#idc idc idc call me mad call me bitter

[clumsycapitolunicorn]

.

[skelly-words]

Guys, I have OC content

It's actually really old (from highschool... but i live for cringe) and way different from anything else I have up, but idc. I love them and want to expand their universe too. So...

Of Bic Lighters and Bad Parenting

cw- teenagers being angsty (smoking, mentions of self-harm, inigo is rlly emo)

The three of them stand in the abandoned lot with little regard for the legality of it. An old convenience store with broken windows sits in the middle of the parking lot, pressed against the horizon. The sky is a deep shade of blue. Silence smothers them. It seems wrong to disturb the still January morning. Though calling it morning is a stretch as the clock has hardly reached tomorrow. 

Inigo, the oldest, flicks ash off the end of his cigarette and brings it to his lips. His inhale is careless, painting the inside of his lungs a lifeless shade of gray.

“Those’re bad for you,” Eden says. She’s the youngest, barely coming up to her older brother’s shoulder.

The last of the three, Agni, gives her a sharp glare.

Inigo bears a bitter smile, hissing words from between his teeth. “Like I don’t know that already. You’re stating the obvious, Eden.” He takes another drag, and a plume of malign smoke escapes with his exhale. 

Agni doesn’t say anything, but an empty bottle of lighter fluid falls from her limp fingers. It’s caught by the slick ground, a product of its own contents.

Inigo addresses her next. “Do you have a lighter on you? I left mine in the car.”

Agni lifts her shoulders with mild indifference. “I‘m not sure if I have one.”

“Yes, you do.” Notes of exasperation crawl between Inigo’s syllables.

Agni digs around in her jacket with an annoyed grumble, then produces a worn, yellow pocket lighter from the folds of fabric. She absently flicks at the flint, scattering bright sparks into the night.

The abandoned convenience store looks a bit sad and lonely under the feeble glow of the streetlights. Eden stands behind her siblings, observing how gasoline snakes away from the building in an opalescent trail. It forms a pool at the toes of Agni and Inigo’s sneakers. They’re wary of its flammable nature, not letting it touch the soles of their shoes.

“The lighter, Agni?” Though phrased as a question, Inigo demands it.

“Don’t give it to him,” Eden spits. “Don’t let him go through with this, Agni, please.” Eden looks too tired for thirteen. She drowns in the fading street lights, washed out by the dim headlights of a hand-me-down Honda Civic. 

“Inigo, this is too far,” Eden says. “This is too much, too risky. I can count a million better ways to become numb.”

“No, let’s not lie to ourselves, Eden. You don’t understand why I want to do this, you can’t, so stop wasting time by pretending you do.” Inigo stoops to level with his sister, his whisper is soft and low. “If I wanted to be numb, then I’d just die, Eden.”

She scoffs. “Don’t say that, idiot. You wouldn’t-” 

“I wouldn’t? I couldn’t,” he rescinds just as quickly as he confesses. “But that doesn’t stop me from wanting to.”

“You can’t. I need you. Agni needs you.”

“No.” Inigo shakes his head. “Agni is capable of taking care of herself.” He kicks an empty gas can, content in watching it skid across the cracked asphalt. It comes to a stop when it hits an empty bottle of turpentine. “But she can’t look after you too.”

Inigo tilts his head back. He lifts the cigarette from his lips to blow smoke at the stars. “Maybe I can’t either.” He looks more exhausted than usual. “When you knocked on the door to my room this morning, Eden, with that same, predictable look on your face. You know the one. That look you always get when mom slaps you around. I couldn’t even look at you. I was so mad. You couldn't begin to understand the extent of my anger. And it’s a bit funny now that I think about it. Well, not really, but it is. Because I wasn’t mad at mom, I was mad at you, Eden.” His voice breaks. The vicious whisper that he’d worked so hard to maintain finally fractures. A small crack that’s inconsistent with Inigo’s rambling calm. “I always think, What if Eden could keep her mouth shut?” 

“Some thoughts should be kept to yourself,” Agni snaps.

“I know, but now’s as good a time as any for full disclosure.” He pulls the smoldering cigarette from his mouth and pushes the hot end of it into his skin, eyes screwed shut until the embers go dark. It leaves a ghastly bubble of red to accompany the other indents on his arm. “Besides, it’s ultimately my fault; what kind of brother am I if I can’t keep you and Eden safe?” He flicks the leftover stub onto the floor.

Agni doesn’t speak, whether it be refusal, or purely distaste for her answer.

“Who am I if I can’t keep my little sisters safe?” Inigo asks, mumbling the words under his breath while a hand drags over his face. “Tell me.” A trail of stale cigarette smoke and vitriol is stuck to his syllables like nicotine on wallpaper.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Agni says.

“Sorry.” A hollow apology.

“Please, can we just go home?” Eden asks, the attempt is desperate and half useless.

“Sure, Agni can take you.”

“No, I can’t,” Agni says. “How will you get home?”

“I won’t.”

“No! No that’s not-” She pulls the car keys from her hoodie pocket, and shoves them toward Inigo’s chest. He makes no effort to take them, letting the cluster of keys fall onto the blacktop. “Where will you go?”

“Dunno.” Inigo pulls another cigarette from his pocket, holding it loosely between his lips. “Not home, that’s for damn sure.” The cigarette is pocketed again, useless without the means to light it.

“No, you’re not going anywhere.” Agni takes a breath for control. “We’re gonna set this stupid store on fire, and then you’re coming home with us.”

“Fine.”

“You promise?”

“I don’t like promises,” Inigo says, a bitter statement to match the desperation in kerosene-drenched floors.

“I don’t care.”

Inigo folds. “We light this, and I’ll stay. I promise.”

“Good, because I wouldn’t have let you leave anyways.” Agni holds out her hand. A promising flash of yellow is knotted between her knuckles. “Dad already did, and if you do too, I’ll never forgive you.”

Inigo’s movements are clumsy as he takes the lighter from Agni. The unsteady nature of his hands leaves his fingers fumbling on the plastic, made slick by sweaty palms.

“Thank you.” Inigo sighs, holding the lighter in a white knuckle grip. It’s a touch of reprieve in his cold hands. He doesn’t waste his time, flicking the sparkwheel until he deems the device satisfactory. 

Inigo snaps the rubber band on his wrist twice before tugging it off completely. It’s a nasty piece of elastic, the kind that holds vegetables together at the grocery store. He secures it around the lighter, holding the red button down with a quiet hiss of escaping butane. A flick of the wheel ignites the gas, bringing a small orange flame to lap at the air. He glances at Eden, searching for acceptance, or even for something as bold as support.

“Don't,” Eden says, “for me?”

“For the love of God, Eden, shut up!” Agni’s voice is shrill, “he's done enough for you, let him have this.” She gives Inigo a final, reassuring nod. “Go on then.” The two girls take a few steps back, shrinking away from the puddle on the asphalt. “Light it up.”

Inigo’s next inhale is slow and deliberate, a last breath before the air itself is scorched beyond repair.

He drops the lighter. The plastic clatters on the blacktop, laying next to the amalgamation of accelerants; a sharp exhale when it turns to a flame.

Inigo fumbles backward to stare in awe at their creation. His lungs burn. Hot and familiar. Wisps of orange claw the building, voracious, careful, shrinking away from cool slabs of concrete to gnaw at exposed wood and soot-stained paint.

“What do I do now?” Inigo asks, choking on the heavy cloud of black smoke emanating from the flames. “I don’t know what to do.”

“We leave,” Eden says. She grabs her brother’s hand and tugs him through the smoke. 

The walk to the car is quiet, and nobody questions when Inigo crawls into the backseat. He drapes himself across the upholstery, lengthy limbs spilling onto the floor of the car. Agni starts the engine, pulling out of the lot, and onto the empty street. She glances at the burning building in her rearview mirror, then at her brother sleeping in the backseat. A sigh of relief slips from Agni’s lips, disappearing into the comforting hum of the car’s heater.

[planetbass]

funnybunny is literally the only jax ship that has any appeal to me. overall jax is seen as like an annoying twink but bc the only other male characters in the show r an older widowed man and a mentally unstable ai, neither of which jax would have any sort of chemistry with anyways, the only sustainable ships with him are with the 3 girls and zooble.

these are all my personal opinions so dont come at me with pitchforks or anything. idc if you like any of these ships for any reason, have your fun, i just like to analyze these freaks. ok disclaimer over.

TL;DR: i think funnybunny is the only jax ship that "makes the most sense" in terms of character, considering pomni is the newest member of the circus that doesn't yet have a solid established relationship with jax. i also personally just find them to be the most compelling compared to the other potential ships with jax.

ok now onto the actual ramblings.

with zooble, them and jax seem to have a bickering sibling relationship to me. zooble's the only one who really shuts jax down when he's being mean or stupid, which in turn isn't entertaining to him, so he shifts targets. i do think this also allows them to get along the best compared to jax with the other circus members, but i don't think they're like, particularly close. zooble's just the only one that meets jax at his level by retaliating or shutting him down.

with gangle... jax is just too mean to her for me to find it appealing (even in like a toxic relationship or bitter exes sorta thing). gangle is an easy target for jax because she's sensitive and doesn't fight back. the only time so far that she has was very circumstantial and while she was literally manic and in a perceived position of power over him. and even then, she's barely masking her true feelings; she's still hurt by him (and others). idk i can see how you can twist their dynamic into something more equal and interesting, but personally it doesn't do anything for me. jax picks on her just because he can and because he sucks.

ragatha is by far the most popular choice for jax shippingisms and i can see why, but again on a personal level it just isn't isn't my thing. ragatha is jax's #1 target for teasing and pranking because ragatha consistently has the biggest reactions, which in turn is most entertaining for jax. she gets scared easily, she's trusting and people-pleasing, she screams when scared, she gets mad at him, she yells at and reprimands him. this is fun for him. i think back to ep 2 when he calls her licorice hair, she clutches her hair and yells at him, upset, to which he seems proud of himself. the other characters probably would've just rolled their eyes and ignored him, but ragatha getting riled up at even just a small comment is where he gets his entertainment. his constant teasing and her falling for it/putting up with it (despite protesting) again feels very siblinglike to me, especially since jax is very raggedy andy-inspired. ep 4 even reveals to us that ragatha straight up doesn't like jax, but still wants to be liked by him. this goes back to ragatha's people pleasing nature – she wants to be liked by everyone, even if she doesn't like them, and already we know this is to her own detriment (coming off as disingenuous). this particular interaction with jax can be read in a way where she's got like, repressed feelings for him. that's fine, though definitely an interpretation made when wearing shipping goggles lol. and jax's teasing of her in particular definitely doesn't come across as a "being mean to a crush" thing on jax's end either. again, out of all the ships i can see how this one is most popular, but personally it doesn't do anything for me.

the biggest reason these ships don't do anything for me is because these dynamics are already established by the time the show starts, and i don't see them changing too significantly anytime soon. nobody likes jax, including pomni, but at least with pomni i can see that changing.

pomni is still new to the circus, still settling in and getting used to everything. by ep 4 she seems like she's almost completely adjusted. while she's been adjusting, jax has been testing his limits with the new circus member. in eps 2 and 3 in particular, jax is teasing pomni during their shared screentime, like he's seeing how she'll react and how much she'll retaliate. so far she hasn't really fought back but isn't afraid to call him an asshole in ep 2, though she's still pretty shell-shocked in that one, so it's possible now that she's more comfortable she'll be willing to challenge him more. by ep 4 it's clear that pomni doesn't like jax nor does she trust him, yet she also was part of a miraculous moment... where jax wasn't being an asshole and had his guard down. all it took was one day of working fast food to completely suck the soul out of his body. and clearly pomni is taken aback by this interaction, as the scene lingers on her for a moment after jax makes his leave.

pomni is established as someone who is upfront and honest, but also extremely empathetic and doesn't want anyone to feel like they're alone or unwanted. we even see in ep 4 that she knows how to show this in different ways – talking didn't work with gangle, because gangle closed up again before getting too vulnerable, but pomni was able to show gangle support and kindness through actions later on. in that moment with jax, i think pomni is realizing, oh yeah, this guy can be genuine, and like, has emotions. he's capable of being normal but chooses not to be, instead pushing others away. i think this little moment could be the very start of pomni eventually breaking through to jax, whenever that time comes. the others have reached a point with jax where they won't give him the time of day, or probably wouldn't take him seriously if they did. personally, i think pomni is the most capable of having a heart-to-heart (ish) moment with jax. she isn't one to sugarcoat things or dance around topics, but she's also sensitive in how she approaches these things.

jax is very troubled and impulsive (as said by gooseworx), but i get the impression he's also inherently very anxious (based on this ask response where gooseworx said jax was gifted hydroxyzine in the glitch christmas render, which is a prescription antihistamine that also treats insomnia and anxiety). he has an established personality that he wants to stick to; he is masking just as much as everyone else, if not the most out of all the characters. i can see jax as worried about acting "out of character" in front of the others – he has an established relationship and role and personality with the other circus members and breaking that mold can be very anxiety inducing. he is in the process of molding this same mask around pomni, but i think their dynamic is new enough that it can be changed. i think that jax will be more willing to open up around pomni than the other characters because she's the new one, because she doesn't know him as well as the others [think they do].

that's been my thought on their dynamic since the get-go, but especially after their moment in episode 4 i can really see pomni as being the only one who will be able to get through to jax, or the only one willing to understand him. she's also the main character let's be for real.

i also think jax just... likes pomni more than the others. this i can't really explain and is definitely my personal bias. truthfully you can't rly tell what his opinions are of the others, but it's the impression i get based on what he's said about the others and how he interacts with them.

i dont even completely see them as a romantic ship either. just like. idk. i can see them in particular getting close, platonic or romantic. jax needs someone to confide in and/or actually be able to relax around, and i can equally see pomni becoming more relaxed and silly due to his influence. she needs to grow into her jester shoes.

