#idc if he wouldn't have a phone let me have my fun

[hobiebrownismygod]

texts with hobie <3

hes an old man who doesnt know how to use emojis and loves cats

[donutwatches]

MHA 2.19 - Everyone's Internship

So I got out of a 3 hour long power outage and started making this post, but the power went out AGAIN. I was getting worried that I wouldn't be able to post today, but I have resorted to finishing this on my phone!

Only 1 part for this episode since I am pretty sure most of it was filler.

I love this Seal Hero. Does he only exist in filler? He is cute.

Ok so the Froppy side-quest was fun, but I don't have a ton to say about it so....let's skip forward.

So what did you do for your internship? Oh, I just helped handle a HOSTAGE SITUATION.

Meanwhile, our tough guys are cleaning trash in the park (also an important job mind you). It reminds me of Deku cleaning the beach.

I LOOOOOVE this as an internship for Uraraka. She really locked in to working on hand-to-hand combat after her experiances at the Sports festival. I just hope we get to see her put these skills to use.

I never thought I would see an image of Uraraka swinging a knife. Yes girl, stab me.

Say what you want about Bakugo, but he is efficient. It is always on sight, no questions.

No.

This made me laugh way more than it should have.

This is the exact sort of PR lesson that Bakugo needs. Someone like Stain would scoff at this, but BJ (lol) is right that presentation matters. People are more likely to trust a hero with a good image.

Bakugo is adorable with his new hair style and those jeans, 😆.

Ah. The brutal honesty of children. Something tells me this is going to end badly.

It is like his Dad is telling him to do his chores. Basic politeness is hard work for Bakugo. Best Jeanist is asking A LOT just by telling him not to scream at children.

Aaanndd who could have predicted this outcome? His insecurity runs hella deep for him to get so defensive because of little kid comments.

The way Bakugo's hair poofed back up when he yelled is comedy gold.

Something tells me an angry Pomeranian on the lose is going to have a starring role in these kids nightmares come bedtime.

Bakugo is terrible but so funny to me, idc.

Click here for the masterlist

Click for episode 20

[misses-winter-soldier]

Broken+broken=fixed

Steve chetead on you but Bucky's there to show you what love really is.

Steve x reader -> Bucky x reader

Mention of cheating

Part1

Part 2

1 month later

Bucky and I have sleepovers and cuddle sessions almost every night and besides that he speaks to me. He talks about the 40s all day long. It's cute. He started trying to catch up with the movies, books, music and fashion. We spend a lot of time together now and it's great. We cook together every day, we have weekly movie nights and weekends are for therapy sessions with each other, which, idk how much it helps him other then getting things off his chest.

Steve is still gone. He hasn't called me in 3 weeks now. I text him everyday and he replies maybe once a week or only if it's something about his buddy.

"Hey y/n! Tell me you don't have plans for tonight pls pls!"

"Haha . I don't but why?"

"I wanna watch Ice age! Really really bad and i know it s not Friday yet but please please please can we watch it?"

He's adorable. No wait. I can't think that. I have a boyfriend.

"Y/n? You ok?"

"Oh um yeah. I just zoomed out for a sec. And yes we can watch it. I love ice age"

"Are sure you're ok? Look i know I'm a little hard to deal most times and really sore if I'm being to clingy or smth like that. You can say no. It's cool. you're already doing so much for me"

"Hey none of that. I like hanging out with you and i do love ice age. It s just.... Today's the day Steve and i made it official and it's just a bit hard. I feel like we just drifted apart and I've done everything i could to get us back up but it doesn't seem to work.... I've just been thinking about our relationship and it feels like he doesn't want to be with me. I'm sorry i should tell you all of this"

"Why do you think that?"

"Pffffff! He has been cold and distant for months. I can't remember the last time he as much as hugged me.... He is gone most of the time and when he's here he's out. Comes home very late and bolts out after breakfast. He ignores my calls and only texts me back when he want something. I called him this morning. He declined my call. So i texted him i still haven't gotten any reply. Just seen. It hurts. Because i don't know what's happening. Why he acts this way. Idk if i did something to upset him or of he just lost interest. Maybe there's someone else...."

I didn't even realize I'm crying until he wiped off some tears off my cheeks.

"I know Steve. He wouldn't cheat on you, ok? And I've seen you with him. You take care off him and I've seen the way you look at him. You're beautiful and kind, you're sweet and caring and you put up with both of us which is just wow. My point is he has no reason to lose interest in you. He works a lot and it's a very stressful job so maybe he s distance come from not wanting to take it out on you. Talk to him. I'm sure he will explain everything." He hugs me.

Damn i miss hugs.

"I can't talk to someone who ignores me Buck.. let's watch the movie. I'll make popcorn "

While I was in the kitchen Bucky called Steve.

"Hello?"

Did Steve become a woman? Wtf is this?

"Um hi? Who is this? I'm Sharon. Steves girlfriend. Who s this?"

"Put him on the phone right now!"

"Hey Buck"

"HEY BUCK? ARE YOU SERIOUS? WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT BITCH STEVE? WHY DID SHE SAY SHE'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND?"

"Buck just calm down ok. Are you good? Why did you call?'

"Oh I'm calm. And I'm ok. I'm perfect actually. You know why? Because your girlfriend is taking care of my perky ass. You know? Y/n. In case you forget which girlfriend I'm talking about. And i guess it doesn't matter why i called anymore. Have fun you asshole "

"Wait. Come on man. "

"I'll called because y/n just cried in MY arms because if YOU. Because of what at ass you've been. But it's pointless to talk to you about it. Obviously you don't care. Have fun with your whore"

"Are you gonna tell her?"

" No. You are. I'll give you 24h to end things. Idc what you tell her. "

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. 24h or I'll tell her the truth and help her burn your shit"

Call ends.

He got the bed ready and put the movie on.

7h later.

I was asleep next to him. Bucky couldn't sleep tho.

Bucky mind:

Why would he do this?

She's funny and interesting

She gorgeous and hot

She is the sweetest person I've ever met and she makes amazing pasta

She's taken care off him like no one ever will

She loved him

She trusted him

What are you doing Steve? What happened to you?

When I woke up breakfast was ready and Bucky waiting for me in the kitchen with the biggest smile on his face

"Morning"

"Morning doll"

That's new. Pet names?

"What are your plans for today?"

"Actually my plans are yours too. I've spoken to Fury earlier and he wants us to start training the new recruits. Or. He wants you to make sure i dont go berserk and kill one."

"I'll go change ,call Steve and then I'm good to go."

"Steve?"

"Yeah he texted me to call him"

"He did huh?"

I nodded and went to my room.

"Let's see if you answer."

Part 3

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: [Weds night before her bday] Ali: woman you home Carly: not mine y? Ali: because ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY Ali: and I need to come bearing gifts Carly: now? k then Carly: ill get there before u Ali: you @ one of the lads then? Ali: no rush 'cept I do wanna be the first so like b4 midnight cinders 🎃👠 Carly: i werent born @ 12 tho & u kno that from doing my chart 🔮🌟 Carly: but ur so cute Ali: tru but Ali: i'm excited Ali: can't start the party without guest of honour 7 Carly: aw Carly: i wont take these 15 💊s yet 👼 Carly: we can party together Ali: 🎁? Carly: idk can u call it a 🎁 if u have to give back Ali: Boo 👎 Carly: not what he said when we were done Ali: 🙄 still Ali: not very festive of him Carly: idc its been fun Carly: coulda stayed in w ma & da but its not a retirement party in the works like Ali: for now Ali: but I got better plans than either Carly: yea? Ali: 'course Ali: who am I Ali: who are we Carly: 🐅💙🐇 Carly: i barely knew u on my last bday 😢💔 Ali: it's insane Ali: you're so important and integral to me how did we not get together before then Ali: I'm not the only one with plans tho 🌌💕 Carly: too many lads to swap first ha Carly: i kno my ma has been planning all wk but idk cuz shes learned to be subtle somehow Carly: must b her new man teaching her things Ali: Eskimo sisters for life, baby 😂 Ali: 👀 come thru shaz Ali: sounds promising Carly: 🤞🌌🔮 Ali: not her new man, obvs Carly: hes no cavante tho still only a few yrs older Ali: if I beat you I'll hit her up for the scoop Carly: 🍀 Ali: 😬 Ali: I guess we've got her answer for the age old experience vs stamina Carly: could b where i left her wine drunk in the hot tub still Carly: falls asleep there more than the marital bed Carly: mermaid energy ha Ali: not wine drunk Ali: worse energy than coke rage, I swear Ali: watch out cat lady, protect your children Carly: aw ill look after them Ali: 👼 Ali: I'll take any bday bumps for you 💪 Carly: never liked coke or wine soz ma if thats my 🎁 Carly: still my hero 💙 Ali: those people are the worst Ali: lemme buy something for me and give it to you Ali: no sharon THAT IS NOT 👏 IN 👏 THE 👏 SPIRIT 👏 OKAY 👏 Carly: my gma does that every yr! xmas too Carly: so boring unwrapping that bible each time Carly: good rolling paper tho Ali: 😂 Ali: the lord is in you, it's what she wanted Ali: just in your lungs but you know Carly: ha Carly: what r u bringing me boo? Ali: don't you want the surprise babe Carly: idk last time u really surprised me it was w a divorce so u could get ur man Ali: 😥 Carly: 😂 jk u kno i love surprises Ali: just devastated you're calling me predictable for the last, how many months Ali: cut me deep, birthday girl Carly: i dont surprise easy Carly: y the lads like me Carly: dont b sad baby Ali: never Ali: not when there's partying to be done Carly: yay Ali: and a 👸 to celebrate Carly: ur sweet 🍬🍭 Carly: i dont look like a princess rn Carly: no running away Ali: you always do Ali: even when you running from ogres Carly: ur gonna make me look worse when im crying too Ali: meant to save them for the party Ali: but I'll never tell Carly: ha its been a few yrs since a bday tantrum Carly: really had to wait for that bike tho Ali: and #werk baby Ali: you were as adorable then, how your parents didn't spoil you is a mystery to me Carly: ask them if u do get here before me Carly: but before i was medicated i wasnt as 👼 could b the answer Ali: lecture 'em on how wrong they were, more like Carly: ur a bias little 🐱💙 Carly: & u didnt kno me then even if u do remember i grew into my 👂s Ali: 😂 Ali: well I never grew into my 👁s and my 'tudes no better either and you still love me so Ali: deal with it, Walsh 😜 Carly: aw u were the cutest 👶 Carly: & u get cuter every yr Ali: hey, don't spoil my heartfelt message in your card! Ali: 😏 Carly: im sorry Carly: ill have 1 for the road & forget Ali: I think one of the boys just catcalled me without offering to give me a ride in their white van/carriage Ali: see me struggling here lads, is that part of the appeal? probs Carly: which y? ill threaten to uninvite him from the party Carly: 1* Ali: not the kinda bitch to resort to racism 'cos I'm mildly upset or angered but they really be looking the same behind the wheel of a transit, like Ali: think it was one of Ronan's brothers? Ali: and in fairness, never slept with you so whaddya owe me, kind sir Carly: ha Carly: if he could see & be seen @ the wheel then i reckon i kno Carly: & i have slept w him so he will b 💔😢 if he cant celebrate w me Ali: my hero 💚 Carly: 💙 Carly: been thru every1 old enough in that fam now ha Carly: gonna have to move like Ali: I wish I could tell you the surprise was a hot new fam Ali: alas Ali: wouldn't fit them on my back, like Carly: 😢💔 Ali: I've let you down Ali: how could I Ali: gonna eat my feelings 🎂 Carly: 🍯🐝 no Carly: never Ali: what's the dresscode for this shindig then Carly: idk not allowed to go w bday suits Carly: my da overruled me Ali: gotta whittle down my knock you dead options Ali: even with those stifling guidelines, tah Mr Walsh, I should manage it Carly: i believe in u baby Ali: 👼👼👼 Carly: im back btw Carly: used my wings mayb Ali: damn Ali: was really hopinh for some 1x1 with your ma Carly: she will scoot over in bed for u Carly: not just me who misses u Ali: awh Ali: can we convince her to give you your present early or nah Ali: I say yeah Carly: me too so 2 votes Carly: my da will b asleep too deep to cast his even if she says no weve outnumbered her Ali: 💪 Ali: I'll put the phone down and run Ali: gimme 5 Carly: k Carly: be careful tho Carly: some of the ��� r out Ali: 👌 Ali: my middle name Carly: fun is ur middle name Carly: how many do u have? Ali: as many as you want Ali: 😉 Ali: but just the one, actually Carly: hot Carly: u can have 1 of mine then wed both have 2 each Ali: are you actually 👑 Carly: my ma wishes Carly: queen of the site tho Carly: ha Ali: I've not bought her a crown Ali: not soz Carly: its k shes got her prom tiara somewhere Ali: memories 🎶 Carly: am i gonna peak before 18 too? Ali: never Ali: only way is 📈 baby Carly: u make me feel really happy u kno Ali: ☀🌻🍓🍯🐝🐰 Ali: it's mutual boo Carly: im crying Carly: & smiling Carly: its the 💊s ma Ali: it's the 💘 Ali: she gets it Carly: aw Carly: yea shes really 💘 w the lad from the chemist Carly: knocking our 💙 off the top Ali: can't be having that Ali: got all weekend to prove we're 🥇 Carly: til ur bf shows up Ali: nuuh Ali: it's all about you Carly: ur so nice to me Ali: you'll see feel and believe it ✨ Carly: 🔮🌌 Carly: r u gonna stay? Ali: can I? Carly: yea Ali: then yeah Carly: aw ur my 🎁 Ali: I haven't copped out that hard, don't worry Ali: come help me Ali: not very gentlemanly of me but I wanna be with you before we've gotta hear about the prom queen's glory days Carly: k Carly: 💪💙

