#id rather not rant about them but I love them and they deserve better | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

panicataphmausinsanity · 1 year ago

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aaron rant

ok this is a rant no one asked for but i just wanna put all of my disorganized thoughts out there about aaron and the man my dude could've become without jesson's horrible execution. my grammar may be off and im not a good analyzer or anything, this is just a rant that i wanna get off my chest.

disclaimer :: i haven't watched MCD and i do plan to, and i'm aware of some things that happen but if you wanna share your opinion on anything id rather anyone would keep the reblogs spoil free

lemme start by saying that i love aaron. i genuinely love his character so damn much but NOT his canon. i love the IDEA of aaron and not his execution. jessica and jason did such a bad job portraying him- dont get me wrong i am not bashing them for the foundation they've laid for most of their wonderful characters it's the portrayal of them that gets me so ENRAGED. all of jess's characters have at least some thing going wrong with them and it's genuinely fucking insane. i don't mean what they go through in the series- as in who they ARE. what the fuck is a kawaii~chan? like god. i think so many characters in the series deserved so SO much more, especially aaron.

starting off with pdh s1 aaron. - i don't necessarily loathe pdh s1 aaron. i mean in here, he seems to have a personality than he ever does in season one of mys which is an upgrade i guess? a main problem imo was how his character always revolved around aphmau. i'm not even gonna choose to comment on the horrid age gap jesson's implemented in aarmau's story. i just hate that aaron himself didn't really have any other friend than aphmau and the fact that after they met, the series just continued to revolve around them.. and not them individually either- them as a relationship.

i think seeing certain instances like how aaron became lily's friend and stuff would've been important because technically, wasn't lily aaron's first friend in pdh? how is that just glossed over considering the fact that aaron pushed everyone who tried to interact with him off his back? isn't it interesting how lily managed to get a hold of him and actually became a friend? i don't understand why that was never shown because while students were scared of the dude because of all the rumors and shit going around, some kids like jeoffery actively reached out to him like we see in the ep where aaron asks aph to prom. he never relented to jfry's attempts to be friends w him and through this a girl like lily managed to be friends with him. i feel like something like this shoudlve been shown. i wouldve also liked to see a stronger reaction to him over lily and ivy's scheme. aaron obviously considered lily a caring friend and when he understood that they were scheming from what i remember, when he saw lily after learning about everything all he did was go "if ur gonna treat aph like this we're better off not being friends" or smt?? i think from what we understand about aaron over the series, emotional connections are obviously something he cherishes very much. so seeing him kinda like- brush the whole thing off and not be lily's friend feels so anticlimactic. idk how to phrase it. i know this was premature aaron and the aaron we know over the series is grown up and everything, but i still do feel like aaron would've had a stronger reaction to the scheme.

prob 2 was how after aaron and aph came to know ab each other being shu n fc, aaron didn't become full fledged friends with like ANYONE other than her. this felt extremely weird to me. we see him go to this dinner sylvanna planned and we see him socially thriving there- him cracking jokes and everyone having a fun time around him, travis and garroth wheezing over his jokes- how did this dude not become friends with them? i feel like they (garroth & travis) would've talked to aaron more and become more than acquaintances w him. a lil bonding thing if you get me?? mainly garroth. it's just weird that garroth never became a friend of aaron's imo. they were put in situations where they could've easily become friends. i know that garroth was jealous about aaron coming outta nowhere and swooping aph off of her feet, but he clearly got over it (during the time of s1 anyway, after that he went batshit crazy). they must've had one on one interactions during the dinner or prom right??????/ like come on. it's just weird!! this brings me to the fact that i literally don't see aaron making proper friends other than aph until fcu. like- aph is his only friend ever ykwim?? i feel like im phrasing this in such a dumb way- but it's just frustrating to see his entire social life just being- aph for a while. i just think garroth and aaron could have become friends as well, maybe even travis. and during prom, maybe even kaitlyn. we see aaron also being pretty mature and giving actual, promising advice to aph during the music room scenes. from this i feel like at some point aaron could have also comforted kaitlyn and maybe a friendship could've bloomed out of this??? this thought's just been sitting in my mind. aaron COULD have had a friend other than just aph. it just feels like his whole world revolves around aph and aph only until his family issues and the ultima bullshit comes around.

now in mystr s1, aaron is so FUCKING BLAND AND STALE AND UUUGHGHHHHHHH its actually so fuckin funny because mystreet season one aaron is relatively decent compared to his other versions *cough s5 cough. i actually do like s1 aaron's character. he's the epitome of chill- laid back, honest, communicative and supportive. he's a great friend to aph during her times of need, and during s1 he's the sanest character on the show.

but that's it. all he was was this friend to aphmau until the dumbass play arc during which they decide to go for something romantic. like his whole identity revolved around walking shirtless, being a chick magnet and a friend to aph. he revolved around aphmau, much like his pdh s1 self and that pisses me off so much!! he had no fucking personality other than being supportive to aph for a while. around the end you see him start to gain *something* similar to a personality, and while it was less than pleasant it was better than whatever the fuck was going on while he was only a friend to aph. it's also disappointing seeing him practically only gain emotions after developing a romantic relationship with aphmau. even during this, his interactions are limited to aph and zane most of the times, and even then he doesn't develop an outward friendship with zane- which would've been fucking amazing!!!! while they do start to bond, it's still like aphmau is the only one keeping them glued together while it would've been real cool for aaron to develop a friendship with zane and interactions w him that doesn't solely have to do with aphmau all the time. the fact that aph's brought him out of his shell is cool, but he's still ONLY friends with aph which is VERY eh. he may be considered friends w zane and stuff, but we only see major bonding stuff going on when it's between aaron and aph, but we don't see it with the other characters. it's jsut weird because everyone's known each other for so long, aaron;s bound to have grown closer w someone at the least- for example, garroth or travis. we've seen the unlikely group form during that one episode- aaron, aph, zane and travis- where they have a stupid lil immature game thing or whatever. i feel like travis and zane and aaron could've collectively bonded and it would've been super cute!! plus aph nudging him and zane to be more social as well- a lil detour to fcu where we see aaron trying his best to get out there and make friends w/ aph's adorable support- he has the perfect opportunity to do it during moments like these but it never becomes more than just what seem like forced interactions. like UGH. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. so. much. potentialll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just gone. poof. a strong friendship between aaron and the ro'maeve brothers wouldve been so fucking ack. sfryquoeuiwhiblforhgubhjfwe. litera;;y/. now i wpuldve loved to see tht1!!!! it's also just so weird that we see a drastic change in aaron's character from fcu to myst, in fcu he's so shy and he's trying his best to be friends w others and he succeeds little by little (we never hear of these friends again but ok.) and then in ms we see him as this super chill dude w hot gains sigma male or whatever and his only friend is aph. he was so much more expressive during fcu and while many events occurred in between, it's just weird seeing him not get out there more during s1 esp considering the fact that he has more freedom to. ill mention this later. anyway-----

one thing i liked to see was aaron break out of his cool character during the spectacle of zanemau, another stupid attempt by jess to get another boy to get infatuated with aph which thankfully did not happen.. kind of. id love to see people talk about how zane just heavily depended on aph as an emotional support system and was just afraid aaron would take aph away from him, a feeling of abandonment rising out of his own self loathing yada yada. . while zanemau is a cool ship, this whole thing was jsut extreenmly forced-it was obvious it was just to get another guy to fawn over aph. i hate aph's harem. i'll get off topic if i talk about how every single boy within a 50 mile radius of aph falls head over heels in love with her, but anyhoo. i did get off topic.. . . . so aaron breaking his character was like this breath of fresh air for me. when he's in the resto's bathroom, talking to the mirror ab his frustrations ab aph going all flushed and orgasmy over zane bc of the love ption that he wasnt aware of and how he should stop whats going on bc of zianna (fucking hate her ass), he seemed like an actual person lmao. i love that scene alot because he wasn't just this cool chill flirt(for aph), his feelings finally poured out in some way. it made him a full fledged character (for a little..). then garroth came in and talked to him and whatbnit (another wasted opportunity to grow closer maybe??????? idk) and they went back to the table . i havent talked ab how much i loathe this whole zuzu aph arc though like oh my god it mustve been incredibly uncomfortable for aph and aaron sitting through all that. i hate zianna so much and it was also mega annoying of vylad and the brothers to drag them into this bc he couldnt say no to his mommy. it was genuinely weird and so many things in the show are brushed off as comedic relief- things borderline crazy and worthy of restraining orders and jail. literally. literal kids watch these and may think it's normal bhvr when it isnt. but anyway.

i know that mystreet s1 was a spin off of mcd that just blew up and multiplied into other seasons and as it doubled prequels like pdh and fcu came to life. im very much aware of the fact that jess just developed the characters in their modern steads as the story progressed because it wasnt done something beforehand- mystreet happened to be a happy accident and jess didn't plan the characters out beforehand, including the plot (horribly evident from the shit that started from s4). they developed as characters in stages as the stories went on and that's just painfully obvious, especially when we watch the series in the timeline jess posted it. we see how aaron goes from the stoic chill hot sigma male to this uwu boy personality, which was what jess wanted him as in the end ig? it's obviously very weird though. imo, my opinion, she shouldve kept aaron's laid back personality. through this we could see him gradually grow and insert himself into aph's friend grp as well. we see that happen during s2 and s3 of ms, where he does progress in terms of social interactions- hes seen to be cracking jokes outwardly, he even has his own lil comedic relief spiels, becomes good buds with dante and stuff (which went just as it came from what i remember :[[[) and in s3 he becomes much cooler and is more involved within the friend group. he also seemed to be like this in pdh, like during the dinner as i mentioned before.

during fcu, this just. changes. his character is very... emotional? i dont really know how to put it. it's out of character. he's incredibly shy and relies on aph as a social plug. while in pdh he seemed to be less awkward w social interactions, aaron was 100x times more awkward during fcu. he seemed overly sensitive, and at moments its like he needed to be coddled. i did love it when aph helped him grow more socially, but we see that in ms 1 he has no friends. he's like this hot lone wolf (..), a drastic contrast to what he wanted to be in fcu imo (i believe this because derek was off his back now and he had the freedom to do have more friends and emotional connections like these is what he desperately craved- it's something so evident.) he wanted to have more friends and be more social. while this does happen in fcu, in ms1 we don't really see the results coming into place. like he becomes much more bold- in fcu he used to flush and blush at just hearing aph's heartbeat and in ms1, that one instance where aaron gets picked to play romeo and aph is like "you do realise we gotta kiss?" he just goes "yeah." in the most casual way ever- like it's just another tuesday for him or somethin. it's just a weird ass change. his character fluctuates when we watch the show in the chronological order and it's jsut so out of place and while i know it's no fault to jess ( i mean it is but part of it is justified ) it's still incredibly weird. jess could have prevented this by just keeping him as the character she initially started with.

and his last form- season 5. starlight. god fuck- this aaron was such a fucking baby. if fcu aaron wanted to be coddled, starlight aaron straight up wanted milk from aph's bosoms. he becomes this uwu soft boi- and considering all of the events that unfolded, it's still weird. yes, many things happened during their time at the lodge but it's just so fucking weird!!!!! i don't even know what to make of it. i just hated his character in s5. he stuttered every 3 fucking seconds. jason voice acted him so bad like oh my god im so sorry but it was literally unbearable. rewatching starlight was fucking horrifying. the stupid ass dips in the voice- god fuck!!! im so sorry its just what i think but i really hated how jason voice acted aaron during s5. i liked the fact that he was more expressive but he just changed completely- and i liked the small part where he felt like everyone wanted him to be something different now that he was out as a werewolf, but he really did fucking change and it did not feel like he was aaron at all. it felt like seeing a 12 year old find out about age regression and implement it onto a character like aaron's. it felt childish and just weird. jess couldve done way better with aaron during s5.

this shit was long and i feel liek i still have a lot more to say and when i rememebr ill jsut edit it on. no ones probably gonna reach the end of this but if you did, idk how u got so much time reading all this but i lpve you

( i love this picture so much <3 )

#aphmau #aarmau #mystreet #aaron lycan #aaron #rant post #rant #make aaron lycan great again #jesson #fuck jesson

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posi-pan · 2 years ago

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Watched a video titled "Problems with the bisexual spectrum" (would've preferred if they used multisexual but that's not the point) and scrolled down through the comment section. While the majority of the comments were mspecs appreciating the vid and sharing their own experiences and thoughts, I noticed a pattern of pansexuals (+ people who used to label themselves as pansexual) sharing how they were constantly harassed, judged, and mocked for using the label. The constant harassment eventually culminating itself into self-hatred

Some ended their piece by reassuring they learned to stopped caring about what exclusionist think, and happily continue labeling as pan (or later go on to discover that another label fits them better) but others ended it by saying that while they know pan is a valid label, the harassment consequently made them uncomfortable of pansexuality, and would rather not have anything to do with it at all.

I had a similar experience years ago. Witnessing multiple non-bi mspecs constantly mocked and forced to use the bisexual label, "Bi vs Pan" posts painting pansexuality in the most negative light imaginable being highly supported, exclusionist, without fail, commenting either "I don't see anything 🤔" whenever a pan flag is showed off or "I guess 'X' doesn't exist now 😔" whenever a fictional char is headcannoned as pan, just made me resent myself and pansexuality, forcing myself to simply use 'saphic'

Those comments made me realized just how common of an occurrence this was, and I felt dejected after thinking about them for too long. Like, we go through that whole proccess of self-loathing and constant pressure to ID as something else, and yet no one outside our community seems to care?

Whenever a prominent LGBT+ figure/site talks about pansexuality (IF they even talk about it as it's own thing), it's only "They exist, and they are valid <3". Don't get me wrong, this is very appreciated, but why do they never use that opportunity to shed light on more valuable pieces of information as well. Show the community at large our history without the misinformation, expose the normalization of pan exclusion and the prominence of anti-pan dogwhistles, show pansexual's mental health statistics, etc.

I want to finish off this long rant (sorry btw) by saying thank you 💖💛💙 Your blog has helped me mentally throughout these years. I love reading through the Pan History and Pan Statistics carrds especially. If it wasn't for you or this blog, I would still be that self-loathing resentful person I was years ago. So again, thank you 💖💛💙

(I also want to apologize again for basically sending you an essay 😅 I got passionate writing this; if I left out any info/context, I would've exploded. Have a good evening!)

it's honestly so sad that pan people go through this and seemingly no one cares. and ugh yeah when the only thing regarding pan mentioned is something like "it's valid" or "pan people are part of the bi umbrella" it's like....that's it? what about something meaningful? it's just telling, ya know? like we're not worthy of genuine and meaningful consideration.

but yeah, no worries about the long rant! sorry for taking a while to get to it, though! i'm glad the blog and stuff has been helpful to you. you deserve to love and celebrate yourself and not be weighed down by hatred or doubt caused by the ignorance and malice of others. i hope you're doing well and have a lovely day! 💛💛

#asks #anonymous #pansexual #pan antagonism #exclusionism #long post #mspec antagonism

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mackspaws · 1 year ago

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prob gonna organize my posts with tags so things will be easier to find, ima call this one #macks talks because why not, but I need to rant about aiden. i said id use this app more so im gonna

thinking about this old trailer thing makes me sob so hard every single time i remember it. "My Mia. I left her." YOU DID NOTTTTTTTTTTT YOU WERE FIVE

aiden and his savior complex and how he blames HIMSELF when he was quite literally just a little kid. 5 years old. DO YOU KNOW HOW SMALL A 5 YEAR OLD IS??? AND WALTZ PUT SO MUCH ON HIS SHOULDERS WITH MIA. I could rant about Waltz too, geninunely I love him as a character but holy shit it's super fucked up when you think about sure, he cared for Aiden, but he used a kid to save his own, and not just Aiden, SEVERAL kids. he was so obsessed with curing Mia bro fr experimented on literal children to cure her and only to an extent the world, because to him Mia IS his world. Waltz was a father but he wasnt a good one. His love for Mia only ended up hurting not only her and Aiden, but HIMSELF as well. They are such a fucked up little found family and god I love them so much, their dynamic is heartbreaking in the best ways.

just realized this started off as a regular Aiden rant and then delved into all three of them LMFAO WHOOPS but not uncommon for me in the slightest. i have so many thoughts and headcanons because we got way too little of them considering how important both Waltz and Mia are to Aiden's character. Plus you'd think the literal antagonist would have more than 35 minutes of cut scenes but lol guess not. Desperately I need more of them, I know it's highly unlikely for dlc2 considering that part of Aiden's life is pretty much over. So I will make it MYSELF

I have need to draw both of my Mia aus and rant about them too. One of them is a wholesome she lives au, and her and Aiden are happy bc they deserve to be. And another is a very much NOT wholesome au where she's a villain, very much inspired by jinx arcane though in the way she acts rather than backstory fjjgjg. I'm basically stealing her and making her my oc bc she deserves so much better, I hate how we get so little of her, I will forever be salty she quite literally just exists for Aiden's character and DIES in the end. Like I'm fine with her dying because that ending hurt me so bad and I loved how broken it made me but?? the fact that they barely even gave her a personality. we know so little about her and she's supposed to be the protagonist's only reason to keep going. so yeah she deserves better.

at the same time tho, I don't think I'd change what we got. I absolutely adore being able to piece together the story ourselves because the way its told is lowkey confusing and there are things they don't exactly do a good job at explaining, but even with how messy the story can be I LOVE it because what they have is MY SHIT!!! I LOVE A DEPRESSED COCKY PROTAGONIST WITH TRAUMA. I LOVE A FOUND FAMILY. I LOVE THE ANGST. and i LOVE being able to take these characters and add onto them and give them more love because they deserve it.

anyway rant over i think. thanks for reading the word vomit if you did lmfao, literally was just a bit of a barely understandable rant fhhgjg

#macks talks #aiden caldwell #god i love him so fucking much

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theotheradversary · 10 months ago

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Oh.

Just remembered something just as on the spooks scale as demons/daemons. But first and foremost, a paragraph forward of this particular "book" light novel style. Then a rough subject paragraph on the current topic... Then.... I dunno. There's the rambling. Just cope ok? I can't research beyond my own mind atm. But that'll be fixed soon.

I think we need to think about the current state of affairs to provide us with modern thinking, before we can examine the past. So, the things current Christians are suppose to believe in. So that means we get to talk Angels! They're in the currently accepted old and new testament after all. Some descriptions are rather... Descriptive? Heh. So i think we should look at them first. The named and the types. Not to mention ask artists to either draw their idea or ask artists that have drawn stuff if I can use their images. <There's drawings/digital art/romance era paintings etc by some great artists and Limited Artificial Intelligence artists. Fuck you! They're artists! It's just a medium man, you try and get what they create. You can't. Because you can't work in that medium and make what they do!>... Now. The rambling begins.

Modern Christianity eh? Always holding reverence for the holy, but scary af entities but completely ignore the "other side" that actually have some more less scary beings. I guess they go for "shock and awe" method rather than talk about the causes of the pain and suffering or the occupants of Hell that fight in the "Eternal War". (Pretty certain that's still referred to in current Cannon).. But they only mention Lucy.

All the forces of heaven cannot pummel a single entity? Bullshit. You know it, i know it but they never question why Lucy and especially Hell, still exists.

Limbo? Yup. They're on mostly the same page on that. A "no man's" zone where those not baptised but not condemned to Hell are deprived from the glory of heaven.... Aka christened belief is this: you may be a good person but you're going to suffering in solitude, without love, hate, pain nor light/darkness... Just no reason for being with no way to change your situation. For "The Eternity". Ultimately, to be condemned to be swallowed by the "nothing". Leaving a husk that has no thought, no memory, no ego or id.

Pretty much a worse fate than suffering in the depths of Hell where the self still exist.

Better to join the flock and be evil than not to believe in their cruel deity it seems.

Anyways. I'm rambling. I've got stuff to do. I so desperately need a station to do research, draw, weave tales of holy and unholy horror, joy, love, hate and neutrality. Currently everything is done on my phone. Not suitable at all! These fun topics require a proper place to be written and not have autocorrect mess with it. Nor me accidentally dragging paragraphs. Stupid app.

