#idk how this gets so long every time no matter how short i wanna keep it
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still thinking about how even just the decision to basically act like the shiekah tech never existed is just ... so baffling to me
bc again you could have done all the sonau tech does with shiekah instead, and they were perfect to be explored more in a sequel, why wouldnt you grasp that potential, the literal building blocks for more??
if you are that tired of shiekah tech .. dont make it a fuckign sequel to the game prominently featuring it???? totk doesnt take place generations after botw in which things could have changed drastically, its just a few years afterwards??
you want to reuse the map and get rid of shiekah tech? ok fine take LINK into the past then and the focus is for you to find a way to return; do some neat twist where its revealed that link was the one who sealed gan bc he couldnt defeat him without zelda or something if you dare (they wouldnt)
want less work than that and still reuse the map and get rid of shiekah tech AND reuse characters? ok then make it some alternate universe thingy like majoras mask in which everythign is the same but also isnt, its weird and creepy how characters you thoguht you knew suddendly dont act like themselves, shiekah tech doesnt exist, malice is now miasma, etc, it would give reason to why you feel so much like something about this world is familiar yet also very wrong
as far as im aware every "sequel" we have had so far were either generations apart from the first one, some alternate universe or a different location altogether- in all of which its plausible that things are different, things seem weirdly familiar but also wrong, or that another continent just works different from hyrule
but totk does none of that, its supposedly just a few years after the first game, same world same character, but its BUILT like some strange jumbled mess of stuff from botw and new stuff out of nowhere that just .. doesnt fit, but feeling a strange sense of otherness, a déja vu of something you know but it acts off, like an imposter, thats NOT intentional and it shows, its a mess of botw stuff, from stuff that people missed from the old games and entirely new stuff; i dont doubt it CAN work but the way it turned out is like a mix of 3 different puzzles forced together and being told 'see it fits!' even tho you can clearly see the pieces dont look right in these places
again it feels like a sequel that desperately wants you to forget the first game happened, that anythign from it mattered at all
and that isnt really ... the sense of a sequel? why insist on it being one when it only creates problems? is it marketing?? just like it was marketing to call age of calamity a telling of what happened before botw but then it wasnt that at all and that is still the sole reason why i dislike it? bc i was lied to? totk is like 10000 times worse than that, its a main title and doesnt even have the excuse of yeah its basically an excuse to play all your fav characters in fun ways and the game beign well aware that being its main appeal; what is totk appeal? a toybox with botw aestethic and none of the flavor?
(on a sidenote; the sonau tech doesnt even .. matter? in botw at least calamity ganon was made of shiekah tech parts and him overtaking other tech is a big point, the sonau tech doesnt serve anything but .. idk minerus useless mech? gan doesnt even aknowledge it, he doesnt care, all it is is toys for the player, not link, but the player. the monsters mining the tech materials? what for? gan doesnt give a damn and they dont work for the yiga either??)
i said it before but it gives me the feeling that the way botw invited you to theorize, to look beneath the surface, the way it intrigued you and laid the groundwork for so many interesting things without denying anything.. was accidental? or perhaps put in the game without the directors noticing? i cant stop thinking about them saying sth like "after botw zelda wondered if the kingdom of hyrule needed to keep existing the way it had been before the calamity, but then totk happens" bc it just feels like they realized too late that botw naturally led into questioning the status quo and they scrambled to fit it back into a flat and boring road we have seen so many times before (or even worse really) with totk
zeldas character naturally leads into her questioning and reexamine their history and set of rules? we gotta teach her a lesson of why she is importante god given monarchy girl that has to keep it bc what if evil brown man shows up again for no reason
maybe im grasping at straws here but looking at it this way the sonau .. make more "sense"; the shiekah were a group that was under the rule of the royal family, and misstreated before (oh no look soemthing interesting) so they dont lend themselves well to be used for teaching zelda that lesson- the sonau however are tailored really to be just that; they are a supposedly godly race from the literal sky that founded this version of hyrule, that had tech even more advanced and better than the shiekah, she gets put in the past to meet the perfect god king of goodness personally, also his very fridgy wifey that zelda later replaces in a way, shes put there and treated like family and then gets to see just how evil that evil big man from the desert is, sonia is falcon-punched to death solely so zelda can feel obligated to take over her role, have her new, better 'family' hurt by gan; similarly so raurus sacrifice, look what a noble and good king he is, he payed the ultimate price to lock that evil man away, now zelda you cannot let their sacrifice go to waste, rebuild that divinely good kingdom like it was!!
and even though they go so much out of their way to put the cart back onto the rails of black and white-good and evil in an even flatter way than the old games, it still doesnt feel right, at least to me, it still feels like zelda shouldnt have gone along with all of that, it feels like even her character from botw was walked back entirely, except for the intro, it made her feel like a stranger to me-
because this is a sequel, i know this zelda, she wouldnt act like that after all that shes been through, this feels ... off
and it all just insulting to anyone who cared about botw more than surface level, or the zelda lore in general, i dont even care much about the timeline, but theres alot of lore and themes beyond it that felt ignored, especially so given that .. its a damn sequel, non AU, not generations apart, directly part 2-
but its not.
it even feels very "corporate", put zelda in a dress again, people liked that, put crazy abilities in the game to flashbang people with how insane it is even if its not the best for the gameplay or the story, put a new asthetic into it out of nowhere bc its 'new' and act like its been there the whole time, put gan in there bc people miss him and find him sexy even if his role is just as flat as that of an evil cloud monster-
*sigh*
you know, i saw a post that said aoc was like a bad fanfic (affectionate) and totk was like a bad fanfic (derogatory) and tbh thats like one of the best comparisons/summaries i have seen ..
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#totk#ganondoodles rants#long post#look at me go ranting again#there so much i still think about#none of my rants are ever complete tbh#its always a focus on one or two things#there so much to talk about#like all those questions tha shouldnt have been answered#anyway#spend enough time writing all this#also none of my rambling id consider analysis#bc i realyl dont know what im talking about#im just trying to find words for how i feel#and then ramble on#idk how this gets so long every time no matter how short i wanna keep it#i have trouble putting feeling into words and explaining myself#cant you tell? jfkdrghkjdfh
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Muñequita pt. II
Idk idk why I made a part two okay? I’m invested leave me alone
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Warnings: Minirs Go Away I Will Kick You In The Forehead. Girl!dad Javi. Javi struggles with his Colombian past. Javi falling in love with his daughter and reader (all over again) VERY fast. The man’s a simp for his family and he don’t even know em. Javi cries and opens up to reader (he’s still very vague). Valeria loves him literally immediately. Javi is actually scared she won’t and she’s just like “mine.” No season three they’ve got other guys on that case (Steve and Javi refused they just wanna be small town cops now)
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Javier had never been too worried about his clothes before, he didn’t spend very long choosing his outfit and usually just wore what he was comfortable in, but getting up the next morning he was thrown in a spiral. It’s weird, a guy being so worried about what he’s gonna wear to go meet someone.
But this isn’t just someone.
This is daughter. He wants to make a good impression.
And then of course, there’s you. He’s spent the last five years thinking about the night you shared together, not even just the sex. Don’t get him wrong the sex was absolutely magnificent and would most definitely cross his mind more than once.
But, he found himself thinking about the way you made him feel as lot as well, how your laugh had echoed in his brain and then spread into his chest and throughout his entire body, keeping the two of you laughing until your cheeks hurt, which was an odd feeling for Javier, he hadn’t laughed like that since he was a kid.
He hadn’t been looking to meet someone that night at the bar, if he wanted to get laid he would go to Gabriella and get what he wanted from her, but after the day he’d had trying to run down Escobar, he was just too damn tired to talk to anyone.
But then he sat next to you, subconsciously drawn to the warmth he felt near you, not a physical warmth but something that swirled around and warmed up inside him and he wanted more more more.
Eventually he had Steve on the phone.
“Little girls like pink, right?” There was a short silence. “First of all, hello to you too. Second of all, what?”
“Estoy tan harto de ti, pendejo.” Javier rubbed his forehead before sighing heavily. I'm so sick of you, asshole. “Little girls. Do they fucking like pink or not.” “I- usually, yes. But not always. Why the fuck are you asking me if little girls like pink?”
“I’m meeting Valeria today. I want her to like me, pendejo.” “So you think… wearing pink is… is gonna make her like you?” “I don’t know! It couldn’t hurt!” “Look, Javi. Your shirt doesn’t fucking matter.” Steve sighed heavily on the other side. “Where’s Connie.” Javier asked, she was better at advice. “She took Olivia and Jack for ice cream.” Javier groaned loudly.
“Just- she’s five years old, Jav and she’s about to meet her dad for the first time, I don’t really think it matters what you wear, she’s gonna be obsessed with you as soon as she meets you.” Steve chuckled softly and sighed. “… alright. Alright.” Javier stared down at the button ups he’d been staring at for an embarrassing amount of time before putting the white away and deciding to wear the pink one. “Bye.” He hung up and went to shower before getting dressed, trying to scrub every inch of any cigarette he’d had in the last 24 hours off his skin.
He’d been trying to stop but on the way to Steve’s he’d stopped to buy a couple looseys from the one gas station that would sell them.
After that he waited, impatiently, for an appropriate time to call about coming over. Nine was way too early, noon felt… eager, and anything later than one or two felt too late. It resulted in him dialing your number, staring at the numbers before shaking his head and deciding it was too early about four times.
Eventually he decided 12:30 was pretty much the perfect time, so he dialed your number one last time before hitting the green button instead of the red one this time.
When you picked up he heard your voice fade in. “Valeria, don’t climb on the counter. Vas a romperte el brazo.” You’re going to break your arm. “Hello?” Javier didn’t realize he had a huge smile on his face until he looked in the mirror hanging up on his bedroom wall, tucked away from Chucho and his bat-like ears. “Hey- uh- it’s Javi.” “Oh. Hey. So… you heard she thinks my house is a jungle gym.” Javier chuckled softly.
“She seems like the type.” Javi scratched his chin lightly, silence settling over the phone for a moment before he spoke again. “So uh when… when do you want me to.. come over?”
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Valeria had been practically bouncing around the house all morning. When you’d gotten up you sat her down at breakfast and explained to her gently while she was eating that her daddy was home and wanted to meet her. Her eyes had gotten so wide and so bright, she’d practically inhaled the rest of her food before running off to her room, screaming that she had to find something to wear.
You had to follow her and help, of course, she was independent but the truth was if you let her dress herself she’d end up either not wearing anything or end up wearing two dresses, a skirt, and a pair of jeans with one flat and one sneaker. If that seems like an oddly specific example, it’s because you have in fact let her dress herself and she tried to go to school wearing that exact outfit.
“Querida?” Javi’s soft voice through the receiver brought you back as you watched Valeria carefully climbed down off the counter. “I’m here. Sorry. Sorry I was.. just thinking. Um. You can come whenever now. Honestly, the sooner the better because Valeria wants to look pristine when you get here but I can see her resolve cracking every time she looks out the window.” You laughed softly.
Javi laughed a little harder this time. You watched as Valeria ran away from the windows towards you, grabbing your leg and jumping. “¡¿Es él, mami?! Is that him?!”
On the other end of the line Javier could feel his heart squeezing in his chest and you could hear his breath hitch in his throat. “I-I’ll be there soon.” His voice was softer, you almost couldn’t hear him but you did and a slow smile spread across your face. “Okay.” You said softly. “See you soon.”
You hung up the phone and took just a brief second to smile and feel giddy before being sucked into Valeria’s world again. “Is he coming? Is he coming?!” She whined. You laughed softly and knelt down to pick her up. “Yes, mi muñequita, he’ll be here soon.”
Valeria nodded and laid her head on your shoulder and you could sense her nerves start to build up in her tiny little body. “What’s on your mind, muñequita?” You asked softly, rubbing her back gently.
“.. do you think he’ll like me?” You looked down at her quickly. “What? Of course he will. He’s going to love you, Val.” You whispered softly, kissing her cheek gently, feeling that guilt from last night start to settle in your stomach again. Fuck. Is this what the day had planned for you? Constant unimaginable guilt? “He- you’re so smart and funny and energetic. He’s going to fall in love with you the second he sees you. Just like I did.” You kissed her forehead.
She played with the collar of your shirt. Being a mom who literally refused to enjoy herself you didn’t have ‘dress up’ clothes, sure you had nice clothes, but nice clothes for you meant things like shirts that weren’t stained from play time with Valeria or days where she’d be sick and couldn’t stop herself in time to make it to a trashcan- lets just say there’s a trashcan almost everywhere in your house now, just in case she gets sick.
You were, however, wearing your nicest clothes, which was a beige colored v-neck with a little pocket on the front that adorned a heart, your jeans were light wash, a few bleach stains from laundry mishaps, a missing back pocket, the bottoms frayed from dragging the ground, but they fit you really well and you couldn’t bring yourself to throw them away.
“Can I watch Elmo?” Valeria looked up at you hopefully and you laughed softly, nodding. “Of course. Go pick.” You set her down and watched her run over to the VHS collection of Elmo tapes and watched her fondly.
You were shocked how easily she could move on from things, how she could go from nervous and scared to excited and asking to watch Elmo. Though, if you thought back to your night with Javi, he seemed to be the same way, like he was constantly flipping between emotions, urging off certain ones in favor of others.
You wondered briefly if Valeria did the same thing, wanting to watch Elmo to stave off the nervous feelings. When you saw her pick her desired tape, though, you shook the thoughts out and made your way over, putting the tape in and starting it for her, kissing the top of her head as she sat down, immediately entranced.
You went to the kitchen to prep something to eat when Javi got there, figuring you would have lunch together and, hopefully dinner but you didn’t want to get ahead of yourself. The occasional peek in on Valeria told you no matter how glued in on Elmo, if she heard a car she was running to the window, staring out of it in hopes that a car would stop.
Until you heard her let out a loud gasp and tiny scream. “¡Mami! ¡Mami! ¡Él está aquí! He’s here!” She ran into the kitchen and grabbed your hand to yank you to the door. “Come on!” You were glad she was at least following your rule about not opening the door, the yelling inside was going to take more time.
You picked up your feet to walk to the door, she was surprisingly strong for such a small girl but you were just going to blame that on the excitement. As you got closer to the door you felt nervous, the feeling spreading when you heard a door close in your driveway.
“Mommy open it!” Valeria was jumping up and down, standing slightly behind you. “I am, I am.” You laughed and shook your head, reaching out to pull the door open just as Javi was stepping onto the porch.
Javi froze for a second and got that puppy dog look on his face again as he looked at you before his eyes fell down to the tiny figure behind you and his breath caught in his throat.
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Javier looked down at the little girl, his own eyes staring back at him as he swallowed thickly, she’d had a big floppy hat on yesterday so it’d been hard to see her face but god she was beautiful. Fluffy brown curls that reached her shoulders, some pieces sticking out in a way that reminded him of his own hair.
He hesitated a little before slowly kneeling down, wanting to get at her level as you did the same, stepping over a bit so that they could get a better look at eachother.
“Muñequita… this is your daddy.” Javi looked at you when you called her muñequita and wanted to laugh at the irony but all of a sudden a tiny body was slamming into his chest and little arms were throwing themselves around his shoulders.
He blinked rapidly, eyes widening a bit as he looked at you and then down at Valeria, slowly wrapping his arms around her, letting his eyes close as he soaked in the feeling. “Hola, papá.” She said into his neck, the voice so soft and tiny he was ready to give both of you whatever the hell you wanted.
He took a deep breath to steady the shaking feeling in his chest. “Hola, mi Valeria.” He whispered softly. After a moment Valeria was sliding away just a little bit and her tiny little hands were settling on his cheeks and rubbed lightly, giggling happily and hugging his neck again before looking back at you
“Mommy mommy! It really is him! He looks just like me!” Valeria jumped up and down, absolutely overjoyed that she got to meet her dad.
You laughed softly and felt your cheeks warm up a little under the heat of Javi’s gaze. “Come on. I… I made lunch.” The two of you stood up and Valeria bolted inside yelling about Dino nuggets and tater tots, despite you trying very hard to get her to have something else. “It’s my favorite, mommy! He has to know!” She’d insisted.
You’d laughed and shook your head but ultimately agreed and made enough for the three of you because she demanded you all eat the same thing, insisting you’re a family and families eat the same meal.
“Dino nuggets..?” Javier looked at you curiously as he stepped into the house. You laughed softly. “They’re chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs.” You smiled and closed the door behind him. “Oh.” He nodded slowly. “Huh. Okay.” He pursed his lips, making a mental note of that.
“Sorry. Hi. You look great.” Javier turned to you better with a soft smile. You felt your cheeks warm up and laughed a little as you shook your head. “I look as great as the mother of a five year old can look.” “Which is fucking fantastic, Querida.” Javier shook his head. He wasn’t going to get into that, not yet anyway.
So maybe Javi had a thing for milfs, could you blame him? Especially when they looked like you. “Come on! I’m hungry!” Valeria shouted from the table, whining loudly. You blinked rapidly and looked towards the kitchen with a laugh. “We should probably go. The last time I missed lunch- by two minutes mind you, she tried to make her own milk and spilled it… all over the counter and floor.” You spread your hands out and shook your head. “The whole carton.”
Javier raised his eyebrows and looked towards the kitchen, snorting a little. “.. well we better go, then.” He motioned for you to go so he could follow you, his hands rubbing nervously on his thighs behind you, trying so very very hard not to stare at your ass, thanking god when you got to the table and the two of you sat down, Valeria practically bouncing in her seat as she asked Javier to sit next to her, brown eyes big and shining. How could he say no to that face?
He sat next to her with a smile, you dropping yourself down in front of them before starting to deal out the tater tots and Dino nuggets.
Javier listened as Valeria explained the delicacy of biting a nugget, eating a tater tot, and biting the nugget again, even going so far as to show Javier and tell him that was the best way to eat them, to which you’d laughed but ultimately agreed with her.
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After lunch Valeria was finally allowed outside, screaming in joy as she ran, jumping up and down by her swing set. “Will you push me? Will you push me?” She asked Javier, grabbing his arm when the two of you walked over. “Please, daddy?”
Please, daddy?
The words echoed in Javier’s head as he nodded his head slowly, looking down at Valeria with a star struck look on his face. “Of course I’ll push you, Valeria.” He stood behind her on the swing and looked at you nervously as you nodded your head. “Just no trips to the moon.” You teased.
Javier laughed and nodded. “Yes ma’am.” He pushed Valeria on the swing, not too high but high enough to keep her satisfied as she told Javier all about being in Kindergarten, kicking her little legs happily.
Javier felt his chest swell as he listened to her, his heart pounding in his chest as he started to think about everything he’d done, everything he’d caused in Colombia. How one night, in the midst of that terrible shit he met you and had the best fucking night of his adult life, and it produced this sweet, tiny, innocent little girl that was just too perfect for this world.
And she loved him with every atom in her tiny body.
It made him sick.
Not because he didn’t want her to, or because he didn’t love her. But because he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve to have someone love him so wholeheartedly like that, not with the things he’s done. “Javi?” He snapped his eyes over to you and blinked rapidly as you frowned. “Are you okay?”
Javier nodded rapidly. “I’m fine.” He smiled lightly. “I’m fine.” He repeated before looking down at Valeria, who was looking back at him with a tiny frown. The frown melted into a smile though and then she telling Javier he could stop the swing before jumping off the swing and bouncing on her heels.
“Jump rope! Jump rope! Jump rope!” She shouted before running to the box of outside toys to grab her longest jump rope. “Here, daddy! You hold one end. Mommy, you hold this one.” She gave you each one end.
