#idc that everyone else has already done it I HAVENT

[candycatfalls]

unoriginal joke

[caffiine]

A BRIEF PAUSE

From my regularly scheduled content. I’ve got some shit to say, y’all (forewarning for spicy language and spoilers)

I thought about making this post on my fandom subblog but this show and this relationship have been TOO important to me for the past 8 years to not give it its proper place in my life. strap in bc im not sure how long this mf is about to be.

When i started this DUMB show at age 19 tortured soul “empath” dark academia me thought sam winchester was going to be my favourite character. and don’t @ me, i love sam now in his own right (and we deserve some SAILEEN PEOPLE). but after literally less than 5 episodes i KNEW dean’s character and his arc were going to be amazing and beautiful and he immediately became my favourite brother. The nuances of his character i.e. his shell vs his true self were so evident to me even in the first couple seasons. in my humble opinion, he had the most growth of the two brothers.

They all deserve to be happy, but for whatever FUCKING reason dean has the HARDEST TIME OF ANYONE being happy in this show. I know it’s his character. I know it was written that way. But FFS.  I kept wondering when they were going to wrap up his emotional arc and stop torturing the poor dude.

then in season 4 they introduced castiel and 1) I thought the new concept of angels as assholes was super cool and 2) I hardcore SIMPED over misha collins (still do). I watched benignly as cas and dean began to form this relationship that seemed pretty special. I started watching the show when it was in its eighth season and I binged the shit out of it for two weeks until I was caught up. By the time I was caught up I was CERTAIN there were some feelings between them and I LOVED it. I am bisexual and I was ECSTATIC for a potential queer relationship between two masculine-portrayed dudes. I went on tumblr to express my newfound theory, only to find out that this was a real THING. “Destiel” was already an idea that had absolutely and intensely BLOSSOMED in the fandom  for several seasons already. So many others saw what I saw and saw the potential of emotionally tortured/constipated “daddy’s blunt instrument” dean and the unfeeling daddy’s boy cas “crack in his chassis” Winchester being allowed to be happy together. I felt validated and hopeful. For a while.

Then it was season after season of hopefulness for them to be finally happy with each other while still fighting the ills of their world with sam and the other new members of their family that were added along the way, only to constantly have that hope seemingly teased away at the end every single time. By season 11 and the introduction of amara (not bashing, eventually loved her character and her development too) I gave up. I lost hope. I stopped watching the show. I didn’t want to keep watching my two favourite characters continuously abused by the story they were thrown into.

I know not everyone likes destiel, not everyone thought it was real. That’s chill, idc. Stories are so often meant to be (and sometimes inadvertently) left up to interpretation by the person experiencing and consuming them. It’s what’s so amazing about books and shows and movies that are able to make us feel so intensely about them and their characters. And I felt SO strongly about dean and cas. It was honestly really upsetting to me, the way the show was going with their relationship.

A while later season 13 had been going on and I started seeing some things pop up on my dash. Hopeful things. I did a bit of research and accidentally saw THE SCENE from season 12 and I couldn’t help myself. I restarted it. I watched the whole thing from the beginning again AND introduced it to my boyfriend I think partially as a way to ensure I wasn’t imagining shit (it took him awhile and a lot of me internally screaming during many scenes but by season 9 he was like “uh are they in gay love”). Fast forward to me finally catching up as season 14 was starting. I was still hopeful, somehow. And it happened AGAIN. Season 14 and the beginnings of 15 made me so sad. I HATED what they did with their relationship. I HATED the way it ended. I HATED the way dean treated cas and everyone around him. It felt like the show was taking his whole character arc back to day 1. I didn’t understand. I kept watching for a couple episodes after the big argument and cas left but the luster was gone and eventually I just stopped.

I love this show. It has meant so much to me as a story. So many of the characters are/were very dear to me. I know it’s a running joke with this show about character deaths and homophobia but the strength of the bond I felt was between cas and dean gave me a lot of hope. But it wasn’t enough. I felt betrayed one too many times. And for those of you who kept watching, for whatever reason, I don’t hold it against you. It’s still a beautiful and interesting story without cas and dean’s relationship. But I just personally couldn’t do it anymore.

I hadn’t planned on watching the rest of season 15 when it came back after pandemic hiatus, at least not for awhile. So imagine my FUCKING surprise when I was doom scrolling through twitter during election week on Thursday and I see supernatural trending right along with election shit.

What.

I couldn’t stop myself, I looked and literally SCREAMED and made my boyfriend spill his wine all over our couch. I didn’t know exactly what happened as I hadn’t seen the episode but APPARENTLY all my emotions and feelings had been at least partially vindicated. So I BOUGHT season 15 so I could finish watching where I had left off. I watched 8 episodes in less than 24hrs (don’t judge me there’s a quarantine) and I LIKED them. And it might’ve been bc I knew what was about to happen in 15 x18 but I really felt like the show was getting STRONGER as it neared its finish.

I was so excited for 15x19. I read so many posts from fellow fans, destiel and antis alike. There really weren’t a lot of bad emotions running around. Everyone seemed hopeful and excited like me.

I probably don’t need to go over 15x19 emotions but im going to anyway. I was disappointed. I was confused. I was angry. we are in season 15. The last season ever for this show that has had a HUGE following of fans who have loved it, sometimes unconditionally, sometimes even though it wasn’t the best (and sometimes less than good). A season and show that had just announced YES. CAS LOVES DEAN. ITS REAL. And I shouldn’t have to go over the nuances of why we would expect more after this, with two episodes to go before the show is done forever.

But I will bc im mad af.

