#id.honey

[idolizenews]

But seriously, wowowow... Their visuals are really no joke, MSG is seriously a flower garden. 

I bought some of the Puma clothes that Vivi wore in the photoshoot but... ah... the feeling is so different on me ㅋㅋㅋㅋ Why wasn’t I born pretty like them too?? ㅠㅠㅠ

Anyway, I’ll admit I’m a constellation so I want to say this also -- did you guys hear Galaxy is preparing for a comeback soon? Please give them lots of love when they do!! ♡

POST RESPONSE | [ + 482 ] [ - 21 ]

1. [ ㅇㅇ ] As expected of two good-looking MSG kids~ They really suit the concept of the photoshoot so well, I’m so jealous... 2. [ 비빔밥 ] As a bumblebee, I’m so sick of the Galaxy kids riding on Honey’s coattails... Vivi should be modeling with people more on her level instead of getting stuck with package deals like this ㅠㅠㅠ But, still.... she does look really pretty in this photoshoot ㅠㅠㅠㅠ 3. [ ㅇㅇ ] I agree they’re both pretty to look at but honestly when we talk about their group’s songs... ㅋㅋ Maybe MSG should stop focusing on visuals so much...

[idolizerp]

[ LOADING INFORMATION ON HONEY’S LEAD VOCAL ROXIE…. ]

DETAILS

CURRENT AGE: 32 DEBUT AGE: 27 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 22  SKILL POINTS: 10 PERFORMANCE | 15 VOCAL | 10 DANCE | 00 RAP SECONDARY SKILLS: Multilingual 

INTERVIEW

her debuting was a shock. usually, those who debut outside the average range are young, energetic, and talented. hanmi checked only two of those boxes, missing the most important factor. being young. it seemed almost as if msg had debuted her for no reason. despite being the lead vocal, her vocal talents seemed to lack.

after honey appeared on their first reality show, her image was made clear. she was motherly, pure and sweet. she was always caring for her members. despite being twenty-eight, hanmi fit the youthful concepts surprisingly well. she doesn’t look her age, which adds to the shock factor and gains honey attention.

due to this, she has significantly less fans due to her almost being old enough to retire. however, having only debuted four years ago, hanmi has no plans of retiring soon. she’s the kind mother of honey with a set of sweet vocals that compliment honey’s concept well.

anti-fans have, however, noticed how overly motherly she can be. she smothers the other members with skinship and often speaks over the other girls, bossing them around. anti-fans are quick to jump on the hanmi hate train, saying she’s going to get old and wrinkly before her group takes off internationally.

she can’t help it. it’s what’s expected of her. she naturally feels a sense of caring towards her younger members, but since a young age, she’s been made to feel as if she’s responsible for everyone around her. hanmi has to be in control.

despite the pressure from anti-fans and fans alike to change things about her, hanmi remains in the carefully sculpted mold msg has made for her. she feels herself crumbling, the pressure is getting to her. she’s worried, but there’s nothing she can do. she’s become a passenger in her life, her company becoming the driver. hanmi remains hopeful, people would kill for her lifestyle. they don’t know the dark side, though. no one does. it’s lonely being the only one who knows. she’s used to it, though. she’d crash and burn if she was the driver of her life.

BIOGRAPHY

october 2nd 1991.

“at five years old, our daughter kim hanmi can speak korean and english. she’s learning german, spanish, and japanese. show them, sweetheart.”

she slid down in her chair. five year old hanmi hated meetings like these. from a young age, she’d been learning languages, her parents trying their hardest to make her seem like a prodigy. they tried to get her into higher grades than she actually was in. no one believed her parents, thankfully. she wasn’t what they wanted her to be, she hated every second she was forced to spend reviewing english vocabulary or the japanese alphabet.

“hello, my name is hanmi kim. i’m five years old and my favorite animal is a monkey because they go ‘ooh oohh ahh!’”

she watched the expression on the administrators faces. they were only slightly impressed. her eyes moved to her parents, her mom looked at her dad with a worried look. “hanmi, can you tell me what you want to be when you grow up?” her father asked, emphasizing the fact he spoke english.

“i want to be a singer. singing is my favorite thing to do, not learning languages. it’s boring to learn languages!” she hissed quietly, pushing herself out of the chair and running out of the room. her parents were going to be pissed, she was scared of them but didn’t regret saying what she had.

august 31st 1996.

the lights shown bright down on ten year old hanmi. she loved being on the stage.

“i’m kim hanmi, i’m ten years old and i can speak korean, english, german, spanish, and japanese.”

no one was impressed as she was still speaking korean. she smirked, knowing all the kids at her school and their parents would regret ignoring her talent.

“i’ll be singing my favorite songs in each language i know.”

people’s energy shifted. she knew she was about to take home the grand prize, her parents would praise her then.

she began to sing her favorite english song, it’s all coming back to me by celine dion. the crowd clapped after she finished her bars. her dad was notoriously bad at korean. he’d been raised in vancouver, but moved all the way to seoul for her mom.

“el siguiente es mi canción favorito en español, sin excusas ni rodeos la carretera por julio iglesias.”

people were shocked to hear her speak such fluent spanish. she sang the song and followed with the rest of the languages. after finishing her performance, she sat down backstage. she let out a huge sigh of relief. everyone knew with her simple preformance, she outshowed everyone else.

december 25th 2001.

“wow, thanks, appa.”

her voice wasn’t fooling anyone, nor was the forced smile on her face. she’d gotten one present on christmas. a french 1 textbook. fifteen year old hanmi tucked her long hair behind her ear, setting the book on the ground.

“how many times have we told you that you can be a singer when you finish college, hanmi-ah?” her father asked.

“i lost count at twenty-eight.” she admitted with a frown. “appa, you know singing is what i want to do. the routine of singing songs in different languages is old! i want to be a singer! i don’t care if i have to go to america, germany, spain, or japan! we all know i’m talented in singing, not learning languages!”

tears welled in her eyes. “this isn’t up for discussion, hanmi,” her dad said, slamming his hand down on their kitchen counter. “go to your room and don’t come out till you can hold a basic conversation in french.”

she let out a large sigh, wiping her tears with the back of her hands. she grabbed the textbook and stormed out of the living room. “i hate this family!” she yelled before slamming her door.

february 1st 2005.

she smiled and held her bouquet of flowers. the flash of cameras went off, she huddled close to her friends. her dreams of being a singer had seemed to fade away. she was graduating from high school. she’d gotten a full ride to her dream college because of her talent with languages.

“hanmi, i’m so proud of you.” she laughed as her dad ruffled her hair. “appa, stop it!” hanmi laughed. “you’d make your mother very proud.” he said. she nodded. “she’s sick, appa. not dead, you know it.”

her father nodded. his smile faded.

“hanmi, we need to talk later. about your mom.”

march 12th 2007.

“my mother was a very kind and supportive woman. she told me to be happy, to embrace everything in life, to not take things for granted. i’m very thankful to have been her daughter, but i’m afraid…”

she held back tears, squeezing her eyes closed. they spilled over, sliding down her cheeks slowly.

“i’m afraid i took one thing for granted. my time with her. but being the woman she was, she’d tell me to not worry about it. that she’d always be with me. that’s what i’d like to tell you all, she’ll always be with us. keeping us warm in the winter, refreshed in the summer.”

music helped hanmi during her time of loss. she spent her time singing instead of studying for her tests. she’d rekindled her love for singing, knowing it was the thing she was destined to do. she was meant to sing, to bless people with her voice. no one should take it for granted.

june 13th 2008.

“hello, i’m twenty-two year old kim hanmi from seoul, south korea.”

she bowed, introducing herself to the panel of people in front of her. her heart was beating so fast she was sure the people could hear it.

“today i’ll be singing sin excusas ni rodeos la carretera by julio iglesias.”

one of the executives looked up and nudged the other next to him. she began singing in spanish, the third executive looking up and writing something down. they were whispering to each other and nodding.

“stop.”

she stopped.

“we’d love to see more of you. your voice is unique and strong, but with our training, it will become stronger. we’ll be in touch.”

she bowed and thanked them over and over. after giving them the information they needed, she rushed out and squealed, running into the arms of her best friends.

“i take it’s a yes?” her friend jiyoung asked. hanmi nodded furiously. “best birthday ever!!” hanmi said, laughing and looking at her friends.

october 19th 2013.

she was twenty-seven. time had passed, she’d gotten old. the other trainees were all at least five years younger. no one wanted to hang out with her. she was old, hopeless, she’d lost her window.

the executives had called a meeting with her and four other girls. she didn’t know what to expect, she’d seen people get kicked out during meetings like these.

hanmi sat in the waiting room, fiddling with her shirt. her dad was mad she was still a trainee and not allowed to date, all of her friends were married, so why wasn’t she?

“hanmi, they’re ready for you.” the receptionist informed her with a smile. “i think you’re finally debuting.” she whispered.

hanmi’s heart started racing as she sat down in the conference room. the other girls slowly but surely trickled in.

“after observing your skills for years, we’ve decided to pick the best of the best. we’d love for you five to debut in our next girl group, honey.”

hanmi smiled and laughed, cupping her hands over her mouth. she held back tears. “i don’t care, i’ll sign whatever contract you need.”

the executives laughed and so did everyone else. the day was here.

may 29th 2015.

it had been exactly a year since she’d debuted as honey’s lead vocal. she had fans, little to no scandals, honey was gaining popularity. things seemed to finally be looking up for hanmi.

“thank you for watching our one year live stream, we hope you keep supporting honey!”

the members looked to hanmi. it was her turn to thank the international fans in english.

“to our lovely international bumblebees, we hope you know that we still love you just as much as korean bumblebees and no matter how far apart we are, you’re always in our hearts!”

the live ended and she sighed happily. what an amazing year it had been.

present day 2018.

hanmi has remained relatively clean in the department of scandals. she’s very worried about how the executives see her due to the fact she’s the member with the most hate because she’s in her thirties.

hanmi fits her designated mother roll well, but is getting antsy for change.

she wonders what life would have been like if she’d just followed the path her father wished for her.

would she be happy or unhappy?

she’s surviving. her dreams of having a family now seem impossible as she’s getting older.

she’ll be okay.

[idolizenews]

HONEY’S LINA MAKES SOLO DEBUT WITH 'TROUBLE’

1. [+ 1,225 , - 267 ] Oh, this is better than I expected though??  2. [+ 1,006 , - 159 ] I’m in trouble, trouble, trouble ~~ Me too, I’m in trouble because I like Lina too much, ah... ㅠㅠㅠ  3. [+ 743 , - 102 ] This concept fits her so well, good luck Lina!! Your bumblebees will keep streaming ♡♡ 4. [+ 516 , - 77 ] ㅋㅋ What is this, why is she singing when she’s mainly a rapper... why didn’t they give this song to one of their vocals instead???     -- Does it matter? All of their vocals are on about the same level anyway ㅋ 5. [+ 310 , - 35 ] But seriously isn’t this a good song for summer? It’s so fun and the choreography is too, as expected from MSG!!

[idolizenews]

Hul did you see it? I was just watching because I love to see her dance and you could see she wasn’t doing very well.. Near the end of the performance her movements got strange and she was off beat... I’m glad the manager unnie caught her and supported her, really it was so hard to see it... 