Later fellow freaks! Ghost fans will like this first subject i think. It's why they condemn us. Why we don't deserve love or a moral compass.... Crazy people, yeah?

....

Oh! Wait! Hey! Don't go! Not yet! I just remembered something crazy! A little morsel that Ghost fans and fun people will love!... and to finalise my crazed ranting.

Some interpretations by highly regarded Christian scholars have legit reasoning to believe that "Baʿal Zebub" is calling Lucy, "Of dung", aka calling Lucy a piece of shit. It seems the words of holy inspiration isn't below digging deep with their insults towards The Adversary.

Ok. Rambling mode off. I'm gonna still annoy Ghost fans more and tag stuff inappropriately. Heh

I hope the app hasn't screwed this up or i wrote something wrong... Bloody phones.

#the band ghost #Call me out on shit or wrong info!#ghost #Lucy #Love you fellow Ghost followers!#papa emeritus lineage #Kiss the Goat #demonology #wtf have i gotten myself into #angels #forward for “The Other Adversary's Books of ... stuff”#The Other Adversary's Books of... Stuff

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thefanficmonster · 3 years ago

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Stargazing

Ethan Winters x Mia Winters (Resident Evil Biohazard)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Romance, Fluff

Summary: A year after the events that took place at the Bakers’ residence and the three years of Mia being missing, the Winters spouses have finally been healed enough to start getting back into a regular lively rhythm, nevertheless haunted by the nightmare they lived through.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Sorry you’ve had to wait so long for your request but here it finally is! They deserved so much better and I’ll never stop saying that! Sorry for the brief rant, still, hope you enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

Holding Ethan’s hand tightly, Mia follows his instructions to keep her gaze down at the ground and avoid looking up as much as possible. She’s been having a hard time containing the smile on her face, biting her bottom lip a lot to prevent it from showing. Same as she’s had a hard time keeping quiet with her guessing games of where Ethan’s taking her. The man’s unbreakable though, never once was he tempted to let her in on what he’s planned.

It’s been a year since the Baker incident and all the couple has done is switch from one coping mechanism to another. They got stuck in a sort of therapy-work-therapy cycle where they threw themselves in their work and periodically went to their psychiatric appointments, never daring to nudge the topic at home amongst themselves. It was enough that the whole night has remained as a dark cloud hanging over their heads, addressing it has simply been to painful so they’ve steered clear of the topic the best they could.

However, an important thing to note about this coping cycle they created is that it drove all the other mechanics in their lives and their relationship to become routinely and mechanic as well. There was little to no feeling in all they did - not that they ever did much together except have dinner and sometimes breakfast, both of them fully indulged in their work the rest of the day. Work became their therapy eventually, leaving little time for one another and for fixing what’s been broken between them. This conclusion bothered them both to no end but neither wanted to address it out of fear of disturbing the other.

Luckily, Ethan didn’t feel the need to bring it up before taking action.

“Here we are!“ He announces eventually, causing Mia to snap her head upwards without a second to spare, curious eyes doing the best they can to take in the dark surroundings.

Surprisingly enough, she doesn’t have any problem with the dark. What happened back in Louisiana didn’t give her a phobia of the dark or of ships as her therapist initially thought she’d develop. However, she’s got a huge fear of bugs and insects now - especially mosquitos. Count on her husband carrying anti bug spray wherever they go - now is no exception.

As her eyes slowly adjust to the darkness of their surroundings, it doesn’t take her a while to realize they’re in an open yet secluded field. She’s not the slightest bit surprised by where he’s taken her, in fact, she recognizes it immediately. It’s the spot of their first official date.

“Who knew going to that dorm party would be the best thing I’d do in my life.“ He mumbles under his breath, admiring the sparkles in her eyes as she takes in the beautiful field bit by bit, letting the reel of memories play back, taking her all the way back to that first year of college, that fateful night when they met, followed by the night they came to this field.

“Who knew overcoming my fear of heights at an early age would’ve helped me find the man I’d eventually marry.“ She replies, turning to look at him, their gazes locking in place, both of them no reminiscing on those events they hadn’t recalled in a very long time.

2006

The humidity doesn’t suggest that the summer months have already ended. In fact, the air is still as unbreathable as it was in July and August, making the students who have to return to their studies super conflicted, longing for those beach days with little to no responsibilities. Given that no one is ready for the school year to start, the professors included, the first few weeks of college have been rather stress-free for Ethan. Well, that is if you don’t include the agony of moving into college as a freshman from an entirely different state.

Why he chose to go to college in Texas is a question he still doesn’t have a proper answer to. It was an impulsive, basically overnight decision, one that rattled his parents to no end when he announced it. However, having his own income and savings for college purposes, they couldn’t really do much in stopping him but they didn’t support him either. They kept trying to change his mind until the very last day but alas he stood his ground and now here he is, in his college dorm, trying to read a book while there’s a raging party going on just two floors above. The music is so loud though that is sounds more like it’s taking place in his closet instead.

His roommate went up to help set the party up, only putting mild effort into getting his Cali-boy roommate to tag along and join the shenanigans which Ethan appreciated. Parties have never really been his scene so he knew he would’ve kept refusing no matter how much he tried getting him up there.

Finding the read hopeless due to the distractions, Ethan ditches the book and lays back on his bed staring at the ceiling, feeling like a fish out of water, ready to suffocate any minute. The AC in the dorm is faulty so it’s not serving its purpose properly, leaving the air at the same temperature as it would be had the device not been turned on at all. He’s stranded on things to do, feeling awfully caged in this new environment without any proper entertainment, going even as far as to second-guess if his parents were maybe right all along.

Fortunately for him, just then, his roommate bursts in, humming along to the song that’s currently being played at the party, never missing a tune even in his clearly intoxicated state.

“Hey Winters, aren’t you Californians supposed to know of a good time? You’re disappointing me right now.“ Jared slurs, laughing a bit as he leans against the wall to keep himself to his feet.

Ethan can’t help but scoff, “Thought I’d be a party animal? Sorry for the letdown.”

Jared laughs, shaking his head, “Come on, Cali. You have two semesters to be sulking around, it’s too early to start. Listen, one beer and thirty minutes, that’s all I’m asking you for. If you like it you can stick around. If not, feel free to leave. Just please give it a shot. How else are you supposed to make friends?”

Ethan stops to contemplate for a second, weighing his options. Jared takes this as a hopeful sign, seeing as how his offer wasn’t immediately turned down as it was the first time. Finally, the blond sighs in defeat: “Ok, but thirty minutes only.“ He says as he slides off the bed, briefly looking at himself in the mirror and deeming his appearance decent enough for a dorm party. As a very new student, he’d like to make a good first impression on his classmates but given that they’re all probably wasted, he’s not stressing too much over his looks at the moment.

Following Jared up to the floor of the party, he’s immediately handed a beer which he accepts with little hesitation. His roommate goes around introducing him to a few people before he disappears with some girl he claims has been his on-again-off-again girlfriend since sophomore year of high school - Sarah. Ethan, of course, doesn’t stop him despite hating the ide of finding himself stuck alone in a crowd of people he’s seeing for the first time in his life. Still, he sticks to the deal: thirty minutes and a beer...ok, two beers, but they’ve done nothing to make him enjoy this party.

So, off he goes to search for Jared to tell him he’s leaving. Thinking he saw the dark haired girl he went off with going up the stairs to the roof, he quickly follows.

Little does he know, that’s not the dark haired girl he’s looking for. That’s Mia

Mia, the rowdy, outgoing Texas tomboy who, unlike Ethan, thoroughly enjoys going to parties and having a good time with her friends and a few drinks. However, even a party animal such as herself sometimes needs to take a breather especially when people are smoking cigarettes as though they’re inhaling air and she’s never tried a cigarette in her life and is actually quite against the idea. She found this rooftop to be her prefect hideaway whenever she felt like her surroundings would suffocate her. Students were strictly instructed that climbing up there would earn them a penalty but that didn’t bother her in the slightest - She’s been frequenting the roof already and it’s been barely a week of her fresh start in college. Luckily, she got over her fear of heights at the tender age of twelve so this journey to quite a high point doesn’t pose as much stress as it would’ve about a decade ago.

As she lies on the floor, looking up at the starry night sky above, she nearly jumps out of her skin when another voice calls out to her presumably though it’s not using the correct name.

“Hey, um, S-Sarah? Have you seen Jared?“

Mia turns her head as she sits up, one eyebrow raised as she takes a good look at the silhouette which this voice belongs to. It’s pretty dark so even if she knew him, she wouldn’t be able to recognize him but judging by the voice, this is not someone she’s familiar with. And judging by the accent, this guy is not from around here.

“I’m not Sarah, but if you’re looking for Jared Letterwood, I can guarantee he’s in Sarah’s dorm.“ Mia chuckles, “I’d know. Sarah’s my roommate.“

Ethan cringes at the thought, “Yikes, you’ve got it rough. I mean, Jared’s my roommate but so far I haven’t had to leave the dorm for him to...you know. Hope I never have to.” Suddenly, an idea strikes him, “Wait, where are you gonna sleep tonight?”

She laughs, lying back down with her arms folded behind her head, “Right here.” She drags out the words as she adjusts her position a little, eyes fluttering closed. “Stargazing helps me fall asleep. The whole ambience up here is just...perfect, you know. Jared and Sarah are really doing me a favor.”

Ethan can’t help but scoff, “Call me crazy, but I’ve never stargazed in my life. I don’t know, never really saw the whole appeal. Sure, it’s cool to see in a movie or whatever, but it’s got no real purpose in real life. Not that I’m trying to bash your hobby or anything...”

Before the clueless blond could finish his statement, Mia’s already snapped up in a sitting position, giving him a narrow-eyed glare he can’t really see in the darkness. Her hand taps the spot next to her, “Don’t knock until you try it, Cali boy. Come’ere, see what you’re missing out on.”

Though reluctant, Ethan takes a few steps forward, stopping for a second to ask: “Wait, how’d you know I’m Californian?” Regardless of his confusion, he sits his ass down as he was told, awkwardly laying down so that there’s half a foot or less between their bodies so he doesn’t accidentally touch her and run the risk of freaking her out.

“I know a lot of things, Cali. Unfortunately, your name isn’t one of them. That being said, either you tell me it, or I’ll have to keep calling you Cali.“ She says teasingly.

“Ethan. My name’s Ethan.“ He says through a sigh, unable to contain the smile that spreads across his face.

A smile mimicking his appears on her face as well, “Nice to meet you, Ethan. The name’s Mia.“

Needless to say, the following morning Ethan woke up still on the roof, and surprisingly and terrifyingly enough, with the girl he barely met the night prior in his arms. Under the light of the newly rising day he could examine her features better, taking in her absolute beauty, her pale features contrasting her dark as the night hair. She’s still asleep so he can’t see her eyes but he has no doubt they are as beautiful as she is. Everything about her looks so delicate yet sharp simultaneously. And he’s simply in awe.

To avoid any awkwardness in case she wakes up, he falls back asleep, not even trying to remove his arms from around her body, silently hoping she won’t kick his ass for it. The next time he wakes up, an undecided amount of time later, he’s alone on the rooftop. Alone with a note that says: ‘Did you like it? If yes, I got a better stargazing spot to show ya. You know where to find me

~ M‘

“And boy, was I missing out on something.“ Ethan whispers, gently running his fingers through his wife’s hair as they lay in that same field she was referring to in her note to him, gazing up at the stars, limbs intertwined, bodies completely collided.

“Told ya. Stargazing is incredible, ain’t it?“ Mia replies, snuggling closer though that’s simply impossible.

Her husband chuckles, his chest rumbling with the noise, “That’s not really what I meant.”

Her brows furrow but she doesn’t look at him, “Oh? Then what did you mean?”

With a content sigh, he replies, “I was missing out on having you in my arms, falling asleep and waking up by your side.“ He says, his lips planting a gentle kiss at the top of her head that has her melting in his embrace.

Mia’s not the romantic nor cheesy half of this relationship, quite the opposite, but she feels emotions to a way deeper level than Ethan would imagine her feeling. So, thankful to the darkness, Mia allows her eyes to gloss over with emotional tears as she rises up to collide her lips with his in a soft and tender kiss.

“I missed you so much, Mia.“ Ethan whispers when they pull away, foreheads resting against each other.

“I promise to never make you miss me again, baby.“ She replies in a tone as hushed as his. As though they are both afraid someone would overhear this vow of theirs and try to force them to break it.

“That’s impossible.“ He says with a soft chuckle, “I always miss you at least a little.“

Mia hums in response, “Well, right now, you don’t have to miss me at all. I’m all yours. You’re the only thing on my mind, Mr. Winters.“

Even in the dark, she sees the grin that lights up his face, “As you are the only thing on mine, Mrs. Winters.” With that, their lips reestablish their contact, this time maintaining it longer, making it more passionate than before.

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bqstqnbruin · 4 years ago

Text

Four times he told them you were a friend and once he said you were his girlfriend

So this is sort of kind of what was requested, but I just did the same thing with Quinn Hughes and this idea came to me, so I hope you like this! Anyway it’s 2 am and I haven’t read through this so if there are typos ignore them (or point them out then maybe I’ll actually fix them).

This is the LONGEST thing I’ve written as one solid piece (it’s around 6.6k words, which I’ve never done before so that’s fun).

But keep supporting BLM, keep supporting organizations like GLSEN, just be a good person. Ok cool, you’re all great people, don’t worry.

______________

“Ok, hot guys at ten o’clock,” Ashley starts shaking your arm, sending your drink spilling all over your hand.

“Watch it!” you say, trying to steady the drink before you waste six dollars of beer, “Which ones, there’s like eight guys over there.” She can’t stop staring at the group of guys, all of them wearing very similar outfits of plain, tight-fitting t-shirts that show off their obviously fit bodies and a pair of jeans, ranging from light wash to black. A man’s wardrobe was a mystery.

“I want to go talk to them,” she says.

“Then go talk to them,”

“You’re coming with me.”

“Ash, why would I go talk to a group of boys when I’m here with Nick?”

“Because he’s not your boyfriend, you’re just fucking him and he is a hundred percent talking to other girls right now, so what’s the harm of flirting with another guy?” You exhale, knowing that she was right. As soon as you got to the bar, Nick left you to get drinks and you found him thirty minutes later without a drink for you and talking to a pretty redhead about who knows what. “You know I’m right. And that one has been checking you out anyway. Worst case you get a free drink or two and never see the boy again.”

You make eye contact with the curly-haired boy Ashley mentioned. He was pretty beautiful, and you had to admit that you melted a little when he smiled at you “Fine, let’s go,” you say, rolling your eyes as she squealed and dragged you over to the guys.

“Is it a common habit of yours to just stare at a girl before she succumbs and comes over to you or do you ever make the first move?” you say, standing in front of the curly-haired boy.

“Normally I would go up to them but I guess you beat me to it. And it looks like your friend already has her hold on Noah, so I guess both of you are pretty ambitious,” he says, nodding over to Ashley, who is already dragging Noah to the bar with her probably so they can get drunk together.

“Yeah, that seems right. Plus he’s hot, so I’d probably do the same,” you shrug as the boy moves over and motions for you to sit down. “So if that’s Noah, who are you?”

“I don’t know if I should tell you if you just called my friend hot and not me,” he jokes, leaning in a little closer, but Hanny is a pretty beautiful man so I’m not too offended. I’m Matthew.”

You can’t help but laugh at him; the amount of confidence he had in calling his friend beautiful was refreshing, Nick would be weird about it and start trying to make jokes that were never funny. You tell him your name and just start talking with him. There was something there between the two of you, but you were technically with Nick. But like Ashley said, what was the harm of flirting a little bit?

“So why are you here tonight?” Matthew asks you, getting up and leading you to the bar.

“One of my friends landed his dream job so we came to celebrate,” you tell him, motioning over to the group of boys standing at the other end of the bar.

“Which friend, I’ll buy him a drink,” he offers.

“The one next to that guy with the redhead draped over him.”

“Do you know him? They’re talking to each other.”

“Yeah, the girl is holding my boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?” he asks, nearly spitting out his beer. You didn’t seem like the type of girl who would try to cheat on her boyfriend, especially with him standing right there, and he really didn’t want to be involved in any sort of weird sexcapades with a girl he just met.

“Sort of, kind of, not really. We’re hooking up and we like each other, I think, but clearly we can hook up with other people. Or at least, he can hook up with other people,” you say, feeling weirdly sad all of a sudden. Of course, you liked Nick, how could you not? He was sweet, smart, funny, he was there for you when you needed him, but damn as soon as a girl looked at him the right way it was like you weren’t there until you called for him. “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m telling you that. You just seem like someone I can tell things to.”

“I’ve gotten that before. Then my dad says that I have a face that you can’t help but want to punch, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you swung that way, too,” he says, laughing, the curls on his head bouncing along with him, “But can I give you some advice?”

“Sure, why not?” you say, making eye contact with Nick, him flashing a cute smile and waving at you.

“If you both liked each other and you want to be together, which at least, you want to be, then you need to say something sooner rather than later to him. You’re pretty cool, and you deserve someone that makes you happy. Right now it seems like it’s him,” he says, nodding over to where to Nick was, the redhead sending daggers in your direction.

Before you know it, Nick’s arms are finding their way around your waist, him kissing your cheek before nestling his chin on your shoulder. “Hey, who’s this?” he asks.

“A new friend,” Matthew says, smiling at you.

Your phone buzzed with a text saying that he was ready to leave, even though you still needed another five minutes before you could even think about getting your shoes on. You dial him quickly, praying he doesn’t take long to pick up the phone as you throw it on speaker and run around your room trying to find the jewelry you wanted to wear. “You’re coming up here and helping me finish getting ready unless you want to wait another twenty minutes minimum. The doors open just come to my room,” you spit out at him before he even has the chance to finish saying ‘hello.’

You hear him mumbling something on the other end as he slams the door to his apartment to make his way to yours. By coincidence, he lived four floors above you, allowing for easy access when both of you had free time to just sit and watch a movie, or for nights like these when you were struggling to finish getting ready for the night.

“I’m here!” you hear Matthew call from the living room, walking to your room. “I cannot have the guys chirping me for being late tonight, especially when I got the time wrong last time and showed up an hour in,” he says, walking into your room. “You’re a mess.”

Your hair and makeup were done, but your dress was still unzipped due to your lack of flexibility to zip it, your necklace that you were going to wear was somewhere in the room but you had no idea where it would be, and you still had no clue what shoes you were going to wear. “Which is why you’re here so I can be less of a mess. Come here and zip me up, then pick out shoes for me to wear. Please? Please, please, please?” you beg.

He shakes his head and can’t help but laugh at how frazzled you can get when you’re on a time crunch. “You’re lucky I like you enough to even bring you to this event,” he says, doing as you ask. You could feel yourself tensing up as he slowly brought the zipper up, his hand at the bottom holding the zipper straight. You turn around to him, goosebumps all over you as you get a good look at him in his suit. Damn was he handsome. “Are you sure that Nick is alright with me taking you to this thing?”

“As long as I don’t hook up with anyone, he really doesn’t care. It’s not like any of you guys are a threat to our relationship, anyway,” you say as you try to find this necklace.

Matthew couldn’t help but feel a little upset over that comment. He loved that you were happy while dating Nick, and he genuinely seemed like a great guy for you, but part of him wondered what it would be like if you were together. “Well, a lot of them are already taken anyway, so unless there are a lot of strange single men roaming around the Flames Casino Night, I think you’re safe.” He picks up a pair of shoes for you to wear, praying that they actually go with your outfit and don’t kill your feet, something you had complained to him about during multiple nights out. Apparently, asking why you had shoes that hurt your feet was a dumb thing to do.

“Perfect!” you say, taking the shoes from him, trying to get them on without having to sit down. “And I found the necklace, so once this is on and I find where I put my bag, we’re good to go.”

“What could you possibly be bringing with you that you need a bag?” he groans, knowing that you were going to make them late.

“Keys, money, ID, lipstick for reapplying, tissues,” you start to list off as he rolls his eyes. “Ok, fine. But I don’t have pockets to hold things, so I need a bag.”