Javier’s cheeks were red and he had a smile on his face as he watched her, looking at you for help on what the hell he was supposed to do here. “Just.. swing your arm back and forth.” You told him, laughing softly. “You’ll get the hang of it.” You teased.
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The day went pretty much like that, Valeria found all kinds of things to play with Javier, introducing him to all her favorite games and toys until she was almost completely tuckered out, thumb stuck in her mouth a telltale sign she was getting sleepy. You never discouraged this, it made her comfortable and it was the only time she did it and it would normally only last until she was asleep, which didn’t take long once the thumb was in place.
“Alright, it’s time for muñequitas around the world to go to bed.” You said softly, your chest squeezing at how she was glued to Javier’s side as you watched a movie, little eyes drooping, one of his arms around her while the other gripped tightly at the cushions. There was something wrong, that much you could tell, you just didn’t know what it was.
Thankfully, Valeria didn’t fight and in her sleepy state reached for you to take her to bed, letting out a big yawn. You laughed softly and gently pulled her from Javier’s side. She reached out last second, though and clung to his neck before pressing a sleepy kiss to his cheek. “Buenas noches, papá” she whispered sleepily before letting you tug her away.
Javier took a deep breath and smiled softly. “Buenas noches, Valeria.” He rubbed his hands on his pants and when you turned around he hesitantly got up and followed you.
You didn’t really hear him behind you, changing Valeria into her nightgown before tucking her into bed, pushing her hair back. “Did you have a good day, Muñequita?” You whispered. Valeria smiled sleepily and looked at you with that same love-filled look, none diminished like you were afraid.
“He’s just like I thought he’d be, mommy.” She whispered happily, her eyes absolutely shining. “He’s so nice and he smells good and he’s super strong! And really fast! I told you he was a superhero, mommy.”
You laughed softly and kissed her forehead as Javier felt his earth shatter and then come back together and then explode again. Hearing you say it was different from hearing her say it and it had him stumbling back to the couch, completely losing his nerve to finish watching your nightly routine. Maybe another night.
He lowered himself onto your couch and pressed his hands to his mouth as he stared at a picture of you after you gave birth to Valeria, completely alone with that tiny baby in your arms, nothing but a nurse next to you for moral support, it made him want to throw up. You were giving birth to his daughter and he was probably fucking a god damn hooker in his sleazy ass apartment. Or watching a fucking child get shot in the forehead, or-
Jesus fucking Christ is he crying right now?
He looked down at his hand and sure enough there was a god damn tear right there on his hand, mocking him. “Javi?” He looked quickly, your sweet voice bringing him back again, slowly pulling him back down to earth. “What’s wrong? Was it too much today? I’m so sorry I didn’t know she was going to-“ “no.” Javier shook his head and wiped his eyes quickly as he stood up, going over to you.
“No it’s not that. I love her. God I love her so fucking much. She’s amazing. She’s so- fucking happy. She’s so happy. And so- full of love- and that’s the problem.” You blinked rapidly and frowned deeply. “Excuse me?”
“I don’t deserve it.” Javier shook his head. “That’s what’s wrong. I don’t.. deserve to be loved by her like that. By someone so innocent.” “Javi- what are you talking about.” “I’m not a superhero- god I’m not even a fucking hero- or a side kick.” He scoffed and walked away from you, hands on his hips as he looked at the ceiling.
“.. Javi-“ “don’t give me that ‘no one feels like one’ bullshit.” Javier scoffed and looked back at you. You furrowed your brows and hesitated a little before making your way over to him and then guiding him down onto the couch. “… you need to talk to someone about it, Javi.” You said softly.
Javier scoffed. “Like a shrink?” You rolled your eyes. “Or a friend.” You closed your hands around his lightly and pulled them closer. “I’m here to listen. You don’t have to tell me everything, or go into detail if you don’t want to.” You rubbed his hand with your thumb.
Javier looked at your hands for a while, silent. After what felt like five minutes he looked at your eyes and took a deep breath. “A lot of… the bad shit that happened.. over there. I was.. around, in the area, when it happened. I saw a lot of it… head on. Explosions, shootings… the shit with Los Pepes. It was my fault” His fist tightened under yours.
“… I watched the news.” You nodded. “I wouldn’t let her but I… wanted to try and keep track of you somehow.” You looked down and brought his hand up to press a kiss to his knuckles. “I’m sorry you had to see stuff like that.” You looked up at him.
“But… Javi whatever you did over there. Whatever happened… you thought you were doing the right thing. You had to catch Escobar.” Javier looked at you for a minute and shook his head as he looked away. “One of em was a fucking kid.” He mumbled, his jaw tightening.
“Teenager, almost a teenager…” you moved closer to him. “We rounded up his lookouts.. it was just a bunch of kids, all of em…” he took a deep breath. “Carrillo… I thought we just.. were gonna bring them in..” he shook his head. You blinked rapidly as you put the pieces together. “I just fucking stood there. I didn’t say anything, I didn’t do anything.” He swallowed thickly.
You shook your head slowly. “Oh Javi… oh god I’m so sorry.” You let go of his hand and hugged him tightly, wrapping one arm around his shoulders while your other hand settled on the back of his head, running your fingers through the hair as he pressed his face into your neck and wrapped his arms tightly around your waist, his shoulders shaking.
“I don’t deserve to have her in my life I’m just gonna fuck her up. I’ll fuck it all up. I fucked everything up in Colombia. They didn’t even fucking catch him until I was gone. I don’t wanna fuck her up.” You shook your head as he rambled. “Javi… you’re not going to fuck anything up.” You frowned and pulled back, cupping his cheeks.
“She loves you and that’s not gonna change and you’re not gonna fuck her up because she’s too stubborn to let anyone change who she is.” You told him sternly, rubbing your thumbs along his cheekbones. “You love her too, I know you do. You can’t be around her without loving her.” You laughed softly.
Javier chuckled and shook his head as he looked down, nodding this time. “Yeah I.. I do I just.. I don’t know how to be a dad.” You shrugged. “Were your parents always perfect at it?” You raised a brow. Javier furrowed his brows. “Life sucks. We know that. It’s up to us to make it suck less. We can either wallow in the shit that isn’t our fault-“ you poked his chest a couple times.
“… or we can make the best of the situation at hand.” You smiled softly and Javier felt his heart jump in his chest and before he could stop himself he was clashing his lips into yours.
You gasped and grabbed his shoulders but quickly eased into the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulled him closer, letting your mouth fall open when he traced your lips with his tongue.
He tasted like you remembered, but less cigarette taste this time, the smokiness was still there but it was accompanied by a new minty sort of flavor.
The kiss didn’t go much further than this, one of his hands on your cheek while the other explored the expanse of your body, gripping lightly at your hips and breasts, moaning softly into eachother’s mouths.
Soon he had you laid back on the couch, his body lined along yours, draping over you and surrounding you in his wonderful scent and warm body. He made no movements to put his hands under your clothes, not wanting to push anything too far considering he hadn’t even thought this was going to happen. He’d planned to be a gentleman about the situation.
As it dawned on him he leaned back and panted softly. “Sorry.” He looked down at you, swallowing thickly as you shook your head quickly. “Don’t be sorry.” You shifted under him, your face and neck burning.
“I just- obviously I like you.” Javier chuckled and slowly moved off of you, taking your hand to sit you up. “I don’t wanna fuck it up, though and I was hoping… you would let me take you out?” He licked his lips.
“Just me and you- I mean I love Valeria but I… I wanna take you out, get to know you. I planned to in Colombia but… I never had any fucking time.” Javier took a deep breath and cleared his throat. “So… if I.. make us reservations.. would you wanna go to dinner with me?” He asked hopefully.
You looked at him quietly for a second before slowly starting to smile. “Javi… Javi I would love to go to dinner with you.” You reached out and grabbed his hand again, leaning in to kiss his cheek. “I’ll have to find a babysitter for Valeria. But I would love to.” Javier grinned and nodded. “Great.” He said softly.
As he looked at you he felt that bubbling in his stomach again, that urge to pull you in and wrap your bodies together for the rest of the night. “… I should probably go.” He said softly, squeezing your hand as you nodded. “I’ll walk you to your car.”
Javier smiled and stood up with you, walking out to his truck and turning to you as he opened the door. “I had a great day. Thanks for letting me meet her.” “Of course, Javi.” You laughed softly and shook your head. “Except- you can’t get rid of us now. You’re stuck.”
Javier laughed and nodded. “Good.” He teased, chewing on his lip before gently pulling you close to give you one last long kiss, sighing happily against your lips as his arms wrapped around your waist. You smiled against his lips and cupped your cheeks gently before pulling away, feeling your cheeks warm up as you laughed softly. “Okay go. Get away.” You teased, pushing him into his truck as you stepped back. “I’m gonna savor my peace and quiet. Maybe I won’t wake up with feet in my face tomorrow but I doubt it.”
Javier chuckled and nodded. “Alright, alright. Bye.” He got in his truck and started it, pulling out of the driveway as you waved, making your way inside. As you turned you made eye contact with Mrs. Sanders next door, a friendly old woman whose husband died not long before you moved in. Suffering an empty nest she was always eager to have you and Valeria over for dinner. When you looked at her she smirked at you and waved. You felt your cheeks warm up as you shook your head and went inside your house.
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When you got up the next morning you decided you'd spend the day buying a new outfit and making yourself not look like a tired mother for your date with Javier. As you got Valeria and yourself ready you couldn't stop thinking about the kiss, how any kiss since that night with Javier had seemed lackluster and... boring, how no man could make you feel the way Javier had even when you'd just been talking. And then how everything you’d thought you weren’t going to feel again was flooding your system, swallowing your sound and smothering you. He'd consumed every waking thought since that night and it had drove you crazy until you got another taste.
Once you and Valeria were dressed, you made your way next door to Mrs. Sanders, you knew she'd have questions about what she saw and you knew as soon as she heard the full story, she'd be taking Valeria and rushing you off to get ready for your date.
When you got to her porch she yanked the door open before you were even full onto it, which made you laugh. "Waiting for me, were you?" "Of course not, I just have a keen sense for visitors." Mrs. Sanders teased as you set Valeria down to greet her. The two hugged and then Valeria was sprinting off when Mrs. Sanders told her she already had Elmo in her VCR, which you'd taught her how to use when you'd learned she bought one so Valeria could watch her cartoons at her house as well.
"Now that she's occupied..." she pulled you to the kitchen where she had tea and cookies waiting for you, a glance into the living room would tell you Valeria was enjoying her own milk and cookies. "Who on earth was that handsome cowboy you had at your house last night?" You laughed and shook your head. "How do you know he's a cowboy?" "The way he walks- and by golly the way he kissed you." She fanned herself with a napkin. "Reminded me of my Randy before he passed." You raised a brow. "How long before he passed." She smirked at you this time and shook her head. "Enough about me. Who was he? An old flame? A new flame? No, not new, not with the way you looked eachother, held eachother. Tell me." She grabbed your hand, not even letting you get a word in to tell her.
You felt your cheeks warm up as you shook your head, laughing shyly. "... that was Valeria's dad." She gasped loudly and grabbed your hands tighter. "What?!" She practically screeched. "Oh, dear, why is he here?" "Well- I don't.. really know. I guess he grew up here before the whole… Escobar thing." Mrs. Sanders knew you’d met him in Colombia, knew that he was a DEA agent, but you still hadn’t shared his name with her yet, you weren’t sure why, maybe you wanted to keep him to yourself for a bit. You could see the gears turning in her head, though, and then she gasped again. "Javier Peña? Is that who that was?"
You blinked rapidly, opening and closing your mouth. "... how do you know Javier?" "Oh, gosh, I grew up with his parents, dear, look at me! I'm an old lady. not very many people here I don't know something about. I forgot he's been in Colombia! Oh his poor father Chucho must be so happy to have him home again. Gosh I need to call Chucho its been weeks." "Mrs. Sanders-" "Didn't I tell you to call me Sandy?" Sandra Sanders, you'd laughed a little when she'd introduced herself, you were lucky enough that she had the same sense of humor about it.
".. Sandy." You laughed as she gave you a smile and a nod. "Um... part of the reason I came over here was... because Javi wants to take me out, he’s supposed to call me with the reservation and everything later but... I have nothing appropriate for date night, my nails look horrible, I need to get my hair done, and I can't do that and keep Valeria occupied so I just... I was hoping you could watch her for a few hours?"
Sandy smiled and nodded. "Of course i can, darling." Her smile got wide and it was obvious she was excited for you. "Oh I'm so happy for you, dear. From what I remember Javier is a wonderful boy, he was young when I saw him last but his parents did a god job raising him. You'll be good for eachother. It'll be good for you to get out of the house, too, have some adult fun." You felt your cheeks get hot rather than warm this time and started shaking your head as Sandy smirked and the two of you stood up.
"Sandy.." "Alright, go on, say goodbye to your amorcita and then go be a singulatory adult human for one afternoon." Sandy waved you to the living room and you shook your head as you went over to Valeria, kissing her cheek. "Have a good day, Muñequita, I'll see you in a few hours." "Bye, mommy, be safe." Valeria barely returned your kiss, eyes glued to the television.
You stood up and shook your head before looking at Sandy. "Try and take her outside a little bit? I hate when she tries to watch tv all day." "Of course, now go, go." Sandy ushered you out the door, laughing.
You said one last goodbye and watched the door close before going to your car and driving into town, deciding to stop and get your nails done first, after standing there for almost an hour you decided on round semi-long French tips, which got you some annoyed scoffs but you tried not to let it bother you too much as you sat down and watched the nail tech work.
After your nails you went to get a dress and new shoes, which wasn't too hard since your nails didn't have any colors you had to match, eventually going with a dress that was about mid-thigh, with a halter top neckline, and a color that make your eyes and skin practically shine, you decided on a pair of shoes in the exact same color, as you were paying you heard your phone start to go off in your purse. You smiled apologetically and pulled the little cord out, flipped it open, and put it to your ear. "Hello?"
"Querida." "Javi. Hi." You smiled widely, paying the cashier before taking your dress and shoes and leaving. "Hey. What are you up to? I don't hear Valeria." You laughed softly. "I stuck her with the neighbor so I could do some shopping without worrying about her slamming into any dangerous strangers." You teased as you walked out of the store.
"Are you saying I'm a dangerous stranger?" You could hear the grin growing on his face. "You're a dangerous half stranger." You teased as he laughed on the other end, then you heard some rustling, a curse, and wind. "What was that?" "Nothing. It's nothing." You heard him mumbling, though, and heard the name Steve before he was speaking to you again.
"So- I made the reservations- uh- I didn't know when was too soon but uh... I was thinking in a couple days? I'll have the day off so I won't have to rush off of work. Like... seven o'clock?" "Yeah that sounds great, Javi." "Great." You smiled. "Great." "... great." You laughed and chewed on your bottom lip lightly.
"So, uh.. what did you buy?" You looked down at the bags in your hand and laughed. "A new dress and a new pair of shoes." "Seriously? You didn't have to go out and get-" "Trust me, yes I did. I don't own clothes that are even remotely appropriate for a place where you have to make reservations, Javi." You snorted. "I liked what you wore yesterday."
"And I'm sure the host at whatever place you chose would feel the same." You shook your head a little. "Ah, whatever." Javier chuckled and you heard a few hushed angry whispers before he was sighing heavily. "I'm sorry, Querida. But I have to go commit a workplace homicide right now, so I'll see you later." You laughed and hummed. "Uh-huh. Go get 'em, killer." "Steve I swEAR TO G-" You heard right as Javier slammed his phone down and shok your head, laughing as you dialed your hair salon to make an appointment.
An actual date with Javi.
You had an actual date with Javier fucking Peña!
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Is this a series now?
#pedrohub#narcos#pedro pascal#javier peña x reader#javier peña#narcos fic#Javier Peña narcos#Javier Peña Pedro pascal#narcos fanfiction
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Hey if it's possible can you write headcannons of how the dragons getting challenged and defeated by the reader with the powers and personality of luffy?
The one pieceeee
The one piece is rEALLL
I haven’t seen farther than episode 5 but uhh yeah. I’m scared to watch all of it tbh, there’s so much
A little short because they’re for all of the dragons and uhhh idk Luffy too well other than rubber and annoying
Dragons & reader
(With the powers + personality of Luffy (TOP))
Pitaya ~
They despise you :) they still wanna fight you though.
Will try and learn your weaknesses to fight you and mayhaps defeat you. The most likely to push you to the brink, with the pure amount of fire and heat they put into their fighting. Literally. They’re the dragon of fire.
The most persistent in fighting you. Genuinely does not care how many times they get defeated.
Lotus ~
Likely the dragon to try and convince you to join their side once you prove how powerful you are. After all, powerful allies are hard to come by in the dragon world.
They shy away from fighting you themself. They are a very patient dragon, and will be able to deal with you better than any of the other dragons possibly could.
Otherwise, they do their best to remain on your good, or neutral side. They don’t mind you too much, so long as you do not get in the way of their goals.
Ananas ~
The most but-hurt of all the dragons. Very pissy about their defeat.
They will stomp off to their mountain and sit there for an entire day simply pouting. They hate you. Their pride was tested and pushed and they are a very angy guy.
Every time you’re around them they tilt their head away from you and give you the silent treatment, no matter where you are or what you’re doing. They refuse to even look at you, nontheless talk to you.
Lychee ~
Lychee is not fighting you.
Simple as put, they know that fighting you is not the way of beating you. They’ve seen what happened to the other dragons, and this little trickster is not an idiot.
They are likely to try and manipualte you into fighting for them. Otherwise, they do their best to completely avoid you. Tbh, you two would probably get along whenever you do see each other.
Longan ~
PISSED.
They hate you. With their entire being. You’re too annoying to be that powerful- it’s stupid. They’re probably the only dragon that can somewhat keep up with you, and yet you still give them a run for their money and beat them.
If they could kill you, they would. No hesitation.