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: oi walsh Ali: wanna go to a party where the guestlist is undesirable Ali: not in the cool way Ali: but the drinks will be aplenty Carly: u had me @ party but keep talking Ali: obviously you love when I chat you up Ali: family function but they ain't gonna force smalltalk on you w the booze, like so no fear Carly: love wen ur offering 2 take me away Carly: compliments are a beautiful bonus Carly: ur hot bro gonna b there?? Ali: easy Ali: take you somewhere better than wherever he is after if you play your cards right Ali: and someone isn't too OD'd on beer and BBQ by tonight to organise a decent shindig Carly: yea lads r sooo easy Carly: its boring Carly: showing my cards we should get some 💊 & fly through it Ali: 👌 Ali: sadly my mother refuses to address her issues so no stocked medicine cabinet here to raid Ali: I'll ask about Carly: ha Carly: mine don't Carly: I've got this Carly: show your love later Ali: 🙌 Ali: gimme her number Ali: put in the groundwork now like the overachiever I am Carly: [does give her number out] Carly: k but you love me more Ali: obviously Ali: love of my life Ali: gotta rep my manners with your ma though Carly: said as ur slipping ur 💍 off & giving some other bitch the 👀 Carly: how my da works Ali: hmm Ali: better leave her alone then Ali: don't need to repeat her mistakes Carly: if 1 person did the cabinet wouldn't be full for us Carly: let's keep one 'rent 💔 at a time Ali: smart Ali: that's why you're my bae Carly: its cos I kno how to juggle 💘 Carly: & other body parts ofc Ali: 😂 Ali: and a decent trip, hopefully 🤞 Ali: your mum's got a mixture, yeah or do I need to bring tissues Ali: or 🥊 Ali: what's the #mood Carly: whatever you want it to be baby Carly: shes got docs wrapped around her finger Carly: hers anyway Carly: mine's a woman & she refuses to flirt w her own gender Ali: k am a bit in love with her now Ali: soz Ali: clearly send her in, she'll change her tune and your prescription Carly: other than my da who isnt Carly: taught me everything I kno Carly: leave her a message she'll hit you back if you pretend to be hot lad Ali: 💔 that Carly: same I could have two mas Carly: more clothes & drugs to steal Ali: idk, my missus might reckon your da's a style icon Carly: ha Carly: she coming? Ali: nah Ali: you wanna see actual flirting w a middle-aged woman, like, she's your woman Ali: I can't Carly: on her bday she'll propose a 3way w ur ma Carly: been there Ali: 🤢 Ali: that's vile Ali: her diehard need to be more chivalrous than any man should work in my favour for once, like Carly: k Carly: tell me I'm wrong wen she's 1 year older & you ain't had to nah that Ali: bold of you to assume we won't be happily married by then, babe Ali: it ain't til feb Ali: hint hint buy me something Carly: ur married to me Carly: so you gotta say no Carly: & i kno ur a typical aquarius Carly: but I said hers you weren't listening such a hubby mood Ali: wish I could be the man you want and say I don't remember when it is Ali: but I think I do so Ali: 💔 fucking estrogen and empathy strikes again Ali: ultimate cockblock Carly: im not wrapping myself in a ribbon for her so idc when it is Ali: gutted for her Ali: when's yours then Carly: I'm a gemini girl Carly: guess Ali: ah fuck Ali: gonna have to kick it belated Ali: just means I have to go harder so enjoy Ali: hmm Ali: gonna go for 21st Carly: 😢 Carly: nope Ali: damn Ali: just wishful thinking I'd only just missed it, tbh Ali: it's June though, not May Ali: I'm positive Carly: yea Ali: I'll ask our mans Ali: shake him down for all that knowledge I'm sure he's hiding Carly: try it Carly: be funny Carly: how wrong he is Ali: counting on it Ali: how else am I stealing his girl Carly: im not his Carly: already yours Ali: 'course Ali: you seen him much since partygate Carly: just waved him out before you hit me w your invite Carly: y i said yea so fast Ali: I get it Ali: making him leave was always harder than it had any right being Ali: least he didn't invite himself Carly: he makes himself comfortable if I am or not Carly: revolving door on this caravan too so Ali: having 'nam flashbacks Ali: yikes Ali: let's not waste any more time talking 'bout exes tonight Ali: or currents Carly: did your ma let him in on her way out too or does she only like the girls ur w? Carly: aw you don't wanna talk Carly: let me apply gloss hold on Ali: safe to assume he's not coming 'cos of multiple people Ali: not just Lene Ali: 🍓 if you got it, babe Carly: & she's not coming cos of multiple ppl not just ur ma Carly: you not a 🍒 girl hm Carly: interesting Ali: she's not coming 'cos I ain't asked her Ali: awkward if my mother has taken the initiative but help the party go with a swing, I guess Ali: nah, you're a 🍓 girl Ali: too sweet for 🍒 Carly: cos you asked me i kno 😍 so cute Carly: aw you want me to taste how i naturally do Carly: even cuter Ali: be more fun Ali: invite her to my next protest or something more fitting Ali: nothing personal Carly: hey i can be loud Carly: do it all the time Ali: aw you want all her invites now? 😏 Carly: yea Carly: you want me you got me 💍 Ali: alright Ali: you're on Carly: k Ali: get ready for so many adventures Carly: 😊 Carly: wot am i wearing to this 1? Carly: gotta dress for hot bros & disapproving mas Ali: 🙄 Ali: if that's the mood you wanna go for Ali: though idk why you'd choose that over turning my head but go off, honey Carly: i can do that in what Im wearing rn Carly: gimme a challenge Ali: love the confidence Ali: my ma ain't but you will need it with my brother Carly: they all play hard to get until i get there Carly: being easy keeps it easy for them Carly: not my first bbq Ali: nah babe Ali: remember, we're ditching before it gets to that part of the evening Ali: soz to 💔 but I'll be nicer about it than he would so also welcome Carly: throw the keys in the salad bowl as soon as i get there idc Carly: no foreplay needed Ali: gotta get you outta the caravan park more, babe7 Carly: yea Carly: im walking now before he can follow me Ali: meet you halfway? Ali: will bring a crowbar if he's being that clingy Carly: ha Carly: im in the stash don't be sad Carly: ill leave you lots Ali: 👍 leave me chance to catch up too and no worries Carly: ofc Carly: 💙 Ali: you're a doll Carly: yea thats y everyone wants to fuck me Ali: nah Ali: plenty of other reasons for that though Carly: its k you dont need to list off ur compliments 1 per 💊 Carly: i feel the love Ali: you ain't saving me that many, I know 💚 Carly: aw Carly: ur so sweet Ali: nicer to my wives than my girlfriends, obvs Ali: pecking order Carly: 😊 Carly: she's still lucky to have you cos ur an angel to me Ali: you Ali: trust, no angel Ali: and that ain't some juvenile attempt at a brag there Carly: it's a flirt 😈😉 ha Carly: you wanna misbehave w me in front of your whole fam im there Ali: assuming my brother ain't up for it, obvs Carly: cant i have both Carly: what kind of bi r u Ali: one that don't like her brother's handmedowns Ali: lived that life long enough Ali: he ain't a style icon either Carly: ur first Carly: hes maybe Ali: was hoping if we skipped ronan and lene off the guestlist we could avoid the punch-up, tbh babe Carly: aw you dont wanna fight for me Carly: 💔😢 Ali: I mean my brother's girlfriend will have you Ali: only tryna protect, not kill your vibe Carly: scarier than your gf? Ali: deffo Ali: she wishes, the real threesome request that'll spell the end of it all 🙄 Carly: hes forgotten then Carly: be more fun just me & you Ali: obviously Ali: been tryna tell you but easier to prove it Carly: k Carly: ready when you are Ali: soz, forgot shoes Ali: gimme 5 Carly: ha Carly: im not wearing any & im fine Carly: you just wanna do a last mirror check for me 💙 so cute Ali: 😂 Ali: such a pisstake, you walsh Carly: part time flower child you Carly: but its k i still love you Ali: just defending why I'm being so slow Ali: obvs my 😍 weighing me down but lemme have some pride, woman Carly: ha Carly: you're my cute 🐌 Ali: now you're gonna be adorable, fucking hell Ali: you're dangerous Carly: if you cant handle me now wait til I come up Carly: 💊s are the real danger baby Ali: I'll be caught up by then Ali: might have to double-down but I can handle that, no worries Carly: they r being so slow 😢😢😢 Ali: ride it out, baby Carly: you sounded like him then Carly: except hes never called me baby ever Ali: oh dear Ali: I've gone full dickhead Ali: 😬 Ali: I'll take it down a notch Carly: no youre being sweet Carly: theres just lots of ways to trigger a fuck flashback when youre me Carly: dont change Ali: dunno if I could but glad you still wanna keep me around Carly: ofc Carly: i love you Ali: you're so pure Carly: not for years soz boo Carly: & this stash aint either Carly: such a let down 💔😢 Ali: shh Ali: we can make it work Ali: there's enough here to get crossfaded Carly: just dont hate me k Ali: why and how could I ever Ali: silly wabbit Carly: easily Carly: my phones full of Ali: you gonna fuck my girlfriend? Ali: or me and leg it Ali: neither's likely so we're all good, baby girl Carly: she scares me still even if she would have an amazing collection of giant strap ons Ali: 😂 Ali: well I can neither confirm nor deny Carly: no need its every lesbian of her kind Carly: labelled herself Ali: just don't bring up penis envy Ali: she'll lose it Ali: #freudstarteditbabe Carly: can i ask her what she'd do first if she woke up w one? Carly: fave ice breaker Ali: it is gold Ali: but save it 'cos it's just me and you remember Carly: do you wanna know my answer Ali: of course Carly: guess Carly: you owe me a right answer for my wrong bday Ali: Hmm okay Ali: would you Ali: bang as many people as humanly possible Carly: i do that anyway Ali: well you get banged, if we wanna be misogynistic about it Ali: I know what I'd do Carly: more fun with more holes tho so I'm not mad Carly: first thing I'd do is measure to see if I need to brag or exaggerate Ali: pragmatic of you Ali: hadn't even considered that Carly: wanna know if mine's bigger than the lads I've been w ofc Carly: size matters idc what small dicked lads are trying to say Ali: yeah but they're always thinking length when really Ali: girth is where it's at Carly: yea Carly: shouldve taught that in school Ali: how to measure circumference Ali: they defs did Carly: yea?? Carly: idk Ali: I'll show you Ali: on a beer can Ali: unrealistic expectation but you get the idea Carly: all my expectations r unrealistic Carly: make me cum is a stretch for most lads on site Ali: babe Ali: gonna make me 😥 Carly: youre the pure 1 aint you Carly: aw Ali: hardly Ali: saying at least I get that, like Ali: minimum Carly: your gf has some uses that arent being your ma's BFF Ali: precisely Ali: I would've been a bit kinder with it but in a nutshell Ali: what about ronan at least Carly: have you forgotten him now youve upgraded Carly: shouldnt need my review Ali: shh, he'll cry Carly: he was when i wouldnt let him stay for dinner idc Ali: poor boy 😏 Carly: one of his other girls can cook for him Carly: my ma aint there & i aint doing it Ali: he needs to just give in and marry one of his own Ali: it's what he wants, no matter what he reckons Carly: he told me he is Carly: but hes said worse for a fuck so idk Ali: rude Ali: where's my invite to mourn my loss, boy Carly: ill tell him to text you Carly: wont have lost your number Ali: got the drunk texts to prove it Ali: bless Carly: ha Carly: only answer mine tho Carly: 💍 perks Ali: only if I ain't also there with ya Carly: yea Carly: youre gonna b w me forever so Ali: I'll just tell you in person then Ali: if you tell me Ali: deal? Carly: k Carly: i feel happy Carly: 😊😊😊😊😊 Ali: you're on your way Ali: where are you, btw Carly: the longest road ever Ali: hm, tell me about it Ali: I'll run Ali: in dramatic, sexy slo-mo Carly: me too Carly: only way i run Carly: see you when we collide Ali: wifey goals Ali: won't even try and make it our lips that collide Ali: scout's honour Carly: anticipations more fun Carly: plenty of other places I can touch you first Ali: we'll pretend you meant my 💘 Carly: i did that first night @ first 👀 Ali: no lie, we'll have to think of somewhere else innocent-sounding then Ali: do some experimenting, straight girl Carly: i have Carly: i told you ready when you are Ali: I told you, dangerous Carly: only if you get caught Carly: i won't tell if you don't Carly: so good at keeping secrets Ali: I'll sort it Ali: I made vows Ali: she'll understand Carly: were just taking them seriously Carly: nobody can be mad about that Ali: deadly, like Ali: also forgot a bra, naturally and this run is killing me Carly: somewhere innocent I can touch you then Carly: god works in obvious ways Carly: like you Ali: please Ali: if I was doing it for your benefit sure I'd put one on Ali: show 'em off Carly: you kno you dont need to Carly: not your first bbq either Ali: 😏 Ali: maybe Carly: no maybe u kno Carly: & you can feel my 😍 Carly: travelling faster than my slo mo run Ali: love being your wcw, babe 😉 Carly: idk what that is Carly: but if the first letters arent wild child I'm sad Ali: that's far less straight girl so we'll go with it Ali: hope for you yet, like Carly: youre not gonna tell me what it means Ali: woman crush wednesday Ali: used exclusively by girls like Leesha and that Carly: omg i think my ma said that @ the telly the other night Carly: it wasnt wednesday Ali: feeling like hyping up Chezza whatever the night Ali: I 👀 you Carly: but youre wrong Carly: i dont have a crush on you i love you Ali: so if I need a kidney you're down Ali: but no gay shit Ali: 👌 Carly: yea cos whats mine is yours Carly: all of me Carly: so you can have anything you want Ali: good to know Ali: make a killing on the black market Carly: just tell me if youre draining me in the tub so i can have a good last nite before Carly: & stop making me beg for gay shit that's not a mood Carly: i dont do the begging its the other way round Carly: ask anyone Ali: of course Ali: I ain't an animal Ali: you don't have to beg Carly: what do you want me to say then Ali: what