#ideally it should be almost like a library that would still function fine if nobody could ask me to find them a post

[13eyond13]

what kind of tags should I add to my tag index?

If you're one of the people who genuinely uses this gigantic blog of 30k+ posts as an archive for finding old Death Note things, feel free to drop me an ask or a comment here outlining any tags or types of posts that you wish were easier to find on your own (my current basic one is listed in my header under "tags"). Because I am definitely glad to have it treated as a fandom resource or whatever, and I'm thinking of updating my tags post soon to make it a bit more user-friendly for other people to sift through

[gaylotusthatexists]

rises the moon - part six

Pairings: parental moxiety, eventual intrulogical, possibly others but haven’t yet decided

Summary: After running away from home, Virgil find the Forest, where he is appointed as the new Lord of Spring. 

Trigger Warnings: past abuse, exhaustion, please let me know if i need to add anything else

Word Count: 2.1k

Taglist: @theloveliestsweetspongy

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memories swim and haunt you

Virgil panted, falling down to the floor. Janus hovered over him, his glare intensifying. Virgil was trying his best, he really was - he'd even managed to grow some flowers around the room, grow some grass over the throne. But Janus wasn't letting him stop.

"You have to feel it, Virgil," Janus kept saying.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Virgil finally snapped.

Janus sighed. "It means, you need to become spring. Feel the flowers within you. Be what you wish to create."

Virgil rolled his eyes. "There aren't any flowers in me. I'm doing exactly what you're telling me too."

Janus flew towards him, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him up off the ground. "That isn't enough. It has to come from within you." He turned away, taking a deep breath. "Try again."

"Okay, fine." Virgil closed his eyes and straighten his back. He raised his arms, trying to relax himself, clear his mind, and feel the flowers within him, whatever that meant.

But nothing happened.

He opened one eye, cringing as he saw Janus glaring at him.

Janus sighed. "This... This isn't working." He glanced to the side. "Take five. We'll try again in a bit." He turned, leaving the throne room.

Virgil let out a relieved sigh, allowing himself to fall to the floor and sit crossed-legged, his chin propped up by his elbow. He wasn't sure how long he'd been doing this for, it must have been several human days by now. He hadn't been given the chance to sleep, and he imagined that soon he'd just pass out from exhaustion, but he was still going. Janus wouldn't give him a proper chance to rest, would he? Maybe he didn't know that humans needed sleep in order to function properly. In his defence, Virgil didn't really sleep as much as the regular human, so maybe he was just a bad example for Janus.

He laid back on the ground, staring up at the tall ceiling above. The roots from the tree twisted around, holding the ground up, and Virgil was sure that patterns had been carved into the wood, though he couldn't quite tell what. His vision was beginning to go blurry. He closed his eyes.

Virgil stared up at his ceiling, trying to ignore the tears streaming down his face. If he acknowledged them, then he'd lost. It meant that they were right.

He shouldn't have been there. This wasn't the place for him. Never had been, never will be. He'd been here forever, hadn't he? Why was he here, when he so clearly didn't belong? When the last thing he wanted was to be here?

He could hear muffled voices downstairs, undoubtedly talking about him, insulting him, plotting against him. He closed his eyes and tried to think, tried to block out the voices from downstairs. He recited songs in his head, comforting songs that helped him sleep, or aggressive songs that helped him through his troubles, or happy songs that helped him forget his troubles. Anything to get the voices to go away.

"Virgil," a voice said. He opened his eyes, sighing when he saw Janus leaning over him. Janus poked his side, causing Virgil to sit up. "Did you momentarily die?"

"I was sleeping," Virgil stated. "Y'know. Like humans are supposed to."

"You were sleeping before you got here," Janus recalled, sounding rather puzzled by Virgil's behaviour.

"Yeah, I was," Virgil confirmed. "But, believe it or not, humans aren't supposed to stay awake for several days straight."

Janus hummed. "We're still on the same day, aren't we? The sun has yet to set."

"Time's weird here," Virgil said.

"Right." Janus sighed. "Well, now that you've had your sleep, we should return to your training-"

"Actually," Virgil interrupted, "I think we should stop for a while. I didn't exactly... get the sleep that I needed."

"What are you talking about? You were just sleeping now."

Virgil rolled his eyes. "Five minutes isn't enough sleep, Janus."

Janus stared at him, puzzled.

Virgil sighed. "We're meant to sleep for, like, eight hours."

"You sleep all the time," Janus said, "surely you've have eight hours by now."

"No, like, eight hours in every twenty four hours," he clarified. "If we don't..."

He hadn't slept in days, and people were starting to noticed. Starting to stare at him, snicker at the dark circles under his eyes. He was starting to fall asleep in class, teachers now shouting at him as well, telling him to pay attention. He was trying to pay attention - it wasn't his fault everything was so fuzzy, so blurry all the time. It wasn't his fault that every time he closed his eyes, he drifted off someplace else, desperately trying to get every ounce of sleep that he could, all that he had missed.

Maybe it was his fault. Maybe he should be sleeping more. But when he was asleep he was vulnerable, and he wouldn't be able to watch his door, keep watch for the bad thing that was coming soon. He didn't know what bad thing, but it would be coming. The shouting was only getting worse, and he was scared, all the time, always scared that things would go really bad. That they would find something and use it against him and he'd be gone.

So he tried to catch up on his missed sleep when he was safe, at school, but he wasn't allowed to sleep there. And the teachers were starting to ask what was wrong. He wasn't sure how much longer he'd be able to keep up the act for.