#cookie run#cookie run x reader#cookie run kingdom#cookie run kingdom x reader#crk#crk x reader#cookie run oven break#cookie run oven break x reader#crob#crob x reader#the dragons#longan#lychee#lotus#ananas#pitaya#platonic kinda#idk they mostly hate you#platonic hate#romatic hate question mark question mark#reader is Monkey D. Luffy from The One Piece#can you tell I haven’t seen a lot of it#my friend dragged me into it and I’ve been kicking and screaming#it is good so far tho
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Describe your ideal daddy (physical and emotional)
thank you for this thought provoking question !! my answer is below the cut, cause i understand not everyone wants to read all of that hihihi <3
emotional:
as stated in my pinned post, i love sophisticated men. men that are well read, soft and eloquently spoken. men that have a way with words, in a genuine not manipulative manner. men that have the ability to make me stumble over my own words, because of their own. men that talk about concepts or words i need to look up the meaning of. men that will keep me hooked on their every word and can keep me stimulated intellectually and mentally. men that i can learn from. men that are wise and are able to lead.
i love soft, gentle and caring daddies most. daddies that put my needs before theirs, even though i would wanna give back to them ten fold, cause they're just that loving to me. daddies who are nerds or have niche interests of some sort, that make me wanna rip their clothes off, when they passionately show me or talk to me about it. daddies whose love languages are either acts of service or words of affirmation (physical touch would be just the cherry on top). daddies who are healthily jealous and possessive over me. daddies who crave and yearn for me just as much as i am in need of them and are under no circumstance holding back to show me that. so, you could say i am into what a lot of men falsely deem as "simp behavior".
daddies who are nice and respectable gentlemen, who take the most pleasure in praising and worshipping me, rather than "hurting" me, even though it'd be consensual. daddies that are pleasure doms. daddies who give me gentle discipline, when i am acting like a bratty princess (which is like most of the time), but get off on me behaving that way regardless. romantic daddies. daddies who you could never tell are into kinky shit, cause they radiate a golden retriever energy to the outside. daddies that cum just as hard, if not harder, from jerking off to my selfies. daddies that talk me through it. daddies that can also be submissive !!!!!!!!!
physical:
i don't have a type looks wise, cause i like a lot of things ! but i do love men with very masculine features most !!
beards, mustaches or bare faced. longer hair, short hair- i love it all, as long as he's well groomed and it suits his face. speaking of hair- idk what it is but hairy men are so hot. chest hair and happy trails especially !!! he needs to be a little ugly (don't ask, it's a girls thing). tattoos are hot and so are glasses. he needs to dress well and be up to match or coordinate outfits with me occasionally. also, nice big strong veiny hands and arms !!
he could be on the skinnier side, he could be a little chubby, be super athletic and chisled, have a dad bod- you name it, i like all of those. i also do not have a criteria for his height. all that matters, is that he's a whole lot bigger than me, which is not gonna be hard with regards to how i'm built. after all what's most important to me, is that he fulfills my emotional criteria, cause then he'll automatically look like the only and most handsome man in the world to me !! <3
#୨୧ 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 ୨୧#phew this was quite long#i got carried away crafting my future manz in my head if you couldn't tell#if you stayed to read all of this let me give you the biggest fattest juciest kiss#and maybe some head if you want#hihihi <3
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I love Doma, so much- besides his character alone, imma post things I like about his design. Cause I can ùwú If you wanna see my simpus supremus post, read more under the cut! 🙌
Ahem... LOOK AT THE SIZE OF HIS HANDS ! ! He's huge! This is a me thing maybe but that's very✨pleasant✨ Other than that, the design for his hands are so elegant.. yet strong- he has long nails as the upper two, which- slayyy~
The blood-like pattern is visually appealing, honestly just such good design. If you want to make hands more interesting, have some kind of detail like this to draw your eyes to them. Gah... GAH 🔥
His range of expression! And just.... his face- For someone with no emotion, he sure has studied expressing whatever he wants accurately. Surprise, joy, sympathy, sadness, determination- you name it, he can fake it. And as is the point of his character to some extent, he has beautiful eyes. Both in shape and color. 🌈
His eyebrows are wonderful, it's not often creators make a character this attractive and then give them a set of nice and thick eyebrows. I feel it's so common to think of it as unattractive but.. honestly- I disagree. I have had thick eyebrows my entire life, and I am extremely grateful for that. Anyway, this next one is just.. demons in general from Demon Slayer. But! Their teeth, they are so large. Every demon with these kind of teeth just... they seem so- idk- comfy looking. It's odd, but very appealing! (I checked in with some friends and they agree! Demon chompers are very nice to look at!
HIS HAIR! For real, long long ago, when watching the hobbit and lord of the rings, something flipped in me in regard to what I find appealing on men. Long hair. There is a reason I love Tolkien's elves ahah. And it's just the same with Doma. 🥰 Regardless if it is beautiful, smooth and soft or jagged and wild- it does not matter. Men suit long hair so much more than they think, it makes me so happy whenever a character is given long hair. And I mean LONG, not that "barely touching the shoulders" bs. That's not long, that's medium.
It actually pains me when someone draws a man who has long hair- with short hair. Like.. slay, live your dreams. But come oooon- let the 10% of men with long hair in fiction keep it, plz- I beg. (not actually that serious, do what makes you happy <3) With some help from two of my friends, I'd like to point out his build and how he visually reads vs. his behaviors! While Doma is quite a big guy, with broad shoulders and a very tall frame. He acts and is drawn very innocently! (Note: Slim waist alert 🔥)
He is often drawn in a way that makes him seem quite harmless. He sits in a way that makes him seem smaller than he is (Especially during the upper moon meeting), he's often smiling, laughing and otherwise messing around. He also somewhat slumps his shoulders sometimes. All this really makes his behavior stand out, since it is such a contrast to how he makes himself appear. He talks down to people in such a casual way, he's creepy at times, intimidating- and that gets multiplied by 100 when he no longer acts all aloof and sweet.
On top of all this- he is very muscular, but he wears a baggy turtleneck and very loose pants. Which is anotherfor him to seem far less intimidating visually.
This has all been manga so far, but here's an honorable mention to the anime. This scene was so well done. He is smiling softly through the entire scene, but does not express as much as he does while being upper two. His voice range moves but not along with his expression, which make it feel as if something is off and I love it.
Sidenote, the voice actor they picked for him- chef kiss 💕 Some of this might be a reach, or personal conclusion of course. But when I have an interest, why not share it. Maybe some people will agree, maybe some won't. Either is fine! And feel free to tell me what you agree or disagree with, or just what you like about this guy. I am happy to hear 💖
#joetamy#tam speaks#the first thing before the cut is my art ^^#demon slayer#kny#kimetsu no yaiba#doma#douma#long post#Ultimate Simp Post#maybe I'll make more in the future for other characters.. I love them all sm!
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how long have you been growing out your hair? looks gorgeous! planning to grow out my own but i keep foiling it with trims because of split ends
unbelievable to me that i opened my tumblr app to see a kind stranger asking about the only thing in the world that actually matters to me: how long my hair is.
i'm going to give you a needlessly detailed response but if you don't wanna read all that: 7 years 8 months and it (as of today!) brushes my tailbone
i grew my hair out as long as i could in high school and it got to almost my waist. i shaved it all off in summer 2013 and started growing it out from a buzzcut in summer 2014
when it reached the ugly soccer mom bob stage i got an undercut from ear to ear around the back of my head/nape of my neck, like this:
random pic off pinterest btw idk who that is
i shaved that undercut for the last time in very late december 2016 and kept my hair at shoulder length for a while waiting for the undercut to catch up
so basically since jan. 1 2017 i have been growing out my hair from bald 👨🦲
in 2022 i shaved the sides from my ear forward like this
very skrillex. i loved it. i had been day dreaming about this kind of sideshave for well over a decade. at this point my hair was just past my waist.
then in 2023 i extended the side shave all the way to the nape of my neck again like a death hawk. like this:
the last time i got that sideshave touched up was 12.29.24 so it's been growing out for 7 months 12 days
i do not plan to cut the rest of my hair short to match the sideshave until it reaches like... actually idk probably my waist? but the thought of having to chop my hair back to my waist makes my entire body clench painfully so maybe not who's to say
my hair grows extremely slowly. more slowly than anyone i've ever met, actually. most people in 7 years can grow their hair down to classic length (the bottom of your butt/top of your thighs) or even longer.
i think trims can be very helpful if your hair grows quickly, if you have a lot of split ends, or if you have bleached hair. actually if you have bleached hair trims are mandatory and unavoidable. for me, i prefer to do "seek and destroy" haircuts where i just bought myself a pair of sheers and i snip off the individual split ends i find whenever i find them. is this foolproof? no definitely not. will any hairstylist tell you that trims are necessary? yes. and they probably know what they're talking about. for me, my hair grows so slowly and i want it to be long so badly that idc about splits. if i noticed my ends THINNING i would get them trimmed for sure, but otherwise i am really reluctant to let anyone cut my hair.
i had a reliable stylist who i went to for years and i trusted her to give me barbie princess layers and not take any length off. she moved out of state and i'm thrilled for her but i cannot imagine trusting a stranger with my hair. especially since the last time i did so (in july 2023) i ended up having to chop 6" off my hair because she thinned out the ends so much. SIX INCHES. that's like over 2 years of growth for me.
what i really want rn is a little itty bitty undercut around my ears like this (but with no bangs):
and with how fucking annoying my grown out sideshave is i have literally been parting my hair to do this 3-4 times a week. but i am NOT allowed to get another undercut until i grow this one out for a full year 😤 which is a rule i made up for myself because otherwise i would immediately lose the will to keep at it and just do the skrillex thing again.
also if you happen to be here from my asoiaf sideblog i can tell you that i do still play the game where every time a character's hair length is mentioned i compare it to my own hair. the two people who have me beat are khal drogo (his hair in an intricate multi strand braid reaches his thighs) and aeron greyjoy i think altho i might be misremembering aeron.
TY FOR YOUR QUESTION THERE IS NO WAY YOU WANTED THIS MUCH INFORMATION XO MWAH
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Coming up on 3 months since cracking. It's still, like, a week away, but honestly, close enough and I wanna write this post now. Not much is gonna change in that time anyway.
The main thing I wanna note is like, the SIGNIFICANT mental changes. There is a name. I have never uttered that name out loud. Noone knows the name IRL. Noone has used that name for me online. Nothing.
...But If I, just quickly, imagine someone calling my name, or getting my attention, that's the name they're saying. If I quickly imagine someone referring to me in third person, I'm she.
And I think of these same things with my current name and it just doesn't quite feel right, or the same anymore.
People always talk about the infamous "I'm a girl" dreams. and I've started getting, like, 3 a week? Or atleast 3 where I'm, to some extent, trans. Like, even if I wasn't quite a girl yet, I had a dream that included picking up an estrogen prescription.
And all this, after 3 months, while deep closeted and unable to do anything about transitioning.
And, for my own sanity, I've had to find things to appreciate during this time. I can't spend the next year and a half avoiding acknowledging myself and what I look like. So I've atleast started to appreciate the little things. If I look closely at my eyes and ignore the rest of my face, I feel happy. idk, there's just something about my eyes in isolation that feel different to the rest of my face somehow, idk what it is but they feel more feminine, if that makes any sense.
And then there's my hair. Look, I have really short hair. Pretty average hair length for a guy. But my parents have been incredibly militant with keeping my hair very short for, well, as long as I can remember, until recently when my Dad abruptly asked if I wanted to grow it out (unbelievably convenient, he's transphobic and hss no idea about me. We take those I guess?)
But now, even the slightest bit longer hair feels great to me. Those little bits that grow down infront of your ears? Love it. Never had that be that long before. My hair ain't much, but its alot to me. And its only gonna get longer and longer, better and better.
And, look, this one sounds weird, but thighs. The way the fat squishes and flattens out when I sit down. I am a very skinny person, to the extent that my thighs are probably the fattest part of me relative to the body part. They aren't that thick, but relative to the rest of my body, it's enough to make me really happy. One time I was reading something about a lil deep-closet trick of wearing a long shirt and a shorter/ rolled up hoodie, and I kinda like it. Doing that, while sat down causing my thighs to squish slightly just looks so right.
(I was strongly debating whether to actually include this section. I doubt this would ever be the case, but just in case, don't be weird about it?)
I'm not gonna keep commenting on dysphoria increasing. I've kinda figured that's just par for the course. My general mood has decreased, I just don't feel good, but I'm not actually in that bad of a place mentally. I'm feeling optimistic, a solution to my problems is out there and I am gonna make it. It's already been a quarter of a year since cracking, that's no small amount of time relative to how long I have to wait. No matter how much I feel like shit about not being able to transition yet, it's better than when I didn't know what the problem was and thought I would just find myself ending it at some point. Now I know that isn't happening.
With each day, each little daydream, every time I imagine a scenario where I'm me, I get closer to actually being me. Physical is just a wait, but mental is a gradual process that is already well underway.
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i thought i wouldn't end up making one of those sappy posts before the end of 2023 but here we are i guess
what i wanna say in advance is a huge thank you, and that i'm sorry
this year has been a nightmare for me and i can't stress that word enough. i won't get into details, if you follow me you may have seen some occassional rant posts. long story short though, i'm ending 2023 being mentally exhausted af and even though i'm not in my most optimistic mood, i hope 2024 will not as shitty as 2023
as of my tumblr presence, there have been some changes. i jumped from one fandom to another without completely leaving the bc fandom. i'm just not that much in the mood anymore. maybe this will change once the new album is out? we'll see 👀 and jumping to another fandom means that i lost contact with so many people from the bc fandom. i promise you i didn't do this on purpose and i don't hate or stopped liking any of you. it just... things got weird and a bit too much in my head and now idk how to keep contact without looking extremely weird in this fandom
anyway! entering another fandom has been weird not only in means of interests but also in means of communication. ever since i remember my tumblr activity in any fandom, i always tried to interact as much as possible with other accounts and talk with people, whether that was via posts or messages. in the jo fandom i feel like i have kinda failed that
i'm aware that i post a lot and i'm probably everywhere with the content updates and the gifs. and that may be annoying to some people. and i understand it, i don't like it but i understand it and i wanna apologise for being... all over the place yet not really reaching out to anyone in the fandom or building any kind of online friendship
idk if there's an accurate explanation for the way i feel about this so i'll put it in the best words possible: i wanna make jokes and have fun in here and exchange random messages or mentions in posts and talk shit or not about jo etc, but i feel like my social anxiety (both online and offline) has passed any limit i had put to it until now that i end up thinking it's actually wrong to interact with anyone in this fandom. because everyone has already connected with some people and have built a specific line of interests and you all seem so fucking cool for someone who is as insecure and scared to talk as me so i end up hiding behind my gifs, shitposts and content updates in hopes that people will like me or at least aknowledge i exist in this fandom. and again, that's all on me, there's no one to blame for this behaviour but me and my fucked up mind (which got even more fucked up in the past year). so idk, i feel like i wanna apologise for this, for being like that
however, no matter the anxiety, i must admit that the jo tumblr fandom was actually my escape when things in real life got bad bad. i've spent hours scrolling through the jo and kaarija hashtags in hopes of seeing something unhinged and funny to lift my mood and you know what? i found something every single time. and that was more than nice. if it wasn't for all of you being as funny and crazy (in a positive way) as you are, i'd feel even worse. but every time i open the jo hashtag there's someone posting a wholesome thing or saying something unhinged like how many ways has Kris listed to kill Bojan in his sleep lmao
anyway i ended up writing a lot, this could easily be an entry to the journal that i don't keep but maybe should start keeping. if you read until this point, congratulations for going through all this ramble and i'm sorry
hope 2024 is gonna be a lot different than 2023 but in a good way this time. and i hope i get better and actually get to interact more with all of you great people 💕 and obviously i hope you all have a fantastic year ahead of you 💖
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Hi! Baby writer here! I want to pick your brain because I like your writing!
How do you start writing? I’ve had book ideas for years, but I can’t seem to actually start writing anything. I wanna write and I wanna do this but my brain gets a little stuck at the idea part. Any tips, I guess?
How do you keep writing? My motivation is phenomenally low.
What helps you personally in the process of writing?
Do you have a beta reader for your fics?
How long have you been writing for? Can you see noticeable improvement as you keep writing?
How do you make sure the character you’re writing about has accurate characterization, do you have any tips?
Lots of love! :D
Hello there! This might be a little lengthy.
Well, usually I just have to get very strict with myself when I want to write something (no youtube, no reading fics, no gaming, etc). Easier said than done, and I actually tend to be more productive when I’m away from home, writing primarily from my phone. I suppose when there’s quite literally nothing I can do but write, it makes the decision much easier.
Also, if you’re getting stuck on a scene, don’t be afraid to rewrite and rework things. Just take whatever’s tripping you up and chuck it into a separate document. I’ve actually rewritten the first few thousand words of my next fic multiple times at this point. Finally found an angle I’m happy with not too long ago.
As for how to keep writing, it really is just a matter of dragging yourself one word at a time sometimes. I’ve got a bit of writer’s block myself at the minute, but I know that as long as I keep writing at least a little bit every day, I’ll eventually get my mojo back again. Or I’ll take a break to write something small and silly to reset my brain. That also helps sometimes. Finding a good playlist that fits the mood of the scene helps sometimes, there’s also this one playlist of videos that I’ll occasionally use. I find them helpful, but you’ve gotta be prepared to dedicate a couple of hours to doing nothing but write (with short intermittent breaks throughout). Here, just pick whichever one strikes your fancy.
No, don't really have a beta. My older sister reads my fics after I post them, so she’ll let me know if she spots any spelling errors, but for the most part it’s just me re-reading my fics in the week or so after posting to find and fix any spelling mistakes or poor wording.
My first fic on Ao3 was about 3 years ago, but I’ve been writing for more like… Idk, six years? Probably longer? Not really sure, I only started to really get into writing when I found sbi, because- I mean, have you seen that family dynamic? It’s literally so based, and not to mention versatile. You can put them anywhere and it never really feels out of place.
I’ve definitely noticed improvement in my writing. My older stuff is- well, I certainly wouldn’t want to re-read any of it. Even just the fics from the earlier stages of my crossover series (specifically fics 2 and 3) are pretty rough by my current standards. Though, thinking about it now, that might be partially because my wordcount standard has risen by a fair bit, 3-5k isn’t enough words anymore, lol.
Ah, characterization, my absolute beloved. The easiest way to nail a characterization- in my experience, that is- is to figure out how they speak. The kind of words they use most often, phrases and things. I’ve mentioned this briefly in a previous post, but I actually have a characterization notebook. It’s literally just a book filled with things people have said. I’ve got a bunch of stuff in there, certain words or phrases people use frequently, likes, dislikes- all that stuff. Though I’m very careful not to write anything speculative down, if it’s not explicitly stated to the public, it doesn’t touch the page. And on the rare occasion when I write down something from a secondhand source, I make sure to specify in no uncertain terms that the information is according to someone else, and therefore should be afforded very little merit.
To be honest, I don’t actually flip through it all that often unless I’m stressed, but the act of writing things down on paper makes things much easier to remember, in my experience.
Another thing that helps me with characterizations are voices. If you can get a character’s voice to stick in your head, that usually helps me a great deal. It’s always nice whenever a character has a more distinct voice, like Donnie, he’s pretty great for that. So’s Tommy, for that matter- but that could also just be because I’ve been watching him for a long time, lmao.
Whenever I’m really struggling to nail down a characterization, I’ll go watch clips and/or videos of whoever’s giving me trouble until I feel like I’ve got their voice back.
Original characters are a bit different, as you can’t exactly just look up clips to make sure you’re staying consistent- and I’m definitely not the person to go to for OCs- but on the occasion where I do need to make up characters, I try to make up a voice for them in my head. Give them specific accents or cadences to use whenever I write their dialogue so they hopefully don’t come across as too flat, haha
Anyway, I hope this was at all helpful, good luck with writing!! :D
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I knew immediately that once I saw it wasn’t going to be an “easy” read that it would not be your vibe lol ITS NOT BAD THOUGH! like I it’s nice to turn your brain off! And tbh i bought it bc it was recommended by an actresses/writer I like 😔 was it an impulsive buy? YES but honestly i needed to feel something bahah and I trust your opinions too bestie!! And I will FOR SURE give my review if I think you’ll like it!
NOT ME WANTING TO CRY WITH YOU SAYING YOUVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT ME�� Sam, literally you don’t even know how nice that is 😭 and yeah I did see you mention that! And a new series that’s college based, SIGN ME UP!! I can’t wait to live through the MC bahah I love romanticizing school even if it makes me wanna jump off a bridge sometimes bahaha but OF COURSE I’ll like it!!!
I’m so sorry you’ve had a rough week, that sounds like HELL! And I don’t blame you for calling them psychopaths! They are WILD and I know I was once a 14 yr old and I was kinda crazy! But I never took it out on my teachers lol you can tell me when you’re ready and I will gladly read your rant!