“I can hold the keys, money, and ID if you say you don’t need the other things and we can just go.”

“But what about my phone, I don’t want to hold it all night.”

He takes the stuff you hand him, grabbing your hand and dragging you out the door. “I have big enough pockets, don’t worry. These aren’t like female pockets where you could basically hold a penny and worry about it falling out.”

“That is not my fault and you had to know that was going to start a feminist rant from me as soon as you said it,” you start as you get into the Uber that was somehow already waiting for you outside. He laughs as you start going off about the sexist issues in women’s fashion, something he has heard more than enough times. At this point, he could probably recite the rant back to you word for word.

He listened to you better than Nick did; sure Nick listened, but when you talked to Matthew it was like he hung onto every word, trying to remember every detail down to how your eyebrow cocked as you said each sentence. Nick normally was just mentally undressing you until he could actually undress you. Not that you weren’t happy with Nick, but you couldn’t really help but wonder if you should be with Matthew or if he really was just your best friend.

Your rant lasted the entire ride to the event, Matthew doing everything in his power not to laugh at how passionate you were about stuff like this. He knew that you wanted to spend your life making a difference, and it helped that you were able to dive into an issue and find a reason to fix it.

“Ok, so you don’t have to play any of the games, the drinks I think are free for the most part but as we know I can be wrong an have been wrong before, and if you want your money, not to sound like a weirdly protective boyfriend, just come and find me.” Matthew tells you as you get out of the car. You loved coming to these events, and Matthew’s inability to hold onto a girl for longer than a few weeks, and his overall lack of female friends meant that you got to come to all of the events as his date.

“If it’s not free I’ll just find the nearest hot man and flirt with him until he buys something for me, kind of like the night we met,” you joke, taking in the sights and sounds of the event around you. Everyone in the Flames organization was there and then some, so maybe that was a possibility.

“Actually, Nick bought you drinks once he noticed you talking to me, I never actually bought you anything,” he points out, a little bite in his tone.

“Ok, snippy,” you shoot back, “Have fun, I’ll be at the bar.” You leave his side just as Noah went over to him, working your way through the crowd to the bar.

“There’s no way you already said something to piss her off, man. You just got here,” Noah says, dragging Matthew by the arm over to one of the tables.

“She brought up the night we met.”

“I still can’t believe that you convinced her to go for that guy instead of just asking her out yourself. What’s his name, Mick?”

“It’s Nick. How many people do you know named Mick?”

“Not the point.”

“Ok, fine. I didn’t ask her out because I saw how she looked at him. And she called him her boyfriend.”

“Which he wasn’t. And you could have been. She looks at him the way she looks at me, and as far as I know, I’m not her boyfriend. But I’ve seen how you look at each other. She sees you differently.” Noah pats him on the back, leaving him at the Blackjack table to fend for himself. He looks up to you, a guy with his back towards him leaning against the bar talking to you. You make eye contact and roll your eyes at him, biting your lip signaling that this guy was a total dud.

“Is that your girlfriend?” the stranger next to Matthew asks him, following his gaze to you. “She’s hot.”

“Nope, just a friend.”

III

“Who is this that’s getting married today?” you ask Matthew from the bathroom of the hotel room you were sharing with him, Brady and Taryn.

“A family friends daughter, I think her name is Isabella?” Brady answers instead, throwing an apple in the air and trying to catch it, only for Matthew to jump and snatch it before he can.

“Boys!” you yell as they start to wrestle each other for it. “Come on, if either of you leave this hotel room with a black eye we all know that your parents are going to assume it’s Matthew’s fault and then none of us can go to the reception.”

“Sorry,” they both mumble, Matthew handing back the apple to Brady.

“I like her. Please keep her around. I need more feminine energy when I’m around you two,” Taryn says from behind you, both of you fixing your hair in the mirror.

“Why did you get to bring a date and I couldn’t?” Brady asks his brother, you and Taryn rolling your eyes.

“Because the girls you know wouldn’t be able to pay their way and Y/N has an actual job with an actual income so I wouldn’t have to foot her bill.”

“I thought you did get a plus one and you just had no one to bring?” you yell to them, Taryn trying not to burst out laughing.

“You’re not even Matthew’s girlfriend!” Brady protests, Matthew’s face getting red.

Brady knew that he liked you; the first time the family met you, he had picked up on it right away. Taryn had a feeling something was going on, but she wasn’t about to poke fun at Matthew for it like Brady would.

“I’m a girl who’s a friend which is more than what you have apparently,” you fire back, causing Brady’s face to turn red in return.

“Are you two almost done?: Matthew whines, checking his watch. He was the one in charge of getting the four of you to the wedding, and if you were late, he was definitely getting yelled at for it.

“Yeah, yeah, we know, we need to hurry up. The wedding starts in an hour and it’s a five minute walk down the street and from the sounds of it, your parents haven’t even left either, so you can wait the few seconds it’s going to take us to finish getting ready,” you say, coming out of the bathroom to get your shoes on. As soon as Matthew saw you, he felt himself stop breathing. Any time you were dressed up he got that way. He felt that way when he saw you for every charity event, yet he never told you, he felt that way when you met that night at the bar. Damn, he hated the friend zone.

“Yeah,” Taryn says, following you out and plopping down on the bed beside you to get her shoes on. “What?” Taryn says when her brothers shoot her weird looks, “She said everything, why can’t I just agree with her?”

The four of you make your way down to the lobby of the hotel to start on your way to the wedding venue. It was at a different hotel than the one you were staying at, down the street as you walked through the center of Chicago. You all look great walking down the street as Brady let the way with Taryn by his side. You and Matthew were a few paces behind, your feet already hurting from the shoe that you knew you were going to take off as soon as you got to the reception.

A guy catcalls you, something you just ignore as Matthew yells, “That’s my girlfriend,” at the guy as he pulling you in by the waist, glaring at the guy as you walk by.

All you can do is roll your eyes at both of them. Matthew still wasn’t used to girls being hit on in the streets by guys, so whenever you were out with him, any girl who was hit on in an unwanted manner suddenly was his girlfriend until the man was out of sight.

“Thanks,” you say, Taryn and Brady waiting for you outside the door of the hotel as Matthew drops his arm from your waist, praying that neither of them saw you keep it there longer than he needed to.

“She has a boyfriend, remember,” Brady whispers to his brother as he lets you and Taryn in before them.

“Don’t you think I know that? I would do that for anyone,” Matthew hisses back.

“Do you look as comfortable with them as you did with her?”

“Shut up, Brady.”

“Yeah, shut up, Brady,” Taryn says, causing you to burst out laughing. Taryn was probably your favorite of the three Tkachuks, but you could never tell Matthew that.

“You don’t even know what we were talking about?” Brady says, confused.

“I don’t have to know to tell you to shut up.”

“If any of you kill each other, it’s not my fault,” you say, grabbing Matthew and going to find seats.

Brady and Taryn follow each other, his parents finding you not long after. They still didn’t know you very well other than as Matthew’s ‘best friend that isn’t a hockey player.’ You sit with them through the wedding, your leg shaking for no reason other than the fact that you’ve always had a hard time staying still. Matthew lays his hand on your thigh to try to calm you down, which worked a little, only for you to start shaking the other leg.

“Can you stop?” Matthew whispers to you, a smile on his face and his hand still on your thigh. You can feel his dad looking at the scene unfolding, his eyebrow raised like he does whenever Matthew does something that catches his eye.

“Physically, no. You should know that by now,” you whisper back, Brady shushing you so he can pretend to listen to what was going on.

You sit through the rest of the wedding, not noticing that Matthew’s hand is still on your thigh. He knew he had it there, though. His entire family say it there. Matthew couldn’t focus on what was being said in front of him as Isabella got married to whoever the hell Oliver was in her life. You had a boyfriend. Nick was still in the picture. You two had just celebrated your two year anniversary a little while ago, which means that you and Matthew had met a little over two years ago, too. He was well aware of when it was, but to you, it seemed like it didn’t matter. The last two years made it feel like you had known him forever, so who cared?

“I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss the bride!” whoever was giving the wedding said, everyone around you cheering as you stood up and Matthew finally took his hand off your thigh to clap along with everyone else.

“Is it bad that the only thing that I really want from this wedding is the open bar?” Matthew leans over to you, praying that his parents don’t hear him because they’ll scold him for it.

“No, because that is exactly where I will be for the night,” you say as everyone starts heading to the room where the reception is.

“So, wait, you haven’t talked about you and Nick in a while. How are things going with that? He’s alright with you coming as my date to this, right?” Matthew says, leaning against the bar.

“Uh, he thinks that I’m visiting Ashley in Winnipeg,” you say, hating that you admit that you were lying to your boyfriend about where you were this weekend.

“Why would he think that?” All of Matthew knew this was a bad thing: lately, Nick seemed to be getting upset with you about how much time you had been spending with him in your apartments rather than going out with Nick to a bar every single weekend.

“Because he would get pretty mad at me if I told him that I was with you in another country for a wedding.”

“You didn’t have to come with me if you didn’t want to. You know that I don’t want you to feel like you have to come with me to stuff, especially if it’s going to cause problems with you and Nick,” he says, not making eye contact with you.

“He’s not allowed to tell me that I can’t be friends with you. If he has an issue with it, then he needs to say something about it,” you say as the bartender comes over to you and takes your drink order.

“But then why did you lie?”

“I didn’t want to come to the wedding just going through a breakup, because he would a hundred percent dump me if I told him I was with you right now.”

“Y/N/N. If he’s like that then why don’t you just dump him? I mean, you’re amazing. But a guy shouldn’t have to control who you spend time with in order to see that,” he says, his hand finding your arm.

“Aw, I love you, Matty,” you tell him, putting your hand on his. The bartender comes back with your drink, you taking it and turning towards the rest of the wedding, “I’m going to go get food. I’ll see you at the table?”

Matthew nods, watching you walk away. The bartender, doing the same thing says, “You’re a lucky man,”

“Sorry?”

“To have someone like her as a girlfriend?”

“Oh, no. She’s just my friend.”

Ice cream? Check. No romance movies in sight? Check. A big bottle of wine that you were planning on drinking without a glass? Check. Snuggled in your favorite hoodie that you may or may not have stolen from Matthew? Check.

You turn on Dead Poets Society, the only movie you can think of that doesn’t have more than ten minutes of romance so that you don’t start crying over the fact that you just dumped Nick a little over a week ago, even though it had been coming for a long time. You came back from the wedding with Matthew to find that Nick had been following your location on Snapchat and saw that you were in the States and not in Winnipeg. You got into a huge fight, ending it by screaming, “I would rather be with Matthew than with you, so we’re done,” and you storming out of his place and driving back to yours sobbing. The only person you had told so far was Matthew, and you were still, for some reason upset about it. Probably because you wasted more than two years of your life on the wrong person when you could have been with the one your friends told you to be with the entire time.

Robin Williams is having his students recite lines of poetry and then kick the ball as hard as they can when a picture of you and Matthew being slightly drunk idiots at the wedding pops up on your phone.

“What?” you answer, angry that your sad-fest was being interrupted by him.

“You’re too pretty to be sitting at home alone and single on a Saturday night. I’m coming over in twenty minutes with a pizza and the two of us are going out,” he says on the other end, hanging up before you can say otherwise. You did say you would rather spend your time with Matthew instead of Nick, so why not start now?

But that didn’t mean you were going to be moving from the couch until he came, it was early enough that you didn’t need to start getting ready until after you ate.

On cue, Matthew starts banging on your door, yelling for you to let him in. “You can’t wear my sweatshirt out tonight,” he says, walking past you and plopping down on the couch.

“I’m getting dressed after we eat, calm down,” you say, taking a piece of pizza and shoving it in your mouth.

“Hey, I know you’re upset, which is why we’re going out tonight to get your mind off him Plus, one, he was a jackass, two, he was controlling, and three, it’s my fault anyway,” Matthew says, his eyes not leaving the pizza.

“How is it your fault?”

He looks at you, his curls moving slightly as he turned his head faster than you were expecting, “You were fighting because you were lying about spending time with me, and I’m the one who encouraged you to be with him in the first place. And I have been kicking myself for that every day since,” the last part he mutters under his breathe, you not even catching that he said it.

“I should have broke it off with him when he started getting mad about who I was spending time with. He was never mad about me spending time with Ashley, he just didn’t want me spending time with you. He was jealous of you.”

“Me? Why?” His heart was racing. Guys maybe dumb on the outside, but they know when another guy is into their girl, even if they don’t act on it.

“He always thought that you liked me, or something,” you say, laughing as you bight into the pizza. Maybe a part of you always liked him, too. You finish the piece, taking another one to bring to your room so you can start getting ready. “I’ll be back in like twenty minutes? Do I need to put on makeup, do you think?”

“How much do you care and how long will it take?”

“Not enough and too long.”

“Then no.”

“Sweet,” you say, going to your room with the pizza hanging out of your mouth. You get ready in what was probably record time, throwing on a crop top and jeans, your hair in a ponytail and just putting on mascara instead of doing a full face of makeup. “I need another piece before we go get drunk,” you tell him, throwing your bag down and taking another piece.

“I was planning on finishing this entire thing and then leaving, so hurry up, there are two more pieces.”

“One for you, one for me?” you suggest, reaching for the piece. You were already feeling better, seeing that he put away the ice cream for you, leaving the bottle of wine out in case you wanted to drink it, even though he had already been drinking from the bottle while you were getting ready. None of you cared, you just knew that it meant he would be buying you a drink tonight.

You both down the pizza, bringing the box with you on the way down to the Uber, excited to go out and just forget about Nick. “Where are we going?” you ask Matthew. He ordered the Uber, only telling you that it was somewhere you had been before.

“It’s only fitting that we go back to the last bar you went to as a single woman now that you are, again, a single woman,” Matthew says, getting you out of the car in front of the bar you met at. You can’t help at how excited he was to be there, you actually hadn’t been to that bar since that night you met Matthew. The two of you beeline to the bar, Matthew ordering you a drink.

“So, this is going on your tab since you drank my wine, right?” you say, him rolling his eyes at you.

“That bottle was so big, there was no way could have noticed that!” he let’s out.

“Don’t mess with a girl and her wine.”

He rolls his eyes again, pulling you in for a hug and kissing your head. “You’re gonna make some guy really lucky,” he laughs, as you smile and rest your head on his shoulder.

“Here’s for you,” the bartender says, coming back with two drinks and handing the first one to Matthew, “and here’s for your girlfriend?”

“Nah, just a friend,” he says, smiling at you as you playfully shove him. ‘Friends for now,’ he thinks to himself.

+one

Thank god he gave you his debut card or else this would not be an order you could afford on your own. Plus, it was his family that was flying in; when he met your family, you paid for the baked goods. His family was just bigger and more anxious so come see him since he was spending the summer here in Calgary with you instead of at home with them like he normally does.

“Hi, sweetie,” one of the older ladies who works at the bakery says when she sees you waiting, “Your usual for you and Matthew?”

Part of you hated that you had a usual order there, but the other part of you simply didn’t care that you frequented a local business enough that they know you. “Not today, actually. Matthew called in an order earlier in the week for pick up? It should be under his name.”

She goes into the back where they keep the orders, “Tkachuk?” she calls out, as you reach to take the order.

As your hand reaches to get the box, someone else goes for it, too. “Oh, sorry!” you say before seeing who it is. “Mr. Tkachuk, how are you?”

“Hi, Y/N, how are you doing? And come on, I’ve told you to call me Keith,” Matthew’s dad insists.

“I’m good, uh, Keith, I’m actually picking up this stuff for you guys tonight,” you say, gesturing to the large boxes of pastries Matthew had apparently ordered. You had no idea what he got, but all you know is if he didn’t have the lemon meringue mini pie that you loved, you were throwing hands. The other thing you knew was that Matthew’s parents and siblings were in Calgary to meet his new girlfriend. They knew he had been dating her for a while, that she lived with him, and that they already knew her. They didn’t know you were her.

“And here I am ordering stuff Chantal insisted we bring for you guys tonight. I know what Matthew loves, but what about his girlfriend, do you know her? What does she like?” he asks, squinting at the hand-written over head menu.

“Uh, yeah, I know her pretty well. She loves the lemon meringue mini pies. It’s kind of a coin toss as to whether or not Matthew remembers to order them for her.”

“That boy,” Keith says, shaking his head, “Guess he’s not going to be with this girl for that long if he can’t even think enough to get something she loves.”

You feel yourself not breathing at what he just said. Shit. Does he mean that Matthew doesn’t care enough about you to remember something as simple as a dessert that you like or that you would get fed up with it and end up breaking up with him. “Um, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see,” you say, trying to stop your voice from shaking. You’ve met his family plenty of times; but them not knowing you were officially dating was keeping you on the edge.

“Are you walking over to Matthew’s place or did you drive?” Keith says, not taking his eyes off of the case full of desserts.

“I walked, but I still have some other stuff to pick up while Matthew gets dinner finished,” you tell him, trying to inch your way towards the door without seeming overly rude.

“Alright then, we’ll see you at Matthew’s,” Keith says, still not looking up. Thank god, because the amount you were probably sweating would have been a little suspicious.

On your way out, you call Matthew. “Hey, babe, what’s up?” he says on the other end, the sound of pans clattering in the background. “Ah, fuck.”

“What did you drop?” you say, knowing him well enough.

“One of the pans, what else did it sound like?” he says.

“Was there food in it?” you ask. Nothing but silence from his end for a solid five seconds before you start, “What do I need to pick up on my way home now?”

“More sweet potatoes,” he says in a small voice, “Oh, and more Brussel sprouts.”

“You dropped both?” you say, going into the grocery store, arms already dull of the pastries. You really didn’t think this through with the walking and how much you were going to have to carry.

“No, I just already ate most of the sprouts and my mom said she was looking forward to them.”

You can’t help but laugh at him. A tough guy on the ice, but dear lord was he a child when it came to so much else. “Your dad didn’t mention anything about that when I saw him.”

“When did you see him?” he asks, another thing hitting the floor in the background, “Fuck! Can you get more cinnamon, too?”

“Ok, babe, you need to close things after you’re done with them so if they fall on the floor they don’t spill everywhere. And I just ran into him at the bakery, they should be on their way soon,” you tell him, picking out the vegetables he wanted.

“Good, my mom can help me clean then,” he lets out. “But what did my dad say, he normally puts his foot in his mouth without trying to.”

“Well, he asked me what your girlfriend would want for dessert and then said that if you can’t remember to get her what she likes then the relationship would be ending sooner rather than later.”

“Hey, that was one time I forgot to get you a lemon meringue pie and that was because I went when you were literally on the way to the airport for that conference,” he defends himself, making you laugh again. You probably looked like a maniac since you had your AirPods in with your hair covering your ears, but this was probably a normal scene in today’s society anyway. “But, hey, you’ve moved in already. I’m in this for the long haul, buttercup.”

You can’t help but smile when he says that as you try to check out by balancing the desserts in one hand while trying to find your wallet with the other. “Buttercup? There’s a whole world of pet names and NHL tough guy Matthew Tkachuk chooses ‘buttercup?’”

“Fine, then your nickname is...” he hesitates, “Garlic Powder.”

On your way back home, you stop out of shock from what he just said, “You really just opened the cabinet above the stove and called me the first thing you saw, didn’t you?”

“Maybe,” he says, again in a small voice. In the background, you can hear someone trying to get in to come up to us, hopefully, his family. “The rest of the Tkachuks are here, how far away are you?”

“I’m a block away, so I’ll be there soon.”

“Alright, see you soon. I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

He hangs up, leaving you to walk back the rest of the way with just your thoughts. He’s in this for the long haul, but a father knows his son. On the other hand, it’s not like he pulls stuff like that all the time; that really was just one time and he’s made up for it in more ways than one.

You get to your building, mentally cursing the fact that you didn’t ask him to have someone wait to help you bring the stuff up. Trying to balance everything was going to end worse than Matthew in the kitchen, but he insisted on cooking for his family as you finally told them you were dating.

“Hi!” you say, struggling to open the door as Brady rushes to you and starts taking the boxes from you. “Thanks, Brady.”

