#idk for me the only place where memories can “take too much space” is the brain

[lolpsxd]

i cant believe i bought this piece of art for just like 5 dollars

[lovelookspretty]

lover of mine

drew starkey x actress!reader au

— in which drew and y/n, secretly exes, must fake date in order to keep the peace at a mutual friend’s wedding, but the forced proximity makes them question whether they ever truly moved on.

warnings: ermm angst. and another ending that will make u guys mad at me IM SORRY

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authors note: SRY idk how to write dramatic scenes like that ☹️ im gonna be better prepared for the next part so u guys can communicate PROPERLY w drew n not in some STUPID restaurant. anyway if u wanna be part of the tag list, let me know in replies, anons, or dms !! notifications are always on <3

your fingers trace the outline of freckles on his arm as he talks about a memory from your past. the soft murmur of his voice blends with the steady rhythm of the waves outside, each sound wrapping around you like a lullaby. there’s no clear distinction between his words, just a gentle hum of familiarity and warmth, like he’s telling you something only the two of you could ever understand.

you can feel the warmth of his skin beneath your fingertips, the slight shiver that follows each brush as if he’s waiting for you to react, to smile at whatever joke he’s just made.

and you do. you always do.

it feels easy, like breathing, like everything else fades away in this moment.

you’re both lying there, tangled up in each other, the world outside irrelevant. his voice is like the background music of a song you never want to end, and the smile in his tone is contagious, making your heart flutter in a way that feels like home.

and in this space, you’re in love. you’re safe. there’s no distance, no secrets, no hurt—just you and him, where time doesn’t seem to exist. it feels perfect, endless, like nothing could ever come between you.

his hand finds yours, and you smile—because here, in this place, nothing else matters but the two of you.

but that’s not your life.

the warmth of his skin beneath your fingers feels too real, too perfect—yet there’s a gnawing sensation in your chest, a quiet voice whispering that this can’t be right. you pause, staring into his eyes as they flicker with life, his laughter still echoing in your ears. and then, just like that, it hits you.

“this isn’t real . . .” you murmur, the words slipping from your lips like a confession, soft and sad.

the moment shatters, and you wake up with a start, eyes blinking into the early morning light. for a second, your heart races, still tethered to that dream. but as you take in the quiet room around you, reality sinks in like a heavy weight.

drew lies next to you, sound asleep. his breathing is slow, peaceful, completely unaware of the storm brewing in your chest. his face looks calm, almost serene, and for a moment, you can’t tear your eyes away. you wish things could be this easy—simple, like they were in the dream.

if only he knew what you know.

after making that sundae with leila last night—past midnight, no less—you thought you’d be able to shake off everything that happened, but it just made you feel worse. the messages you saw on drew’s phone replayed in your mind, over and over, refusing to let you find any peace.

now it’s morning, and as you drag yourself out of bed, you already feel exhausted. your eyes are gritty, head foggy, and the sun through the windows of the house feel too bright, too warm—too much. you rub your eyes as you shuffle down the stairs, hearing the chatter of everyone gathered in the kitchen for breakfast.

everyone’s already there, looking refreshed. gia’s laughter rings out from the kitchen, and you catch leila’s voice, animated as always, chatting with theo. they’re all gathered around the kitchen island, passing plates of food around—scrambled eggs, toast, fruit. the smell of coffee hits you, and you could almost cry from how much you need it.

leila notices you first. “good morning, sleepyhead!” she greets with a wide grin. “we were wondering when you were gonna wake up. there’s plenty of food left—grab something!”

you give a tired half-smile, barely lifting your head as you mumble, “morning.” your voice sounds flat, even to yourself, and you trudge over to the counter, grabbing a cup of coffee first before anything else.

theo leans back in his chair, eyeing you. “late night?”

you nod, stifling a yawn as you pour your coffee. “something like that.”

leila doesn’t miss a beat, already steering the conversation to her plans. “so, now that we’re all here, i’ve got some exciting news,” she says, “theo booked us a reservation at this amazing restaurant in town tonight, the pearl. we’re talking grand—so dress up nice!” she claps her hands together, clearly excited about the idea.

the group is enthusiastic—gia’s already asking what she should wear, and roman’s grumbling about having to dress up, which earns him a jab from libby. you sip your coffee, trying to focus, but everything feels like it’s happening at a distance.

“y/n you okay with that? dinner?” leila asks, pulling you into the conversation.

you glance up at her, blinking through the haze. “yeah, sure,” you reply. “sounds fun.”

she narrows her eyes at you, noticing the lack of enthusiasm in your voice. “you sure? you seem a little out of it.”

you force another smile, trying to shake off the sluggish feeling. “just tired. i’ll be fine.”

gia chimes in from her seat, giggling as she steals a slice of toast. “maybe you just need more coffee.”

you nod, lifting your mug in agreement. “definitely.”

the conversation continues without you as everyone starts talking about what they’ll wear tonight, throwing out outfit ideas and making plans for the day. drew is sitting across the table, looking as refreshed as everyone else, laughing along with them. but you can’t bring yourself to look at him for long.

he catches your eye across the table. he looks at you with a soft, questioning expression, maybe sensing something’s off. you glance away before he can say anything, focusing on your coffee again, but you curse under your breath when out of the corner of your eye you can see him get up from his seat.

he slides into the chair next to you, a casual smile on his face. “started the trip off with a pool day, and now we’re heading to the pearl for dinner,” he says, glancing at the table where leila’s organized a small checklist on her notes app. “leila’s really in planning mode.”

you manage a half-hearted nod, feeling the fatigue settle deeper into your bones.

“hey,” he continues, his tone light, “you okay? you seem a little—”

you’re already over it. before he can finish, you drop your piece of toast back onto the plate, the sound cutting through the chatter around you. without another word, you push back your chair and get up, taking your coffee with you. the others’ voices fade behind you as you walk away, the tension in your chest tightening.

drew looks after you, brow furrowed, and glances at leila, who’s the only other person who even notices your behavior. confusion lines his features as he points to you while looking at her, like asking if she has any idea what’s up with you.

leila shakes her head in response, but glances up at you walking up the stairs in concern. drew seems unconvinced, but he nods, turning back to the table as you disappear upstairs. and you’re grateful for the distance, even if just for a moment.

Liked by theohain, oscareyre113, and others

y/n 🐚

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user1 divaa

user2 I MET U THE OTHER DAY YOU WERE SO NICE!!! 😭😭

↳ user3 YOU ARE SO LUCKY

user4 mother

gia.carinteri ure so cute

↳ y/n love u

leilajharmon angel baby

user5 Are you and Drew still together?

user6 y/n annual post i’m so grateful to be this early

user7 I miss Tempest :(

↳ user8 me too

user9 Why don’t you ever post Drew?

as you step into the pearl, the warm glow of the lights and the soft murmur of waves greet you. leila and theo lead the way, their laughter weaving through the air as they navigate the restaurant. you grip drew’s hand reluctantly as you follow the group.

the server guides you to a table outside, and your breath catches at the sight: the seaside view stretches out before you, waves crashing gently against the rocks. a delicate black metal arch hangs above the table, draped with twinkling lights that flicker like stars. a large, lush plant sways in the cool evening breeze, and you’re in awe.

you take your seat at the outer corner of the table, next to drew. the space feels too open, and you can feel his gaze on you as you fidget with your napkin, trying to ignore the way your stomach knots.

as the conversations flow around you, he leans in, propping his elbow on the table to speak to you privately. “what’s going on with you?” he asks, “and you can’t use the tired excuse anymore. you’ve had loads of coffee this morning.”

you glance at him, caught off guard by the directness of his question. but take a breath, searching for the right words. all you can manage is a small shrug. “i’m fine. seriously. don’t worry about it.”

you wish you could sound more convincing as the server approaches, placing a beautifully plated dish in front of you. relief washes over you; at least you can focus on the food for now.

theo suddenly clears his throat, drawing everyone’s attention. “i just want to say how grateful i am that everyone is here to celebrate with us before i marry this beautiful woman,” he gestures to leila, who frowns as she presses a kiss to his cheek. as the table raises their glasses, you join in but feel somewhat disconnected, and shut out the rest of theo’s short speech until you’re able to eat.

as everyone digs in, gia reaches across the table, poking at her food. “y/n, do you want this?” she holds up a piece of grilled zucchini.

drew interjects before you can respond. “y/n doesn’t like zucchini,” he says casually as he cuts into his food, and you look at him with furrowed brows.

“oh, right.” gia laughs, realization hitting her. “i always mix you two up.” she turns to libby, who’s already reaching her plate across the table.

gia’s cheeks grow red as she giggles, and you continue to watch drew. your eyes meet briefly, but there’s an unspoken barrier between you, so you quickly look away, picking at your food instead.

eventually he even seems lost in thought, his gaze fixed on gia’s plate as he dazes out. roman, sitting across from you, catches on. he leans forward slightly, studying the table as if trying to read the tension, but you notice his motor.

“what are you doing?” you mouth to him.

roman raises an eyebrow, his expression unreadable. he glances at gia, then back at the rest of you, sensing the unspoken words hanging in the air. he knows something is up between you and drew but decides to keep quiet, because if no one else is saying anything about it, why should he?

and you understand exactly that. you roll your eyes before returning to your food.

“i could die for this garlic bread,” leila groans as she breaks a piece off and eats it. just from hearing it, theo reaches over to take a piece.

you hum as you reach your hand over, and drew grabs a piece for you when he realizes what you want. just as you sit back against your seat, a server from a nearby table accidentally brushes against you as they rushed by, a full glass of red wine slipping from their hand.

time seemed to slow as the glass tumbled, spilling its contents directly onto your lap. your mouth is gaped open and your eyes clamp shut as some of the wine bounces off and hits you directly in your face too.

the others gasp as they stare at you in horror.

“oh my g—” the server exhales, eyes wide with panic. “i am so sorry! i’m so, so sorry!”

you’re frozen for a moment, the cool liquid spreading across your dress, soaking through the fabric. you feel the weight of everyone’s eyes on you, and there’s a rush of embarrassment washing over you.

“perfect,” you mutter under yourself as you try to maintain your composure. “just what i needed.”

the server continues to apologize profusely, almost stumbling over their words. “i’ll get you some napkins! please, let me help!”

“it’s fine,” you tell him, forcing a smile despite the discomfort. “just . . . give me a moment.”

as you stand up, the chair scrapes loudly against the ground, and you can feel the wine seeping down your torso. you quickly glance at drew, who looks alarmed, his fork mid-air.

“y/n,” gia calls to you, but you’re already moving toward the doors, desperate to find a restroom.

“just let her go,” roman says quietly, sensing the tension still simmering beneath the surface. gia is worried as she watches you disappear inside the building.

drew rises from his seat and tosses his napkin onto his seat, pulling his sleeves up before hurrying into the restaurant to find you. meanwhile the server is urgently trying to clean your seat but frowns at the stained floors.

just as you reach the restroom, he catches up, breathless and urgent. you feel like groaning when you feel like you just can’t catch a break. “y/n! hey, wait,” he calls out to you, sliding past a man who tries to return to his table. “sorry.”

you halt, irritation surging. “what? what, what? what do you want?” your voice is strong and sharp, turning around to face him.

he stops in front of you and winces at the stains on your clothes, and he glances up at the doors of the restrooms when he realizes you probably should clean it off your arms and chest at least.

“i know you’re upset, but—” he begins, concern lacing his words.