Definitely relate to readers block! I get it ya know bc in an odd way you do get attached to the plot and characters so they have to mean something! I remember the first time I had to take a “break” from reading because I was just too DEVASTATED over the ending of a book it literally was when I was 14 lol
I REALLY DID LOVE THE NEW EXTRA! I didn’t mind it was so far into the future! It was so good I meant it when I said I was hurting from how cute they all were lol and awww Sam my heart is literally so warm with how sweet you are! I seriously couldn’t hold in how much I loved reading your stuff so in my head asking for an emoji was a big deal bc idk fear of rejection?! Dumb I know but I needed you to know how much your work IS appreciated! So yeah I do honestly have to thank Protection for that!
And don’t say sorry, I LOVE reading your responses! Idc how long they are! And you know I’ll get back you no matter what!-💜
I’m a big fan of treating yourself. (I have never denied myself of a treat.) I hope it lives up to its expectation!
Exactly how I feel with readers block! The same thing happens when I’m writing too. If was SO hard to move away from Love and Dryer Sheets and onto Dolcezza. It happens every time!
You are the best and so so sweet! I’m keeping this response short in case you have time to read my update today and have to send another! 😉
Love you!
Xoxo
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Hello~ I found this ask game through your reblog and thought it seemed super fun 💚 I am also curious ✨ 16. Is there a subject/character/show you wish you had created more for? Why do you think you didn’t? OR 23. Are there any tips you would give yourself from one year ago concerning your art/work?
Thank you so much for the ask!! Sorry that it's been taking me ages to answer!
16. Is there a subject/character/show you wish you had created more for? Why do you think you didn’t?
Oh, yes!! I wish I had created something for @itlivesproject's beautiful visual novel It Lives Within, specifically something to honour the amazing Amalia de Léon. I made half a sketch of her and my MC being a badass martial arts/magic/gunpower couple but I never finished it. I have no idea why, really. I've played the game about - Idk - 10-15 times from start to finish since it's come out? So, I really need to do something about that eventually.
Here's the sketch in case you wanna see:
[ID: simple crayon lineart sketch of Amalia and my MC in power poses. The MC is in the back, holding a gun in her left hand and raising her right as a fist. (There is supposed to be magic around the right hand, but the sketch barely shows that.) Lia is in the front, holding a bo staff with both hands. They are smiling at each other. end ID]
Well, okay, I kinda have an idea why I didn't make any It Lives Within art: As per usual, I have spent most my time and energy on Doctor Who. And, like, I am happy with that. Especially since I did branch out a little bit last year and covered a few more fandoms in writing, mostly.
Speaking of dw, I kinda wish I had created more for lovely Bill Potts - she got one short one-shot this year, that's so much less than what she deserves!
(Admittedly, I haven't written much for Bill in recent years either. The year before she only appeared in 2 fics but one was rather long and quite centered on her at least. And last year I have been thinking a lot more than usual about her, so I wish I had turned some of that into works. I didn't even finish the drawing of her that I made.)
Mainly, I wish I had started on the Doctor Who x Hadestown crossover fic featuring Bill as the main character. Both because Hadestown keeps occupying my brain and because Bill as the main character in a long fic would have been amazing.
Why didn't I? Well, mostly because of the 'long' part. I don't really write long fics and I tried my hand at two of them already last year. Both of which aren't finished yet. So, yeah, fear of starting something I can't own up to again. But also, the time never felt right? It was fun to think about and turn especially Persephone!12 in my head for hours, but I never felt like I had something I could put on the page NOW. But like, it will exist someday, I'll keep believing in it (and thinking about it while listening to the Hadestown album).
23. Are there any tips you would give yourself from one year ago concerning your art/work?
Sure!
General tip: When things get rough and you feel like you don't have energy for anything anymore - ESPECIALLY THEN force yourself to sit down at least 10 minutes every other day to do art or write. You will feel so much better and be amazed how often 10 minutes turn into 30. It doesn't matter if you only produce nonsense, just do it for yourself.
Writing: Whenever you can, find a friend to write for. Someone who gets excited for your work! That is incredibly motivating and rewarding :)
Art: Like every year: your art teacher was right - mix and match techniques! It IS more fun and it DOES look better, usually. Also spend more time playing with colours. They bring joy :)
#thank you so much for the ask!#I hope you got plenty of asks too <3#it might be a little late now but if you would like me to send you an ask as well lmk I'll gladly do that :)#Ah whoops I saw now that I did both questions instead of just one#i hope you don't mind
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that's true, i just keep reminding myself that nothing last forever but i am a bit sad about the ending. do you normally go to an art museum? ah, i suppose life is full of surprises, you never know what is around the corner. that's great, it's better to see things as the cup half full than empty.
i think gi will still be the company's most successful game. do you just stick to PC games then? isn't hsr the only one whose have a voice for the MC? i'm always phone based so i'm lost with the letters lol. wait, you can play it in class? 👀
don't worry, quite a few people retake a year no matter what country they are in so you're not the only one and i understand retaking a year more than once can be a bit demotivating but you can get through this.
just try not to beat yourself up about it, you are trying your best. yes, extra time to re-evaluate some options, would you like to goes into the STEMs? or another field?
i can imagine lmao, some kpop fans are too extreme though where they end up becoming saesangs. which kpop group did she introduce you to? i am an ex-kpop fan so i no longer know about the current groups.
those earrings would stand out wherever you would go especially since they are gold coloured lol. i have actually seen some shorts on YouTube of users styling their wigs and it's look like a profession because of how hard it look 💀 i'm wondering you might find a 15th february person? who know lmao but birthday twin would be most exciting. our time zone difference seem to be one hour apart so we should be able to wish each other on our days? i'll probably come off anon when it happen 🙂
you can take another shirt that fit you properly and ask them to use the shirt for guidance or get proper measurements. i just scrolled up the sleeves for mine lol. it is only the sleeves and nothing too complex so i can't imagine it will be expensive.
yeah, of course. i feel the same whenever any of my friendships or relationships or whatever end bc at the end there was still a lot of love and care involved. i love going to art museums <3 i generally love art and museums lol. i visit a bunch of museums every year, usually with my father, my godmother or said friend i mentioned. so yeah ig i usually visit them?
agreed lol, i mean hi3rd was already big before genshin but genshin topped it off still. omg my phone literally only has 16gb of storage so i can’t play any games on there ajdkffjskaj meaning i very much stick to my laptop. hi3rd doesn’t have a mc the way gi/hsr do and kiana does have a voice plus gi’s mc is occasionally voiced (only during cutscenes i think?). the mc in hsr is definitley voiced a lot more tho. i mean... i shouldn’t be playing any video games in class..... but always work on our devices anyways....... and i’d much rather play hi3rd than do french in class... ajdkfjdjsk (i’m not a good example of a student ajdkgkksj)
aa ty :) i’m doing great in school rn bc it’s all topics i’ve had before at a different school haha and i hope it’ll stay like this for a while, but let’s see. i’m also in the process of getting meds for my adhd so hopefully i’ll be able to study easier sometime in the future. honestly idk what i wanna do later rn... psychology or biology, specifically marine biology maybe? i’d love to be a marine biologist, but i get sea sick :/ though at the moment i’m mostly leaning towards studying medicine so i can work in forensic medicine. but luckily i still have at least a year to decide.
yeah, the kpop fans... she mostly introduced me to stray kids. i’m not like a big kpop fan, but i do have a playlist with kpop songs i like bc of her lol.
aren’t they silver colored tho? i made mine in silver at least ajdkfkks. but yeah, agreed. yeah, wig styling does look difficult tbh 💀 but. i believe in myself. if i believe enough it’s got to work...
maybe, who knows. ohh no more anon z next february 16th :0 hehe, i’ll gladly wait until then :3
ahh i have no long-sleeved shirts that correctly fit me ajfjfjhsk the only ones i’ve got left are from when my parents made me buy them bc i dislike them and prefer oversized hoodies and stuff by a lot lol. thanks for the tip though
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𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠
a/n: this is a short one. i just gotta say i love eddie munson and i miss him terribly.
w/c: 1.3k
pairing(s): eddie munson x fem!reader
summary: eddie convinces reader to go to a party with him. when they get there he gets into some trouble. reader inserts herself and it doesn't go well.
warnings: mentions of drugs, fist fighting, blood, cursing
genre: idk if this would be considered angst but it ends with fluff
The music blasting through the speakers in Chrissy’s house were making the walls vibrate. You were weaving through the crowd that gathered in the living room. The house was absolutely packed with people, most of them being the worst kind of people. As nice as Chrissy’s house is, it was the last place you really wanted to be. Eddie Munson being the only reason you had agreed to step foot outside of your house.
During lunch, when you were sat with the rest of Hellfire, he began with the incessant begging. “Come on, (y/l/n). I swear it’ll be quick.” He pushed around the peas on his plate as he watched your every move, attempting to catch you waver.
“Why do you even wanna go, Eddie? Aren’t you the one that says, ‘parties are for weak minded people desperate for a shot of meaningless high school popularity’?” You quoted his words verbatim. He gives that spiel at least once a week, it’s no surprise it’s seared into your brain.
“You listen closely to the things I say, huh?” He leaned back in his chair, shit-eating grin on his cocky face.
“Shut up, idiot.” You rolled your eyes at him and continued to bite into your sandwich. He was right though; you did listen intently to the things he said. No matter how many times you call him names, roll your eyes at him, and tell yourself you didn’t like him as more than a friend, you absolutely did. And it was anger inducing.
Eddie had heard you talk to your friend about Middle earth at the start of the year and decided then and there that you would make a lovely new addition to Hellfire. He spent days pestering you, waiting by your car after school, waiting outside every single one of your classes, sitting with you during lunch. It drove you crazy. Honestly though, you were ashamed to say it but you loved having Eddie’s attention. And what you loved even more was spending time with him so you caved and begrudgingly joined Hellfire.
“I meant every word. But those desperate wannabes buy drugs and I’m happy to supply.” He kicked his feet up, his heavy boots dropping onto the table with a big thump.
You groaned. You knew Eddie and there was no way he was going to relent any time soon. In fact, he would probably follow you around school, skipping every one of his classes just to try to convince you.
“Fine, Munson. You have to keep your word, I mean it. Quick and speedy deliveries.”
“Scouts honor, sweetheart.”
-
So, there you were, ducking under people to try and find the long-haired moron.
When you both walked in, he told you he would be right back, so you waited around the door. 10 minutes passed, then 20, and when 30 minutes hit you began to get antsy. The thought that maybe he was in some sort of trouble immediately pushed through any anger you could feel for him abandoning you.
You had searched the entire house for him and had no luck. So, you walked towards the doors to the backyard. You looked around the multitude of people either in the pool or sitting around it. Eyes finally landing on the beautiful boy you were looking for.
The relief you felt when you saw him was quickly replaced with pure, uncut panic. He was talking to Jason and two other meatheads from the basketball team. Well, talking isn’t really the appropriate word to describe the interaction, more like shouting and shoving.
They looked like they were seconds aways from throwing blows. Which is exactly what Eddie and Jason started doing.
You ran towards them, not really knowing what you were going to do, just knowing you had to do something.
“HEY! HEY!” You started yelling, shoving Jason’s idiot friends out of the way when they tried to stop you from getting any closer. “Stop!!”
Eddie’s fist connected with Jason’s jaw, the latter immediately lunging forward and they fell to the ground. You stood paralyzed above them. What the fuck are you supposed to do right now? You were scared. So scared. You saw blood and you had no idea who it was coming from but it pushed you out of your fear quickly.
You took a deep breath, preparing yourself for the worst. There was no way this was going to end well. You moved forward and tried to push Jason off of Eddie. He wouldn’t budge.
“Dude, get the fuck off!” One second you were trying to shove him off and then you were on the ground. It felt like you couldn’t breathe, drops of crimson red spattered on the back of your hand as you held yourself up. The taste of metal in your mouth was overwhelming. You raised your head and looked around. Eddie, Jason and a bunch of other people were crowded around you. For a second you could hear people talking but you couldn’t discern any specific words. You were disoriented beyond belief.
Eddie was close to tears. He could feel a massive lump in his throat as he looked down at you. You looked so small, and the more he looked at you the angrier he got. He so badly wanted to beat the crap out of Jason but he had bigger things to worry about.
When he saw your eyes start to water, he sprang into action. He grabbed your hand and helped you get up. Before the both of you left, he pushed Jason with enough force to make him fall to the ground with a thud.
He slowly walked you to the van. With you still on his arm, he opened the passenger side door and gently sat you down.
“(y/n), sweetheart, I need you to say something. Need to make sure you’re okay.” He started wiping away the blood on your busted lip with a napkin he found in his glove compartment.
You looked down and spit out even more blood. “I think my gums are bleeding.”
“Jesus, (y/n). Let me see.” He delicately grabbed your jaw and lifted your head up to look at him. You tried to show him your teeth but winced when you felt the cut on your lip rip a little more.
He ran hands over his face and groaned. “Why the fuck did you get involved? Are you stupid?” Eddie wasn’t really angry with you; he was angry at himself for being the reason you got hurt.
“Hey, fuck you, asshole. I was trying to help you.”
“I didn’t need your help!”
“You were getting hurt!”
“I get hurt all the time; it doesn’t matter!”
“It matters to me!”
The yelling stopped. He was just looking at you, lips slightly parted as he breathed heavily. You hadn’t noticed the tears streaming down your face until he reached up and wiped a fresh one off your cheek. The pain in your mouth now second to the overpowering feeling of embarrassment. You cringed away from his hand and looked off to the side.
“Why does it matter to you?” His voice was one very small step above a whisper. The tension in the air was tangible. There was no way the girl he had a crush on liked him back. He couldn’t even imagine that was actually the reasoning behind being dumb enough to get in the middle of a fight for him.
You sighed and looked back at him. “You know why.”
“I need to hear you say it, (y/l/n).” His hands were on your seat, on either side of your hips.
“I like you.” The words were heavy with the anxiety and excitement of a first confession. The pounding of your heart could probably be heard from inside Chrissy’s house. In that moment of vulnerability, seconds felt like hours.
“I like you too, pretty girl.” Eddie could not contain the big smile on his face. It dropped when his eyes landed back on your bloody lip. “But you can’t do things like this, I can’t be the reason you get hurt.” He reached up and put his hand at the side of your neck, rubbing your jaw with his thumb.
“Stop getting into fights then.”
His toothy smile returned. “For you, anything.”
taglist: @slashersluttt @slurmp69 @sadbitchfangirl @actual-mom-steve-harrington @stylesyourmine @pennyllanne
#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x female reader#stranger things#eddie munson#eddie x reader#eddie stranger things#stranger things fluff#stranger things s4#stranger things fic
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pairing: jungkook x reader
summary: But above all things, the last thing you expected to happen when you came back was to show your tits and get pierced by none other than motherfucking Jeon Jungkook.
Jeon Jungkook. Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.
wordcount: 15k
genre: summer!au, ex high school classmaters, kinda frenemies to lovers, tattoo artist!&piercing artist!jungkook, popular!reader
rated: m (fluff - smut - angst)
warnings: you broke jungkook's heart you bitch!! , oral sex (m&f), protected sex (shocking tbh), CL as your bestie it doesnt get better than that! idk i dont wanna spoil too much
author's note: fucking finally dude!! i've been writing this since february but school was kicking my ass. now that i finished my exams and mercury is in gemini i was able to finish it. if you read this, i hope you enjoy it!
Inkphoria
You've been standing outside the shop re-reading the word for fifteen minutes, although it definitely feels like it has been longer. You're gripping the flyer too tightly, rumpling the paper in your hand until you're pretty much sure it's ruined. It's the first day of June, and it's already too hot. The sun and humid weather are causing beads of sweat to form in your hairline and your white tank top to stick to your skin. Your jean shorts didn't feel this uncomfortable a few hours ago and you're sure the heat is causing your mascara to transfer to your eyelids and lower lashline. You've never needed a slushie and a smoke this bad in forever, even if you knew the later would make your parents lose their shit.
Inkphoria
You read it again. Your brain is trying to guess what font its written in, an excuse to try to steady your heart beat until your nerves ease a little and you can finally gather the courage to step into the damn shop. You've noticed a few people passing by giving you strange looks because maybe it hasn't been fifteen minutes. Perhaps you've been unmoving like an idiot in the middle of the street for longer than you want to admit.
Chaelin's voice echoes inside your head.
'Its not that much of a big deal. It's not even that painful, trust me.'
You wish you could trust your best friend, but your best friend is also the same woman who assured you Cats was the movie of the year. Yes, not 'Cats: The Musical'. 'Cats', the movie.
'And this could be a great start to get out of your comfort zone and start living your life exactly the way you want to, not the way people expect you to. Not the way your family wants you to, not the way Adam wanted you to.'
But although her credibility could sometimes be questionable - like that time she also told you she'd tried marmite and 'honestly, it's not as bad as people make it out to be'-, you also didn't trust anybody in this world as much as you trusted her. She had always been your entire support system, the only one around you who never sugarcoated, who always treated you as an equal, who was always there for you to help you discover yourself and, at the same time, remind you of who you were.
'And it's gonna look so hot, too.'
That's it. Sticking the wrinkled flyer on your back pocket, your feet finally start moving. It doesn't take longer than three strides and you're pushing open the door.
The first thing you notice is that, thankfully, the shop is empty. The second thing you notice is the bright sky blue walls, a green undertone peaking through. Your eyes scan nervously the interior. Frames with tattoo designs and people modeling other different designs decorate the walls, some skateboards also hanging from the ceiling. A few plants in the corner, and two leather couches on either side of the room. Your scanning stops on the counter, where a girl with short, platinium hair and -what you guess is- the eighty percent of her body inked. Face included. She's been looking at you, a smirk tugging at her lips. Her tone is amused when she speaks
"Hi." she says. "You can come closer, you know? We don't bite."
Great. As if you couldn't feel more out of place, apparently you also couldn't look more out of place.
"Sorry." you gulp as you walk forward. "It's my first time doing anything like this."
She laughs this time, but it's not mean. It's not mocking, thank God, and the smile she sends you is as warm as the weather, friendly, luckily helping you calm down a bit. "A virgin, huh? JK's gonna love this." your eyes jump in surprise, but she's fast to wave her hands in front of you. "Just a joke. So, first time getting a tattoo. You have something in mind, honey?"
"Um, no. Not a tattoo. Not yet, I think." you wet your lips, regretting not reaplying chapstick before stepping inside. "A piercing."
"Oh! Cool!" she claps her hands, too excited for your own taste, pulling from under the counter a catalogue. "So, where will it be? Cartilogue? Nose? A lot of people are getting their septums pierced right now, though, so you might-"
"Nipples. Like, one of them."
Her gaze finds yours in surprise, although her face swiftly transforms again into an amiable expression. "Now, that's badass. Alright!" she skims through the pages of the catalogue until she finds the nipple piercing collection. You scratch your head before wiping your forehead sweat-free. "You can pick either barbells or hoops, although barbells heal faster and they don't move around as much. There's different kinds of metal, too. Gold or platinium. If your skin is sensitive, I recommend titanium. It's hypoallergenic and not as problematic."
The blonde keeps talking as you nod your head, a smile making its way into your face while silently thanking her for her easygoing personality. It quickly makes you feel comfortable and stupid for being so terrified of doing this.
Once you decide, settle on the cost and sign the papers, she stands up from the stool she'd been sitting on. "Ok, I'll go tell my coworker. He's been sketching tattoos all morning, it's time he gets to work!" she laughs, but suddenly your smile banishes and your throat shuts down.
"He?" your alarmed tone halts her motions and she looks back at your frightened expression.
He? A he is going to pierce your nipple? You're about to let a random stranger, a HE, see and touch one of your boobs and then pierce a needle through one of your nipples?
