#id save everyone so much drama

[icantscreamwhycantiscream]

My chest hurts and there's a lot in my stomach and I want to peel my own skin off today I'm ngl. Im never going to be good enough to deserve anyone in my life and I think I am about to ruin it and I honestly don't know how to stop it.

I want a drink so bad rn and that's the fucking problem.

[pretzel-box]

Can we get an update about your Sebastian x read enemies to lovers?

Sure! I have the whole storyboard finished and started to write the first chapters. Might publish the first one in the coming week.

The whole thing will be called : As above so below

so you will find my works under #AsAboveSoBelow if you search it up on my profile!

I kinda was unmotivated because of the whole Zerum drama but it makes me happy to see people interested in my work!

A warning to everyone tho: This won't be a sugarcoated fanficion. Sebastian will be mean, kidnapper-behaviour, gaslighting, etc. warnings will be put at the start of each chapter. It's an enemies to lovers with some dark elements.

Chapter 1 snippet below

Unedited, non proof read.

The time on the wall clock displayed that it was barely some minutes after twelve in the noon. The warm sunlight creeped gently into the waitingroom by shining through the tall panorama windows of the building. A quick gaze to the side, to take a glimpse of the clock, was enough to tell you that it would surely take a few more moments till it was time to move away from the comfort of the leather chair you sat on right now. Your fresh desinfected hands clinged nervously onto your phone while swiftly scrolling through the list with the contacts that you had saved over the time you owned it. You were so concentrated that it slightly startled you, when another caller ID popped upon the bright screen of the phone, displaying the picture of your fathers face.

This particular man called you a lot lately, pushing his nose into your business after you dared to ask him for a teeny tiny favour, and you prayed that he wiould help since you are his beloved only daughter. But one of the things you didn't expected from him in that specific moment, was that he would take the oppertunity to call you, remembering that he was somewhere on the ocean.

He works as a high-class business man, sponsoring mainly a company called Urbanshade. You didn't knew much about them but your dad mentioning something about how they specialized in underwater mining with some high-tech inventions.

This explained his temporary stay on one of Urbanshade's ships, the testing and showcasing of another new underwater mining robot of some sort, called Trenchbleeder. Your dad funded the whole project in the past few months, so he was more than excited to see how his money is getting used for good reasons.

"Did they call you yet?" Despite the slightly static, the seagulls and the waves in the background, you were able to make out the strict tone in his voice. Of course he was curious. You have asked your dad if he knows someone who would hire you, his daughter. And of course, the first thing that he applies you for is one of Urbanshades research facilities. They didn't really looked for new employes in first place, but your dad was really close to the higher ups, so he bought the job for you. The fact he paid the company to take you made your stomach twist in an state of uncomfortableness but it was too late to turn back and say no." risked a lot by doing that for you."

He refers to the payment he has done for your sake and you can feel the pressure he dumped onto your shoulders.

You nod, even if your dad couldn't see it on the phone. "I'm at their building, sitting in the waitingroom. We sign the contract today." You tried to sound confident but you knew your dad saw behind your facade already. "They should be calling me into the office soon."

Your name gets loudly called through the room before your dad was able to reply to you, he would probably would give you another warning not to mess it up for his reputations sake. "Sorry dad, it's time."

You ended the call with a swift push on the red button, turning your phone ultimately on mute so nothing will distract the meeting you will now have with one of the higher ups at Urbanshade. The lady at the receptionist, told you where to go and another employee guided you to a glass room, showcasing a middle-aged man in an expensive looking suit. His arms were crossed and the way he scanned your application papers made your stomach turn.

The man must have noticed your little stare from the other side of the glass wall, since his head looked up from the file and it wasn't hard to miss the the coy smile on his lips. The previous expression on his face already replaced with a more welcoming one. "Ah, we finally meet. Your father told me already a good share abour you, little lady."

"I am grateful for the chance to work for your company, Mr.Wiltshire." The first impression counts, especially at a company as Urbanshade. And so you took the oppertunity to present yourself from the best side that you could possibly bring up, even if it means pretending to be something that you are not, in this case motivated and interested. Your hand almost raised up on it's own to offer a polite and respectful handshake.

"I assure you, we are the ones that are honoured to welcome you in our team.. Welcome to Urbanshade."

[lemontarto]

:) OOC: I am going to need you to explain every detail of the Gethen and Elwin Ship. I NEED IT.

my buddy u have no idea what u just unleashed. there is so much extensive lore for these guys that i could call them ocs . But anyway @everyonehasthoughts @creetchure the hethen trio fr

To understand how they've gotten to this point (toxic yaoi) you first must understand their backgrounds. But if you just want the fun stuff id say skip this whole first block 😭 anywya. (pspsp virg is writing a 15-30k fic abt them so tune in ehen that comes out)

this is. The Hethen Masterpost

gethen was the child of a telepath and a shade. Not a bad match but their relationship was still greeted with animosity. I say was because his parents died (for undisclosed reasons buuut it has to do with match policy and elvin standards etc) and he then lives with his grandparents. So hes not exactly at the top of the family food chain

Elwin is from a normalish family . theyre not vacker pretigious but they're not embroiled in some drama and scandal if yk what i mean

they enter foxfire, where gethen is very loud and charismatic and relatively liked by his peers, and elwin is (while generally liked) less popular. the last one picked at gym.

until gethen picks him. And then long story short they're best friends. gethen will usually go to elwins to escape his family situation and theyre essentially inseparable

level four is when shit kinda shifts. see this is when washers are trained and employed. and up to this point gethen feltlike he had to prove himself and if he did that the system would save him and his family.

being a washer puts him in closer proximity with the council and their nobility and all the secrets and him also being washed (by kenric i believe) which will fuck a guy up !!!

elwin can see theres inequality but hes on the naive side and believes he can fix things from the inside out. believes in the inherent goodness of everyone.

----------------

the elite levels is when shit gets gayer! theyre roomates. elwin practices his flashing on gethen and uses him to model his glasses prototypes. he patches up gethen when he gets banged up (from god knows what)

meanwhile gethens like ten times deeper into this washing gig. which will make things infinitely worse

whatever the case, theyre essentially like a couple at this point. which means theyre disgustingly in love. but this also means they have arguments. several.

and how do they resolve them? most of the time gethen will wipe elwin's memories. Because he cannot risk losing elwin.

So you understand. they do not have a healthy relationship. At some point gethen has enough with the whole system and joins the neverseen, in which he wipes the memory of him from the council and his family and from elwin. to everyone concerned, he doesn't exist.

circa post-flashback is when forkle steps in to confront elwin. Maybe he was a mentor when they were at foxfire but he knows about them. and he triggers the washed memories to come back (either he or the sophitz cognates do, in which case this is kinda funnier)

he does this because 'theres no other way' to take gethen down.

the way in question is elwin seducing gethen

(note about this plan: forkle had to erase the reason why elwins contacting gethen again so their cover isnt blown)

elwin goes into this swearing its purely for the sake of the black swan and he cant get attached and gethens a terrible person but Fuck if he isnt hotter than he was 100years ago

same for gethen. hed never fully gotten over elwin anyway. and he has his suspicions about elwins motives but he cant bring himself to care when hes finally in his grasp again

So in general. they're in this neutral space between the black swan and the neverseen, playing a great game of pretend . how could they not? its their only chance at a normal relationship.

----------------

there are several possible conclusions to this arrangement. Some of which are more likely in aus but whatever

they run away. theyre in the human world. elwin has somewhat convinced gethen that his goals arent aligned with the neverseen and he just wanted revenge on the council/system that fucked him over

gethen kills the second forkle, finishing the job persay. elwins a witness. no one else knows. gethen offers to wipe elwins memories to make it easier. Maybe elwin accepts.

this is a sillier ideal ending where gethens reformed and hethen adopts fitz (and or all the vacker sibs) . gethens like grunkle stan and elwins just dadwin. its very funny and they coparent with dellivvy

anyhow this ship was purely coincidental but i adore them more than any other. i hope you too, enjoyed this. because you will see them more.

