbers of drawings are in this sketchbook) He would cound something else, but he's just too busy to spend time on it. He can remember something thinking about what he was drawing in that period and vice versa
He used to draw at overlords meetings, pissing off Carmila and everyone else, because it looked like he hadn't listened to them, so Carmila banned drawing at overlords meetings (Alastor is still angry about it)
But he doesn't progress too much - most of his progress was made through first 10-20 sketchbooks, now he only has slight style changes sometimes when he feels like it
Tho he's really proud of his current skill and used to think that he's literally the best (used to get angry when reminded that it's not true) (now he kinda knows, but still likes his own drawings, doesn't accept criticism and doesn't try to purposely improve)
He likes showing his drawings to people, he knows and if he does, you have to say that it's literally So Cool, show enthusiasm turning pages and say that everything is just amazing. If you don't, he'll be OFFENDED. He also can leave a sketchbook opened on a page with a drawing he likes the most, and it's like a sign "NOTICE THAT I'M DRAWING AND SAY THAT YOU LIKE IT"
If he considers you a friend (well not like Rosie, but at least like Charlie), he'll be showing you his drawings regularly (and you have to be enthusiastic about it!!!!!!) He has showed it to Charlie, but somehow her enthusiasm is... too much. She's too patronising about it. He also shows his things to Husk, he knows that Husk is annoyed and doesn't give a shit, and he just enjoys his annoyance. He also shows his drawings to Niffty and she gives him Just Right amount and vibe of enthusiasm. (He sometimes draws something for her fanfiction if he likes something enough and enjoys Niffty's reaction (she explodes from happiness)). BUT!!!!! He never shows anything to Mimzy. Because she's like, person from the real life, and he feels like she would laugh at it. To Rosie he shows only things he considers his best and her opinion is the most important to him. He can even forgive her criticism (wouldn't take it tho) (she never critisizes him and absolutely ADORES his drawings). Angel kinda likes his drawings, but isn't enthusiastic about them enough
He doesn't take requests (Angel tried "draw me like one of your french girls" shit, Alastor never did (also his ass did not get the reference and he was like "i dont??? have??? any french girls????")) (Vox also tried to make Alastor draw something for him, Alastor was just "that's interesting, i'll think about it" and never thought of it again)
SOME OF HIS DRWINGS TURNED OUT TO BE PROPHECIES but he notices that only when something happens and then he goes back to his old sketchbooks and accidentally finds it. They are just coincidenses tho, but it's fun and Alastor makes a big deal from it and screams to Rosie like "I PREDICTED THAT SHIT 27 YEARS AGO" when finds out. (it's how i predicted many plot points from SU and literally TOH hunter's possession before the show even was a thing JHJDFJHFGJFDHKH i wonder if i predicted something from Hazbin, i need to look through my sketchbooks now)
If you dare to mess with his drawings and vandalise them... oh... you better pray to whatever god you belive in to make your sufferings be enough to redeem your sins and go to heven.
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0310s · 3 months
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gently, by your side | jaehyun
members: myung jaehyun x gender neutral reader
genre: college au, angst, comfort, best friends! to ???, more platonic stuff in this one
tags/warnings: extensive discussions of mental health and chronic/mental illness, y/n is not okay. :(
summary: jaehyun finds you after a bad week.
wc: 2.7k
a/n: this fic’s title comes from this lovely song. as someone who’s struggled with both chronic and mental illness, it really takes someone strong and amazing to keep on going, despite everything. most of the dialogue in this comes from my own musings and experiences with mental health. i wrote this for a dear mutual of mine! i hope better days will come for you soon, whenever that may be. meanwhile, i hope this gives you comfort when things are tough! sending lots of love <3 
𓉞⋆。˚☁︎。⋆
5 days ago 1:28 PM 🐶 cutie puppy
(y/n) we haven’t seen each other in such a loooong time imy :(( i mean i KNOW it’s just been a couple of days since we last hung out but still!!!!!!! when are we seeing each other again !!!! tell me ur schedule QUICK !!!!
4 days ago 6:33 PM 🐶 cutie puppy
heeeeyyyyyyyyy (with the intention to hang out) heeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy heeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy reply to meeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! tell me when ur free pls i miss u :((
3 days ago 11:58 PM 🐶 cutie puppy
hey i didn’t see u at the party today i thought u said u were going last week!!!  also i asked around and people said they haven’t seen u around recently??? and they don’t know what ur up to
2 days ago 2:05 PM 🐶 cutie puppy
heeeyyyy ?????????? did i do smth?????  or are u just really busy w school and work idk either way pls just let me know :(( i won’t bother u if ur rlllyyy busy
10:35 PM sorry if i’m being annoying btw
Yesterday  11:32 PM 🐶 cutie puppy
ok i thought about it reaaaaaallly hard and i don’t think i’ve done anything to make u mad or upset w me??? well aside from that time last last week that u got mad at me for accidentally messing w ur computer and deleting ur work files WHICH IM LIKE REALLY SORRY FOR but i fixed it!!!!! i thought we were good alrd!!! are u still mad at me 4 that ?
1:00 AM (y/n)?
1:28 AM idk  i thought i was ur best friend :(( did smth change???
2:47 AM pls pls reply :(( i know we can talk this out i don’t want us to not be ok
Today  3:00 PM 🐶 cutie puppy i’m coming over.
