#idek where to start with leigh

[thursdayygrrrl]

here is a simple illustration of what i think and feel whenever i read this story (this is a genuine compliment btw 😭 writing that makes me have visceral, physical reactions i love u so much)

fic: if i bleed (you'll be the last to know) (12/?)

Part Summary: You know Leigh well enough to recognize that she never acts without intention. She must have agonized about this too—about that kiss, about you. And she's making it difficult for you to guess just what conclusions she had come to in the time you were apart.

Pairing: Leigh Shaw x Fem!Reader | Word count for this part: 6.500+ | Warnings: Smut | Author's note: I honestly don't know what else to write in the summary without giving too much away, so without further ado… P.S. No cliffhangers this time ;)

Masterlist | Part I Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI

-

A week after Thanksgiving, as the icy Maine wind whips across the tarmac at Rockland Airport, you find yourself holding a container of lobster cakes—your mother's way of sending a piece of home back with you. Despite her protests about you cutting your visit short, she spent last night in the kitchen, crafting your favorite dish, the smell of butter and ocean filling the house. “Eat these when you miss home,” she had said, pressing the container into your hands with a sad smile. The decision to leave early was anything but easy.

You initially planned to stay five more days in Camden, but Leigh's radio silence prompted you to book a direct flight to Los Angeles. It was eating you up inside; you had to go back. The familiar dark screen of your phone kept you on edge; you hadn't expected Leigh to strictly follow through on her promise not to contact you. She had a way of doing the unexpected. Or maybe you've been so wrapped up in your thoughts that you underestimated how deeply she wanted you that night. And perhaps you've overestimated your own anger, believing it would even slightly lessen your feelings for her.

Sitting in the window seat with the whole row to yourself, you stare at your phone as the flight attendant's voice crackles over the intercom, signaling it's time to switch to airplane mode. Impulsively, you tap out a text to her.

Belated Happy Thanksgiving, Leigh. If you’re free tomorrow evening, maybe we could talk? Perhaps over dinner?

It’s straightforward, maybe too much so, but it’s sent before you can overthink it.

The flight attendant's voice fills the cabin once more, reminding everyone to switch their devices as the plane is about to take off. You comply, toggling the setting and sealing off any immediate replies. The engines roar to life, and as the plane ascends, you try to push away the knot of apprehension tightening in your stomach.

As you wait to fall asleep, you think about Leigh—whether she’s seen your message and what she might be feeling. You wonder about the time apart, recalling the old saying that distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Or does it make it forget instead?

-

You touch down in L.A. just as the date ticks over to December 1st, the clock a little past midnight. The moment the plane reaches the gate, you grab your phone and switch off airplane mode. There's a message from your mom, checking in to see if you've landed safely, and you text her back to let her know you did. Suzie has also texted, saying Foreman called in sick and asking if you can cover at the clinic later. You shoot back a quick reply, saying you just landed, you'll catch some sleep, and might be in late in the morning.

But there’s nothing from Leigh. No text, no missed call, nothing to indicate she received your message or is interested in meeting.

You sigh and, without thinking, tap her name on the screen. The call goes through, and the phone rings as you make your way through the late-night crowd at LAX. It continues ringing, unanswered, until it finally clicks over to voicemail. You mutter a soft curse under your breath. Of course, she's not going to pick up—it's 12:30 in the morning. You consider sending a quick apology text but then reconsider, figuring you've already pushed enough boundaries by calling her this late.

Instead, you slide your phone back into your pocket and head toward baggage claim. You weave through the half-awake travelers and the sterile glow of the airport lights, finally spotting your suitcase trundling along the carousel. You heft it off and make your way through the automatic doors. You glance one more time at your phone, half hoping for a notification, but it's blank. With a sigh, you head for the exit, feeling the exhaustion settle in.

-

You check your inbox first thing in the morning, but there's still nothing from Leigh. You don't have time to overanalyze this again because you're already running late for work.

-

The whole day is swamped, with emergencies piling up alongside a packed schedule of immunizations and follow-ups. Suzie mistakenly booked an entire week's worth of scheduled vaccines for today, a Saturday. She explains that the clients requested to move their appointments to the weekend, adding, “We're closed on Sundays, so I thought today would work.”

You try to hide your frustration, not wanting to lay the blame on her. Your nerves are already frayed, and every hour that passes without a word from Leigh has you feeling more on edge.  As you tend to your patients and give instructions to the staff, you feel the pressure building, a headache beginning to throb behind your eyes. The never-ending stream of clients leaves you with no time to catch your breath. Between each appointment, you plaster on a polite smile, but inside, you're counting down the minutes until you can check out of, well, everything.

As the clock hits seven, you can't take another minute. The clinic has been a madhouse since the doors opened. You barely glance at Suzie as you callously tell her, “Close early. I'm tired.” Without waiting for her response, you trudge straight to your office and slump into your chair, eyes closed against the harsh fluorescent lights. Resting your head back, you exhale slowly, letting the tension drain from your shoulders. The fatigue wraps itself around you like a fog, and for a moment, everything falls away.

A few minutes later, you hear a gentle knock. It's Suzie, standing in the doorway with a paper in her hand. Without opening your eyes, you mutter, “What is it?” Your irritation seeps through, but you’re too drained to rein it in.

Suzie hesitates before stepping into your office, her expression unreadable. She extends the paper towards you. “It's my resignation letter,” she says quietly.

Your eyes snap open, and the paper feels heavier than it should as you take it from her hands. You’ve been nothing short of awful to her all day, snapping at every turn. 

“Is this about today?” you ask. 

She gives you a small, weary smile and points to the date on the letter. “I wrote this last week, right after you left for Maine.”

You glance down at the letter and see that it’s dated exactly a week ago. “Why didn’t you give it to me sooner?”

“I didn’t want to ruin your vacation,” she says softly. “I know how much you needed that break. And honestly, you’ve got enough on your plate right now without me adding to it.”

You can feel the burn of frustration and shame behind your eyes. “You’ve been a rock here, Suzie. I don’t want you to go. Please reconsider.”

She shakes her head gently. “I’ve thought this through. It’s time. I care about this place, and about you, but I need to move on.”

You let out a long breath. “I see. Still, I'm sorry today was so rough,” you say, looking up at her wistfully. You try working your puppy eyes, and for a moment it seems effective as her expression softens into a frown. 

But then she says, “It’s not the clinic or the work I do here. I got an offer for a research position; it's something I've always wanted to try.”

That makes you smile. If that’s the case, then you’re truly happy for her.

“I understand. I wish you hadn't felt the need to keep this to yourself, especially with everything else happening today,” you say, still clutching the paper tightly in your hand, crumpling it slightly.

Suzie shrugs. “I didn't want to add to your stress. Don’t worry, I’ll count the 30 days' notice from today, not the date on my resignation, so you have time to find someone to replace me.”

From that, you know her mind’s already made up. As you read her letter again, your eyes start to sting. You glance back up at her, your vision blurring. “Suzie, thank you,” you mumble thickly.

“Hey, it's okay,” she says gently. “I'm not leaving town. We can still grab lunch whenever. I know how glued to your desk you get, so I'll drag you out for a bite now and then.” You let out a shaky chuckle, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand.

“It's just—I’m going to miss you, and I don’t know how I'll replace you,” you say with a sniffle.

“Missing me is a given,” she says, leaning against the doorframe with a smirk. “Actually, I might know someone interested in my job.”

Your ears perk up at that. Good help is hard to find these days, especially with more demands from applicants and a tight job market. “Who?” you ask, curious.

Suzie turns around as if she's going to leave without answering, but then she glances over her shoulder, her smirk widening. “Sara.”

