#idk! maybe this is bitchy but it pisses me off a little every time

[beaniebabyenjoyer]

This is probably a controversial opinion but I don't think you should complain about not getting reblogs (including "reblogs > likes!!" kind of stuff) if you havent provided an image description. If you want people to share your shit, maybe it should be accessible to everyone.

Just saying. It's not that hard. Don't complain about the lack of notes if you cut out a fraction of your audience because it wasn't worth the effort. If you don't know how, you can learn. If you can't, you can ask for help. You have options. Any ID is better than no ID. Try harder. Do better.

[l4verq]

fight back | b.b

bucky barnes x enhanced!reader

in which bucky won’t lay a hand on you no matter what :(

tags : a little brawl, fluff cause icanthelpmyself, mentions of blood, john walker (idk if we're supposed to like him now ??) bucky is a cat lady okk

fic : one shot

a/n : inspired by that scene in the final ep of tfatws when karli is screaming at sam to fight back lol😳

|| gif by @unearthlydust ||

-

one world, one people.

you repeat it in your head one more time, when he comes into view, vibranium gleaming onyx with loops of gold.

you know that he knows you’re here, back to the wall a few feet away, peeking at him.

he doesn’t know that you let him know.

doesn’t know that you laid out a trap and just like the foolish mouse, he walked right into the lion’s den.

although you’re not sure who the fool actually is, when you meet his eyes, knees almost buckling at the sight just cause of how long it’s been without them.

“y/n.” he breathes out, almost in disbelief.

it’s been fourteen months since he woke up to an empty bed and a handwritten goodbye letter folded in a clean white envelope, tucked under a pillow still marked by the soft indentation of your head.

fourteen months since you took off in the dead of night, pulling your- his hood over your head, the cold wind nipping at your skin, almost like it was punishing you.

maybe, it saw what you did.

oh, but fred definitely saw what you did, that damn cat always followed you two around even though it’s owner was the blonde next door. her name wasn’t even fred, bucky came up with it after the third time it snuck into the apartment.

he swore he hated it but always seemed to have a treat lying around in case it did come.

and it did, a lot. neglected by it’s owner, it chose to seek comfort in the couple next door, and sometimes a meal or two.

“sorry, no treat today bub.”

fred scowled - honestly, you wouldn’t be surprised if an actual human was living in it - mewling as it came up to you for the usual chin rubs and cooes.

you sighed, caving into it’s antics, squatting to pet it.

cradling it’s head into your palm, she was purring, a very uncommon sight. fred doesn’t purr, she scratches and hisses at anything and everything that moves.

“you’re particularly nice today.” you commented, getting up. it mewled even louder this time but you turned on your heels and headed for the stairs.

you were already late.

your legs picked up pace quickly, easily crossing multiple blocks over in a few long strides owing to the blue serum coursing through your veins.

though your mind remained stationary, fixated on a single face, how it’d crumble at the sight of the letter, how he’d probably end up hating you.

“took you long enough.”

her auburn locks were tied into a loose braid that curved around her neck, the tip sat just below her collarbone, a piss poor job held together by a thin maroon colored band.

it was quintessentially her, the lack of utter patience to spend two minutes looping three knots of hair one over the other.

you jogged over to the other side of the black suv, noticing a stark white rectangle where a liscence plate should be.

“he’s knocked out cold,” you asked as soon as you grabbed the door handle open, “how?”

lazropthalein.

it came in the mail in a brown package, no return address. bucky wasn’t home, he had a scheduled therapy session down the block.

just a pinch is enough.

the text from the unknown number read.

it had no odour, a clean, white colour to it that blended in seamlessly with the flour.

“you baked without me?” bucky gasped, dramatically, hand covering his gaping mouth. his other hand carried two plastic bags, filled to the brim, a purple razor was poking out the top.

he even had to drop the poor bags on the floor, just to emphasize the utter shock he felt.

“i got bored.” you giggled, wiping the countertop with a wet cloth, remnants of flour on the sleek marble turning goopy under it.

“traitor.”

“it’s just cupcakes.”

“still a cake.”

you sighed, “you’re a five year old.”

he huffed, trudging towards the living room, shoulders hunched to really hone in on just how devastating this was for him.

“don’t i get a hug?” you held your arms out, making grabby hands, following him.

apparently, the devastation was to the point where he had to bring out the big guns, the sad baby blues.

the act lasted for another minute? at best. hours later, he was happily munching away.

“i know why it tastes so good.” he moaned, smacking his lips.

your smile faltered a little, did he kn- no, there’s no way he could have known. you burned that little plastic bag as soon as you dumped a pinch in.

“yea?”

he grinned, popping the last bit left in “it was made with your love.”

“how did it work?” your voice rose several octaves higher, amplified further by the cool, silent night.

drugs and sedatives don’t work on supersoldiers yet a certain blue eyed one was back home, unmoving even if you screamed right into his ears.

“dr wilfred, he invented it. the power broker wanted something to balance out our,” she flared her hands at both of you, “super-soldierness, so that we don’t have an upper hand when all’s said and done.”

would the either of you even be alive when all was said and done?

“look, i know you didn’t want to do this but james, he won’t understand. he’s not one o-..”

“yea, can we jus- let’s just get out of here.” you get in beside her, whipping the seatbelt over your torso.

the car was stuffy, felt like a choke around your neck that only seemed to tighten more and more.

“if we go now, there’s no coming back.” she glances at you, hand curled over the gearstick ready to position it in place.

she was giving you an out, one last chance. karli was a lot of things and having a heart inside that cold, bitchy exterior was one.

“i know.”

you sunk deeper into your seat, the hoodie had a faint smell of burnt toast and that cologne which was on sale, almost half off if you cut out the taxes.

it smelled like him, too much like him.

until it didn’t after a few days. but you still slept with it, just outright refusing to wash it despite karli’s snarky remarks about hygiene.

hygiene could go fuck herself, for all you know.

compared to the motels and basements you guys shifted around in, that hoodie was a doctor’s scrubs.

when the moon hung low on the black sky, you tried not to think about him too much. the silence didn’t help, you needed something to drown out your thoughts. that’s when the ‘socialising’ with the other flag smashers started. they were nice.

nice cause you were the leader’s little sister. but also a huge fucking liability because of a certain supersoldier hot on their heels in search of you, ruining every goddamn plan so their niceness was.. limited.

karli was a natural when it came to it, all of it. the talking, rallying of supporters - fuck, she just had a way with words. she could make you believe she hung up the stars in the sky.

probably how she convinced you that holding a room chock full of council members hostage right smack in the middle of nyc was a good idea.

the only idea, more precisely.

you guys had the upper hand, more than a handful supersoldiers at your disposal, capable of taking down the entire military force if you so pleased.

the only playing card they had was one supersoldier, who was better off distracted, kept off the field.

so who better to send to do the deed than the love of his life.

“fred had a baby. multiple babies, spawn of the devil if you ask me. always running around, thrashing the place up.” he takes small steps towards you, slow and calculated, as if a lion stalking around a prey.

“you shouldn’t be here.” you lie through your teeth, a tiny white compared to the ones that’ve rolled off your tongue before.

“i think the neighbours call me a cat lady now,” his eyes shift around and he leans in to whisper, “they haven’t even seen my knitting skills yet.”

“stop.” you think you said it or much rather whispered it, your voice was failing you. he’s getting close, too close for your liking so why aren’t you backing away from him?

“fred misses you, you know. she wonders where you went.” he smiles but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

the hairs on your neck shoot up, a slight twitch of your brow. the way bucky’s ear perk up, you realise it’s not just you and him here anymore.

someone else has arrived.

“i’ve got it handled, john.” bucky turns around, plants him directly infront of you, blocking john’s view of you.

sure enough, it’s john limping in, a nasty gash across his chest.

your blood runs cold because this isn’t how it’s supposed to go.

john isn’t supposed to be here, he’s supposed to be fighting.. oh god. you notice the various splatters of blood on his cowl, on his boot, on his shield.

it’s too much blood from a guy who’s barely bleeding.