Hasn’t she been really toooooo skinny lately too? Maybe there’s something wrong with her health.... Honestly everyone looks so healthy this comeback for the summer concept but as a fan I was worried about Lina before, she seemed very thin and tired since before.... And the girls said this dance was a recommendation to lose weight because it’s so fast... Maybe it was a big burden for her ㅠㅠㅠㅠ 

Ah, our Lina... please rest well ㅠㅠ

POST RESPONSE | [ +  541 ] [ - 9 ]

1. [ ㅇㅇ ] Ah..... MSG sent her to the hospital right away and posted on the fancafe she won’t be at the fansign and she will be resting for awhile from their schedules. It’s good they’ll finish promoting soon, but I wish she could be on the goodbye stages too.... 2. [ 리나나 ] It’s good she went to the hospital right away... it must have been scary for her.  I hope that MSG wakes up and gives Honey a hiatus soon, just a little bit so they can rest... I’m so worried for our Lina ㅠㅠㅠ 3. [ ㅇㅇ ] The dance this time is much harder than before... and the kids are working so hard all the time... it must have been too much for her... aigoo ㅠㅠ

[idolizerp]

[ LOADING INFORMATION ON HONEY’S MAIN VOCAL GYURI…. ]

DETAILS

CURRENT AGE: 23 DEBUT AGE: 19 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 13 SKILL POINTS: 11 PERFORMANCE | 17 VOCAL | 08 DANCE | 00 RAP SECONDARY SKILLS: Imitations

INTERVIEW

msg think they’ve struck gold when they see her. it certainly helps that she provides an almost perfect base to work with: an impressive voice, decent visuals, decent everything else (”don’t worry,” they tell her, “we can fix that.”). if anything, she’s the ideal candidate to conform to the standards they plan to thrust upon her. especially when she’s just so willing to comply. kang gyuri is presented as bright smiles, shy laughter, and clever quips; embodying msg’s demands to a t, and in turn, living up to honey’s saccharine sweet name. which prompts management to kick it up a notch and add the ‘protective unnie’ to the mix: the mother-like figure who’s constantly watching over the other members and tending to their needs. 

ever kind, ever caring. ever fake.

still, popularity doesn’t immediately come for her. she wonders whether it’s to do with the fact her visuals aren’t extraordinary. maybe her aegyo doesn’t come across as naturally as the others do, and with the fascination for high pitched squeals and pouts, she’s at a loss. but it’s her voice, that voice, which elevates her into the spotlight, ensures she isn’t bombarded with the same harsh words directed to others. some of the time, at least.

although there are certain things she can’t escape. such as the criticism over her unstable vocals (see: their debut stage), the comments suggesting that her glare was directed at a fellow member (see: the trending forum post in may). netizens deem her personality to be rather sly, completely going against what the group is meant to represent. nothing sweet about a girl with rumoured hidden intentions. talented? yes. pretty? sure. genuine? well—

shame, then, that she isn’t eager to go anywhere. the hatred and rumours aren’t enough to usher her towards the exit and on the next flight to seogwipo. in fact, she vows to stick around, firmly fixed on attaining her dream to become a multi talented soloist. 

take it or leave it, she couldn’t care less.

BIOGRAPHY

the most common assumption shared by friends is surely, it must get lonely when her family consists of merely two members: dad and her. no other siblings to help out on the tangerine farm in seogwipo. no motherly figure to dote on him and her when days get tough. as if an additional member is somehow a necessity, to complete their happy little family portrait. to make everything better than it supposedly is.

fun fact: it’s fine the way it is now.

“don’t you think you need something else?” “what’s that?” “a thing, a pers—“ “can you get to the point?” “a mom.” “no.”

she isn’t afraid of calling out anyone attempting to question the notably absent motherly role. an arched brow and scoff greets strangers daring to inquire on the identity of this mystery woman. as far as she’s concerned, it shouldn’t matter who she may be when her dad’s managed to fulfil the role just fine. going above and beyond to ensure she’s happy, healthy.

he’s enough.  her dad’s enough. 

/

“don’t you know who this is?”

by this, she means the likes of uhm junghwa and Fin.K.L. 
by this, she means the various trot cds scattered on her bedroom floor. by this, she means the songs that virtually everybody should know

her dad encourages her love for music by contributing to her extensive collection. no matter the artist, the year, the genre; each cd and tape is happily accepted and carefully tucked away into a tattered cardboard box for future listening. silence is frowned upon when there’s more than enough at her fingertips to drown it out, once and for all.

it begins first with trot, followed by ballads before quickly moving to pop, eventually becoming a mix between the three. songs are created by combining small aspects of each, taking the parts she likes and discarding the rest. it helps with the boredom. when she’s confined to a classroom with nothing to do, stuck in the car on a long drive with nothing to listen to. when her procrastination is at a sky high.

such creations are typically kept under wraps. namely since friends struggle to identify the inspirations behind each tune and she figures it’s better to keep them away. to save her the disappointment, them the confusion. that is, before a classmate requests a song out of plain curiosity and she goes along, not thinking much of it.

funny, really, how a man with a glossy business card believes otherwise.

/

thirteen and scouted, thirteen and determined. thirteen and ready to go.

there’s absolutely no problem in pursuing a dream, her dad explains. but it becomes one when it involves having to relocate to seoul. not to mention entering an industry with such an infamous reputation. one known to take advantage of girls as young, pretty, talented as her. because regardless of how tough she thinks herself to be, there’ll always be someone smarter, tougher than she is. which explains why the final decision doesn’t come about immediately. he requests time to run through the various options. backup plans, educational plans. anything to reassure him (and her) that this venture will result in something. anything to make up for deviating from the plans that was initially put in place for her: study, postgraduate study, work. not: study, train, possible star.

“you can always come back. you know that, right?” “of course.”

extra money is tucked away at the bottom of her suitcase if the situation in seoul proves difficult. for the purchase of a ticket back home once she’s had enough and wants to return home to familiarity. safety. part of her thinks she might eventually do just that, while another part of her vows to stick it through, no matter what.

the latter, she learns, wins out.

/ her dance moves are awkward. her accent is horrendous. 

but thank god she can sing. six years of training pushes her to the brink, tests her patience, and almost breaks her. key word to note, almost. trainers are deemed sadists for their knack for picking apart her self esteem before she even has time to piece herself together again. they demand perfection, she tries her damn best to give it to them at the cost of her own sanity, health. happiness.

she gives and gives and gives. they take and take and take.

it’s not enough. but she hangs on anyway, grits her teeth and continues to push, striving towards a goal dangled cruelly out of reach. she watches trainees like her disappear. girls who share the same dream deciding to opt out from how difficult it is, this path to stardom. unable to cope with the ongoing pressure to conform to ridiculously high standards, like how she’s feeling.

except she takes it all as motivation to keep going, sinking her teeth to what she believes is rightfully hers, the chance to prove her worth. refusing to leave until they drag it away from her, by force.

and she’ll get her chance—upon debut.

/

“you’re debuting? really?” “yep, really. i’m actually gonna be television soon.” “that’s my girl.”

of course, she doesn’t tell her dad what she’s sacrificed to get this far. prefers to brush over the “minor” details than mention them, saving him the trouble of fussing over her. even if he has more than enough reason to.  like how she hasn’t eaten a proper meal in days, apart from the fifth ice cube meant to pass as a snack—or lunch. could be both, she isn’t sure at this point. the entire thing screams dangerous and unhealthy, except staff demand she look nothing less than amazing for debut. if that means forcing her body to cooperate, despite the warning signs begging her to stop, then so be it.

suffering, she learns, is the norm here. suffering, she’s told, is needed here. 

so that’s exactly what she does.

/ the taste of fame is just as she imagined: addictive, albeit with a slightly bitter aftertaste.  previous hardships are forgotten once honey gains traction and she’s immediately swept up in all it brings. performances, cfs, variety show appearances, being on the road to becoming a somebody than a nobody. consecutive early morning starts can be forgiven once she’s able to grace the stage, lapping up the attention from strangers who adore her. people who’ve fallen for the image msg has crafted for her.

( because isn’t this what she’s trained for? isn’t this what she’s always wanted? )

and maybe it’s just that, the satisfaction with the idol life that allows her to overlook the issues bubbling beneath the surface, threatening to ruin everything she’s worked so damn hard for. she’s done too much, come too far to turn her back on years of dedication, on a dream that’s been in motion for as long as she can remember. so she chooses to ignore, pretends none of it exists. it’s better that way.

praise makes up for the lack of sleep and back to back schedules.   fanchants distract her from thinking back to her last healthy, fulfilling meal. colourful stages overshadow her desire to return home and escape the attention.

this is what she’s always wanted: adoration.

[idolizenews]

HONEY’S LINA REPORTEDLY GEARING UP FOR A SOLO DEBUT 

1. [+ 1,572 , - 326 ] Isn’t she the rapper though? This should be interesting ㅋㅋ I wonder if she’ll come out with more of a girlcrush image than Honey   2. [+ 1,091 , - 251 ] Honestly, MSG should just keep pushing them on variety and cf deals, what’s this solo, pass ~  3. [+ 784 , - 182 ] Lina ㅠㅠㅠ She’s been working almost non-stop since the beginning of the year with roommates and then Honey’s promotions... I hope she gets rest... But I’m still looking forward to it!! 4. [+ 501 , - 99 ] Isn’t this the first solo from MSG?? And it’s from Honey??? ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ Is she not embarrassed after that sketchbook performance... They need to practice their live more before releasing a solo like this... 5. [+ 363 , - 25 ] Hul, a Lina solo ♡♡ Don’t listen to these other idiots, your bumblebees will support you!! Fighting!!

[idolizenews]

But seriously, she fits the summer concept so well, it’s no wonder Hi-Mart chose her~ It’s so nice to see her doing something solo ㅠㅠㅠ

And thank you to the stylists, she actually looks so freaking pretty in this CF ㅠㅠ please hurry up with the gifs Bumblebees, I want to save them all ♡♡

POST RESPONSE | [ + 341 ] [ - 16 ]

1. [ ㅇㅇ ] Ah.... Now I want to go on a beach trip with her... I should’ve gone to the Jeju Festival back then to see her ㅠㅠ 2. [ 여신지현 ] Hul.. our pretty Jihyunie’s first solo CF ㅠㅠㅠ I’m so proud, let’s keep rising!! ㅠㅠㅠ It’s so hot lately, but I feel refreshed just watching her in this CF ㅠㅠ   3. [ ㅇㅇ ] The CF is really pretty but it’s a shame they didn’t showcase her dancing more... and instead we mostly just got her weak breathy singing ㅋㅋ I love you Jihyun, but... let’s focus on dancing from now on ^^;      -- It’s just a CF jingle... What do you want her to do, belt out high notes?? ㅋㅋ

[idolizerp]

[ LOADING INFORMATION ON HONEY’S LEAD VOCAL NANA…. ]

DETAILS

CURRENT AGE: 23 DEBUT AGE: 19 SKILL POINTS: 10 VOCAL | 10 DANCE | 00 RAP | 15 PERFORMANCE SECONDARY SKILLS: Variety

INTERVIEW

honey’s nana is: bright eyes, wide smiles, silvery hair, nails painted black, chunky heels on leather boots, bomber jackets and tennis skirts, effortless skinship and endless eye smiles. oh nana is skinned knees, bruised shins, hair tied back hastily, acne patches, stuffed unicorns, eye strain from gaming late into the night, unintentionally mismatched socks, laughing too loudly, naps that last too long. 

there isn’t a huge difference, really. 

this is probably because rather than being chosen for her skills, nana was chosen for her face first and her personality second. groomed into the group’s standout variety presence (hopefully, maybe, we’ll see how it pans out, the company says, because you can never plan for everything), she’s got a bright demeanor and an energetic attitude, wit that vacillates between cheesy, nerdy, and borderline inappropriate. no one expects a girl with a face like this, as classically pretty as she is, to be as (for lack of a better word) fucking weird. she has an easy going nature the company happens to love (it keeps her from being a big complainer) and she tends to vibe well with others, which means she does a decent job whenever the group shows up on varieties together. 

she has a face for acting, the commenters claim, and her company is more than willing to immediately begin chucking her at whatever dramas happen to be willing to take her on. mostly shitty ones so far, but at least no one will be able to say she lucked her way into her first lead role, later. although, frankly, she’s sure they’re going to say it anyway. people are like that. 

she likes to play as though she’s unaffected by anything, forever bright and smiling, but of course this is untrue. every up has a down, and nana’s downs hit her hard, leave her sleeping for as many hours as she can manage, barely dragging herself through schedules, bursting into tears in the van on the way from one exhausting schedule to the next. she’s a mercurial thing, a little fragile, but this isn’t the side the cameras see. she makes sure of that. she’s a professional, first and foremost. 