-

A little while later, you catch Suzie just as she's finishing up in the lobby.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll lock up. You’ve done enough today,” you say, sending her home. She gives you a grateful smile, slings her bag over her shoulder, and wishes you a good night before heading out.

Finally alone, you take a moment to decompress. Clasping your hands behind your back, you stretch, trying to release the day's tension. A dull ache climbs up your spine, reminding you how tight your muscles are. Unable to hold the position for more than a few seconds, you relax, the discomfort too much to bear. It's hard to tell whether it's from the long-haul flight yesterday, your age creeping up on you, poor posture, or all of the above. 

On a whim, you book a late-night yoga session at the Beautiful Beast, hoping to relieve the tightness in your back. It’s been a while since your last visit.

Afterward, you head to the small bathroom in your office to get ready. It's basic, not meant for much more than washing hands and changing scrubs, but it’s all you've got. Stripping off your day's clothes, you step into the shower, letting the hot water beat down on your back. The steam fills the tiny space, and the heat melts a bit of the stiffness away. After a quick rinse, you towel off and slip into your yoga gear. The stretchy fabric feels liberating after being in stiff work clothes all day. You roll up your yoga mat, tucked behind the office door, and switch off the bathroom light.

As you're about to head out of the clinic, you check your phone, hoping to see something from Leigh. There's nothing—she hasn’t even read your last message. The stonewalling feels all too familiar, and you're tired of it.

You slide into your car, letting out a weary sigh. As you start the engine, thoughts of Suzie's suggestion to hire Sara sneak back into your mind. You can't help but chortle at the idea—it’s so unexpected, almost comical, considering how you know Sara and her standing friends-with-benefits proposition. It feels far-fetched, and knowing Suzie, she was likely just teasing.

The drive to the fitness studio is as mechanical as it gets. You're hardly aware of the turns you take until you park in front of the building. You step out, mind still elsewhere, and open your car door—right into someone walking by.

“Ow!”

“Shit, I’m so sorry, I didn’t—” you start to say, cutting yourself off when you see who it is. 

Leigh, of all people, is rubbing her elbow, wincing. Her hair is tied back in a ponytail, and she’s wearing a plain white shirt under a jacket, paired with simple black tights. 

“See me? Lovely excuse,” she quips, her eyes fixed on her arm rather than you. Her expression is primed to unleash more frustration when she finally turns to meet the source of the blunder.

 “I—” Leigh stops, visibly surprised to see you. Quickly, her face smooths into something more neutral. “Y/N. You…you really should watch it.”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” you say, rubbing the back of your neck. “Are you alright?”

She rubs her elbow once more, then nods slowly. “Just startled me a bit, but I’m fine.”

Once you both regain your bearings, you unconsciously begin rocking back and forth on the balls of your feet, hesitating despite the things you’ve rehearsed in your head all week. Your text message inviting her to meet tonight lingers at the forefront of your mind. But before you can bring it up, Leigh catches you by surprise.

“So, you’re heading in for a class?” she asks casually, as if the last time you saw each other didn’t end with a kiss and a confrontation that put the aforementioned kiss on hold.

“Uh, yeah, yeah, I am,” you reply. Then you remember Leigh doesn't work here anymore, but with her mother owning the place, it's no surprise to see her around occasionally. 

Still, you ask, “How about you?”

“You mind if we walk while we talk?” Leigh suggests.

You nod, a little thrown off but managing to say, “Sure, just let me grab my stuff.” 

She waits a few seconds as you gather your belongings, and then you both start walking toward the building. Leigh sets a brisk pace, always a step ahead, and you find yourself almost hurrying to keep up with her.

“I just got back to working here again,” she says after a beat.

Surprised, you ask, “Oh, how did that happen?”

“Long story,” she replies with a slight shrug, her eyes focused ahead.

Unsatisfied with her vague answer, your eyes drift to her lips. Memories of that last kiss flood back—their soft, velvety feel and that distinct taste that’s all hers, like fresh water after a long, grueling hike. It's a taste that's unmistakably Leigh, nothing else like it. As you walk together, you struggle to stay present. This isn’t at all how you pictured your reunion with her would go. Not by a long shot.

“Leigh,” you call out, stopping abruptly. Your voice comes out higher than intended, quivering a bit. You clear your throat and try again, “D-Did you get my text yesterday?”

Leigh glances back over her shoulder, her expression unreadable. “No.”

The bluntness leaves you momentarily stunned. You wait for her to follow up, to ask about the text, but she doesn’t. As you both step into the Beautiful Beast studio, you start to ask if you can talk later, but Leigh gets there first.

“We can pick this up later, Y/N. We should really get to class,” she says, heading into the room full of waiting students without waiting for your answer.

You're left more stumped than ever. Last time, she was almost on her knees, begging for forgiveness. Now, she's acting like nothing happened. How did everything change so much in just a week? With a head full of questions and doubts, you roll out your yoga mat and try to focus on the practice ahead. You can't help but wonder if the kiss you shared with Leigh really happened or if it was just a mirage of your desires.

You struggle through some of the poses, wobbling and nearly toppling over more than once. Leigh, however, doesn't chide or correct you as she used to; she mostly leaves you alone, focusing instead on helping others who are struggling more than you. It makes you feel strangely isolated, even though you know she's just fulfilling her role as an instructor and there are plenty of beginners in tonight’s session.

As the hour winds down, Leigh's soft “Namaste” signals the end of the class. She bows gracefully to the students, and you don't waste a moment, rising immediately to make your way to her as she rolls up her mat.

“Leigh.”

“Hey,” she responds breathlessly, not looking up. Other students pass by, thanking her, and she responds with smiles and cheerful “see you next times.” You stand there, feeling awkward as you wait for a turn.

When the last person leaves, Leigh finally looks up at you. “What's up?” she asks.

You find yourself stuttering, still fixated on the text message. Feeling a bit pathetic about how much it’s affecting you, but you shake it off, remembering why you cut your visit to Camden short. It was because of this—because of her.

“Leigh, can we talk? About... you know, how we left things that night?”

Her face remains jarringly impartial as she wipes down her mat. “Talk? Here? Right now?”

You quickly shake your head. “No, I don't mean right this second,” you clarify, watching her closely to gauge her reaction. Are you the only one feeling like you're on a tightrope? 

“You haven't had dinner yet, right?” You try to sound nonchalant too, but it's a struggle.

She looks around the emptying studio as if she needs a moment to consider. After a few beats, she nods. “Sure, why not? I’ll just change and meet you out front.”

You can't help but smile, mainly out of relief that she said yes. “Great, see you in a minute,” you say, realizing you need to change into drier clothes too.

Fifteen minutes later, Leigh steps out, looking refreshed as if she didn't just burn through a few hundred calories leading a rigorous yoga session. She's wearing a cozy gray sweater and cargo pants, a much more laid-back look compared to your jeans and cardigan.

As she draws near, she tilts her head slightly and says, “I actually brought a car. Have you thought of where we're going to get dinner?”

You scramble to think of a suitable place. In-N-Out pops into your head—quick, easy, but completely wrong for the kind of talk you need to have. You can't imagine hashing out your feelings under the harsh lights of a fast food place, over burgers and fries.

“Um,” you stammer, looking around like inspiration might hit you in the face. 

“How about we head to your apartment?” Leigh suggests out of nowhere. “It's closer, and we could grab some drive-thru on the way.”

You blink at her suggestion, surprised she'd even consider it after everything that went down last time at your place.

“There's only one parking spot,” you say blankly. “And the street has no parking after 10 p.m.”