“upset? you think that’s all it is?” you snap back, meeting his gaze. you actually feel insane with every word you release. “you don’t understand what this feels like.”

he looks confused, searching your eyes for clarity. “what?”

taking a deep breath to calm yourself as best as you can, you continue, “do you have any idea how humiliating it is to notice everyone stop talking and feel their eyes on you? and the moment you do get up and walk past them, all you can hear are their murmurs and whispers about how— how embarrassing this all is? it’s suffocating!”

he opens his mouth to respond, but you press on, frustration spilling out. “and it’s not even just about tonight. it’s about how it feels to find out your own fake boyfriend is keeping secrets from you and has been this whole time.”

his expression freezes, shock washing over his face. “what? keeping what from you?”

you consider your choices for a second before stepping forward to reach into his back pocket, but there he reacts—as swift as ever. like he has something to hide. and he does.

he grabs a hold of his phone before you can and when you look up at him, you can feel the guilt in his eyes. but seeing that doesn’t hurt you as much as it does when you understand how fast he is to keep his phone away from you.

you take a step back and feel yourself falter. tears well in your eyes as you watch the way he grips his phone like suddenly it matters to him. it never has before. and you know why it does now.

“so you do know what i’m talking about,” your voice is quiet, a mix of betrayal in your tone that causes drew to reach out to you to say ‘wait’.

“when in the last year did you turn into a child?” you whisper to him, a faint scoff leaving your lips as you stand before him. you’re confronting him in a hallway of a restaurant for crying out loud.

“when you make a plan with your ex-girlfriend, you make sure there isn’t somebody already waiting for you back home. you don’t get close to me while we’re here and you don’t keep it from me the whole time . . . i mean, when were you going to tell me? or tell mila?”

he shakes his head slowly, “i’m getting close with you for the others, remember? that’s our plan.”

“then you shouldn’t hold me and hug me when it’s just us, drew.”

his heart drops at the sound of his name, the familiarity twisting into something more painful in this moment. “y/n—”

“no, don’t ‘y/n’ me,” you cut him off, your voice rising. “you can’t just play both sides. if you’re going to keep secrets from me, then don’t pretend like we’re something we’re not when the rules don’t apply. it’s clearly more than just showing out in front of leila and everyone when it’s just us.”

“but it’s not like that,” he insists, his eyes searching yours for understanding. “we’re trying to make this work for everyone else!”

“for everyone else? or for yourself?” you ask him. “because i swear to you, if i had known mila existed, never in this universe would i have ever agreed to the plan. because it hurts all three of us. do you understand?”

you wait for him to say something—anything, but you’re not surprised when he just stares at you with the same look in his eyes.

it’s too much. way too much. and you still have so many things to say.

are you betrayed that your ex-boyfriend has someone new? are you even able to be mad at that?

“was it worth it?” your voice cracks as you struggle to get the words out. “i keep asking myself, was it worth it to feel so alive, even if it led to this? or would it have been easier if this just never happened at all and we just told them instead of doing all of this for fucking nothing.”

as the last words escape your lips, you push the restroom door open, leaving drew in the hallway in silence.

girl .. ill make a better confrontation in the next part or something what the fuck. im compiling a whole list of his mistakes rn so i can actually be prepared for it too LMAO

@rubixgsworld @itgirlbrina @thepopcultureaddict @icaqttt @samsmelodrama @kissfinalgirl @itsamegazaddysworld @willowpains @toterry @wearemadeofstardust0 @maybankslover @itneverendshere @httpsdrewstarkey @cl4uus @ilyrafe @sunny1616 @pillowprincess4him @yootvi @matthewswifeeee @uwuemlwlrld @l4venderia @chenslucy

[intertexts]

OKAY NHW THOUGHTS. SUFFER WITH ME !!!!

having a lot of thoughts and feelings as always about how virion sees himself as the one who has to be strong, who has to be the one to protect the other two . dakota may have had his powers for longer, but virion has more field experience. he's been trained how to fight his whole life. his family prepared him for this since the day he could stand on his own two feet. it's so deeply ingrained into him, he knows the ins and outs of cape politics, and while he may be an outsider in new haven he had plenty of experience in fauna and how much different can the two cities really be? I feel like he's faaaar less trustful of the heroes, can kind of see through their bullshit when it happens, but he doesn't make a move because now he has a team, now he has people he loves again, and he would do anything to keep them safe even if that means putting up with bureaucratic nonsense. he's got that vigilante blood in him!!! idk how long he was on his own but even if it was as short as a few months that's still PLENTY of time to pick up terrible habits in the name of keeping on his toes, keeping himself safe. gotta keep moving constantly. can't sleep for more than a few hours at a time, and the sleep he does get is VERY light. only ever wearing dark clothes and covering his face even out of costume. constantly keeping at least one concealed weapon on him. being SO hyperaware of any sound or sudden movement in the general vicinity. when hes with the other two he always places himself in the middle between them so he can easily grab both of them if he needs to. maybe walking a half step behind them to watch their backs. always situates himself with clear view of any doors/windows whenever theyre in an enclosed space. etc etc you see my vision!!!!!

im just thinking abt like... the first time william and dakota see him Without All That Tension. he probably looks like a totally different person! the whole time they've known him he's been this stoic quiet intimidating presence, he always stays awake longer than either of them so they've never seen him sleep. after one too many all-nighter volunteer patrols he passes on pizza for dinner and gets home before either of them. when they walk in later (leftover pizza for him ofc) and see him passed out fast asleep on the couch it almost takes them a second to recognize him . who is this.. soft faced *boy* curled up in a loose ball facing the door in their living room!! what if this is where williams crush really kicks in and becomes Real- he desperately wants to be able to make virion comfortable enough around him to make him look like that again. william is just frozen in the doorway staring at him, studying him, trying to commit the whole scene to memory, so dakota is the one who steps forward to put a blanket over him. virion wakes up IMMEDIATELY at this and the moment is kind of broken and he thanks them for the pizza and everything's back to normal but now they KNOW. do you SEE my vision here.

I hope ur malaise is a little better sorry this took me like an hour and a half to type i had 2 keep pausing bc I was getting emotional thinking about them auaghaguyghh

ohh having so many emotions about him.... yeah..... yeah..... the cape world is all he's ever known! of course he's more experienced, cynical, knows the procedures and conventions and lies better than they do. he's maybe the only one of them who's killed before. i think it fucks him UP to realize he loves william & dakota. how can he trust them? he does, he can't choose not to, but i think he's very scared for a very long time that they're going to betray him like his father betrayed his friends. "they sound like they really mean it" yeah well. so did his dad!! honestly i think it's a kind of let it happen situation. he thinks about it for a while and goes well. it's not like i have anything else. this, right now, is nice, so if i end up dead in my sleep about it? whatever. i like them. they're allowed. he's constantly waiting in the back of his mind for the cold gun to the back of his head while theyre hugging or a knife to his throat on the couch during a movie or for them to detour into a dark alley while they're walking somewhere. and it takes a very long time for him to lose this mindset. it would fuck the other two UP if they knew but he's very good at hiding it, both the fear & the decision to just let them do it, if they want to. virion sol willing vulnerability looks like anyone else's efficient dangerous capability and hypervigilance. (i think they Should find out that their best friend is always waiting for them to kill him. that would be a lot.)

anyway. distracted!! in my mind he was a rogue for at least, like, around a year. so much time for bad habits to sink in! the thing ive been thinking about is like, he never really had to be subtle? he's so good at disappearing into nowhere & being a sneaky ass creep on the job, he's alright at lying and social engineering if there was a situation where it was necessary, but he never like... had a civilian life! to him it was fine if he was mostly perceived as a thug or a contractor or just as suspicious as "deftly moving masked figure in black checking all the entrances to the coffee shop as he sits down or buying zip ties and gorilla tape and kerosene at lowes" implies. so like i think their manager or boss or handler has to go "hey dude you need to like. Not be walking exactly a step behind your friends checking your surroundings wherever u go. please stop moving like you're getting ready for a fight. it directs so much attention to u u are in high school ur supposed to be a kid ur setting off so many red flags!"& he doesn't really get it. and it's a thing.

ill over everything ur saying here btw!!!! actually fucked up over them seeing him without all those walls and facades & constant tension!! oh christ!! he's so intimidating even when he's not trying and knows so much and is so good at what they do-- he's. actually their age? he's really just some teenager like them? the crackling anxiety and hypervigilance aren't, just, like, part of him? all the tense lines and angles of him soften into just-- something normal and loose and comfortable?? that fic when???

[bomberqueen17]

writing etc

Well so I did push through on writing this week. Retrieved my real computer yesterday so I did all of the work on my old laptop, resurrected, short on battery life, unable to charge except for some reason from one particular outlet in the house, who knows why.

But anyhow. I finally got through the block on the next chapter of the Peace-Tied continuity, which-- I just scrolled back in a Discord thread where I'd been discussing it and I got as far as December of 2022 before i was squarely before this point. So it's been a big block for a while. And now I'm like.........

where was I going after this

LOL it's such a weird feeling, to have finally worked past a scene you'd been planning on writing-- and the thing is, I really wasn't sure which direction it would go, my first draft of it was way too much one direction and I'd written it ahead of the setup, and once I did the setup that draft didn't really work anymore, and some of the setup was from ideas I'd had years before, and needed fixing, and anyway it's been many drafts and I wasn't sure where it would come out. And I'm still not sure what it actually means. But now I have to go back and look at what my ideas were for the next bits, and figure out where I'm taking those.

And the chapter isn't even ready to post, i still need to go back and make sure I've walked the fine line between "character doing what I need him to" and "ooc", and I'm ngl I'm a bit resigned to it coming down on the "ooc" side, but I console myself nobody who minds that is still reading along with this unless they're quietly hate-reading in which case you do you, I respect that.

So I'm actually at the point in both ongoing serieses where I'm like...... past a big block I've been trying to strategize around for a long time. And on to a next section I've mostly not let myself write ahead. So it's weird uncharted territory, especially when you're not an outliner. (I can't do outlines, really, I can only speculate about what might happen next, and more often than you'd think I absolutely know where to take things despite not having overtly planned them, but. I secretly suspect this takes up all of the brain space I have, which most people use for like, their daily life, and this is why ADHD meds can't fix me, because my head is entirely full of fictional realities and there's just not room for real ones. IDK. Can I know where I left my keys? No I may not have that information because I filled the place where it goes with different Wet Cat Boy scenarios, sorry.)

anyway I think it's even odds, looking back at the last posted chapter, how many commenters expect this scene to go where it went.

Behind the cut: a snippet of what happens next in Eagle Sable, Lozenge Gules, which left off with Iorveth's Unicorn Badge story which had taken me a couple of years to write too. I will update that chapter soon so don't click if you really want to be surprised I guess, LOL. But I don't realistically know how long the final edits will take me. I'm off to the farm tomorrow probably, and it's three weeks there this time, so. Not a ton of time for writing, coming up. But the hard part's done, I hope.