𓉞⋆。˚☁︎。⋆
Sitting up from your bed, your heart thuds in anxiety as you quickly scroll through your chat history with Jaehyun. Your eyes hurt and your brain feels especially foggy, like you’re looking at the world through a particularly cloudy lens. How long did you sleep? The last thing you recall was working on your assignments last night, then choosing to sleep instead when you got overwhelmed. Even then, you slept fitfully. You remember setting an alarm at 9 AM today to continue working, but even as you sat at your desk, you couldn’t type a single sentence on your laptop. Everything felt muddled and it was as if you couldn’t understand anything at all. Even the cups of coffee you drank in desperation was of no use keeping you alert; all it did was make you palpitate.
Then you gave up, went back to bed, and you’re here now. Checking the chat timestamps, you realize you haven’t replied to Jaehyun’s messages in almost a week, which has never happened before—you talk almost everyday, even multiple times a day. Jaehyun’s last message was at 3 PM, when he said he’d come over. One look at your screen shows you it’s already 3:20. If you’ve memorized his schedule right, it takes your best friend thirty minutes to get to your dorm from his Fundamental Maths class. That means you have ten more minutes to get your shit together and clean your mess of a room. 
But right when you’ve mustered the energy to stand up, you hear a series of knocks on your door. That can’t be— “(Y/n), open up, I know you’re in there!” Jaehyun’s voice echoes from outside the door. “I asked your dormmate and she said you haven’t left your room since yesterday, so there’s no use pretending!” Shit, shit, shit! You immediately spring up and hastily fold your blankets and organize your desk, throwing away stray food wrappers and plastic cups. You open your blinds to let some air in, and the bright sunlight makes your head throb even more. 
On your way to the door, you spot yourself in the mirror. There’s no other word for it—you look like utter shit. Your eyebags are dark and prominent, your hair disheveled from tossing and turning in your sleep. You look horrendous, but Jaehyun is persistently knocking on your door, so you have no choice but to fix yourself up as fast as you can. You splash water on your face and smoothen down your hair and open the door—then there’s Jaehyun in all his glory. Your heart clenches seeing him; he looks as handsome as always, his bangs fluffy and soft and his letterman jacket fashionably oversized. He looks nothing like you in your ratty T-shirt with coffee stains and pajama shorts. His hand is halfway raised, positioned to knock at your door (he could and would probably do it all day if he had to). Upon seeing you, he blurts out: “Did I do something?”
Instead of answering him, you open your door wider as an invitation, and Jaehyun takes the hint, stepping into your dorm. Once the door is shut, Jaehyun peers at your messy room and remarks, “Wow. When was the last time you cleaned up? You’re usually not like this.”
You know he didn’t mean it like that, but his comment stings at you all the same. “Sorry, Jaehyun,” you snap, “not everyone can be at 200% energy all the time like you.” At his hurt expression, you backtrack. “Sorry, that was really rude of me.”
“It-It’s fine,” Jaehyun replies confusedly. Then he looks straight at you, eyes pleading. He’s picking at the stray thread hanging from his jacket, a habit you’ve come to known is something he does when he’s nervous. “You know what, I thought about it. For days, really, if I did anything that would make you mad and ignore me. But I couldn’t come up with anything at all. I was really worried when you didn’t reply to me for days on end, especially when we talk everyday. So if I did something, can—can you just tell me? I just want us to be okay.”
Your throat closes up and your heart pounds even faster, making you feel dizzy. You have no idea how to answer him, when all he’s ever seen of you is the perfect student who does everything right, who’s smart and good at what they do without any flaws or exceptions. How would he react if he saw you for who you really were?
The words can’t form in your mouth, and out of frustration at yourself, you tear up. Jaehyun notices this, eyes widening in worry, “(y/n), baby, no, no,” and pulls you into his arms. Almost instantly, the tears cascade down your face and sobs wrack your body. You feel pathetic crying in your best friend’s arms, but Jaehyun just soothes a hand up and down your back as you break down. His other arm is wrapped around your shoulders, and it feels like your anchor when you’re drowning in all your troubles. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he says in a hushed tone, “let it all out.” You grip his jacket even tighter as you bury your face in his chest. 
When was the last time you’ve ever been hugged like this? The last time you’ve ever been truly vulnerable to anyone without that mask of perfection you often don? The last time you felt safe just being yourself? You have no idea. All you know that is in the circle of Jaehyun’s arms, you want to be small and imperfect and yourself just this once.
After your cries die down, Jaehyun clears his throat. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I don’t know what it is I did, but I’m so sorry for hurting you.”
“It’s not you, Jaehyun,” your voice is muffled by both your sniffles and Jaehyun’s chest. You don’t want Jaehyun to get the wrong idea that he’s hurt you in some way because of how broken he sounds thinking he’s done something to make you sad. “It’s just. Me.”
“You? What do you mean?” Jaehyun leads you into your room from the doorway. He’s holding your hand and doesn’t let go even when you both settle at the edge of your bed. His palm is warm and his grip loose enough in case you want to let go; you don’t. While you muster up the courage to speak, your best friend just sits there, waiting patiently. “It’s okay, whatever you say, I’m not going anywhere.” You don’t know that for sure, but him saying that makes you want to be truthful just this once, damn the consequences.
You take a deep breath, focusing on your intertwined fingers. You’re too scared to look at his face because you don’t want to see his reaction. “Jaehyun, what kind of person do you think people see me as?”