BIOGRAPHY

oh nana lives an uneventful life. seven people crammed into a small sized apartment in a corner of seoul, she sleeps on a floor mat alongside her brothers - all four of them - and gets used to rooms that smell like socks and stale sweat. she does well in school, mostly, and the money from her eldest brother’s second job sends her to a decent hagwon, where she studies even more math and english and whatever other nonsense. she joins some sports teams at school, falls in love with skateboarding thanks to the second eldest brother. she lives a life of hand me down men’s clothing and hastily tied up hair, done by clumsy and unfamiliar hands because her brothers, they mean well, but they’re just children themselves. they’re not equipped to raise a little girl. but they do her best, and she loves them for it.  her father is busy and her mother is always tired. they don’t have much time for the children they started off with, much less the unplanned girl at the end of things. she doesn’t blame them - it’s a lot to handle.

she grows up, gets older, spends more time smoking than she ought, even when her third eldest brother catches her and smacks it out of her hand. he looks like he might cry. she doesn’t tell him she only tried it out because she saw him smoking with her oldest brother on the roof one evening. she just wants to be like them. but they coddle her. 

she doesn’t even know how sick their mother really is until she’s in the hospital, and by then it’s too late. 

she learns to watch a little more closely after that, notices their father going off the rails, writing them all off as he sinks himself into his mediocre office job, dead ended in a cubicle. when he leaves them with a note and less than a handful of memories and not enough money for funeral preparations, a seventeen year old nana isn’t surprised. just tired. tired and sorry. she picks up another job at the mart. 

oh nana meets fame in an unexpected way. here’s the story: neon lights, bright accents, a well lit room and a girl with a lollipop jammed in her mouth, teeth clenched around the white paper stick, squealing complaints as fingers move lightning fast against a light up rainbow keyboard. she has pink streaks painted onto her face in imitation of the character she’s currently playing as (d.va, obviously, because as far as oh nana is concerned overwatch created this beautiful treasure of a mech girl specifically for her to play). 

is she the best gamer streaming on the site? not by far. not that she’s bad, but she’s a solid “yeah, hey, they’re pretty good.” she’s riding high on the gift that is her face, which is nothing new. it’s always been like that.  it helps that she is, for lack of a better phrase, a fucking weirdo. high energy to say the least, she’s a moodmaker and a half, always ready with a quip or a pun or an inappropriate remark. youngest of five (nearly unheard of in modern south korea) nana is the only girl in the family and it shows. 

she gets scouted online, when a video of her streaming goes small scale viral. she makes an impression that way. it’s sort of a strange way to end up standing in front of the entertainment building. she’s feeling underdressed in black jeans and a white t-shirt, a bomber thrown over top last minute. the others are in dance shoes, or training clothes, or dressed to the nines to try and snag a visual role. 

what does she have to offer? 

they take her anyway and she realizes it’s her face, probably. 

but why not make use of it, something she’s been gifted so generously by fate. why not just give it a try? she finds she likes it well enough - in theory. it’s fun to learn to dance, and her singing isn’t awful. with a little training they tell her she’s gonna sound just fine. so train she does, and train, and train. soon she finds herself eating and breathing and sleeping training, training, training. she doesn’t have time for hobbies these days. no more longboard dancing compilation videos, no more hours sunk into stardew valley let’s plays. milestones in her life pass by in a blink. 

her natural athleticism works out well. she can pick up on the dance moves pretty quickly now, and they let her do a teaser of the upcoming group’s debut song modified for her longboard, and she thinks maybe they’ll market more than just her face. they can market her bizarre range of personal skills, too, it turns out. they pop her in a video for a label mate and people buzz a little online about the cute trainee, and she likes that. she likes the validation. 

she liked acting in the video too, it was fun. channeling emotions like that- she’s always had too many emotions going on, too over the top, too sensitive, too reactionary. how ironic, to discover she loves acting as she prepares for a debut as an idol. 

she’s making her way up there. she starts to snag variety appearances here and there and she has dreams now, big ones. make a name for herself, build a brand for herself, move from a cutesy idol to variety queen and proficient actress. song jihyo 2.0. it’s a lofty goal but she’s after it.

[idolizerp]

[ LOADING INFORMATION ON HONEY’S SUB VOCAL JUDY…. ]

DETAILS

CURRENT AGE: 22 DEBUT AGE: 18 SKILL POINTS: 15 VOCAL | 10 DANCE | 06 RAP | 14 PERFORMANCE SECONDARY SKILLS: Visual art

INTERVIEW

hyein - with her big, bambi eyes, gentle smile, and a talent in the visual arts - was branded early on as the “elegant beauty” member. she was meant to smile, hold back, act shy and embarrassed when asked to do show something, stay more restrained as other members got to show off their extroversion and their aegyo. msg’s ceo went so far as to personally choose a stage name for her that was meant to suit this image: judy, an english name that was old-timey and remniscent of hollywood and the golden age and garland. this countered just about every element of her outspoken, brash, enthusiastic personality, but as a trainee and then as a rookie she had no power to fight it. even four years after debut and despite honey’s massive popularity she still does not, as their image has been so carefully calibrated and controlled that hyein is afraid of deviating from her company and the public’s expectations, at the risk of causing a scandal, and/or being kicked out entirely.

at first, when honey’s songs were cute but a bit gentler, this elegant image suited their concept really well - hyein, as directed by msg, fit the dreamier music they were putting out. so unbelievably cute and so innocent, they seemed ethereal and unreal. when honey made a slight shift into more playful music with 2015′s release of ooh-ahh, hyein’s quiet elegance no longer fit the group quite as well. msg then allowed her to slowly break out of this, ever so slightly, giving her opportunities to establish herself and her personality in a more vocal way. fans viewed this as her “coming out of her shell” and becoming more comfortable with celebrity and cameras - which was completely wrong, there wasn’t much hyein liked more than celebrity and cameras. and she was good at talking - good at working the audience, good at selling herself as something she’s not, good at making others feel included in the conversation even if she truly does not care about them. in late 2017, she booked a hosting gig at mbc music premier and has held it since, comfortably straddling that line between restrained elegance and fun chatter that the role required. her judy and her hyein personalities have begun to merge, and though they are still vastly different - but she is still working to show more of herself, her true self, on the stage she loves.

BIOGRAPHY

joo hyein was born in jeju to a 19 year old single mother. while her mother worked as a maid at a hotel on the island and studied hospitality on the side, hyein lived with her grandparents and her uncle. during those early years, she only saw her mother late at night or in the early morning, when she was returning from a long shift and hyein had successfully kept herself awake long enough to peek at her tired, dragging feet as they shuffled to the bedroom. in the absence of her mother, however, her grandmother, a retired art teacher, would spend the mornings showing hyein calligraphy, watercolours, pastels, pottery, anything she could get her hands on - all of which the young girl eagerly absorbed and imitated.

doted on, loved, and the youngest of anyone living nearby, hyein never had any reason to think she wasn’t talented. she won art contests at the local school, and once even won a contest and got her charcoal drawing published in a seoul-based children’s magazine. she sang in the school choir and was praised by mom, uncle, grandma, grandpa, classmates, teachers, neighbours alike. she was sheltered, safe from criticism thanks to her distance from the mainland, the island’s separation from the real world.

it did not take long for hyein to decide she wanted to be an idol. more than she loved to paint an draw, she loved to sing - she was much too in love with attention and praise to want to do anything off the stage. at age twelve she declared her intention to go to seoul during her summer break and audition at any company that she could get a slot for. her grandparents were hesitant to allow such a young girl go so far to pursue such a lofty dream, but her mother - whose own dreams had been more or less restricted by her pregnancy at a young age - encouraged it, and arranged for hyein to stay in a close family friend’s apartment. after failing ten auditions, her eleventh was with msg entertainment - then still a small company, having no debuted artists - and, after a long process, she was offered a contract. she immediately flew back to jeju to pack up her things.

hyein quickly went from the most talented person in her circle to the bottom of the barrel. she worked hard, and excelled in some elements of training - she had charisma, did well in acting courses, and was a solid dancer. but her voice, her pride and joy, was not of the same caliber she thought it was. even up until she was placed in the debut group, she had hopes of at least becoming a lead vocal. instead she was put squarely in the sub vocal spot, given the least amount of lines, feeling all attention and cameras usually off her and on the flashier and more talented members. the image assigned to her by the company did not help, and for a long time following her debut hyein continued to feel ignored, unpopular, forgotten, even as her group skyrocketed into huge levels of popularity.

in more recent times, she has grown into her role more comfortably, and now forces attention when she can get it. although still officially a sub vocal, she has slowly been able to negotiate a few more lines per song, or at least some of the catchiest ones. her role as an mc has allowed her to put herself on more of a map. she speaks up more on vlives and variety shows, and spends fansigns and concerts pandering to the fans as much as possible. she craves attention, acceptance, and validation, and she’s learned it’s not easy to get any of it - but she’s not going to sit back and wait for it anymore.

[idolizenews]

WHEN IT COMES TO HONEY, IT’S ONLY 'YES OR YES’!

1. [ +1,891 , -190 ] As expected of Honey, the song is so catchy~ It’s already stuck in my head, yes or yes~ ㅋㅋㅋㅋ Ah... I shouldn’t listen to this when I have an exam coming up soon ㅠㅠㅠ 2. [ +1,562 , -135 ] Say what you want about Honey, but they really are so consistent and reliable aren’t they? The song is catchy, the choreography is cute and the point move is easy and fun to do, seriously aren’t they the perfect kind of idol group? You got two choices, yes or yes? ㅎㅎㅎ 3. [ +1,031 , -86 ] Wow that english intro ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ Felt like I was back in 2009 again...  is it just me or isn’t it lackluster for a title song? Maybe it’s just not my style... I’ll pass, where’s the no option? ㅋㅋ

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON HONEY’S LEAD VOCAL NAM JUEUN...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: n/a CURRENT AGE: 21 DEBUT AGE: 18 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 16 COMPANY: MSG SECONDARY SKILL: n/a

IDOL PROFILE

NICKNAME(S): puppy eyes - given to her by fans after someone compared a photo of her to a dog INSPIRATION: while she was surrounded by music from a young age, she had no interest in idols until she watched a diamant performance. like many others, they were the reason jueun wanted to become an idol. SPECIAL TALENTS:

playing by ear // a somewhat natural-born talent coupled with the piano training she received when she was younger, jueun’s able to play a song on the piano after only hearing it once.

instant song recognition // can guess a song based on only a small snippet or the intro of it being played.

NOTABLE FACTS:

can play the piano and guitar

currently has a youtube channel where she posts song covers & snippets/short previews of songs she’s written, although sporadically and with no fixed schedule due to honey’s schedule

had a youtube channel pre-debut that she updated periodically during her trainee days, although secretly, with videos of her singing; later deleted the channel once she was chosen to debut in honey

attended a prestigious music academy during middle school

currently majors in applied music at seoul institute of the arts

IDOL GOALS

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

with honey’s rapidly growing popularity and no sign of changing anytime soon, jueun is hoping to channel her creative energy and wishes for more variety in their releases through her youtube covers in the hopes that showing more of her musician side to the world will give her more credibility and possibly show msg that maybe she (or honey) could try something new and see success– even if only a little bit

LONG-TERM GOALS:

while she’s not aiming to be an amazing vocalist or anything like that, especially considering the fact that she knows it’s still a long ways off and she has a lot to improve on, jueun hopes that one day she can have a successful and lasting career as a singer to the point that even the general public will acknowledge her vocals as more than just an idol. as such, she’s aiming to have OSTs and a decent amount of solo song releases, preferably with lyric writing credits, to prove that. jueun wants to sing for as long as she can and honey is just the beginning of that.

IDOL IMAGE

ever since she was young and even as as a trainee, jueun was always on the reserved and quiet side of things. she didn’t try to make a big fuss out of anything and will usually just go with the flow so she figured, if–when–she debuted, she would be given an image to uphold that’d be similar. what she got instead was the “bright and cheery” role in her group all because her name sounded similar to june, a summer month, that was meant to represent the sun that’s always shining down on everyone during the season.

jueun had mixed thoughts about this. she was told that she didn’t necessarily have to be upbeat and hyper like an energy pill or happy virus but that she should appear very approachable, warm, welcoming yet not in a motherly or maternal way. “more like a friend living next door or in the neighborhood they could call up and hang out with at any time,” they said.

she was never a “bright and cheery” person nor did she hang out with many people though so she had no idea how to act. was she supposed to just smile all the time? laugh a lot? be loud? all of those things sounded unnatural to her so she really struggled with trying to uphold the image, often looking too forced when she over-laughed or smiled too much while thinking that it was what she was supposed to do. but that led to some netizens pointing out that she looked and sounded too fake– that is, until a clip of her goofing around with some of her members that had her laughing with a wide grin and squinted eyes had been spread around not so much that it became viral but to enough fans and non-fans (but fans of other groups) alike that left a positive image for her.

since then, jueun had begun to understand what people were looking for and tried to keep that image up which thankfully, got a bit easier as time passed and honey racked up more exposure and opportunities. she was able to open up a lot more and started becoming more playful on screen, often goofing around with others and talking more. when she found out about her eye smile was being called “puppy eyes” and that people found it charming and cute, she played up the nickname by practicing the expression over and over so she could do it on command. now she’s able to use it at will and sometimes even takes advantage of it to direct the attention onto her when she spots a camera filming in her direction but not necessarily on her, like when she’s performing on stage or happens to be in the background of something.

off stage, jueun continues to keep to herself as she likes to wind down and relax after keeping up her cheerful image all day. although part of her idol persona has begun to merge with her own as the years go by, she’d still consider herself more of a lone wolf than a people person. she’ll often have her headphones in, listening to music or her own self compositions, and if you need to locate her, you can still most likely find her in her room playing the guitar, writing lyrics or filming videos for her channel. but if asked to hang out or go somewhere, she’d readily agree.