“You might have to hold the pup’s collar,” Iorveth said, cutting the consonants sharply to punctuate his languid tone, “he seems a bit overexcited.” Roche had forgotten about the dog collar. He’d noticed Gascon was wearing it, but that memory had fallen right out of his head. But there it was, thick and studded, brown leather with sturdy brass hardware, exactly the style of collar Flash and Nosewise had worn. He reached down and cradled Gascon’s jaw, just as Iorveth had done to his. “I don’t think I need to haul on that collar,” he said softly. “I know a good dog when I see one.”  “Takes one to know one,” Gascon said, brash and uneasy. Iorveth clicked his tongue disapprovingly, but said nothing. Roche looked consideringly into Gascon’s face. He wasn’t a bad-looking fellow, really, strong-jawed and young, and even more appealing with the brashness shredded away a little.  “Well,” Roche said, “time to prove it,” and leaned in to press his mouth to Gascon’s. Gascon tasted like wine too, but it tasted different in his mouth than it had in Iorveth’s. Roche pulled from his physical memory and slid his tongue into Gascon’s mouth just as Iorveth had to him, and Gascon made a soft little whimpering noise and opened up to him. 

[hiorintruther]

The scans have been out a few days now so I’m posting this. We just got Hiori’s backstory so let me expel more Hiorin headcanons onto you good people (seriously why are we so delusional abt this ship???) — obviously massive spoiler warning as of chapter 206 of the manga.

Also a cw for child abuse — these hcs pretty much all deal with their trauma:

Hiori and Rin have had a very long, very depressing trauma dump conversation about their families.

Rin has decided to add Hiori’s parents to the ‘I’ll fucking kill them’ list inside his head… which he totally has for no reason in particular…

Hiori likewise understands Rin’s resentment towards Sae deeply and doesn’t blame him at all for feeling so angry and upset.

The fact that the family members they hate are all telling them they aren’t good enough as they are (Sae explicitly, Hiori’s parents implicitly) ends up becoming a means of mutual understanding between them, allowing Hiori to feel a bit safer around Rin and Rin to not hate Hiori like he does the rest of Blue Lock.

Rin has tried to subtly allude to the idea that Hiori can move in with him at any time to get away from his family. Hiori has only half picked up on the signals though because a) Rin is shit at communicating anything nice, and b) Rin’s almost year younger than Hiori so it doesn’t actually make much sense to do that but it’s the thought that counts.

A lot of their conversations take place in the monitor room, in the dark, where they feel safest being vulnerable with each other (aka: see my fic on AO3).

Hiori has used dry, dark humour as a coping mechanism in front of Rin before and Rin has started doing it too occasionally.

So many “lol I hate my family, I hope they die, jk… unless?” jokes.

They end up having a mutual understanding for one another and can almost subconsciously pick up on when something reminds the other of their trauma.

For some more domestic, outside/no Blue Lock hcs (there’s a ton of food-related ones here idk why):

When they make dinner, Rin is sure to mix a healthy, balanced meal with convenience store foods coz Hiori hates eating a very strict diet. It reminds Hiori of the way his parents used to control everything about his life down to what he ate. Sometimes, Rin even makes a separate meal for himself because he wants to calorie count and know exactly what he’s eating, but Hiori’s had a bad day and really needs some instant ramen and pudding.

Hiori doesn’t have a big sweet tooth though, as a result of his parents’ conditioning. He didn’t grow up accustomed to sweet things so he finds anything too sugary difficult to eat (this comes from the egoist Bible where his least favourite food is cotton candy because of the sugar content). His love of salty food however is through the roof and Rin has to remind him to check the sodium contents on the meals he chooses at the convenience store.

Rin has stopped insulting or talking badly about Isagi around Hiori, purely because Hiori feels safe around Isagi. It’s a challenge, and mostly they try to keep Isagi out of their conversations altogether, but if he does come up Rin attempts to be neutral.

Sometimes, Hiori holes himself up in his computer room playing shooters. When that happens, Rin knows to leave him alone until he’s out of his slump, because it’s usually a sign that Hiori is remembering some bad memories. They both like their own space anyway, so it isn’t as if much changes in their routines.

While Hiori’s in a slump, Rin restocks their fridge with energy drinks and instant meals so Hiori can dip in and out to get food when he wants it. He eats alone unless Hiori texts him saying he’ll be out to get food.

Rin also doesn’t bring up anything to Hiori once Hiori re-emerges from his room, letting Hiori come to him if he wants to talk about it. Hiori knows Rin struggles with dealing with trauma, so he usually leaves it.

Once when Rin was having a particularly stressful time, Hiori bought him a whole box of his favourite ice creams (the ones he used to get on the way home from practice) and they had a competition to see who could get the most “winner” sticks. Rin won.

Hiori has also attempted to learn how to cook so he can make Rin food when Rin isn’t feeling up to cooking. Rin says he’ll just order takeout but Hiori insists on trying some of his recipes. How successful he is varies on how easy it is to throw the ingredients in a pan and let them simmer.

When sleeping together, they usually stick to their own sides of the bed but sometimes when Hiori is feeling upset he reaches out to Rin as a comfort. Rin isn’t the best at providing said comfort, but he lets Hiori into his arms in those moments.

On the flip-side, if Rin has been feeling angry or frustrated because of Sae, Hiori will slowly snake his arms around Rin’s torso and hug him close, becoming the big spoon despite being smaller. Rin places his hand over Hiori’s as a reassurance that he feels reassured doing this.

Sometimes, but not always, this nighttime cuddling leads to talking about their pasts. Rin always holds Hiori very close and says that Hiori was never in the wrong and never deserved to go through anything that happened as a result of his parents’ expectations (usually with a lot of colourful language). Hiori likewise will do the same for Rin whenever Sae gets brought up, although he’s less vulgar. His words are somehow even more scathing though.

They both find it easier to open up in the dark. It feels like a safety blanket that can hide their vulnerability, especially for Rin.

[proship-anti-discussion]

Ex anti here (although it's really more like I went pro->anti->pro) and just thought I'd give some of my thoughts and experience for the data collection :^) I've liked dark stuff a ton like a LOT for my whole childhood. Not really any trauma I can think of attached to it until later on. My first memory was playing pretend where I got kidnapped by a villain lol

I would roleplay "bad endings" to my favorite disney movies with other kids and idk, mayybe that was my first fandom experience?? I was having fun and we were geeking out!! We barely knew what we were talking about and somehow noncon still got involved and we were giggling like idiots about it, it was a blast

I don't remember much from when I for real got into online fandoms bc that's where I did start experiencing some traumas irl but I feel like fandom space was mostly proship, just without that label. Incest is wincest and don't like don't read were easy slogans that even a super young fan could read and be like okay cool that's what's allowed here that's the rules. And I feel like it was also expected that minors told nobody their age and kept quiet and didn't bother the adults making the content they were engaging with? That's how my friends and I always operated anyway. We were horny teenagers and out of all the possible outlets there were, I think privately reading fanfic or looking at fanart was the safest one we had

So anyway yea. Many years of finding a place I could enjoy my evil little dark AUs until I joined a new fandom and got blindsided by just how antiship everyone was all of a sudden. I was like mid-teens at that point? I don't feel like saying what the specific fandom was but half the cast was related to each other and one character was a kid so those were the Off Limits Ships. It was kind of fine for me because I was squicked out by the idea of shipping that kid so when people were like "shipping this child character is wrong" I was like okay well it disgusts me so this must be true ig (it was more than that LOL but that's definitely why I went along with everything)

Most of the fanartists and writers I liked there were antis, and I liked their content and went along with the mentality despite all the fic I personally enjoyed in the past, so I got exposed to a lot more of the mindset. Looking back on it, it was a lot of just taking people's gut reaction to be disgusted at gross things, validating that reaction, and then validating whatever harm they wanted to cause to other people because of that disgust. Again, it was more than that, but that was the most harmful loop to it

The whole idea is that if something is happening in a story that's really harmful, like csa or incest or noncon, and that thing is sexualized, then people will think it's okay in real life after being exposed to it for a long time. I'd see a lot of people back this up by talking about how they were sexually assaulted and went along with it because fic they read a lot online confirmed to them that what they were experiencing was normal and okay. And of course there was the idea that not only were you more likely to let yourself be abused, you were more likely to abuse others too

It's an exhausting mentality to have, because there is no perfect line dividing what's okay with what isn't, and what isn't okay is dangerous, so you spend all your time trying to find the danger. Most antis you'll see are really, really critical and big on discourse because of that. Immediately after reading or watching any sort of story, my first thought was basically "how can I prove that every part of that was problematic in some way" and it was exhausting. If I liked something, then I had to prove why I liked it and why it was the paramount of goodness. It sucked trying to enjoy anything

The hardest part about trying to remove myself from the antiship mindset was that most of my friends at the time held the same kind of belief, and most artists and fanartists I enjoyed did too. I also just didn't have the tools to combat antiship logic for a while. "It's just fiction" isn't enough because "fiction effects reality" and so on

BUT at some point I started reading from @/fiction-is-not-reality3 and even if I didn't agree with everything everything, the way they worded their arguments was objective and clearcut. It was the kind of logic I needed. I highly recommended reading through their dreamwidth account (https://fiction-is-not-reality.dreamwidth.org/profile) to get what I mean

So I dunno, I was just suddenly able to put the pieces together that fiction doesn't cause abuse, abusers cause abuse. Kids who take lessons from fictional stories and apply them to real life shouldn't be protected from "bad stories" at all costs, they should be taught that fictional stories aren't reliable pieces of information to base their beliefs on. There's more to what I think now too, but those were the game changing mindsets for me

There's 100% a ton of bad eggs among proshippers, but I kind of think of it as the same as the "there's no good fandom, only good friends" saying. Mostly I'm really grateful I've had a chance to talk to a lot of them and get more perspectives on why different people like different fucked up stuff in fic

I realized at some point that honestly the taboo we have around talking about experiencing CSA and rape is really, really harmful in a lot of ways. Kink is such a freeing way to talk about those experiences and, instead of getting that horrified or pitying feedback from people, you can instead get appreciation and enjoyment. It's nice I like it and I love weirdos on the internet 😌

I think it’s really interesting that you had a slide from one direction and back. It definitely gives another perspective, which is really nice to read about and include in the dialogue.

You bring up the point about minors not disclosing their age. That’s exactly it, like you and your friends, I too spend my teenage years reading smutty lemons. I enjoyed the whole topic finding it interesting. Even now, knowing that some of my classmates were having legitimate sex, I don’t think my lemons were as bad for my age. It’s why I don’t actually have a “minors dni” rule stated on my main blog. Sure, I’m not comfortable if a minor follows for all my smut and interacts constantly. But I know from personal experience that we all become Arthur’s little sister with our inability to read the sign, lol.

You mention that people respond to their gut reaction and then validate that. If I remember my books correctly, my books on stoicism have made mention to people reacting before they process their actions. We are in no ways in control over other people and we are not in control over their actions, but we are in control over ourselves. Even if something upsets us or makes us angry, it is OUR decision to lash out at another person. It is OUR responsibility to make things right. Except, in your case people were trying to shift the blame and responsibility to the people/thing that caused them the upset in the first place. Unfortunately, that is something that only they are in control over. If we want fan spaces to be more fun again, it is going to need to start with people calming down and managing their emotions. Y’all had 2020 to do this, it’s been four years, why are you acting worse?

I’m actually concerned that victims gaslit themselves into believing that the fiction was right. Unfortunately, the more likely to abuse others is a known statistic, one source even saying the rate is six times higher than the average rate. By no means does this mean that victims of abuse and rape are automatically going to be the next perpetrators. But it is rather sad to think.