“Well…” He takes a moment to think about it. “Someone smart, talented, and who gets stuff done?”
In turn, you let out an resigned exhale. “Well, that’s the image I project. Of someone who’s perfect… someone who does things effortlessly. People think it comes easy to me. But it doesn’t. When people tell me that I didn’t need much effort to get to where I am now, I feel undermined. When I express I’m having a hard time, people brush it off and think I’m just overreacting. Because they think I’m perfect all the time. But honestly…? That’s the farthest thing from the truth."
Glancing up from your hands, you scan your room—your desk is a mess of papers and assignments that you have yet to get to. You can’t tell when the last time you spent time being actually productive when what you’ve been is fatigued out of your mind. When you try to sit at your desk and work, all you feel is difficulty concentrating and processing work and readings. Sleep has also proven to be elusive—no matter how long you lie in bed, you never feel well-rested. Simple actions and decisions require so much energy from you that you undeniably lack. You also constantly compare yourself to others, whom things like these come natural to them. But you’ve kept these feelings of yours secret for a long time—you’re utterly terrified that you’d be undermined for being useless and overly sensitive.   
“(Y/n)?” Jaehyun squeezes your hand, and you turn to meet his eyes. His eyes are sincere and kind. “I-I know I may not be the most empathic person, but I promise I’ll hear you out without judging you. I want to be here for you… and I hope you’ll let me. Please?” 
At this, you spill everything you’ve been feeling the past weeks—months, even—to Jaehyun. You stumble over your words and your breath gets caught in your throat, but he’s there to pat your back and to encourage you to keep going. Without you knowing, tears make their way down your face once again, and Jaehyun uses his other hand to gently brush them away. “It just gets so hard that I want to just. Give everything up. I don’t know what the use of trying so hard is when I see how other people don’t need this much effort to do even the most basic of tasks. It’s just so… unfair.”
When you’re finished with your rant, you don’t know what to expect from Jaehyun—but you’re stunned to see him crying. He’s sniffling and wiping at his eyes furiously. “Why…” You have no idea what he’s about to say, but you brace yourself for the worst. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” he whispers brokenly. “I didn’t know you were having such a difficult time. I feel like such a shitty friend for not even noticing. I’m sorry, (y/n).” Jaehyun’s eyes fill with tears and he starts “I… I thought we were best friends.” The best friends tell each other everything goes unsaid, but you know exactly what he meant.
“I…” You feel awful now for making Jaehyun cry. “You’re just. You just naturally have all this limitless energy. You’re…” Normal. Not like me. “I don’t know how if you were going to take me seriously if I told you what I was going through… There were times I’d see you, and I’d be so disappointed in myself for not being like you. And I was so scared that if I did tell you, I’d be letting you down.”
Jaehyun’s expression grows more miserable at this. “I-I’m sorry, (y/n), I never meant to make you feel unheard. And I never meant for it to feel like you couldn’t tell me about these things.” 
“It-It’s not your fault, Jaehyun,” you protest, but he shakes his head, obviously disappointed in himself.
“No, (y/n), I’m supposed to be your best friend. How stupid can I be if I can’t notice when you’re having a hard time? I didn’t even stop to ask how you’ve been doing because you seemed to be doing fine. But I should’ve known better. I shouldn’t have taken things at face value. I’m such an idiot,” Jaehyun berates himself. “I’m so, so sorry.” 
At his sincere apology, you can’t help but admit it to yourself—you desperately needed Jaehyun’s support as your best friend, but you were too scared to ask for it. And honestly? You felt immensely lonely without his words and presence to comfort you. 
“(Y/n), I hope you know that I see how hard you work. I know your sleepless nights and how much effort you put into every single thing you do. Despite everything you’re going through, you’re always trying to be better than the person you were yesterday, and it’s something I truly admire about you. But I hope you know it’s okay to be imperfect and flawed and to not be okay. I want to be here on your good and bad days. I just wish I could’ve been more vocal about this earlier… I’ve really taken you for granted, huh?” Jaehyun sighs wetly, taking your hand in both of his. He’s still crying; you both are, actually. What a silly pair the two of you make. 
“Thank you for trusting me and sharing all of this. It literally means the world to me,” Jaehyun rambles. “I promise I’ll be a better friend to you, someone you feel safe opening up to about anything, whether that be your achievements or your struggles. And (y/n), if it’s not too much to ask… Could I ask you to be more honest with me in the future?” He stares at you imploringly. “I don’t want you to think you have to go through all of this alone. I want to be here for you the same way you’ve always been there for me… Okay?”
“....Okay. Okay, I’ll try,” you respond softly. “Thank you, Jaehyun. I… I’ve never told anyone about this before. But thank you so much for just listening, and not judging, and accepting me for me…” While you appreciate Jaehyun’s presence at this moment, a new wave of fatigue washes over you with all this emotional vulnerability and talking. “Jaehyun… I’m still feeling really tired, so I might go back to sleep. Sorry, I know you came all the way here to see me, but here I am being shit company,” you apologize regretfully.
“Oh! That’s okay. I’ll see you tomorrow?” Jaehyun stands up from your bed to leave. When your fingers slip from each other, you feel an acute loss of warmth—both in your hands and in your heart. He makes his way to the door, slipping on his shoes, and your heart sinks. There’s something you badly want to ask of Jaehyun, but you’re too much of a coward to tell him what you truly want. You don’t want to be on your own right now, but you’d probably be asking too much of him. Accepting your fate, you settle in bed, attempting to take a nap so restless you’re sure will be of no help to your exhaustion.