“really? i was thinking you should do more than just talk.” he spits on the ground and wipes his mouth.

you notice, the spit’s all blood too.

“i’m giving you a chance to walk away, right now.”

john snorts, leaning sideways to get a view of you, neck craned out.

“and leave this prize all to yourself?” he grins, “i’d be an idiot.”

“you have a death wish then.” you lift your chin a little higher, praying your quickening heartbeat doesn’t give away your calm exterior.

john whistles, grimacing as he straightens, “so, she does talk.”

you scowl, crossing your arms.

he’s in bad shape. he has no chance, not that he ever did even in his best shape. he knows that too yet he’s still here. that sends a chill up your spine.

“go, i got this.” bucky tips his head, glancing at you.

“i don’t need you to save me.” you hiss at him, which comes out a little harsher than you intended. an apology dies in your throat as he flinches just the slightest.

“trouble in paradise?” john’s barely finished saying it before he’s reached behind his back and swinging the vibranium

you hear it before you see it stopped mid air by a gloved hand. then you charge.

it’s all a hazy mix of blue and red until your fist connects with his jaw, sound of something breaking ringing in your ear.

something pulls your waist back, a grip far too strong to be just flesh.

“go, i’ll ta-..” bucky’s barely said anything before an upward cut from john connects to his neck, violent coughs ensuing.

you grip john’s arm before he’s even retracted it back, jump up his back, settling around his neck and twist until you hear a crack and a bloodcurling scream following suit.

he whips his head back right into your stomach, seizes that moment when the wind knocks out of you to pull you by your hair off him.

“i told you to go.” bucky growls, kicking john right in the shin that makes him kneel and you almost fall off but you keep your fingers tightly looped around john’s hair, pulling as hard you can.

but he’s relentless.

your head hits something hard and you realise you’re on the ground now, legs loosely around john’s shoulders, him also on the ground.

it’s like the both of you realise at the same time but you’re quicker. your legs tighten around his neck, against the spot where a thick neck muscle throbs. he claws desperately around, straining for oxygen

soon, his hands lull down, the dull thud on the ground confirming his unconsciousness.

“are you hurt?” bucky’s hovering over you, seemingly unfazed by john’s neck in a chokehold by your legs right now.

you reject his hand he extends and push yourself off the gravelly concrete on to your feet.

“this was a mistake.” you trail off, saying it more to your own self.

you weren’t the lion, you were the stupid fox who thought it was.

stupid enough to believe you were over bucky and that everything wouldn’t come rushing back as soon as you laid eyes on him.

he whips you around by your hand and before you know it, he’s already caught your other fist heading for his sternum. you barely feel the grip, it’s soft, just so incredibly soft and fits so right.

you hate it.

rage bubbles inside you, mostly at yourself. partly at him because he’s not screaming at you or slamming you against the wall or jus- anything.

you wrench your hand away, land a swing which he does nothing to block. his grip on your other hand loosens and he still does nothing when another hit to the jaw leaves him staggering,

instead, he looks at you softly as if resigning himself to your anger, to let it simmer off.

“fight back!” you scream, outstretched palms pushing him back.

he stumbles a few steps back, hands reaching out to yours resting on his chest, fingers intertwining yours tightly.

“stop.” it’s a soft plead, tears spiking the corners of his eyes.

“hit me!” you’re practically begging at this point, thrashing your arms around.

his hands grapple at your shoulders, bringing you to his chest, “it’s okay.”

he smells so sweet, just so sweet that you almost believe him.

“i drugged you and i left you and i-,” you inhale sharply, “i killed so many people, bucky.”

the last fourteen months had escalated quickly from doing what’s right to doing what’s needed, lines blurred between moral ethics and survival.

“it’s okay.” he repeats, hand patting your hair, gentle and soothing. your body betrays you, sinking into his touch, his warmth.

“you should hate me.” you whimper.

you wouldn’t blame him if he did. you doubt he could hate you more than you already did yourself.

he pulls back, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, “i couldn’t if i tried.”

god, why does he have to be so.. bucky?

frustated, you spit out, “this? this was a distraction to separate you and sam.”

you don’t say it but it’s understood, understood that you wouldn’t have met him if not for it.

the inner corners of his brows angle up slightly, a ghost of a smile on his lips, “i know.”

your breath hitches, if he knows then wh-

“then, why..?”

you finally look up at him, vision blurry because of the stupid tears pooling at your eyes.

his thumb wipes away a tear dribbling down your cheek, the coldness of the metal a clear contrast to the warm moisture, “you know why.”

-

a/n : this one’s been sitting pretty, collecting cobwebs in my drafts so thought i’d take it out lol, also haven’t been posting fics in a whileeee cause im dumb and i’ve been working on multiple things all at once lol yea this is me rambling and also i just wanna say that i. love. folklore. sm. that whole album has me crying and sad and just :((

[jinnie-channie]

Just finished Overprotected Kahoko (probably with spoilers)

I absolutely love Kahoko and Hajime they're so adorable and supportive of each other making me want to have that kind of relationship ❤❤❤❤

I love how everyone has flaws, but they realized it and chose to become a better person as the series continued.

Every character in that series is a gem (mostly because Kahoko and Hajime helped them) EXCEPT for her evil mom. I hate her so f*cking much. As a mom myself, watching her overprotect her kid was just the worst, the mom made sure that Kahoko would not be able to live without her. I personally think that she does not love her daughter, she just love the fact that she can control every aspect of her daughter's left even her clothes. She's a manipulative b*tch who doesn't love anyone but herself. Even her husband was tamed, manipulated into saying yes to whatever she says. Even when the husband expressed his frustrations she nitpicked his words and chose to only hear that SHE was not appreciated enough as a housewife. Like WTF?! dude works from morning to night, waits in line for hours just for their dessert and he couldn't even use a glass that they bought with his money?! And he couldn't even talk to his own daughter because that evil woman manipulated her daughter into ignoring her own dad???!! I'm not saying that the dad's right for not appreciating what the mom's doing but she doesn't appreciate him too so...

When Kahoko was starting to realize that there was life outside their home, the evil b*tch forced her to cut ties with Hajime. It's like a cult really. And when Kahoko declared that she want to be more independent, the mom actually had the audacity to get mad and force her daughter to learn on her own, when she could have done that gradually when Kahoko was young not go cold turkey when she's an adult and probably useless because that bish babied her too much.

And just when I thought the mom's finally getting better, like in the last episode when she finally brought her ass to her daughter's wedding and helped and everything (though it just honestly felt like she wanted to control her daughter one last time) she returned back to her old bitchy self when she said to her husband that they should get divorced. LIKE B*TCH after living such a luxurious life with your daughter you want to break up with the dude who is so in love with her and supported her dumbassery and cult-like living, and helped with her crazy extended family problems she wants to end their f*cking marriage.

This ended up as a rant, but tbh, I have experience that feeling when someone manipulates you into thinking that "you can't do that, let me do that for you" until every little thing you try makes you think that you can't actually do it s actually traumatizing. I understand Kahoko, and how she still loves her mom after all that. But it's just too f*cked up you know? That kind of attitude to your own daughter is not love. You just want someone to manipulate and to have control over. It's too scary.

If you want to watch something light and adorable, don't watch Overprotected Kahoko. If you want drama and if you want to be pissed off then go watch it. I loved the couple but I don't think I actually enjoyed it because the mom ruined everything for me. Or maybe it's just me? Idk??

[fekst-fucker]

Not me sending a bunch a asks for the girls cuz no one really does them. But. Headcannons for them? Can be about anything!