Honestly, it sounds draining to even think about spending all your time finding the negative in the world. Stoicism again, but it preaches really hard about letting go of things not in your control. You cannot control the movie or other people’s thoughts or behaviors, so control what you can, which is yourself. You can’t control yourself from getting sick, but you can control what you wear on a cold day before then. Honestly, I hope those antis just find peace. Because living like that is unhealthy and painful, dangerous too.

Breaking away and consuming viewpoints different from your own is honestly the most important step of anything. Agreeing or disagreeing isn’t important, you can always come to terms with one another or agree to disagree on points. But in the end, discussions are vital.

I thought we did teach kids that not everything you read, especially on the internet, is true. T-T I remember the tree octopus, it was the way that my school taught us all to be mindful about what we consume online.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences, I don’t have as many questions this time, but you brought up so many interesting topics and I will absolutely look more into the one blog you mentioned.

[hermanunworthy]

writer anon from a couple months ago here… fuck man. it’s the day the music died.

(idk what this is and it’s not very good)

but when you go to meet god, you know, you wanna look nice

hermie’s had those dreams before, the kind where he can feel that his eyes are closed and he tries to open them while he’s asleep but he can’t. this is like that- except there’s no body attached to it. he feels out for… nothing. not even an ache over his heart, where the blood was just staining a moment ago. a year ago? he feels heavy. he’s not sure where he feels it. there’s no body anymore. there’s no him.

“well hello there, darling.” his father. he looks up. there’s no one here. scam’s voice is all around. “did you have fun?”

did you have fun? two years of high school theatre, that’s what it added up to, more or less, and then a few insane months with the teens. was it fun? he can’t remember now.

in this space, he sees it. it really was only two years. there was nothing before that. his memories of growing up are so two-dimensional, it feels like he could print them right out of his head and fold them up into a little paper person and be looking at his twin.

“it was just a joke, you know, all in good fun. oh, they’re wrapping it up now, story’s almost over. ‘that’s all, folks!’ and all that, you know. shame, we’ve only got so much time left.” scam didn’t sound sad. “I kept thinking your father would come after me at some point. it was good fun, messing with the king-of-hell demon-cop. pretty shitty guy, I gotta say.”

a scene materializes in front of hermie. a wooden stage, classic red curtains to frame it, and a styrofoam grave marker in the center. two actors bearing a comically-grotesque resemblance to his adoptive parents were badly stage-crying over it.

at the top, à-la-phantom of the opera, jodie peered down at the actors. he watched for a moment, then turned away to fix his attention on someone else.

did you have fun?

“I was wondering though. were you lying?”

hermie paused. “what?” his voice sounded strange.

“your last words to normal. he wasn’t conscious to hear them, you know. but were they genuine?” he could hear the rubber stretch of scam’s smile splitting far wider than a mouth should go. “did you mean it?”

“I can’t die,” hermie said slowly. “can I.”

“well, you weren’t exactly alive, so it’s hard for you to be dead.” scam sounded more distant now. “no place in heaven or hell for a puppet, just ask jigsaw.”

hermie’s jaw clenched. “I wasn’t a puppet. I wasn’t… anything.”

“right, so you get the point. I’m asking what you were teeing up for with that last line, hermie. obviously you won’t be around to deliver the payoff. were you just planning on ditching them without a punchline?”

“it’s what you did.”

“the ditch was the punchline, worthless, that’s the crux of the whole thing.” scam’s voice had taken on an edge. “I died once too. got shot off a dragon, actually. it was a lot like this.”

“was it?”

a pause. “I don’t remember.”

the curtains closed. somewhere, the sound of a gigantic clock started up, or maybe a metronome. “well, this has been fun, if ultimately unsatisfying, but I’m afraid this is where I must leave you. show’s over.”

“are you sure?”

“you’re the one who stopped dancing. oh.” scam was smiling again; he could hear it. “oh. I see it now, the prestige. you were the set-up for something truly… oh. wow. now this is a show.”

normal. hermie tried to take a deep breath. “what’s he doing?”

“making your whole life part of his own villain origin story. so sorry you aren’t around to see this, I know how you always liked the villains, but, well.”

“you can’t bring me back?” hermie clenched his fists. “you can’t do one thing for me, after…?”

scam scoffed. “oh, now he wants to live.”

crack! hermie was a five-year-old watching the big kids win the speedrun. crack! hermie was a cat in a garbage can being jumped by the pussywagon. crack! hermie was sitting in a car in hell, and normal was kissing his cheek. crack! hermie was a voice on the phone, hermie was saying “this is john.” crack! hermie was the dying papa john, hot cheese coursing through his veins. crack! hermie was dying, hermie was lying on the ground with blood spilling from his…

“your father and I were similar in one regard, actually. when our lives were threatened, when there was only one way to be free, we took it. we split, you could say, we…” scam hesitated. hermie thought about a demon and a highway patrol officer, a mustache and a fedora. “sometimes you get a card. sometimes you get a court order. but you always get a choice. you don’t get to be yourself. that’s what the world taught both of us. no matter your power, your influence, if the world doesn’t want you to be yourself, and you still want to live, well…”

he saw the joker, keira knightley, risky click, a whole parade of shifting faces flickering between his reflection and his performances. he heard his words to normal in goof’s realm- you don’t like me, you idiot.

“do you want to live? you never get to go back, you know, not to what you were. even if you’re able to reconcile the memories, once you’ve been something you never fully stop being it. and that saves you a little, the first you, but it’ll damn you just as surely.

“unless.” one giant eye in front of hermie. “was there anyone, hermie? anyone who wanted you to be yourself?”

what did he honestly believe, about what normal wanted?

he didn’t know if his last words were a lie. he didn’t know if his next ones would be either.

do you want to live?

IM SO SORRY FOR LEAVING U HANGING FOR A WHILE WRITER ANON IVE BEEN AT WORK BUT IM BACK. I WOULD SAY WE ARE SO BACK BUT NO ITS SO OAKWOVER. HERMAN UNWOVER.

I AM INSANE ABOUT THIS DO U UNDERSTAND HOW CRAZY THIS IS TO DROP IN MY INBOX. THIS IS SO WELL DONE IM GONNA EXPLODE THE FUCKING. AAUAUAUAGAHHHH

[mswhich]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by the marvelous, magical @elder-flower! Exactly the thing I needed to keep procrastinating on my WIP! edited to add I just noticed that Tumblr turned all of the numbers into the number 1. IDK, I'm not gonna fix it, just roll with it.

How many works do you have on AO3?

56.

What's your total AO3 word count?

675,992

What fandoms do you write for?

Lots and lots. Lately, 2001: a Space Odyssey. But also a lot of original works, plus Formula 1 RPF, Harry Potter, Teen Wolf, occasionally some Taskmaster RPF.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Unforced Error (Harry Potter), 3798 Forged in Flames (Harry Potter), 3722 (my first fanfic!) No Secrets (Teen Wolf), 2738 Bondmate (Original Work), 1326 The Frontier Spirit (Original Work), 1280

Do you respond to comments?

God, I try, but I'm so bad at it. I always feel so awkward about comment replies. I wish I could just click like on them and leave an emoji or something. I do try to get to as many as I can, though.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I dunno if you'd call it angst exactly, but I've written a fair amount of noncon where the "bad guys" win. Probably Experiment XB-20, which ends with someone finding out they've been getting repeatedly memory wiped and then nonconned, shortly before getting memory wiped again.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I write a lot of happy endings, tbh. Let's just say that the large majority of my fics end reasonably happily for most participants involved. (With a few notable exceptions.)

Do you get hate on fics?

You would think I would. I write a lot of unrepentant noncon, often with underage characters. I write RPF. I write incest. But apart from the occasional "wtf" comment, I've so far managed to avoid attracting significant hate. If I did get a hate comment, I would just delete it. I am too old for drama.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Fuck yes. All kinds! I have been writing smut since I first started writing fiction. Stephen King once said, in response to a question about why he wrote horror fiction, that if he and Louis L'Amour both visited a lake, Louis would write about cowboys herding cattle near the lake, whereas King would write about a creepy lake monster; that's just how their brains work. Well, I would write about people having weird, power dynamic-y, kinky sex near the lake. That's how MY brain works.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not really, but wouldn't rule it out.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I have occasionally had people report to me that my fics were stolen and nameswapped. AO3 has been pretty good about taking them down quickly though.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Many times, yes. I hope the translations are good! I have no real way of knowing.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not, and have no real plans to do so.

What’s your all time favourite ship?

Ugh, I ship so much. SO MUCH. Honestly, probably Peter Hale/Stiles Stilinski. It just works for me. Age gap, characters who are smart as fuck and morally gray, power dynamics, and werewolf powers. It has everything.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have most of a novel-length fic written in the Harry Potter fandom. It's post-War and Snape comes to stay at Grimmauld Place while they're rebuilding Hogwarts. Ginny Weasley is the only person there at first, and they kind of circle each other warily at first and then come to a cautious detente, which turns into a bit of a friendship. There's something weird going on with the portraits in the house, though, and when Snape notices it, there's an action sequence that ends with him getting them the fuck out of Dodge and going on the run. I actually love this story, it's entirely drafted and 80% written, and I just had to work out a couple plot issues at the end. And then the HP fandom kind of blew up and the creator turned out to be one of the literal worst people in the world, and I just don't know if I can ever bring myself to finish it. We'll see.

What are your writing strengths?

Uh. I....don't know? People seem to like my fics for the most part, but I'm not sure I could nail down exactly why.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I repeat myself too much. I say the same things repeatedly, over and over again, reiterating on a theme. But joking aside, I swear I spend half of my time in editing removing stuff like this.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I'm fine with it, if it fits the characters and it works. I prefer it if there are either a lot of English cognates so you can kind of work out what they're saying, or if the author translates it in the author's note.

First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter. I found a shitload of Hermione/Snape fic, read as much of it as I could find, and then thought, you know, I think I could do at least as well as some of these? So I tried my hand at it and have never really quit writing fic since.

Favourite fic you’ve written?

I'm saying two. One is Crown of Neon Lights, because I love the characters and story so much. And the other is Bondmate, same reason. But really I love most of my fics. They are like my precious babies and I adore them all. tagging (pls feel free to ignore) @whimsicalmeerkat @jammerific

[ssahotstuff]

Hey, hope you're doing good today 😊. 🥸🛌💥 for your writers ask?

Ooooh yes gladly! Thank you for asking 🥰🥰🥰

🥸 Does anyone in IRL know you write fanfic or original fiction? If not, do you plan on telling anyone this year?

I haven’t outright told anyone but there are people on this app that know my identity outside of tumblr despite my account being faceless, if that makes sense! I try not to collide my writing/real life because I feel like most of the people I know would judge me heavily.

💥Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you're most excited to write? Share a snippet or tell us about it!

Eeeek, okay I started this draft like 4 months ago and it’s Hotch x Heavily tattooed reader and he takes her to get tattoos because he loves watching and reader is really hesitant because she knows she isn’t his usual type but there’s so much chemistry regardless 🫠🫠😍 let me see what I can find to tease it with!!

"It really doesn't hurt?" Luckily the shop you found took walk ins, and he had time for a small freehand tattoo when Aaron suggested you get one; he wanted to watch you get a tattoo for some odd reason, and you weren't going to say no. You always had time for a new tattoo, no matter what day or time.

"It's uncomfortable, but it's not as bad as you think. You should get one too," you looked up at him and he was frowning, shaking his head back at you.