However, Jaehyun himself stops in the doorway. He turns back around, a distraught look on his face. “(Y/n)... I don’t want to assume, but are you sure you want to be alone right now?” he begins. “I mean, we just had this really heavy talk. Can… Can I keep you company? I promise I’m great at cuddles—that’s what all my other friends say anyway when I annoy them with my hugs.”
When you nod, that’s all it takes for Jaehyun to shuck off his shoes, strip his jacket, and climb into bed with you. With your ear against his steady heartbeat and his comforting arm around you, you’re asleep in no time. It’s the best you’ve ever slept in months.
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poppyflower-22 · 3 months
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Wild Wild West
Summary: Lando walks into a bar and falls for Oscar's barrel racing Cousin.
Side note: I'm Australian so chips to me are fries to most people. Idk in my family we call everything chips. There's properly spelling and grammar errors.
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When people think of ranch life they think cows. The smell. But that’s not Lando thinks. He thinks of Y/n. The love of his life.
The woman who changed his life. Meeting her in that bar was the best thing that had ever happened to him. It was like God was leading him to his salvation.
He wouldn't know what to do without now. Meeting her was like meeting his soulmate. He had gotten everything and more from meeting her.
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Lando smiled in relief when he saw the glowing sign of a motel. It felt like he was walking for days when it had only been two hours. The sun had gone down while he walked and while it was beautiful he didn't have time to think about it.
When Oscar had gave instructions to him, he never thought it would be that hard to find a house. But then again, he was in the middle of nowhere. All he needed was a phone and everything would be fine.
And maybe a drink. Defiantly a drink.
Lando opened the bar doors and immediately made his way over to the bar. There was the bar with stools, a dancing floor, a pool table and a few more tables in witched he guessed people sat, drank and ate.
“Whiskey. Please.” Lando told the bartender who nodded. Lando sighed and looked around. He saw two-men playing pool. They looked to be in there 20's
On the other side of the bar was an older man reading a paper. No one else was in the bar.
“Excuse me. Do you have a pay phone I can use?” Lando asked the bartender when he placed his drink in front of him.
The bartender chuckled. “You're in bad luck mate. Phone broke yesterday.”
Lando grumbled. “Thanks anyway.” He sipped his whisky slightly thinking of ways to contact Oscar to come get him out of this mess.
The bartender offered him a small smile. “Do you have anywhere to sleep for the night mate?” He asked as he cleaned some glasses.
Lando shook his head. “No. I’m lost. Can you tell me where I am?” Lando looked around the bar and he could tell the bar was well looked after.
The town he was in looked pretty nice but when Lando was walking in he could tell it was small. That not many people knew it was here. He had seen many of ranches and some old looking house when he was looking for a pay phone.
“Old Range.” (Fake) The bartender said. “I’m Jeff, and that old man down there is my father John he owns the hotel across the road. You can sleep there for the night.” Jeff offered Lando.
Lando nodded in thanks. “Thank you.” He sent a smile to Jeff and John; John just waved him off and went back to reading hardly paying attention.
“Yes!!” An excited yell made Lando look over and see the two guys playing pool.
Jeff shook his head at the guys playing pool. He poured Lando another drink. The front bar doors opened and when Lando looked over to the door he felt like the air was stolen from his lungs.
The most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life was standing there looking at him. She had a nice blue dress, compared with a leathered belt around her waist. And of course, cowboys boot along with the black cowboy hat.
Y/n smiled as she walked over to the bar. She stopped and kissed John on the cheek before taking a seat next to Lando.
“Jeff.” Y/n greeted with a smile one he returned. "Whisky please." She turned to Lando and sent him a smile that had him melting. "Not from around here?" She asked as she looked him up and down.
Lando suddenly felt silly for wearing a hoodie and jeans. Mainly the hoodie. "No." He gulped.
You hummed taking a sip of your drink.
"First place again, Y/n?" Jeff asked the girl.
She nodded, "It was tuff, but they can never beat the rebel." She grinned; Jeff just laughed.
"What did you get first place for?" Lando couldn't help but ask.
The boys that were at the pool table laughed making Lando look back at them. Y/n shot them a look making them shut up. She looked at Lando, "Barrel racing." She answered him.
Lando looked wide eyed at her, "Wow." He breathed out. "Isn't it dangerous?" He asked intred.
Y/n shrugged, "Yeah but I know what I'm doing." She nodded to over his shoulder and Lando turned and saw photos and newspaper clipping all over the wall. "Thats all me." She explained to him.
He couldn't help but get up and get a closer look. Y/n got up as well and stood shoulder to shoulder to him. There were folders of her holding trophies and belt buckles from a little age to now he guessed.
"How long have you been barrel racing." Lando asked. His British accent showing making Y/n grin.
"Since I was four. I did it on pony and then horse once I got older. Travel all around the world." She explained. She pointed to a higher up picture. It was a picture collum with five photos of her holding a big trofie with a buckle int he other hand. "I'm a five-time world barrel racing champion." She grinned bumping shoulders with a god smacked Lando.
"Jesus." He breathed out. When this beautiful girl couldn't get more interesting. He chuckled, "And I can't even win a race."
