#idek myself lol not that thats a question for you LOL

[berryunho]

Tbh, the other day I finished reading all of Answer so far within a few hours (gotta take breaks and interruptions are inevitable).

If you told me that Answer!Yeosang doesn’t really know most of what’s actually going on, that he just somehow became a bigwig after being complicit (because he has a job he’s happy with and friends and people leave him alone) and not actually understanding the codes or anything that’s underlying, I would believe you. If you told me everyone was guilty and has done something wrong >except for Yeosang, I would believe it. He could absolutely blend into the crowd without getting into trouble and outsiders could think him a member of the insiders team without him actually understanding what they have been doing.

I just imagine him having pretended to read the dumb book and just ‘yes and’-ing his way to the top and no one would think anything of him otherwise, because “Look, mom! I can use my degree for something! I have a stable job and a place to live! I’m a farmer! And there’s a community! And yeah we do some weird things and I don’t understand them but don’t all cultures have some stuff people can’t really explain? It’s all in good fun and as long as no one gets hurt we’re all good!”

With how little we know of him, I am almost convinced he has done nothing wrong and honestly, I genuinely hope it’s the case and he’s just totally oblivious. That would be such a good plot point 😂

Otherwise at this point, as the mc I would just abandon everyone to escape and proceed with the police, because if best friend isn’t being best friend, then we’ve lost the purpose of being around and goodbye. Maybe that’s harsh but I’m still upset about Haseul and Mingi HELPING DETAIN HER

Also I’ve been hoping more and more happens with Seonghwa tbh… Turns out leader isn’t too upset about the idea of mc and Seonghwa getting together that much and if he won’t cause physical harm if they do the do because he cares about them most then there’s no actual issue with it! Like the leader didn’t do anything to him when he believed they had already done it, he just interrogated him about it. He didn’t seem to mind it in the end, though I do not get wanting to watch. But if it causes rifts between the two boys then that could be a very good thing for the rebellion!

Anyways, I hope they can cut out all this black magic seance bull and detain the false prophet, but I have a hard time believing that anyone can come out from this unscathed mentally. Except maybe Yeosang if my hope of a theory is correct 😂

Sorry for ranting at you! This is just to say that I’ve been thinking about Answer and the Pinterest boards ever since I finished binging the whole thing.

I hope not all will be lost for our favorites (NOT HONGJOONG and maybe not Jongho if he is truly irredeemable) (they can go have a nice chat for forever with the police tbh, I just hope they’re not corrupt too. I would not be able to handle it.)

🗡️

^ Me fighting back the misogyny from HJ and his drones bc I have sO many clapbacks I am ready to unLEASH at them for their insults at mc

LKAJSFLKJSAD i hope your eyes were okay after reading so many words so quickly LOL

THIS ANALYSIS OF YEOSANG IS KILLING MEEEE LMFAOASLKFDJAS LOOK MOM IM A FARMERLKAJEKJF you mustve seen this in his board on my pinterest

pls i love your analysis of the rest of this too lol you're so real dw dw for sending a long ask i love it sm and tysm for liking the story so much that you binged it !!!! that's seriously so so meaningful to me hehe

[howelljenkins]

hi this is so random but i need to wax poetic. you have no obligation to reply to this. also i do not mean this in a parasocial way at ALL lmao i recognize that idk you trust. i first found ur blog in 2020 as a eighth grader in lockdown that was completely lost. i had lost my uncle to covid during that time and went from being a stellar student to receding into my shell and watching my grades tank. my shit home situation and undiagnosed depression led to me sinking into any form of escapism possible, mainly thru the form of books. i was super obsessed with perry johnson LMAO at the time and had all the time in the world to look into the fandom. this was around the time the unnamed author was just, like, violently and belligerently racist and scathing to any fans that questioned otherwise. being a tumblrina, i went to this site to see people comment on this, only to find you and ur mutuals were the only people openly discussing how he was just plain vile. i remember how sickened i felt seeing how you and other people of color were getting doxxed and threatened for pointing out what i thought was incredibly obvious. as a rlly sheltered person of color, this was the first time it struck me that the world was lying about how much they were actually willing to stick up for us, as before that i was just stupidly optimistic. anyways bc of that i started checking ur blog like EVERYDAY because of how much your words resonated with me. i was in complete awe of just how witty you were, and how you took no shit from people. granted this was a defense mechanism from crazy ass white fandom bitches but it was still weirdly inspiring. i still remember seeing u pull out the yale trap card so often and being like, oh shit this girl is something else lol thats hysterical. for the rest of high school i would keep up to date with u and specifically ur writing and poetry on promethes. kal i need you to realize your words actually rearranged my brain. the poems about your great grandfather, your mother, your pos friend, of being a horror, to love and to be loved is rest, everything EVERYTHING is etched into my memory. i really feel like i stumbled onto the modern fucking plato or something. anyways my critical thinking skills and love of poetry both are strongly influenced by you. i used to be the kind of person that hated everything and couldnt bear the thought of tolerating this world for another second. but your unyielding positivity and optimism, and insistence that kindness being the more difficult choice is inherently more radical really changed me. ik u didnt invent that or yadda yadda but u really made it seem real. im still learning to take each day slower, to breathe in a little deeper, but the beauty of so many things i previously dismissed is so obvious to me now. that post you made about you and ur mutuals educating a whole generation is so true lol. so just thank you. honestly thank u thank u thank you from the bottom of my heart. im a senior now who just submitted my yale application tonight and thought of you and im a little drunk right now so i think thats why i wrote this whole ass essay but just. like idk. u changed me and idek know you. i made my friend who got into princeton a trap card bc urs was so inspiring lol. anyways i truly hope you have a peaceful happy life and a good night. your soul is really such a beautiful thing and you deserve the world pls never settle for anything less

idc if it’s parasocial i love u and want the best for u and know u will go far and i almost doxxed myself by telling u the city i live in so u could look me up if you’re ever here lol. ik im a stranger or whatever but im proud of u idc ur like my adopted little sibling now. also @taumoeba yale card inspiring generations

[elaichoi]

tw: bit of discussion on mental health [diagnoses]; talks of depression/major depressive disorder, [social] anxiety, panic disorder, mention of agoraphobia, god idek tbh im sorry

YES LOL THEY WERE ANNOYING TO DO BUT $5 GIFTCARDS N SHIT ^_^ nooo i almost never did the surveys cus i get random emails and thats annoying and they also take forever,, so i only did the ones where u have to download whatever app (usually a game) they tell u to, use it for x amt of seconds/minutes (i forget) and u go back to the app and it gives u points or whatever that u redeem for giftcards! that's how i got superimpose actually 😭 edit tutorial accs would promote their code for that app/site (i don't remember what its called im not gatekeeping i swear) bc using their code gives both u and them extra points,,, and i wanted superimpose so i gave it a try and well what do u know 🥰🥰

my mental health story is kind of long and redundant and not that exciting so i shall spare u,,, well actually i rewrote this 383299 times bc i ended up trauma dumping i think... so um basics i got depressed my freshman yr of highschool, time skip- got diagnosed w depression, generalized anxiety disorder & agoraphobia, which the agoraphobia turned to be a misdiagnosis and i went somewhere else and got rediagnosed w panic disorder. child of a generational trauma that my asian parents do not think exist🫶 i alr knew a lot (90%) of my anxiety was social anxiety but i did not receive that diagnosis until this year. i lost my panic disorder diagnosis yay! andddd also got a diagnosis for major depressive disorder which was kind of an 'ohhhh' moment for me bc a lot of times i felt like antidepressants made me a lot better i felt cured lmfao i was hardly ever depressed,, except i sometimes get depressive episodes and im still struggling w the symptoms of depression that is not depression itself...if that makes sense...those symptoms being memory issues!! quick act surprised!! focus issues, i procrastinate a lot now.... which is important bc before all of this i was a very.. is high-functioning the right term? i genuinely dk if that's a term im supposed to be using,, but basically i was like top of the class student, always on-time and organized, never procrastinated, always remembered everything, i guess kinda type A personality lmao,,,, and now i am not 😃

