#idk i just like... want to fight the urge to Make Everything Perfect and Harmonious in Thedas

[orlesianhennin]

sometimes making the Wrong choices in dragon age are the more interesting and fun ones. the conflict makes the world building and narrative more interesting to me.

[crying-screaming-throwingup]

my thoughts on prelude to ecstasy:

the intro orchestral movement?? it felt like something out of a roman period piece. it was so perfect and just *chefs kiss* and the ending crescendo was so gorgeous

burn alive felt so dramatic like watching the lead up to a murder “let me make my grief a commodity” and “there is candle wax melting in my veins” are just such poetic lyrics. the guitar riff during the verse feels like a warning- eerie and stark. “i am not the girl i set out to be” is such a raw line it makes me feral omfg. abigail morris’ final line felt like an open wound

i’ve heard caesar on a tv screen before but in the context of the album as a whole changes it. it’s almost like a sequel of sorts, showing what she “set out to be”. musically, the contrast between the verse and chorus itches a scratch on my brain. “champion of my fate” feels so spiteful idk why

the feminine urge gives lana vibes maybe cause of the darker imagery and tone. it feels like a performer cracking their mask. “i am a dark red liver stretched out on the rocks” is sUCH A GOOD LYRIC. “to nurture to wounds my mother had” killed me my god

again i’ve heard on your side before but the album changes the feelings within it. if the feminine urge was the cracking of the mask then this song is the removal of it. it is vulnerable and raw and open about love and shame. the vocals feel like they’re pleading but already resigned- it’s heartbreaking

the flute opening for beautiful boy sounds so wistful. this so is so queer omg. “what good are red lips when faced with something dark” the lone piano chords in the chorus plus the harmonies are so ethereal they make me feel like i’m at my funeral service.

gjuha makes me feel like i’m intruding on something private, a ritual between a girl and a god. THE TRANSITION OMFG

the placement of gjuha before sinner MAKES ME FEEL THINGS OMG. like the contrast of imagery, between sin and holiness. “TURN TO THE ALTAR OF LUST” this song made me feral when i first heard it and it makes me feral now like omg. the religious imagery in this entire album is so interesting

my lady of mercy’s bass line is so groovy and perfect and amazing. and the percussive claps are so amazing. again, this so is so queer™️. the heavier sound in the chorus is so amazing and the bridge makes me feel like i’m fighting my final stand and praying to win

i love the stripped back piano of portrait of a dead girl compared with my lady of mercy. even further in the track, it remains kinda mellow and softer but no less direct. “the dignity of letting me go” when it finally gets more upbeat it the chorus it rly doesn’t disappoint. and the strings omg. also song title could be a nod to the album cover or vice versa??

the beginning of nothing matters feels like a prayer and the harp is so bloody good. “a sailor and a nightingale dancing in convertibles” the guitar riffs in the second verse are so funky i love it and the solo just makes me want to dance.

mirror feels like the end of the battle- the drums and solemn voice. it’s the end of the performance, the final death. “pretty glass and empty heart” death of the performer is the death of the album. but the final fifty seconds feels like a rebirth in a way, growth and renewal.

i don’t know if u could tell but i fricking loved this album like it’s everything i’ve ever wanted in terms of vibes and blend of dramatics and sincereness. i’m just praying that i get tickets omg

[miraculart]

Letter Collection

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So I think I read some fan fiction or something that made me write these? Idk. I didn’t read over them either so I’ll tag for triggers just in case

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Dear Sir, Ma'm, or otherwise (I don't judge)

Hello there. Who ever you are. I hope you don't just toss this letter aside, I have some things to say. And quite honestly, I don't think I could say them outright to just any person.

Did you ever feel like you serve a greater purpose, like, there's something out there waiting for you to change the world? I felt that way once. When I was still caught up in my naivety. What are we really supposed to do. Is there truly a reason that we take milling around in this universe? We're cockroaches. We infest wherever we step foot. We kill each other over stupid things like oil and ore. We create alliances, bonds, friendships. But for what. Our entire life purpose is like that of a cockroach. We come into this world, full of curiosity, ready to make a difference. We grow up, altered by society, molded into perfect robots. We breed, making sure that the cycle continues. We care for the young. And we die. We spend all this time in the present caught up in money and warfare, when we should enjoy the little deeds of everyday life.