Y/n hummed looking fondly at the photos. "You will one day." She told him.
Lando hummed but whipped around to look at her with frowned eyebrows wondering how she knew what he meant. "Do you now that I'm an F1 racer?"
Y/m turned to him and smirked, "Y/n Piastri. Pleasure." She told him.
Lando just started at her in wonder. "Your related to Oscar? You?"
She giggled. "Cousins. He called me before and told me he had been calling you. He checked where your last known location was and asked me to come and get you." She explained to him.
"Wow." Lando said. He took a seat at one of the bar tables near the wall. "Man, my day has been hectic."
Y/n hummed and sat across from him. "It's easy-to-get lost around these parts. But it has its perks from growing up around here." She told him. "I told Oscar I'll bring you to the ranch tomorrow."
Lando smiled at her in thanks. She smiled back making him blush a little. "But for now we should get some food in you." She beamed before looking at Jeff. "Just the usual." She told the bartender making him grin and nod before going through the doors to the kitchen.
"I should of recognized you from the photos Oscar showed me." Lando told the girl.
"Oscar talks about me?" Y/n asked as she leaned forward a bit.
Lando nodded, "All the time." Making Y/n smile.
Lando and Y/n sat there talking about barrel racing and Y/n asking more about F1. There conversation flowed making John look up from his paper now and then.
It was interesting seeing Y/n take an interest in a boy. She has had past relationships, but they never worked out. Especially the bull riding boys.
A plate being put on the table made their conversation stop. On the plate was a good-sized steak and chips. Jeff winked giving Y/n a small bowl of chips.
"Enjoy." He said before going back behind the bar to get the boys from the pool table another drink.
"This looks amazing." Lando looked at the steak in amazement.
"Yeah, Jeff makes the best steak ever." Y/n told the brit as she started eating her chips. She watched as Lando smiled at the taste of it. "Good?"
"Define." Lando answered making Y/n giggle. For the rest of the night Lando and Y/n had eaten, talked, drank and played pool with the two guys.
The two giggled together crossing the dirt road to the motel, Y/n's hat on Lando's head. John had gone and gotten Lando's key for him before they left the bar. Y/n smiled and looked up at the clear sky.
Lando stopped to see what she was doing. He had his arm around her shoulders with Y/n holding his hand that was round her. "Why'd you stop?" He asked.
When she didn't answer he looked to sky where she was looking. The sky was so clear you could see the stars so clearly. Them shining brightly down to them. "It's so beautiful." Lando spoke soflty.
"I never see stars like this anywhere else." Y/n confessed. "Home is where the heart is." She said leaning her head on Lando's shoulder.
Lando leaned his head on her head. "That's the truth." He whispered.
They stood there looking at the sly before Lando leaded them to their rooms that were next to each other.
"Well, this is me." Y/n said at her door. Lando smiled at her and tucked a piece of her brown blackish hair behind her ear. When Y/n looked at him she couldn't but smile, "Why are you smiling at me?"
"You're so beautiful." He confessed to her admiring all her features that made her, her. He wouldn't be able to live not doing what he was about to do.
Y/n blushed and giggled trying not to let his complement go to her heart. She had already felt like Lando was amazing and could be more. "Your drunk." She told him.
Lando shook his head in refusal and took both her cheeks in his hands. "I have never been more sober then right now. God when you walked into, the bar this afternoon I thought you were most beautiful woman in the world. And I won't be able to go to asleep without doing this." Lando confessed to her.
Before she could ask what, he was going to do he kissed her. It didn't take a moment for Y/n to kiss him back. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tugged on his curls making him groan. It was like a part of them each other had found each other.
They parted. Foreheads leaning on each other. "You don't even know me." Y/n told the brit.
Lando shook his head softly, "I want to know you. I want to know the good and the bad." He told her, his breath fanning her face. Y/n smiled tracing his face with her finger tips.
"You do?"
"Yes."
And they kissed again. So passionately. Y/n smiled into the kiss. In that moment after just meeting a few hours ago they knew they were meant for each other. They both just knew.
When they parted again for the second time, Y/n took a step back and opened her hotel door and beckoned him making him grin and Y/n to squeal when he picked her up again.
It was one of the best nights that Lando had ever had. He had never met a girl as beautiful, kind and just God dam different then Y/n. He fell in love that night when he went to asleep in the old town hotel with Y/n next to him.
It was the start of one of the tales of Y/n and Lando. Anyone that saw them together would think they would never go together. With Y/n all county like and Lando far from it, but just one second with them, you would know that they were better together then apart.
And Oscar had sworn that he had never seen Lando happier than he was when he was with his cousin. And now a new photo sat on the wall of the bar.
But whenever there in their little town they always star gaze together.
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You guys can request anything you want for Lando.