[enlitment]

Top 5 favorite historical events 👀

Oo, good one! Thanks for the ask ✨

1. The Ides of March

Apart from being a beloved Tumblr holiday, I just find the whole event so interesting! Few times in history have had such a lasting cultural impact (hello, statue of Brutus at the National Convention!).

Plus it's so wonderfully morally grey, which you can see from the different perception of Brutus throughout history (burning in lowest circle of Dante's hell vs. being hailed as a hero by the French revolutionaries).

Was it the right thing to do? It was an act of extreme violence, and the republic was arguably beyond saving anyway, as became clear later. Does it mean it was the wrong thing to do though? I'm definitely not qualified to answer that. But it is an interesting question to think about, which makes this event one of my favourites.

(Plus the whole thing kind of reads like an ancient tragedy, since it could be read as Brutus (& co) killing someone who was essentially a father figure to him, but also was widely known to have slept with his mother. Hamlet who?)

2. Camille rallying the crowds at Palais Royal

I'm a sucker for a good epic moment, and this is certainly one of them. Camille leaping on the table and overcoming his stutter to address the crowd of dissatisfied Parisians, inspiring them to take action? Yes please!

(not to mention that any event that demonstrates the power that words can have is going to be automatically interesting in my book.)

3. The Servilia Letter Affair

Situated during the late Roman Republic after the Catiline conspiracy, it's another hilarious evidence of the fact that poor Cato the Younger simply couldn't catch a break.

For those uninitiated: as Cato and Caesar were arguing about what kind of punishment is appropriate for the conspirators wanting to overthrow the consul, a mysterious letter was delivered to Caesar, right in the senate. Cato suspected that there was something foul going on, something that could potentially link Caesar - Cato's oponent - to the conspiracy that was just being discussed. He therefore seized the letter from Caesar and insisted he will read its contents out loud, in front of everyone. Doesn't sound all that unreasonable, right? ...except the document in question just happened to be a steamy, in Plutarch's words "unchaste" love-letter to Caesar, written by none other than Cato's own half-sister, Servilia.* Yikes. Cato apparently proceeded to then throw the letter back to Caesar, saying: "Take it, thou sot." Iconic.

* who was also Brutus' mother. See, it's all connected!

4. Publishing of the Éncyclopedie

I just love studying the Age of Enlightenment as a whole, but I think the Éncyclopedie is perhaps the best embodiment of all of the things the era was about. I like learning about the Éncyclopedistes - their petty personal dramas are fun to read about, but I also like the fact that what fuelled the project was a (mostly) genuine desire to educate people and make human knowledge more readily available to the masses.

Also look what I came across while in Verona!! ->

5. Women's March on Versailles

A great reminder that women can be a strong political force and that their place in history should not be overlooked! Though it was not necessarily a women-only event, it clearly shows just how much of a significant role women (and working class people in general) played in the French Revolution.

[misc-obeyme]

just a thought, but have you ever considered solomon and mc ACTUALLY getting married, or maybe getting engaged if we were to soften the blow a bit for the rest of the crew??? bc w everything going on in nightbringer, solomon and mc getting closer, “””jokes””” about them being a married couple, and solomon deadass admitting he prefers to keep things as it is now without the brothers getting in his way😭😭😭i wouldn’t be surprised if solomon actually got on his knee and popped a ring, he gotta keep his pookie close🤞

now if solomon and mc were to ever become actually exclusive (instead of an openness within their relationship, unlike how mc has practically kissed each and every brother without making any statement about being official) how do you think that would that go over with the past versions of the cast? heck, to bring up the severity of this, what if solomon and mc finally getting thrown back into the present/future and that’s when everyone finds out about the engagement??

id like to think, depending on which timeline we’re going with, there’d be varied reactions but somewhat the same. i think past versions of the brothers would react….severely, especially when only they’re getting accustomed to being a demon. i mean, in the recent chap 22 (spoilers) mammon is slowly but surely growing into being the avatar of greed that he reacted very harshly when levi saved mc from falling. that alone, triggered mammon to turn into his demon form and threatened to fight everyone who laid a hand on mc💀the brothers couldn’t even handle him at the time. now, i’m a firm believer that a sensitive time such as that would only ensue in some crazy drama😭 it could only culminate in chaos. maybe who knows, the solomon hate train would start a millenial earlier.

but if we were to go with future/present brothers, it wouldn’t be anything drastic, physically at least. bc at least the brothers have fully grown into being demons and can control themselves. but that wouldn’t stop the pettiness that would transpire. they still care about mc, and to see mc obviously care and have this fondness over solomon that they all crave for, they wouldn’t lay a hand on him for mc’s sake. at least you can sleep well with that thought❤️ still, the hate for solomon would skyrocket to the heavens. they go from being distrustful and wary of solomon’s intentions to actually straight up being solomon’s main haters.

hmm hmm…i dunno. this could result in many varying scenarios. and at a time where mc goes missing from the present timeline and the brothers are most likely losing their minds without mc, only for them to come back and deliver the worst news……….low blow, really. but yk what would be the lowest blow? if mc was the one who proposed to solomon instead. anyways, not to sidetrack, but i like to think present lucifer would be in heavy denial for some time LMFAO the first time he’d hear about mc and solomon, luci is probably the type to just completely disregard it and—not act—truly believe that it’s not real, which this perception borders irrationally. with levi and especially mammon, they’re practically two beat up puppies. while levi would sulk and let his misery fester in the close quarters of his room, mammon would not hesitate to make his feelings of betrayal known out loud. the rest of the brothers would act on the same spectrum, utter heartbreak. even beel would sit mc down at times and have long conversations with them about their decision to be seriously romantically involved with a man like solomon.

i think it’d be devastating. they should be happy, but dont forget that they’re the avatars of the seven original sins.

ps: sorry for the long ramble😭 i’ve been thinking about this since replaying some of the chapters of nightbringer…so my characterization of the brothers might be off. and idk much about the side characters. i just don’t want to think about what barbatos would do.

You're good, anon! I will always encourage rambling in my ask box! I love hearing all your thoughts!

So okay, I've thought about marriage with all the characters a little bit, but I don't think I've actually seriously considered what everybody's reactions would be!

I do think Solomon has gotten more possessive and jealous in Nightbringer, but I also think this could be because he's expressing himself a little more freely than he did before. In the OG, I always felt like he was holding himself back because he genuinely believed that MC would never choose him. In Nightbringer, though, I think he's either finding it harder to do that because he lives with them now or he just doesn't want to keep backing off when he clearly loves MC so much. I could definitely see him asking MC to marry him if he thought it was a good time.

I also think the reactions would vary depending on timeline, as you said. And I fully agree with you - if it happened while they were in the past, as things are right now, it'd be absolute chaos. I don't think Solomon is dumb enough to do something like that. He seems pretty determined to get himself and MC back to their own time. And even if he really wants to marry MC, I think he wouldn't propose while they were in the past for the very reasons you list. The demons are not stable and it just isn't worth the risk.

Now, in the present/future timeline, I think things would be far safer for him to actually propose. The demons are more stable, MC isn't really dealing with anything that could change the course of their lives, all that stuff.

If we consider how it would go before MC was unceremoniously chucked into the past, I think that would be the most stable and least dangerous scenario. MC has been living with the brothers for a while, they haven't been exclusive with anyone, and they haven't made any promises to anyone about being exclusive. It's a little weird if we think of it in terms of the generic OM MC because that MC has definitely been involved with everybody at some point. But this would differ depending on different people's versions of MC. But going with the general MC, yeah, I think most of the brothers would be upset about it.