you want Ali: obviously Carly: find me Carly: you can do that yea Ali: easy Ali: [does 'cos how long can one road be] Carly: [most excited hug that turns into the longest hug & moment because well we know] Ali: [turns it into linking arms and walking 'fore shit gets too real here] Carly: [is just happy & loling & chatting shit which is endless compliments basically like her eyes being tiny skies & sunshine hair etc you get the idea because high af] Ali: [is listening and not dismissing it 'cos not that bitch but also knows she's high so not being like ooh lol, 'you're so pure'] Carly: [dramatically stops cos remembers suddenly that she needs to give Ali her share so does, sad & mad at herself like she's so upset she nearly forgot bless] Ali: [cups her chin like hey and tells her it's okay whilst looking in her eyes as she takes her share] Carly: [back to being smiley just like that because reassurance bitch & takes her hand & leads her along cos handholding ftw] Ali: [is happy she's happy again] Carly: [her phone is going off cos Ronan but she's ignoring cos only got eyes for Alison rn] Ali: ['you put love eggs in or?'] Carly: [talks in depth about how she's drawing the line at borrowing that kinda shit from her ma cos oversharer even when she ain't high & also throws her phone to Ali playfully like no look so we can imagine how lovely those messages are even just from the first line preview thing] Ali: [takes Carly's thumb so she can open it and reply 'cos that bitch] Carly: [is just loling even though this is such a bad idea] Ali: [schools him in a way that probably sounds familiar lbr] Carly: [then a selfie sesh cos those bitches they love themselves] Ali: [takes her sunnies off her head and puts 'em on Carly 'cos her eyes are massive/pinholed depending which way we're rocking this lol] Ali: [does a 'shh' like no one's gonna know] Carly: [you know she's keeping them sunnies forever now soz] Ali: [just swinging their arms having a gay old time] Carly: [just singing something as they going cos no stage fright when high af & her voice is nice so its a moment] Ali: [😍] Carly: [more compliments when she notices Ali is looking at her cos she's pretty af lbr] Ali: ['how many other hidden talents you got, like?'] Carly: [thinks about it way harder than the question warrants like its a hard question cos lowkey is when you don't reckon you got any skills. Says 11 cos bday clue & lucky number with a mysterious expression like but then laughs cos if she has to ever back that up awks] Ali: [lols back but squeezes her hand like don't doubt it] Carly: [looks down at her feet because actually is shoeless here 'how far?'] Ali: [gestures like 'piggyback?' but ain't that far in my mind] Carly: [accepts because always, good thing Ali is strong & Carly is skinny cos they literally the same height] Ali: [galloping about and into your function like idiots 'cos she's coming up now too] Carly: [miracle that Carly don't fall cos not holding on properly cos wants to stretch her arms out so its like a bike with no handlebars situation lol] Ali: [imagine everyone's faces lmao] Carly: [Tess scowl be like seen from space] Ali: [gets situated on the grass and is just helping herself to drinks Carly: [is just having a little dance by herself cos feeling great not soz everyone especially not soz Ro cos you wish you could babe] Ali: [at least little rock can join in] Carly: [aw the two of them dancing together like cute nerds & she's spinning him round & everything] Ali: [just ignoring all her fam's questions and being chatty af like nothing's weird 'cos high, then joining in 'cos duh more fun[ Carly: [all you can hear is Carly's laugh which is the best so deal with it fam thank you, let my sweet baby angel be happy] Ali: [when you being blatant af] Carly: [when you don't need to be touching a girl who has a girlfriend this much when you dancing in a non sexy way but you is] Ali: [defs need a sprinkler they can all be running through] Carly: [wet t-shirts ftw I see you] Ali: [is motioning like come to my room but not like that lads, just get some weed like you need it] Carly: [takes some drinks with her but the only mental image I have is when Lily in Skins with armfuls when she says keep your vagina on & I'm loling] Ali: [hey ro hey] Carly: [okay but Carly trying to talk to her & being so nice cos she's so pure & Ro being so rude] Ali: [even in her state given her all the disappointed looks like ??] Carly: [this sweet child laughing it off cos how she do but how dare you Ro, I'm mad] Ali: [going to the kitchen for food, accidental ultimate ro shade] Carly: [just following Ali cos she's never been here & don't know where she's going but quieter cos you can tell she's thinking what did I do wrong cos how her brain works] Ali: [being reassuring af] Carly: [sitting on the kitchen counter swinging her legs looking so cute with her dirty feet & drinks from the tap cos she do what she want] Ali: ['you look beautiful'] Carly: [smiles & laughs like its chill but is seriously 😳 cos who says nice things to her like this ever] Ali: [gets them and rocky ice lollies bye everyone else] Carly: [when you eating it seductively without being aware or trying to be that cos its your life] Ali: [is giggling 'cos high] Carly: [more compliments because how cute] Ali: [lays her head in her lap to 'cloudgaze' aka sneak peeks] Carly: [playing with her hair & freckles sporadically because she's soft & intimate like that, be more blatant girl, love it] Ali: [doing daisychain around her wrist 'cos bringing it back] Carly: [finally remembers there are drinks so is on that but v distracted looking at & touching Ali, oh girl same we all would] Ali: [tryna be chill but obvs into it regardless of how 'straight she is] Carly: [lies in the grass & does snow angel moves like she can flatten the grass & make one, god bless you babe, brings Ali with her so they just snuggling cos we can be this blatant] Ali: [just stroking her hair nbd] Carly: [loves it & is making it known by talking about how good it feels & throwing out compliments like its her job sorry for how gay this is everyone but she thinks Ali is the best so] Ali: [backatcha telling her how pure and sweet she is and they're just blabbing at each other] Carly: [soz k stew but this is cute] Ali: [when you wanna kiss her so bad 'cos you're high and happy and this is a mood] Carly: [I'll either save or condemn us cos she's gonna go take some more pills so they don't wear off so they could be alone if Ali goes with & she'd be dragging her along so v dangerous] Ali: [looking at themselves in the mirror and making funny faces] Carly: [& Carly just peeing cos no shame, same tbh] Ali: [but doing like war/festival style paint on each other's face with like, whatever lipstick has been left in that bathroom] Carly: [but think how close Ali would have to be to her face to do that like how has she not kissed her, applause needed honestly] Ali: [draws a lil heart on Carly's nose] Carly: [can't stop looking at herself cos loves it] Ali: [takes loads of pictures, improtu bathroom photoshoot sesh] Carly: [likewise taking loads of pics of Ali but like weird close ups cos she gaaaaaaaay & focused on the details] Ali: [posing 'cos we know she's about it lmao] Carly: [more touching of freckles like she's gonna draw something connect the dots style but just using her fingers cos they are perfect as they are & she'd say so] Ali: [not much would phase her but she would be blushing rn] Carly: [just gushing about how adorable she is endlessly like it'd be too much from anyone else] Ali: [keeps saying ILY 'cos being off your face ftw] Carly: [saying it back of course & all the terms of endearment like baby, angel etc cos that's just how she is anyway] Ali: [someone, probably Tess, banging on the door like they're desperate, we see you ma] Carly: [jumps out of her skin, again same] Ali: [hugs her protectively] Carly: [smelling her hair like a peak gay during the hug because lbr it'd smell nice, no shade or shame here, more compliments for that obvs] Ali: [going back downstairs before there's a brawl but when you ain't even phased 'cos something happening here deal fam Carly: [when you lowkey dancing your way back out cos you happy af & you find the dog on the way so you're carrying him with you & kissing & loving him & its adorable sorry bye] Ali: [and spuds such a funny looking boy lmao] Carly: [lying on the grass again spooning the dog & singing to him probably a song from when she was little & her mum cared like he a baby] Ali: [just watching and melting 'cos actually so cute, don't cry bitch lmao] Carly: [sees her & crawls over like hey, curling up with her again because the lap is a mood forever & we need to claim it from your future child for the gays] Ali: [doing teeny tiny plaits in her hair and humming the song she was just singing to the dog] Carly: [just chatting shit the whole time soz everyone else but they loving life let them be] Ali: [just getting to know each other hardcore 'cos neither of them has much time for small talk or bullshit anyway so on drugs it'd be like 1000 percent more intense, also shamelessly ignore a call and multiple texts from your actual girlfriend] Carly: [but then after all that because I'm evil & she's 'straight' let's say she makes eye contact with Fraze somehow so off she goes to flirt with him as if that's even a possibility when you know it'd just be annoying like her taking his 🚬 to try & be so cool & seductive, babe no. He's just like Ali control your girls] Ali: [is annoyed but not gonna do anything unless it got more dramatic like you deal, casually going through her phone to find a party or something] Carly: [Fraze just being such a dickhead soz Carly also knowing that's Bea's lipstick because of course he does so loling about her & Ali's impending doom] Carly: [also Ro coming out cos someone made her to 'eat' so just being super judgey such joy] Ali: [fully like fuck this like don't kill my vibe fam so walking like she just gonna go in the house but really she peacing] Ali: if ur done come back out Carly: where d u go? Ali: found us a party Carly: k Carly: [catches up to her like oh hey] Ali: [tells her it ain't far to go and starts walking] Carly: [looks down at her feet like she only just remembered she's not wearing shoes but doesn't miss a beat in keeping in step with her because being gay is more important] Carly: dont b mad @ me Ali: [looks down too and is like, we can go get shoes first if you want lol] Ali: I ain't Carly: the colours around you have changed Carly: i kno u r Ali: nah it's like Ali: hmm Ali: I'm not sure what it's like Carly: like me again Carly: [is saying sorry because always quick to that one] Ali: ['I do, you don't need to say that'] Carly: [trying to give Ali her drink as a peace offering like hmm I've done something wrong must make amends somehow] Carly: [& then more pills when she remembers she has them still] Ali: [shrugs like why not and accepts, cue Leesha and probably her 'best' friend tottering out of her house looking the most overdressed] Carly: [Carly loling because she has the whole day but these bitches taking it as a slight against their everything] Ali: [Leesha started shouting the odds 'cos mother's daughter and obvs already white girl wasted, Ali like let's just go 'cos over it] Carly: [Carly offering her pills cos change your mood babe & being looked at like she's offering poison, you've been there before Leesha I get it] Ali: [tryna lowkey drag her away before this becomes the Thing tm they want it to be for the #drama] Carly: [Carly just chatting about Ali's heroics & how sweet she is cos knight in shining armor for her forever lbr just like 😍] Ali: [loling] Carly: [Carly just out the blue like 'you should kiss her, then she'd be happier' like no babe Leesha ain't you but I love the softness of your world view] Ali: ['fully converted, are you?'] Carly: [lols but is also like 'you haven't kissed me yet' with a cute little pouty face as she walks on slightly ahead looking at the sky] Ali: ['Night still young, baby'] Carly: [clearly is buzzing about this & not hiding that 'I love you more than her' how unspecific she could mean Leesha or K stew or both, god bless] Ali: [is all 'I know' but not 'cos she's a cocky bitch lmao 'cos you're pure'] Carly: [puts her arms up like a child who wants to be picked up cos she wants Ali to carry her into the party] Ali: [does 'cos duh even if she's joking about how high maintenance she is] Carly: [snuggling into her the whole time cos she's soft] Ali: [let's hope it's not too far, probably some 20-something hippie waster's chill thing] Carly: [when you humming but using Ali's heartbeat as your basis for a tune cos gaaaaaaaaaaay] Ali: [when you're harmonizing] Carly: [#goals for real] Carly: [but then she gotta stop so she can compliment Ali again cos we know her voice is fire but Carly didn't necessarily know this] Ali: ['we should jam for real some time'] Carly: [cue her rambling stage fright reveal because like we said no time for bullshit so its just being put out there & she's like 'you'll have to sing to me'] Ali: [is like okay but silently thinking of all the ways she could help her confidence 'cos that bitch but not gonna be pushy and patronizing about it 'cos not THAT bitch] Carly: [just staring at her adorably all like 'what are you thinking about?'] Ali: ['you'] Carly: [such a big smile but also blushing 'good things?'] Ali: [just gives her a look that's like what do you think and obviously, yes] Carly: [a big hug moment and kisses her on her forehead cos where the thoughts come from] Ali: [the mess of lipstick their faces are] Carly: [they must look crazy, living for it] Ali: [good thing no one at this party will care, turn up and chatting to people and the usual] Carly: [there should be someone there for Carly to hook up with to hurt Ali's heart & reaffirm the 'straightness'] Ali: [when you can't 'cos you got a gf, gutted] Carly: [who is probably still trying to contact you cos highkey] Ali: [text her back girl, come on] Carly: [do it while your real gf is getting you a drink lol] Ali: [let's text]