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wynsummers · 1 year
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i've been thinking about the whole "friction in his jeans" thing a lot lately, and while it is certainly one of the more iconic instances of the lyric in the CD booklet being different from the actual song, it is far from the only one. on top of that, there are quite a few lyrics that play with double meanings that only become clear when they're written out.
so, i present a collection of every lyric in the fob CD booklets that differ from the final version, punctuation and double meanings that aren't noticeable unless the song is written out, and any other interesting details i find in the process, or a really long post of me cornplating about fob:
disclaimer that if the difference is small enough/doesn't change the meaning of the line i won't include it because that would take me years (for example, the book says "light that smoke for giving up on me" and patrick says "yeah, one for giving up on me" but literally who cares that changes nothing. everything i include here is relevant, i think)
follow-up disclaimer that there are a bunch of fucking typos in every single one of these books because these boys never proofread anything but unless i think it's significant in some way i probably will skip it
TAKE THIS TO YOUR GRAVE:
tell that mick:
"I hope you choke on those words, that kiss, that bottle - I confess / now ash yourself out on the insides, when I said I loved you I swear I lied"
grand theft autumn:
"someday i'll appreciate in value, get off my ass and call you... but for the meantime i'll sport my brand new fashion of waking up with my clothes on at 4:00 in the afternoon"
saturday:
"pete and i said goodbye to astoria with promise and precision and mess of youthful innocence"
(most of these are just silly but this one fucking hurts)
sending postcards:
"fake it like you matter - cause that's the biggest secret you have to keep"
chicago is so two years ago:
"that means that I believed every single lie you said (and learned from the best)"
"cause every pain of glass that your pebbles tap negates the pains i went through to avoid you / and every little pat on the shoulder for attention fails to mention i still hate you" (pain of glass instead of pane of glass - i think this is supposed to be a parallel. that or pete just misspelled pane)
patron saint:
"I'm holding out and I'm holding on to every letter and every grudge"
*flashes forward 20 years to hmlag*
anyway
FROM UNDER THE CORK TREE:
our lawyer made us change the name of this song so we wouldn't get sued:
"we're good friends only when you're on your knees"
sugar:
the icon, the legend
"don't mind me, i'm watching you two from the closet wishing to be the friction in his jeans" 🎉🏳️‍🌈
dark alley:
"joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of 'just friends'"
"I'm hopelessly hopeful that you're just hopeless enough"
champagne for my real friends, real pain for my shrimp friends:
"you steer away in a rearview mirror, make my head swim"
i slept with someone in fob:
"someone old, no one new / always borrowed, always you"
THIS ONE!! THIS FUCKING ONE [CAR CRASH] [SIRENS]
ahem. anyway
sixteen candles:
"i confess, i'm just messed up / dropping 'i'm sorrys' like you're still around"
XO:
"to hands"
(that's it. no "between legs, and whatever it takes" just hands. just fuckin. to hands)
"to hotel stares/stairs" (wordplay!! to clarify it literally says "stares/stairs" in the book)
"choose awe or sympathy"
also in the last verse it says 'to the "love"' with the quotes which is just kinda funny
INFINITY ON HIGH:
this ain't a scene:
"crashing not like hips or hearts"
i'm like a lawyer:
"i only keep myself this sick in the head cause i know how the words get you (off)"
"collect the bad habits that you couldn't bare to keep" (idk this one might just be a typo)
hum hallelujah:
similarly, this might also be a typo, but "versus" is spelled "verses"
(after) life:
ok. ok. hear me out. this is the cornplatiest i have ever been. but on genius it says "death's in a double bed"
and on the lyric book it says "deaths in a double bed"
that changes everything!!! (not really, i know) it's not death as a concept or figure or whatever it's deaths. as in multiple people dying. aaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaughhhhhhhhhhh
moving on
carpal tunnel:
"we take the sip from life's lush lips"
the line "we might've started singing just a little soon" isn't listed, it's just the goodbye line twice
"but i'm just tired yawns for fawns"
you're crashing:
"the cause, the kid, the charm, and the curse"
ginasfs:
"lips pressed this close to mine"
"but the prince of this failing empire knows" (hhhnnnggggggghhh)
"i've already given up on myself once but the third time is the charm" that's not how numbers work pete <3
"just kind of figured on not figuring myself out"
FOLIE A DEUX:
folie a deux doesn't have a lyric book. just portraits of the boys with empty white pages that have their names written on them. my poor beautiful masterpiece
BELIEVERS NEVER DIE VOL. 1:
fnowae:
not a lyric but for some reason the whole fuckin song is in quotes
SAVE ROCK AND ROLL:
the phoenix:
another punctuation thing but instead of "hope to die" it's "hope-to-dies"
"you're wearing our vintage misery"
alone together:
"my heart is like a stallion, they love it more when it's broke in" instead of "broken" (i love double meanings!! i love wordplay!! i love pete wentz!!)
where did the party go:
"i will appear to you if you make yourself shake fast enough"
the mighty fall:
the lyric book straight up doesn't have big sean's part 💔
rat a tat:
at the end there's this "talk less / mean more / let's be electric / like we were before" that i have literally never heard so i'm assuming it's a neat little cut lyric
save rock and roll:
"i will save the songs / the songs we're singing"
AMERICAN BEAUTY / AMERICAN PSYCHO:
irresistible:
"coming in announced" this one. this one's just a typo. come on boys it's been 12 years at this point read the books more than once
"i just dragged my nails on the tile / i just follow your scent" ?? idk
"this will not be a battle"
ab/ap:
for some fucking reason it just says "she's an american beauty" three times at the start of the song 😭
"and as we're drifting off to sleep" isn't in there, it just says "and all those dirty thoughts of me, they were never yours to keep"
the kids aren't alright:
indulge me once more, reader. i am cornplating again
instead of "former heroes who quit too late and just wanna fill up their trophy case again" it's "wanted to" do you understand why that makes me insane
also they have it as "will put your curse in reverse" instead of "we" which could be a typo but could also be a neat little change
uma thurman:
"you cut me deep like uma thurman"
jet pack blues:
"i'm the kind that can turn june to september / the last one that you'll ever remember"
"between these two white highway signs"
immortals:
"i try to picture you without me but i can't"
M A N I A:
hold me tight or don't:
the line "i'm pretty sure that this isn't how our story ends" isn't included
wilson:
"i know it's just a number but to me you're the 8th wonder"
sunshine riptide:
they didn't include any of burna boy's lines 😒
SO MUCH (FOR) STARDUST:
smfs doesn't have any lyric changes that i noticed, just the usual typos.