Like if MC is gonna marry someone, it should at least be one of their brothers, right?! I think all the brothers would be okay with it if MC married Lucifer, for instance. They'd be like annoyed it wasn't them, but also just... they get it, you know?

But Solomon? No way. Lucifer himself would lose his mind. Luci's dislike of Solomon might make him try to talk MC out of it. If Solomon asked for Luci's permission, he'd only make it worse. 'Cause Lucifer'd be like no, get out. And I agree, I think he'd be in denial about MC wanting to marry Solomon. I agree with your assessment of Levi and Mammon's reactions, too.

I think they'd all take it pretty hard, but in the end, I also think they'd come around to MC's decision.

Now if MC came back from the past and was all oh yeah I'm engaged to Solomon? Yeah, no that reaction would be INTENSE. I think MC should probably wait a while before telling them that. Let them get over the fact that MC just disappeared on them first.

And honestly, I think if MC proposed to Solomon instead, everything might go a little bit better. Because if Solomon is the one proposing, the brothers will see that as this shady sorcerer stole away our human and that's unacceptable. We can maybe talk MC out of this! We can maybe influence this choice if we complain enough!

But if MC is the one proposing, then they know that it was always MC's choice. They would see it less as Solomon influencing MC and more like MC came to the decision on their own. Just because they love Solomon. And while I think that would be more devastating for them and likely result in a lot of heartbreak, I think they'd be less likely to fight MC on it. Because in the end, they do want MC to be happy.

OH MAN I think past!Barbatos would not be pleased about such an arrangement! He hates Sol's guts right now, so I can't imagine that going well. Future/present Barbatos on the other hand... I think we'd be dealing with another heartbreak situation. He was just beginning to develop feelings for MC. So I think he would be sad, but also happy for them. Because that version of Barbatos loves MC and he cares about Solomon, too. And I think he'd want them to be happy. And I kinda think that's how it would go for the rest of the side characters, too. Diavolo and Simeon both don't strike me as the types that would like try to talk them out of it or cause any anguish for them over it. I think they'd be sad to lose MC, but happy that their friends are in love, you know?

The brothers are just too attached to MC to really go that route without trying to talk them out of it. And also we know they really don't trust Solomon. Present/future Asmo might be the only one who sides with MC, though probably pretty reluctantly and that only because he actually likes Solomon in a way none of the other brothers do.

Wow I feel like there is just so much angst potential with this scenario! But I love the idea of MC marrying Solomon, even it makes things difficult for the brothers lol.

[send-up-my-heart-to-you]

FINALLY, ive finished 25% of exile, the second book in the kotlc series. here are some thoughts i had :)

tags: @aylin-hijabi, @that-multi-fandom-hijabi, @tastetherainbow290, @nerdy-girl3791 (im tagging everyone who asked to be tagged in my notes for book one, but lmk if you wanna be tagged too / dont wanna be tagged anymore)

first off, why are second books in a series always the ones that take the most time / are harder to start? ig it could be that we've already established the worldbuilding n main characters, but its still that dragging stage between *where you already know mostly everything in the universe* and *where the climax builds up in anticipation of the "final battle" or the beginning of the third act, usually*. nothing to do w the book itself, just an observation

second off, alicorns are so much more important than being just "another species to save", im sure of it. theres wayyy too much of the council getting involved n talk abt how alicorns are sooo important. to anyone whos read percy jackson it kinda reminds me of the ophiortaurus (bessie) from sea of monsters, who seemed to be a recurring animal side character who turned out to have a lot of significance to the very universe they were in. im expecting smth similar, why else would everyone go to such lengths to ensure alicorns dont go extinct? or maybe im overthinking it lmao but what gives it away is the heckses literally tryna kidnap silveny-

speaking of the heckses, who the fuck tries to steal an alicorn. stinas parents are the whiniest bitches ive ever seen, and im a fifteen year old girl. like cmon ive seen some drama queens over the years, but those two- also, fucking stina. i mentioned before that i hope to see some character development w her, so shes not just the boring one-dimensional mean girl thats prevalent in literally every piece of media thats come out since mean girls w regina george. clearly not yet, tho, but im waiting on it (if it does not happen i will be majorly disappointed)

also, delving into theories now. its kinda far-fetched, but, was brant w the black swan ? i mean, it would add up pretty decently. it would explain why his guilt for jolies death runs so deeply (since grady rlly rlly seems to believe that the black swan killed her) because he would be with the literal organization that killed her. it would also explain reeeeaaaaalllllyyyy well why he recognized sophie. the fact that he knew her was wayy too emphasized to mean nothing. idk JUST A THEORY, its not based off of anything other than it would fit nicely w everything else.

but also if grady is so adamant that it was the black swan, and (hypothetically) brant is w the black swan, then would it be improbable to assume that he killed her? which would explain the guilt even MORE. but then again, he does seem to love her, so that last part is added very tentatively. (maybe he killed her by accident... but then would the note to grady three days before her death just be a coincidence? im sure that has some deeper meaning.)

maybe it wasnt the black swan who sent those notes to grady...

to end on a funnier note: alicorn poop. sophie faceplanted into alicorn poop. it happens to all main characters, it always has to be someone walking in at the worst moment. i thought id be the vackers w keefe who show up n embarass her, but who better than the council to get humiliated in front of ? i dont hate sophie i just laugh at her pain

i think thats all for the 25% mark, im gonna keep reading today. im gonna go to my grandmas house so maybe i can get a couple hundred pages in !!!

[alitgblog]

volume XI thoughts

I did in fact have access to this on Tuesday and started to play but then got distracted and didn't finish until like 2am when I couldn't sleep anyway (this was a mistake I was so tired at work)

movie night!!! And fun movie night titles!! ofc MC doesn't get her own custom one bc everyone's got different names but my MC is named Maya and with how things have been going I'm pretending her movie title is Messy Messy Maya 🤭

Emel and Oakley both being unfaithful in casa but finding (forcing?) their way back to each other and forgiving each other feels very much like something in the show so I appreciate that storyline tbh

Felicity is too beautiful of a sprite to waste as a Casa girl that only shows up for movie night.

Sienna going "I don't care if it's egotistical, pick my movies" because no one else is gonna care to pick hers 😬😬 id feel bad for her if she wasn't so mean

Hari and Hazel are so cute together but it seems like it's gonna die out soon 🥲 Like I see why if Hazel is panicking and Hari isn't the most reassuring guy and also not completely over MC but aghhh he's gonna fumble Hazel to LIAM. Hazel, not LIAM plsss

Absolutely awful that Liam is so funny bc he's such a piece of shit (awful in the best way, like he's so Messy Mitch from LI UK s10 coded and while I don't like him I appreciate the fun he brings). Saw someone suggest that he could be a late game LI and if he evolves and changes, sure, but a lot is gonna need to happen, otherwise give him a last minute jokey option like Hamish.

I think the thing stopping me from going full in on this Claudia route is she keeps going back to Theo, and not like she has to be pursuing MC 100% for me to pick her but I'm just getting mixed signals with her trying to save her relationship with Theo when they clearly aren't into each other anymore but there are plenty other people around.

Not on a Theo route and haven't talked to him but ngl his little video clip was cute like I almost jumped ship to be messy but nahh. I wonder how that's like if you're actually pursuing him though like does it feel like pay off or shock or reassurance or anything.

very nice they had Jin spell it out to Sienna in front of everyone. like kind of mean, but if it was gonna happen at any time, Movie night is definitely the time to do it.

Like even MC's movie clip playing, first of all was just if she slept with someone in casa I think (which, it's fair enough considering the game's limitations but I was missing all the other times she hoed around). So for my MC it was with Claudia, and Claudia barely has a response to it. And so I'm kinda just going towards the character actively pursuing and paying attention at this moment and it's Jin.