Leigh seems unfazed, offering a quick solution. “Then we’ll just take your car. I can leave mine here.”

Your nerves flare at the thought of having her back in your apartment. Your tongue feels heavy, and you can't think of a single reason to tell her why it’s a bad idea.

“Okay,” you say slowly. “Let's do that.”

You head to your car together, fumbling with the keys as you unlock it. Leigh slips into the passenger seat, and you take a deep breath before starting the engine. You pull into a drive-thru of In-N-Out and Leigh scrolls through her phone, picking out what to order. 

You know Leigh well enough to recognize that she never acts without intention. She must have agonized about this too—about that kiss, about you. And she's making it difficult for you to guess just what conclusions she had come to in the time you were apart.

-

The takeout is spread across your dining table, a small feast that Leigh ordered for the two of you. Boxes of fries, nuggets, and burgers crowd the surface, enough to feed a group. You barely nibble on a fry while Leigh is already finishing her cheeseburger, wiping her fingers with a napkin and eyeing the remaining food.

“You weren’t hungry, huh?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Guess not,” you reply, wiping away the residual salt from your fingers.

Leigh takes a sip of her drink, washing down the last bite before looking at you with purpose. “Mind if I go first?” she asks.

You narrow your eyes. So, she's eager to dive right in. “Sure, go ahead,” you say. You observe Leigh closely for the first time in what feels like ages. Concealer cakes beneath her eyes, settling into the natural wrinkles there. She’s still undeniably beautiful, but there's a tiredness to her now that’s hard to miss. Her cheeks, usually lifted by her prominent cheekbones, seem hollowed out more than usual.

“I guess I want to start by saying that I'm…” Leigh trails off, her eyes darting around as if the right words might be hidden among the packets of ketchup and silverware. “...a horrible person.”

You open your mouth to protest, but she cuts you off smoothly.

“No, listen. You were right. I ignore you out of nowhere. I take advantage of your kindness. And it’s not just you—I’ve been doing this with everyone around me for a while now. I haven't cared about what others think or feel because I was focused on being true to myself, always playing the ‘dead husband’ card. I’ve taken everyone's patience and understanding for granted, and I’m really, really sorry.”

You sit back, stunned. The whole evening, you'd braced for a different kind of conversation. You expected Leigh to say the kiss was a mistake—just a result of nerves or a lapse in judgment driven by jealousy. You had been so sure she'd shut you down, just like all the other times. 

“You're sorry?” The words slip out unbidden, tinged with surprise and skepticism.

“Yeah,” she says, looking you square in the eye. “I know it's hard to believe, but I really am sorry for how I've treated you.”

It’s going well—too well. Your mind struggles to accept it, but your heart?

“I thought you were going to say that night was a mistake. That the kiss meant nothing,” you whisper so faintly, almost as if you don't want her to hear.

“It kept me up for nights,” Leigh replies just as softly, “and that doesn’t usually happen to me over a simple kiss.”

Your heart soars.

She doesn’t regret it. She’s sorry. This is all going too well.

“It was on my mind the whole time, even when I was all the way across the country,” you whisper wantonly. 

The corners of Leigh’s lips twitch upward, and you can't tell if it's a good sign. Her saying she’s just as affected blinds you to any other cues that might suggest otherwise.

“There’s something else I need to tell you,” Leigh says darkly, leaning back into her chair with a weary slump. “Because I’m done living in half-truths and half-realities. I can’t handle any more surprises.”

You feel a flash of confusion, trying to stitch together what Leigh might say next. She knows about your cheesy alter-ego on her advice column, the details of your past with Matt. But half-truths? What does she mean by that?

Leigh meets your gaze, and there’s something about her stare that tells you she’s coming apart, yet she's clenching every muscle to keep herself intact. You want to reach across the table, to offer a touch that might steady her, but her hands are hidden, clenched in her lap beneath the table. Her shoulders hunch, making her seem smaller, as if she's trying to fold into herself.

“Leigh, just tell me,” you urge, though not impatiently.

She exhales slowly, the breath you hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “I broke up with Danny,” she finally says, and for a brief, absurd moment, relief washes over you. 

That's…it? 

Your smile starts to form, naive in its inception, but it’s quickly stifled as Leigh’s voice drops lower, and her next words cut through the nascent joy. 

“And then he said something I didn't think could drive the dagger Matt left in my heart any deeper,” she says slowly, like she’s having a hard time dragging every syllable.

Leigh takes a deep breath, her chest rising and falling deliberately. “He told me he was pretty involved when you and Matt got together. That you first knew him as Nick, and he helped Matt reach out to you.”

Your heart sinks. You had almost forgotten that night with Danny when you discovered his real identity and how he fit into everything. He'd begged you to keep quiet, and in his desperation, you agreed—not because he pleaded, but because you believed Leigh was happy with him. It wasn’t your secret to reveal, not then.

You've known this all along and never said a word. Your throat tightens as panic sets in, your heart racing with the implications of having kept this from Leigh. Guilt pricks at you, cold and sharp.

“I…” Your voice falters, and you swallow hard, thinking, This is it, this is how I lose her. 

“I didn’t think it was my place to say anything,” you say. “I thought you were happy with him. I didn’t want to be the one to—”

“Y/N,” Leigh interjects softly. Her tone stops you cold—it's not angry, just… defeated. Which, somehow, feels worse. She looks down, twisting a napkin between her fingers. “I’m telling you this because I’m finding out that secrets can be just as hard to handle as loss.”

You nod absentmindedly, still processing, and move to clear the table in a daze. Wrapping up the leftover food, you tuck it into the fridge. The mundane task doesn't ease the tightness in your chest, but it gives your hands something to do.

“You’re not upset I didn’t tell you?” you ask, like you can’t believe you’ll come out of this conversation unscathed.

Leigh takes her time to answer. With your focus on tidying up, you miss the way her hands ball into fists. When she finally speaks, her voice has a steely edge for the first time this evening.

“At first, I was livid, of course. But Danny bore the brunt of it. He claimed he wanted me, but he was never on my side. If he were, he would’ve never helped Matt cheat on me.”

You finish tucking the last container into the fridge and lean back against the counter, your eyes on Leigh. She's staring out the window. How is it that she’s telling you these things, yet it still feels like she’s not revealing anything at all?

“I should’ve told you sooner,” you say softly. “I’m sorry.”

Leigh gets up and walks toward you. She stops so close that your breath catches. You remember the last time she was this near, how the world blurred, and how hard it was to think clearly. You can see the way her jaw tightens as she takes a breath.

“It wasn’t your secret to tell,” she says.

“But—” you start to say, though the thought fizzles out as she steps even closer.

“You're okay in that regard,” she murmurs, her voice low. 

In that regard? 

You want to ask what she means, but Leigh shuffles nearer still, her eyes searching your face. She's so close now that you can see the faint reflection of the kitchen light in her eyes, specs of yellow in darkened green. It’s nothing short of dazzling.

“Do you forgive me for last time?” she asks quietly. 

A lump forms in your throat, and all you can think about is how desperately you don't want to mess this up. You had forgiven her long before stepping onto a plane back to Maine. It happened as soon as you let her walk away that night, but you just couldn't accept how easy it was. 

You nod, unable to trust your ability to speak. 

Leigh's eyes soften as she watches you. Her fingertips brush against your jaw, her touch feather-light. 

“Is it okay if I kiss you, then?” she asks, both careful and seductive.

Your resounding yes comes in the form of you closing the gap, your lips meeting hers like an arrow striking its target. Leigh’s arms wrap around your shoulders instinctively, her fingers brushing the back of your neck, and you pull her in even tighter, deepening the kiss. Her breath mingles with yours as she sighs softly against your mouth, and it’s only then that when you feel all of her that Los Angeles starts to feel like a second home.