IDOL HISTORY

from the day was born into the world, jueun was always surrounded by music. while both her parents were teachers, their subject focuses were in the music field: her father, a general music teacher in high schools, and her mother, a piano instructor at a prestigious music academy so it was no surprise that jueun had begun taking an interest in music since she was young. that much was natural and expected due to her upbringing but the rate at which she learned was not, to the point that her parents often joked that she learned and could recite the scales before she even said her first real word.

little did they know though that that was just the first sign of jueun’s impressive musical ability.

as she grew up, her parents quickly noticed jueun’s aptitude when she picked up playing the piano remarkably fast and was able to read sheet music just as quickly. curious about just how far she could go, jueun was put through rigorous and thorough training and eventually was even enrolled in the music academy her mother taught at. it was there when she got to witness and experience other areas of music that she developed an interest in singing. it was a natural addition to what she was already learning and apparently like everything else music-related that she touched, she found she had some talent in it. she wasn’t amazing but she was probably a bit better than average so she continued with it along with her piano training.

it wasn’t until sometime during her middle school years that she begun to shift her interest from piano to idols–namely diamant–after watching a video that a classmate had shown her. jueun was impressed by how a group could sing and dance at the same time all while being in sync and quickly became interested. she went home that day and started looking up videos on the internet and by the end of her search, she was pretty much infatuated with idols. it was such a new and different side of music that she had never seen or experienced before having been exposed to the more classical side of it so she was intrigued, to say the least.

however, she still stayed faithful to her piano lessons and training every day. at first she thought it was because she had just done so for so long that it felt weird not to but as the days passed, she realized that a large part of why she still continued was more for her mother’s sake than her own, all because she didn’t want to let her down. jueun always valued her family and considered them the most important thing to her with music right after, plus since she was never really exposed to anything else due to being so fixated on potentially becoming a professional pianist at her mother’s insistence, she just went along with it. but now that she had a new interest, one that could possibly and already seemed to be overshadowing that, jueun had to begin thinking about which she wanted more.

it was right before her last year of middle school started that she had made the decision to pursue a career as an idol. it was a big jump from the trajectory that she was set on since her upbringing and an even bigger risk to act on but this was what jueun wanted and for the first time ever, it would be something she’d make known. she went to her parents with a passionate speech about how she fell in love with idols and wanted to become one, even going as far as to think up compromises if they were to say no. nam jueun was not going down without a fight but knowing how strict her parents could be, she came prepared and hoped that in doing so, it’d show how serious she was about this.

it wasn’t a hard yes right away but after some discussion, her parents–most notably her mother–relented and allowed her to at least audition. whether she actually got accepted into a company was another thing that they’d address if the time came but jueun considered it a win and immediately started preparing whenever she wasn’t in school. she devoted all her free time to practicing, learning, and even taking classes when and where she could, all to give her even the slightest help; anything to get accepted.

unfortunately, things did not look up after that. although she auditioned for many companies including some of the most famous and well known ones like midas media and 99 entertainment, jueun failed them all. with her prospects small and confidence low, she wondered what she could do now. she could go back to piano full time but that would feel like defeat to her and proving her parent’s concerns correct. since she had chosen a path for herself on her own, she didn’t want to give up; she wanted to show them that she could do this and that it wasn’t the wrong choice.

then, as if by some miracle, jueun received an e-mail from msg entertainment. in the flurry of all the auditioning she did, frantic and rushing to get accepted into a company, and the sadness and wallowing that came with the resulting failures, she forgot that they were one of the many companies she tried for but she did it. she was finally accepted by a company and things were looking up for her now.

or so she thought.

trainee life was not something jueun was prepared for, nor was she expecting. of course, she knew nothing about the idol industry and how cutthroat it was to even be considered for a spot in a group, let alone actually making it to debut, having only entered the field because she was enamored by how glamorous idols looked and thought it would be fun to perform on stage in cute outfits. but now that she was a part of it and was still hellbent on proving to her parents that she could do this, she kept on going. and going. and going. there was no end in sight for her, especially because she hardly had any formal dance training. while she did have some vocal lessons throughout her youth because she had focused more on piano, she was still lacking. she even began to wonder why or how she was even accepted in the first place but then realized that if she was thinking that then others might be thinking it too so she worked her butt off even harder to try and catch up with those who had been doing this much longer than she had. it was futile at first but giving up was not something jueun was familiar with nor did she want to so she kept on going. and going. and going.

at one point, when she felt particularly stuck in place and facing a proverbial wall after seeing the difference that experience can make, she found another interest; a creative outlet that made use of her extensive piano training and music skills developed over time thanks to her parent’s influences: song writing. jueun had always known that she had a gift for music thanks to all the stories her parents had told her growing up and her ability to pick up things quickly was nothing to sneeze at so when she stumbled across a fellow trainee composing a song, she was again intrigued. this was yet another field of music she had never considered and just like how she fell into the hole of idols, she sought out more knowledge of song writing and found herself falling in love yet again. shortly after the incident, she tried her hand at learning the guitar and then tried writing lyrics. jueun found more success with playing the guitar than she did writing lyrics but she knew that everyone had to start somewhere before they got better so she believed that she too would eventually improve. until then, learning the new skill helped re-spark her ambition and motivated her to keep going after her goal to become an idol.

then the light at the end of the tunnel came: she was selected as part of the lineup for msg’s newest girl group. following after their currently active senior, cherry bomb!, honey was given a debut concept and song fit to be their little sister group and jueun was excited. the song and choreography looked fun and she was finally getting the chance to stand on stage but a part of her was also apologetic. although getting the chance to debut was something to celebrate, she was aware of how quick this opportunity had come to her considering she was only a trainee for two years when she was chosen and wasn’t deaf to the whispers she heard from other trainees about how she didn’t deserve it. there were others who had been there longer than she had and were also more skilled and talented than she was so why was she debuting and not them? she couldn’t exactly deny that but she also didn’t want to give up the opportunity either so it instead became a question that quietly plagued her mind for the entire year leading up to honey’s debut and continued even past that.

still, the show must go on as they say, and jueun threw herself into honey wholeheartedly. although she struggled with the image she was given due to it being so different than her actual personality and honey’s musical direction taking a turn for a more catchy, hook-reliant turn from what they debuted with, she never gave up because this is what she wanted– to be an idol. and being an idol meant doing things you didn’t want to do or things you didn’t think you could do and making others believe you can, that you will, all with a smile on your face. jueun felt a little indebted to msg too, for they were the only company to accept her in the sea of rejection letters and e-mails and calls, and even gave her the opportunity to debut despite her shortcomings. so she accepted everything they threw her way and didn’t utter a complaint–to their faces, anyways–and hoped that maybe one day, it would all pay off.

until then, she’d work tirelessly to prove her place both in the group and in the industry but it wasn’t until late 2018 that her hard work was beginning to show results. after a video of her singing from her pre-debut youtube channel went viral earlier in the year and brought in even more attention for honey as well as newfound interest from previous skeptics, jueun was granted yet another opportunity: to open a new youtube channel that she could post videos of her singing to–under supervision, of course. still, she was extremely grateful for that chance regardless because to this day, she was still constantly trying to find her worth and validation for her skills and having the channel would help. after all, jueun lived each day trying to improve herself and be better than who she was the day before not only for herself but for those who doubted her, and especially for her parents who were and still are hesitant about her decision to this day.

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON HONEY’S LEAD DANCE HAN NARI...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: Lily CURRENT AGE: 21 DEBUT AGE: 18 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 15 COMPANY: MSG SECONDARY SKILL: n/a

IDOL PROFILE

NICKNAME(S): dolly ; a mixture of the word doll ( due to her looks ) and her stage name, lily. flower girl ; due to her stage name and her love of all flowers. INSPIRATION: seeing lee hyori perform in person as a child made her want to become someone as charismatic and powerful as her. SPECIAL TALENTS:

excels at aegyo and imitating her members and friends

can sleep anywhere at anytime

is known for her rare “savage” moments

NOTABLE FACTS:

has an expansive knowledge of flowers and their meanings, which is why she was given the name ‘lily’.

she has a twin sister who she is very close with, though doesn’t mention her parents too much.

knows how to play the bass guitar.

she says that she’s “naturally good” at video games.

IDOL GOALS

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

nari has always known that you have to be big in japan in order to have a dome tour, and only the most popular group are invited to do so. she hopes that honey can become one of the first korean female group to be able to do a dome tour in japan.

LONG-TERM GOALS:

eventually, nari wants to be able to escape her idol title all together – she’s not sure if she can see herself doing this for a very long time. she would hope to make a name for herself in the fashion and beauty industry, possibly having her own fashion or makeup line within her name and be known for that instead of ‘honey’s lily.’

IDOL IMAGE

nari has committed herself to become the embodiment of the songs they sing, of the image they represent as a team – all feather light tones, bright smiles, laughter hidden behind a lithe palm, rosy tones settling upon soft cheeks, eyesmiles and words of compassion; but she’s also short tennis skirts, playful winks, hair twirling, skinship and flirtatious behavior ( towards the fans, of course ). it’s why msg designated her with the name of ‘lily’; the flower symbolizing femininity, purity, and yet passion and drive – and it’s displayed in the way the stylists dress her, clothes just a tad bit tight and her midriff bare no where near uncommon, a little more sexier than the others. nari plays with the two sides, controlling which she decides to showcase upon a whim with such ease that it almost seems natural. the fans are beyond whipped as they rave over the way that she plays with the camera,

it’s all calculated, though. of course – within this industry, who truly is one hundred percent real when you’re being observed twenty hours out of twenty four? it’s never been too much of a problem to fall into the routine, to put the mask on seamlessly and conceal it from others until it’s no longer needed – it’s something that she’s been doing for a while now, even before she was brought into the entertainment world – no one would really enjoy who she truly was, uncaring about most people, places, things or ideas that don’t concern her. when you get to the final layer to find her core personality, one would find that she could hardly be described as “nice”. so she softens herself so that she won’t end up alone, pushes her personality to be brighter than normal and pretends to care when she couldn’t care less in order to keep the illusion alive for her fans, her friends, the company, everyone.

and when the company asks nari to jump, she’s quick to ask how high; especially when the way she pronounced ‘shy’ during the cheer up era ended up charming those around her ( and that time, she wasn’t even trying – who knew that saying a word in a cute manner would get the men of korea riled up in such a way? ) and pushed her into the public conscious even for just a small fraction of time – which changed the trajectory of her image. she’s told to keep the hype going, to pout and puff her cheeks out a little more, sing in a tone two octaves too high for her voice, tell her to shake her fists near her face like before and to show it off whenever possible – even after time passes by and people are no longer interested ( in her opinion ) – pushing her in a direction that has less sex appeal and more of an adorable factor. and what else could she do but agree and follow along? this results in more of a push, gives msg a little bit of incentive to push her out into the variety scene, makes her more visible than she ever has been during her career –

it doesn’t matter if nari doesn’t like it. it doesn’t matter if she feels like they’re beating a dead horse when it comes to this. they are the ones who made lily who she was today, told her to jump. what else can she do but ask how high?