“We thought you would be the girlfriend,” he admits, following you into the kitchen where Matthew is with his mom, still cleaning up the cinnamon from the floor.

“Don’t worry, you already know her.”

“Oh, really?” Brady questions. Matthew had been keeping his girlfriend a secret for a while, but he had his suspicions as to who it was for a while regardless.

“Dinner’s ready!” Chantal calls, her and Matthew bringing the food from the kitchen over to the table.

“I guess we’re having the sweet potatoes another time?” you ask Matthew, a little annoyed that you had to make the extra trip.

“They brought some with them and they’re in the oven now? As soon as they came in my mom goes, ‘You always knock something over, so we figured we’d bring vegetables with us.’ Taryn couldn’t keep a straight face,” Matthew says, visibly upset by this.

You roll your eyes and bring him in for a hug, his entire family out of sight as he kisses you on the top of your head. “They just know you well.” You steal a quick kiss, him following you over to the table where his family is already helping themselves to the food he had made.

“So, where is this girlfriend of yours?” Keith asks, eying both of you. It’s very possible they already knew you were dating; there were six places set and they probably figured out that you were staying for dinner.

“Well, Y/N is my girlfriend, now.” Matthew says, bringing you in for a side hug.

“I thought you were dating at the wedding?” Keith asks, “You had your hand on her leg the entire time, and it was pretty obvious something was going on.”

“Uh, no, that was a year ago, we’ve been together for about eight months now?” you say, looking at him. He shrugged it off, wanting to pretend that he had no idea. But he knew it was eight months, two weeks and a day since he asked you to be his girlfriend.

#matthew tkachuk #matthew tkachuk imagine #calgary flames #calgary flames imagines #flames #flames imagine #nhl #nhl imagines #hockey #hockey imagines #noah hanifin #brady tkachuk #both of them are mentioned so leave me alone #who actually reads my tags anyway?

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xanderwithanx · 3 years ago

Text

Chloe does night-time diary posts on HER tumblr, so I'm going to start doing them here, sometimes. It would be nice if you read it, but, please, don't feel obligated! This is more for me to write.

(I got tired of my normal journal, I guess. It's full of bad poetry anyway. Besides, where's the thrill of losing anonymity in a physical notebook?)

I've basically been asleep and depressed for several days, because I had withdrawal after not being able to get my adhd meds. But, I got it today, and DID THINGS. (This is SO much better than before!)

Today, I went to a small café or restaurant (focused on tea) called Alice's Teacup that was Alice in Wonderland themed! My long-standing obsession with Alice in Wonderland knows no bounds. It was a really cute place. I got pumpkin pancakes, and some really good iced tea. Like... REALLY good iced tea.

Still, it seemed like the entire place was geared towards having a pot of tea and snacks with your friends, which left me a bit lonely. The person I asked couldn't come, and by the time I heard back, I was more than halfway there. Still, I read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and watched Monty Python on my phone, so I still had a good time!

I dressed pretty eccentricly and effeminately all day, but, with my facial hair, I was ALWAYS coded as a man, even by people on the street! Pastels, a stupid hat, a crop top, and facial hair was a winning combination.

On my way, I was stopped by some guys soliciting for charity. I don't make a habit of stopping for strangers on the streets of Manhattan. What if it's a scam? What if I'm being pressured to buy something? What if it's a strange political rant? But, I had already taken my earbuds off, I wasn't in a hurry, and I'm terminally polite. The first guy said he liked my energy, which seemed to come from a genuine place, because I liked his too!

They were asking for donations for a breast cancer charity, the United Breast Cancer Foundation. After a discussion, it seems like the charity helps pay medical debt, medical bills, and other practical needs, which is much better than *some* others I could name. I regretted not being able to give their minimum there, as it was pretty high, but told them I'd give what I could when I got on the website.

I... did not. Money is tight, because I'm bad and irresponsible with money, even though this is more than a worthy cause. I didn't NEED to go to that tea place, and I don't NEED to spend so much money on food. Sure, I can justify it: I wanted to go to that place for so long, and it was near the college anyway! But, if I was responsible with money, you KNOW my friends direct fundraising drives would go first, worthy charities second. Still, I feel bad about it.

Then, I went to the college library, to get books to start my thesis research. I have literally been unable to go to the college itself, aside from getting my ID, so this was great! There just wasn't a reason. It was... very empty. I went to the library stacks, which was deathly quiet and deeply haunted by the old books. I half expected something to pop out at me, as I turned the stacks, but I wasn't even paranoid or anxious. It was like I was in something else's house. I was welcome, but on thin ice.

I picked up an irrelevant psychology book on the "schizophrenia problem" from the 1930s, out of morbid fascination, and quickly put it down when it threatened to shatter in my hands.

Some students walked past (which was a suprise in those monastic basement library stacks), and I added something to their conversation, in a totally natural and casual way. But, omg the poor girls, I made them jump! Luckily, I'm the least threatening person on earth, and we laughed it off.

After a lot of hunting, I got 5 out of my 10 books (for the most part)! (The rest are, sadly, online. I like to read physical copies.) Strangely, I only came in with a list to get 3 books out of 6.

Most of the books I got are about art in the AIDS crisis, which is the core of my thesis, I think, all with different value. One about exhibitions, one about the larger narrative of those gay artists, and another contradicting the larger narrative.

I also got a book about "Art and Homosexuality". Just, the parallel construction of both "art" and "homosexuality" across cultures and times, from earliest history to the modern age. It wasn't on my initial list, but I'm really excited to read it.

Finally, I got a book called "The Thief, the Cross and the Wheel", about the pain and spectacle of punishment in Medieval and Renaissance European art. I'm mainly interested in Italian Renaissance art of the crucifixion--and its masochism--for the second quarter of my thesis.

The rest are online, and Should mostly focus on Bacchus in the Italian Renaissance (especially through art) and what I call the art of "gay liberation", concurrent with the AIDS crisis (i.e. The Cockettes). These two topics make up the last half of my thesis.

I'm SO excited to get started!!

I even got to cross the college's sky-bridges! (The college is a few skyscrapers.) Still, the loneliness and novelty were kind of the same thought. Imagine if I had been here before COVID, or, if COVID hadn't happened. Who would I have been able to meet? What would the college buildings mean to me? Because, for now, they're just buildings. But, I got to see the street from above, and that was amazing!

Just walking through New York--the Upper East Side--on a cool, sunny day was beautiful. It takes 20-30 minutes to get from my place to the college (and the tea place), but it was great being able to listen to my music (a lot of They Might Be Giants on the playlist today) and see the city. You know, people, super cool old architecture being pushed out by terrible new architecture, and pigeons.

Oh my god, the pigeons. I took pictures, but none of them are good. I kept thinking about how pigeons and doves are functionally the same. We domesticated pigeons, which is why they're here, and no one is stopping to notice them? Even the ones that were splotched with pure white, like doves? There's only so many pigeons you can take until they're just white noise and a nuisance, I know, so don't think I'm blaming anyone! But it's so hard to look away from these quirky little birds.

Also, at one point my walk, I was vaping very strategicly. The mental task of searching through library stacks will do that to you, when you already have an addiction to nicotine. I made sure no one was around, and no one would be affected. I stopped on a corner next to an old, ornate Catholic church while the traffic light changed, and I almost juuled right next to a priest! I'm glad I stopped. I don't believe in Hell, but, I would have walked down there myself had I vaped at a priest. Still, the church advertised itself as LGBT+ friendly, so maybe they aren't so trigger happy on the damnation. Either way, I DIDN'T vape at a priest today, which is good.

Once I got back, I spent a few hours watching things with my amazing girlfriend Chloe, who you may know here as @cisphobiccommunistopinions. She is so beautiful, and I love her more every day, every time I see her. God, it's almost been 5 years!

I just wish I could spend more time with her. She's in Virginia, and I'm in New York. Like she said to me earlier, I'm flighty at the best of times, and, with my lack of object permanence for the digital world, I find myself not giving her the attention I deserve, or, the full connection I long to have with her. We used to live together. Luckily, someday we will live together again! All these problems won't be forever, and we can live together again.

We watched a lot of things, but we're pretty deep into Serial Experiments Lain right now. It's a postmodern anime from the 90s, and, wow, do I have no idea what's going on in it. It's about the internet, and potentially schizophrenia as well. However, I'm obsessed! One day I'll be able to crack this artistic code, and it's unreality, thematic knots, and double-meanings. I will probably understand it better on the second watch. I don't see myself in Lain, but I see my 14 year old self in her, when I had just developed schizophrenia. Her cyberpunk fate seems like it's railroaded towards tragedy, but I want to save her, even if it's silly and irrational.

I told Chloe that I was scared about spilling apple cider on my library books, and she referred to it as "The Great Apple Juice Disaster of September 11, 2021." To which I said that it was the second worst thing to happen in New York on that date. It was funnier if you were there, and also were in my brain at the time.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm meeting some online acquaintances from the college's "Queer Srudent Union" at a Japanese Culture Fair in a park. (I do not know which park.) It emphasizes "fun"! I don't know them very well, but they're friends with the one person I know irl, so it should be good.

Tomorrow night, I should Probably head downtown to check out a gallery show by MFA (masters of fine arts) students at Hunter! After all, I was in a group project with one of them, and they're absolutely brilliant. I missed the Thursday gallery opening by a landslide, because of the aforementioned lack of adhd meds and Being Asleep, which I infinitely regret. I could have listened to all the artists and curators talk about their art and exhibition! Maybe I could have even talked with the artists and curators. But, it's best for me to go sooner, rather than later, so I don't forget. And, I REALLY want to go.

It's "This dialogue which happened to be present in all other dialogues" at the Alyssa Davis Gallery. From the email I got, "Each of these works observes a threshold of transition. [...] [These] intimations [are] of a frame of mind shared by the artists. These works perform, record, access, engage, document, and entrap, embalming the viewer within the gallery space."

sgp is a really good artist, by the way. Their work is just next-level. Be sure to check out their art, if you have a chance. Let me link their portfolio: https://saragracepowell.com/

(I highly suspect spg and the other member of my group project ghosted me afterwards, but I understand. I was really in over my head. Still, they're both really sweet and kind people, don't get it twisted!)

I ALSO really want to see The Cake Boys. They're performing at the 3 Dollar Bill in Brooklyn on September 26th. (It's only $15!) They're the only all drag king collective in NYC! (Are... there any Other all drag king collectives out there?) Other than the fact that a lot of them are trans or nonbinary, which I love, this show is a totally non-judgmental competition for over 40 drag kings! I've heard their shows are hilarious and unique.

I just have to wait until I have $15 to spare. I... didn't eat dinner tonight, because I'm irresponsible with my money and don't want to ask my parents for money... again. Don't worry, it's literally fine, and I don't make a habit of doing this!

Which reminds me! For my birthday, my parents gave me a gift card to Lush! I'm definitely going to Lush tomorrow, which will be great. I would describe my personality as "Lush store employee acosting you about a bath bomb demonstration", so I'll fit right in.

I also made a transition timeline, to show how much I've changed on testosterone. For the better, I hope! I really believe I'm becoming, if not Have Become, the man I was always meant to be. It's so strange to look back at who I was not too long ago, and to know the absolute pain I was in. It's also strange, in a good way, to see the man looking back at me in the selfies. I'm so much happier now! Much more candid in my pictures, at least. But, I know that I'm so much more comfortable as myself than I was even 6 months ago. It's strange. Sometimes I think to myself, "I don't pass yet; I'm not who I Need To Be yet." Then, I look at my selfie from today, and... I'm THERE. My mind just hasn't caught up with my amazing, natural, normal reality.

The end. I have to get ready for bed, (even though I could be partying on a Saturday night in the city. I'm lame.) If you actually read this, I am kissing you on the mouth right now. I hope it made you calm down tonight, like a terrible bedtime story. If you didn't read it and just skipped to the end, don't worry: you did the rational thing.

#long post #diary entry

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naptoons · 5 years ago

Text

Haunt you - brandon arreaga

Warnings: drinking substance, mild language.

Theme: angst

Summary: Brandon regrets breaking up with you for the sake of protecting you, everyday memories of you guys together haunts him, so he decided he’s going to talk to you again and apologize.

A/N: I didn’t proofread, but this song is my current fave atm I’m literally obsessed with it lol. And I saw Brandon fitting this scenario I was in my feels blame the Scorpio in me🥺🤟🏾

You and Brandon were perfect. Every one looked up to y’all as couple goals. You were happy with Brandon, and he was as well with you. Wherever he was you were there. Even Zion would tease y’all and shout “can y’all unstick from each other for two minutes?!” Which ultimately made the both of you blush. Three months into the relationship you’d asked him was he going to introduce you to his fans. Brandon froze up and your question and decided not to answer. From that day forth you haven’t talked to him. Until three weeks later he texted you and broke up with you.

It was hard on you, he never told you why or even tried to talk about it. And that bothered you. But at the same time you thought how could you easily talk about pain? Pain isn’t a buttery smooth topic. Five months passed and you tried to forget about him, throwing yourself into your studies, going outside whenever you felt the need to cry. Texting your friends and practically begging them to come over or hangout with you. Matters didn’t get better when you realized all the members were still following you on Instagram. So you saw all their stories and posts.

Seeing Brandon’s smile made you miss his, made you miss the way his nose slightly crinkled when he smiled. The way his nose ring would constantly shift everytime he laid a kiss on you, caressing his tattoos after both of you came out the shower. The way he would tap your thigh softly while making beats because he wanted you close at all times. It was the little things that made you happy. And now you felt as if you were being greedy and that’s what drove him away from you. Putting on your favorite movie and grabbing your chocolate chip cookies and a bottle of wine. You begin binging the movie. Drinking glass after glass. An hour later the whole bottle was gone.

And your nose was red and your eyelids were puffy, slumped in the covers on your couch. Maybe it was better off this way, he could live his life and travel go on tour do his music. Hell he could get drunk if he wanted too, have one night stands, maybe even find someone whose job is just like his. But you can’t help how badly you want him. Even though you and Brandon have broken up the other members have been texting and checking up on you.

Feeling yourself falling asleep you phone buzzes scaring you , looking at the caller ID you see it’s Zion wanting to FaceTime you. Pulling the covers up to your nose you answer his call. “Hey y/n are you sick?” He asks in a concerned tone

“Having a little allergy problem, that’s all so what’s up?” You ask

“On our way to your house, we’re in town and thought we’d visit, come take you out or something” Zion adds Edwin gets in the camera slightly “y/n!!! We’ve missed you dude” Edwin chimes. You smile, sinking further into the covers.

“I’ve missed you guys too, how are y’all?” You asks

“Pretty great, how’s college going?” Edwin asks

“Sluggish” you giggle, they look at you with furrowed eyebrows “y/n? Are you drunk?” Zion questions you sink your head in the pillow as you start giggling even more but now it’s mixed with salty tears. “We’re on our way y/n” Zion whispers, Zion hangs up the phone as you stand up making your way to the shower, to clean yourself up.

Fifteen minutes later, a knock is at your door, your hair was still semi wet, you step to the side letting them all in, all expect Brandon he wasn’t here. In a way you really wish he was. Just to see how he was doing.

“Y/n? Talk to us, you’ve kinda been ignoring us since...” Zion starts but you cut him off “since we’ve broken up yeah I’m aware, it’s just really hard Zion, getting used to something that isn’t your routine, reverting back to normal, when what was normal before was beautiful” you rant “maybe I’m reminiscing too much on the past and it’s hurting me, but I’m hurting...”

Your voice choked up “I’m hurting cause I’ll never know why” Zion wastes no time pulling you into his arms, followed by the rest of the members wrapping their arms around you. They made you feel a bit better.

They stayed with you for a couple of hours playing board games, screaming at each other in uno, Zion getting real salty about you beating him in Mario kart. Brandon saw all of this through Instagram, seeing that smile it's the way you look, he won't forget it. His friend taps his shoulder making Brandon screenlock his phone.

“Bro you know you still love her, so go tell her” he advises

Brandon shakes his head “no, I can’t but it’s better this way”

His friend chuckles “it’s better for y’all to be miserable and running away from fake fans? Those are the only ones that are going to hate on y’all relationship dude”. Brandon broke up with you because he wanted to save your heart from the ruthless cyber space. He knew that on the internet it can be harsh, and he didn’t want you going through the same thing he does.

He didn’t want a psychopathic liar, twisting things around and making you doubt his love for you. He didn’t want anyone to make a fool out of you. He didn’t want anyone to publicly embarrass you. All he wanted was to see you smile, to see your eyes glisten at him, laugh until y’all turned blue in the face. Cuddle up on the roof at night and paint out fake constellations. It was the little things that haunted him. But he would rather have you away from this dark world than drag you in it.

“Brandon, listen your true fans will support and love you no matter what, look how they treated you and Charlotte. They will do the same with her, and plus if they don’t that’s okay, your family loves her, your friends life her and y’all love each other” his friend further pushes. “So get it through your thick skull and fucking talk to her,get your girl back, hug her kiss her before it’s too late, then it’ll really haunt you”

Brandon nods his head softly knowing one hundred percent his friend was right, texting Zion asking for your address, he grabs his keys rushing to your apartment.

The members left your house an hour ago, leaving you with a sore stomach, they made you laugh, they tried to teach you a dance. You really forgot about your problems for today. But when the moonlight peaked through your curtains. Your emotions would turn detrimental. Your doorbell rings just as you were heading towards your bedroom, confused and startled you wander towards the door, unlocking it you peep your head around seeing the raven haired boy, soaked from head to toe, his glasses glistening from the droplet.

“Brandon?” You question, Brandon weakly smiles at your sudden emotion, you never thought about the day you’d see him again. And now that he’s here your mind is empty. “May I come in?” His voice is soft being careful to think his words through.

“Yeah, of course you’re soaked” you open the door wider letting him step foot on your welcome mat. Closing the door and locking it behind him , Brandon starts taking off his shoes by the door tugging them away in the corner. “Want tea? Don’t want you sick when y’all start recording” you smile remembering how upset Brandon used to get whenever he had a cold and couldn’t record.

Music was his first love you would always tell him, but he’d always argue with you and say “no you’re my first love, stop trying to compete, with something you know you’ll win at”

“Sure, I’ll take your tea, just this time let’s hope you don’t give me diabetes” Brandon jokes

“That was one time !! Ugh” you yell, putting the water in the teapot you turn with the bag, turning around to meet Brandon’s eyes.

“Y/n?” His voice shakes “I’m here to say I’m sorry,you didn’t deserve to be in a toxic relationship, I didn’t deserve to give you pain, and to say I did it because I was scared of what the media would think is beyond fucking stupid” Brandon rarely cursed, and if he did he was serious about it, it had to be something he was passionate about it.

“I know your heart its way beyond being fixed, but I want to try, I want to take my time and heal you, and love you, because y/n I do love you more than I can comprehend, your pain is something I thought about for a while” Brandon reaches for your hand caressing your fingers. “I have a lot more words but I’d rather you hear it” Brandon’s voice vibrates appearing that he may break into tears soon. You nod your head getting the tea off and pouring it into a travel cup, adding in the organic honey and organic sugar, then stir with a spoon.

“I promise it’s not this sweet this time” you smile

“If it is that’s okay, I’ll drink it anyways” Brandon grabs your hand walking towards the door. Putting on his shoes. “What about me I need shoes” you try to turn around but Brandon pulls you closer lifting your legs off the ground.

“No worries your stuff is still at the house” getting outside you lock the door with the keys and he places your phone in his pocket. Running to the car you’re giggling in excitement and a sudden rush of butterflies. He places you in the car, rushing to his side as the rain started to trickledown.

“You’re insane” you giggle

“All because the name of love” he replies smiling

Arriving the the prettymuch house Brandon is holding you as he opens the front door with the key, walking in the house Zion and nick are in the couch. “Hey y’all” you giggle

Zion can’t help but to smile a little “hey” he lets out softly, Brandon smiles back at Zion nodding his head, Zion winks at him and Brandon walks to his room. Placing you down on your feet. You scan his room looking at his new set up, really have changed his sense of style. Brandon grabs your hand sitting you on the chair next to him.