Like I said in the beginning. Dean’s character arc has been incredible. His emotional growth – as subtle as it might’ve seemed – has been amazing. And dean has always been an emotional, loving person. he just felt like he wasn’t because the world made him feel that way. And that’s sad, y’all. Dean deserves to realize he DESERVES happiness. And in 15x18, we were finally heading basically directly there. With destiel, yes, but even if you’re anti, what cas said to dean about who he is and why he loves him obviously struck a fucking chord with dean. It obviously changed the way he viewed himself (RE: “that’s not who I am, that’s not who we are”).

But for WHATEVER reason that’s ALL we got in 15x19. One fucking SENTENCE about dean realizing maybe he’s not just built to kill people. And then jack leaves without a single mention of Eileen or cas or Charlie or literally anyone they ever cared about and dean rode off into the sunset alone with his brother while we watched a fucking FIVE MINUTE MONTAGE that made me want to hurl my own body into the sun they were driving toward. And cas is STILL DEAD.

BUT THERE’S STILL ONE EPISODE LEFT AND FUCK ME IF I HAVENT BEEN PAINTING ON MY CLOWN MAKEUP ALL WEEK. SO WHAT DO I WANT????

ONE: DEAN DESERVES HAPPINESS. REAL HAPPINESS. What the FUCK supernatural??? Wasn’t this the whole point of his arc??? And don’t get me wrong I REALLY want that happiness to come from Cas and a real spoken relationship of some sort between them bc it also ties in with my second point but tbh just PLEASE let dean be happy. Dean is a loving person and does everything for love as we JUST FOUND OUT. Dean would NOT be happy with everyone he’s ever loved gone for the rest of his life. I just don’t believe that’s fucking true. h elp him pls.

TWO: CAS DESERVES HAPPINESS. I know we got this whole speech about “happiness isn’t in the having it’s simply in being”  but like. Really. Castiel was supposed to be a throwaway character no one was supposed to care about. But we all cared SO MUCH that he lasted 11 SEASONS longer than intended and became a main character and an integral part of the story. Cas has arguably sacrificed more than anyone on this show. His last act was to sacrifice his life to save the man he loved. He knew where he was going. He knew he was finally going to be able to tell dean he loved him and then immediately be taken by the empty where we know now thanks to season 15 that everyone in there just gets to dream forever about their regrets and sadness. HOW IS THAT FAIR. HOW IS THAT A GOOD ENDING FOR CAS. HOW DO YOU EXPECT ANYONE – CHARACTERS AND FANS ALIKE –TO BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT. Its messed up, supernatural. Y’all KNOW it is and I hope to HIGH HEAVENS this is going to be corrected in 15x20.

THREE: give sam Eileen back. 

Well that’s all I’ve got in me, folks. I’m absolutely and intensely dreading Thursday. Im scared and nervous and obviously still angry that this is absolutely going to be the opposite of what they promised – another “game of thrones” ending. Some of y’all are giving me hope with your posts about maybe they’re trying to keep the ending a surprise and maybe cas is coming back and how can they not and why else would they have done the second to last episode like that and I hope yall are right.

Either way, im glad I am not alone with my feelings. Thanks yall for the experience of this fandom and show. Let’s stick together on Thursday, no matter our differences.