[kuromi-hoemie]

yup! i don't have anything to add that hasn't been said already, white liberals can't ignore policies anymore tho lol. they can be a part of the solution or be bitter by themselves idc.

dems could not have fumbled an easier election and they're directing their ire at the wrong people. can't get mad at Trump supporters who actually actively chose to put him in power, can't get mad at dems' campaigns/stances, can't get mad that at least a year of clear warnings fell on deaf ears.

anger and bickering and dehumanization are reserved for people who are suffering no matter what. whatever 🤷🏾‍♀️ white people who call themselves allies wasting time arguing with and demanding perfection from poc instead of trying to learn from and work with us is nothing new lol. acting like we need to grovel and attend to their every demand and answer every nitpicky question or their solidarity is revoked (when it was never really there to begin with).

like what's done is done, what are you (/general) gonna do about it? bc we're working together and adapting regardless... being useless was already within expectation/apparent, they've been living in denial.

there are black ppl nicer and more patient than me who'd love to do the work and walk them thru everything but god I am not one of them lmao. different ppl do different things, i am someone who is more focused on helping where i can irl/online and being a safe space for ppl.

something really basic i wish more ppl thought about, especially with internet interactions, is there's a huge difference between asking someone to help you learn about something and having a conversation about it, vs jumping into an argument/debate about it. if you are fighting someone every step of the way instead of trying to take anything in, you are not going to learn anything about what you can do, what you need to do, or how you can help. and ppl don't need to waste their time on trying to patiently teach something to someone who isn't ready or willing to learn. you are setting the tone for the interaction.

not everyone needs to do every thing, and i just work around the problem and try to live my life lol... there are better ways to spend our time.

gotta say (1) day into trump winning, white liberals being vehemently racist and lashing out at everyone has been more infuriating than the fact that trump won. I've heard and seen more nasty shit coming from angry liberals the past 2 days than I've heard or seen of any trump supporter.

[saetoru]

call geto ru. he hates it <3

𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐆𝐄 | 𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔.

tags: college au!, suggestive comments, i characterized him how i wanted to idc

notes: in that case i’ll call him that just to make him mad <3

“don’t call me that,” geto huffs quietly, rolling his eyes as you snort from your spot on his chest. the television is simply background music at this point, and you don’t think either of you has paid attention in the last fifteen minutes to the movie playing—but you think you have other things you’re rather be watching right now. like the pout that’s slowly tugging at geto’s lips.

“what’s wrong with it?” you raise a brow, eyes laced with amusement as he grunts.

“sounds stupid,” he mutters quietly.

“i think it’s cute,” you insist, “a cute little nickname for my cute little boyfriend.” you lean up to peck his jaw with a giggle, and even despite the clear unhappiness sprawled across his features, he tightens his arm around your waist.

“i am not little,” he says firmly, and he almost sounds insulted that you’d make such an untrue claim, “i think i’ve shown you that more than once.”

“okay, maybe not little,” you hum in agreement, “but you’re definitely cute.”

at first glance, geto is not cute—he’s trouble. he’s got piercings lining his ears and tattoos littering his arms, and on most days, despite your incessant protests, he’s got a cigarette between his lips. he speeds when he drives and skips class when he wants and picks fights when he shouldn't. he’s bad news if you’ve ever seen it, but all things considered, you think he’s rather beautiful.

there’s beauty in the way geto isn’t a perfect picture, in the way he isn’t painted with careful brush strokes through deliberate thought. he’s shattered glass, each piece picked up and laid out until he’s built himself to be a mosaic of colors that leave you awestruck—and, when he’s lounging in gray sweats and a faded pacman t-shirt, you think there’s an air of innocence to him that no one else but you gets to witness. and it’s adorable, and you think you should remind him—even if he’s not the biggest fan of said reminder.

“don’t call me that stupid nick—”

“but it’s so cute,” you pout, “and suguru is long. ru is nice and short.”

“it’s so fucking dumb.”

“aw, but i love you, ru,” you emphasize the last part as you giggle loudly, leaning up to plant a wet kiss on his cheek. he pauses, turns his face to glare at you harshly—though it’s never really harsh if it’s at you—and scoffs, turning his attention back to the movie.

he doesn’t even know what’s happening anymore, not when he’s missed everything in the last twenty minutes, but he pretends to be deeply transfixed as you poke his chest repeatedly.

“you have to say it back,” you protest, whining when he doesn’t spare you a glance. “ru, you have to say it back when i—”

“‘m not saying it until you call me by my real name.”

“but it’s not as cute,” you huff, furrowing your brows, “quit being so bitter. satoru lets me call him toru all the time, he never—”

“wait, you have a nickname for satoru?” he interrupts, suddenly very interested in you once more. his head whips to look at you in shock, like your words are cold water splashed on his skin—and he thinks you might as well just drown him while you’re at it. “why does satoru have a nickname before me?”

“i call you babe,” you roll your eyes, “i don’t call him babe.”

“so is that the only privilege i get?” geto raises a brow as he questions you dryly. you fight back a smile, but it tugs at the corners of your lips anyway, making him flick your forehead as he fights his own grin.

“you’ve seen me naked,” you point out, “that’s a rather generous privilege.”

the smile wins, and it tugs at his lips this time as he chuckles lowly, pulling you closer as his hand sneaks up your shirt to rub your bare back. “true,” he grins widely, “seeing you naked is quite the privilege.”

and this is the geto the world doesn't quite understand—the one they don’t have the pleasure of seeing. the one whose smile is gentle and as warm as the sun on your face and soft as the grass under your feet, whose eyes are deep enough that you could fall headfirst. except falling is not falling with geto—you don’t even make it close to the bottom when his arms tug you into his chest and his nose digs into your neck and you feel the world pressed into your palms as he surrenders himself to you.

the shards of glass he’s rearranged aren’t as jagged at the edges as they seem when you look up close, and he doesn’t slice your skin open with his touch. and when he glitters under the rays of light that peak in through the curtains every morning, when the colors seem just a tad bit more vivid today than they did yesterday, you know your geto isn’t the geto the rest of the world knows.

your geto isn’t the stone-faced man whose name is a fearful whisper—he’s the boy in your grasp that pouts at the nickname you give him, the one whose skin flushes red as blush dances across his cheeks under your fingertips.

“is that all you’re here for? just to see me without any clothes?” you scowl, flicking his forehead. his hand grabs your retreating one, tugging it to his lips as he presses a chaste kiss to your wrist.

“don’t act like you’re not here for the same,” he snorts. “but you really call him toru? does he like it when you do?” by now, his voice adopts an edge to it, and the sudden realization makes his eyes narrow, “that asshole. i’ll knock him out next time i see him.”

“well at least he’s appreciative of my nicknames, unlike some people,” you glare at him, and geto thinks this is what everyone means when they say true love is sacrifice—he sacrifices his pride and quite possibly his dignity as he sighs deeply and caves.

“okay, you can call me that,” he grumbles, cringing at the way your eyes light up and then glint with mischief. something tells him you’d have called him that either way—but this, the permission, it makes it all the more dangerous.

“i knew you loved it,” you tease, pinching his cheek with a chuckle. “you’re too easy to read.”

“i hate it,” he scrunches his face in distaste. but truth be told, there’s a small part of him that can’t deny he’s almost giddy that he’s more than just suguru in your eyes.

“you love it. now say it back.”

“i hate it,” he insists stubbornly, but there’s a smile that pulls at his lips as he pecks your forehead, “but i guess i love you, though.”

and when your fingertips reach to trace over his skin, and love pours from your touch like a dripping faucet he never wants to fix, it fills into the cracks of the shattered pieces, building him whole and new.

i’m in writers block this short ass drabble took me hours to write sobsobsob i’m struggling yall. terribly so.

[goldencherryhazz]

For Me?

A/n: I haven’t written anything in ages so this is probably going to be shit but idc! I hope you enjoy it tho :)

Warnings: mostly fluff, a pinch of angst and a smutty twist at the end!

‘Thankyou!’ Harry waved at the florist as he exits the shop juggling shopping bags and the beautiful bunch of flowers he had got for his girl, it was a Friday night and you had had a stressful week at work, from paperwork to rude clients, it had really taken a toll on you, so Harry thought that the least he could do was get you flowers and make dinner for you.

He pulls up into your driveway, excited to see you even though he had seen you last this morning, there was just something about having you in his presence that comforted him no end. Once he manages to open the front door he is greeted with the warm of your home instantly hearing him up from the bitter London air, he also registers the scent of you favourite candles lingering in around the hallway.

‘Y/n where are you darling’ he sing songs gracefully dumping the contents of his hands onto the floor, obviously being careful with the flowers.

‘In here H’ you call from the living room, and it’s like his ears are drawn to the sound of your voice as his legs instantly start moving to your destination. Upon seeing you he frowns, you nose was buried in pages and pages of paperwork and files, a laptop set up next to you and you seem to be spitting yourself between the two writing 1 second then moving to your laptop the next.

‘Hi H, you okay?’

No’ he says quite bluntly, noticing the bags that were starting to grow under you eyes from lack of sleep.

‘Why not, what happened lovie’ and he could cry at the fact that you were concerned about his well-being whilst having not payed any attention to your own.

your overworking yourself baby, don’t like seeing you all stressed because you are drowning yourself with your work

‘You look up to him ‘oh I thought something bad had actually happened to you, panicked me a bit.’

He can’t help but get angry at that, he hated that she was so blazé about her own mental health ‘baby something is wrong, and I’m not going to stand here another second and let you do any more work, your done’ he walks over closed the lid of you laptop firmly .

Bu-

‘No buts darling, you’ve done so much for your job but not anything actually for yourself, need to take a break and look after that pretty head of yours’

‘I can’t just leave it though, my boss will go mad at me and there are other colleagues that need me to do my bit before they can do thier job’

Does it sound or look like I give two shits about them, I only care about you and those emails and that paperwork is still going to be there on Monday, the world isn’t going to stop because you didn’t answer an email and if anyone has anything to say about it then they can come to me and I will make them wish they hadn’t said anything at all’, he say sternly.

You sit there and don’t even argue with him because you know that he is right and you do need to take some time for yourself ‘I’m sorry bub’ you say defeated

‘No, no apologising baby, you don’t have anything to be sorry for just hate seeing you like that, he kneels down infront of where you’re perched on the sofa reaching a hand up to stroke your cheek and you muzzle into it, a wave of comfort falling over you the after affects making you a bit less stressed than you had been for the past few days.

‘I got something for you actually baby, give me two ticks. He tottles off to the hallway before promptly returning to the living room obviously carrying something behind his back ‘close you eyes and hold your hands out darling’ he smiles at you. He places the bunch in your awaiting hands ‘you can open those pretty eyes now’

‘When you do you are greeted with a beautiful selection of jasmine, peonies and cherry blossoms’, and for some reason you start to tear up

‘Those are for me?’ You look up at him and the sight is heartbreaking to him, he wanted to make you happy not cry.