I hope you don’t mind that I saved Judge Angel and Nurse Ann for this post, I’ve never written for them so I wanted to flesh out their characters :)

Jane the Killer

- Mom friend of the group

- In like, a detached, cool biker mom way

- She likes coffee and tea equally! She’s just not a huge fan of anything super sweet, she’d prefer to have a piece of cake instead of a sugary drink

- She speaks a little French, I think. She probably learned it in high school and is still studying it casually

- She and Nina don’t get along too well but she’s still very protective and watchful over her regardless

- I know I’ve mentioned this before but she ALWAYS has shit-talking sessions with Tim and sometimes EJ. They have a lot of steam to blow off

- Her Vespa is orange :)

- She hates supernatural horror, but is a big fan of suspense or murder films, if they’re done tactfully and not too gory. She sees enough blood in her line of work

- The one exception is the movie The Autopsy of Jane Doe. She really sympathizes with the girl in it

Clockwork

- Does this woman every brush her hair

- Yes but it sticks out in every possible angle, she cuts it herself and tried to give it “layers” but it literally looks like choppy anime hair

- She does wear an eyepatch when she goes out, and she doesn’t just discretely shy away from people staring at it, she’s ready to pick a fucking fight

- Drinks black coffee with a ton of simple syrup. Iced. She’s gay

- She dreams of having a steampunk aesthetic but it’s way too impractical. She tries to brush it off as “nah that was just a stupid middle school dream”

- She doesn’t speak any other languages, though she has picked up some ASL from Brian. EJ kinda scares her so she doesn’t interact with him much but since she started trying to sign to him their friendship has really blossomed

- Her shoes cycle between beat up tennis shoes and clunky Wolverine work boots. There’s no inbetween

Judge Angel

- Never talks to anybody. Keeps her head down and lips sealed. It’s not a huge loss, no one’s exactly itching to talk to her, either

- And the hood she wears is always covering her eyes, nobody has ever seen them. They’re kind of afraid of what would happen if they did

- She doesn’t really live at Slender mansion. She has a very secluded cabin a couple miles off, and the interior is very well decorated and surprisingly warm. Lots of those white tiny minimalist deer statues

- She always carries her sword in a hilt on her hip, it’s mostly for show. She’s powerful enough to not need to use it against any of the other creeps

- A nasty habit of hers is scaring the demons at the mansion. It’s 100% intentional and it’s a very bitchy thing to do

- EJ, Dark, Kageko, and even Zalgo hate her

- She doesn’t really have any hobbies besides fighting and tearing shit up. Maybe reading criminal justice novels in her little cabin

- She respects three people at the mansion. Slender, Tim, and, for some reason, Ben

- She’s a little bit of a pick me girl tbh

Nurse Ann

- I know she’s supposed to be cruel and demented and sadistic but that’s tired. What’s wired is that was a temporary state that demons and the undead get sent into, for a couple months max, and now she’s back to her pretty calm, timid self

- Maybe a little less timid now that she kills people, but she’s still very reserved, soft-spoken, and sweet

- She’s best friends with EJ. Quiet? Medical students? Undead? Oh babey

- Don’t get me wrong, she was a couple years older than he was when they both died, so she thinks of him more as a student or peer

- She loves to read. Anything and everything. Romance and typical textbooks are her favorites, she loves to learn

- Prefers just a cup of tea. She has a nice collection of teacups and saucers in her room

- She does speak a little bit of Spanish, she learned it to better communicate with her patients. She’s still kicking herself for never learning Mandarin or Punjabi, but it’s never too late to start!

Nina the Killer

- Idk why but I’ve always thought of Nina as Hispanic

- So she can speak Spanish, and I think she probably speaks a Dominican or another very quick dialect when she does

- She’s not very good at cooking, and it really upsets her, because she does miss her traditional meals from home

- So, even though she pisses Tim off, they team up and she tells him how to make stuff like tamales, tacos, sopa, maybe empanadas, plantains, stuff like that

- She’s an incredibly picky eater, actually. Tim is secretly honored that she eats his food

- Queen of scene! She has NEVER given up her scene aesthetic, being bullied never even phased her

- When she puts lipstick or anything on, she puts it all the way up the slits in her cheeks lmfao

- She’s tried the e-girl aesthetic a couple times, it doesn’t go nearly as hard as scene so she kinda gave it up

- She’s awful at gaming but still loves it, she plays with Ben and Jeff and even though they obliterate her she has a great time

- She’s the one that gets the snacks and refreshments, during gaming and during movie night

- She goes out into public without any like disguise on. People assume the silts are just SFX or a hardcore part of her aesthetic

- She is NOT as obsessed with Jeff now! She’s a little more grown, plus there’s wayyyy hotter people at the mansion

Honorable mention for Sally:

- Likes choccy milk :)

- Will ONLY be babysat by EJ or Slender. Everyone else is very upset about this

- She watches Sesame Street in the living room and everyone just kinda… watches with her

- She’s very glad everybody is participating with her, she may be a ghost child but she still needs enrichment!!

- Loves to help bread stuff whenever Tim deep fries food, he nearly has a heart attack letting such a small child near boiling oil but he’s responsible

- She doesn’t like soda because it hurts to drink

- Doesn’t need to be tucked into bed or be read a bedtime story but she does need a lil nightlight

- Usually ends up scampering off to spend the night in someone else’s bed if the power is off

- She and Nina are buddies :)

- She and Ben are also buddies, he lets her play video games with him with the controller plugged in cause he’s not a meanie like Jeff

[why-are-you-even-here-tho]

okay people. i’m gonna be spitting a lot of Words. because i’m feeling a lot of Feelings at the moment and i don’t know how to express them through any other methods so. yeah. 

this is just gonna be me venting so. probably wouldn’t recommend reading but idk u do u i guess. i put most of the things that i think are triggers in the tags, but i’m actual shit at tagging so. if literally anything is gonna affect you negatively just. don’t read. i can’t tag everything and yeah. idk. to the cut now i guess. bye. 

hi lmaooo what the fUCK am i writing lmaoo

so. first. my past week has been fucking shit. 

    first, i was super fuckin stressed cause i had chair placement auditions for band, a 70 point spanish vocab test, and a 5-7 minute presentation of elizabethan crime and punishment all due in the span of two fucking hours on wednesday. and my stepmother. has the fucking a u d a c i t y. to tell me that i’m actually only allowed to study (on my computer, where everything is) for one hour after school each day. like honey i can’t control what i’m fuckin assigned. and she’s already shitty with me cause she thinks that i’m not doing anything when i’m on my computer (which, despite what you all have seen of me, is not true lmao). so she’s super fuckin dumb about that. 

    second. my chickens. which i call my chickens because, up until recently, i was the only person that did jack shit for those fuckin birds. literally. stepmother bought the food and sold the eggs. maybe went outside once every couple weeks. it pissed me off but you know. whatever. that’s not even what i’m talking about this time. but she goes out there, before i do my daily stuff for them, and comes back in- whirlwind if pissed off cause the stuff isn’t done. like honey i haven’t done that yet. and she gets bitchy cause i haven’t done it yet and starts to go on about how she knew that i secretly hated the chickens and that she bet that i intentionally fucking killed some of them (cause a few of them actually disappeared this week)?? like what in the fUCK??? i would never fuckin do that??? and i love hearing her complain about what food and water is full to the top as if she bothers doing literally anything to help with them. so i’m now not even allowed in my own fucking backyard because apparently i’m a fuckin serial chicken killer. fuck that. 