 PS stop calling jensen ackles a homophobe or ill hex you. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: alright? Carly: yea Ali: you want any water, pain killers? Carly: k to both Ali: can have my headphones too if you can deal with my music taste Carly: you could sing to me tho Ali: i've got the pipes, yeah but not sure anyone else wants me belting over the racket Carly: idc about them Ali: yeah Ali: one of us gotta get home with a spotless record, tho Carly: You can't get in trouble for being loud Carly: Leesha knows that Ali: she just leads a charmed life 🍀 Carly: or 🔮 Ali: Didn't need no crystal ball to see through your plans, soz babe Carly: who does Ali: got further than you had any right Ali: poor woodfield on bog watch 'til dubo now Carly: ha Carly: gave her something to do Carly: but nobodys trying it again like Ali: reckon you're right Ali: no one got that kinda deathwish Carly: trying to kill me w a stare tho Carly: she loves it Ali: hmm Ali: less sure on that Carly: i am Carly: try it tho bitch Carly: feel 🕱 Ali: got until we get back Ali: that's when the real shit begins Ali: what're you gonna do carls Carly: idk idc Carly: theyre gonna do what they want Carly: & not like my ma & da will throw a fit Ali: sure? Ali: shame Ali: hoping your Da would move Drew on Carly: im not 12 now babe Carly: & he isn't a beautiful romany lad Carly: my ma will like the look of him i kno Ali: you're 14 Ali: still got a few more years of compulsorary giving a shit about you left Carly: yea Carly: but its no big Ali: you could get expelled Carly: nah Carly: didnt go anything cuz leesha had to speak up about it Ali: you blame her Carly: nah but its facts Carly: nothing happened Ali: I don't think that's how they see it Carly: k but Carly: idc Carly: forget it Ali: k but HOW Carly: what? Carly: dont worry about it babe k Carly: im not trying to Ali: I know you're trying to avoid a freakout but Ali: fucking hell Ali: why Carly: why what? Carly: whats your problem? Ali: only the same as yours Ali: not enjoying the chaos around us or the chaos waiting at home Carly: nah Carly: but worry about your sister Carly: this is nothing Ali: no it isn't Carly: just chatter Carly: weve heard it all before Ali: you're a we now yeah Carly: ha Carly: everyone on this coach has heard it & said it is what i mean Carly: dont be jealous babe Ali: Why would I be jealous? Carly: im only playing Carly: i kno youre not Ali: Whatever Carly: dont be mad at me Carly: be fun Ali: not feeling it Carly: baby come on Carly: why tho Ali: you actually need to ask? Carly: yea Carly: i havent done anything wrong Ali: it ain't about right or wrong Ali: it's still a mess and i'm over it Ali: that's all Carly: k Carly: but ive been a mess since we met & you cba about that before Ali: i didn't say you Ali: the situation Carly: theres no situation Carly: only sex that didnt even happen Ali: forget about it Carly: nah Carly: say what you wanna say Ali: okay, the fact he's fucking ruined this entire trip Ali: Ro had to go home Ali: and Laoise is taking the opportunity to cyberbully her about it as if she's not already fucked up enough from it Ali: and he's not even a little bit sorry that he just wasted the last 3 months of her life with his bullshit Carly: None of that's my bad Carly: be mad at him not me Ali: I am Ali: but I'm mad at you for not giving enough of a shit to not get dragged down in his crap either Carly: hes not dragging me anywhere but the bathroom Ali: bullshit Carly: nah Carly: youre making it something else Carly: its not Ali: the whole bus is slagging on you Ali: half of them wanna fight you Ali: and that's cos of this Ali: its not debateable its facts Carly: and what Carly: when dont they Ali: there was no need Carly: yea there was Ali: no worthwhile one then whatever Carly: worthwhile to me Ali: i really hope so Carly: wouldve been like Ali: i don't need to hear Carly: k Carly: be like that Ali: yeah i will Carly: why do you wanna fight w me? Ali: i don't Ali: you got your priorities i got mine Carly: but youre a priority you kno Ali: its alright Ali: let's leave this drama behind Carly: how tho Carly: youre still gonna be mad Ali: yeah but that is what it is Ali: nothing's going to change Ali: we'll both deal Carly: but Ali: idk Ali: idk what we do, if you think of something lemme know Carly: im sorry Ali: me too Carly: tell me what to do Carly: i wanna make you feel better Ali: I dunno, Carls Ali: its all already done Ali: not just you, all of us Carly: lets do something else Carly: go somewhere else Carly: whatever you want Ali: Oh, that reminds me Ali: Tommy's back, he asked if you wanna go out Carly: is it k w you if i come? Ali: yeah Carly: nah its weird Ali: no it isn't Ali: i don't wanna not see you Ali: fuck that Ali: its just this trip and him Carly: i only did it cuz he said hed hook me up when we got back Carly: i dont want him Ali: its alright Ali: you don't have to explain to me Carly: its not Carly: alright isnt how we feel you kno Ali: as far as this trip goes Ali: i'll take it, babe Carly: i shouldnt have come on it Ali: nah, don't say that Ali: apart from this shit Ali: it was good, right? Carly: but this shit happened cuz im not good Carly: my heads wrecked Ali: no Ali: it didn't Ali: yeah, you went there too but so did Laoise and it coulda been any girl Carly: she didnt fuck him for a hit tho Carly: why i gotta do that Ali: that hit of revenge Ali: worse reason, to be honest Carly: yea Carly: she is the worst we kno Ali: you're not bad Carly: im not an angel like you babe Ali: yeah you is Ali: can't fool me Carly: you cant stop being nice to me Ali: and what bitch Carly: youre meant to be mad Ali: i'm sick of it Ali: its not getting us anywhere so Carly: where you wanna get to baby Ali: better Carly: we'll start tonight Carly: out w your brother Ali: yeah Ali: fucking ray of ☀ that he is Carly: ha Carly: maybe ill find a nice girl at the club tho Carly: then youll be happy Ali: i don't wanna be that bitch about it Ali: just drew, babe, c'mon 😝 Ali: please tell me i ain't that bitch Carly: ha Carly: hes no worse than ronan tho Carly: to your sister k but not to me Ali: yeah and thinking 'bout how hard Ronan sucks made you cry the other day so Ali: 👀 Carly: dont Carly: he took your vs its so sad Carly: i wouldnt let goldie take mine nah Ali: I dunno what the fuck I was thinking Carly: youre too good Carly: you think everyone is Carly: 