I guess MC was honest to Jin so he didn't mind the movie night thank God but also I want to replay to see the drama unfold. but in my head for some reason he'd be shocked it was Claudia bc she didn't say anything and like it'd be one thing if it was someone she just met like Max who she's been friendzoning ever since but another thing for it to be her best friend in the Villa. but alas, that is a large amount of branching and coding and dialogue to write so I'll let it slide.

a recoupling so soon after?? it's not like the season feels too rushed, but like I mentioned before, the pack in so many things in each volume you don't get much of a chance to chill out with the characters and pretend it's a vacation for your character lol

the problem with me playing early is I'm so curious how everyone else's game went. like is it only your OG LI or Casa Boy that can pick you?? And the chat you have with your partner after, does that lock your route because after this I feel there was a little bit less attention on MC from the other LI's (which I don't mind, so they can have their own stories now, but I wanna knowwww)

Shower scene, Sienna throwing another fit one last time for good measure

But now MC is back with Jin and they have all the cutesy interactions again yay

And then we have no rest in the morning, just straight into a DAYTIME heart rate challenge??? I just think this challenge should always happen at night idk

I forked over the gems for the cowgirl outfit (partly bc the mermaid dress was awful and bc my MC has red hair so I wasn't gonna make her dress like Ariel) but i wish there was a costume that was free instead of just your partywear dress? Like it can be a shitty costume but I understand people not wanting to pay gems for one outfit for one night of the game.

Hazel's outfit though 🥵

Such a minor detail, but I do love that despite her being so awful to MC, that Sienna canonically is a very conservative dresser. like we all see her churchy outfits. and I think maybe she's a little insecure about her body and stuff. that being said, the dialogue she has when she's in costume about feeling confident, and her costume isn't super revealing, and the girls being shocked at her dance, is all very good to have. like it's nice to have that type of character around and the fact that she's also the villain rn? she contains multitudes (or I'm reading into it too hard 😂)

mentioned briefly before but Hazel and Liam??? tf??

And now Claudia and Bea flirting with each other? Okayyy I mean my fingers are crossed so here's hoping they find each other if not MC. and they have a lot in common but feel like different characters so like pls let them be together (I say this as someone every few months posting about how it shouldve been Cora and Angie not friendzoned Oliver and Angie in the s4 finale)

ok but his entrance feels so overshadowed by other things going on though like I feel like he didn't get a chance to really bombshell to the point where I think he should've been introduced next volume instead. like have him have a normal bombshell entrance with dates or smth, then maybe when they're all chilling the next day and getting to know him someone brings up he missed heart rate challenge and they suggest he dances for the characters he's most interested in, if we really wanted to get his messy entrance in.

Two unfortunate things are true in my mind: Logan is very attractive (at least when he's got the hat on) and also he looks like Liam 🫣

depending on how this goes my MC may be hoeing around one last time

cliffhanger being the challenge results is lame

am i,,,, actually excited to replay this season 🫣

[sturnioloshacker]

so what happened was i writing smut (😐😐😐) and watching young sheldon and this girl called me saying "everyone" (WHO IS EVERYONE?) is saying i just got off the phone with her ex boyfriend (apparently i was on no caller id). number one, she just kept saying "cole"... i had to ask one of her friends who "cole" was, and he's apparently her ex. two, i didn't have her number saved and i barely know her.. three, aren't we too old to care about that even if it was true?

and now her and her friend are not answering me.. so i am just sitting here like 🧍🏽‍♀️

the fact that you had to ask who “cole” was shows that you weren’t even talking to him and these girls are fucking stupid. don’t even worry about it too much babes, these girls are just looking to start some unnecessary drama that you shouldn’t waste your time and energy on

[olderthannetfic]

re: reposting anon. I am genuinely curious - where’s the generally agreed upon line?

People repost content all the time and get celebrated for it. Tweet threads, reddit posts, memes, and quotes from various sites get screenshot and put on tumblr all the time, and the only complaining I see is folks who want everyone to use image IDs.

I personally always ask before I post someone’s art to another social media site, and am often directed to the artist’s profile to share from there, but even more often am told it’s fine with a direct link and credit to the artist. I’ve never reposted fic. That feels more invasive to me in some nebulous way, but I do post fic recs, and I’ve never asked permission to make fic recs, either.

Clearly no one (sane) is saying there should be no content moving between sites unless the original artist puts it there, but tweets et al are just as much the intellectual property of their OPs as art and fics are of those creators.

--

It's hard to say.

I do have qualms about the endless twitter reposts on tumblr even as I reblog some of the funnier ones. I have zero qualms about using that one bird rights screencap as a reaction to things all over the internet. I never have qualms about reccing in whatever space I choose to use. The desire for historical preservation and the desire for control of one's own content are directly in opposition, and I tend to fall somewhat more on the historical preservation side.

Reposting to twitter is especially contentious because twitter is even more of a generator of mass harassment than other platforms. If you reposted to Dreamwidth, that shit isn't retweetable/rebloggable, and nobody's paying attention anyway, so the level of drama is going to be lower. If you save a copy on your own computer or repost to a private discord, who's going to know?

I don't mind a pithy quote being quoted elsewhere because it's funny. That's typical fair use. I absolutely mind my content being used to further sites I think we should mass abandon and make die. Twitter is at the top of that list.

[jytan2018]

(Screenshots obtained with Sonny's permission, image descriptions at the bottom)

I did a response thread to the one shown in the screnshots, and was encouraged to repost it (with edits) on Tumblr as a meta post on Wednesday, so here it is!

Yes that portrayal was um, not very good BUT here's why its problematic-ness is...debatable.

She's a textbook example of what I call the Asshole Savant trope, which is an evolution of the Idiot Savant trope that used to be the default portrayal of autistics. Think Raymond from Rain Man vs BBC Sherlock.

(Yes, their answer to humanizing autistics was to portray more smart assholes. Not a very big step.)

"Okay, but why are you calling it a debatably problematic trope?"you ask.

Well, some autistics actually love stories where non-autistics are so dependent on an autistic's skills, the autistic gets away with being an asshole to them. It's their version of a revenge fantasy.

In fact, that's how the Asshole Savant trope got so popular in the first place. A world where we're so good at what we do, even our haters have to swallow their pride and beg for our help?

As problematic as the trope is, both autistics and non-autistics LOVE THAT SHIT.

That being said, it is possible to use this trope respectfully so long as we're careful about the way our savant protagonist's assholery manifests.

Snarky comebacks when someone's being condescending to them? Totally cool.

Constantly manipulating their friends into signing up for life-threatening adventures? NO, BAD. ABSOLUTELY NOT. BURN IT WITH FIRE.

Like Sonny said, autistics are already unfairly accused of being manipulative all the time. Non-autistics love assuming that if an autistic has enough social awareness to pull off manipulation, they will do so without hesitation because we're unempathetic assholes, right?Except not all of us are bitter and spiteful enough to view manipulation as a mere tool for petty revenge/indulging our special interests. Just because non-autistics manipulate us all the time into doing what they want, doesn't mean we want to see an autistic character do the same thing to them.

That's why I personally find Wednesday's portrayal incredibly uncomfortable, but acknowledge (reluctantly) that it's okay if some people find solace in it. For some folks, she's just a revenge fantasy character. Her blatant manipulation and general evil-doing IS the point. The problem comes when they project characters like Wednesday onto actual autistic people and assume we're all just socially inept villains.

I'm not saying you're evil if you enjoy Wednesday. Just be careful of which things you're assuming is an autistic trait.

(Also, Wednesday's in the teen drama genre, where popular tropes include Fuck the Authorities, Miscommunication=Plot Device, and Outcast Protagonist Saves The Day. It's no surprise that the Asshole Savant trope was a perfect fit for Wednesday too.)

(ID: A Twitter thread by Sonny Hallett that reads, "I really enjoyed Wednesday, but am I the only #ActuallyAutistic person who feels really troubled by all these memes saying how relatably autistic she is? For me her behaviour tips the balance into seriously not okay territory, and would not be good autistic representation.