Janus was touching his shoulders now, shaking him gently. "Virgil? Did I break you?"

Virgil blinked. "No, I-" He rubbed his forehead. "Just remembered something, don't worry." He yawned.

Janus frowned. "What- What are you doing with your mouth?"

After a moment, Virgil said, "That was a yawn. It means I need to go to sleep. Like I've been saying."

Janus hummed. "Let's go one more time," he said, "then you'll be free to go. Just for eight of your human hours, though, this training is still very important."

Virgil groaned, but got into position anyway. It was better to get this over with, he supposed. Janus went to stand on the other side of the thrown room, watching Virgil carefully. That didn't exactly help - staring at him like that just made Virgil uncomfortable, especially since he never seemed to blink. Still, Virgil held out a hand and summoned... something, whatever 'flowers' were deep within him. He closed his eyes, trying to clear his mind and concentrate solely on this, rather than just-

Shouting. All the time. From everyone. Telling him to do better, to concentrate more, to do his work. He would do his work if he was physically able to, if he was allowed just half an hour to study, if home wasn't so loud. He'd thought about going to the library to study, but if he wasn't home by a certain time things would only be worse, and the library terrified him anyway, too many strangers watching him, judging him.

He studied in his lunch breaks, but that never really worked out that well either, with the amount of assholes in the school. So instead he was stuck failing all his classes, critiqued by his teachers and them, even though no one was doing anything to help.

He was exhausted. All the time. And hurting, more often than not. It wasn't good for him. But he tried to survive.

Virgil opened one eye and saw some flowers in front of him, a full garden almost. He let out a small smile. Janus hummed, stepping closer towards him.

"Not bad, Virgil," Janus said, picking up one flower, only for it to immediately turn to dust. Virgil lost his smile. "Just need to work on permanence, I suppose. We can work on that more later."

Virgil let out a sigh of relief. "Does that mean I can go?"

Janus nodded. "Of course. I expect you back in eight hours, though."

Virgil laughed. "Yeah, good luck with that." After a glare from Janus, Virgil corrected, "Okay, yeah, see you then."

Before Janus could say anything else or change his mind, Virgil spun on his heel and speed-walked out the throne room, heading back up into the forest and through the trees. He looked around as he walked, breathing in the fresh air. It was nice, being in the forest like this, a welcome change to his previous life.

One time, he had made it out, to the forest at the back of his street. He had been young, and hadn't quite known what he was doing, or why he even thought it was a good idea. Maybe he wanted someone to find him, just as proof that they cared even a little bit. What he'd actually found was a terrifying forest, dark and dangerous, an uncomfortable floor to sleep on, bitter cold weather that was certainly less than ideal.

But at least he was away, for a little bit. And it hadn't been so bad in the morning, at least, with the sun shining through the leaves, birdsong in the air. He stayed there for a few days, and nobody came. Which he supposed confirmed his suspicions.

So he went back 'home'. He didn't think there was much else that he could do. Things only got worse, after that. They were angry at him for disappearing, even though before they had been angry at him for existing in the first place.

He arrived at Patton's cottage and stepped inside, to be immediately greeted by arms wrapping around his neck and a pressure pushing down on his body. He stiffened up, eyes widening to fear, before he relaxed, noticing that it was just Patton, hugging him. Hugging him. Patton was probably the first person to actually hug him, it was still a weird experience.

"You're back!" Patton said happily, drawing away from him. "How did training go?"

Virgil smiled at him, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's, uh, it's okay. Need a nap, I think."

"Oh! Of course." Patton let go of Virgil, allowing him to walk over to his room. "We can talk once you're all rested up. If you need anything let me know."

Virgil nodded. "Of course. Thanks, Pat." Virgil stepped into his room and immediately collapsed onto his bed, falling asleep in a matter of seconds.

Everything was loud, so loud, and Virgil had made the mistake of investigating. He'd never done that before - usually when this happened, he'd stay in his room, holding back tears, but he thought that maybe he could help for once. Ha, as if he could ever do that.

Maybe things had gotten out of hand, or maybe it had been deliberate. He couldn't remember. He wasn't even sure if he knew in that moment. All he remembered was the thumping pain in his check, the blood rolling down his chin, his heavy breathing as he laid in his bed for hours after, trying to calm down.

A door opening, and more shouting. Him coming back for a second hit.

Virgil awoke in cold sweat, gasping for air. He sat up in his bed and turned on his lamp, hand instinctively reaching up for his cheek. It was fine, he was fine. He was out of there now, wasn't he? He- He wasn't trapped anymore.

How long had he been sleeping? It couldn't have been for that long, surely, but he wasn't really tired anymore...

Well, he was, of course, Virgil wanted nothing more than to succumb to the darkness and sleep for the rest of eternity, and his bones still ached and his head hurt like hell, but his eyes were wide open and he was filled with restless energy, heart pumping adrenaline around his body. He jumped out of bed and made his way to the door, creeping through and out the cottage before Patton could see him. Patton was in the kitchen, Virgil was fairly certain, but he hadn't heard Virgil's quiet footsteps. Sneaking out of the house was an art that Virgil was well practiced at, at least.

Where to go? He didn't want to head back to the throne room, not just yet. Even if it had already been eight hours - in all fairness, Janus didn't exactly have a concept of time, so he probably wouldn't even notice or care. No, somewhere else...

He found himself at the lake, without even realising it. He sat down by the shore, on the sand, looking out across the water as he tried to push all his thoughts down. Everything he didn't want to think about. Watching the waves was somewhat calming, at least.