👼 Ali: nah Ali: I mean, he ain't the 😈 but he was bad enough for my purposes Ali: my stupid ass 🙄 Carly: nah you're too smart Carly: you knew what you were doing like Carly: been there had that fight w my ma Ali: the flashbacks not needed Ali: still got that 📢 in my ear Ali: though, probably gonna lay off a bit now Drew's showed Caleb up for the good boy he is Ali: awks Carly: its my turn Carly: thanks for turning up ma & da turn into his drama Carly: then turn away cuz nothing to see Ali: yours back home rn? Carly: nah but im sure theyll get the summons if the teachers kick off loud enough Ali: shit Ali: they gonna kill ya? Carly: theyll only be mad if their hol gets cut short but like they can go again when the teachers have had a word Carly: dont need a babysitter Ali: yeah, soz we can't come back we got free drinks here 'til next week so Carly: you kno Carly: gotta draw straws for which one shows up & who gets to keep the party going Ali: 1000 on ur dad showing up then Carly: yea Carly: plot twist my nan rocks up like it hasnt been years Carly: carly who bitch Ali: bitch same Ali: missing nan gang Ali: conspiracy, like Carly: i kno where she is but she not trying to kno us Carly: family fights like Carly: boring Ali: gurl, so much in common Ali: let tommo regale you with the fuckery Ali: other peeps drama always be more fun Ali: WELL Carly: hes such a gossipy bitch Carly: ill tell him about all this so he can have fun w Ali: beat u to the reveal honey but Ali: always more scandal I probably saved him from Carly: you been chatting about me Carly: aw Ali: yeah Ali: keep my slagging on the downlow Ali: wise up lads Carly: its k cuz youre creative Carly: its all slut, slag and whore w them Ali: truly Ali: switch it up Carly: drew did skank and he was wasted so its not hard Ali: 🤢 Ali: anything drew is capable of is basal Carly: wtf does that mean tho Carly: he calls me a bitch a lot like boy thats mine and my girl's thing k bye Ali: he talks a lotta shit for such a lil bitch boy himself Ali: yeah, back off Ali: ur not part of the gang Carly: he wants to be on you so bad that id feel bad but cant cuz yea hes a prick Ali: i can't Ali: why bitch Ali: like, i'm nice the rest of the time but like, no nicer to him than any other acquaintance Ali: and rn its clear i lowkey hate Carly: cos youre you Carly: who wouldnt want that Ali: 😽 Ali: always out here hyping me up boo Carly: yea i love you Ali: i love you too bitch Carly: serious tho Carly: im sorry Carly: i hate it when youre mad at me Ali: i swear i was never mad at you Ali: who could be mad at that lil face Ali: right teachers? 🤞 Carly: ha Carly: well they saw me making a seduction face like Carly: my bad Ali: don't act like you didn't love that too lads Carly: you kno Carly: youve seen it its good Ali: willing to write that review Carly: aww Carly: so sweet Carly: id give you top marks too baby Ali: you better 😒 Ali: don't be lying to me or yourself baby 😏 Carly: ha Carly: nah youre the best Carly: no lie Ali: 😳 Carly: so cute Ali: just trying make me have a huge head to drag my cute down Carly: nah you earned those props from me Carly: put a lot of work in Ali: no slacker 💪 Carly: facts Carly: lot of fun Ali: funsized Ali: that's my secret Carly: aw Carly: but were the same size tho Ali: exactly Ali: team pocket rocket Ali: get out giant boys Carly: your boy gotta stay cuz hes not i see you bitch Ali: 😎 Ali: you said yourself, i'm too smart Carly: 🖕 Ali: how tall is my brother Ali: forgot Ali: kick him out of his own partay how rude Carly: shit Carly: sorry boy Ali: can walk on his knees if he wanna hang Carly: or hands Carly: wtf would that make a difference nah Ali: nah babe Ali: that perfect form Ali: twat 😒😂 Carly: im too sober to have thoughts Carly: no scholarship to a fancy school for me Ali: don't be fooled, he only there 'cos he can twerk good 💅 Ali: #bitchmetoothefuck Carly: fuck why you worried about me getting expelled from here if thats what it takes to go there Carly: i got this Ali: you just gon leave me like that Ali: 😞 ok Carly: nah Carly: come w me baby Ali: running away to london Ali: heard worse plans Carly: you kno Carly: be fun Carly: we always have a good time running off together Ali: no lie Ali: maybe we can crash when he goes back early to get settled 'cos he's dramatic like that Ali: lots of fit boys, can't all be gay Carly: are they allowed to fuck Carly: or is it like footballers and shit Ali: Ooh Ali: we'll have to ask Ali: good pickup line, babe Carly: i'll ask your brother if hes getting any Ali: he'll die of embarrassment 💀 Carly: aw Carly: is he a virgin serious Ali: I think so Ali: he won't say obvs, withholding that ☕ so shady Carly: i'll ask Carly: find him a cutie to do the honors Ali: 🙈 Ali: he was feeling sorry for you but he gon' wanna square up now too Carly: yea? Carly: i need the practice if i gotta fight leesha again Ali: 😒 she better stay tf away if she knows what's good Ali: still, he used to being target practice Ali: he quick tho Carly: teach me those ballerina girl moves Carly: never went as a kid Ali: aww baby Ali: i did for the hottest of secs but Carly: bet your ma has pics im hitting her up Ali: yeah, she loves pissing herself @ me, the cow Ali: you can join now, or yoga with me, your fave 😉 Carly: nah Carly: got enough teachers on my case Carly: & bitchy girls Ali: 😱 Ali: i ain't that bad, rude Carly: never you my baby Carly: youre the only one who isnt Ali: bus full of bitches Ali: sounds like a song marlene would write Carly: pitch it to her Carly: or find her in the club Ali: maybe Ali: idk if she's got a girl rn Ali: we shall see Carly: me & her Carly: weird Carly: i'll ask her if shes feeling it Ali: oh lord Ali: can't play with her like a boy tho Ali: wifey'd up before you know it Carly: nah she scares me Carly: im a good wife tho Ali: you is Ali: but you wanna be? Carly: what? Ali: you don't wanna be no wifey Carly: not hers Ali: as long as not his either then we good Carly: ha Ali: 👀 Carly: what you saying w those beautiful eyes boo Ali: i see u and ur lack of a response is what i'm sayin Ali: honeyyyy Carly: dont Carly: i said about him before thats it Ali: i'm just playing Carly: dont Carly: he thinks it too Carly: such a prick Ali: i'm soz baby Ali: he thinks everyone loves him as much as he does Carly: yea Carly: i need to find a new dealer Ali: honey, in this town? done is done Ali: find one tonight Carly: so smart