"Autistic folks, esp autistic women, get unfairly accused of being manipulative quite a bit, but Wednesday is ACTUALLY and calculatingly manipulative, with seemingly no care for others.

"Her friends don’t support her playing torturer, which I appreciated, but they also don’t seem as concerned as I’d hope folks would be at the idea of being friends with someone willing to torture others.

"She does get challenged by her friends but not nearly enough for how awfully she’s treated everyone. To be clear, I’m fine with this being the story arc/style for Wednesday, in that universe, but I’m troubled by how much she’s celebrated as an autism meme.

"Like, we seem to be celebrating a bunch of outdated autism stereotypes about being non-empathetic, uncaring, hyperfocused on only our interests to the point of manipulating and hurting others… uhh I’m not down with that?")

[winterdusktales]

man i really thought the dynamic of the three leads in oasis would be somewhat similar to the three leads in chicago typewriter or my country. well at least that's what the first few eps seemed to be going for

but it became just one of those many annoying kdrama love triangles bcs of the 2nd lead. idek where the plot is going atp

i still like the drama tho. cuz im a sucker for angst no matter how frustrating it gets. and i dont rlly mind where the plot goes. i just wish the three leads maintained their unbreakable bond no matter how complicated their circumstances turn out

like with the 2nd male leads in chicago typewriter and my country, as frustrating as it may be, i still understood why they had to make the choices they made. i wouldnt defend them but i get them. i loooove the 2nd lead in chicago typewriter no matter what and the three leads are still among my top fav kdrama trios. i hated the 2nd lead in my country but i get why he had to turn to the bad side. like theres an actual depth in his characterization

but with cheolwoong its rlly just immaturity, jealousy, and insecurity.

(get ready for a cheolwoong hate essay)

hes still the same highschool boy who would come home crying bcs doohak ranked 1st on top of the whole class. the same boy who was competing "fair and square" to win the heart of their highschool crush. the same boy who would make other ppl do the dirty work for him cuz hes a pretentious coward

the way he is so ready to throw away his lifelong brotherhood with doohak for his highschool crush who he knew for a few yrs and who never even led him on to make him think he has any chance with her

the doohak who he called his hyung his entire life. the doohak who did everything he told him to until highschool. the doohak who would fight his fights. the doohak who /involuntarily/ went to prison for a crime HE COMMITTED just bcs he begged him to tho he knew it would ruin doohaks life. like id be so ashamed to even show up in front of him. if he asks for something, id do it right away without considering it as a payment for my debt cuz nothing could make up for what doohak had to go through bcs of me

not to mention doohak also singlehandedly saved him (again... for the nth time) against that group of college students without any help from anyone

he couldnt even make up his mind if he wishes to save or betray doohak like how he remained neutral with the student activists vs gov thing in his college days. like if ure gonna be the bad guy, just be the bad guy and let me hate u entirely

like u can tell he still cares for doohak (reason why i thought theyd have this unbreakable brotherhood even when they act like enemies in front of eo but theyd come running to save eo when needed to cuz they know deep down they love eo like the male leads in the 2 dramas i mentioned above) but i guess he doesnt care for him enough to let him be happy after all those years of suffering (which he caused)

doohaks friendship with his gang members is even more precious than theirs. like i would trust any of the gang members with doohaks life but not cheolwoong

also the lack of self awareness??? he always brings up doohaks flaws when hes actually way worse

anyway i hope the writers dont give him redemption arc just for the sake of giving everyone a good ending. i want him miserable and i want to hate him until the end. when he finds out the truth abt his birth, i want him IN SEVERE PAIN. i want him to be so ashamed to even go near doohak. on top of that, i want jungshin cutting him off her life for good and giving him the same disgusted face she gave doohak when she found out hes part of a gang. I WANT HIM SUFFERING

and give doohak and jungshin their happy ending ffs! they literally just want a peaceful life together without all these makjang drama. theyve been through soooo much since they were young and until now. enough is enough

[dyrewrites]

Pale Blood - panic in the pretty lights

Odea bounced. Up and down she bounced, squeaking like an excited mouse. She had kept quiet from the cab to the ticket booth, eyes firmly on the ground until they reached the synth that ran it. There she refused to let Delmas show his ID, shoving her own hand up to the screen and confirming him and Den as her ‘guests’.

Then she rushed into the cab in a flurry of giggles and started to bounce. Little bounces on the balls of her feet, as she hummed a familiar tune. And that tune bothered a sigh from Delmas, but delighted a smirk from Den.

“That big a fan?” Delmas asked her bounces.

The louder squeak was not an answer, but it’s what she gave him.

Den chimed in, fighting another smirk, “Isn’t there something we have to attend to before we meet Mr. Perfect?”

Odea did stop then, to grin up at Delmas, “You told him!”

“I told him,” he repeated, scooting away from the tiny woman’s glee–unfortunately, the cab did not allow him much wiggle room and so this resulted in smashing into the metal siding.

Giggles preceded Den’s remark, “It did take some work.”

“He is so closed off,” Odea told him.

And he nodded before stepping over, to face her, where he rested his chin on the back of his hand, “Like a vault.”

“Did you hear him trying to justify not telling you?” She returned, holding her own chin and nodding dramatically.

“I did,” Den answered, in an equally dramatic fashion.

“I tell ya,” Delmas cut through their gossiping tones, “on the list of things expected today, the two of you bondin’ over my want for privacy wasn’t on it.”

“Privacy,” Odea scoffed, all the playful drama puffing with it as the full extent of what she’d lost of him–and every whispered command–swelled, “Fangs who go digging around in other people’s minds and making them forget do not deserve privacy.”

Den shoved against Delmas’ chest, not moving him an inch, and all but shouted, “You did not!”

“No, I didn’t,” he assured them both before trying to recall what Odea was talking about. But nothing recent included mind games.

The dogs, the thought popped, and the image on Bosch’s screen flickered after, I saved her from the dogs…did I mess with her head then? And his own words played for him–though he hadn’t asked and had no memory of speaking them–‘tell Ron, Del says he's sorry for keeping me.’ But I can’t make anyone forget–correct, he couldn’t, but it was necessary at the time–And that was a week out, at least, why she mad about it now?

They were staring, both of them. He’d been quiet too long and they were staring. So he tried to explain, “I didn’t do it on purpose. I don’t even really remember doing it. I only know I was even there because of Bosch’s fucking cameras.”

Den checked out right about then, as he and Delmas already had the conversation that appeared to be repeating.

He had been to Upper Dolor fewer times than he had fingers and, despite all the hot air everyone blew about it, he didn’t mind much. He didn’t find it all that appealing. But the trip up, soaring straight up in a tight metal box with the whole city stretching out below him...that he enjoyed. And he marveled at the sight, as he had the few times he’d seen it before; picking out all the brightest lights in the rainbow of flashing–and quickly blurring–color that speckled the rough grays and shining blacks of the slums.

A single finger firm on the hardlight–which kept the harsh winds of the ludicrous speed they traveled from turning everyone inside into a spray of blood outside–he thought he had picked out the glaring neon sign that hung near Delmas’ apartment...when Odea groaned so loud he decided to care about the other passengers again.

 “You still went poking when you had no right to,” She tapped Delmas’ chest, hard and added, “so I don’t want to hear any of your faeshit about privacy.”

“Fine,” he had no room to throw his arms up, so they made it about halfway, “but you should know that I didn’t poke, I didn’t need to,” and, if he had looked at his more astute boyfriend just then, Delmas would not have said what he was about to say. But he did not, instead he leaned to Odea’s eye level–which shoved her up against the other side of the cab–and said, “you’re just loud.”

Den slapped himself on the forehead–despite a deep desire to slap Delmas–then shielded his ears from what he anticipated would be a shriek.

But no shriek came.