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: you're gonna have to go without me & my pom poms 💔💔 Janis: what, why? Jimmy: got detention Jimmy: & I've already checked the windows, like Jimmy: no escape Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: Un🍀 babe Janis: leave you alone for five minutes Janis: what you do this time then? Jimmy: I didn't even do nowt Jimmy: barely said a word to this dickhead in tech who was proper giving it to me 🙄 Jimmy: should've just smacked him if I was ending up here anyway Janis: ugh Janis: bet he ain't going detention with you either Janis: teachers are cunts Jimmy: nah they didn't even hand him one out Jimmy: like fuck am I just gonna let him chat shit about us for the full lesson Jimmy: but now Janis: it's alright Janis: mean, obvious waste of your time Jimmy: I'm gonna knock him out when I next see him Janis: fair enough, I'd say Janis: I'll watch 👍 Jimmy: front row seat to make up for the one I'm missing, yeah Jimmy: you're still gonna win for me though Janis: 'course I am Janis: can't make promises for the rest of the team, though sure they'll try their best for you 😍 Janis: other School is pretty shit tbh so Jimmy: 👍 'cause I'm still taking for drinks later too Jimmy: & I'd rather you not have to drown your sorrows, pisshead Jimmy: sort them other girls out & make 🥇 happen, babe Janis: 💪 nothing but victory drinks, swear Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: 💕 Janis: stay alive Jimmy: [later] Jimmy: got my phone back Janis: you seen it then Jimmy: been @ed by half the school Jimmy: you alright? Janis: yeah, been reporting the comments but it don't do shit, especially when it ain't even my post so Janis: are you Jimmy: don't worry, he's gonna take it down Janis: nothing even happened Janis: I swear Janis: he's just pissed off 'cos I said it ain't gonna again Jimmy: it don't matter Jimmy: it's about what's happening next Jimmy: & I'm sorting that right now Janis: it matters to me that you hear the truth from me and believe it Janis: 'cos what he's saying, and everyone else now, is bullshit Jimmy: I know that he's the lad that gave you a lift & you didn't fuck him so Jimmy: whatever happened before ain't my business Jimmy: & nowt happened today either whatever he says Janis: it really didn't Janis: I wouldn't Jimmy: 'course you wouldn't Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: it's not but Jimmy: I'm just saying I believe you Janis: Thank fuck Janis: I felt like I was going to vom Janis: I know Mia talked to you, she took great delight in letting me know Jimmy: Less chat more shoving screenshots of his snaps at me Jimmy: so likewise Janis: he's just a prick Jimmy: I got that Jimmy: & she's just having fun pretending that you & him have been fucking behind my back this whole time Jimmy: didn't bother telling her I've been there & I'd know, not very #goals Janis: I'm sorry Janis: this bullshit Janis: they wouldn't do it to you if you weren't with me Jimmy: why, you ain't done nowt Jimmy: & I am with you Jimmy: I wanna be Jimmy: they can't do shit to change it Janis: I like you too much to put you through this shit Janis: it's so Janis: stupid Jimmy: you ain't the one being stupid Jimmy: or putting me through it Janis: yeah but Janis: I don't know Janis: just hate it Janis: them Jimmy: I know Jimmy: but he'll be one less dickhead to worry about in a sec Jimmy: I promise Janis: what you mean Janis: he's not going to delete it Janis: already asked Jimmy: yeah he is Jimmy: I'm not asking Jimmy: I'm just about to make him Janis: where are you Jimmy: If I let you know that you'll show up Jimmy: it's better if you don't, alright Janis: Jimmy Janis: I'm not gonna stop you but don't do anything stupid on my account alright Jimmy: I ain't the one who's being stupid either Jimmy: It's okay Jimmy: not my first time knocking out this exact type of dickhead Jimmy: like I said, my ex actually was fucking around on me so Janis: that's shit Jimmy: it weren't any more fun for her Jimmy: not really Jimmy: she was messed up, is still probably Janis: still Jimmy: it don't matter Jimmy: that's not this Janis: I know but everyone else is convinced so may as well be Jimmy: Nah, I ain't so it's not even close Jimmy: only thing similar is lads chatted shit on her too, never did find out how many she really got with out of the loads who said Janis: anything to boost their own rep Jimmy: it was the ones who weren't saying owt that I had to properly watch Jimmy: they just did it & left me to walk in Jimmy: literally in some cases Janis: I'm sorry Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: he's here Janis: don't get hurt okay Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: leave that for him Janis: obviously Janis: I don't give a fuck about him though Jimmy: makes two of us Jimmy: [a fight later] Jimmy: post's gone Janis: will you tell me where you are now Jimmy: tell me where you are & I'll come meet you Jimmy: not gonna hang round the scene of the crime, am I? Janis: I'm at my nan and granddad's Janis: could hardly go out and about town and fuck being home when she's gonna be there Janis: take this bus [#] Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: be there as soon as Janis: don't worry, neither of 'em is in rn Jimmy: I weren't but Jimmy: alright Janis: just mean, not gonna make you talk to my entire fam Janis: are you okay? Jimmy: I don't care who I've gotta talk to right now Jimmy: I just wanna see you Janis: they don't live as middle of nowhere Jimmy: thank fuck Janis: I know Janis: not to be that bitch but you didn't answer my question Jimmy: what Janis: are you okay? Jimmy: are you? Janis: better when I see you Jimmy: I feel that Janis: Okay Janis: are you gonna bleed on me again though or Jimmy: nah Jimmy: you're safe Janis: I'm Janis: I know it'll get old if I keep saying the S word so I won't but Janis: I wish it didn't drag up all that stuff with your ex for you Jimmy: none of that is important Jimmy: just you Janis: you Jimmy: I love you Jimmy: that won't get old if I keep saying it, will it? Janis: no Janis: I love you too so I never get tired of hearing it Jimmy: good Jimmy: 'cause you know I can't stop when I've started Janis: yeah Janis: one of the things I like about you Jimmy: even if it has fucked the 🚭 Janis: I'll allow it Janis: you promised you'll stay Janis: and you're already dead yeah Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: 👻 lad me Janis: so you can't go nowhere anyway Janis: soz ginger trying to save your soul, too late Jimmy: & I can't get hurt either Jimmy: so if any other dickheads need fighting, it's no #drama Janis: not planning to make it a thing Janis: not that I planned this Jimmy: I get it, a weekly brawl would have me too 💪 & you don't need the competition Jimmy: not planning to become an athlete though you're alright Janis: you're an idiot Janis: a lovable one but Jimmy: an idiot for getting detention Jimmy: he couldn't have pulled that shit if I were there Janis: not like you planned on being too cool for school either Janis: give out detentions for their own amusement, sadists Jimmy: always too 😎 me Jimmy: for school or anywhere Janis: gift and a curse yeah babe Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: this bus actually run or what? Jimmy: I've been stood here ages Janis: yeah, last I checked Janis: if I knew where you were I could come to you Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: you know everyone'll be talking about it tomorrow Jimmy: let them tell you Janis: Probably shouldn't come to School Janis: reckon I'm gonna get stoned Janis: not in the chill way Jimmy: the teachers are fucking useless yeah but I ain't letting nowt happen to you Jimmy: or letting anyone think this is more than just bollocks Janis: they'll think what they wanna, and they really wanna Janis: idc Jimmy: like I told you, I'll fight whichever dickheads need to be told Jimmy: I don't care Janis: can't fight girls though can ya Jimmy: I don't need to Jimmy: you can Jimmy: or however else you wanna sort it Janis: yeah Janis: fuck knows Janis: I don't wanna have to always deal with this Janis: the lads just think I'm a slag so they can get some, whatever, makes sense Janis: they're just cunty 'cos they wanna, like alright but why bother Jimmy: I've said it before Jimmy: they're jealous Jimmy: you're hotter than them Jimmy: & good at shit 'cause you're SUCH an athlete as I'm always also saying Janis: that's so fucking stupid Janis: focus on yourselves ladies, might get something done Jimmy: tweet it girl Janis: 😂 Janis: keeping well away from social media rn tah Jimmy: 💔 but you're my muse Jimmy: bit rude Janis: no one's stopping you from being 👑 of twitter etc Janis: @ me though, can't handle another blatant subtweet or indirect Jimmy: 👌 fine Janis: what Janis: you reckon I should come running to my own defence Jimmy: I don't reckon owt Jimmy: it ain't happening to me Janis: well Janis: bit Jimmy: nah I'm the #victim if I'm in this Jimmy: my DMs are full of girls offering a shoulder to cry or cum on Janis: that's disgusting Janis: truly Janis: gonna miss your way with words Janis: but that's what I get Jimmy: you should see some of the pics I've been sent Jimmy: disgusting them Janis: no thank you Janis: not actually my thing Jimmy: I weren't asked if any of this was my thing Jimmy: but fine, I'll take one for the team Janis: I know, I know Janis: it's gross Janis: pretty bold of him to do this when I've got the dick pics, like Janis: guess enough peeps have 👀 or he's that full of himself Jimmy: probably hoping you'll show 'em about & the girls'll swoon Jimmy: dickhead Janis: 🙄 Janis: wouldn't put it past them so nah Janis: burn my phone, burn my retinas, like Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: assume Mia is licking his wounds for him as we speak Jimmy: I hurt him enough, maybe she'll actually swallow him Janis: 🙏🤞 Jimmy: who the fuck is he Jimmy: why does he think he can be this much of a bellend Janis: idk Janis: he's fit and such an athlete, obvs everyone loves him Janis: good match Jimmy: he ain't fit & I beat the shit out of him so how much of an athlete is he Janis: well you know what I mean Janis: stereotypical jock pretending his life is an american teen drama or a really low rent porn Janis: idk, the fact he was such a dickhead worked at the time Jimmy: it's your type, don't have to tell me Janis: fuck off Janis: no it ain't Jimmy: he is, I am Jimmy: that's two for two Jimmy: unless you've been hanging round with some right nerds Janis: you ain't my type either Janis: people don't actually have types do they Jimmy: you tried to tell me I do as soon as I met you Janis: yeah and look where you've ended up Janis: types are for when you wanna play it safe and be disappointed Janis: know what you're getting, even if it's a steaming pile of 💩 Jimmy: you don't have to sell me on how wrong you were, girl Jimmy: I told you back then Janis: I wasn't wrong Jimmy: you said I have a type, I don't Jimmy: what are you calling it Janis: 👌 Jimmy: nah, come on Jimmy: what are you calling it Janis: you have a type but you got 🍀 Janis: obviously Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😏 Janis: jk Janis: very unlucky Janis: 'part from the bathroom fuck, worst girlfriend ever Jimmy: apart from every fuck Jimmy: get it right Janis: please tweet that final review Janis: not all bad Jimmy: alright Jimmy: hang on Janis: erm wait until you've dumped me, dickhead Janis: and wait 'til this scandal has blown over 'fore that or they'll have it #confirmed Jimmy: you don't reckon I'm gonna have more to say after I've been fucking you forever Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: thought I had a way with words Janis: you do Janis: that was beautiful baby Janis: please fuck me forever 💕 Jimmy: I already promised Jimmy: not gonna break it & your 💔 Janis: tah 👍 Janis: you are on the bus now though on the real Jimmy: it did show up yeah Janis: coulda told me Janis: rude Jimmy: didn't realise you needed a warning Jimmy: do you wanna countdown or what Janis: shut up Janis: too soon to be making jokes about needing time to see the last out the door Jimmy: so funny you Janis: I said it's too soon Jimmy: 👍 Janis: be my friend Jimmy: I don't wanna Jimmy: stop friendzoning me Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: okay be my boyfriend then Jimmy: I am Jimmy: who do you think you're chatting to