There are still questions, an unending list that always surfaces around Leigh, but they evaporate one by one when her tongue flicks out, seeking entrance. You surrender, lips parting, allowing her to taste you. The kiss grows with a messy urgency in seconds. Her hands roam down your back, gripping tightly as she presses in, as if trying to melt into you. You draw her nearer, your chests flush together as the kiss becomes wet and breathless.

Your apartment is silent except for your soft pants and the slick sounds of your lips meeting.  Doubts about your ability to please a woman creep in after such a long hiatus. But before these thoughts can take hold, Leigh takes charge. She grabs your hips and gently guides you backward toward the bedroom, cutting off any chance for you to slow things down.

She breaks the kiss just long enough to slip your cardigan off your shoulders and whisper, her breath warm against your lips, “Should we take this somewhere more comfortable?”

It seems almost unfair for her to pose that question while simultaneously moving to your neck, drawing a soft groan from you. Her teeth gently graze a sensitive spot just below your clavicle, applying pressure that promises to leave a mark, then soothing it with her tongue.

Leigh smirks when she feels you struggle for breath, much less for words. Your knees buckle slightly, but she holds you up with a firm grip, guiding you back until you bump against the edge of the bed. 

You know you're on the verge of something that might change everything, but right now, you're entirely Leigh's. There's no space to consider the implications, to remember that she was Matt's grieving widow just months ago. Right now, she's just the girl who holds your attention completely, the one who couldn't get rid of you even if she tried.

Leigh tumbles with you onto the bed, her thighs straddling your hips. With practiced ease, she removes her shirt and bra all at once, leaving her bare above you. The sight strips you of any last coherent thought. She isn’t the image of perfection peddled in glossy and well-curated social feeds; her body is beautifully real. Her tits look heavy and asymmetrical, round as grapefruit; her nipples pinkish-brown, pebbled and inviting. There’s a soft fold in her belly, and an overwhelming desire washes over you to kiss it. You think you might die just from looking at her.

You look up at Leigh and tell her, reverently, “You’re so devastatingly beautiful.” 

Leigh's cheeks flush as she tries to hide her smile behind her hair. “You don't have to tell me that,” she whispers. “You already got me into your bed.”

You chuckle, nerves still humming under the surface. “You were just as beautiful when devouring a cheeseburger.” Both of you laugh, the sound light and easy, allowing some of the thick sexual energy to dissipate slightly. 

You find yourself relaxing just enough to admit, “I'm not sure how to touch you right, but I want to make you feel good.”

“Just do whatever feels good for you,” she suggests, her expression softening further.

You scrunch your face a little at her, letting out a small chuckle. “That’s the thing—I haven't been getting much action myself.”

Leigh’s smile spreads wider into something mischievous and you swallow dryly at the sight. She shifts off your lap and settles at your side, propping herself up on one arm to look down at you. “Let me help you with that,” she murmurs, her voice low.

You're no longer smiling, feeling your face flush as you ask, “What do you have in mind?”

Instead of answering, Leigh’s fingers trace down to the button of your pants, deftly unfastening it. She gently scratches the skin beneath with her fingernail before sliding the zipper down. You watch as she bites her lip at the sight of the wet patch on your underwear before glancing back up at you. Her pupils are wide, the deep green of her irises barely visible in the surrounding darkness.

“Take them off,” she instructs softly.

You swallow heavily and do as she says, trying not to cover yourself despite feeling incredibly vulnerable. You haven't been naked in front of anyone in so long, and you're embarrassed by how exposed and wet you are right now.

Leigh watches you closely, and you can see the desire burning in her gaze. With her free hand, she reaches for you, her touch gentle, coaxing your thighs open as she trails her fingers up your inner thigh. You draw a sharp breath and close your eyes, expecting her fingers to graze your wetness next.

But Leigh surprises you—and herself—by guiding your right hand just below your navel, her fingers warm and sure on your wrist. Her times with Danny were about dominating and taking, but with you, she wants to give, to watch, to soak up every moan, every breathy reaction, every shiver. She wants to see you take pleasure for yourself, deriving her own pleasure from it.

“Start there,” she murmurs, her breath hot against your ear. “Tease yourself.”

Your hand hovers there, and she gives a slight nod of encouragement. As her touch slips away, you begin to explore the softness of your own skin, tracing light circles below your belly button. You utter a soft, “Fuck,” when your fingertips graze your slick, discovering just how turned on you really are. The filthy noises it creates make you whimper.

Leigh watches you hungrily. “You should be doing this more often,” she murmurs, eyes tracing the movement of your fingers now glistening with your own arousal. “You're so fucking hot. It's such a shame.”

The sound of her voice makes you arch your back further, hips bucking as you start a wide circular motion against your clit. Exerting every ounce of control not to come right away, you focus on the sensation of Leigh's eyes on you and the stimulation from your own fingers. You want to hold out, to let her watch you teeter on the edge. Your teeth dig into your lower lip, trying to curb the wave of pleasure building inside you.

Leigh's voice is a soothing command, whispering, “That's it, be patient. Don't rush it.”

“Fuck, Leigh, I’m—” Your words die in your throat as she lifts your shirt slowly, exposing your nipple to the cool air for a brief moment before her mouth engulfs it. The sensation of her sucking, then laving your nipple with her tongue, circling it, mimicking the motion you're doing on your clit, sends a jolt through you. Little flicks of her tongue to the tip of your nipple drive you crazy, and you gasp, your body responding eagerly to her touch.

Your rhythm stutters as she discards her pants and panties in one swift motion, leaving her gloriously bare. The sight of her naked body ignites a strong wave of desire to touch her instead, but Leigh pins you with a warning glare, silently telling you not to stop.

She straddles one of your legs, and you gasp when you feel her warm, wet pussy against your knee as she starts rocking against it. You position your leg to give her better leverage, and she starts sliding against you, her tits bouncing with each motion. Leigh's sucking on your nipple becomes sloppier, more frantic, until she can no longer concentrate and releases it with a wet pop.

“Oh, fuck, Y/N—” 

Leigh’s face contorts in pleasure as her drenched folds meet your thigh over and over, sweat dripping down between her breasts from the strain of holding herself up above you. The sight of her fucking herself against your leg is nothing short of mesmerizing. You increase the movements of your fingers, rubbing harshly at your clit as you watch Leigh, her breath coming in short gasps. Her eyes flutter closed, and a soft moan escapes her lips. The sound drives you wild, and you curve your spine, lifting your hips to meet your own hand.

Sex with anyone else has never felt this good before, and she hasn’t even properly touched you yet. It’s intoxicating, the way she takes her pleasure and gives it to you all at once. You’re lost in the haze of it all: the smell of Leigh’s arousal, her sweat-soaked skin, the sight of her tits bouncing and her face flushed with desire.

With your free hand, you grab the back of Leigh's head, guiding her down towards you. “C-Come here,” you manage to say, your voice breaking with need. 

Leigh obeys, her mouth meeting yours in a frenzied kiss. You swallow each other's moans, the taste of her lips sending a fresh wave of desire coursing through you. It's this simple, sweet connection of lips that utterly dissolves all your defenses.

A keening moan escapes you as Leigh slides a finger inside you, pushing deep to the third knuckle, causing your head to tip back and break the kiss as the tightness in your belly becomes too much. “Leigh, can I—” Your voice is a mere whisper, your body trembling with the effort to hold back.

Leigh's eyes meet yours, and she nods vigorously, her breath coming in short gasps. “Yes, come. Come with me.”