“I can sing better than I can talk, so listen to this” he places his headphones on your head. The guitar begins to strum with the soft vocals of Brandon singing the first lyric of the song “How do I measure up to heights you've been to? How could I ever love you like you're meant to?” Looking at Brandon his fingers tap against the wooden table. Your eyes focused on the fidgeting nerves in my jawline. Sooner or later the chorus comes around.

“Never thought something so beautiful could haunt you Haunt you, haunt you”

You could feel the emotions in this song. Yeah you know he didn’t write it but he sung it as if he did, because it was meant for you to hear. After the song is done you look Brandon in the eyes. Hes biting his nails aching at your sudden response. He wasn’t prepared for your words. You sit on his lap cupping his head. “Brandon, my heart isn’t past broken it’s still trying to heal, and I’m scared, I’ve wished for this day I wished for this conversation, but I don’t know what to say”

Brandon’s eyes sparkling into euphoria, you can tell he’s still in love with you, but you were scared of what may happen. “Brandon I’m really scared” you whisper

“I’m sorry I made you scared baby, but I just wanted it to be known that my actions weren’t the way I truly felt, I still and will always love you” Brandon kisses your cheeks, his hand rubbing your back softly. “Would you like me to take you back home?” Brandon asks you.

“No, I wanna stay here and work it out with my boyfriend” you blurt out, Brandon widen his eyes up at you trying to calm the nerves laugh building up in his throat “I’m scared but I wanna give it chance, Brandon I still love you a lot and if theirs a chance of maybe reconnecting I’ll give it a go” you giggle caressing the nape of his neck “but can we take it slow?”

“Slow burns are all I want with you” Brandon mumbles pulling you into a soft kiss wrapping his arms around your waist,lifting you up the both of you lay down on the bed. You in his chest with one leg on top of his. “You know if I fuck this up Zion said he would beat my ass?” Brandon laughs

“Really? Zion has feelings?” You laugh caressing his jawline with your fingernails, Brandon nods his head falling into your trance while rubbing the tips of y’all noses together “I’ve missed you so much” you whisper

“I’ve missed you more babylove, so much” Brandon hums on your ear laying kisses from your ear to your lips “and I love you” Brandon just spills his body tensing at the words that flew out. you just giggling kissing his lips on last time. “I love you too honey”

#prettymuch #prettymuch imagines #brandon arreaga #brandon arreaga concepts #brandon imagines

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youtubethewhatnow · 5 years ago

Text

Malibu Nights- David Dobrik

“(Y/N) come on you have to leave right now” David pleaded with you, eyes screaming something you wished he could say. Something to know that he wanted you as much as you wanted him, the breakup of you two was something that broke you. Yet here you were, in the same bar he found you at after your breakup, whiskey being your drink of choice to cover the heartache you were feeling.

“David fuck off, why do you care now? Because I’m drinking? You never cared while we were in a relationship” You yelled at him, gathering attention from a few people in the bar. You glared daggers at them causing everyone to return back to their conversations before you turned back at David. The only person you ever think you’ll love as much as you did with him, you two just made sense and you thought he felt the same. Sadly on the ninth of October last year, he called it quits on your four year relationship but what felt worse is him giving up on you.

Something you always thought he would never do, Carly and Erin claiming that you guys were probably going to get married. Natalie already showing you a Pinterest board for ideas for your wedding since she was so confident that the thing David had been running around for recently was a proposal. Everyone wanted you two to end up together, you included, but David had other plans.

You remember that day so vividly...

“(Y/N) act natural but David has a surprise for you and he looks so determined” Natalie noted as she ran up to you. You were just relaxing on David’s cloud couch since you had just come back from a Vacation to Florida, a surprise you orchestrated just for David. You knew he worked hard and you wanted to treat him, so you flew the both of you to Disney World where you and David had a great time.

You and David going every ride, plus David had gotten so much content including David sneaking on a parade float and gathering attention from everyone there. It was a productive time for the two of you but also tiring so as soon as you got back, you took a shower and rested on his cloud couch. All of your friends already coming over since you had a movie night every week, something you all just came over to David’s for.

“Oh he’s so going to ask you to marry him” Erin mentioned making the group agree with you and everyone already saying their plans for the wedding. Already joking about a merch stand at your wedding and who would control a drunken Ilya. Soon David walked in and took you directly to his room, gathering a couple ooohs from your group before he slammed the door.

“God I don’t know how I’m going to do this but (Y/N) I have to break up with you, I can’t be with you anymore” David simply muttered to you before looking at the ground. You knew he didn’t want to see your face but that for some reason made you hold back your tears and simply walk out of the room. If he didn’t want to face you while breaking up with you, he wouldn’t get the closure of seeing you cry in front of him. All the strength you mustered walking away from David was completely broken when you came face to face with your friends expectant faces.

“It wasn’t an engagement and I’m sorry to say this but I may never see you guys ever again and I’m so so sorry. I don’t know what I did” You whispered before breaking down crying and trying to walk away. Only to be stopped by Jason who was looking at you confused and muttering a “What do you mean?”. You just sighed at this, “Ask David” you said through gritted teeth before walking away. Taking an expensive bottle off of his wine cart and going off into the night drinking and crying, before finding a bar you didn’t know would be home for the next couple months of your life.

“I’ve always cared and you know that (Y/N), c’mon you know that’s not fair to me at all” David argued before meeting your now furious gaze. “Fair? Fucking fair? David do you even know what that is? You broke up with me out of the blue while leaving me to wonder what I do wrong, something you never told me by the way.” You argued back. Refusing to be the bad guy in this situation at all, not knowing what you actually did wrong.

“Come outside with me and let me drive you back to your apartment, I’ll finally tell you if you at least let me do this for you. I don’t want you going back with some douche or some Uber guy trying to take advantage of you” David offered with you, hoping that would be enough. You weighed your options while looking at your ex lovers pleading face, one you used to do anything for but now you wanted to hurt. “Fine but you’re paying my tab” You simply said before walking out after explaining that David would be covering your tab for the night.

You sighed as you waited outside of the bar, the cool LA air hitting you as you waited for David to leave the bar and pay your tab. “Get in” David commanded as he unlocked his Tesla walking to the drivers side as you got into his passenger seat. Memories flooding your mind of all the times you spent with David in this car, some good but also some bad. Everything seemed alright when David was by your side though, that was until he broke you into what you were now.

“You look good by the way” David complimented you but also you could tell he was trying to diffuse the tension in the car. You glared at him, wiping at your under eyes in hopes that no makeup was caking your face at the very moment. “David just explain why you broke up with me” You blurted out, wanting to get to the point of the entire thing before you nearly lost your mind.

“You deserve someone better than me, you don’t understand how perfect you are (Y/N) it was something I cannot handle” David confessed making you look at him like he had three heads and a tail. David took you looking at him crazily in order for him to sigh and explain more. “Listen, you fit into my life perfectly and I honestly believe that if I was supposed to marry anyone it would be you. I don’t deserve you though, you are more than I deserve and ever will. You need to be with someone as great as you and that person is just not me” David finished looking at you with tears in your eyes.

“David who the hell are you to decide that for the two of us, you couldn’t have talked to me about this instead of ending everything?” You angrily asked him, you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. You weren’t too good for David and the fact that he even thought that but never talked to you about this made him wonder how long he was thinking this. “I don’t want you to decide because you’ll disagree with me like you’re doing now” David argued back making you angry at his messed up logic.

“Only because that is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life are you serious? David I don’t ever think I’ll love anyone else as much as I loved you for as long as I live. Yet you let me go because you think I’m too good for you?” You argued back hoping he saw how flawed his logic was. You were seething for the answer he gave you, anger flooding every pore of your body as you looked at the boy you loved for four years.

“I know you are! When we were at Disney I saw your friends texts talking about how much better you can do, they were right” David mentioned making you realize what started this thought in his brain. You cursed your friends and David for letting him also put his face ID in your phone so he could get in it, you trusted him though. Now regretting even ranting to your friends or having David read your texts about him

“They wanted me to be with someone who was a doctor or a lawyer, someone with a job they could understand. What you missed is the conversation I had after where I explained how much I love you and wouldn’t trade you for the world because I wouldn’t. You were it for me David” You tell him, tears slowly matching his that were flowing out. You didn’t know that he would see those texts but also you weren’t expecting such a rash decision that would crush your being.

“(Y/N) I’m so so-” David started to apologize, something you wanted for so long but it felt toxic to your mental state. So you stopped him with a firm “don’t” before yelling at him to stop the car, David disagreeing with you and continuing to drive you to your apartment.

“David I don’t want to be in here with you because I can’t do this leave me alone!” You yelled, more tears slipping out as you felt your world collapsing at an outstanding speed. “No I can’t not now that I know that’s what happened, I thought your friends would convince you to break up with me” David mentioned making more tears spill out. “Why the fuck would I do that? I care about our relationship unlike you, let me be because I feel like I’m fucking suffocating right now” You yelled, hoping he would listen to you.

David just sighed before pulling over to the side of the road, the two of you sitting in silence and not looking at each other at all. “At least let me call you an Uber” David offered pulling out his phone and looking over to you in hopes he could at least do that for you.

“No I’d rather walk, I’m sorry for making you feel this way but you could’ve talked to me. I guess I’m sorry for making you believe you couldn’t, don’t ever contact me again. It would give me too much heartbreak to bear and if you gave a shit about me then you’d leave me alone and let me be” You muttered your last speech before stepping out of David’s car and into the LA night.

#david dobrik #david dobrik imagine #david dobrik blurb #vlog squad #vlog squad imagine

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ruffiorocks · 5 years ago

Text

Lena isnt the only one who has killed people.

Soo this might be unpopular, but if people are going to harp on about Lena killing Lex id like to remind you of a few other instances you seem to have forgotten about:

1. Kara killed or rather ‘obliterated’ parasite. Parasite was actually the mutated version of an innocent man called Rudy who was taken over by a parasite that corrupted him. Kara made the decision to kill him. Now whether you agree if this was justified or not is up to you, but the fact is KARA made the decision to KILL a dangerous monster that would have caused all manner of havoc and nearly killed Jonn. But remember that Rudy himself was an innocent.

2, Anyone remember when Alex killed Astra with a KRYPTONITE sword?! Alex didnt have to kill Astra, Astra hesitated when she said she would kill Jonn. Alex could have stabbed her anywhere, like literally anywhere and then Jonn could have gotten out of the way. Again, this is up to you if you think its justified or not. But its still someone being killed. Astra wanted to save Earth, she didnt go about it in the best way but she wasnt your typical bad guy out for themselves. Alex killed her to protect Jonn.

3. I dont know why this one is ignored so much since it happened so recently, but am i the only one who saw Jonn MURDER an unarmed Manchester Black because Manchester taunted him? No just me that saw this happen? Manchester made Jonn see his family and then a white martian, Jonn, a centuries year old alien who has been through some s**t allowed Manchester to get to him, he then morphed into his Martian form in a rage, disarmed Manchester and didnt even hesitate to run him through with that staff! In other words, Jonn disarmed a guy and murdered an unarmed man because he got pissed. This one unlike the others, doesn't actual have any justifiable reason!

4. Lena shoots Corbin, a man who had a GUN to Alex’s head, Kara is not faster than a gun touching Alex’s head. Adam died as a result of the Harun El, but he made the decision to go ahead with that even after Lena told him no and to go home. Adam was not a child, or a ‘kid’ he was an adult who made an adult and well informed decision. It went to s**t and Lena refused to do it again even when she was told to by Col Haley. You can talk legal ethics and all that jazz, but the fact is the show hasn't got time for logistics, if it did half the show would be in question. Lex, a man who previously committed mass murders, both before and actually within the court. He killed all his guards, he then attempted to destroy Argo City (a city thriving now because Lena managed to figure out how to make Harun El), he was literally only seconds before trying to kill Kara! Lena knows that the world wont be safe with Lex in it so she makes the painful decision to shoot him.

7. Remember when Kara went in guns blazing to kill Reign? When she made the decision to kill Reign but f**ked it up so Mon El and Alura died? She had to turn back time so she could save them and change HER DECISION to kill Reign. Shame Lena didnt have a time travel option to undo her mistakes.

6. Does anyone remember when Jonn was so pissed to see a White Martian he put KRYPTONITE hand cuffs on Kara, he had to have been carrying around with him so she couldn't stop him from killing the white martian? Alex and Kara had to beg Jonn not to murder it while it was UNCONCIOUS! No? Just me that remembers this then. Lucky Jonn had Kara there eh?

7. Just a small one here, but does anyone remember when James, Winn and another CatCo employee were under the effects of Myriad and jumped off a building? Kara couldn't save all three, but she consciously chose to save James and Winn before that other woman. This isn't the same as her CHOOSING to kill Parasite, but Kara still made the decision to grab her friends first. This isnt necessarily a bad act, but it was Kara making a life and death decision for someone else in favor of two of her friends. We all know we would do the same, but that woman still died.

Sooo how is the only bad one here Lena? Lena kills the DC version of Hitler 2.0 to protect the world, like the others who have all killed someone. But apparently Lena is evil incarnate? Lex deserved a fair trial? Just like Hitler did? Yeah... no! If you had the chance to kill Hitler you would of. Lena apparently is the only one who is held accountable when she is responsible for a death, but Alex, Jonn and Kara get off Scott free and those deaths are completely forgotten.

Kara wont ever forgive Lena for killing Lex or for the death of Adam? Well Kara was pissed at Jonn for a while because she thought he killed her aunt, someone she was related to and loved (so not the same as Lex) but when she found out that it was Alex, her own SISTER that killed Astra she was shocked for all of 5 seconds before she hugged Alex and reached out a hand to Jonn who had lied about it. Not sure Lena needs forgiveness from Kara for shooting HER brother anyway.

Kara was also completely fine with the fact that Lena shot Corbin to save Alex. She even used it as an example when she was defending Lena to the rest of the gang.

Adams death doesn't actually have bugger all to do with Kara even if she does find out.

Kara was shocked for all of 5 seconds when Jonn unnecessarily killed an unarmed Manchester Black. When they got back to the hospital that same day she told him he could still be a man of peace and wasnt arsed at all.

So Kara can forgive Alex for killing a member of her family, she can forgive Jonn for killing Manchester, she can forgive Lena for shooting Corbin who was trying to kill Alex, she can live with the fact she killed Parasite (with NO consequences and an apparent ‘no kill’ rule) and in an alternate time line attempted to kill Reign, but for some unexplained reason KARA wont be able to forgive Lena for shooting the insane, mass murdering, genocidal, psychopath who tried to kill her cousin, tried to kill her, tried to kill her best friend (Lena) had her other friend (James) shot, and attempted genocide again on Argo City that would have killed Kara’s mother and the rest of her race? Yeah..... I see some double standards going on here.

For the record, Lena doesn't need Kara’s forgiveness for the deaths of Lex and Adam. If she faced consequences for those she would be the ONLY one out of all the above to face consequences for killing people. Its lucky that Jonn had Kara around to talk him out of killing the martian, didnt seem to remember that little talk when it came down to Manchester, and Kara didn't seem to remember it either. Its a shame Lena didn't have her best friend to talk her out of killing Lex, but that another story.

In conclusion, Lena is NOT the only one on this show who has killed/murdered someone. I honesty believe its just because people are looking at Lena expecting bad things to happen, or they hate her and they see nothing but bad things. But the others are all the ‘designated’ heroes so any murder or death they cause is absolutely fine, justifiable and instantly forgotten. They never face any consequences for their actions. Jonn was a civilian who killed another civilian, if Kara was actually doing her ‘JOB’ she should have taken him to the police station/DEO like she does anybody else. But again, logistics.

For the record, im not saying there weren't reasons for all these deaths, or the above characters are bad, im just stating that it isnt all black and white and they aren't any better than Lena in these cases .

Whether or not what Lena did was right or wrong, the others have essentially done the same or had to be prevented from doing the same. Lena unfortunately didn't have a bestie super to talk her out of it, or the option of time travel to fix it.

Oh and one last thing in response to “Lena HAD Kryptonite!”

1. Alex shot her SISTER out of the sky with Kryptonite.

2. Jonn carried around a Kryptonite knife he ‘really liked’ and was disappointed when Kara the kryptonian didnt bring it back with her after a fight??

3. Jonn had Kryptonite cuffs he brought to a fight with him purely so he could use them on Kara so she could stop him from killing an unconscious alien.

Rant over.

As always, discussion welcome, abuse not so much :-)

#supergirl #supercorp #lena luthor #lex luthor #alex danvers #jonn jonzz #martian manhunter #astra #alura #reign #james olsen #kara danvers

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foreverbeingthunderbuddy · 6 years ago

Text

You Know Me

Pairing: Dad!Tony x Daughter!Reader

Request: “Could I request something with the dad and daughter relationship with Tony (it's my favourite) where the reader was kidnapped by hydra and was brain washed kinda how Bucky was and was forced to fight the avengers and they don't want to fight her because she is just a teenager and can tell she is trying to fight the brain washing, and she ends up knocking herself out so she won't fight and Tony takes her in, does a blood test and finds out she is his daughter? Love your writing btw” by anonymous

Warnings: brain-washing, violence, self-violence, uhhh emotions I guess

A/N: dad!tony is my jam and this request was a treat

Masterlist

It happens on your way home.

You went with a friend who you know from Spanish class, got pizza and hung out at her place. You talked about everything and nothing, ranting about your teachers, about rude adults, about people who think they’re better than you just because they have money, eventually reaching the topic “Tony Stark and his superhero friends”.

Everyone in your school knows about Peter’s internship at Tony’s place, it’s something he gets a lot of jealousy induced snide comments from your classmates for but you secretly adore the fact that Tony has chosen one of the kindest and smartest people you know to work for him, instead of going with someone like that idiot, Flash.

A rumour went around in school saying that Flash immediately applied for an internship at Stark’s company when he found out about Peter but legend has it, he never got an actual reply from Stark Industries. The world does have its good moments.

It was already dark outside when you left your friend’s house and started to head to the Subway station. You got to the next corner, walked around it and didn’t even have the chance to look up as a hand laid itself over your mouth, pulling you back and causing you to lose balance. You stumbled backwards, tripped and got caught by someone who gripped your upper body with two strong arms.

At the same time, the hand on your face disappeared and you breathed in some air to scream but suddenly there’s something like a cloth over your mouth and nose. You tried not to breathe while you fought whoever was holding you down but your arms got captured by another person. They held them together in a death grip and there’s literally no way you could free yourself.

You tried to turn your head to get the cloth off your face but they made sure it stayed in front of your airways. Not breathing wasn’t an option anymore.

You didn’t know how long you fought, you just knew that you were getting more and more scared with every passing second and fell into a hole of desperation.

And then your vision turned dark and you blacked out.

---

You can’t say what’s happening.

You can’t say where you are or who is with you. You know there is someone with you because you can hear their voices, very muffled and echoing and far away, but you’re not alone. For some reason, that realization terrifies you to an unhealthy degree.

You don’t really feel your body, a strange numb feeling has overtaken your limbs but you perceive the surface underneath your head as solid and uncomfortable. So you must lie on something.

A sharp pain stings somewhere on your supposed body that disappears as fast as it came, immediately replaced by a sharp pain somewhere else, quickly vanishing after you notice it. It feels like someone is spinning a wheel and randomly injures you on spots that the wheel of torture chooses for you. It’s dreading and mind occupying and all you want is for it to stop.

There are odd images in front of your eyes, images of a dark-haired man with arrogant eyes, pictures of another man, blonde, with a stubble, another man with dark curls, a woman with blonde hair, another blonde man… You hate them. Are they better than you or do they just think that they’re better than you?

Someone needs to show them their place. But who?

“Y/N” Someone purrs into your ear, making your heart stop working for a few moments. The voice is so close!

“Y/N, I have a little mission for you. Don’t forget you want this and you need this, hear me?”

What to do?

---

You stand outside a building and stare at the windows for a couple of seconds. Grant yourself one last free breath of air, one last moment in peace. The buzzing noises in your head seem to die down a little and allow you to indulge in this rather light state. The traffic sounds around you awaken a feeling of normality, ordinariness.

The feeling disappears shortly after you train your eyes on the entrance of the building.