‘Yeah they’re yours baby, what’s wrong darling why are you crying.

‘No one’s bought me flowers before’ you smile through the tears and Harry swears if words could kill he would have dropped dead on the floor.

‘You’re not being serious baby, no one’s ever had the decency to buy you flowers?’ He says gobsmacked.

‘Yeah, my ex never really got me anything like this just out of the blue I was lucky to get something on my birthday.’ You pick at some of the delicate petals.

Harry can’t get his head around it the fact that his girl had never been bought flowers before, he got angry all over again, the frown on his face was highlighting the thoughts swirling in his brain. ‘People are dickheads’ he states quite matter of factly.

Sitting down next to you he places his ringed fingers over your thigh before muttered ‘c’mere baby’ he gestures for you to come closer. You put the bunch of flowers down carefully not wanting a single petal to be damaged, and then climb into his lap. He immediately pulls you in for a cuddle and you nuzzle your tear stained face into his warm neck, he starts to leave little kisses across the visible part of you face and neck to which you giggle out at, you don’t stay like this for too long because soon he hooks a finger under you chin lifting your face out of the confinements of his neck wanting a proper kiss, you melt into it instantly his hands grabbing the sides of your face.

He pulls away eventually his green orbs still staring into yours ‘I just want you to know baby that I don’t know what the fuck was going though your ex’s head but a girl like you deserves all the flowers in the world’ and you could cry at that. ‘Thankyou H, your the best, you know that right’ he smiles a big toothy grin at that.

‘You don’t need to thank me baby, gonna buy you all the flowers in the world i swear’ he connects your lips after that symbolising to you that he meant it with it his whole heart.

A kiss turned into a heated makeout session, his teeth nipping at your bottom lip before exploring your mouth with his tongue, the subtle grind of your hips against him making his cock begin to harden in the confines of his trousers. ‘Fuck baby, feels so good’ he grasps your hips pressing you down even further against his cock, the stimulation to your clit sending a euphoric rush up your spine, the moan you let out filling the entire room.

After a few more moments to Harry’s surprised you lift yourself from his lap making his hands drop harshly to the sofa, his mouth parting in shock, and the tent in his trousers entirely too prominent.

‘Where do you think your going’ he says utterly confused.

‘Gotta go and put my flowers in water, wouldn’t want them to die now would I’ you say grasping the bunch, smiling at him all too innocently like the past 5 minutes failed to exist.

‘Such a little minx, you know that’

‘Guess you’re going to have to punish me then aren’t you?’ You shout from the kitchen over the running tap.

He swear he feels his pupils dilate at that, ‘fuck your so hot, how did I get soo lucky.’ He contemplates the love he had for you, knowing that by morning would have the imprints of his initials all over your ass, truly marking you as his.

[alrightsnaps]

The Secrets of Dumbledore First Impression rant

– Jude Law and Mads Mikkelsen are the best Dumbledore and Grindelwald we could've hoped for and I'll NEVER shut up about it, I don't know who that ugly fossil in CoG was

– as far as I'm concerned the movie was back to the first installment's standards if not better (my grindeldore heart is biased sorry lmao)

– I don't know how anyone could watch Albus and Gellert in SoD and call this movie queerbaiting, not only is it repeatedly mentioned that the two of them were in love but everything about Jude and Mads' acting in their scenes shows the love and heartbreak and longing for one another

– still can't believe they killed off my girl Leta, they really picked the worst movie for her to feature in I needed her in SoD

– they'd better keep sidelining Newt in favour of Dumbledore and Grindelwald not to mention political figures like Vicência

–  I've been hyped af about Lally's character since it was announced she'd be a main character in SoD and she did NOT disappoint

– Jacob keeps being a ray of sunshine and delivering 80% of the comedy in the movie

– THE DUO OF LALLY AND JACOB

– there was some heavy exposition at the beginning of the movie but I get why it's there tbh

–  I was a bit disappointed that we didn't get to see Rio and the Brazilian Ministry of Magic (I think it was originally meant to be in this movie but I guess with the rewrites it must've been pushed back for the next one?) but my guess is that we'll be seeing more of Brazil's wizarding world very soon given Vicência's character

– I don't know if this is an unpopular opinion but I'M A SUCKER FOR THE POLITICAL BACKGROUND AND WORLDBUILDING. That's the aspect of the franchise that most appealed to me when I watched the first movie and I loved everything about the International Confederation of Wizards and the election plot

– still bitter that these movies have wizards dressed as Muggles even in the wizarding world GIVE ME THOSE ECCENTRIC WIZARD ROBES MAN

– another personal criticism is the lack of Grindeldore flashbacks! I need a flashback of Toby Regbo and Jamie Campbell Bower as Albus and Gellert being young and in love WHO DO I HAVE TO BRIBE FOR THIS TO HAPPEN

–  this is officially a Vicência Santos fan account and if they don't make her into a main character in future installments I'm suing

– my sexy evil French lady Vinda Rosier doing evil things while looking stylish af >>>>

– JACOB AT HOGWARTS OMG I NEED AN ENTIRE MOVIE OF JUST THIS

– baby slytherins being pranking little shits lmao I love them

– maybe I'm biased because of the abusive piece of shit that is Ezra Miller but I couldn't care less about his knockoff Snape character, I just hope he's dead by the next movie

– on the other hand I found the way Credence fits into Aberforth's story heartbreakingly suitable given Abe's hp arc? The way he treasured Ariana and watched her suffer because she couldn't control her magic as an Obscurus and then history repeating itself with his son....the tragedy there

– the scene where Dumbledore recounts the events that led up to Ariana's death, his guilt and heartbreak...it just made me weep

– I really liked the fighting scenes! Though I grew up with the hp books and love them I've never been a fan of the movies post Cuarón and the fight scenes have been one of their most underwhelming parts imo, so I was glad to see some improvement there

– the scene were Dumbledore and Grindelwald finally confront each other was simply EPIC and so emotionally charged, I do not have the words to explain how much I loved everything about it

– I loved that they gave Queenie her happy ending with Jacob rather than having her go full villain! I think she offered some pretty realistic representation of how people with good intentions can be manipulated by demagogues until they're too far gone. Her pain and anguish when she meets with Jacob in Bhutan convinced that there's no way back for her after what she did? I'm a Queenie apologist idc

– kinda disappointed by the way the cruciatus curse was visually portrayed??? also the way it was brushed off by jacob afterwards just felt weird

– more of tina in the next movie please!

– overall the damage control they did after the mess that was cog worked as far as I'm concerned, I was extremely disappointed when they casted d*pp as grindelwald and was pretty much done with the franchise (it took me like two years to even watch the second movie and it still kinda felt like a chore) but they've finally done him justice this time around and I'm very glad because my excitement about the movies is back in full force

[konowhore]

aoba johsai headcanons | watching a volleyball game with them

warning(s): spoilers from season 2-3, not proofreaded 

a/n: these are,,, very long HAHA and i’m so sorry that these are like,,,,,, all ending with reader and bf sleeping LMAO...

prompt: you watch a volleyball game with your boyfriend. you didn’t realize that it was a game between the two teams his team lost to.

oikawa

PLEASE HE WAS SO BITTER IN SEASON 3 IT WAS SO FUNNY????

but anyways

he had dragged you to watch the shiratorizawa v. karasuno game bc ‘you’re my gf i need emotional support<3′

you didn’t really know much about volleyball, maybe the basics like positions, but you were still excited to watch

his ass would choose the seat farthest away from the court simply bc he didn’t want to be seen and he would make the snarkiest remarks while watching about how they played and you would just be like: .. yea..... 

he’d realize that you’re a little confused abt what’s going on and then go:

“need me to explain anything princess?”

you lean into him and nod a bit, turning your head to smile up at him

his glasses reflect some light but he shifts them so he can look you in the eyes

cue you blushing bc the looks he gives you ?? <333 it makes ur heart cartwheel

anyways he rubs circles on the back of your hand with his thumb, explaining to you about the big play that just happened

you would just stare at him and take glances at the game because he was just so admirable

he knew so much, he played really well

you knew he worked so hard to try and get nationals, yet his team ended up not making it

out of the blue while you both sit and watch, you stretch up to kiss his cheek

oikawa, who usually isn’t too flustered, has pink-dusted cheeks when he looks at you

“yes princess...?”

“nothing, i just adore you.”

the growing smile on his face makes you giggle and rest your head on his shoulder

the game continues, oikawa continuing to make remarks about each team, observing the game

you get a little bored, hugging his arm and watch the ball go back and forth 

oikawa pays really close attention tho bc he offers to take you home awwwwww

“if you’re tired we can go-”

“no it’s okay!! i like hearing your commentary uwu”

stop he’s so in love with you

like he would stare at you after that and just be all <3

and so you two stay for the whole game (you fell asleep some point,,,,,, woke up once to buy water LMAO)

watching volleyball with oikawa makes you realize how much he has a passion for it and you just admire him. so. much. 

and oikawa would be so grateful that you’re so supportive and he’d tell you a thousand times after the game that he’ll do anything for you bc you tagged along and everything pls <3

matsukawa

you two hang out at your place and land upon the shiratorizawa vs karasuno game

you: aren’t those the teams you guys lost to

issei: yeah and what about it. 

he’d jokingly pout and hide his face in your neck

“you’re mean </3″ he’d whine

you laugh and run your fingers through his hair 

he grins, his hands going to rub your back as you two watch the game on the screen

you recognize some of the players from aoba johsai’s previous games, humming while watching them play

issei is only half paying attention

“well he’s cute,” you note, watching the camera pan through the karasuno members, only for it to stop on the captain

issei would roll his eyes and smack your ass a little LMAO 

“he’s short,” he’d retort, chuckling soon after when you look at him and roll your eyes back at him

“okay and”

BYE HE’D JOKINGLY GET MAD AND GO “go date your new boyfriend then<3″

it’s all fun and games between you two tho and it’s soooo cute !!

he can be a little shit but 

anyways you’re cheering for karasuno, occasionally going ‘look at their captain omg <3′ 

issei would sit up with you still straddling him and he’d just press kisses against your neck, making you giggle and try to push him away

“stopppppppp”

“not until you take your eyes off of him~”

you run your fingers through issei’s hair once more, smiling and leaning down to kiss him 

“don’t worry issei, i’m all yours”

he’d lay back again, letting you lay on top of his chest

the game keeps going, you and mattsun sitting in comfortable silence while watching

your eyes are heavy and you don’t pay any attention to it

but then you wake up hours later, still on top of your bf’s rising chest

(pls i love him god i want to hug him and cuddle with him he’s so fucking cute <3333)

hanamaki

tbh semi was one of your old friends from middle school so he asked you to come to his game,,,

your boyfriend wanted to hang out with you so you asked if he wanted to go

HONESTLY he’d be like ‘since when did you talk to people from shiratorizawa’ but he’d be fine with it

maybe he’s a little bitter but lmao

you two go to look for your friend, and when you see him, you call his name and hug him

“eita!!”

makki:  🧍

semi: hi uwu

you would introduce them to each other all smiley 

there’s tension and for what

semi: okay well i have to go warm up

you: bye eita ^^

makki:,,,

PLEASE????????

you two would sit close to the school section and holy shit is hiro glad that he didn’t wear his team jacket LMAO he would’ve gotten flamed

anyways not you cheering for eita even tho you have no idea what the fuck is going on lmao

hiro is amused and he just thinks you’re so cute tbh 

he’s staring at you watching you yell out semi’s name even tho he wasn’t in the starting lineup help.

he’s such a dumbass tho pls 

HE WOULD PURPOSELY BOO ONCE WHEN SHIRATORIZAWA SCORES THEIR FIRST POINT DAKJNDKJBJKD

not these girls staring at y’all um......

you’d scold him and he’s just :P

anyways you take a break from cheering and you sit, leaning on your boyfriend’s shoulder

“hiro are you doing okay?” you mumble, playing with his hand

“mhm, are you?”

you nod at his question and watch the game continue

“you sure you’re okay?? you seemed kinda tense, maybevenalittlejealous, when i introduced you to eita”

“i’m fine baby don’t worry”

him: me???????????? jealous>?????????????????? no.