It's too much—the sight, the sounds, the feel of her—it’s all too much. With a final, shuddering whine, you let go, your orgasm crashing over you. Your body convulses, muscles clenching and releasing as you ride out the intense pleasure. Moments later, Leigh follows, her body shaking as she comes, her moans mingling with yours. Leigh’s face is a picture of bliss, her eyes half-closed, a satisfied smile playing on her lips. You try to memorize it before she collapses on top of you, a sweaty mess of tangled limbs and satisfied sighs.

Blindly, you stare up at the ceiling, trying to catch your breath, feeling Leigh's hot puffs of air tickle your neck as she catches hers. Slowly, you circle your arms around her waist, keeping her on top of you, acutely aware of every point where your skin meets hers, the warmth spreading between you. 

You bury your nose in her hair and breathe in deeply. This act feels more intimate than anything you had done moments ago. The simple closeness, the quiet afterglow, the way you can actually feel her heart beating steadily against your chest.

Minutes pass in comfortable silence, your thumb tracing lazy patterns on her back. Her breathing gradually evens out, each exhale growing softer and deeper. Realizing she's fallen asleep, a contented smile spreads across your face. You press a gentle kiss to her temple, letting your lips linger there for a moment. Carefully, you reach for the covers and draw them over both of you. You hold her close until your own eyelids grow heavy, and you drift off to sleep as well.

[purplesurveys]

1038

survey by chasingghosts

You consider yourself to have good luck with trivial things. I mean, I don’t think too much about bad luck or take it seriously, but I do tend to experience tiny inconveniences daily that would be tagged as bad luck by anyone else lol, like how I always seem to hit red lights whenever I’m out.

You have purchased a book and never read it. Kinda, yeah. It was given as a gift, though - my mom once got me the entire LOTR book set for Christmas, but when I realized how boring I was going to find The Hobbit from the get-go, I was never able to open the rest of the books.

You have donated a large amount of money, food or clothes to charity. Idk what you would count as large but I’ve donated before, especially clothes.

You have visited a state/country where gay marriage is legal. I don’t think so. I’ve only been around Asia, which is, excluding Taiwan, generally a homophobic part of the world.

You live in a state/country where gay marriage is legal. Not in a million years.

You have a good sense of direction. Like, with maps? Hell no. I need GPS everywhere I go or else I’ll panic.

You dislike all types of gravy. Not able to relate to any of these so far...I love me some gravy, man.

You use more than two pillows to sleep. Engk. I use exactly two.

You find that you have to repeat yourself a lot. Kind of, yeah. Whenever I talk it always sounds clear to me, but now that I think about it I often have people asking me to repeat what I said so I guess I mumble more or talk more softly than I think I do.

You have spent more than $100 on a meal at a restaurant. That sounds insane lol no I haven’t. I’m not on that level yet. I did recently shell out a couple thousand bucks to treat my parents to a ramen place, but that was a thousand bucks for several meals so it doesn’t count either.

You have smoked an entire pack of cigarettes in one day. That’s sounds nasty; I haven’t done that. The most I’ve done in one evening is like four or five.

You use a blue toothbrush. No. Someone else in the family does.

You have given someone a promise ring (or received one). Have never given nor received. Idek what this ring means.

You have worn hemp clothing. I probably have and own some; I just don’t feel like rummaging through my closet.

You are spatially aware of your surroundings at all times. *shrug* I guess. It’s not really something I actively notice all the time but seeing as I’ve never run into a problem about this, I guess I do.

You almost always have your fingernails painted. It is absolutely never painted. I have nothing against it; I just never really built it as a routine or habit.

You are currently in a long-term relationship. I wish I could still bold this, and it crushes me that I can’t.

You are slowly but surely losing your sense of hearing. Eh, not really. My hearing has always been slightly off, though. Phone calls and video calls freak me out because of it.

You have friends in another state. All states would be ‘another state,’ since I don’t even live in the US. But yeah there’s Aubrey who lives in California, and uh...that’s all I can remember for now HAHA. Most of my migrated friends live in Canada.

You attend a lot of local events. I definitely used to in the pre-Covid days. Whether it was a pop-up bazaar, an expo I walked into, an art exhibit in the middle of the mall, etc. I tried to bask in them all whenever I had free time. I appreciate orgs’ and other groups’ efforts to make virtual webinars and parties a thing now, but it’s just not my thing lol.

You have lived away from your parents for more than 5 years now. I still live with them and have no plans to move out soon.

You watch cooking shows on television and Youtube. Sure. I prefer those with gimmicks though, like Binging with Babish’s whole schtick of making the food from pop culture references; Mythical Kitchen making fancier versions of fast food; or Epicurious’ 4 Levels of [food]. It makes the viewing experience all the more enjoyable than just watching a plain recipe.

You have a Youtube account and are subscribed to people on it. Yesssss, YouTube has been my bitch for a few months now. Been keeping me company and keeping my sanity intact.

You don't consider yourself to be a very creative or artistic person. Not a creative bone in my body. All of it went to my sister.

You have taken an aerobics class. Not that I remember. Doesn’t sound like something I would sign up for.

You are a percussionist. Nopes. I’m not musically-inclined in general.

You live in a city of 100,000 or more people. Yeah, well this part of the country is pretty seriously populated so almost, if not all, of the cities here have a population higher than 100,000.

You are currently listening to music. As usual, I have my phone tuned in to a YouTube video for background noise.

You have been using the internet regularly since 2007 or earlier. So close. I didn’t start using it regularly until a year later, in 2008. From the early 2000s until ‘07 I merely watched my mom behind her shoulder as she would connect to the dial-up internet to email my dad whenever he was working abroad.

You are the type to keep every single promise you make. It’s both benefitted and hurt me overall.

You find it personally insulting when people break promises they make to you. It’s annoying and breaks my trust, but it’s not insulting.

Your favourite type of candy is anything fruity. Yeah and I’m ashamed to admit it, hahahaha. But yeah, I like artificial fruity flavors in my candy, but cannot for the life of me learn to appreciate fruit itself.

You have cable/pay television. Used to. My dad cancelled the subscription a few months ago because we solely watch through Netflix now; we have everything we need to watch there.

You have a lot of celebrity crushes and can't pick just one. I’ve graduated from that phase lol. The last women standing for me are Kristen Stewart and Kate Winslet.

You have given money to a homeless person. Yes, I give whatever I can whenever I have change and someone knocks on my window.

You are a very skeptical person and hardly trust anyone or anything. Half of this is right. I’m generally trusting of people, but I’m skeptical of things I read or hear about.

You have one or more friends who are in bands. Yeah there’s Leigh, Redd, and Jofab who are all in their respective bands.

You live in a place where it snows at least a foot every winter. There is no winter at all here.

You live at least 10 miles from the nearest supermarket. 10 miles will give you at least 50 supermarkets in the Philippines.

You own a pair of noise isolating headphones. Nah but this closing question stressed me out big time because I’m in charge of buying these expensive-ass noise-cancelling headphones for an upcoming PR thing we have planned and everything about it is just a pain in my ass atm.

[saintnesryn]

mid year reading tag (nobody tagged me in this lol i’m not a bookblr but i wanted to document my reading outside of goodreads so here it goes)

(i’ve re-read a lot of books this year so i will try to not talk about those as much but also i don’t read a lot lol so i may have to talk about those if there aren’t any other books lol)

1. Best book you’ve read so far in 2019: Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan. It’s extremely dark and sad so if you decide to pick it up, please take note of that. It’s an important tale about resilience, solidarity, sisterhood, etc. Ngan takes extreme care to address abuse, sexual assault, trauma, and other difficult subjects. It also features an incredible wlw romance between the two main characters (no side-lining, no fetishization, etc. just pure love between them 🖤) .

