#idek what else to tag this but yes luda loves you all /throws hearts

[rkxluda]

rkfifth

I really can't remember my first rookies muse, but she must either have been one of my Soyeon muses, or Park Shinhye. I've tried to find her on the old main, but welp. But I do remember how I first found rookies. The first rp I ever joined was university themed one, which feels like forever ago. After it closed, I wanted to bring my muse somewhere else, so I asked if anyone knew any interesting rps and I was told to look at rookies. My first reaction was kind of... neutral. The whole idol thing had never interested me too much, never having been interested in being famous myself, so rping a muse who did felt difficult. Obviously I eventually decided to join anyways and that should've been around 4 years ago. I've had my fair share of muses here, most of them pretty short-lived, before Luda, the longest was a Soyeon for around 6 months I think. They all had a focus on singing and most of them were soft singer-songwriters, who wanted to make the world a better place with their music.

One thing that I saw a lot of posts mention positovely, used to be a big problem for me. Everyone always seemed to have so many friends here at rookies, but it never seemed to apply to me, especially during aim times, worrying whether the message really didn't get sent or whether I was too weird to plot with. So the reasons that I left often was feeling excluded, besides simply losing muse. But during those past 4 years I'd like to think that I've grown and learned some things and that rookies helped me with that. While I learned a lot of this offline, being here helped me understand that I wasn't always being excluded but that I was excluding myself, both while rping but also in my daily life. I still have problems with social situations (so if it takes me a week to answer, I promise I haven't forgotten, I'm just still worrying over how to reply. Even if I say I forgot that's just easier to explain if that makes sense. Any longer than that, though, and my birdbrain probably attacked), whether they're online (especially group chats) or in person, but I'd like to think I don't panic quite as much anymore when I try to reply to ims or dms and that's something. It might sound a bit much (and I promise the sob story will be over now) but rookies (and roleplaying in general) really helped me with that sort of stuff.

Back to my muses, though, I feel like I've had a lot more than I actually did. There were multiple Soyeon's (Laboum), a Park Shinhye, a Juniel, a Jeon Boram, former aoa member Choa and I think that's it? At least that's all the muses I remember/which's acceptances I've saved as screenshots.

And of course now I've got Luda! I can't believe I've had Luda for this long already. She was first accepted on the 29th March 2017, but at the end of the year there were some *coughs* technical errors on my side *coughs* so after missing an activity check, she was soon back at the 10th January 2018. She started out not being interested in becoming a singer as I thought developing that over time would help me keep the muse – finding a way into this together, so to speak. And it seems to have worked since I've still got her. From having her dreams crushed because she was overworked, to fleeing herself into the dream of idol-hood and joining the mgas on a whim, she's surely come a long way. I never expected (or even intended) for her to stick through the the mgas for so long, I was dead sure she'd be kicked out after the first round. She hadn't been practising for long after all and most of her development happened as solos, barely any development through plots with others. I honestly still can't believe she's made it this far! I know I've been saying that since the mgas ended, but I can't help it. And while I don't expect her to debut any time soon at all, having her be a trainee already gave me so much joy and excitement and I've got more muse for her than ever.

Even if I still kinda suck as a mun, being slow as a sloth and all, it's incredibly fun to write for her and I hope to bring a new muse over the next weeks, though I want to get things settled for Luda properly first, so maybe not before next year. I really want a muse being more the opposite of her though, so one day!

So in conclusion, while I may still be too awkward to really hold conversations for long, for the past two years I've felt super welcome at rookies and both muse and I have accomplished things, I'd never expected (even if that sounds super silly). I don't usually talk about personal stuff too much online, for the fear of coming off as weird, but figured what better time than this? I've read a lot of you describe rookies as a safe haven and I guess I can agree (after all, no matter for how long I was gone, I always came back in the end and now here we are).