IDOL HISTORY

ever since the twins were born from their mother’s womb in seoul, han ahri has always been the family’s greatest pride – the picture of perfection, the upstanding child of determination and work ethic. always the center of the show, taking up so much space within the limelight that there was almost none left for nari. ( they were twins, ahri and nari, but their parents treated them like anything but. )

and oh, how she has spent a good portion of her childhood fighting for just a fourth of the attention that was given to her sister, the lack of attention lighting a fire within that would never be truly doused. it had felt as if she tried almost everything, only for her attempts to remain futile – ahri had always been so smart to the point where it as almost absurd, scoring at the top of her class from grade school through high school, and considering the looks of pure elation words of praise she always received after ahri announced her every achievement, nari attempted to beat her at her own game by getting better grades than her during elementary school. it didn’t work out. ( she learns the difference between an a+ and just an a is larger than she would of originally thought. )

there was also the attempt of being an upstanding person – helping out anyone that needed a hand, tutoring those that needed it, giving what she need want to those in need. the attention she received was positive within her own peers and adults within the community, but it didn’t make her parents bat an eye.

then came the times in junior high where her energy contorted into resentment, which birthed her rebellious phase. to think upon it now makes her laugh, because it seems like she took note from tv dramas on how to act “bad” – how she would walk with ahri to school and “mistakenly” forget her book bag and have to go back home to get it, only to never be seen in school; her sister’s concerned gazes at her whenever she caught the whiff of cigarette smoke in her hair, the look upon her parents faces when they caught her discarding clear bottles of alcohol. it seemed that negativity was the only way to get there attention – negative or not.

joining the entertainment industry was hardly a thought that plagued her mind in the slightest, especially when she was fifteen and came home to find ahri with a msg entertainment business card in hand, face full of curiosity as she recounts the story of being street casted while shopping with a friend. curiosity turns to confusion when nari is invited along to her audition. it’s a blur to her as to how or why she agreed to go along, or even what she and her sister did at the audition. what’s left of her memories is introducing herself, a song being played, and the two of them wiggling their bodies to the music – one of the rare times you could tell that they were twins by behavior was when it came down to music, in nari’s opinion; neither of them were inherently musically inclined. all they had a was a sense of rhythm.

so imagine her surprise whenever it’s announced that nari passed the audition – alone. not the perfect princess that they scouted for.

that’s what seemed to get her parents attention the most – how they were completely against the idea of their child being in the entertainment industry, much less her being apart of it ( and not precious ahri ). it was a constant fight before she could sign those papers, but she eventually did.

and training was a similar to a hell like she’s never experienced. with so many people vying for limited spots that would lead to debut, what should she expect? it was cut-throat, harsh words thrown around by both trainers and trainees alike, and it was so easy to buy into the competitiveness of it all, especially whenever she received praise that was some sort of validation. just like a diamond, she was formed underneath pressure; msg took her sense of rhythm and grace and formed her into a dancer, made her weak voice into something that was decent enough to be heard within a song, broke whatever confidence she had only to raise it back up again within their image, to rely on whatever msg says as law. she stayed overnight, working upon herself to always be better, find whatever flaw there was and smooth it over. there were many times she asked herself why she continued to do this, times where she almost walked out of msg and never looked back. ( because she adores the praise, craves for it. it’s a better high than any drug could be when she receives it. )

never had she worked so hard in her life for something, and the result of that was a spot in honey three years later, a sparkling eighteen.

she was definitely bright eyed and full of vigor during debut, twisting and shaking with such energy and with a determination to become something larger than life. but as time went on – and as honey quickly shot off into fame, allowing her dreams to become a reality, it’s all the negative sides to their lifestyle that has her wondering if she’s made the right choice. sure, it’s definitely validating to watch people of all ages scream her name at any minuscule action, it’s the man that’s most like twice her age that comes to her fansigns that she must compliment that gives her an unsettling feeling. it’s the sasaengs that she catches going through their trash at night. it’s the late hours with only minutes of sleep, the anti-fans rife with damaging comments about the group – about her, how she’s fake and small iljin rumors without much proof – it’s her parents, who only show up for her debut stage and don’t bother with anything else. ( ahri is there, though. she’s always there. )

nari is a big girl, though. she straightens her back every morning, practices her smile within the mirror so that it doesn’t show the cracks within her facade. and occasionally, they do. through looks, through sudden harsh words – but the fans only coo at their adorable lily, play it off as her just being “savage” while anti fans only use it as gas to fuel the flames. but at this point in time, especially when msg is pushing her out into the public a little bit more, it makes her wonder if it’s all even worth it.

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON HONEY’S LEAD VOCAL MIN AHYOUNG...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: n/a CURRENT AGE: 21 DEBUT AGE: 18 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 15 COMPANY: MSG SECONDARY SKILL: n/a

IDOL PROFILE

NICKNAME(S): princess ahyoung, pageant queen, the next miss korea. INSPIRATION: she was inspired to become an idol due to a concert she attended as a child, and has never stopped dreaming about being on-stage ever since. SPECIAL TALENTS:

she can do a near perfect vocal impression of the pokémon pikachu and jigglypuff.

ahyoung often wins displays or competitions of aegyo or visuals on variety shows.

she’s great at makeup, and posts short tutorials on her instagram page sometimes.

NOTABLE FACTS:

if she could choose one place other than korea to live, she’d choose italy.

ahyoung is often the member that cheats on her diet, and gets in trouble for it.

she’s a terrible chef, and the other girls in honey don’t let her cook at all.

she loves eating spicy food, and doesn’t like most foods that aren’t spicy.

she aspires to be like all of the members of 99 entertainment’s heaven. 

IDOL GOALS

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

within one year, min ahyoung hopes to reveal a sweet solo début to honey’s impressive audience, and in doing so, launch herself into stardom even more. all of this happened by chance, after all, and she’d be foolish not to take advantage of all of the perks that come with being an idol. her fanbase is growing a lot, and at a quick pace, so she wants to take advantage of this sooner rather than later. she simply wants to be seen as an individual that can stand on her own without using her other members as a crutch. to say she’s self-absorbed is a bit of an understatement, but it’s a dog eat dog world and she truly refuses to get bitten… even if she has to do the biting herself.

LONG-TERM GOALS:

after a lofty career in honey, as a solo artist, and eventually a model, ahyoung plans to start her own cosmetics and fashion conglomerate. with the help of her parents’ connections and being a powerhouse name in all of asia, she’s confident that she’ll be a success. after all, by this point, she would’ve gathered high viewership on her personal youtube channel, and non-stop attention from being a member of honey. additionally, with all of this, she’d love to launch her own variety show similar to ‘get it beauty,’ but she’ll take things one step at a time; never wanting to keep her eyes off of the prize.

IDOL IMAGE

with one swipe through her aesthetically pleasant instagram account, ahyoung was direct messaged by casting executives from msg entertainment; her use of pastel color palettes, stunning high definition photography, and stunning selfies that resembled print ads instead of simple uploads to a social media platform drawing them into wanting to sign her to their company. their belief, at the time, was that she’d blossom into a young woman whose looks were almost otherworldly, and clad with an eye for detail and seamless beauty, they knew that the korean public, at large, would fall as head over heels for as they did. in their mind, she was the perfect candidate to make anyone — men, women, or whatever else — believe in love at first sight. so, when she signed to the company and began her trainee journey, it was clear that she would hold a bulk of the visuals within whatever girl-driven collective they planned on revealing next. so, when that time finally came, she was instructed to almost flirt with the cameras whenever they were pointed at her; long lashes batting their way, kisses blown towards the lens, and an almost effortless display of saccharine sweetness that only honey’s namesake could produce. she was golden, she was delightful, and people almost couldn’t get enough of her whenever the group performed on television or in concerts. many fans claims that, due to her charms, that she’s the camera man’s favorite, and that her fan-cams are always the best amongst her group, but their opinions are subjective. some criticism she has is that she showboats too often, and that she never lets the other’s have a center spotlight for themselves as she’s constantly thinking of ways to steal it from them.

in a lot of ways, the critiques she receives are factual, but she doesn’t have any plans to stop and correct them. what for fix what isn’t broken? if msg wants her to reveal just how extravagant she truly is, then she’s going to take every opportunity, large or small, to do so. however, now that honey’s direction seems to be leaning towards something that harbors a slight sex appeal to it, she wants to make sure that she keeps her stance in the group in a stronghold. so, she convinces stylists to let her don blouses with lower necklines, skirts that are a bit too high, and whatever else she can to show off the very facet of her personality that she’s been forced to suppress due to her group’s earlier concepts. now, she’s able to fully encompass, and captivatingly portray, the role of a woman whom all men want, and all women are envious of, and she’s never felt more like herself in her career. sure, playing coy and acting coquettish before male fans, cameras, and variety show hosts has worked in the past, but she looks forward to seeing how far she can take her feminine sexuality without besmirching msg entertainment’s reputation. after all, she’s got to keep in their good graces if her future goals rely on them, and their almost powerful control over her.

IDOL HISTORY

I. dark chocolate colored tresses cascaded down the length of a petite back, one leg crossed over the other beneath her desk as min ahyoung prepared herself for yet another day of class at the prestigious private academy that her parents decided upon sending her to. if it were up to her, she’d simply have stayed homeschooled and in the comfort of her own usual surroundings, but mother and father deemed it necessary that she become more social, that she make friends instead of tinkering around with clothes and cosmetics all day long. it hadn’t been as simple as they made it seem to create long-lasting relationships with people, but what she had managed to do was enchant most of those around her. there was a cadence to her voice that sounded like honey on warm toast, like soft wind chimes drifting in a delicate springtime breeze, and those around her were intimidated by how seamlessly ethereal she seemed. how on earth was a girl like her real? being treated like a living doll, at that time, didn’t please her, but she took all of the compliments thrown her way in stride; so many of them in awe of her s-line curvature that blossomed earlier than most, or how her the whorls that fell atop her head in a naturally waved fashion differed from other girls’, and truth be told, all of this was almost giving her a big head; her ego stroked so generously by her peers leading her to believe that, in a sense, she was untouchable; too good for friends. however, today was going to prove itself different, and all it took was the serendipitous drop of a pencil onto the ground; the pesky writing utensil rolling its way over to the floor beneath a boy seated diagonally behind her. pivoting around, she watched him pick it up, write a note down, then pass it back to her; a piece of paper attached to it. curious, she turned to face the front of the class again and opened up the letter, and within it read a sweet nothing that ended with a phone number. glancing back over to him, she smiled; simpering at how adorable his approach to dalliance was. maybe she wasn’t sacrosanct, after all? maybe she was doomed with the somewhat ‘painful curse’ of being beautiful? knowing that someone was brave enough to make the first move on her impressed her so, and after classes ended and she returned home for the remainder of her night, she sent him a text message; eager to interact with someone that wasn’t going to simply stutter nervous flattery toward her. II. vanity… what a deadly sin, and little-by-little, it was sinking its herculean claws into the quite fragile form of what was left of one min ahyoung’s humility. at the delicate age of fourteen, she had learned that she could use her physical form to enchant, use it as her siren song to attract people to the water before she drowned them, though up until this point, it had only been used to convince her smarter classmates to complete assignments for her, or to trick convenience store clerks into giving her free snacks every once in awhile, but now that she’s one year wiser, she’s mastered it to a degree, so her confidence has grown. back then she feared being ‘untouchable,’ but now, she’s learned to embrace it. after all, who would dare point their fingers at someone who resembled that of a seraph, who carried herself in an almost frail fashion whenever she needed to. her image mattered a lot to her, and she fought to make sure it was kept unstained, and she did so to many by curating a masterful instagram account. each photo was beautifully captured, and she made sure it she used the same filter, the same editing process, so each post was appetizing to the eyes, and it had gained somewhat of a following from those she had never met before. with a follower count that was quite high for its time, she knew that her appeal wasn’t only working on individuals she knew in person, but she was able to capture the hearts of those from a screen, too. it was then when she was approached, when none other than an entertainment company had fallen into her clutches, and for a brief moment, become trapped much like many others. had they known that she was the daughter to a wealthy family? were they only interested in her due to the riches that sat pretty in her mother’s account? there were so many queries, but she had the answer to none, and that made her all the more curious. with an invitation to a private audition held by them at a time where they weren’t actively seeking anyone via an open casting call, she found it peculiar, but fascinating all at once. would they be like the boy who picked up her pencil and beg her to be theirs, or will they play hard to get and make her work for it? with approval from her parents, she had a meeting with casting team and, like with most, her wit proved successful. sure, she didn’t have any polished talent, and sure, she never thought once about becoming an idol, but when life handed her a treat, she made sure to indulge in it, and this is one that she was happy to digest; one that seemed worth the risk. even after a subpar to pitiful display of vocal, dance, and rap, they decided to take her on as a project; to mold a girl so beautiful into one that didn’t only possess a diamond visual, but an affinity for various artistic talent. at the time, ahyoung thought she could simply skate on by with personality alone, but that was an ignorant fate to foresee. III. after only one year into her trainee experience, ahyoung started to regret making the choice to walk blindly into the fire; to teeter along the tightrope of what preparing for a début meant to many who chased this dream from the time they were born. having never had to work for a single day in her life, she was taught that in order to make it in life, a substantial amount of effort and drive was needed, and in the beginning, she lacked all of that. so, whenever her lot of instructors would become frustrated at her lack of progress, or would scold her for not taking any of this seriously, she would try to utilize her charm, or to play the victim so they’d take it easier on her, but many of them were relentless with their critiques, and it didn’t help that she had an audience of other girls whom were from similar walks of life as she; girls who were pretty, girls who had money. though, one thing that they had that she lacked was ambition, was talent. instead of making her scared or insure, it simply made her angry. why were they like that, and why was she so stubborn? gradually, she was beginning to lose every ounce of ego that had been borne within her, but in its place came an infernal need to win; to succeed in what she was tasked to do. despite earlier wonderings, she wasn’t going to let her mother’s name go down in vain, and with that, she surrendered to the motions of a typical trainee underneath the watchful eyes of msg entertainment, and she started to work. whether it be hours spent at a piano plucking away at keys of ivory and onyx until her voice matched pitch, or missing much-needed nights of sleep to learn choreography, she wanted to be the best; she wanted to earn that praise that she’d been given up until this point that she’s missed since agreeing to all of this. it was a long journey uphill, and it was one that drove her wild, but it left most around her flabbergasted. instead of slacking off in lessons, she actually applied herself, and that strong foundation was able to propel her forward into bigger, greater things. it didn’t happen overnight, of course, but as days turned into weeks, weeks to months, and months to years, she was able to convey a body of work at each evaluation that she felt proud of. she discovered that she adored to dance, and that it was the perfect release of suppressed stress from all of life’s woes. ahyoung also unveiled that earning praise was far more rewarding than expecting it from everyone, and when the sweet compliments that she longed for began to pour in again, she somehow felt whole. so much so that, in the end, when she was selected as a member of honey, she knew she deserved it. being able to stand on-stage and be admired by millions wasn’t a right, no… it was a privilege, and one that she could say she acquired with her own blood, sweat, and tears. IV. may 29th, 2015 came equipped with a landslide of emotions, both golden and grim. leading up to this point, ahyoung had hoped that she’d have been placed in the dance line of the all-girl collective she was selected for, but instead, she was made into a vocalist; the one beneath that of the main. befuddled at their decision, it took sometime for her to understand their reasoning behind it, and the truth of the matter was that she, out of the rest of them, had an easier time reaching high notes; the natural range of her voice extended upward with less tension. yes, the main vocalist was mostly in charge of belts, but whenever she wasn’t around to do so, or when her own voice failed her, they needed another they could fall back on for that support, and one min ahyoung fit the bill. she’d still be able to create beautiful lines with her body, yes, and she’d definitely still be able to show off her newly discovered passion, but it was disheartening knowing that they deemed her not good enough to add a second title after ‘lead vocal.’ just when she thought she would get a break from proving herself a formidable asset to honey, a new flame was lit within her, but now, she wanted to make sure she stole everyone’s attention on-stage; to show that her performance was just as valid as her ever-developing voice. so, when lights went up on the début stage of their first single, ‘like ooh-ahh,’ she took every opportunity necessary to milk her visuals, her skills, and the charms that she was introduced to only a few years into the past. they’re what got her here, after all, so why not use them to the absolute best of their ability? now, though, even after honey’s made quite the name for themselves in korea, and truly, all over the world, ahyoung is reveling in all of the attention that she’s been given; the group’s popularity something she didn’t expect completely, but welcomed in with a warm embrace as their star continued to rise higher and higher into the velvet sky of fame. apart from a few attitude scandals on variety shows, and possibly some small scale wardrobe malfunctions mid-performance, she’s managed to escape unscathed. of course, she’s subject to online hate, but she attributes that to status as opposed to those foul words having any basis. she and her group-mates are hot topics nowadays, so she’s gotten used to her name being tossed about in the press or on gossip blogs. not only that, but she’s opened herself up to even more criticism by starting a youtube channel in her name. though, all publicity is good to some degree, and she’s content with where she’s at now, but she can’t help but yearn for more, so all the while, her mind is constantly working to find new ways to call the spotlights to her. even if it sometimes annoys her friends, or brings negativity into her circle, ahyoung doesn’t feel fulfilled unless she’s being praised. like tinkerbell, she needs applause to live.