    third. i had. the audacity to forget an entire assignment. and stepmother dearest sees it. and goes fuckin apeshit. i am the epitome of disrespectful and useless and such a little bitch and stupid and do i need someone to go with me to school every day and hold my hand and remind me to breathe? and like. i can take that, in a way. it’s the normal shit i get from this woman. what really, for some odd reason, got me this time? when she asked, i think completely sincerely, actually, if there was some sort of implant that could make me better. like bitch. i’m not a fucking dog, you don’t need to fucking chip me so you know where i am all the time. i’m not a fucking robot that needs a fucking upgrade so that my fucking memory is better. i haven’t really said anything to her (or anyone really) about this (cause i don’t fuckin trust her not to give me shit because of it) but i have. a fuckin Issue. with fuckin dehumanization. and that hit. every single fucking button. so i’m fucking pissed and just decide that hey. i’m gonna go to my room for a minute. so i don’t fucking murder my dad’s wife. and i get shit for that too!!! like what in the fUCK???? and now i’m at my grandma’s for some length of time. in fuckin exile. 

    fourth, because i feel like it’s its own thing. my stepmom. as i’m going to my grandma’s for my tommyinnit arc. stops me for a minute. uses her “i’m being genuine (lie) and just trying to make you understand my point of view (with the attitude that it is the only one that matters cause yeah) because being me is hard :(” voice. tells me. “I just want to help you, but you being here makes me think about hurting myself.” which. yes, i understand is not a thing to just dismiss. i do kinda feel shitty about it. but also. 2 things. one, she said it in such a tone of voice that practically screamed “this is a lie to make you feel like shit”. and two, she?? also does this?? to me??? like honey. the blood on the inside of the thighs of my pants and the pocketknife blade hidden in my jewelry box are saying a bit more about “thinking about hurting myself” than you, sitting there on the couch, rewatching game of thrones for the third time. i sound like an asshole in this bit. but i’m just. fuckin angry. 

     fuckin angry and fuckin pissed at myself. cause maybe if i didn’t fuck that assignment up, i’d not be in so much trouble. if i did the chicken stuff earlier that day i’d be at home still. if i could focus more in class my parents might not be as easy to piss off. if i were just. better. if i were not. like this. if i could do more than just “try to” change. if i could look at my issues and actually work to fix them rather than staying up till midnight on a weekday, spending over an hour typing a fucking essay about the shit i’ve been through this week that nobody is gonna read. maybe even if i just. weren’t here. 

    i wasn’t supposed to exist. there were. so many signs. telling my parents that they shouldn’t have kids. one - the fact?? that my mom had no less than four miscarriages??? before she got pregnant with me??? one would think that they may stop trying after like. two. and my mom already had one son! it was with her first husband (red flag right there lmao) but she had! a kid! already! why go through all that pain? idk. i’m not, and never will be, a parent. two - my parents! actually did! decide to stop trying! to have a kid! and then my bitchy little -9 month old ass was like “hey bitches are you ready for 16 years of hell?” three - there were so many issues with my (i mean. not mine but the only one i’ve been involved in) pregnancy. like. mom got badly sick like. 3 times. she told me one day that her doctor told her that it would be healthier for me? if she kept smoking while she was pregnant???? so that’s fun. and i’m positive that it was not just nicotine. yeah. fun. don’t necessarily have an issue with weed but like. bro. you’re pregnant. no thanks. four - i was a cesarean. not that that’s really an issue. but. i felt like it might go on here. five - i refused! to breathe! on my own! for almost 24 hours! this might have meant something!!!!! 

     i don’t even know what i’m writing anymore honestly. i’m feeling emotions and i hate it. it’s midnight. i’ve spent over an hour writing this.  why am i not working on my fic. bye.

i would like access to alcohol please lmao

[booksneedcaffeinetoo]

Book Review: House of Earth and Blood (Crescent City #1) by Sarah J. Maas

House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J. Maas

This review is going to be LITTERED with SPOILERS because idk how to talk about this book without giving away the whole plot.

Consider yourself officially warned. 

I’m still debating on my rating, but for now here is my review. Fair warning: it is rant-y and ramble-y and hasn't been edited yet. I'll clean it up when I come back for a rating.

As always, content warnings are listed at the bottom!

Overall Positives:

• SJM has actually included a few gay characters….now they are all very minor side characters (Isiah, Fury, Juniper, and Declan) who are only present for maybe 3% total of the novel, but at least they exist??? So she gets points for actually having gay characters who aren’t killed off. You can say that she’s making an effort.

• The banter between Bryce and Hunt was pretty funny

• That scene with the knock-off My Little Pony dolls was funny

• I think there might've been a reference in the book to First Aid Kit (the sister folk duo) and it made my heart squeal because I love that band SO MUCH!

• Bryce actually has a great relationship with her mom and her stepfather! And they are both alive! And stay alive! I’m actually struggling to recall a book I’ve read where the main character in the book has a). both parents alive and b). a great relationship with them both. So that was really refreshing!

• Hunt in a sunball cap.

• Bryce and Hunt taking photos together. Way too adorable.

• Ride or die friendship. I love books that emphasize the importance of friendship.

• That LIGHT IT UP DANIKA LIGHT IT UP LIGHT IT UP scene....like i felt that...her happiness. so sweet. i teared up at that scene ngl....

• Pretty good depiction of grief. How even after years the pain of losing your friend doesn’t go away. How some people cut themselves off to cope and others don’t. How some take out their anger on the closest target. How some people remember the dead one’s birthday and other don’t. etc. etc.

• It really was a slow burn because they like didn’t even kiss until 75% into the 3,000 page book.

• Rhun is my favorite character in this book. He’s a goth softie king. I also loved the Demon Cat. And Fury. And Declan. And Flynn. And Isaiah. And Hunt. And Lele. And the dog. And Jesiba. And Randall. And….well….that’s about it….

• I have recently been getting more and more into Urban Fantasy so I am excited and glad that this book is UF. I also like how it takes place in a different world with a different history (although for some reason I went into this book under the impression it takes place in New Orleans…)

Overall Negatives:

• If I ever have to see the word “alphahole” again it will still be too soon. I get that she was going for meta and trying to poke fun at how the trope in so many UF books includes an alphamale love interest….but it just doesn’t really work because none of the guys she was calling an alphahole was actually acting like one??? Okay so this is kind of ramble-y but whatever. When I think of an alphamale love interest acting like a…*shudders*…. alphahole I think of the stereotypical shifter romance/erotica novel where the guy likes wants to punch any guy who stands too close or talks to his mate. I think of him making outrageous claims, always posting a guard, never letting her leave the house, etc. all without any cause. Having a literal demon serial killer who (at this point in the book) you believe RIPPED APART AN ENTIRE PACK OF WEREWOLVES and is killing everyone who is close to working on the same case as you and you are a half-fae who NEVER carries a weapon with you, doesn’t have magic, and no one beside your mom, stepdad, and dead bestie know that you can turn into a flashlight at will…..yeah it makes sense that the people who care about you would like you to have a guard. But that’s not “alphahole” behavior. Nor is when you’re starving yourself from guilt him being concerned and wanting you to eat, or wanting you to try to take care of yourself….that’s not “alphahole” behavior, it’s being a good friend/sibling. If someone wanted a guard on her PRIOR to her investigating the murder than yeah….that would be “alphahole” 100%. But that’s not what happened…one of the highlights of the book was Hunt calling out Bryce by telling her that she is actually the “alphahole” here.

• Fucking sunball = baseball. WHYYYYYY I thought it was soccer for so long until Hunt tossed on a “sunball cap”

• I thought that Violet Hall from Pucked was the most infuriating main character I have read in a long time until I met Bryce fucking Quinnland. It is a pet peeve of mine when a character acts like someone (usually lazy or a partier) and then gets pissed because people think they are how they act??? Like, if you act like an asshole then don’t be shocked if people think you are an asshole. Also she was someone who was terribly selfish and stupidly reckless for no reason for 99% of the book. Yeah she’s ride or die for her friends which is supposed to be her best quality but she is just terribly rude to so many people. Like take Lele for example. Bryce treated her horribly until Hunt was sold again, then was friends with Lele for like a week which someone equated to Lele being willing to die for her???