"Oh, baby, don't worry. I'd do it myself if I knew how to, but I only do tattoos. Most of our staff are on summer vacation so it's mostly just him and I. If you don't feel comfortable, which is totally understandable, you can wait until september when Minzy comes back and she can do it for you." It's her turn to scratch the back of her head as she adds: "but trust me, we're professionals. He's not a creep or anything like that. He's been doing this for a long time. He won't cross any boundaries."
September? You won't even be here in september. Fuck.
Sure, you could do it when you move back into the city. But this summer was supossed to be the summer. You already decided after your breakup with Adam that there would be no trace of the old you. That it was time to push yourself, to do the things that you've always wanted to do, unapologetically. To find the new you, the real you. To stop being scared.
So after going through you options for a few seconds and taking a deep breath, you make up your mind.
"It's fine. I can do it."
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"JK, sweetheart!"
Jungkook is finishing drawing a Chinese dragon when Mijoo opens the door without knocking. Again. He puts the pen down, rubbing his eyes. It's monday, a slow monday, not much work, and he had hoped it would stay that way until closing time. It's summer and Jungkook hates summer. He hates the heat, he hates being drenched in sweat, and he hates the fact that he can do nothing about it. Because working in the summer is terrible. Summer makes him lazy, makes him want to bathe in a tub full of iced water and not get out until he turns into a raisin and october comes. It makes him irritable. Summer makes him annoyed by people -like Mijoo, even if he loves her to death- and himself.
"I got a girl here who wants a nipple piercing, her first piercing by the way, so get your shit ready and bla bla bla. Straight titanium barbell. Also, don't flirt and don't be creepy. She almost ran away when I told her a male was going to be touching and piercing her tit, be mindful of that. She's too cute, if you want to get her number you should wait until it's done. I think that's it. I'll bring her in in a minute."
Mijoo leaves as fast as she talks, but Jungkook is already used to it. He's already used to the headaches her mouth causes too. He sighs before standing up, tying his too-long raven hair into the best bun he can manage. He washes his hands, sets the table up, sits on the chair and puts the gloves on. He's too busy sterilizing the jewerly when Mijoo comes back with you.
"Alright, my babies. I'll leave you to it." she turns to you. "He'll explain everything, from how the process will be to how to take care of it after it's done." she leaves before saying bye, closing the door behind her, and then he finally turns to you.
Your eyes meet and suddenly everything stops. He almost drops the sterilizing machine, his whole body tensing, going into panic mode as he recognizes you immediatly. His hands shake.
Of course he does. Of course he recognizes his high school crush. The too goody two shoes, too pretentious and too rich, too good for everybody and, most importantly, 'too good for Jeon Jungkook' girl of his high school dreams. Of course he recognizes the girl he had confessed his stupid crush to when he was sixteen. Of course he recognizes the girl who rejected and broke his young and foolish heart when he was a dumb teenager.
It doesn't matter that six years have passed ever since. He still knows every lock of your hair like the palm of his hand. He still remembers the shape of your lips and the exact shade of your eyes. He can still identify the body he fantasized about -and jacked off to- when he was a hormonal teen, now filled in all the right places. Now a grown woman.
Just one look at you after years and years of pining is enough to almost make him faint. And grow a boner under his jeans.
And by the look on your face, your eyes wide and your mouth agape, you recognize him as well.
Dammit.
He schools his features and clears his throat. Forces his body to relax and compose himself, because he's not a teenager anymore. He's also a grown man, who has matured, who now has much more experience with women than he did back then. He had already embarrased himself enough when he was sixteen to be doing it all over again. You're just another attractive girl in a sea of attractive women.
He turns to you. You still haven't said anything. Neither has he.
"Um, you can sit on the table." he manages, motioning to the set up in front of him. He watches you taking doubtful steps until you're sitting down, your eyes avoiding his gaze. He almost forgot you were here to get pierced. Holy shit, you were here to get pierced. To get your nipple pierced.
You're a professional, Jungkook. You can do this, Jungkook. You've seen boobs before, Jungkook. You've pierced nipples before, Jungkook.
Clearing his throat again and forcing his hands to stay by his side, he speaks. "The... The top." your gaze finds his, like a puppy about to get scolded. You look at your top, realization dawning on you. "You don't have to take it off. You can just pull it down."
So you do, pulling the straps of the white tank top down and dragging the fabric down with trembling fingers. No bra. Jungkook gulps as your breasts comes into vision. As perfect as he had imagined years ago. His cock twitches. Round, full, perky and so damn inviting he has to hold himself back from latching onto one nipple with his mouth around it and swirling his tongue over the nub until you're a pretty, moaning, little mess on his piercing tabl-
He closes his eyes for just a second before reminding himself to act like the 23 year old Jungkook he's tried so hard to become. The confident, assured Jungkook he is.
"Okay, this is how it'll go. First I'll clean it and scrub it to get rid of any bacteria." he's so glad he hasn't stuttered yet. 23 year old Jungkook doesn't stutter like 17 year old Jungkook. He's also glad he can pick the alcohol bottle and the surgical scrub without trembling. When he faces you again, you're watching his motions with your lip caught between your teeth. That has him swallowing the lump in his throat.
Making eye contact with him again, you take a deep breath and offer a small nod, so he gets to work. He can show you and himself he's a grown man. A grown man who can pierce a nipple without appearing like it's the first time he's seen a boob in his life. The sooner he does it, the sooner it's over.
Jungkook wets the paper towel with alcohol before carefully wiping over your nub with it. Your back arches, probably from the cold feeling, he guesses. He rubs it a few times before throwing it in the trash can nearby. He avoids looking at how enticing the soft peak is salluting him when he reaches for the marker. He doesn't say anything when he dots it with it, jaw clenched and his dick painfully stiff.
"Lay back." his voice low as he commands, turning away to get the clamp. When he slides closer, he tries to ignore the view: you, with your hair sprawled and your sweaty, shiny skin and your eyes focused on the cieling, nipple fully erect, like the star of one of his most erotic dreams. He extends his free gloved hand before he can stop himself, fingers carefully working the nub until he's sure it's painfully hard. Almost as hard as he is.
You gasp, your back arching again. He stills and looks at you, your cheeks flushed pink. Probably from the heat, he guesses again. Or at least that's what he tells himself. He can't stop himself from wondering how responsive would you be in a different setting, most likely his bed while his teeth play with your breast and his cock dives into-
"You okay?" he studies your face, your eyes not meeting his and instead still focusing on the white ceiling.
"Mhm." you reply with a small voice.
"Relax, alright? It'll be over soon." his voice is as gentle as he can, his fingers mindlessly caressing your breast to try to soothe your nerves. Or maybe it's just because he's a selfish bastard. Whatever it is, he forces himself to bring the clamp to your nipple, securing it around it.
"Take a few deep breaths. This will only take a second of pain and then it will go away." He misses the way your mouth falls open, but he doesn't miss the way your eyes squeeze tight as the needle goes in.
"Ah!" he definitely doesn't miss that either. He goes rigid for a second, because that didn't fucking sound like a cry of painfulness. It's breathy, and whiny, not too loud and, for fucks sake, if that's how you sound when you're getting fucked, he swears to God-
He feels your heartbeat under his hands when he puts the barbell in and then the bandage over it. He takes a look at you, chest moving up and down. And then you take a look at him and what he sees is almost enough to take you right there.
Reddened cheeks, drops of sweat framing your face and those eyes glazed with something he's seen too much in the women he's fucked throughout his life. They're half lidded, mascara adorning your long lashes and almost smudged, looking right through him.
"Jungkook..." and your voice, as you say his name -acknowledging him for the first time since you stepped into his shop, for the first time since you were sixteen-, it's hoarse, almost inaudible, like you just came all over his-
He's on his feet in an instant like he's been burned. "It may bleed for the first week, and it can be really sore. The swelling will eventually come down." he's quickly tidying up the table, a bottle in his hand that he hands to you without looking directly. "Wash it gently with this soap and warm water once per day. Don't touch it. Wear a comfortable...bra. If it gets crusty, clean it with saline. Not alcohol or any other thing you might clean a wound with. The soap I just gave you or saline. Nothing else."
He's pacing around the room as he takes his gloves off and throws them in the trash bin, too agressively maybe, then he keeps rambling, like he's hurriedly trying to make you leave as soon as possible. "Avoid pools and the sea. It takes about six months to a year to heal, so don't... don't touch it, don't play with it or..." he clears his throat, "don't let anyone else play with it. And if it gets infected, come back immediately and I'll take a look at it." which he honestly hopes it won't happen. When he faces you, your top is back on and you're getting off the table.
"Alright, um...I'll do that." clearing your throat, your hand gripping the doorknob. "Thank you."
But right before you can exit the room, Jungkook says your name.
"_____." when you turn around to face him, it takes a few seconds for him to make eye contact from across the room. "It was good to see you."
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"Let me see!"
It's the first thing Chaelin says when she opens the door to her appartment. It's on the second floor, small enough to compare it to most expensive appartments you'd stayed in throughout your life, but big enough for Chaelin, her cat and her -impressive- collection of acrylic nail kits and pairs of high heels. It's also big enough for her to offer you the only guest room until summer is over so you didn't have to, one, stay at your parents' place, and two, find an appartment in a short period of time for a short period of time.
When you left years ago, you did so with the thought of 'never looking back'. You never really expected to return here, of all places. Maybe visit your best friend for a weekend at most, have dinner with your parents on a saturday and then go back to the new life you'd made for yourself on a sunday.
But that was before you'd caught Adam cheating.
Tale as old as time: childhood sweethearts get engaged, move in together, son of a bitch sleeps with the assistand he told his girlfriend not to worry about, and then the brokenhearted girl packs her bags and leaves the cheating bastard begging for her to come back.
You'd be lying if you said you were surprised.
Throughout your life, you'd learned to expect many things, regardless of being sheltered and babied by your family since you were born. Watched too much Maury and Dr.Phil. Too much Gossip Girl to know what the deal with life really is.
So, thankfully, you'd only shed a few tears, mostly because your ego and self steem were slightly triggered. You'd realize long before that your feelings for Adam started to disappear once he popped the question and you said yes. Your love story began as teenagers but soon after graduating, the two of you went on different paths: you'd matured, grown into your twenties while he got stuck at 17 and never stopped acting as such.
So yeah, whatever, break ups are hard. But they're not as hard when the love is gone and the sole reason to stay with your partner is to please your parents. You were also right when you expected your mom to tell you to 'forgive and forget' because 'those things just happen, it's not a big deal, honey'.
But above all things, the last thing you expected to happen when you came back was to show your tits and get pierced by none other than motherfucking Jeon Jungkook.
Jeon Jungkook. Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.
The lanky nerd with braces, glasses and an anime obsession much bigger than his hentai obsession, which is saying a lot. The shy, awkward classmate who'd stuttered his undying crush for you when you were just kids. That one who you had rudely rejected like the bitch you used to be in high school.
But my God, Jeon Jungkook was anything but a kid now.
You were shocked. You were gagged. Couldn't seem to fathom what was happening and what your eyes were seeing. It took you a while to close your mouth when you realized JK was Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.
With messy black hair, a smoldering gaze free of glasses, piercings adorning both ears, and his right eyebrow,, the braces long gone showing perfectly straight - but still bunny like- teeth. The clothes he wore were loose, all black, but it was impossible not to notice the muscles of his back and arms, covered with tattoos from his hands to his forearms. You'd bet there were more of them underneath the fabric.
It was awkward at first. You didn't know what to do, or what to say. Didn't know if he rememberd you. So you chose to stay quiet while your body chose to react like it had never been in the presence of an attractive young man in it's entire life.
And oh, did it react.
He was reluctant, his old timid demeanor peeking through his newly adopted persona. But as soon as those hands came in contact with your skin, your whole body was lit on fire. Like you were 16 and losing your virginity over again and it was the first time a dude touched your boobs.
There shouldn't have been anything erotic about it -besides the fact that your entire breasts were exposed-, it should've been just a professional procedure. But those gloved fingers touched and pinched and suddenly you were too aware of Jeon Jungkook and the way you were starting to sweat profously, not due to the heat of the season.
You tried to distract yourself by looking at the cieling and not at his gorgeous face. Tried to avoid thinking about Jeon Jungkook and how his mouth would feel wrapped around you. Tried not to think about the way your panties were a second skin to your folds, and how tempted you were to grind your hips until you recieved some sort of friction with the jean fabric of your shorts. You wonder if he noticed you squeezing your thighs together. You hope not.
And then the needle happened. You never thought of yourself as a particularly kinky person. Sex with Adam was boring for the most part and you'd lost your libido for a long time. Stopped thinking about sex altogether. But the pain. The pain mixed with his hand rubbing soothing circles on your breast and his voice, as sweet as honey, guiding you through it. It made you reconsider a lot of things you'd once dismissed as 'weird' or 'deviant'
You swear you almost came right on his table.
And then your eyes connected, you made the mistake of calling his name like a satisfied woman who still needed more, and it was all gone. He stood up like a scared cat, gave you a bunch of explanations about the aftercare that you barely grasped without even looking at you and pretty much rushed you to leave.
So you walked, all the way from the tattoo parlor to Chaelin's appartment, mortified, and completely humilliated.
"Are you gonna let me see or not?" your friend says expectantly as you finally sit down after chugging a glass of iced water. You sigh, placing the glass on the table before carefully pulling down your top. "Oh my God, it looks so cool!" she gasps and you can't help a smile while she studies it in amazement. "Did it hurt?"
"Um, I guess." you keep out the part where you almost orgasmed, obviously, stopping her hand from touching when she reaches towards you. "Wait, no. He said something about not touching it for like six months or a year, I don't remember."
At that, Chaelin's eyebrows quirk up. "He? It was a he? Was he cute, at least?"
"You won't believe this..." looking away for a few seconds, you take a deep breath. "It was Jeon Jungkook."
There's a pause, a silence that fills the room when Chaelin's jaw drops. "Jeon Jungkook...pierced your nipple?"
You close your eyes, bracing yourself for what you're a hundred percent sure is coming.
"Ha..." there it is. "Ha ha..." you still know there's more. "Ha ha ha..."
Chaelin laughs hysterically for about God knows how long, while you keep drinking your glass of water unfaced, your mind drifting back to Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie, his tattoos and his stupid gloved hands.
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You know he's here.
Everything was cool, you were doing alright, having a great time with your vodka sprite in hand and your cute white bikini on. Chaelin was by your side, the guys were excited to have you back and thankfully, you'd avoided most questions about Adam and they'd avoided digging too deep into the topic. You'd sunbathed the whole afternoon, kept away from the water like he'd told you and ate the Hawaiian pizza Yoongi insisted on ordering despite Namjoon's and Jimin's complaints.
It's at night, when you're a little tipsy and your cheeks are flushed, that you feel it. You'd barely noticed Taehyung disappearing to let in a new guest.
You don't see him, but you feel him.
You're sitting on the pool tile steps, legs dangling and the water baely reaching your belly to make sure it doesn't touch your very sensitive and newly pierced nipple. Your back is facing the sliding glass doors of Hoseok's house, but the moment you hear his voice, smooth but animated as he converses with Taehyung, your body wakes up immediately, back straightening, goosebumps forming on your arms and nipples tightening against the fabric of your two piece.
You don't turn around, instead opting for downing the remaining of your drink and coming to the realization that, of course, Taehyung, social butterfly who'd always got along with everybody and remained friends with most people from high school, still keeps in touch with Jungkook.
You ignore him when he enters the pool, still peering from the corner of your eyes while pretending to be engaged in Chaelin's and Jihyo's conversation. Your mind sabotages you by taking you to that day a week ago at the tattoo parlor.
To the warmth of his hand, to the few strands of hair that his small ponytail couldn't keep together, to the way his eyes focused on such an intimate part of your body, to the endless ink decorating his skin, to-
Great. Now your bottoms are wet and not due to the water.
You don't miss Chaelin supressing a laugh and her not so subtle elbowing. You glance at her in warning and try to keep calm for the next fifteen minutes until Jin proposes moving to the living room to watch a movie.
"I'm gonna stay here for a little longer, guys." you say, after clearing your throat. You needed some time to gather yourself before being in a confined space with Jungkook.
"Are you sure?" Jin stops by your side to place a hand on your shoulder as everybody starts exiting the pool. "It's Mean Girls! You love Mean Girls! You never miss a minute of Mean Girls!"
Rolling your eyes, you wave him dismissively. "I know every dialogue on Mean Girls like the back of my hand, I think I'll be alright, Jin."
When everybody finally leaves, you take a deep breath, covering your face with your hands in an attempt to get him out of your head. Damn Jeon Jungkook and his irresisitble glow up.
"You okay?"
The unexpected voice startles you, a gasp finding its way out of your mouth and causing you to jump on your seat, heartbeat erratic as you instantly recognize who it belongs to. Your hand grasps your chest as if that would do anything to protect yourself against him.
"Shit, don't do that!" you say, the words almost getting stuck in your throat as you see him approaching you, still submerged in the pool. The more he nears you, the less water depth there is and the more visible his torso comes into view. Wich was exactly what you'd been avoiding.
Because Jeon Jungkook was ripped, as you'd imagined when you first encountered him.
Broad shoulders and strong biceps and chiseled abs and veiny forearms. Drenched hair, a full sleeve of tattoos and water dripping from delicious tan skin and all just so very hard. That paired up with a loopsided smile that does nothing but make you shudder.
"Sorry." he doesn't sound apologetic at all when he says that, the smirk adorning his features telling. "You just seemed a little off." you advert your gaze when he pushes his hair back.
"I'm fine, just...just wanted to be by myself."
"Oh" Jungkook's smile disappears. "I can leave, if you want me t-"
"No!" you're not sure where that comes from and neither does he, judging by the look on his face when your eyes find his. Eyebrows raised and mouth slightly parted, he's as surprised as you and there's an awkward silence for a few seconds. "Um, you don't have to. I mean, it's not my house, you can do whatever you want." you sniff and tame your voice, trying to seem cool and collected like you didn't just practically beg him not to go.
Ironic, considering this was exactly what you had been fearing for the past thirty minutes.
And then he smiles. A knowing smile. A smile that says 'you just totally checked me out and now you don't want me to leave'. A smile that you would have never associated with Jeon Jungkook of all people years ago. A smile that makes you want to look away but still keeps you in place.
"Sure." he says, closing the space between the two of you slowly but still leaving enough distance. "So, how's it going?"
You clear your throat, head high and determined not to let this man, or any man for that matter, turn you into a trembling mess. You're still you and you're not easily shaken by the opposite sex. Or at least that's what you helplessly chant in your head.
"Everything's cool. I'm on summer vacation now," a little white lie, "so I decided to-"
"The piercing." he says, the smile never leaving his face. "I meant how's the piercing."
"The pier- right." you almost miss the step he takes forward, all too aware of his height over yours but thankful for the centimeters that being propped on the stairs added to yours. "It's-" you almost, almost miss his knee touching your knee and him slightly separating your legs with his own inch by inch. Or how your thighs open unvoluntarely to welcome him in and how you can barely find coherent words to speak. "It's doing-" or the way his smile disappears and is instead focusing his dark stare fully onto yours.
"It's doing well." you finally say in a whisper, not being able to bring yourself to be louder.
He hums. "May I see it?" Jungkook wets his lips with the tip of his tongue and the action and his voice is enough to make you nod your head, bewitched.
His movements are unhurried, his hand coming up to tentatively come in contact with the flesh of your clavicle. His fingers skim through your skin upwards, his touch is feather-like when it wraps around your throat. You pant, and he stops but he doesn't move away, his eyes still focused on yours, studying you, daring you to pull back, to tell him to back off. But just a simple touch of his and you're fully under his control. It reminds you too much of the day you got that damn piercing.