2. Best sequel you've read so far in: already cheating bc the only sequel i’ve read this year is siege and storm and i wanted to murder mallard the whole time soo i’m gonna go with queen of shadows lol

3. New release you haven't read yet, but want to: The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon

4. Most anticipated release for the second half of the year: Girls of Storm and Shadow omg!!!

5. Biggest disappointment: nobody is allowed to yell at me for this but................kingdom of ash sorry. it- it just wasn’t...umm...idek where to start but...um sjm did you mean to write a another problematic book? umm yikes! pls don’t hate me please!!!

6. Biggest surprise: We Are Okay by Nina LaCour. I rented the audiobook so I could listen to something while I cleaned my house and fell in love 😍

7. Favourite new author (Debut or new to you): Leigh Bardugo!!

8. Newest fictional crush: Fenrys Moonbeam???

9. Newest favourite character: I will cheat and go with Inej Ghafa bc even though I’m not far into six of crows, I would happily die for her

10. Book that made you cry: They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera (spoiler alert- they both actually die at the end it’s not a joke) 💔

11. Book that made you happy: can i say queen of shadows again?

12. Most beautiful book you've bought so far this year (or received): 👇🏼(as a side note for future me- these are the books I’ve gotten this year)

13. What books do you need to read by the end of the year?: the books I’ve mentioned above and

A Reaper at the Gates by Sabaa Tahir

The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood

City of Brass by S.A Chakraborty

The Cruel Prince by Holly Black

Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi

Truthwitch by Susan Dennard omg I’ve met the woman I need to read her booook

a million other books I won’t get to lol

if anyone feels like doing this, feel free to tag me in your post!

[niniadepapa]

Nini! Since we seem to have the same tastes in tv shows, i was wondering what are your favorite books???

uoHHHHHH BOIIIIII where do i even start?!?!?!?! take a seat my friend because this is gonna be a LONG ride…

the classics i’ve loved since forever:

the famous five series by enid blyton - i read them ALL and reread them dozens of times

the little prince by antoine de saint-exupéry. nothing else to say,

literary any play by federico garcía lorca, but ‘la casa de bernarda alba’ still makes me !!!!!! it’s so good jfc 

ella enchanted by gail carson levine like i’m sorry i know the movie has anne hathaway and hugh dancy but still i feel robbed of the wonderful perfect book i’ve reread 937562937456923 bazillion times. i deserve a proper ella enchanted movie/show, yall. 

 the last cato by matilde asensi. i legit made all my friends AND their moms read it when we were 17.

the perks of being a wallflower by stephen chobsky. it pretty much changed my life.

atonement by ian mcewan. wow. just wow. 

gone girl, by gillian flynn because we all need to read amy dunne’s cool girl speech 

it’s difficult to even type never let me go by kazuo ishiguro without shedding tears.

the perfume by patrick suskind traumatized me but also enchanted me?? idek man, it’s a very special book.

i read the entire the physician series by noah gordon when i was a teenager and i still love it sooooo much!!!!!!

peter pan by j.m. barrie bcs lbr everybody should learn that peter was a fucking asshole

the harry potter series by jk rowling. that abomination of a fanfic slash play that came out last summer obviously isn’t included here. 

the percy jackson and the heroes of the olympus series by rick riordan - my savage demigod son, i’ll always heart u

don’t judge me but the mortal instruments, the dark artifices, the infernal devices - all of the motherfucking shadowhunter books to ever be, i’ll read, no matter how much i hate cc. i hate her for the hold she has over me.

i did enjoy the hunger games back in the day lbr

stardust by neil gaiman ksjbdfakdfjalsdfjbaglsjdfblkas literary my most favorite i love it so much it hurts me

and now as of things i’ve read in the past years that i can rec w a hand over my heart staring into your eyes and claiming they’re Good Shit:

across the universe series by beth revis was pretty fun for sci-fi even tho there was a twist that i wasn’t very happy with

under the never sky by veronica rossi was actually very cool i really enjoyed it

i REALLY loved the shatter me series by tahereh mafi like oh my god a heroine that truly learns how to accept and love herself!!!!!! fuckbois get rekt!!!!! incredible character arcs!!!! i’m pumped for the next book tahereh announced lbr

the lynburn legacy series by sarah rees brennan was suuuuper fun because magic?? family drama??? actual woc main character?? bisexuals??? i was living while reading them tbh

vicious by v.e. schwab was really fun because it was nothing like i’d ever read before, i’m really looking forward to reading her other series 

i’ll only rec leigh bardugo’s six of crows duology because i refuse to acknowledge the fucking mess that was the grisha trilogy, jfc. six of crows, excluding some stuff, is super fun, has great characters, good ships, and teenagers that pull cool stunts to get $$$. incredible.

the fixer series by jennifer lynn barnes are !!!!!!!!!!!!! i wish she wrote more of them i would legit beg her and throw money in her face for more. teens swept off by washington/politics drama/conspiracies… my jam ladies and gents

the study series by maria snyder. are. so. good.

i’ve only read two of melina marchetta’s books and both of them broke me. i’m onto her.

big little lies by liane moriarty - if you haven’t watched the show, do it. if you haven’t read the book, do it.

i loooooved the first two books in the falconer series by elizabeth may and still have to read the third but i haven’t seen good reviews about it so i’m kind of… waiting a bit…

i’m not gonna talk much about sarah j maas here because even if there are things in her books that i really enjoy -specially some ships and the worldbuilding- the inherently whiteness, straightness and the unbelievably high number of times she writes the words ‘male’ and ‘female’ makes me want to punch her repeteadly in the face. 

simon vs the homo sapiens agenda by becky albertalli is so funny and heartwarming dkzfjbzdjfkblz

uprooted by naomi novik had lowkey w/w but also an incredible het ship that was dkjfbksdjfs also living evil woods and strange shit that was amazing

what we saw by aaron hartzler is very rough to read, especially considering it’s based on a real life case (Steubenville High School rape case) but holy shit do i think it’s important to read and know. 

in that same line i put one of my favorite books i read last year: the female of the species, by mindy mcginnis. that book broke me on so many levels, every time i think about it i burst into tears. it’s so raw and real and just… ugh. i swear it’s gonna stay with me until my last day, it’s /that/ kind of book.

i still haven’t forgiven my best friend for making me read the mistborn series by brandon sanderson. that’s al i’m gonna say about it.

cruel beauty by rosamund hodge is so unique and i just loooooove the characters so much because they do acknowledge their flaws and that they’re not perfect?? and just??? recognize that in each other??? which is a+++ in my book u do u. also super beautiful writing!

the anna and the french kiss series by stephenie perkins will always have a special place in my heart bcs they’re so fun and light-hearted and witty and i really love them 

AND NOW, TOP FIVE:

the daughter of smoke and bone series by laini taylor IS INCREDIBLE. WHY IS EVERYBODY SLEEPING ON THIS BOOKS. ANGELS AND MONSTERS. ANGELS ARE ACTUALLY BAD, MONSTERS ARE GOOD. ANGST. IT’S SO GOOD.

the raven cycle by maggie stiefvater, even if i still have hashtag problems w things in it (more girls. why aren’t there more girls. NOAH.) i just… i love my stupid kids so much. 

the wrath and the dawn by renee ahdieh is fucking INCREDIBLE it’s so good i get so mad bcs it’s legit unknown pls do urselves a favor and read this masterpiece it’s based on a 1001 nights and the main ship and characters are!!!! just!!!!! a++++!

the song of achilles by madeline miller is probably one of the books that i have most enjoyed and suffered with in my entire life. the true illyad i deserved. the most heartbreaking thing ever.

the winner’s trilogy by marie rutkoski is literary the best series i’ve read these past years and i’ll forever be in cee’s debt for making me read them. the most savage slytherins in love with the angstiest motherfucking relationship ever, a super clever look into colonialism and discrimination, the most beautifully haunting writing, IT��S JUST SO FUCKING GOOD I’LL NEVER READ ANYTHING AS GOOD AS TWT WHY AREN’T THERE 398465923846 FICS ABOUT IT JFC *sobs*

this got LONG lmao i’m sorry i get really excited talking about books in case u were wondering!!!!!!! i’m more than happy to talk about literary any of them, and welcome recs and will pretty much spew shit about anything i know ig u wanna holler @ me. i just really love books and i’ve been in an anxious-reading mode for the past three years so yEAH thanks for the ask anon it made me super happy!!!!!!