• Part two of that bullet above^: Why was everyone willing to die for Bryce? Maybe I hate Bryce because she reminds me too much of Jane Salone from The Bold Type with her ‘I’m always right’ attitude. But yeah, everyone is willing to die for her. I don’t get why though. Also everyone wants to fuck her. She can’t walk down the street without like five dudes wanting to fuck her. It was so annoying. Also how the hell has she not died by age 25!?!? There is a different between being bitchy with your algebra teacher versus being bitchy with some guy who could smite you before you blink. And all of them are like ‘oooh she’s not afraid of me like everyone else how charming’ and I’m just like NO. That’s like if I intentionally pissed off some mafia dom and instead of making an example out of me for dissing him in front of his mafia bros, he’s like ‘oooh you’re sassy wanna fuck?’ MAKES NO SENSE!!!

•Part three of the above^: okay before someone comes at me and says ‘well would you be saying the same things if she was a guy doing an acting this way’ well probably. I love the KATE DANIELS (Magic Bites) series. And Kate is a no-nonsense, can come across rude, and gives zero fucks what anyone else thinks about her. Kind of like Bryce, but less bitchy and has the power and skills to back up her recklessness. (No one around Bryce learns of her secret lightbright gift or of her sharpshooting skills until the very end so I am maintaining my ‘she’s reckless’ viewpoint based on everyone around her not knowing of her abilities when she does all of this dumbshit). Kate also is a fucking martyr who runs towards danger even when the odds are against her. Just like Bryce. But I love Kate and hate Bryce. So…yeah I think it was just a Bryce issue. It took until about 41% with the whole phone-Sandriel thing for me to stop finding her insufferable….but I still never really liked her after that...I could stand her for the occasional paragraph or two

• Speaking of martyrs…why is everyone one in this book!?!? NOT EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE A MARTYR!!!

• Another reason I hate Bryce (yes I’m back on that Bryce shit) is because after Hunt broke her heart he immediate thought upon learning who he was going to be sold (back to his old owner who is a sadistic fuck) her thought was good, he deserves it and all he did was break her heart and not want to be a slave anymore and kept something he knew would destroy you (which yeah, keeping that secret furthered his cause but still…) and I just????? Have???? No words???? Like girl you have a RIGHT to be PISSED but jfc that doesn’t equate to TORTURE.

• Ugh and then her whole ‘take me instead’ bullshit was so reminiscent of that Jules and Emma whipping scene from Lady Midnight I almost gagged for the level of cheese and martyr-syndrome 

• Why is everyone described as “brown,” “golden brown,” or “tan”?! It’s like SJM is trying to not make everyone white but doesn’t want to fully commit…

• And was anyone uncomfortable/cringed at the ‘white angel wings are supreme to any wings with color’ bit....

• I hate books where the werewolves can talk outloud in human form. I cringed.

• Why was the calling people by their last name thing not consistent? I’ve read books before where characters flip between using another character’s first and last name, but there is context behind why they choose one or the other: the professional setting, if the person is happy or upset, who is being addressed, etc. But you’ll get Hunt calling Bryce “Bryce” and “Quinnland” within a sentence of each other? And literally every character did stuff like this. It was weird and not consistent at all.

Negatives About the Plot:

• This book really felt like three books in one: Part One (first 12ish%) being the day leading up to the Pack of Devil’s murder. And I do mean like every boring thing that happened. Part Two (the next 66ish%) being the murder investigation. Part Three (the last 22ish%) being where all the action occurred. The book felt like it couldn’t decide what it wanted to be. The summary promised a murder investigation so I was expecting it to be a KATE DANIELS-esque plot. But nothing of true importance really occurred during that investigation. We got some cool flashbacks with Danika, and some sweet moments between Hunt and Bryce…but that’s it. SJM isn’t Brandon with a Stormlight Archives (The Way of Kings) complicated interwoven plot. I think the book as whole would have been better if it was about 300 pages shorter.

• Nothing in the plot of true importance happened until the last 100 pages or so.

• I mean we literally got every single thing that happened during every single day of their investigation…it was….too much detail.

• When I got to 80% like every other chapter felt like the book should end. It could’ve ended on a cliffhanger. Like right after Hunt was found on that boat. But nope….

• Figures. SJM can’t have a main couple unless they both are super special. Did anyone else feel like she just recycled parts of ACOMAF in this book? Hunt: has wings and super special powers. Bryce: absorbs some super-fae juiced up power from a cauldron—er….I mean arch—to get extra powers and become the most super cool and super special fae in all existence because god forbid we have a heroine who isn’t the most physically powerful person ever. I mean, to hell with mental strength. Must be physically magically powerful or you’re no good!

• The only plot points that surprised me were the hunt being at the drug bust (because we got nothing from his povs that he was remotely interested in going back down that revolution road especially after his whole meeting with Briggs…still iffy with this one, because his thoughts in that cell sound like he actually was on board with it until he called it off because the drug is too dangerous but his call to the viper queen said she owed him a favor so…..) and Micah’s weird horn hard-on. Literally nothing else surprised me...

• I really though Reid would play a bigger role considering Bryce used to date him and is fam is responsible for that drug....but nope. The dude is like never even mentioned.

• Ugh...that villain speech. Maybe I'm just like...what's the point? Why not just zap the bitch why do you need to tell her your life story!?!?!

• Also let's be real, Danika's password never would have been allowed to be that simple nor remain unchanged for 2 years. But whatever.

• It’s also pretty cringe that Bryce freed Lele just for her to die…………..

• Why is Jesiba’s shop impenetrable (the building and cameras) until it’s convenient for it not to be…I mean it sounded like nothing could break into her building or the cameras but then… Micah just easily waltzed in there and Declan easily hacked into the security cameras….makes no sense but okayyyyyyy…..

• ....or about how the dog can teleport and undo locks until once again it's convenient for him not to be able to so she can dramatically save the day (look I also have issues with her valuing her pet's life over Lele's in that scene...also isn't the dog supposed to be like terrifying, it could've fought while her and Lele got out. not really sure how the water which delayed him like two seconds helped more than her dog would've....look, i love pets and i don't want him to die but i don't want Lele to die either!)

• Bryce and Hunt literally never have a talk about everything???? Like I get the world almost ended but neither of them had a thought like I know we need to talk about everything that happened on the boat. About if his love for Shahar trumps his love for me. But that can wait… Because those were all fears she had before but now vanished???? I get not wanted to have verbal talk but a thought from Bryce would’ve been nice.

• How can you run, carry a sword, and shoot a gun all at the same time? Still trying to figure out the logistics of that all....

• Why is SJM's adult book the least smutty thing she has written so far!?!?!?!?

• The love saves everyone and everything line is so fucking cheesy I can’t.

My Overall Feelings:

• The book couldn’t choose a plot. Did it want to be a crime book? Did it want to be ACOMAF? Who the fuck knows.

• This would have worked better as a TV series than a book. Especially that scene where Bryce is trying to save the city and everyone is just watching it happen on the jumbo screen at the summit. In book form it was just….weird….and felt disruptive...and someone could've started flying to help out. Plus I like watching shows with characters like Bryce but hate reading books with characters like her if that makes sense...

• Also if the summit is just between the leaders of CC then why did Sadriel have to be there? Why does it happen only every 10 years? Why does it have to take place outside of the city if no other leaders from other places are present?

• Why don’t we get a map of all of the other countries that were mentioned?

• This book was wayyyyyy too long. It would have been much better if it was reduced to 500ish pages instead.

• Also the character’s flip-flopped with their character development way too much. It wasn’t consistent.

• This is definitely one of the better SJM book’s I’ve read, but it won’t be one that I’ll reread. It is too long with too many boring bits in the middle.