Your lips are parted and for a moment he stays just like that. His body so close to yours but not close enough, and his hand slightly gripping your neck. Your pussy clenches around nothing and you can't wrap your head around the fact that something so simple sets your entire being alive and leaves you aching.
Then, as slow as he started, his hand travels from the front of your neck to the back, pushing your hair aside to carefully untie the straps of your bikini. He breathes through his nostrils, doesn't make a sound. He seems so collected it's starting to annoy you.
Instead, your breathing is ragged when the top falls down, exposing both your breasts to him. That's when he removes his eyes from yours and his jaw clenches. Your nipples perk up under his gaze, like they remember him and the effect he had on them just a week ago. You're at least glad you're not the only one affected but he seems to be a master at keeping it under wraps.
Then, his hand moves again, leaving goosebumps on your skin as it goes south. Jungkook takes his time, so deliberate you want to scream, until he's cupping your pierced breast, keeping away from the nipple just like he'd advised you a few days prior. You can't look away from his face, from his eyes observing you like you're a full course meal and he's been starving for days. You feel drops of water falling from his hair to your thighs, his thumb caressing your skin so delicately as it faintly nears your still tender nipple. Just nearing it, never touching it.
"Beautiful." his murmur is almost imperceptible and for a moment you think you've imagined it. Your back arches on its own, breast pushed against the palm of his hand, almost like your body is begging him to come closer, to touch you more, to feel you all over. He meets your eyes briefly, gauging your reaction, before going back to your chest. Suddenly, the grip on your breast tightens, fingers ever so softly squeezing your flesh. From your throat comes a mewl, your eyes shut and your legs close around his waist.
"Jungkook, please..." you whisper when you open your eyes. He looks at you, unvertainty written all over his face, lips bruised as if he had been biting on them too hard, gaze as glassy as yours. And just like that, the spell is broken. He blinks and his expression changes completely. Lips forming a straight line and jaw tight. His hand retracts, fixing your bikini top over your breasts before tying it around your neck like it originally was. Meanwhile your eyebrows crunch in confusion. But when you're about to start asking questions, he clears his throat.
"It's healing okay." he steps back, avoiding your eyes. "I'll see you inside."
Jungkook leaves the pool like nothing happened.
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Jungkook is fiddling, fixing the position of his glasses and combing through his straight hair with shaky hands, habits he's tried so hard to get rid of in his sixteen years of existence but still finds impossible to.
He can't help it. He's always been like this: the quiet and awkward kid in class who sits in the back, a misunderstood puppy in a sea of stronger dog breeds that could eat him alive. An outcast. Too geeky for his own good. Notebokes full of Dragon Ball doodles on the margins of the pages, the shelves in his room stacked with Marvel figurines, and a closet filled with outdated clothes that he has been inheriting from his older brother.
He has never been the type to stand out, always being overlooked by people like he's invisible. He doesn't mind though. He'd much rather be ignored than getting picked on by bullies like he used to in elementary school.
He never gets invited to parties. Ever. He's a nobody who barely speaks, and when he does he either stutters or manages to embarrass himself in one way or another. He's seen the look on people's faces when they look at him. Their eyes seem to scream 'weirdo' everytime he gets acknowledged.
So obviously the only reason he was invited to this particular party had a first and last name: Kim Taehyung. The only kid in Jungkook's entire life who didn't look at him in a funny way, the only kid who took the time to entangle in a random conversation with him after class and who seemed geniune enough to make Jungkook feel comfortable.
He's not sure how it happened, since Taehyung mostly hangs out with the cool kids. But somehow it did, and now Jungkook is uncomfortably standing in a living room full of drunk teens, looking directly at you.
You, the one girl Jungkook had been pining on for God knows how long. You, who are obviously too pretty, too popular, and way out of his league. You, with your plaid skirt and your polo shirt and those legs that never seem to end. You, who are sitting with your friends in a couch, drink in hand and visibly tipsy. And yet, he doesn't think he's ever seen anyone pull of the 'drunk-rosy-cheek' look better than you.
He can hear your laugh through the music and he already thinks it sounds better than whoever is playing in the background.
"Come on, Gukkie! Her friends are leaving and she's all by herself now! It's your chance" Taehyung's obviously drunk too because it took Jungkook a while to decypher his exact words. He'd disappeared for a while and now that he's back, he's pushing Jungkook in your direction.
"This was a mistake, Taehyung." Jungkook shakes his hair and steps back, quickly glancing at the front door to prepare his escape. But his new friend's grip on his hoodie keeps him in place.
"Guk, listen. The only thing you have to do, is walk up to her, and say 'hey I think you're, like, really pretty. Just letting you know. Bye!' That's it. Jung- Dude, Guk, seriously, look at me." Taehyung grabs Jungkook's cheeks, squishing them between his hands and forceing him to face him. "You've been crushing hard on her for years, my man. We're graduating and you won't see each other again. What's the worst thing that can happen? Getting rejected?"
Jungkook's eyebrows draw together. "Um, yeah?"
"Exactly! Getting rejected is not the end of the world, bro! It just means keep trying on other girls!" Taehyung releases his hold on Jungkook's cheeks. "I just think you're going to regret not telling your crush she's your crush. Who knows? Maybe in the future you two will get married."
Jungkook snickers, muttering a 'yeah right' under his breath. Still, he can't help the smile that Taehyung's words always seem to pull out of him.
"Now," Taehyung playfully slaps Jungkook before turning him in your direction again. "Go get 'em, tiger!"
"Okay," Mijoo's voice slices through Jungkook's memories. She's sitting on Jungkook's desk, munching on her brownies and looking at her coworker expectantly. "And then what?"
He sighs, running a hand through his hair, sits back on his chair, already feeling the effects of Mijoo's baked goods. "And then I walked up to her, like a damn fool, stutter and all. And I say:" he clears his throat, making an effort to do his best teenage Gukkie impression."'Hey, _____, um, so, I think you're beautiful and I've had a crush on you since seventh grade, haha, just wanted to let you know.'"
Mijoo rolls her eyes, still chewing. "And then what?"
"And then she looked me up and down, giggled, fucking giggled, Mijoo, and said 'Who are you, again?'" Mijoo gasps and Jungkook closes his eyes, trying to force that recollecion out of his head.
"What a bitch." she can't help but laugh before apologizing. Jungkook merely shrugs his shoulders and takes another bite of his brownie. "She didn't say anything else?"
"She said something along the lines of:" he clears his throat again, this time, doing an impression of you. "'That's sweet and all but, you and I... we're not the same. And I have a boyfriend, so...' She said that like I didn't know, like I wasn't aware of the school's it couple! Like I was dumb!"
Mijoo nods. "And now you want to fuck her even more than you did in high school."
"I- No! Well, yes. Fuck, of course I want to sleep with her! But I just... can't."
"Why not?"
"Did you hear anything about what I just told you or were you too concentrated trying to get high?"
It's Mijoo's turn to roll her eyes. "I heard everything you just told me. I just don't understand what the problem is. You two were sixteen. Sure, she was a bitch about it, but Lord knows I've been a bitch my entire life and now I'm not anymore." Jungkook raises an eyebrow at that. "Okay, sometimes I can be nice. But the point is..." Mijoo finishes her piece of brownie before getting off of Jungkook's desk. "It's been, what? Nine? Ten years? People change, JK. You're the best example of that. You want to fuck her and she obviously wants to fuck you too. You're both adults." she wipes her hands on her shorts. "I think it's time you fulfill that high school fantasy of yours."
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You've made up your mind.
And by you, it means Chaelin has made up your mind.
It didn't take long to convince you though. That last interaction with Jungkook cause too many emotions stirring within you. It left you hot, it left you bothered, it left you confused. Sure, it also left you a little bit embarrassed like the first time, but above everything else, that interaction with Jungkook left you absolutely livid.
Because who the fuck did Jeon Jungkook, formerly known as Guk, Gukkie, Jungukkie, and currently known as JK, think he was to come near you, speed your heart rate's up, and then runaway like that?
You've spent days thinking about it. About that face, about that body, about those hands and- shit. You're doing it again.
You've spent days trying to push those intrusive thoughts. Spent days trying to bury what happened. You've spent days trying to keep quiet, not telling anyone about it and just wishing that stupid spark of desire simply went away.
But it has just been simply unavoidable. You haven't been able to ignore the sleepless nights with your brain drifting back to that night and forbidding your hand from slipping under your panties. Or the excessive amount of time during the day where images of him suddenly popped in your head and wouldn't go away, even with you squeezing your thighs to try to make the ache go away.
So you ended up ranting and ranting and ranting to the only person you could confide on, who is obviously your best friend. Your best friend, who's too smart for her own good and knows you too well for your liking. Because apparently your moodiness and snappy remarks couldn't go unnoticed.
And after explaining the fiasco over a bottle of wine -and minutes of endless laughing on Chaelin's part because, again, it's Gukkie you two were talking about and, according to her, this was "the most karmic thing I've ever seen"-, she gave you the best advice an older sister could ever give.
"Fuck him."
"I know right? Fuck him!"
"No. I mean, fuck him."
And now here you are. Right inside that room you stepped in weeks ago, confronting the man in question with the same confidence that has always distinguished you from others and trying to act like the fluttering inside your belly wasn't nauseauting.
"A date."
"Yes."
"You want to go on a date with me." this wouldn't be so hard if Jungkook didn't look so delectable in a plain white t-shirt and ripped jeans. You cross your arms over your chest, doing your best to not look down at the exposed skin of a man who obviously worked out a lot and apparently, never skipped leg day. "What's the catch?"
He's sitting on his chair, back resting comfortably and legs spread, narrowing his eyes at you and probably wondering why the girl at the front desk let you in without an appointment. Also, probably wondering if there was a catch to all of this.
"There's no catch. I just want to go to the fair this weekend. I'll ask Taehyung for your number and text you the date and the exact place we'll be meeting. Unless..." your quirk one of your eyebrows. "Unless you're already planning on how you'll chicken out this time."
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Of course, Jungkook says yes to going on a date with his high school crush but spends the following days overthinking every single thing.
He can't help but feel like it's kinda sketchy. What if you're planning your vendetta on him? What if you don't even show up and he ends up there looking like a damn idiot? What if you hate him and are just messing up with him? What if that incident in high school is going to repeat itself?
"If she doesn't show up, you simply move on and never speak to her again. It's that simple. She can't have that much power over you to cry about something like that." Mijoo had said that same day she let you in the tattoo parlor after you'd asked to see Jungkook. Jungkook's coworker hadn't even question you and just motioned you to Jungkook's room with a knowing smile on her face. Later that day, Jungkook had scolded her about it and she'd simply shrugged.
He considers cancelling, eyes reading the 'won't be able to make it, sorry (sad face emoji)' over and over again and fingers hovering over the send button so many times he's lost count. But then he remembers that comment of yours about him chickening out and Jungkook starts seeing red.
How couldn't you understand he's just terrified of you rejecting him one more time? Sure, Jungkook is now an adult who doesn't get butthurt over stuff like that. He's experienced too much after graduating from high school and he's a much stronger individual than his fragile self back was back then.
But something about you just makes him feel so... weak.
He still finds it impossible to concieve where he got the courage to approach you like that at Taehyung's pool, or how he brought himself to touch you for longer than a minute without coming in his pants. He'd enjoyed it too much. Allowing him to see you so exposed, just for him. He'd be so tempted to kiss you right there and then, to run his hands up and down your thighs and fully wrap your legs around him to let you known how much you'd affected him. Once you called his name, it was like he'd finally snapped out of it and backed away like he'd been burned by you. He spent the next twenty minutes trying to keep himself from pulling down his pants and jerking off in his friend's bathroom.
It's terrible. Because he feels like the teenager he used to be when you're around. Shy, insecure and overall a mess. You showing up in his life after so many years and now apparenly being interested in him seems like a dream that he's not sure he wants to keep being in or wake up from before it's too late and he falls back into that tumoltuous longing that will inevitably end up in heartbreak. His heartbreak.
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It's saturday night, he's standing by himself in the crowded fair at the spot. You're fifteen minutes late and he's already about to turn back and dip out. He feels too awkward and the nerves are eating him alive.
You're not going to show up. You're not going to show up and now he feels and looks even dumber than the time he told you he was crushing on you. You're not even going to show up and now he's going to come back home, get drunk by himself and curse your name for-
"Hey!" he turns around to the sound of your voice and sees you running towards him. "Sorry I'm late! I couldn't find my phone and spent like thirty minutes looking for it. Turns out, Sharon Stone, was taking a nap on top of it and I didn't even notice."
"Sharon Stone?"
"Chaelin's cat."
To be honest, he's too surprised to process your explanation right away. He might also be a little speechless because that sky blue sundress looks too good on your skin and your eyelashes are so long, framing your beautiful eyes, and your lips are all glossy and kisseable that it takes him a while to find his own voice.
He clears his throat. "It's alright." scratching the back of his head, he momentarely adverts his gaze from you in an attempt to not get distracted by how soft your hair looks and how much he wants to wrap it around his hands in a ponytail. "Um, where do you want to go first?"
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Almost an hour and a half later, when the sun has already disappeared and you're both surrounded by colorful lights, Jungkook decides to buy the both of you hot dogs and a drink and you both settle down on a bench.
You've been walking all over the fair, going from booth to booth, playing any game in sight Jungkook dared you to -he obviously had a competitive streak-: from the ballon and dart games, to the shooting games, to the bumping cars, to the ball-in-basket one. To say you were having fun was an understatement.
You'd almost regretted setting the date up. You were sure he wouldn't even show up and if he did, you were scared of how awkward things could get between the two of you. And if things were awkward, you were sure it would only take less than thirty minutes for the both of you to part ways and never talk again about such failure of a date.
To your surprise, none of that happened.
The conversation was flowing, both of you acting like you were strangers on their first date getting to know each other, which, to be fair, that's exactly what it felt like. There was a slight banter, teasing each other when one of you lost in whatever game you were playing while the other was obviously winning. There were laughs and a funny feeling in your tummy whenever you'd walk side by side and his arm brushed yours.
There was no stiffness on his shoulders, no mention of the past or your previous encounters, no acknowledgement of the blatant sexual tension you'd experienced before, not an ounce of avoidance whenever your eyes met his and he was even sure of himself enough to place a hand on your lower back or briefly interwine your fingers with his to guide you through the mass of people.
It felt like you'd both unspokenly agreed on making each other feel comfortable enough to have a good time.
"I didn't think you were going to show up, to be honest." you suddenly say, taking a sip of your strawberry juice and thankful to finally let your feet rest for a while.
Jungkook looks at you, hot dog mid air and eyebrows almost disappearing into his hairline. "You didn't think I was going to show up? I didn't think you were going to show up." you simply shrug, lowering your gaze seepishly, the beginning of a smile on both your faces. He surprises you by tilting your head in his direction with his forefinger. You watch him watching you, a little dazed, a little lost in how his dark hair messily falls over his forehead and his equally dark eyes study your face, his thumb swiping over your lower lip. "You um... There was ketchup right there." he lies.
"Oh" you say, feeling your face heating up. "Thanks. Red doesn't really match this dress." you manage a smile and tuck a lock of your hair behind your ear.
At that, he eyes your dress for a moment, mouth slightly ajar. He's debating on whether or not to say something but you beat him to it.
"I'm sorry, by the way."
"For being late? I already told you it's fin-"
"No." you shake your head. "For... that time when we were young and I was such a concieted brat." you say, looking away , trying to find anything else that's not his pretty face. "I thought I was a queen bee back then. I was annoying and rude, specially to you. I..." you lick your lips. The cherry glittery gloss was already gone. "I thought it was cute, what you said. There was no reason for me to act like that. I know this doesn't make anything right but..." when you turn to face him again, there's still the same expression on his face. "I'm sorry."
A few seconds go by before it's him who's shaking his head. "It's okay. It was a long time ago, anyway." he smiles at you, although it doesn't reach his eyes and seems sorta forced. You sigh, and he takes your hand. "Let's go to the ferris wheel."
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tell you're tense. You're sitting right beside him in the ferris cabin, your back is all straight, you're facing forward and he believes you haven't blinked for what feels like an eternity. He thinks it has everything to do with your conversation a few minutes ago. You were probably not content with his response but what could Jungkook do? There was really no point in apologizing for something that happened years ago, but at the same time, he didn't want to hold anything against you like a resentful asshole because it was really not who he was. But there was still a little bit of stingyness inside of him and he didn't know how to make it go away.
At the end of the day, here you were, on a date with him that you'd asked for, getting along and asking questions about him and laughing at his jokes and trying to start all over again.
But then the ferris wheel starts moving, and he finally understands why you look so uncomfortable.
It's the way you immediately grip his forearm, nails digging in his skin and he swears he hears the smallest gasp forcing itself out your throat.
"Are you... scared?" he tentatively asks.
You say nothing for a while, not moving an inch. He would laugh if you didn't look so pained about it.
"I don't like small confined spaces nor rollercoasters." you finally say through gritted teeth.
"It's not really that small and ferris wheels are not rollercoasters. " your nails dig deeper and he winces. "Okay, okay. You don't like small confined spaces nor rollercoasters, and that includes ferris wheels. So why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't know. I've never liked ferris wheels but you seemed excited about it, so..."
There's a silence after that in the environment, neither of you exactly sure of what to say or how to act. Until Jungkook moves one of his hands hands until it's resting on the one who's holding onto him for dear life, fingers caressing yours. The warmth of his hand spreads through yours and although it's almost July and you can already feel your sweaty back staining your dress, it's oddly comforting. What's more comforting even, is him twisting his body towards you and talking with the calmest and most soothing tone you've ever heard.
"Look at me." you do instantly, unwillingly, and kinda wish you hadn't. It's almost as if your body will do anything he says without question. Like he has some sort of power over it to just react however he wants. His eyes bore into yours and suddenly the cab doesn't seem so suffocating. "It's just you and me right now. We're not even on a ferris wheel." the corners of his mouth turn slowly upwards. You zone out the environment, suddenly too aware of him and how close he is and how loud the beating of your heart is to your own ears.
"Jungkook."
You swallow the knot in the back of your throat when he removes his hand from yours. It almost makes you protest, - now realizing you've losened the tight grip on his arm- , before it craddles your face, keeping you in place while bringing his body closer.
"You have to stop saying my name like that."
With his thigh touching your thigh, your whole demeanor melts. When he leans closer, and you feel his breath fanning over your lips, your eyes shut closed.
"Tell me I can-" he starts to say.
"Yes." you finish for him. He doesn't doubt on closing the distance between you two. His lips touch yours and your body shakes in excitement. It's just him lightly skimming your lips with his but it's already too much and at the same time, not enough. It has you deepening it, yourself moving closer when he kisses you again. It has you relaxing against him, the tenseness prior disappearing and making you arch your back when his tongue asks for permission.
But it's exactly then, the moment you open your lips to him, that has you losing your mind.
The sparks fly, traveling from your head to your toes and then settling on the pit of your stomach as soon as the kiss starts to turn desperate and rough. When he nibbles your lips with his teeth, it makes you mewl and whine and your nipples tight against the cotton of your dress. It makes the metal barbell to feel uncomfortable, slightly painful. And when he goes back to being messy and filthy with his tongue tangled with yours, your thighs close on their own.
He forces himself to pull his hand back and bring it down, finding the parting of yd opening them for him. "Wait," you say, your fingers wrapping around his forearm as you try to catch your breath."The ferris-" he shuts you up with another kiss.
"We're not on a ferris wheel." he reminds you, a soft whisper against your mouth. And for whatever reason, you believe him.