update: future emma here, upon further contemplation I have decided to add the line "I'd never go, I just want to be invited" since the first verse definitely says "I'll" (thank you sugarweregoinin and foliejpg for inspiring this revelation)
and there we have it! if you're insane patient enough to have made it until the end, thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed! if there are any i missed/any in CDs that i don't have please let me know i find these so fascinating (if you couldn't tell). i just love getting glimpses into their writing process and seeing how the songs we know and love evolve before they get to us. i might also do a post about how spotify/genius gets a bunch of their lyrics wrong because it pisses me off but this is all for now, good day/night!
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lady-ashfade · 7 months
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All For Us
Day 16 of celebration marathon
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Luke Castellan x Apollo!reader
-♡ ask: this might be a lil confusing idk but can u write something where it's the scene that luke's scorpion thing stings percy and like luke is trynna convince reader to come with him
-♡ words: 700
-♡ good thing I read the book- and posting this 20 minutes early
-♡ warnings: short, angst, betrayal, percy literally dying, book spoilers? Idk if they still counts here
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maybe you should have paid more attention.
there were times were you saw the look in his eyes while he talked about the gods to the younger kids. you knew him, you could hear the venom in his voice when he tried to hide it. you also knew how his cheek creased when he smiled, how his eyes looked with tears stinging them, how his face tightened when he was mad. after all that you may have not knew him like you thought you did.
he had taken percy alone at his celebration and you wanted to join them so you looked for them. never did you think you’d hear what you did, see what you saw.
“luke?” you whisper and step out from the tree you hide behind. both pair of eyes turn to you, one with surprise and widen, the other panicking and scared. the scorpion was crawling up percy’s leg and you tried to not spook them.
“what are you doing here?” just a few seconds ago luke was smirking but now his face fell. how could he be so cruel and acted worried?
“let percy go, he’s just a child.” your feet slowly moved forward while your hands stayed in front of you. “I understand, you know I do— but this isn’t the way to get back at the gods.”
“and what is? should we sing a song?” his growl set shivers through you spine. he’s never snapped at you like that. his eyes never looked at you like that. you take a deep breath and glance down at percy as he tries to stay still.
“kronos? luke really?”
“I have to do this, like you said— you know. come with me and I promise it will be better then what it’s like now.” you try and move back when he walks towards you with his eyes going back to love. even know he was just as beautiful, he was yours.
“I can teach you. we can command a army together, can’t you see I’m doing this for us? our future can be better then what they promise us. stick by my side.”
once he is in front of you his hands reaches up to your cheek. it’s so hard to not pull away from his touch. “you know I’d never lie to you.” tears pooled in your eyes as you look along the face you knew. the scar along his cheek, the smile he tried to give you, but the guilt and sadness was new.
“I love you,” you lean in to press a kiss to his lips which he was glad to expect. you pull away and pain captures your heart and makes it ache. “but I will never turn my back on camp.” you push him away and reach for your own weapon, tears now spilling from your eyes.
luke stands there with a sour look and his chest falls heavily. the look you both shared was twisting the fate you once shared, lovers no more.
you turn when percy groans and moves. the scorpion laid sliced by his side but his hand injured by its bite. you rush to him, you look up at luke with anger. “you’re a monster.”
“you loved that about me once, just because it’s towards him now shouldn’t change anything. goodbye, my love.”
his sword spilt open a portal and he hopped into it without saying anything else. you cried and forced yourself to pay attention to percy for now. his life need to keep you going. so you dragged him to the creek as he still held some strength to move with you. you hoped it would heal but the water did nothing to him so you screamed for help.
in the end chiron come and took him from you. you sat in the creek and let the water flow around you and soak your clothes as you sobbed. was it in anger? was it sadness? you had no idea what you felt in that moment. in times like these he would wrap his arms around you and tell you everything was going to be okay, that he would never let anything happen to you.
what were you supposed to do with him gone.
Taglist: @maria699669 @purplerose291 @itzmeme @ravenmedows @repostingmyfavs
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sturniolopanini · 2 months
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Skinny Dipping - Matthew Sturniolo
P1
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Warnings: slight swearing? Pretty much fluff, angst as the chapters go on I think, use of y/n 😈, idk what else.
CHARACTERS - 5973 WORDS - 1153
A/N: this if my first fic and part 1😭 I wanted to do a fic based off a song(sabrina carpenters ‘skinny dipping’)and this is what I ugot 🤷‍♀️(just pretend that Matt drinks an oat milk latte ITS PART OF THE STORY) enjoy 🫢
| if we could take it all off and just exist
y/n - pink
Matt - blue
Backstory/summary???: Matt and y/n started dating when they were just teenagers, their relationship was like every other normal highschool relationship-with the exception of stupid fights. They broke up before graduation and both now live their seperate lives not really ever thinking about eachother. That all stops when y/n spots Matt at a coffee shop after years of not seeing eachother. 