YOU WOULD TEASE HIM SOOOO MUCH AND HE KEEPS DENYING IT EVEN THO HE VERY SECRETLY IS

after the game, you drag your boyfriend along with you to tell eita he did a good job

he’d give you a really big and long hug in which hanamaki is just standing there 

you gush about how great eita was, earning a big smile from him

when you leave the gymnasium hand in hand with hanamaki, you cling onto his arm, your smile never leaving your face

“soooo did you like the game?” you ask, looking up at your unusually quiet boyfriend

“mhm”

“did you like meeting eita uwu”

“yeah-”

“were you jealous??”

“no comment.”

cue you teasing him while his cheeks become the same color as his pink hair 

he’d just remove his arm from your grasp and then wrap it around your waist to pull you closer to him

(SORRY I GOT SO CARRIED AWAY .......)

iwaizumi

i know we all know this but iwaizumi hajime best bf idc !!!

he honestly wanted to go see the game bc he just wanted to see how the teams would play against each other

he had asked you if you wanted to tag along so you agreed

in all honestly, he didn’t think you would want to because you don’t usually seem interested in it whenever he talks about it, but in truth, you listen to every word he says abt it pls TT

he loves u so so much and u love that he’s passionate about volleyball HE JUST,, DOESNT REALIZE THAT YOU LISTEN

like he thinks it’ll bother you if he talks about it too much <//3

he’s the one who is genuinely surprised when you point out a strategy karasuno had used

“y/n i didn’t realize you liked volleyball??”

“you talk about it all the time silly”

and you give him a kiss on the nose and he just :0

“hajime cmonnnn you took me to the game you should tell me more about it uwu”

STOP. he literally,,, loves u so much

he holds your hand, his little smile never leaving his face

you lean your head on his shoulder, watching the game on the court

when the tall blond blocks ushijima’s block, you flinch a bit and stand up to look closer, seeing the tall blond yell and his teammates following suit

you cheer along with them, your boyfriend finally standing up to stand next to you

his eyes are on you only, your hair bouncing with you as you jump in excitement, your eyes shimmering with excitement

his smile just grows as you grin , turning to him in excitement

“did you see that hajime?? :D”

STOPP HES SO IN LOVE HE JUST STARES AT YOU .

and u just :D

“hajime..???”

YOU HAVE TO SNAP YOUR FINGERS IN FRONT OF HIS FACE AND HE JUST SNAPS OUT OF IT AND LOOKS AT YOU

“you’re very beautiful princess, did you know that?”

that alone makes you go pink and you playfully push him by his arm

“baby stopppp”

and you’re both just laughing and watching the game together, spending the whole day with your hands intertwined 

(he.. hajime best boy)

yahaba

you had started watching the game a bit after the first set started and your boyfriend was busy taking a shower

you knew a lot in all honesty, since shigeru happened to be on one of the powerhouse schools in terms of volleyball throughout miyagi

if he was gonna be honest he wasn’t expecting you to sit down and actually watch a game of volleyball intently

so walking into his room seeing you focusing on the karasuno v. shiratorizawa match surprised him a bit

“you watching the game?” he’d ask

“mhm!! it’s really interesting uwu”

he finds it absolutely adorable but then he tries to flirt and flex his muscles like “babe look i just got out of the shower” AND YOU JUSt,, KEEP LOOKING AT THE TV

yahaba: baby *bites lip*

you: babe get dressed and come watch with me

goodbye he just throws a shirt and some shorts on and basically jumps on top of you in which you yelp and go “shiGERU” and his mom is ON HIS ASS !!!!!!!! she literally comes in and she’s like “shigeru stop jumping onto your gf” and you rlly stick your tongue out at him

him: you’re acting like a child

you: you STARTED IT.

and you guys bicker a little and you just go “well you made me miss half the game” and HE GETS SO MAD HELPPPP

“BOOOOO”

him: clinging onto you, asking you to cuddle him

you: watching the game

eventually you give in and hug him, kissing him which makes him go quiet

“are you happy now you baby?” you ask him

“.......maybe.....”

and he just gives you a quick kiss, smiling and also giving you a slight eskimo kiss

the game becomes an afterthought as he brings up the beach volleyball game the third years organized for tomorrow all day, asking if you could help his team out 

(he insists that since you’re the ref, you should help his team consisting of kyoutani, kunimi, hanamaki, and another first and second year win bc kyoutani will just keep spiking outside the lines but you tell him it’s cheating LMAO...)

watari

(btw he’s so underrated i mean he’s not one of my faves but he deserves the world like y’all sleep on him and for what)

he’s super observant and he had been watching recorded games for a while to learn and make sure he plays his best next year pls </3 

he had invited you over to his place to hang out and you really wanted him to take a break from watching all of those recorded games

you emphasized this when you told him you would come over lmao

but alas.........

when he opened the door and you looked at the tv to see what he had put on, you saw the shiratorizawa v. karasuno game

watari: I CAN EXPLAIN.

you: .... sir.. 

PLEASE he’s taking your hand and pulling you to the couch while saying he’ll relax and just watch for fun

you sigh and follow him, letting him pull you down to sit next to him on his couch

you throw your legs over his lap, smiling while looking at him

he would give you quick, soft kisses all over your face and you both just fall into a fit of giggles

stop u literally love watching him gaze at the tv so passionately and observe how they play </3

YOU GIGGLE AT HIM AND HE’S LIKE “what are you laughing about?”

AND YOURE JUST LIKE “you’re so cute uwu”

so y’all are really just out here giggling at each other huh....... 

he??? pulls you into his lap and hugs you tightly

he’s literally so in love with you pls

so you guys just sit there and watch the game while you occasionally ask him questions

he’d be happy to tell you and he’s holding onto you the whole. entire. time.

honestly the game kinda slips away from you because you’re suddenly asleep on his chest, his arms around your waist, a hand gently rubbing your back

and he’s so grateful that he has a girlfriend who cares about him and worries about him :((

he’d turn off the game and then take a little nap with u <3 

kindaichi

tbh you spent so much time with him after the game his team lost bc he kept beating himself up for it which is >:(((((

him: i could’ve-

you: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DO NOT BRING YOURSELF DOWN COME HERE LET ME KISS YOU

as you should !!

and when he tells you he’s gonna be watching the shiratorizawa vs karasuno match after school at his place, you tell him you’re watching with him too

“i don’t want it to bore you y/n-”

“it won’t bore me yutaro dw uwu”

no bc the way you’re both in love !!!!!

you would do anything for him tbh but you genuinely thought his passion for volleyball was cute :D

he was always striving to do his best and you think he’s absolutely precious

he’d turn on the game and then immediately come over to sit with you 

you lean onto him, clinging onto his arm and smiling

“y/n are you sure you wanna watch with me??”

“mhm!!”

he gives u a very soft kiss on the head and you can’t stop smiling bc you know he gets kinda shy abt showing affection

but he feels very warm and you start feeling very sleepy 

YOU TRY YOUR BEST TO KEEP YOURSELF AWAKE

you think him making comments abt the game or what he finds interesting is really cute but youre just,, tired ya know

he notices and he’s like “you should sleep-”

“noooo yutaro i’ll watch with youuuu”

“y/n cmonn”

you pout and lean turn to lean your forehead against his arm

“i don’t wanna </3″

“it’s okayyy you can sleep if youre tired”

you look at him and he smiles, leaning forward to kiss your forehead

you can’t help but melt and you’re just,, staring at him dreamily

he’s like “..baby..?”

and you just lean forward and kiss him

“you’re the best bf ever <3″

and he chuckles and goes “and you’re the best and cutest gf ever”

he has you lay down on his bed, your hair sprawled about his pillows

he lays with you, the two of you facing the tv and your back to him

he puts an arm around you, smiling

you slowly fall asleep, smiley and snuggling back towards yutaro

he kisses your head again, telling you that he loves you and hopes you sleep well 

he’s so<333

kunimi

he acts like he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the game but you guys are chilling at his place and you flip to the channel that has the game on 

at first he’s like “you’re interested ?? in this ????”

you: babe,, of course i am,,  my bf is a volleyball player,,,,,?

PLS? he’d be like ‘oh ok’ and rest his chin on top of your head

it’s so chill between the two of you guys he’s literally just playing with your hair, humming a bit

you ask him smth but he asks you to repeat what you asked because he spaced out 

and when you ask again he just stares at you and is like ‘yes’

YOU JUST LAUGH AT HIM AND HE THINKS YOURE SO PRETTY so he just continues to listen to you ramble abt the game

eventually, he finds himself dozing off and you take notice as his chin starts feeling heavy on your head

“baby c’mon let’s take a nap-”

and he’d shake his head and go “we can finish the game-”

but you can tell he’s tired, especially from practice earlier today

so you turn off the game and turn so that you’re straddling his lap and hugging him tight

he wraps his arms around you and hums, kissing you

you smile and lean back to look at him, his eyes droopy from exhaustion

“sleep bby”

“mm only if you do too”

“i will dw <3″

and you just cling onto him, arms around his neck

he hums,  nuzzling your neck and you giggle

eventually, you two start breathing slowly, falling asleep

(tbh you didn’t rlly even care who won you just watched the game bc it was on LMAO)

kyoutani

you guys were hanging out in your room, his head in your lap while you sat up against your pillows

you were both occupied by your phones atm

he put his phone down, looking up at you curiously

you smiled as he reached to intertwine his fingers with yours

he had been at the gym more often, playing volleyball and practicing 

especially after their loss against karasuno :( 

today was one of the days that he decided he would spend his time being with you 

he doesn’t voice it often, but he appreciates how much you support him and care for him

(you picked him up from the gym the other day with some of his favorite deep fried chicken bits with the cute chicken packaging and he didn’t know how else to show you how much he loves and appreciates you other than by cuddling with you all night pls i’m </3)

anyways he’s just staring at you, admiring you, thinking about how much he loves you while you’re watching some tiktok your friend had sent you 

you had asked if he wanted to watch the game with you on your phone but he had been occupied thinking about you 

“what’d you say-?”

“i asked if you wanted to watch the game with me..? if you don’t want to it’s fine-”

“oh sure”

and he’d adjust himself so that he’s sitting with you, shoulder-to-shoulder, leaning his head so that it lays on top of yours

you’d just be all smiley, leaning into him more while playing the live stream of the game

he seemed focused, watching the game intently

you tried to focus on the game, but the only thing you could think about was the way kyoutani was holding your hand, rubbing the top of it with his thumb

eventually, as the game continues, he huffs a little, making you look up and smile at him

“you okay? we can stop watching if you want-”

“it’s fine-”

and then he adjusts himself, scooting away from you to lay his head in your lap

he reaches for your hand and puts it on his head, looking up at you

you oblige, gently rubbing his head and smiling

his eyes are closed, a slight hum coming from him

after a while, you realize kyoutani had fallen asleep, so you turn the game on your phone off

during this, kyoutani grumbles, reaching for your hand

you can’t help but giggle a little, rubbing his head while humming a little

“get some rest baby~” you croon quietly, staring at him lovingly

he opens his eyes a little, giving you a small smile

“you too okay..?”

“mhm-!”

when he closes his eyes, you smile, mumbling a little ‘i love you’ to your boyfriend

[heleneplays]

You'll remain here (You'll remain dear inside)

LITERALLY FUCK ME I GUESS. SPENT THIS WHOLE DAY DOING NOTHING BUT WRITE FOR THE BLORBOS AND YOU KNOW WHAT. IDC. IT'S WORTH IT. THEY'RE WORTH IT.

anyways this are parts of the besties' pov, because I have unresolved feelings and half baked personifications of them screaming at me to write!!! them!!! down!!! so i am blaming my own issues but also James bc SIR. augh. my love for your goddamn blorbos is terminal and i succumb gladly :(

ok but honestly i was originally just going to write a meta fic of Helene actually becoming a self-aware character, that her choices were all predetermined, that it was a game etc etc on the second part but HEY things happen and next thing i know i wrote like 10k words instead of her choosing to fuck the narrative that good things have a price, and love is always enough in this three (?) part series of the endgame that never is, was, and hopefully never will be!!!!!!