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"He fingered you on the ferris wheel."
"Yes."
"And you came before the ride was over."
You take a small sip of wine, your eyes focusing on the TV where a rerun of the Golden Girls is playing, although, to be fair, lately you haven't been able to pay much attention to anything else but a certain brunet with doe eyes and kisseable lips. "Yes."
She hums, stealing a handful of popcorn from the bowl between your thighs.
"How long did it took? Like five minutes?"
There's a pause in which you clench your jaw, your fingers twitching around the glass in your hand, and then you answer. "Probably less."
There's another pause, and then-
"Ha...Ha ha...Ha ha ha-"
You let her laugh. It's okay. You knew you had it coming.
Chaelin knows the pillow you throw right at her face is also something she had coming.
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It's not that you're mad.
Jungkook and you had a great time on that fair date, he made you laugh, bought hot dogs and drinks for the two of you and got you off inside the cab of a ferris wheel on record time with those magical, long fingers of his. Technically, there shouldn't be anything to be angry about.
Except it's been a week and you can't stop thinking about him, about wanting more, and about those words that he left you with after the ferris wheel ride ended, when you had tried to return the favor.
'Next time, maybe.'
And there hasn't been a next time.
The thought of texting him or giving him a call to ask for another date is persistent in your mind. It remains while you do the laundry or wash the dishes, while you shower, while you eat or while you spend your days at the beach with Chaelin. There's always the incessant desire to reach out towards your phone, unlock it and dial his number to beg for more.
But you'd never been one to beg, so you resist the urge everytime that feeling starts to creep up on you and it washes over you like a wave. You silence your phone and try to concentrate on making the most out of your summer.
It's one random night, when you're tiredly dragging your feet across Chaelin's apartment's carpet, yawning and ready to succumb to a well needed slumber, that you see your phone screen's lighting up with a message.
Your heart pathetically leaps inside your chest when you read his name.
'you free on saturday?'
You wish you could say you ghosted him, ignored his text and moved on with your life until it was him who begged you for another date. But the truth is you opened it in a matter of seconds and typed 'i'm free, why?' back in a rush with trembling fingers.
So now you're on the passanger seat of his car while he sits on the driver seat, the first saturday night of July, like he's Danny Zuko and you're Sandy Olsson, watching a vintage movie in a drive-in theater which plot you don't give a shit about, even if Jungkook's date plan idea made something inside of you churn with adoration.
And the only reason why you don't give a single damn about the movie playing in front of your eyes, is because you're hot. Way too hot. And the reason and cause is none other than the boy-now-turned-man sitting on your left.
You barely exchanged words when he picked you up, just rode in silence until you got to your destination and you bet he can feel as well as you do the tension in the air.
You've surveyed him a few times from the corner of his eye, noticing him fiddling with the rings around his fingers and shifting in his seat from time to time. And if the sight of his fingers bring memories that you've tried to bury to keep yourself from lunching towards him, a brief glance at his forearms, adorned with ink drawn through his golden flesh -doing a poor job at concieling the veins running underneath- and his skin-tight jeans wrapping those muscled thighs of his is enough to have you be the one squirming in your seat.
A woman can only endure so much, and you come to that realization thirty minutes into the movie.
"I want to suck your cock." you say, a stern expression on your face as you turn your body in his direction.
Jungkook frozes as your voice slides over him. It takes him a couple seconds to look at you, shock widening his eyes and parting his lips.
"Huh?" he manages, his grip on the steering wheel turning his knuckles white.
Without separating your gaze from his, you gather your hair and tie it in a ponytail with the hair tie previously around your wrist. You don't miss the quick glance he sneaks into the curvature of your neck and the valley between your breasts.
Inching forward, closing in on him, you place one of your hands on top of his thigh, the action making his whole body tense. "____..." he whispers your name in a warning that doesn't sound convincing even in his own ears.
You smile, your eyes never wavering from his as your hand inches upwards, slowly caressing over the fabric of his jeans until you finally come across what you were looking for.
His hand flies to your wrist, stilling your movements. "____, this is not-". He starts, but his voice gets stuck inside his throat when you palm his undoubtly growing erection.
"Shh." your shaky breath fans over his cheek and you force yourself on your knees on the passanger seat in a more comortable possition to stop the trembling to reach them.
You fumble with the belt holding his pants in place, then with the button and finally with the zipper. He helps you by lifting his hips to pull his jeans and boxers to his thighs and you have to bite back a mixture between a gasp and a moan at the sight below you. You haven't even seen Jeon Jungkook naked all the way, but the mere sight of his hard cock with pre-cum glistening on his crown is probably the sexiest thing you've ever had the pleasure of appreciating.
It gets sexier when you wrap your hand around the base and his body melts in the driver seat, throwing his head back with his eyes shut. It gets even sexier when you finally lower your head, swirling your tongue over the head before finally engulfing him fully in the wet warmth of your mouth.
"Shit." his voice is tight, uneven as his hand loosely grips your ponytail, as if careful not to accidentally hurt you and break the glorious moment.
Although you wouldn't mind at all. Because the moment your hands are on him, and your tongue is on his shaft, that's the only thing you care about. Your belly is twisting, an undeniable wet spot on your panties as the fabric sticks to your folds, and the more you suck Jungkook, the more you want from him. His earthy taste is addicting and the soft little whimpers he occasionally can't prevent himself from are making you want to milk him until he can't take it no more. There's this desire within you to whorship him and his cock like you had been dreaming for the past weeks.
"This is s-so fucking h-hot." he rasps between ragged breaths, the bobbing of your head, sliding up and down his dick as your hand works the centimeters your mouth can't take is about to make him faint.
"Getting a blowjob?" you joke, your throat starting to feel sore as you kiss his leaking tip.
"N-no." he draws in a rough breath when you take him all of him again. "You giving me a blowjob... T-the f-fact that anyone c-could see us..." he darts a quick glance at your body, your ass up in the air and your dress sliding down, almost exposing you completely. "The fact that-ah! Shit..." he squeezes his eyes when he feels a glob of your spit lubricating him.
There's a sudden need to make you feel the same, to touch your skin and have you shaking the same way you have him. So one of his hands travels from your spine, to your perked ass, finally dragging the cotton of your dress to allow himself to see your thin white panties. "The fact that anyone could see you l-like this," he murmurs, regaining a little bit of control when he squeezes one of your cheeks. "letting t-them see you s-sucking my cock and..." he smirks when he feels you gasping around him, his fingers trapped between your thighs and pushing them inside your heat easily "and letting them see me fingering this pretty little pussy."
Soon after that he's cumming in your mouth while you're cumming around his fingers.
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At first, it's mostly on weekends when you see each other. Weekends of stolen kisses and soft sighs and whispering against each other's lips. Then weekends turn to week days, sitting on grass while sipping on refreshing beverages, drawing each other laughs, elbows touching as you walk around the park side by side because the both of you are too scared to interwine your fingers together.
Jungkook feels content like this: sitting on the sand with you between his thighs, admiring the sunset while nuzzing your neck and inhaling your scent every now. He likes waching you enoying your strawberry ice cream, almost forgetting the chocolate chip one already melting in his hand.
"If you were an ice cream flavor,which one would you be?" you ask him, relaxing against his chest.
"Rocky road."
"Why?"
He shrugs behind you. "Everyone likes rocky road."
You hum, playfully rolling your eyes. "What about me? Which ice cream flavor would I be?"
"Lemon sherbet, in the summer."
"Lemon sherbet? Out of all of the flavours out there, you're rocky road and I'm lemon sherbet?"
"Lemon sherbet, in the summer." he corrects.
"Okay, fine. Why?"
"You're boring and basic."
You gasp, trying to feign outrage but not being able to repress the laugh that escapes your throat. You elbow him, his laugh mixing with yours while taking the time to wrap his arms around your form, the breeze blowing your hair allowing him a spot between your neck and your shoulder. "You're boring and basic, but once you have a taste..." he presses a small kiss on your skin, causing the tiny hairs on the nape of your neck to rise. "Once you have a taste, specially on the hottest day in the middle of summer, you can't stop tasting and licking until there's no more lemon sherbet left."
You suck in on a breath when he craddles your jaw to face him. "It's been my favourite flavor since I was a kid." he kisses you immediately after, his lips swallowing the small whimper now stuck in your throat.
You close your eyes as his tongue opens your mouth, arousal blasting your insides and something much, much deeper that you fear to even name shredding your chest.
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The beginning of august comes faster then you two realize, but what you both do realize is how hard it's becoming to stay away from each other.
It's been thirty days of dates happening almost everyday, sharing high school memories and anecdotes of the time you spent away from each other. Hours of getting to know each other and opening up to each other. From failed relationships to new friendships. Of park dates walking side by side and fingers now interwined because you both realized one day that, fuck it.
It's difficult to sleep when you realize you're starting to catch serious feelings for somebody who was just supposed to be a fling. It's hard to sleep when his face, his voice and his touch and thoughts of missing him when you don't see each other start haunting you at night.
It's hard for Jungkook to focus on work when you're everything that's occupying his mind. Because he has a hundred sketches to make but he's too busy thinking about the hundred different sketches he would make of you.
It's hard not to send him a goodnight text, just like it's hard for him not to reply in a matter of seconds, almost as if he was already waiting to recieve it.
Jungkook thinks of you at night. Of how pretty and absolutely perfect you are for him. Of the taste of your lips, the way your hair feels between his fingers, or the flush on your cheeks when he makes you cum as droplets of sweat accumulate between your breasts. He thinks about your voice. He also thinks about the amount of hours left to be able to listen to it again.
But mostly he thinks about how ridiculous this situation is. Because he was stupidly crushing on you when you were only teenagers, daydreaming about a chance with you. And now his crush is long gone and he's starting to realize that he's falling, and falling fast.
You, too, think of Jungkook at night. Of his ability to bring a smile out of you, to soothe you with just a few words and filling your belly excitement, happiness and feelings you're sure you've never felt before.
Jungkook's managed to imprint himself in your dreams, and you, in his.
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Getting drunk with Jungkook is fun and messy.
It's fun because he lets loose, he stutters a lot like he used to do when he was a teenager and he makes you laugh louder than ever before. It's messy because he has no control over his hands as they explore your body, clumsily taking your clothes off as his mouth laps at the breast he's allowed to touch.
He's more forceful and dominating too, pinning your hands above your head, and commanding you to keep them right there, on the pillows of his bed. When you rebel against it, your fingers finding the hard planes of his chest, he pulls away from you and places them back where he left them. "Don't make me tie you up." he threatens, and your body shudders beneath him.
He sucks, and bites and leaves marks all over your skin, grunting in response to your moans. Creating a path of kisses from your lips to your stomach, his shoulders separating your knees, opening you up only for him. And thankfully, when you reach down to tug at the strands of hair framing his face, he lets you, because he knows you need something to hold on to the moment his tongue eats you up. He leaves his fingertrips on your thighs as he keeps you in place, not allowing you to runaway. Just forcing you to take it as he takes from you.
And when you cum, he doesn't back away. He keeps sucking, and licking and punishing you with his mouth until you're cumming over and ove again, screaming and begging for his cock.
Having Jungkook over you, both completely naked, skin to skin and only sweat in between is more than you could've ever fantazised about. He slurls your name when he puts the condom on. He would do anything to feel you raw, but he also knows he wouldn't be able to last a minute. The sight of you spread open, with your cheeks darkened by a crimson blush and your hair tangled all over his pillow is a picture he wants to keep forever.
He enters you when you call his name, your voice dripping with need. He stretches your warm and wet felsh, slowly easing himself into you at first, until he's fully inside and your bodies are completely in union. A shiver runs down Jungkook's spine when he looks at your contorted face in pleasure, your lips forming an 'O' and your pussy clenching around him.
"Oh, my God." you moan into the dark of Jungkook's room, and even then, he can clearly appreciate every curve of your body lifting off the mattress to connect with his. He lowers himself on his elbows on either side of your head, caging you in and capturing your mouth with his.
"I know, baby." he murmurs. It's hot, in the middle of August but suddenly Jungkook doesn't hate summer as much as he used to. Not with you sharing the heat with him. "It's way beyond what I could ever imagine." You nod hurriedly against his lips, your arms finding their way around his neck as he starts rocking in and out of you.
"It's too good." you cry, when he hits a particular spot that has you rolling your eyes in bliss and gripping his waist tighter with your legs against you. Your fingers thread through his hair, not bothered by the beads of sweat gathered on the nape of his neck.
"Too good..." he agrees, not missing the shiver that's shaking your own frame when he picks up his speed. "You have no idea what I would do t-to fucking feel you with n-no barriers between us," his movements become frantic as his hips slap against yours, his jaw clenched as he keeps talking, "to s-stuff you full of my c-cum over and over again until it won't stop d-dripping."
Jungkook's voice against your ear has you trembling and your orgasm nearing closer, your nails scratching down his back as his thrusts overpower your form. "Would you like that?" he asks with his voice strangled.
"Y-yes. Anything y-you want."
"You'd take all of my cum like a good cum-slut?"
You hate the fact that that's what makes you come undone. The twisting and knotting in the pit of your stomach finally snapping until you're holding on to him like you never want to let him go and he's following soon after.
Because if Guk, Gukkie, Jengukkie was not only able to make you come in less than a few minutes with his fingers or his tongue, but he was also able to make you cum instantly just by calling you a good cum-slut, that means you're fucked. Like, really, really fucked.
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There's a knot in Jungkook's stomach and a suffocating grip around his vocal chords as he caresses your skin. The sun is rising in the distance with the first rays of light entering his room through the window. Your shamphoo is intoxicating him, numbing him and enticing him to bury his nose in the tangled curls pressing against his chest. Your arm is thrown across his stomach, your breathing leavig goosebumps all over his body.
"It's too early. Go back to sleep." you mumble against his heart. He wonders if you can feel it dangerously speeding up.
"I can't." he says, voice struggling to stay balanced. "I have to tell you something."
You hum in response, sleep still interwined with your body, your arm tightening around him. You sigh in content, expecting him to elaborate.
He wets his suddenly dry lips. "I don't want this to end. In fact, ____.... I want more. Need more."
"Jungkook..." your whole body goes rigid right away, untanglling your bodies from each other and sitting up on the mattress.
"No, listen to me." he mimicks your movements, rapidly grabbing your hands to make you look at him. His eyes are expressive, a mixture of fear and hope swirling in his dark irises. "I wake up everyday, and you're the first thing I think of. I go on about my day, and I keep thinking about you, wondering what you're doing and counting down the hours until I get to see you again. I spend every night dreaming about you, and when we'e together, the only thing I can think about is how I wish I could stop time so I don't have to say bye to you the next morning. ____, I-"
"Jungkook, stop please." you shake your head, pushing away from him and in desperate need of air. You press a hand against your chest, beating back the throb of pain while the other curls in a tight fist, the feeling of your fingernails digging into your palm less painful than the ache inside your heart. "This... This wasn't supossed to happen, Jungkook." you start pacing around the room, as if trying to find an exit while avoiding his gaze. "This was just a summer fling. That's all it was, I'm supposed to come back to the city in two weeks and-"
"A summer fling?" a sardonic sneer comes out of him. "Oh my God, I can't believe this is happening again..." he mumbles to himself before rising from the bed. You stop immediately, a shiver quaking through you as his impressive frame intimidates His eyebrows are drawn together and his dark eyes are void of any prior emotion. "You're going back to the city in two weeks? And you didn't care to tell me until now, after I just spilled my guts to you?"
You eyes fill up with uncomfortable tears, reaching one arm towards him. "Jung-"
He flinches, taking one step back. "A summer fling is all I mean to you?"
"Ju- "
"Look me in the eyes, right now, and tell me that's all I mean to you. A summer fling." panic crawls up your throat. There's the need within you to confirm, to stare into his beautiful and stern eyes and tell him that, yes, that's all he is to you. But you've never been a good liar. So nothing comes out. You opt for wrapping your ams around yourself wishing they were his and lowering your eyes to the ground. "I think... I think you should leave."
Those are the last words he says to you, and the last thing you see when you turn around one more time after gathering your clothes, is his back as he looks out the window.
You allow yourself to cry the exact moment you step into Chaelin's apartment. Your friend is sitting on the couch, bowl of cereal in hand and a fresh cup of coffee sitting on the livingroom's table.
"Hey, you're early tod- Baby, what's wrong?"
"Please, don't laugh."
That morning, you lay down for hours on the couch with your head on Chaelin's lap while she softly brushes your hair as you cry, hiccup, fight through the pain in your heart and relate to her as best as you can the latest events.
She doesn't laugh at all.
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"She'll come back." Mijoo's slurred words do nothing to put Jungkook's state at ease that night. He simply shrugs, fingers clenching at his sides, frowing into his drink before gulping down the bitter taste of vodka in one shot. "Seriously, I think she's just afraid. My ex was the same."
"Comparing her to your ex is not the analogy you think it is."
"Ugh, shut up. Things didn't work with my ex because she was a bitch." Jungkook gives Mijoo a pointed look which she responds to by rolling her eyes and sipping on her rum coke. "Your girl is not a bitch. She used to be a bitch. What she did this morning was bitchy, but, like I said, she's just being a pussy. If she only wanted sex with you, she wouldn't have been doing couple stuff with you the entire summer."
"Whatever. I don't care." he lies and Mijoo knows he's lying but decides to drop the subject fo now.
≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━���━━━━━━━≾
"We can't keep spending our days smoking weed." Chaelin speaks over Blanche's voice on the TV.
"I know. I'm just sad."
"You have to come back and tell him how you feel."
"I know."
There's a beat of silence before your friend kicks your thigh with her feet.
"I know and I will." you mumble through red eyes and smoke clouds.
≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾
It's September first and it doesn't feel like Jungkook's birthday at all. He's been trying to focus on his work, alternating between isolating in full hermit mode and hanging out with friends to drink away his sorrow. The days have gone by and before he could realize it, he woke up today with over twenty text messages wishing him a happy day and a throbbing hangover.
He dresses up on autopilot. First a cotton shirt, then a pair of jeans and lastly, his Nike's. He doesn't bother tying his sneakers just like he doesn't bother taking a shower. He smokes a cigarette for breakfast, the death stick making him feel nauseaus on an empty stomach. And then he goes to work.
He's been repeating the same routing for the past weeks and he's not thinking of changing it, not even on his bithday.
He spends hours drawing, tattooing and drawing some more between yawns. He ignores texts an phone calls and simply waits until the day is over to go home, go to bed and forget about the fact that you're probably on your way to the city and that he hasn't crossed your mind not even once.
≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾
Inkphoria.
You've been standing outside the shop re-reading the word for fifteen minutes, although it definitely feels like it has been longer. You're gripping cup of ice cream as it melts down your fingers the more you wait. The shop is already empty and it's starting to darken out side, and still you're so hot. Your shorts are heavy and your tank top is sticking to your skin. You didn't even bother to put on any make, although your eyebags definitely needed some concieling and your lashes some dimension to hide the fact that you'd been crying for the last few days.
'You're crazy about him.'
Chaelin's voice echoes inside your head.
You've lost count of how many times your best friend has given your advice, or simply encouraged you to do something you've been too scared to try.
'And he's cazy about you too.'
Chaelin might be wrong about marmite and the movie Cats, but she's definitely now wrong about anything regarding your and Jungkook.
That's it. You briefly close your eyes, inhale a deep breath then release it slowly. You start walking. It doesn't take longer than three strides and you're pushing the door open.
The tattoed blonde looks up from the counter the second you come into view. She smiles at the distance between you two. "You can come closer. I won't bite."
