#id rather it be destroyed. burnt. returned back to the ashes of the stars the materials i used once were
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just watched this video essay about art while i was making art and now im having so many feelings 10/10 i highly recommend it
or alternatively: Art For No One by Jacob Geller
#its almost an hour long#and is exactly the type of existentialist stuff you know i love#i wonder about what will happen to my art after i die a lot. and. hm.#the art i make is art just for me. but when i die. it will be for no one. because then i will be no one.#so i want as egotistical as i am. id probably want it destroyed.#but knowing art historians it will be very infuriating. but who needs a diary of someone dead. who needs a fragment of a man who once was#when none of it will be interpreted correctly#id rather it be destroyed. burnt. returned back to the ashes of the stars the materials i used once were#theres so many things ive done that ive never shown or told anyone. so by extension the idea of me eventually wanting to record it all#and show it online is very paradoxical i guess#i guess its just a phrase from a painting teacher i once had that stuck to me deeply#a friend asked her what she likes to paint. and she replied with#“i dont paint in my free time anymore. who needs a bunch of old paintings?”#and. hm. i suppose i relate to that. noone needs my stupid art and even less people care about it like i do#but the flesh is flawed and i am still creating. i am observing what little i see of the world and try to make sense of it via art#my sketchbooks are physical copies of the thoughts occurring in my mind and my physical itch and need to create and learn and understand#and to cry and to feel and to live#i live to make art and in return the art i make; makes me keep living#i think its getting too late and i need to go to bed#chess shh
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