[skiasurveys]

sex sex sex sex.

1. What’s your favorite position and why? i like doggy style a lot because i dont know it just feels really great and its pretty dominating..but i also like missionary but its boring but i like it when i want to feel “romantic”. lmao.

2. How did you lose your virginity? If you’re still a virgin, is there any specific reason?  I lost my virginity at 19. Basically I was preparing to bang my boyfriend ( my current one!) but I was super nervous ( I already had some trauma from the past). I was scared and stuff and so we tried and I was like Idk man im scared. Then later that night we just started to kiss and make out and he asked if I wanted to try again and I said sure so I got naked blah blah, I was sitting on him kissing hm and then bam he fucked me but it felt really awesome and nice, didn’t hurt because he was slow at it and then he fucked me from behind after i got used to it lol. Great times. That was like a year ago!

3. If you could have sex with any porn star or model, who would it be?  i dont know any porn stars and im not attracted to any models either.

4. What’s one thing in particular that makes you want to tear off your lover’s clothes? Sometimes if he looks at me a certain way or if were doing something . Or if he starts touching my thighs and/or kissing my neck 

5. Five turn ons. 1. Strong looking/masculine 2.Taller than me but no taller than 6′3 3. kissing my neck. 4. man handeling me (without being too aggressive).5. showing me off ( Not like “OH LOOK WHAT I HAVE” but being proud you have me. 6. Five turn offs. 1. Being an asshole. 2.Acting like you don’t care about me when youre around others. 3.Racist/sexist/etc 4.Creepy. 5.Hating my friends

7. Have you had any embarrassing sexual experiences?   its so embarrassing.. so I had just finished my period ( OR so i thought) and we started to fuck and it was going well.. after we finished he was like “Um i think you still have your period.” and Im like “what?” and yeah there was blood on his dick and I legit ran and cried in the bathroom like a little bitch LOL. He came after me and said it was fine and that hes done more awkward shit but DUDE...

8. Do you have a fetish? not really. I like calling my boyfriend daddy in the bedroom but i dont like the ddlg fetish at all. 

9. Have you experimented with anyone of the same sex?  no 10. What’s “out of bounds” for you during sex?  Choking, or tying me up, or like bondage stuff. I just have a severe panic attack if that happens and I dont like it and I had trauma so its actually triggering.

11. What’s the best sexual unsolicited advice you can give?  Just dont fuck them if youre not ready. 

12. Hickies - get ‘em or give ‘em? both

13. Do you like giving head? im that weird girl who actually enjoys sucking cock

14. Do you like getting head? yes 

15. What’s one thing you look for in a partner?  loyalty and companionship. 

16. How many partners have you had?  1 and im still with him :)

17. What’s your sexual orientation? Straight

18. If you’re bi/pansexual, what gender do you tend to prefer? n/a

19. Describe the best sex you’ve ever had.  Theres a few. It usually is when he goes hardcore with teasing me and kissing me. One time he was kissing me and teasing me. He ate me out for a bit which was amazing, and the he kissed me from my tummy to my lips, and he fucked me hard but slow and said I love you which was awesome. But i also had one where He was teasing me and doing lots of foreplay and he told me he owned me and that he wanted all of me and then he fucked me so good. especially when he cums inside me. MMMMM.

20. Describe the worst sex you’ve ever had. It wasnt bad but I just have depression and sometimes it hits me when were fucking and  i lost my sex drive and just didnt care and it didnt last that long but i lied i orgasmed so he could finish because i wasnt feeling it lol

21. Have you ever had a funny sexual experience? What was it? i dont know. Im sure. 22. Are you okay with rough sex?  Yess just not too rough ok!

23. How big was the biggest dick you’ve ever seen? Was it in a porn or in real life? well i mean guys in porn always have huge dicks but my boyfriend is the only one Ive had and he is pretty big.

24. Boobs or ass - which is better? ass. 25. Do you prefer sex or masturbation? sex i hate masturbating.

26. Describe how you usually masturbate. ill leave that for your imagination. 

27. Do you like tattoos on a partner or do you like them to have a clean slate, skin wise?  i dont care. either or.

28. How do you feel about daddy dom/little girl roleplaying? some people go a little too far with it. Like for example actually acting like they are 4 years old in public. You can leave it to the bedroom, please.

29. What’s your fantasy?  pay off my student loans.

30. Do you have any sexual regrets? no

31. When did you last have sex? april 1st before Connor moved! He will be back in the end of May or start of June so it will be a while before we have sex again :(

32. When did you last masturbate? last night

33. Have you had anal? yeah. Its ‘ight. 

34. Do you like to spank/be spanked?  i like to be spanked.

35. What do you want done to you right now?  well since  I havent seen my boyfriend in like a month i would love it for him to just push me against a wall. mmm.

36. Are you comfortable with getting tied up? no

37. Did you have sex in high school? nope. No one really liked me back then. I had like 2 boyfriends then and it was shitty then. I met Connor the fall after i graduated. Hilarious.

38. How old were you when you lost your virginity? How long has it been? 19 years old and its been a year now.

39. Do you like teasing or would you rather get straight to the point? teasing.

40. Sexting or phone sex?  ive done both. sexting is fun but phone sex can be pretty hot. I just dont like phone sex..i rather sext tbh

41. Have you had sex in any interesting places? One time we were hanging at our friends place and everyone had gone to bed and Connor was cuddling me on their couch and he said , “ I bet its just bothering you that you cant touch me” and im like whatever idc and then hes like “lets lowkey fuck” so we fucked on their couch while they were sleeping! It was pretty fun but nervous cus if someone walked out. oh god..and then we fucked behind a couch like 3 times while there was a party going on. cool.

42. Are you sexually active?  i guess so. since he moved its hard to say but its only for short time.

43. Have you had car sex? no our car is too small for that. but i want to.

44. Have you ever had sex with anyone else in the location you were at? (i.e., while your sister was in the other room) yes..see above

45. Why aren’t you fucking anyone right now? well the only person i would fuck is in a nother city obvs so thats why.

46. Are you able to have emotionless sex? not rly

47. Does penis size really matter? yes

48. What has been your most memorable experience sexually? theres a lot

49. If male, are you well endowed? n/a

50. If female, what’s your breast size?  34 B cup.

51. Have you ever been the other person? no

52. Have you ever cheated on anyone?  no!

53. Describe an orgasm.  i just felt really weird and shakey but it felt so good.

54. What’s the longest time you’ve had sex for? I dont really keep count.

55. What’s the shortest time you’ve had sex for?  like 5 minutes. -___-

56. If you could change the person you lost your virginity to, would you?  no

57. Have you had any pregnancy scares? Yeah kinda. my one period didnt come once and i was so scared. I bought like 3  sticks.

58. Are you comfortable naked?  kinda. Ive been with Connor for a year now and I still feel awkward naked. lol

59. Are you comfortable sending pictures of yourself to others? depends.

60. What’s your sexual comfort zone like?just dont do rape play.

61. What’s something sexual that you thought you wouldn’t like, but ended up liking?  i cant think of anything

62. Do you have any piercings in fun places? (i.e., clit, nipples, dick) no

63. Would you say you’re good in bed?  i think so.

64. How do you get sex tips? internet or i ask him how he wants me to do something. like i ask him if he likes what im doing and he will tell me how he wants it.