• But hey! If you love SJM then you’ll probably love this book…

Content Warnings and Trigger Warnings: restricted eating, self-harm, drug use, alcohol consumption, implied rape, mentions of abusive relationships, suicidal thoughts, depression, emesis, slavery, terrorist attacks, grief, gun violence, death, murder, violence, torture

View all my reviews

[talesfromacrip]

d r e a m s:

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———

(( I’m sick and tired of having nightmares that involve me getting lost, losing someone I deeply care about, or something just, really fucking terrible in general that seems like a good thing, but makes me incredibly sad ))

-

oneI was camping with some people I know. I was walking around and then I got lost. I ended up in a giant field

I was in the middle and called out, nothing came out. I was mute and then I could hear everyone and I ran back and somehow slipped down into a building of some kind? the dream transitioning

I was near a staircase of sorts and then I feel someone grab my back. They then push me backwards into it. I wake up

Nature is scary to me and I don’t like getting lost, but falling down the stairs to my death?? That was an actual thing I wanted to do.. it’s, horrifying to see it happen in a way and feel as well

-

A reoccurring one I have where I’m sittting in an office of sorts waiting to see a doctor. Everyone I knew was coming in and out at leisure once done with appointments and would look at me with a sort of plastic face after. Once it was my turn, I was inside instantly and met with a high backed chair. A woman’s voice spoke to me, asking me all sorts of questions I don’t remember but remember being asked. Felt like forever  In the end they turn around and it was me.. am I like, my own therapist and one for others in some ways? I don’t really know, but it was pretty strange 

-

Had one where I was at another mall/concert venue and this time it was to see some show. There were people running suddenly because someone had a fucking gun. I saw blurred out faces and could only stand there. Didn’t do anything, didn’t move as people ran past me

I then hear it pop somewhere near my ear, waking me up frantically after 

Reason I had this, and i know damn sure is bc there was a fucking shooting not even 15 mins from my house.. How lovely to know 

Like, wtf... I want to take people there when they visit, but now I don’t want to go near it and dreaming of it makes it worse bc I don’t want to even go out

...

I’ll probably just the other dreams up or maybe not, idk. depends

———

———

(( I don’t wanna wake up from them. I have a leave the server mood, which, is pretty awful.

I haven’t thought about that much. Occasionally I will, bu t not this bad.. sigh Internalized ableism is a bitch and so are other things, but shit

I’m glad I’m over something’s in my life,but some stuff just gets brought up again or happens.it overwhelms me so much..so fucking much ))

I hate having dreams of me in places I’ve never been too and never will for reasons that can’t be helped. Obvious ones 

Seeing people I know minding their own business or doing extraordinary things that I’m involved in which I know some will never happen or happen as I’d like

Dreams where I’m running from someone or maybe something? calling out into a dark and empty void. Falling, being alone in the action. Ughh

Dreams where I can’t go outside anymore bc there’s a wall. Kinda like in a video game to mark the end of a map boundary..

it’s like I’m in that black mirror episode of that woman trapped in her mind who can see outside while her body is on this, odd autopilot mode. I wake up feeling so empty bc of these dreams, upset, the whole pie essentially or less

My dreams feel so alive and it’s nice to feel that, but waking up and then having to deal with reality. sinks in pretty fast and hits you with a fatal heart bullet

sometimes I’m dying of heat from them or shortness of breath like I was startled or crying heavily, sometimes I wake up and try not to cry if it’s too much. I’ll occasionally go back to sleep but I’ll just end up in the same cycle essentially. I don’t want that

I start having mood swings from them and feel ashamed when I shouldn’t.it’s not fun to explain what happened in your tiny little head sometimes during the night hours. I act sort of, distant and bitchy in the process and i don’t mean to. I just,don’t like bringing up the same things and sometimes not

especially if someone I know is in them constantly and it’s, personal. Makes things awkward when talking with them 

———

———

I hate having dreams where I’m married to someone who I know doesn’t see me that way and it hurts my heart so much. At least it’s someone who actually cares about me 

I can’t do anything for them though and never will. hurts

idk why my brain thinks I c a n.. it’s a pretty sick joke tbh. Maybe I can do somethings, but not as I’d like. I want to do so much for them, but can’t at all..

I know they probably care about someone else anyway like that who’s just, wayyyy better than me in every way:l

Probably closer, can move easily better than me, nicer than me, more upfront. Not struggling with stupid parents and a stupid crippled lifestyle. Probably makes them extremely happy and not a sad ass mess. Probably  does better art than me, cooks better

Hell, I bet they even look better than me as well.. but who fucking knows?

I can’t even talk to them properly anymore it seems, probably think I hate them or don’t want to do anything with them when I want to so badly, but I just don’t say anything. I don’t want to hurt myself more, but I already am

I resort to small talk and whenever I don’t, I talk about some dumb shit instead of actually saying how I’m truly feeling and all that and it pisses me off..can’t even get married anyway :)) Like, thank brain and heart

I hate having these fluffy dreams of having this life with this person..a comfy one that’s so perfect it could melt your eyes from the sap it produces. It’s so warm, but oh so far away and out of my reach.. physical, mentally..

Obviously I don’t hate it, I just hate how my brain tortures me like this

Sometimes I’ll have dreams where they don’t see me, hear me.. just, ignore me completely. They talk about me like I never existed, say horrendous things.. I know they are not true but it just seems like it

———

———

I wish I didn’t have the ability to dream tbh. Sure it may be nice and everyone’s or somes, "favorite activity", but I just don’t really like it much anymore

My dreams hurt worse than reality and it makes my heartache so badly every time I wake up.. I have to put on my face though and just, go with flow as they say.. to just lay there though, every morning and not being able to do what you like, but can in another state, is so weird and confusing on the mind and body. Mine to be exact. Sure it may as well be the coolest thing ever and may help with your problems and such but it’s just heart aching in general. For me that is, sigh

-

I hate waking up feeling horny because I cannot do anything about it or touch myself as I’d like.. just, sad what more can I say on that?

I do feel happy occasionally from some dreams at times, but then reality hits me like an isekai truck right after and I’m kinda left in this weird empty state in the process when I wake up. -

I cope with them by being a silly ass or what seems to be like a rude bitch, but it’s difficult to just downright say what’s going on. don’t want to ruin anyone’s day with my problems and with everything going on, but I must and I never do? I try?? ughh.. If only I could be a bit better with handling things.

I’ll get there, eventually? We’ll see

———

———

I love and "hate" having dreams about living on my own without a care in the world. it’s as if I never had any problems to begin with; sun shining on my face as I realize over time it’s all just a facade and I’ll wake up soon bc it’s just, too perfect..

something is just, off completely? Like I’d ever have a place with stairs and inaccessible hallways and whatnot.. pshh, I’ve never really dreamt about living in an accessible place or anything like that much anyway  bc of the immense ableism put on me growing up

It’s hard to explain that to people as well and makes you feel, alien in some ways

I thought it was something silly I noticed, but over time it just made so sad bc I will never be able to live on my own and never will, but in my dreams I can. which makes it worse on me bc it’s just, not gonna happen champo

-

cooking foods I like and would like to, relaxing at my own pace with no yelling or screaming, opening the door to warm familiar faces.. hurts

I don’t have many scary anxiety induced dreams like I did last year and before. now they’re just, idk very abled and it’s weird and I don’t like em much  

Idk why i never noticed till the end I guess, but it’s better than dreaming of people who used to hurt you and made you feel like shit about your life and your friends as well so that’s a plus in its own ways

ughh, self torture is a bitch and she’s out to get me ughh

[ravenvsfox]

can u do kevineil and renison plslllsls ily

sure buddy sorry it took me a sec (I’ll do kevineil here and renison in a separate post :))

SEND ME A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU…

who is more likely to hurt the other?

dude this is a toss up because they’re both such BITCHES

like neil is a button presser and he pushes kevin to push himself and he doesn’t realize kev’s limits emotionally BUT kevin doesn’t get neil’s limits physically, and he def works him too hard?? they both canonically cycle through hurting and helping tbh

who is emotionally stronger?