[idolizerp]

[ LOADING INFORMATION ON HONEY’S SUB VOCAL NOVA…. ]

DETAILS

CURRENT AGE: 22 DEBUT AGE: 18 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 17 SKILL POINTS: 11 VOCAL | 11 DANCE | 00 RAP | 13 PERFORMANCE SECONDARY SKILLS: Hypermobility

INTERVIEW

if honey were a lake, caihong would be drowning. being a foreigner in the industry was hard—being exploited for being a foreigner in the industry was like a worm tricking the fish into latching on. the dazed looks, the quivering smile of confusion, the shaking eyes. all of it made her normally “average” face cute and drew in fans. ❝ aw, she’s so cute when she’s confused! ❞ ❝ nova is so adorable when she speaks korean! ❞ all of the pain she went through trying to learn a new language and culture as a teenager being exposed to a dog-eat-dog industry was okay when she was only eighteen, smiling and laughing along because she truly didn’t understand, but now, as a woman, it’s suffocating.

as a trainee, caihong was no dance goddess, rap legend, or vocal queen. she wasn’t the prettiest trainee, nor was she the cutest. she had nothing going for her, the others would whisper. and yet, msg saw opportunity. they saw the way she’d always hesitate before speaking, the way her sentences took long to get out as she thought over each and every word, the way that she would smile at the wrong words and fiddle with her hands, not at all sure if that was the right thing to do. the mannerisms of a foreigner. the makings of a character suitable for their upcoming girl group. she was easy to manipulate—her korean wasn’t very good at all and it wasn’t like she was ever in any position to walk out on the company if she disagreed with anything. she was a fly in the msg web. because of all this it was so easy to wrap her up in the “silly foreigner” image and she could say nothing about it. the one to make mistakes and be excused because “she doesn’t understand”, the one to speak korean the best she can and be laughed at for it and be forced to smile. the dumb one. at first it was nothing. her mistakes were real and yes, her korean was still strange but she was improving, as she’d always be sure to mention. but even as she got better, she had to pretend she didn’t understand. had to be talked down to despite the fact that she knew what every word meant. she had to make embarrassingly simple mistakes every single time and pretend to be confused when the others scolded her. it was shameful. her cheeks would burn and tears would threaten to fall but she still smiled. the giggling airhead nova would never cry. she was thankful, she truly was, to be in honey despite being so far below the others when it came to talent but she always spent her nights in the dorm crying, thinking about what she must look like to her family, her siblings that looked up to her so. a goddamn fool. what must it feel like to see your oldest daughter mistaking a simple korean word and feigning ignorance or, better yet, seeing her be reduced to a joke to her face? it can’t feel pleasant. but caihong endures. she has nothing else. honey gave her a home and a chance. no matter how much caihong despises nova, she’s nothing without her.

the woman, chu caihong, is intelligent and mature. she’s like a mother, taking care of anyone who comes across her path without a second thought. her motives are always pure and shke never wavers from her decisions. a fine girl her parents raised. a hardworking girl, always pushing herself to be better no matter what. no ones perfect, she knows this to be true, but she comes as close as she possibly can. she always being pushed, always out of her element but she never lets it get her down, no no. she’s strong. almost too strong. too strong to admit to anyone she’s not okay. too strong to look herself in the mirror anymore because if she does she won’t know who she’s looking at. too strong to let herself hurt anymore. caihong is crumbling, faster and faster as time passes. her kind heart has been taken advantage of, her motherly nature being scoffed at and her intelligence being undermined. caihong? caihong barely exists. every inch of her was torn down with time, the house she’d built of herself beyond repair. but that’s okay, she convinces herself. everything is okay. and she smiles. caihong doesn’t matter, she’s learned. nova, nova, nova. she brings in the fans, she brings in the cash, she brings in the cute factor, she brings in the attention. not caihong. no honeybee wants to see an intelligent, mature girl singing cheer up on stage. they want the ditzy girl to make a fool of herself, being sexy without realizing, covering her mouth with her hands and acting bashful despite being a woman of her own. they don’t want her to be able to speak clearly and confidently for herself. they want her accent, her cute accent and the same mix ups she’s been making for four years now. they don’t care the pain she goes through. they don’t care how she dumbs herself down for them. they don’t care that she’s constantly being criticized for her “terrible korean” and her “disregard for the culture”. no one cares. because caihong doesn’t matter. nova keeps smiling.

BIOGRAPHY

A. cinderella had an evil stepmother and evil step sisters, forced to slave away everyday and endure torture, but she still married a prince in the end. caihong doesn’t have any of that but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t worked like a dog for most of her life. she was born 朱彩虹 to shih daxia and chu chen, the first child after their first year as a married couple. they were still young but ambitious and had started a restaurant to stay within the family they wished to build. caihong was the first doomed to that fate. from the moment she was able, she worked in the restaurant. hair kept in a tight ponytail and bounced every which way as the tiny chu girl delivered food to tables, smiling with every compliment she received. one would think that with the busy schedule and the child already on hand, the chu family would be put on hold, at least until they were stable. but out came three more siblings, only months apart.

caihong was forced to grow up faster than most because of this. by day, she spent time alternating from running to wait tables to running to the back to take care of fussy children. by night, she bathed the children and put them to bed, reading three individual bedtime stories. the early mornings were spent catching up on school work she missed taking days off to work at the restaurant. her whole life, from the beginning, was built around her family. she never got so much as a thank you.

B. caihong’s life was never her own. free time was non existent. every second of everyday she was working for someone else. if she was home, it was caring for her siblings. if she went to work at the restaurant, she was doing it for her parents. if she was at school, she was working for the praise she was so desperate for. not a single breath was for her. naturally, she wasn’t in the best space. every single second she got to herself was spent crying, wondering why she couldn’t just be selfish for once then scolding herself for thinking of herself before her family. they were all she had. what right did she have to do such a thing? and yet she still yearned for it, desperately. with each passing day, her house became less of a home. she began to hate her family—no, she hated herself. hated herself for not having the gut to just ask for her life back, hated herself for thinking she mattered more than the family of six. it was a vicious cycle. her only escape was the music room she would linger in when she was assigned to clean up. music was always something she’d enjoyed. her mother would hum her to sleep when she was a child and, even if they weren’t her children, caihong would do the same for her siblings when her parents worked late. the thing that made her love music was seeing wonder girls debut when she was eleven. seeing those beautiful women perform with so much confidence, voices making her feel warm inside. she wanted that. she wanted it so bad. but she knew she couldn’t get it. every day, she shut the desire out. she would work in her parents restaurant when she was older, that was without question.

despite her assurance that she would never become a singer, she still worked at it. she would do all her tasks humming or singing a tune of some kind. sometimes it would be a wonder girls song, sung in broken korean, or it would a Chinese song, her voice untrained and coming out slightly odd but the talent was there. to caihong, it was never enough. she wanted to be like the beautiful korean women. she would spend her time in the shower putting her everything into singing. she would spend time memorizing lyrics to the songs she loved, pining each one on her wall and reading them as she got ready in the morning and at night. she’d sing them to customers when they were waiting for their food, cheeks burning whenever they complimented her. she’d sing them at school for events. her love for the stage shined whenever her hand would shoot up when she volunteered to sing at an event or even just to help host. she just wanted to be up there, to be before a crowd, to feel like people loved her. her parents were good to her, she could never deny that, but it hurt that she worked for them nearly every hour of the day and she never got so much as a “thank you”, a “you did good”. nothing. she craved that attention and validation. she found it on stage and she knew then, she would never let it go.

C. on january 12, 2011, chu caihong turned 15. that night, her father died in his sleep. as her family crowded around his bed, sobs slipping from their lips and tears uncontrollable, she felt the resolve in her tighten. she loved her father, she did, and she knew her mother would need her more than ever now. but seeing her father, lying there in the same place he went every day of his life, she knew she didn’t want that. she wanted to live not survive. she wanted to leave this place. she didn’t want the restaurant, she didn’t want to continue to mother children that weren’t hers, she didn’t want to get only four hours of sleep every night and wake up early to cook breakfast. she wanted to sing. and she decided as they took her father away, that’s what she would do.

caihong didn’t have the skill or the opportunity to be scouted, and for a moment, she worried that she wouldn’t be able to even get an audition if she didn’t fly from her home in Hong Kong to South Korea. however, she was blessed when 99 ent held international auditions. sure she’d still end up needing to pay money to travel, but she let out a sigh of relief knowing she was going to make it. going in, she fought to keep her expectations low. she knew the likelihood of passing was extremely low—she wasn’t very pretty, not like the dancing korean women, nor did she know a lick of korean that wasn’t a wonder girls or H.O.T song. but despite that, she fought back smiles as she waited anxiously. she was really going to do this. she was really going to become a singer in Korea. or, at least she thought so.

maybe she chose the wrong song or maybe she became too cocky, but caihong didn’t hear good things back. she didn’t pass the audition and for months afterward, she was lost. it was all she’d ever wanted but maybe it was too much still. she’d tried to betray her family and that was her punishment. she wanted, so desperately, to be able to just let it go. to just go back to the way she was, the selfless and kind daughter caihong. but she still went to bed with an ache in her chest.