im probably forgetting some other key stuffs but its okie,,,,, probably irrelevant but ive always been a fairytale hopeless romantic except a dumb long-term relationship got thrown into the middle and peak of my mental health mess (who told me that was a good idea 👺) has made me v antiromantic if u will 💀💀 i girlbossed myself into thinking im wise emotionally but i honestly am v v naive and sensitive and i will be a crybaby if snri's allow me to at that moment 👍

i used to be v smart but im kinda v dumb now but im also kinda trying to get back up again bc i feel? like im slowly improving in general? idk tbh,,, idk what im doing 😁

erm im v sorry this was very mentally unseggsy of me 😗 can u tell i have no concept of oversharing im so sorry for clogging your feed, qiwis followers pls forgive 🙇‍♀️

wbu? same question u asked me on mental health n cognitive functions ^^ only if ur comfortable answering ofc!

i think u could do it if u rlly wanted to, again u talent/hobby vacuum 👺 /j maybe like for blog milestone or something would be an excuse for a one-time video edit then you wouldn't have to continue if u don't want to ? hmm

whenever i didn't have ideas i would like choose a specific edit i rlly liked and use the same audio and like ""recreate"" it (not to post, its just for me & practice purposes lol). like the editor wouldve already split the audio for transitions and stuff so you can split your audio according to the transitions in their edit and add ur own clips over top. u can try to imitate their transitions or do ur own or whatever. i like doing that to practice bc it gives me somewhere to start! idk that's what worked for me personally,, just an idea for if u ever feel up for it no pressure!!

i don't think i could get into the video editing scene again bc i would want to progress to be a good editor and be confident ab my edits but capcut makes me insecure lol bc if everybody can do it then why should i take the time to grow and progress 😗 (that makes me sound like a pick me but again.. its similar to like ai replacing real working humans yk..😭😭)

my relationship ramble thingy ^ means that i also i love angst and making myself cry 😍😍🫦🫰 crack anything is 1000% your brand ‼️

omg yea real life inspo for ur reincanation aus ☺️ ehehe BUT YAY I LOOK FORWARD TO UR REPLIES SM HAVE UR NOTIFS ON LOLL i love talking to u! <3 consentual kisses! ^_^

wait....did we get engaged and/or married here,,,,,,,, on ur nsfw acct FJDJSK😭💀

oh my god i never tried that but i think there were some apps fr that were like ah yes get this free version and then watch a few ads and get one or two watermark free edits per day. BROOO THSI BRINGS BACK SO SO SO MANY MEMORIES!! (i think i rarely did that bc i was one lazy mf also vindictive so i did what i could to work with free apps)

life really tossed you like a salad damn baby I'm sorry you had to go through all that LIKE YOU COULDN'T CATCH A BREAK oh my god bro it seems like you kinda burned out? if that makes sense? because im sure a lot of things were expected of you ( asian parents here too also BRO THEY DONT think trauma EXISTS!) im glad you're getting better bit by bit HERE'S TO GETTING EVEN BETTER IN THE UPCOMING DAYS!!! we will kick mental illness's ass together lmao!

tbh third world country so never really got diagnosed properly but like most of my time i was suffering from. depression i was gaslit into thinking I'm just being whiny and uts not depression and because of this i developed repressive emotions where NOW it's my own turn where i refuse to acknowledge any kind of shit that happened to me like theres a sense of embarrassment where i can't like outright say like yeah this, and this happened to me because I don't anyone's "pity" and some huge ass shit happened to my family which made me haha something i cant say on here but im like over that now ( lol i need to go therapist for this) but yeah OH and I get the depressive episodes because i get that too oh my god like for weeks but my best friend once gave me, like just feel the emotions and let it pass like sure it will feel like a tractor running u over but it will get over and then one day you will take that shower and brush ur hair and feel a lil better!!!!

ooh but LIKE TUMBLR video platform sucks ass but i really like the idea omg i will think it through!!!

BRO NO WAY CAUSE I DID THAT TOO BUT LIKE WITH edits lmao but you're so freaking TALENTED DO YOU KNOW THAT?! i will have to try it I think with all thr tiktok edit trends now it's become easier to do those things i actualky tried to do some of it for my friends bday and it's coming up again so ill have to try!!!

okay but even if capcut exists which I think in a way is kind of good for people who loved editing but couldn't edit bc they couldn't work with, or afford fancy softwares yk but you can't deny the polishness that alight motion or vs will give you. you can't outdo the doer 💅🏼💅🏼 so you really should give it a try!!

you're SO SWEET I LOOK FORWARD SM TO YOUR ANONS TOO LIKE I ONLY COME HERE TO CHECK FOR YOUR ANONS LMAO i love talking to you too 🤭🤭

we're already married,, yes on nsfw kinda on theme don't you think so??

[cupofkey]

I’ve personally been wondering about this for a while, and because you’re Vietnamese, I thought I’d ask you. Should Vietnam be colored darker in both cannon and fanart? Because as far as I know South and Southeast Asians are typically darker then East Asians. But I’m not Asian period, so I was wondering what your thoughts were.

hi anon! that’s a good question! the thing about stuff like this is that countries have millions of different people in them who can fit any kind of appearance, so we obviously have to keep that in mind. groups of people are not homogenous. with that being said, I feel like a lot of people in this fandom need to reexamine how they portray skin color, period. canon is super questionable and I don’t know why yall can’t just google “[nationality] people”... (like, people drawing India/Seychelles super pale, drawing characters like Spain or Turkey with a really dark tan but it’s not bc they have a bipoc headcanon for them, they just...??? ??? didn’t google what people from those countries look like I guess? don’t know what just a tan looks like? idek. dont get me started on the whole drawing turkey as a completely different ethnicity to play into how evil and bad he is. if this is a miss lmk but it genuinely bugs me.)

... anyways my potentially problematic take aside. I would say reject canon skin tones for the asian characters, period, because even with the east asians they’re much lighter than the Normal People from those countries. and I mean real, actual people who don’t necessarily conform to the beauty standard of “light skin = good, dark skin = disgusting bad”

let’s look at hws china and then... actual chinese people

hmm....

hmm 🤨🤨

hmm. well, I think that answers your question anon 🥶

lol but fr though. fuckin look at that shit. this is not an actual comprehensive google search ya know?? this is literally me looking up the first 20 results for “vietnamese people”. we are obviously not all paper-white, and if you look past the heavily edited photos for the ones of Real Actual Viet People, you will see that almost none of us are pale. like, I myself use these 🖕🏽🤌🏽 emojis because... thats my actual skin color 😭😭😭

anyways this was a whole rant. but my number one point is to use your critical thinking skills and do your own research when you’re portraying characters. question your preconceived notions of different ethnicities. like, I’m not saying draw all the east asians super tan— but I’m not saying to draw them extremely pale either, I just think yall should actually take a look at reality. it’s very disheartening to see art of the east/southeast asians where they’re nordic-wasp-pale when that’s a mostly unreachable beauty standard that genuinely tortures us 😭😭

[surveystodestressme]

262.

o1. With which one of your friends do you spend the most time? With which friend do you spend the least amount of time? Would you like to change this in any way?Before i moved i spent the most time with Claire or my mother tbh.  I definitely spent the least amount fo time with Mariann but she is still one of my best friends regardless of the amount of time we spend together.  I would’ve loved to spend more time with all of my friends.  Now i only spend time with my boyfriend because we moved across the country and we haven’t really made friends yet.