It’s partly owned by the city’s officials and partly by Stark Industries. Sometimes used for meetings and galas but mostly press conferences. Just like right now, there’s a big press conference going on about the Avengers’ involvement in the Córdoba case and as it should be, the leader of said group is present to answer to the intrusive reporters and presumably to get his weekly dose of unshared attention.

You hate him, Y/N, after everything he has done to you? He deserves this. Do it!

They are right, he deserves it. He deserves every little piece of disaster that is coming his way today. After everything he has done.

Everything he has done.

Everything. Which is … Anything. Something. A thing. What thing? What is it … what is … What has he done again?

He deserves this! You WANT this! You know you’ll be in big trouble if you don’t do this.

He deserves this. Correct.

Jerking forward, you start walking over to the entrance of the building and see two bulky security guards standing on each side. The weapons on their waistband are hard not to notice. Fortunately, you look very unthreatening which gives you the extra seconds you need to overwhelm them.

One thing They gave you before releasing you to complete your mission, is some kind of serum that they didn’t really want to explain any further than “it’ll make you strong and fast and you’ll feel very good. If you get shot, don’t stop, your body will know how to handle it”.

From conversations you heard snippets of between the treatment phases how you have named them, you conclude they used some different form of this serum on other people before. You don’t know why they didn’t give you the same one and who these other people are but you know they wanted to make you evenly matched to them.

“You think … hold her own? … different but … fight fire with fire … optimise …”

“They are like her-“

“No, they’re not! … the formula. It’s … reacts divergent. You’ll see … tried that serum before … but … new experiments …”

You don’t think you have one single clear memory from the treatment. Irrelevant to your mission anyway.

You approach the two men with the most innocent smile you can master and put your hands behind your back in a shy-girl manner.

“Excuse me?” You say carefully and wait for the hints of suspicion in their eyes but find none.

They look serious and important and slightly annoyed at best. One of them raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms. A sign he doesn’t take you seriously or at least not as a threat, otherwise he wouldn’t have removed his hands from his sides and impeded his chance of a quick way to whip out his gun.

Excellent.

The other one has his hands on his hips and watches you with mild interest. You will have to shoot him first.

“Hm?” The one with the crossed arms asks. You try another shy smile.

“I’m not from here and I have difficulty finding a certain street. Can you help me? Wait, I have a map” You say and turn your upper body slightly so you can reach the gun that is clamped between your waistband and your lower back.

You need to act fast now. How convenient that the serum gave you super speed.

“Here” You say and then you reveal the gun – silencer gun – set it onto a spot over the second guy’s chest and pull the trigger. They told you not to hesitate if you have to kill and rather encouraged you to strike down as many people as possible but in the last second something in the back of your head prevents you from putting a bullet through his heart, so you go for the shoulder.

Without leaving the other one time to react, you turn, aim and shoot his hip, arm and knee. He falls to the ground. The guy you attacked first still stands, so you blast a bullet through his knee and that’s when he goes down, too.

All of this took three seconds, max.

You are meant to do this, you were transformed to do this – but why, why, why does your heart beat so wildly and your hands shake a little, and why did you stomach turn for a second before you got a hold of yourself again? They would be so disappointed in you.

You take the ID from the first guy and avoid looking at them too closely. Especially avoid thinking about who is going to wait at home for them tonight.

Stowing the gun back into your waistband on your back, you throw a quick glance into the building but the foyer is empty. Another look over your shoulder tells you nobody saw what just happened over here. A good thing you chose the backway.

Kill him, Y/N. Do you think he hesitated when he killed all those innocent people?

You step through the glass door and stroll down the hallway, listen for voices, hear none and walk around the corner. Luckily, they put up signs to guide today’s press audience to the right conference room, so you don’t have any trouble finding it. Before it stands another security guard with a weighty look on his face and a dark-haired woman in a business outfit and a clipboard.

You step in front of them and show them the stolen ID as jauntily as possible. Thankfully, there’s no picture on it, just the name Hank Carlton. You hope they won’t look too close, you don’t really look like a Hank.

The woman’s gaze eyes the ID for a second but you already put it down again and show them a smile.

“Sorry, I’m late. I hope I didn’t miss too much” You say apologetically and make a step towards them to signal your intentions to enter the room.

“What’s your name, Miss?” The woman says friendly and looks down at her clipboard. You don’t know why you put up with all of this, you could just shoot both of them and proceed to walk in freely but there’s something, and you don’t know what it is, that begs you to leave the gun alone as long as you can handle this peacefully. Now seems to be the point where the peaceful part ends.

Why don’t you want to kill them? That’s what you’re here for, goddammit!

“Um … Sadie Carlton.”

She scans the list, drawing her finger along the paper and doesn’t find the made-up name you gave her.

You reach behind you, grab the gun and with a smooth movement you shoot the security guard and then aim at her. She doesn’t have a gun, so she’s not a threat to you and you want to give her the chance to escape. She shrieked and stumbled a couple of steps to the side and now stares at you with wide eyes, breath going heavily, hands shaking, the clipboard lying on the ground.

“Go” You order while aiming at her head.

She hesitates for a second, frees herself out of the shock paralyzation and then she runs as fast as her high-heels allow it, down the hallway and around a corner. She will call for security and the police, so you better hurry. You hear voices behind you and see two people who just entered your corridor, so you quickly step forward, lay your hand on the handle and open the door.

Holding the gun behind your back, you close the door.

The room is completely filled, you see cameras, laptops, mobile phones, and you see a stage, a microphone, a man with an odd beard standing in front of it, seemingly talking and smiling into the crowd.

Kill him.

Rage builds up inside of you as you take in his appearance and all the arrogance that comes with it. For everything he has done, he will pay today. Finally, he will pay.

You stand in the back, the last row in front of you, their faces turned away from you, so nobody really noticed you yet. There are other people standing next to you, so you don’t stick out.

Oh, this is too easy.

You take a step forward and scan the stage. You see Stark at the mic, further back on stage seem to be James Buchanan Barnes, Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff. All looking serious but disgustingly proud. Four in one go? Lucky you.

You wait a couple of seconds to convince your heart to stop beating so fast, it’s distracting, and put out the gun in front of you. You don’t raise it yet but hold it low. Slowly, you walk behind a tall guy, subtly, and use him as a cover. Thank god, everyone’s eyes are glued to Tony Stark talking about the mission while simultaneously going on an ego trip.

What’s holding you back? You’ve come so far! Shoot!

Shoot!

SHOOT!

No! Yes!

You raise the weapon. Don’t do this, please!

Do this please! You want this, Y/N, don’t you?

You close one eye and aim at Tony’s head, he hasn’t seen you yet and his colleagues haven’t either thanks to the sheer amount of people in this room. You can do this! Please don’t do this! You can do this!

Don’t forget you want this and you need this, hear me?

Breathe in slowly, breathe out slowly, aim, focus and …

“Oh my god, what are you doing??” Someone suddenly asks beside you, very loudly which causes you to quickly pull the trigger. Bang. The bullet hits Stark’s shoulder and that’s when the chaos breaks out.

You hear screams, loud footsteps, creaks of chairs being violently pushed backwards, shrieks. You see people starting to run in a dozen different direction, mainly opposite from where you stand, see them push each other, trying to be the fastest, the safest.

You crouch down, aim, and shoot at Steve Rogers who rushes over the stage bended down and your bullet only slightly misses him. He jumps forward. Damn it!

They haven’t figured out yet that it is you who fired the shots which is why you dare another shot at James Buchanan, who already jumped off the stage and scans the crowd for you. You hit his metal arm and he stumbles a step back from the impact.

The room begins to empty. Time to take care of the security.

You take out two guys on the right, one of which has noticed you and was about to whip out his gun. They go down. You look to the left and see four guards running towards you, all aiming at you. You aim back.

And that’s when you activate the invisible shield. It’s a little bigger than the Captain America shield and was given to you, so you could defend yourself in case you get attacked. Like now.

Their bullets bounce off the surface with strange metallic noises and you hold it up with no effort. Super strength, remember? You put out your hand with the gun, hold it next to the shield and fire at them until neither stand upright. You turn and ward off another salve of bullets from the right and reciprocate their treacherous attack.

“Stop!” You hear a voice coming from the front. The room has completely cleared at this point. You’re alone with Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, James Buchanan Barnes, some of their staff and a couple of security guards. The owner of the voice stares at you from the passage between the audience chairs. He holds a big, red and blue shield.

You turn your arm and shoot at his head, his hips, his legs and his feet. Naturally, all bullets miss their targets and hit the shield instead. A security guard from the right fires at you and you duck, easily dodging his attempt to kill you. It does have its advantages to have every single of your senses optimised.

“Stop!!” Steve Rogers shouts again and the room goes still. Everyone has their weapons raised and aimed at you but they follow his order and wait. Your gun is still directed at him but you hesitate – god knows why.

You’re forgetting why you’re here, Y/N. You arrogate a position you don’t have. Kill him.

You look at Steve’s blue eyes and fight against the instinct to shoot them out of him.

Why are you resisting? Your hand starts to shake.

“You’re fast” Steve says and watches you cautiously.

In the corner of your eye you see James Buchanan Barnes slowly walking closer on the right, a huge gun in his hand. On the left, Black Widow does the same. Tony Stark stands in the front, pressing something to his shoulder, being supported by a military guy – but his eyes.

His eyes are on you. Watching your every move.

“I am fast” You decide to speak, ignoring the warning voice in your head, “I am fast, I am strong, I am here to kill you.”

Silence.

“Who sent you?” Steve proceeds to ask, exchanging looks with James Barnes that you don’t understand. You aim your gun at James.

“Don’t come closer! Don’t or I will fucking kill you!” You shout at him and for some reason there’s panic in your voice. Yes! Kill him! Why are you panicking? That’s exactly what you’re here for.

Don’t get scared to pull the trigger, Y/N, enjoy the view when you do it.

Barnes stops in his tracks and seems to think about what to do. “Who sent you? Answer him!”

The thing is, you don’t know that. You don’t know their names, their title, their anything. You only know they are there and you belong to them. Or do you? Your eyes fall on Tony Stark.

Without hesitating you pull your gun away from Barnes and direct it at Stark. Immediately, there’s movement in the room, clicking noises of guns being shifted in nervous hands, footsteps.

“Don’t shoot!” Steve says and you don’t know if he’s addressing you or his people, “She’s just a kid.”

A strange silence lays itself over the room while everyone waits for you to do something. You stare at Tony and try to build up the courage to pull the trigger. Just a tiny bending of the finger and this could be done. Just this. It’s not hard, no need to act like it is.

“I … I don’t … know” You answer Barnes’ question and keep staring at Tony’s face. Suddenly, your throat tightens.

Kill him! Kill him!

No.

Or maybe …

“Does Hydra have anything to do with this?” Steve asks. Your eyes go wide.

That word.

That word alone pulls your heart down to your knees, tears open your stomach, spins your brain around. Hydra. Hydra. Hydra. You know that word! What does it mean? What does it fucking mean?

You retreat one step, two steps, three steps. Your enemies follow.

Hydra.

You gasp for air.

Your eyes fall on Tony again. As if it just hid somewhere in the back of your brain and waited for the right moment there is rage again, incredible rage, consuming you, burning you, taking over your mind. He is responsible for this. Without him you wouldn’t have to do this. Without him you wouldn’t stand here and crave clearance.

You grip the gun harder – but still don’t shoot. But you can feel it inside, you’re gonna. The doubt of doing this slowly vanishes, your hesitation starts to wear off and you feel your inhibition dissolve. If you don’t do something now, you will shoot Tony and then you will die. You want to shoot him. It’s time.

You feel a small smile spread on your face, your hand stops to shake and you lift one eyebrow. And then you raise the gun, turn the gun barrel towards you, put it against the side of your head and pull the trigger.

---

You awake with what must be the worst headache in the history of headaches ever. Are migraines something people have since birth or can they also start at the teenage years? Because this is … intolerable. A sigh comes over your lips.

“Y/N?” A man asks somewhere beside you and your heart stops for a second. Who the fuck?? Who is that, wha– why the fuck is there a strange male in your room?? Where’s your Mom?

You try to open your eyes but the light is too painful, so you quickly close them. Hm, odd. You never leave the curtains open overnight. You don’t dare to turn your head – pain, duh – but you strain your ears to hear what the heck is going on.

“Y/N, are you awake?” The voice carefully asks again and you hear footsteps coming closer. No, sir, please stay away.

“Y/N?”

He’s right next to you. Is that concern in his voice?

“Hm?” You answer and risk another eye-open-attempt. You squint your eyes and can actually see a silhouette leaning above you. Not creepy at all.

“How are you?” He asks. He sounds so worried and kind. Who is this?

“Hmm … shit” You answer and can’t stop the tiny smile on your face.

“I’ll ask Bruce to raise your dose as soon as you’re a little more … conscious. Can you open your eyes fully?”

You slowly open them further, leaving time to adjust to the light and blink a couple of times.

“Geez, what happened?” You moan and use one hand to wipe over your face. Which you immediately regret because that hand hurts like effing hell. You wince at the pain. What you see is a white bandage covering your entire palm, your wrist and the first three fingers.

Um, what the fuck?

“Maybe before I explain all of this to you, you want to sit up? And get out of bed? I’ll help you” The man says and you use that opportunity to see who the fuck he is. You need three seconds to recognize him, that beard is just too odd for a normal person.

“Oh my God” You whisper as you stare at him with wide eyes. He tries an apologetic smile.

“Oh my God!” You say again and lay a hand over your mouth. This is not real! This is a dream! Is this really happening?

“Hey, I know, this must be very weird for you but I’m not unbothered by all of this, too, so … let’s just …” Tony Stark doesn’t continue that sentence – not because he gets interrupted by someone but because he seems speechless which is something you never thought you would ever see. Press-conference-Tony seems to be on a break.

You sit up straight (regret, regret, regret) and lay your head into your hands while you try to sit out the waves of pain and sickness you have to endure now. Plus the injured hand pressed to your face. Suddenly, there’s a hand on your back, brushing up and down, admittedly quite woodenly. It makes you smile nevertheless.

“Y/N, I know this is weird and you’re probably asking yourself what’s going on-“

“Not probably, I literally just asked you what happened, Mr. Stark” You interrupt him but don’t look up. The hand stops and rests on your back for a second before disappearing completely.

“Please, call me Tony. Family doesn’t address each other with Mister or Miss.”

That catches your attention. Throwing a careful glance at him, you let your eyes wander over his serious face.

“Family?” You ask as if you didn’t hear right.

“Yup. We did a DNA test. Welcome to the family.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Nope, I’m serious. Bruce did a number of tests on you, one of which was a DNA test and we found that you and I are related. In fact, we are-“

“Are you fucking kidding me??” You ask again and raise your head. You feel your mouth fall open.

Obviously, Tony tries to be patient with you.

“Yes, as I said. You and I are related.“

Um…….. what?

“Related? How the fuck are we related?” You ask disbelievingly and look around the room. A closet, a chair, a small table, a door, that’s it. How nice.

“Okay, first of all, language. Steve doesn’t like it when we cuss, and I don’t like when he bleats into my ear the whole day. So please, try to restrain yourself.”

You just stare at him. He smiles back.

“What happened, Tony?”

“Okay, I’ll make this short because I lost my patience a while ago. Apparently, you got kidnapped by Hydra, brain-washed, transformed with some kind of serum, probably a knock off of the Super Soldier Serum judging from the tests. You got assigned to kill me and my colleagues, came to my press conference, shot a couple of security guards, shot me in the shoulder and Bucky’s arm – which he is kinda pissed about – and then you wanted to shoot yourself which the same Bucky prevented by firing at your gun – and I know that sounds brainless but he managed to move the barrel, so your bullet missed you closely. Though, your gun got knocked against your head from Bucky’s impact and also your hand got injured in the process. You got hurled to the side and hit your head on the ground, quite brutally. That’s why you have a big ass headache right now. That’s it.”

Listening to his wild explanations, some of your memory starts coming back and you start to shiver. This is the creepiest thing that you have ever heard. And it happened to you!

A hand appears on the backside of your neck.

“Y/N, it’s okay. We’re not mad at you, we know you got brainwashed. Bucky understands. Out of all people. He wants to talk to you by the way. I told him to wait until you’re back to life again, though, so no pressure. He can wait.”

You don’t say anything and simply stare at your lap. Is that a tear running down your cheek?

“I believe this must be traumatising for you” He says quietly and brushes his thumb over your skin. Comforting you. You just nod.

“How are we related?” You finally ask and look at him with teary eyes. You see a sparkle in his eyes.

“I don’t know if it’s too much for you now and I should tell you later but …”

You raise both of your eyebrows and wait for him to continue.

“Well, the DNA test has revealed that we are … actually father and daughter.”

---

Forever Tags: @izzy-the-teawitch @wowpeterparker @brightcolorsoffendme @strangequakson @rosegoldquintis @thirdwheelchurchill @hazel-eyed-bi @goldenkillmonger @yourwonderbelle

Other Tags: @abbytheghostcat

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forsakenfray-blog · 6 years ago

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The Mortal Instruments fancast.

the world of Cassandra Clare is perhaps one of the most complex and extensive fictional worlds out there.It has the perfect amount of humor and utopia that is needed to form a expanding world like it is.This list is how in my opinion the Shadowhunter Characters would look like in live-action.I used some characters from the show but most of them i have picked by myself.

Clary Fray

In the books clary id described as being petite and rather mundane looking and therefore lacks the certain confidence most shadowhunters her age posses.I feel like Elle Fanning (in the movie Ginger and rosa) resembles Clary the most (minus the freckles) i never really understood what people saw in Lily Collins as far as looks go and regarding katherine mcnamara i think she fits Clary more then lily ever did however Ellie Fanning in Ginger and Rosa will always be my top pick!

Jace Herondale

Alex Pettyfer is considered the most common pick for book fans and i don’t think i really need an explenation here.I MEAN LOOK AT HIM HE IS JACE PERIOD.He is everything Cassie described Jace to be and i will never change my mind ty

Alec Lightwood

I loved Matthew Daddario as Alec in the show and even tho he doesn’t have blue eyes like book Alec i didn’t find myself minding that he plays the brooding shadowhunter perfectly :))

Isabelle Lightwood

Same goes for Izzy Emeraude Toubia is the spitting image of izzy in my opinion and she did an a great job playing her :)))))))))))))

Magnus Bane

Just like the lightwood siblings i think Harry Shum jr really nailed the magnus vibe that godfrey gao just didn’t in the movie he couldn’t be a better magnus and matty and harry will always be my #malec

Simon Lewis

I LOVE ALBERTO RESENDE IN THE SHOW he just nails simon personality and look wise and im really glad the producers picked him :))

Valentine Morgenstern

OKAY SO SMALL RANT FOR A MINUTE in the books Valentine is described as having : sharp features, an almost triangular face with a hard, pointed chin, black eyes, and HAIR IT WAS SO FAIR NEARLY WHITE!! he wasn’t bald like he is shown in the show and he did not look like a pirate as shown in the movies HE LOOKED SOMETHING LIKE THAT ^^^^^.Don’t get me wrong im all for small changes here and there and in my opinion i consider open to book to movie and book to show changes i feel like a a live version adaptation should change some things here and there but i just cringe everytime i watch the movie and as far as acting goes ALAN VAN SPRANG FROM THE SHOW IS AMAZING but look wise no.

Young Valentine

So initally lucky blue smith was my pick for Sebastion but as i was finding more actors i choose someone else for seb and striclty on looks lucky fits the description.

Jocelyn Fairchild

probs one of the few casting from the movie i actually liked :))

Young Jocelyn Fairchild

i love holland in teen wolf and even tho i didn’t see her as clary i saw her more of a baby Jocelyn

Lucian Greymark

i really liked him in the movie and even tho i did not mind Isiah Mustafa in the show on the contrary he was one of the best actors since this is a stricly book character description i figured i would include how i picture book luke irl

Young Lucian Greymark

Logan lerman in the percy jackson movies was just amazing and i really feel like is the spitting image on young luke

Aline Penhallow

when i first saw Kira in teen wolf i just thought of everyones favourite lesbian Aline.