"They look much better on you. Your butterfly is cute," that's what you'd gotten, a smaller one, in the blank space of your arm. There wasn't a lot of detail, but he only had an hour to spare for your slot. He covered it with second skin; it was a type of protective seal for your tattoo. Aaron wouldn't let you pay or tip, he insisted, as part of your date. You walked out with a new memory, something to keep on your skin forever that would always make you think of him.

"Were all of your tattoos planned or have you ever gotten one at the spur of the moment like that?" Once you'd climbed in the car, he was taking your hand to examine it more closely.

"Nope, this is a first. I made appointments for the rest."

He liked that a lot.

✨✨✨

🛏 Is there a new trope you'd like to write this year?

Ugh it’s not new because I’ve written it once before but I’m obsessed with Hotch having a lactation kink 🥴🥴 I want to write a whole fic where Hotch has a pregnancy kink/is just absolutely obsessed with pregnant reader and she’s afraid once she has the baby he isn’t going to find her attractive anymore but in reality he’s going crazy over all of the changes her body has made, especially all of her curves 😍

I alsooooo like the idea of writing something that takes place like a year after 5 x 9/100 where Hotch and Jack move to the country to start a new life after Foyet and Hotch falls for a single mom/reader that has a suuuuper simple life, like she has a giant garden/farm and sells her stuff at the farmers market and Hotch is just absolutely wild over her overalls 😂

I also wanna write Hotch having kind of like a threesome but he’s just watching reader and another girl—I had a dream about this scenario like three nights ago and it hasn’t left my brain since. Idk if I’ll write it though because it’s oddly specific—I’m attracted to EVERYONE, regardless of gender identity so it’s super normal for me to be with another woman—I’m not sure if my readers would feel the same though!!

That being said I started a Marty Byrde x Hotch x Reader fic where they were in witsec together and Hotch and Marty agreed to share the reader bc they were both in love with her 🥴 super self indulgent, they didn’t fuck reader at the same time but they were like, taking turns touching her together and it sent my brain haywire so I may finish that— haven’t decided. I haven’t touched it in months but this inspired me to go back and read it 😂😂

[aossidhe]

Masterlist (I think I m supposed to call it like that)

I have a lot of story, universes, characters... which just take too much space in my mind. I just can't stop think about it and I need to put them somewhere to free my mind (do pinterest pin isnt enough anymore XD). Will takes time to put it all. IDK if Tumblr is the best place to put it but I dont have any other idea soooo. And why I write it in english? because is basically not my native langage... am I dumb? or I m just too shamefull to post it in my own langage? Only my therapist can answer.

☁︎𝕯𝖗𝖆𝖚𝖒𝖚𝖗☁︎

"Oh Sibylle, hear my pray and save my children from this cruel world. Bring them here, in this magic land."

A long time ago, a light guided seven lost souls to create a world of fantasy and magic. Six lands were formed, each protected by a guardian deity with great power. However, the guardians are not eternal and must transfer their powers to a chosen one. But at what cost?

Draumur is a fantasy universe. There is not just one story in this universe. It's more an alternative uniserve. Of course there is a main story in my mind but more the time pass more I just want to create a world. (Am I clear?). Moreover Draumur is a fantasy world where gender doesnt exist, sexual attribut are just physical attribut. If gender doesn't exist homosexuality/hétérosexuality doesn't exist too. There are just people who loves people and have preferences (like some people prefer long hair or things like that.) I Think it's kinda interesting to create a world like that 'cause it gives you an other perceptive on our world.

Stories

Draumur's Eternal Legacy

The fallen

The chronicles of Draumur

Characters

Species

The 5 Lands

Draumur

Saltare

Aquan

Silvestrea

Nivallir

Sinedeo

Timeline (Will change because I m confused)

Mythology

"At first there was a young lonely boy cry in darkness, now it's a land of magic and fantasy"

Important event

Randoms things

☣🅼🅸🆂🆂🅸🅽🅶☣ (𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙘𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜)

"One hundrer years after the apocalypse, Loida wakes up from her cryopreservation. Her last memories is her friends saying goodbye. But when she looks around the young girl don't say any of them, just some random face and a Man calling her Suzie"

Characters

Story

Lore

Technologies

Timeline

randoms things

⟡𝓢𝔀𝓪𝔂⟡ (𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙘𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜)

Another one like me (not a very original title but dont have any other idea) (𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙘𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜)

☾ 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥 𝕤𝕡𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕥 ☾ (𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙘𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜)

[nickelstudy]

TOPIK II Review

It's been a while since the test has come out so I figure I should take the time to write about it before my memory fades away more than it does now.

Here is my 89th TOPIK II result!

As you can see, it's not a lot, and not up to my expectation either.. bUT it's pretty decent for the first-timer. A little salty that I could have got 4급 if I earned 2 more points.

Let's start from going there. The test location was a place I'd never been to, plus I had no one to escort me there so it was a pain going alone. It took only 21 Baht (around 0.6 USD) to get there. Pretty cheap!

The test location was a campus so when I arrived I was confused about where I should settle. I wound up at a cafeteria, seeing how it would rain soon (which I was correct hah!) I had lunch and prepared for the exam. I don't think I read any stuff at that point. My knowledge was pretty much saturated and couldn't intake any more words or grammar. Ok and so I walked out in the rain to get to the building where I would have a test. It didn't rain hard so it was alright.

SO, right when I entered the exam room, a Korean exam invigilator (i don't know the common term send help) asked me what my exam number was so that she could find my seat in Korean. The problem is I FORGOT MY NUMBER DESPITE REMEMBERING IT IN ADVANCE. What was worse is I had already turned off my phone so I couldn't look it up. So I answered shits like "번호를- 잊어버렸어요" See how i didn't even use a more polite form (lmfao). Anyway, she went and picked up a list of test examinees which contained everyone's faces... (im scared) but then I realized, it was in the test paper I brought along!

They didn't let us use our own stationery. These were what they gave.

A two-sided black marker. One side for writing and the other for filling a circle

That's it... wait... how am I gonna change my ans-

WELL You could ask for a correction tape that got shared around the room. Fun fact, I barely have experience using it so I was nervous about whether I would fuck it up or not.

Ok, enough nonsense. Let's talk about the test

Listening（듣기）

It was hard. I struggled a lot trying to understand the choices in one glance while listening to the conversation. There wasn't much to be said. I was so done at the 3rd or 4th question. I think if one space out for just 2 seconds, it's going to be hard to catch up, especially with an amateur like me.

Writing (쓰기)

The first two weren't that easy. It took a while to understand what they were about and I managed to fill in the answers.

Number 52 was talking about 갈증. I didn't know what it meant and I don't think they expected us to know either. (gotta figure it out by context amirite)

Quote from a conversation I had with my friend

"There was a part where it's about the sugar component in the juice would make the water inside your body go out or sth idk Because they mention 물이 빠져나가면 so I assume it's that But the problem is idk what to write exactly It's like sth sth 성분은 몸 안의 물이 (...). 빠져나가게 할 것이다?? 될 것이다??? I DON'T KNOW WHY WAS IT 물이 and not 물을 ??? or maybe I was stupid and I don't include the important part so you can't help me now Could it be 부족하게 instead? Idk"

For the 53th problem, I know how to space when writing in a Wongoji paper. BUT I forgot to NOT space after a period (it's a habit from Japanese). After 2 sentences I realized it and tried not to do it again but then I DID IT AGAIN. The content I wrote is decent, I belive. but the spacing...

The last one is about discovering talent, why is it good? How does one do it? I didn't have time to write it ofc. It was like 2 minutes left.

Reading (읽기)

I took too long at the start. Yes, it got progressively harder as I did. I was at the 33rd out of 50 when the time ran out. Nothing out of my expectations to be honest. So yes, I blind-guessed the rest and somehow got more than halves

Other stuff

So when they let us break after the writing section. I tried to go down stairs and get some air. The test was rough haha. They didn't let us go to the 1st floor! They even thought I was going to use a toilet lmfao.

Anyway, it was raining after everything ended. I walked a bit to get to the bus stop and headed back without buying any of the stuff there. End of the story.

Thank you for reading! It was super fun trying out the exam. I'm not going to take a test in the near future for sure because the price is costly. It's not my end goal either! I just want to understand what Korean artists write in their work.

After this (which is right now) I'm focusing more on JLPT N1. I'll write about my method and some updates soon.

[kpophubb]

hi mia ~ I’m very happy to hear from you today even tho it’s kinda sad news …. Honestly it makes me upset that you're struggling with something and I cannot help where do anything and I can definitely feels it something is going on you know💔, as you said it yourself like you hv been there for me but it seems like I cannot be there for you…❤️‍🩹💔

Anyway I understand we deal with things in our own ways and I do respect it, I just wish you get well soon and just so you know like I'm here if you need me. But you already know that I will always stand by you..💖🤗

I thought you heard txt song , Cz u hv a bias there and it’s kinda interesting vibe SUGAR RUSH MMM

As for the job I am just so done with this like ,, u know I’m always sharing all this life difficulties , but I don’t expect you to help me anyhow , don’t worry 💖

Don’t feel pleasured to reply to this ask , take some time off if you need I just wish y well and happy Valentine's Day in advance💘

~ 🐁 anonie

Hi to my dearest and beloved 🐁 anonie 🥺💛 first of all to tell you that I’m doing so great today, see like I told you there’s really nothing about me to worry about cause I bounce back pretty fast lol.. I’m not only saying to make you feel better love but indeed I’m really so happy today thankfully 💓💓

♡…So yesterday, I received this very special gift bouquet from a relative..I was so in tears bc she packaged it exactly like I like using vintage scrap paper and used a white dried rose and wrote a letter too in old paper. 🥹 I felt so special and you know what the gift was? A polaroid camera 😭🤍 white roses symbolise innocence, purity and loyalty that’s why she used that and she gave me a camera so I could capture my memories and adorn them. This entire gesture made me feel so so happy. I already bought a polaroid camera tho, now I have 2 haha.

♡… so then later I felt even more happy because I was journaling and I wrote poetry, it made me feel so much better cause indeed I feel so much in my element when I do these activities! Idk if you found my personal Pinterest link I left in previous ask, but I really love journaling and writing a lot so I felt so renewed and so relaxed.

♡… I was at my nana’s place these few days and believe me I felt so healed, my nana’s place is in the countryside I had so much fun plucking vegetables from the fields and also STARGAZING AND WATCHING THE MOON! 🌙✨ it felt so magical. I can’t really attach the pics here but if you’d like to see, I can write you a letter in another post and show you!!