o2. What four states in the USA would you most like to visit? Which four countries would you most like to visit? States: Tennessee, South Dakota, Florida, Pennsylvania. Countries: Greenland, Iceland, Ireland, and Madagascar (idk if that one is a country or not tbh)

o3. If you have one, how often do you watch your favorite television show? How long has this show been your favorite? I don’t really have one right now.  I used to love Cops and i own all episodes of it so occ. i’ll put it on and watch it.  George Lopez is also a favorite of mine that i watch randomly.

o4. Would it bother you if your boyfriend hugged other females (think hypothetically if you don’t have one)? Why or why not? I mean yes and no.  I’m just a jealous mess lol.  I trust him so much so I would be comfortable knowing it is nothing more than a friendly hug but I can’t say I’d be stoked about it

o5. If you had snow-days as a kid, how did you spend them? Do you like the snow, in general? Probably playing video games or watching tv/movies.  i never really went outside when there were snow days because fuck snow lol it was too cold for that shit.  i don’t mind a bit of snow but for snow days it was usually over a foot of snow and that much snow just sucks

o6. Do you know anyone who does hard drugs? Would you ever befriend someone that did? Not that i know of.  I mean, i don’t actively seek friends with addictions but I wouldn’t necessarily say no to being friends with someone who had one.  I would try my best to get them the help they need

o7. When was the last time that you were afraid for your life? Did this incident change you in any way? I don’t know to be honest. 

o8. Do you enjoy taking pictures? Is it just for fun, or do you make an attempt at actual photography? I do like taking pictures.  I wanted to do photography when i was in high school.  I just do it for fun now i don’t actively try to do it for the actual photography

o9. Have you ever had low self-esteem? How is your self-esteem now? I have totally had low self esteem for most of my life actually.  I am much better.  I am not 100% by any means, there are still aspects of myself that i would like to work on but i definitely like myself a lot more and feel more comfortable with myself.

o1o. When you see someone sickly-thin, what is your first thought? I would probably think that they had an eating disorder because i have been there

o11. Do hospitals make you nervous? Why or why not? Do you have any bad hospital experiences? hospitals do make me nervous but i have not had a traumatic experience at one or anything i just dont like the thought of being in such bad shape that other have to take care of me idk

o12. What did you dress up as the last time you went Trick-or-Treating? Who went with you? no i did not. i have not dressed up for halloween in a while

o13. What is one thing you miss most from your childhood? What do you miss the least? i miss life being so carefree, being able to do just about anything i wanted.  not having responsibility at all and just hanging out with friends

o14. What would be the biggest challenge involved in raising a child at your age? raising a child in general, lol.  i could never do it.  cudos to all the people that have raised children

o15. If you happened to get pregnant before you were ready for children, how would you cope? Do you think your parents would support you and help you out? i would never have a child.  take that for what it is.  i would never tell my parents if i got pregnant because they would not agree with me terminating the pregnancy

o16. Have you ever had unprotected sex? What would you tell a young teen thinking about having unprotected sex? yes.  i would tell them to be safe.  i would tell them to try it with protection first.  i got on birth control before i ever lost my virginity and it as probably saved me from getting pregnant lol

o17. What are some gender double-standards anger you? all of them tbh

o18. Other than the usual qualities (honesty, respect, etc), what are some attributes you want your BF/GF to possess? I really need patience because i am a lot to deal with and i have a lot of issues.  i need someone who can make me laugh because i have a lot of down days.  i also really need someone understanding.

o19. Do you still talk to the first person you ever dated? If not, would you want to? Why or why not? I do not. i have no talked to him in years.  I would not mind talking to him.  he usually only ever messages me when he’s missing me and wants to talk about getting back together or hooking up or something lol. 

o2o. Five years ago, what was the most important thing in your life? How about the most important person? i don’t remember, probably jack lol.  we had been together for about a year by then.

21. How would you describe your sexuality? Have you ever wondered whether or not you might be homo/bisexual? i think i am pansexual.  i don’t really understand sexuality very much tbh.  i just know that i do not base my love for people on their gender.  i would date anyone whether they were cis, trans, non binary, gender fluid, etc. 

o22. Do you think that homosexual couples should be able to raise or adopt children? Why or why not? I think they should be able to do whatever they want

o23. Think of your worst fear. What would you do if you were confronted with it right now? probably have a panic attack

o24. If you were to become a vegetarian, what meat-product would you miss the most? Have you ever been or wanted to be a vegetarian? i would miss steak thats for sure.  i have been a vegetarian before and it was really hard.  i am not sure if i would be able to do it again tbh

o25. Do you think that someone’s sexuality is something that they can control? No.

o26. What do you like most about your favorite animal? I love them, they are super cute and cuddly but mostly spicy

o27. What is your favorite way to eat your favorite food? How often do you eat your favorite food item? with my hands? lol idek what kind of question that is.  my favorite food is sushi and i eat it with chopsticks lol

o28. What is something you are craving? Will this craving be satisfied? i really want a pepsi but i am trying to be good and not drink as many sugary beverages.  it will not be satisfied anytime soon

o29. What is the largest number of texts you have sent in a day? Do you often text this much? a lot probably i used to text a lot of people when i was in high school just for shits.  i didn’t really want to talk to them i just wanted to talk to people.  i don’t really text that much anymore.

o3o. Do you like the holiday season? Why or why not? What could be better about it? i don’t mind the holiday season at all. i especially like halloween season.  christmas is ok.  i don’t like the stigma around christmas that i have to go broke to show people that i love them. 

[ranocchiowo]

hi! 7, 8, 34, 38 for the gender ask game :)

hi!!!

7. What is your favorite part of being transgender?

oooh thats a hard question to answer lol

i really really really love the sense of community that comes with being trans! i also really love the freedom that being trans offers, which sounds strange at first when you think of how trans people are treated in society, but i love the freedom to be able to explain who i am with other people who understand and who will accept me with open arms! i love seeing a trans flag and knowing theres others like me, others who have faced the worst society has to offer and keep going. i love our elders, who fought, who keep fighting. i love all trans people and i love being trans because it feels like home to me!

(oops i put so many sknsjsms)

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8. How would you explain your gender identity to others?

i still dont really know haha

i could get all technical and say that im somewhere under the nonbinary umbrella, a little bit agender, a little bit greygender, somewhat male aligned, parts that i dont even know about yet, etc. but the queer and trans/nonbinary labels fit me and i love them for it! also the flags are gorgeous, which is always a plus lol

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34. What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?

(okay im super bad at advice so bear with me)

the best advice i can give to other trans people is to slow down.

being trans is fucking hard, and it becomes a lot harder when you feel pressured to come out, start hormones, get surgery, etc. and i want you to know that you dont have to make decisions like that immediately. although i realised i wasnt cis a few years ago, it took until a few weeks ago to realise that i might want to start t at some point but i dont want to at this point in my life, because its a big decision to make and im nowhere near ready for it.

i feel the same way about coming out. while incredibly drunk with a sober friend i told her about my name and pronouns and i regretted it the next day, not because i dont trust her, but because i didnt feel ready. theres people in my life i dont ever plan on coming out to because i simply dont want to. and thats okay

i feel like trans people can rush into their transitions in case people call them 'trenders' or whatever when the only person who should be concerned about how and when you transition is you! you decide when or if you tell people! you decide when or if you get hrt or surgery! its your body and your life and its okay to take your time to make decisions like this! youre gonna be okay, i promise <3

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38. What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?

if youve been on my blog in the last month or so you might remember the little... crisis... i had about this where i had trouble letting go of the lesbian label. im very happy to announce that not long after that i let it go, and it didnt feel like i was betraying a part of myself anymore, and it actually helped me figure out my gender more so wahoo!

anyway, i usually describe myself as an arospec acespec queer.

i consider myself to be demiromantic and somewhere along the asexual spectrum that i cant figure out (idek if i am on there lol! joys of discovering yourself).

i use the queer label because every other sexuality label just does not fit, like at all. im attracted to people of all genders (i think 😬) but although ive used labels like pansexual in the past, now... just doesnt fit! so dont worry if thats happened to you, even if a label fits you definition-wise, if you dont like it - dont use it! i love love love the queer label, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and thats why i use it!