I think Neil has the upper hand bc of his iron fucking will, while kevin’s still a little shaky on standing up for himself when it matters (neil! does not have this problem!). So I think they both have huge fractures in their emotional stability but Neil comes back swinging and Kevin breaks

who is physically stronger?

you best believe they fight about this once a week but it’s kevin 

he’s got killer strength in both arms and he’s been intensively training for that little bit longer, aware of what exy could make or break for that little bit longer so he’s jacked

neil is strong but small and lightweight mostly and kevin could beat him in an arm wrestle even if neil used both his arms :/

who is more likely to break a bone? 

this is maybe the funniest shit i’ve ever heard ‘who’s more likely to break a bone, the butcher’s son or kevin ‘i’ve never been skiing’ day’

who knows best what to say to upset the other? 

when they argue cities are wiped out pal like two men enter one man leaves it’s brutal but tbh it’s always gonna be neil? like it just is. kevin can spit whatever hateful ‘motivation’ he has shoved up his sleeves but neil knows just where kev lives and he’ll go for the kill shot every time

who is most likely to apologize first after an argument? 

it’s neil I think?? they’re both stubborn as fuck but I think neil gets so harsh that he scares himself, and he also knows how terrified kevin can be when he’s threatened so like. he’ll feel real bad real quick. In canon he was so pissed at kevin for being a coward, but the longer they’re together the more he realizes that kevin’s just surviving like neil has been his whole life, it just looks different. (after that he starts apologizing by climbing into kevin’s bed or sliding him a shot of vodka or grabbing his gear and kevin’s hand and going to the court)

who treats who’s wounds more often? 

like definitely kevin treats neil’s because neil is a gd disaster and kevin wants him FIXED and WHOLE forEVER but also consider Neil grabbing kevin’s bad hand and working the tension out of it?? Checking on him after games bc kevin goes too hard and kevin calls him a hypocrite and then they probably fuck

who is in constant need of comfort? 

in a truly shocking turn of events it’s both of them, and the overlap in their nightmares is something that binds them together. Remember kevin’s awkward little offer for help after riko?? and how touched neil was??? Like that’s how it goes a lot of times. They talk out their common ground and tear each others nightmares apart. They have a lot of convergent shit that only they can fully understand about each other, bc they were raised in the same horror show and they helped each other escape 

who gets more jealous? 

mmmmm I’m gonna say kevin bc neil is very pretty and very unaware of it, and neil is still the least observant man on earth

kevin just feels a lot all the time tbh and he’s so painfully reliant on neil that he doesn’t now how to deal with his place being threatened™️️

who’s most likely to walk out on the other? 

okay see: above where I said kevin’s reliant on neil like hi in what world would he walk out on his prized striker and also neil still has his kevin binder and he looks at it when he’s sad don’t tell me either of them could make it one full minute apart

who will propose? 

do either of them know what marriage is honestly neither of them would even consider it?? Until -- you guessed it -- kevin gets injured and neil’s like cool hi im here and the hospital is like nah u gotta be married and neil’s like married?? we must be this

who has the most difficult parents?

idk babes what do u think dead murdering abusers or David Wymack?? I’ll give you time to think

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? 

kevin holds neil’s hand like it’s a leash i’m gonna be real with you

I feel like a lot of these answers are the same as andreil bc they’re.... all........ together

who comes up for the other all the time? 

idk who do you think is more obsessed with the other let’s ask neil’s binder full of kevin

who hogs the blankets? 

it’s kevin he hogs the spotlight and the ball and the blankets what can I say

who gets more sad? 

a BAD question with a VERY BAD answer sorry but they both do pal. buddy. dude. they had terrible childhood’s and a brutal time cutting themselves free and they’ll never be all the way better (but like they get really really close. together.)

who is better at cheering the other up? 

depends on ur definition of cheering up bc neither of them are particularly cheerful lads

if Neil’s in a rut kevin will just nudge him and suggest Exy and if that doesn’t work he’ll drag neil out drinking or driving (not both lmao) and neil kind of hates it but at least he’s not empty

(when neil asks kev to play exy it’s always yes)

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?

this....... doesn’t happen........... kevin & neil doen’t know what a joke is........ u know that ‘it went over your head’ ‘nothing goes over my head, i would catch it’ meme from gotg.. yeah... that was written about them

who is more streetwise?

uhhh definitely neil? like their origin story is literally that kevin was put on this hyper sheltered restricted path and Neil was plucked off of that same path and put on the run

Kevin was swaddled in fear and routine so he couldn’t move. Neil was set loose into a war zone, and he knows his way around that war zone now

who is more wise?

depends on what ur asking mate. History trivia kevin’s your guy. math problem, get Neil. Exy, they can fight to the death tbh

like they’re both pretty dense about a lot of obvious things but intensely intelligent in specific fields so pick your poison

who’s the shyest? 

I think kevin participates in a sort of forced shyness? like he has his public face and he has his obnoxious callout asst. coach mode, but his actual true, scared, caring core?? we almost never see it. Neil’s bitchiness is an echo of his actual frustration and passion and kevin’s is more definitely a front

who boasts about the other more? 

guys holy shit remember when neil wiped riko across the floor at that first talk show reunion situation?? Neil’s constantly like ‘HI kevin’s king of the castle and ur a dirty rascal, eat my ass’ like he might fight him in private but he thinks kevin created the world, like he physically can’t imagine Exy without Kevin in it

who sits on who’s lap? 

im laughing picture kevin trying to sit in neil’s lap the height difference would be. something

but also kevin likes to be protected so catch him lying down w his head in Neil’s neck and his feet dangling off the bed

(also neil sits in kevin’s lap and kevin looks up at him like he’s GOD)

[survivorelara]

Episode #8: “These horny ass giraffes” - Drew H.

Well, I'm a big flopping mess, I fell asleep and failed to vote. ADDITIONALLY, Dani was the one sent home, which nobody even told me was gonna be a thing. Like Loris mildly mentioned it to me, but I didn't take that to mean that 3/4 of the merge was gonna vote Dani out.

I realize that John and Dani didn't even vote Ci'ere which was supposedly the plan, so it's good to know that John is someone I can really rely on... NOT.

I'm more frustrated with myself though because I should be capable of more than I was. I'm feeling on the outs though, because I don't even know where the Roxy votes came from.

This game is a fucking mess for me.

https://youtu.be/0k5pTCBa_1M

"heuse1acToday at 10:42 PM No idea! The fact that john was put in the mix is really interesting though bc he easily could've just jumped the alliance i accidentally screenshotted a million years ago So that makes me think loris might be a part of that conversation bc he's the only one who would like have that mindset of including john bc he saw the flip firsthand And we all definitely used that joint tribal and the lie as a talking point so it'd be easy enough to say we still have emotions about it, even without proof That's just my read on it tho, i have no proof. But if it was him, that would explain why you were targeted of the 4 of us bc he really does seem to have something against you asdfghjkl"

why does this sound so fishy to me like he is hard core tunneling Loris. Makes me super sus nnn

"DrachusToday at 12:05 AM god If we go f2 somehow We'll be the most hated f2 I can't wait "

ok i love you drachus but fuck he totally plans to drag me as a gaot doesnt he lol

Okay, operation get Roxy to blame Loris for the target last night is in full effect. Do I think he's the one who actually put Roxy's name out there by spreading stories that she was targeting Ci'ere? Eh maybe, leaning probably not. But Roxy has it in her mind that Loris has a vendetta against her, and there is JUST BARELY enough loose strings to thread together into a convincing enough forgery. Loris being targeted eventually is needed because of how close he is with Andrea and how much I'm sure he will never give up resenting the fact that he prob would've been next on swapped Auva. And end of the day, if we fail, Roxy is the one who leaves and that opens a lot of doors for me that a "leaked alliance" is holding firmly closed.