right now Jimmy: might have the wrong convo, girl Janis: think I'd be better at this Janis: honestly Janis: rookie errors these Jimmy: tah for saying it so I don't have to kick you when you're down Jimmy: embarrassing really Janis: I'll do better next time babe Janis: promise Jimmy: yeah sort it out Janis: hey, you're hot, wanna help me cheat on my boyfriend Jimmy: not that kind of boy Jimmy: but you'll find loads of takers so don't be 💔 Janis: am a bit Jimmy: you're 💔 or you're calling me a bit of a slag Jimmy: either way, gutted Janis: I've called you a slag many a time Janis: not gonna half-arse it now Jimmy: & I've been gutted every time Jimmy: but tah for letting me know what you meant Janis: you know it's just guilt projection Janis: shameless, really Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: well that's your rep now, may as well Janis: cheers Janis: probs shit the bed a bit with him but like you said, loads of takers Jimmy: chin up, Jillian Jimmy: you've got that paddy 🍀 on your side Janis: such a charmer Jimmy: what you like about me Janis: you want a list or you just stating facts Jimmy: it's a fact Jimmy: don't wear yourself out with the list Jimmy: bet you've got loads of DMs to get through & fire sexts to write Janis: naturally Janis: I don't even know who some of these people are though Jimmy: I'd offer my services but I ain't written one for a lad before Jimmy: Barry ain't that tech savvy Jimmy: give him a ring or nowt Janis: boys are easy Janis: very visual Janis: your talent would be wasted, tbh Jimmy: that's tanked my get rich quick scheme Janis: 😕 Janis: soz Janis: start charging for your nudes instead of giving 'em away, probs Jimmy: I'll just charge every girl in my inbox for a reply Jimmy: be alright Janis: not me though Janis: mates rates right Jimmy: I'm charging you double every time you friendzone me, mate Janis: Baby Jimmy: triple when you really 💔 me Janis: when have I ever Janis: babe Jimmy: you want a list Jimmy: 'cause the bus ain't got that many more stops so tell me now Janis: that is so mean Janis: 💔 Jimmy: baby Janis: I'm too headfucked rn for your shennanigans Janis: just be here Jimmy: I really miss you Jimmy: so much Janis: I miss you more Janis: definitely Jimmy: you can't say that Janis: but I do Jimmy: you can't feel how much I miss you Janis: I wish I could Janis: I need to know that you're okay and you really do believe me Jimmy: when I get there I'll do my best Jimmy: but it's never Jimmy: all of it Jimmy: I wish I could show you that Janis: we got time Janis: right Jimmy: depends Jimmy: can we stay at your nan & granddads for a bit Janis: yeah Jimmy: then yeah Janis: I love you, you know Jimmy: I do Jimmy: & I do too Janis: no one else matters Janis: just you and me Jimmy: you're all I give a fuck about Jimmy: nowt's changed Janis: can we go somewhere Jimmy: where Janis: anywhere Janis: it doesn't have to be now, if you can't but Jimmy: I'd go anywhere with you Jimmy: any time you want Janis: I don't want us to forget Janis: that none of them, and their shit, matters Jimmy: I won't Jimmy: & I won't let you Jimmy: I just want you Jimmy: so much Janis: I fucking need you, Jim Jimmy: I need you more Jimmy: like actually Janis: I Janis: it hurts Janis: when you aren't here Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: me too Jimmy: but there's nowt keeping me away from you now Jimmy: soon as I'm off this bus we're together Jimmy: that's it Janis: nothing or no one getting in our way yeah Jimmy: I swear Janis: Good Janis: you're mine okay Jimmy: it's okay with me, yeah Janis: good Jimmy: meet me off here Jimmy: I have to see you Jimmy: I just Janis: coming Janis: let me just settle this dog, 5 minutes max Jimmy: like one 🐶💕 weren't enough Jimmy: but go on Janis: this one makes Twix look like an 😇 Janis: gonna be so glad to see her, you are Jimmy: you better make sure you see her Jimmy: that's the cheating you've really done Janis: don't think I can look her in her puppydog eyes tbh Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: for her though not you Jimmy: you know what you did Janis: 😭 Janis: I had nowhere else to go Jimmy: save it for her, babe Jimmy: I don't need your excuses Janis: you know you wanna put in a good word for me, come on Jimmy: maybe Jimmy: if only to get her off my case Jimmy: I ain't nobody's rebound tah Janis: gotta have standards Janis: respect that Jimmy: & I told you that early on Jimmy: bit late to go back on it now Janis: you did? Janis: well it stands up Jimmy: you've forgotten? Jimmy: which one of us might have gotten smacked in the head today Jimmy: get it together, like Janis: soz I ain't memorized everything you've said Janis: only pretending to be that highkey Jimmy: crack on with it Jimmy: you've got time, nerd Janis: you gonna stop chatting so much shit or? Janis: making my life hard Jimmy: make me Janis: I am omw Jimmy: be faster Jimmy: are you even an athlete or what Jimmy: if you ain't running to me so we can film it in slo-mo it ain't #goals my love Janis: you know I just won a 🏀 before being forced on a walk of shame Janis: I'm knackered Jimmy: shit I never even asked Jimmy: sorry Janis: you're alright, safe to say no one gave much of a shit before something more #drama happened Jimmy: I did though Jimmy: I do Janis: thanks Janis: you're a good WAG Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😘 Jimmy: 😒 Jimmy: it's weird enough that you play for any school teams, don't call me a WAG too Janis: gets you out of lessons sometimes Janis: you know you wanna Jimmy: gutted I'm too 😎 Jimmy: 'cause yeah Janis: you ain't too cool to be with me Jimmy: but seriously, what team are they letting me on Jimmy: #troublemaker me Janis: sure they'll reckon it's good discipline for you then 😏 Jimmy: 🙄 'course Janis: come on Janis: I wanna see the short shorts Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: say please & maybe Janis: I'll say it when you get here Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: but only 'cause I wanna see you so bad Janis: Good Janis: I miss you Jimmy: just Jimmy: you be here Jimmy: I Janis: thanks Janis: for being you and not Janis: believing Jimmy: what else was I gonna do? Jimmy: you're the only one I like Janis: you could've though Janis: like, convincing, give him that Jimmy: if I was gonna be like that I might as well just fuck off now Jimmy: I mean it, all of this, it's the only thing I've got Jimmy: or want Jimmy: & we're a team whether the school lets me join in or not Janis: me too Janis: promise Jimmy: if you say nowt happened then it didn't Jimmy: that's all the convincing I need Jimmy: you don't lie to me Janis: I don't Janis: and why would I Janis: I didn't feel anything when we did do stuff so Janis: pointless now Jimmy: I remember Jimmy: you said Janis: I thought that's how it was Janis: just overhyped Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: even if now I've met you I don't reckon it was hyped up enough Janis: you're Janis: why are you so nice to me Jimmy: I told you, you're nice to me Jimmy: then I'm nice back Jimmy: it's a deal Janis: I'll be nicer Jimmy: how Jimmy: you're so Janis: again Janis: I'll show you Janis: 'cos I see you now Jimmy: yeah? Janis: mhmm Janis: have you forgotten what I look like Jimmy: he didn't hit me that hard Janis: Baby Jimmy: I'm okay Jimmy: I promise Janis: I'll check Janis: 'cos I'll kill him if he has Jimmy: 🤞 he's already 💀 Jimmy: I hit him hard so Janis: he earnt it Jimmy: I don't care about him Jimmy: it's for you Janis: me either Janis: just you Janis: did it make you feel better Jimmy: a bit Janis: yeah Janis: people bullshit when they say it won't Jimmy: I only wish I could have fucked him up worse for what he did Jimmy: & what he's like Janis: don't worry, his ego is 💀 if nothing else Janis: already 😷 'cos I turned him down Jimmy: that makes me feel loads better Janis: seriously Janis: it was pretty funny 'til it weren't Janis: 😢 like Jimmy: I love you Jimmy: how could I not Jimmy: that's real #goals Janis: wish you coulda been there Janis: coulda showed him why I don't want him Jimmy: me too Jimmy: it's not just him though, you don't want anyone else, do you? Janis: no one Janis: you know it's just you Jimmy: alright Jimmy: good Jimmy: come here then Janis: ['scuse them the most intense hello ever] Jimmy: [literally would & do need several moments] Janis: [can tell she's been in a state] Jimmy: [just all the reassuring touches in the world like he would not stop even when they are trying to walk again or whatever] Jimmy: [says 'afternoon' and smiles casually but is looking at her like & like I said just touching always] Janis: [blinking 'cos her eyes are stinging 'cos a bitch don't cry but she really thought y'all had fucked this up for them] Janis: ['hey'] Jimmy: [a boy sees & knows but he's keeping it chill for her] Jimmy: ['alright?'] Janis: [nods] Janis: ['now you're here'] Jimmy: [so many kisses basically wherever he can cos he can't stop himself like some are soft and some aren't cos all the feelings bitch] Janis: [holding onto him so tight and all the ilys] Jimmy: [likewise holding onto her like they about to drown like sorry everyone else about but not cos he would not be able to stop rn] Janis: [let's get you inside lads cheers for the empty grandparents] Jimmy: [more of the same when they're in lbr] Janis: [is checking his over like she said she would but is clearly fine suck it harry] Jimmy: [literally still can't stop touching her either even though low key would get in the way of what she's trying to do] Janis: [is loling but not trying to stop him 'cos never] Jimmy: [more kisses cos it ends them when the other one laughs] Janis: [softness bitch, getting him to the sofa 'cos she just wants to hold/be held for a hot sec] Jimmy: [give them a while with all those much needed snuggles] Janis: ['you're so important'] Jimmy: ['you are'] Janis: [let's self have sneaky cry 'cos overwhelmed as hell] Jimmy: [isn't gonna make a big deal of it even if he knows so just more of the same softness & being comforting & loving like] Janis: [laying on his chest listening to his heart] Jimmy: [playing with her hair from now until forever bye] Janis: ['it's fast'] Jimmy: [nods 'I told you, I had to see you. Needed to.'] Janis: [puts his hand on her chest, 'same', cos truly] Jimmy: [imagine what the fuck his breathing would have been like too omg] Janis: [let them just be so they can just calm] Jimmy: [later, he gets up to get them both a drink not alcohol let's not be wild, it'd be cute cos he don't know where anything is but still wanna do it for her] Janis: if you just wanted to look through the cupboards, that's alright Jimmy: just seeing if they got any posh silver I can have away Jimmy: life of crime starts here Janis: by the time the inheritance is split between us all I won't get much so Janis: go for your life, babe Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [brings her a beverage probably tea actually cos that's what english people do] Janis: ['tah'] Jimmy: [goes back to snuggling like he never left] Janis: 'you're the best boyfriend'] Jimmy: ['you're the best muse. Very inspiring.'] Janis: ['what are you thinking right now?'] Jimmy: [kisses her cos he's thinking about how much he loves her/how happy he is this isn't fucked up etc but how to say] Janis: [smiles] Janis: works for me Jimmy: [kisses her again cos the smile] Janis: are you coming back to mine tonight Jimmy: yeah Janis: [bigger smile] Jimmy: [just 😍 at her] Janis: nothing's ever gonna fuck this Jimmy: works for me Jimmy: [smiles back] Janis: promise Jimmy: are you promising or asking me if I do Janis: both Jimmy: well I do Jimmy: [sips tea but not in a shady way lol] Janis: good Janis: 'cos I like you Jimmy: I love you Janis: [pouncing for kiss be careful of the tea] Jimmy: [cue make out session they both need & deserve] Janis: we can stay home tomorrow can't we Jimmy: we can do whatever you want Janis: I don't care if people reckon I'm running or being a pussy Janis: don't wanna be there Janis: just wanna be with you Jimmy: I don't give a shit about anything but you having what you want Janis: you Jimmy: [just pulling her into her lap for cuddles like] Janis: everything is alright when you're with me Jimmy: then everything's alright Jimmy: I ain't going nowhere Janis: me either Janis: [snuggles further in to prove point] Jimmy: [keeping them like that lowkey forever]