-------

okay this is so so so long!!! im so sorry!!! but i hope you got something out of my answers <3 <3 <3

[pxrxmoore]

ohhhh anna’s lil tag game is very cute i love these questions! thank u @ashtcnirwin 🥰

feel free to answer all of them or just some of them or just ignore this all together, whatever you’re comfortable with, and then tag however many people you want!

1. what was your first encounter with fanfiction? asjdfk god it was atl fic on livejournal and mibba in like 2010 maybe?? idek but it was all slash fic like had literally not heard of reader insert until i joined the sos fam properly in 2018. also don’t remember what my reaction to it was?? reading slash fic has been so normal for me for like 10 yrs i dont know how the fcuk it started 😂 this was before i got tumblr but i used to keep up to date with some of the bigger atl blogs like it was the morning news or sumat and like 90% of them wrote amazing fic so 🤷‍♀️

2. your favourite creation of your own of all time if you create stuff (feel free to link it)?

3. what vibe are you going for with your home decor (or what vibe do you wanna go for one day, if you don’t have your own place atm)? oh man, unfortunately i dont have my own place right now, but my room is full of plants and i also just spent half an hour looking at witchy occult cat figurines on amazon sooooo ig those are my vibes rn 😌 but i feel like it changes all the time tbh

4. first fandom you ever joined? what was it like? on what platform did it happen? paramore was the first band i was a massive fan of but i didnt rly get into the fandom ig i just was my own lil bubble of pmore. i had a massive kpop phase when i was like 13 and my fave band was UKiss - i joined a forum (cannot remember what it’s called rn) and met a few people thru that! i met this rly sweet girl and we used to message every day and we like designed our own merch ackskrkr so ig that must’ve been my first fandom! i also taught myself basic korean and this is gonna sound Very Weird but instead of like knowing celebs zodiac signs it was rly common to know blood types like it was kind of the same deal apparently ur blood type says a lot about ur personality ajxjkskf so i knew like kpop idols blood types ajsjjfjjcjfjjf ahhhhhh so wild

5. what are your sun, moon and rising signs, and do you think they make sense in relation to how you know yourself? aries sun, leo moon, cancer rising - i am an absolute disgrace of an aries LMAO i do not fit my sun sign in the slightest its the complete opposite of me, leo is kinda similar tbh i feel like its kinda close to aries? so yeah i dont fit those at all. ig i kind of am more cancer bc im emotional as all hell LOL but yeah i never put a lot of thought into my signs for a rly long time bc i always felt they were a completely wrong description of me

6. if you write and/or read fiction (original or fanfiction), do the tropes/plots/character types you typically seek out to read and/or write about reflect something about you as a being or how you see the world? i don’t write but uhhh i usually go for like hurt/comfort which??? ig i could relate to me LMAO how emo 😌 i’m not sure tbh, i deff don’t feel the characters i read reflect anything about me?? tbh i have never rly thought about this thats super interesting.... i feel like i love a good angsty fic but it has to have a happy ending asdksnidfg and im a pretty emo person but like ig im tryna be hopeful in the end?? so maybe?? yeah ig its how i would see the world!

7. what is the hardest obstacle you’ve had to overcome so far in life? holy shit uhhhhhhh man thts a tough one but idk if i wanna think about it in too much detail tbh 😌 ig recently i spoke to a dr about my mental health after years of pretending i wasnt depressed so 🤷‍♀️

8. what is your all time favourite song(s)? brighter by paramore - first song i fell in love with by them and ive been hooked ever since. before i listened to them i only listened to chart music lmfao literally had never listened to anything else and then after listening to paramore i started listening to rock/pop punk music and discovered all the bands that i listen to now!

9. what do you look for in a person you wanna keep in your life, be it a friend or a romantic partner or anything in between? hm ig recently ive realised its gotta be someone who has the same kinds views and values as me (i mean not down to a t but like generally the same kinda views and like respect for others u know) uhh someone i feel comfortable around to act my true chaotic self 😌✌️and also comfortable to know we can both talk about anything with no judgement no matter what it is. but also someone that respects like having seperate lives from each other? like not needing to be in each others pockets and knowing even if it’s been a lil while u can still message and it’s like no time has passed

10. this is a bit of a difficult one, but have you ever had a moment of clarity, a conversation with someone that made you go “oh!”, or anything along those lines? ooh i mean in 2018 i was working an office job in engineering and had a moment of like wow ive always wanted to work in events and especially live music and ive wanted to since i was like 13 and here i am 10 years later still considering that as a potential career path so ig it means something pretty significant and i decided to leave my perm job last year and go temp but then. yeah. this year happened so 🥴🤷‍♀️

i tag: @superbloomirwin @kindahoping4forever @spookydaddycal @pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles @reveriesofawriter @mastasof-ravenkroft @rebelwith0utacause @karajaynetoday 💛

[okidenshi]

Being a lesbian and also autistic, I’ve always had like. an interesting relationship with my gender- like when i was a kid i was really comforted when i heard about the term tomboy, and i described myself as such for a long time.

And like, i definitely also went thru that mindset that most women do where you just, despise everything associated with traditional femininity because obviously liking the color pink and wearing ugg boots meant you were “giving into the patriarchy” or whatever nonsense have you.

Tho my last two years of highschool, i realized that’s bullshit and i should live to do Girly Things if that’s what made me happy, and be unapologetic about it. And i was, i wore make up a lot and wore pinks and went to Starbucks and went to prom- and i loved it, i truly felt comfortable during that time. Now i had times were i would dress in flannel and jeans and shit cause i also knew i liked to look futchy too, but yea for the most part i was very feminine, and i was happy to express myself that way.

But... that being said, as I’ve lived outside of high school, i do wonder sometimes how much of that joy i felt about dressing that way came from the confirmation from others that i was doing a great job of fitting in with how girls are expected to dress an act. As an autistic person, trying to fit in socially is a struggle, and when we do it right, we are often praised by others and our own minds for doing so.

While that can be harmful for autistic ppl in general, being queer on top of that might also give the person (in this case.... me lol) a warped sense of gender identify and expression. On the side of my autism, there’s a desire to chameleon myself into society, and there is joy in successfully doing so, but that joy is, overall, short lived. As much as i like to Look Good, my first need as an autistic person is to feel comfortable in what i’m wearing. Even if i feel good wearing feminine clothes, the dread i eventually develop over having to wear clothes that are Nice Looking over a sweat shirt and loose jeans... it builds up, and eventually i think you can experience burn out from it.

But that’s the sensory stuff; i still acknowledge that, most of the time, i do have a desire to express femme-like. I like long hair, i like putting on short shorts and having round thighs and sleek shoulders an a softer face and wearing flowing dresses

And to be fair, I still adore the futch and butch Looks as well, and i often find myself yearning to chop my hair shorter and wear loose jeans and denim jackets and fingerless gloves. Like, the amount of times I think of Ellie from TLOU and just go “wow, i just wanna look like that” is quit often lol.  

But still, you can be a woman and dress masculine and feminine, i know that.