65. Have you ever had sex with anyone while they were on their period? Have you ever had sex while on your period?  no except that one time when i thought i was fkn done but i wasnt. kill myself.

66. If you could be the other sex for a day, would you and what would you do first? idk.

67. What’s your favorite part about being the gender you are? I dont know really. I can buy cute drinks without looking dumb?

68. Slow but passionate, or fast, furious, and kinky? slow but passionate. But also depends on the mood or whatever because sometimes i want rough, sometimes i don’t.

69. Have you ever 69’d? Did you enjoy it?  yes but it feels too good to suck him while hes eating me out.

70. Have you ever done drugs and then had sex?  weed

71. Have you ever had sex with someone you’re in love with? yes

72. How are you with BDSM? Would you ever engage in it?  nope.

73. Do you like gagging on cock/having someone gag on your cock? Why?  i love gagging on his cock.

74. When it comes to oral, are you gentle? Do you use your hands too? gentle. i dont want to hurt him but if i do go hard kinda. and yeah i used my hands.

75. Okay, how do you feel about handjobs?  sometimes i do hand jobs but its only when im making him hard. Lol.

76. Have you had any unwanted pain during sex? yeah.

77. What is something that’s not sexual that can turn you on more than anything sexual?  arms? 78. Can your sexual partners be categorized by their zodiac signs? no

79. Have you had sex to music? What’s your favorite sex song? we fucked to Wish you were here by Pink Floyd.

80. What’s something you want to try in bed?  i dont know.

81. Has anyone drew blood from you during sex, whether it was by cutting, biting, or scratching? How did you feel about that? no. if there was blood from biting/scratching/etc i would feel awful.

82. Have you ever fucked someone who was sad? Did it help them emotionally or make it worse? I have fucked him when he was sad and it helped and same for me sometimes it makes me feel way better.

83. Do you like sexual anons? no

84. What’s your ideal round of sex?  i dont know.

85. Do you like the use of whipped cream, handcuffs, chocolate, and cherries?  nope.

86. Have you ever been walked in on or caught?  almost got caught.

87. Have you ever had sex in public? Would you? yes and i would.

88. What’s a good sex joke?  i dont know. 89. Do you like to be called a dirty slut or would you rather be treated like royalty?  i love it when he calls me a slut but theres a time and place during sex when i want to be slutty and then loved LMAO.

90. Are you more submissive or dominant? sub 91. What’s your naughtiest secret? i almost fucked a 33 year old when i was 18.

92. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve encountered sexually?  i cant think of anyting

93. Have you ever “stuck your dick in crazy”? Was there a lesson learned?

94. Do you like playing with balls/having someone play with yours? i like playing with them because he loves it. 

95. What’s the best nonsexual feeling?  feeling safe and loved by them.

96. Do you like feet? ew 97. Do you look at rule 34/hentai? ew....

98. Pick a random question off this survey for yourself. N/A 99. Who’s your ideal sexual partner? MY BOYFRIEND.

100. Do you have a partner right now? Would you like one? have my boyfriend :) 101. Are you accepting “applications” for a partner?  um no

[idksheepthoughts]

Conversations Me: you actually soft blocked me....                                   any reason why?

Her: lol the fact that you noticed this late   but it happened on accident actually and i went and unblocked               but at that point i was like lmao like she'll notice so i never mentioned it              

Me: If you hate me just say so. No need to lie.... I don't check shit like that every day but it's not that many days since I know it was maybe a week or less ... Whatever. I'm so splitting atm. So I'll shut up before I say something else             

Her: hate? when the fck did i mention that?         yes, better shut up before you stick your foot in your mouth as usual                 since i've done nothing hostile to you as if me feeling like i matter to no one and have the smallest amt of friends possible is somehow how an Attack on You.

Me: you blocked me... on "accident" how does that even happen.... i've told you tons of times that the amount of friends depends solely on yourself. and your willingness to talk to people and work past the anxiety and fear that talking to people causes. . . otherwise I wouldn't even have friends. because if i isolated and neveer talked to anyone ever first that nobody would talk to me in the first place. . . ugh whatever. i've said too much im just going to sober up and talk later i guess.... I can't always be here I try to be but like we said previously, i didn't know what to do between give you loads of attention and give you nothing at all...

Her: tumblr mobile? lol. if you can't believe me when i say that then i don't really want to talk to you since everytime i feel bad or have like, negative feelings regarding my own situations you always take it so personally (1) and then i have to dread these fcking conversations so when we've been talking normally on twitter                 it all goes to fcking shit because you can't accept that i get to feel bad and feel upset about stuff regardless of whether or not im taking actions to help myself in my own way at my own pace...doesn't mean you get to think that i hate you so i blocked you      because what the fuck how does it work when we've been chatting like everyday on twitter?                   and it was (what i thought) fine? good? (2) if it really was the case i wouldve blocked you here or just flat out deleted since then i'd only have one fucking follower :) so just. let me have emotions. and don't assume things. this is so funny because i remember you getting mad at me months ago for the same exact thing   and here we are, situations reversed  

Me: BECAUSE i have a huge fear of abandonment.... it was fine but this stuff even if its an accident just idk .... i guess you never saw how much abandonment even if its an accident sends me into depressive spirals??? have i ever left you no. i've been distant yes but i've never full on unfollowed or left... idk you block me a lot and delete and it hurts every time.                                    

Her: "even if" can you believe me????? first off???? (3) and no you havent god if it was such a problem just follow me and then ask me about it because why would i lie lol (4) i don't like friendships built on lies i'll never talk to someone like that genuinely   i have insecurities too. i have enough

Me: ok it was an accident.