Even as the cab breeched the smog, pouring hotter, brighter sunlight through its tall windows, all Delmas received from Odea was a quiet, smoldering glare–which may have been weakened by her thick glasses, tinted as they had become in the brighter light.

The remainder of their trip–all fifteen minutes of it–came and went with naught but the soft grind of metal on wire and the drone of wind moving faster than it ought around the oblong surface of the cab.

“Number in party,” a smooth, mechanically sweetened voice sang as all of the wind stopped dead and the cab’s door slid open with a satisfying woosh–do not deny me my wooshes, one only gets so many.

Odea hopped out of the skycab’s perfectly still cabin–held tight and sturdy on thick metal beams and hidden cables, the thing would not budge no matter how much one desired kicking it into the suns.

The synth that spoke with so smooth a voice waited just outside the door. Their artificially tanned skin glistened beneath a layer of perfumed dew–spritzed from above every skycab as they landed, to ensure no one fouled the air–but that was not what marked them synthetic. Nor was it the gold and white striped hair, or the matching uniform; an angular cut pantsuit of pristine white and gold, its starched pant-legs tucked into shin-high boots–the heels of which should have been registered as weapons.

No, the scream of their mechanical origins came from their eyes.

Their irises glared, shrinking, turning–and audibly whirring for the one with ears sharp enough to hear them–in glittering gold from the center of shining black eyeballs.

Their too-smooth voice sang again, without a hint of intonation, inflection, or warmth, “Number in party.”

“See, that, that’s what I don’t like about being up here,” Den said to no one as he kept behind Delmas and tried again to put his hands into his pockets.

Delmas slapped him away, smiling, “We’ve got synths below too.”

“Yeah, but ours are more...awake,” Den tried again. Pressing his chest against Delmas’ back–and a little around his side–he pulled the flaps of the big coat he wore out of the way and slipped his hands into the front pockets of Delmas’ jeans.

“Well, some of them maybe,” Delmas said, sighing at the hands wriggling around in his pockets. But, as they wouldn’t be moving anytime soon, he didn’t remove them.

“Three,” Odea said, shuffling from one leg to the other in front of the slim podium, her eyes twitching to every new face that flowed from neighboring skycabs.

“Purpose,” the synth said, not asked–those models did not have the ability to truly inquire, they could only relay and obey.

“Um,” She had something for that, but she was there for more than witch duties, I can’t say I’m here because of blood, shit, how do I phrase it?

“Someone forgot her title,” Den told Delmas’ side, adding louder, “you’re a blood-letter, remember...witch?”

“Two in one, not bad,” Delmas chuckled–more from the very warm hand tickling his thigh, but also the words, those were funny too, in a way.

“Right, right,” Odea closed her eyes, focusing on the why they were there and not the that. More skycabs were landing on either side of theirs–in a great big circle they could only see a fraction of–and visitors were filing out in numbers Odea was the opposite of comfortable with. “Uh, witching duties and...um, blood-le,” shooting a glare behind her she muttered, “damnit, Den,” before turning back to the ever-patient synth, “phlebotomist duties.”

Witch outranked phlebotomist and, though Odea had forgotten in the anxious bubble her breath had become, witches needed no reasons for witching.

“Coven and Designation please,” The synth intoned, and in their ever-so-slight change of tone, Den found himself curious.

“...that one male or female?” He asked Delmas.

“Neither,” He answered too quickly, voice hitching at the end.

Den giggled before asking, “How d’you know?”

Delmas pointed as he wiggled away from another gripping hand, “There’s a marker, on their temple, brands ‘em for customer service. And all customer service synths are andro.”

The last wriggle had pulled Den’s hands away and he pouted before snuggling in the offered coat, “Why do you know that and I don’t?”

“Ever work with synths,” it wasn’t a question–Delmas knew he hadn’t, well, he was pretty sure...and correct.

Den thought about it, came to the realization that he had only seen them in clubs, or cabs, or brothels and decided not to answer.

That earned him a grin and a tighter squeeze.

“Alright,” Odea said, rushing up a bit too close to them as all of the people began to jitter in her veins, “we’re good to go. So let’s go. Right now. Move.”

Though she was shorter than every other visitor crowding the station–barring a few gnomes and a wreck of faeries–Delmas and Den found it all too easy to follow Odea through the hot rush and murmur of the crowd. The bright auburn of her short-cropped hair, bouncing and snaking through all manner of brighter and duller colors, stood out like a beacon.

Neither were too certain how that worked, exactly, nor were they aware of how much focus it took Odea to do it.

Until they reached the gaping arches of the station–now, ‘gaping’ may not seem like the best word for a big door, but bear with me here...because it was a very big door–and Odea heaved her guts into a glittery gold trash bin.

Den froze before the arches, enduring the shove of bodies passing–which jostled him even as Delmas kept him safe in his arms.

He did not enjoy those arches, not in any capacity, but he especially disliked walking through them.

They yawned overhead, towering high above even the ogres that barreled past them. So high that one could only tell they were arches by the way they bent the light, and what light they bent; the yellows of Som’s bright shimmered on the golden metal of the arches–a gold that you may notice coats everything, there were few areas of Upper Dolor that did not glitter.

And those damnable arches brought his attention to the ceiling of the station, or lack thereof, as there were no ceilings. There were layers upon layers of wide bridges connecting the skycabs to the exits and a terrible endless chasm below. Every single bridge bore more bodies than he imagined them capable, and he didn’t care for that either.

Even on the lowest layer of Upper Dolor’s disc-like island structure, the station bore no flooring. Beneath the bridge Den stood on were metal beams, thick and webbed, holding the bridges and the outer walls of the station...but between those beams waited empty air and a haze of black smog far, far below.

And none of it sparkled like the dazzling lights and wonder that the slums did on the trip up. The view from that bridge was one of hollow terror, and the more he stared the further it seemed to stretch and the louder it seemed to whisper, jump.

He gripped Delmas’ coat tighter, whispering, “I hate this place,” but he managed to force his feet to move and they passed beneath the arches.

And Delmas groaned and dug out his sunglasses.

Upper Dolor always made him doubt his immunity to the suns; if not for the bright, then for the heat. But neither of those are what drew the muttered, “Shit,” from his lips.

That came from looking out into all that bright...and not seeing Odea.

[gods-sugar-daddy]

Characters I want to rattle like an angry maraca for an undiscerned amount of time based on how chewy they are

Call him gum the way I'm chewing on him all day

Starscream

Look at him. He's a petty bitch. He's standing there all smug and confident while thousands of traumas happen around him. He's a girlboss, he's an unrepentant pathological liar, he's megatron's silly rabbit, he's my babygirl. He's one of those toys that is animal shape but if you squeeze it, it's eyes or stomach pops out. I want to do that to him constantly. He has an immortal spark so it's ok he'll live.

Newt Giezler

He's the type of scientist Ian Malcom would hate. He's the Icarus of his tale. He overshot the sun and landed in the black hole at the center of our galaxy. He's not doomed by the narrative, the narrative is doomed by him. He's like a dog you need to keep an eye on constantly or else he decides that he actually can eat chocolate and devours a whole cake. Telling him to slow down is a slap in the face. How dare you tell him to wait for everyone else when he can finally see the way to save humanity, all the while becoming their enemy's greatest weapon. He's so invested in interviewing God he forgot he was dining with the devil. Who gets the bill in the end?

Jason Todd

Look at him. Look. He's everything he's been told but so much more. He's the tragic son. The black sheep. His past is rags to riches, his present is the unsettling truth, I hope his future is good. This is the guy that got me into fandoms. He is a part of my soul. So hurt and beaten by the world yet still kind and caring.