♡…I bought some stationaries today and I also feel excited bc of it lol. I love collecting cute stationaries so much and esp the cotton candy colour palette (baby pink, baby blue, lavendar, powder orange) all these colours. They look so adorable I can’t wait to set up a desk space with them when I move! 😍

♡… I can understand how you feel my love about your life, and I also can realize how it makes you feel bad sometimes always ranting about your life to me (even tho it doesn’t bother me one bit) so for a change of topic, I was talking about my random life updates haha. You can too, for lightening the mood and helping you overcome that negative feeling love. 💖

♡… happy Valentine’s Day in advance and even tho I don’t celebrate it, I’d love to receive asks and talk to you on Valentine’s Day 🥺❤️🌹

𝕿𝖆𝖐𝖊 𝖈𝖆𝖗𝖊 & 𝕴 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊 𝖄𝖔𝖚

[thatfuzzyfamiliarspace]

It’s not even her that’s getting at me. It’s seeing what he did. This time last year I went to see him during my lunch round her flat. I came back with countless hickeys, bite marks and scratches all over me. It’s like I got jealous of myself from the video and pictures I saw. The feeling of the lust he had for me. How fucking intoxicating it was that we wanted eachother but couldn’t go any more further. He hasn’t touched me like that since. Maybe that’s what fucks me up. Maybe that’s what I miss about the 3 of us. How much I was wanted. Maybe it was because it was forbidden for us to do anything major, the having to slow the pace of everything. But I miss the marks. There��s so many pictures and videos of all the marks. I remember saying I was having the best sex of my life then, and we weren’t even fucking. That whole dynamic of the 3 of us back then was so comfortable. I felt equal to her. I didn’t feel like some play thing. It worked. And I loved it. I wanted a future for all of us. And I fucked that up. There’s feelings I’ll never get again and it still gets to me that I lost that. There was so much potential there too. It was different. I’m so much happier now I’m so many ways, but there’s things I don’t feel would be the same. If we ever found a third it wouldn’t be nothing like it was with her. I think that’s what puts me off the idea. It wouldn’t be the same. It’s like it would only work with her. I do find myself missing her. But lately it’s more been missing the feeling of being with them both and being at that early lustful place in the dynamic. It was such high in my life. A major peak and I fell so much afterwards. I’m forever scarred by how it ended. I still have resentment for him breaking up with her in the first place, and for getting back with her two weeks after that. I just felt like that solidified me being out of it for good. And shit those videos will come up soon too, that day I was just crying the whole time at work where my eyes were so puffy. Where I started to really hit that mega low. Seeing the memories or not it still comes flooding back to me all the time. Both the good and the bad. It’ll always haunt me, knowing what we had and what could’ve been. I still dk how to move on and process it. I guess it would be moving on with J. And I am. We’ve got the flat, we’ve done so much, and I’ve never been happier. But he talks so much about finding someone else. I wonder if he feels the same as me, I wonder if he misses how it was with the three of us and craves to have that again. Idk.

I hate how much it affects me tho. He’s right it will do our relationship harm in the future if it keeps going on. How can he blame me for worrying about being too much and him leaving when he literally affirms it ? He says if I don’t change and get over this “silly stuff” then he will rethink stuff. That just fucks me up and makes me not wanna talk or open up or be honest. It makes me wanna shut down and keep it all hush and quiet.

He doesn’t deserve to keep dealing with me tho, not with all the repetitive lows and worries and anx’s and everything. It’s what pushed Thelo away. I’m scared shitless that I’m doomed to have history repeat itself. I can’t shake the feeling that even tho “we’ve hardly seen eachother these past few days” as he’s been saying constantly, that he doesn’t even have the capacity to see me tonight because of how I’ve been lately. I’ve been too much. Added too much to his plate and stressed him out. Now he needs space from me. We’re meant to be moving in together in a week. What if he needs space and now we live together ? What if I’m too much to be dealing with 24/7? Ik we did it in the flat before, but it’ll be different this time. He won’t have the option to go to his mums or whatever, maybe his will idk. I just wish I didn’t get us to this point. I hate that I can’t control anything when I’m hormonal. I defo don’t think I’ll take a break again from the pill for a few months. I fucking hate this shit. I wanna go back to being how I was before, with him being so happy with me. He said this new pill made me so much better. I just wanna be what he wants. God I can’t help but beat myself up over the past few days. I can never tell if what he says to me is just being said to comfort me or if he’s saying “what I wanna hear”. Like I wanna believe he’s genuine but he says such contrasting things it just confuses me. Or am I just listening wrong and making myself believe that. I have no fucking clue. I don’t wanna suck the enjoyment out of the next week. We’re going out tomorrow. We move in a week ! We have his b day thing next saturday. I just want him to be happy and I wanna be the cause of his happiness. Maybe it’s a good thing we’re apart tonight. I miss him loads. But I don’t wanna risk making matters worse. God why am I such a fucking idiot.

[rin-itoshi]

mc’s departure | obey me

summary: how the brothers would react to MC returning to the human world after a year in the devildom

contains: fluff , angst , ?!!!!&;@;&:idk

♯ LUCIFER

he’s the one to see you off, reminding you of the many things he had taught you so that you’d never forget.

his pride is much too large to admit that he will miss you to death and that he loves you dearly.

after you’re gone, he’s gone for hours at a time, holed up in his room with as much as work as he can take on.

he overworks himself with the intention of getting rid of the heavy emotion on his heart.

everything reminds you of him, even the paper clip on his desk that you had once found under his bed.

he gets easily irritable, feeling rather empty now that you’ve gone and left him alone in this now quiet house.

barely leaves his room, only works.

never cries but gets quite emotional when he finds a belonging you left behind.

♯ MAMMON

he cried every single night up until your departure but never showed you that side of him once

after you left, he cried non-stop, not caring if he looked like a cry baby in front of his brother’s who watched him with pitiful eyes.

once his eyes dried up, he soon never returned home as he partied all day and night.

he forced himself to attend parties after parties in order to forget about you.

it never works because everything reminds him of you.

sometimes he sits in his car and just stares into space, wondering what you’re doing now that you’re back on earth.

literally cannot stand the mention of you or your name or he may break down.

pretends to be okay but can’t go a day without getting upset about your absence.

money soon becomes pointless when he realizes no amount of cash will bring you back to the house of lamentation.

♯ LEVIATHAN

curled up in his bath tub and cried himself to sleep.

stopped leaving his room in general, continuously playing games all day and night.

couldn’t look at his ruri-chan figures because they somehow reminded him of you and how much you used to admire them with him.

every inch of his room has your touch on it and it makes his heart ache painfully.

struggles to attend online school but manages to make it through the day by zoning out in class.

claims he doesn’t care about a normie like you but genuinely misses you

sends you messages, forgetting you can no longer contact him without your D.D.D

writes about how much he misses you on his blog fully aware you’ll never see it.

♯ SATAN

reading. that’s all he does.

he hides in his room and reads every single book he has stacked up along his room, even rereading them if he finished everything.

uses books to get his mind off of you—or more so the lack of you.

will sometimes get excited about a stray cat he sees but stops himself when he realizes he can’t tell you because you aren’t here.

gets angry. a lot.

the smallest things set him off and he can longer feign a smile when he hears your name or anything related to you.

he misses you so much that he wants to tear out his hair and rip apart all these book page by page.

his room is in shambles and he can’t seem to think straight anymore.

♯ ASMODEUS

loses his interest in everything.

forgets his skin care routine and lets himself go without caring about it.

forces himself to go to parties and tries to sleep with someone to feel better but when it fails, he stops sleeping around in general.

like mammon, he doesn’t come home often to avoid seeing the house he had lived in with you happily.

cannot forget about you no matter what he does, and that frustrates him the most.

wishes he had done something to stop you or at least slept beside you one last time.

neglects himself for a while.

♯ BEELZEBUB

poor bby isn’t hungry for once.

can’t seem to eat now that you’re not sitting beside him, giggling about something he had said.

spends a lot of his time doing weight training and exercising to get his mind off of you.

misses all the meals you used to make on the nights you were in charge of cooking.

sometimes forgets you’re not around whenever he’s about to go downstairs to eat dinner.

clings to belphie in hopes to fill the gap in his heart.

accidentally broke down your room door in an angry fit when your absence finally set in.

♯ BELPHEGOR

either he sleeps even more or somehow gets less sleep.

no matter what, he feels sluggish and blank.

locks himself in the attic, almost as if he was never released in the first place.

even though he hated humans, your absence affected him the most after he had grown to love you as a human.

nearly went demon mode on diavolo when he found out that you were being sent back to the human world.

partially wishes he never met you but cherishes his memories with you too much to ever wish for that wholeheartedly.

sleeps in your bed often to hold onto your lingering scent that was fading quickly.

complains to beel that you were nothing but a stupid human who turns their backs on demons like them, but he never means anything he says.

“Why is it so quiet in here?” Diavolo asks as he opens the front door of the House of Lamentation with Barbatos at his side. The man’s golden eyes scanned the entry hall, noticing how it was so eerily dark and quiet that it almost felt like something out of a horror movie. It felt like no one had lived here in over two thousand years. “Hello?”

Upon receiving message from Diavolo, everyone had exited their rooms for the first time in a while, looking like they were dragged through the mud. The state they were in made Diavolo jump with surprise, shocked to find that even Lucifer looked like he was ill. “What happened to you guys?!”

“What is it that you need, Lord Diavolo?” Lucifer asked as he ran a hand through his hair to compose himself a bit in front of the red haired man. “If is nothing important, may I kindly ask you to leave and return another time?”

Diavolo sighed, shaking his head lightly as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t know what’s up with you guys, but I brought everyone’s favorite person along with me so sing your praises now!”

Mammon huffed, “If ya’ talking about that butler of yours, ain’t nobody care right now! We got bigger things to worry about!”

Barbatos simply smiled, taking no offense to the sly insult thrown his way.

Diavolo cocked a brow in confusion. “What? Of course not! It’s-“

The person stepped out from behind Diavolo, catching the attention of every single male in the room. The seven brother’s choked, staring at the one person they had longed for these past few days.

“[y/n]!” They shouted in unison, practically flying down the stairs to get to you. Mammon was the first to reach you, wrapping his arms around your entire body as he tackled you to the floor. The other brother’s climbed on top of you two, hugging you so tightly that you feared this would be where you’d die. “You’re back!”

Diavolo chuckled boisterously. “This is amusing! You lot are acting like you didn’t know they’d return today!” His laugh came to an abrupt stop when he saw the flat expressions coming from each and every brother. “Oh- Did I not inform you?”

“Obviously you didn’t.” Belphegor scoffed with a roll of the eyes, burying his face in the crook of your neck to inhale your scent. “[y/n]...”

“Ya can’t ever leave again! I’ll seriously get angry at ya if this happens again! Ya either go to the human world with me or ya don’t go at all!” Mammon snapped, cupping your cheeks while getting dangerously close to your face to yell at you.

“I’ll severely punish you if you ever leave this manor without giving me a heads up as to where you’re off to. You’re not just an exchange student anymore. You’re special.” Lucifer explained, a panicked glint in his tired eyes as he reached out to pat your head gently with his gloved hand.

Satan sighed, pressing his forehead against your back. “If you leave again, I don’t know if I’ll be able to control my emotions, so don’t leave.”

The avatar of lust whined loudly, “my beautiful self can’t handle a life without you! Don’t ever go anywhere without me again!” He clutched onto her waist tightly.

“Don’t... Don’t go anywhere.” Leviathan said with a sad frown on his lips as he held your hand, bringing it up to rest against his cheek. “It’s so empty without you.”

“Let’s eat dinner together, [y/n].” Beel suggested, his voice full of emotions as he drooled at the thought of dinner with you.

A million emotions ran through your veins as you sat there, basking in the warmth of their touch. It was overwhelming to receive so much love all at once but it was amazing.

A smile slowly crept onto your lips as you leaned into their touch, enjoying the way they clung to you as if you’d disappear any moment now. “I missed you guys, too.”

“What a lovely reunion!” Diavolo exclaimed happily, snapping a view blurry photos on his D.D.D to send to the group chat later.

After the heartfelt moment, they quickly disappeared upstairs to fix up their appearance before rushing downstairs to the kitchen where you stood. They clung to you like bugs to a light, hounding you about your sudden departure, only to find out that you had gone up there with Diavolo and Barbatos to help the man experience human world activities he had never gotten to try before. Diavolo was sure he had told them that but seeing as they were genuinely distressed, he assumed the message never reached.

