#idk hjgfdkj

[atherix]

For the fanfic trope ask game: character meets a polyam person for the first time and suddenly realizes “wait I could have that and I’m not Bad and Wrong for longing for two people??”

I have very mixed feelings about this, as a polyam person myself.

I love to see characters realizing "oh it's okay?? Wait there's nothing wrong or bad with being like this?" However, there are times when... authors do it very badly. Like, obviously in Hands in Fate I pull this a bit when Scar finds out Martyn is dating both Ren AND Cleo, but these are also his close friends and not someone he's just met for the first time.

I think- and I really, really feel this way as someone who is poly- that there is a huge difference between meeting a stranger and finding out they're poly, and discovering your friend has entered into a poly relationship. There's the issue of trust, of course- you don't know the beliefs or morality of a stranger, but generally speaking you do know the beliefs and morality of a friend. And being poly is more than "I want to be with more than one person." Poly is based HEAVILY on trust and understanding, and just knowing it's okay to want two people and actively wanting two people does not necessarily equate to being poly- it just means having feelings for multiple people, which I think is something nearly everyone who is not aro- or demiromantic has experienced.

Strangers you've just met are not a basis on which to judge yourself or morality. I've never met a stranger who lived differently than me and thought "oh wow they do this thing that I wasn't sure about, maybe it's okay after all!" But I have had that moment with friends- "Oh this person I cherish and trust implicitly does this, maybe it's okay if I do too?" AND THEN. AND THEN. You experiment. You figure it out, because your thoughts on the matter and your feelings are two completely different things.

Let's face it- some people are not built for poly relationships. Even if you want to be with two people doesn't mean you're capable of it- maybe you don't have the emotional energy, or maybe you can't stand the idea of your partners seeing other people (in the case of an open poly relationship). Every poly relationship has its own rules, of course, but the rules should be fair for everyone involved- if you want an open relationship but your side is the only side that's open, that's not fair to your partners. It's either open poly or closed poly, you can't have both. (Quick note, closed poly just means the partners of the relationship are established and to add anyone to the relationship requires consent from everyone in the relationship.)

You never know for sure unless you try it (IF you are thinking positively about poly- if your immediate visceral reaction is NO WAY NAH AH then poly isn't for you, case closed, NEVER coerce or otherwise try to force or convince someone into trying poly if they are not positive about trying it) BUT. But meeting more people with those feelings could give you the push to actually try it out for yourself.

So, I guess with that little tangent/rant, I will go with C. I'm neutral to this trope. It can be done well and it can be done terribly. I'm not opposed to it but I'm not crazy about it, because figuring out you're poly is a lot more than "I want to be with multiple people and according to this person that's okay" and frankly I just have trust issues and don't trust strangers <3

Sorry for the impromptu Poly talk but I rarely get a chance to express my feelings on this hgjhfjk-

Send me a trope and I'll rate it!