ANYWAYS

forgot to say but stream GODSENT by BEN&BEN LIKE AUGH PLEASE.

again, María x Helene, but arching POVs from Sam, Cleo, Esme, Rémy, Zhu, and Dominique in the start of it all <3

---

Helene died, cradled in María's arms. They saw her breathe her last, focused on nothing but the woman who held her.

Sam almost wants to be bitter at that moment, because she'd gone and left, and her eyes never strayed. She didn't notice anyone else, had no other words to say except for María, and then they remember.

("It's always been her, Sam." She whispers, smiling brokenly as she stares straight ahead.)

So instead, they turn that bitterness into one part grief, nine parts wonder because throughout their adventures, the woman they consider their idol-turned-mentor-turned-friend was still as true to their heart, even in the face of broken dreams of the future, in the face of death.

---

"It feels like i'm playing God, when I hold these things in my hand." She whispers.

Sam remembers the island. Of how the Carxite podium held her, gripped her. The way inhuman rage looked at her, and how she ordered the island's defenses to activate.

Sam remembers the ozone smell, like fresh struck thunder; of vision of half-melted bodies of her enemies, of all the Nazis who set their boots into the shore.

Sam remembers calling out for her, and her cruel reply; remembers the light in her eyes gone, replaced with a dead-eyed imposter in her place sneering with cold contempt.

Of her breaking out of it, as they approached her, and as María, even then, stared at the woman with no ounce of fear.

Then Sam thinks about the silver-eyed goddess who stood in that place just moments ago, radiant with power, untouchable, but alive in the way the first one forgot; of how they snapped their fingers, and used the stone's powers like a familiar extension of their limb—not to kill everyone like she did then—but to delibitate and injure her enemies enough to stop them from interfering.

(Of how María, themselves, Belby, and in extension, the rest of their team shot Heidi Hahn in cold blood as Helene turned her wiles against the slippery snake beforehand.)

And of how they decisively struck down, with no measure of mercy, the other woman who made this endgame happen.

(Because if Sabine Schneider never found about the Archive, never subscribed to the Aryan ideals, never descended into a madness so familiar, then this clash of titans would have perhaps never borne fruit.)

(Atleast, Sam would like to think so.)

---

"Of all the people you included for this deathride of a mission, I didn't think you'd be the one to die, Helene."

---

Cleo looks at the woman she just helped lay down the couch, then towards Esme who was looking at Helene with a curious gaze. She looks as heartbreak settles in the woman's eyes, but not grief. She's seen enough people in the entirety of this war mourn and break into grief, but Esme seems to just breeze past that and go straight to acceptance.

Cleo feels discombobulated.

"It doesn't feel right, no?" The blonde's crisp tone shakes her out of stupor. The woman would be embarassed at being caught staring, but she's kind of past that.

"I don't—I mean, She is—" Cleo starts, trying to give words to her thoughts. Esme understands though.

"The first time I met her, I knew she was a star. She burned so fierce and brightly that day that she and my..." Esme shakes her head, voice pained but a broken smile painting her lips. "the day she and I met. Did you know we met during her dig in Jerusalem in '34? We crossed paths outside the Colony, and I felt something was about to happen after a brief moment our gazes met. Not even 10 minutes later, she was running out the Grand Salon, Nazis on her heels after she pissed them off— Next thing I knew, I was out there with the shattered remains of a pot, saving her from certain death by gunshot after she got herself cornered by one."

"I knew Spillane was a bit of a disaster, but to hear that she's just like that since then—"

"Oh no, don't get me wrong, Helene's a great big daredevil, but I was kind of a foolhardy self-proclaimed adventurer then, dragging Abdul all over the place, then it just clicked, you know? I do so hate bullies, and that day... made things clearer. Somehow."

"I kind of get it. She's a trailblazer, with almost 0 regards to conventional boundaries of society, then she drags you along for the ride."

"I went there willingly, i'll have you know!"

"Oh yeah? Well I was the one dragging her through it first!"

Both women look at each other, and laugh. It's painful, and others would say a touch hysterical, but it's something true, a release.

---

"I did her wrong, kinda a lot. Is it selfish of me to wish she was back, so I can apologize for some of the things I did?"

Esme keeps quiet for a few moments, before she replies.

"Helene got my man killed, you know. In '38, during that quest for that man looking for his ancestor's grave."

Cleo turns to look at her, shocked.

"I'm sorry, that's unkind." Esme sighs, but continues.

"It's just partly her fault. This... cult, they attacked our home because Helene was there, because I missed an adventure and it was a perfect excuse to get to see her. We were down to one floor, trying to survive, and it was a bloodbath, because their members so many, then Sam was clobbered down, and then Helene had to make a choice between me and Abdul."

Cleo wanted to ask so many things, but kept quiet.

"It was a split second, and I saw her looking at Abdul, thinking that my honeybear was going to be the one she saves, because to be quite honest, those two are more alike than I really would like to admit. And I was okay, I was ready for death because I love him, I loved him, I loved Abdul Al-Maliki, and I was alright as long as he lived—"

"But she chose you, instead."

"She did. And I wanted to hate her, because she saved me, instead of him, my light and the reason I loved so freely—And for a while, I did."

A slow smile curls into her face.

"I hated her. For all 10 seconds of it."

Cleo wants to be shocked. But she can't. Helene was, fundamentally, never unlikeable. She may be a clown at times, infuriating and stubborn; but never unlikeable.

(It's like a power of hers, they think. Helene has a great capacity to befriend people, soothe tempers, and charm others.)

(But she also was unflinching, unabashed, and unremorseful, especially against her enemies.)

"Helene has a great capacity for love. I was privelleged to part a small part of her heart, along with Abdul, and it was that part that I think, that gave her the instinct to save me. Love is not quantifiable by any means, but I think, Abdul told her just how far the depths go, and that moment made her choose differently."

Esme clenches her fist.

"I didn't understand then, but looking at how María held her, God, how she broke—She asked for my forgiveness before we left for this, y'know? I said I forgave her then, even if I didn't know why. Because even if his death hurts, he tried, she tried, and that's all I can really ask for."

(Abdul is a kind, good, gentle man. Slow to anger, with an infinite well of love. Helene is a kind, somewhat good, gentle woman. Slow to anger, with an infinite well of love.)

(Demons run when good men go to war.)

(So what would good women make run when they go to war?)

(Everything. Everyone.)

---

"You're right. Helene being dead feels surreal, because she survived far worse things. Most of which were my fault, because I kept omitting parts of the truth."

Cleo says after a while. She closes her eyes, thinking about every adventure she shared with the woman.

New Orleans. Congo. Romita. Kuzco.

All adventures fraught with deep, heavy things. Goddamned Racists, secret Nazis and murderous Natives, a Cannibalist group, and again, even more Nazis, except this time not-so-secret.

"I should be dead, to be honest. All the way back from Congo."

Cleo takes a deep breath.

"Our story starts in New Orleans, like I told you. She invited me to do a guest lecture in her fine, prissy, whites-only college, because she was like that; and we attracted the attention of the local Ku Klux Klan because of it. Things happened, and I dragged her to solve a mystery, we solved it only to get captured; she got lightly tortured for our troubles, almost maimed by a dog and then a croc. Then I invited her to Congo, she accepted, omitted that the jungle locals were growing more agressive, stumbled to a Nazi conspiracy, got captured, AGAIN, almost got branded as slaves, DID work one shift as one, staged a coup, overthrew the local soldier garrison... THEN HAD TO STAGE ANOTHER BATTLE YET AGAIN, but we survived; hell, we lived!"

Her hands shake, imperceptibly.

"We lived because she sent Sam and our guide, Jeff, with me, and she braved the north side alone with her part of the troops until we had to regroup as one, and then she saved me, while I was lying prone on my back, about to get skewered by their bayonets; but there she was, like an avenging little angel, smoking gun being reloaded faster than I could comprehend. And all I did get to say was thanks, because our adventure wasn't done, and after it all she was just—"

Cleo smiles, thinking about the Helene who literally flopped down on a bed and slept 48 hours straight.

"She went straight to sleep, heedless of everything else, didn't she?"

"Yeah."

They both take a second to collect themselves. Then Cleo continues.

"The next time we met was months after that, but she waved me off, getting me a drink 'til we went home drunk, and then I didn't talk to her about it again, and see her in person until Romita. I can't tell you want happened in Kuzco, but God, Romita? That place was a hundred ways more personal and fucked up than the whole back-to-back siege in Congo, because that... the monsters we encountered there? Truly Inhuman."

Cleo twists her fingers, trying not to remember the way her student flinched away from her, scared and emaciated; of the broken body of the girl, Mina–no, Stefania, flying down to the earth, and the crunch that followed after her self-made descent off the ravine.

(She tries to keep the chilling image of Ariadne Stokes smiling at them beforehand out of her mind, and shivers as she tried to think of what monster Helene faced. Because the ravenette was so silent and withdrawn afterwards, and she wouldn't speak of anything that transpired, even prodded.)

"Alone." Cleo says, and Esme searches her face, trying to understand. Then it clicks.

"You left her alone."

A statement, not a question.

"Yes. I'm not proud of it, but I've left her more times than I should have, all these years."

"...I won't ask why, or tell you what you should feel, because that's yours alone." Esme finally says, after a while. "But I'd like to think she's forgiven you anyways. She did that, kind of a lot."

"...Yeah, I know. I want to think that too."

---

"You saved... kinda a lot of asses, Spillane. But nobody's ever been able to save you, when it mattered."

"No, someone did."

And their gaze slides towards María, who's still looking out the window and into the empty night sky, looking for something only she could see.

---

Rémy can count on one hand the times he'd been out of words. As a learned man, he never had a lack of them, loving the way his voice sounds, especially at the throes of passion.

But hearing that his dear friend, the woman who dared him, once upon a time, to fuck one of his paramours in the top of the Eiffel, has been lost. Well, people can forgive him for not gracing them with his presence, right?

("You, you, you fiendish Frenchman!" Helene shakes with indignance, trying to pummel your back with her tiny fists as you carry her on your shoulder.)

(You laugh, real and deep. "Oh yes, I am a fiend, and I am indeed French! Congratulations on your astute observation, chérie." This is one of the many times you've met after a seminar, but the first you've seen the professional woman crack. Who knew all it took was getting her drunk and embarrassed?)

("Augh, damn you. The only person who should be handling me like this is Spanish and she's farrrrrr more cuter than you, Fournier!" She declares, and you almost colide with a post.)

("Well, well, well! Sounds like a juicy tale, Chérie! You should tell me all about it!")

("No." She pouts, and you feel her tense. "Talking about her makes me sad. And I don't like that.")

(You want to press, but it slips your mind, because the next moment, she's out like a light.)

Miles grimaces beside him, bone deep weariness hitting in the moment the news hits.

"—o can you guys come pick everyone here up?"

"Oui, hang on tight. We'll get the island secured."

---

"How does it go again? Ah, yes. Too rich for use, for Earth too dear."

---

Zhu feels numb, as he sits quietly on his perch, just back from staring from the corpse of his friend.

("You are better than this, Jian Zhu, and you better listen to someone who knows and believes that there IS a goodness that exists within you, with all that want to be a better man! It starts that this moment, by acknowledging that this is bigger than you, than Kao, than everything else you've planned for revenge; So please—" Her voice is five parts pleading, five parts command, and oh. There it is. "Please stay, and help me finish this once and for all.")

(It's at this precise moment you knew you'd come to the ends of the earth with her, for her.)

("Okay." You whisper. "Okay." You say again, more full, more forceful. Because you know your need is selfish, is stupid, but Helene understands, and she knows better than anyone else a part of your story now, and all she asks for is this time, to help her save the world.)

(And you couldn't disobey, even if you tried. Because she is part of your absolution, and you will be a supplicant for her earnest devotion, the same way you feel her protégé(?) does as they cling to her.)

(Helene Spillane may physically be the smallest woman in the room, but the magnitude of her presence fills her with unnatural grace and strength that she dons on and off as she pleases, like a cloak.)

---

"...I'm not surprised, because I know how far devotion can run. I... I understand."

---

Dominique has had some of the shittiest days lately. It nearly tops the moment they uncovered the camps, but—

Helene is still, and if they close their eyes, they could swear the woman was just sleeping, the way she was no less than 48 hours ago, deep in the jungle wilds while in Japan.