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Tommy

Ali: yo yo yo Ali: i'm back to civilization, using the term loosely there but Ali: what i miss Tommy: hey girl hey Tommy: oh you know several family feuds Tommy: standard Ali: oh the joys Ali: reckon i'm right on time for the next one Ali: soz I didn't have signal, what you want me to do lads Tommy: reckon you have a fair point Tommy: and solid excuse Tommy: if I had someone to do, my phone would be off too, like Ali: i've made the case for not spoiling the areas natural beauty with phone masts but appaz 'not the fucking point' Ali: no chance of getting away with that, city boy Ali: gutted x2 Ali: should be jelly though 'cos 😍 Tommy: Oh honey I am Tommy: Sickeningly so Tommy: much like your socials of late Ali: Haha piss off Ali: its the honeymoon phase Ali: and you can't act like you'd rather witness the death rattle of my last playing out like Tommy: Well yeah, never a more legit word spoken Tommy: Poor Marls Tommy: Bet she took to the heartbreak like a duck to water though Tommy: as for you and Carls, you've been in that phase for bloody ages Ali: I know, I'm evil Ali: not her first, or last, which says it all Ali: Not even Ali: anyway, gotta milk it, you'll see when you're being gross yourself Tommy: Not evil just scandalous Tommy: We've all had our heads turned by the straights Tommy: Can't pretend I'm not thrilled that you got kissed instead of your head kicked in, love that you got lucky there Tommy: Yeah even, you too been circling and flirting since the dawn of summer if not time Tommy: I think not. I'm nothing but fab in all things Ali: More Marilyn than Hitler Ali: one for the bio, thanks Ali: Ha, laughable, no one is immune to my charms also I do the kicking so Ali: coming up roses forever baby bro Ali: Exactly 😏 gonna be vomit-inducing 'cos you're gonna be thinking yours is the greatest love story ever told 🙄😉 Tommy: stick it on your tinder when the honeymoon's over kid Tommy: welcome welcome Tommy: And Marls thought she was so tough. Not immune to a curb stomp were you, babe Tommy: roses are cliche as hell so agreed Tommy: could be, sister, could just be Tommy: surrounded by sapphic role models in you and your boo Ali: could do it now Ali: sooooooo modern like that, darling Ali: omg shut up 😞 didn't mean to and not funny Ali: psh, as if you wouldn't be buzzing your tits off if someone got you roses Ali: umm not telling you you're doing this whole 'gay' thing wrong but you know the girl ones aren't for you, yeah? 😂 Tommy: yeah but will ya or are you too 😍 Tommy: real question is, has Carls taken to her new status like a duck to water or more like water off a duck's arse Tommy: calm down dear I won't mention the ex again, scout's honor Tommy: atm my tits would be pleased if anyone looked their way at all but we ain't on my sob story, here for your love Tommy: 😂 well now it makes sense Ali: only just got back, like Ali: can deffo take a day of recuperation Ali: not asked tbf Ali: i don't need a label on her or what we're doing Ali: poor baby 😥 Ali: wish you'd let me look at your profiles, pimp em up pimp you out Tommy: but she's still 😍 too, yeah? Tommy: not scared her off like Tommy: Oi! Take your own advice and take a day off Tommy: You can come when I hit the town if you're wanting to wingwoman that bad Ali: Oi yourself! Ali: Scared her off indeed Ali: trusted me enough to go into the wilderness alone like Ali: duh Ali: not even a question Ali: though really need to find you a lad there as well Ali: but you can have a hometown holiday romance, special enough for ya snowflake? Tommy: Probs just wanted to stretch. Caravans are well cramped Tommy: Piss off Tommy: You just don't want me third wheeling you and your girl 'cause you reckon I'll make it awks when she finds me more fun to dance with than you Tommy: Gotta take her and get her initiated though 🌈 Ali: yeah a 2 man tents well better Ali: melt 🖕 Ali: oh you gonna steal my girl? okay 😂 Tommy: You trying to say you didn't look at the stars? Get to fuck you lying scrag 😂 Tommy: Could do, she is cute Ali: Am I that predictable? Sigh Ali: Might be modern but draw the line at family 3way Ali: if anything, a step back Tommy: You ain't invited, honey Tommy: Full offense Ali: Finders keepers I saw her first bitch Tommy: Only 'cause I was miles away Tommy: play fair you dirty bisexual Ali: When you get a mans Imma call bagsy then Ali: wanna talk fair Tommy: we'll both be in wheelchairs minus our own teeth by then so I'll race ya Ali: 😏 oh hush Ali: secretly getting all the d and keeping it dl Tommy: 😂 Tommy: I wish Ali: 👀 Tommy: You filthy perv Ali: how did you know Tommy: Carls told us Tommy: we're that close now like Ali: well, that's a stop coming onto me if I've ever heard one 😂 good one, babe Tommy: 😂 Tommy: Get a lot of that, does she? awks Ali: You said yourself, she cute Tommy: Gotta do some kicking, kitten. Have you learned nothing from your previous? Tommy: 🥊 Ali: how not to keep a woman? Ali: harsh but Tommy: legit Tommy: fuckboy free inbox though Ali: yeah Ali: got their uses though, ain't they Ali: don't be too picky like Tommy: Not for me but you do you, darling Ali: 🤷 Tommy: with your luck they'd fall for you anyway tbf Ali: Like you don't remember having to hold Ma back Ali: weren't that long ago Tommy: Blocked that shit way out Ali: those were the days tho Ali: but fine, won't invite ronan to the gay club Ali: imagine Tommy: For you. Aged ma + 25 Tommy: poor bitch Tommy: Probs had to get her roots done Tommy: Which one was he again? The curly haired gypsy Ali: s'alright, marlene still fancied her and carly also said she would Ali: not doing bad old girl Ali: one of Ali: first and worst, some would say Tommy: OMHG REALLY Tommy: get it ma Tommy: oh that cunt Tommy: hit it Celine 'cause it's all coming back to me now Ali: yeah Ali: smug bitch Ali: no one in this family can keep it to themselves, apparently Ali: 😂 mhmm Ali: lives where Carly does, and was kinda her boyf when I met her Ali: official, like Tommy: reckon I'll steal your girls it's that saucy mare you gotta watch Tommy: Disgusting Tommy: You two fucking by association before you got near Tommy: That's some funny shit Ali: Real talk Ali: someone warn Da Ali: not me 'cos awks when I'm fuming at her for running off with my woman Ali: oh honey you don't even know Ali: we have a list Tommy: On it Tommy: Love getting shot in the face myself so I'm well keen to twirl past with that message Tommy: 😂 Tommy: How long a list we talking? Ali: Interpretive dance it out for him Ali: the most vague form of communication Ali: You actually wanna know or? Tommy: I'll get workshopping rn 'cause ma ain't go no chill Tommy: she won't wait and we know it Tommy: You tell me, sister, do I or not Ali: She's a busy woman Ali: if Rock didn't look so much like Da's side I'd question it frankly Ali: You know how I roll, scandalous from the womb to the tomb baby Tommy: When the adoption jokes ain't just craic Tommy: ooops Tommy: that's why we're the irish twins 'cause same girl same Ali: She's got some nerve, us all out here raising the devil child Ali: give him to his real daddy the inn is full bitch Tommy: 😂 Tommy: puts him in the postie's bag like back you go lad Tommy: he's kinda fit bet ma would Ali: oh babe Ali: hate to bring this bad news to you but he left Ali: probs got a modelling contract, eh 😏 Tommy: 💔 Tommy: pissed on my parade proper there Ali: i am so soz Ali: maybe i traumatized him Ali: okay you can get with carly once but that's it, then we're even Tommy: Not gonna ask what you let him see Tommy: between you and JC every sunday Tommy: 🎉 Yes Ali: knock on my door son, gonna get what i give you Tommy: 👏 Ali: idc if you're just trying to bring the bills, SIR Ali: we don't want 'em Ali: liverpool days got us all forever scarred Tommy: Too real to deal Ali: when you back fr though Tommy: Patience 🦗 Tommy: I got scholarship stresses Ali: must suck being talented enough for one, like 😉 Tommy: Says the genius Tommy: what's your IQ again? Ali: check the tinder lad Ali: put that on there too, how i get all the ladies Tommy: 😂