Even though they were beyond pissed with Diavolo and his carelessness, they were just glad you were back. Them being here with you really was their idea of a perfect life.

a/n: UH YEA K GOODNIGHT

[ladydimitrescuspet]

A Living Hell

ao3 link! a little bit of angst for you beautiful souls! I must admit that I hurt my feelings writing this so I ask that you send alcina some love and all the positivity that you can! as always sorry for any grammatical errors, please enjoy, and let me know your thoughts if you want to share them!

warning: no happy ending, sorry!

Tag List (only fill out the form once please): @lord-dimitrescu, @alwaysgoodnight, @paint-it-periwinkle, @lightspica, @ultimatebottom69, @sexyheisenbeast, @crazy-obsessed, @squid3, @inlovewithalcinadimitrescu, @the-obscurity, @sapphicalciee, @ladydimitresculove, @solemnnova, @itsyourgirlmalise, @the-little-shadow, @marvelwomen-simp, @rachelthefanfictionwriter, @d14n4ol, @peachesandlesbians, @celina1221, ｜Anna, @Gansito83, @Followingmyheartledmetoyou, @theuslesslezbian (won’t tag, idk why)

-----

“Mother, I think Y/N’s broken. They’re afraid of me, they’ve never been afraid of me.” Daniela said to her mother.

Alcina motioned for her daughter to come over to her, patting her lap. When Daniela was on her lap, her head rested against her mother. “Y/N’s...” Alcina trailed off, gathering her words together properly. “I know Y/N acts a little different around us nowadays, but.... because of that wretched man-thing and what he did, their memories of us have disappeared, for lack of a better word.” Alcina explained.

“Disappeared? Will they come back?” Daniela asked with a small frown.

Alcina pressed a kiss to Daniela’s forehead. “It’s complicated, darling. With Y/N’s amnesia, there’s no telling if they’ll retain their memories ever again. Donna’s doing all she can to monitor their progress.”

“But?” Daniela questioned.

Alcina sighed. “But it’s not looking hopeful.” Alcina replied. Daniela sniffled, her eyes watering. “Nonetheless, my sweet girl, we’ll do all we can to create new memories with them. We must, however, gain their trust again. Where are your sisters?”

“In Y/N’s room.” Daniela replied quietly.

“That’s no good. If Y/N’s scared of you then there’s no doubt that they’re scared of them as well. Up now, Dani.” Alcina said.

Daniela pouted. “Carry me, momma?” Daniela asked, giving her mother her best puppy dog eyes.

Alcina sighed again, a small smile forming on her face. “Fine, fine. Come now, let us go tend to our guest.” Alcina said as she stood from her chair, her daughter in her arms.

As they walked the halls toward your room, Daniela asked her mother some questions. “What if Y/N doesn’t want to create new memories with us? What if they never love us the same way they used to?”

“It will take time, Daniela, but we will do what we can. Unfortunately, we cannot force them to want more with us just because of how things used to be. They have to want those things on their own, do you understand?” Daniela nodded her head. “Good, good. Down you go, dear.” Alcina said as she placed Daniela on the floor before knocking on the door in front of them.

Cassandra opened the door. “Hello, Mother.” Cassandra said. “Y/N’s locked themselves in the bathroom and they won’t come out. They keep screaming that we’re murderers and they want to go home.” Tears welled in Cassandra’s eyes.

“Oh, my darling, I’m sorry. I’ll explain once I calm them down.” Alcina replied, her hand coming up to run her hand over Cassandra’s hair before cupping her cheek. “Like I told Daniela, it’ll take some time, but we will help them readjust to life in the castle.”

Cassandra nodded her head. “Of course, Mother.”

“Mother, has Cassandra told you about Y/N? They’ve been acting very strange since they woke up.” Bela said as she entered the room, a plate in her hand. “I thought it would be nice for them to eat.”

Alcina smiled at her daughter. “That’s very kind of you, Bela. Leave the plate on the vanity, I’ll make sure they eat.” Alcina said. “Why don’t you girls go entertain yourselves before washing up for dinner while I talk to them.” The girls nodded their heads before exiting the room.

Alcina knocked on the bathroom door. “Go away. Leave me alone.” You responded, the door muffling your voice.

“Darling, I’m afraid I can’t do that.” Alcina replied. “Why don’t you come out here and have something to eat? I sent my daughters away, but Bela brought you some food.”

“I’m not hungry. Can you please just leave me alone?” You asked.

Alcina sighed. “I’m afraid I can do that, dragoste.” Alcina let out a small grunt as she positioned herself to sit up against the wall by the bathroom door. “How about this? If you talk to me about what’s wrong, I’ll give you your space, okay?” Alcina suggested.

You mulled the offer over for a moment before ultimately agreeing to it. You slowly opened the door, a bit shocked to see the Lady on the floor. You sat across from her, your back against the bed. You put as much distance between the two of you as you could.

You bit your lip and sighed. “I don’t want to be here. I want to go home.” You said.

“But darling, you are home. Castle Dimitrescu is your home. Has been for a few decades.” Alcina replied.

You shook your head. “No. No. This is not my home. My house is in the village with my family. I don’t belong here. I don’t want to belong here.” You looked up at her with tears in your eyes. “I just want to go home. Please let me go home.”

You could see the pain in Alcina’s eyes as you pleaded with her. “I’m afraid with the most recent events that have happened, your home is no longer intact. And darling, your family…” Alcina trailed off.

You shook your head. “No, you’re lying. Stop lying to me. Take me home. Now.” You demanding as you stood up and walked over to her. “Take. Me. Home.”

Alcina sighed before rising to her full height. “As you wish, draga mea.” Alcina replied. “But you will not be permitted to stay on the premises, it isn’t safe to do so as it once was.” You frowned at her words, but you knew she was probably right.

It wasn’t until the next that you and the Lady of the Castle travelled down to the village. The shops were all boarded up, the homes were more rundown than the last time you’d been down there. Despite that, you could see the villagers working on their homes to fix them from the event that happened that the Lady had mentioned.

“What… what happened?” You asked as the two of you walked down the road. You thought you might have needed to give her directions, but she seemed to know where she was going. She looked down at you with a raised eyebrow, confusing etching her facial features a bit. “You mentioned some kind of event or events that happened.”

“Ah.” Alcina grimaced slightly as she thought about. “I guess you could call it an invasion. A one man invasion.” Alcina replied. She cleared her throat before continuing. “You see, Mother Miranda is… in need of something. She, well, she found the perfect thing to help her out so she took it. And we, unfortunately, suffered the consequences of her actions. You were injured during the events protecting ou- my daughters from him. He attacked you from behind with some object, hitting your head thus causing you to fall unconscious. A very heartbreaking moment, dear. And then you were in a coma and my dearest sister, Donna, has taken to monitoring your progress during your amnesia.” Alcina explained.

You frowned. “Amnesia?” Alcina hummed. You shook your head. “No. I can’t, that can’t be. I don’t… I don’t remember ever being at the Castle. Ever.” You stared ahead as you came up to the ruins of what used to be your home.

“And what do you remember?” Alcina asked, putting her hand on your shoulder.

You flinched, moving away from her. “Don’t touch me.” You snapped. “As for your question, I remember saying good night to my family and then going to sleep. Then when I woke up, I was at the Castle, in your…” You trailed off as you tried putting the pieces together. “Your eyes widened in horror. “You. You did this. You caused this.”

“Darling, wha-“

You cut her off. “Don’t act innocent. You killed my family, destroyed my home, and kidnapped me. Making up some story about some man invading the village as the perfect cover.” You glared at her. “Did you think I wouldn’t figure it out? That I would just believe your lies?” You could see the pain and hurt in Alcina’s eyes. You moved away from her when she reached her hand out to you again. “I said don’t fucking touch me!” You hissed.

“I’m sorry.” Alcina said softly. “But I didn’t do this. You… you came to the Castle to work. To provide for your family.” Alcina let a small smile grace her face as her eyes teared up a bit. “You were quite clumsy when you started out. The girls didn’t think we should keep you on after your first week, but I… I saw something in you. I made you my personal hand servant after that week. You were terrified. I remember how scared you looked when you found yourself in a room with me, alone. I can’t count how many times I had to reassure you that you were safe with me, for weeks on end. It did take a while for you to warm up to me, but after that you were very confident in your role. We got close, you got close to the girls too. Then one thing led to another. We married. And then that man-thing destroyed the peaceful and loving family I had by taking you away from us.” Alcina sniffled, a few tears falling down her cheeks.

A part of you believed her story, feeling a little tingle within yourself as she told it. But you knew it wasn’t true. “You’re very good.” You replied. Alcina stared at you, purely confused by your words. “At lying. At weaving words together to make them sound believable. You almost had me, almost made me believe that that’s what really happened.” Alcina opened her mouth to say something, but you shook your head. “Don’t bother. You want to know something?”

“Know what?” Her tone sounded a bit lost, you could tell she was beyond hurt by your words.

“That you’re a monster.” You replied. That broke her heart, you could tell the moment you said it, watching her expression crack when you called her a monster. “You take young girls from their homes, kill the men and eat them if they even breathe in your direction. Murdering those girls to use their blood for your so called wine. And call it a form of living, a way for you to survive. You’re a murderer. You’re a monster. But you see yourself as a God, like what you’re doing is okay. It’s not, it’s disgusting. You disgust me. Your daughters disgust me.”

“Y/N, please. You don’t… you don’t mean that. You don’t mean it.” Alcina pleaded slightly as she tried to reach out to you again.

You pushed her hand away, forcefully. “I said don’t fucking touch me. Do not fucking touch me.” You were breathing heavily. You shook your head. “I have to leave. I need to get out of here. You’re monsters, all of you. Every single last one you.” You started walking backwards, away from Alcina. Away from the village. “I'd say I hope you all rot in hell, especially you, but you're already living in it.” You said, spitting at the ground before turning around.

Alcina fiddled with your engagement ring and wedding ring as she watched you walk away from her, tears flowing down her face. She was going to give them back to you when the two of you got back from the village. After she told you what happened. She hadn’t expected you to react that way, didn’t consider this scenario.

Alcina didn’t come after you, she knew she’d already lost you. Twice now. No sense in trying to force you into something you didn’t want. Maybe you always felt this way and the attack was your guiding light, the one you needed to clear your mind and realise just how horrible of a person she was. The girls crowded their Mother as she came home, questioning your whereabouts when they didn't see you.

“Y/N will no longer be residing with us, girls.” Alcina replied. “You may send some maids to clean up the guest room and then you may go play. But I ask that you refrain from ever mentioning Y/N, wipe the Castle of their presence. Get rid of it all.” Alcina requested. “They are as dead to us as we are to them and it will stay that way forever.”

“But Mother…” Daniela started, but quickly found herself closing her mouth at her Mother’s intense stare. “Yes, Mother.” Daniela said dejectedly. Her sisters following her lead before dispersing into their swarms.

Alcina sighed as she made her way to her chambers, placing your rings in the box she’d gotten them in. “Good bye, iubirea mea.” Alcina said softly as she closed the box and placed it on her vanity. The only things she wished to remember you by, allowing only a small part of you to reside in her home and her heart.

[quartzwriting]

The Agent and Her Sorcerer

Pairing: Doctor Strange X Fem!Reader

Description: You, an agent who works with The Avengers, comes back to the compound to find that Doctor Strange has brought you coffee.