It looked deep, you thought, with the way she was so still; but the brief rest didn't last, and she handily opened her eyes to stare towards you, unseeing yet, but her hands flying to the throwing knife hidden in her side at a blink of an eye.

Then awareness fills them, and you shake you head, opting to get her to prepare instead.

(So no, denial is a bad look on you.)

It doesn't feel real, the assault on the fortress taking almost instantaneously after their mission, after a brief hour or two to get ready with tools and wait for the team to be assembled. Then the bloodbath, of fighting the ground troops, teaming up in several pairs because manpower, time, and the path to the end is limited, and you all needed to make sure the assault is fast and efficient for the world, the fate of the world hangs in this one mission, and you loathe to think the end of it fails.

You don't want to fail. Death is inevitable, and you are nonetheless proud for being included in this ragtag bunch of people fighting for a better tomorrow. Included in the imposible last defense of this mystical mumbo-jumbo, because of course alien and magical powers are goddamn real.

(Fires blaze in your heart as Helene makes the final rounds for one last time before the endgame starts. Final goodbyes were already said awhile ago, and everyone tenses in anticipation.)

(In a better world, you think, Helene would have made a great motivational speaker.)

(And then you snort. Because Helene actually hates speaking in front of a crowd, and most, if not all her extroverted tendencies were a front. You'd know, because for all the showmanship you've done for the sake of your career, part of it was just for you to show off your skills in a relatively anonymous manner.)

(Show a clown to the circus, and get your bread and gold, and all that jazz.)

You're going to miss her, you think. You look around and spot Sam cringing on the side, trying their best to patch themselves up with one hand.

And you can't help but sigh, because the woman you observed who'd have patted their head and give them a noogie before doing the patch-up themselves is gone.

(And never coming back...)

---

"Our time was brief, but hey, we always had fun, didn't we Helene my dear?"

---

They say death is the end.

---

Helene is dead.

And then she wakes up.

There are many questions to be answered. But looking into her eyes, even though something inside has fundamentally shifted, something added, something lost; it's still her.

So they hold off, and take the gift as it is.

---

The word of her death does not spread far. Everyone else agreed to keep it under wraps, the cost of victory still too raw, too dear to talk about.

They settle on half of a lie, that yes, she was briefly gone; but life-saving maneuvers got her back.

But everyone in that island remembers. Her friends; her chosen family— something will forever be changed, because they knew the finality, had lived it, and mourned it, however briefly; before she went and changed all the rules.

(Helene loves to defy expectations. This happening is no other. Everyone is safe, and it's free real estate.)

And because of it, they will all have the chance to talk, really talk, and a chance for a future. Altogether.

---

Helene sits in a bench under the shade. Silver strands caress her face as the wind shifts, blowing a gentle breeze against her face.

Beside her, María sits, saying nothing aside from quietly slipping her hand into hers, and squeezing it. A stray beam dapples from the trees, making the golden bands on their fingers glint in the fading light.

"Do you have any regrets, Helene?"

"Before? During? or After?"

"In any of them."

Helene is quiet, as she is most days. But María has grown to be patient, because love is kind, and makes better fools of them both.

"No."

Short and succinct, with a finality in her tone.

(María, as most of the years that have passed, had grown to understand her new language.)

"Okay. Me either."

And silence reigns.

It’s a loaded but comfortable silence, their two hearts beating as one, and for that moment, everything is enough.

---

"Hey, María?"

"Yes, Helene?"

"Do you know I love you?"

"Yes. Do you?"

"Know that you love me?"

"Yeah, that."

"I don't need to know. I always felt it."

"Even after all I put you through?"

"Even then. Even now. Forever will, and even then."

"How?"

"You're a masterful liar, María, but you can't fool someone like me."

The book snaps shut. And she looks down on her lap, where Helene lies as she wants.

"And what is 'like you', huh?"

Helene looks up at her, eyes bright, and ever so full of love.

"Someone who knows. Someone who sees. Someone who percieves."

She says, quietly, but confidently. Then the brunette shifts, bringing herself up, so different in the time she lied there unmoving, craded in the redhead's arms. And she cups her face in her small, warm hands, and brings herself close, close eneough that they can see the flecks in their irises; of the yellow and gold intersped in María's hazel, and the subtle silver that settled in Helene's dark, grey-brown.

"Most importantly, Someone who loves..." she whispers. "you."

(María kisses her, and it's heady, sweet, and everything Helene ever needs.)

---

"Why did you come back?"

"...Because I wanted to."

"And it's enough?"

You understand that she speaks from a fear, a fear that you'll abandon her for your chase of power. The fear of being left alone, because you already left this mortal coil once, and something hums in you, calling for the void.

You can't explain in words, so you capture her in a kiss. And then try.

"I fought the universe itself to come back here because I believed, María. I believed in humanity, in myself, and the people here I do so love."

"That doesn't answer if it's enough." She answers, her grip tighter at the second.

Am I enough, she what she really asks.

It should hurt, after all these years, this doubt; but instead, it teethers you. And you blink, and everything finally slots into place. So you match her, and hold her close.

You smile.

"I love you, María."

You are enough, is your reply.

[quetzalpapalotl]

Someone on Discord asked me why I love IDW Optimus and I thought I might as well put my answer here as well, since I don't think I've explained that properly here

Firts of all, I love Optimus in general. Optimus is great. I love him so much. I love G1 dad Optimus, TFP paragon Optimus (who is interesting and has emotions idc what anyone says), awkward nerd walking the walk CV Optimus.... I just really vibe with Optimus as a concept.

And I think Barber (and the other people who wrote him) loves Optimus too, he really does. People complain about IDW’s take on Optimus being edge for edge’s sake but I don’t think that’s right. I think Optimi are made to fit the tone of their series, especially when Barber made Optimus to be the representation of the themes in his run. And it does come from a place of love, wanting to explore all the implications that a character like Optimus entails (ok, to be fair, Barber’s execution is not always great because like I said, he tends to sacrifice character for plot, despite the fact he can actually write good characters).

Optimus, the strong and wise leader of the Autobots, he is great! He gives people hope! A figure that looks so noble and infallible makes people gather around him and keeps the morale up to not give up and stand against tyranny! But also, unchecked faith in leaders is not a good thing, no one is perfect, no one can keep up an image of perfection, and this need to protect everyone… it can easily become paternalistic, doesn’t it?

So IDW is primarily driven by a strong sense of justice. He sees wrong and he needs to do something, he needs to help. But he can be pretty naïve, or clueless about experiences he hasn’t had, being exemplified by the fact he wanted to do good by becoming A FUCKING COP OF ALL THINGS (Barber does call him out for this), he really is part of the problem. All the crime in Cybertron bitters him, but doesn’t see the bigger picture and arrests people, but when is pointed out to him that the system is corrupt, he immediately goes to scream at those at the top (after arresting more people ffs).

This is a person who very, very much wants to maintain his ideals, and when reality proves him wrong it makes him angry, but he doesn’t want to get angry, but he also doesn’t know how to properly deal with his anger, sometimes he can channel it properly, but many other times it has ugly results for everybody. Optimus desperately wants to do what’s right, but often doesn’t know what the right thing is, after renouncing the system he goes back to it because Zeta represented the peaceful change he desired and would get mad at anyone who challenged that. He very much suspected that Zeta’s reign wasn’t all that great, but he wanted to believe in it so badly, and then the Decepticons looked as corrupt by now, nothing like what he envisioned from Megatron’s writings, so what was he supposed to do, let them have their way?

Maybe he should have, the truth is we don’t know. He certainly had a hand in escalating the war, and by the time he was listening to the pleas of the oppressed it was too late, Megatron had already given himself to his own anger and violence and Optimus couldn’t trust him, he couldn’t leave other planets unprotected from him. He needs to do something. Which, yeah, easy to play the part of the hero in your high horse with the life you were given. He can be pretty quick to judge, and he struggles between wanting to believe in people and also judging them too harshly.

Optimus fucks up a lot, he makes me extremely uncomfortable.

There is also something to say, because I do hate how in media the revolutionary characters who fight the system are also like, killing babies, so the heroes get the moral high ground no matter what. But that issue is more complicated in IDW and deserves a rant of its own. It could have been done better, but I don’t hate it so much in IDW.

Optimus didn’t want to lead, in fact, he does like to follow, at least when he trusts and admires someone, but he is also stubborn, not willing to compromise his ideals, except when he inevitably has to and does whatever seems like a good idea at the moment. Truth is, he excels at war, his bravery, acrobatics, quick thinking, charm and even his ideals, does help make him seem like this larger than life heroic figure, that’s certainly how he looks when JRo writes him, even when he’s tired, so tired. Honestly, he just wants a rest. Unfortunately, by the time of phase two it seems the hero worship has gotten to his head, and there’s problems around, and some people still want him, and he needs to do something.

Optimus fucks up and he fucks up a lot and I’m not saying he never did anything wrong, but I just find his flaws so believable. I can see how thinks those were good ideas at the moment, how he really tries to do what’s best, how things backfire and he comes to regret it, but he can’t do nothing but keep going. But maybe he shouldn't

Ex-rid/OP is about how people are always in conflict, how it seems they can’t agree on anything even when supposedly everyone wants what’s best, people lie and betray each other and everyone is an asshole and there seems to be to end to the conflict, and yet, it’s not meaningless to try. Is hard and it sucks, you can’t put your hope in infallible leaders, but you also can’t give up hope altogether.

A moment that summaries OP for me is one thing Whirl says: Optimus personally recruits him to the autobots, which Whirl calls "compassion as a weapon of war" very him. It wasn't a talk about Optimus, but it does show how he goes. Optimus knows Whirl is not irremediable and wasn't completely at fault, he does extend a hand to him, but still judges him for the things he has done, at the same time he wants to Make a Point about compassion to the general public. But he also may not realize that Whirl doesn't really have any other choice because the Decepticons will fucking murder him.

[cuntess-carmilla]

I just finished the Tangled show and:

Idc what anyone says, the fact that they turned Cass into a villain IN THE WAY they turned her into a villain officially makes her a canon lesbian to me. That’s CLASSIC lesbian villain. Arrogant, conceited, heartless, bitter bitch who needs to be humbled down (aka humiliated and put back “in her place”)? Yep. It’s like someone said “FINE, you want to make her a dyke? Let’s give her typical dyke treatment then, see how you like that”.

The way they made Cass into a villain felt a little forced to me. They gave her enough motive to resent Rapunzel of course, but not enough to do what she actually does, in my opinion. That was enough for her to leave her side and not want anything to do with her, but to immediately turn EVIL? Nah. And I’m talking as someone who also writes a lesbian villain who’s absolutely despicable to lengths Cass never gets to.

You know what I’m really mad about? When the show started, Cass wasn’t mean. She was no non-sense, she wasn’t good at dealing with emotions or showing her softer side, and would taunt Eugene, but she wasn’t mean or scary at all, UNTIL more or less the episode where she pretends to be in love with a guy but turns out she was faking it. Again, like “Oh, so we’re coding her as a lesbian from now on...? OK, TIME TO BRING THE FORCED BITTER MEANNESS! CAN’T LET A DYKE BE NOT SCARY, MUCH LESS NICE". At first it was so fucking forced. She kept doing heroic things, risking herself, learning to be more open, but the narrative AND characters kept calling her “mean” or even deemed her as lacking compassion when SHE WASN’T ACTING IN A WAY THAT FITS THAT DESCRIPTION. Every time she got angry at Eugene it was deserved, but even Rapunzel herself said about it that Cass lacked compassion WHILE APOLOGIZING TO CASS, AND IT WAS TREATED LIKE HER BEING KIND TO HER? AND CASS ACCEPTED IT WITH A SMILE? God, why does everyone hate dykes so much.

When I forget about how the narrative treats Cass, I love how gay she is. She is sooooooooo gay. And has a thing for girls who’re meaner and more intimidating than she is, as well as warrior women. And she’s definitely into Rapunzel. And it’s definitely requited. I guess Rapunzel simply needs to be informed that gay love is a thing that is possible.

I think Rapunzel’s gesture for Cass at the end absolutely 100% is another parallel to how she saved Eugene’s life at the end of the original movie BUT it’s a little bigger, unless I’m remembering the movie wrong.