Helen Blackthorn

I always thouhgt gabriella wilde has the helen blackthorn look and she just fits her description perfectly

Hodge Starkweather

SO RANT NUMBER TWO hodge is known to be the YOUNGEST MEMBER OF THE CIRLCE so why they casted an old man in the movie is beyond me

Young Hodge Starkweather

when i was reading tales from shadowhunter academy and was reading about lil hodge i just quickly imagined him :

Amatis Herondale

i also see her as being Amatis for some reason idk

Young Amatis Herondale

she just has the typical greymark blue eyes (and she looks like logan in my opinion sooo)

Stephen Herondale

at this point in my life most blondes with blue eyes will give me herondale vibes.He was amazing in reign and if there ever will be a book about the circle I WILL IMAGINE HIM

Céline Montclair

I CAN WRITE A 500 WORD ESSAY ON HOW CELINE DESERVED BETTER

Maia Roberts

she will always be my Maia i luv her

Jordan Kyle

can u tell i luv teen wolf?

Bat Valsequez

everyones fav true Alpha will make an amazing bat

Raphael Santiago

I CAN ALSO WRITE A ESSAY ON HOW RAPHI DESERVED BETTER I LOVE HIM WHY DID HE DIE SCREW U SEB

Sebastion Verlac aka Jonathon morgenstern

everyones favourite pro-inest psycho

#the mortal instruments #malec #clace #jace herondale #tid #will #sizzy #cityofbones #city of ashes #cityofglass #city of fallen angels #city of heavenly fire #city of lost souls #cassandra clare #stephen herondale #the shadowhunter chronicles

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phoorn · 4 years ago

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Let me complain about Meson

About Hobbits

Meson’s a build system. Or possibly Ninja, Meson’s backend, is a build system. Let’s just say the whole thing is.

It’s an alternative to CMake, which is an alternative to the Autotools, which is a way to write makefiles that work on various systems for fewer pints of blood and sweat. And makefiles are basically recipes, a convenient way to run shell commands that (most commonly) translate your source code into a binary that your computer can run.

When I first used Meson I went, “Wow”. I was thrilled. I’ve never got my head around makefiles, I think because – well, I’m always saying I’m stupid, so this time I’ll say – I’m lazy. Makefiles aren’t complicated at their core. I think what’s confusing is the many shortcuts you can take with them. Many shortcuts make things hard to learn. You can’t see the wood for the trees. And cruft.

If I do one day finally learn Make, I’ll deliberately restrict myself to the old, more verbose syntax. This general approach is what everyone should take whenever they learn something. Start with the scales (music analogy). I’m a guitarist and I’ve hardly bothered. They’re boring. And you think (’cause you’re arrogant) other people need to start with the scales, OK – and there’s nothing wrong with being dumb! – but me …

Lots of us are like this. We think we understand enough or at least trust our perception of our own intelligence – and rush ahead. When people ask other people how to make computer games they get told to make Pong. “Actually, sorry, no,” says OP, “I’m making an open-world simulation CRPG, thanks. Yes, I know it’ll take me a while.”

You’ve got to make Pong. I’m thirty-six and I’ve known this for years. And yet the game I’m writing is a Zelda clone. However, I have paid my dues, having written approximately 1,00,000 command-line programs.

The problem with bells-and-whistles, do-everything-for-you things (like Meson) is what do you do when you can’t get it to do the thing you you need it to do? Look in its documentation. Or possibly the documentation for one of the many programs/libraries/framewords/apis it uses. And when you do, you find (tenuous metaphor) they’re talking Mario and GTA and the Elder Scrolls and you don’t understand, because you didn’t make Pong.

They don’t want you to make Pong. “Try our system/framework/platform. It’s got x and y and you’ll love it! You’ll never have to bother with all those low-level things again.”

Tom Waits can explain it better.

And you end up dumb as a brick. A user instead of wizard you deserve to be. They took your magic wand.

So why am I ranting away about this? As any mediocre scriptwriter will be able to guess, there has been an inciting incident. I am incited, and an incident is responsible.

Basically, I was playing with Zig 1. No one’s written a Syntastic (Vim linting plugin) checker for it, but there is a Zig language server. So I got rid of Syntastic and got ALE (Asynchronous Language … ?), which does the same job as Syntastic, but asynchronously and with LSP support.

LSP – Language Server Protocol – is a Microsoft thing. A good thing, a way for any editor to offer lots of IDE-like things. We could always do those things, with various tools like Ctags but this does it better. Because it makes use of your actual compiler or interpreter’s output.

Getting it set up’s not easy, though, though it worked for me first try this time. A testament to how much I’ve learned? Maybe, but ALE knew where to look for the compile_commands.json and Meson stuck it in the right place.

I always make an effort to properly introduce technical things I talk about, for the sake of the fictional layperson. I, for one, get bored and stop listening to things I don’t understand. But it’s hard, and I’ve failed here before even getting to my point.

Which is systems like Meson are shit. I’ll keep using it, though. I won’t write Pong, and I won’t use Cmake.

The reason it’s shit is I’ve spent five hours trying to silence a clangd warning. clangd’s the name of a language server. For C and C++. At some point today I completely forgot about Zig.

I use gcc to compile my C programs, and too eagerly use gcc extensions. The language server stuff is all to do with clang. So, though I’m compiling with gcc, clang is being used to LINT 2 my C program.

This should be fine. clang claims to be a drop-in replacement for gcc. But it’s not.

Tom Bombadil

I like gcc’s “-fms-extensions” flag. That lets you include structs that have already been defined as anonymous members of another struct.

struct apple { char *name; }; struct orange { struct apple; };

It’s -fms-extensions that permits the nameless struct apple inside the struct orange. Normally you’ve have to give it a name, like:

struct orange { struct apple apple; };

And refer to it like orange.apple.name = "Frederick". -fms-extensions lets you do orange.name = "Frederick".

It’s just nice. I’ll show you another trick, while I’m on the subject.

It fixes the only downside of this approach, which is that now you can’t refer to the member struct as itself: it doesn’t have name. But!

struct orange { union { struct apple; struct apple apple; }; }

Now you are eating your cake in addition to having it. You can now refer to apple’s members without saying apple’s name. And you can pass just the apple to functions that expect one. By writing orange.apple.

One last thing on this topic. Even without -fms-extensions you can mostly do this. You can define anonymous structs, anonymous unions. You just can’t define a struct outside and then use it inside without its name. You can do this:

struct fruit { char *name; union { struct { float sourness; }; // oranges struct { float crunchiness; }; // apples } }

The Barrow Downs

Right now I’d rather know the language of Make. I would have silenced that warning in a jiffy. I’d be rich by now, the time I saved.

It’s swings and roundabouts. I’m obsessed with this idea. There’s no such thing as a free lunch. Programmers (and maybe writers) know this better than anyone.

You do this really awesome thing in an effort to make your program or story better. And it takes ages. And when you’re done you have …

Oh, sometimes you’ll have more flexible code, or more robust code, or faster or more memory-efficient code. But you’ve sacrificed something. Readability, perhaps. Speed. Whatever. It’s gone and there’s no fucking way you’re going back over it again. You’re stuck with it. You’ll defend your decision to the death. You bled for it.

Meson’s big selling-point is it just works. Oh, it’s worth it. I said it was shit earlier – that was a lie. But I’m still mad it took me ages to fix my linter problem.

Hey, Wait, We’re in Mordor?

I’ve got a new complaint.

When I first started programming, I used Visual Studio and Windows. I remember how hard it was for me to compile my first program, which was probably an SDL example. Probably there was Hello, World before that.

Someone said somewhere the hardest thing you’ll ever do in programming is compile your first program. And, oh, I agree. Because there’s all this stuff to learn.

I buggered off to Linux, partly because I’d come to realise if you want to program, particularly in C, it was the place to be. A lot of programming in Windows and Mac is programming in Linux. Users of those OSes use virtual machines, compatibility layers and servers to do it. They have, I am sure, mighty brains, because it’s one thing to compile a program, and quite another cross-compile it, or do it in a VM or container, or do it on the web somehow.

What I didn’t like about Visual Studio was simple: you gave the compiler and linker and build system options by filling out textboxes and picking from menus.

I roared, “But how does it work?”

I felt strongly that Visual Studio’s friendly user interface was obscuring the reality of what I was doing. Now it blindingly obvious to me it’s turning all those textboxes, checkboxes into a commandline, which it’ll fire at the compiler. But I didn’t then.

Meson gives me a strong whiff of that. Look.

add_global_arguments ('-fms-extensions', language: 'c') add_global_arguments ('-Wno-microsoft', language: 'c') m_dep = cc.find_library ('m', required : true) sdl2_dep = cc.find_library ('SDL2', required : true) sdl2_image_dep = cc.find_library ('SDL2_image', required : true) sdl2_ttf_dep = cc.find_library ('SDL2_ttf', required : true)

These are just commandline flags. Meson is taking these strings you give it – “SDL2”, “-fms-extensions”, etc – and appending it to a call to gcc. The cc.find_library function is calling something like pkg-config or cmake. Is all this stuff really better than:

gcc -ggdb3 -Wall src/* -fms-extensions -Wno-microsoft \ -o build/whatever -l -lm \ $(pkg-config sdl2 --cflags --libs) \ $(pkg-config sdl2_ttf --cflags --libs) \ $(pkg-config sdl2_image --cflags --libs) \

Maybe so.

In summary, I could have solved this Meson/LSP/ALE/Vim thing in five seconds flat if I’d written a makefile (or, frankly, since my project is hardly huge, a shell script). But I won’t start writing Makefiles any time soon. I reserve the right to complain about it in the future, though.

a language I definitely approve of, that’s packed good ideas and things done right, that I probably won’t use, because already know how to do the things it tries to solve, and learning new languages makes me feel like a toddler or an old man. Maybe one day! But it’s new, too, and if there’s one solid lesson I’ve learned in my years using Linux and programming it’s don’t use new things. Use old and safely dead things, expecially those whose undead life is regulated by crusty old men and women. Because there’s documentation! And they’re getting round to implementing those features you envy. They’ll get there. And in the meantime, well, you can do it gcc already.↩︎

A linter is a program that looks at your code and points out some kind of problem. Some show syntax errors, some tell you that it doesn’t like your coding style. Some just annoy the shit out of you and you don’t know how to shut them up.↩︎

#vim #lsp #meson #programming #coding

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movietvtechgeeks · 7 years ago

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Latest story from https://movietvtechgeeks.com/supernatural-fandom-cyberbullying-microcosm-aka-donald-trump-effect/

'Supernatural' fandom cyberbullying microcosm aka Donald Trump effect

Since Donald Trump walked through the White House door to become America's 'bully in chief,' we've noticed that there seems to be a seething anger and frustration among people who have begun to follow his lead online. Presidents set the tone of the country, and we all know that the tones he is setting off are very unsettling, and in the past year cyberbullying has stepped up. It's always been there, but when our leader is using Twitter as a weapon against voices he doesn't like (or who disagree with him), it gives permission for others to follow suit. To me, using the "Supernatural" fandom was shining a light on a microcosm which reflects how Trump is infecting our country with his hatred, racism, and bullying. While we were considering how to tackle this subject objectively, one of our writers mentioned a piece on Tumblr which really stood out to me for just saying it like it was. Rather than tiptoe around and try to appeal to everyone, this writer put it out there and held the mirror up for everyone to look at themselves. I personally liked the idea of having a real diehard "Supernatural" fan be the voice of the piece. It came as no surprise that while many felt a sense of relief that 'someone had finally said it,' a small minority tried spreading their vitriol to disavow it. Even going so far as slandering us, and I would like to personally thank Entertainment Weekly for being so supportive with one person's false claims. The wonderful thing about holding a mirror up is that the real bullies wound up showing everyone exactly who they were on social media. They are using the exact same tactics that Donald Trump uses on Twitter by attacking, and when hit with a rational answer, they throw out a shiny object to distract from the fact that logic and rational thought is something they don't deal with very well. This was exactly why this piece was so important to me as we are allowing Trump to infect aspects of our lives that should be reserved in the form of entertainment. A show like "Supernatural" is a great way of escaping the fact that 26 people were shot to death in church this past Sunday, 30 people die every day in this country from guns but the Republicans and NRA tell us that by talking about it we're politicizing a tragedy, the people in Washington that should be working for us are screwing over the middle class and lower income people by trying to take away their health care while raising their taxes. With the way things are in America right now, we need a form of escapism so when this small minority needing attention tried to spoil a show like "Supernatural" for everyone; the time seemed right to discuss this. It wasn't to dredge up old news as this group never seems to stop and every day they choose a new person or actor to go after. Can you imagine: if the person on Twitter who literally spent over nine hours yesterday trying to round up people to force us to take the cyberbullying article down from our site used that time to call their local elected officials or volunteered for a cause they believe in, they could bring so much positive change into the world. That was another big reason for covering this topic. When Trump was elected one year ago, I went through the same anger, frustration, and depression, but rather than lash out wildly; I realized that by showing our readers what Trump and the government were doing it would be more proactive and way more fulfilling. We can all make a positive change and realize that all the pent-up anger can be released this way rather than clubbing each other over the heads continuously. Having lost a close friend of MTTG to suicide after being cyberbullied, here is a link to help that from happening to others. So in response to questions asked about the previous article, we felt it only right to allow Surflove808 to answer the critics. We know that you can never satisfy everyone, this fills in those gaps that this small minority has tried to fill with hatred, lies, and innuendo. So again, we thank Surflove808 for allowing us to reprint her piece of mind. This is the author's opinion, and we respect it as we do all opinions. (this has not been edited and is in its original form) [caption id="attachment_50856" align="aligncenter" width="696"] Source: YouTube[/caption] Regarding my blog post re: The Joke Debacle, most everyone has been so thoughtful, mature, kind and open-minded about the discussion matter, even if they didn’t necessarily agree with me. So that right there, shows me that it’s possible for all of us to be more understanding with each other regardless of our ships or faves or whatever. And I’m an open-minded, open book, so even if you don’t agree with me, this is a safe place to vent concerns or frustrations with what I say. We can all respectfully disagree, meet in the middle or go just back to our own corners. Whatever. I’d like to encourage those of you who are taking your frustrations out on anyone who agrees with points made in my article (on Twitter or wherever) to come speak directly to me if you have an issue. I wrote it, after all. My blog is helpfully linked right there in the article. I don’t bite. And for those of you who aren’t overly familiar with what’s going on, please check out the many, many comments attached to my actual blog post, and you will be able to see that there are far more people that are fed up with these bad apples, than there are bad apples. I hope. And if there are apples that don’t feel like they’re being given a fair shake, I’d like to hear from those apples too. When I posted my angry rant last week, I didn’t expect it to gain so much traction. But it did…and it showed me I wasn’t alone, and that there are a lot of fed up fans out there, and justifiably so, who are looking for an end to this ridiculous inner-fandom civil war. I’m relatively new to Tumblr. I wasn’t expecting to become the unofficial mouthpiece for this issue. I was approached by movietvtechgeeks.com asking if they could use my blog post in an article about the cyberbullying that’s happening in this fandom, so I said “Sure!” I’m honored that someone would want to print my rambling. But of course, it’s also opened up the floor on Twitter, yet again, for certain people to deliberately misconstrue the content and twist it to suit their own agenda in the comment sections. What they fail to realize is…they’re only proving why we needed this article in the first place. So, joke’s on them!! However…. now I feel obligated to come on here and clarify my intent and that’s friggin irritating. Here is the article if you want to take a look see: https://twitter.com/movietvtechgeek/status/927578926397952000 I NEED TO MAKE A FEW THINGS CRYSTAL CLEAR (apparently):

I don’t have a ship. I don’t dislike shippers. (Ship away! I just dislike pushy people with no sense of boundaries) So please do not misconstrue anything I say as promoting or denigrating *a* ship. You do you. Let me do me. Well, that sounded vaguely dirty… you know what I mean. I’m just gonna ship me with myself now. Nobody can love me quite like me.

I don’t stanan actor, and I don’t think that because someone likes “another” actor (whomever that might be) more, that it’s a direct affront to me or them. I tag all these “relevant to the post” actors because I think they’re all relevant to the success of this show, and sadly….also to this juvenile ridiculousness that seems to be brewing between fan factions.

But, if I’m being honest? Full disclosure: I do have a favorite! Jensen. Heyyyoooo! I think he’s an incredibly talented actor IN MY OPINION, and I like his extraordinarily expressive face. See? Simple as that. Is that a problem? And do you feel better now that it’s out in the open? We can all have opinions, and favorites without “throwing feces like howler monkeys” to quote a certain dickhead angel. And as far as personalities and talent go? They’re all amazing, and they all belong, IN MY OPINION. The main cast, the supporting cast, new castmates, former castmates…. they all just…gel. You know? It’s some kind of voodoo magic. And they’re by all accounts, really decent people doing good things out there in the world. Without any one of them, it wouldn’t be the show we all know and love. And if you don’t love the SHOW, well….I guess fucking go watch something else? Right?? Listen….Unless you’re tied to a chair Clockwork Orange-style, and being force fed this show by some evil, covert government agency… you DO have other choices.

I sucked it up and joined Twitter because there seems to be an attack dog, hive-mind situation happening that seems hell bent on cowing people into submission. That shit doesn’t fly with me. And if I’m on there and see bullying, damaging misinformation or harassment… I’m going to get in the fray. But I’m going to TRY to do it with honesty, integrity and a sense of humor. I want to sit at the adults table on Turkey Day. Not at the kids table with Weird Uncle Augustus. Know what I mean? Don’t be that guy.

AND ONCE MORE FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK: To be clear - I’m not speaking to ONE specific group of people. However, if you look into the mirror I’m holding up and see your own reflection? I’m probably talking to you.

I’m not going to choose a “side.” I choose the show, it’s actors, crew, writers, etc, collectively. Because they all work their asses off, both on and off the set to give us fans so much more than just entertainment.

If someone wanted to hold a mirror up to this fandom right now, via a juicy documentary on the ship wars, fighting factions, undermining, conspiracy theories, revenge tactics, harassment campaigns, etc…. I think its safe to say, we’re all gonna be pretty fucking embarrassed. Let’s hope that never happens. I’m cringing just thinking about it. But we deserve it, if we keep on with this petty bullshit, ya know? 6. My blog post was not about for J2 "stans” or aboutMisha “stans,”for gods sake people. This post was about how splinter groups (for lack of a better term) were being damaging and disruptive (As they do.) and how it’s bad for EVERYONE when we let warring factions steamroll over everyone else, AND each other. This post was a direct response to the organized and brutally efficient Twitter campaign that somehow found its way into the laps of a handful of online news sites in an effort to publicize an off-color joke in order to take advantage of the current climate in the entertainment industry and start a viral witch hunt. *I just ran out of breath. Time for a James Brown pause*

My post was also aimed at the Twitter spamming campaigns that Shatner and Pellegrino, as well as J2 had to put up with in the past few weeks. And don’t feed us that horsehit about them bullying the poor fans that spoke their minds. NO.Youcollectively went on, and started shit, kept coming at them, and they defended themselves. And rather maturely, considering. It’s about groups of people that have gotten so wrapped up and out of control, that they’re poisoning this fan family. I genuinely feel concerned that some folks are confusing reality with fiction, here.

If you look back farther on my Tumblr page (?) to the good ol days of last Thursday (?) - particularly the Silent Majoritypost - that post is not in reference to anyfan or any actor, specifically. It’s in reference to the majority of fans who want to do the right thing, WANT to help out, WANT to just enjoy the damn show without all this drama and hate. But because they’re quiet, and they’re not able to speak their minds without fear of retribution…. they’re vastly under-represented. And so, the assholes of the fandom run amok unchallenged. THAT’S the majority I’m speaking of. 9. I abhor anyone that lurks around on social media looking for people to mess with. So, imagine my surprise and disappointment that now I’M that person, because of this fucking shit!! I’m only getting after people who are picking on others, but still… lurking, arguing. Utter waste of valuable time. Yours and mine.

