#idk how it’s gonna end but it’s an inevitability that I’ll need a cane

[abyssdotwav]

This Saturday will be my first time going in public with a mobility aid- it’s at a ren faire (I absolutely would not be able to walk that entire time) and it’s this p nice wooden staff thing!

I’m still adjusting to the whole,,, not being able to walk normal thing, but this is at least a start to getting used to this :,]

[dathen]

TMA 154 Liveblog Dump

I AM POSTING FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE YOU ARE NOW TALKING TO A GHOST

I started screaming from the second i saw the cast list and just didn’t stop  and I am still screaming!!!

‪look at Jon resisting beholding! actively trying to figure out what it DOESN’T want!!  muscling through every instinct telling him to not listen to the tape because he’s CHOOSING to fight it!!! take that Annabelle Cane‬

‪he has been thinking about Daisy’s choice and CHOOSING TO FIGHT and take action vs following helen’s cheerful resignation ‬!!  

‪“I’ve been thinking about what happened with Daisy. With what feels...Right.” oh man as I listened I wasn’t sure if he meant “feels right” in a sense of his Purpose but NO HE IS TALKING ABOUT ACTUAL RIGHT AND WRONG my heart is SOARING‬

‪before he was like “whyyy don’t our evil gods tell us what to doooo” and now he’s like “JON LOVES....revolution 👀”‬

‪It’s so interesting that Beholding has been drawing him to tales of avatars succumbing to the will of the Entities all this time--urging him to do the same, making him think it’s inevitable...‬

OKAY THE STATEMENT ITSELF HOLY SHIT I didn’t think this family could get any sadder but now I’m super extra sad for Gerry and also sad for his dad but mostly extra extreme sad for Gerry

‪god why does knowing that gerry’s father legitimately loved him and wanted to protect him make it even SADDER??? that he called him “Gerry” so so long ago? 

idk shit about timelines but now I’m wondering if Gerry even remembers that his father called him that...what if it was some subconscious memory of a love he can’t recall, and hoping to hear it again...

‪I am SO incensed that Gertrude found Gerry as a promise to his murdered father who just wanted him safe.. and then TRAPPED HIS SOUL IN THE BOOK in the end knowing how torturous it was?? I can’t fuCKING BELIEVE every time I blink she becomes more and more horrible ‬

‪like I adore her as a character but YIKES‬

‪She really is so Beholding in how she treats people, even if she defied the goals of Beholding itself in her plans to sabotage the ritual and blow up the Magnus Institute‬.  They exist to serve her knowledge, and she didn’t even sacrifice Gerry to stop a ritual she just didn’t want to lose what he knows.  

‪ ‬meanwhile Jon is the opposite—kept falling in line but would rather die than sacrifice an assistant, managed to free Gerry, found a way out but didn’t want to abandon Martin, walked into the Buried for Daisy... ilovehimsomuch iwoulddieforhim

‪...I LOVE THAT SOLUTION WAY TOO MUCH call me a morbid fucker but it is so **chefs kiss**‬ also so many fan authors/artists have explored it already and they are SO valid

‪JON SAID FUCK MARK YOUR CALENDARS‬

‪*hears keyboard sounds and knows it’s martin and my entire physical being shuts down*‬

‪I HAD A CARDIAC ARREST WHEN I HEARD JON BURST IN I AM NOW A GHOST GHOSTBLOGGING FROM THE BEYOND‬

‪ITS HAPPENING oOOIH GODODDD ITS HAPPENIGNGNG !!!!!‬  TALKING TO...EACH OTHERHRHTHGH

‪I am going to prize the mental image of Jon careening across the institute to cannonball into Martin’s office, rambling up a storm as the biggest incoherent energetic mess‬

‪also how cute was it with him derailing his very important epiphany to sincerely thank martin for intervening??  I LOVE JON WITH ALL MY HEART I HOPE HE KNOWS IM PROUD OF HIM!!‬

‪I love how Martin starts to get defensive bc he thinks jon is being sarcastic BUT‬ Jjon immediately recognizes that and apologizes and corrects the miscommunication right away, he’s grown SO MUCH (also his struggle with modulating his tone and expressing his feelings in a way people will understand him is such a mood) 

‪MARTIN SAID “FUCK OFF” ITS A NATIONAL HOLIDAY‬

‪JON JUST!! HE!!! ASKED MARTIN!!’ TO RUN AWAY WITH HIMMMMFJFKKDLKDFIFKMGHMHM!!!  ‬

‪IM MCFUKCING LOSING IT!!!!‬

‪RUN‬

‪AWAY‬

‪WITH‬

‪HIM‬

‪!!!!!!!‬

Jon:  maybe it’s worth [the chance I’ll die]? the risk— You and me, together, getting out of here—“ Martin, so so softly: Jon...‬ 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭

‪brain on broken record for 20 hours: you and me, together, you and me, together, you and me, together, you and m‬

I think Martin’s assessment of Jon just using him as an excuse is wrong—for everything we know about Jon, it makes sense that he’d go to Martin first, to give him the chance of freedom the split second he learned.  He doesn’t want to abandon or sacrifice or betray him—could you imagine if he just did it and left Martin behind alone?

He can’t believe that Jon loves him enough to abandon everything, potentially drop dead or starve to death, and blind himself for him‪ but he IS‬

Instead he’s just gonna wait there, “in case you ever DO need me”

The way he said it sounds like he’s sure he’s useless to Martin now, but will just wait just in case that ever changes I’M SO SOFT

‪martin’s soft soft “I hope so” re: Jon saying he’ll be there, my heart is BREAKING‬

I want Melanie to be able to escape, I hope Jon tells her--what an amazing contrast that would make in comparison to her being freed from the Slaughter against her will

‪STILL CANT GET OVER IT‬

‪RUN AWAY WITH ME‬

‪YOU AND ME TOGETHER‬

‪RUN AWAY WITH MEEEEE‬

‪TOGETHERRRRRE‬

‪ITS OUR NEW “HOW IS HE” OUR NEW “I NEED HIM TO BE OKAY”‬

‪JON LOVES MARTIN JON LOVES HIM SO MUCH CRIES MYSELF A POOL OF TEARS AND LIES DOWN IN IT‬