The saying "money can't buy happiness" loses it's meaning every day now. The inhabitants of this planet are so caught up in hoarding little pieces of paper and little round pieces of metal. Those are supposed to have value? Why is it that we trade paper for material items? "I have more paper than you do so I'm rich." Why on earth do we do this?

How about for dates, we're in high school right? We don't have the jobs, or the quantity of paper to pay for the expectation of a simple outing. Since when is a smile and a simple "I love you" less meaningful in a relationship than a dozen roses and chocolates? Since when is a movie with sound loud enough to destroy eardrums more romantic than a picnic on a beautiful day watching the sunset?

What about nature? Every day thousands upon thousands of trees are cut down to make paper and clear land for food. But at what cost? Eventually we are going to run out of resources. We will have tapped every resource from our earth. Here's the real problem, there are so many places out there that have okayish environments to survive, if we evolve. But should we? Think about how many animals have gone extinct because of our greed for their pretty pelts. Think about the land destroyed from farm cattle eating everything and then slaughtered. Today even WATER. The most abundant source on the planet we are sucking dry. Why should we, the human race deserve to live, when there are hundreds of other species that have learned to live in harmony with mother nature? I blame thumbs, just saying, without them, we couldn't do anything.

Well thanks for listening to my rant. It actually felt really good to do that. I may do it again.

A Piece of Advice- Don't focus on the material matters. Enjoy the little things in life, like a smile, or a hug from a family member. Don't think about paying off a car debt more than focusing n the most important thing we can. Family. Friends. What is living when we have our noses shoved in our wallets? Lift up your chin. Tuck your wallet away. Smile. And smell the roses for a while.

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Dear Sir, Ma'm or Otherwise (I don't judge),

Hello again. Thanks if you came back to read again. Maybe you agreed with me. Or maybe you laughed and wanted a good chuckle again. I don't care. It was nice just to put the words out.

Today's topic: Stress

Why do we burden ourselves with stressful matters? Why do we work our brains and bodies into exhaustion?

I suppose somewhere along the line something happened in me. Maybe it happened in you too. But, that change triggered something that told me, "It's time to get my ass in gear." (Sorry if you are religious or just against cursing.) That change led to perfectionism and a need to over achieve. Which led to signing up for the hardest classes, with the hardest teachers, to try in vain to achieve top marks whilst juggling other activities such as clubs or sports. (sorry if my grammar is bad. I never was very good in English or social studies) All of those "requirements", I guess you could say, lead to an overbearing sense of stress.

Now, I realize there are many times of stress, emotional stress, mental stress, physical stress, academic stress, work stress, social stress, the list just goes on and on.

Whatever stress you're dealing with, you can get through it. it's going to seem hard. Maybe even impossible to overcome whatever is causing the stress, but you need to push through, persevere. Some days will be worse than others. Trust me, I know. You'll want to cut, smoke, shoot, whatever it is that you do to take the edge away. But you need to fight the urge to do that. If you cut, or want to cut, try using a pen, draw instead. That's what I do. If you smoke, (totally quoting TFIOS here but,) put the cigarette in your mouth, but don't light it. Whatever you do, find a way to turn it into something beautiful. Something you can showcase. Pour your pain into an art. Write stories, compose music, paint amazing paintings. All of the best work in history came from a struggle. They struggled, and they overcame their problem. If they can do it, so can you. So can I.

So a little shorter this time, Adeau

A Piece of Advice:

No matter who you are, where you go, or what you've done in the past. Somebody cares. somebody cares about you enough that they would jump in front of the car to push you out of the way. Remember that you are loved. Remember that you matter. Don't lose sight of what tethers you to your humanity. Remember who you are. (Favorite disney movie quote anyone?)

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