Warnings: mentions of drinking and doing the dirty

Word Count: 2.4K

A/N: Originally posted on Quotev | Things have been busy, so has mental heath things, so idk when new things will come out. I love this piece tho so I hope this makes up for it. 

Masterlist | Fic Reading Recs | Ao3 | Quotev | Coffee

Gif by @cumberbatchlives

Technically a sequel to The Sorcerer and The Agent

When you stepped off the jet and onto the landing, you let out a long breath of relief. That field mission was finally over. It was an early call that got you out of bed before the sun came up. Too early for your body to function, but with the encouragement of coffee and Captain Rogers forcing you out of bed, you conquered the task. You checked your phone for the time, it was now around noon. You were ready to sit down, maybe even take a nap. You desperately needed a break.

But you knew you would not be able to rest.

Tony was already on your ass. He came out of nowhere, scaring the life back into you, and shoved a tablet in your hands. "Before you file your report, you got another one."

You groaned, falling into step beside him to make your way into the building. "Already?"

Tony pushed a few things on your tablet and an image came up. It was one of the objects you had recovered from this morning's mission. On the side was a stream of jumbled letters and numbers.

"Decoding, seriously?"

Tony shrugged, with a grin on his face that you wanted to punch off. "Hey, you're best for the job."

"Can't FRIDAY just run through it?"

"Where's the fun in that?"

You glared at him.

"Come on, you got this."

You rolled your eyes, "Fine. Only because it might give us a new lead."

"Atta girl! Don't stress yourself out."

You were already stressed.

"Oh and by the way, someone in the lounge is here to see you."

After a brief moment of surprise, you knew who it was. Tony saw the smile appear on your face, then winked at you. You rolled your eyes at him.

You tucked the tablet under your arm and made your way to the lounge. Maybe you were getting a little break before continuing for the day after all. A small amount of energy that came from your happiness pushed you forwards.

When you got there, sure enough, there he was.

"Hey, I thought you might want coffee."

You chuckled. Of course you wanted coffee.

Stephen Strange had a coffee tray in his hands that had two cups in it. He was standing around looking a little awkward, a little out of place at the compound. He looked relived to see you, as if anyone else in the doorway would made him embarrassed. His serious demeanor was no where in sight, a hint of warmth in his cheeks.

He wasn't wearing his sorcerer robes, but casual clothes. A jacket, dark jeans, sneakers, a t-shirt, simple things that you got to see him in more often now. You liked it. Very much.

Without any hesitation, you made your way over to him. Giving him a big smile the entire way. You put your tablet down so you could take the cup he was holding out for you. "Thank you." Your gloved hands brushed against his bare shaking ones. The contact was enough to widen your smile.

"Don't mention it."

"Hi! How are you? What's new?" You asked him, leaning one hand on a table and sipping your coffee with the other.

Stephen let out a breath, "Well this morning I helped to try and close a dimensional rip in space time. If we hadn't managed to close it then it would have swallowed an entire country."

"Sounds exciting, Doctor." You hid a smirk behind a look of playfully exaggerated interest.

"Oh it was." He was trying to hide a smirk too, "How about you, Agent (L/N)?" His cheek twitched, trying desperately to not let that smirk slide through.

"Well I just came back from a mission in London where an very well hidden Hydra base was found. There were a few of their agents there, kicked some ass, and managed to recover some of their tech and files. You know, normal things."

"This is a very casual conversation despite its content." He commented.

You both broke after that, smirks turning into fits of chuckles. You reached up and kissed him on the cheek.

The two of you were developing into a 'thing' recently. Whenever he would come to the compound, you would have your eye on him. And you could feel his eye on you as well. It had been going back and forth for a while, finding excuses to talk to each other and purposely being in the same room as one another. Casual attraction.

You noticed the little details in him. Taking every opportunity to make a snarky comment during meetings. Dedication and a 'cool calm' overtaking him whenever disusing anything serious. His gaze of sparkling blue, sharp features, and welcoming smile. The very presence of him either made your heart stop or quicken, sometimes both simultaneously.

Whenever you were both having a conversation, whether for work or just friendly chatter, you found yourself entranced by him. His voice, his gorgeous face, his personality. Not casual attraction anymore, you were sightly obsessed.

But there was always this look in his eyes, that he recognized your attraction to him. And a look that told you he had similar emotions. You just knew it. You paid attention to him. You noticed him paying attention to you with interest, catching him staring on occasion.

Things had went from zero to one hundred at a party that Tony threw last week. You had a little too much to drink. Stephen did too. You found yourselves alone. Things escalated from there. You woke up the next morning in his bed in the New York sanctum, cuddled in his arms. You both went out for breakfast that morning. He took you out for dinner a day after.

Ever since then, he shows up at the compound when he can, or calls you to ask how you are doing. Work for both of you has gotten pretty busy lately so finding time to go out together was hard. But you promised each other another date as soon as you both were free.

This was a long time coming, you both knew that. All it took was one little push. But you did not expect that push to be a little alcohol. It happened anyways, so you decided to take it without complaints.

Stephen looked around, making sure no one else was in the room to intrude. After confirming, he leaned down and stole a kiss from you. You giggled and let him, leaning up into him. He pulled away to let you have another sip of your coffee.

He wasn't drinking from his own cup. You felt his eyes on you. It did not take long to figure out why. You were still in your uniform, one that is similar to Natasha's. Black bodysuit, weapons belt. Skin tight. A blush crept up on your face, some memories coming back from that night. He has seen you wearing this before, but now his gaze had a different weight to it.

"Liking the view, Strange?" You asked with a raised eyebrow and mischief glittering in your eyes.

He shrugged, "Now that I know what it all looks like, I like the view even more." Casual. Calm. Cocky.

You playfully smacked him on the shoulder, bringing his hint of a smile into light. Tucking the tablet under your arm, coffee in one hand and Stephen's own hand in another, you pulled him over to one of the couches. The two of you sat down. "I have a little tech and paperwork to do right now. You're welcome to stay while I do it, if you're free."

He relaxed beside you, an arm slinging over the back of the couch. "I've got time. Wong is watching the Sanctum, I have the afternoon off."

"Maybe if I finish early we can go out?" You asked with a perky smile.

He gestured to your open tablet. "Better get to work then." You laughed, quickly kissed him, and did get to work. You explained to him your tasks, the decoding you needed to do and then fill out your mission report file. He seemed interested, looking over your shoulder the whole time as you explained your process. He watched you complete the decoding, send the results to the cloud, and start typing away at your morning's mission report.

Stephen's presence behind you the entire time was comforting, taking away some of the stress of your busy work. His warmth and the smell of coffee in the air made you content. You felt him start to fiddle with the tails of your hair, you jokingly swatting him away before he went right back to it.

During the breakfast date, and the dinner date, you saw more little things about him you liked. There was curiosity and interest in his eyes. Behind that serious shell was gentleness and kindness, a full heart who thinks for others. It was like after that night, you got to see the real Stephen Strange, not the Sorcerer Supreme. He was a gentle lover, even drunk, making sure you were comfortable the entire time. Eating out together, he was a gentleman. Seeing him around the compound, he seemed to be smiling more.

You never knew the great Doctor Stephen Strange was a total softy. It made you like him even more.

While writing, you found yourself putting extra care into reviewing the mission and its details. This may have been caused by knowing Stephen was watching your every move and you wanted to make a good impression of your work ethic. You made sure to skim through for any mistakes or typos in your writing as well. After some time, discarded cups on the coffee table and Stephen now subtly nuzzling your neck, you submitted your report.

"Do you have to do that after every mission?" The man who was practically wrapping his entire body around yours on the couch asked.

"Yeah. That was one of the longer ones. Most things were more straightforward this time around, but I did a lot in London today." You heaved a sigh, momentary wiggled out of Stephen's arms to plunk your tablet down on the coffee table, and relaxed back into the couch.

"Have anything else to do?" He asked.

"Not currently." You turned to him, now giving him your full attention. He seemed to like it.

"Well then, maybe you and me can go grab lunch?"

"I'd like that."

You watched his eyes dip down, briefly glancing at your lips before looking back up at your eyes. You caught him. This told you what he was thinking about, and soon you were thinking about it yourself. And then you were doing it. One of his hands rested on your cheek, the other found your waist as he kissed you. Your hands tangled around his neck and up into his hair gently.

It was like you lost track of time. You just focused on Stephen, a hand of his running over the fabric of your tight uniform.

"I'm glad Tony threw that party."

You and Stephen urgently parted at the interruption. Standing in the doorway, Steve and Natasha had smug grins. They were still in their uniforms from the mission, Steve's shield strapped across his back. You groaned.

When you told only one person that you went home with Stephen that night, it had spread through the compound like wildfire. Your coworkers all knew, and they were relieved. Finally, they had said. You must have not noticed how obvious you and Stephen's electric stares and intrigued chatter were.

You were a little embarrassed at being caught making out, but the embarrassment practically radiated off Stephen. He immediately straightened upright and cleared his throat. Apparently he did not show his vulnerable side to anyone but you, him instantly clicking back into a neutral expression when facing someone else.

Nat got right to the point, ignoring the irritated look on your face, "We got a new lead. There was a new location marked in one of their files found in London. Venice. We leave in thirty."

A frown glazed your features. You were really looking forward to spending some time with Stephen again. You looked at Stephen, who shared a mutual disappointed look in his eyes. But you knew that he would go let you work. It was annoying.

It wouldn't hurt to ask. Would it?

You stood up from the couch, grabbing your tablet to pull up your report again. You strided towards your bosses, a lick of confidence in your posture.

"Um actually I was kinda hoping if I could get the rest of the day off." You sang.

Steve let out a breath in a smug laugh, while Nat was hiding one of her own.

With a smile, you handed Nat your tablet, the mission report on the screen. Clean, detailed, care put into it, reflecting your hard work you had accomplished all morning. You saw her eyes look it over, the captain leaning in to do the same.

"You did work hard this morning." Steve pointed out.

"And you did eventually save our asses in the end." Nat added.

As you said to Stephen earlier, you did kick ass during the mission.

You gave them a look of hope. It was obvious what you wanted, they both knew it. For some reason you felt like they were lengthening the moment to tease you. To leave you in anticipation.

After what felt like minutes instead of seconds, the two turned to each other and exchanged expressions. Steve nodded. Natasha handed back your tablet.

"Go play with your sorcerer and his magic hands." Natasha whispered to you with a wink. A deep blush crept up onto your neck, and you saw her smirk. Scrunching your face up in a mock sneer, you snatched your tablet back.

"Have fun, you two." Steve said as a goodbye, and him and Natasha left the lounge to get ready for part two of today's investigation.

You turned back to Stephen. He had an impressed look on his face. Now standing, he threw away your empty coffee cups in a nearby bin."You didn't have to do that, you know."

"Too bad. Already did." You shrugged, sauntering back over to stand in front of him.

Stephen gave you a smile, and opened a slingring portal right in front of you both. "Then lets go."

You put down your tablet and went to empty your weapons belt. "I'm still in uniform, Stephen." You laughed, "I should go change first."

The sorcerer snapped his fingers, and your skintight Avengers uniform turned into a pair of leggings and a blouse. An outfit Stephen had complimented you on last week. You were surprised he remembered it.

You rolled your eyes at him, and before you could say anything, he grabbed your hand and pulled you through the portal.