Ramses II (Prince of Egypt)

I am not talking about the real Pharaoh, only the one created by Dreamworks. Now I am a slut for good sibling dynamics but the best one is sibling vs sibling. I want that drama, the emotion of caring for someone your whole life only for them to betray you. Moses was ok to fight Ramses I when he went to free the Jews but to face his brother, one of the closest people he's ever been to, it's devastating. The utter joy when Ramses expressed when Moses is alive, he practically abandoned court etiquette. He was willing to lie to his father to keep Moses safe. They were the closest of brothers and now they're pitted against each other.

A rubber band, sproingy but not sustainable

Jazz

What do you see when you see Jazz? A happy go lucky guy without a care in the world? Wrong. He's Special Operations which means he's cheats, lies, steals for a living. He operates on a kill or be killed basis and he will kick your ass if he feels like it

Sunstreaker and Sideswipe

They're precious boys. They stand out from the Autobots bc they're so decepticon like. They were in the same Pit as Megatron and instead of joining him, they chose the Autobots. And despite all the comments, they're so loyal to the Autobots.

Skyfire

Imagine crashing in a snowstorm then waking up 4 billion years later that your entire planet is dead. Skyfire woke up to a world devastated by civil war, to a decepticon that wore his partner's face. He thought he knew what he was getting into because Starscream wouldn't lie to him. But he did. Skyfire shot down his ex because he's a good bot at heart and it hurts him to see someone close to him like this. He's a main character of a Greek tragedy.

Predigested sludge

Bumblebee

Listen, I love Bee. He got me into tf. But my god is he everywhere. I get it, he's the kids character. But he can be fun and playful and still kick ass. Looking at his arc from tfp to its successor RiD15, those are two different Bumblebees. Id love to shake him but he's Hasbro's cash cow. You can't shake a cash cow without the jangle drawing out capitalists.

[doodleybugg]

i. apologize for the inactivity guys. i had a rlly bad episode recently and although im back rn i can't promise how long i'll stay JDBDHD

ANYWAYS how about we have a little update? (triggering topics such as sh, ed, etc descriptions will be in red, bold text! i'll try to keep most of the negative stuff at the bottom but no promises :/)

so i forget how long i've been gone exactly, i remember logging in some rare occasions to like and reblog a couple posts but otherwise i've been extremely M.I.A (pun very much intended) and honestly that's been a bit stressful for me.

i've had a LOT of drama in classes. yeah that's right, ya girls in uni now! and i am failing SO BAD. it's rlly hard going to school everyday, like i hate it i just wanna go back to working at a shopping mall or smth lol. but hey the map of my cities kinda set up well, being the uni is right next to a lake, and on the other side is a parking lot w mcds, circle k, chatime, etc. and next to the parking lot, like legitimately across the street, is my house. i moved back in with my mom cuz rent was getting too steep, and honestly id rather be on the streets lol

probably the biggest update ihave; i'm a did system. i got the diagnosis early december, and with a shit ton of research and help from friends who have the disorder because the doctors are no help, i'm getting comfy with the label.

if you're not sure what did (disassociative identity disorder) is, it's basically a disorder which defines the presence of two or more different persons in your mind, alike to multiple personality disorder. again, i'm not a professional, and you'd think my doctor would have given me a run down on why it meant before he diagnosed be but here's how it went:

me: hey, so i haven't looked much into the subject, but my one friend who has did was telling me about their experiences and they lined up with a lot of mine. i think i might want to go about being tested

doc: mia. you don't need to get tested, it's already in your file. we've spoken about this before?

me: ...i don't think we have?

doc:

me: so you're saying you diagnosed me with did and didn't even tell me about it?

doc: well, at least you're aware now, right?

yeah. so that's two doctors i've gone through in the past three years. i didn't throw a stressball at this one, but fuck i wanted too!!

anyways, i guess i should introduce some of my alters :)

i'm mia (she.they.fae.), the host and little, i identify with how the body looks.

enzekai (he.they.it) is the co-host and caretaker, as well as the first alter i purposefully made. kai has many sources, but his main is actually an oc of mine, cairo!

and dwelle (it.she.boo) is our resident trauma holder and nonhuman. she formed recently while i was splitting and hasn't had much time in the front. her main sources are casper from girl in pieces and cassie from skins.

i'll give everyone a better intro but i'll save that for another post!

i have gotten absolutely zero progress done in my book, the toll it takes, and i find it harder and harder to write anything but immensely sad poetry anymore. on the rare occasions i can make up some headcanons but i don't think i'll be able to write any (good) fanfics for a while now, sorry

okay, onto the bad stuff. if anything listed is triggering or unappealing, please don't read ahead: ed (anorexia), sh (cutting, self sabatoge), anxiety and depressive thoughts, suicide mentions, death mentions, and otherwise explanations of feelings like abandonment and lonliness that while, in retrospect wasn't nearly as bad as i thought so, can still be upsetting just to read.

you've been warned

recently, as mentioned above, i've just gotten out of an episode; a bad one. by gotten out of, i mean i've attached myself to select people and depend entirely on them to keep me from self harming or starving. and that's completely unfair, so i've been trying to recover. my friend @my-elysian-love is helping me immensely to eat full meals and reminding myself that i don't deserve what i think i do. i'm so eternally grateful and i can never repay any of them back <3

before my choice to try recovering though, it was getting worse. i weighed 68 pounds at 19 years old. a couple nights ago, i've cut deeper than i ever have before, and i've been stuck with this sinking feeling in my stomach that i can't quite explain. i took out all my bad feelings on people i knew and loved, and when they finally held healthy boundaries and left me to my own devices so i couldn't hurt them, i took everything out on myself. i know, real remus lupin move haha.

but that wasn't fair. and even now i still feel bad, i still hate myself for what i said and did, for how i acted and it scares me how easily people are forgiving me. because i said some messed up shit while i was splitting, and that's not an excuse. and i just keep thinking it's only a matter of time before i blow up again, and maybe i'll be worse next time. maybe people won't come back, and i can't honestly blame them because i'm fucked. and as scared as i am, i'm grateful. or maybe it's just selfish. selfish because i just hate when nobodies around for me to love, to love me back. but i'm still terrified. it's hard to change up my thinking, but i'm trying. i'm trying rlly hard and i just hope that it's enough.

i'm a couple hours clean for self harm, and yesterday i didn't technically eat a full meal like i was supposed too (my older sister got mad at me and wouldn't let me eat anything). i had multiple cookies, a fruit roll up, two cups of tea, a packet of uncooked ramen noodles, a bite of a chicken finger and also i drank water! just water! for the first time in a while.

i hate that it took me fighting with everyone i loved to the point where i didn't even need to push them away anymore, they went willingly, and having multiple panic attacks in public restrooms to finally start on the road to recovery. it is so fucking hard, it's really hard. but fuck, it's worth it to see my friends happy. to not detect worry in their eyes and to believe it when @my-elysian-love says they love me (again i'm so sorry for spamming you aaa). it's worth it to finally eat cinnamon buns again, and drink tea with real sugar, not cal free sweetener. i get a shit ton less headaches cuz i don't constantly need to count cals anymore, and i haven't passed out of dehydration in 2 whole days. ik people without eds are probably like "wtf is this bitch on about?" and that's what i'm talking about. recovery is never the same as sobriety, but it's the next best thing. and i might still struggle with my body or cover up with baggy clothes sometimes but at least i'm alive to do so. cuz a while ago i was too close to death.

i attempted to kill myself again. this time by starving and eating a buncha pills. i'm lucky cuz it didn't work, and i'm still alive. i can only think of what would've happened if it didn't work. if the last. thing i did was tell someone i loved and cared about that i didn't care if they were dead. that the last thing i did was get mad at them for feeling for someone else the same way i felt for them. yk, bpd moments ✨. but i'm glad i lived to apologize and now i'm trying to recover. and ig that's all the updates i have rn

[entamewitchlulu]

I posted 2,197 times in 2022

152 posts created (7%)

2,045 posts reblogged (93%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@blueeyeswhitegarden