So....... why do i also find myself seeing men or male characters and thinking “god, if only i looked like that”? What about Frodo’s sharp jawline yet gentle voice and soft eyes made me think “thats me”, was there something about Danny Phantom’s clone being a girl and him being a man that made me so entranced as a kid when i saw it, why is it when i look at Cloud Strife in a dress do i ponder “is this what people mean when they say they experience gender euphoria?”

The idea of being a “man” or presenting masculine while not identifying as a woman or a man has been a off and on question since i was about 14, maybe even younger but 14 was when i had better terminology to think about it.

I don’t.... think i want to be a man, no, i don’t really like how that sounds or feels. I’m... ok with being a woman, but there are times were i dont really want to be a /woman/. I just want to be a body, a blank canvas to express a look or idea in that moment, and when i’m done with it, i have a “home base” gender to return to, something i’ve known and that i find familiar and safe. 

But yea... it’s confusing, and sometimes i feel dumb for thinking or talking about it, but it was been on my mind a bit the last.... while i guess??

Idek what terms to use. like.... technically i’m nonbinary, like by what i just described, you’d think that’s how i’d identify, but for some reason using that term doesn’t feel right for me. But i’m not a Woman either, i’m like?? a Queer Woman, yknow?

Sometimes i wonder if my sexuality is also just what i want my gender to be which i KNOW sounds ridiculous because they are two separate things but its just a thought i had. Like... women, yes, but. Queer about it.

Pronouns are also Wild, like i use she/her and honestly, even tho im like... and off-brand queer “woman”, i really do prefer she/her. They/them and he/him and other pronouns i’ve seen dont Feel Right, so um............. she/her will probably always bee the pronouns i use tbh. Maybe its my autism brains just liking familiarity, but they feel most comfortable to me even if im Not Exactly A Woman. 

Anyway...... this probably made no sense, but it was just on my mind i guess. TLDR; my gender’s just my name at this point and sometimes i think i wanna be a Boi but ehh?? eehmhmmmklsjdfl yknow?

[goddess-aelin]

50 questions you’ve never been asked.

tagged by @carrieeve  @important-metaphors @braveprincess @iishallbelieve

thanks :)

What is the colour of your hairbrush? Purple

Name a food you never eat? Seafood

Are you typically too warm or too cold? I’m always too cold 

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Watching Lucifer

What is your favourite candy bar? Reese’s.

Have you ever been to a professional sports event? Yep! Lots of hockey and some baseball (snore tbh)

What is the last thing you said out loud?probably some variation of “goodnight” to my family

What is your favourite ice cream? Cookie dough or chocolate

What was the last thing you had to drink? tea

Do you like your wallet? I guess so? lol

What was the last thing you ate? Chicken nuggets

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? I did, from my stitch fix

The last sporting event you watched? probably some hockey game? I’m so not into sports though so it’s been a while.

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? Movie theater butter 

Who is the last person you sent a text message to?  @foreverandalwayscrysis about lucifer lol

Ever go camping? lots when I was younger!

Do you take vitamins? Yep!

Do you go to church every Sunday? Not every single Sunday, but sometimes.

Do you have a tan? Not at the moment

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? pizza

Do you drink your soda with a straw? Depends on if I’m drinking a fountain drink or from a can. Fountain drink? Yes. Can? No. 

What colour socks do you usually wear? Black

Do you ever drive above the speed limit? Who doesn’t?? I don’t go super fast because I’m not dumb and don’t want to harm anyone, including myself!

What terrifies you? Heights definitely! Idk if it terrifies me but i HATE stinkbugs. 

Look to your left, what do you see? An ottoman

What chore do you hate? Laundry ugh. You put it in a basket, take it out and put it in a washer, take it out and put it in a dryer, take it out and put it in a basket, take it out and fold it, put it away. SO tedious. I hate it. 

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? Tbh Chris Hemsworth? Idek why lmaoooo.

What’s your favourite soda? Pepsi

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? Drive-thru

Who’s the last person you talked to? My mom

Favourite cut of beef? I have no idea tbh. Ribs? Does that count

Last song you listened to? Gloria by the Lumineers

Last book you read? Time of contempt from the Witcher series.

Favourite day of the week? Friday

Can you say the alphabet backwards? If I think hard enough, I can. 

How do you like your coffee? I like my coffee nonexistent.

Favourite pair of shoes? My tan booties with little heels. They can go with anything and take an outfit up a level.

The time you normally go to bed?When I work? 10-11pm. When I’m in quarantine now? 1-2am. 

The time you normally get up? Naturally? 10am

What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? Sunsets. I hate mornings.

How many blankets on your bed? One

Describe your kitchen plates: colorful

Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? Any alcohol sets my stomach on fire so none. If I’m going to give myself acid reflux, I’ll choose something that actually tastes good. 

Do you play cards? Sometimes. 

What colour is your car? Light blue

Can you change a tire? I haven’t tried but I would like to learn

Your favourite province?I’ve never left the US so I’m going to say my fave place in the US: Zion National Park in Utah. 

Favourite job you’ve ever had? None. Lol. I’m only happy when I’m at home. I will hate any job that I have. 

How did you get your biggest scar? I don’t have any big ones but I have a small one on my knee from like 4th grade?

What did you do today that made someone else happy? Idk what I did, but I made my niece laugh. Thats always cute.

tagging: @queenstephaniaa @griffinnblake @useyourtelescope @foreverandalwayscrysis @wolfheartgirl @catastrophic-chloe @talistheintrovert @chasethesun18 @chase-the-windandtouch-the-sky @clarkeindra @icantloseyou-too @justwalkedaway @broashwhat @pawprinterfanfic @mobi-on-a-mission @sassmasterblake @clarke-the-ferrari

[hearrtrender]

50 QUESTIONS YOU’VE NEVER BEEN ASKED

Thank youuu for the tag @jesseblackthorns ilyyy

what is the color of your hairbrush? black, pink and like a lime green

a food you never eat? sushi...not into fish other than fish and chips 

are you typically too warm or too cold? warm...my hands are always too warm/hot....at one point I thought I had that super power when you touch smthn and it gets hot (think of Chris Evans in fantastic four...dk his name anymore)

what were you doing 45 minutes ago? mentally screaming and hating myself cos I couldn't get this chord transition on the guitar right

what is your favorite candy bar? galaxy with caramel in it, dairy milk..the Oreo one....and not a candy bar but my fave candy ever...peanut butter cups

have you ever been to a professional sports event? yeppp

what is the last thing you said out loud? bYE

what is your favorite ice cream? peanut butter and chocolate swirl situation...idk it was a limited edition cant remember its name...or cookie dough....or caramel chocolate fudge...basically salty and chocolate works for me

what was the last thing you had to drink?  coffeeeeee (it’s like..midnight.....fuck)

do you like your wallet? it’s cute like it has a cat on it but I wanna change it

what was the last thing you ate? chocolate...I think?

did you buy any new clothes last weekend? nOPE....not in a while anyways

the last sporting event you watched? really cant remember?

what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? idm anything ngl....salted with butter the basic is the besttt...cheese one I cant have more than five....caramel I cant have more than 3...HOWEVER mixing the three of those.....thats a good mix...salty and sweet...none too overpowering (maybe kick the cheese one out if you want)

who is the last person you sent a text message to?  a friend...we were talking about what we would be doing if the world wasn't like it is rn

ever go camping?  Yepppp and I LOVEEE IT

do you take vitamins? nopppeee

do you go to church every sunday?  noppeee im not christian (however I did go to a catholic school at one point...thats a different fun story for another time....too long for this)

do you have a tan? nopee...however I was sun burnt not too long back

do you prefer chinese food or pizza? BOTH...BOTH IS GOOD

do you drink your soda with a straw?  NOPE...theyre unnecessary..they float out of the can/glass and they make the soda too fizzy until its just bubbles

what color socks do you usually wear? listen...funky socks are fun...I have a shit load of those...but nothing beats black socks...