[wyrmsandrocs]

You know what you dared (anyone really) me personally to send all the writer asks so FUCKIBG ALL OF THEM BETCH

1. Favorite place to write. - I really like taking my laptop with me and writing at parks or in hotel lobbies when my fam travels, but its comfortable and familiar to write at my desk in my room2. Favorite part of writing. - letting characters be sassy and snarky. also letting characters heal.3. Least favorite part of writing. - actually putting words on the page lmfao4. Do you have writing habits or rituals? - i put on my writing playlist and if i can grab a diet coke bc it helps me feel like im ready to be productive5. Books or authors that influenced your style the most. - ooh, for writing style Caroline Lawrence’s books influenced me a lot when i was younger and more recently @lbardugo and six of crows6. Favorite character you ever created. - ahhh probably Linde, a shapeshifter who rejects all human concepts including gender7. Favorite author. - again, Leigh Bardugo. also @canipetyourdragon but like technically shes not published yet 8. Favorite trope to write. - enemies to lovers lmfao9. Least favorite trope to write. - ahh idek 10. Pick a writer to co-write a book with and tell us what you’d write about. - @canipetyourdragon and we’d probs write abt some wacky adventure11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish. - 1) have an idea and daydream abt it for a month 2) worldbuilding/character building for a g e s 3) finally get around to writing a shitty draft 4) s u f f e r 12. How do you deal with self-doubts? - whine at someone and then remind myself that nothing starts perfect and i have time to make it better. tbqh a lot of the time i remind myself that Six of Crows started as smthn like 31,000 words and is a lot longer in the final form and, no offense to leigh, was probs kinda crap at first lmfao13. How do you deal with writers block? - i remind myself that its not gonna get written if i dont write it, i sit my ass down, and i write something. anything. any stupid sentence. and then i write another one.14. What’s the most research you ever put into a book? - hoo boi am i bad at research n o t m u c h 15. Where does your inspiration come from? - a lot of my inspiration comes from music and other books, i have playlists that remind me of my characters and story on spotify and those help a lot16. Where do you take your motivation from? - i remember that i’ve always wanted to be a writer since i was like 5 and could barely write my name and i think about how much i want that to be a reality.17. On avarage, how much writing do you get done in a day? - ehh i’d say maybe 400 words on average? the least ive written recently is 100 words the most was 1,50018. What’s your revision or rewriting process like? - ah i havent worked on one story enough to know yet19. First line of a WIP you’re working on. - No matter how many she saw, Siora couldn’t get used to Outer Land bars.

20. Post a snippet of a WIP you’re working on. - “In a shocking plot twist, the rich Kitonian girl used to be a thief,” Linde said, mimicking some sort of announcer.

“Are you just here to add sarcastic commentary?” Siora glared at them.

She seems to glare at them a lot, Dema thought.

“That’s the whole reason I’m following you,” they said, then added, “Don’t give me that look, you know I don’t really care about the war.”

“My question is why is Siora still putting up with you,” Asteria laughed.

“Don’t give me any ideas,” The Beati girl grumbled, a smile playing on her lips.

“Oh yes, don’t encourage her. She might try to hurt me with one of her toothpicks.”

Dema laughed, “Don’t insult a lady’s knives, it’s not wise.”

“What’s a lady?” The Gerum asked, feigning confusion.

“Dema is a lady,” Asteria kissed the girl on the cheek, laughing.

“Doesn’t seem very ladylike to me,” Siora snorted.

“Like you’re one to talk,” Dema shot back.

“If anyone here is a lady, it’s me,” Linde said, sticking their nose in the air.

“You aren’t even a girl!” Asteria shrieked, grinning.

“Fair enough,” They nodded.

21. Post the last sentence you wrote in one of your WIP’s. - “Yep, now we’re just doing a final check to make sure we have everything,” The girl said without looking up.22. How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied and a project is ultimately done for you? - ahh depends i havent really “completed” any big projects, but for short stories usually only one or two23. Single or multi POV, and why? - multiple because i have so many characters and none of them is really the /main/ character24. Poetry or prose, and why? - i love prose but tbh im a poet at heart i write a l o t of poetry

25. Linear or non-linear, and why? - linear, otherwise i get too confused26. Standalone or series, and why? - standalone, because i think the story im working on rn is only one book long. altho i do have another story in this world planned dont tell anyone 27. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished? - i share as i write

28. And who do you share them with? only sharing with @canipetyourdragon tho29. Who do you write for? - myself and my future readers30. Favorite line you’ve ever written. - for prose? “You complain so much I’m starting to think it’s a religious observance,” Siora said, leaning against the wall. the answer is dif for poetry tho31. Hardest character to write. - a s t e r i a i love her but shes not fully fleshed out yet. also shes so good32. Easiest character to write. - linde that snarky bastard33. Do you listen to music when you’re writing? - yep i have a playlist that reminds me of my story34. Handwritten notes or typed notes? - both35. Tell some backstory details about one of your characters in your story. - Siora was raised to be the right hand guard of the princess, but was exiled when she died.36. A spoiler for story? - the villain gets redeemed37. Most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you. - hm i really dont know. writing wise, i love the quote “if the muse is late for work, start without her.”

38. Have you shared your outline of your story with someone? If so, what did they think of it? - I tell wyna about all my story shenanigans and schemes, and so far i think she likes it lmao39. Do you base your characters of real people or not? If so, tell us about one.- not characters i like. sometimes background redshirts are based on people i hate so that i can kill them40. Original Fiction or Fanfiction, and why? - both. I love writing fanfiction, but i also have a lot of original stories to tell41. How many stories do you work on at one time? - only one at a time for me42. How do you figure out your characters looks, personality, etc. - a lot of the time it just comes to me, but i also answer ask memes like this as that character43. Are you an avid reader? -  y e s 44. Best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten. - hm im really not sure45. Worst piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten. - most unhelpful? “it sucked ass” - daedalus46. What would your story look like as a tv show or movie? - o h dude i would love to see it as a movie it would be a really cool fantasy aesthetic omg the effects for the shapeshifters would be so cool to see

47. Do you start with characters or plot when working on a new story? - this story actually started with setting48. Favorite genre to write in. - YA isnt a genre is it? technically fantasy i guess49. What do you find the hardest to write in a story, the beginning, the middle or the end? - the middle for sure50. Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had. - idk abt story idea but when i was 12 i killed a character by turning him into a tortilla ¯\_(ツ)_/¯51. Describe the aesthetic of your story in 5 sentences or words. - fantasy eclectic influence and design.52. How did writing change you? - honestly writing poetry gave me a way to express my feelings safely. it honest to gods helped me stop self-harming.53. What does writing mean to you? - to me it means putting my ideas and thoughts and self into the world in a way that people (hopefully) read and enjoy54. Any writing advice you want to share? - start writing and dont stop. if you think that its crap, remember that everything starts as crap, and if you think no one in the world wants to read it, remember that i definitely want to read it if you tell me about it.

tysm for asking omg!