You clear your throat, stalking closer to her. "Is he-"
"He's in the back." she replies before you can finish you question. You close your mouth, clear your throat and nod your head.
"Thanks, Mijoo." she gives you a small wink, her smile easing your nerves like she had three months ago.
She watches you disappear. She shakes he head, her smile meeting her eyes. "I told him so."
≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾
Jungkook ignores the knock on his door at first. It's almost ten and the parlor is about to close. He just has to finish this last fucking sketch so he can grab his shit and go the fuck ho-
Knock knock.
He growls, exhasperation cursing through him. He runs a hand through his messy pile of hair, his rings tangling between the strands, making him wince in pain. "Come in." he grunts under his breath. The door opens. "Mijoo, I really have to finish-"
He stops dead in his tracks as soon as he sees you.
"Hey." you say after a moment of hesitation.
"Hey." he replies and although there's something inside, deep in his chest, shouting at him to stand up, run up to you and kiss your face while he tells you how beautiful you look right now and how happy he is to see that you're still here, he decides against it. "Listen, ____, I'm pretty busy-"
"No, you listen to me." you cut him off abruptly. He looks taken aback and is already opening his mouth to say something, but you're not having it. "Please, just... Let me talk."
Silence looms between the two of you for a while, a staring contest defying each other to back down. When you take one step inside and close the door behind you, he sighs and leans back against his chair.
You move towards him slowly, your lip caught between your lip going through your mind for the speech you'd been preparing the last few days. Your hands are sticky due to the the sugary treat liquifying in your hand. "I know there's no reason you should give me another chance after rejecting you in high school, and there's definitely no reason why you should forgive me for the way I shut you out a few weeks ago. You've been confessing your feelings to me since we were teenagers, and now it's my turn to tell you exactly how I feel about you."
"Jungkook, the truth is... I like you so much. I like you more than I've ever liked anyone. Ever. I said this was just a summer fling, and I was lying. I was lying because there's no way a simple summer fling could make me feel the way you do. There's no way a simple summer fling could make me want not just summer with you, but also fall and winter, and spring and every summer that comes next."
You hadn't realize when your eyes filling up with tears until the sight of him starts blurrying in front of you. His fingers reach yours, his thumb comforting on your skin. "____, it's okay-"
"I'm not done yet." you sniffle, gathering enough courage to continue. "I brought you a lemon sherbet because you said it was your favourite. But you also implied I was your favourite, and I want to keep being you favourite, but now it's already melted and-"
The corners of Jungkook's lips start pulling upward as he tugs you towards him, his heart loudly jumping inside his chest. "Shhh, come here."
He takes the ice cream from your hand and places it on his desk. Then he's helping you onto his lap, your head tucked under his chin and your arms wapping on their own around his neck.
He doesn't care about your sticky fingers or the wet stains of your tears in his shirt. The only thing he cares about is the fact that you're right there, letting him engulf your frame and drown in the scent and warmth he'd misses so much.
≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾
The first day of June has Jungkook sweating and wishing for a haircut. Jungkook usually hates summer. He hates the fact that he has to shower at least twice a day, and the fact that the heat is almost unbearable to sleep in and also the fact that he's easily sunburnt.
This year, however, Jungkook likes summer a little bit more.
"Excuse me, miss. Do you have an appointment?" it's the fact that you're starting to wear those summer dresses he loves so much, and the fact that your skin glows under the sun like glitter, and also the fact that he can lick ice cream off of it whenever he desires.
"I am the appointment." your giggle is almost childlike, playing with Jungkook's heart strings. You shut the door behind you, nearing him. You also seem to always have that flush on your cheeks. Although he likes to think part of it is due to him. He doesn't say anything else as he puts his pencil down and instead turns around in the chair to have you immediately on top of his thighs.
Yeah, he also likes the path your lips trace from his cheek, to his jaw, ending at the juncture between his neck and his shoulder. It still makes his body quaver to this day.
"Let me see." he murmurs against you forhear, his hand already working on unbottoning the front of your dress.
"Mijoo hasn't left yet." you whisper back, your smile impossible to supress and the faint whimper impossible to hide when his fingers expose your breast and tug at the titanium barbell adorning the already hardened nub.
Jungkook loves knowing he was the one to do that, and also the only one to play with it. He doesn't hesitate when he dips his head. "As if we'd ever cared about that." he adds, wrapping your sole point in his mouth.
He fucks you on his studio table with your legs around his waist and his tongue playing with both your breasts, the tattoo sketches long forgotten, scattered on the floor as he whispers against your flesh something that sounds a lot like 'I love you'.
#jungkook#jeon jungkook#jungkook smut#bts fanfic#jungkook angst#jungkook x reader#bts#bts fic#bts smut#jungkook fic
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im chubby, so do you think the bonten guys would think im cute - 👺 anon [hi im new]
Hi!! Welcome 💕🥺💕
I’m a chubby girl too! I feel you 🥺💕 Chubby readers unite!
Anyway!! I’m so happy you sent this ask^^ Thank you for feeling comfortable and asking for this kind of content that’s almost non-existent.
Also, I’m participating in a collab with a Takeomi x chubby!Reader smut fic! So stay tuned *wink*
1k+ words | Bonten x Chubby!reader | smutish(?), fluff(?), comfort fic(?), not edited, idk what I did but I did it. :D
Space, that's what you wanted to give them. Car rides made you anxious and extremely self-conscious. Sitting between Sanzu and Kakucho didn't help as they had their legs wide open in the back seat, crushing your plump thighs together.
What you failed to notice is that they were doing it on purpose. Both men glanced your way, adoring how you squirmed, and your round cheeks flushed at their actions. A third pair of eyes checked the rearview mirror very often. Kokonoi was on the wheel, and he didn't want to miss your bashful expression.
And your worries got worse since the car stopped to pick Ran and Rindou. A discussion between the two could be heard outside, something about sitting in the back. And your face fell- thinking that they were fighting for the front seat, a burning sensation filled your chest. Where they uncomfortable with you there?
But you were as clueless as always; what the brothers discussed outside did have something to do with you. Although no how you imagined it. Both of them wanted to sit on the back, knowing full well that you would be there. Ran had spent some time with you yesterday, so Rindou insisted that he should be the one sharing the backseat with their baby. Still, Ran wasn't going to give so easily. That's why they were bickering outside the car.
The sound of the door being open surprised you; it was Rindou stepping in with a triumphant smile. Looking around, you didn't understand since there was no more room. Was he going to get something or what- Kakucho’s hand fastly unbuckled your seatbelt and began to drag you towards him- You panicked.
“Wait, no! I- I’m h-heav- y,” looking down, you whispered the last word as you tried to roll down the short dress that moved when Kakucho grabbed you.
“Why are you going all shy on us now? Hmm?” Sanzu’s face was in front of you in a second with one of his signature lazy smiles. “Pretty in that dress and being a tease, aren't you? Showing so much skin for us?” His hand scurried to your soft thigh.
Sanzu didn't get to enjoy much because, In a blink of an eye, you were being hoisted up by Kakucho and placed on his lap. “So what if you're heavy? Baby, you don't have to worry about that,” his big arms tightly surrounded your curvy form, “I love how you feel on me, so soft, so flush and warm,” at every word, his grip brought you closer. You could clearly feel his firm chest against your own.
“B-but, uh, besides, I don't exactly have the ideal body type and-” you couldn't keep eye contact.
“Ideal, my ass,” exclaimed the younger Haitani. He didn't like when you doubted yourself; it was like a stab in the heart, “Baby, understand that I’m fucking hard from seeing you all dolled up in that dress. I wanna rip it off and hug your plum body myself, not a tight piece of clothing,”
“Told you, Baby,” you heard Kokonoi mumble from the driver's seat. Like you are the only one suffering from tight pants, Rindou. Though Koko.
Ah, yes. You remember earlier today your chat with the fox-eyed man.
“What if people say something? I don't think I look good in it.” worry clouded your mind once again.
“Baby, I don't think you understand.” Kokonoi stood behind you as you looked at yourself in the mirror, “This,” Kokonoi caressed your sides, “is only for us to look at, and only our opinion matters,” his fingers brushed the hem of the dress, “and I think you look cute. They are gonna go crazy for you.” said the long-haired man, leaving a trail of butterfly kisses on your skin.
The ring of a phone took you out of your thoughts; it was Ran’s. He picked up once he read the id caller. “Baby, it's for you,” Ran passed the phone towards the back, but before you could take it, he spoke again. “You know, I feel like I need to remind you how yesterday you weren't complaining about sitting on my face,” a smirk formed on the elder Haitani’s lips.
It was like a chain reading. You felt Kakucho under you tense at what Ran let out; Kokonoi swerved the car; Sanzu changed his lazy smile for a wicked one, and Rindou groaned in frustration.
You froze with the phone in hand. Ran did it on purpose; railing everyone up for you was one of his favorite things to do. After all, the embarrassed look on your face gave his body goosebumps. You looked so cute fidgeting on Kakucho’s lap.
“Y/N, baby?” You heard Takeomi’s rough voice on the phone; quickly, you put it again in your ear.
“Hi?” you lowered your voice.
“I wanna feel those plush thighs on me tonight, got it?” A weak whimper escaped your lips, calling Kakucho’s attention, “and Mikey says to send him pictures of your cute outfit, he heard Koko got a very nice little piece for our baby.” you missed them since both went on business outside of Tokyo a couple of days ago and only Takeomi came back tonight.
“O-okay,” you took a deep breath to try and calm yourself, “I’ll take pictures of my- myself,” and the phone was snatched from your hand.
“Okay, Takeomi, I’ll help her, don’t worry, bye!” Sanzu didn't even give you or Takeomi time to say anything when he hung the phone.
“You’re hogging Y/N, Kakucho,” complained Rindou, “pass her here,” he patted his lap.
“But Rindou-”
“Baby, come on. You look so good today,” was Rindou pouting? “I wanna have you on my lap too.” reluctantly, Kakucho gave in after you promised to sit with him at the meeting. And as You crawled over Sanzu, who now sat at the middle. He took the opportunity to sit you on his lap before you could reach Rindou.
“My pretty, pretty baby,” the pinknette’s head rested on your voluptuous chest. He guided your hand towards his head.
“Sanzu!” Rindou lifted the pinknette’s head, “I asked first.”
“Okay,” Sanzu simply answered.
“Don’t okay me,”
“Stop your fighting, you two,” groaned Ran.
“You caused this,” Kokonoi told Ran.
“Y/N, come back here,” Kakucho tried to pull you back.
“No,” Both mullet wearers spoke at the same time.
Your laugh interrupted their bickering, “There’s enough of me for all of you,” you laughed at your own sad joke, “I love you all,” you let out.
Not even a second passed, and you heard the five of them saying it back, in their own way, of course. They sure know how to make you feel wanted and pretty. Because in their eyes, you are.
“But don’t make those jokes,” Kokonoi scolded you, “I can barely have you for myself, lately.”
#Bonten x chubby!reader#chubby readers unite#body posititivity#and all that#NOT EDITED BUT I WILL REREAD IT LATER I HAVE A PAPER TO SUMMIT TOMORROW#does this count as a comfort fic?#sanzu haruchiyo x reader#kokonoi hajime x reader#ran rindou haitani#akashi takeomi#kakucho not really hitto#sano mikey manjiro#👺anon#omi.answers#omificstags#fluff#smut#bonten x reader
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A/n: I'm low-key terrified because I never wrote anything like this before... 🥺 so I hope it doesn't suck? Thanks for the request @hommoturttle I hope its ok!
Summary: just sex. And breeding kink. SMUT 1.6K
Warnings: smut, some dirty talk, the tiniest bit of degradation, breeding kink obvi and some possessive Bucky. 18+ please!! (also idk about you but this gif does ✨things✨ to me - like.. Mr Barnes, stick whatever you want wherever you wantksksksk ok I'm done 🥲)
It would happen after a mission that you went on without him. No matter how used he is to going away and putting himself in danger, his brain refuses to accept that that's your job too. He gets crazy worried, sweats through most of the nights that you're not there to sleep on his chest, snaps at everyone that tells him to calm down, and counts the days until you're back. He's usually able to stand the distance, but not in these scenarios. He always ends up missing you like you've been gone for months, but the way the night you're back unfolds, makes up for everything.
No amount of cuddling, sweet nothings or showers together could possibly make up for the time away like the frantic rounds of sex you always go through as soon as you get back do. And it's always the same, he's on top of you, hovering above your body as his eyes never leave your frame. He wants to see every detail, every inch of your face, every feature that he loves so much.
It starts crazy and it ends even more so. Foreplay is long forgotten, everything you get is him throwing you on the bed and ripping every piece of clothing that stands in his way. And it's more than enough, the pure need and hunger in his manic blue eyes, has the power to drive you insane in record time.
You're a squirming, wet and needy mess by the time he has you naked on his bed, hands clawing up to him. "Come on, Bucky, I need you"
And it drives him up the walls too. He hates the belt that slows him down, and his shirts never make it out intact.
Biting down hard on his lower lip as his need gets the best of him, Bucky's breathing passes the threshold of obscene, his buffed chest heaving as he can't help himself.
"Come here, doll" he finally rasps, his voice low and grave as his jeans fall to the floor.
In a moment, he's on top of you, his legs lodged in between yours. Every touch is amplified by the wait and the feeling of his rough hands on your waist is mind-blowing. You squirm under his touch, trying to wiggle your way closer to him.
"Missed me too, huh?" Bucky grins proudly, gently but sternly grabbing your chin. His thumb rubs along your jawline, his teeth showing as he can't hide his enthusiasm.
"Yes-" you breathe out, melting under his touch. "Missed you so much, Buck."
"Need me?" he keeps teasing, lowering himself so that his lips reach the side of your neck. At first, it's his hot breath that you allow yourself to get drunk on, but when his teeth lewdly sink into your skin, you yelp, your thighs involuntarily closing around his hips.
And you can tell he takes pride in the responses he gets from you. You're sure he feels the goosebumps up your arms, or the way your rib cage shakes with every breath you take. But he keeps going, his greedy hands exploring your naked body, taking your breasts into his palms as he keeps on sucking claim marks into your neck.
"Fuck, Bucky-" you moan, back arching. His lips and his fingers are already too much for you to take, but when the tip of his cock brushes against your thigh, you're all but done.
"Tell me you need me, doll" he hums, pushing himself up on his left arm. The mattress dips under the weight of his metal hand, and as you look between your bodies, your eyes land on the way he's eagerly fisting his cock in his right hand. You're caged in his hold, and it's the only thing you want.
"You're all I need, Bucky" you cry, your hands softly roaming up his chest. His hair had fallen around his face, framing his features and offering them the required amount of shadow needed to accentuate his carnal desire. Bottom lip wet and lodged between his teeth, he watches you closely, waiting for more.
"Bucky, please-" you continue, uselessly shaking your hips from side to side. "I'm already so wet, I'm such a mess for you sometimes. Just use me, do whatever you want with me, I just need to feel you, Bucky. Deep inside me, please"
He shakes his head in disbelief, hints of bitter laughter escaping his lips. "Such a needy, little thing" he muttered to himself.
With your mind clouded and busy enjoying the build-up, when the tip of his cock connectes to your folds, your eyes snap wide. Your reaction brings a proud grin to Bucky’s lips, but this is just the beginning.
Giving you no time to adjust whatsoever, he slams himself into you, bottoming out as you feel your breath cut short. "Fuck, fuck-" you pant, wrapping your arms around his shoulders in a pathetic attempt to ground yourself.
"Be good for me, doll, ok?" Bucky groans against your ear. His body is right on top of yours, fully rocking you against the mattress with every deep and powerful thrust of his hips. "You need to take all of me"
You can feel him up into your chest, your pleasure materializing in the form of tears, coating your eyes for just a short second before running down your temples.
"Buck-" you cry.
"I'm gonna fill you up, baby" he grunts, holding onto your shoulders as he shoves himself deeper. "Deep inside your belly, yeah? Gonna feel me for days"
And you're not that close yet, your brain isn't yet drowning in hormones, so you can think straight, you can form a decent answer - but you refuse to. You just squeeze your eyes shut and grit your teeth, sucking the pleasure his cock forced into your body. Every vein is palpable, your walls closing in around him as if his size isn't already a tad bit more than you'd normally find comfortable. But you love it, he's there, as close as he can get, consuming himself right there with you.
"Fuck-" Bucky grunts, his metal fingers wrapping around the roots of your hair. It's unwashed - a weeks worth of sweat embedded into its fibers but he doesn't care. He only sees you. "I missed you so fucking bad, doll-"
"I'm here, baby-" you coo, your words shaky and barely audible.
You don't know if he heard you, or if he even processed your sentence, he's too caught up.
"You're mine - you're here with me, only mine-" he adds, fervently sucking away at the skin of your neck. "My baby, my angel, mine-" he grunts, emphasising his last word with the help of a ravaging thrust that shakes you to your core.
You cry out, his name burning your throat as you feel him ripping your insides apart.
"Bucky- Buck- I-"
"So sweet-" he cuts you off, moving his head to the other side of your neck. "And only fucking mine. Say it-" he demands.
"I'm-" you gasp, "I'm yours, only yours"
"All mine"
You faintly nod along, vision blurry as you start to lose yourself.
"Say it!" Bucky adds.
"I'm all yours"
"Say it again"
"I'm... all- all yours, Bucky" you manage to mutter before a pleasure filled whine erupts from your throat. "I'm getting close… Bucky, I can't-"
"Easy now-" he moans, slowing down his pace. He comes face to face with you, his damp lips sloppily pressing against yours. He's still balls deep inside your cunt, making the gentle movement of his hips almost unbearable.
Eventually, he slowly tilts your head to the side, burying his face into your hair as he whispers against your ear, "I'm gonna pump you full, yeah? Gonna fill this sweet cunt with my cum, and you, like the good little slut you are, are not gonna let any of it go waste, right?"
"Yeah…"
"Gonna use that pretty cunt of yours to milk my cock dry, yeah?"
You whimper and nodd, frantically trying to get him to pick up his pace. But he isn't having it. When he finally pulls out at that agonisingly slow pace, he captures your lips into another kiss as he slams himself back in.
"Come on, Bucky, fill me up" you cried, involuntarily pulling breaking the kiss, "I wanna feel you inside me"
"Oh, you're gonna feel me inside you alright" he taunted, repeating his movements and pulling all the way out before forcing himself all the way back in. "A little bit of me inside you-" he growls and thrusts again, deeper and harder, "Growing inside you-"
"Holy- fuck!" you screamed, throwing your head back.
"Mine forever, doll-" Bucky grunts, both of you dangerously close the edge, "Yeah?"
"Mhm-" you hum, whiny and all teary eyed with your lips gathered between your teeth.
And then you're all but done - legs tightly wrapped around his middle - every muscle of your body clenching uncontrollably as a spiral of pleasure engulfs your body. And Bucky isn't far behind, your name being the only thing on his lips as he shoots his load deep inside your pussy - careless and irregular, a few last thrusts until he crashes down on top of you.
Although out of breath, as the last waves of your orgasm propagate along your body, you still cling to him. Bucky's face is hidden against your shoulder as he struggles to come down from his high, none of you willing to move even an inch.
"I'm never pulling out" he jokes, and it takes all the energy you have left inside your body to chuckle along.
"Wouldn't ask you to" you laugh, "But you're crushing me so-"
With a grunt, but still with impeccable ease, Bucky wraps his arms around your middle and spins the two of you around, until he's laying on his back with you against his chest.
"There-" he shrugs placing a kiss on the top of your head, "Problem solved"
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