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: Ich glaub ich spinne Carly: wtf Carly: do you want a drink babe? Ali: ze german, baby Ali: i'll say no but get why you're saying yes so early Carly: k more for me Carly: nobodys in a sharing mood today Ali: yeah? Carly: yea Carly: no fun Ali: Leben ist kein Ponyhof Carly: give drew a slap for me k Ali: it would be my pleasure Ali: can i ask how he's pissed on your parade from over here tho Carly: the boy played me Carly: he wanted me to beg for what id just given him the prick Carly: shouldnt have drunk this much this soon my bad Ali: he's a fuckboy Ali: you knew that Ali: my sister on the other hand remains frustratingly oblivious Carly: dont be mad at me Carly: ive been trying to get him to dump her this whole coach ride Ali: I'm not mad at you, babe Ali: no room with how much ugh I have for him Ali: well, hopefully she will him Carly: he thinks shes gonna fuck him in berlin Ali: prick Ali: won't when she finds out Carly: you cant say anything cuz i wasnt meant to Ali: Let himself fuck it up then Ali: he's not being subtle Carly: he cant do subtle Carly: me and him have that in common like Ali: Carly Ali: do you like him? Carly: why Ali: because I think you do Carly: it doesn't matter what you think Carly: he thinks she's girlfriend material & im a slag Carly: hes not wrong either Ali: If you like him, then you should say Ali: regardless, shouldn't let him be a cunt to you, and Ro in the process Ali: who the fuck is he Carly: ha Carly: i dont like anyone baby Carly: I'm just bored Carly: berlins a whole new party Ali: well, good Ali: one less worry Ali: I wish you the perfect holiday fling Carly: aw Carly: youre still the sweetest Carly: sure you dont want a drink while theres some left? Ali: need it now so fuck it Ali: chuck it over Carly: come over Carly: you kno youre the sporty one Carly: i cant be throwing things round the coach Ali: alright, you calling baby spice, I assume? Carly: or scary Carly: depends whos asking Carly: cant be posh tho Ali: yeah you can Ali: she weren't even and you can rock that pout just as well Carly: aw Carly: you should be baby tho youre the cutest Ali: little school all over again, we can't all be baby, lads! 😂 Ali: i'll be ginger, if you wore that iconic dress on your site, you'd get lynched Carly: yea Carly: & if anyone would cause drama by going solo its you Carly: Marlene been knew Ali: Ouch 💔 Ali: but fair Ali: Already thinking about her due to namesake birthplace but you really went there Ali: please tell me I haven't tanked as hard, not got Drew's fragile ego like but 😥 Carly: you kno im just mad youre not thinking about me Carly: dont listen to a word i say Carly: goldies got a fragile heart now too, so sad you broke up w me & stole his bf on top Carly: someone think of the golden god Ali: baby Ali: yeah, that's TOTALLY what the weird vibe is all about Ali: moody twat, soz a threesome is outta the question now Carly: he likes you too Carly: thats a thing Carly: playing like im the one hung up but he is Ali: Nah Ali: that boy don't know what he wants Ali: not down for him using my bestie and sister to find out though, fuck off and soul search like the rest Carly: he wants you Carly: but you got your boy & he shouldnt be trying to mess w Carly: meant to be his boy too Ali: so he reckons but give him 5 minutes before he weren't arsed Ali: don't trust him as far as I can throw him so ain't taking his word on that either like Ali: exactly Ali: 🐍 Carly: id leave him alone if he was happy being w her but i kno he isnt Carly: not letting him lie to me Ali: it doesn't have to be your problem Ali: or your job to make him happy Ali: knew it though Carly: ha Carly: it isn't my problem Carly: & i cant keep a job you kno Carly: couldnt do that one if i was paid like Ali: no one can babe Ali: not to be that hippie cliche about it Ali: but forreal, gotta do that shit himself Carly: its Carly: how he makes me feel sometimes Carly: not happy im not living that lie but Carly: its not nothing & sometimes its good you kno Ali: yeah Ali: i know Ali: but you can have more, if you want Ali: that is possible Ali: you don't have to settle for sometimes good Carly: youre sweet but youre a dreamer babe Carly: ive got nothing going on not in my head & not around me Carly: theres no more than settling down on the site or settling for being off whenever i can Ali: s'not true Carly: yea it is Carly: you dont want it to be but that dont mean its not Carly: me and that boy have more in common than not being subtle like Ali: it ain't Ali: doesn't have to be Ali: nothing is set in stone unless you pour the fucking cement yourself, like Carly: it doesnt have to be doing it but it can still get poured Carly: forget it tho Carly: im drinking on empty & feeling sorry for myself Carly: no fun in that Ali: ain't that fast drying Ali: dust yourself off and run Carly: where to babe Carly: nowhere to go but the coach bathroom Carly: been there done that Ali: well hang on a bit and we'll be in a whole new country, babe Ali: promise is a promise and we can start in Berlin Carly: but 3s a crowd when its not a party Carly: im not trying to mess you & your boy up Carly: cant tell drew off if i do Ali: nah Ali: it ain't like that Ali: not got the blinkers on and knowing each other's passwords and schedules Ali: got trust Carly: yea? Carly: got food too or Carly: cuz im gonna vom if you say no Ali: Yes Ali: Lemme food parcel Carly: if you havent lost the knack Carly: been awhile Ali: 😔 Ali: i'm soz Carly: dont be Carly: you kno i love you Carly: no drama Ali: i love you too Ali: and you would tell me if you needed something wouldn't you Ali: 'cos that ain't changed, i'm still here Ali: unlucky bitch Carly: unlucky for you Carly: shouldnt be on site unless theres something in it for you babe Carly: all i need is to remember breakfast before i get on a sess Carly: & to dilute my spirits sometimes too Ali: there is, you nutter Ali: there you go, who said school trips weren't educational? only on the bus and you're whacking out the wisdom already Carly: not as thick as i look Carly: ms woodfield was thinking it too i reckon Carly: she might kno but im still gonna blame the shit driver if i vom Carly: try and stop me bitch Ali: you look nothing but amazing hush Ali: she's down with the kids, she'll hold your hair back Carly: you hush Carly: trying to make me emotional in front of the front of the coach Ali: it's alright, join Millie Rooney and say you're homesick 😉 Carly: idk whats sadder everyone thinking im crying over an empty caravan or that prick thinking its about him Ali: 😬 i know what i reckon Ali: better dry those tears, babygirl Carly: get his phone for me tho yea Carly: i am mad he gets me & i get nothing back Carly: use the magic Ali: use my mad hacking skillz gotcha Ali: but should I use them for good and accidentally forward some incriminating shit to Ro? 🤔 Ali: this is why we're not meant to play God Carly: do what you must Carly: i trust you Ali: don't worry, sure you're not the only girl he's been chatting too Ali: no offense meant obvs but you know Ali: don't have to drop you in it, as if its your fault but idk, Ro isn't always willing to be entirely rational when it comes to him Carly: idc she never liked me much anyways Carly: better that than dropping some naive random in it Carly: everyones seen me naked if it blows up Carly: old news Carly: & the vid was good too i look hot Ali: hmm, good point on the random Ali: and I don't doubt that you did Ali: I'll have to think on this a bit harder Carly: k Carly: if everyone gets in my inbox ill kno Ali: god Ali: people are gross Carly: can be fun sometimes Carly: cant all be angels like you babe Ali: 🖕 Ali: you know i ain't Carly: i kno you are Carly: too sweet Ali: pot kettle baby Ali: but your secret's safe with me 😘 Carly: ha Carly: its no secret im only sweet to you so youre the only one who needs to kno Ali: 'cos people suck Ali: that's no secret Ali: not gonna waste your time, are you, like Carly: not as good at picking out the deserving ones as you Carly: no secret i fuck up more than i dont Carly: how many bad decisions can i make before berlin tho Ali: nah, you're just too nice for your own good Ali: you know he don't deserve it but people have made the same (wrong) judgment on you so you can't do it back Ali: to anyone Ali: even genuinely shitty people, or people who'd be better off for the nudge of nah Carly: now whos dropping the wisdom Carly: ill just screenshot those few sentences for my ma when she's on at me Carly: im a nice person bitch Ali: 💅☕ though Ali: i'll translate it into spanish for her if she's not getting the memo in plain english Carly: ha Carly: she got well excited cuz she thought berlin had a red light district Carly: thought she was gonna get in my bags Carly: one way to stop me fucking drew in the front row but Ali: pretending i didn't hear that last bit ew Ali: moving on Ali: she wanna get in the windows or like? Carly: she did get the sack so probs Carly: or she thinks itll be like magic mike the german dub idk Ali: oh honey Ali: every nights a hen night Ali: 🙄 Carly: imagine if theyd let mas and das on this trip Carly: i couldnt have come Ali: me either Ali: no one needs that Carly: your ma is so scary Carly: but shed put goldie in his place Carly: probs shouldve brought her Carly: keep me behaving Ali: she literally wants to murder him Ali: need a restraining order and more than mr murray and mr latimer to keep her back Carly: ha Carly: love it Carly: cant she break up the happy couple Carly: my da did me & this beautiful traveller lad that took my v Ali: 💔 Ali: is he married now Ali: if we're doing matchmaking Ali: but in answer, she learnt that forbidding something makes it 1000x more likely to happen and in more secretive, intense ways so Ali: I'm soz Ro, really fucked you over on that one Carly: idk my da literally moved them on Carly: threat of getting the law Carly: k but he still wouldnt be into it Carly: i feel bad for her Ali: ugh Ali: so romeo and juliet, baby you must've been so about it 'til he fucked it up that hard Ali: yeah, i know Ali: i'll figure out something Carly: i was only 12 so i did have the mindset Carly: worth it tho Carly: prettiest boy ive ever seen Ali: swizzle on that, goldilocks Carly: everyone wanted to fuck him Carly: the whole site was feeling the love Carly: fun times Ali: like a beatle was living in your back garden Ali: love that Carly: i peaked Carly: all there is now is a golden god who behaves like a idiot boy Ali: i mean, won't take offense 😒 sat right here and all but no 😉 Ali: there's a whole world of dick out there i promise you Ali: some attached to boys who don't behave like one Carly: ha Carly: you know you're my fave Carly: but youre sat next to him so I cant tell it Ali: 💚 Ali: won't even tell you who i lost my v to Ali: too shaming Carly: now you have to Ali: 😬😫 Ali: okay but then i'm going for a piss so i don't have to feel the pity Carly: baby id never feel sorry for you Carly: w my life come on Ali: you might sympathize though 'cos it was ronan Ali: why he got all weird, probs Ali: eurgh repressed memories flooding back in with the shame 😂 Carly: shit Carly: i told drew all first times are bad but wouldnt wish him on you like that Carly: oh ronan Carly: he better not have treated you like he did me Carly: ill fucking kill him like Ali: aw babe Ali: my hero 💪 Ali: you know what he's like but that shit is long in the past with us so meh Carly: im gonna cry Carly: babe thats sad Carly: & now ms woodfield is staring at me k Ali: don't cry silly Ali: is what it is Carly: im crying and planning murder Ali: you went there too, and other various dickheads, so where's my invite to this party? Carly: but youre perfect Carly: and it was your first time Carly: actual tears in the front row Ali: oh babe Ali: i'm coming over Ali: bog roll in hand Carly: youre too good Carly: im so sad Ali: 😇 that's you Carly: all you tho Ali: nu-uh Ali: you you you Carly: i cant argue cuz im blinded by my tears Ali: not the greatest victory I've ever then Ali: but I'll take it if you smile again Carly: waiting for ms woodfield to tell me i need jesus Carly: ill laugh then Ali: okay, i'll try and lead the convo and her like Ali: we got this, woody Carly: nah if you try and lead her anywhere itll only go one way Carly: teachers pet Ali: 😂 Ali: do you reckon she loves that everyone lowkey drools over her 'cos she's the right side of 40 Ali: or is she desperately job hunting like these fucking kids Carly: i can see in her eyes she loves it Carly: she hates me cuz i dont Carly: facts Ali: not 'cos you never do your work, nah 😏 Carly: & im drunk as fuck rn on her watch Ali: i mean Ali: if YOU were doing your job properly darling Ali: mad you beat her to it, they always get plastered on trips Carly: yea Carly: bet shed take nudes in the bathroom if she had someone to send them to Ali: ooh what teacher could she homewreck Ali: school trip always a perfect place to start an affair Carly: Mr O'Brien could get it if you were old Ali: good shout Ali: getting out my bow as we speak Carly: Mr Cork is alright too but he looks like he'd shower after holding hands Carly: weird Ali: I mean Ali: cleanliness is next to godliness Ali: dirty hoe Carly: ha Carly: you kno it Ali: might be a serial killer Ali: but you wouldn't catch nowt off him Carly: dont have to go home if he murders me Carly: scatter me in berlin lad Ali: 😨😭 noooooo Ali: even if i could go neeson and avenge you Carly: dont go neeson off set tho Carly: your boy wouldnt love the racism Ali: don't wanna be that bitch Ali: problematique Carly: enough bitches on this coach Carly: for once not looking at you ms woodfield Carly: we ever getting there? i thought getting wasted would make me less bored not more Ali: and lowkey racists Ali: all comes out the woodworks when you outed, that gay bashing all afresh like Ali: seriously, why couldn't we go on a plane Carly: & overt racists Carly: that cash tho Carly: how would the teachers afford to get wrecked if they blew the budget Carly: gotta blow each other first Ali: ☕ Ali: dickheads Carly: when goldilocks isnt the biggest twat on the coach tho Carly: idk what to do w that Carly: universe trying to make me like him Ali: give him time Ali: sure he'll reclaim his title 💪 Carly: he'd love a crown Carly: or a medal Carly: get crafting Ali: only if I can get biblical Ali: crown of thorns, you mean barbed wire, okay Carly: ha Carly: im tired come & nap w me Ali: okay boo Ali: as far as pillows go 😏 Carly: serious Carly: i dont wanna sleep on my own Carly: hate it Ali: i remember Ali: coming Ali: promise