do you ever drive above the speed limit? I dont drive..

what terrifies you? thunder

look to your left, what do you see? my water bottle

what chore do you hate? laundry

what do you think of when you hear an australian accent? I think of how once I had to put on one for a drama thing and then it ended up sounding cockney....I also think of 5sos, Margot robbie and Tim tams 

what’s your favorite soda? diet coke

do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? I mostly get take out anyways...unless im with my friends then we sit and eat..so idk

who’s the last person you talked to? parents

favorite cut of beef? idkkk?...idk cuts of beef?...I dont even like beef ngl

last song you listened to? im currently listening to ‘na na na by MCR’ 

last book you read? currently reading a darker shade of magic

favorite day of the week? saturdaaaayyy

can you say the alphabet backwards?  used to be able to I think *tries again* yea no not anymore

how do you like your coffee? cold.

favorite pair of shoes? idkk ngl...any of them...but my go to are these pair of black boots with a slight heel....I put them on anything and BOOM they always work out

at what time do you normally go to bed? what is sleep again?...idek nglllll....quarantine fucked my sleep schedule badddd

at what time do you normally get up? 7:45 cos online school...6 when the world was ‘normal’

what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunrises if I wake up for them...I love listening to music and watching the sun rise while looking out of my bus window.....ugh I miss it

how many blankets are on your bed? just oneee

describe your kitchen plates. ...too many to describe....

do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage? I don’t drink alcohol...dont ever plan to

do you play cards? I'm an only child.

what color is your car? my car....I dont have one...my dads is white

can you change a tire? lol no 

what is your favorite province? a what?....people have fav provinces.....describe province again?

favorite job you’ve ever had? never had a proper job...however I am (well ‘was’ before everything went haywire) interning/learning/scholar-shiping (I have no idea what it really is) at this cancer research thing...so ig that

how did you get your biggest scar? first week of sixth form (for those who dont understand...its like the final two years before you leave school for uni.....).......cut my thigh against the side of a white board...gash through the pants...yelled FUCK in front of a new teacher...fun times

what did you do today that made someone else happy? nothing

I tag @kazz @thomaslightwoodx @fair-y-child @youve-cath-to-be-kitten-me @snackariah @tenthprinceofhell @highladyofstoriesandmusic and anyone else who wants to do this

[alukaforyou]

and ALSO sry to post bs on main im mostly just talking to myself in my personal tag half the time so yolo, no need to respond to this or reassure me or whatever but these days i licherally question how much of my - sry to sound like a broken record - bs is dépression or just my shité mentality, like i rly was not designed to last, huh? physically or mentally? lol. like who gets motion sickness on swings lmao anyways. i think i give up too easily. theres a bunch of reasons y but i dont feel like saying. its a different thing to kind of kno something, and to admit / speak it (confront it). i could psychoanalyze myself all day and tell u exactly why some things are the way they are but its too unpleasant to neatly state stuff like that u kno?? like... *i kno* but im not gonna say i kno. anywho, i digress. so i give up easily and kind of have a defeatist mentality too, its so exhausting lool. actually its weird cuz duality of man, i'll be rly determined / stubborn abt doing some stuff and not care abt fear of failure with certain things but when it comes to My Life / My Future i just think i cant rly do anything? i mean that literally like i got no skillz *laugh crying emoji* not particularly good at anything, and art - the only thing im maybe arguably ok at - i dont wanna do as a career, that is art therapy for me i dont feel like commercializing it. not interested in working in my major, maybe things wouldve been different if i went to culinary or cosmetology school?? that sounds fun. or if i majored in bio cuz i was so good at that, or even if i majored in japanese language or literature or idk. but no regrets tho cuz i learned a lot abt drawing in art school which i can use for myself. and hmm i like staying home and not rly going out of my way to meet new ppl so connections what? i h8 hearing how most opportunities come through the ppl u kno cuz its true and ik like 10 ppl tops so hm very sexi of me :^) i just feel like im p much f*cked and it rly doesnt help that i have no functional dreams, goals, or aspirations nor the confidence and drive to work towards anything so ah ok cool. u kno suga's songs "the last" and "so far away" ? that p much sums up my feels minus the part abt having to deal w fame obviously LOL. its so easy being a student (for me at least) but being a good student isnt really worth a whole lot in the """""real world""""" and the current education system doesnt even rly prepare u for reality or w.e like Deep Sigh also the political climate rly lookin like shité out there like hmmmmm do i even wanna try so hard to be here anymore tho??? also going back to the self confidence thing, ya idk her LOOOOL like it doesnt very much bother me tho? i really, honest to god have no idea what my redeeming qualities even are. being nice? and my mindset re - tolerance and compassion for others, etc, ya im rly proud of that actually but besides that i mean like what can i Do tho like hm im not particularly good at anything also im hideous like uglee but thats ok too like none of this Bothers me, thats just literally how i Am so ok fine, but i feel like it makes it hard for me to exist in the world i happen to be in??? and i realize im speaking with a huge bias here cuz my brain is totally out of whack im p sure if some1 saw me / read this they would lit be like um u literally do not have it hard girl, which is fair ur kinda right actually from an objective pov, probably? its amazing how um. hard? of a time my brain is having given my relatively ok circumstances but thats just how it is ig. and if i may quote shakespeare - o full of scorpions is my mind. and its weird cuz duality of man - i actually have a lot of good times w friends and whatever i have a lot of fun, im not even very Sad or in Agony its all very a mild? sensation? but that might be because my plan b is to simply *** so nothing rly fazes me anymore lool.

its usually a v confusing emotion, im either feeling happy, or if not that, very ???? im literally that duwang quote get a feeling so complicated its just "ajdjsjsja" idk its not overly repulsive and upsetting im like :s LOL u kno wat at this point idek what im even saying anymore but its good that im writing whatever cuz im gonna need to look back on this later and organize my thoughts for presentation cuz remember i have a s.o now???? i wanna let them kno so we r on the same page, and i dont feel like im tricking them, i thought it over more and there are like 4? major cards i wanna lay out on the table early on and they are 1. im not that close w my family emotionally so do not seek their approval or expect to deal with them much. 2. personal ideology / political views like im bi lmao and pro lgbt if that wasnt obvious also i dont rly wanna be around racists / terfs etc and if ur right wing or not on that respect women juice uhhh bye.. 3. my weak ass mentality how i might Maybe *** in the future like no promise but errrr theres one more but its a little more negotiable and also too early to discuss so i wont mention it but i already got the first two outta the way so ya. theres the most troublesome of all, #3. the last thing i wanna do is traumatize someone that loves me (and i love back) with that kinda thing, its too late for my dear friends whom i love, sorry i didnt kno i was gonna be like this LOL yall already got attached but its a little different with my s.o cuz i feel like its not too late to uh.... stop getting as attached LMAO like dam i've known my girls for almost 10 years whereas i've only known my s.o for like a month.

and this is totally not gonna come across right but if my s.o very understandably desides to dump me id be SO RELIEVED LIKE WOOOO ok cool cuz like essentially what i'd be saying is you are getting attached to someone who's future is not as stable as other people, including u. *huge exhale* from the bottom of my heart, my bad lol. and then i probs wont ever get involved w. a s.o again, sorry to reference snk in 2020 but remember how e*win smith is single cuz he doesnt kno when he will ***? big mood. i have never acted out on my interests before but i was like ok for once lets go off the shits and do smth ooc, i uh... didnt expect for it to actually go anywhere tho so now im like ???? i shouldve thought it through more tho, like i felt low key irresponsible af and selfish and dumb for getting involved w. someone even tho i Know how I Am like...... Also i just lov being single and staying home and chilling alone lmao like i seriously...... never get loney....

ok so what was i talking abt? how the passage of time makes me nervous cuz idk how i can manage to keep up w it??? how i feel like i cant do jack shit???? that life is hard???? and maybe a bih just wants to rest? permanently?????? i think the most irritating part of all for me, like what i am most mad about at myself is that i have no dream. yikes. naruto, do u think thats sad? well yoongi said its okay, and what counts is just being happy, so i will console myself and forgive her and idk just try my best for the time being??