That said, when I forget about the age thing I think Rapunzel and Eugene are actually a pretty nice match. But so is her and Cass, and I think too that she’s genuinely in love with both simultaneously. I think Rapunzel is at her best when she has both by her side. They balance her out in different ways, and when Cass and Eugene aren’t bickering they balance each other out too. tl;dr Rapunzel is a polyam bicon and my headcanon is since she is or will be queen she can make gay and multiple marriage a thing and she’ll marry Cass later on too, once she comes back. Again, don’t care what anyone has to say about it unless it’s to agree with me.

DON’T get me started on the ending for Cass. I do NOT want to talk about it. Or about the “sisters” thing. I know Disney isn’t going to make anyone important gay, I don’t look for ~representation~ in Disney. But come on THEY SISTERZONED THEM. At least Cass rejected that notion every time, I guess.

Only way I’ll accept the ending for Cass is if there’s a spin off show with her as the protagonist and tbh she’d make a more interesting protagonist than Rapunzel.

The songs were meh. All of them. Meh, and unnecessary.

The episodes without Cass were usually boring.

I know Cass wasn’t in her best state of mind by then but she was uncharacteristically stupid whenever Zhan Tiri was manipulating her. Please, she’s repeatedly shown she’s smarter than that.

This show is racist and made Gothel look much more like an antisemitic caricature than she ever did in the movie lol.

[pocmuzings]

i’m probs reading that wrong bt yall aren’t... excused from ur own problematic behaviors just bc ur poc. aave is extremely harmful n yea maybe it’s a joke bt you’ve been using it a lot. for a while. the ethnicity thing is something yea and i wouldn’t of gone that far bt saying you’re getting policed more bc ur poc after getting called out on tht hurts a lil bit esp from u. this wasnt the place n it makes it seem like that criticism towards u is wrong. again maybe i misread bt that stings.

I DIDNT SAY I WAS BEING POLICED I LITERALLY DIDNT ??? FJKNGJNKJ I SAID I AGREE. I SAID I’D CHANGE. AND THAT IT WAS LITERALLY MY BAD. I NEVER SAID I WAS BITTER OR MAD OR ANYTHING AND IDC THAT IVE BEEN ‘CALLED OUT’. IM LITERALLY LIKE ‘OK THANK U FOR LETTING ME KNOW AND I WILL CHANGE AND NOT DO IT AGAIN’,

[cow5secondchance]

Episode 2 - Why Did People Flip - Xavier

Format: Sequester

Eliminated: Wyatt (9-3-1-1-1) || Daisy (Battle Match)

BLAKE

so! week 2 and my plan honestly is to just really still focus on my social relationships. so far, i feel very confident in my ability to connect with people on a 1 to 1 level, and at least hopefully skate through these first few weeks. consistently my problem in the game is missing out on a key group or alliance that is running more than I know. without being too chaotic and paranoid, i would really really like to try to sit here and just scope out the relationships. as for my groups! i really want to work with jennet. she's like iconic? her art is so cute and i do feel like i made a genuine connection with her early on, and i think pointing out we're some of the only award winners in the cast could bring us closer together ! plus 4th place legends... beyond jennet, i have a group with isaac and nicole, and honestly, im feeling suprisingly good about both. i think these first 6 people i mention are the ones im going to focus on most, and focus on really forming game connection wheras the rest im just socially going to really force myself into their LIVES and hope they like me! Daisy and Jarod... loves them and swifties who ive played with in the past both in a way that i feel we were unfinished. jarod got taken out in the doubles round just as we kinda connected on a game level, and then daisy and i were working together in bb netflix before it got canceled. this is really the group i want to strategize with and im really putting myself on a limb being loyal to them because i know they have options, but its a risk im willing to take because if i can be the number 1, their connections can just offer more safety and information for myself. and the final people who i kinda want to work with is captain and wiliam xavier s up there, we just havent spoken tons dont really have much of an opinion on the others? if i had to nominate right now it might be mario just because we havent spoken yet.

XAVIER

It's annoying to be nominated, especially by Jennet. Literally two minutes before we were talking and I was explaining how this round is played. And then Jennet nominates me. I feel betrayed. Getting my G4ce together (Greenhouse 4) so we can vote as a team. And well, well, well, I just found out that the Sequester 4 are also voting together. It is weird that they are all nominated during the Sequester round. They are targeting either Wyatt or Kaleigh. Knowing they are a team, I want one of them out, if I can swing it quietly.

NICOLE

HI I’m back and already went through a ton! Last round a misunderstanding / Lanie throwing me under the bus just because I said I hadn’t spoken to Nyx and Captain really set me up in a weird spot so I had to get rid of Lanie and then she said we all suck (imagine being almost 30 and telling someone who is your students age that they suck! I get it really is terrible to be blindsided but it was her fault, she played too fast! Like yell at me for not communicating properly or whatever she believed I did at that point but don’t take it out on everyone especially like the youngest player in the game!) Anyway, this round is sequester so we are all back together! I finally get to play with Daisy! I love her so much so I’m super glad we got to play, I’m very glad I get to reunite with Lindsay, I’m glad William isn’t mad at me for the whole Lanie situation and now I’m safe for the first vote! It is a very good feeling but I also feel like I should be learning from Lanie’s mistake and playing not fast so I’m trying to take a step back from talking in the house chat. I’m just so excited to see everyone but I will try to contain myself so I don’t annoy anyone. Check back in later in the round!!!

BLAKE

I forget the questions omg but I had a call with Jarod where he kinda threw out wyatts name as an option to go, and honestly I’m completely fine with that because even though they seem super sweet, I feel like I’m juggling enough balls and I don’t need to add them into my mix, whereas I feel a lot better about every other nominee other than Kaleigh, who I don’t think anybody would do this early My strategy is to just campaign for myself to stay to everybody and avoid throwing out names. I’m hoping that comes from Jarod or one of the safe people because they literally have the safety to get away with it 

XAVIER

I like video confessionals. The only alliance of 4 should be Greenhouse

CAPTAIN

hello dr.. so i'm glad i got saved by jarod :pleading_face: he rlly said i'm gonna make captain safe no matter what happens. and thats exactly what he did :100: for ppl who are vulnerable, i want autumn, jarod and xavier to be safe the most like idc i just want 3 of them to be safe. xavier might be in a bit of trouble tho since the totem pole ppl are voting together for sure hmmm so i need to try to talk to them to sway them from voting xavier. for the plans to avoid battle match? idk i just want them to feel safe around me no matter what. so that if i end up voting them, they're not gonna be bitter at me that much. and i lowkey saved myself with wyatt since wyatt said they wanted to work with me so prays.

__________

also, i secured an alliance with jarod, autumn and jennet. and a greenhouse alliance with mario, nyx and xavier. the latter hasn't been in the talk like with every greenhouse yet but xavier brought it up to me and i think that it should be great. so fingers crossed!

WILLIAM

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO, going into Round 2 im having a really big struggle..... im seeing  THAT I DONT DISLIKE A SINGLE PERSON ON THIS CAST, USUALLY THERE IS AT LEAST ONE BUT NOPE    Also we are moving into a Sequester sorta semi safety chain with half vulnerable and half safe cast and lucky me I think Lanie either hated me the most or the least from our Survivor team and decided to give me the Karma twist which gave me safety for the round but made me have to pick the first unsafe out of the whole cast. I think my strategy was to pick someone who didn't talk to me yet (so i had a reason) as well as someone who was sorta loved by most if not all and wasn't a target for it, because I'm thinking if I just fade into the background this round no one would have a need or want to pick me for the Battlematch, i think its safe to assume whoever goes home will pick the person who made them unsafe plus like one other person, so i just have to avoid being that other 1/13 people. As for the vote i have no clue at all, I think maybe Isaac cause i haven't said much to him at all, or maybe Jarod cause i know he is hella busy and prob wont pick me to go into battle..... just not Wyatt or Blake or Kaleigh rn.  So like yeah, just gonna pray, not talk around too too much, let people come to me so it doesnt seem like im pushing anyones name and hopefully vote someone i dont love out. yeah so much fun xoxo William F

NYX

So, this round is pretty confusing and difficult to navigate cause not only do we have to vote someone out we have to vote someone out and hope they don't drag us into the battleback. I'm very happy to be safe for the vote since at least then i'll have a chance to battleback in a comp. So, for this vote I can't vote Autumn since she gave me safety, I can't vote Jarod since he took one for the team, I can't vote Xavier cause of the gh alliance, I can't vote Blake due to our bonding on tau ceti, so my only real options for this vote are Isaac, Wyatt, and Kaleigh. If I had my way i'd just pile the votes on wyatt and get them out now but it's not that easy because i haven't talked as much and they could see that as incentive to drag me in. Of course all the people I just mentioned I don't wanna vote for I wanna save because that means they'll be willing to work with me to some capacity. To avoid the battle match is the hardest part cause people can be very impulsive with their decisions and heat of the moment always catches people off guard. My best bet is just not to make too many promises and to just tell the truth and hopefully that'll be enough to gain their respect. 

CAPTAIN

besties.. i don't know what i'm doing. its between wyatt and kaleigh methinks but wyatt keeps dropping my name everywhere and i don't really like it. idk if they get eliminated, if they would put me in the battle or not. but like if they're this messy, i'm voting them for sure. also sobs kaleigh is so cute.

__________

prays for me DR! sign: captain.

LINDSAY

bro no one wants to throw out a name because of the battle drag twist so it's three hours to tribal and i dont know who the fuck to vote my gut is telling me jarod but i am absolutely not letting jarod drag that shit back to me definitely not autumn i dont know like. i'm working the tightest with william, daisy and wyatt weirdly enough and none of us have heard anything so i just. ?????

MARIO

I AM SAFE!!! I AM NOT SECOND BOOT AGAIN

AUTUMN

IT WONT LET ME PUT AUDIO FILES IN!!! But when Monty puts them all together later this season I hope yall enjoy haha

XAVIER

Ok this vote is messy. It started out with Jarod and the Sequester group wanting to vote Kaleigh. They got people on board, and it looked good. Until Wyatt made that alliance chat. And of course the vote shifted to Isaac. But the Sequester group won't vote Isaac. Mario voted Autumn. Captain voted Wyatt. I am voting Kaleigh because I haven't spoken to her much. But I want the vote to go Isaac's way - it breaks up Sequester, and he won't think it was me, so safe from the battle. So it may be 5 on Kaleigh, unless the other people in that Alliance chat are not being honest as well. Ha ha. As long as it's not me, right?!

LINDSAY

wyatt made a voting block?? and didn't include me?? the person with no connection to isaac who they kept safe and would have probably voted with them???? wh ok i guess my vote is on wyatt tonight tf 

NYX

So, this round is a clusterfuck of scrambling cause no one wants to get pulled into the battleback and potentially lose there. I just don't wanna go home even earlier than last time because my game has just been so much better and to lose it this way would be fucking devastating. i just want to win so badly so im just hoping i can maneuver this right

LINDSAY

"you know that this is anonymous right" DAISY HELP NO I DIDNT FUCK OK I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING WHAT IS HAPPENING WHERE AM I

XAVIER

WHAT JUST HAPPENED. I know Captain voted for Wyatt. Maybe Captain is more influential than I thought? Why did people flip? Because of the alliance chat? It was too much? And why wasn't I included in the flip vote? Agh. Time to make my own rules here.