[punkscowardschampions]

Carly & Ali

Carly: last nite was good of you Carly: saying thanks cuz i read my text from last nite & it was Carly: I cudnt read it k thats facts Ali: nah, don't mention it, no bitch left behind Ali: plus, I know the cunt doing the ditching, been there, like Ali: was trying to translate but yeah, you were pretty fucked 😂 Ali: how you feeling this am? 💚 Carly: yea? hes not that bad Carly: im a slag like he said tbh Carly: feeling like i had a decent nite all things considered Carly: you? Ali: Gurl, yes he is and no you ain't! Ali: Probably Ali: Who cares if you are, he is, and the rest Ali: I dated him for a bit, so there's no shady, tryna steal your man on the sly going on, don't worry Ali: much the same, my head feels like someone took my eyes out and shoved 'em up my arse, you know? Ali: standard sunday vibes Carly: aw you're sweet but it's no diss on me Carly: like ive cheated on him a few times Carly: but he does it too you're right w that Carly: hes a good fuck when he's not too wasted tho which you kno if you got it too Carly: you're single now tho? Carly: can have him back if you want Ali: Fair play Ali: why not call it open and call it a day? Ali: Probs 'cos he likes fighting as much as he likes fucking Ali: Meh, yeah, was passable, gotta have some reason to keep him around, like Ali: Nah, going out with the girl that drove us back Ali: Remember? Dark hair, angry Carly: yea Carly: you know Carly: shit my bad Carly: she was scary is what i've got in my head Carly: idk my head is sketch cant trust it Ali: That's a fair assessment, I reckon Ali: She wouldn't hate it either so you good 😉 Carly: pretty tho Carly: call it a trade up Ali: Yeah, she's cute Ali: you need any more of the night filling in lemme know, I'll do my best Ali: it was pretty standard though, nothing too wild Carly: no faking it w her cuz shes too drunk Carly: designated driver be like Carly: last i see i was getting with his friend lowkey and he went off about it im blank from then Ali: its a fucking gay crime to ever fake it, no matter what Ali: I can get behind that one tho, not got the time or energy tbh Ali: yeah i think him and his friend then got in a scrap and then they left Ali: bros before hoes mentality hardcore, like idk, have fun jerking each other off then, if that's ur vibe boys Carly: k that sounds legit from what i caught on his socials Carly: didnt upload the circle jerk bless Carly: gay crimes must of been committed Ali: sad face Ali: coulda spat on his back Ali: protip Carly: ill let him know when he texts me later Carly: how did you kno where i live? state of me Carly: sorry to drag you this way Ali: plottwist, i'm a massive stalker with bad intentions Ali: I truly don't know, but I'll tell Lene she should be a cabbie 'cos she managed and I don't think we got any puke in her car Carly: k big lesbian crush on me yea Carly: ioher lots Carly: stealing her girl and wrecking her car in one Ali: Naturally, you cute Ali: I'll give you her number if you like, or just pass along the thanks and soz Carly: awh you're cuter Carly: probs still drunk tho Carly: giving me those kind words Carly: you handle the now ex if you love me Ali: Hahaha, he'd LOVE that Ali: ghosts of gf past Ali: Let me and I'll love you forever Carly: go for it Ali: let's see if I've still got his number Ali: this contact list is a minefield of mistakes but the real embarrassment would be getting them muddled up, fo'shame! Carly: i can give it Carly: used it more recently than you Carly: up there at my top Ali: won't be tellin' him that Ali: don't need the ego boost Ali: but tah Carly: makes it more fun to fuck him over if you praise him first Carly: but maybe thats me Ali: like a shit sandwich Ali: I get it Carly: hungry for anything but that rn Carly: [Sends the number tho] Ali: wanna come for brunch Ali: now you are newly gay Ali: that's what they do, fucking sex in the city up in dis bitch Carly: yea? weird Carly: not what i thought Carly: awh first date tho Ali: forreal, even the butch ones, don't let 'em fool you, its all fancy fucking eggs and screwdrivers by 11am Ali: you call 'em mimosas tho, gotta pretend you're being classy Carly: wtf is a screwdriver Ali: Babe! Ali: Vodka and orange juice Carly: i call it that Carly: gays and their labels Ali: save it for the rant sesh honey Ali: love you talking about how men ain't shit as well Carly: thats the ones i fuck Carly: cant be bringing no poshos to a caravan Ali: Posh boys are only good for the money anyway, I'm sure Ali: not finding any in 24 like regardless Carly: not gonna find out if they do drive by now im a lesbian wife Carly: sorry lads Ali: they had their chance Ali: unlucky boys Carly: should prob tell me your name again if im taking it Ali: Ruins the mystery a bit but alright Ali: Its Ali Ali: Ali McKenna if we're being formal Carly: k you've got the hot brothers Carly: makes sense Ali: 🤔 Ali: I think you're thinking of someone else, babe Carly: not trying to have our first fight but you coulda told me before we got hitched, bitch Carly: you're still hot tho don't be sad Ali: so you could run off with one of my brothers? i think not Ali: unless you meant Tommy 'cos he's very single but that's unlikely because he's never here Ali: stuck with me for now, hoe 😘 Carly: a slag like me could do worse Carly: has Ali: bitch, same Ali: we can compare notes, see how many regrets we got in common Carly: yea Carly: doing it Ali: Good, save it for brunch 'cos I'm coming forreal Ali: we don't have to deal with a gaggle of gossiping gays tho, bring you a maccies breakfast? Carly: k Carly: be fun Carly: you are from what i remember Ali: I like that Ali: No bullshit Ali: Imma start all interactions like be fun please or I'm out Ali: ✌ bringing the fun and the bacon babe Carly: you're not bringing your gf are you Ali: Nah, how awkward, meet the missus, honey Carly: like there's usually a lad in my trio sorry Carly: still learning this lesbian life Ali: oh, are you bi legit? Ali: she's way too jealous for threesomes, you're good Carly: nah i just know what lads want Ali: Oh gurl Ali: that's why Lene ain't coming Ali: the lecture you're avoiding Carly: idc Carly: youre my wife now bitch Ali: 💍💍 Ali: Productive morning, if I do say so myself Ali: and we're hanging, fuck with us Carly: good influence of you cuz i havent done fuck all this week Ali: Hard work being a bi icon, babe Ali: wait 'til I get you on the yoga hype Carly: wtf Carly: is that a joke Ali: nah, I've already done half an hour this morning Carly: bitch i had my fingers crossed you mistyped yogurt Carly: i love you but its a no Ali: 😂 lets be really into yogurt, not fancy stuff, like fucking froobs Carly: phallic Carly: slurping on my dick shaped yogurt Ali: exactly Ali: what do men love more than a representation of their genitals shoved in your mouth? nothing, is the answer, bar the real thing Ali: so seductive Carly: they don't like food in bed tho, but maybe thats my technique Carly: thinking you could use whatever Carly: k just gonna dump this curry out yea bear with Ali: spicy Ali: imagine the yeast infection you'd get from a fromage frais Carly: like sorry but if i can handle cum in my eye you can deal with some saag aloo boy Carly: googling those symptoms would be a laff tho Ali: ugh, now i want indian Carly: date 2, babe Ali: 😍 Ali: this is all moving so fast Ali: 'bout it Carly: thats all i kno about lesbians k Ali: Its so true Ali: Can confirm Carly: is your gf gonna be mad that im flirting with you Carly: cuz im scrappy but she's scary Ali: 😂 Ali: Probably but when I tell her you're straight she'll have to chill Ali: yeah, we're married BUT SHE'S STRAIGHT, BABE Carly: can't tell her how many girls ive fucked cuz i dont remember Carly: convenient Ali: Best keep that on the DL, yeah Ali: like your blatant gay feelings for me Carly: k Carly: been a secret before no big Ali: Awh babe, ain't nothing dirty about this Ali: I shall tell the world Carly: you're sweet Ali: Probably not if you still wanna be getting that D but you know, noblest intentions, like Carly: im over it Carly: go off Ali: when your pussy's the cure Ali: how can I be humble now? 😏 Carly: dont be Carly: proud slags who fucking love froobs Carly: its a mood Ali: that is a whole ass mood Ali: put it on a t-shirt, babe Carly: earn some bread for my table Ali: solid business plan Ali: we can't be the only ones Carly: independent women who don't need no dick Carly: anymore Ali: hell yeah! Ali: unless that dick wanna pay the bills, in which case we'll let 'em Ali: so we can get more froobs Carly: point Ali: oh no, someone put a pic of Molly Briggs vomming on Insta Ali: 1. gross 2. who hasn't been there, poor bitch Carly: sad Carly: hope she's alright Ali: I'd ask but don't really know her and her phone must already be blowing up Ali: plus she threw a netball right in my face once and I don't forget, bitch Ali: jk, I'll just report the pic 😂 Carly: they all call me a whore cba to keep track of which mollys or other bitches Ali: She is a bit of a bitch, ain't gonna sugarcoat it so probably Ali: not saying Karmas real but posted on that friggin' TallaghtSlags page so 🤷 Ali: grab a froob, darling Carly: her name makes me wanna party with her dad but thats as far as im fucking with that family Carly: or mum i dont know who picked it like Ali: Init, proper old skool ravers, obvs Ali: think I'm out of eccies, sadly Ali: last night depleted me Carly: Watch me call my son Bennie cos I got anxiety, baby Ali: Cute tho, whole medicine cabinet of babies Carly: why not im married now Ali: We'll get on that, date 3, like Carly: where you taking me? Ali: up the wheyyyyyyyyyy Ali: well, we had brunch, indian, obvs we're fat bitches Ali: get on that chinese buffet life Carly: you can get on your yoga mat tho Carly: im fucked Carly: letting myself go so soon my bad Ali: Please, you're perfect Ali: I'll have all the kids if you want Carly: blushing is what i am Carly: how many you want? Ali: how many people names are there for drugs? molly bennie mandy charlie umm Ali: and our preachy child, frank Carly: ha Carly: tina that's one Ali: Ooh, yes, a gay icon Carly: billy, bud our weak child, cosmic kelly who's gonna have to style that out Ali: oh kelly, I hope you have the personality to match or we've really fucked you over there, soz babe Carly: can't forget dimitri, lucy or mandy Carly: sweet sweet mary joy Ali: My fanny hurts just thinking about it Carly: christine and tina are obvs twins thats a relief Carly: how manys that? Ali: 13 Ali: Unlucky for some but my actual lucky number! Ali: Fated Carly: ha Carly: it's love and keeps being proven Ali: can't fight what's clearly so right Carly: true Ali: you want a milkshake Ali: i'm having one Carly: yea Carly: strawberry Ali: 'cos u so sweet 💚 Carly: awww Ali: I shall be right there, with brunch fit for a pair of proud slags Carly: k Carly: my parents arent here no need to break the news of wedded bliss Ali: Would be a weird first impression but I could rock it Ali: new fave in-law? I think so Carly: yea Carly: cant fight fate like Carly: been said Ali: forreal, catch me outside if you got something to say, lads Ali: alone time with the bae is always good tho Carly: you kno Carly: love you bitch Ali: love ya 😘