[1kook]

85 questions

rules: answer 85 questions about myself then tag 20 people

i was tagged by @teapical aka the sweetest blog i follow, thank you!!

last

1. drink - water

2. phone call - my friend bc i missed him!

3. text message - my best friend!!

4. song you listened to - nonstop by drake

5. time you cried - uhhh like 2 years ago lol whew...the pent up emotions😷

ever

6. dated someone twice? - nay sir

7. kissed someone and regretted it - my first kiss yes

8. been cheated on - no, bless

9. lost someone special - yes

10. been depressed - tbh no 

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - sadly 😔

fave colours

12. yellow!! all of the shades!!

13. soft pink like beige pink (??)

14. black

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends - yes ma'am!

16. fallen out of love - I've never even been in love I'm like 3 years old

17. laughed until you cried - probably

18. found out someone was talking about you - yeah 

19. met someone who changed you - nah

20. found out who your friends are - nah

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - nope

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - like 85% of them

23. do you have any pets - nah I'm not a fan of pets lol sorry 

24. do you want to change your name - no! i love my name its pretty 

25. what did you do for your last birthday - i was sick :(

26. what time did you wake up today - 5:15 AM bc it was my first day back to school yikes

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - trying to fuckin sleep and fix my sleeping schedule! 

28. what is something you can’t wait for - graduation!!!

30. what are you listening to right now - the A/C lol

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - no surprisingly? 

32. something that gets on your nerves - y'all gone be like wtf but its annoying when someone acts ‘too tumblr’ irl if you know what i mean lol

33. most visited website - thesimsresource LMAO

34. hair color - brown 

35. long or short hair - LOOOONG it reaches my buttcrack, thats like 2.5 feet lol

36. do you have a crush on someone - pcy 😔

37. what do you like about yourself - my smile!! i had braces for four years i woulda sued them if i didn't like it 

38. want any piercings? - i want an industrial in my right ear but i go to catholic school and whew....the dress code sis

39. blood type - tbh i can't remember lol

40. nicknames - yambo, yam

41. relationship status - single

42. zodiac - im a virgo and I'm gonna be honest i really don't understand any other astrology stuff lol help 

43. pronouns - she/her

44. fave tv shows - adventure time! la reyna del sur if u know that show girl....🤧

45. tattoos - tbh i never thought about getting one but maybe in the future??

46. right or left handed - I'm ambidextrous actually!

47. ever had surgery - nay

48. piercings - i have the simplest ones aka one on each ear 

49. sport - i run track & field (i do the same events as the person who tagged me!) and play soccer 

50. vacation -  i wanna go to mexico sooooo bad lol

51. trainers - i wear a lot of vans tbh they're just so comfortable 

more general

52. eating - chicken! big fan 

53. drinking - water sometimes lemonade 

54. i’m about to watch - another pcy comp probably lmao 

55. waiting for - nct china !!!!!

56. want - girl idek what i want to eat rn so

57. get married - preferably 

58. career - undecided but i wanna study kinesiology !

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - both bye 

60. lips or eyes - lips 

61. shorter or taller - taller

62. older or younger - older

63. nice arms or stomach - mm idk both i guess??

64. hookup or relationship - relationship duh

65. troublemaker or hesitant - I've dated both and i hate both bye but if i must then i guess troublemaker 

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - hell nah

67. drank hard liquor - yeah

68. lost glasses - they're literally lost right now 

69. turned someone down - yeah.... yikes

70. sex on first date - no thanks

71. broken someone’s heart - yeah lmao 

72. had your heart broken - nah

73. been arrested - nah

74. cried when someone died - yeah

75. fallen for a friend - ......yes 

do you believe in

76. yourself - I'm my biggest fan 

77. miracles - i believe in miracles where its a result of hardwork lol

78. love at first sight - nah 

79. santa claus - nah

80. kiss on a first date - mm maybe

81. angels - sometimes

other

82. best friend’s name - id rather not lol

83. eye color - brown but super dark 

84. fave movie - UGH ..... COCO 

85. fave actor - tbh i don't really follow actors/actresses like that so ill just say michael b jordan cuz he was in the last movie i saw lol (it was fruitvale station)

-

idk many people so I'm just gonna tag blogs i like/remember a lot lol, sorry if you’ve already been tagged by someone else/have already one this!!

@seokbyuns @glossyjongin @automqtic @88swife @byunberries

[taylorbtw]

1.) Where do you come from? 2.) How are you doing in life right now? 3.) What does happiness mean to you? 4.) And sadness? 5.) Do you enjoy video games? 6.) What is your true life dream? 7.) Is there something you want people to know about you that no one else knows, and if not, what is it... unless you don't want people to know the thing you want everyone to know XD 8.) Favorite movie? 9.) Favorite song at the moment? 10.) Where do you see yourself two years from now?

1] im from florida2] im doing great. im honestly in the best place in life that i have been in a long time. a lot of things are going well for me right now:)3] thats a tough question, but to me im most happy when i see myself making goals and see myself working towards them successfully, when I’m inspired and expressing myself creatively in the arts that I’m interested in, when im surrounded by really good people, im making other people happy whether its in a relationship or just my friends, and also cute boys and alcohol make me happy 4] sadness to me i guess is when i dont have any plans to look forward to, i have a lot of anxiety and i dont feel confident or when Im not doing what i need to be doing in life to be successful.5] as a super competitive person of course i love video games lol6] idk man i just really wanna fall in love and travel literally everywhere with them7] idek what this question means lol but im sure if theres something no one on here knows about me, im probably gonna want to keep it that way lol8] pirates of the Caribbean, requiem for a dream, girl interrupted, star wars, pulp fiction, gone with the wind are some of my favorites9] mind eraser - adaliah10] two years from now i see myself having my bachelors degree and NOT living in jacksonville, also bein rich af with a lot more tattoos and having a fine honey of a boyfriend that i can kiss everyday

lol these were fun to answer thanks x)

[timextoxstart]

That makes sense— arent you a fire sign too lmao I've never known a fire sign who can deal with only calm 😭 my sister is an aries and is with a sweet guy rn and so in love, but she always has drama surrounding her and I think she can't live without it or at least get rid of it lmao, idk I cant picture her having a quiet life akdkdk tbh idek what kind of guy I want, my kpop boys and girlies are so different I think.

Also omg 12 years!!! You stan older groups then? Or did lol. Do you know History? I was listening what Am I to You? And it also made me think of you and Hyunjae.

😳😳OMFGOMFGONFG *INSERT THAT GUY FROM THE OFFICE YELLING ITS HAPPENING* the thing is Hyunjae is that guy who is inbetween 😭 his only resemblance to jae eon is the way he fucks akdkdkd (in fiction of course lmao) i also dont like his power akfkd - 💦

yeah im a fire sign lmao im an aries with aries in venus too so fuck me lmao also that's what my sister wld say lol everytime i talk about my boy problens she just stares at me and goes "??? Do you??? Ever get tired ??? Of being y/n????" LMAOOOO and yes i stan older grps my first kpop groups were snsd and shinee and i just went down the list of every significant kpop group ever to exist so you name the group i cld probably give u my hias

history as in the song by exo?? And what am i to you ??? Whats that omfg now youre making me question myself HAHAHAH

no shut up i know I KNOW I KNOW STOP 😭😭😭 I KNOW THATS WHY IVE BEEN RESISTING BEC I KNOW- I KNOW I ENJOY THAT BETTER THAN CALM AND CLARITY BUT I KNOW THE DRAMA IS SOBTOXIC 😭😭😭😭

[noodlegirl-googlyeyes]

No one asked me pretentious music questions from that ask game I reblogged so I'm gonna ask myself some! Live your best life!