Her: i didn't even think it was a problem first off considering all those people you put on your thanksgiving post. and then you never noticed/messaged me about so i was like k, so that's that! and just talked w/ you normally here  (5)           so let's just accept the fact that we've got our problems and there's better ways to handle this than assuming motives

Me: so you did change url because of that post??? like my paranoid ass thought???? i was right on that???? cause i noticed that and was like... maybe its not related but was it????? cause I just want to know... im not mad at that at all just... i want to not assume things atm.    and i notice stuff slowly because I try not to fall into obsessive traits. its not healthy to check who im following or who is greyed out or blocked every single day. . . I try to just let things be but when I do notice stuff i can't help but explode. I tried to be calm by just asking why.... but i clearly failed at that. its whatever. I followed back. if it happens again just like.. tell me please??? this stuff makes me so close to slitting my wrist                                    

Her: no, i changed my url because i was sitting on that url for a while and i wanted to use it              

Me: okay, it was just a paranoid thought.                             

Her: well, i really, really, really, don't like when you start assuming things even after i tell you or not believing me. we've been friends for how long? does it mean nothing? you'd think i'd lie at this point? x____x       (6) .those thoughts make me want to die      

Me: i'm sorry for thinking irrationally, but with how many people just up and leave, all the time even with being friends for long periods its hard not to jump to conclusions. I am in the wrong for falling into my own paranoid thoughts. You explained things and I don't believe that you are lying so its fine.                        

Her: oh, now you believe me                     after i have to hold your hand when i'm upset (7) whatever i'm probably not going to follow back because i hate that i have no friends and my mutuals ignore all my posts when i try to put myself out there     it's gotten to a point where i can't post stuff on tumblr anymore because i know no one gives a shit             like even as happy as i am about my commission i know if i post that on my tumblr i'll make the artist seem bad when no one likes my post  idc. i'm bitter and alone and probably always will be because i don't have any friends aside from you o/                           like, be grateful you even have that many people to be grateful for   (8)      i'd kill for it i feel like dying when i think about this and i think about it a lot     but ofc i don't moan about it anywhere except on this stupid fucking twitter account                   where you seem ot think i live a dandy life   (9)                                    it fcking sucks bc im trying my best!                                           anyways im done lol           oh and then you post shit like *Edit* (Screenshot of some tags where I said I always listen to people but nobody likes listening to me so I talk to my cats a lot which is true because I’m a burden and i hate bothering people with my problems so much)                    that when you damn well no i have no one else to listen to except you online      and we've been civil lately                         but ok! i guess i don't care!  because im living it up!       #sarcasm    (10)

Me: you havent followed me in probably over 10 or so months, whenever i remade, cause i don't think you followed me when i delteed either,  i didn't expect a follow back at all. i just expect us to be not mutuals but still friends? THEN TALK TO PEOPLE TALK TO PEOPLE AND TALK TO PEOOPLE thats all i did was work past my fears and talk to people and some stuck around some didn't. i dont know what else to say. some of those people haven't actually spoken to me in months either but im still grateful for them. I have nothing else to really advise on that other than you gotta put the talking in first. thats all i've done and its somehow managed to not fuck it up for this long??? i dont think i've had any friend longer than whenever we started being friends... so around 2 years...    

Her: no offense but just talking to people doesn't do shit :) but seriously, thanks :)       (Phone lagged) So I repeated my previous message by accident)                           

Her: yeah probably the only reason you havent fucked it up is because i dont want to be fucking alone and i dont give up easily so ive stayed with this even fi you make me feel like fucking shit when this happens   & since you said nothing to everything else i just said i guess im right :)             god im over this i dont want to fight and i dont want to talk to you becaus eim always explaining my problems and you just like. tell me the same shit each time as if it'll magically do stuff   liek the fact that im trying doesnt mean anything                 i dont wanna talk to you if its always going to be like this ill take the goddamn loss and be lonely while youve got your fucking harem of friends idc if its an exaggeration the point is everyone i considered a friend has just stopped talking to me completely and the only thing i get here is you telling me what to do like i need cold hard instructions for making a friend  

ME: Harem??? You know nothing about anything. Ya know what..... forget it. If it's better I don't say anything because nothing I says helps and  I'm a broken record. You want to assume because I tagged a lot of people doesn't mean I wasn't just fishing for validation. Me trying to help is just being a dumb mistake. I can't help anyone and why I try is also confusing because I am pointless. I'm keeping you in my note regardless you have been here and listened and that hadn't changed.  But if this is just going to explode it's going to explode. All I do is ruin everything and I don't even care anymore I'm going to buy a gun soon anyways. So what's the point in trying to make something work. I've always been a shit friend and it's just not worth it to you at this point. So okay.                   

Her: HERE let me qutoe for you something    "idc if its an exaggeration"                                      ^^^^^^^             unlike you im aware when im being irrational lmao    (11)     apparnetly you get to be and i dont                             thats how it always is            did you ever think about it feels for me   when my only friend does shit like this constantly    like lmao                                ofc not bc why would you consider anything from my point of view  this conversation is over until you want to stop fucking assuming i dont care       LOL     and acting as if me letting you go is the best thing that could happen to me       like we couldnt j ust talk on twitter and let it fucking be but you have todrag it all in at least i get to get stuff off my chest thats the only fucking good that comes out of this  like you dont get that you telling me the same thing hurts because it doesnt fucking work and i dont have any fucking friends  i have college to deal with and studies and that pressure but you dont know the half of it?    but you just want to assume, assume, assume   (12) i cried already out of anger    

Me: I didn't have friends in college either                                 

Her: big offense but i dont want to continue this conversation

ME: Okay

Her: unles syoure willing to admit to your bullshit       because ima lways doing that and im always getting the end of your shit      

Me: I am made of nothing but bullshit I'm nothing but a huge fucking shit storm and I always will be. You should have left a long time ago because I don't know how to not be toxic   It's not That I won't be upset by you leaving far from it but you deserved better people and maybe if you had left and kept trying as you have been things will turn around. Because literally everyone that has ever done that with me ended up fine and in a good spot. I hold people back. And that's all I can think of. I ruin other people's lives by being in it. And I've certainly made your life worse. And I'm just better off dead because I am a selfish fucking loser.     I'll shut up now.