Moving to LA was always a weird thought for me, I would be away from my family and my friends, but I needed a new start somewhere. I didn’t expect anyone I know to be in LA either, which is why I chose it. I mean a fresh start in California where I can live on my own and basically make new and non toxic friends. Of course I would go visit my home town in Boston, I already miss all my closest friends and especially my mom and dad. and I’ve barely been here a month. Though I need to move out, I’m turning 20 soon and I just got this perfect kickstart to my special life…..I hope
     It was a random Wednesday in the week and I was on a phone call with my mom at my go-to coffee shop. My mom was ranting to me about her new kitten she just got, and other stuff but I wasn’t really focused on that right now, too worried about how I’m going to meet any new people or genuinely convince my mom I’m doing well when my only friend right now is practically the barista and she always spells my name wrong when I order a coffee.
     I had one earbud in and glancing around the coffee shop, should I go talk to the girl with the laptop who looks like she’s working on something important? Should I walk up to that cute guy and tell him his fly is down? should I-
     “Order for- Matt? Oat milk latte!”
   Why is that name and order so familiar? It’s like a memory I can’t quite catch on too. But when I look up and see him, it’s almost as if my eyes popped out of my head (not literally, I was just super shocked)
     In reality I was stupid to think I wouldn’t recognize anyone here, but especially Matt? My ex? The one who I cried for weeks about to my best friend? The one I swore I would marry? My first ‘I love you’? Even after the breakup I never hated Matt, I understood it was for the better and we both needed to move on because there was nothing really exciting or super great about our relationship. We’d love bomb, have stupid fights, then make up and it’s a whole routine I’m not going to spend time explaining
     Either he recognizes me or he thinks I’m really hot and gained the courage to talk to me but he starts walking over. (I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m smoking hot) My heart beat picking up as I quickly take a sip of my iced coffee and hang up on my mom. I feel a sting of guilt, but I’ll get back to her. Please don’t let this be awkward, maybe this is my sign to reach out and make friends?
     “Hey, whats up y/n- I haven’t seen you in forever!”
     Well, there goes my theory of him finding me smoking hot and gaining the courage to talk to me. I quickly put my ear bud in my case, standing up from my table and standing face to face with him. An undeniable smile paints my face, I’m almost embarrassed by it. His voice is so nostalgic and so warming to the heart…
     “I know right- how are you?”
     “Good, everything’s good” he pauses for a moment, the silence filling the air “How’s your family, how’s your mom?”
     Yet that reminded me that I had just hung up on her to talk to him… I chuckle softly and glance down at my shoes, so aware now how dirty they look, does he think they look dirty?
     “My mom is doing amazing- I mean she just got a little kitten as well!”
     “I remember she always talked about wanting a cat- now she finally does. Can I see?”
     A soft smile appears on my face, i feel a sort of relief from this small chat, it’s some communication in this new place of mine and even if it’s someone I already know- I’d count this as a step forward.
     I glance back and grab my phone off the table, unlocking it and going to my messages with my mom. Ignoring the ones where she’s mad at me for hanging up in the middle of her talking about something-I’m too lazy to brief it, but all I know is her messages are in all caps. It’s a white striped kitten with blue eyes and pink paws
     “It looks just like the one you used to have as your background on your phone”
     I smile softly at his comment, biting my bottom lip briefly to keep me from smiling. I put my phone back in my pocket. He remembers that? How, after years and maybe briefly having that as my background, does he remember that…..I feel enticed and sort of flustered. After all this time of getting over him, I’m not sure I ever fully did. There’s something about his face that makes me so…..it’s like I just wanna stare at him for hours and endure every perfect feature of him.
     I can feel my cheeks heat up as I realize I was pretty much doing that- just staring at him with a look of ‘I’m so happy you’re here’ and ‘I’m so alone please be my friend’ which is embarrassing but he has no idea I’m lonely….yikes just listening to myself makes me feel sorry for myself.
     “Well how are Nick and Chris?”
     “They’re doing good, I was just stressed and needed a break from- everything”
     My smile that I seem to think is oh-so-wide dims down when he says that. A more understanding look on my face as I nod slowly. I can feel the air between us grow thick, I don’t understand what happened but I can’t end on this small talk, I hate small talk so much but I desperately need to talk to someone other than my mom.
     “Well, y/n it was really nice seeing you” there’s a pause in his words that gives me a sense of hope that he’ll want to see me again and a nervousness as if he’ll shut me down and leave forever. “maybe we should do this on purpose sometime?” 
     My eyes widen ever so slightly and a soft blush on my cheeks as I smile again. Brushing my hair behind my ear. 
     To think back on all those moments we had together, would it be healthy to go back to him? After all those fights even if they were stupid….i think it'll have been long enough that we won't harp on the arguments we had in his garage. 
     “Of course…”
     I say, smitten already and we haven’t even been talking for 5 minutes. My delusional ass was so desperate for communication that I’m talking to my ex. Whatever it’s not like I intended to.
A/N muhahahahah, here’s my story finally @muwapsturniolo, sorry I took a lil while but tell me if it’s good 😘😘🙏(I’m shitting my pants scared as we speak)
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