D. the year between her failed audition and her next birthday were a blur. caihong had navigated through with murky eyes and a heavy heart. she’d lost her father and her dream the same year, forced back into the same routine she’d been in for over a decade. she spent many days crying, wondering where she went wrong. however, all of that ceased the day her mother surprised her with an amazing gift. she’d missed international auditions for the company msg, having been working and terrified of failing once again, but daxia had left a plane ticket and her passport for her. thinking how much her mother had spent just for her, especially with slower business at the restaurant touched her. however, she noticed the trip was one way. it was either pass the audition in korea, or be stranded. this time, caihong would pass. she would make her dream a reality. she spent the months between the time she received the ticket and the flight practicing her singing, wanting every single thing to be perfect. on the day she finally picked up her bags to leave, she hesitated. she was taking the biggest risk of her life. she didn’t speak korean well, she didn’t know how to navigate a city as big as Seoul and nothing was even guaranteed to her. she’d be, for the first time, completely alone. when she made it to the airport, she knew that she had to take that first step. and so she did.

when she first made it there, she was overwhelmed with everything. she didn’t know much of the culture, not the language and not how to get around. she had to rely heavily on others, struggling to use her hands and the few korean words she knew. every single second she wasn’t at the company for an audition, was a second spent in panic. maybe it was luck, or maybe it was her father looking out for her but she made it with only minor issues. with her failure and the knowledge of her mother’s sacrifice on her back, caihong went to her audition and she sung her heart out. she was never much of a dancer ( her mother joked she was born with two left feet. ) but she made sure to make up for it in anyway she could, expressions and emotions. her accent shined through but her talent was undeniable despite the obvious need for training. and with that, she’d became a msg trainee at the age of 17. she had a lot to work on but she was going to give a million percent no matter what.

E. finding out she’d passed the audition was both a blessing and a curse. sure, she was one step closer to her dream, but living as a trainee in a country who wasn’t the kindest to foreigners was a nightmare. no matter what, she felt like she was doing something wrong. the criticism she received from trainers and the other trainees was often lost on her and she would have to have trainees that spoke the same language translate for her, which put more stress on others. once again, caihong was putting everything on others, and nothing on herself. no matter how she tried to grow out of it, she always did it. adjusting was something she was constantly doing as well. sharing a room and bathroom weren’t new to her, she had a big family and a small house, and neither were the early mornings and late nights spent studying and practicing. what really made it so different from her old life was the way no one..cared. no one cared for the other. it was always “us vs them”. she knew the times she’d been the last to wake up and leave the dorm wasn’t always an accident, and she knew that when others shoved past her and headed to the showers, they did it because she couldn’t speak up. not only because she was only at the level of a child when it came to their language, but she was also, clearly, below them. in the trainee hierarchy, she was one of the lowest rungs. but that didn’t stop her, she wouldn’t let it. it was clear she wasn’t the best singer, or rapper, or dancer, or visual but she was the most determined. she spent every waking moment perfecting her singing in the practice rooms, going over every single second of choreo over and over until she couldn’t even move her legs to go back to the dorm, and she’d spent the moments she got easy for bed, reading everything around her in korean so she was never not learning. even if it was a cereal box, she’d read it over and over again aloud even if the other female trainees glared at her as she did so.

one thing caihong learned fast was to keep her head high and expectations low. she always made eye contact with the trainers during evaluations but she was asked how she thought she did, she always kept her answers vague—confident but also not cocky. it was a good tactic because everytime another female came across too confident and arrogant, she was immediately embarrassed in front of everyone even if she’d been the best. for the year she worked harder than everyone was a trainee, she never once faltered in her resolve. she was going to debut and she was going to be an idol like her 11 year old self watched on television with wide eyes. lucky for her ( or maybe unlucky ), she didn’t wait long. when it was announced she’d be debuting with the girl group “honey” she felt like she might faint. others had been training for years, since she was young in some cases, and yet she was getting a spot. despite the fact that it was what she wanted, she felt herself break out in a cold sweat. she wanted it, but was she ready for it? she spent the nights she worked on their debut song, staring up at the ceiling of the unfamiliar dorm and praying her father was still looking over her. she needed everything she could get.

F. honey’s been around a while, four years now, and each one was harder than the last. in the beginning, they weren’t the giant they are now but people still watched them closely. caihong had always wanted attention but having to every single eye twitch being watched by thousands of people at all times was..a lot. she spent a lot of moments hesitating. however, with the “goofy and clueless foreigner” image placed onto her, it only boosted her popularity. the “cute” accent, the “adorable” mistakes. all of the things she was extremely insecure about was what everyone loved about her. it wasn’t what she was used to but it still made her..happy. for a time. it felt like she was loved by such a large number of people and it was a warm feeling. however, that quickly dissolved. the constant screams of “cute” and “adorable” were nice but it always seemed to drown out what she wanted to say. nothing she said was ever taken seriously. she could talk about anything and no one would care what care from her mouth because, she realized, no one cared. she was on that stage to look pretty. it definitely wasn’t to sing, she hardly ever got to sing on their tracks whether it was title or b-side, and it wasn’t to dance as she was usually placed in the back during choreo to simply disappear. she was only there to be the “cute” one. it hurt, knowing that. she reduced to one word, one personality trait. it didn’t matter she was smart, didn’t matter her korean was getting better day by day. she was still forced to carry that “cute, bubbly idiot” image.

now, she’s tired of it. she can’t defy her company and she can’t force people to undetstsnd that she’s more than just that, but that doesn’t mean she wants more. she’s not much of an actor, not clever enough for a variety show, she’s not nearly pretty enough to model. all she can do is sing. and she tries her hardest at that. for the past two and a half years, she’s been pushing herself and working as hard as she could. a solo debut is all she wants right now, a chance to show another side of her and to prove everyone wrong. she’s more than just what her company makes her to be. she loves honey and she loves bumblebees but just like she loved her family, she doesn’t want them to rule her life anymore. she wants more. she wants to be able to breathe again, to grow, to be caihong again. nova is a part of her, she knows that, but she doesn’t want it to become all of her. caihong is still there, still important. she wants to be her again. it’s not something that seems possible anymore but she’s holding tight to it. four years. for years she’s been nova. and more years after, she’ll continue to be nova. but she doesn’t want to let causing drown. not yet.

[idolizerp]

[ LOADING INFORMATION ON HONEY’S LEAD VOCAL MINHA…. ]

DETAILS

CURRENT AGE: 24 DEBUT AGE: 20 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 16 SKILL POINTS: 12 VOCAL | 10 DANCE | 00 RAP | 13 PERFORMANCE SECONDARY SKILLS: Acting

INTERVIEW

baek minha arrives at sixteen years old, fresh-faced and youthful, at msg’s doorstep with her soft smile and honeyed voice and that’s all they ever wanted from her.

they fashion her into a tender thing. it’s not like it’s a difficult task, molding her in the image of softness, of purity. management takes one look at her and sees a multitude of concepts that she can embody. in the end, they’re all variations of the same thing, just spun differently depending on who the beholder is. she’s the girl next door: beautiful, sweet, soft to the touch. she’s your best friend: patient, understanding, a shoulder to cry on. she’s your supportive unnie: wise, steadfast, comforting.

she whatever good thing her fans need to be.

it’s not as easy as it seems. it’s hard to toe the line between perfection and approachability day in and day out. too perfect means she’s too cold and unrelatable. too approachable means she’s too boring and easy. but minha doesn’t complain because that’s not in her nature, because that’s not what she’s marketed as.

so everyday is a precarious balancing act.

she exudes approachability through laughter and and soft smiles. she learns how to laugh with more of an eye-smile rather than a head thrown back with seal clapping. on the rare occurrences that she’s invited on a variety show, she utilizes that laugh whenever a funny story comes up. she smiles at the cringy jokes in order to boost the other’s confidence. she pays attention to whoever is speaking, pretends to care even when no one else on the show does. she’s sociable when she needs to be, feigns openness when asked questions but she’s better off when all she needs to do is provide fresh reactions.

she exudes perfection through kindness and compassion. kind people, minha discovers, are harder to hate than talented people. luckily, she’s never been that talented and was never afforded the opportunity to be selfish. so she turns her focus outwards. she’s constantly interacting with bumblebees in comments and fancafe posts, supplying them with just as much good energy as they give her. she listens to people’s struggles and tries to help whether it be a shoulder to cry on or advice. she buys coffee and food for fans that spend hours waiting for her group outside of music shows.

she exudes desire by becoming an outlet for people to superimpose their desires onto her.

and how much of this is real? it doesn’t matter.

minha had killed the girl she once was a long time ago and chose to keep her buried when she didn’t pick up a stage name. it’s easier, to be honey’s minha. it makes it easier for her to fool herself into thinking she’s happy. it makes it easier for her to keep pretending like this was her dream all along.

(the truth is this: baek minha wants. she had always wanted so desperately. she knew of it before she ever knew of anything else. but no one wants a girl so full of want and longing for a future that will never happen and a past that she’s never had. a girl with too many ghosts, too many maybes.

what it means is this: baek minha would never survive in this industry. honey’s minha is barely surviving as is.)

BIOGRAPHY

i.

minha is seven when she realizes there’s no place for dreams. not her own anyway.

but she wants regardless. and that’s her first mistake.

she wants to play with the kids next door. her mother wants her to become a star. (what it really means is that her mother wants to live her failed idol aspirations through her.) but she is young and she has no interest in her mother’s dreams. what kid wants to be shoved into vocal lessons instead of running around on the playground? but she’s not given the choice. her mother wants and so she gets.

a week later, she finds herself attending vocal lessons. minha hates every minute of it. but she endures. her teacher tells her that she has a pretty voice. it’s the only compliment she gets. later she discovers that she doesn’t have a great vocal range and her high notes are breathy at best and just plain weak at worst. she practices at home under the critical eye of her mother but it’s still not enough. her teacher tells her she’s passable, utterly unremarkable even with her dulcet tone.

her mother is not happy with that news.

ii.

money is getting thin. minha learns of this when she slips out of bed one night and overhears her parents talking in the kitchen.

they can’t afford to keep giving her vocal lessons at this rate. her father attempts to plead with her mother. (it’s been five years, hana. she’s good but even her teacher said that this might be her ceiling. maybe it’s time to give up.) but her mother is stubborn and determined. she tells him that they’ll find a way. for whatever reason, she still believes that she’ll be able to will immense talent into her daughter. her father gives up, he knows a losing battle when he sees one. minha tip-toes back into her room and goes to sleep with the belief that her mother will have to give up eventually.

the next day she attends vocal lessons, it’s the worst she’s ever been. her vocal teacher doesn’t understand her regression and when questioned about it, minha just shrugs. her teacher chalks it up to puberty and tells her to practice more. (“you could make something of yourself, if you tried.” she’s told but that’s what she’s afraid of.)

her mother is less forgiving. the car ride home she gives her the silent treatment, silently fuming in the driver’s seat while minha looks out the window. the second they step into the house, she’s screaming at her, hurling insults at her faster than minha can even register them. she doesn’t hit her but the words do enough damage. they always do.

her father watches from the kitchen doorway, ever silent and weary, before slipping out into the backyard right as the obscenities reach its crescendo.

he shows minha that the only person who will protect her is herself.

minha relents. she practices more until it’s all she does. she changes herself into what her mother wants if only to survive. she becomes sweeter, becomes softer, becomes something her mother can see marketing well. she takes all the criticism aimed at her and internalizes it until she’s picture perfect.

it’s still not enough.

she wants to be wanted. she wants her mother’s love.

but there are some things you just can’t will into existence.

iii.

she’s sixteen and nothing has changed.

she’s auditioned for numerous companies but nothing has come out of it. her mother is running out of patience and her family is running out of money. minha just wants to be done with this whole thing. she wants to be a normal teenager. she wants, but she never gets.

her mother forces her to audition for msg. out of the list of companies she’s auditioned for, this was perhaps the biggest long shot. but her mother doesn’t know how to give up and so minha shows up and prays for something to change. she stands in front of the panel of judges and a part of her wants to sabotage herself. to ruin this opportunity for herself before it could ruin her in the same way it had ruined her mother. a bigger part of her wants to succeed. not for herself but for her mother.