[swaglikejesus]

1-150

blew mine w all these lol. 

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

my shorty.

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

outgoing.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

my bed. 

4. Are you easy to get along with?

yea i think so.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

yea, she has before. 

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

don’t really have a type, if i like you i like you. 

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

who knows.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

shorty.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

na lol. 

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

mom dukes.

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

its a gif of a little kid rolling his eyes lol. 

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

ouu this is tough. not in any order tho 

Icon- Jayden Smith 

Ric Flair Drip - Offset x 21

All da smoke - Future x Thugger

High End - Future x Thugger x Chris Brown

Better Man - Party x Rick Ross

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

facts.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

i do. 

15. What good thing happened this summer?

went to the motherland. 

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

of course. 

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

i deadass do. 

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

naaa. 

19. Do you like bubble baths?

when i was little yea. 

20. Do you like your neighbors?

they igh or whatever

21. What are you bad habits?

think myself in a bad mood. 

22. Where would you like to travel?

Fiji, Japan, Cali, Toronto, Bahamas, France

23. Do you have trust issues?

yes. 

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

sleep. 

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

every part. 

26. What do you do when you wake up?

take my morning piss. 

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

i like my skin the way it is. 

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my shorty, family, close friends. 

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

lol, yea. 

30. Do you ever want to get married?

yea sure. 

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

na. 

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

come back to me for that one lol.  

33. Spell your name with your chin.

tgrfsagrjj

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

baseball. 

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

without TV

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Na. 

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Some weird shit to make people laugh. 

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

think i met her already. 

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

H&m, Asos, theend, nike 

40. What do you want to do after high school?

well that was 8 years ago lol. 

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

yea

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

somethings wrong. 

43. Do you smile at strangers?

at times. 

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

outer space 

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

my alarm lol. 

46. What are you paranoid about?

death. 

47. Have you ever been high?

yea. 

48. Have you ever been drunk?

yea. 

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

negative. 

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

black, 

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

yea when i was younger i wanted to be jose reyes lol. 

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

facial appearance. 

53. Favourite makeup brand?

nigga. 

54. Favourite store?

H&m

55. Favourite blog?

mine? 

56. Favourite colour?

red

57. Favourite food?

lasagna 

58. Last thing you ate?

subway sandwich 

59. First thing you ate this morning?

a sandwich lol

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

na lmao. 

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

negative

62. Been arrested? For what?

yea, fake ID.

63. Ever been in love?

yes. 

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

we went behind her garage shed and she kissed me, lol i wasnt ready for all lat. 

65. Are you hungry right now?

nah 

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

i dont hvae tumblr friends lol. 

67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

twitter 

69. Are you watching tv right now?

na 

70. Names of your bestfriends?

Em & Nat

71. Craving something? What?

pu.. nvm.

72. What colour are your towels?

green

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

2

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

na

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

075. Favourite animal?

cheetaH

76. What colour is your underwear?

blue 

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

vanilla 

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

cookies and cream

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

yellow 

80. What colour pants?

black

81. Favourite tv show?

fresh prince

82. Favourite movie?

paid in full

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

21

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

that gay nigga. 

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

squid 

87. First person you talked to today?

shorty. 

88. Last person you talked to today?

day hasnt ended

89. Name a person you hate?

it dont matter. 

90. Name a person you love?

mom dukes. 

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

na, 

92. In a fight with someone?

na

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

too many

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

prob like 15

95. Last movie you watched?

i dont even remember 

96. Favourite actress?

have no clue 

97. Favourite actor?

DiCaprio 

98. Do you tan a lot?

negative

99. Have any pets?

dog. 

100. How are you feeling?

im igh. 

101. Do you type fast?

fakely. 

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

na, everything was a learning experience. 

103. Can you spell well?

yes. 

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

J5ever. 

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

na. fakely tried to make one @ rockaway beach on 4th of july 3 years ago lol. 

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

i have no clue. i hope i havent. 

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

negative. 

108. What should you be doing?

being productive at work lol. 

109. Is something irritating you right now?

time going by too slow. 

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

na lol. 

111. Do you have trust issues?

yes.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

parents. 

113. What was your childhood nickname?

negrito 

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yes. 

115. Do you play the Wii?

yea if someone has it. 

116. Are you listening to music right now?

na. 

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

sure. 

118. Do you like Chinese food?

yea. 

119. Favourite book?

Monster. 

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

fakely lmao. 

121. Are you mean?

na. 

122. Is cheating ever okay?

negative. 

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

i be trying man. 

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

sure. 

125. Do you believe in true love?

sure.

126. Are you currently bored?

yes. 

127. What makes you happy?

food. 

128. Would you change your name?

na. 

129. What your zodiac sign?

Scorpio 

130. Do you like subway?

yea. 

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

TOO much problems. lets hope that never happens. 

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?parents 

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

i know i deserve more i just never said it, two middle fingers as i make an exit. 

134. Can you count to one million?

why would i do that. 

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

damn i cant remember lol. 

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

open most of the time 

137. How tall are you?

6″3

138. Curly or Straight hair?

curly

139. Brunette or Blonde?

idc. 

140. Summer or Winter?

summer 

141. Night or Day?

night 

142. Favourite month?

october 

143. Are you a vegetarian?

na

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk 

145. Tea or Coffee?

none 

146. Was today a good day?

sure

147. Mars or Snickers?

snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?

if you want to succeed as much as you want to breathe then you’ll be successful.

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yes.

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

Riley Turner was a great operative.