I took a goodnight's rest before really pursuing making this confessional. Not getting rid of Sam earlier in this game was the biggest mistake of every player in this merge. I love Samuel to death, probably my favorite straight male ever (sorry Jack and Seamus), but the boy really woke up during the last 24 hours of this game.

Not only he successfully convinced everyone to vote his way, he temporarily bridged the feud between Ci'ere and Dani for a brief moment to get the numbers and all of the votes turned for Dani. He claims that he didn't know that Ci'ere will call myself, Drew H., Roxy and John out- but after that joint tribal- anyone who had any part with the old Zosma tribe is treacherous.

Where does this confessional lead? Well I tell you, Sam perfected the under-the-radar strategy during the premerge portion of this game AND got everyone to vote his way just so that he can get revenge for her bitchy attitude. I literally have to give any and all credit to that boy for that last round because that was pure genius because it got my Auvas and John to be EXTREMELY more pissed off at Ciere while he is controlling that emotional mess by the strings. Amazing. But it is time to plot his demise.

Everyone in this game is damned fake and transparent it makes me sick. I'm tired of people trying to pass off not being aligned with others when it's painfully obvious.

Drew H. tried to pass off him and Roxy being a 1 time thing... despite voting together the entire game so far.

Loris was briefly entertaining the idea of voting Ci'ere though he was obvious about reservations... 1 tribal later, Ci'ere is using an idol. (Though he didn't get any votes so it's whatever.) Now Loris is saying we need Ci'ere to stay. Which is whatever I guess, but to me it's like ok you two are clearly a F2 or something, there is more to this than I'm being told.

John, didn't even vote Ci'ere when it was his idea, but he hasn't told me anything about the past tribal which is beyond infuriating.

I feel like I'm floating, in the middle of the ocean without a raft, and I can swim and float for a little while, but it feels like the sharks are coming from somewhere no matter how I disguise myself in the water.

Noah fence but I wanted to get kori out since they’re so good at comps but now we might never get the chance :shrugs:

I don’t think anyone hates me so I think I should be good this vote ?? Watch me catch this blindside

i'm actually so mad right now, I knew one of those two had the idol... and ci'ere said he found it on his very first guess with 39. BITCH 39 WAS LITERALLY MY 2ND GUESS, HOW DOES HE GET THAT LUCKY IM SO SAD I WANTED THAT IDOL :(

Aye, Won a challenge, let's gooooo! Lol, thankfully there was a score reasonably close to mine, so I didn't look like I utterly destroyed the challenge.

I also got that idol clue, which I mean eliminated a ton of possibilities. Though it'll be hard to sus out which Non-American astronaut it is. (I'm hoping a future idol clue is that the astronaut isn't Russian so as to eliminate a ton more options.)

I think I'm gonna try for a Dylan boot, because the guy and I almost never talk, he won the last challenge so he's clearly capable in some regards, and he's on OG Auva, and if original tribe lines come up, that'd put us at 5v3v2, though I'm not banking on those lines given the way Loris, and John both act.

Ok so before the last tribal, I thought people would be wanting to vote for Ci'ere. Then later Ci'ere starts going off in the tribe chat saying to vote for Roxy because she has an alliance with the Drews and myself. And in his tribal question he basically calls me out saying tribal lines have already been crossed because of the fact that I voted against Revati the round before. BOI you weren't even there so stfu?? Yes there is an alliance but there has legit been no game talk in it, Roxy just made it to ensure I would vote with them, which I was going to in order to get Zach out anyway. I went to a few people to reiterate that fact. I wanted Ci'ere to leave before but now it'd be in his best interest to not speak to me.

Kori won immunity and I fell asleep early because I was tired afff. I wake up, seeing that Kori has apparently gone to all of Revati targeting Dylan. He knows that I really want to target Ci'ere, especially now that he doesn't have immunity, and that I want to work with Dylan. The problem I have with my Revati tribe is that I don't feel too much trust with them as of now. Emma doesn't talk to me, Loris doesn't as much anymore, Kori can be very controlling, and I don't know fully where I stand with Andrea. I will most likely not be voting Dylan out tonight, and if Kori really wants to go to final 2 with me he should respect that. Ci'ere would be my ideal vote tonight but if nobody is going to vote him out, I may end up voting for Emma because if anything I know I've got Drew H. Either way, I think at this point my messiness meter is through the roof so hopefully nothing comes back to bite me in the ass woooo

Andrea telling me that she’s not voting for Emma and that she also doesn’t know who to vote for. I love people indirectly telling me that they’re voting me out

I’m confessing so much but that’s only because I feel like I’m going home today and I need to make a lasting impression so I can win fan favorite 💅🏻💅🏻

Anyway I think I have the votes to stay but if an idol gets played then I’m going home for sure

The original revati idol was never played so I don’t trust this vote at all tbh

Hopefully this isn’t my last confession but if it is then goodbye xoxo

Emma has the idol and loris has the advantage. I am LIVIN I decided to just be honest to everyone and ya we shall see how it goes I still don’t think I can win and Emma told lORIS about to he alliance which is concerning but um idk ok we shall see

Well, it seems likely that John and I will be separating in the near future, he just isn't open to me like he was at the beginning of the game, and I just don't know if I can work with him.

None of my thoughts or ideas seem to gel with him, and it just doesn't seem to be working out.

If people are telling the truth than it should be Dylan going, from there ideally we vote out Drew H, who is a reasonable threat and it ideally throws that whole alliance into chaos.

From there I think I'd want Ci'ere gone, and after that maybe Loris? But we'll see how things go, immunity wins and other events are likely to shakeup the game, to which I'll have to be flexible, so I don't wanna start overplanning just for everything to be thrown out of wack.

yeah so this vote is clearly a Dylan or emma going home scenario. personally im voting Dylan mainly because we have no relationship at all game wise, and emma seems dead loyal to loris and me kinda, which is way more valuable to me than a guy the auva's wanna try and use as a "number." plus, people seem to think emma is kori's free number, which may be true but he was the one pushing for the Dylan vote, which will only turn him into a more visible character which I need in my life right now. yeah after last vote I definitely need to sit back and let other people drive, but I'm all for someone I know im not gonna work with going home this round. I know the drew's wanted emma gone, but I told them straight up I was probably voting Dylan since we have no relationship, but that next vote a green has to go and they seem all for it. so hopefully this is setting me up for a nice ride the next few votes? let's hope oh god inb4 I die next round before single digits ima kms

ALSO SUCK IT DANI MAN YOU THOOOOOOOUGHT I WAS LEAVING THIS ROUND HA BIHHHHH YOU CLUELESS SEE YOU AT FTC!!

man oh man ciere, you really trying it huh. over here threatening my man drew T that he'll be next to go if he doesn't vote emma? that also means ill be in the crosshairs too? nah bruh, we aint having any of it. Dylan is leaving this vote then guess what, you're gonna be blindsided, and oh my god I cant wait to see that happen. should've stuck with me, smh

ciere is REEEEEEEEAAAAAALLLLLLYYYYY trying to take control of this vote and get emma out, bruh if that aint obvious idk what is, esp when he hasn't included me in it. why is he here and not toby.... :(

https://youtu.be/H3vuhKG9APE

ok so I swear I wrote this already but woooo Emma has idol I have legacy Andrea is a queen iconic trio I also have a deal to go to the end with Sam ??? Oops. At this point I just feel valued but it’s probably because they realise I’m useless and will not be able to write a speech at FTC and also I’ll just get fucked over because it’s live.... oh well. 5 more tribals to go!! well four but I’m writing this in the future

All my ladies pop your kitty like this, Shake ya body don’t stop don’t miss all mah ladies pop ya kitty like this justto it do it do it do it now do it good luck that kitty just like you should

Dylan is voted out 8-3.