__________

I am still shookt 

DAISY

[hoedameron]

Shaun and Lea is the main couple of the show and always has been. Lea has her issues like everyone else and they’re overcoming those. But that’s not the point. The point is that if you want to be upset about your ship sinking cause of a death, that’s more than okay. Don’t go shit on other ships though. Plenty of people enjoy the Shaun Lea ship. You don’t? Fair enough, stop watching. Don’t bother us with your tantrum . The show was never about that couple anyway.

lol how did you find those posts...unless you’re a follower then hiiii. but DAMNNN can’t a bitch just express herself on her own blog without shippers ruining everything?? that’s why i am too old for “shipping” like y’all are so ready to defend your fictional relationships and for what?? what’s the purpose? it’s fake! it’s all fake!! who cares!! i don’t doubt there are a lot of shaunlea warriors, just look in the tag and on twt. you say “fair enough stop watching” yet you send this ask?? i have stopped watching, i haven’t said anything after szn 4 aired besides a few text posts but for the most part i’ve been busy enjoying other things. y’all are just mad annoying that any little rightful criticism is seen as a threat.

anyways, no?? lol the main couple had always been shaun and his love for the medical field. that takes top priority. secondary priority is the familial relationship between him and glassmen. that is his center, his tether, his whole world. in my professional opinion, the next relationship is between shaun and claire (whether romantic or platonic idc i see it as a bit romantic) because she makes him feel seen in the best way possible and he helps bring the best side of her. lea is like the fifth or the sixth like that shit don’t even matter 😭 even you said the show ain’t about that couple!! so you agree!! shippers got fandom brain rot smdh.

listen, you are talking to a former shaunlea supporter like i GET what it’s trying to do and i really did love their budding relationship when it was so fresh and new and cute. now? they completely RUINED their relationship by making lea ableist and shaun just forgiving that?? you can’t just do that. how has she overcome her ableism if she hasn’t actually been called out on her behavior? how is she growing from that if shaun just ignores it?? that moment in the third szn where she holds him as he cries? that shit got to me and i truly believed that miss. lea would’ve been like “i will step up and change after this” because she can’t be a better person for shaun if she has all those prejudices. but no, she’s still a fucked up privileged white girl who keeps shaun at her fingertips because she’s lonely lmao.

i am not bitter about this “ship” because melendez d*ed which made the melendaire “ship sink” because it wasn’t even about the ship! i was about the writers k*lling off an amazing character who held this show up for shock value. melendaire becoming “canon” for two seconds then boom he’s gone....idc if they were to become canon or not despite being a meledaire enthusiast but to k*ll melendez off is just poor writing. i am bitter about shaunlea because these two were good IN THE MOMENT. they were good for each other when they needed one another but now they aren’t fit for each other. that’s okay! it’s called growing out of a relationship and it happens. i believe when i was okay with shaunlea because they were sharing a lot of first and being vulnerable and i think they needed one another in that time. now? that relationship has worn out and there is nothing there. you have to admit that neither of them are good for each other. people can have their “issues” like dipping your french fries in your milkshake and blasting their music a little too loud but to be ableist? that is not a regular “issue”, that’s just fucked up! 

anyways, i will get off my soap box because again, i have never been a hardcore intense “shipper” (not even a “shipper” in general like i have been saying this over and over again i sound like such a broken record) and never sent people who opposed a “ship” asks to try and defend it like you realize that’s weird, right? i wrote a lot because it’s been internalized

[santiagostyle]

❤️✖ (dont call me out for sending an ask while on hiatus byyyeeeeeee)

YES HELLO EVERYONE THIS IS A CALLOUT POST @ JO IS SENDING ME AN ASK WHILE ON HIATUS 

anyway this is gonna be a super long post so

❤️ 5 people you love

does this have to be ?? people i actually know?? idk but if not then the whole cast of b99 but otherwise i’m weak and instead of giving 5 people i’ll give 5 groups of people bc i love a lot of things don’t @ me 

1. My uni friends (specifically, the group known campus-wide as The Spice Girls from TS105): damn boi idk how I got this lucky but as soon as I started uni (literally on day one of semester one of first year) I met these 4 amazing girls and we clicked straight away and now almost 2 years later, even though we haven’t had a class with all 5 of us in it SINCE THEN, we’re still really close. And we’ve also met so many other amazing people on the way and I’m so lucky I get to hang out with so many fantastic humans every day. 

2. My best friends from school (including but not limited to my best friend who I’ve known for 16 years, another best friend I’ve known for 14, and the best friend I didn’t get close to until 5-6 years ago but is one of the best people I’ve ever known): I’ve been super lucky to have known such amazing people for so long and I could yell about each of them for 10 years but anyway I love them

3. My dance teacher from high school (actually u know what all of my teachers from high school I was a teacher’s pet and was best friends with all of them idc fight me): anyway my dance teacher is just generally a wonderful human being and she always makes me laugh and gives me chocolate when i’m stressed and lets me cry on the floor of her classroom and basically is the reason i survived high school so !!!! Also i didn’t know my yoga teacher during HS but she goes in this category bc she’s technically a teacher but anyway she’s my favourite person on earth

4. My extended family (all of them okay but w special mention to mum’s side) bc they are,,,, absolutely psycho insane and big and dysfunctional and i roll my eyes approx. 98286502 times whenever there’s like. 3 or more members of us in the same room bc they’re just?? crazy and hilarious but they’re also some of the most genuinely loving and caring and accepting people I have ever known and I’m so blessed that I got to grow up around them and I love them so much

5. just throwin it in here bc over the past ?? idk how many months it’s been since the finale but BOI @johnnydora is a Gift and I am,,, so blessed that I can torture her with all my hellish fic ideas all day every day and she hasn’t punched herself in the face yet and I love her a lot ok she deserves all the good and happy things in the world thanks 

✖️ 5 things you hate

this is gonna be considerably shorter I think but here we go

1. Just god idk how to even sum this up into something short but gOD i hate misogyny and racism and sexism and homophobia and discrimination of any form and i’m just. mad that there is a racist sexist homophobic misogynist running part of the free world (i’m not even american but i’m mad)

2. idk maybe this is me being bitter but i hate ppl telling me that “you will find someone!!!!!! you will fall in love!!!!!! u just have to wait !!!!!!!!” like yes i’m single and bitter but also i am an Independent Woman okay can i live peacefully in my bitterness THANKS

3. i hate when people who are supposed to love you take advantage of your kindness and the love you have for them

4. i also hate when people who are supposed to love and support you make you feel crappy and inadequate and like you won’t achieve your dreams

5. i hate that there are so many people who are just,,, suffering for no reason and have no real?? way of fixing things and don’t have people to understand and support them and god i’m sad on behalf of so many ppl i just want to hug the whole world okay thanks love u bye

[taersformymin]

92 Truths

rules: Tag 20 people

I was tagged by @jeon-coconut and @btskookiefangirl

THE LAST...

1.Drink: Lemonade (It’s my fav)

2.Phone call: My Mom

3.Text message: My cousin

4.Song you listened to: Even If I Die, It’s You by Tae and Jin

5.Time you cried: A few days ago

HAVE YOU EVER…

6.Dated someone twice: Nope

7. Been Cheated on: Not that I know of, I’ve only been in three relationships and they didn’t last long

8.Kissed someone and regretted it: HELL YES (I let this asshole kiss me because he told me he was ill and dying and I considered him a friend, so as a friend and a human being I didn’t punch him in the face or cuss him out, I let the kiss slide but turned he lied about everything and I’m still mad/pissed/bitter/or whatever you want to call it cause it was my first kiss)

9.Lost someone special: Not yet

10.Been depressed: Yes

11.Gotten drunk and thrown up: No I don’t drink

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

1. Black

2. White

3. Grey

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

15.Made new friends: Yes

16.Fallen out of love: Not yet

17.Laughed until you cried: Yes

18.Found out someone was talking about you: Yes

19.Met someone who changed you: Ig Tae, he’s made me very soft for him

20.Found out who your true friends are: Sorta, time will tell

21.Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Yes unfortunately, my second and third boyfriend  

GENERAL…

22.How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: It depends on how you mean by ‘know them’, I’ve seen most of them a lot b/c they’re family members or i use to see them at school or we’ve been friends in the past

23.Do you have any pets:  Puppy Tae No, never have, & probably never will

24.Do you want to change your name: When I was younger

25.What did you do for your last birthday: I think I slept for most of it and I think my mom forgot my birthday first, then ate some birthday cake my two aunts brought me, then I think I watched anime for the rest of the day   

26.What time did you wake up: I think 12:30 or 40 something

27.What were you doing at midnight last night: Tumbling

28.Name something you cannot wait for : I don’t think you want to know my answer

29.When was the last time you saw your mother: I think last month or the month before idk, but I do know when I’ll see her again, next month 

30.What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Does my personality count? Cause that would be it, but if it doesn’t count ig I wish I didn’t have one to begin with

31.What are you listening to right now: Annoying ass noises from annoying ass people at this annoying ass school *smiley upside down emoji*

32.Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: No

33.Something that is getting on your nerves: School, life, people the usual

34.Most visited website: Tumblr

35.Elementary: Been Done 

36, High School: Also done with

37.College: Yes, I’m just a freshman

38.Hair color: Black (& brown sometimes it’s weird)

39.Long or short hair: Long

40.Do you have a crush on someone: I’d say Tae but it’s more than a crush so no

41.What do you like about yourself: Nothing really but Ig that I’m a realist, and I don’t trust people

42.Piercings: My ears, just two unfortunately cause some of you know my baby/smol eared struggle

43.Blood type: Idk

44.Nickname: As of late (cause my other nicknames are no longer in use cause I don’t to talk to those people anymore) all I have is Eomma Ru

45.Relationship status: Married to Tae

46.Zodiac sign: Cancer

47.Pronouns: She/her

48.Favorite tv show: American TV-Teenwolf, but really Legend of The Blue Sea which is a kdrama 

49.Tattoos: None

50.Right or left hand: Right

FIRST…

51.Surgery: None so far

52.Piercing: Just my ears

54.Sport: I don’t play sports I’m allergic 

55.Vacation: No, I have never been on one

56.Pair of trainers: Like a type of shoes right? I don’t think I have pair of trainers

57.Eating: Pizza and Chicken balls lolol  Popcorn Chicken

58.Drinking: Sweet Lemonade, sweet sweet lemonade~ (that’s a 5sos reference incase you didn’t know but now you do)

59.I’m about to: Do the next question

60.Listening to: My roommate reactions to whatever the hell she’s listening too lol and still annoying ass people in the hall

61.Waiting for: To be done with this tag

62.Want: Tae, to meet all of BTS, to fight Jimin, to meet Got7, and to someday love life/be happy

63.Get married: No (Unless by some miracle in another dimson/lifetime Tae got down on one knee for me yes but other than that then no thank you I don’t believe in marriage which is hilarious since I want to wait to have my first time for marriage lolol I’ll be the next Virgin Mary ha)

64.Career: I want to be an animator 

WHICH IS BETTER…

65.Hugs or kisses: Neither, I’m not an affectionate person but some people I can make exceptions for, but Hugs

66.Lips or eyes: Eyes

67.Shorter or taller: Taller, no one likes being short but tbh lately I’ve wished I was shorter even tho I’m short already

68.Older or younger: Neither, I’m not comfortable with people that either too older or younger then me

70.Nice arms or nice stomach: Define nice stomach and arms, do you mean abs and muscles? If so neither, but stomach

71.Sensitive or loud: Both

72.Hook up or relationship: Relationship, I don’t like flings (for myself, idc what others do)

73.Troublemaker or hesitant: Depends on the situation

HAVE YOU EVER…

74.Kissed a stranger?: No

75.Drank hard liquor? : No

76.Lost glasses contact/lenses? : No (I don’t need either)

77.Turned someone down?: Yes

78.Sex on first date?: Never been on a date before and never had sex

79.Broken someone’s heart?: I don’t think so

80.Had your heart broken?: Yes, but not like couple relationship wise

81.Been arrested?: Not yet

82.Cried when someone died?: No

83.Fallen for a friend?: No

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

84.Yourself?: Nope

85.Miracles?: Yea, I was a miracle tbh, I should’ve died when I was a newborn or when I was still in the womb also

86.Love at first sight?: I’ve heard people have experienced it so yes

87.Santa Claus?: ...Yes, I know someone who saw him lololol (I swear this is the only naive thing I believe but I believe them and that person saw him with other people lol)

88.Kiss on the first date?: I think it’s fine

89.Angels?: Yes

OTHER….

90.Current best friend’s name: Katy (I love my Kit Kat <3)

91.Eye color: Brown

92.Favorite movie : (american wise) Gone Girl (so far), but animated (american wise also) movie the Good Dinosaur (so far cause I still haven’t seen Moana or Get Out or Girl on The Train, or a lot of other new movies tbh lol so who knows those could end up being my favorite)

I tag: @junghoesuc @bangthetanboys @btschoclatequeen @oh-no-its-mo @namjoonisbae @literaltae @taenity @jin-oppa @jinxkook @jeonnseagull @our-kpopreact @boyfriendvibess @blackgirlslovebts @gguked @yoonmin-smile @yoongiminkook @park-jimizzle @saltyauntsuga @minblush @mintsugakookies @littlepunkrogue  sorry I a complete stranger is tagging majority of you but I see you on my dash a lot so hello~