Saturday night I apparently pissed off the leader of one of the SPN gangs (what do you call them??) when I called her out on her behavior and was ominously told: “Wanna see what happens when I tell my followers what to think and do.” To which I responded “I already have. And it’s deplorable” And then offered to provide her with my name, # and home address. She didn’t want it. I don’t know why. I thought it was funny! I NEVER get hate mail… and I was looking forward to some postcards. I’m old school that way. Don’t hate tweet me. Send me a hate postcard featuring something cool from your state. Jokes aside….that’s the kind of crap that mobilized me in the first place. I tried to have a reasonable conversation with this individual and even asked if she wanted to take it offline and talk. I followed her lead, conversationally, did snark back when required…but just when I thought we were going to have a reasonable discussion, she pulled the rug out. I tried. If you’re reading this and you feel misrepresented, or misunderstood, or you’re trying to misrepresent our conversation - the door is still open if you want to talk. But I’m not going to tolerate your bullshit, and neither should anyone else. Who ARE these people? And why is this happening? That’s my question.

I’m not here to listen to arguments that a 6-year old might find compelling in a court of law, such as: Well, Jensen told that joke a year ago, or Misha said thisthatandtheotherthing back in the day…so why are you only talking about Jared's joke?

Well…because this is not a tit-for-tat thing. I’m talking about the issue that is relevant RIGHT NOW. And this is far from a "blame it on Jared” thing. I feel awful for the guy. For both of them for even being looped into this insanity. The intent of my blog post was to address very current events that have been demonstrative of the current, toxic climate brewing in the SPN fandom. I’m NOT here to write the Unabridged History of SPN Actors and Their Fondness for Off-Color Jokes.

If you’re all wound up and offended by what I wrote? It’s probably because I wrote this blog post not foryou, but aboutyou. OR, you’ve not been provided with context, content or clarity, and you got swept up in this manufactured hysteria and reacted. OR, you think I’m a total asshole, and that’s ok. I get it! And I understand how my post could make some of you defensive and prickly. But hey, as the saying goes… don’t start none, won’t BE none. On the flip side, as someone eloquently stated (ahem, Carol Hansson) “It’s ok to be offended….it’s also ok to not be offended.”

I am not a rape apologist. And neither are the actors. And to even insinuate that any of us, by extension of supporting Jared or Jensen in this situation, are pro “rape culture,” is appropriating a term and using it so irresponsibly that you’re negating the real suffering of sexual abuse survivors. The more you trivialize it, the more you take away its power. Stop using manufactured concern for survivors as your jumping-off point for harassment, and START asking yourself what’s really motivating you to use that argument as an excuse for your behavior. BTW, #Metoo, and you sure as hell don’t represent ME.

If you want to see a record of this casts achievements for mental health awareness, LGBTQ rights, anti-bullying and women's issues, to name a few - it’s a simple Google search away. That’s on your time. Not mine. Again….not here to write their autobiography. This piece is an opinion piece. I try to be balanced, but that’s as far as it goes. I’m not CNN.

MISHA: Misha was not mentioned in my post because Misha was not under fire last week or the week before over this stupid bullshit. If I SEE that happening, I’ll write about THAT. But HE was not the focus of this mess. So I left HIM out of it. Does that make sense? And also? I’m not here to equally represent all actors at all times. That’s not how this works in the context of the subject matter at hand. If you want to see more adequate representation for your favorite actor - write your own op-ed. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

And Misha as well as J2, are probably more than a little appalled that some of their biggest fans (?) are committing to some shady behavior in their honor and in their names. Just a guess. They’re good guys, and this is probably not sanctioned behavior. If you think it is? Show me the receipts. Let’s do this honestly, using facts. Not conjecture.

No, I do not excuse anyone’s behavior because of their physical attractiveness. Neither do most people. I am not a child (Thank you, Uma Thurman), and I don’t rationalize like a child.

No, I am not doing this to seek approval from the actors, and neither is anyone else with the #istandwithJ2 hashtag. As previously stated, this is an equal and opposite reaction to the bullshit that brought us all here today. You’re grasping at straws at this point, if that’s the argument you’re going with. Speaking on my own behalf, I have nothing to gain here, except some new Tumblr friends with a side of troll.

To reiterate on previous posts - I’m hoping that all of us will collectively start sticking up for each other when we see someone harassing a fellow fan online. Even if you don’t want to comment….maybe give the person being flamed those little heart thingys (likes?). Direct message them if liking their post doesn’t feel safe. Show them your support in some way, so that they don’t feel alone and so that they don’t feel quite so vulnerable to attacks from online bullies. We Have Got To Start Backing Up People who are just trying to express their opinions respectfully and are being slammed with responses that are belligerent, demeaning, threatening, obnoxious, etc. Otherwise - these jerks will just keep steamrolling right over the more gentle viewers out there. And a lot of them, are just kids. And this goes both ways. It has to, in order to be effective.

If you see something - say something. That’s my 2 cents anyway. The world’s going to Hell in a handbasket, 26 innocent people were gunned down yesterday in a place they held sacred and felt safe in, and it just keeps happening. Mother Nature has decided she’s sick of our shit and has been upending thousands of lives. There are actual sexual predators in some of our pasts and sadly, in some of our futures. And this “joke” has no relevancy or bearing on that sad fact. Women, people of color, LGBTQ people, economically fragile people, physically fragile people, etc…are seeing their protections, rights and livelihoods eroded away in an alarmingly short period of time, and the list goes on and on… and THIS is what we’re dedicating our mental and emotional resources to? This show is supposed to be an escape from reality, guys. Not actual reality. Why are we harassing the actors and fellow fans of a television show that brought us all together in the first place? This is entertainment, people. I know how important this show is to all of us. And I know how impactful the message of this show has been. And I know that without this show, some of us might not be here today. We are some passionate sumbitches. I GET THAT. The question still remains…. what in the actual fuck are we really fighting for and about, here? If someone can quantify and explain that to me in a way that makes sense, I’m all ears. Has it really come to: “Maybe we need to devise a more sophisticated tagging situation so that people don’t keep dipping their chocolate in other peoples peanut butter.” I don’t know. But this is Nth level ridiculousness, and we need to figure it out before it gets even worse. For now, I’m going to get back to enjoying this show for what it is, and putting my beautiful brain back to work on more important matters. I’ve spent a week in this muck, and it’s been… enlightening. I’ll say that. And even though I don’t agree with some of you - I can see by the CSI-level attention to detail that a lot of us have applied to all things SPN… that we could actually be mobilized into an almost unstoppable force for real good and real change. If we wanted that. We could probably figure out who ordered JFK’s assassination. Figure out where Jimmy Hoffa’s buried. Solve the mysteries of the pyramids…. help reunite missing kids with their families…Get Trump impeached… ahem. You get it. Or we could just keep wasting our pent-up aggression on other fans, and the actors of our favorite show. Because that’s easy. Choices. There, now I can drop the mic.

Movie TV Tech Geeks News

#cyberbulling #Featured #Jared Padalecki #Jensen Ackles #Misha Collins #Supernatural

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groundramon · 7 years ago

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★ ★ ★ ★ ★

:O!!!

I’ll take this as asking for five facts about five characters bc im currently waiting for all/most of the items to unlock on my current zoo tycoon game and idk what to do to kill the time besides this sO:

Character 1: Skift (bc I dont talk about him enough)

1. Skift is a very ambitious person. One of the main reasons he enlists in the army in Majjikku is in hopes of some day becoming a war hero. He’s also easily influenced by other peoples’ approval or disapproval, despite how adamantly he would insist otherwise if you ask him. Hence why he wants the validation of being a household name and a hero in the history books.

2. The other main reason he enlisted in the army is because he absolutely despises his family. I’m still working on the kinks of his backstory but the jist of it is that he comes from an extremely large family with a neglectful mother and an absent father. He and his other siblings around his age were raised by their elder siblings, but Skift had the misfortune of having a personality that completely clashed with theirs and often got in fights with them, that sometimes even turned physical. As soon as he was old enough to enlist in the army, he left home and headed to the nearest enlisting center (which unfortunately was several days away since they lived in the middle of goddamn nowhere, but he makes at least)

3. Skift has no real education, living in the middle of nowhere and not having anyone to teach him skills. When he was younger he got along with his siblings better and was able to learn basic math, and of course he can speak fine, but he probably can’t read very well and anything besides basic addition and subtraction is a mystery to him. Having said that, illiteracy and a general lack of scholarly knowledge, isn’t uncommon on the Parity side, as they have the very minimal requirement of laws and government required to run a government. (Literally you can kidnap someone and as long as you give them adequate shelter, food, and water, and you dont abuse them or anything, the “police” wont do anything about it)

4. Skift gets a strong rush while in the middle of combat. Adrenaline does good things to his psyche and as long as he doesn’t suddenly realize that those were real people dying on the battlefield, he’ll be in a good mood for the rest of the day after a Parity victory. He’s not bloodthirsty, but he does get uncomfortably into it when in the heat of battle, even if he has to watch the person he’s killing die in front of him.

5. Skift in a way is supposed to be a sort of clueless libertarian/anti-ally who isnt a bigot. Like, think a white person who doesnt believe in systemic racism but wouldn’t discriminate against a person of color because the whole reason they dont believe in systemic racism is because its bad for the economy. (Which, it is, they’re right about that lmao). I dont know entirely what I’m planning to do with that concept because I dont know if I, as a very dumb white person, have the ability to play with racism/the concept of colorblindness like that, but I hope I can do SOMETHING with them. Either I’ll need to educate myself or I’ll just change that trait to being dumb about politics in general, I dunno. (Because he doesnt really care about the politics of Parity vs Halcyon, he just agrees with the Parity because thats all hes ever known.)

Bonus fact bc I had too many: Skift is pretty heavily inspired by the design of an old warrior cats OC I had named Falconstar/Falcon. He’s not exactly a dead character (I dont do anything with Warrior Cats anymore but if I did, he’d be on my list of potential characters to reboot, altho i dont know if id have the heart to take him out of the universe/AU he’s from…) but I feel like their personalities are different enough that they wont be mistaken for one another. Also Skift has a stupid scarf.

Character 2: Phillip (or is it Lenny? Idk I think I changed it to Phillip)

1. Phillip is also from Majjikku, I should mention, but he’s a part of the Halcyon side. The first thing I should mention is that he’s a prince, and 3rd in line to the Crayking throne - he has an elder brother who joins the army with him, and an elder sister who stays behind to keep the kingdom safe with their aging parents. I believe they also have a younger sibling or two, but they’re too young to be politically important. Anyways, its worth mentioning that the only reason Phillip was sent over her sister is because he’s an inadept spoiled brat, and the Halcyon side was asking for at least two members of royalty to join their ranks to form an alliance, so Phillip was sent alongside their actually combatually adept elder son. The Halcyon sent Phillip to the “less useful” soldier training camps, while his brother was able to ascend straight up in the ranks of the army. Since arriving in Halcyon territory, Phillip hasn’t seen his brother once. (It’s worth mentioning as a side note, the Craykings only allied themselves with the Halcyon side to protect their own necks. They believe the Halcyons have the upper hand in the war, and want to be on the right side of history when the war concludes. And they dont have the strength to stand up to both sides; the Halcyons have promised to protect their underwater empire from the Parities due to their allyship.

2. As I mentioned, Phillip is an inadept spoiled brat. Years of coddling in his palace have turned him into a demanding asshole who makes jokes at the expense of others and has overly high expectations from others, despite thinking he himself deserves to sit on his ass all day. There’s a deep reason for it, as there is for all my characters, but there are so many layers that caused him to act like this that at this point it’s just become his personality.

3. Having said that, Phillip grew up in an environment where acting nice was more important than being nice. Who cared what you did behind closed doors, so long as you put on a presentable front? He’s extremely charming and sociable in big social events, often making on-point jokes and contributing in a seemingly meaningful way. In fact, he’s arguably even better at it than his two older siblings, since they have opinions of their own and aren’t just a mindless robot for their parents to interject their thoughts and opinions to. Phillip is very good at regurgitating what he’s been told, and has a very flawed and honestly nonexistent sense of self because he has never had the freedom to make his own opinions. Or rather, he was told how to act and feel, and he never had the strength that his siblings had to make his own opinions on what was being taught to him.

4. Phillip wears a fancy bowtie and he refuses to take it off for unexplained reasons. There’s no deep reason to it, I just like bowties.

5. Phillip believes that both of his elder siblings are more adept and intelligent in every aspect. He respects his parents authority over the kingdom and part of why he acts like a jerk is because he legitimately has no idea what he’s doing and would rather die than inherit the throne. He knows nothing about politics, despite his entire life being politics (in more ways than one). The good news is that it seems like if something happened to both his elder siblings and his parents, it would probably go to the next sibling below him, even if they were still under 10 at the time.

Character 3: Glitch

1. Glitch REALLY needs a new name but I’m currently trying to come up with an idea of how Glitch could mean something different in their world (Majjikku, I should clarify), but right now im empty-handed and please help me.

2. Glitch is blind, or at least has significant sight problems. I think. I dont know, I really need to develop Glitch more. Maybe he just needs glasses like I do and without them everything is hella blurry but at least he can get around.

3. Glitch’s species is often used as horses in the Halcyon army due to their obedient nature and high intelligence for a species that generally isnt considered “sentient”/having human intelligence (I know sentient isnt the right word, hence why I clarified). Glitch’s species does have human-like intelligence and capabilities, having the capability for empathy and compassion and self-realization just as much if not more as other Majjikku species, but they generally lack in vocal and academic intelligence. Glitch is unusually vocal for his species, a mutation that comes up in packs of the sauropod-like species every now and then. Because of this and his sight problems, he was put in the same “lesser” squadron as Phillip, instead of the same training the other young from his herd were given.

4. Having said that, “unusually vocal” for his species is still very quiet most of the time. He has a strong understanding of the words of those around him, stronger than most of the rest of his species (although they can comprehend language, just not as quickly) and can articulate full sentences in a reasonable amount of time, he just prefers not to. He also can’t go on half-an-hour-long rants about things because he would run out of words and brainpower very quickly, which god I wish that were me because I will talk until my mouth falls off and its 3 am i s2g im not even exaggerating.

5. Glitch has no understanding of the war but as his herd is encouraged to help the war effort, as opposed to being forcibly taken (which was outlawed and deemed unethical when more and more offspring like Glitch started popping up), he supports his side and would gladly die for it. Also he loves his friends, even Phillip.

Character 4: Aquarius

1. I love Aquarius!!! Somehow she became my favorite Majjikku character and idk why. She’s got cool pants, thats probably part of the reason. Anyways Aquarius is Marble’s best friend in the series; they become fast friends on the train to their squadron when they begin talking about their similar experiences in being dragged away from their families and forcibly enlisted in the army. (Is it horrible to enlist 13 and 14 year old kids in the army by force? It absolutely is, that’s the point; I dont take my characters being young teens like most stories abt young teens do, I’m well aware they’re going to be fucked up as fuck and I’m exploiting that for all its worth.) Aquarius came from a big family of 5 with an absent mother and a nonexistent father, where her elder sister raised herself and then raised her. Unlike Skift, Aquarius became very close with her eldest sister, although they both share a resentment for their parents because of their shit awful parenting. Aquarius was forced to join the army because her three younger siblings were too young for the army, and her eldest sister had to stay behind and work a job and care for the younger kids, something Aquarius knew she wouldn’t be able to do.

2. Unlike all the other characters I’ve mentioned so far, and hell probably all the characters in Majjikku in general lol, Aquarius actually supports the Halcyon for what they stand for. Obviously with her absent mother and father, Aquarius and her siblings needed a lot of financial help. Thankfully that’s what the Halcyon system was built around, and the government was able to get Aquarius’s eldest sister a stable well-paying job and the entire family enough money to get a decent place and pay for food for a while. The government still monitors their family regularly to make sure they arent squandering the money and that everything is going okay, but they did far, far more good than harm. Aquarius believes that this is the best form of government; a form of government that on a very personal level cares for its members and helps them through hardships, and forces them on the right path. In our world, she’d be a socialist through and through, if not a straight-up communist. (Having said that, I do believe Aquarius would have different political opinions if she grew up in our world. The difference between our world governments and the Halcyon government is that the Halcyon government…actually gives a shit about people. Most of the people who work for the government are volunteers, who at best get a small place to stay and some food. Like, the Halcyon actually help 99% of the poor population in the Halcyon city. The amount of financial aid given outside of the city significantly drops, but in their city, being homeless and poor is illegal but instead of throwing you in jail for it they’ll help you get out of it. If you squander it then you’ll end up in jail, but still. Idk what Aquarius would believe in differently if she grew up here, but I dont think she’d be a straight-up communist because we have too many failed communist governments in our history.)

3. Aquarius and her family’s coloring is very odd for her species. The bear-like species that her family is made up of is generally brown, red, yellow, orange, tan, white, gray, black, ect - normal-ish fur colors. Blue, at least to the extent that Aquarius and her family have is nonexistent. It is likely that she and her family have a small percentage of an aquatic species’ DNA, such as a crayking, in them.

4. Aquarius loves being supportive of other people and listening to and relating to their struggles. She’s actually a pretty good motivational speaker and is a pretty great friend. She’s great and I love her. Also the pants.

5. Aquarius clashes a lot with Shade, another character in her squadron. I’m not giving Shade his own section but the reason is that he’s an overly negative character, constantly throwing shade at the Halcyon side and complaining about training. However, once she realizes the reasons for his dissatisfaction with his current situation, she stops calling him out when he says stuff against the Halcyon side. She does start to debate her own opinions a bit after that, and has a lot of long conversations with Marble about it in their shared bedroom. (If anyone’s interested in Shade feel free to send me another star asking about him, or reply to this post or w/e! otherwise ill just keep it a secret lol)

Character 5: Grace

1. Thank god, a character that isn’t Majjikku-related lol. Anyways Grace is the embodiment of a rebellious teenager. She doesn’t listen to any authority, goes out of her way to do bad things, and will purposely disobey what you say even if she doesnt want to do the thing she’d have to do by disobeying you. The whole reason she gets involved in Spirits’ plot is because she knows taking money from a stranger to play with the laws of science and reality would be firmly in her dad’s list of things she can’t do.

2. Speaking of her dad, he’s a little bit of a dick. He’s the reason she’s so disrespectful towards authority. He’s basically just a stereotypical religious nut; anti-gay, anti-transgender, anti-atheist, anti-anyone who isnt christian, anti-drugs, and he even enforces some form of gender roles. And he’s very vocal about these things. He tries to be a huge helicopter parent, but Grace can and will avoid him, ignore his punishments, and stay out so late that her parents cant yell at her for disobeying them. Her father is very vocal about his displeasure and downright hatred of Grace sometimes, and ever since she started questioning his words when she was a young girl, he’d yell at her for it. Her older brother isn’t too great either, but he’s more of an annoying slouch who plays video games all day instead of working than a legitimately bad guy.

3. Grace believes she’s straight because she has no interest in being sexual with a woman, but she’d be totally down with kissing and cuddling and being romantic with a woman, hence why I identify her as a biromantic heterosexual. She’s also the most sexually active of all my characters, which no I will not elaborate on that, not because I dont feel comfortable with it but because I dont know how the fuck that works. (Also side note, I headcanon things in my own stories so I like to headcanon that at some point Grace and Shawn get together and they can be all romantic and mushy n stuff together but Shawn’s totally okay with Grace going out for one night stands with guys so long as she stays safe. Obviously they talk everything out to make sure everyone is safe and okay with the relationship, but Shawn’s pretty okay with it; she’s pretty used to Grace having sex with no romantic attraction involved, and ofc Shawn isn’t into sex so she doesn’t feel like it’s a problem.)

4. Grace is closer with her mother than her father, but although her mother is very much a mediator and acts very kind and forgiving to Grace, Grace still kind of despises her. Just because Grace’s dad is a dick doesn’t mean she isn’t too.

5. Grace’s spirit form is a bloodthirsty wyvern with major anger problems. Each of the kids’ spirit forms have a slight personality outside of the kids themselves, and Grace’s is bloodthirsty and destructive - not intelligently so, but still. Most fo the kids’ spirit forms are pretty mindless and just mindlessly destructive, except two.

#thank you for the ask!! : D #stormy answers #majjikku #skift #prince phillip #aquarius #glitch #grace

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