@kintatsujo

@merryfortune

@seasaltmemories

@oddeyesarcpendulumdragon

I tagged 2,193 of my posts in 2022

#epic art - 1,115 posts

#pokemon - 373 posts

#videos - 238 posts

#yugioh arc v - 143 posts

#in the tags - 92 posts

#pokemon trainer volo - 91 posts

#spy x family - 90 posts

#kitties - 89 posts

#shojo kageki revue starlight - 87 posts

#gifs - 79 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i'm actually more annoyed about it in hindsight than i was when i was emotional and crying about the finale last night when i wrote the post

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

hi i was thinking about how i like komanami again and i feel like i’ve never seen anyone mention the Drama, the Tragedy, the Romance of komaeda essentially committing suicide to save the traitor from himself and the others whom he believed were irredeemable Despairs, and without his knowledge, the traitor was in fact Chiaki, the girl whose loss caused them all to become Despair in the first place. Whether he knew he was doing it or not, he sacrificed himself to save Chiaki, the girl he couldn’t save last time, and i just think that’s full of so much angsty romantic emotions that it makes me wanna curl up in a ball and think about it for several hours

50 notes - Posted March 24, 2022

#4

also my favorite thing about volo is even though he’s completely unhinged and obsessed he’s also just, genuinely, a very cute person who actually genuinely loves his pokemon a lot. like, he’s got a togekiss, you can’t get that pokemon without loving it a lot.

he’s not a villain for evil reasons, it’s more of like...an excess of love, i think.

58 notes - Posted May 15, 2022

#3

I think a friend said it (maybe in the tags of something? sorry i don’t remember who it was ;w;), but thinking about Yu-Gi-Oh today and the loss of Takahashi recently...despite my growing away from DM out of all the yugioh series somewhat, it does bear saying that Yu-Gi-Oh is probably one of the few shonen series out there that doesn’t end with an epilogue where everyone is happily straight married.

Other than just being really nice to not have something like that in general, I think it says a lot about what kind of a story Yu-Gi-Oh is. Yu-Gi-Oh accepts the fact that stories never really end, and doesn’t bother putting a tidy bow on things. The story of Atem was over, but the story of his friends will continue on, and to go forward and time and see them all paired off as adults would be against the spirit of the story. It’s all about beginnings out of endings. Our stories keep going in the people we leave behind, even when we’ve stepped off the stage.

I meant to write something about how much Yu-Gi-Oh meant to me in honor of Takahashi-sensei’s memory, but I think this rumination turned into all I needed to say while I was typing it out. Yu-Gi-Oh is important in a lot of ways. It’s so much more than a commercial for a card game. At its heart, it was a story that Takahashi wanted to tell, and the stories that came after it in his universe were also told by people who wanted to tell emotional stories, not just stories that sold toys.

Takahashi-sensei’s part of the story has come to a close, but the story won’t ever end because we are all still here with the memory of it.

Thank you, Takahashi-sensei. You’ve changed a lot of lives.

151 notes - Posted July 14, 2022

#2

From Far Away is the superior isekai because it is the only one, to my knowledge, to have the protagonist not understand the language of the fantasy world she goes to, and have to take the time and effort to actually learn it. This is both excellent from a worldbuilding standpoint, a narrative standpoint that stands out in a sea of isekai in which the world seems to bend into shape specifically for the protagonist, and also because it gives us great moments like this

[image id: a manga page. In the first panel, a girl with short hair says “Good job, honey,” to a man with long black hair, who is jerking back with a blush and a look of surprise. In the next panel, the dark haired man, still blushing, says, “Honey?” The short haired girl has a confused smile on her face, thinking “What?” In the last panel, the two are surrounded by three older men who appear to be teasing them. They are saying “Aha! So you’re a married couple, eh? What a young couple!” “To be honest, I was wondering about you two all this time. I get it, you’re husband and wife!” The dark haired man, still blushing responds “No!! That was...” Another man replies, “It’s okay...Don’t be embarrassed.” /end id]

[image id: A manga panel of the same dark haired man and the girl with short hair. The dark haired man has his head in his hand, blushing, while the girl looks at him with a slightly nervous, confused expression. A caption is pointing at the girl that reas “she wants to ask about the phrase they’ve been saying over and over again, “married couple.” What does it mean? But she’s afraid to ask.” /end id.]

158 notes - Posted February 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

this came to me in a vision

544 notes - Posted February 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[thestarkn0ws]

!! GEGE KAIRAI (mirishita casting 01) SPOILER WARNING !!

so from the moment this cover had come out id been wondering if the flowers on it had any meaning

here is what google told me:

the flower itself is lycoris aka the spider lily aka higanbana which is often used to symbolise death. its practically one of the most common metaphors for it.

the red one (konomi, mizuki) means the cycle of death and rebirth.

yellow (iku, momoko) symbolises inner strength, wisdom, love and courage (this part seemed quite suspicious).

and finally white, also held by mizuki, means purity and starting anew.

takane is holding no flower which i thought was due to her role as she's the one performing the ritual.

..............and well it didnt explain much. but now as ive found the translation of the cd dramas (op if you see this im really really thankful to you) it has become a bit clearer

so let me recap the story:

it takes place in a village where its believed that after death souls move to wooden dolls and then leave them to inhabit newborn babies; sometimes it just so happens that two souls get into the same body which is...... not really good esp if one of them is a spirit, not a human soul. there is also kakurou-sama, a patron spirit everyone in the willage worships.

ayako (played by mizuki) and hanako (played by momoko) are sisters who lost their parents some years ago. since then, hanako had become terribly weak and was hospitalised.

after she was released and returned home, ayako and their cousin miho (konomi) noticed some changes within her. the friendly and active girl suddenly turned cold and distant. the villagers were just as strange, paying too much attention to hanako and talking about kakurou-sama nonstop.

soon hanako brought a friend, wakaba (inu), who was said to have been staying with hanako in the hospital and didnt remember a thing due to amnesia. the strange part to wakaba was that her personality was exaclty like the one hanako used to have.

ayako and wakaba quickly grew closer, and the jealousy inside hanako ("wakaba is mine and mine only!") awakened something evil. this evil nearly killed everyone, if not for something else awakening inside ayako and suppressing it.

.........now to the part that actually explains everything: miho and hanako used to have double souls, while ayako and wakaba were dead. ayako lost her life due to a powerful spirit corroding her from the inside which seemed to disappear after her death. a ritual was performed later to transfer one of the souls residing in miho, that brought ayako back to life and saved the latter. (this is heavily implied but not officially stated). turned out the spirit didnt disappear and was revived now as a reaction to the evil.

as for hanako, this evil spirit seemed to be kakurou-sama whose awakening was stimulated by the loss of the girls' parents. to save hanako's life, mikoto (takane) performed a similar ritual, transferring hanako's normal soul to wakaba's body (she died normally some time ago btw). and THATS why hanako has changed and why wakaba seemed so much like hanakos prev self.

this is getting pretty long despite me shortening some parts so ill retell the rest quickly. mikoto performed another ritual that made both magical spirits die. wakaba was sent to the city while ayako's body (unfortunately i didnt get which soul was left inside) was undergoing treatment in the hospital. and miho gave wakaba a wooden doll somehow connected with ayako as a parting gift. thats it.

now lets get back to the flowers:

turned out that matching flowers mean the souls inside the two girls were initially in the same body (ayako and miho, hanako and wakaba). the white one symbolises the spirit inside ayako

ah and also!

- hanako is grasping the flower firmly as this soul gave her the authority to make the villagers follow her orders and shes not willing to let this opportunity go;

- wakaba is hesitant about her past and worried about whats going on;

- miho doesnt know a thing yet gently embraces her life, treasuring it;

- finally, ayako is holding her "normal" soul the way she wont lose it, nevertheless focusing on the spiritual one, ready to let it consume her.

and thats kinda it! the post was much longer than what i had expected but i wanted to retell as many points of the story as possible