1. what song off a otherwise popular album do you think more people need to hear?

Ooh Black Heart is a bonus track off of Emotion Side A by CRJ thats rly good.

9. how do you make your playlists?

Great question, me. I do them mix cd style, aka, they're not meant to be shuffled and they're all less than 80 minutes long. I try to have a cohesive musical theme and occasionally a lyrical theme, and order the tracks so that A) they transition really well into each other and B) make a nice narrative overall.

15. be honest, do you listen to any female artists? if you do do you feel superior to the other pretentious music kids because of it?

Lmao9oo ok so a couple years ago I tried to make a playlist all female vocalists and I could, after a ton of digging, come up with 12. Since then I've made it a huge point to try and prioritize women-led music. I've been on a huge riot grrrl kick lately. I listen to a lot of pop too. And I defs listen to every trans woman I can find, and am DEFS open to suggestions on that front.

And yes, I do feel superior abt it lol.

21. “no one should be judged for their taste in music” do you agree with this statement?

I mean, yes and no. Strictly, no, they shouldn't be judged for their taste in MUSIC. But lyrical content? Yes. If you listen to screwdriver punk, im judging. But apart from hardcore totally bad shit like that, no one is perfectly unproblematic. And choosing who you 'like' based on purity of lyrics is only gonna lead to disappointment! Because music is so, so much more than lyrical content, I wouldn't judge someone for listening to music with some questionable lyrics. I have and do. As a good friend of mine once said, everyone's a feminist until Dump Dump comes on.

22. what artist did you try to like because you thought they were “cool”, but just couldn’t get into?

Mitski! Brilliant, inspired lyricist. But I only really like a few of her songs. Radiohead I can appreciate from an intellectual perspective but I don't like their music. Uhhh most rap, tbh. Just not my cup of tea.

24. what artist do you think influenced your style the most?

In terms of making music, my old piano teacher Michael Mauldin did classical composition and taught me more or less everything I know about writing music. Check his stuff out, it's amazing. He's on SoundCloud!

In the broader sense of the term 'style', idek. I dont have a ton of style lol.

Thanks for reading!

[pajnloki]

8 // One year

Uhm hi. 

Has it been a year already, lol? I know, little me. I have been neglecting this blog for quite some time now and honestly I knew that. I just didn’t want to face reality.. my reality by writing things down: my problems, regrets, insecurities all of them. It felt disgusting just aknowledging them so I avoided confrontation. But hey, in my defense, covid has been going on the whole year and 2020 was a big fat mess. So many things happened, changed, escalated and barely had the time and energy and strength to face all those problems and changes. 

2020 was gonna be THE year, i said. So many times. Trying to tell myself that there’s no need to be scared. No need to back down, because everyone goes through high school graduation, university, adulthood. It’s completely normal to panic a bit because in the end you’re gonna manage. You’re capable of so many great things. I told myself, or rather lied to myself? I don’t even know at this point. 2020 was memorable. Yes. But in a good way? aboslutely not! :’) And just a short disclaimer. I know how damn serious the virus is, but let me just rant about my life for once, because it’s hard on me, too.

Schools just suddenly closed down 2 weeks before my graduation. My friends and my whole grade in general did not get to experience the legendary “last week” where we’d prank the whole school. Everyone before us did, though. Pretty unfair. I mean we went to school for so many years and that was gonna be our HIGHLIGHT! Marking our GRADUATION. Making epic MEMORIES. Well, fuck that, I guess. Didn’t happen! :D Instead, we got 1 month quarantine where we had to study for finals. For unsure finals. For “we don’t know if you have to take exam yet” - finals. But we had to study, study for finals that may not even happen. That were some horrible ass weeks of studying, crying, panicking, stressing out, questioning myself, more crying and a lot of anime, lmao. And then it was May and I took my exams and I did pretty okay-ish. It wasn’t the best I could’ve done but I mean, considering the situation back then and how lazy I really am, it was okay. At least, for me... kind of? Honestly speaking, I knew it was bad. My grades used to be GREAT but now they were just good but for my parents that meant failed. And did they not hide their disappointed in that, no. They actually went ahead and told me in my face how absolute horrible my finale grades were and that theyre absolutely not satisfied with them. Thanks, mom. It’s not like I didn’t know that. Sorry for not being able to go into Med school like U wished. But it was hard on me, too. Comparing myself to my friends who despite this damn situation still managed to get the perfect score in every damn subject. Am I even allowed to use the pandemic as an excuse or is it really just me who sucks at everything. It’s not like not being able to go outside without mask and 1.5m social distancing was helping me in any way. It’s not like the constans pressure of my parents wasn’t enough. If not Med School, then Law, they said. And funny enough, I could’ve gone there but then suddenly remembered how I applied to Psych School in December 2019, whoops. Why, you ask? Because my mom already pressured me into looking up universities in goddamn 2019 and so I went ahead and applied to a school in aneighboring country, because going as far as possible was basically the aim. Psych was never my dream, I mean yeah, it’s super interesting (and spoiler: I am enjoying studying it a lot.) but I never actually considered a profession in that area. Not because I didn’t see myself there, but I didn’t see myself ANYWHERE at all. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I had no passions, goals or dreams. Sounds sad, but the Internet assured me, I wasn’t only one so thumbs up to us guys. Anyway, so I applied to that University and in the middle of finals I got accepted, suprisingly! Didn’t expect that and for sure didn’t remember that LMAO. I told my parents and they were not pleased. My dad couldn’t understand why I wanted to study Psychology ??? The fuck u wanna do with that, he asked. And I didn’t know what to answer, because hell no, I don’t know, bro. I just applied to move out from home. Fun fact: my household is not that toxic, just stereotypical asian strict parents who love the idea of med school a little too much. But I still went there, even if they disagreed but I mean they cannot change the fact that my grades weren’t good enough for med school, and even if could’ve gone to Law school, I DECLINED. 100% sure I’m not made to defend anyone in court. Probably woulda start crying or something.. 

And so I graduated, had a weird graduation ceremony in our P.E hall (?? idek lmao) and went to university 2 months later in september. Funny story. LMAO. Seriously, things happened in such a fast pace that I wasn’t able to properly accept the fact that I am no longer a high school student, and just started my new path?!?!?!?! Wtf?? stop!? Months and Months went by and I was emersed in studying and exams and deadlines. And all of that online. Via Zoom. Great. Nice University student life. No parties, no real life lectures, no making friends in the cafeteria or any sort of actual experiences like those. Great. Second lockdown, and third lockdown - oh there’s a vaccine! Yey! Oh no, wait. There are mutation of the virus. Not great. :’) And that my friends was 2020. The year I turned 18. What a wonderful start into adulthood <3 

And now, it’s already 2021. And tomorrow I turn 19. And im fucking scared. And sad. 1. Scared because I don’t wanna age and become old and knowing i havent accomplished one single thing in life and instead rather than turning 19 i turned into a failure and 2. Sad because I’m 18, do not have a drivers license, never went clubbing for adults, graduated in the most disgusting and sad way possible (and most unmemorable way i dont even wanna think about that musty gymnasiums hall lmao) and pretty much did nothing cool in my 18th life and thats just how my young adult life’s gonna be! :DDD nice guys. 

Ok, this sounds pretty depressive and petty and sad and lowkey annoying but idk how i am supposed to sugarcoat that.... if i find a way, i’ll come back but until then, stay safe