[alrightpoppins]

all of them i dare u

umm… okay well here i go. i swear i’m not interesting enough for this.

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? 

Spotify

2. is your room messy or clean?

pretty clean. my side is at least.

3. what color are your eyes?

hazel

4. do you like your name? why?

sometimes i do, sometimes i don’t. i like it bc it’s different but sometimes i don’t bc it doesn’t roll off the tongue very well. sounds awkward to me.

5. what is your relationship status?

single as a pringle. and by that i mean complicated bc i have lots of other pringles around me and one who keeps stringing me along lmao it’s fine.

6. describe your personality in 3 words or less

altruistic, sarcastic, introverted

7. what color hair do you have?

brown. blue and green underneath… the green was an accident.

8. what kind of car do you drive? color?

2003 mitsubishi eclipse. it’s silver. 

9. where do you shop?

uhhh walmart.. target or kohls if i’m feeling fancy?

10. how would you describe your style?

nonexistent. also gay.

11. favorite social media account

probably this one bc i’m pathetic.

12. what size bed do you have?

 twin

13. any siblings?

no but 3 little cousins who live with me so kind of.

14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

nyc bc i’m basic. or toronto. or maybe ireland.

15. favorite snapchat filter?

 idek i just play with them all.

16. favorite makeup brand(s)

i.. makeup? elf is cheap so.. yeah?

17. how many times a week do you shower?

7

18. favorite tv show?

LOL

19. shoe size?

7

20. how tall are you?

…5′1 (155 cm i think?)

21. sandals or sneakers?

combat boots.

22. do you go to the gym?

no i want to though

23. describe your dream date

existent.

24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

umm like $100? plus my card.

25. what color socks are you wearing?

grey and they’re long and soft and i love them.

26. how many pillows do you sleep with?

6 plus throws and stuffed animals.

27. do you have a job? what do you do?

not really, i babysit sometimes.

28. how many friends do you have?

uhh a few. home friends, school friends, online friends. i have 3 best friends.

29. whats the worst thing you have ever done?

beat up my little cousin. i was like 14 and he was like 6 it was fucked up.

30. whats your favorite candle scent?

the one that smells like fresh sheets.

31. 3 favorite boy names

Anthony, Wyatt, and Caleb

32. 3 favorite girl names

Elodie, Carter, and Georgie (Georgiana)

33. favorite actor?

… i literally don’t even know. i guess i could say The Rock bc he’s rad?

34. favorite actress?

Dianna Agron

35. who is your celebrity crush?

Dianna Agron. also Katie McGrath and Chyler Leigh.

36. favorite movie?

The Wizard of Oz

37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

i don’t read as much as i used to. but my favorite s The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. do you sense a trend here?

38. money or brains?

brains

39. do you have a nickname? what is it?

a few. most people call me Tab. my family (mostly my cousins) calls me Tabby. Nicole occasionally brings Tigger/Tig back. my mom calls me Bear… i have a lot.

40. how many times have you been to the hospital?

too fucking many.

41. top 10 favorite songs

oh boy.. (not in order)

The Devil in My Bloodstream by The Wonder Years; Knuckles by Moose Blood; To and Fro by Thomston; Cigarettes and Saints by The Wonder Years; Gum by Moose Blood; BOTL by Quinn Lewis; Disdain by Knuckle Puck; Mess by Real Friends; Somebody Else covered by Alice Kristiansen; Space by Ally Hills

42. do you take any medications daily?

no

43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

oily i guess.

44. what is your biggest fear?

being buried alive or being awake but paralyzed. 

45. how many kids do you want?

idk like 3

46. whats your go to hair style?

if i ever actually do something to my hair i just straighten it.

47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

small as fuck. 

48. who is your role model?

my grandma.

49. what was the last compliment you received?

yesterday i got a letter from my professor with really good feedback from my child study observation report. she said i was really observant and that i wrote a really great paper.

50. what was the last text you sent?

umm my turn on battleship to nicole.

51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

i didn’t tell my mom until i was 11 or 12. i kinda realized it when i was like 9 or 10 though… i refused to accept it.

52. what is your dream car?

1962 cadillac coupe deville.

53. opinion on smoking?

disgusting. i do it sometimes though.

54. do you go to college?

yeah i’m about to start my 2nd semester of my sophomore year.

55. what is your dream job?

i would love to be able to just write.

56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

suburbs i guess.

57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

sometimes. i did in disney and i still have it bc of the mickey ears.

58. do you have freckles?

no.

59. do you smile for pictures?

usually. but i don’t usually show my teeth.

60. how many pictures do you have on your phone?

like 1200.

61. have you ever peed in the woods?

no.

62. do you still watch cartoons?

cartoons are awesome.

63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

wendy’s for quality, mcdonald’s for nostalgia.

64. Favorite dipping sauce?

for… chicken nuggets? this question was poorly placed.

65. what do you wear to bed?

depends. if i’m alone, a tshirt and underwear. if not, a tshirt and shorts. leggings if i wanna get ready faster the next morning.

66. have you ever won a spelling bee?

i don’t think my school even did spelling bees.

67. what are your hobbies?

is netflix a hobby?

68. can you draw?

if i’m in the mood to. 

69. do you play an instrument?

no i wish.

70. what was the last concert you saw?

the wonder years (who’s surprised? no one? hm, odd).

71. tea or coffee?

tea.

72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

dunkin. but like… wawa.

73. do you want to get married?

meh. we’ll see.

74. what is your crush’s first and last initial?

JL

75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?

probably. i don’t like my last name.

76. what color looks best on you?

black?

77. do you miss anyone right now?

yep.

78. do you sleep with your door open or closed?

closed.

79. do you believe in ghosts?

yeah.

80. what is your biggest pet peeve?

when people one word me/don’t put in effort to a conversation. also when people put the toilet paper on top of the holder instead of taking literally 3 seconds to undo the old roll and put the new one on like wtf.

81. last person you called

my mom.

82. favorite ice cream flavor?

depends on the day. currently mint chocolate chip.

83. regular oreos or golden oreos?

golden oreos.

84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

depends on the ice cream.

85. what shirt are you wearing?

a black tank top and a knit sweater.

86. what is your phone background?

a picture of the wonder years performing warped tour with Cigarettes and Saints lyrics. i keep meaning to change it though bc Audi made me a kick ass Katie McGrath background.

87. are you outgoing or shy?

shy as fuck.

88. do you like it when people play with your hair?

my god yes it’s the best.

89. do you like your neighbors?

…i don’t think i’ve ever spoken to them?

90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

usually i wash it or rinse it in the morning and i use a makeup wipe and rinse it at night. 

91. have you ever been high?

no.

92. have you ever been drunk?

yeah that’s new. fun stuff.

93. last thing you ate?

a dove chocolate.

94. favorite lyrics right now

i heard the voices and implications. telling me who i could never be.

last year I was a train wreck, now I’m just a mess.

the thought of you is so loud

you were my love, you wanted this. i gave it all but you took what you did.

95. summer or winter?

winter.

96. day or night?

night.

97. dark, milk, or white chocolate?

milk.

98. favorite month?

october.

99. what is your zodiac sign

virgo.

100. who was the last person you cried in front of?

my grandma? probably.