#idk I feel like I never give myself downtime to just process

[animazed]

there are times when i don’t know if I’m supposed to sit with an emotion or do something to distract myself and push it away. but then i worry that simply ‘pushing it away’ isn’t actually dealing with the issue, and instead just making it a bigger problem for another time. so am I supposed to work on improving my mood or not?

how am I supposed to know? how do I know when to process, when to distract, and when to sit?

[aroha-x-astro-blog]

hey guys so i’m feeling hella emotional and i’m deciding to make a post about basically every group that i stan rn bc holy CRAP i feel like crying and idk waht to do with myself

do not read unless you wanna see my trashy, emotionally unstable self at it’s peak.

ok so like right now i’m really hardcore feeling bts and just what they do to me. also i’m sorry for all the typos in advance, but like i just watched videos of them performing 2!3! and listened to a fan song MADE BY BRAZILLIAN ARMYS @THEM I LOVE YOU~~??? and like now i feel like crying. if you wanna know WHY here’s the link and watch it yourself

seriously watch this no matter who you stan because it makes you think. literally there are so many things I wish i could tell them as a fan and as someone who cares about them more than i care about myself and most other people in my life and just i wish i could tell them everything this song says and a million other things but that still wouldn’t scratch the surface of exactly what i feel when i see these boys on my dash. they make me so happy i literally almost cried watching this but i stopped myself which i kinda regret now because i feel like crying now and i don’t wanna cry but like there are tears in my eyes right now because i keep realizing how much bts means to me. they make me smile and laugh and cry and worry and feel more emotions than i can list mostly because 99.999999% of those emotions can’t be described in words because there really are no words for what they’ve done for me.

they’ve told me that it’s okay to follow my dreams and do what i want. they told me to enjoy my youth, they taught me so many more things than i could learn in a classroom in the time that i’ve been an army. they made me more hopeful and happy and they make life more worth living for me. i honestly don’t know where i would be without them. i cna’t even imagine what my life was like before i was an army because when i look back, it looks so boring; it was like i wasn’t living. they literally give me life.

i mean sure, they kill me on a daily basis and have stolen my soul enough times that it spends mroe time with them than with me, but like.... i can’t even begin to explain this. 

they gave me hope. they are the reason i’m here right now, trying to accomplish my dreams. they/re the reason i’m working so hard. they’re the reason i’m here right now. i would not be the person i am right now, crying about bts at 11:13 pm and how they have made me a better person.

there are so many things i wanna tell all of them. there are so many things i wanna show them about the good part of our fandom. i wanna show them all the posts we make on here about how they need to rest and take care of themselves. i wanna show them the posts that are made on here and everywhere else when they’re sick or injured, telling them that if we see them on stage in the next couple of days, we will drag their asses back to their bed because we want them to rest. i wanna show them all the different things that we wish we could tell them.

i wanna do so many things for them. i just want them to be happy. like if they’re happy, healthy, eating properly, sleeping every night for 8+ hours, just smiling everyday, i would be perfectly content. i would be livid. i don’t really care about the thigns that they do as much as i care about them. yes, they’re all idols but like they’re people who need to sleep and eat and rest and just have downtime to be people, not the angels, gods, stars, and the loves of our lives all the time. 

i wish i could tell them ‘thank you’. if i could only say one thing to them, it would be ‘thank you’. it wouldn’t even be ‘i love you’, it would be ‘thank you’ because i have so much to thank them for it’s insane. there are SO MANY THINGS. gOD i never thought about it before - i mean i have but like every time i do think about it, the list gets a million times longer each time i think about it.

guys.... i really love bts. like i say this all the times to my friends whenever i can but i really love them. they make me a better person and they help to complete me because before they were in my life, i don’t even know waht i was doing with it. like wow i really don’t ever wanna go back to a life where i don’t know bts. i’d rather die because i can’t imagine myself without them without them in it at this point. they mean more than the world, the stars, the sun the moons, the infinite amount of planets out in the universe, hell i care more about them than i do about myself and my own well being. if i had to give up anything so that they cold be truly happy for a second, i wouldn’t even think about it. i’d do anything for them. if they asked me to find alien life, i would build the rocket ship myself and go out and bring back an alien for them within the same hour. i would do literally anything for them.

i would let them cry on my shoulder. i would let them fall asleep with their head in my lap. i would do anything that would make their life easier because they do so much for us. they work through the night, practice their singing or rapping until their voices are hoarse, they’re up before sunrise to get ready to perform for us. they deal with the treatment that they receive from some fans that we all wish would just never happen. they do so. much. 

okay time lapse, i just spent like 3 minutes thinking about how much bts does for us. and @my followers, i promise i’m still an astro blog-

shit..... astro.. god now i’m thinking about them and everything they do for us. like.. they gave us a freaking fan song within their first year of debut can you name any other group?? no. no you cannot wow okay i’m emotional again. 

like- and this isn’t just true for astro and bts. every single freakin kpop artist does so much for us. they deal with shitty management and not recieving the recognition that their fans know they deserve. they all went through the trainee process and lost friends because of it. they lost hours of sleep and were overworking themselves to the point of being so skinny we worry about their health. they went through so much and still are going through different but more challenging trials now that they’ve debuted. 

every single kpop artist out there deserves the world. all of them. sure, there are fandom wars and some idols have done things that are seen as offensive, but they’re also people who are flawed and make mistakes and they’re under so much pressure all the time and just like there are so many things that we don’t think about when we think of the idols we cherish beyond the description of words and i don’t even know what i’m saying anymore like i’m just seriously crying my eyes out right now like my keyboard is wet with tears i love all the idols i stan so much like astro is my bias group but i love them all so much that it doesn’t even matter. i cry about them all equally and scream about them equally and worry about them equally and support them all equally. i love them all so much that i couldn’t rank them if i tried because they’re so much flippin love in my heart to compare them. it would be less futile to count out every single grain of rice in a 40 lb bag like that’s how much i love them. 

like even that isn’t even a mile near the surface it’s so much higher than that there is no amount of space that i could put between the surface of my love for these boys and girls and the emotions i’m trying to explain in words because there are no words. there literally are no. words. saying ‘i love them’ is the biggest of the freaking century because the word ‘love’ doesn’t begin to encompass all my emotions. 

ok... i am more emotional than when i started, but if i write anymore, i’m gonna lose all the followers i have so imma stop. long story short, please love all your idols with your entire hearts the way i try to do. support them. love them. care for their well being. just... idk be a good fan to them.

i really love all of you and to those who actually read my emotional break down that is STILL currently happening just not on this post, tell me what you thought about this whole thing in my inbox and if you unfollow me just like... i’d understand tbh.

i really do love all of you and i love all the idols i stan and am going to stan in the future. i have too much love please take some away from me.

anyway, thanks for being with me on this emotional rollercoaster vote for monsta x’s beautiful so that they win their first win guys~!! see you tomorrow

also if someone could send some tissues my way i would love that