(in a perfect world, that thought would represent thoughtfulness, filial piety, the lengths that minha is willing to go to in order to make her mother happy.

but it is not a perfect world.

so in this world, it means survival. it means desperation. it means please let me get the fuck away from her.)

so she squares her shoulders and holds her head high, faking a quiet confidence before she starts singing. minha prays to god that her voice will hold steady.

iv.

by some miracle of god, she gets in. minha doesn’t know how, doesn’t ask in case it ends up being a mistake. sure, she still doesn’t want to become a trainee and dreads the thought of potentially being a idol but at the end of the day she’s free from her parents suffocating clutches and that’s enough for her.

training is difficult. the trainers are harsh and she’s worked to the bone. she’s lacking in skills. or, more aptly put, she’s completely average in skills. just good enough. passable. a solid b+ on a good day. her voice is pleasant, pleasing to listen to, but it’s nothing life-changing. her dancing is ok. she knows how to stay on beat and learns how to conceal tiny mistakes with a bright smile.

minha hates it. but she hates home more. at the very least, training grants her friends. it gives her a safe space to blossom as baek minha. it allows her the opportunity to be kind and soft out of sincerity instead of a need to survive.

so she reminds herself that she’s been through worse. she tells herself that if she gets kicked out the company, she’ll be forced to go through worse. so she endures because that’s all she’s ever done. it’s all she knows how to do. she trains diligently, waiting for the day her contract runs out so she go home with the hope that her mother will be placated by her efforts.

v.

except things don’t go as planned.

four years into training and all the trainees are buzzing with excitement over the news that the long awaited girl group is finally the works. minha joins in on the excitement. it’s easy now, for her to pretend as if idol life was what she wanted all along. some nights she can almost talk herself into wanting the inane dream her mother still holds so fiercely. most nights she can’t.

it doesn’t matter anyways. she’s still convinced that being a trainee is the end of the line for her. she’s improved, sure, moved up from average to slightly above average but no matter what angle she looks at it, she can’t imagine that she’ll debut. she doesn’t want to. of course, life never gives baek minha what she wants.

she’s selected for honey’s lineup and everything falls apart.

vi.

and just like that baek minha is no longer baek minha but honey’s minha.

she reverts. turns her softness and kindness back into a weapon for survival again. management likes her image. what they like even more is the fact that she’s so willing to be a chameleon, change herself into whatever they want her to be.

they want her to be sweet, so that’s what she becomes. they soften out her edges and tweak her laughter into something less explosive. they push her as the girl next door and she wears that persona like a second skin. it almost feels like she’s gone back home and dug up the old baek minha.

they debut and she learns what it feels like it be loved.

they’re a success and she learns that it still leaves her empty.

vii.

the criticism is endless. everyone has something to say about honey.

her fans are quick to defend her and her group. they leave her positive comments on her v-lives, telling her to ignore all the antis and all the negativity. they tell her that they love her. she’s thankful, of course, and she tells them as much.

“thank you for supporting me, bumblebees! please know that i’m working hard to improve my skills and show you all a better side of me!”

she’s not lying, not exactly anyways. she is being sincere. she’s been working hard, trying to improve. but on the inside she’s entirely too blasé about the negative remarks leveled against her. it should, perhaps, affect her on a certain level. after all, it’s her group they’re talking about. but the words of strangers mean nothing to her. they couldn’t hurt her even if they tried.

(sometimes, she scrolls through the comments and picks out her favorites to laugh about.)

she gets a text from her mother later that night. all it says is, minnie, they’re right. it’s ambiguous enough that anyone looking over her shoulder can interpret it as something supportive, something kind.

minha knows better.

viii.

she deviates. and that’s her second mistake.

minha knows she’s not a stand-out variety presence. she’s good with reactions, quick to laugh at a funny joke or cringe when something embarrassing happens but she lacks the quick wit and banter to be able to survive solo variety appearances. so she picks up acting. if she has to shoulder dreams that aren’t hers then she might as well get to do something she wants.

for the first time in her life, baek minha wants and she gets.

her mother calls her the night after she lands her first role. she knows better than to pick up but she does it anyways. it’s been so long since she’s spoken to her. before she can even finish her hello, her mother cuts her off like she’s so prone to do.

“why are you acting? i didn’t spend so much money on you for you to waste it all away on barely being a passable singer. and now you want to act? you never stop being a disappointment do you?” it’s a simple attack. it’s not even the worst thing she has ever said to her. but it hurts all the same.

there’s silence on minha’s end. what’s there to even say? sorry? a few empty words to placate her mother and pretend as if she’s not sick and tired of her bullshit and innate ability to tear her into pieces with just her words? that what she wants is to act?

she doesn’t say any of that. what she says is this: “thanks mom. please don’t ever call me again.” (maybe she’s more tired of pretending than she had initially thought.)

she hangs up in the middle of her mother’s angry sputtering. her fingers hover over the block contact button for a second before she presses down.

how nice of her mother to remind her just how demeaning and cruel she can be. she had almost forgotten. ix.

“your mother misses you. you know she doesn’t mean the words she said. don’t you think it’s time to forgive her?” her father tells her over the phone, voice weathered and tired.

minha wants to laugh. it’s the first time her father has called her since she became a trainee and the topic of discussion is still her mother. all these years and her father is still trying to defend her, still trying to morph her viciousness into something misunderstood. she wants to be bitter. she wants to say something mean. she wants to ask why didn’t you ever do this for me? why didn’t you ever stop her? but she’s a good daughter even when the cameras are off. at least, that’s what she’s made herself to be.

“it’s been years, minnie, i–“

“don’t call me that,” she cuts him off sharply before he can even continue. “please. just leave me alone. if you’re going to defend her, then please, don’t call me anymore.”

she hopes. and that’s her third mistake.

it’s silence on both sides and then call ended.

her father reminds her that even at twenty-three she still knows how to cry.

x.

baek minha is twenty-four now, verging on twenty-five, and is a part of a girl group that’s at the zenith of its popularity. despite all of that, it still means nothing in the end.

she’s tired, has been for a long time. she’s learned to keep it together but the cracks are finally starting to show.

maybe, she thinks, it’s time to be selfish.

[idolizerp]

[ LOADING INFORMATION ON HONEY’S SUB VOCAL MINSEO…. ]

DETAILS

CURRENT AGE: 23 DEBUT AGE: 19 SKILL POINTS: 11 VOCAL | 10 DANCE | 00 RAP | 14 PERFORMANCE SECONDARY SKILLS: Acting

INTERVIEW

she wasn’t a natural born talent. minseo was perhaps far from that –– what she is today and how she’s able to showcase herself was due to her struggling years as a trainee and she never quite lets anyone forget that. still, despite how much she’s tried and how much attention she’s given to her vocalisation and attempts at dancing, minseo is simply the sub-vocalist of the group.

learning that she was able to debut with honey though, was more than enough to keep her happy. management had felt that minseo suited the concept pretty well; she had a baby-face, her gestures were cute and they liked the idea of having someone… naive. she’d grown up in the countryside, was anything but a city girl and at the beginnings of it all, little things in seoul had awed her.

management pushed for that image of her –– a child-like older member who seemed as though she’d need coddling. someone that you’d feel as though you’d need to take care of. and it wasn’t a complete lie. in truth, minseo’s personality was one that was a bit of an airhead, yet all at the same time bright.

she’d get confused easily which made her seem innocent, wasn’t exactly the brightest since she never finished school (choosing instead to train), which made for a cute personality. the way she carried herself and her demeanour, to management, felt like a good fit with honey.

they liked that she’d been raised by her grandparents as well, it added a more ‘sweet’ ‘innocent’ side to her and they’d felt it best to play it up. and at the beginnings of honey’s career, minseo never quite had an issue with the way they carried her image because it felt as though it suited her; a sweet, innocent and bubbly girl who’d come from the countryside, almost untainted.

though her airhead personality and lack of talent made for the perfect bait for antis. what fans would excuse as ‘cute’, antis would call ignorant. 

slowly, her company has been pushing her towards acting, giving her roles that they’d felt suit her personality –– usually those of highschoolers, despite her being in her early twenties. her acting, thankfully, hasn’t been faced with too much criticism, though critics have said that it could be due to the fact that the roles she’s chosen to take on, are roles that are similar to her own personality.

a criticism that has followed minseo throughout her career was that she was a girl that lacked variety.

BIOGRAPHY

she doesn’t remember her mother; would hardly even count her as a part of her life. minseo’s never seen her, truth be told she’s only ever seen photos of how her mother had looked like, a twenty four year old woman having passed away whilst giving birth to her first newborn child after a year of marriage.

they tell her that her mother had been a wonderful woman, the ‘beauty’ of the town and that they’re sure that she would’ve been proud to see how wonderfully minseo had grown up. (they never bring up the fact that her mother had died giving birth to her. but even so minseo feels like she’s a murderer. a thief)

she grows up living with her grandparents (from her mother’s side) instead. and her grandmother loves her, showers her with love and care and minseo grows up attached to the older woman. her grandmother does everything she can for minseo, tells her stories about her mother as a child.

minseo comes back from school everyday to the arms of her grandmother, smiling wide and telling her about her day (“today we learnt a new poem!”). her grandmother always listens, laughs as minseo continues to talk –– she never stops talking –– and replies by patting the small girl on her head and saying, “that’s my granddaughter!”.

she doesn’t really remember her father either. truth be told, she feels even more further away from him than she does her mother. her father is alive and well but he’d never built any sort of relationship with minseo. at the age of three he’d left daegu, claiming that he’d been transferred to a bigger office in seoul.

she doesn’t miss him, doesn’t see any point missing someone that was never really there. it all works out fine; her father sending her and her grandmother money monthly and minseo living in happiness with her grandmother. at least with her mother she has photos, has her grandmother retelling stories of her. but with her father there isn’t really anything. when she asks her grandmother the older woman simply replies with a, “the death of your mother took a toll on him.”

idols aren’t just a thing in seoul, many in daegu find an interest and want to live out a glamorous life like that. minseo is one of the. sure, she loves her grandparents, sure she loves the animals, and sure the countryside is nice. but she watches as the girls dance on stage, their pretty hair, bright makeup and how much they’re smiling. minseo isn’t particularly good at singing, nor is she a dancer, but she’s always been told that there’s a charm about her.

so she auditions. and she’s turned down. various times.

still, she doesn’t give up –– would travel all the way to seoul for auditions, for any chance to live out that life until one day, they say ‘yes’. she’s made to leave daegu, it’s easier that way, and that meant leaving her grandparents too.

she’s fifteen when she’s signed to msg and her father doesn’t quite care. she catches a glint in his eyes though, when she tells him of her future plans. “alright,” is all he says, “if this is what you want to do.”

training is hard, and it dawns on minseo just how much she lacks. she can’t dance, her feet constantly hurt and she doesn’t sound good when she sings. it hurts her, the constant competition that she feels, the fact that she isn’t a natural born talent.

“but you’re cute,” a trainee had said. to which, minseo had only furrowed her brows.

she’s diligent with training, doesn’t want to be left behind. she trains and trains until her feet turn sore and there’s blood etched on her sock. her pair of training shoes turn black and tear but it never quite stops minseo from training. she pushes herself more, more and more because she dreams of a stage.

when they tell her she’s debuting with honey, she’s more than ecstatic. she’s been training for years and for a while had felt as though there’d be no end to it. they’d felt as though she suited this concept well and minseo liked it, felt comfortable with what they made her do.

their debut came and those years of training felt as though they’d finally paid off. she cries the day of their debut, face red and wails loud. with their popularity growing, minseo couldn’t contain her happiness, a bright personality in interviews and variety shows. she was loud, would sometimes speak in her daegu accent when over-excited. and while some loved it, there were others that didn’t.

then came the criticisms of their talent and for some reason, it felt as though a shot towards minseo. she knew she wasn’t the best, knew that she wasn’t the most talented of the bunch and her worries only grew. she’d always been someone soft-hearted and while others had told her to ignore the comments left by netizens, it was hard for her not to take those to heart (especially when so many hit close to home).

her confidence slowly diminished but she pushed herself through on variety shows for the sake of her image and the sake of her group. there hasn’t been much of a drastic change concept-wise for honey throughout the years either and minseo’s never been too sure if this worked for or against her. her company decides to push her towards acting and truth be told, minseo’s never quite thought of acting as a route. but so far, comments haven’t been totally bad and it helps her brand reputation so she doesn’t have anything against it, instead, practices for her roles (yet, there’s something in her chest that still tugs at her to practice dancing and singing when she can. her first love is the stage).

while she suited bright concepts the most, she wonders if perhaps it’s the concepts that are holding her back as well.